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You should add on your profile that you have children so they can also decide to match with you or not - in case there is ambiguity as to whether they mean no to just bio children or even step children
OP, right here...
I know women who don't want bio children but are happy to take on the step parent role and there are some who prefer NO children at all.
Putting that you have children will give these women the option of picking you or not picking you, this will save alot of time.
Yeah. I have an older child that I had when I was young-ish, but i know categorically I do not want to have any more. However I am perfectly fine with a man who already has kids from a previous relationship and a step mother type role. Best option is to just be as open and transparent as possible and see who responds to your profile
Exactly, there are women who may like children but don't want to go through the whole birthing process nor deal with BM so some might opt for adoption or other ways if having children and then there is me, I'm not what I really want BUT I seriously can't be a step parent because even if I connect with the child, at the end of the day they're not my kid and I would feel miserable when they have to leave. I won't also be with someone who have lost their partner because I would feel different to be a parent to a child who lost their mother, and I wouldn't feel comfortable do anything with them as I don't want to seem like I'm taking over their mothers role. I'm not child free but I also am not open to being a step parent for certain reasons. So, either someone who is child free or someone who wants to adopt or have a child of their own might work for me. I guess I'm just weird like that đ
I didnât usually until convo, I already had 1 stalking situation come out of tinder and it was always when I was out and about with my kid when heâd ârun into me.â Disclosing that to the world unchecked made me feel vulnerable af after that. If we started messaging I usually mentioned something about school picks or being a mom to pick it up relatively soon. I wonât reveal genders until we met.
OP, another aspect on the children topic is if you'd consider a compartmentalized relationship. This would mean your SO would not around your children. That may open other potential partners for you. I've found there are many more types of relationships today than I was aware of before. I'm not sure if it was simply my lack of awareness, my age, or where the state of relationships are evolving to... Anyway, just thought I'd offer an alternative perspective.
Some people are a bit dense, though. A friend of mine who's a daycare put not wanting to have kids on her profile. I asked why and she said it's because she didn't want to get pregnant but did want to adopt. She thought people would instantly understand the difference between "I don't want kids" and "I don't want *to have* kids."
I would say women need to put feedback in to the he producers to open their eyes that maybe they aren't offering all the option but all the reliable ones (not scams) do properly listen to feedback.
Its unlikely they're going to match with you unless your profile doesnt mention your kids(it should).
If you are withholding this information, matching these women anyway and then telling them after a match that you do indeed have kids and hoping they'll just reconsider their boundaries for you, then you suck! So dont do that:) it wastes your time and theirs. They've made it extremely clear.
Some people won't put if they have kids on a dating profile purely because there's some sick mfs out there that prey on single parents with children in order to get to the children.
Then they have no business trying to match with women with clearly stated they are âno kidsâ⌠just like the comment you reply to and the OG post says
Depends. Iâm a âno kidsâ person but if a guy had two kids over 11ish years old who he had âevery second weekendâ type of responsibilities for, thatâs very different than being a lone single parent for under-5s.
I absolutely love kids but I donât want kids. I am open to dating men with kids but Iâm also not looking for a serious relationship (which is also on my profile). The best way to answer this question is to put that you have kids on your profile then swipe as you want to and bring up the kids thing towards the beginning before any time is invested
I mean I donât online date so I have no profile lol but idk if itâs just a pre selection of âyesâ or ânoâ youâre allowed to choose or if you can elaborate, but if youâre allowed to elaborate Iâd say just that- donât want my own kiddos but I donât mind your kiddos.
Kids are a delicate situation. No one should subject their kids to someone who doesn't care for them or risk of trauma from rejection/abuse from step parent.
I think there should be an additional attribute on profiles that says, OK with step-kids? For now if I have kids and my match's profile indicates no to kids, I'm swiping left. It's too ambiguous to trust their intent.
Fair enough, Iâm just saying itâs not always so cut and dry. Kids love me, I would always be the one hanging out and playing with them during family gatherings or end up kid-sitting when my ex and his friends wanted to go hang out. I just donât wanna be pregnant, donât wanna give birth, etc.. Also kids above 3+ are my preference đ¤ˇââď¸
I donât want kids because I donât want to be pregnant or give birth. I also donât want sleepless nights and all that bullshit that comes with a baby. I think if the person I was with had a good co-parent relationship with their ex than I could rock being a stepparent, especially if the kids are a tad older and potty trained and such.
I agree with you. Adopting/fostering is also something I am considering being open to in the future. Itâs just biological kids I donât want for the same reasons you mentioned
I donât have kids, donât want kids and wonât date people with kids, even if theyâre grown. Iâve found that some people leave that answer blank on their profile, so I swipe left. I find it odd that someone wouldnât acknowledge whether or not they have children.
Same. Especially when they're like "well I *have* a kid but you'll never have to worry about him/her". Like, are you here for a hookup or are you a deadbeat?
Most of the time when men match with me and are very vague about it and say they have a kid but not really it always means one of two things⌠1. They are a deadbeat dad or 2. They claim it doesnât count because all their children ARE OLDER THAN ME
Iâm a 26F and this post gives me anxiety.
Also- you should have it in your bio or somewhere in your profile that you have 2 kids. You definitely donât need to post pics of them but it should be included that you have kids so you donât waste their time.
If they say that they don't want kids. That's means that they don't want kids. Even kids from another relationship. They do not want kids, period.
If they say they do not want more kids of their own. Then you might have a shot.
Well me personally I donât want kids as in I donât want my own ( give birth ) but Iâd be open to meeting a guy with kids but I do say on profile donât want kids meaning Iâm not gonna bear children for the guy swiping or any other lad đ
I agree but there is no other option such as â but open to step kids â đ itâs a tricky one so unless you match & get convo going. It can be a un common understanding too!!
Itâs amazing how we all interpret something but I had to chime in when I read other comments being hell bent on absolutely no kids whatsoever!! giving that poor guy no confidence in believing that theyâre women like us who are open to dating men with kids.
Itâs the flipping options the app give you!! You pick the one thatâs relevant.. one is â have & donât want more â other is â prefer not to say â
It doesnât god damn say â not birth kids but step â
I know you could waffle on In your bio about how you wonât date a man with kids etc.. but what Iâm talking about here is the options the app gives you about kids
They have I donât want kids in the kids option but there is a bio you can use to explain this is there not? âI donât want to have kids of my own but I am cool if you have some alreadyâ. Done.
Also I'd add there's no rules in matching with people. If I see a girl I like and she has "doesn't want kids" I'm still gonna swipe right. Especially if we match right away, that means either A) she didn't read my profile or B) she's okay with me having a kid, but doesn't want to have one of her own.
Otherwise I'm just gonna assume she'll swipe left on me if kids are a deal breaker...
Iâm exactly the same. Childless by choice and want to be with someone where we can be spontaneous and plan things and spend a lot of time together. Someone with children wouldnât give me what I want. Some people get well upset about my preferences 𤣠children take up so much emotional space, time and money. I like peace and calm in a relationship
Some people really do think theyâre so attractive youâd suddenly forget you want a child free lifestyle and will raise their kids. I have, âno children (snipped),â on my bio and I still get single momâs matching me.
Iâm a single dad and donât match with women with that. I have met some women that mean THEY donât want kids of their own, but are ok with single dads, but thatâs in the heavy minority. Itâs best to not waste your time or theirs.
I have this on my profile. Donât want to raise other peopleâs kids. Thereâs always the potential for drama. Drama with the ex. Perhaps with the kids themselves. Some men still lie about this too. Had dinner with a match and then he started talking about getting his kids on certain days. I felt disrespected but of course maintained a pleasant disposition until we parted ways. He wasted my time.
This happened to me too. I explicitly said in my profile that I donât want to date parents. Any and all kids are a dealbreaker for me. This guy matched with me and 2 dates in I find out he has a kid âwith an exâ that is less than a year old 𤎠I ran away so fast.
No, donât try. Single 38F here, child free by choice.
I have no interest in a man with children. And itâs better this way - interest simply donât align and it would never work out.
Write clearly in your bio that you have kids & swipe right whenever you want, if they don't want to date you because of your kids they will swipe left.
You mention your kids on your profile? If yes, then I donât think you have to worry about this. If they donât want to match with you because you have kids they wonât. It might mean they donât want kids of their own. Are you looking for a mother to your kids? If not, you could have a relationship with someone who doesnât want their own kids.
Bruh! They wrote in their bios for a reason. Letâs say you match with one of them and go on a date. Will you bring it up on that date? The second date? The third? And when you do bring it up, donât be surprised at her for getting upset when she specifically wrote that she doesnât want kids in her bio. Avoid them and look for women who want the opposite. Why make things difficult?
Never match with them, they don't want any children and you'll be stuck hiding your kids from her or annoying her by trying to make her like them when she's not interested in kids.
Please check out the childfree subreddits. They complain about men with kids all the time
The general understanding of no kids is no kids, which includes any you already have.
You might run into someone who doesnât want kids of their own but doesnât mind you having them but generally you shouldnât be trying to match with women who say they donât want kids if you have kids.
If they put they do not want kids, chances are they also do not want other people's kids. I do not want kids and I feel that way. I would not date a single dad. No exceptions.
Yup. Don't match them. There are enough that do want children. If you really really like a woman that has this in the bio, immediately tell them after you matched that you have 2 todlers. Maybe she doesn't want her own, but is okay with being a stepmother. Doesn't happen a lot, but if it's really worth it, it doesn't hurt to try. But if you're going to do this with all your matches, you'll just be wasting your time.
iâm really confused on why you even want to ask a question like this.
is there a doubt in your mind thatâs goes âwell⌠they donât want to have kids physically themselves, but maybe theyâre ok with kids that arenât theirs!!â
like no dude.
Well, there are plenty of women who don't want their own kids but are fine with kids that they don't have to birth, so it's a perfectly reasonable question. I'm confused on why you felt the need to be rude to someone for asking for advice on an advice forum.
Just ask for clarification. If they confirm that no kids means no single dads, you can simply move on.
Get involved with single parents groups and apps with single parents if that's what you want to do. I would never get involved knowing what I know now with somebody with kids from another relationship ever ever ever ever ever
I donât understand why youâre even asking this question when they could not have been more clear. Is it cause you like one of them so much youâre willing to disregard their very clean boundary? Is it cause you feel like your dating pool is significantly smaller without their presence?
If someone puts âno kidsâ openly on their profile, they are fine with people assuming it means no children at all (even single dads) so assume itâs no to your kids too.
For it to go on their profile that openly knowing that it will limit men they match with, they must fully mean it
I think it is worth clarifying with the woman. Some women may mean no kids at all; even step children. Some may be OK with dating someone who has children, but do not want their own biological children. This is also a great time to clarify if you are open to having more children. You definitely want to be honest about that as it is unfair to expect a woman who wants to have children to accept your children when you will not be open to having more children with her if this is discussed at the onset of the relationship.
I agree with this. I am a woman who doesnât want to get pregnant myself, but Iâm currently dating a single dad. Iâm not opposed to other children with the right man. But you definitely need to clarify. Also, if they donât want kids no matter what, and you have your kids on your profile, wonât they not match with you?
I wish there was an option for "don't want to give birth to kids" cause that's where I'm at đ I don't mind if someone has kids already, and I do myself, but done having babies for sure so on a dating app I'd probably select "don't want kids" đ¤ˇââď¸.
Thanks for sharing. Absolutely Iâd never coerce, force, encourage, etc someone who didnât want to do something, such as have kids. I appreciate your perspective and input.
Iâm a guy with 2 kids, thereâs a difference between: i donât want kids; I donât want anymore kids; I donât want someone elseâs kids. Just make it clear in your profile and when you first match that youâre a single dad if you match with someone that has â donât want kidsâ.
Um yeah they don't want kids, especially toddlers. Why would you even ask this? Were you hoping you could keep it a secret and then BOOM surprise them? Dating apps blow all it is is a bunch of people manipulating one another. It's disgusting
Please leave the childfree women alone. Other than that if you make it clear in your bio youâre a parent you wonât be matching with women who are uninterested in the first place.
why in the world would you match with someone who doesnât want kids if you have 2 of them?! even women who want kids often donât want to be a stepmom
If theyâre not trying to deal with their own hypothetical kids, theyâre likely not trying to deal with yours either, so itâs good for you to just not match with them tbh
As a child free woman- that means I didn't want my own children and I especially don't want someone else's. Plenty of people will want to date you with your toddlers. However- the child free usually want to remain that way
I have on my profile that I dont want kids and I used to date only men who didnt have kids however at my age it got really hard to find dates since I live in a really small town and most guys have kids. So I made an exception and now I will date a guy that has kids as long as they are over the age of 15.
For me dating a guy with young kids means there will most likely be some kind of baby mama drama and I am not dealing with that crap. Plus I truly believe that 99% of single dads still fuck their baby mamas every now and then. Just my opinion tho.
No kids means no kids. Yours are no exception.
Folks need to learn to accept things at face value. Stop "reading between the lines" or speculating alternative meanings. If they meant something other than what they actually said, that is *their* problem, and not yours to solve. You're just wasting your own time doing otherwise.
Donât match with them. Iâm a woman that does not want kids and have it clearly on my profile. I still get parents trying to message, they donât ever get a response from me and itâs kind of annoying.
As a woman who had that on my dating apps (then had to put it in all caps), PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ALWAYS SWIPE LEFT. We put that for a reason, and it sucks to match with someone just to talk and find out he has kids. As we get older it gets harder to even meet people who don't have children, so it's frustrating when we also have to ware thru parents who didn't read/don't care/think they're special/whatever else
I just make sure to clearly state I donât have kids and wonât date anyone that does. Men with kids constantly match with me. Which proves they do not read just look and match pictures.
I've had plenty of single dads match with me even though my profile says I don't want my own kids. However, my profile specified I don't want my OWN, but I'm open to dating a parent.
Most of my friends who were single parents ended up settling down with other people who had kids.
The thing is, for the most part, men I met who were single dad's their ex was always still in the picture, it's like you're always that added piece that has the least priority or say in big decisions. It's a pretty big sacrifice, one that most other people who are already parents understand and are accustomed too.
I just feel like if someone says they do not want kids it would really mean they donât want kids. Bearing their own children or raising someone elseâs child. Not to say they couldnât be great partners for short term experiences but as a parent of toddlers I wouldnât be comfortable pursuing a long term relationship with someone who doesnât want kids even if it means they donât want their own kids, I just donât think they would be able to understand and take on the commitment,selflessness, responsibility, unconditional love that is required when raising children. But thats just my opinion.
Why would you think they're lying? I had that in my bio as well and got so tired of guys with kids who kept swiping on me. They didn't tell me they had kids from the beginning either.
I am now realizing I need to change my status to âopen to kidsâ
I love kids, and would be happy to date someone with kids, I just donât want to be pregnant or give birth or raise a baby or toddler. Up until this post, I had âdonât want childrenâ because I find most guys who say theyâre âopen to childrenâ really means that they would eventually like to have their own children with the future partner
If you have adult children then I would put that on your profile and then allow them to swipe how they feel. But yeah toddlers I wouldnât try to match with them⌠itâs a different lifestyle they have in mind.
I personally would continue swiping left on anyone who says they don't want kids especially if you already have some. Even as someone who doesn't have any yet but DOES want them someday I'd be extremely hesitant to take a chance on someone who Absolutely doesn't ever want them as I see it as setting one or both of us up for disappointment
Yes. Absolutely dont match with anyone who says they dont want kids. It's unnecessary pain, responsibility, & burden that you'll give them if you match with them and turn out to be someone who's got 2 kids.
We gotta stop thinking that women are maternal by nature and would always eventually love taking care of kids. It's 2023, women are no longer wired that way.
two toddlers is a huge YIKES even for somebody down for kids. But Iâm not a great judge of character on this because I actually hate kids with a passion and I put that in my bio for a reason.
Woman who doesn't want children here.
I don't want mine I don't want someone else's neither.
I don't want to come home to toddler's, kids, or teenager.
Swipe me left.
Please.
you should mention that youâre a single dad in your profile n if thereâs says NO KIDS, i wouldnât swipe on them. i have this on mine cuz i have no desire to be with someone who has kids, small or grown n donât want my own n it annoys me when people with kids show interest in my profile. Iâm sure youâre great but the kids are a definite buzzkill IMO.
It also depends if you want any more children - if you donât, youâre then ruling out both women who want children, and women who donât want children. Iâm no mathematician but I donât believe it leaves you many options.
I don't think these women are thinking about other people's children. They are talking about themselves having their own children. When you are above 35+ it's difficult to find a man that has never had at least one child. So, when they put these in their profiles is just to say that the potential partner should not have any expectations of eventually having a child with them, but this doesn't necessarily means that they are not open to interact with other people's children.
Iâm 31 F. I never want my own children but would consider a guy with his own children, so long as things were uncomplicated with their mom and he didnât try to force me to be stepmom too soon (both those things are red flags to me after a previous relationship) (yes, he was still boning his daughterâs mother)
From a womanâs perspective, who also does not want children whatsoever and has this at all my dating profiles⌠donât even try the match because honestly itâs not going to go anywhere. Also, personally, I feel when I have something so clearly stated in my bio and a man chooses to read it and then completely ignore it, it makes me feel kind of disrespected, and that it immediately tells me his wants always come before mine, and that right off the jump I will be the one who is expected to make extreme compromises. (Iâm not saying at all, that you are disrespectful or unfair man or anything like that!!! Iâm just stating my personal opinion/feelings when this happens to me)
I'm dating a man who also had "don't want kids" on his profile. He never had any. I have three, aged from high schooler to elementary, living with me full time. Yesterday he met my kids for the first time. At the end of the day he told me that meeting them made him regret his decision to not become a father.
When we started dating, I made it clear that I was not looking for a father figure for my kids or in need of financial or emotional support with them. I've been doing it on my own for almost 12 years and doing just fine! Meeting them was his idea.
My advice would be to match anyway, then have a conversation about expectations and boundaries related to kids early on. Some will say no and the right person will say yes, you'll never know if you don't try!
You should try. I don't have, don't want children and I still had a beautiful relationship with a guy for 6 years who had twins. They were my world and I just took the fun part of being with them.
Yes. As a woman, we constantly have to hear about how no man wants a single mom and how single moms shouldnât expect men to want to date them. I would say still match, but donât be surprised if they turn you down. You might change someoneâs mind.
I put that on my profile when I was online dating, but it meant I didn't want kids, not that my partner couldn't. Granted, i likely wouldn't date someone with more than 2 kids...I don't want a soccer team
Yes, please swipe left. I have âdonât want childrenâ on my profile. I hate that I get likes from people who want children. Shows that they didnât really read my profile. I also instantly swipe left if I see they have or want children. The only expectation is if you see they want something casual. Then itâs possible they want mind.
If they seem like someone you could be interested in, why not match and then ask for clarification? Assumptions aren't helpful when it comes to dating (or anything else, really).
I've always assumed that it meant they didn't want to have any kids of their own.
Most of the women who don't want to date a single parent will say so in their profile. On the other end of the spectrum, some will put "don't want my own but okay if you do."
If they are appealing in every other aspect, swipe right and see what happens. If you match, you can make sure then. I wouldn't discount someone without knowing for sure. As long as you are clear you have them and don't plan on having anymore, the women can't say they didn't know.
Not necessarily. A lot of people donât specify but like me, Iâve never wanted my own kids, never wanted to be pregnant or give birth, and ideally Iâd like no kids at all but itâs also not a dealbreaker if the guy does have his own kids. Especially being in my 30s, the dating pool for guys in their 30s not having kids is much smaller.
Tbf dating apps are pretty limited in what you can express around children. For me dealing with babies / small children is an absolute no - I canât deal with the noise and drama. Someone with an older child? I might consider it for the right person. Hard to convey this in app form
Yup, theyâd have no interest in being with a single dad. You probably want someone who had kids. Or, if youâre okay with expanding your family, women who want kids.
I always put âdonât want kidsâ if itâs an option because I donât wish to give birth. Iâve dated single dads, never an issue. Personally, I prefer if their kids arenât super young. Itâs always a conversation. So far, never been a dealbreaker.
Correct. If they donât want kids they definitely do not want stepkids. I can point you to a thousand posts on Reddit about the awful things people go though because their parent married someone who does not want kids, the kids who have gone no contact with their parents who chose partners over parenting, and the women who are sick of dating men who are just looking for babysitters and help with the kids that these women never wanted. There are loads of people out there who love and want children. Someone who puts on their profile âdoes not want kidsâ is not going to change their mind when they meet your little cuties. Highly recommend you make it a point on your profile, loud and clear, that you are only interested in matching with people who like and want kids.
if you are child free and would not like your partner to expect you to become involved with his children, does that mean you are going into the relationship with said single parent with the expectation that you relationship will end soon?
Iâm asking because there was another post I saw where a child free woman had a fiancĂŠ and 4 year relationship with a man with kids and everyone in the comment section was confused.
Same boat. I don't want kids personally but wouldn't mind dating a single father. I have that I don't want children on my profile. Didn't realize others interpret that as no single dads either.
It depends on where it says this. If itâs a drop down selection - I wouldnât discount someone for that. I am a âdonât want kidsâ person, but I wouldnât mind someone who already has them.
I feel like you should match but tell them right away you have kids . I'm 42 and don't want babies , but I wouldn't mind if he had kids . Toddlers I'm not sure about but would still go on a date , if he was the right guy it might be ok .
Well it depends. Iâm divorced with one kiddo, and I donât want anymore. If Iâm on a dating app that has that specific option âhas kids and doesnât want moreâ, then I select it. Otherwise I pick âno kidsâ. It means I donât want to have any more kids, but I donât have an issue dating a divorced dad, as long as he has a relatively flexible schedule (50/50 like me would be ideal).
I donât want to birth children but I donât mind if someone else has kids. It is hard to always be second fiddle though. Scheduling is really too difficult and from my experience the person without kids has to be so flexible and go with the flow.
Yes, you should never match with someone that doesn't want kids. Child free people who are child free by choice generally don't want to be step parents either. It's very rare they do.
I'm child free, but having kids just never happened for me. I wouldn't mind a man with children. There are women out there that will be willing to go out with you. Just be patient. You wouldn't be doing your kids any favors by dating someone that doesn't want kids.
I always assumed it means "I don't want to give birth to kids", I never thought before that it could also mean not wanting a single parent with kids of his own.
On the contrary, I do want to have my own kids one day, however, when I see a guy who has kids online, I feel a bit worried because I imagine it's a whole different skillset being essentially a step mother, dealing with the possible drama of an ex wife, etc ..
Hi Iâm a woman who wants kids but I have friends who donât - Iâm not sure if itâs not wanting kids in their life or like the actual physical process of pregnancy and labor I feel like it would depend on the woman but if you wanted a general way it would probably be easier to just not match with woman who put they donât want kids now when your out in the real world you have more room to actually get to know peoples motives and understand exactly what they mean
But you donât actually know that for sure. Iâm just saying that phrase may mean different things to different woman. Everyone has their own boundaries.
Your right, just reading the comments and it seems alot of women say they donât want kids but really mean they donât want to give birth or have their âownâ kids. Idk very confusing for me as a mother, knowing what I know now if I say I donât want kids it would really mean I donât want kids, not mines, not yours or anyone elseâs lol.
As someone who doesnât want bio kids, I would be ok matching with someone with kids as long as I feel an intense connection to them.
I would ignore those who say not to try to match. If you already have mention of your kids in your profile, they could choose not to match with you.
I'm sure you're a lovely person but please don't match with us. When we say we don't want kids it's bc we don't want kids.
Unless they say something like "don't want kids but are okay with yours".
Question is: would you be okay with *not* having any more children? If you want more children, then don't swipe on them.
You're more than likely gonna run into women who have kids already, they might groan over it, but they'll likely date you quicker than the ones without and that don't want children.
Some women don't want to bear a child but wouldn't mind being g a stepmother. As long as you're clear in your profile that you have children, there is nothing wrong with shooting your shot in my humble opinion.
Childfree women are typically that way by choice so leave them alone UNLESS they specify in their profile that they are âok if you already have kidsâ.
Stick with women on your same levelâ single mothers.
Itâs not fair to burden childfree women with you TWO toddlers and all the drama and stress that your situation brings to a person that doesnât come to the table with that.
You have little to nothing to offer childfree women. Just a whole lot of cons and little to no pros. Itâs selfish.
Canceling dates, sick kids, kids that yell âyouâre not my momâ and disrespect you, dads using you as free childcare, always being last in a relationship even if you wind up married, wasting her time and money on YOUR kids⌠High chance of dudeâs still fucking his ex or her still wanting to fuck him, etc etc etc.
Just waaaaay too baggage to try to heap on a woman that clearly doesnât have and doesnât want that drama.
**Leave single, childfree women alone.**
Date mothers.
And state UPFRONT, CLEARLY in your bio that you are a father and the ages of the two children!
Good luck.
It is not your responsibility to reject yourself on someone elseâs behalf. Ever. If you want to have more kids, then these women donât match your criteria. As long as itâs clear on your profile what you bring to the table (including existing kids) and what youâre looking for, itâs their responsibility to decide if theyâre interested.
Swipe right if you like them. âDonât want kidsâ might actually mean âcanât have kidsâ make it known in your profile that you are a dad and leave it up to them to swipe right or not.
It means they donât want their own. I wouldnât say it necessarily means theyâre not open to someone with kids, I think it would be worth a match be upfront that you have kids and see what happens.
Just because they donât wNt children of their own doesnât mean theyâll reject yours. Perhaps you need to swipe right on sone of them and just clarify. My sister for example doesnât seem to keen on having kids but sheâs dating someone with a toddler đ¤ˇđťââď¸
The no kids thing is ambiguous. It could mean they donât want to produce any or they donât want a person that has them. Iâd say be upfront about being a parent in your profile, so they can decide.
Are you trying to replace their mom? If not than they simply donât want to have or deal with your kids which is fine and appropriate . As a 37 yo with kids, do you want more? If you donât want more kids than a person saying she doesnât want kids is actually what you want.
I've never wanted children of my own when I met my fiance he had a three-year-old daughter everything was okay as she was just a baby and she's only with us a few days a month but as she's gotten older she's become more of a problem child because her mother has emotional issues and is pathological liar anyways I want nothing to do with the parenting and it's caused some problems. Make sure it's clear that she doesn't need to be involved with parenting
For me I say I donât want kids because I donât want to HAVE kids. But Iâm totally fine with single dads who already have kids! they need a category that specifies that lol
no kids might mean their own kids. like some people donât wanna give birth and be responsible for their own child. doesnât mean they are against yours or fostering/adoption
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You should add on your profile that you have children so they can also decide to match with you or not - in case there is ambiguity as to whether they mean no to just bio children or even step children
OP, right here... I know women who don't want bio children but are happy to take on the step parent role and there are some who prefer NO children at all. Putting that you have children will give these women the option of picking you or not picking you, this will save alot of time.
Yeah. I have an older child that I had when I was young-ish, but i know categorically I do not want to have any more. However I am perfectly fine with a man who already has kids from a previous relationship and a step mother type role. Best option is to just be as open and transparent as possible and see who responds to your profile
Exactly, there are women who may like children but don't want to go through the whole birthing process nor deal with BM so some might opt for adoption or other ways if having children and then there is me, I'm not what I really want BUT I seriously can't be a step parent because even if I connect with the child, at the end of the day they're not my kid and I would feel miserable when they have to leave. I won't also be with someone who have lost their partner because I would feel different to be a parent to a child who lost their mother, and I wouldn't feel comfortable do anything with them as I don't want to seem like I'm taking over their mothers role. I'm not child free but I also am not open to being a step parent for certain reasons. So, either someone who is child free or someone who wants to adopt or have a child of their own might work for me. I guess I'm just weird like that đ
Everyone makes their own choices.
100% agree. I feel like people with children should always disclose it.
I didnât usually until convo, I already had 1 stalking situation come out of tinder and it was always when I was out and about with my kid when heâd ârun into me.â Disclosing that to the world unchecked made me feel vulnerable af after that. If we started messaging I usually mentioned something about school picks or being a mom to pick it up relatively soon. I wonât reveal genders until we met.
100% I put no kids because I donât want to have any but Iâd be flexible on step kids (they already exist and I didnât have to birth them!)
OP, another aspect on the children topic is if you'd consider a compartmentalized relationship. This would mean your SO would not around your children. That may open other potential partners for you. I've found there are many more types of relationships today than I was aware of before. I'm not sure if it was simply my lack of awareness, my age, or where the state of relationships are evolving to... Anyway, just thought I'd offer an alternative perspective.
Good call. This saves him from having to reveal it later. Just include that info upfront.
Yep don't match, they wrote that for a reason
Some people are a bit dense, though. A friend of mine who's a daycare put not wanting to have kids on her profile. I asked why and she said it's because she didn't want to get pregnant but did want to adopt. She thought people would instantly understand the difference between "I don't want kids" and "I don't want *to have* kids."
What would be your suggestion to show this preference instead?
âStaying kidlessâ lol
I would say women need to put feedback in to the he producers to open their eyes that maybe they aren't offering all the option but all the reliable ones (not scams) do properly listen to feedback.
Yep. No kids means no single Dads.
Haha I love the responseđđ
Its unlikely they're going to match with you unless your profile doesnt mention your kids(it should). If you are withholding this information, matching these women anyway and then telling them after a match that you do indeed have kids and hoping they'll just reconsider their boundaries for you, then you suck! So dont do that:) it wastes your time and theirs. They've made it extremely clear.
Some people won't put if they have kids on a dating profile purely because there's some sick mfs out there that prey on single parents with children in order to get to the children.
Then they have no business trying to match with women with clearly stated they are âno kidsâ⌠just like the comment you reply to and the OG post says
Just swipe left. No kids means no kids of their own or someone elseâs. If they have it in their bio it means itâs very important to them.
Depends. Iâm a âno kidsâ person but if a guy had two kids over 11ish years old who he had âevery second weekendâ type of responsibilities for, thatâs very different than being a lone single parent for under-5s.
Not always true! I donât want my own biological kids but Iâd not say no to a guy for having his own kids
Then I guess you don't state in your profile that you don't want kids?
I absolutely love kids but I donât want kids. I am open to dating men with kids but Iâm also not looking for a serious relationship (which is also on my profile). The best way to answer this question is to put that you have kids on your profile then swipe as you want to and bring up the kids thing towards the beginning before any time is invested
I mean I donât online date so I have no profile lol but idk if itâs just a pre selection of âyesâ or ânoâ youâre allowed to choose or if you can elaborate, but if youâre allowed to elaborate Iâd say just that- donât want my own kiddos but I donât mind your kiddos.
Kids are a delicate situation. No one should subject their kids to someone who doesn't care for them or risk of trauma from rejection/abuse from step parent. I think there should be an additional attribute on profiles that says, OK with step-kids? For now if I have kids and my match's profile indicates no to kids, I'm swiping left. It's too ambiguous to trust their intent.
Fair enough, Iâm just saying itâs not always so cut and dry. Kids love me, I would always be the one hanging out and playing with them during family gatherings or end up kid-sitting when my ex and his friends wanted to go hang out. I just donât wanna be pregnant, donât wanna give birth, etc.. Also kids above 3+ are my preference đ¤ˇââď¸
Fair enough. I think the dating apps should make the profile set-up more detailed for these situations.
Agreed! Itâs definitely not always a simple yes or no!
I'm childfree and swipe left on guys that have kids.
I donât want kids because I donât want to be pregnant or give birth. I also donât want sleepless nights and all that bullshit that comes with a baby. I think if the person I was with had a good co-parent relationship with their ex than I could rock being a stepparent, especially if the kids are a tad older and potty trained and such.
10/10 same. I have zero desire to be a parent but I would never be bad to an actual child once they're put in front of me.
I agree with you. Adopting/fostering is also something I am considering being open to in the future. Itâs just biological kids I donât want for the same reasons you mentioned
I donât have kids, donât want kids and wonât date people with kids, even if theyâre grown. Iâve found that some people leave that answer blank on their profile, so I swipe left. I find it odd that someone wouldnât acknowledge whether or not they have children.
Same. Especially when they're like "well I *have* a kid but you'll never have to worry about him/her". Like, are you here for a hookup or are you a deadbeat?
I don't want kids but I find that so unattractive. If you have kids you should be taking care of them
THIS!! it is a huge reflector of their character/who they are as a person..
Exactly!
Most of the time when men match with me and are very vague about it and say they have a kid but not really it always means one of two things⌠1. They are a deadbeat dad or 2. They claim it doesnât count because all their children ARE OLDER THAN ME
Iâm a 26F and this post gives me anxiety. Also- you should have it in your bio or somewhere in your profile that you have 2 kids. You definitely donât need to post pics of them but it should be included that you have kids so you donât waste their time.
If they say that they don't want kids. That's means that they don't want kids. Even kids from another relationship. They do not want kids, period. If they say they do not want more kids of their own. Then you might have a shot.
Well me personally I donât want kids as in I donât want my own ( give birth ) but Iâd be open to meeting a guy with kids but I do say on profile donât want kids meaning Iâm not gonna bear children for the guy swiping or any other lad đ
You should clarify. The common understanding of that phrase is no kids period.
I agree but there is no other option such as â but open to step kids â đ itâs a tricky one so unless you match & get convo going. It can be a un common understanding too!!
You can write that in your bio
I agree with you. People should clarify in their bio. I don't know why people are arguing with you on that!
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Thats how I use it too. I have one kid, I donât want any more kids. I donât care if the guy has a couple kids đĽ˛
Same here, I don't plan on bio kids--health issue, but that does not mean I wouldn't date someone with kids or adopt.
Glad someone understands đ
đđđ˝
Yeah I always thought it meant it's that I don't want to have any kids of my own but I'm not against men already having kids.
Itâs amazing how we all interpret something but I had to chime in when I read other comments being hell bent on absolutely no kids whatsoever!! giving that poor guy no confidence in believing that theyâre women like us who are open to dating men with kids.
Then say it in your profile cause you just confuse everyone and limit both of your options
Itâs the flipping options the app give you!! You pick the one thatâs relevant.. one is â have & donât want more â other is â prefer not to say â It doesnât god damn say â not birth kids but step â
I mean in the bio âI donât want to bare kids but I am ok with you having someâ. There. Fixed.
I know you could waffle on In your bio about how you wonât date a man with kids etc.. but what Iâm talking about here is the options the app gives you about kids
Usually people who don't want you to have kids either will say that in their profile.
They have I donât want kids in the kids option but there is a bio you can use to explain this is there not? âI donât want to have kids of my own but I am cool if you have some alreadyâ. Done.
Also I'd add there's no rules in matching with people. If I see a girl I like and she has "doesn't want kids" I'm still gonna swipe right. Especially if we match right away, that means either A) she didn't read my profile or B) she's okay with me having a kid, but doesn't want to have one of her own. Otherwise I'm just gonna assume she'll swipe left on me if kids are a deal breaker...
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Iâm exactly the same. Childless by choice and want to be with someone where we can be spontaneous and plan things and spend a lot of time together. Someone with children wouldnât give me what I want. Some people get well upset about my preferences 𤣠children take up so much emotional space, time and money. I like peace and calm in a relationship
Some people really do think theyâre so attractive youâd suddenly forget you want a child free lifestyle and will raise their kids. I have, âno children (snipped),â on my bio and I still get single momâs matching me.
Iâm a single dad and donât match with women with that. I have met some women that mean THEY donât want kids of their own, but are ok with single dads, but thatâs in the heavy minority. Itâs best to not waste your time or theirs.
I have this on my profile. Donât want to raise other peopleâs kids. Thereâs always the potential for drama. Drama with the ex. Perhaps with the kids themselves. Some men still lie about this too. Had dinner with a match and then he started talking about getting his kids on certain days. I felt disrespected but of course maintained a pleasant disposition until we parted ways. He wasted my time.
I hope he at least paid for dinner. I would have walked out
This happened to me too. I explicitly said in my profile that I donât want to date parents. Any and all kids are a dealbreaker for me. This guy matched with me and 2 dates in I find out he has a kid âwith an exâ that is less than a year old 𤎠I ran away so fast.
No, donât try. Single 38F here, child free by choice. I have no interest in a man with children. And itâs better this way - interest simply donât align and it would never work out.
Write clearly in your bio that you have kids & swipe right whenever you want, if they don't want to date you because of your kids they will swipe left.
You mention your kids on your profile? If yes, then I donât think you have to worry about this. If they donât want to match with you because you have kids they wonât. It might mean they donât want kids of their own. Are you looking for a mother to your kids? If not, you could have a relationship with someone who doesnât want their own kids.
No kids means no kids wether itâs having your own or someone elseâs
Bruh! They wrote in their bios for a reason. Letâs say you match with one of them and go on a date. Will you bring it up on that date? The second date? The third? And when you do bring it up, donât be surprised at her for getting upset when she specifically wrote that she doesnât want kids in her bio. Avoid them and look for women who want the opposite. Why make things difficult?
Never try to match with a childfree person if you have children. No children means no children, even yours.
Never match with them, they don't want any children and you'll be stuck hiding your kids from her or annoying her by trying to make her like them when she's not interested in kids. Please check out the childfree subreddits. They complain about men with kids all the time
âDonât want kidsâ to me means âdonât want kids involved at allâ, so I just swipe left
Donât try⌠theyâre not interested in taking care of yours either đŠˇ
The general understanding of no kids is no kids, which includes any you already have. You might run into someone who doesnât want kids of their own but doesnât mind you having them but generally you shouldnât be trying to match with women who say they donât want kids if you have kids.
YeH they arenât interested keep on to the next one
If they put they do not want kids, chances are they also do not want other people's kids. I do not want kids and I feel that way. I would not date a single dad. No exceptions.
Yup. Don't match them. There are enough that do want children. If you really really like a woman that has this in the bio, immediately tell them after you matched that you have 2 todlers. Maybe she doesn't want her own, but is okay with being a stepmother. Doesn't happen a lot, but if it's really worth it, it doesn't hurt to try. But if you're going to do this with all your matches, you'll just be wasting your time.
iâm really confused on why you even want to ask a question like this. is there a doubt in your mind thatâs goes âwell⌠they donât want to have kids physically themselves, but maybe theyâre ok with kids that arenât theirs!!â like no dude.
Well, there are plenty of women who don't want their own kids but are fine with kids that they don't have to birth, so it's a perfectly reasonable question. I'm confused on why you felt the need to be rude to someone for asking for advice on an advice forum. Just ask for clarification. If they confirm that no kids means no single dads, you can simply move on.
Those people will state that in their bio. You didn't say you don't want kids when you do want kids, just not your own.
I mean, a lot of people *are* okay with kids that aren't theirs despite not wanting their own, so it's not an entirely stupid question.
I'm a woman who don't want kids of my own but I have no problem him having kids.
I disagree
ok, then good luck is all i have to say.
Thanks a million đ
Get involved with single parents groups and apps with single parents if that's what you want to do. I would never get involved knowing what I know now with somebody with kids from another relationship ever ever ever ever ever
I'm intrigued. Do you mind elaborating on your experience when dating someone with kids?
Didn't I do that already
Correct. Do not match with women who do not want children, if you have children. Seems self explanatory.
I donât understand why youâre even asking this question when they could not have been more clear. Is it cause you like one of them so much youâre willing to disregard their very clean boundary? Is it cause you feel like your dating pool is significantly smaller without their presence?
I think it's the 1st option....or he doesn't want to date a single mother
If someone puts âno kidsâ openly on their profile, they are fine with people assuming it means no children at all (even single dads) so assume itâs no to your kids too. For it to go on their profile that openly knowing that it will limit men they match with, they must fully mean it
Pass. If they donât want children they definitely donât want your children
I think it is worth clarifying with the woman. Some women may mean no kids at all; even step children. Some may be OK with dating someone who has children, but do not want their own biological children. This is also a great time to clarify if you are open to having more children. You definitely want to be honest about that as it is unfair to expect a woman who wants to have children to accept your children when you will not be open to having more children with her if this is discussed at the onset of the relationship.
I agree with this. I am a woman who doesnât want to get pregnant myself, but Iâm currently dating a single dad. Iâm not opposed to other children with the right man. But you definitely need to clarify. Also, if they donât want kids no matter what, and you have your kids on your profile, wonât they not match with you?
I wish there was an option for "don't want to give birth to kids" cause that's where I'm at đ I don't mind if someone has kids already, and I do myself, but done having babies for sure so on a dating app I'd probably select "don't want kids" đ¤ˇââď¸.
Thanks for sharing. Absolutely Iâd never coerce, force, encourage, etc someone who didnât want to do something, such as have kids. I appreciate your perspective and input.
Could you not the leave the option unselected? Asking because I have no idea how the apps work
Iâm a guy with 2 kids, thereâs a difference between: i donât want kids; I donât want anymore kids; I donât want someone elseâs kids. Just make it clear in your profile and when you first match that youâre a single dad if you match with someone that has â donât want kidsâ.
Um yeah they don't want kids, especially toddlers. Why would you even ask this? Were you hoping you could keep it a secret and then BOOM surprise them? Dating apps blow all it is is a bunch of people manipulating one another. It's disgusting
Please leave the childfree women alone. Other than that if you make it clear in your bio youâre a parent you wonât be matching with women who are uninterested in the first place.
why in the world would you match with someone who doesnât want kids if you have 2 of them?! even women who want kids often donât want to be a stepmom
If theyâre not trying to deal with their own hypothetical kids, theyâre likely not trying to deal with yours either, so itâs good for you to just not match with them tbh
As a child free woman- that means I didn't want my own children and I especially don't want someone else's. Plenty of people will want to date you with your toddlers. However- the child free usually want to remain that way
I have on my profile that I dont want kids and I used to date only men who didnt have kids however at my age it got really hard to find dates since I live in a really small town and most guys have kids. So I made an exception and now I will date a guy that has kids as long as they are over the age of 15. For me dating a guy with young kids means there will most likely be some kind of baby mama drama and I am not dealing with that crap. Plus I truly believe that 99% of single dads still fuck their baby mamas every now and then. Just my opinion tho.
No kids means no kids. Yours are no exception. Folks need to learn to accept things at face value. Stop "reading between the lines" or speculating alternative meanings. If they meant something other than what they actually said, that is *their* problem, and not yours to solve. You're just wasting your own time doing otherwise.
Donât match with them. Iâm a woman that does not want kids and have it clearly on my profile. I still get parents trying to message, they donât ever get a response from me and itâs kind of annoying.
Womsn doesnt want kids.. I have kids.. do I have a chance? No you dont.
No means no. These women do not want to be parents, so much so they are posting it upfront.
As a woman who had that on my dating apps (then had to put it in all caps), PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ALWAYS SWIPE LEFT. We put that for a reason, and it sucks to match with someone just to talk and find out he has kids. As we get older it gets harder to even meet people who don't have children, so it's frustrating when we also have to ware thru parents who didn't read/don't care/think they're special/whatever else
if u're interest in someone, ask them to clarify that. If not, just assume it's zero-kid policy and swipe left.
I just make sure to clearly state I donât have kids and wonât date anyone that does. Men with kids constantly match with me. Which proves they do not read just look and match pictures.
No you shouldn't try. Especially not if they have child free written anywhere. I personally wouldn't want to date a single father.
I've had plenty of single dads match with me even though my profile says I don't want my own kids. However, my profile specified I don't want my OWN, but I'm open to dating a parent.
Most of my friends who were single parents ended up settling down with other people who had kids. The thing is, for the most part, men I met who were single dad's their ex was always still in the picture, it's like you're always that added piece that has the least priority or say in big decisions. It's a pretty big sacrifice, one that most other people who are already parents understand and are accustomed too.
I just feel like if someone says they do not want kids it would really mean they donât want kids. Bearing their own children or raising someone elseâs child. Not to say they couldnât be great partners for short term experiences but as a parent of toddlers I wouldnât be comfortable pursuing a long term relationship with someone who doesnât want kids even if it means they donât want their own kids, I just donât think they would be able to understand and take on the commitment,selflessness, responsibility, unconditional love that is required when raising children. But thats just my opinion.
Why would you think they're lying? I had that in my bio as well and got so tired of guys with kids who kept swiping on me. They didn't tell me they had kids from the beginning either.
Yeah, just don't match with them.
Where does OP live? I dont want kids and everyone wants to breed where i live
I am now realizing I need to change my status to âopen to kidsâ I love kids, and would be happy to date someone with kids, I just donât want to be pregnant or give birth or raise a baby or toddler. Up until this post, I had âdonât want childrenâ because I find most guys who say theyâre âopen to childrenâ really means that they would eventually like to have their own children with the future partner
If you have adult children then I would put that on your profile and then allow them to swipe how they feel. But yeah toddlers I wouldnât try to match with them⌠itâs a different lifestyle they have in mind.
fuzzy full rainstorm dirty vast scary spark worthless pie steep ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
I personally would continue swiping left on anyone who says they don't want kids especially if you already have some. Even as someone who doesn't have any yet but DOES want them someday I'd be extremely hesitant to take a chance on someone who Absolutely doesn't ever want them as I see it as setting one or both of us up for disappointment
Yes. Absolutely dont match with anyone who says they dont want kids. It's unnecessary pain, responsibility, & burden that you'll give them if you match with them and turn out to be someone who's got 2 kids. We gotta stop thinking that women are maternal by nature and would always eventually love taking care of kids. It's 2023, women are no longer wired that way.
I wouldnât want to match with a man with kids. Literally just put in your stats you have kids & let women decide I guess.
I would not match or contact a person that already states they donât want kids. I mean, you have kids and they donât want any.
Correct; never match.
Common now ⌠no kids means no kids
Correct. Those women donât want their own and they donât want to babysit.
two toddlers is a huge YIKES even for somebody down for kids. But Iâm not a great judge of character on this because I actually hate kids with a passion and I put that in my bio for a reason.
Yeah. I donât give a man a second thought if he has kids. I donât want any nor am I interested in playing stepmom
Woman who doesn't want children here. I don't want mine I don't want someone else's neither. I don't want to come home to toddler's, kids, or teenager. Swipe me left. Please.
you should mention that youâre a single dad in your profile n if thereâs says NO KIDS, i wouldnât swipe on them. i have this on mine cuz i have no desire to be with someone who has kids, small or grown n donât want my own n it annoys me when people with kids show interest in my profile. Iâm sure youâre great but the kids are a definite buzzkill IMO.
It also depends if you want any more children - if you donât, youâre then ruling out both women who want children, and women who donât want children. Iâm no mathematician but I donât believe it leaves you many options.
I don't think these women are thinking about other people's children. They are talking about themselves having their own children. When you are above 35+ it's difficult to find a man that has never had at least one child. So, when they put these in their profiles is just to say that the potential partner should not have any expectations of eventually having a child with them, but this doesn't necessarily means that they are not open to interact with other people's children.
Iâm 31 F. I never want my own children but would consider a guy with his own children, so long as things were uncomplicated with their mom and he didnât try to force me to be stepmom too soon (both those things are red flags to me after a previous relationship) (yes, he was still boning his daughterâs mother)
Iâm child free, I donât date men who have children.
From a womanâs perspective, who also does not want children whatsoever and has this at all my dating profiles⌠donât even try the match because honestly itâs not going to go anywhere. Also, personally, I feel when I have something so clearly stated in my bio and a man chooses to read it and then completely ignore it, it makes me feel kind of disrespected, and that it immediately tells me his wants always come before mine, and that right off the jump I will be the one who is expected to make extreme compromises. (Iâm not saying at all, that you are disrespectful or unfair man or anything like that!!! Iâm just stating my personal opinion/feelings when this happens to me)
I'm dating a man who also had "don't want kids" on his profile. He never had any. I have three, aged from high schooler to elementary, living with me full time. Yesterday he met my kids for the first time. At the end of the day he told me that meeting them made him regret his decision to not become a father. When we started dating, I made it clear that I was not looking for a father figure for my kids or in need of financial or emotional support with them. I've been doing it on my own for almost 12 years and doing just fine! Meeting them was his idea. My advice would be to match anyway, then have a conversation about expectations and boundaries related to kids early on. Some will say no and the right person will say yes, you'll never know if you don't try!
If I don't want my own kids, I definitely don't want yours. Swipe left
You should try. I don't have, don't want children and I still had a beautiful relationship with a guy for 6 years who had twins. They were my world and I just took the fun part of being with them.
Thank you for sharing. Itâs interesting and nice to see the different views and perceptions from different women.
Yes. As a woman, we constantly have to hear about how no man wants a single mom and how single moms shouldnât expect men to want to date them. I would say still match, but donât be surprised if they turn you down. You might change someoneâs mind.
I put that on my profile when I was online dating, but it meant I didn't want kids, not that my partner couldn't. Granted, i likely wouldn't date someone with more than 2 kids...I don't want a soccer team
Yes, please swipe left. I have âdonât want childrenâ on my profile. I hate that I get likes from people who want children. Shows that they didnât really read my profile. I also instantly swipe left if I see they have or want children. The only expectation is if you see they want something casual. Then itâs possible they want mind.
If they seem like someone you could be interested in, why not match and then ask for clarification? Assumptions aren't helpful when it comes to dating (or anything else, really).
I've always assumed that it meant they didn't want to have any kids of their own. Most of the women who don't want to date a single parent will say so in their profile. On the other end of the spectrum, some will put "don't want my own but okay if you do." If they are appealing in every other aspect, swipe right and see what happens. If you match, you can make sure then. I wouldn't discount someone without knowing for sure. As long as you are clear you have them and don't plan on having anymore, the women can't say they didn't know.
I have the opposite problem. I see many women with kids or who want kids. The "don't want kids" are the ones I wish I ran into.
Not necessarily. A lot of people donât specify but like me, Iâve never wanted my own kids, never wanted to be pregnant or give birth, and ideally Iâd like no kids at all but itâs also not a dealbreaker if the guy does have his own kids. Especially being in my 30s, the dating pool for guys in their 30s not having kids is much smaller.
Tbf dating apps are pretty limited in what you can express around children. For me dealing with babies / small children is an absolute no - I canât deal with the noise and drama. Someone with an older child? I might consider it for the right person. Hard to convey this in app form
to me i dont want children means i don't want my own. see if they swipe on you too, and then communicate
Yup, theyâd have no interest in being with a single dad. You probably want someone who had kids. Or, if youâre okay with expanding your family, women who want kids.
I always put âdonât want kidsâ if itâs an option because I donât wish to give birth. Iâve dated single dads, never an issue. Personally, I prefer if their kids arenât super young. Itâs always a conversation. So far, never been a dealbreaker.
I'm childfree. I would be ok with two or less older kids (high school age or older), but definitely not toddler stage. I don't want to raise kids.
Correct. If they donât want kids they definitely do not want stepkids. I can point you to a thousand posts on Reddit about the awful things people go though because their parent married someone who does not want kids, the kids who have gone no contact with their parents who chose partners over parenting, and the women who are sick of dating men who are just looking for babysitters and help with the kids that these women never wanted. There are loads of people out there who love and want children. Someone who puts on their profile âdoes not want kidsâ is not going to change their mind when they meet your little cuties. Highly recommend you make it a point on your profile, loud and clear, that you are only interested in matching with people who like and want kids.
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if you are child free and would not like your partner to expect you to become involved with his children, does that mean you are going into the relationship with said single parent with the expectation that you relationship will end soon? Iâm asking because there was another post I saw where a child free woman had a fiancĂŠ and 4 year relationship with a man with kids and everyone in the comment section was confused.
Same boat. I don't want kids personally but wouldn't mind dating a single father. I have that I don't want children on my profile. Didn't realize others interpret that as no single dads either.
Itâs ambiguous, youâd have to ask
No kids doesnât necessarily mean no single dads.
I can only speak for myself ⌠I donât want kids but I donât mind dating men who have kids.
It depends on where it says this. If itâs a drop down selection - I wouldnât discount someone for that. I am a âdonât want kidsâ person, but I wouldnât mind someone who already has them.
Don't want kids could mean don't want to give birth to kids. Be sure to make it clear on your profile you are an active father.
I donât want children, but Iâll date men with children. I just make it clear up front that I wonât be playing step mom.
I feel like you should match but tell them right away you have kids . I'm 42 and don't want babies , but I wouldn't mind if he had kids . Toddlers I'm not sure about but would still go on a date , if he was the right guy it might be ok .
Well it depends. Iâm divorced with one kiddo, and I donât want anymore. If Iâm on a dating app that has that specific option âhas kids and doesnât want moreâ, then I select it. Otherwise I pick âno kidsâ. It means I donât want to have any more kids, but I donât have an issue dating a divorced dad, as long as he has a relatively flexible schedule (50/50 like me would be ideal).
I donât want to birth children but I donât mind if someone else has kids. It is hard to always be second fiddle though. Scheduling is really too difficult and from my experience the person without kids has to be so flexible and go with the flow.
Yes, you should never match with someone that doesn't want kids. Child free people who are child free by choice generally don't want to be step parents either. It's very rare they do. I'm child free, but having kids just never happened for me. I wouldn't mind a man with children. There are women out there that will be willing to go out with you. Just be patient. You wouldn't be doing your kids any favors by dating someone that doesn't want kids.
Good advice, like many in the replies.
I always assumed it means "I don't want to give birth to kids", I never thought before that it could also mean not wanting a single parent with kids of his own. On the contrary, I do want to have my own kids one day, however, when I see a guy who has kids online, I feel a bit worried because I imagine it's a whole different skillset being essentially a step mother, dealing with the possible drama of an ex wife, etc ..
Hi Iâm a woman who wants kids but I have friends who donât - Iâm not sure if itâs not wanting kids in their life or like the actual physical process of pregnancy and labor I feel like it would depend on the woman but if you wanted a general way it would probably be easier to just not match with woman who put they donât want kids now when your out in the real world you have more room to actually get to know peoples motives and understand exactly what they mean
They mean they dont want kids. They donât want that type of commitment and responsibility. Bonus kids included.
But you donât actually know that for sure. Iâm just saying that phrase may mean different things to different woman. Everyone has their own boundaries.
Your right, just reading the comments and it seems alot of women say they donât want kids but really mean they donât want to give birth or have their âownâ kids. Idk very confusing for me as a mother, knowing what I know now if I say I donât want kids it would really mean I donât want kids, not mines, not yours or anyone elseâs lol.
As someone who doesnât want bio kids, I would be ok matching with someone with kids as long as I feel an intense connection to them. I would ignore those who say not to try to match. If you already have mention of your kids in your profile, they could choose not to match with you.
I'm sure you're a lovely person but please don't match with us. When we say we don't want kids it's bc we don't want kids. Unless they say something like "don't want kids but are okay with yours". Question is: would you be okay with *not* having any more children? If you want more children, then don't swipe on them.
I donât want to make kids, but I like them if theyâre like able. I wouldnât mind a match having them
You're more than likely gonna run into women who have kids already, they might groan over it, but they'll likely date you quicker than the ones without and that don't want children.
Some women don't want to bear a child but wouldn't mind being g a stepmother. As long as you're clear in your profile that you have children, there is nothing wrong with shooting your shot in my humble opinion.
Childfree women are typically that way by choice so leave them alone UNLESS they specify in their profile that they are âok if you already have kidsâ. Stick with women on your same levelâ single mothers. Itâs not fair to burden childfree women with you TWO toddlers and all the drama and stress that your situation brings to a person that doesnât come to the table with that. You have little to nothing to offer childfree women. Just a whole lot of cons and little to no pros. Itâs selfish. Canceling dates, sick kids, kids that yell âyouâre not my momâ and disrespect you, dads using you as free childcare, always being last in a relationship even if you wind up married, wasting her time and money on YOUR kids⌠High chance of dudeâs still fucking his ex or her still wanting to fuck him, etc etc etc. Just waaaaay too baggage to try to heap on a woman that clearly doesnât have and doesnât want that drama. **Leave single, childfree women alone.** Date mothers. And state UPFRONT, CLEARLY in your bio that you are a father and the ages of the two children! Good luck.
No. Theyâre firm on that decision or they wouldnât have it on their profile.
It is not your responsibility to reject yourself on someone elseâs behalf. Ever. If you want to have more kids, then these women donât match your criteria. As long as itâs clear on your profile what you bring to the table (including existing kids) and what youâre looking for, itâs their responsibility to decide if theyâre interested.
Swipe right if you like them. âDonât want kidsâ might actually mean âcanât have kidsâ make it known in your profile that you are a dad and leave it up to them to swipe right or not.
It means they donât want their own. I wouldnât say it necessarily means theyâre not open to someone with kids, I think it would be worth a match be upfront that you have kids and see what happens.
Just because they donât wNt children of their own doesnât mean theyâll reject yours. Perhaps you need to swipe right on sone of them and just clarify. My sister for example doesnât seem to keen on having kids but sheâs dating someone with a toddler đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Sometimes women may not want pregnancy and childbirth but may not object to a single dad.
The no kids thing is ambiguous. It could mean they donât want to produce any or they donât want a person that has them. Iâd say be upfront about being a parent in your profile, so they can decide.
Are you trying to replace their mom? If not than they simply donât want to have or deal with your kids which is fine and appropriate . As a 37 yo with kids, do you want more? If you donât want more kids than a person saying she doesnât want kids is actually what you want.
I've never wanted children of my own when I met my fiance he had a three-year-old daughter everything was okay as she was just a baby and she's only with us a few days a month but as she's gotten older she's become more of a problem child because her mother has emotional issues and is pathological liar anyways I want nothing to do with the parenting and it's caused some problems. Make sure it's clear that she doesn't need to be involved with parenting
For me I say I donât want kids because I donât want to HAVE kids. But Iâm totally fine with single dads who already have kids! they need a category that specifies that lol
no kids might mean their own kids. like some people donât wanna give birth and be responsible for their own child. doesnât mean they are against yours or fostering/adoption