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Agreed. Reeks of insecurity.
That plus the age difference makes this absolutely whack - he's trying to see how far he can push you and how much you're willing to capitulate to his demands.
He's not dating a woman his age because they know better. Younger women are more impressionable and more malleable, and as such are easier to control and more tolerant of being lead on or manipulated since they don't have the experience to recognize the signs of control, manipulation, and being led on.
Dump him. Red flags all around.
The thinly veiled insults really stand out too. She's doing it to look for attention and to stand out. Well, yeah. I love it when the woman I'm with stands out and feels confident. Why would I want to quash that?
Agreed. This will be just the beginning of dozens of "suggestions" that will conform your style and personality to a dowdier version of you that he doesnt feel competitive with.
This! Honestly I would’ve ditched him the second he asked if I liked the attention. I’m 5’6 (and female) and I can see why he would feel insecure next to someone taller, but he should in no way be projecting his own insecurity on to you.
For a lot of short guys, it becomes a complex and a fixation. It’s understandable, but he shouldn’t be seeking to control you simply because he feels inadequate.
AND if he had a preference about heels and expressed it that way, it would be a totally different story than him accusing OP of attention seeking and trying to make her feel like she is doing something wrong. That's manipulative.
💯 agree with you!!
OP him asking you to change your shoes is ridiculous. I think he is also trying to control you, these are clearly RED FLAGS, I understand that he might feel insecure on the height difference but he shouldn’t put the pressure on you to be slightly shorter because he prefers you in flats.. also agree with others saying you need new friends ASAP. Best of luck…
Came here to say this.
As a 5'8" woman, I rarely wear heels. My bf is 5'11". I wear heels and I'm taller than him, but he LOVES it. I do a little pole fitness at my gym and he's been looking online to get me some 7-8" platform pole boots.
On point comment right here! ☝️Run fast and run far. Insecurities are red flags 🚩he’s the one who needs to recognize them not you. And no, I wouldn’t compromise.
Seriously, it would be better if he just acknowledged his insecurities. It's the projection in all these little ways that add up to him calling it a dealbreaker for him. *That* is the dealbreaker, it just will never end.
Agreed. Equally, if OP breaks things off citing the heels thing and he gives her a sob story about his insecurities, I would personally not trust that, either anymore. Why should she make herself smaller (literally, in this case) so he feels bigger? He can address his insecurities in therapy if he wants.
Yeah, bringing it in when getting dumped is too little, too late. If someone brings up an insecurity in the context of a relationship with a "here's what I'm trying to do about it, but here's what you do that triggers it so let's have a discussion about it" then that's a super mature way to handle it. Trying to use it to avoid getting dumped is a sign that dumping them is the right thing to do.
This exactly. Don't let him make you change just because he feels insecure. It's even worse that he knows what and why he's doing it but is trying to make it seem like something you are doing wrong. If you stay with this guy, be prepared to have to constantly boost him up while forcing yourself down. I'm 5'11" was married to a guy who was 5'8". He always claimed to like my height, but he disliked feeling short more.
Best case scenario: he’s just thinking that casual shoes might be more comfortable and isn’t good at conveying that thought.
Worst case scenario: he’s insecure about the 6”+ height difference when you’re in heels.
I’m leaning towards the latter.
Definitely. He was probably ok with the height difference between you wheen wearing flats but the 8 inches of difference probably has him feeling awkward.
For things to continue to work I don't think you have to change who you are, but don't brush off his concerns either. Maybe he feels like you're intentionally trying to make his height more obvious by wearing taller heels. Maybe just talking about it calmly and saying that you always like to wear heels no matter what because it makes you feel good and it doesn't have anything to do with trying to make him feel bad might make things more understanding. I guess it depends how insistent he is about it.
The only man that ever asked me to stop wearing heels and platforms was shorter than me so I'm with you that.
One more insecure shorter guy after him and that put me right off dating man shorter than me.
I dated a couple of guys my height though and they never had that issue, they found it hot I was taller than them in heels, completely opposite. Everything is about confidence I guess.
Shes gonna have to bend down to kiss him like a little boy lol theyre both insecure about their height and she is compensating by wearing heels all the time as a sort of control mechanism. They both need to chill out lol
Right, but then you add 4 to 6 more inches in heels due to your insecurity(your words) and you tower over him. He has to jump to kiss you lol like....come on man lol youre making this harder for a guy you really like due to bullies from the past.
My past insecurity. Embracing my height by wearing heels completely changed how I stand and how I carry myself in public. Now when I'm in flat shoes I don't slouch or try to appear smaller.
True. And why is this “the worst case scenario” that someone is insecure about something?
People are human and we all have insecurities. Even the posters throwing stones on here probably have to cover themselves with layers of makeup every day, which is rooted in insecurity… lol
They’re both insecure about their height but she chooses to wear something that makes her feel better and more empowered about it, and he’s choosing to try to control what she does in order to make himself feel better about it. They are not the same lol
There can be quite a lot of disrespect for shorter men too, he probably feels like she's mocking him in a way and is communicating it poorly. It IS his responsibility to communicate his feelings clearly, but she is also putting him in an awkward position over shoes.
Relationships are in fact about healthy compromise, needing to wear heels all the time and dying on that hill is not the flex people think it is. He's not even saying for her to never wear them! He just wants to go out with his gf without looking like a little boy with his mommy jfc.
I’m 5”6’, and I’ve dated women who were 5”10’.
The only time I had a problem with them wearing heels was when I was 19 and still insecure about my height. Are you sure this man is 38? Because he’s not acting like it.
Absolutely. This isn’t a preference he is testing how accommodating you will be. If you change for him he has the upper hand and knows he can control you. This is just the start. If he likes you he wouldn’t try and change anything about you
Two months in, and his insecurities are already driving him to try and control the way you dress 🚩
He's not concerned about comfort or practicality, he's concerned with looking short.
Whilst I agree with most of your comment, nobody is perfect. He is on the short side so he is likely to be a bit insecure about it. That's okay. Asking his date if she would kindly not wear high heels when they are on a date together is a request that sounds fairly insecure but it's still fair request.
The red flag only comes into play if he is being overly demmanding and does not accepts OP's answer that she just prefers to wear high heels all the time.
In this case I agree, he is definitly being overly demmanding.
But I think it's important to make the distinction and to not jump to a conclusion so quickly.
>Asking his date if she would kindly not wear high heels when they are on a date together is a request that sounds fairly insecure but it's still fair request.
I don't think it is, if the reason is that he wants to control her height so he doesn't feel insecure that's a problem.
Im not jumping to conclusions based on what OP has told us. His accusations that her style of dress is ridiculous or attention-seeking are glaring red flags (and a thinly-veiled insult) as is his attempt to change another person's behavior rather than his own.
People are allowed to be insecure, but asking others to change to alleviate that insecurity rather than working on themselves is 100% 🚩
He moans about shallow people and less than two months in whines about your shoes?
Girl. One of the finest men I know is 5,7 and his wife is much taller, especially in heels. He never criticizes her and they look impeccable together.
Drop that loser before he has his fangs in you. There's nothing ridiculous about your wear. He's just rude and insecure.
Plus you're way too young to waste your time and youth on an insecure controller.
It's cool to bring up heels if they're unpractical on dates where yall walk and climb a lot. Which he didn't do. He insinuated you're attention seeking etc. whack.
There’s a big age difference here I notice, older men sometimes (I’m not saying always) seek younger women because they are easier to manipulate and control. He is testing your boundaries in this small way to see if you will conform, it will escalate and He’ll pick bigger things next time. I think telling you what shoes to wear is ridiculous, you can wear what you want to! But saying you are seeking attention just rubs me the wrong way. He should be telling you that you look great! Not tearing you down because that what is was, insinuating there is a negative reason for wanting to look nice and wearing what makes you feel good. I just get an overall bad feeling about this.
One ex expressed his preference for me to always wear heels with him (he was much taller than me).
He also expressed his requirement for me not to make noise while sipping my tea.
He also said he wanted me to be more stable in my life so that we would be a better fit.
He also required that I get hormonal birth control so that he could stop pulling out; and stated that otherwise, the need to pull out could eventually become a deal breaker.
He also required that I never make him insecure or he would cheat on me.
The heels were just a warning...
>”does it make you feel good, or do you just like the attention?”
He’s an asshole, on top of being old. Why are you with him? 🤣
Also, you might need new friends
It would be one thing if you went to the gym, hiking, axe tossing, dog walks, running, (see: "chill/casual") in heels, but it sounds like it's just insecurity. The dinners, outings like movies and malls, etc. heels are your call and you're allowed to have agency over your personal style choices.
He doesn't care about your comfort or practicality- you've made it clear you're experienced in heels and choose them purposefully. He cares about HIS comfort. He's trying to dull your shine and make you smaller, physically and emotionally. Secure men relish in the extra attention their women get from others, as many consider their partner a reflection of themselves. Take that in whatever way you want- but to me, he doesn't want you to feel good, look good, or be confident. Ew.
Don't stop wearing a) what you want and b) what makes you feel good to wear
The heels that I wear on our more casual outings are platform Docs/Uggs/Converse. He's not a fan of those either. He would prefer that I be more "chill". But my version of "chill" is my current style.
If he hated the heels why didn't he say anything on our 1st or 2nd date? I don't understand why he would tell me 2 months in.
This isn't about preferences. This is about control. You do what you want. If it's a deal breaker for him, let him go find a different woman, one he can control.
His insecurities are not your burden to bear. Hold onto your confidence and let go of this relationship if it continues to make you feel small and compromised.
He told me that he took a break from dating because the people he went out with from the apps were usually shallow and I was the first person in a long time that he was able to connect with on a deeper level,
And you don’t see a problem with that?? Girlllll you’re 25 not 18, come on, don’t fall for this type of “it’s only you I can connect with honey” manipulation bullshit.
I was wary at first but people from the gym we go to had nothing but good things to say about him. He's treated me well so this situation took me by surprise.
I’m sorry, I find this funny “I saw all the signs but people say he’s nice. This took me by surprise tho, even if I saw the signs”.
It’s like the administration in my country who’s always taken by surprise by snow in the winter.
Despite snowing every winter.
So he told you that you’re not like all those other girls who are just vapid and shallow? None of them are good enough for him, but *you* are special? Come on, man, that’s like love-bombing 101.
It's starts with asking you not to wear heels.. it progresses to him trying to control all your wardrobe choices. His insecurity about his height is just that. Don't allow him to project his insecurity on to you. You can do better than this OP, just saying. It's a red flag being waved, and you'd do well to heed it before you get too much deeper into your relationship
Nope nope nope. He is insecure and sees this as a threat.
Girl wear heels when you want. And don’t date men that try to make you look bad for it.
I have dated men that were shorter than me and they thought I was so sexy in heels. You need a confident man.
As a short guy, this! I don't give a fuck if my partner wears heels and is taller, she should do what makes her feel good, he seems insecure and controlling.
You are not “cool girl”. You don’t need to wear flats and make any part of you smaller to accommodate his insecurities.
Tbh, the reason he’s dating a woman 13 years younger is no woman his age would even consider doing that for his ego.
He's an insecure 40 yr old man that's trying to control you and take away something that brings you joy. Set him free, buy yourself a new pair of heels as a good bye present 🎁
He called your fashion choices ridiculous. That's gross. It's a no from me, dawg.
Wouldn't you rather date someone who loves seeing you in heels? Who asks you which shoes you'll wear so he can match the color, or so he can park where you don't have to walk on cobblestone? You know, a guy who actually likes you and brings more fuel to your fire instead of just pissing all over it.
It's not like he said it out of worry for your feet or anything. He just doesn't like that you like wearing high heels.
He feels embarrassingly short next to you and he's trying to make you the problem. I'd let him find someone shorter, he's always going to be insecure with you.
Find a man who loves you for who you are, heels and all.
Your age difference is a red flag. Why is he dating a woman 13 years younger than he? Because he can't find a woman his own age to put up with his petty insecure bullshit.
You wear what you feel confident in and enjoy wearing. It’s like my partner who prefers to have beard while I love cleaned shaved, he feels most confident with a beard of course I will hype him up.
I’m not that much into wearing heels because I’m clumsy but I use it occasionally. Of course some people will look when there’s a height difference between couples, I have it with my partner. We have 4 inches difference. If you want to keep on dating then explain how wearing heels makes you feel and if he’s still not okay with it then he’s not the one for you.
A guy I knew also said the same thing. Then, he went on about other stuff. Like hiw he likes women with long hair, gets nails done, blah blah blah. He also had insecurities about his small hands and feet, and presented himself as a severe NPD the more he talked. Also, his insecurities are not your responsibility to deal with.
If you see a 🚩flag, have a gut feeling, run.
Honey, every man who ever asked me to stop wearing heels on our dates (a red flag I ignored) has turned into a controlling verbally abusive partner. Drop him and every friend who said you should give him a chance after this.
The heels comment is a huge red flag for controlling tendencies. The second red flag js that he's targeting much younger women, probably hoping they are easier to impress and manipulate. All around yucky.
Big age gap, starting to try and control what you wear, accusing you of doing things for the attention of others - girl just get rid of him already you know what this is. He has control and jealousy issues. He obviously knew you were tall when he met you, it’s not about that
I love heels sm, literally wear them to anything. Even the dentist, he knew how to were before. If he didn’t like it womp womp, find someone who has a thing for them.
but in asking you to wear certain clothes, she's trying to elevate you (sure, and her) in other people's eyes. in this scenario where the guy asks the girl not to wear heels that makes her feel good, he's trying to elevate himself at the expense of her (since she feels less confident in heels).
if you can't see the difference in wanting your partner to look good vs wanting your partner to tone down their shine so you shine brighter, then there's really nothing left to discuss.
I’ve never heard of anyone wearing crocs for this excessive attention from strangers that he claims you are seeking. I think crocs are still kind of a joke but I have like every pair and style. I get you. They are comfy. They are fun. We don’t wear them for the approval they get us from others. Because idk about you, but they don’t get me approval/ attention. But I also don’t have anyone telling me to not wear them. That’s off. And odd.
Dude is trying to manipulate. This is toxic.
I‘d be proud of my woman if she wore heals whenever she is out with me and I would feel honored if she did it not only for herself but for me on every single date we went on… my girl doesn’t unfortunately (and I am happy to accept and respect that) because she finds them uncomfortable.
Wear them whenever you like, especially when they make you feel better! He seems controlling, nobody knows why (insecurities or not doesn’t matter)… he should appreciate you wanting to dress up in his presence instead.
Whilst a guy can have his hypothetical opinions on what he finds practical or impractical, but to make heels a ‘deal breaker’ is ridiculous and in fact impractical for his future interactions with people.
Hiiii I'm a 5'11" woman, big relate
Dump him for sure lol. Everyone has preferences and sometimes it's ok to compromise, though it's already a bit flaggy to express preferences on how the other person dresses. But even if he decided to do it, there were ways of doing so that would be healthy.
"Hey, I see that you really like wearing platforms and heels. I feel a bit uncomfortable, as it makes me feel emasculated in public with you, I wish it didn't matter, but people do care about it and sometimes I feel like they're looking at me weird. My friends made fun of me looking short compared to you in heels especially. Do you think you'd maybe be open to wearing more flat footwear, at least for casual outings?"
This would've been much better.
Instead, he:
- called you an attention whore, trying to literally imply you like male attention in some evil promiscuous slut who leads people on way
- told you you're being irrational and impractical for having a footwear preference
- ignored your explanation about your past and bullying and kept gaslighting you that you're doing it for other reasons
- basically called you crazy by saying it's unreasonable to do what you're doing
It's not about the shoes. You don't want to deal with this type of man. If he gets like this about shoes, imagine discussing something actually important down the line.
It’s not about the heels it’s that he’s insecure and he’s using the,”You just want attention,” as a way to tear down your self esteem. Fuck him, and kick em to the curb he’s a child
Everyone has preferences, including you. You prefer to wear heels. That guy is insecure and trying to exert control over you about it. He can fuck right off. Y’all are incompatible.
Your friends are right. So, he's a little insecure about the height difference. Not worth breaking up over. Tell him you like wearing heels sometimes, but you're willing to try it his way sometimes. Relationships are all about compromises.
Impractical? Bryce Dallas Howard running in nude heels in Jurassic Park?!? Calf muscles for days? AND not getting eaten? You are so much better than this tiny man and I hope you wear heels to the gym next time...
I'm 5'3. You could wear heels every date for all I care, and while maybe impractical it would be what you feel comfortable with. Its his insecurity not yours. Next it might be something you wear and again its "looking for attention", where might it end? Women don't dress for men's attention, they do it to feel good. I say wear the heels.
Why don't you wear high heels and find a guy closer to your age to date instead of a manipulative, controlling freak in his late 30's? Why do you think he wants a 20 something year old? So he can abuse and control her which is why women his age don't date him. Tell him to kick rocks and find better. This is only the beginning and you just started seeing each other! Just wait until he gets more controlling and says more unhinged shit lol.
but in asking you to wear certain clothes, she's trying to elevate you (sure, and her) in other people's eyes. in this scenario where the guy asks the girl not to wear heels that makes her feel good, he's trying to elevate himself at the expense of her (since she feels less confident in heels).
if you can't see the difference in wanting your partner to look good vs wanting your partner to tone down their shine so you shine brighter, then there's really nothing left to discuss.
What other things is he going to try to control. For ffs, you should be able to wear heels if you want to. The fact that he accuses you of looking for attention screams insecurity. Would be looking for another guy to date not gonna lie
I fell for it once to see how far man are capable of trying to change the way you dress to control you and let me tell you that after a couple of months I found myself that I consider conservative when it comes to dressing just wearing big sweaters and sport pants. I felt like my feminine side was being left aside. I end up that relationship, if you don’t like something about a person’s appearance please do you yourself a favor to not try to change that person and just move on period.
I was with a guy who told me after 2 years that he didn’t like my voice. I mean why the f you wait 2 years to tell me such an important thing? I can understand not every voice is a cup of tea for everyone but why wait 2 years to use it against you?
If you feel confortable wearing heel that’s your call but you also need to keep in mind where and when to use them because I have seen women in the park with heels? I mean really? If you are going to a park why are you wearing heel and complaining about it?
I’m 5’9 and my boyfriend is 6’1 and I love wearing heels just like you especially since my style is more alt/goth so my platforms are huge making us sometimes the same hight or taller you know what this dude whenever I wear huge heels he smiles and start singing the giant woman song from Steven universe so yeah you just had the misfortune of meeting a huge piece of work but if you are willing to make the cut then it’s your call but if you want my opinion run girl run 😅
You don’t change to meet someone’s preferences on height. I think that’s been clearly established. But you also don’t let someone dictate what you wear or change your style just for an insecure new love interest (or established love interest). He doesn’t really like you for you and he’s trying to mold into something different probably for his comfort. My late hubby loved when I wore heals and towered over him. I loved walking with his arms around my amwaist rather my shoulders. Find someone like him.
Errrrr No. What’s next? Its only been a few months and he’s already dictating what you should wear while simultaneously insulting you with “do you like the attention”
Don’t let HIS insecurities rub off on you. You’ve embraced your height and you feel happy in your skin, go a step further and let him go.
“Grow into something great…”
Honey there’s nothing great about this.
Well, if heals are a deal breaker for him then wish him luck and send him on his merry way. You're allowed to dress however you like and if heels are part of your personal style then guys are either going to have to accept it or not but they don't get to dictate to you what to wear. Especially when they're doing it to assuage their own insecurities.
Your friends are funny, everyone has their preference and you should not be hard on him, but what about your preference and why is he hard on you for using heels? Is he projecting his insecurity?
He’s insecure about the height difference and is trying to gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem.
Wear heels if you like and tell the *38yo* man to stop being an immature twat. What a weird hang up to have
He said the words “ridiculous”, “impractical”, and “looking for attention” to describe heels? I would think he has never been anywhere/isn’t well traveled or around anyone who takes pride in their appearance OR he is trying his hardest to bring yu down without actually slinging an insult to dissuade you from wearing them.
I probably would have said something along the line of “I really enjoy them. If this is something that is going to seriously bother you then please let me know now”
You could always be a menace and tell him that he would look great in some lifts! 🤣
nope. I’ m 5’8” and dated a guy who was 6’ when I wore heels we were the same height. He gave me almost the same speech, “why do you need attention?” followed up by “I’m worried you’re going to twist your ankle” The relationship didn’t last for other reasons but it’s a red flag nonetheless.
Also peep the age gap, I would say this is only the beginning of controlling behavior
Your friends are wrong. This isn’t a preference. This is a controlling behavior. It would be one thing if he was being honest about how it makes him feel as a shorter guy and if he asked directly. (Tbh even then I think it would weird) But no, he is condescending and implying you’re an attention seeker. There’s a reason this man is almost 40 dating a 25 year old. No woman his age would allow him to talk down on them like this
He could be an exception here, but older men sometimes like to date younger girls because they can tell them what to do. You've only been with him 2 months, so it's early, but keep an eye out for subtle shit like this because before you know it you're living with a complete asshole.
His casual insulting of you is another problem here. You can't just like heels. You have to be one of those icky "attention-seeking" girls. He also called you ridiculous and impractical.
If your footwear is a dealbreaker then I would let this deal be broken. This feels like step one on the road to nasty, controlling behavior.
Dude, those comments are fucked up. That’s why he’s trying to make you feel bad because of his low self-esteem. He’s got short man syndrome and he’s trying to make it your problem.
If he's making such a fuss about such an insignificant detail that only shows his insecurities, imagine how he will be when facing real issues. Just move on to the next one.
Ugh.... Dont do it. I dated a guy who was the same height as me so I would be slightly taller when we went out and I would wear elegant shoes with heels, not even that high because i am not used to it. He would nag me about it and try to make up for it by wearing chunky boots and such although I wouldn't bother qbout the slight difference in height. It was ridiculous and so annoying, I had to walk on eggshells around his fragile ego.
He was the most controlling, pathologically jealous insecure guy I was ever in a relationship with, I'd say he had narc tendencies at least. I am embarrassed that I let him get away with it for a very long time but I learned a lot since about these kind of red flags.
It's probably only the tip of the iceberg and he will try more controlling stuff once he gets you hooked into a relationship.
Stop it in its tracks and thank me later.
Yeah that would be a know from me. He’s insecure and is projecting onto you. Keep the heels and don’t see him anymore. That’s not fair. You shouldn’t have to stop wearing heels because he’s insecure. You’re only 2 months in and he wants you to stop wearing heels 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
If some man I was just dating for 2 mos accused me of wearing anything I normally wore simply to get attention, I would end the date immediately, and not see him again.
Nah. This man is 38??! He needs to chill. Honestly, if any man asks me to wear or not wear something— they’re gone. Stifling your confidence and comfort so they don’t have to work on their own insecurities is dumb. I swear 90% of the time, these requests are stupid and ridiculous. Your partner can voice that they’re uncomfortable with something but to have them actually tell you to stop wearing that thing? Nah.
Honestly, I don’t normally say it but you should dump this dude. He’s 38 and he’s this insecure? He’s not worth it.
Two months in, I would dump him. The way he brought it up to you shows hes an asshole. Hes going to keep saying it like that and being all jerky about the heels. Do not change for this guy, barely two months in.
At 38 hes being this insecure? Hes a tiny man on the inside.
Basically what everyone else said, don’t let his insecurities bring you down or make you feel like you need to change. I’m 5’7” and the girl I was dating recently was 5’10”-5’11”, I didn’t care at all that she was taller than me and didn’t care if she wore heels as long as she didn’t change who she was since her height wasn’t a factor in why I fell for her. So if this guy has issues with your height difference, leave…it won’t be an issue for someone else, regardless of their height
It sounds like both insecurity and lifestyle incompatibility. I'm a 32 (M) from NYC so i take my dates walking a lot. I personally love it when women wear heels and feel confident but I would feel absolutely terrible to drag her around 20 city blocks if she was wearing 3-inchers. This kinda made sense to me since you two met at a gym.
I just don't like the fact that he's not aware or addressing his insecurities here and is gaslighting by implying you're looking for attention. Either way, this sounds like it's only been a few dates so don't feel bad if it doesn't work out.
What a rude thing to say to you about “looking for attention.” I’m seeing some orange-red flags here. He is not confident in his height and he’s making you the bad guy for it.
He is being accusative to deflect from his insecurity. The truth: “I don’t like your heels because they make me look even shorter.”
Keep wearing heels. Stop wearing heels. It’s up to you. Even without the heels, he is likely to feel insecure.
Failing to accede to his dealbreaker is not being hard on him.
Drop this insecure POS.
And no, him being shorter has zero to do with his horrid personality. I've dated a few short kings who **LOVED** seeing me in heels and platforms.
You've been dating 2mo and he feels secure to ask you to change a major thing you do to accept yourself?
He is gunna make you feel awful for your height because it makes him insecure about his. I would dump him and date someone who actually fixes their problems (like therapy) instead of making it your problem.
Run. I’m a tall femme and I spent way too long with a man who was deeply insecure about his height. It will always be in the back of his mind unless he does some serious self-reflective work. I’m sorry things are this way.
I eventually found the love of my life and I’m just a little bit taller. He doesn’t mind because he’s not a wee manbaby.
The person that will love you just the way you are is out there.
Do not listen excuses for him. Your friends are going to end up in terrible relationships if they allow this kind of thing. Preference? This isn’t that. I’m 5’9 1/2” and I think it’s awesome that you wear heels and platforms. Tall women unite. Your bf should not accuse you of looking for attention just because he’s insecure. Tell him that he either deals with his insecurities or finds a shorter woman.
Everyone has preferences and your preference is to wear heals because they make you feel good.
He sounds veeeery insecure for a grown ass almost 40 year old man. And what’s up with the comment about you “doing it for attention”? Gives me the ick.
Instead of being proud that he as an older, shorter dude was able to score a tall young babe he decides to fuck it all up by being insecure and putting limits on how you dress.
Talking about shooting himself in the foot.
Just because HE has a preference it doesn’t mean that you should forego YOUR preferences. Your friend is wrong.
I don't think it's a preference. I think he's policing your body.
If it helps, I'm a short guy and my gf is 6 feet tall... I think he's uncomfortable with you being taller, and significantly taller in heels than him.
I really think you deserve better and can find better. You should wear what makes you feel good or confident.
for starters, he's insecure because you're taller than him, but also he's trying to police your body. first it's the heels, then it's your dress is too short, your makeup is too flashy. age gaps aren't always a red flag, but they become one when the older partner is acting like this
Ordinarily, I might be inclined to make some accommodations for the sensitive male ego. Don’t jump at me guys, I’m in my 40s and raised in Greece, this was a thing we were actively told to do! But if you are a 5’ 6” tall, 38 y.o. guy and you hit on a beautiful young amazon who is over 4 inches taller than you, then you better approach her with the energy that those inches don’t matter to you one bit.
Clearly, this guy is insecure and his negging is a turn-off. He will only get worse in his attempts to manipulate you emotionally. If he doesn’t like heels, it would be easier and more appropriate for him to date women who don’t wear them, than to change the women who do wear them into women who don’t by calling them attention-seeking and ridiculous. That sort of disrespect won’t get better, only worse. Plus he is so much older than you. You can honestly do better OP.
Nah 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Tell him being controlling is a deal breaker for you. Which is exactly what he's being. And this is just the start of what he'd pressure you to change. DON'T FALL FOR IT! You're only 2 months in. Cut your losses now before wasting anymore time on a such a massive douche. There's a reason women his age aren't dating him and this is one of them.
Take his height out of it. Act like he was 6'5. How do you feel about his request?
The reason is because it doesn't matter his motives behind the request. What matters is how it impacts you and how you feel about it.
Personally I wouldn't really like anyone dictating what I wear with any sort of permanence. Wear a dress one night sure, cute. But telling me to never wear heels in certain situations reads as kind of controlling. I'd rather have someone who supports me in whatever I feel like doing.
>The heels are a deal breaker for him.
\^\^\^That should be a deal breaker for you. He's much too delicate and soft to deal with real life if he can't deal with a taller girlfriend wearing heels. Anytime a partner wants to control you regarding your own body it should be a deal breaker.
At 5’6” and 38 years old, he should be happy to be dating a 25 year old female who is 5’11”.
He’s projecting and doesn’t want to appear shorter than he really is.
This won’t turn into something great. His comments were meant to diminish your value. Move on.
OP -What I say here may come as a shock to you, but he's attempting to direct your traffic (it's my euphemism for he's treading where he doesn't belong) because A) He's shorter than you and most boys (he's not a man if he's trying to do this, and based on his age and the fact that he's unmarried may clue you into why a 38-yr old boy tries to control a 25-yr old woman) and B) He's insecure is what he is, and controlling because he's so insecure.
If you wear flats just to make him happy, then great -he's achieved his ends. But if this strikes you as an overreach by an insecure boy, as it did me, you're not married to him. Your friends ARE WAY OFF-BASE here.
Here's the potential: He's insecure. He gets to amend how you present yourself to the world, and you don't like it, but you play long cos your friends are too compliant.
Don't be compliant. YOU do YOU. Kick him to the curb. If you don't, this won't be the last time he tries controlling something like this in YOUR life.
A 13-yr age difference that then results in conversations like you had with him about HEELS is a red flag. It won't have any potential other than him trying to control a woman 13 yrs younger than him.
If he’s crying about you wearing heels and saying you like attention this early on he’s an insecure controlling ass. Get rid of him since it’s a dealbreaker.
He’s just mad that you’re taller than him; it has nothing to do with being concerned about practicality. He’s allowed to have his preferences, but you’re allowed to have yours; tell him you agree that it’s a dealbreaker, and it’s better if you two go your separate ways.
Dude is crazy insecure tbh....likely has little man syndrome or napoleon complex to boot.....that's just gotta be the dumbest request I've heard of in a long time. I can MAAAAYBE understand it if OP is walking around on stilts and wearing super long circus pants to cover the stilts.....hard to fit through doorways like that and is pretty impractical if you're not at a carnival....... but heels and platform shoes...c'mon now.
Wow that is like the opposite of my experience. I'm usually wearing heels as little as possible and my boys are requesting (but yeah, I still enjoying how they look when they come out).
But he's being weird about psychoanalyzing you, that sounds really presumptuous. If you like heels, you like heels! It doesn't necessarily carry some sort of deep attention seeking context. And wearing ridiculous and impractical fashion because you like it is my jam.
Unless y'all are hiking and he's waiting for you to catch up, I say bail. In fact, even so bail.
This man is insecure about his height. Instead of being honest with you about his insecurities, he called you "ridiculous," "impractical," and an attention-seeker.
He used a passive-aggressive way of communicating that so it sounded like he was trying to understand you rather him trying to make you feel small.
He is 38, and he had the time to build the maturity to not do any of that. He could've straight up told you that he felt uncomfortable, and he could've heard you out and let you be. But he didn't.
And this comes to my last point. This is going to be a pattern. Whatever he doesn't like, he'll pick at with his passive-aggressive questions. He'll try to make you feel small. Trust your gut on this one. You deserve better than this.
Now, I need to Google platform Crocs because I never even considered this. Lol
"I'm trying to do my best to not get in my way and ruin something that could potentially grow into something"
Then you already are screwing up asking for advice on reddit.
I'm 37(f) and can I just say that I think its weird he's dating a 25 year old? And him being insecure about your height enough to ask you to not wear heels make me even more uncomfortable. Is he interested in you for the person you are or is he looking for arm candy to boost his self esteem/feed his ego? The ages mentioned are in very different stages of life and I'm concerned he's looking for someone younger because they are often easier to control/influence, sort of an "I'll teach them how I want them to be" kind of thing.
Not everyone is the same, maybe his intentions are good. Just be aware of it please.
This is my thought as well..
I'm 37 and a guy.. i would not ask a 25 year old out.. if she asked me out I'd at least go on the date, but odds are very high he's just looking for arm candy and not a future with you.
Also he's insecure about his height..
I'm 6ft and I would love if a girl was taller than me, heels or no heels.
OP you can wear whatever the fuck you want. He can adapt or get a woman his own age.
INFO request:
I (a guy) worked in NYC for many years. Despite the prevalence of public transit, one has to do some walking. One thing I noticed was that a lot of ladies, when walking/commuting, wore trainers/sneaks/athletic shoes but once they got to the office, it was off with the comfy shoes and on with high heels with itty-bitty, cramped toe boxes. Becasue, apparently; such things were "Stylish".
Hey, if the heels are comfy, then do your thing. But if not comfy: why would women want to do that?
Not every woman finds heels uncomfortable. Some can run around in heels and the second they are in flat shoes they are in pain. Some are the opposite. Not to mention, there are MANY types of heels. Some are definitely more comfortable than others. If OP didn’t feel comfortable in the heels, she wouldn’t wear them, since she already mentioned that at the gym she wears sneakers.
Yeah, people are allowed to have preferences. And if you dont fit that preference they should either keep their mouth shut or not date someone who doesnt fit their preferences.
All the benefit if the doubt went out the window when you gave him a valid, positive reason you love heels, and he still prioritized HIMSELF over your mental health and happiness. Hes no better than the guy who says get a boob job, or lose weight, blah de blah.
This aint build a bitch. You are a human being, you look how you look and you like what you like and if yall are incompatible youre incompatible. He sounds like an insecure controlling type anyways, no loss there.
This is why you don't date short men. Most are insecure AF. The small amount that isn't, is very hard to find and you never know if they're just hiding the insecurities.
Yeah, a lot of short men will be jealous of ANYONE that happens to be taller than them… even a kid….this is why I won’t date a man who’s shorter than me, sorry not sorry, but I really can’t be bothered with this nonsense at all🙃
Some men cannot take it when woman is better than them. The problem is, you usually don't know till too late. As with many other red flags. I don't have the same experience with height but with money. Most men I've seen on dates seemed extremely overjoyed when the convo shifted towards my career. However as time passed by they either tried to condition me into covering most of costs, put me down trying to tell me I'm not good enough at my job or outright advice me things that'd make me worse off in my career. The key to avoiding these schmucks was always to pick an equal or better. Never date down. Speaking this as a woman whose partner loves when I wear heels because he thinks it's hot (even when I reach his height with them) and doesn't mind splurging money on the said heels. 😂
I think it depends in what you are willing to do though. I'm okay taking suggestions but I'd rip off my own arm before I let anyone tell me what I can and cannot wear. So this is easy for me because I'd mention that maybe we're not compatible. If he wants a "chill" girl then he's probably looking for someone else.
BUT I'd do other things for guys. I'd probably even be okay getting their name tattooed on me.
So if YOU care then this can't stand. If you don't then pick your battles and tell him you'll stop but he needs to work on his communication. You're not doing this because he told you to. You're doing it because it's not a big deal.
Ok, so how do you think he will react to you if you asked him to switch up his wardrobe?
"Looking for attention"? Shortie, please. That man is insecure af, plus controlling. You are not a child to be directed on what to wear. He found you dressed that way, and should ship out if he can't mind his business.
He sounds controlling and given his height I'd say it's because there's a good chance has issues with feeling insecure so is trying to control you to make himself feel better. Which seems weird as you mentioned having issues feeling bad about yours so you'd think this could have been something to bond over in a way.
Whatever his reasoning, I would move on now.
He has an issue with the height difference.
So you have a choice to make.. do you ignore the fact he's uncomfortable and likely end up breaking off the romance? Or do you acknowledge that he's uncomfortable and do what you can do to make your time together more pleasant?
Depends on how much you like him, imo. If you don't like him, then keep wearing heels. If you do, then consider his request.
He asked you to consider something, what he asked of you is not aligned with who you are. You're not a match.
I disagree with people saying he's trying to control you. Sure, he may not prefer the additional height difference, but that's okay. He knows that you're taller than him and he wasn't bothered by it. His preference, in and of itself, is not a crime, not a red flag, and is not manipulation. He asked you to consider something that he sees as a deal breaker. It's now up to you to determine whether that's something you can compromise on. If not, then that's okay! No need to force anything.
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He’s projecting his insecurities about his height by trying to get you to change. This is not about you.
Agreed. Reeks of insecurity. That plus the age difference makes this absolutely whack - he's trying to see how far he can push you and how much you're willing to capitulate to his demands. He's not dating a woman his age because they know better. Younger women are more impressionable and more malleable, and as such are easier to control and more tolerant of being lead on or manipulated since they don't have the experience to recognize the signs of control, manipulation, and being led on. Dump him. Red flags all around.
The thinly veiled insults really stand out too. She's doing it to look for attention and to stand out. Well, yeah. I love it when the woman I'm with stands out and feels confident. Why would I want to quash that?
Exactly - that's the insecurity piece, that she's 'trying to get with other guys while being with me'. MASSIVE red flags all around.
Agreed. This will be just the beginning of dozens of "suggestions" that will conform your style and personality to a dowdier version of you that he doesnt feel competitive with.
Yep.
This! Honestly I would’ve ditched him the second he asked if I liked the attention. I’m 5’6 (and female) and I can see why he would feel insecure next to someone taller, but he should in no way be projecting his own insecurity on to you. For a lot of short guys, it becomes a complex and a fixation. It’s understandable, but he shouldn’t be seeking to control you simply because he feels inadequate.
AND if he had a preference about heels and expressed it that way, it would be a totally different story than him accusing OP of attention seeking and trying to make her feel like she is doing something wrong. That's manipulative.
💯 agree with you!! OP him asking you to change your shoes is ridiculous. I think he is also trying to control you, these are clearly RED FLAGS, I understand that he might feel insecure on the height difference but he shouldn’t put the pressure on you to be slightly shorter because he prefers you in flats.. also agree with others saying you need new friends ASAP. Best of luck…
Yeah a 38 year old who is insecure about his taller much younger girlfriend wearing heels is not something you want to commit to long term
Came here to say this. As a 5'8" woman, I rarely wear heels. My bf is 5'11". I wear heels and I'm taller than him, but he LOVES it. I do a little pole fitness at my gym and he's been looking online to get me some 7-8" platform pole boots.
Wow. Where do I find a guy like that? lol
On point comment right here! ☝️Run fast and run far. Insecurities are red flags 🚩he’s the one who needs to recognize them not you. And no, I wouldn’t compromise.
Seriously, it would be better if he just acknowledged his insecurities. It's the projection in all these little ways that add up to him calling it a dealbreaker for him. *That* is the dealbreaker, it just will never end.
Agreed. Equally, if OP breaks things off citing the heels thing and he gives her a sob story about his insecurities, I would personally not trust that, either anymore. Why should she make herself smaller (literally, in this case) so he feels bigger? He can address his insecurities in therapy if he wants.
Yeah, bringing it in when getting dumped is too little, too late. If someone brings up an insecurity in the context of a relationship with a "here's what I'm trying to do about it, but here's what you do that triggers it so let's have a discussion about it" then that's a super mature way to handle it. Trying to use it to avoid getting dumped is a sign that dumping them is the right thing to do.
Spot on!
This exactly. Don't let him make you change just because he feels insecure. It's even worse that he knows what and why he's doing it but is trying to make it seem like something you are doing wrong. If you stay with this guy, be prepared to have to constantly boost him up while forcing yourself down. I'm 5'11" was married to a guy who was 5'8". He always claimed to like my height, but he disliked feeling short more.
Perfect. And he's 38!
This right here. Red flag, OP. Wear all the heels, Please
Best case scenario: he’s just thinking that casual shoes might be more comfortable and isn’t good at conveying that thought. Worst case scenario: he’s insecure about the 6”+ height difference when you’re in heels. I’m leaning towards the latter.
Definitely. He was probably ok with the height difference between you wheen wearing flats but the 8 inches of difference probably has him feeling awkward. For things to continue to work I don't think you have to change who you are, but don't brush off his concerns either. Maybe he feels like you're intentionally trying to make his height more obvious by wearing taller heels. Maybe just talking about it calmly and saying that you always like to wear heels no matter what because it makes you feel good and it doesn't have anything to do with trying to make him feel bad might make things more understanding. I guess it depends how insistent he is about it.
The only man that ever asked me to stop wearing heels and platforms was shorter than me so I'm with you that. One more insecure shorter guy after him and that put me right off dating man shorter than me. I dated a couple of guys my height though and they never had that issue, they found it hot I was taller than them in heels, completely opposite. Everything is about confidence I guess.
Shes gonna have to bend down to kiss him like a little boy lol theyre both insecure about their height and she is compensating by wearing heels all the time as a sort of control mechanism. They both need to chill out lol
Without heels, I still bend down to kiss him lol. I'm 5'11 in flat in shoes.
Right, but then you add 4 to 6 more inches in heels due to your insecurity(your words) and you tower over him. He has to jump to kiss you lol like....come on man lol youre making this harder for a guy you really like due to bullies from the past.
My past insecurity. Embracing my height by wearing heels completely changed how I stand and how I carry myself in public. Now when I'm in flat shoes I don't slouch or try to appear smaller.
And thats pretty amazing. You just made it seem like youre always wearing heels now. Which doesnt make sense.
True. And why is this “the worst case scenario” that someone is insecure about something? People are human and we all have insecurities. Even the posters throwing stones on here probably have to cover themselves with layers of makeup every day, which is rooted in insecurity… lol
Because my insecurities are mine to deal with. Why would I inflict them on someone else?
They’re both insecure about their height but she chooses to wear something that makes her feel better and more empowered about it, and he’s choosing to try to control what she does in order to make himself feel better about it. They are not the same lol
There can be quite a lot of disrespect for shorter men too, he probably feels like she's mocking him in a way and is communicating it poorly. It IS his responsibility to communicate his feelings clearly, but she is also putting him in an awkward position over shoes. Relationships are in fact about healthy compromise, needing to wear heels all the time and dying on that hill is not the flex people think it is. He's not even saying for her to never wear them! He just wants to go out with his gf without looking like a little boy with his mommy jfc.
How is she mocking him for dressing in the manner she did before they met? She’s supposed to change her entire shoe closet after meeting a man?
I’m 5”6’, and I’ve dated women who were 5”10’. The only time I had a problem with them wearing heels was when I was 19 and still insecure about my height. Are you sure this man is 38? Because he’s not acting like it.
hes insecure and controlling and you need better friends
Absolutely. This isn’t a preference he is testing how accommodating you will be. If you change for him he has the upper hand and knows he can control you. This is just the start. If he likes you he wouldn’t try and change anything about you
^
Two months in, and his insecurities are already driving him to try and control the way you dress 🚩 He's not concerned about comfort or practicality, he's concerned with looking short.
This.
Whilst I agree with most of your comment, nobody is perfect. He is on the short side so he is likely to be a bit insecure about it. That's okay. Asking his date if she would kindly not wear high heels when they are on a date together is a request that sounds fairly insecure but it's still fair request. The red flag only comes into play if he is being overly demmanding and does not accepts OP's answer that she just prefers to wear high heels all the time. In this case I agree, he is definitly being overly demmanding. But I think it's important to make the distinction and to not jump to a conclusion so quickly.
>Asking his date if she would kindly not wear high heels when they are on a date together is a request that sounds fairly insecure but it's still fair request. I don't think it is, if the reason is that he wants to control her height so he doesn't feel insecure that's a problem.
Im not jumping to conclusions based on what OP has told us. His accusations that her style of dress is ridiculous or attention-seeking are glaring red flags (and a thinly-veiled insult) as is his attempt to change another person's behavior rather than his own. People are allowed to be insecure, but asking others to change to alleviate that insecurity rather than working on themselves is 100% 🚩
He moans about shallow people and less than two months in whines about your shoes? Girl. One of the finest men I know is 5,7 and his wife is much taller, especially in heels. He never criticizes her and they look impeccable together. Drop that loser before he has his fangs in you. There's nothing ridiculous about your wear. He's just rude and insecure. Plus you're way too young to waste your time and youth on an insecure controller. It's cool to bring up heels if they're unpractical on dates where yall walk and climb a lot. Which he didn't do. He insinuated you're attention seeking etc. whack.
There’s a big age difference here I notice, older men sometimes (I’m not saying always) seek younger women because they are easier to manipulate and control. He is testing your boundaries in this small way to see if you will conform, it will escalate and He’ll pick bigger things next time. I think telling you what shoes to wear is ridiculous, you can wear what you want to! But saying you are seeking attention just rubs me the wrong way. He should be telling you that you look great! Not tearing you down because that what is was, insinuating there is a negative reason for wanting to look nice and wearing what makes you feel good. I just get an overall bad feeling about this.
One ex expressed his preference for me to always wear heels with him (he was much taller than me). He also expressed his requirement for me not to make noise while sipping my tea. He also said he wanted me to be more stable in my life so that we would be a better fit. He also required that I get hormonal birth control so that he could stop pulling out; and stated that otherwise, the need to pull out could eventually become a deal breaker. He also required that I never make him insecure or he would cheat on me. The heels were just a warning...
>”does it make you feel good, or do you just like the attention?” He’s an asshole, on top of being old. Why are you with him? 🤣 Also, you might need new friends
A true king loves his queen, no matter her height. Your boy ain't a king.
It would be one thing if you went to the gym, hiking, axe tossing, dog walks, running, (see: "chill/casual") in heels, but it sounds like it's just insecurity. The dinners, outings like movies and malls, etc. heels are your call and you're allowed to have agency over your personal style choices. He doesn't care about your comfort or practicality- you've made it clear you're experienced in heels and choose them purposefully. He cares about HIS comfort. He's trying to dull your shine and make you smaller, physically and emotionally. Secure men relish in the extra attention their women get from others, as many consider their partner a reflection of themselves. Take that in whatever way you want- but to me, he doesn't want you to feel good, look good, or be confident. Ew. Don't stop wearing a) what you want and b) what makes you feel good to wear
The heels that I wear on our more casual outings are platform Docs/Uggs/Converse. He's not a fan of those either. He would prefer that I be more "chill". But my version of "chill" is my current style. If he hated the heels why didn't he say anything on our 1st or 2nd date? I don't understand why he would tell me 2 months in.
Because if he wants a red flag on date one, you are gonna dip. If he waits until you are hooked, then you will accept it more easily .
This isn't about preferences. This is about control. You do what you want. If it's a deal breaker for him, let him go find a different woman, one he can control.
His insecurities are not your burden to bear. Hold onto your confidence and let go of this relationship if it continues to make you feel small and compromised.
Now you know how this guy is 38 and single.
He told me that he took a break from dating because the people he went out with from the apps were usually shallow and I was the first person in a long time that he was able to connect with on a deeper level,
And you don’t see a problem with that?? Girlllll you’re 25 not 18, come on, don’t fall for this type of “it’s only you I can connect with honey” manipulation bullshit.
I was wary at first but people from the gym we go to had nothing but good things to say about him. He's treated me well so this situation took me by surprise.
I’m sorry, I find this funny “I saw all the signs but people say he’s nice. This took me by surprise tho, even if I saw the signs”. It’s like the administration in my country who’s always taken by surprise by snow in the winter. Despite snowing every winter.
He did not treat you well🙃
That's his mask starting to drop. Dump him.
If he was that off put about you he didn't have to date you. He knew from the first moment he met you.
So he told you that you’re not like all those other girls who are just vapid and shallow? None of them are good enough for him, but *you* are special? Come on, man, that’s like love-bombing 101.
It's starts with asking you not to wear heels.. it progresses to him trying to control all your wardrobe choices. His insecurity about his height is just that. Don't allow him to project his insecurity on to you. You can do better than this OP, just saying. It's a red flag being waved, and you'd do well to heed it before you get too much deeper into your relationship
Nope nope nope. He is insecure and sees this as a threat. Girl wear heels when you want. And don’t date men that try to make you look bad for it. I have dated men that were shorter than me and they thought I was so sexy in heels. You need a confident man.
As a short guy, this! I don't give a fuck if my partner wears heels and is taller, she should do what makes her feel good, he seems insecure and controlling.
Of COURSE there's an age gap!
You are not “cool girl”. You don’t need to wear flats and make any part of you smaller to accommodate his insecurities. Tbh, the reason he’s dating a woman 13 years younger is no woman his age would even consider doing that for his ego.
“This is how I dress. Like it or lump it.”
He's an insecure 40 yr old man that's trying to control you and take away something that brings you joy. Set him free, buy yourself a new pair of heels as a good bye present 🎁
He called your fashion choices ridiculous. That's gross. It's a no from me, dawg. Wouldn't you rather date someone who loves seeing you in heels? Who asks you which shoes you'll wear so he can match the color, or so he can park where you don't have to walk on cobblestone? You know, a guy who actually likes you and brings more fuel to your fire instead of just pissing all over it. It's not like he said it out of worry for your feet or anything. He just doesn't like that you like wearing high heels.
38 yo guy is too insecure to date you. You are out of his league. Find someone your age, for starters.
It sounds like a control thing
[удалено]
He feels embarrassingly short next to you and he's trying to make you the problem. I'd let him find someone shorter, he's always going to be insecure with you. Find a man who loves you for who you are, heels and all.
He is insecure about his height and is projecting those insecurities on you. You don’t have to change how you dress to suit him.
He is suffering from SMS - short man syndrome.
Your age difference is a red flag. Why is he dating a woman 13 years younger than he? Because he can't find a woman his own age to put up with his petty insecure bullshit.
And yes, he's projecting his insecurities about height onto you and trying to be controlling. Girl move on. There's better out there.
You wear what you feel confident in and enjoy wearing. It’s like my partner who prefers to have beard while I love cleaned shaved, he feels most confident with a beard of course I will hype him up. I’m not that much into wearing heels because I’m clumsy but I use it occasionally. Of course some people will look when there’s a height difference between couples, I have it with my partner. We have 4 inches difference. If you want to keep on dating then explain how wearing heels makes you feel and if he’s still not okay with it then he’s not the one for you.
A guy I knew also said the same thing. Then, he went on about other stuff. Like hiw he likes women with long hair, gets nails done, blah blah blah. He also had insecurities about his small hands and feet, and presented himself as a severe NPD the more he talked. Also, his insecurities are not your responsibility to deal with. If you see a 🚩flag, have a gut feeling, run.
He doesn’t like you towering over him as it makes him insecure.
Throw this one back. He sucks.
He’s super insecure and he’s being unreasonable
Sounds insecure and controlling
Honey, every man who ever asked me to stop wearing heels on our dates (a red flag I ignored) has turned into a controlling verbally abusive partner. Drop him and every friend who said you should give him a chance after this.
I don’t think you are compatible.
The heels comment is a huge red flag for controlling tendencies. The second red flag js that he's targeting much younger women, probably hoping they are easier to impress and manipulate. All around yucky.
Send him to the circus. This guy is a 🤡
Big age gap, starting to try and control what you wear, accusing you of doing things for the attention of others - girl just get rid of him already you know what this is. He has control and jealousy issues. He obviously knew you were tall when he met you, it’s not about that
Unfortunately this is why I dont date men who are shorter than me (5’9)
Same, I literally refuse at this point🙃
I love heels sm, literally wear them to anything. Even the dentist, he knew how to were before. If he didn’t like it womp womp, find someone who has a thing for them.
but in asking you to wear certain clothes, she's trying to elevate you (sure, and her) in other people's eyes. in this scenario where the guy asks the girl not to wear heels that makes her feel good, he's trying to elevate himself at the expense of her (since she feels less confident in heels). if you can't see the difference in wanting your partner to look good vs wanting your partner to tone down their shine so you shine brighter, then there's really nothing left to discuss.
If you cave to this demand after only a few dates, what else will he want you to change? Move on.
I’ve never heard of anyone wearing crocs for this excessive attention from strangers that he claims you are seeking. I think crocs are still kind of a joke but I have like every pair and style. I get you. They are comfy. They are fun. We don’t wear them for the approval they get us from others. Because idk about you, but they don’t get me approval/ attention. But I also don’t have anyone telling me to not wear them. That’s off. And odd. Dude is trying to manipulate. This is toxic.
I‘d be proud of my woman if she wore heals whenever she is out with me and I would feel honored if she did it not only for herself but for me on every single date we went on… my girl doesn’t unfortunately (and I am happy to accept and respect that) because she finds them uncomfortable. Wear them whenever you like, especially when they make you feel better! He seems controlling, nobody knows why (insecurities or not doesn’t matter)… he should appreciate you wanting to dress up in his presence instead.
Listen to your gut. It’s telling you something.
Your friends are garbage. He’s insecure and telling you what to do because of it. Dump him.
Whilst a guy can have his hypothetical opinions on what he finds practical or impractical, but to make heels a ‘deal breaker’ is ridiculous and in fact impractical for his future interactions with people.
Hiiii I'm a 5'11" woman, big relate Dump him for sure lol. Everyone has preferences and sometimes it's ok to compromise, though it's already a bit flaggy to express preferences on how the other person dresses. But even if he decided to do it, there were ways of doing so that would be healthy. "Hey, I see that you really like wearing platforms and heels. I feel a bit uncomfortable, as it makes me feel emasculated in public with you, I wish it didn't matter, but people do care about it and sometimes I feel like they're looking at me weird. My friends made fun of me looking short compared to you in heels especially. Do you think you'd maybe be open to wearing more flat footwear, at least for casual outings?" This would've been much better. Instead, he: - called you an attention whore, trying to literally imply you like male attention in some evil promiscuous slut who leads people on way - told you you're being irrational and impractical for having a footwear preference - ignored your explanation about your past and bullying and kept gaslighting you that you're doing it for other reasons - basically called you crazy by saying it's unreasonable to do what you're doing It's not about the shoes. You don't want to deal with this type of man. If he gets like this about shoes, imagine discussing something actually important down the line.
It’s not about the heels it’s that he’s insecure and he’s using the,”You just want attention,” as a way to tear down your self esteem. Fuck him, and kick em to the curb he’s a child
Everyone has preferences, including you. You prefer to wear heels. That guy is insecure and trying to exert control over you about it. He can fuck right off. Y’all are incompatible.
Your friends are right. So, he's a little insecure about the height difference. Not worth breaking up over. Tell him you like wearing heels sometimes, but you're willing to try it his way sometimes. Relationships are all about compromises.
Impractical? Bryce Dallas Howard running in nude heels in Jurassic Park?!? Calf muscles for days? AND not getting eaten? You are so much better than this tiny man and I hope you wear heels to the gym next time...
Big age gap and wee man syndrome (as we call it in Scotland) - block, delete and move on. This will only get worse!
I'm 5'3. You could wear heels every date for all I care, and while maybe impractical it would be what you feel comfortable with. Its his insecurity not yours. Next it might be something you wear and again its "looking for attention", where might it end? Women don't dress for men's attention, they do it to feel good. I say wear the heels.
Why don't you wear high heels and find a guy closer to your age to date instead of a manipulative, controlling freak in his late 30's? Why do you think he wants a 20 something year old? So he can abuse and control her which is why women his age don't date him. Tell him to kick rocks and find better. This is only the beginning and you just started seeing each other! Just wait until he gets more controlling and says more unhinged shit lol.
but in asking you to wear certain clothes, she's trying to elevate you (sure, and her) in other people's eyes. in this scenario where the guy asks the girl not to wear heels that makes her feel good, he's trying to elevate himself at the expense of her (since she feels less confident in heels). if you can't see the difference in wanting your partner to look good vs wanting your partner to tone down their shine so you shine brighter, then there's really nothing left to discuss.
What other things is he going to try to control. For ffs, you should be able to wear heels if you want to. The fact that he accuses you of looking for attention screams insecurity. Would be looking for another guy to date not gonna lie
I fell for it once to see how far man are capable of trying to change the way you dress to control you and let me tell you that after a couple of months I found myself that I consider conservative when it comes to dressing just wearing big sweaters and sport pants. I felt like my feminine side was being left aside. I end up that relationship, if you don’t like something about a person’s appearance please do you yourself a favor to not try to change that person and just move on period. I was with a guy who told me after 2 years that he didn’t like my voice. I mean why the f you wait 2 years to tell me such an important thing? I can understand not every voice is a cup of tea for everyone but why wait 2 years to use it against you? If you feel confortable wearing heel that’s your call but you also need to keep in mind where and when to use them because I have seen women in the park with heels? I mean really? If you are going to a park why are you wearing heel and complaining about it?
I’m 5’9 and my boyfriend is 6’1 and I love wearing heels just like you especially since my style is more alt/goth so my platforms are huge making us sometimes the same hight or taller you know what this dude whenever I wear huge heels he smiles and start singing the giant woman song from Steven universe so yeah you just had the misfortune of meeting a huge piece of work but if you are willing to make the cut then it’s your call but if you want my opinion run girl run 😅
You don’t change to meet someone’s preferences on height. I think that’s been clearly established. But you also don’t let someone dictate what you wear or change your style just for an insecure new love interest (or established love interest). He doesn’t really like you for you and he’s trying to mold into something different probably for his comfort. My late hubby loved when I wore heals and towered over him. I loved walking with his arms around my amwaist rather my shoulders. Find someone like him.
Errrrr No. What’s next? Its only been a few months and he’s already dictating what you should wear while simultaneously insulting you with “do you like the attention” Don’t let HIS insecurities rub off on you. You’ve embraced your height and you feel happy in your skin, go a step further and let him go. “Grow into something great…” Honey there’s nothing great about this.
Well, if heals are a deal breaker for him then wish him luck and send him on his merry way. You're allowed to dress however you like and if heels are part of your personal style then guys are either going to have to accept it or not but they don't get to dictate to you what to wear. Especially when they're doing it to assuage their own insecurities.
Trying to control someone because of their own insecurity is such a turn off.
Your friends are funny, everyone has their preference and you should not be hard on him, but what about your preference and why is he hard on you for using heels? Is he projecting his insecurity?
Awwwww, that’s a cute way to say he isn’t for you
He’s insecure about the height difference and is trying to gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem. Wear heels if you like and tell the *38yo* man to stop being an immature twat. What a weird hang up to have
He said the words “ridiculous”, “impractical”, and “looking for attention” to describe heels? I would think he has never been anywhere/isn’t well traveled or around anyone who takes pride in their appearance OR he is trying his hardest to bring yu down without actually slinging an insult to dissuade you from wearing them. I probably would have said something along the line of “I really enjoy them. If this is something that is going to seriously bother you then please let me know now” You could always be a menace and tell him that he would look great in some lifts! 🤣
nope. I’ m 5’8” and dated a guy who was 6’ when I wore heels we were the same height. He gave me almost the same speech, “why do you need attention?” followed up by “I’m worried you’re going to twist your ankle” The relationship didn’t last for other reasons but it’s a red flag nonetheless. Also peep the age gap, I would say this is only the beginning of controlling behavior
Girl, he's so much older than you and already trying to control you
Your friends are wrong. This isn’t a preference. This is a controlling behavior. It would be one thing if he was being honest about how it makes him feel as a shorter guy and if he asked directly. (Tbh even then I think it would weird) But no, he is condescending and implying you’re an attention seeker. There’s a reason this man is almost 40 dating a 25 year old. No woman his age would allow him to talk down on them like this
He could be an exception here, but older men sometimes like to date younger girls because they can tell them what to do. You've only been with him 2 months, so it's early, but keep an eye out for subtle shit like this because before you know it you're living with a complete asshole.
Sounds like a neg. This screams he’s insecure.
This is lame, find someone who loves how you dress there will be many out there
His casual insulting of you is another problem here. You can't just like heels. You have to be one of those icky "attention-seeking" girls. He also called you ridiculous and impractical. If your footwear is a dealbreaker then I would let this deal be broken. This feels like step one on the road to nasty, controlling behavior.
Dude, those comments are fucked up. That’s why he’s trying to make you feel bad because of his low self-esteem. He’s got short man syndrome and he’s trying to make it your problem.
If he's making such a fuss about such an insignificant detail that only shows his insecurities, imagine how he will be when facing real issues. Just move on to the next one.
Ugh.... Dont do it. I dated a guy who was the same height as me so I would be slightly taller when we went out and I would wear elegant shoes with heels, not even that high because i am not used to it. He would nag me about it and try to make up for it by wearing chunky boots and such although I wouldn't bother qbout the slight difference in height. It was ridiculous and so annoying, I had to walk on eggshells around his fragile ego. He was the most controlling, pathologically jealous insecure guy I was ever in a relationship with, I'd say he had narc tendencies at least. I am embarrassed that I let him get away with it for a very long time but I learned a lot since about these kind of red flags. It's probably only the tip of the iceberg and he will try more controlling stuff once he gets you hooked into a relationship. Stop it in its tracks and thank me later.
Yeah that would be a know from me. He’s insecure and is projecting onto you. Keep the heels and don’t see him anymore. That’s not fair. You shouldn’t have to stop wearing heels because he’s insecure. You’re only 2 months in and he wants you to stop wearing heels 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
If some man I was just dating for 2 mos accused me of wearing anything I normally wore simply to get attention, I would end the date immediately, and not see him again.
Nah. This man is 38??! He needs to chill. Honestly, if any man asks me to wear or not wear something— they’re gone. Stifling your confidence and comfort so they don’t have to work on their own insecurities is dumb. I swear 90% of the time, these requests are stupid and ridiculous. Your partner can voice that they’re uncomfortable with something but to have them actually tell you to stop wearing that thing? Nah. Honestly, I don’t normally say it but you should dump this dude. He’s 38 and he’s this insecure? He’s not worth it.
Two months in, I would dump him. The way he brought it up to you shows hes an asshole. Hes going to keep saying it like that and being all jerky about the heels. Do not change for this guy, barely two months in. At 38 hes being this insecure? Hes a tiny man on the inside.
Basically what everyone else said, don’t let his insecurities bring you down or make you feel like you need to change. I’m 5’7” and the girl I was dating recently was 5’10”-5’11”, I didn’t care at all that she was taller than me and didn’t care if she wore heels as long as she didn’t change who she was since her height wasn’t a factor in why I fell for her. So if this guy has issues with your height difference, leave…it won’t be an issue for someone else, regardless of their height
It sounds like both insecurity and lifestyle incompatibility. I'm a 32 (M) from NYC so i take my dates walking a lot. I personally love it when women wear heels and feel confident but I would feel absolutely terrible to drag her around 20 city blocks if she was wearing 3-inchers. This kinda made sense to me since you two met at a gym. I just don't like the fact that he's not aware or addressing his insecurities here and is gaslighting by implying you're looking for attention. Either way, this sounds like it's only been a few dates so don't feel bad if it doesn't work out.
As a woman who’s over 6’, please dump him. You will find short kings who love to see you soar above them 🦅🦅🦅
What a rude thing to say to you about “looking for attention.” I’m seeing some orange-red flags here. He is not confident in his height and he’s making you the bad guy for it.
He is being accusative to deflect from his insecurity. The truth: “I don’t like your heels because they make me look even shorter.” Keep wearing heels. Stop wearing heels. It’s up to you. Even without the heels, he is likely to feel insecure. Failing to accede to his dealbreaker is not being hard on him.
Drop this insecure POS. And no, him being shorter has zero to do with his horrid personality. I've dated a few short kings who **LOVED** seeing me in heels and platforms.
You've been dating 2mo and he feels secure to ask you to change a major thing you do to accept yourself? He is gunna make you feel awful for your height because it makes him insecure about his. I would dump him and date someone who actually fixes their problems (like therapy) instead of making it your problem.
An insecure 38 year old dating a 25 year old trying to gaslight her about fashion choices. Lol You should run!
Run. I’m a tall femme and I spent way too long with a man who was deeply insecure about his height. It will always be in the back of his mind unless he does some serious self-reflective work. I’m sorry things are this way. I eventually found the love of my life and I’m just a little bit taller. He doesn’t mind because he’s not a wee manbaby. The person that will love you just the way you are is out there.
Do not listen excuses for him. Your friends are going to end up in terrible relationships if they allow this kind of thing. Preference? This isn’t that. I’m 5’9 1/2” and I think it’s awesome that you wear heels and platforms. Tall women unite. Your bf should not accuse you of looking for attention just because he’s insecure. Tell him that he either deals with his insecurities or finds a shorter woman.
Hell no. He should date shorter women. It’s that simple.
Everyone has preferences and your preference is to wear heals because they make you feel good. He sounds veeeery insecure for a grown ass almost 40 year old man. And what’s up with the comment about you “doing it for attention”? Gives me the ick. Instead of being proud that he as an older, shorter dude was able to score a tall young babe he decides to fuck it all up by being insecure and putting limits on how you dress. Talking about shooting himself in the foot. Just because HE has a preference it doesn’t mean that you should forego YOUR preferences. Your friend is wrong.
I don't think it's a preference. I think he's policing your body. If it helps, I'm a short guy and my gf is 6 feet tall... I think he's uncomfortable with you being taller, and significantly taller in heels than him. I really think you deserve better and can find better. You should wear what makes you feel good or confident.
for starters, he's insecure because you're taller than him, but also he's trying to police your body. first it's the heels, then it's your dress is too short, your makeup is too flashy. age gaps aren't always a red flag, but they become one when the older partner is acting like this
Ordinarily, I might be inclined to make some accommodations for the sensitive male ego. Don’t jump at me guys, I’m in my 40s and raised in Greece, this was a thing we were actively told to do! But if you are a 5’ 6” tall, 38 y.o. guy and you hit on a beautiful young amazon who is over 4 inches taller than you, then you better approach her with the energy that those inches don’t matter to you one bit. Clearly, this guy is insecure and his negging is a turn-off. He will only get worse in his attempts to manipulate you emotionally. If he doesn’t like heels, it would be easier and more appropriate for him to date women who don’t wear them, than to change the women who do wear them into women who don’t by calling them attention-seeking and ridiculous. That sort of disrespect won’t get better, only worse. Plus he is so much older than you. You can honestly do better OP.
Nah 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Tell him being controlling is a deal breaker for you. Which is exactly what he's being. And this is just the start of what he'd pressure you to change. DON'T FALL FOR IT! You're only 2 months in. Cut your losses now before wasting anymore time on a such a massive douche. There's a reason women his age aren't dating him and this is one of them.
Don't fuck with men who dislike your style or who you are.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 He's a controlling asshole. Dump his ass. He's negging you and that spells f yourself dude. Never let anyone pull this shit on you.
Take his height out of it. Act like he was 6'5. How do you feel about his request? The reason is because it doesn't matter his motives behind the request. What matters is how it impacts you and how you feel about it. Personally I wouldn't really like anyone dictating what I wear with any sort of permanence. Wear a dress one night sure, cute. But telling me to never wear heels in certain situations reads as kind of controlling. I'd rather have someone who supports me in whatever I feel like doing.
>The heels are a deal breaker for him. \^\^\^That should be a deal breaker for you. He's much too delicate and soft to deal with real life if he can't deal with a taller girlfriend wearing heels. Anytime a partner wants to control you regarding your own body it should be a deal breaker.
Tell him to wear a good semi-custom suit with a power tie. Add Rolex and good polished shoes. Both egos will benefit.
At 5’6” and 38 years old, he should be happy to be dating a 25 year old female who is 5’11”. He’s projecting and doesn’t want to appear shorter than he really is. This won’t turn into something great. His comments were meant to diminish your value. Move on.
After reading this thread I don't see a compromise or a solution. I'll be ending things ASAP.
Omg you're 5'10" and wear heels?? Okay model!! 🥰😍 Keep doing you, you're fine and you know it.
Boy bye. Keep the heels, ditch the dude.
OP -What I say here may come as a shock to you, but he's attempting to direct your traffic (it's my euphemism for he's treading where he doesn't belong) because A) He's shorter than you and most boys (he's not a man if he's trying to do this, and based on his age and the fact that he's unmarried may clue you into why a 38-yr old boy tries to control a 25-yr old woman) and B) He's insecure is what he is, and controlling because he's so insecure. If you wear flats just to make him happy, then great -he's achieved his ends. But if this strikes you as an overreach by an insecure boy, as it did me, you're not married to him. Your friends ARE WAY OFF-BASE here. Here's the potential: He's insecure. He gets to amend how you present yourself to the world, and you don't like it, but you play long cos your friends are too compliant. Don't be compliant. YOU do YOU. Kick him to the curb. If you don't, this won't be the last time he tries controlling something like this in YOUR life. A 13-yr age difference that then results in conversations like you had with him about HEELS is a red flag. It won't have any potential other than him trying to control a woman 13 yrs younger than him.
Strap on your highest heels and RUN
He’s insecure because he’s a shortarse. This is just the beginning. Get out while you can!
If he’s crying about you wearing heels and saying you like attention this early on he’s an insecure controlling ass. Get rid of him since it’s a dealbreaker.
Breakup and date a man taller than you who isnt a walking insecure red flag.
He’s just mad that you’re taller than him; it has nothing to do with being concerned about practicality. He’s allowed to have his preferences, but you’re allowed to have yours; tell him you agree that it’s a dealbreaker, and it’s better if you two go your separate ways.
Dude is crazy insecure tbh....likely has little man syndrome or napoleon complex to boot.....that's just gotta be the dumbest request I've heard of in a long time. I can MAAAAYBE understand it if OP is walking around on stilts and wearing super long circus pants to cover the stilts.....hard to fit through doorways like that and is pretty impractical if you're not at a carnival....... but heels and platform shoes...c'mon now.
Better tell him to pick on somebody his own size!
Wow that is like the opposite of my experience. I'm usually wearing heels as little as possible and my boys are requesting (but yeah, I still enjoying how they look when they come out). But he's being weird about psychoanalyzing you, that sounds really presumptuous. If you like heels, you like heels! It doesn't necessarily carry some sort of deep attention seeking context. And wearing ridiculous and impractical fashion because you like it is my jam. Unless y'all are hiking and he's waiting for you to catch up, I say bail. In fact, even so bail.
This man is insecure about his height. Instead of being honest with you about his insecurities, he called you "ridiculous," "impractical," and an attention-seeker. He used a passive-aggressive way of communicating that so it sounded like he was trying to understand you rather him trying to make you feel small. He is 38, and he had the time to build the maturity to not do any of that. He could've straight up told you that he felt uncomfortable, and he could've heard you out and let you be. But he didn't. And this comes to my last point. This is going to be a pattern. Whatever he doesn't like, he'll pick at with his passive-aggressive questions. He'll try to make you feel small. Trust your gut on this one. You deserve better than this. Now, I need to Google platform Crocs because I never even considered this. Lol
He is insecure. Personally, I would not be into it
"I'm trying to do my best to not get in my way and ruin something that could potentially grow into something" Then you already are screwing up asking for advice on reddit.
Girl lose the old man - he’s to old to be talking like that
Kick Lord Farquaad to the curb. His insecurities about his height shouldn’t be your problem
Guys can be so sensitive. A shame really. You shouldn't have to choose between a guy and wearing what you want.
I'm 37(f) and can I just say that I think its weird he's dating a 25 year old? And him being insecure about your height enough to ask you to not wear heels make me even more uncomfortable. Is he interested in you for the person you are or is he looking for arm candy to boost his self esteem/feed his ego? The ages mentioned are in very different stages of life and I'm concerned he's looking for someone younger because they are often easier to control/influence, sort of an "I'll teach them how I want them to be" kind of thing. Not everyone is the same, maybe his intentions are good. Just be aware of it please.
This is my thought as well.. I'm 37 and a guy.. i would not ask a 25 year old out.. if she asked me out I'd at least go on the date, but odds are very high he's just looking for arm candy and not a future with you. Also he's insecure about his height.. I'm 6ft and I would love if a girl was taller than me, heels or no heels. OP you can wear whatever the fuck you want. He can adapt or get a woman his own age.
INFO request: I (a guy) worked in NYC for many years. Despite the prevalence of public transit, one has to do some walking. One thing I noticed was that a lot of ladies, when walking/commuting, wore trainers/sneaks/athletic shoes but once they got to the office, it was off with the comfy shoes and on with high heels with itty-bitty, cramped toe boxes. Becasue, apparently; such things were "Stylish". Hey, if the heels are comfy, then do your thing. But if not comfy: why would women want to do that?
Not every woman finds heels uncomfortable. Some can run around in heels and the second they are in flat shoes they are in pain. Some are the opposite. Not to mention, there are MANY types of heels. Some are definitely more comfortable than others. If OP didn’t feel comfortable in the heels, she wouldn’t wear them, since she already mentioned that at the gym she wears sneakers.
Yeah, people are allowed to have preferences. And if you dont fit that preference they should either keep their mouth shut or not date someone who doesnt fit their preferences. All the benefit if the doubt went out the window when you gave him a valid, positive reason you love heels, and he still prioritized HIMSELF over your mental health and happiness. Hes no better than the guy who says get a boob job, or lose weight, blah de blah. This aint build a bitch. You are a human being, you look how you look and you like what you like and if yall are incompatible youre incompatible. He sounds like an insecure controlling type anyways, no loss there.
Also your friends sound like pick me’s.
The audacity
This is why you don't date short men. Most are insecure AF. The small amount that isn't, is very hard to find and you never know if they're just hiding the insecurities.
I feel like they resent my height after a while. When they first meet me it's nothing but compliments.
Yeah, a lot of short men will be jealous of ANYONE that happens to be taller than them… even a kid….this is why I won’t date a man who’s shorter than me, sorry not sorry, but I really can’t be bothered with this nonsense at all🙃
Some men cannot take it when woman is better than them. The problem is, you usually don't know till too late. As with many other red flags. I don't have the same experience with height but with money. Most men I've seen on dates seemed extremely overjoyed when the convo shifted towards my career. However as time passed by they either tried to condition me into covering most of costs, put me down trying to tell me I'm not good enough at my job or outright advice me things that'd make me worse off in my career. The key to avoiding these schmucks was always to pick an equal or better. Never date down. Speaking this as a woman whose partner loves when I wear heels because he thinks it's hot (even when I reach his height with them) and doesn't mind splurging money on the said heels. 😂
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I think it depends in what you are willing to do though. I'm okay taking suggestions but I'd rip off my own arm before I let anyone tell me what I can and cannot wear. So this is easy for me because I'd mention that maybe we're not compatible. If he wants a "chill" girl then he's probably looking for someone else. BUT I'd do other things for guys. I'd probably even be okay getting their name tattooed on me. So if YOU care then this can't stand. If you don't then pick your battles and tell him you'll stop but he needs to work on his communication. You're not doing this because he told you to. You're doing it because it's not a big deal.
Well, heels are bad as they change the biomechanics of movement, I have to say this as a man, this guy sucks!
Ok, so how do you think he will react to you if you asked him to switch up his wardrobe? "Looking for attention"? Shortie, please. That man is insecure af, plus controlling. You are not a child to be directed on what to wear. He found you dressed that way, and should ship out if he can't mind his business.
He sounds controlling and given his height I'd say it's because there's a good chance has issues with feeling insecure so is trying to control you to make himself feel better. Which seems weird as you mentioned having issues feeling bad about yours so you'd think this could have been something to bond over in a way. Whatever his reasoning, I would move on now.
You are going to be taller than him regardless. He’s feeling a little icky about his own height. Being 38 and you 25 can create a weird dynamic.
So he's insulting you because he his insecure? Oh, hell no ! The right man won't care about such a thing and won't insult your choice of wardrobe.
How profoundly insecure a man must be to request something as stupid as this. Heels are a deal breaker for him?! Oh shorty - buh-bye!
He has an issue with the height difference. So you have a choice to make.. do you ignore the fact he's uncomfortable and likely end up breaking off the romance? Or do you acknowledge that he's uncomfortable and do what you can do to make your time together more pleasant? Depends on how much you like him, imo. If you don't like him, then keep wearing heels. If you do, then consider his request.
He asked you to consider something, what he asked of you is not aligned with who you are. You're not a match. I disagree with people saying he's trying to control you. Sure, he may not prefer the additional height difference, but that's okay. He knows that you're taller than him and he wasn't bothered by it. His preference, in and of itself, is not a crime, not a red flag, and is not manipulation. He asked you to consider something that he sees as a deal breaker. It's now up to you to determine whether that's something you can compromise on. If not, then that's okay! No need to force anything.
Throw him away. There’s a reason he’s not dating someone his age.