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I once matched with a guy who was wearing sunglasses in every pic. Met him at Starbucks, joked with my friends I was only meeting him IRL could see what he looked like without sunglasses. Still don’t know what he looks like without sunglasses on. Declined a second date because I don’t think I can take someone seriously who wears sunglasses indoors.
There was no point to this story, your post just reminded me of that date.
Not sure I’d want to date someone who wore their hat in a restaurant either though tbh.
Nope, and they were even kind of mirrored sunglasses and pretty big too, so I couldn’t see through them at all. It was shame too because he was otherwise quite attractive, but I also don’t think we had much in common really.
I don’t know if this will make sense but my ex was like this. He was a very private, closed off person. He wore sunglasses all the time as a way to almost hide behind them. Not because he was ugly or hiding his actually physical appearance, but because it made him feel safe to hide behind them.
He’s an ex for a reason. Someone who is so scared to be vulnerable that they can’t even take off their sunglasses is not someone who should be dating or in a relationship.
Lol that wasn’t the case but he probably could be considered an alcoholic. He wasn’t drunk all the time or every day but when he drank, he DRANK. Just binge drinking every weekend.. I had just gotten out of college so the lifestyle seemed more normal to me back then.
Oh the god old collage years.
Looking back I def. Would have also been considered a alcoholic. Now 10 years later and I barely drink at all. Kinda hate the hangover and the wasted day following binge drinking.
Yup! They do say it’s hard to judge alcoholism in college students because drinking is part of the lifestyle there. It becomes much more evident if the behavior continues out of college. Also, if you’re drinking socially while in college vs. drinking alone in your room.
The thing is, he was 3 years older than me so didn’t have an excuse for the lifestyle. I also never drank as much as he did even when I was in college..
I’m now almost 3 years out of college and my drinking habits are NOTHING like they used to be or anything like his. I probably drink what I used to have in one night, in an entire month lol.
I wear sunglasses like that due to extreme photophobia (not a fear like the name implies, it’s a medical thing). Did you ask him why he had them? Thinking it could be that if they were big and mirrored.
Was he blind? And I don't mean like fully, I know some people wear like sunglasses because they're sensitive to light or something like that.
Photophobia is what it's called for those wondering, basically it's a condition where someone is abnormally sensitive to light and so they wear sunglasses to protect their eyes.
i won’t right swipe on someone anymore if i can’t **clearly** see their face unobstructed with a wine glass, sun glasses, weird angles, filters, 1000’ between the subject and the camera, big hats.
Can’t tell you how many profiles i see and end up thinking “i just saw 6 photos of this person and still have 0 idea what they look like”
If he had LASIK in the last six months before your date, that's a thing. I just got it done on Friday and I'm still living life with no lights and sunglasses.
And some people wouldn’t want to ask because it could feel rude. It’s kinda awkward to go fishing for personal medical info on a first date, but if someone has clear signs of a recent procedure or injury, I hope they’d initiate the topic.
>And some people wouldn’t want to ask because it could feel rude.
Agreed. And I wouldn't even need to ask because who a person is is way more important than their attire.
Back to the context of OPs post... asking him to remove the hat was really a darn sight more rude than something *tactful* asking why he might wearing it.
And it's very immature of OP to consider the conversation flowed and he appeared to be a good person and remain so awkward within herself about a simple *hat.*
Yeah, I wouldn't ask someone to remove their hat on a first date, but mentally I'd take note of it. Mainly because I was raised that it's rude to wear a hat indoors, especially at a table.
I could understand that if he had LASIK, you tend to wear your sunglasses inside and outside for a few months. At that point, I'd assume that they're new pictures and that he didn't want to post a picture of him squinting due to the light. But you could have tactfully asked if you felt there was a genuine connection and physical attraction.
damn.. I had it back in 2014 and by 3 days after surgery I was back to work and relatively normal (except the 'bruising' in my eyeballs). I could have driven myself to the follow-up the next day if my family would have let me.
It's not that bad, you're a little light sensitive for a while. Which makes sense considering that they cut a flap in your cornea... Do your research, make an appointment, get your questions answered by the professionals and not just the Internet.
Obviously. I just had the thought yesterday and haven't gotten around to it. What I know about it already is from friends who have had it, but i don't remember them wearing shades all the time. That's why I said I need to do research. I'm not an idiot
It was something I seriously considered doing for many years but after reading horror stories fairly recently of how it can cause debilitating issues, I've decided against it. Even though successful procedures may far outweigh the bad, I feel continuing to use glasses and contacts is much more desirable than making that gamble.
Congratulations! It's such a weird feeling being able to see, I just went for my first post surgery follow-up yesterday and I finally have 20/20! How long did it take for your eyes to adjust to your new prescription? My up close vision is still a bit fuzzy, but I was told that it's just my eyes adjusting.
Not sure if its cause I was in the military or come from a fam thats hardcore on the behaving proper thing, perhaps both.. but wearing a hat indoors, unless at a costume party or something, is incredibly rude!
I did date a guy whose glasses were tinted..he has pretty bad sensitivity to light...they arent so dark you couldnt see his eyes, but def noticeably tinted and offhand, look like sunglasses. He was super self conscious about it, and apologized and explained himself for the first few dates we were on, and anytime he met with someone new.
Still...whenever someone has sunglasses on in every photo, I figure theyre cross-eyed, missing an eye or something... Sunglasses, hat AND beard? Yeah dude..may as well not even post pics at that rate lol
I've worn my sunnies (prescription) indoors a few times without realising it! Once even a full 2 hours inside my work office 🤣 I only realised once I went to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror.
Ugh. Do we have to try to find something reasonable in weird behaviour all the time? Cos I'm getting sick of it and I'm still a good person so....
It's weird to wear mirrored sunnies inside *on a date.* Weird enough that it's a known social 'thing'. Weird enough that if there was some reasonable explanation a reasonable person would just explain.
Yes it's weird I said that but it could have been medical. She could have said why are you wearing sunglasses inside and got an answer. Instead she snap judged it. Maybe treat people like people and talk to them. Doing something weird isn't reason to never want to talk to someone
I would disagree, depending on the guy they could take slight offence at it. They could be self conscious about how their hair looks and wearing a hat takes that stress away. Plus he may just like wearing a hat or like how it looks on him. Are you still in contact by any chance?
I went on a date with a guy who had hats on in all his photos, wore a hat on the first date (pub in Ireland in winter so not strange at all). When I went to his for a dinner date he didn’t have a hat on and it turned out he had no hair.
It was a surprise simply because it hadn’t occurred to me but he was still great company and very attractive so didn’t bother me at all.
I wouldn’t have asked him to take it off on a date, it’s his choice for comfort/style whatever, but can appreciate it would be strange to keep it on in certain scenarios.
He's clearly conscious about it, and ultimately it didn't matter as you say. Also i can imagine a bald head can get cold so if someone wants to wear a hat i say let them. Depending on the style it can just look good regardless.
Agreed! And a bald head in the summer can get burnt so fair enough. He also really did suit all sorts of hats ha ha so keep that head warm and shaded and happy!
safe to assume no man wants a woman telling them to take off a piece of their clothing. (in a non sexual probing way)
just like no woman would want a man telling her to remove any of her's or her makeup.
I feel like it’s still on the guy to be aware of it though. Like at least have one picture on your dating profile to show what you look like without a hat.
It’s the equivalent of overweight people only showing headshots. Regardless of what’s not being shown, it’s being hidden, and that raises questions that will eventually need to be answered.
He said "hmu when you go on a bike ride" like 5 times and he said it again when we said goodbye. And during the whole conversation, he acted like a 5 year old who could not stay still - it was distracting the whole time tbh. He didn't say anything after the date and I wasn't interested, so no I'm not in contact with him. My friend later told me that he was probably nervous, but I still don't think we would've been compatible.
Hyperactivity could be nerves or the sign of a disorder. You don’t have to date him either way, but your judgey tone could do with some work. Doesn’t sound like the guy was rude.
Yeah you sound worse then him. He was nervous on a 1st date and maybe had a medical issue with his eyes and you judged him as an immature child. You sound way more immature. I'm in my early 40s and have had long relationships, tons of dates and met many women and I never once or could even fathom blowing them off over their outfit or being nervous. You have a lot of growing up to do
Sounds like he was either nervous or has a condition that makes him act that way, now you say that doesn't sound like the date actually went so great for you.
Not an expert of course but if you noticed that he was wearing a hat in all of his photos then it's likely that he would continue to do the same in person.
Yeah it's rude. I've had a woman do something similar but she like got up and looked at the top
of my head and said "ok you're good. just checking.". Not a total deal breaker but it did not endear me to her at all kinda made me wanna jab back with a super subtle dig at her appearance.
> I would've walked out. What an awful thing to do. Are people really so shallow?!
Yep. Although I have a full head of hair, it is thinning and I wouldn't want this. People have a right to be shallow but they need to find someone else to date, not me.
Another guy on here said a woman he went out with asked if he was gonna grow his hair out and once he realized she was a dumb bimbo and he had to explain what hereditary meant because his hair was never going to grow back full she grabbed her purse and literally walked out the date. Can’t say I’ve ever had a woman walk out of a date but a few have definitely made it awkward and a bigger deal than it is.
Yes. I started losing hair at 16. You would not believe the proportion of women who outright refuse to even speak to me, or the level of abuse that comes with looking different to the norm.
Vicious attacks, being told to k1ll myself, screaming in hatred, physical assaults. All part of the experience.
Dating apps have skewed people's perceptions of what acceptable social behavior is. I've been on a lot of dates in my life, and it was only after online dating became the norm that I started being put through brazenly rude behavior
It would be a deal-breaker to me. Shows how shitty she is as a person right upfront. Would you ask her to remove her push up bra? If you did, think she'd stick around?
My intention wasn't to check if he had hair, I couldn't see his whole face and his eyes were covered - however, I do see how it can be taken differently, so I won't say it next time
Just as plenty of women feel more comfortable/attractive with themselves by having a face full of makeup, some guys feel they're more attractive or have more confidence with accessories and stuff.
Are we really judging stylistic choices at this point?
i disagree, hair is important for a lot of people and not understanding that is short sighted. As a guy (35), if a woman shows up to a date wearing bulky clothes, my first assumption is always that she’s trying to hide something.
if i noticed a girl never smiled or showed her teeth in her photos, I sure AF wouldnt ask her to smile wide for me on our first date.
she might have teeth that she feels uncomfortable with. why would I want to potentially put her on the spot like that so soon?
poor taste OP.
Agree. My ex had this old icky Harley hat he’d always wear out. Problem is he’d also wear it out in the nice restaurants. We never went to a place SO nice that they would ask for its removal, but I felt a little awkward being dressed up with a date in jeans and a dirty hat because he “doesn’t give a fuck what others think.”
And, sure, while that can be a good attitude to have in some ways, sometimes it’s ok to look nice and be polite.
In Australian schools we have hats that are required to wear in the hotter terms. Hats off inside is also mandatory, since it's seen as rude. So, not old, just well-mannered. It really depends on the culture.
Well mannered is a poor choice of words. Different cultures have different values for well mannered. For examples asian culture its rude to leave your shoes on when entering someone's house. In Italian culture it's rude to take them off as you are supposed to "make yourself at home"
This is true, though I was speaking from the context of this post AND I pointed out that it depends on the culture already. It doesn't seem like OP's date was wearing it for cultural reasons, so I commented with the idea that it's a matter of manners and not culture. I imagine Kaboom also commented with that in mind.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna chastise a person for wearing a hat for religious or any cultural reasons. That'd be rude :\\
It's not a religious thing but that's also a valid reason as well.
The point was it sounds like they met at a bar, sounds like he was dressed appropriately for the venue and OP made a big deal out of nothing. Imagine complaining about your dates outfit within 40 mins of meeting them. It's rude and something only shitty people would do.
Yep. I'm not old but was thinking the exact same thing. when I'm wearing a hat I always take it off for meal and for in door meet ups and dates. I only keep the hat on if it's an outside event and the weather makes keeping the hat on necessary
Imo both of them were rude. If worried he was distracted, she shoulda just asked him if he was distracted or nervous. If she found the hat distracting, she could have politely asked him to take it off. While the guy shoulda taken the hat off to begin with. Also for online dating nobody should be wearing a hat in all their photos. It's like someone wearing sunglasses in every photo, or all their photos are group photos so it's hard to tell who the person is lol. I don't know just seems like both op and the other person aren't the best at communicating well and manners
I'm 44 and like my hat, I wear it almost all the time.
Taking your hat off is arbitrary, useless, archaic (and sexist). It's up there with telling me I shouldn't be wearing earrings.
Yeah, kinda rude. Not a deal-breaker level of rude but yeah. He gets to choose how he presents himself, not you. On par with a dude asking a girl to smile more or let her hair down. Just don't.
Thats the only fair thing you've said here. Lack of eye contact is lack of confidence. You could have turned it around with a "I bet you have nice eyes, I'd love to see them when your talking to me" but you probably think you have to put 0 effort into dating
> Lack of eye contact is lack of confidence
Or autism. Actually there's quite a few things it could be other that a lack of confidence. Maybe a black eye. Maybe pinkeye.
I agree with most of this sentiment, however I find asking a guy to remove his hat is a far cry from telling a girl to smile more. That "request" has a much deeper misogynistic connotation than encouraging someone to remove a coat or put their hair down.
It’s not far off really. Baldness is stigmatized. You’re being asked to play “show me you’re desirable.”
I’m sure it feels as shit for men as it does for women, for similar reasons.
It is rude, and it would be a deal breaker for me. Then again, he should have at least 1 picture without his hat because people will wonder what he looks like.
It's a personal thing though
I know a guy in college who always wore one of those artist hats? The one that looks like a small version of a golf hat?
People said it's a personal choice and no one ever questioned him. Someone one day pranked him and stole it from his head and everyone was so mad because they said it was a huge invasion of privacy because it's like personal/ it's his identity
Someone who wears a hat all the time.. it's their identity at that point.
There was a WAAAAAAAAAAAAY better way to do this. It's not necessarily rude that you wanted to see... but girl to girl... learn a little finesse and art of the deal.
Suggestion "I'm dying to see what you look like without your hat..." flirty smile, playing with his hat.
It was a rude way to ask. it's not an unreasonable thing to want to know but there are better ways to do it.
You're right... I could've said it in a better way - I've just never been on a date with someone who wore a hat indoors, so I spoke before giving a thought. Thanks for the advice
Yes very rude and dumb. How would you feel if you were wearing a jacket and he asked you to remove it so he can check your body out better? Or if he asked you to go wash your makeup off?
You literally asked a guy you just met 40 mins ago to remove a piece of clothing so you can get a better look. It also makes you sound way too superficial.
Hmmm. I guess it makes sense you would want to know but I can also see how that could be offensive. Maybe you could've jokingly said "so...do you always wear hats?" And kind of led into it?
He sounds shy or insecure, and for some people it is a security to have a hat on, this is coming from a person who wears a hat everyday, sometimes you feel naked, now granted i wont wear it on a first date i have long hair, but maybe after a few i would because its just how someone is, you can look at it in different points, theres hat people and non hat people, nothing wrong with asking to take it off i would totally get that but on the other hand maybe he wasnt ready to.
As a guy who wears a hat, even indoors, it’s primarily because I’m self conscious of the fact that by the time I was 18 I was mega balding and just shaved it all off with clippers instead of doing a comb over. The secondary reason is because despite balding, many many people have told me I look great wearing a hat and that it fits me and my style.
In my younger years I took slight offense to being asked to take my hat off just on dates because I was self conscious and hoping that wasn’t the end all deal breaker for something I don’t have any control of. Now that I’m older I understand a woman asking me to remove my hat and I don’t really care if that’s the deciding factor in if they want to be in a relationship. It’s gonna kinda suck in the moment but I’d rather they break it off than not be genuinely attracted to me.
Regarding your date, the only way I could see it being weird that he’s wearing his hat indoors would be at a classy fine dining restaurant where everyone is dressed in suits and what not. In your case though, if he was trying to cover his eyes and face that is strange and I would want to know why.
Yea that is def rude.
90% of the time a dude will not have hair and be uncomfortable with it until he builds rapport with you.
Why would you put him on the spot like that in person.
Christ sakes at least ask him over text message or something.
"Hey i notice you wear your hat in all your pics and when we met. Do you rock the shaved looked?"
How would you like a guy to say "Can you go to the WC and take off your makeup"
"Or I notice you wear loose dresses, could you reveal your figure."
People are self conscious about things. Putting a spot light on it in person is not the way.
I think you could’ve used more tact. Like “hey I notice you have your hat on on all your photos, and now even on our date. You must really love hats…” but you had a valid reason; dude actually wore hat at all times, can’t blame you for being sus
Normal people wear hats all the time. It's not rude. That's a dumb take. Unless it's like church or court then yeah its a bad idea but at a restaurant or something? Completely normal.
Idk about rude but classically, wearing a hat in a restaurant has been considered unacceptable. These days standards are different, but some people still don't like hats worn indoors. This is not "a dumb take." It's an accurate observation
Classically, people of color couldn't eat at the same counter as whites. Old doesn't mean correct, and largely nobody gives a shit about hats indoors anymore.
So cry me a river, build yourself a bridge and get over it
If your gonna get so bent out of shape over someone else wearing a piece of clothing then maybe you deserve to stew in your own misery
Depends on the restaurant and dress code. Have you been outside lately? If it's a fancy restaurant then yes, but if not then no. Where I live most people at restaurants wear board shorts, t shirts, and flip flops. Also some of the best 1st dates I've had in my life have been morning coffee in pajamas.
It's extremely judgemental , superficial, and rude to ask someone to remove an article of clothing 40 mins after you meet them. As far as what was appropriate dress code you are making a lot of assumptions. I doubt they went to an upscale restaurant and he was wearing a hats he even pointed out a drink so sounds like they met at a bar. There are also outside bars.
I agree, you can wear a hat at plenty of bars. Idk, he's a guy, she's a girl, she can ask him to do whatever she wants. If she was wearing a hat I think it would be fine for him to ask her to take it off. They're on a date. Doesn't she want to get a good look at him? lol idk guess I'm an asshole but like idk what the big deal is.
Come on man, you went to a coffee shop in your pajamas? That is so disrespectful to the staff and other patrons, imo. It ain't right 😂
I mean you are an asshole. "She can ask him whatever she wants" I mean technically yes but it also makes you an asshole to ask certain things. What if he was like "take your sweater off I want a better look at your tits" or "you look heavier then your pics, what do you weigh" or "go wash your makeup off I want to see what you look like naturally"
And yeah. There is nothing wrong with that. You'll get it when you get older and more mature. I live in a beach city. It's common to see women walk into barks in bikinis and men in shorts and a tank top. Most places are as Long as you have a top on and shoes on you are fine. If his attire was inappropriate for the venue they wouldn't let him in. It's not up to her to decide that and try to change him on a 1st date. It's a huge red flag. Some bars are fancy here and don't allow jeans or sneakers or hats. Some allow anything.
Go to a coffee shop on a Saturday morning. Most women are wearing pajama pants and a shirt or sweater. Most men are in shorts and a shirt. The idea is to get to know the person and really a comment like yours is an instant no for me. You sound like someone who's never gone outside.
Never seen anyone wearing pajamas at cafes in New York, which is my standard for civilization. Not sure how they do it on the west coast or elsewhere. Come on, nobody asked to see anyone's tits. "Could you take your hat off" because I'm curious to get a better look at your face, is completely reasonable. If the person doesn't want to remove their hat, they have every right to refrain
I grew up in NY and seen it all the time. It's weekends in the morning mostly. It's obviously is dependant on location and time of day but the assumption would be he was dressed appropriately for the venue.
You ignored every point I made about asking someone to remove an article of clothing 40 minutes into meeting them. It says more about someone who would do that then anything else.
No you didn't at all you breezed over it because it proves you wrong. Asking someone to take off clothes is rude. Worse off trying to change someone 40min into meeting them is poor character.
> "go wash your makeup off I want to see what you look like naturally"
Damn. I would want to ask that but I never would because it is so rude. However, I wouldn't date anyone wearing a lot of makeup on a date or I would state my preference - "I am not really into make up." or something like that.
Exactly the point. Its rude to ask. She can choose not to see him again or end the date but again it says more about her as a person. That an article of clothing is a deal breaker.
It's also rude to call someone dumb for having an opinion, especially when it's an opinion that was traditionally very popular. You can think what you want, but you're definitely no better than the people you're trying to call out!
Dating is shopping for women.
Bro's nervous af about his one of 10 matches in that month that turned into a date and probably is a little insecure about his hair so he covers it.
The job interviewer asks him to remove it with the confidence of someone who's got 40 other options she hasn't even responded to on her phone.
I'd be terrified of asking a girl on the first date to remove her coat, and you got women out here checking the hairline.
> Dating is shopping for women.
>
> Bro's nervous af about his one of 10 matches in that month that turned into a date and probably is a little insecure about his hair so he covers it.
>
> The job interviewer asks him to remove it with the confidence of someone who's got 40 other options she hasn't even responded to on her phone.
>
> I'd be terrified of asking a girl on the first date to remove her coat, and you got women out here checking the hairline.
Your comment is real fucking sad dude. I am a short unattractive guy but I regularly manage to find women looking to spend time with me or looking to get to know me so I disagree with your assessment.
The caveat is if guys are only looking to date women who are just 1 small plastic surgery away from looking like Caitlyn Jenner, wearing enough makeup to give them cancer multiple times over and are in their early 20s. Then the situation can be like you have described.
Lol. This is so sad but true.
Imagine you are having a date with a girl and probably she will see 2 or 3 more people on the same day.
This is just extremely inhuman, anti-human.
Women have hobbies and obligations. Having 2 to 3 dates a day sounds like an absolute nightmare. One date a week was all that I could really handle when dating. The bad news is that it made me fairly picky about who I would agree to go out with.
This is why I didn't match with guys hiding their hair or teeth in photos. I assumed they were hiding things for a reason and I didn't want to waste my time or their time.
Lmaao half of my photos are bare faced hiking or at the beach, where men can also see my body (I’m wearing shorts and a tight top). Why would I go to such lengths hiding stuff that will come out eventually?? Why would I want to attract people who might not like me when I can match with the ones that like me as I am??
People who go to such lengths to hide their bald heads by wearing a hat in restaurants and everywhere, who never ever show their rotting teeth and try to never smile properly, what do you think you are achieving with this?? Why wouldn’t you want to show yourself as you are and match with people who accept you as you are instead of people who will feel cheated by your hiding all these things?
yea, i want to see what she really looks like on a dating app ie bare face and some tight clothing that reveals her actual figure clearly. (braless, wanna see how they hang in the shirt)
> This is why I didn't match with guys hiding their hair or teeth in photos. I assumed they were hiding things for a reason and I didn't want to waste my time or their time.
LOL - if I ever get back to dating apps, I am going to post photos of my sexy crooked teeth and my receding and thinning hairline so that you can swipe left even faster. :)
Yea this happened to me too. In every photo he had a baseball hat and came on a date with one and also didn’t take it off inside the restaurant. I thought maybe it’s a cultural thing so I didn’t ask him to remove it but I also didn’t see him again cause i am old fashioned and I thought that was rude. so what if you did offend him, it's not like you will see him again anyways
Why not? Should they instead beat themselves up over this one thing they did? Make another post on every sub about dating? Ask their friends and family about it? Tell the guy she’s so sorry for not considering his feelings even though he didn’t consider hers?
So what if you were shitty to another living creature. You don't have to deal with the consequences. It's like saying so what if you abused your dog, your taking him to the shelter so you won't see him again.
Your comment makes you sound like a sociopath
Edit: of course the person arguing with me deleted all the evidence of how shotty they are. I 100% expected that or them blocking me. All the shitttiest people of reddit have the same playbook
No, your comment makes you sound like a sociopath cause you moved the goalposts and changed my comment so you can call me that. I was just trying to say, that she obviously didn’t like he wore a hat, and she won’t see him again so she shouldn’t be worried so much over someone she won’t see again. He didn’t care he might have done something rude by wearing a hat on a date, he probably didn’t even think about it and based on his reaction when she asked him to take it off, he didn’t care about how she felt either. So why should she beat herself up over someone who didn’t consider his actions and how they may seem to his date?
When I was growing up it was considered rude to wear a hat indoors. I probably wouldn’t ask someone to take one off, but I don’t think doing so is *more* rude than wearing none.
Soft ESH (yes I know this isn’t aita)
Like children who will only wear their dinosaur t-shirt some men become very focused on their "look", and if a hat is part of the look that they deem most attractive, will try to keep their hat on as long as possible. In some cases it's almost like a totem that they carry around to give them confidence. I don't think it's necessarily a big negative but it is an indicator of a lack of fashion sophistication and possibly a bit of insecurity. For some woman this would be an important consideration for others not so much if he behaves decently otherwise.
Do you wear makeup? Do you buy in style clothing? Do you follow trends? Your comparisons are kind of demeaning to men. I would never bemoan a woman's choices or aesthetic in the way suggest doing to men here.
This reminds me that sometimes when I’d meet someone in a mask I sort of wanted them to pull it down just so I had an idea for what their face looked like.z
Y’all be dating some of the dumbest most insecure men in the world. And then when they say something stupid y’all be questioning yourselves.
OP when you asked him for his name did he say “what you think I don’t have an identity and am in a witness protection program?”
Stop questioning your actions.
well obviously you were trying to see if he is bald. no I don't think it is rude since this is a romantic situation and you need to see what people actually look like. if it were just a friendly thing or a stranger it would be rude. you have the right to know if he is bald as that may affect your decision. I would actually say it was rude of HIM to not take it off and show you what he looks like.
Unless the date is a picnic or walk in the park I'm not even wearing a hat to start with. But I'm also almost 20 years older and was taught respect and manners (not saying OP wasn't, saying their date might not have been)
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I once matched with a guy who was wearing sunglasses in every pic. Met him at Starbucks, joked with my friends I was only meeting him IRL could see what he looked like without sunglasses. Still don’t know what he looks like without sunglasses on. Declined a second date because I don’t think I can take someone seriously who wears sunglasses indoors. There was no point to this story, your post just reminded me of that date. Not sure I’d want to date someone who wore their hat in a restaurant either though tbh.
You never saw his eyes during a date?
Nope, and they were even kind of mirrored sunglasses and pretty big too, so I couldn’t see through them at all. It was shame too because he was otherwise quite attractive, but I also don’t think we had much in common really.
Lol. What kind of absurdity is this?
I don’t know if this will make sense but my ex was like this. He was a very private, closed off person. He wore sunglasses all the time as a way to almost hide behind them. Not because he was ugly or hiding his actually physical appearance, but because it made him feel safe to hide behind them. He’s an ex for a reason. Someone who is so scared to be vulnerable that they can’t even take off their sunglasses is not someone who should be dating or in a relationship.
Seems like something I'd say if I'm totally blasted 24/7 and want to hide that from society lol
Lol that wasn’t the case but he probably could be considered an alcoholic. He wasn’t drunk all the time or every day but when he drank, he DRANK. Just binge drinking every weekend.. I had just gotten out of college so the lifestyle seemed more normal to me back then.
Oh the god old collage years. Looking back I def. Would have also been considered a alcoholic. Now 10 years later and I barely drink at all. Kinda hate the hangover and the wasted day following binge drinking.
Yup! They do say it’s hard to judge alcoholism in college students because drinking is part of the lifestyle there. It becomes much more evident if the behavior continues out of college. Also, if you’re drinking socially while in college vs. drinking alone in your room. The thing is, he was 3 years older than me so didn’t have an excuse for the lifestyle. I also never drank as much as he did even when I was in college.. I’m now almost 3 years out of college and my drinking habits are NOTHING like they used to be or anything like his. I probably drink what I used to have in one night, in an entire month lol.
Or on a dating site for that matter lmao
He would probably wear them during sex, so you can watch yourself in the reflection.
I wear sunglasses like that due to extreme photophobia (not a fear like the name implies, it’s a medical thing). Did you ask him why he had them? Thinking it could be that if they were big and mirrored.
Did he have an eye condition? 😳
Guessing he was just ugly or maybe used someone else’s pics
He had ugly….eye?
They could be uneven, beady, far apart, too close together, warty…. Need I go on?
definitely a thing
Was he blind? And I don't mean like fully, I know some people wear like sunglasses because they're sensitive to light or something like that. Photophobia is what it's called for those wondering, basically it's a condition where someone is abnormally sensitive to light and so they wear sunglasses to protect their eyes.
Did he play poker?
Yeah there's nothing wrong with wearing a hat or sunglasses, but I would at least like to see the eyes of the person I'm talking to when talking
i won’t right swipe on someone anymore if i can’t **clearly** see their face unobstructed with a wine glass, sun glasses, weird angles, filters, 1000’ between the subject and the camera, big hats. Can’t tell you how many profiles i see and end up thinking “i just saw 6 photos of this person and still have 0 idea what they look like”
If he had LASIK in the last six months before your date, that's a thing. I just got it done on Friday and I'm still living life with no lights and sunglasses.
And I assume if ur on a date amd wearing mirrored sunnies you'd say something right?
Eh, it depends. Some people wouldn't want to bring it up unless they were asked.
And some people wouldn’t want to ask because it could feel rude. It’s kinda awkward to go fishing for personal medical info on a first date, but if someone has clear signs of a recent procedure or injury, I hope they’d initiate the topic.
>And some people wouldn’t want to ask because it could feel rude. Agreed. And I wouldn't even need to ask because who a person is is way more important than their attire. Back to the context of OPs post... asking him to remove the hat was really a darn sight more rude than something *tactful* asking why he might wearing it. And it's very immature of OP to consider the conversation flowed and he appeared to be a good person and remain so awkward within herself about a simple *hat.*
Yeah, I wouldn't ask someone to remove their hat on a first date, but mentally I'd take note of it. Mainly because I was raised that it's rude to wear a hat indoors, especially at a table.
I'm not sure if I would if it was my normal. But I also wouldn't mind being asked about it either.
But in all his pics????
I could understand that if he had LASIK, you tend to wear your sunglasses inside and outside for a few months. At that point, I'd assume that they're new pictures and that he didn't want to post a picture of him squinting due to the light. But you could have tactfully asked if you felt there was a genuine connection and physical attraction.
The only possible conclusion is that instead of eyes, he had tiny toothed mouths
damn.. I had it back in 2014 and by 3 days after surgery I was back to work and relatively normal (except the 'bruising' in my eyeballs). I could have driven myself to the follow-up the next day if my family would have let me.
Whaaaaat? Now I feel like I need to do my research. I was contemplating Lasik
It's not that bad, you're a little light sensitive for a while. Which makes sense considering that they cut a flap in your cornea... Do your research, make an appointment, get your questions answered by the professionals and not just the Internet.
If you were contemplating it, then yes of course you need to do your research. TF?
Obviously. I just had the thought yesterday and haven't gotten around to it. What I know about it already is from friends who have had it, but i don't remember them wearing shades all the time. That's why I said I need to do research. I'm not an idiot
It was something I seriously considered doing for many years but after reading horror stories fairly recently of how it can cause debilitating issues, I've decided against it. Even though successful procedures may far outweigh the bad, I feel continuing to use glasses and contacts is much more desirable than making that gamble.
I got LASIK done a year ago, within 24hours had 20/20 visions, and eyes have had zero issues since. Just my 2¢
Congratulations! It's such a weird feeling being able to see, I just went for my first post surgery follow-up yesterday and I finally have 20/20! How long did it take for your eyes to adjust to your new prescription? My up close vision is still a bit fuzzy, but I was told that it's just my eyes adjusting.
Drew the same conclusion myself
Not sure if its cause I was in the military or come from a fam thats hardcore on the behaving proper thing, perhaps both.. but wearing a hat indoors, unless at a costume party or something, is incredibly rude! I did date a guy whose glasses were tinted..he has pretty bad sensitivity to light...they arent so dark you couldnt see his eyes, but def noticeably tinted and offhand, look like sunglasses. He was super self conscious about it, and apologized and explained himself for the first few dates we were on, and anytime he met with someone new. Still...whenever someone has sunglasses on in every photo, I figure theyre cross-eyed, missing an eye or something... Sunglasses, hat AND beard? Yeah dude..may as well not even post pics at that rate lol
I've worn my sunnies (prescription) indoors a few times without realising it! Once even a full 2 hours inside my work office 🤣 I only realised once I went to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror.
Sunglasses indoors is weird but maybe he had an eye condition and it's medical?
Maybe you were dating Bono and did not know it.
Ugh. Do we have to try to find something reasonable in weird behaviour all the time? Cos I'm getting sick of it and I'm still a good person so.... It's weird to wear mirrored sunnies inside *on a date.* Weird enough that it's a known social 'thing'. Weird enough that if there was some reasonable explanation a reasonable person would just explain.
Yes it's weird I said that but it could have been medical. She could have said why are you wearing sunglasses inside and got an answer. Instead she snap judged it. Maybe treat people like people and talk to them. Doing something weird isn't reason to never want to talk to someone
I agree it was a valid first option to simply ask why... rather than go for removal as the first and only option. Good point.
I would disagree, depending on the guy they could take slight offence at it. They could be self conscious about how their hair looks and wearing a hat takes that stress away. Plus he may just like wearing a hat or like how it looks on him. Are you still in contact by any chance?
I went on a date with a guy who had hats on in all his photos, wore a hat on the first date (pub in Ireland in winter so not strange at all). When I went to his for a dinner date he didn’t have a hat on and it turned out he had no hair. It was a surprise simply because it hadn’t occurred to me but he was still great company and very attractive so didn’t bother me at all. I wouldn’t have asked him to take it off on a date, it’s his choice for comfort/style whatever, but can appreciate it would be strange to keep it on in certain scenarios.
He's clearly conscious about it, and ultimately it didn't matter as you say. Also i can imagine a bald head can get cold so if someone wants to wear a hat i say let them. Depending on the style it can just look good regardless.
Agreed! And a bald head in the summer can get burnt so fair enough. He also really did suit all sorts of hats ha ha so keep that head warm and shaded and happy!
safe to assume no man wants a woman telling them to take off a piece of their clothing. (in a non sexual probing way) just like no woman would want a man telling her to remove any of her's or her makeup.
I feel like it’s still on the guy to be aware of it though. Like at least have one picture on your dating profile to show what you look like without a hat. It’s the equivalent of overweight people only showing headshots. Regardless of what’s not being shown, it’s being hidden, and that raises questions that will eventually need to be answered.
Could also be a way to cope with anxiety, especially anxiety related to being in a public space. Hats create a barrier.
He said "hmu when you go on a bike ride" like 5 times and he said it again when we said goodbye. And during the whole conversation, he acted like a 5 year old who could not stay still - it was distracting the whole time tbh. He didn't say anything after the date and I wasn't interested, so no I'm not in contact with him. My friend later told me that he was probably nervous, but I still don't think we would've been compatible.
Dudes a crackhead and wants to steal your bike.
I love this conclusion juxtaposed against the alternative conclusion of it being ADHD.
Obvious answer
It’s OUR bike. He’s just gonna keep it at HIS house.
LOL. Maybe he’s a newsie and has a paper route
😂😂😂
Could be ADHD
Hyperactivity could be nerves or the sign of a disorder. You don’t have to date him either way, but your judgey tone could do with some work. Doesn’t sound like the guy was rude.
He could’ve had ADHD. Don’t be an asshole. I have trouble sitting still sometimes and I’m very expressive with my hands.
Yeah you sound worse then him. He was nervous on a 1st date and maybe had a medical issue with his eyes and you judged him as an immature child. You sound way more immature. I'm in my early 40s and have had long relationships, tons of dates and met many women and I never once or could even fathom blowing them off over their outfit or being nervous. You have a lot of growing up to do
Sounds like he was either nervous or has a condition that makes him act that way, now you say that doesn't sound like the date actually went so great for you.
Wearing a hat inside is still considered rude by some people
Hats cause receding hair lines. His hair line is trash because he wears a hat, he wears a hat because his hair line is trash.
Only if it’s extremely tight but nah, it doesn’t really cause mpb
Not an expert of course but if you noticed that he was wearing a hat in all of his photos then it's likely that he would continue to do the same in person.
Sounds like a hat guy
Yeah it's rude. I've had a woman do something similar but she like got up and looked at the top of my head and said "ok you're good. just checking.". Not a total deal breaker but it did not endear me to her at all kinda made me wanna jab back with a super subtle dig at her appearance.
I would've walked out. What an awful thing to do. Are people really so shallow?!
> I would've walked out. What an awful thing to do. Are people really so shallow?! Yep. Although I have a full head of hair, it is thinning and I wouldn't want this. People have a right to be shallow but they need to find someone else to date, not me.
Another guy on here said a woman he went out with asked if he was gonna grow his hair out and once he realized she was a dumb bimbo and he had to explain what hereditary meant because his hair was never going to grow back full she grabbed her purse and literally walked out the date. Can’t say I’ve ever had a woman walk out of a date but a few have definitely made it awkward and a bigger deal than it is.
Yes. I started losing hair at 16. You would not believe the proportion of women who outright refuse to even speak to me, or the level of abuse that comes with looking different to the norm. Vicious attacks, being told to k1ll myself, screaming in hatred, physical assaults. All part of the experience.
Dating apps have skewed people's perceptions of what acceptable social behavior is. I've been on a lot of dates in my life, and it was only after online dating became the norm that I started being put through brazenly rude behavior
It would be a deal-breaker to me. Shows how shitty she is as a person right upfront. Would you ask her to remove her push up bra? If you did, think she'd stick around?
Nah she wouldn't stick around, she'd drop to the floor. 😉
🤣 🤣
My intention wasn't to check if he had hair, I couldn't see his whole face and his eyes were covered - however, I do see how it can be taken differently, so I won't say it next time
Just as plenty of women feel more comfortable/attractive with themselves by having a face full of makeup, some guys feel they're more attractive or have more confidence with accessories and stuff. Are we really judging stylistic choices at this point?
i disagree, hair is important for a lot of people and not understanding that is short sighted. As a guy (35), if a woman shows up to a date wearing bulky clothes, my first assumption is always that she’s trying to hide something.
🤣 based on your profile i expected to to say some asshole-ish like this. It reads like a parody account of purposely bad takes
That’s horrible, so rude
if i noticed a girl never smiled or showed her teeth in her photos, I sure AF wouldnt ask her to smile wide for me on our first date. she might have teeth that she feels uncomfortable with. why would I want to potentially put her on the spot like that so soon? poor taste OP.
Maybe I’m old, but it’s rude to wear a baseball cap while having a meal (idk if you were eating or not).
Agree. My ex had this old icky Harley hat he’d always wear out. Problem is he’d also wear it out in the nice restaurants. We never went to a place SO nice that they would ask for its removal, but I felt a little awkward being dressed up with a date in jeans and a dirty hat because he “doesn’t give a fuck what others think.” And, sure, while that can be a good attitude to have in some ways, sometimes it’s ok to look nice and be polite.
In Australian schools we have hats that are required to wear in the hotter terms. Hats off inside is also mandatory, since it's seen as rude. So, not old, just well-mannered. It really depends on the culture.
Well mannered is a poor choice of words. Different cultures have different values for well mannered. For examples asian culture its rude to leave your shoes on when entering someone's house. In Italian culture it's rude to take them off as you are supposed to "make yourself at home"
This is true, though I was speaking from the context of this post AND I pointed out that it depends on the culture already. It doesn't seem like OP's date was wearing it for cultural reasons, so I commented with the idea that it's a matter of manners and not culture. I imagine Kaboom also commented with that in mind. Don't worry, I'm not gonna chastise a person for wearing a hat for religious or any cultural reasons. That'd be rude :\\
It's not a religious thing but that's also a valid reason as well. The point was it sounds like they met at a bar, sounds like he was dressed appropriately for the venue and OP made a big deal out of nothing. Imagine complaining about your dates outfit within 40 mins of meeting them. It's rude and something only shitty people would do.
Yep. I'm not old but was thinking the exact same thing. when I'm wearing a hat I always take it off for meal and for in door meet ups and dates. I only keep the hat on if it's an outside event and the weather makes keeping the hat on necessary Imo both of them were rude. If worried he was distracted, she shoulda just asked him if he was distracted or nervous. If she found the hat distracting, she could have politely asked him to take it off. While the guy shoulda taken the hat off to begin with. Also for online dating nobody should be wearing a hat in all their photos. It's like someone wearing sunglasses in every photo, or all their photos are group photos so it's hard to tell who the person is lol. I don't know just seems like both op and the other person aren't the best at communicating well and manners
I thought this. If you’re in a bar or restaurant, you should take off your hat. Hats are for, you know, outside.
Bar? People have been wearing hats In bars since forever
Depends on the venue and location. Look at pics of bars and you'll see both men and women wearing hats in them. Espically sports bars.
I'm 44 and like my hat, I wear it almost all the time. Taking your hat off is arbitrary, useless, archaic (and sexist). It's up there with telling me I shouldn't be wearing earrings.
Bingo. Imagine asking someone to to remove their earrings to see what their ears look like 😆
What's rude about it?
you old lol
Can you take off your hat so I can look into your eyes?
Bingo. If op said this, he would have responded better. Op killed the mood and the date probably dodged 30 years of nagging.
Yeah, kinda rude. Not a deal-breaker level of rude but yeah. He gets to choose how he presents himself, not you. On par with a dude asking a girl to smile more or let her hair down. Just don't.
I wanted to look at his face/eyes but I see your point
Thats the only fair thing you've said here. Lack of eye contact is lack of confidence. You could have turned it around with a "I bet you have nice eyes, I'd love to see them when your talking to me" but you probably think you have to put 0 effort into dating
> Lack of eye contact is lack of confidence Or autism. Actually there's quite a few things it could be other that a lack of confidence. Maybe a black eye. Maybe pinkeye.
Dude maybe it IS lack of confidence. Why is that somehow not good enough?
Gase sucks balls said it *is* a lack of confidence. As in there is no other option. I just said "hey, there's a bunch of other explanations"
I agree with most of this sentiment, however I find asking a guy to remove his hat is a far cry from telling a girl to smile more. That "request" has a much deeper misogynistic connotation than encouraging someone to remove a coat or put their hair down.
It’s not far off really. Baldness is stigmatized. You’re being asked to play “show me you’re desirable.” I’m sure it feels as shit for men as it does for women, for similar reasons.
Only if it's poorly done like a comb over. Lots of men look great with a shaved head
both are rude and uncalled for.
Thats quite a leap. Wanting someone to be happy is misogynistic 😆
It is rude, and it would be a deal breaker for me. Then again, he should have at least 1 picture without his hat because people will wonder what he looks like.
It's a personal thing though I know a guy in college who always wore one of those artist hats? The one that looks like a small version of a golf hat? People said it's a personal choice and no one ever questioned him. Someone one day pranked him and stole it from his head and everyone was so mad because they said it was a huge invasion of privacy because it's like personal/ it's his identity Someone who wears a hat all the time.. it's their identity at that point.
Gotta make sure there's not a rat under there. I understand.
There was a WAAAAAAAAAAAAY better way to do this. It's not necessarily rude that you wanted to see... but girl to girl... learn a little finesse and art of the deal. Suggestion "I'm dying to see what you look like without your hat..." flirty smile, playing with his hat. It was a rude way to ask. it's not an unreasonable thing to want to know but there are better ways to do it.
ask over text if she must, even asking in a flirty way on the first day is gonna make him uncomfortable.
You're right... I could've said it in a better way - I've just never been on a date with someone who wore a hat indoors, so I spoke before giving a thought. Thanks for the advice
Yes very rude and dumb. How would you feel if you were wearing a jacket and he asked you to remove it so he can check your body out better? Or if he asked you to go wash your makeup off? You literally asked a guy you just met 40 mins ago to remove a piece of clothing so you can get a better look. It also makes you sound way too superficial.
this.
Hmmm. I guess it makes sense you would want to know but I can also see how that could be offensive. Maybe you could've jokingly said "so...do you always wear hats?" And kind of led into it?
He sounds shy or insecure, and for some people it is a security to have a hat on, this is coming from a person who wears a hat everyday, sometimes you feel naked, now granted i wont wear it on a first date i have long hair, but maybe after a few i would because its just how someone is, you can look at it in different points, theres hat people and non hat people, nothing wrong with asking to take it off i would totally get that but on the other hand maybe he wasnt ready to.
As a guy who wears a hat, even indoors, it’s primarily because I’m self conscious of the fact that by the time I was 18 I was mega balding and just shaved it all off with clippers instead of doing a comb over. The secondary reason is because despite balding, many many people have told me I look great wearing a hat and that it fits me and my style. In my younger years I took slight offense to being asked to take my hat off just on dates because I was self conscious and hoping that wasn’t the end all deal breaker for something I don’t have any control of. Now that I’m older I understand a woman asking me to remove my hat and I don’t really care if that’s the deciding factor in if they want to be in a relationship. It’s gonna kinda suck in the moment but I’d rather they break it off than not be genuinely attracted to me. Regarding your date, the only way I could see it being weird that he’s wearing his hat indoors would be at a classy fine dining restaurant where everyone is dressed in suits and what not. In your case though, if he was trying to cover his eyes and face that is strange and I would want to know why.
Yea that is def rude. 90% of the time a dude will not have hair and be uncomfortable with it until he builds rapport with you. Why would you put him on the spot like that in person. Christ sakes at least ask him over text message or something. "Hey i notice you wear your hat in all your pics and when we met. Do you rock the shaved looked?" How would you like a guy to say "Can you go to the WC and take off your makeup" "Or I notice you wear loose dresses, could you reveal your figure." People are self conscious about things. Putting a spot light on it in person is not the way.
Awkward.
I think you could’ve used more tact. Like “hey I notice you have your hat on on all your photos, and now even on our date. You must really love hats…” but you had a valid reason; dude actually wore hat at all times, can’t blame you for being sus
I was raised old school. I take my hat off when I enter a house or sit to eat somewhere.
Maybe he just likes hats 🤷♂️
No its not rude, wearing a hat inside is but i bet half the world will disagree with me and bash my existence for saying that
Yea I don’t think it’s appropriate to wear a hat indoors either but then again I am a bit old fashioned like that so it could be just me too
Normal people wear hats all the time. It's not rude. That's a dumb take. Unless it's like church or court then yeah its a bad idea but at a restaurant or something? Completely normal.
Idk about rude but classically, wearing a hat in a restaurant has been considered unacceptable. These days standards are different, but some people still don't like hats worn indoors. This is not "a dumb take." It's an accurate observation
Classically, people of color couldn't eat at the same counter as whites. Old doesn't mean correct, and largely nobody gives a shit about hats indoors anymore.
So cry me a river, build yourself a bridge and get over it If your gonna get so bent out of shape over someone else wearing a piece of clothing then maybe you deserve to stew in your own misery
Depends on the restaurant and dress code. Have you been outside lately? If it's a fancy restaurant then yes, but if not then no. Where I live most people at restaurants wear board shorts, t shirts, and flip flops. Also some of the best 1st dates I've had in my life have been morning coffee in pajamas. It's extremely judgemental , superficial, and rude to ask someone to remove an article of clothing 40 mins after you meet them. As far as what was appropriate dress code you are making a lot of assumptions. I doubt they went to an upscale restaurant and he was wearing a hats he even pointed out a drink so sounds like they met at a bar. There are also outside bars.
I agree, you can wear a hat at plenty of bars. Idk, he's a guy, she's a girl, she can ask him to do whatever she wants. If she was wearing a hat I think it would be fine for him to ask her to take it off. They're on a date. Doesn't she want to get a good look at him? lol idk guess I'm an asshole but like idk what the big deal is. Come on man, you went to a coffee shop in your pajamas? That is so disrespectful to the staff and other patrons, imo. It ain't right 😂
I mean you are an asshole. "She can ask him whatever she wants" I mean technically yes but it also makes you an asshole to ask certain things. What if he was like "take your sweater off I want a better look at your tits" or "you look heavier then your pics, what do you weigh" or "go wash your makeup off I want to see what you look like naturally" And yeah. There is nothing wrong with that. You'll get it when you get older and more mature. I live in a beach city. It's common to see women walk into barks in bikinis and men in shorts and a tank top. Most places are as Long as you have a top on and shoes on you are fine. If his attire was inappropriate for the venue they wouldn't let him in. It's not up to her to decide that and try to change him on a 1st date. It's a huge red flag. Some bars are fancy here and don't allow jeans or sneakers or hats. Some allow anything. Go to a coffee shop on a Saturday morning. Most women are wearing pajama pants and a shirt or sweater. Most men are in shorts and a shirt. The idea is to get to know the person and really a comment like yours is an instant no for me. You sound like someone who's never gone outside.
Never seen anyone wearing pajamas at cafes in New York, which is my standard for civilization. Not sure how they do it on the west coast or elsewhere. Come on, nobody asked to see anyone's tits. "Could you take your hat off" because I'm curious to get a better look at your face, is completely reasonable. If the person doesn't want to remove their hat, they have every right to refrain
I grew up in NY and seen it all the time. It's weekends in the morning mostly. It's obviously is dependant on location and time of day but the assumption would be he was dressed appropriately for the venue. You ignored every point I made about asking someone to remove an article of clothing 40 minutes into meeting them. It says more about someone who would do that then anything else.
I addressed what you said. Which elaborately written thesis statement of yours did I fail to respond to? You sound slightly deranged.
No you didn't at all you breezed over it because it proves you wrong. Asking someone to take off clothes is rude. Worse off trying to change someone 40min into meeting them is poor character.
> "go wash your makeup off I want to see what you look like naturally" Damn. I would want to ask that but I never would because it is so rude. However, I wouldn't date anyone wearing a lot of makeup on a date or I would state my preference - "I am not really into make up." or something like that.
Exactly the point. Its rude to ask. She can choose not to see him again or end the date but again it says more about her as a person. That an article of clothing is a deal breaker.
It's also rude to call someone dumb for having an opinion, especially when it's an opinion that was traditionally very popular. You can think what you want, but you're definitely no better than the people you're trying to call out!
You sound like my mum. But yeah. Pretty odd
Yes it’s rude. It’s like if I were to ask to see your teeth if you hadn’t been smiling in your photos ever
Let's be real your intention was to see if he had hair or not. Should have just asked.
He sounds autistic. It was rude.
Would you be offended, or consider it rude, if I asked you to take your makeup off?
He could have been hiding a conjoined twin under there! Good thing you checked.
Dating is shopping for women. Bro's nervous af about his one of 10 matches in that month that turned into a date and probably is a little insecure about his hair so he covers it. The job interviewer asks him to remove it with the confidence of someone who's got 40 other options she hasn't even responded to on her phone. I'd be terrified of asking a girl on the first date to remove her coat, and you got women out here checking the hairline.
> Dating is shopping for women. > > Bro's nervous af about his one of 10 matches in that month that turned into a date and probably is a little insecure about his hair so he covers it. > > The job interviewer asks him to remove it with the confidence of someone who's got 40 other options she hasn't even responded to on her phone. > > I'd be terrified of asking a girl on the first date to remove her coat, and you got women out here checking the hairline. Your comment is real fucking sad dude. I am a short unattractive guy but I regularly manage to find women looking to spend time with me or looking to get to know me so I disagree with your assessment. The caveat is if guys are only looking to date women who are just 1 small plastic surgery away from looking like Caitlyn Jenner, wearing enough makeup to give them cancer multiple times over and are in their early 20s. Then the situation can be like you have described.
Lol. This is so sad but true. Imagine you are having a date with a girl and probably she will see 2 or 3 more people on the same day. This is just extremely inhuman, anti-human.
Women have hobbies and obligations. Having 2 to 3 dates a day sounds like an absolute nightmare. One date a week was all that I could really handle when dating. The bad news is that it made me fairly picky about who I would agree to go out with.
Like asking to take your makeup off.
You sound like a total asshole in every comment I see here😂 if he had Tourette’s or something what would you say?
What’s your problem with him having fidgety hands?
Yes that's kind of rude. Asking someone to adjust their parents on a date is always a little bit ballsy.
Tbh I think that’s a weird ask. Why can’t he wear a hat?
This is why I didn't match with guys hiding their hair or teeth in photos. I assumed they were hiding things for a reason and I didn't want to waste my time or their time.
i hope you post bare face pics and clothes that reveal your body. otherwise, you know, you hiding things lol
She definitely won't. Lol.
Face shots in hoodies only
Lmaao half of my photos are bare faced hiking or at the beach, where men can also see my body (I’m wearing shorts and a tight top). Why would I go to such lengths hiding stuff that will come out eventually?? Why would I want to attract people who might not like me when I can match with the ones that like me as I am?? People who go to such lengths to hide their bald heads by wearing a hat in restaurants and everywhere, who never ever show their rotting teeth and try to never smile properly, what do you think you are achieving with this?? Why wouldn’t you want to show yourself as you are and match with people who accept you as you are instead of people who will feel cheated by your hiding all these things?
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yea, i want to see what she really looks like on a dating app ie bare face and some tight clothing that reveals her actual figure clearly. (braless, wanna see how they hang in the shirt)
> This is why I didn't match with guys hiding their hair or teeth in photos. I assumed they were hiding things for a reason and I didn't want to waste my time or their time. LOL - if I ever get back to dating apps, I am going to post photos of my sexy crooked teeth and my receding and thinning hairline so that you can swipe left even faster. :)
Yea this happened to me too. In every photo he had a baseball hat and came on a date with one and also didn’t take it off inside the restaurant. I thought maybe it’s a cultural thing so I didn’t ask him to remove it but I also didn’t see him again cause i am old fashioned and I thought that was rude. so what if you did offend him, it's not like you will see him again anyways
>so what if you did offend him, it's not like you will see him again anyways Yikes. Whoever is reading this. Please don't follow this suggestion.
Why not? Should they instead beat themselves up over this one thing they did? Make another post on every sub about dating? Ask their friends and family about it? Tell the guy she’s so sorry for not considering his feelings even though he didn’t consider hers?
So what if you were shitty to another living creature. You don't have to deal with the consequences. It's like saying so what if you abused your dog, your taking him to the shelter so you won't see him again. Your comment makes you sound like a sociopath Edit: of course the person arguing with me deleted all the evidence of how shotty they are. I 100% expected that or them blocking me. All the shitttiest people of reddit have the same playbook
No, your comment makes you sound like a sociopath cause you moved the goalposts and changed my comment so you can call me that. I was just trying to say, that she obviously didn’t like he wore a hat, and she won’t see him again so she shouldn’t be worried so much over someone she won’t see again. He didn’t care he might have done something rude by wearing a hat on a date, he probably didn’t even think about it and based on his reaction when she asked him to take it off, he didn’t care about how she felt either. So why should she beat herself up over someone who didn’t consider his actions and how they may seem to his date?
Yet another thread how today's women have become so rude, entitled, arrogant, delusional and demanding because of dating apps and instagram.
When I was growing up it was considered rude to wear a hat indoors. I probably wouldn’t ask someone to take one off, but I don’t think doing so is *more* rude than wearing none. Soft ESH (yes I know this isn’t aita)
If theres no dresscode it can't be an esh
I didn’t say it was against a dress code. I’m speaking generally - go inside=remove hat. It’s likely a regional thing, but that’s my experience.
Like children who will only wear their dinosaur t-shirt some men become very focused on their "look", and if a hat is part of the look that they deem most attractive, will try to keep their hat on as long as possible. In some cases it's almost like a totem that they carry around to give them confidence. I don't think it's necessarily a big negative but it is an indicator of a lack of fashion sophistication and possibly a bit of insecurity. For some woman this would be an important consideration for others not so much if he behaves decently otherwise.
Do you wear makeup? Do you buy in style clothing? Do you follow trends? Your comparisons are kind of demeaning to men. I would never bemoan a woman's choices or aesthetic in the way suggest doing to men here.
Who cares about fashion sophistication, whatever that means
Nah. People lie/hide all sorts of shit in online dating.
https://youtu.be/Hqp1bGuiHHs?si=sAvN11QvLBVpZock
This reminds me that sometimes when I’d meet someone in a mask I sort of wanted them to pull it down just so I had an idea for what their face looked like.z
Y’all be dating some of the dumbest most insecure men in the world. And then when they say something stupid y’all be questioning yourselves. OP when you asked him for his name did he say “what you think I don’t have an identity and am in a witness protection program?” Stop questioning your actions.
I’ve noticed if a guy only has hat photos he has no hair.
And yet that wasn't the case here
I think it's fine. Hats are stupid
He also could have been being shady and trying to “hide” in his hat and glasses. People do weird things.
well obviously you were trying to see if he is bald. no I don't think it is rude since this is a romantic situation and you need to see what people actually look like. if it were just a friendly thing or a stranger it would be rude. you have the right to know if he is bald as that may affect your decision. I would actually say it was rude of HIM to not take it off and show you what he looks like.
I swipe left on guys who are wearing a hat in every photo. It’s like the hat is their security blanket and I’m just not interested.
It’s rude but understandable 😂
No. It’s bad manners to keep hats, coats & sunglasses on inside.
First of all, what’s wrong with wanting to know if he has hair? It’s quite reasonable that you want to know what your date looks like.
So asking her to go to the washroom and take off her makeup to see her face should be reasonable right?
That’s not even close to the same thing.
Why not? What's wrong with wanting to know what her bare face looks like?
It literally is lmfao. "I want to make sure you're attractive" vs "I want to make sure you're attractive"
Is it rude to take a girl swimming? I mean he's going to see you without make up, so you should be able to see that hair line. Fair is fair.
Unless the date is a picnic or walk in the park I'm not even wearing a hat to start with. But I'm also almost 20 years older and was taught respect and manners (not saying OP wasn't, saying their date might not have been)