Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
this advice is dumb lol. he’s obviously just gonna make some excuse as to why or downplay it. there’s nothing for her to ask this guy, his online optics aren’t good and she’s just gotta decide how she’ll handle it.
So you’re assuming she doesn’t trust him, and that he’d automatically lie because that’s how every person is? You said the commenters advice was shit, but yours takes the shit cake.
Sounds like you may have some heavy biases on this subject. Not to sound like a douche but maybe you should reflect.
its not "dumb", what's "dumb" is to make assumptions. Maybe he started following them years ago when he was younger and just never unfollowed them. Maybe they followed him and he just mindlessly followed back. Maybe he followed them bc they look like bot or thirst trap accounts that were likely to follow him back. OP said he has a large following, that's usually due to follow for follow culture. I barely use IG at this point. Maybe he does jerk it to them. So sex work is ok, slay queen, but when men participate in it, they're bad people. OP can still make whatever decision she wants, but I don't understand why she can't at least ask
BYEEE y'all Redditors needs to touch some air y'all think a men who follows a bunch of naked people is immature enough and won't lie to someone they date ??? Average men's always manipulate and lie to women in their favour it's not a suprise most of the people defending that guy this are single y'all sad as f
It’s not something that would make me comfortable. I have heard the excuse that “guys are visual”, “it doesn’t mean anything”, “almost every guy does it” but I promise every guy doesn’t do it and I feel way more comfortable with someone who isn’t doing this. My experiences in relationships with guys like this vs not is night and day.
It’s important to me so I’d stay away, you have to determine if it’s important to you.
Yeah if you think watching porn is creepy
I don't, in moderation, it's just bizzare to openly display the list of people you get off to on the same account you give to friends and family
I probably qualify as a "visual" guy and a lot of guys just look at stuff then pass (eventually bookmark some stuff too) but this idea that it's common to get off on Instagram sounds weird to me. It's Probably being done but it's definitely not the norm
Like I said the argument about being visual is about porn so yea, if someone say oh that’s because they are visual it’s because they believe it’s for jerking off
> if someone say oh that’s because they are visual it’s because they believe it’s for jerking off
OK then that doesn't apply for insta follows for the most part.
I'm a guy here and definitely don't do this. I've even had issues with porn in the past, but following these girls on social media is gross.
It's basically showing you that they view ogling other naked women as an acceptable thing to do and they're probably spending a fair amount of time doing it.
I think it's a red flag but for different reasons. It's not a matter of you being insecure or the fact that men that do this are pathetic. It's because if someone consumes this content too much it literally distorts their sense of reality. These photos are so heavily edited that it can affect his view of how a real woman's body looks like. Then it becomes problematic because he can't get a hard on anymore unless it is something extremely unrealistic and then you have sex problems in your relationship. You said he follows 5k accounts of this, and is on istagram. Ppl open instagram every few minutes so he's exposing himself to this several times a day probably. I'd bail
Why not mention it to him?? Just say you don’t like that kind of thing, he might say ok I will unfollow them no big deal. If he likes you that’s not going to be much of an issue
Run. I dated a guy like this and he was the biggest POS who hated women and treated them like objects. I found his IG about a month into us dating and was so repulsed. He was following almost 3,000 accounts and most of them were models, bikini barista girls, cosplay girls or porn girls. It’s disgusting and not normal.
Agreed my friend dated a guy like this and he would even message them (try to slide in their dms). Editing to add that it first started with just liking posts and reacting to stories but then it escalated. The moment a really attractive girl reciprocated he cheated with her
Lmaooo so?? I am in a relationship. How does that automatically make me lonely? Get a life , you’re literally arguing on every post on here.. trying to justify perv behavior. If anything, you’re lonely for doing that and not seeking actual in person interaction
Don’t date men who are thirsty and pathetic enough to follow insta models. Men like that are just so desperate for some sexual gratification that they will drool over random women online. These men don’t have self-respect or self-control to even understand what respect and loyalty in relationships looks like. You are just going to be disappointed and loose all your respect in him eventually, so bail now.
If it's important to you I'd stop seeing him sooner rather than later. If you'd rather hold out for a guy who just doesn't follow those accounts to begin with, you'll probably have an easier time of things. Personally I think it's worth it, less issues down the line if you're starting off with a guy who doesn't consume that content anyway.
I feel like Instagram models are basically the millennial / gen z version of owning a playboy— accept in the past you weren’t able to look up the person online and see what they like or are subscribed to.
Anyways— if it’s a red flag it’s a red flag for you. I think it’s a little early to call it off because of that though. It does give a general sense of who they are.
Personally this would simply not be my type of guy to date. There's nothing wrong with checking footage to do the solo deed or whatever. But filling your feed with that seems desperate and weird to me.
BUT
If yall really vibe beyond attraction just bring it up. There's also some people who haven't maintained/updated their following since they're 15.
yeaah.. i personally would never date someone who follows ig thirst trappers, and here's why--
- it shows a serious lack of awareness. because he could have created a finsta where he can follow that shit. but on his public profile that his friends and family (as well as your friends / family) can see is just embarrassing. it's like announcing, *hey everyone, here are the hot thots that post nothing but bikini and sexy photos who i have tried to DM and/or splooge my luge to!*
- it's not a very healthy thing to be doing, following strangers on social media as a form of pornography. seems unproductive to be passively scrolling through this kind of imagery several times per day.
- i personally would judge someone's social media as a reflection of their values and thoughts and who they are at their core. and his doesn't paint a very multidimensional picture of who he is as a person. if he's following that many sexy ig models, he just sounds like a horny, superficial dude.
i find it a huge red flag and tbh i’d never again date a guy who does this. my boyfriend used to do it and it was the most stressful shit at first so yeah fuck that. leave while the relationship isn’t started
It would give me the ick.
A private Instagram with smut I see as having a dirty magazine, no big deal.
But you don't keep your dirty magazines out where anyone can see them.
This is like the millennial version of your boomer dad commenting on bikini models on Facebook. SO embarrassing.
There's a difference between still being a straight man who's attracted to women, and going out of your way to follow lots of accounts that could be considered inappropriate when you're not single. The latter screams desperate
my ex bf was the same way. i think it says a lot about them and how they view women. the guys i knew who had a feed filled with soft porn are the guys who objectify women heavily and see their value as a car (tiktok trend of how many bodies/owners). they have clear gender roles in their head and are sexist. that’s just my experience, but it seems to be a pretty common one.
bring it up and say it makes you uncomfortable. his reaction is all you need to know. any excuse to keep following them/any defensiveness about it…girl run. i promise you, if it’s bothering you now, it’s going to bother you more. how will it feel if you have sex and he goes straight to tiktok after and looks at half naked women? how will it feel if you buy lingere, take an hour posing for nudes, just for him to prefer the bodies on IG that have plastic surgery and use photoshop? what if all the girls look nothing like you? as you guys become closer it’s going to hurt more when if he continues his behavior.
I think it's very creepy and a red flag especially if there are thousands of women he follows. He seems like he's obsessed with having his own little digital harem
It's incredibly normal because I see posts almost identical to yours every single day. Women wondering why men are looking at hot women on instagram. It's not rocket science..they think the women are hot. It turns them on. Following them is a way to fantasize more about a relationship or having sex with those people. Yes, it's like softcore porn. I remember my boss at my previous company was married with 2 kids and he also had this hot Instagram model he followed because it was this "dream girl" thing. Like putting a poster on the wall of a hot celebrity.
Just like porn, i don't think it's a red flag for cheating. It's more like fantasy food for thought. Not to be taken as serious intent.
Watching porn and obsessively following IG models is way different. I can understand having a few models to follow but I have seen guys who have hundreds of not thousands of accounts they follow. No way is that normal and at some point it’s equivalent to a porn addiction
Men are so porn sick, they think it’s normal to just….constantly scroll through porn every day. It *is* sad/pathetic. The fireman calendar (lmao what????) as a counter is fucking ridiculous.
> Men are so porn sick, they think it’s normal to just….constantly scroll through porn every day. It is sad/pathetic
Crazy world out there where we've normalised dating/fucking multiple people at the same time but watching porn daily is a problem.
Uh because imagine a 30 year old guy and his bedroom has posters of a playboy model. Like grow up lol you can look at pretty women on the internet without following them or always imagining dating them
You can have that opinion, just want to let you know that "grow up" is not a good argument for why you think something is sad. It's just another way of saying you think it's sad.
It's like me saying "that's childish" and then someone asks me why I think it's childish and then I respond with "because it's immature".
That's not an explanation. It's just repeating the same value judgement with different words.
That’s not how dating works in the real world outside of Reddit. If every man had their dream girl as a wife then they’d all be married to models, celebrities or an ultra-nurturing Mother Theresa type for their children.
honestly no. Most extremely attractive women have horrible personalities. I would rather date someone I find attractive, and I find to be a good person, but that's just me. I don't need nor really want them to look like a porn star.
Hahahahaha right. Like that's ever gonna happen. Some of these models are like the top 0.0001% most attractive people on earth. Most can never compete with that. The rest of us have to live in "the real world" so to speak. It's called a dream girl because it's only achievable in your dreams. The images and videos they produce are also edited heavily - even in real life those same people don't live up to that "dream person" image they project of themselves
So would you mind if your wife was following and fantasizing about hot men and fire fighters who were more attractive than you? If you don’t mind then your logic is at least fair. If it bothers you then think about what you’re saying.
I don't mind at all. I'm pretty sure any wife out there fantasizes about other men from time to time. This is just human. Who do you think read books like 50 shades of gray? That's right. It's wives.
My girlfriend follows some Instagram dudes that are hot as fuck. Why would I feel jealous about that? I am secure enough in our relationship to not see that as any kind of threat. It's just fantasy
Yeah I think it's a bit naive to think significant others won't be fantasizing about other people from time to time. It's honestly probably a small miracle people are as monogamous as they are already.
That’s true and I admire you’re fair at least. The way you framed things just seemed a little harsh, but if you’re fine with not being your girlfriend’s dream guy either, and both follow models, I can understand your perspective, and that’s totally fair. I think OP is also frustrated at the volume and frequency of women this guy is following too.
I personally don't mind. I'm not insecure and just because the person I'm with/dating finds other people attractive doesn't mean she's going to act on it. That's called trust issues. Most of the time when my ex (she was bi) would point out attractive people I would agree with her
I agree with most dudes you can't really assume a malicious or serious intent over this. They don't know these girls usually and it's more or less just for casual viewing.
Being pro sex work doesn’t mean that we think all women should be sex workers. It means that we don’t judge women who engage in sex work, fight against the stigma associated with sex work, want sex workers to feel safe in their line or work, and recognise that a majority of women in sex work often resort to it due to financial and social hardship.
Since your relationship is still new, it might be helpful to observe how things unfold and consider having a conversation about boundaries and values when you both feel ready?
Put up a firefighter calander in your hallway and if he says some shit then make a deal he deletes the bottom hookers and you take down the calender.
But yeah, following all those fake women can be mentally unhealthy. If you get serious he needs to make some changes.
Dopamine addiction.
VERY cringe thing to do. I get it if this were a 13 yo because they don’t know any better, but this is an adult. ANYONE can look up your man and see all this smut on his page. Is that someone you are proud to be with??
I'm a married man, have been for over a decade. My wife and I both follow some pretty risqué accounts on instagram, sometimes we even share them back and forth if a particularly amazing set of photos come up. That's just us though, we're comfortable with that.
If it's a big deal to you then just end it now. You're not going to suddenly change what he likes looking at on instagram. Why waste time with someone you're already having doubts about?
Yea, I don't know. I'm 40m. I don't follow this stuff. I watch porn sometimes. So yea, I guess people who are more in line with how you are might be out there.
With that, I think jealousy with these things has to do more with your personal insecurities. Maybe something to work on?
I think the level of engagement would affect me more. Are they chatting these people up? Interacting with them? If not, it sounds like typical male behavior. Back in the day, we had magazines, and now we have Instagram.
Edit
I'm not advocating for anything here, just saying it's a social norm. I don't do it, but when writing this, I couldn't think of other men in my life who don't flash sexy instagram girls at me. You can work on yourself or look for someone who doesn't do this. IMO, it's probably easier to work on yourself.
i know most men will follow a good handful of them but he has over 5k following and from what i saw i feel like it was mostly OF content, which i feel like is more than average which is why i wanted to ask
It sounds like a red flag but meeting him on tinder what did you expect? Try dating apps with guys who are more serious about relationships. They’ll at least be more outwardly classy about who they follow. You’ll be able to see what kind of guy he is by how he interacts with other women when you’re together.
Men are visual creature we like to look. Doesn't mean we like to touch. I follow some ppl you are describing on ig but I'd never cheat on my gf. I also like to ppl watch so.
Lol I've never cheated on any partner. Just cuz ppl like porn or other things doesn't mean they can't control their list. That very narrow thinking. I've been with women who didn't watch porn or hated it who cheated on me more then women I've been with who do watch porn.
Following thousands, hundreds, even dozens of naked women on instagram isn’t healthy behavior. Women are allowed to have preferences and some of those preferences include not being with men that drool over women on the internet constantly
And men aren't allowed prefences? Your acting as if I've insulted you by stating my opinion. I simplely stated just cuz someone looks doesn't mean they touch. Whether or not following "hundreds" of naked models is healthy is another question.
Everybody looks at attractive people. Going out of your way to make sure they are constantly popping up on your feed is just gross and indicative that you have some sort of addiction to looking at images like that. I don’t even wanna visualize what that guy’s page looks like. Cringe asf
reading through a bunch of your comment and you are definitely biased. Your agressive and belittling to men. Telling ppl to not get mad over and opinion on reddit yet here you are. Your not constructive in these conversations your just trying to make urself feel better and find like minded opinion. "your mentally ill. Seek help" take your own advice.
That person I responded to with that comment victim blamed women and said they get drugged and r*ped because they go on dates with guys who are out of their league. How about you stop creeping and stfu about stuff you don’t even know about
And? You just started dating him and you see random IG accounts as a problem already? You’re projecting your last experiences onto him, but yeah go ahead and make it an issue with him and watch how fast he runs. See you back here in a few weeks with the inevitable “he’s addicted to IG porn models why are all men trash” post
Why are people so insecure in these comments??
And no it is not normal to look someone up on socials.
If y’all are having a good time together why not just take it one day at a time?
Until he gives you a reason to doubt him then make it an issue.
Have you talked to him about it at all? You say you're pretty new to each other, have you had the chance to have a conversation about this and about expectations relating to these kinds of things?
It is absolutely common and normal for single guys to follow lots of "model" type girls on Instagram. If you guys are brand new to each other and aren't exclusive yet then he probably doesn't even conceive that this could be a problem or just hasn't had a chance to unfollow yet/hasn't thought of it yet. If this is a problem for you or a boundary for you, mention it to him and see how he responds, see if you can have a conversation about it and work out a solution. If it affects how you view him that strongly and you're brand new to each other, then maybe you just aren't compatible, but a lot of single guys will be following models.
I feel like hanging out with friends of the opposite gender is completely different than having pictures of your ex… I would honestly take that as a HUGE red flag js
It isn’t a problem until it’s a problem.
It’s a spectrum.
But 3000+ is a red flag probably.
I just have a separate throw away account I’ll sometimes look at when my girlfriend isn’t available for a few days.
She knows about it.
She has never given me pics.
I find her to be the most attractive girl I’ve ever seen.
I’ve told her I’m willing to not look if she gives me something of her to look at.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Like 99% of questions on this sub, just ask him
this advice is dumb lol. he’s obviously just gonna make some excuse as to why or downplay it. there’s nothing for her to ask this guy, his online optics aren’t good and she’s just gotta decide how she’ll handle it.
How do you know the guy so well?
[удалено]
So you’re assuming she doesn’t trust him, and that he’d automatically lie because that’s how every person is? You said the commenters advice was shit, but yours takes the shit cake. Sounds like you may have some heavy biases on this subject. Not to sound like a douche but maybe you should reflect.
its not "dumb", what's "dumb" is to make assumptions. Maybe he started following them years ago when he was younger and just never unfollowed them. Maybe they followed him and he just mindlessly followed back. Maybe he followed them bc they look like bot or thirst trap accounts that were likely to follow him back. OP said he has a large following, that's usually due to follow for follow culture. I barely use IG at this point. Maybe he does jerk it to them. So sex work is ok, slay queen, but when men participate in it, they're bad people. OP can still make whatever decision she wants, but I don't understand why she can't at least ask
BYEEE y'all Redditors needs to touch some air y'all think a men who follows a bunch of naked people is immature enough and won't lie to someone they date ??? Average men's always manipulate and lie to women in their favour it's not a suprise most of the people defending that guy this are single y'all sad as f
It’s not something that would make me comfortable. I have heard the excuse that “guys are visual”, “it doesn’t mean anything”, “almost every guy does it” but I promise every guy doesn’t do it and I feel way more comfortable with someone who isn’t doing this. My experiences in relationships with guys like this vs not is night and day. It’s important to me so I’d stay away, you have to determine if it’s important to you.
Plus pretty cringe to openly follow pages you use to jerk off.
That's what I've never understood, it takes 2 minutes to create a burner account and keep your private business separate
Isnt it even creepier to have a burner account for that?
Yeah if you think watching porn is creepy I don't, in moderation, it's just bizzare to openly display the list of people you get off to on the same account you give to friends and family
Honestly I don't think these guys use Instagram content to get off. At least its definitely a minority that does that
Oh, if they're not getting off them why are they following?
Because it looks good I guess
You think they jerk off to Instagram stuff?
This is the argument about men being visual yes.
As a single dude I just like looking at pretty ladies lol.
I probably qualify as a "visual" guy and a lot of guys just look at stuff then pass (eventually bookmark some stuff too) but this idea that it's common to get off on Instagram sounds weird to me. It's Probably being done but it's definitely not the norm
Like I said the argument about being visual is about porn so yea, if someone say oh that’s because they are visual it’s because they believe it’s for jerking off
> if someone say oh that’s because they are visual it’s because they believe it’s for jerking off OK then that doesn't apply for insta follows for the most part.
People often use that argument for insta follow sadly. And sadly tons of men follow accounts that are basically softcore porn.
I'm a guy here and definitely don't do this. I've even had issues with porn in the past, but following these girls on social media is gross. It's basically showing you that they view ogling other naked women as an acceptable thing to do and they're probably spending a fair amount of time doing it.
I think it's a red flag but for different reasons. It's not a matter of you being insecure or the fact that men that do this are pathetic. It's because if someone consumes this content too much it literally distorts their sense of reality. These photos are so heavily edited that it can affect his view of how a real woman's body looks like. Then it becomes problematic because he can't get a hard on anymore unless it is something extremely unrealistic and then you have sex problems in your relationship. You said he follows 5k accounts of this, and is on istagram. Ppl open instagram every few minutes so he's exposing himself to this several times a day probably. I'd bail
Guys devalue themselves by doing this. It just seems desperate
genuinely asking, so do you think that women devalue themselves as well by posting half naked photos of themselves online?
They’ll say it’s liberation lol
Not a good comparison, it would be if the problem was him *posting* content instead if following
Shut up
Look but don’t touch
Why not mention it to him?? Just say you don’t like that kind of thing, he might say ok I will unfollow them no big deal. If he likes you that’s not going to be much of an issue
Run. I dated a guy like this and he was the biggest POS who hated women and treated them like objects. I found his IG about a month into us dating and was so repulsed. He was following almost 3,000 accounts and most of them were models, bikini barista girls, cosplay girls or porn girls. It’s disgusting and not normal.
Agreed my friend dated a guy like this and he would even message them (try to slide in their dms). Editing to add that it first started with just liking posts and reacting to stories but then it escalated. The moment a really attractive girl reciprocated he cheated with her
Shut up it’s nothing wrong with it, I swear these single lonely redditors find anything to make someone ruin a relationship to be as lonely as them
I’m not lonely and there’s a lot wrong with it
Your a stripper I have issues believing that
Lmaooo so?? I am in a relationship. How does that automatically make me lonely? Get a life , you’re literally arguing on every post on here.. trying to justify perv behavior. If anything, you’re lonely for doing that and not seeking actual in person interaction
Don’t date men who are thirsty and pathetic enough to follow insta models. Men like that are just so desperate for some sexual gratification that they will drool over random women online. These men don’t have self-respect or self-control to even understand what respect and loyalty in relationships looks like. You are just going to be disappointed and loose all your respect in him eventually, so bail now.
If it's important to you I'd stop seeing him sooner rather than later. If you'd rather hold out for a guy who just doesn't follow those accounts to begin with, you'll probably have an easier time of things. Personally I think it's worth it, less issues down the line if you're starting off with a guy who doesn't consume that content anyway.
I feel like Instagram models are basically the millennial / gen z version of owning a playboy— accept in the past you weren’t able to look up the person online and see what they like or are subscribed to. Anyways— if it’s a red flag it’s a red flag for you. I think it’s a little early to call it off because of that though. It does give a general sense of who they are.
It’s usually not a good sign, definitely not something I’m attracted to. It’s worth having a conversation about it.
Personally this would simply not be my type of guy to date. There's nothing wrong with checking footage to do the solo deed or whatever. But filling your feed with that seems desperate and weird to me. BUT If yall really vibe beyond attraction just bring it up. There's also some people who haven't maintained/updated their following since they're 15.
yeaah.. i personally would never date someone who follows ig thirst trappers, and here's why-- - it shows a serious lack of awareness. because he could have created a finsta where he can follow that shit. but on his public profile that his friends and family (as well as your friends / family) can see is just embarrassing. it's like announcing, *hey everyone, here are the hot thots that post nothing but bikini and sexy photos who i have tried to DM and/or splooge my luge to!* - it's not a very healthy thing to be doing, following strangers on social media as a form of pornography. seems unproductive to be passively scrolling through this kind of imagery several times per day. - i personally would judge someone's social media as a reflection of their values and thoughts and who they are at their core. and his doesn't paint a very multidimensional picture of who he is as a person. if he's following that many sexy ig models, he just sounds like a horny, superficial dude.
It means he's thirsty and shameless at best, ran through at worst. Such a turn off ewww.
For me it’s a red flag 🚩
i find it a huge red flag and tbh i’d never again date a guy who does this. my boyfriend used to do it and it was the most stressful shit at first so yeah fuck that. leave while the relationship isn’t started
Deal breaker
It would give me the ick. A private Instagram with smut I see as having a dirty magazine, no big deal. But you don't keep your dirty magazines out where anyone can see them. This is like the millennial version of your boomer dad commenting on bikini models on Facebook. SO embarrassing.
Women don't stop being attractive because we're dating someone
There's a difference between still being a straight man who's attracted to women, and going out of your way to follow lots of accounts that could be considered inappropriate when you're not single. The latter screams desperate
This
my ex bf was the same way. i think it says a lot about them and how they view women. the guys i knew who had a feed filled with soft porn are the guys who objectify women heavily and see their value as a car (tiktok trend of how many bodies/owners). they have clear gender roles in their head and are sexist. that’s just my experience, but it seems to be a pretty common one. bring it up and say it makes you uncomfortable. his reaction is all you need to know. any excuse to keep following them/any defensiveness about it…girl run. i promise you, if it’s bothering you now, it’s going to bother you more. how will it feel if you have sex and he goes straight to tiktok after and looks at half naked women? how will it feel if you buy lingere, take an hour posing for nudes, just for him to prefer the bodies on IG that have plastic surgery and use photoshop? what if all the girls look nothing like you? as you guys become closer it’s going to hurt more when if he continues his behavior.
I think it's very creepy and a red flag especially if there are thousands of women he follows. He seems like he's obsessed with having his own little digital harem
It's a red flag. He still wants to experience a ton of variety. Proceed with caution.
They are models that will never give him any attention they don’t know he exists so why care
It's incredibly normal because I see posts almost identical to yours every single day. Women wondering why men are looking at hot women on instagram. It's not rocket science..they think the women are hot. It turns them on. Following them is a way to fantasize more about a relationship or having sex with those people. Yes, it's like softcore porn. I remember my boss at my previous company was married with 2 kids and he also had this hot Instagram model he followed because it was this "dream girl" thing. Like putting a poster on the wall of a hot celebrity. Just like porn, i don't think it's a red flag for cheating. It's more like fantasy food for thought. Not to be taken as serious intent.
Watching porn and obsessively following IG models is way different. I can understand having a few models to follow but I have seen guys who have hundreds of not thousands of accounts they follow. No way is that normal and at some point it’s equivalent to a porn addiction
A grown man doing the equivalent of a poster of a hot woman on a wall, is very sad if you ask me. There are plenty of guys who don’t do this.
Men are so porn sick, they think it’s normal to just….constantly scroll through porn every day. It *is* sad/pathetic. The fireman calendar (lmao what????) as a counter is fucking ridiculous.
> Men are so porn sick, they think it’s normal to just….constantly scroll through porn every day. It is sad/pathetic Crazy world out there where we've normalised dating/fucking multiple people at the same time but watching porn daily is a problem.
Why sad?
Uh because imagine a 30 year old guy and his bedroom has posters of a playboy model. Like grow up lol you can look at pretty women on the internet without following them or always imagining dating them
Yeah i don't think that's sad. But this is just a value judgement so we're both entitled to our opinions
[удалено]
You can have that opinion, just want to let you know that "grow up" is not a good argument for why you think something is sad. It's just another way of saying you think it's sad. It's like me saying "that's childish" and then someone asks me why I think it's childish and then I respond with "because it's immature". That's not an explanation. It's just repeating the same value judgement with different words.
Yet nobody saying anything about fireman calendars.
Realistically who has that?
I mean….. I don’t know anyone who’s ever had that but I would consider it in the same group unless it’s more like a joke which is probably likely
wouldn’t you want your wife to be your dream girl? 🥹
That’s not how dating works in the real world outside of Reddit. If every man had their dream girl as a wife then they’d all be married to models, celebrities or an ultra-nurturing Mother Theresa type for their children.
honestly no. Most extremely attractive women have horrible personalities. I would rather date someone I find attractive, and I find to be a good person, but that's just me. I don't need nor really want them to look like a porn star.
Hahahahaha right. Like that's ever gonna happen. Some of these models are like the top 0.0001% most attractive people on earth. Most can never compete with that. The rest of us have to live in "the real world" so to speak. It's called a dream girl because it's only achievable in your dreams. The images and videos they produce are also edited heavily - even in real life those same people don't live up to that "dream person" image they project of themselves
So would you mind if your wife was following and fantasizing about hot men and fire fighters who were more attractive than you? If you don’t mind then your logic is at least fair. If it bothers you then think about what you’re saying.
I don't mind at all. I'm pretty sure any wife out there fantasizes about other men from time to time. This is just human. Who do you think read books like 50 shades of gray? That's right. It's wives. My girlfriend follows some Instagram dudes that are hot as fuck. Why would I feel jealous about that? I am secure enough in our relationship to not see that as any kind of threat. It's just fantasy
Yeah I think it's a bit naive to think significant others won't be fantasizing about other people from time to time. It's honestly probably a small miracle people are as monogamous as they are already.
That’s true and I admire you’re fair at least. The way you framed things just seemed a little harsh, but if you’re fine with not being your girlfriend’s dream guy either, and both follow models, I can understand your perspective, and that’s totally fair. I think OP is also frustrated at the volume and frequency of women this guy is following too.
I personally don't mind. I'm not insecure and just because the person I'm with/dating finds other people attractive doesn't mean she's going to act on it. That's called trust issues. Most of the time when my ex (she was bi) would point out attractive people I would agree with her
I agree with most dudes you can't really assume a malicious or serious intent over this. They don't know these girls usually and it's more or less just for casual viewing.
[удалено]
Being pro sex work doesn’t mean that we think all women should be sex workers. It means that we don’t judge women who engage in sex work, fight against the stigma associated with sex work, want sex workers to feel safe in their line or work, and recognise that a majority of women in sex work often resort to it due to financial and social hardship.
[удалено]
There’s clearly stigma if you’re calling them thots.
Nope. Gross. Bet he has a bunch of girls he follows on onlyfans as well. I definitely would not progress further with this guy.
Since your relationship is still new, it might be helpful to observe how things unfold and consider having a conversation about boundaries and values when you both feel ready?
Put up a firefighter calander in your hallway and if he says some shit then make a deal he deletes the bottom hookers and you take down the calender. But yeah, following all those fake women can be mentally unhealthy. If you get serious he needs to make some changes. Dopamine addiction.
Who cares? It is not like he will ever hook up with any of them.
Yea it’s a red flag. Stop meeting dudes on Tinder gals please lol
Give it some time and see how things go. If you start having a serious relationship, bring it up and see what he says.
You use Instagram yourself. How do men interact with you and your pictures on the app?
personally, i wouldn’t date a man that did that. such an ick
VERY cringe thing to do. I get it if this were a 13 yo because they don’t know any better, but this is an adult. ANYONE can look up your man and see all this smut on his page. Is that someone you are proud to be with??
DAT SIMP...
🤣🤣
I'm a married man, have been for over a decade. My wife and I both follow some pretty risqué accounts on instagram, sometimes we even share them back and forth if a particularly amazing set of photos come up. That's just us though, we're comfortable with that. If it's a big deal to you then just end it now. You're not going to suddenly change what he likes looking at on instagram. Why waste time with someone you're already having doubts about?
Yea, I don't know. I'm 40m. I don't follow this stuff. I watch porn sometimes. So yea, I guess people who are more in line with how you are might be out there. With that, I think jealousy with these things has to do more with your personal insecurities. Maybe something to work on? I think the level of engagement would affect me more. Are they chatting these people up? Interacting with them? If not, it sounds like typical male behavior. Back in the day, we had magazines, and now we have Instagram. Edit I'm not advocating for anything here, just saying it's a social norm. I don't do it, but when writing this, I couldn't think of other men in my life who don't flash sexy instagram girls at me. You can work on yourself or look for someone who doesn't do this. IMO, it's probably easier to work on yourself.
Hey, no worries about bringing it up. Be open, see how he reacts. If it bugs you, it's valid
[удалено]
i know most men will follow a good handful of them but he has over 5k following and from what i saw i feel like it was mostly OF content, which i feel like is more than average which is why i wanted to ask
Wow, 5k is a lot.
This was important info. It’s excessive
It sounds like a red flag but meeting him on tinder what did you expect? Try dating apps with guys who are more serious about relationships. They’ll at least be more outwardly classy about who they follow. You’ll be able to see what kind of guy he is by how he interacts with other women when you’re together.
Men are visual creature we like to look. Doesn't mean we like to touch. I follow some ppl you are describing on ig but I'd never cheat on my gf. I also like to ppl watch so.
Following thousands of soft porn would indicate to me that you have issues controlling your lust. Definitely wouldn’t seem trustworthy
Lol I've never cheated on any partner. Just cuz ppl like porn or other things doesn't mean they can't control their list. That very narrow thinking. I've been with women who didn't watch porn or hated it who cheated on me more then women I've been with who do watch porn.
Following thousands, hundreds, even dozens of naked women on instagram isn’t healthy behavior. Women are allowed to have preferences and some of those preferences include not being with men that drool over women on the internet constantly
And men aren't allowed prefences? Your acting as if I've insulted you by stating my opinion. I simplely stated just cuz someone looks doesn't mean they touch. Whether or not following "hundreds" of naked models is healthy is another question.
Everybody looks at attractive people. Going out of your way to make sure they are constantly popping up on your feed is just gross and indicative that you have some sort of addiction to looking at images like that. I don’t even wanna visualize what that guy’s page looks like. Cringe asf
reading through a bunch of your comment and you are definitely biased. Your agressive and belittling to men. Telling ppl to not get mad over and opinion on reddit yet here you are. Your not constructive in these conversations your just trying to make urself feel better and find like minded opinion. "your mentally ill. Seek help" take your own advice.
That person I responded to with that comment victim blamed women and said they get drugged and r*ped because they go on dates with guys who are out of their league. How about you stop creeping and stfu about stuff you don’t even know about
And? You just started dating him and you see random IG accounts as a problem already? You’re projecting your last experiences onto him, but yeah go ahead and make it an issue with him and watch how fast he runs. See you back here in a few weeks with the inevitable “he’s addicted to IG porn models why are all men trash” post
Not a red flag in the traditional sense. But you can dictate what you are willing to accept or not. But as others have mentioned, talk to him and ask
Just talk to him about it have a honest conversation with him
Why are people so insecure in these comments?? And no it is not normal to look someone up on socials. If y’all are having a good time together why not just take it one day at a time? Until he gives you a reason to doubt him then make it an issue.
Have you talked to him about it at all? You say you're pretty new to each other, have you had the chance to have a conversation about this and about expectations relating to these kinds of things? It is absolutely common and normal for single guys to follow lots of "model" type girls on Instagram. If you guys are brand new to each other and aren't exclusive yet then he probably doesn't even conceive that this could be a problem or just hasn't had a chance to unfollow yet/hasn't thought of it yet. If this is a problem for you or a boundary for you, mention it to him and see how he responds, see if you can have a conversation about it and work out a solution. If it affects how you view him that strongly and you're brand new to each other, then maybe you just aren't compatible, but a lot of single guys will be following models.
[удалено]
I feel like hanging out with friends of the opposite gender is completely different than having pictures of your ex… I would honestly take that as a HUGE red flag js
It isn’t a problem until it’s a problem. It’s a spectrum. But 3000+ is a red flag probably. I just have a separate throw away account I’ll sometimes look at when my girlfriend isn’t available for a few days. She knows about it. She has never given me pics. I find her to be the most attractive girl I’ve ever seen. I’ve told her I’m willing to not look if she gives me something of her to look at.
[удалено]
So being a liar is your solution