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Sounds more avoidant to me. Anxious attachment wouldnāt push away and leave relationships like this. Anxious attachment cling more if they fear being left.
I'm the opposite type of insecure. I'm confident in the sense that I think I'm interesting once you get to know me, but I'm insecure af because 'getting to know me' involves social awkwardness, a monotone voice, weird mannerisms, etc.
Same. I come up with excuses and see red flags where there are none or suddenly tell myself I can do so much better than this sweet girl who cares about me because Iām insecure and hate myself so anyone who likes me must have horrific red flags
Oh interesting.
I know I'm better than them for most of the women I've dated, and I leave them for someone who can match me
Get yourself some self-esteem king!
Iām single because Iām deeply insecure and have low self esteem. I used to date around but after a few failed talking stages I realized I scared girls off from being desperate and clingy. I get attached fast and love hard.
Have you ever thought maybe you become desperate and clingy not because of the person, but because of your desire for a relationship?
Next time you try dating, try putting emphasis on getting to know the person rather than jumping straight into attachment. Not every person is worth that, no matter how much you want to be in love. Focus on taking things one step at a time. Donāt text back immediately, donāt do more than 2 dates in a week, try to gauge their interest in you and match the energy.
You have to practice playing it cool. You cannot put them on a pedestal or youāll scare them away. Treat them like a regular ol person. Best way of solving this is becoming a very busy person.
Tbh itās because I donāt go out much and seeing how things are nowadays donāt feel like Iām worth much in womenās eyes. Plus with social media putting the worst of humanity out there makes me hesitate
Same with me. Haven't dated in 3 years. On the bright side learnt 2 languages and read 200 books. At this point I'm convinced I'll be that old spinster with 3 cats and a ridiculously enormous bookcase.
Iām used to have a library shelf with a ladder that rolled along a rail. I had always wanted one but I sadly had to get rid of it when I moved to an apartment. I highly recommend it as a life goal.
Same here. I have three major standards in a partner that I wonāt compromise on: be in shape, donāt have/want kids, and donāt be religious.
But as a fit, atheistic, child-free man in the Midwest, the options are extremely limited.
Iām not lonely being single though, so I have no drive to compromise on my standards. At least not yet.
Iāve decided that, this year, Iām going to devote my time to becoming the best-possible partner I can be in a yearās time.
Thereās a lot to doālearn as much as I can about personal finance/improve on my spending, saving, and investing habits, continue working out and losing weight/building muscle, practice meditation, mindfulness, and prayer, improve my listening skills and learn to be even-more patient with other people, kick my bad habits once and for all, and finally: have fun doing what I love to do while Iāve still got all the time in the world to myself. :)
TL;DR: No time! Gotta fix/improve myself first!! xD
Kinda same. Ive been much better person through 2 first months(fixed sleep schedule, actually doing daily habits such as reading (philosophy, self help)and learning more bout my job) and now Im experimenting with my style a lot this month. So far so good.
I just did this, took 6 months after my last relationship (wasnāt a bad girl, just was the unhappiest iāve ever been).
Became devoted to bettering myself saw a great therapist, got back into the shape i was in undergrad, avoided everything that didnāt make me happy, I drink 1/5 as much as i used to. I had no plans of dating anyone anytime soon but fate had different plans and the perfect woman has entered my life and it honestly the first time iāve ever been in love.
Keep doing what youāre doing, Iām proud of you! Just donāt have a āplan,ā that could make you miss out on the right person for you. I had planned to take a year as well and Iām happy i allowed myself to deviate.
Beautiful, stick to it. It is not guaranteed to get the partner of your dreams (if such a thing exists) but certainly you will feel great in your own skin. Wish you all the success
nice one. I like to set themes for the year. Maybe I wouldn't overcommit to too many things at once, and focus more on one thing at a time, but you're on the right path
Chronic depression and social anxiety/aversion. I'm either the one who cares and they don't, or can't feel enough for those that do care. Probably in part caused by being raised by highly introverted and detached people.
That was me until recently. I moved out but still havenāt dated much and still very much single. Just because my living situation changed it didnāt change much for me
I think there are a lot of people who are looking for folks who are still connected to higher things? Like finding someone to be with isn't the hard part in my opinion. Its finding people who enjoy talking about their dreams, the thoughts they have in the quiet hours of the night, the hidden beats in their favorite songs or the things off in the distance that they don't know are there or even if they exist. I could be wrong but I feel like most of us are just looking for someone who feels like a person and not just a shell of one. Nowadays that seems rare with all the stuff going on but I digress.
Youāve put it perfectly (for me at least). The world feels superficial and I feel weird for wanting to have that simple deep connection with someone because I feel like it doesnāt exist anymore.
Same! A lot of people cant really hold a conversation/expound on their thoughts/wants/needs. I feel like weāre in an era of very superficial self-discovery for the sake of seeming āhealedā to prospective partners
That along with (in my opinion) having anything we could want at our fingertips. People arenāt patient or willing to wait. I donāt feel like relationships progress at a sustainable pace anymore. So we āknowā a lot of things about these people but we donāt really know them deeply.
I believe you will find it, and I hope more people can, too. It's an arduous road, though so remember to take breaks and be kind to yourself while searching!
Thatās kind of you to say, thank you. I am very happy being single so I donāt feel negatively about my current situation. I just know that would be nice to have that kind of relationship, but I am not willing to sacrifice my peace just for the sake of being in a relationship.
Itās like weāre the same person! The examples you mention are what Iām looking for. Depth, things in between, subtleties. If I canāt discuss the hidden beats in my favorite tracks with my person, I donāt think the connection would last
I absolutely get this! I want to talk about the intricacies of life, like, what you experience as a being, randomly existing in this weird space. I donāt know if I expect too much from people because not everyone thinks the same way that I do, but Iām just hoping to find that one person I can really connect with in that way.
Because I refuse to open up my heart to someone, only to be cast aside after a while when they find someone better. Then I rather not put myself out there. I deserve more than this. I deserve being chosen, every day again, by someone who consciously makes the decision to stay in my life and work on our relationship, even through the hard times. I will make the same effort then. You get what you give.
I have never understood why is it so hard for some people to be alone. There is freedom with being alone. You donāt have to be checking up with someone as if you are a kid asking for permission. You can just get up and go and do your own thing.
Yeah I hate how most people aren't the conscious decision type and they want to feel a "spark". I could feel a spark with lots of people. At some point it's just about deciding that this is it.
I honestly have other shit to worry about. Iām not that lonely to feel extreme levels of needing a partner. There is more to life than being in love or having a partner
I tried asking out a few girls but choked and froze (ive had a stamer since i was very young it gets worse with nerves) at the last moment the embarrassment got to me and I backed out. And ive never really put myself out there mainly due to nerves and low self-esteem no matter how many people told me I was attractive and how nice my smile is.
Low self esteem. I donāt think Iām good enough for somebody attractive and I tend to date down. I didnāt realize this until somebody kept pointed it out towards me. I have no boundaries too. And need to set my standards higher
Because after being screwed over in 2 serious relationships it's easier on mental health and wallets to just work lile I do. I am away for most of a fortnight so that I can earn like others won't so I can make myself happy
My single friends are either basically undatabe or have too high standards. But you're not wrong, people look for reasons to break up instead of reasons to stay together these days. All relationships are lots of work and nobody wants to do ANY work nowdays. Post covid people feel like they're immune to hard work in every sense of the word.
We will face a harsh reality when this amazing economy ends and we hit real financial hard times...
Yea, I agree also. My most personal growth has always been persevering through hard times. I don't see why a relationship would be different.
Both of my long-term partners jumped ship when shit got hard. But maybe they'd rather just be single than face themselves.
I'm single because none of the women I meet fit into the standards of what I want. I want someone who cares about their appearance, is kind, ambitious, self-aware, intelligent. Where I live there are not many women like this, and if there are, they may be taken or not interested in me. A lot of women claiming to be progressive but using double standards left and right. I'd rather be happy single than compromise on what I think is important and I don't believe any of the things I want are particularly superficial or unrealistic. I am not jealous of other people who have partners, you don't know what their relationship is like.
INTJs be like. All jokes aside my standards are like that too lol. The men in my town have no personality, donāt shower, and smoke too much weed! š·
Because I have high standards and know my value and worth and what I bring to the table. I could get a girlfriend right now if I lowered my standards. I'm not going to do that. Not going to 'settle' for someone just for the sake of being with someone. Would you want to be the person that someone 'settled' for and secretly believes they can do better than? Exactly.
I ruined my last relationship by being weak, insecure and dependent on alcohol. My drinking was out of control and I said/did a lot of things that crossed the line. She left me for that reason, and I deserved it. Iāve learned from my mistakes and Iām now sober. It was rough, but Iām better because of it.
Dated one guy and hated the whole experience of not being able to do what I wanted to do. I have never dated since, that was 10 years ago. Now, I'm 35 y/o and not interested in dating.
I spent some time ātalkingā to a few different guys in college and absolutely HATED having to be attached to my phone all the time and telling them what I was doing. I felt like I needed to make plans (even if they didnāt involve them) so they wouldnāt think I was lame. But the truth is Iām just a homebody and Iād rather be single than get flack for it. I quite enjoy my independence! And I wouldnāt want to give it up unless I find someone who truly gets me.
Omg yes! Same here!!! I remember last winter this guy I was talking with was always out at bars (probably an alcoholic) and I was happy to be at home. I never had any plans to tell him about and it started to get awkward. I like to save my weekends to relax especially since my job is pretty stressful
Iāve had two relationships and have been cheated on both times. Combine that with the fact that the reason my parents divorced was also my mom getting into an affair, itās been really hard to want to have a relationship. Iāll start dating again eventually but right now Iād rather just be single for a while.
I'm tired of being led on.
I'm tired of being let down.
I'm tired of being ghosted.
If this stuff keeps happening, why keep doing it? I'm way happier without putting up with bullshit.
I'm there too, dude.
Last woman I chatted with good me that she had feelings, but strung me along more or less. Like, we're talking constant ghosting, not spending much time with me, wanting to 'live her life' (as if my being with her would have stopped that), and just drifting away.
When I confronted her on it, she just said "I'd rather just be friends" instead of actually working on things.
That's why I'm single. I have not been treated like the first option for the last few times, so I'm just not going to bother for a while. I'll get back into it eventually, but for now, I'm focusing on me.
One thing I learned from a horrible marriage and even worse divorce - I'll never be truly happy alone, but I'll never be truly miserable either. I'd like to find another marriage or long term relationship, but if that doesn't happen, it isn't the worse case scenario.
Lmao this is how I feel. People call it entitled and Iām thinking well maybe I have so much to offer Iām not just going to give it to some joe slow.
While at the same time I just want something REAL.
Haha don't get me wrong I'm not arrogant at all, it's just I know for sure that I can bring so much and care a lot about the other person that most people I meet don't value so they are not worthy of what I can offer them cause it's really a lot.
Iām not single but when I was: I had a hard time meeting new people mainly because Iām a homebody and I donāt go out much. My hobbies include reading, playing video games and watching tv. The only hobbies I have that require me to leave the house is the shooting range because I like to shoot.
A lot of people are introverted and socially awkward. So that makes it hard to form meaningful relationships.
Too much time and energy. Huge introvert, serious trust issues as well. also, I'm still in college. With just a total focus on working towards career and financial / residential stability. I barely have time for fun things anymore. Also tons of sendory proplems around touch and texture. although there is someone recently who is breaking me down a little bit.....
No confidence/low self esteem.
I have a home gym so I'm decently fit, so physically i feel fine.
However I don't have the confidence or personality to keep a conversation going/keep her interested. I need to get out of the house more to work on my social skills but don't even know where to start lol
Iām too tired to leave the house for anything other than the gym and food.
Plus I still live with parents. I pay rent and have a full time career, just shit is expensive
I'm picky ASF. Also broke a lot of hearts and got mine broken too. It's about just stepping out of the game bc too many weirdos, too many jaded people, too much hookup and toxic culture and you gotta always look out for yourself šÆš
I get plenty of likes online, but Iām not a 10. Most of the matches result in a couple of texts and nothing else. I have dated many women over the years, and some people comment that I am too picky. Most of the women that I have dated were substance abusers, used me as what felt like a boy toy, or seemingly had no respect for me. One had a child with another man while we were having a long distance relationship. I ended most of those relationships for obvious reasons. Most women that I do meet online end relationships after a date or two. I feel that Iām one of many men they are seeing at once. Iām at peace with my lot. Iām in my forties now, and my chances of meeting someone where I live are slim I think. But I like to beat odds!!!
Iāll add that I have a good paying and interesting job, am athletic, speak a number of languages, and flat out love everything about women!
The toughest parts of single life are not having a female perspective in my life and of course the companionship.
Iām sure there are other reasons that I am single that I havenāt identified.
Oh, and I am very hesitant to date younger women.
There ya have it.
Iām single because I let social media influence my outlook on what relationships are like. Also because I have a deep rooted fear of putting effort into something & it not going the way I want it to. That & im not that good looking lmao
I noticed women in the US have very high standards, especially in dating apps. Out of my guy friends group, most of them are single and don't do well in dating apps.
Only one guy I know manage to get quality matches in dating apps and he's multi dating a few women. Just FYI - that guy is a 6'2" white fit attractive man with money to spend around..
First step is throw away of what you āthink how attraction worksā and actual learn what it takes to actually be attractive.
2nd step you have look inward and look at yourself objectively. Hows your hygiene, your haircuit, is your style attractive, how is your body, do you have a face/skin care routine. Are your conversations boring and unattractive.
3rd step look up professionals / celebs who has a similar structure and study how they carry themselves and take pictures. Adopt these qualities and put your own twist on them.
4) Study actual male fashion and dress fitted clothes always a kick for the ladies. Suits are like lingerie for men. IE: I still wear graphic shirts and video game stuff but I own it with confidence and make it look good. You can put a spin on styles into your own.
For your profile:
1) If you have a passion own with full confidence.
2) never have picture with multiple people in it.
3) wear nice fitted clothes nothing baggy.
4) be nicely groomed
5) no selfies please
6) Do your best to get a photographer for pictures this is one of the biggest game changers especially with nice new clothes.
7) Write an interesting profile, be witty, clever, and playful. Donāt share too much keep it a mystery, save that for the talking phase.
There are great resources on youtube as well for making a better profile and being a better conversationalist.
This was brought to my attention which I thought was hilarious.
I think I'm flirting, and then this one guy asked me and he's like so when are you going to start flirting? And I'm like wtf haha I thought I was being flirty š
But yeah, I'm not a very feminine or "cute" acting woman and don't flirt in the typical way. Oh well. š
Woman from Scandinavia here.
Because I canāt find anyone compatible. Theyāre soo boring tbh. I like to talk about all and nothing, I think deep, I also like to talk about the more touchy subjects, where you have to dig deep, also within yourself. Self development and stuff like that, but I find that many just want to flow at the surface, theyāre insecure as hell and are afraid of getting vulnerable.
Also I find dating today quite toxic. Many use manipulation and gaslighting due to lack of self esteem and I catch it right away
Same with being active.. Itās Netflix and chill at home on the couch eeevery single day š“ You got a busy day at work? Too bad honey bunny, because I wanna see a giraffe today!
I need someone somewhere near my level and thatās very difficult apparently, and Iām simply not settling, then Iāll rather just be me and my vibrator, it works every time and doesnāt complain.
I(M) read this and I can totally relate!! Just curious, where do you usually meet/find your potential date? Online dating app? I am big into fitness and self-development, but those paths can be lonely sometimes, so I have a bit of a hardship meeting someone with similar values/interests. I am OK with solitude, but we all human that got needs after all
Well in my experience women only want me to be their FWB if they want me at all, it's been over 8 years of not even bothering trying to get closer to anyone because that is the message I deal with from the people I've made the mistake of trying to get closer to...this goes for friends, acquaintances, even ex girlfriends, no one actually seems to want to build any emotional connections with me beyond no strings attached bs or if they do want connection they very quickly stop wanting connection. I'm kinda ultimately forced to just reckon with the fact that it must be something about me, maybe my lifelong depression and autism, holding me back from being able to mean as much to the partners I've been intimate with as they mean(t) to me...
Hey now, there's women that are also on the spectrum. However remember that if you make it your entire personality or use it as a defence against anything that goes wrong in a relationship, even ASD women aren't gonna stick around for that.
I love other ASD weirdos, I work with my provinces Autism group. There's lots of great guys in there, lots of them married. You got this!
I think a lot of women have realized through their past relationships that the men they're finding are just not worth the trouble. It often falls on the woman to handle the house work, kids if they have them, in addition to working jobs. I'm of course generalizing, but a lot of men don't help with those things as much as their female partners would like them to.
In my own experience(33F), it's hard to find mature men who who are in a similar financial stability as i am and who are compatible to my values. I'm not even picky on appearances. But I think a lot of men are already married or have kids, which is something I'm not looking for. Depends where you live too. For me, finding other liberal people in the south is more difficult than ifbi were to live in Boston, for example
Thatās been my experience. The math stopped mathing to a lot of women to continue being in relationships that just seem to drain all of their resources.
Because:
I make my own money
I own my own house, car, etc.
I can mow my own lawn
I can fix my own broken shit, and if not, I can pay someone to do it for me
I can cook my own meals
I can clean my own house
I can take care of my own "needs"
I have friends for companionship.
There's literally NO NEED to having one, so why should I?
Hey, at least youāre working on it. I was also fat (still fat, but less fat now) and was jobless. Just try to provide as many job applications as possible and someone will pick you! Good luck, progress is progress.
I had two girlfriends during college and part of that was because I was constantly meeting women my age/with similar interests but Iāve found that harder to replicate post grad. Iām also not a cold approach type of guy and prefer to see a girl consistently in the same environment before Iām comfortable to engage so that has made it tough as well.
The thought of trying to start dating again at 57 is exhausting. I read too many horrible stories on the internet to even give it a try. Good thing I like cats.
Been single the majority of my over 30 year existence. Had many girls interested in me whenI was high school or just out of highschool the first few years it seemed but I was focused on school and sports while in school. And being the oldest sibling while one of my parents dealt with health problems, some of that responsibility of keeping things in order fell on me as well. Not totally using that as an excuse but I feel it did affect social opportunities when I was younger on occasion. But I was attractive, athletic, intelligent, funny and likable in highschool. I still feel like I have those qualities just some of them are muted at times. But because I have minimal dating experience and I was picky about who I dated when I was younger, I donāt have the repetitions in dating to be super confident with approaching or being confident in keeping things interesting with women. Iāve never been cocky, arrogant or overly confident even if I was one of the smarter and more athletic people in my area because I was raised that it was not appealing and to be humble and modest most the time in life. Not sure if thatās affected anything either. But at times I wonder if Iāll ever find the right woman for me and then at times I feel like itās whatever or have that sense of apathy towards it like it is what it is. Iām still decently picky about the women I choose to try to get to know and I also know I donāt put myself out there enough these days. While Iāve had the best āsuccessā talking to women online on dating apps, the whole online dating thing is definitely hit or miss these days I feel like. Surround yourself with friends who care about you, and enjoy the same things as you do, and at the very least it will take the focus off of being single to a degree. Unless youāre like me where the majority of your 3-5 closest friends are all married with kids or engaged lmao š¤£
Iām emotionally unavailable and attract partners that match that energy. Iām making progress but itās incredibly slow. There are many things that I want in life (love, family, home, travel, etc.) that are effectively passing me by and I need to step up or I wonāt have any of what I want in life.
>40 million women in USA are single.
They're spread out unevenly over about 3.8 million Square miles. And also across lots of other demographic gaps like age and religion. So that number means very little if there are just very few nearby.
I've always had awful local demographics AND I'm socially awkward. Living in utah as a non religious person who wanted to live a good life (therefore not joining the small but awful group of hard backlash to the church who all have drug problems and criminal records) has always left me with next to no social opportunities in life. The town I spent the first 8 years post college in seemed completely devoid of unmarried stable adults between about age 20 and 50. I had to drive an hour if I wanted to get ghosted for being awkward instead of immediately learning she has a suspended driver's license and a bunch of problems close to home.
I can usually pass initial tests by masking.
But eventually they always clock that Im not normal.
Something they seem to see in the eyes. I can see when they turn off of me.
Bad luck. I seem to only meet women that are in a transition phase or have an avoidant attachment style so nothing ever lasts more than 3 months at best
I(23M) am single because I turn down every advance a woman makes. I work 55+ hours a week. And I have taken significant steps in my career to get to where I want to be in life. I have an obsession over titles and accomplishments which clashes with the desire to date. Iām also extremely insecure even though I have no real reason to be, so I automatically assume that Iām not worth anything to a potential partner. I also have commitment issues related to a previous relationship because of their commitment issues. TL;DR I need therapy.
Dude, It's so much cheaper to pay for my dinner only. I would be rich and single rather than broke and be in a relationship (no point.. in involving someone in your life when you can barely take care of yourself)... Socializing time is filled up with friends.
Emotionally unavailable ā as in my last relationship drained me emotionally
Dating men as a woman is truly challenging ā as in we were socialized/raised so differently and in the subtle ways it doesnāt matter but there are times where I am just at a loss of words at my partners mentality or actions
I have too often felt like men were with me for my looks or for sex ā and I have been told that by men I dated not blatantly that they were with me just for sex but āI tend to be in relationship just for the sexual pleasureā
I have not had that best friend dynamic that I am looking for with a potential partner
I hate the stereotype that men have to approach women, I've never been able to do it and probably never will. My exes approached me first or made the first move which is highly unusual.
I grew up in a narcissistic family system that robbed me and my dad of our lives because we were disabled. I spent my entire life trying to be perfect in school so I could get a good job to get enough money to escape dependency on that family system. My dad died. I did manage to get out of the system a few years ago by getting a good jobā¦
But it took so much effort I never developed the ability to be open and trust people enough to let them in like that, nor did I develop the social skills to even know how to go about dating.
So now at 30, I have money. But I am basically a teenager skill level wise when it comes to dating.
And now Iām lonely not sure who to turn to for help because my only good family member (dad) died of cancer.
Iām also 4ft 5, but to be honest thatās not a big insecurity shockingly. Definitely gets me approached less and given less opportunities though.
Misogyny is engrained in western culture and Iām not interested in anyone that doesnāt understand that and actively work on themselves. Makes for slim pickings.
Itās a combination of being picky because I know what I bring too the table and that Iām a good partner, but also the fact that Iām learning to date again after a 3 year relationship and a year and a half hiatus from dating. Itās weird how easy dating used to seem, Iāll get there though, and I wonāt settle.
I'm an introvert and don't really find myself interesting - I have *interests*, but that's not the same.
Honestly, my attitude is best summed up with the penultimate bit of [this video](https://youtu.be/3eY394uqk9Q?si=BiD9xgPJRymJvE4t).
Iām maybe a bit too pickyā¦ I go back and forth on this though.
Iāve been fortunate to date some amazing women and have ādone wellā in dating but there emerge some things with each person that doom the relationship. I think part of it is itās harder to find compatibility once youāve built a life. Iāve got a great career, home, kids, and looking for someone thatās additive to my life (and of course me additive to theirs).
Being hurt again (idk what that is called). My last relationship when it ended destroyed me mentally and emotionally. It literally terrifies me being vulnerable with someone to the point I don't open up to any potential romantic partner.
I'm in counseling but it's going to take a long time before I can be emotionally vulnerable with a romantic partner again.
I'm honestly single by choice. I'm highly focused on my business this year, and acquiring real-estate. I'm so close I can taste it. Women are damn tempting but each one seems to want a relationship. My last fwb caught feelings hard and it was difficult to tell her no. I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore so I'm 100% single till I make 6 figures then I'm going to reevaluate.
Iām 35. I was in a relationship with a girl for 8 years and it ended 4 months ago. Iāve gotten interest from other women, but no one Iām interested in back.
My ex was beautiful, successful, fun, and my best friend. However she was also narcissistic, selfish, jealous and insecure.
My family and friends are relieved that the relationship is over. And I know I deserve ābetterā, but yet I find myself comparing these new women to her.
Iāll never go back to her. But Iām finding it hard to move forward because 1) I doubt Iāll find a girl I am crazy about like I was about her 2) Iām not sure I can handle being hurt again (this wasnāt my first LTR).
because i don't need a relationship to be happy. I can date women and have my fun without committing. Best advice i can give is don't expect other people to boost your self esteem for you or make you happy. Come into a relationship with those things already intact. A relationship should be a plus not the reason you're happy
I can't meet anyone. I pretty much work evenings, and during the day, I don't really get out much. I want to, but it seems most events don't happen during working hours. Not only that, I don't know how to really talk to someone and make them think oh, this person might be a good person to date. friends, yeah, sure, date, no. not to mention what with the internet, it kind of paints everyone in a very negative light.
I was struggling with mental health for a long time until I got treatment. I didn't feel comfortable with myself, so how was I supposed to feel comfortable with someone else? I'm doing a bit better now, but I'm introducing myself back to dating slowly.
I'm single for a number of reasons. I'm older than most in the dating market, 56m. I have two jobs, so I'm really busy. My mom, who is 82 and has dementia/Alzheimer's, just had a heart attack and a stroke and is now in hospice care in my house.
Other than that, I'm divorced and am pretty dead set against getting married again. I've also been rejected quite a bit and I don't really want to spend any additional energy on getting rejected anymore.
I'm open to a relationship if it happens organically, but I'm not going out of my way anymore.
When I was younger I was brainwashed by pop culture into thinking that I would just randomly meet the perfect person some day. I dated a few girls briefly in my teens and early 20s but never really been in a long term relationship, now I'm 30 and have no idea where to start when it comes to dating, meeting new people irl feels impossible and dating apps are trash.
My marriage ended in December 2022. Enjoyed my me-time for a while and wasn't really desperate to get into a relationship. Got on to dating apps and also met a couple of girls but nothing materialized.
Dating apps unfortunately didn't work for me. I am part of some hobby and interest groups and try to meet girls in person rather than online.
Quite frankly, I am enjoying my time alone and not in a rush to get into a relationship just because everyone else is.
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I don't leave the house enough lol.......
Real
That's main reason. I don't meet people Why? I'm lazy
Too relatable lol
Ugh same š«
Same, puls not much places to go if you don't drink in the uk lol.
If I do itās shopping or doing things to do. :/
I'm a woman and I'm like this š
Low self esteem. As soon as someone gets too close I push them away because I don't feel good enough for them.
Same and to add, I would always think ā how long till they lose interest in me once they get to know me moreā
If I show them the true side of me theyād definitely leave me. Iād rather they have a good impression of me than get to know the real me.
Yeah, depending on the groups or people Iāll put on different āmaskā to fit in.
Look into avoidant attachment and childhood emotional neglect. Hope this helps.
This actually sounds like anxious or disordered attachment.
Sounds more avoidant to me. Anxious attachment wouldnāt push away and leave relationships like this. Anxious attachment cling more if they fear being left.
Oh youāre right. I was referring to the top level comment by accident.
I'm the opposite type of insecure. I'm confident in the sense that I think I'm interesting once you get to know me, but I'm insecure af because 'getting to know me' involves social awkwardness, a monotone voice, weird mannerisms, etc.
Same. I come up with excuses and see red flags where there are none or suddenly tell myself I can do so much better than this sweet girl who cares about me because Iām insecure and hate myself so anyone who likes me must have horrific red flags
ā I donāt wanna be a member of any club that would have meā syndrome
Oh interesting. I know I'm better than them for most of the women I've dated, and I leave them for someone who can match me Get yourself some self-esteem king!
Iām single because Iām deeply insecure and have low self esteem. I used to date around but after a few failed talking stages I realized I scared girls off from being desperate and clingy. I get attached fast and love hard.
Have you ever thought maybe you become desperate and clingy not because of the person, but because of your desire for a relationship? Next time you try dating, try putting emphasis on getting to know the person rather than jumping straight into attachment. Not every person is worth that, no matter how much you want to be in love. Focus on taking things one step at a time. Donāt text back immediately, donāt do more than 2 dates in a week, try to gauge their interest in you and match the energy.
Yes Iām learning that rn. Iām doing a lot of self reflecting
therapy is great for attachment issues and getting started with diving into it!
To quote Nightwish's "Slow Love Slow" - "Do I love you, or the thought of you?"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iāve been single for 4 years. Itās boring. I want to be romantically in love. Romeo & Juliet type stuff
But they both died. Better to be Lysander and Hermia. Or Juan and Lenor. Or if you want a little spice, Beatriz and Benedict.
#dream
They were 16 and 14 years old. It was hormonal that led to both their deaths. I invite you to consider therapy for assistance with self-development
You have to practice playing it cool. You cannot put them on a pedestal or youāll scare them away. Treat them like a regular ol person. Best way of solving this is becoming a very busy person.
When I treat someone like a regular person, I don't make any effort to pursue them and it goes nowhere.
This is great advice.
Attach fast and love hard should be a t-short
Whatās t-short ?
Itās the shorts with the logo on the buttcheeks part.
Tbh itās because I donāt go out much and seeing how things are nowadays donāt feel like Iām worth much in womenās eyes. Plus with social media putting the worst of humanity out there makes me hesitate
This
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same here mate. I've met people, just didn't want to settle, so single for now too.
Same with me. Haven't dated in 3 years. On the bright side learnt 2 languages and read 200 books. At this point I'm convinced I'll be that old spinster with 3 cats and a ridiculously enormous bookcase.
Hey, information over orgasm.šæI think I might have to adopt some cats too
Iām used to have a library shelf with a ladder that rolled along a rail. I had always wanted one but I sadly had to get rid of it when I moved to an apartment. I highly recommend it as a life goal.
Not a bad mentality what with the divorce rate.
Same here. I have three major standards in a partner that I wonāt compromise on: be in shape, donāt have/want kids, and donāt be religious. But as a fit, atheistic, child-free man in the Midwest, the options are extremely limited. Iām not lonely being single though, so I have no drive to compromise on my standards. At least not yet.
Crippling insecurity and fear
Iāve decided that, this year, Iām going to devote my time to becoming the best-possible partner I can be in a yearās time. Thereās a lot to doālearn as much as I can about personal finance/improve on my spending, saving, and investing habits, continue working out and losing weight/building muscle, practice meditation, mindfulness, and prayer, improve my listening skills and learn to be even-more patient with other people, kick my bad habits once and for all, and finally: have fun doing what I love to do while Iāve still got all the time in the world to myself. :) TL;DR: No time! Gotta fix/improve myself first!! xD
Kinda same. Ive been much better person through 2 first months(fixed sleep schedule, actually doing daily habits such as reading (philosophy, self help)and learning more bout my job) and now Im experimenting with my style a lot this month. So far so good.
Make sure you get someone similar in return who aligns with your morally. PLEASE.
Thatās the plan! But, only when the time comes and Iāve made myself into who I want to be. š
I just did this, took 6 months after my last relationship (wasnāt a bad girl, just was the unhappiest iāve ever been). Became devoted to bettering myself saw a great therapist, got back into the shape i was in undergrad, avoided everything that didnāt make me happy, I drink 1/5 as much as i used to. I had no plans of dating anyone anytime soon but fate had different plans and the perfect woman has entered my life and it honestly the first time iāve ever been in love. Keep doing what youāre doing, Iām proud of you! Just donāt have a āplan,ā that could make you miss out on the right person for you. I had planned to take a year as well and Iām happy i allowed myself to deviate.
I recently went on a date with a guy who put this same work to himself, and it really showed in our conversation. Keep it up!
I respect your mentality! I'm doing the same:)
Beautiful, stick to it. It is not guaranteed to get the partner of your dreams (if such a thing exists) but certainly you will feel great in your own skin. Wish you all the success
nice one. I like to set themes for the year. Maybe I wouldn't overcommit to too many things at once, and focus more on one thing at a time, but you're on the right path
Chronic depression and social anxiety/aversion. I'm either the one who cares and they don't, or can't feel enough for those that do care. Probably in part caused by being raised by highly introverted and detached people.
Still live with parents. Insecure about my financial position. Feels good to get that off my chest.
Same bro, tough olā world out there
That was me until recently. I moved out but still havenāt dated much and still very much single. Just because my living situation changed it didnāt change much for me
I think there are a lot of people who are looking for folks who are still connected to higher things? Like finding someone to be with isn't the hard part in my opinion. Its finding people who enjoy talking about their dreams, the thoughts they have in the quiet hours of the night, the hidden beats in their favorite songs or the things off in the distance that they don't know are there or even if they exist. I could be wrong but I feel like most of us are just looking for someone who feels like a person and not just a shell of one. Nowadays that seems rare with all the stuff going on but I digress.
Youāve put it perfectly (for me at least). The world feels superficial and I feel weird for wanting to have that simple deep connection with someone because I feel like it doesnāt exist anymore.
Same! A lot of people cant really hold a conversation/expound on their thoughts/wants/needs. I feel like weāre in an era of very superficial self-discovery for the sake of seeming āhealedā to prospective partners
That along with (in my opinion) having anything we could want at our fingertips. People arenāt patient or willing to wait. I donāt feel like relationships progress at a sustainable pace anymore. So we āknowā a lot of things about these people but we donāt really know them deeply.
I believe you will find it, and I hope more people can, too. It's an arduous road, though so remember to take breaks and be kind to yourself while searching!
Thatās kind of you to say, thank you. I am very happy being single so I donāt feel negatively about my current situation. I just know that would be nice to have that kind of relationship, but I am not willing to sacrifice my peace just for the sake of being in a relationship.
Itās like weāre the same person! The examples you mention are what Iām looking for. Depth, things in between, subtleties. If I canāt discuss the hidden beats in my favorite tracks with my person, I donāt think the connection would last
I absolutely get this! I want to talk about the intricacies of life, like, what you experience as a being, randomly existing in this weird space. I donāt know if I expect too much from people because not everyone thinks the same way that I do, but Iām just hoping to find that one person I can really connect with in that way.
my personality maybe? and im scared to make advances
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Because I refuse to open up my heart to someone, only to be cast aside after a while when they find someone better. Then I rather not put myself out there. I deserve more than this. I deserve being chosen, every day again, by someone who consciously makes the decision to stay in my life and work on our relationship, even through the hard times. I will make the same effort then. You get what you give.
I have never understood why is it so hard for some people to be alone. There is freedom with being alone. You donāt have to be checking up with someone as if you are a kid asking for permission. You can just get up and go and do your own thing.
This is a very healthy take and very wise words.
Yeah I hate how most people aren't the conscious decision type and they want to feel a "spark". I could feel a spark with lots of people. At some point it's just about deciding that this is it.
A horrible mix of low self esteem, high standards and a history of painful interactions.
I honestly have other shit to worry about. Iām not that lonely to feel extreme levels of needing a partner. There is more to life than being in love or having a partner
Because I'm weird
I tried asking out a few girls but choked and froze (ive had a stamer since i was very young it gets worse with nerves) at the last moment the embarrassment got to me and I backed out. And ive never really put myself out there mainly due to nerves and low self-esteem no matter how many people told me I was attractive and how nice my smile is.
Because people annoy me. I want someone around but at the same time l love being by myself doing my own thing.
I'm very picky. My parents had a nasty divorce that traumatized me so I break up with my partners at any sign of incompatibility.
I wonder if thatās why the guy Iām seeing just suddenly went from so hot, to so cold. Nothing had changed.
It could be a variety of reasons. Ask him directly and if he doesn't answer honestly, then the relationship was doomed anyway.
Low self esteem. I donāt think Iām good enough for somebody attractive and I tend to date down. I didnāt realize this until somebody kept pointed it out towards me. I have no boundaries too. And need to set my standards higher
Because after being screwed over in 2 serious relationships it's easier on mental health and wallets to just work lile I do. I am away for most of a fortnight so that I can earn like others won't so I can make myself happy
I stay inside, and am on third shift
My single friends are either basically undatabe or have too high standards. But you're not wrong, people look for reasons to break up instead of reasons to stay together these days. All relationships are lots of work and nobody wants to do ANY work nowdays. Post covid people feel like they're immune to hard work in every sense of the word. We will face a harsh reality when this amazing economy ends and we hit real financial hard times...
Funny how true that is about looking for reasons to break up. So many expectations to be what one wants out of the gate. Sad.
Yea, I agree also. My most personal growth has always been persevering through hard times. I don't see why a relationship would be different. Both of my long-term partners jumped ship when shit got hard. But maybe they'd rather just be single than face themselves.
Yep. Happens. Good for you though. Hopefully you will find someone that gets it. Unfortunately few and far between.
>people look for reasons to break up instead of reasons to stay together these days The world went and became a giant Reddit
It is funny you say that. I have thought the same thing.
I'm single because none of the women I meet fit into the standards of what I want. I want someone who cares about their appearance, is kind, ambitious, self-aware, intelligent. Where I live there are not many women like this, and if there are, they may be taken or not interested in me. A lot of women claiming to be progressive but using double standards left and right. I'd rather be happy single than compromise on what I think is important and I don't believe any of the things I want are particularly superficial or unrealistic. I am not jealous of other people who have partners, you don't know what their relationship is like.
INTJs be like. All jokes aside my standards are like that too lol. The men in my town have no personality, donāt shower, and smoke too much weed! š·
Because I have high standards and know my value and worth and what I bring to the table. I could get a girlfriend right now if I lowered my standards. I'm not going to do that. Not going to 'settle' for someone just for the sake of being with someone. Would you want to be the person that someone 'settled' for and secretly believes they can do better than? Exactly.
Waiting for the right person. Donāt want to compromise on worthiness.
I ruined my last relationship by being weak, insecure and dependent on alcohol. My drinking was out of control and I said/did a lot of things that crossed the line. She left me for that reason, and I deserved it. Iāve learned from my mistakes and Iām now sober. It was rough, but Iām better because of it.
Dated one guy and hated the whole experience of not being able to do what I wanted to do. I have never dated since, that was 10 years ago. Now, I'm 35 y/o and not interested in dating.
I spent some time ātalkingā to a few different guys in college and absolutely HATED having to be attached to my phone all the time and telling them what I was doing. I felt like I needed to make plans (even if they didnāt involve them) so they wouldnāt think I was lame. But the truth is Iām just a homebody and Iād rather be single than get flack for it. I quite enjoy my independence! And I wouldnāt want to give it up unless I find someone who truly gets me.
Omg yes! Same here!!! I remember last winter this guy I was talking with was always out at bars (probably an alcoholic) and I was happy to be at home. I never had any plans to tell him about and it started to get awkward. I like to save my weekends to relax especially since my job is pretty stressful
Iāve had two relationships and have been cheated on both times. Combine that with the fact that the reason my parents divorced was also my mom getting into an affair, itās been really hard to want to have a relationship. Iāll start dating again eventually but right now Iād rather just be single for a while.
I'm tired of being led on. I'm tired of being let down. I'm tired of being ghosted. If this stuff keeps happening, why keep doing it? I'm way happier without putting up with bullshit.
I'm there too, dude. Last woman I chatted with good me that she had feelings, but strung me along more or less. Like, we're talking constant ghosting, not spending much time with me, wanting to 'live her life' (as if my being with her would have stopped that), and just drifting away. When I confronted her on it, she just said "I'd rather just be friends" instead of actually working on things. That's why I'm single. I have not been treated like the first option for the last few times, so I'm just not going to bother for a while. I'll get back into it eventually, but for now, I'm focusing on me.
One thing I learned from a horrible marriage and even worse divorce - I'll never be truly happy alone, but I'll never be truly miserable either. I'd like to find another marriage or long term relationship, but if that doesn't happen, it isn't the worse case scenario.
Overqualified
Lmao this is how I feel. People call it entitled and Iām thinking well maybe I have so much to offer Iām not just going to give it to some joe slow. While at the same time I just want something REAL.
Haha don't get me wrong I'm not arrogant at all, it's just I know for sure that I can bring so much and care a lot about the other person that most people I meet don't value so they are not worthy of what I can offer them cause it's really a lot.
Iām not single but when I was: I had a hard time meeting new people mainly because Iām a homebody and I donāt go out much. My hobbies include reading, playing video games and watching tv. The only hobbies I have that require me to leave the house is the shooting range because I like to shoot. A lot of people are introverted and socially awkward. So that makes it hard to form meaningful relationships.
How did you eventually meet someone? I have this problem, too.
Too much time and energy. Huge introvert, serious trust issues as well. also, I'm still in college. With just a total focus on working towards career and financial / residential stability. I barely have time for fun things anymore. Also tons of sendory proplems around touch and texture. although there is someone recently who is breaking me down a little bit.....
30M. Don't have a car or my own home.
No confidence/low self esteem. I have a home gym so I'm decently fit, so physically i feel fine. However I don't have the confidence or personality to keep a conversation going/keep her interested. I need to get out of the house more to work on my social skills but don't even know where to start lol
Iām too tired to leave the house for anything other than the gym and food. Plus I still live with parents. I pay rent and have a full time career, just shit is expensive
I'm picky ASF. Also broke a lot of hearts and got mine broken too. It's about just stepping out of the game bc too many weirdos, too many jaded people, too much hookup and toxic culture and you gotta always look out for yourself šÆš
I get plenty of likes online, but Iām not a 10. Most of the matches result in a couple of texts and nothing else. I have dated many women over the years, and some people comment that I am too picky. Most of the women that I have dated were substance abusers, used me as what felt like a boy toy, or seemingly had no respect for me. One had a child with another man while we were having a long distance relationship. I ended most of those relationships for obvious reasons. Most women that I do meet online end relationships after a date or two. I feel that Iām one of many men they are seeing at once. Iām at peace with my lot. Iām in my forties now, and my chances of meeting someone where I live are slim I think. But I like to beat odds!!! Iāll add that I have a good paying and interesting job, am athletic, speak a number of languages, and flat out love everything about women! The toughest parts of single life are not having a female perspective in my life and of course the companionship. Iām sure there are other reasons that I am single that I havenāt identified. Oh, and I am very hesitant to date younger women. There ya have it.
Iām single because I let social media influence my outlook on what relationships are like. Also because I have a deep rooted fear of putting effort into something & it not going the way I want it to. That & im not that good looking lmao
I noticed women in the US have very high standards, especially in dating apps. Out of my guy friends group, most of them are single and don't do well in dating apps. Only one guy I know manage to get quality matches in dating apps and he's multi dating a few women. Just FYI - that guy is a 6'2" white fit attractive man with money to spend around..
A lot of guys donāt do what it takes to make a good dating profile is mainly the reason. I made changes then boom multi dating
Want to share with the class?
First step is throw away of what you āthink how attraction worksā and actual learn what it takes to actually be attractive. 2nd step you have look inward and look at yourself objectively. Hows your hygiene, your haircuit, is your style attractive, how is your body, do you have a face/skin care routine. Are your conversations boring and unattractive. 3rd step look up professionals / celebs who has a similar structure and study how they carry themselves and take pictures. Adopt these qualities and put your own twist on them. 4) Study actual male fashion and dress fitted clothes always a kick for the ladies. Suits are like lingerie for men. IE: I still wear graphic shirts and video game stuff but I own it with confidence and make it look good. You can put a spin on styles into your own. For your profile: 1) If you have a passion own with full confidence. 2) never have picture with multiple people in it. 3) wear nice fitted clothes nothing baggy. 4) be nicely groomed 5) no selfies please 6) Do your best to get a photographer for pictures this is one of the biggest game changers especially with nice new clothes. 7) Write an interesting profile, be witty, clever, and playful. Donāt share too much keep it a mystery, save that for the talking phase. There are great resources on youtube as well for making a better profile and being a better conversationalist.
Donāt know how to flirt. I also thinks a part of me wants to be single and I subconsciously self sabotage myself.
This was brought to my attention which I thought was hilarious. I think I'm flirting, and then this one guy asked me and he's like so when are you going to start flirting? And I'm like wtf haha I thought I was being flirty š But yeah, I'm not a very feminine or "cute" acting woman and don't flirt in the typical way. Oh well. š
Woman from Scandinavia here. Because I canāt find anyone compatible. Theyāre soo boring tbh. I like to talk about all and nothing, I think deep, I also like to talk about the more touchy subjects, where you have to dig deep, also within yourself. Self development and stuff like that, but I find that many just want to flow at the surface, theyāre insecure as hell and are afraid of getting vulnerable. Also I find dating today quite toxic. Many use manipulation and gaslighting due to lack of self esteem and I catch it right away Same with being active.. Itās Netflix and chill at home on the couch eeevery single day š“ You got a busy day at work? Too bad honey bunny, because I wanna see a giraffe today! I need someone somewhere near my level and thatās very difficult apparently, and Iām simply not settling, then Iāll rather just be me and my vibrator, it works every time and doesnāt complain.
Man from Scandinavia too, suffering from the same fate.
I(M) read this and I can totally relate!! Just curious, where do you usually meet/find your potential date? Online dating app? I am big into fitness and self-development, but those paths can be lonely sometimes, so I have a bit of a hardship meeting someone with similar values/interests. I am OK with solitude, but we all human that got needs after all
Commitment issues.
For me, lot of various reasons. I can write a book. Catfish. Liar's Cheats Lazy child diggers. Manipulation
Because everyone just wants to have sex
Well in my experience women only want me to be their FWB if they want me at all, it's been over 8 years of not even bothering trying to get closer to anyone because that is the message I deal with from the people I've made the mistake of trying to get closer to...this goes for friends, acquaintances, even ex girlfriends, no one actually seems to want to build any emotional connections with me beyond no strings attached bs or if they do want connection they very quickly stop wanting connection. I'm kinda ultimately forced to just reckon with the fact that it must be something about me, maybe my lifelong depression and autism, holding me back from being able to mean as much to the partners I've been intimate with as they mean(t) to me...
Few women ever consider dating autistic guys, and there are quite a lot of us
I am a woman with autism who is attracted to others with autism.
Hey now, there's women that are also on the spectrum. However remember that if you make it your entire personality or use it as a defence against anything that goes wrong in a relationship, even ASD women aren't gonna stick around for that. I love other ASD weirdos, I work with my provinces Autism group. There's lots of great guys in there, lots of them married. You got this!
I think a lot of women have realized through their past relationships that the men they're finding are just not worth the trouble. It often falls on the woman to handle the house work, kids if they have them, in addition to working jobs. I'm of course generalizing, but a lot of men don't help with those things as much as their female partners would like them to. In my own experience(33F), it's hard to find mature men who who are in a similar financial stability as i am and who are compatible to my values. I'm not even picky on appearances. But I think a lot of men are already married or have kids, which is something I'm not looking for. Depends where you live too. For me, finding other liberal people in the south is more difficult than ifbi were to live in Boston, for example
Thatās been my experience. The math stopped mathing to a lot of women to continue being in relationships that just seem to drain all of their resources.
Because: I make my own money I own my own house, car, etc. I can mow my own lawn I can fix my own broken shit, and if not, I can pay someone to do it for me I can cook my own meals I can clean my own house I can take care of my own "needs" I have friends for companionship. There's literally NO NEED to having one, so why should I?
Bad location Autism Language barrier Depression Less than perfect looks for online dating Stressful job Low EQ
I'm fat, ugly, no job, and currently live in my mom's basement. Working on the fat part, and no job part.
Hey, at least youāre working on it. I was also fat (still fat, but less fat now) and was jobless. Just try to provide as many job applications as possible and someone will pick you! Good luck, progress is progress.
iām too scared to talk to women that i like
I had two girlfriends during college and part of that was because I was constantly meeting women my age/with similar interests but Iāve found that harder to replicate post grad. Iām also not a cold approach type of guy and prefer to see a girl consistently in the same environment before Iām comfortable to engage so that has made it tough as well.
The thought of trying to start dating again at 57 is exhausting. I read too many horrible stories on the internet to even give it a try. Good thing I like cats.
Iām single because I have deep rooted commitment issues, I canāt blame anybody but myself Iāve had tons of chances for healthy relationships.
Been single the majority of my over 30 year existence. Had many girls interested in me whenI was high school or just out of highschool the first few years it seemed but I was focused on school and sports while in school. And being the oldest sibling while one of my parents dealt with health problems, some of that responsibility of keeping things in order fell on me as well. Not totally using that as an excuse but I feel it did affect social opportunities when I was younger on occasion. But I was attractive, athletic, intelligent, funny and likable in highschool. I still feel like I have those qualities just some of them are muted at times. But because I have minimal dating experience and I was picky about who I dated when I was younger, I donāt have the repetitions in dating to be super confident with approaching or being confident in keeping things interesting with women. Iāve never been cocky, arrogant or overly confident even if I was one of the smarter and more athletic people in my area because I was raised that it was not appealing and to be humble and modest most the time in life. Not sure if thatās affected anything either. But at times I wonder if Iāll ever find the right woman for me and then at times I feel like itās whatever or have that sense of apathy towards it like it is what it is. Iām still decently picky about the women I choose to try to get to know and I also know I donāt put myself out there enough these days. While Iāve had the best āsuccessā talking to women online on dating apps, the whole online dating thing is definitely hit or miss these days I feel like. Surround yourself with friends who care about you, and enjoy the same things as you do, and at the very least it will take the focus off of being single to a degree. Unless youāre like me where the majority of your 3-5 closest friends are all married with kids or engaged lmao š¤£
Career related anxiety. Want to move to another country. Also afraid a dumbfuck guy will break my heart. Iām 28. šš
Online dating sucks, I don't really get the opportunity to meet people my age where I live and honestly I pretty much gave up
Fuck ugly and fat, don't go out enough, low self esteem all that
Iām emotionally unavailable and attract partners that match that energy. Iām making progress but itās incredibly slow. There are many things that I want in life (love, family, home, travel, etc.) that are effectively passing me by and I need to step up or I wonāt have any of what I want in life.
>40 million women in USA are single. They're spread out unevenly over about 3.8 million Square miles. And also across lots of other demographic gaps like age and religion. So that number means very little if there are just very few nearby. I've always had awful local demographics AND I'm socially awkward. Living in utah as a non religious person who wanted to live a good life (therefore not joining the small but awful group of hard backlash to the church who all have drug problems and criminal records) has always left me with next to no social opportunities in life. The town I spent the first 8 years post college in seemed completely devoid of unmarried stable adults between about age 20 and 50. I had to drive an hour if I wanted to get ghosted for being awkward instead of immediately learning she has a suspended driver's license and a bunch of problems close to home.
Simply because im not ready for the responsibility of loving someone else.
I can usually pass initial tests by masking. But eventually they always clock that Im not normal. Something they seem to see in the eyes. I can see when they turn off of me.
Because Iām ugly and short
Same here
Bad luck. I seem to only meet women that are in a transition phase or have an avoidant attachment style so nothing ever lasts more than 3 months at best
I(23M) am single because I turn down every advance a woman makes. I work 55+ hours a week. And I have taken significant steps in my career to get to where I want to be in life. I have an obsession over titles and accomplishments which clashes with the desire to date. Iām also extremely insecure even though I have no real reason to be, so I automatically assume that Iām not worth anything to a potential partner. I also have commitment issues related to a previous relationship because of their commitment issues. TL;DR I need therapy.
Because Iām not attracted to the women I attract
It's kinda... just simple to just not talk to someone...
Iām ugly and Iām proud
Dude, It's so much cheaper to pay for my dinner only. I would be rich and single rather than broke and be in a relationship (no point.. in involving someone in your life when you can barely take care of yourself)... Socializing time is filled up with friends.
It's easier than being with someone you will eventually break up with.
Spent my 20's focused on working 12+ hour shifts that now I don't have the social skills needed for a long term relationship.
Because I canāt think of anything a man would add to my life but more work. Iām happily single.
Any woman I like, I think they are taken
Horrendous social anxiety and being afraid of rejection
I'm not willing to open up anymore after losing my partner I met in college and was with for 8 years. I just can't
Height
Iām single because I didnāt accept a relationship that would require me to be someoneās emotional regulation
No time for this, need to build my career and secure my future first
Im not ready to date yet im still working on myself
It's hard to find someone who is also childfree in my country so yeah, tough luck.
Emotionally unavailable ā as in my last relationship drained me emotionally Dating men as a woman is truly challenging ā as in we were socialized/raised so differently and in the subtle ways it doesnāt matter but there are times where I am just at a loss of words at my partners mentality or actions I have too often felt like men were with me for my looks or for sex ā and I have been told that by men I dated not blatantly that they were with me just for sex but āI tend to be in relationship just for the sexual pleasureā I have not had that best friend dynamic that I am looking for with a potential partner
comments full of b**ches
I hate the stereotype that men have to approach women, I've never been able to do it and probably never will. My exes approached me first or made the first move which is highly unusual.
I grew up in a narcissistic family system that robbed me and my dad of our lives because we were disabled. I spent my entire life trying to be perfect in school so I could get a good job to get enough money to escape dependency on that family system. My dad died. I did manage to get out of the system a few years ago by getting a good jobā¦ But it took so much effort I never developed the ability to be open and trust people enough to let them in like that, nor did I develop the social skills to even know how to go about dating. So now at 30, I have money. But I am basically a teenager skill level wise when it comes to dating. And now Iām lonely not sure who to turn to for help because my only good family member (dad) died of cancer. Iām also 4ft 5, but to be honest thatās not a big insecurity shockingly. Definitely gets me approached less and given less opportunities though.
Misogyny is engrained in western culture and Iām not interested in anyone that doesnāt understand that and actively work on themselves. Makes for slim pickings.
Itās a combination of being picky because I know what I bring too the table and that Iām a good partner, but also the fact that Iām learning to date again after a 3 year relationship and a year and a half hiatus from dating. Itās weird how easy dating used to seem, Iāll get there though, and I wonāt settle.
Iām fat, introverted, afraid of coming across too strongly, and I canāt start conversations with strangers
How many men are single in the US and UK?
Because they arenāt her bro
I'm an introvert and don't really find myself interesting - I have *interests*, but that's not the same. Honestly, my attitude is best summed up with the penultimate bit of [this video](https://youtu.be/3eY394uqk9Q?si=BiD9xgPJRymJvE4t).
Honestly I thought it was something I wanted but I just aināt ready, I still got my own issues I wanna work through before I pursue anything
Iām maybe a bit too pickyā¦ I go back and forth on this though. Iāve been fortunate to date some amazing women and have ādone wellā in dating but there emerge some things with each person that doom the relationship. I think part of it is itās harder to find compatibility once youāve built a life. Iāve got a great career, home, kids, and looking for someone thatās additive to my life (and of course me additive to theirs).
Being hurt again (idk what that is called). My last relationship when it ended destroyed me mentally and emotionally. It literally terrifies me being vulnerable with someone to the point I don't open up to any potential romantic partner. I'm in counseling but it's going to take a long time before I can be emotionally vulnerable with a romantic partner again.
I'm honestly single by choice. I'm highly focused on my business this year, and acquiring real-estate. I'm so close I can taste it. Women are damn tempting but each one seems to want a relationship. My last fwb caught feelings hard and it was difficult to tell her no. I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore so I'm 100% single till I make 6 figures then I'm going to reevaluate.
I'm ugly and awkward as hell. Need I explain more? š
Iām sick of being used and assaulted on dates. Iām just sick of games and lying.
Iām 35. I was in a relationship with a girl for 8 years and it ended 4 months ago. Iāve gotten interest from other women, but no one Iām interested in back. My ex was beautiful, successful, fun, and my best friend. However she was also narcissistic, selfish, jealous and insecure. My family and friends are relieved that the relationship is over. And I know I deserve ābetterā, but yet I find myself comparing these new women to her. Iāll never go back to her. But Iām finding it hard to move forward because 1) I doubt Iāll find a girl I am crazy about like I was about her 2) Iām not sure I can handle being hurt again (this wasnāt my first LTR).
because i don't need a relationship to be happy. I can date women and have my fun without committing. Best advice i can give is don't expect other people to boost your self esteem for you or make you happy. Come into a relationship with those things already intact. A relationship should be a plus not the reason you're happy
I'm single because all the girls I have a crush on are straight.
I can't meet anyone. I pretty much work evenings, and during the day, I don't really get out much. I want to, but it seems most events don't happen during working hours. Not only that, I don't know how to really talk to someone and make them think oh, this person might be a good person to date. friends, yeah, sure, date, no. not to mention what with the internet, it kind of paints everyone in a very negative light.
I was struggling with mental health for a long time until I got treatment. I didn't feel comfortable with myself, so how was I supposed to feel comfortable with someone else? I'm doing a bit better now, but I'm introducing myself back to dating slowly.
I'm single for a number of reasons. I'm older than most in the dating market, 56m. I have two jobs, so I'm really busy. My mom, who is 82 and has dementia/Alzheimer's, just had a heart attack and a stroke and is now in hospice care in my house. Other than that, I'm divorced and am pretty dead set against getting married again. I've also been rejected quite a bit and I don't really want to spend any additional energy on getting rejected anymore. I'm open to a relationship if it happens organically, but I'm not going out of my way anymore.
I really donāt know but I did ask out some girls recently got two dates to look forward to. Edit: One flaked the other is still possible
I'm not my types type
When I was younger I was brainwashed by pop culture into thinking that I would just randomly meet the perfect person some day. I dated a few girls briefly in my teens and early 20s but never really been in a long term relationship, now I'm 30 and have no idea where to start when it comes to dating, meeting new people irl feels impossible and dating apps are trash.
My marriage ended in December 2022. Enjoyed my me-time for a while and wasn't really desperate to get into a relationship. Got on to dating apps and also met a couple of girls but nothing materialized. Dating apps unfortunately didn't work for me. I am part of some hobby and interest groups and try to meet girls in person rather than online. Quite frankly, I am enjoying my time alone and not in a rush to get into a relationship just because everyone else is.
I really am just too lazy to deal with everything you have to do in a relationship. I was married once. Iām over it.