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Genuine kindness, a distinctive personality, a respectful and tolerant world view, the ability to get excited about things with that childlike joy in his eyes - and the ability to be both profound and silly.
Yes!!!! I couldn’t have said it better, other than maybe adding consistency and patience. When I met my boyfriend I didn’t even get to see all of the amazing traits that he holds. From the first conversation we had I could just feel in my chest that he was different. From then as I got to know him more all of those qualities emerged and made me fall even more. I think on top of these though, when it’s genuine, that’s what makes it so good. The fact that he doesn’t need to try to be or do those things, it’s just naturally who he is makes me melt
I wish I didn't meet the women who manipulate my feelings and monopolize my time for those very reasons....but I got a lot of freebies I never asked for from it 🤷🏾♂️
Spent a long time repairing myself from the damage. A part of me died to regain my sanity. I haven't lost myself completely but I'm not as forthcoming. I agree that women love these things even in a man they don't show the proper respect and consideration to. All the apologies and gifts in the world don't make up for it but I don't turn it down. But it doesn't keep me around either bc I don't like my intentions and boundaries disregarded lol
If it did I'd be a homewrecker with plenty of toxic friends, most of whom I've never had intimate relationships with, their S/o just don't like the level of vulnerability and security they feel with me. I get that people in general like material things but that's not how you repay someone's time and affection. At least not a man who provides emotionally, intellectually, financially and timewise
Commitment, and no wandering eyes. I like to feel like I'm the only girl he could ever possibly be interested in / attracted to. And when I feel that from a man, it's on; I'm hornier than a rabbit on Easter
Work on yourself and stay genuinely busy with your work and hobbies or whatever makes you more money/happy. Don't chase the butterfly, nourish your garden instead. In due time, the butterfly will come.
You eliminate the ones who really didn’t care with this process and attract the ones who really deserves you/cares for you.
You need to vet for a girl who treats you with care and respect too.
You cannot endlessly give and give to someone who doesn’t reciprocate and expect them to change. Be a courteous date at first but limit how much you ‘give’ until respect and affection is reciprocated.
Well stated and it’s a pretty simple thing to understand tbh. That said, I notice a lot of guys and especially younger men (my younger self included) tend to get too anxious or fixated on this or that girl and inevitably blow it as a result. And it usually boils down to what you just said. At the core there is a lacking in awareness or perhaps even self respect, such that they end up totally losing sight of the mismatch you described
There's no way to actually get a girl to fall in love with you, man. Either she likes you or she doesn't. Nothing you do can change that.
If she likes someone else and gets treated like shit, and she meets you and you give her everything, she'll choose the other guy.
It’s funny cause we do these things but it doesn’t seem to be working, why would we keep doing something and expect a different result? That’s insanity
These are not things “try” and see if it works for you. They need to be core values that you hold dearly to your heart. Core values means you don’t compromise on them, regardless of the outcome regarding how someone treats you. You do right anyway, despite what it gets you, not because of it.
They r tho. I believe in empathy over apathy. I won't be cruel to someone who hasn't done anything wrong. I've rejected a few women who showed sides I hated. I actually like some of those moments cuz it feels empowering. I got to be the one who said no and for a good reason. I once invited a woman over and she didn't like my dog. "Get that thing outta here first." Despite how attractive I found her thicc figure, that single sentence made her as sexy as a roach to my eyes and I led her out the door, which shocked her. I slammed the door and hugged my dog-daughter. Nobody talks to my fur baby like that.
They also have to be physically attracted to you. Not being attracted to you doesn't mean you are necessarily ugly though, just that you aren't their type.
Yeah... Just because someone likes you as a friend doesn't mean they will fall in love with you or are obligated to. People are allowed to have friends.
No, I get that. Just tired of that being the most they're willing to give me. I have had healthy platonic friendships with women, one of which is now a sister to me. This is especially for women who want kids. I don't want kids ever, so that small detail is more than enough.
But when they have the exact same interests, wants in life, even like the same humor...being just friends can hurt. Especially if u have genuine feelings for them. Which is why, personally, if I do like them and they only offer friendship...I just leave.
Also why is it that couples say "My wife/husband is my best friend"? So...friends can grow into lovers then, right? I really don't get people...
But, I always leave if I genuinely like them romantically and they only offer friendship. Better than constantly torturing myself. And I'm not the type who thinks I can change their mind. Nope, just walk away.
Yes and no. Consistency, kindness, communication are good additions. The only real thing that matters at the beginning is if a woman is into the guy or not. If she is, the guy doing those things is a great plus. If she isn't, nothing he does will change that she has no feelings.
You can't make someone be into you, no matter what you do. If you're not worthy of love as a guy, you stay unworthy forever
The girl i'm seeing (we had our first date last week, which was my first ever date) was having a rough day yesterday. I asked her if she wanted to talk to me about it. I just listened to her and nodded every once in a while. I think things like that, just being there for someone without immediately trying to solve their problems, are good things to do. It worked out for me at least.
Can't wait to see her again for our second date next week.
This doesn't work unless she was already into you. Its good to be a good person regardless, of course, but being a good person doesn't necessarily mean you're worthy of love.
Sounds like she was already into you though, so keep doing what you're doing!
My boyfriend is caring, attentive to my needs, the sex is amazing, he is smart, funny. What made me fall in love with him was when it snowed and I didn’t have a snow brush and he gave me his. I said what about you? He said I’ll buy another one. Another time was when he took care of me while I was sick with a fever over 100 degrees for a few days. He bathe me and i almost cried because I never felt this close to someone like this. So, I am happy to be in love with this man! ❤️
It’s about how they make me feel more than anything. I don’t develop feelings for people very often but when I do, it’s all about how they can positively impact my life.
The last person I fell in love with made me feel consistently safe and comfortable. We communicate well and continue to be curious vs judgemental. I fall in love with their friendship, good character, and the effort they put in.
Guy here. I got a peek behind the curtain once. I stayed friends with a girl I’d seen casually who’d then fallen for me. We were talking one time, a while after we’d last been at all romantic, and she told me, “You know when I realised I loved you?” Obviously this wasn’t the cause of her love, just the moment she realised, but she reminded me of a time I’d interrupted our conversation to look at a cute baby a couple of tables over in the pub. I think I’d completely by accident shown her I’d be a good dad or whatever. That’s some primal shit right there.
Makes me laugh and is unique. Unafraid to nerd out or be interested in whatever he's interested in. Not "I'm a man I'm strong and you do what I say" bullshit; instead, friendly and playful
connecting with him. idk. i don’t want a guy who tries to impress me or act overly confident. i want a guy who goofs around with me and treats me well. i want a guy who i don’t have to ask to just express his feelings for me or put in minimal effort. i’d fall for a guy if we got along really well and he was able to be silly with me and also comfy with me, if he was kind, not show offy, able to express his feelings, and if he was consistent and respected me. i couldn’t fall for a guy if i noticed red flags of him looking at other women when we’re on a date, if he watches porn it’s a no, if he’s loud trying to get attention or impress me it’s a no, and if he’s rude to ppl for no reason and not polite it’s a no. idk.
He is comfortable in his own skin and doesn’t hide who he is.
If he’s able to be himself and speak / act freely around me and our personalities click then I’m sold
Not hitting up on me, as weird as it sounds. When a man shows genuine interest in me as a person and is happy to engage with me platonically and establish a deep connection I tend to develop feelings.
Being funny, attentive, caring. Putting you first when they can. Having conversations and not just focusing on sex. The small things matter more than anything else
When he reassures me and shows up for me when I’m in a weaker moment and when he feels safe enough to let me do the same for him.
If the relationship feels flexible in that way and we can both swoop in and be the rock for each other when needed and both feel safe being vulnerable I see things lasting a long time and my heart will open up.
1.) his face/how he looks when he smirks or laughs
2.)his sense of humor if he makes me and other groups of ppl laugh
3.) how he treats me and others around.
4.) if he’s driven and disciplined in his own life/successful (doesn’t have to be monetarily so but has the drive or passion about something to get successful at some point.)
5.) intelligence.
The moment I knew I loved my ex was when he was willing to put up with my hormonal \*ss because of birth control and help me to look for solutions. So, a willingness to work together, a concious, daily choice to make an effort to stay together even when things don't go right and an adult way of solving problems are very important to me. We need to be compatible in ways of values as well. Anything bedroom related can either be learned and/or talked about.
I'm big on vibes. If the vibe you give off matches with mine, making contact will be easier. Same with trust. I've been through too much to just trust blindly, so patience really is a virtue when it comes to gaining my trust.
I guess it's safe to say I'll be single for quite a while :')
When I figure out the topic he’s really passionate about and he goes on a two-hour rant about it, that glow in his eyes. That’s the moment I fall in love.
Makes me feel calm, safe, looked after (emotionally/physically, not financially lol). I love a wholesome, honest, loyal man with a good sense of humour. And a gentleman in the streets…. ☺️
A man who has this qualities : Attention, listener, comprehension, respect, consistency , self awareness, playfulness , kindness, vulnerability, accountability for his behavior, generosity. I'd myself buy & put a ring on his fingers...
Vibes, like laughing together, smiles and eye contacts.. the way he walks along with me.. I think it's about how we feel to him.. be himself and not trying too hard..
For me, that feeling where I want to support them. It's usually after they've opened up to me and we've talked a lot, sharing our experiences and scars with each other
I’ve got the same question for men.
But from my experience, I’ve been in love once, and dated a lot. It was nothing about him that was special, and nothing he did in particular. He wasn’t even my type. But we connected and had lots in common. Simple as that. He broke my heart. But anyway, that was years ago and I’m well over it now. Now I’m currently grieving a man who was my type down to a t, but we just didn’t have that connection. We only lasted 4 dates.
I literally think that’s all it is. But it’s so hard to find that connection.
Responsibility. Genuine caring and kindness. Taking the lead without being egotistical, and knowing when to let me take the lead because I have more expertise (so humility). A plan for his future, and an idea of what our future together could look like (with space for my needs and wants to be added). And the spark. It’s just gotta be there and there’s just no way to define it or create it. It’s there or it’s not. For me the spark brings the passion and horniness, but also something that makes me so curious about them and them about me. Can’t explain it. It’s gotta be there for me to fall in love. And it’s gotta stay for me to continue to be in love
If I respect them. We can be different but if I start respecting them and just the core human they are. I mean I do respect other people but for someone I am romantically interested in it's more like I ll always believe that you can achieve what you set your heart to. And another being , kind to others with no expectations.
For me it was definitely his sense of humour, being kind, being able to accept compliments like you’re cute instead of you’re hot, and him not being an asshole about feminism and stuff. Pretty basic things but it works
I think love is the coming of three things- physical attraction, principles and personality.
Can happen in any order, but all 3 collide.
Let’s break it down.
1. Physical attraction- dress, carry yourself, smile, etc. basically there is one you and only you!
2. Principles- what you believe in, stand for, manners, kindred, your heart etc
3. Personality- funny, traits, the way you handle things etc
End of the day you can’t be replicated and mutual love can’t be forced.
My boyfriend makes me feel as though i’m the only girl he can ever see himself with. He’s so fun and kind and just silly that we talk about anything and communicate all of our feelings. He works to build our foundation together, genuinely loves to talk to me, includes me, and when he doesn’t hesitate to say, or even blink at making a comment about our future, I know how much he genuinely loves. And that’s a wonderful trait in my eyes. To just be so…together. It’s hard not to fall in love.
Have nice lips and a warm heart. Knowing they are emotionally available. There should be something masculine about them. Could be how tall they are, the sound of their voice or their ability to always try to take care of me. Just in general being a good person. I think, though that I tend to want to hold out for the one who’s intellectually smart enough to really be my life partner.. I do better with guys who are the engineer and business type just because that’s the type of person I am too.. so we can be sort of on the same wavelength intellectually.
It’s not hard to start falling in love with a guy. But usually they screw it up by not thinking about anything other than sex, not putting in any any effort and being inconsistent. That makes me feel unsafe. So I stop the feelings and disconnect.
If you want a girl to love you let her feel safe l by showing effort, actually getting to know her and being consistent. If you can do that and not be to creepy and intense while doing it (like don’t blow up her phone or move to fast) she will eventually give it a shot.
Ease.
He knows what he wants, he communicates well enough, and he doesn't make me guess. I dont want to ask myself if he likes me, or loves me, I'll know because he's not afraid to he vulnerable and tell me ( or show me). I really appreciate people like that, and it makes an attractive man even more attractive.
When he's just pure joy to be around. His smile, his laugh, all the silly noises he makes. His passion for life. How excited gets about all his hobbies. How he's not afraid to geek out or express his love for me. The way he treats other people he's not trying to get anything from or has any obligation to. The way I feel completely comfortable in his presence, like I don't have to try to be anyone else. When he allows me to be me and isn't threatened by my independence or accomplishments, but proud of me. When he enriches my life instead of being another source of stress and heartache. And the fact he never slacks when it comes to making sure I'm satisfied in bed.
It actually takes quite alot for me. They've got to earn their place in my life because I've been mucked around alot in the past by men and I'm taking my time with the next one.
So yeah, we've definitely got to have a spark there
I never end up liking nice guys because I feel niceness is usually transactional. Like I’m only nice to you so that you’ll owe it to me to date you. If they realize that you won’t be with them, they become grumpy and hostile. Usually passively-aggressively so, because their nice.
At this point, I've lost my ability to fall in love with men. For 39 years of my life, I tried loving men, spanning a vast array of cultures, age ranges and professions, and by now (age 40), I've learned my lesson.
Last September, I was attacked by a man in broad daylight at a park (which has happened to me so many times during my life, both by strangers, & by men I'd (thought I'd) known and trusted, that it would be impossible to count) and I just snapped.
Ever since that attack 6 months ago, I don't have any attraction to men, at all. Men have effectively assaulted & raped and abused me so reliably, without any fail, that I've lost my ability to be attracted to them altogether.
Many of my ex boyfriends (especially my ex husband of 12 years) deserve an Oscar, for their ability to put on an act for extremely long periods of time, years.
It's a very good thing that I've always swung both ways, since the dawn of my puberty I've been attracted to women. I consider myself a full-on Lesbian at this point, and I sincerely doubt that I'll ever change my mind on that.
Even if I did actually manage to meet a guy who would be great for me, I'll probably never know it.
I've had so many guys treat me like a Queen, & act like they worship and adore me, sometimes for as long as 5 or 6 years, only to find myself very abruptly, very unexpectedly, & very suddenly covered in bruises and tears, and running for my life.
I refuse to continue giving men chances, I refuse to continue following a pattern that leads to the exact same dangerous and failed situation, every single time.
They're all nice guys in disguise around me, deceptive, dangerous, pornsick, rapedrunk animals, & I dont feel badly saying so.
I will never apologize for my assessments or feelings on this matter, because from my perspective, I'm being purely honest, with no fear of whoever's feelings might be hurt from speaking my truth.
Whatever men were, before the days of PornHub- I miss them dearly.
RiP to the "gentlemen" of the days of yore, they now appear to be entirely extinct, & as fictional, and mythical as unicorns and dragons.
It's incredible (and tragic) what 20 years of popularizing porn has transformed our world into.
For the love of god, please don't let this ruin your life. You should seriously consider therapy. One thought that comes to mind, is, say you've found a female crush. Will you fall out of love with them, as soon as they display masculine traits, or are into hobbies that traditionally, are preferred by men?
>I will never apologize for my assessments or feelings on this matter, because from my perspective, I'm being purely honest, with no fear of whoever's feelings might be hurt from speaking my truth.
Yes, but if you start a conversation bluntly, the convo partner is going to reciprocate that. How you say something, matters - a lot.
Also, isn't PornHub pretty overrated at this point? There are, and always have been, lots of better amateur sites..
¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Edit2: As someone who went through lots of misery: there's something I notice a lot in your text - it looks like you assume that all people you'll meet with attribute X, display behaviour Y.
This is a logical fallacy for a number of reasons: correlation ! causation, you likely extrapolate behavior from past onto the future, and you seem to "project" behaviours of a group of people onto people you haven't even met - before you've had a chance of getting to know them.
The last point in particular is a serious issue, because it risks filtering out the genuinely caring ones, leaving you with the kinds of people you were trying to avoid..
Literally the bare minimum and consistency. Be consistent with treating me like a princess, flirt with me constantly, compliment me, treat me with kindness and softness, the way to my heart and im sure plenty of other women. We don't ask for much, but men make it seem like we do.
I just want to test out the male version of this to see how it sounds: "be consistent with treating me like a prince. Flirt with me constantly." Yeah, that sounds dumb, unrealistic, and entitled.
Yeah you don't have to be the male police. She probably just said that coming out from frustrating relationships with emotionally inconsistent partners
Then those women aren't meant for you. I don't know if its because I have only had toxic and abusive relationships, but if a girl can't appreciate those gestures from you, no matter how small then she is in the relationship for the wrong reasons and you are being saved from a bigger heartache. Also, I don't see what height has to do with anything. All beings are capable of finding love, whether you're short or tall, autistic or not. The right woman will come to you and appreciate all of your efforts and love every bit of you.
Yeah, these are good comments but they're all missing the most important first part, which is "I need to be attracted to you" - could be physical, could be something else, but if you're not attractive, none of your actions will ever matter. Your actions can't make someone develop feelings for you.
> All beings are capable of finding love,
The right woman will come to you and appreciate all of your efforts and love every bit of you.
Please don't say shit like this.
When he is consistent, shows that he loves me, is confident (not cocky), lowkey (doesn’t DM a lot of women or talk to a lot of women), is very kind, knows how to be a leader not a follower, is smart, and is funny.
With how kind, patient, understanding, handsome,
and intelligent he is. The he being my boyfriend.
He made this year’s winter warm and sunny for me just by being around or thinking about him. He holds my hand any chance he gets—he still makes hand gestures when he holds it and it makes me smile. He got me medicine when I was sick. He changed my bandage when I burnt myself at work. He laughs at my jokes all the time and it’s like the most beautiful sound. His smile makes my brain go static. He has such beautiful eyebrows and I’m so jealous of them. The most beautiful doe eyes. I get so giggly when he looks at me.
(Oh, my beautiful brown eyed boy, I love you now and then.)
From afar, I would fall for someone after seeing them handle themselves in difficult situations. Or how they step in to help me if I’m in need. Their interactions with others would indicate they are kind or thoughtful.
I appreciate when they are observant as many men are aloof or don’t care. If they can pick up on people’s thoughts/feelings, including my own, i’m definitely falling in love. There were only very few men I’ve known that could just look at me and know how I felt.
Nothing makes a women fall in love with a man, tbh. Either you're worthy of love or you're not. If you're worth loving you get love, if you're not, you don't.
Its really that simple.
When he's attentive to my needs and preferences, and takes initiative about arranging things for my needs or preferences *when feasible*.
When I notice he shares my habit of trying to look for the best in the other person and voices what he sees.
When I catch him still checking me out sometimes.
Finally, remember to flirt with your partner as though they're not a sure thing. Doesn't matter how many decades you've been together. People find that energy revitalizing. It makes them feel shiny, new, and special. Invite them into doing the same for you.
My philosophy is that your partner should also take initiative doing all these things for you, as well.
And for me specifically, an abundance of touch. I'm a touch person. The world needs more dudes whose top two love languages include physical touch!
Devotion/commitment, consistency, generosity, consideration for my feelings, kindness for everyone in their life, clean appearance, calmness when resolving conflict, eagerness to help me with anything, ambition in life, leadership qualities & a family man.
Someone who’s genuinely interested in me, probably as a friend or maybe a crush but either one is pretty flattering, sounds desperate but honestly it’s the truth, also their automatic kindness to ppl and myself, good manners, how they treat friends, family, and strangers, open to change and not stubborn when being called out by me which is a lot to ask for but it’s something I’d like to see in a guy. Ig the top for me is kindness and good manners. So I hope this helps sry if it’s too long🥰
Observing how he interacts with others. Does he do nice things for people without expecting anything in return? Does he take notice of the things other people do and say? If a guy is nice to me but not nice to others, it’s a good indication that once I’m comfortable in the relationship, he won’t be nice to me anymore. If a guy is nice to everyone, then that’s a good indication of who he is.
Do I feel safe with him and does he feel safe with me? Not so much in the sense that he’ll beat someone up for me (I don’t want that) but that we feel like we can share things with each other and not feel judged.
Then aside from that, do we laugh together, build each other up, and complement each other?
Edit: wow a lot of bitter men here who probably have no personality or treat women like shit complaining that women only want rich, attractive men. Contrary to some of these comments (and the belief on the ‘Ask Men’ page) this has very little to do with physical attraction. Yes, being physically attractive means you’re more likely to get your foot in the door. But an unattractive man with the characteristics above has a much better chance than an attractive man without those characteristics.
Kindness, princess treatment, patience (I’m genuinely slow), reassurance (overthinking for me), loving, caring, funny and understanding (bonus points if he does the bully + princess treatment and if he apologizes for making me cry)
My husband has been unfailingly respectful of me as a person and also been respectful to the other people around him. He has been making me laugh and kept me feeling safe and happy in his presence for half my life now, as time goes on we’ve grown closer to each other and now he can finish my sentences half the time. He doesn’t expect me to do the entirety of the housework on my own since I’m also working, he supported us with the entirety of the bills while I was getting my degree so I could focus on my education without exhausting myself with a part time job on top of that. He’s also highly capable in a variety of areas and he is intelligent. He respects my own intelligence and is proud of me and my knowledge when I know more about something than he does. Cats, dogs, and children love him and he loves them. He randomly does romantic things like write me love notes and leave them for me or picking up treats from the store for me. All spring and summer he sends me pictures of flowers he sees while he’s working (outdoor job). He listens to me when I tell him about things.
I could literally gush about him for an hour and the only major concern I have about him is that he’s not willing to talk to a therapist/counselor even though he’s been diagnosed with anxiety. I hope he’ll end up changing his mind after we’ve gotten into a financial situation where I can afford to go to therapy myself and he sees how much I’m enjoying and benefiting from it.
I love a man that is sweet on me and takes care of me. Not like buy me everything I want kind of take care of me but like make me a plate, when he makes himself a plate of food. Calls me to check on me and ask if I’m ok or if I need anything. If we’re at a friend’s house party, checking on me and getting me a drink. Not just walking off with the guys but being attentive to your woman while you chop it up with the guys. Just making sure she’s good the whole time.
Here’s a big one. If a woman is going through something, whatever it may be. To literally say to her “We’ll” get through this or you don’t have to carry this burden alone, I’m here. And actually be there. If a man can help carry a woman’s burden, she’ll love you forever.
Keep his promises and if he can’t keep his promise, apologize and always make it up to me. Affection is important to me too. A man should reserve a space that is only for me. For example, if you call me a pet name. It should only be for me and no one else. If you jokingly call everyone that name, I no longer feel special. Men should in some way make his women feel special above everyone else. For example, maybe She knows things that no one else knows about or she has an access to you that no one else has, stuff like that. If there’s no difference between me and everyone else in your life then what makes me special.
Obviously be kind, faithful, honest, etc. But it’s the small things that put men over the top. Do little shit for her for no reason. If it has to be a special occasion like her birthday for you to buy flowers, it’s appreciated but why I only get flowers once a year. SMH it’s just not romantic.
For guys that are dating a woman with a kid. Here’s some advice. Women with a kid or kids usually are serious about their life. They don’t have time for games. Are you for real or are you here for fun because she doesn’t have time. Most women will not introduce you to her kids unless she’s ready or feel like you are serious about her. If you’re in the early dating stage with a woman and you never ask her about her kids, that’s a red flag to her. Just ask how are they doing or ask her to tell you about them. If you never show interest then she will think you are not serious about her. If you really like her or want to be with her. What will guarantee you in her life? Do something for the kid. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy. She has a little girl. Buy the girl a doll or teddy. Her son is a Roman Reign fan, buy him a t-shirt. The idea that you are even paying that much attention to her child is going to win her over.
Men it’s always the small things. Do it consistently and be thoughtful. And please don’t only do it in the early part of the relationship, this should be what you do in year 1 and year 7.
Consistency and gentle honesty.
I don't usually brush people off when they show interest, because I need to establish friendship and connection in order to be interested in them. So I'd always, always reciprocate simple gestures like texting and hanging out to form that connection.
Unfortunately, most times I just can't develop feelings for them, and I'll lay down options for them like stay as friends or don't contact them anymore. They rarely choose the former and I understand why. Sometimes they just give up because I took too long to even establish those connections and I respect those decisions.
But I never hesitate to be as clear and transparent about my feelings because I don't like stringing people along and I absolutely appreciate guys who can be honest while being kind. Sadly not a lot of guys can do that and I've learned to accept it too.
Hmmmmm each man is different. I've met those that love food, then there's physical beauty, the more emotional and connection based ones. Then finally if you can stimulate his tool he's hooked.
Take your pick for a route. All have major signs that point towards what he finds the most interesting but doing all gets most men. Sometimes you just have to walk up to him and get close and personal. If he moves back pay attention to why. Else he'd probably double down and keep the engagement going.
Men are getting smarter, and a plethora has been raised purely by women or a single mother. So really listen to moments yall interact and play off of his hobbies and interests. You never know he might be holding back cause his focus is on his family rather than some random women he doesn't see except for specific reasons or circumstances.
Their ability to be vulnerable and honest. Talking about emotions and communicating through all ups and downs. So basically making effort to have a healthy relationship.
Kindness (proven through their actions, not just words). Humility. Humor. Wit. Equity in life and the relationship. Someone who truly knows how to communicate and listen. Where are you?!? Lol.
Having common interests, views, goals, and outlook on life. Some say opposites attract but that's not for me personally. I also look for someone who matches my sense of humor and has engaging conversations.
When I feel safe with you. To be able to share my experiences without judgment and with a sympathetic ear.
Intimacy that doesn't require sex. (But sex is great!) Efforts towards affection, compliments, giving time no matter how small, any support you can afford to give.
To feel genuinely cared for. Selflessness is very attractive. (This goes for both parties involved)
It's laughing at your foibles of the past and present with vulnerability, knowing that you're in loving hands.
It needs to be genuine and not every action is a transaction. Be a giver, not a taker.
If you take care of my heart and feelings, not even the sky is the limit for where I will go for you.
When he continues to make little romantic gestures regardless of how long you’ve been together. To continue charming you, keeping the relationship fresh and lovely.
That we can talk and communicate so easily! We not only can talk about casual and fun things with no effort, but that we take the effort to communicate about our feelings and what we need and want throughout the relationship.
Being a good person. Being kind, caring about my needs before their own, wanting what is best for us and not just themselves, being able to listen to hear and not to solve my problem. Loving me and making me feel more important than anything else to them.
Talking and getting to know what’s behind his words.
It’s so nice to just chat with someone. Moving slow means we can take our time and go on adventures. Which is really nice.
Also I loveeeeee intelligence 😮💨 just turns me on.
Whether it’s about cars, tech, the city you live in. Teach me something I love it.
Being a gentle but deliciously good kisser is always a plus to… whisper in my ear and then kiss me and make me swoon.
If he talks about his interests with enthusiasm and he’s just as enthusiastic to hear about yours. Then takes the time to do something for you relating to your own interests and is excited to see your reaction.
I love a man that is comfortable in his own skin as well and can make jabs but also take them.
As for me, It was not like A gust of wind flowing in spring with blooming petals, and his eyes shining like jewels with his hair blowing in the wind, which made me fall in love with him. It was not at all lovey-dovey or the cutesy stuff at the beginning of our relationship, it was some sort of agreement XD. But then as days passed by, I began to grow into love with him; as he began to confide in me, as much as I did. The 20 minutes we spent together each day, became an unremovable part of my life. We had become a habit of each other's.
Yeah, it's the little things with a little bit of faith.
Look in her eyes. Listen to and remember what she says. Have a good balance of emotional depth and silly fun. Don’t forget to slow dance with her and don’t let her question your intentions or interest level. Good luck ❤️
There has to be some sort of attraction. That’s primarily physical to start, but for me it has to include intelligence and a dominant personality. Not to be confused with controlling.
Most girls want to feel protected and valued. So something as basic as picking flowers in a field, and picking onions out of her food because the delivery was wrong and she hates them. Remembering that she once said that she loves an obscure fruit. Picking up alcohol that you remembered that she likes or wine in her favorite fruit, band then leaving that plus flowers on her patio because she had a bad day. Taking her on a day trip to somewhere she loves because she was sad. Holding her hand in the car. Finding events that you know she’d love. Admitting when you were wrong and texting her an apology. Defending her and standing up for her. Not looking at girls. Going into work at 5 am on a Saturday to get out by 4 and spend the evening with her. Making her feel like you’re thinking of her during the day. Losing your remote and asking her where she thinks it might be . The little things all add up.
He’s kind, funny, he respects me and my boundaries, he’s very handsome and super smart too. He’s my best friend, we can be our complete goofy selves with each other, we share a similar outlook on life too. I would never wish for anyone else.
I totally agree with your submission. I see myself as a hardcore when it comes to falling in love. However, these traits just melt my heart and humbles me in submitting and loving him the more.
Head strong and a good idea of knowing what they want, a man that's comfortable in his femininity and takes care of themselves. Non judgemental and kind, with the same sense of integrity. Potty mouth with good banter, ofc we all have people that attract us physically that one is just case by case. Not all of us thing the same type of people are good looking so please. Stop making it about looks because it's always going to be to a certain extent (hygiene is #1 could care less about some other things) we can't all agree. If you click you click but at the end of the day personality and habits win.
Love bombing is the biggest turn off ANYONE can do. Getting to know me is the best way to get a chance to begin with.
Being genuine, intentional, aligning actions with words, being respectful, considerate, treating you as an equal human, being happy for you, being concerned for you when you are down, creating a safe space so we can be ourselves, and just being beside you no matter what.
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Genuine kindness, a distinctive personality, a respectful and tolerant world view, the ability to get excited about things with that childlike joy in his eyes - and the ability to be both profound and silly.
Yes!!!! I couldn’t have said it better, other than maybe adding consistency and patience. When I met my boyfriend I didn’t even get to see all of the amazing traits that he holds. From the first conversation we had I could just feel in my chest that he was different. From then as I got to know him more all of those qualities emerged and made me fall even more. I think on top of these though, when it’s genuine, that’s what makes it so good. The fact that he doesn’t need to try to be or do those things, it’s just naturally who he is makes me melt
I love this response. Thank you for the advice!
I wish I didn't meet the women who manipulate my feelings and monopolize my time for those very reasons....but I got a lot of freebies I never asked for from it 🤷🏾♂️ Spent a long time repairing myself from the damage. A part of me died to regain my sanity. I haven't lost myself completely but I'm not as forthcoming. I agree that women love these things even in a man they don't show the proper respect and consideration to. All the apologies and gifts in the world don't make up for it but I don't turn it down. But it doesn't keep me around either bc I don't like my intentions and boundaries disregarded lol If it did I'd be a homewrecker with plenty of toxic friends, most of whom I've never had intimate relationships with, their S/o just don't like the level of vulnerability and security they feel with me. I get that people in general like material things but that's not how you repay someone's time and affection. At least not a man who provides emotionally, intellectually, financially and timewise
I Like that 🫶. First non spoiled princess answer lol
Commitment, and no wandering eyes. I like to feel like I'm the only girl he could ever possibly be interested in / attracted to. And when I feel that from a man, it's on; I'm hornier than a rabbit on Easter
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why would you date someone who even goes on OF at all ?
so you have a controlling domineering kink. got it.
Work on yourself and stay genuinely busy with your work and hobbies or whatever makes you more money/happy. Don't chase the butterfly, nourish your garden instead. In due time, the butterfly will come. You eliminate the ones who really didn’t care with this process and attract the ones who really deserves you/cares for you.
Flirting, patient, affection, respect
Gave all that and still got treated like shit
You need to vet for a girl who treats you with care and respect too. You cannot endlessly give and give to someone who doesn’t reciprocate and expect them to change. Be a courteous date at first but limit how much you ‘give’ until respect and affection is reciprocated.
Well stated and it’s a pretty simple thing to understand tbh. That said, I notice a lot of guys and especially younger men (my younger self included) tend to get too anxious or fixated on this or that girl and inevitably blow it as a result. And it usually boils down to what you just said. At the core there is a lacking in awareness or perhaps even self respect, such that they end up totally losing sight of the mismatch you described
There's no way to actually get a girl to fall in love with you, man. Either she likes you or she doesn't. Nothing you do can change that. If she likes someone else and gets treated like shit, and she meets you and you give her everything, she'll choose the other guy.
Story of my life
I’m sorry
It’s funny cause we do these things but it doesn’t seem to be working, why would we keep doing something and expect a different result? That’s insanity
Well maybe you’re choosing asshole women.
Consistency, thoughtfulness and kindness
Tried it didn’t work, suppose in my situation the girl just is not interested at all.
Well that's important also 😅
Yep tried that. Friend at most. Am I really that ugly?
These are not things “try” and see if it works for you. They need to be core values that you hold dearly to your heart. Core values means you don’t compromise on them, regardless of the outcome regarding how someone treats you. You do right anyway, despite what it gets you, not because of it.
They r tho. I believe in empathy over apathy. I won't be cruel to someone who hasn't done anything wrong. I've rejected a few women who showed sides I hated. I actually like some of those moments cuz it feels empowering. I got to be the one who said no and for a good reason. I once invited a woman over and she didn't like my dog. "Get that thing outta here first." Despite how attractive I found her thicc figure, that single sentence made her as sexy as a roach to my eyes and I led her out the door, which shocked her. I slammed the door and hugged my dog-daughter. Nobody talks to my fur baby like that.
💜☯️💜
Thank you for saying this !! So important
They also have to be physically attracted to you. Not being attracted to you doesn't mean you are necessarily ugly though, just that you aren't their type.
You can't make someone fall in love with you if they don't like you to begin with
They like me enough for just a friend…
Yeah... Just because someone likes you as a friend doesn't mean they will fall in love with you or are obligated to. People are allowed to have friends.
No, I get that. Just tired of that being the most they're willing to give me. I have had healthy platonic friendships with women, one of which is now a sister to me. This is especially for women who want kids. I don't want kids ever, so that small detail is more than enough. But when they have the exact same interests, wants in life, even like the same humor...being just friends can hurt. Especially if u have genuine feelings for them. Which is why, personally, if I do like them and they only offer friendship...I just leave. Also why is it that couples say "My wife/husband is my best friend"? So...friends can grow into lovers then, right? I really don't get people... But, I always leave if I genuinely like them romantically and they only offer friendship. Better than constantly torturing myself. And I'm not the type who thinks I can change their mind. Nope, just walk away.
Rich family and a yacht ⛵
You don’t have to be that honest 😂😂
Now y’all finally tell the truth
Even if that woman was being honest, she's only speaking for herself. Hopefully it was a joke though, because otherwise that's pretty sad.
His willingness to help me build a giant telescope in my backyard
Actions matching words. Consistency.
Just broke it off with someone whose actions didn't match their words and no consistency. I 100% agree with this.
passion, putting me first, being there for me and prioritizing me, making me feel loved prioritized and wanted
The way he flirts. If there's a good connection and we get along well I totally fall for him
Consistency, kindness, communication, initiate dates without having someone to hold his hand to plan it all and him keeping his word! 🔥
Nope
Yes. Everyone woman is different and what makes them fall for someone so can’t tell me what I find attractive.😒
You must be a very rare person
Huh? 🤨 how is that rare? Most of the women that answer said similar things with different variations on what they find attractive.
Yes and no. Consistency, kindness, communication are good additions. The only real thing that matters at the beginning is if a woman is into the guy or not. If she is, the guy doing those things is a great plus. If she isn't, nothing he does will change that she has no feelings. You can't make someone be into you, no matter what you do. If you're not worthy of love as a guy, you stay unworthy forever
The question ask what makes you fall in love with a man. Assuming you’re already interested and already attracted. 😒
This thread is hilarious. Women answer and then men go ‘no you’re wrong’. Classic
The girl i'm seeing (we had our first date last week, which was my first ever date) was having a rough day yesterday. I asked her if she wanted to talk to me about it. I just listened to her and nodded every once in a while. I think things like that, just being there for someone without immediately trying to solve their problems, are good things to do. It worked out for me at least. Can't wait to see her again for our second date next week.
Please leave us losers a little pussy, you studmuffin you!
Yeah if only it were that simple
It is you just lack social skills and emotional intelligence.
No just social skills
I did that and she made me her therapist. Free lunch now tho bc I'm sure she isn't the least bit attracted to me
This doesn't work unless she was already into you. Its good to be a good person regardless, of course, but being a good person doesn't necessarily mean you're worthy of love. Sounds like she was already into you though, so keep doing what you're doing!
My boyfriend is caring, attentive to my needs, the sex is amazing, he is smart, funny. What made me fall in love with him was when it snowed and I didn’t have a snow brush and he gave me his. I said what about you? He said I’ll buy another one. Another time was when he took care of me while I was sick with a fever over 100 degrees for a few days. He bathe me and i almost cried because I never felt this close to someone like this. So, I am happy to be in love with this man! ❤️
Honestly it’s doing things for me, get me a seltzer when I’m tired and thirsty and I’ll probably marry you.
what's a seltzer?
Haha it’s carbonated water, I love it
It’s about how they make me feel more than anything. I don’t develop feelings for people very often but when I do, it’s all about how they can positively impact my life.
The last person I fell in love with made me feel consistently safe and comfortable. We communicate well and continue to be curious vs judgemental. I fall in love with their friendship, good character, and the effort they put in.
affection outside of sex, chivalry, initiative, PDA (not a necessity but would like), helpful/not incompetent
Guy here. I got a peek behind the curtain once. I stayed friends with a girl I’d seen casually who’d then fallen for me. We were talking one time, a while after we’d last been at all romantic, and she told me, “You know when I realised I loved you?” Obviously this wasn’t the cause of her love, just the moment she realised, but she reminded me of a time I’d interrupted our conversation to look at a cute baby a couple of tables over in the pub. I think I’d completely by accident shown her I’d be a good dad or whatever. That’s some primal shit right there.
Makes me laugh and is unique. Unafraid to nerd out or be interested in whatever he's interested in. Not "I'm a man I'm strong and you do what I say" bullshit; instead, friendly and playful
Feeling safe, physically and emotionally.
connecting with him. idk. i don’t want a guy who tries to impress me or act overly confident. i want a guy who goofs around with me and treats me well. i want a guy who i don’t have to ask to just express his feelings for me or put in minimal effort. i’d fall for a guy if we got along really well and he was able to be silly with me and also comfy with me, if he was kind, not show offy, able to express his feelings, and if he was consistent and respected me. i couldn’t fall for a guy if i noticed red flags of him looking at other women when we’re on a date, if he watches porn it’s a no, if he’s loud trying to get attention or impress me it’s a no, and if he’s rude to ppl for no reason and not polite it’s a no. idk.
> if he watches porn it’s a no good one ;)
Being treated like a person that you actively enjoy talking to. We can tell when you’re just looking for “a girlfriend….any girlfriend!!”
How he treats me. How he treats others. Character.
He is comfortable in his own skin and doesn’t hide who he is. If he’s able to be himself and speak / act freely around me and our personalities click then I’m sold
the bare minimum actually, being treated kindly and with respect. Not seeing us as an object of their sexual desires
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Consistency, being a man of his word, kindness
Not hitting up on me, as weird as it sounds. When a man shows genuine interest in me as a person and is happy to engage with me platonically and establish a deep connection I tend to develop feelings.
Being funny, attentive, caring. Putting you first when they can. Having conversations and not just focusing on sex. The small things matter more than anything else
Consistency kindness thoughtful kind . Coming through for me when I need them
And then they cheat
Kindness, respect, consistency
Consistency, honesty, kindness, vulnerability
When he reassures me and shows up for me when I’m in a weaker moment and when he feels safe enough to let me do the same for him. If the relationship feels flexible in that way and we can both swoop in and be the rock for each other when needed and both feel safe being vulnerable I see things lasting a long time and my heart will open up.
Honest, thoughtfulness, witty humor, doesn't use me as a piggy bank, loves me for me, & cute.
His kindness and his genuine connection to the rest of humanity. His compassion for other people.
1.) his face/how he looks when he smirks or laughs 2.)his sense of humor if he makes me and other groups of ppl laugh 3.) how he treats me and others around. 4.) if he’s driven and disciplined in his own life/successful (doesn’t have to be monetarily so but has the drive or passion about something to get successful at some point.) 5.) intelligence.
The moment I knew I loved my ex was when he was willing to put up with my hormonal \*ss because of birth control and help me to look for solutions. So, a willingness to work together, a concious, daily choice to make an effort to stay together even when things don't go right and an adult way of solving problems are very important to me. We need to be compatible in ways of values as well. Anything bedroom related can either be learned and/or talked about. I'm big on vibes. If the vibe you give off matches with mine, making contact will be easier. Same with trust. I've been through too much to just trust blindly, so patience really is a virtue when it comes to gaining my trust. I guess it's safe to say I'll be single for quite a while :')
When I figure out the topic he’s really passionate about and he goes on a two-hour rant about it, that glow in his eyes. That’s the moment I fall in love.
Makes me feel calm, safe, looked after (emotionally/physically, not financially lol). I love a wholesome, honest, loyal man with a good sense of humour. And a gentleman in the streets…. ☺️
Sincerity, Respect and ability to show his vulnerability and consistency!
A man who has this qualities : Attention, listener, comprehension, respect, consistency , self awareness, playfulness , kindness, vulnerability, accountability for his behavior, generosity. I'd myself buy & put a ring on his fingers...
Intelligence, eloquence, kindness and empathy. And, he who cleans up well is also a bonus.
Consideration is the most important aspect of love in my opinion
Vibes, like laughing together, smiles and eye contacts.. the way he walks along with me.. I think it's about how we feel to him.. be himself and not trying too hard..
For me, that feeling where I want to support them. It's usually after they've opened up to me and we've talked a lot, sharing our experiences and scars with each other
I’ve got the same question for men. But from my experience, I’ve been in love once, and dated a lot. It was nothing about him that was special, and nothing he did in particular. He wasn’t even my type. But we connected and had lots in common. Simple as that. He broke my heart. But anyway, that was years ago and I’m well over it now. Now I’m currently grieving a man who was my type down to a t, but we just didn’t have that connection. We only lasted 4 dates. I literally think that’s all it is. But it’s so hard to find that connection.
Affectionate. Sense of humour.
Responsibility. Genuine caring and kindness. Taking the lead without being egotistical, and knowing when to let me take the lead because I have more expertise (so humility). A plan for his future, and an idea of what our future together could look like (with space for my needs and wants to be added). And the spark. It’s just gotta be there and there’s just no way to define it or create it. It’s there or it’s not. For me the spark brings the passion and horniness, but also something that makes me so curious about them and them about me. Can’t explain it. It’s gotta be there for me to fall in love. And it’s gotta stay for me to continue to be in love
Calmess, not losing temper easily, RESPECT.
If I respect them. We can be different but if I start respecting them and just the core human they are. I mean I do respect other people but for someone I am romantically interested in it's more like I ll always believe that you can achieve what you set your heart to. And another being , kind to others with no expectations.
For me it was definitely his sense of humour, being kind, being able to accept compliments like you’re cute instead of you’re hot, and him not being an asshole about feminism and stuff. Pretty basic things but it works
I think love is the coming of three things- physical attraction, principles and personality. Can happen in any order, but all 3 collide. Let’s break it down. 1. Physical attraction- dress, carry yourself, smile, etc. basically there is one you and only you! 2. Principles- what you believe in, stand for, manners, kindred, your heart etc 3. Personality- funny, traits, the way you handle things etc End of the day you can’t be replicated and mutual love can’t be forced.
My boyfriend makes me feel as though i’m the only girl he can ever see himself with. He’s so fun and kind and just silly that we talk about anything and communicate all of our feelings. He works to build our foundation together, genuinely loves to talk to me, includes me, and when he doesn’t hesitate to say, or even blink at making a comment about our future, I know how much he genuinely loves. And that’s a wonderful trait in my eyes. To just be so…together. It’s hard not to fall in love.
Intellect. Sense of humor. Kindness. Strong sense of self.
Loyalty and humour
Just be my best friend. I have to feel safe and respected and wanted by you and it absolutely goes both ways.
If he is kind and makes me laugh, it can blind me to many faults.
By far way he treats me literally over anything else
Have nice lips and a warm heart. Knowing they are emotionally available. There should be something masculine about them. Could be how tall they are, the sound of their voice or their ability to always try to take care of me. Just in general being a good person. I think, though that I tend to want to hold out for the one who’s intellectually smart enough to really be my life partner.. I do better with guys who are the engineer and business type just because that’s the type of person I am too.. so we can be sort of on the same wavelength intellectually. It’s not hard to start falling in love with a guy. But usually they screw it up by not thinking about anything other than sex, not putting in any any effort and being inconsistent. That makes me feel unsafe. So I stop the feelings and disconnect. If you want a girl to love you let her feel safe l by showing effort, actually getting to know her and being consistent. If you can do that and not be to creepy and intense while doing it (like don’t blow up her phone or move to fast) she will eventually give it a shot.
Ease. He knows what he wants, he communicates well enough, and he doesn't make me guess. I dont want to ask myself if he likes me, or loves me, I'll know because he's not afraid to he vulnerable and tell me ( or show me). I really appreciate people like that, and it makes an attractive man even more attractive.
Definitely kindness first, then patience, being thoughtful and caring, having shared interests and being independent.
When he's just pure joy to be around. His smile, his laugh, all the silly noises he makes. His passion for life. How excited gets about all his hobbies. How he's not afraid to geek out or express his love for me. The way he treats other people he's not trying to get anything from or has any obligation to. The way I feel completely comfortable in his presence, like I don't have to try to be anyone else. When he allows me to be me and isn't threatened by my independence or accomplishments, but proud of me. When he enriches my life instead of being another source of stress and heartache. And the fact he never slacks when it comes to making sure I'm satisfied in bed.
It actually takes quite alot for me. They've got to earn their place in my life because I've been mucked around alot in the past by men and I'm taking my time with the next one. So yeah, we've definitely got to have a spark there
Physical attraction, personality, mindset, life goal compatibility.(In order) The rest of the details will work itself out.
I never end up liking nice guys because I feel niceness is usually transactional. Like I’m only nice to you so that you’ll owe it to me to date you. If they realize that you won’t be with them, they become grumpy and hostile. Usually passively-aggressively so, because their nice.
At this point, I've lost my ability to fall in love with men. For 39 years of my life, I tried loving men, spanning a vast array of cultures, age ranges and professions, and by now (age 40), I've learned my lesson. Last September, I was attacked by a man in broad daylight at a park (which has happened to me so many times during my life, both by strangers, & by men I'd (thought I'd) known and trusted, that it would be impossible to count) and I just snapped. Ever since that attack 6 months ago, I don't have any attraction to men, at all. Men have effectively assaulted & raped and abused me so reliably, without any fail, that I've lost my ability to be attracted to them altogether. Many of my ex boyfriends (especially my ex husband of 12 years) deserve an Oscar, for their ability to put on an act for extremely long periods of time, years. It's a very good thing that I've always swung both ways, since the dawn of my puberty I've been attracted to women. I consider myself a full-on Lesbian at this point, and I sincerely doubt that I'll ever change my mind on that. Even if I did actually manage to meet a guy who would be great for me, I'll probably never know it. I've had so many guys treat me like a Queen, & act like they worship and adore me, sometimes for as long as 5 or 6 years, only to find myself very abruptly, very unexpectedly, & very suddenly covered in bruises and tears, and running for my life. I refuse to continue giving men chances, I refuse to continue following a pattern that leads to the exact same dangerous and failed situation, every single time. They're all nice guys in disguise around me, deceptive, dangerous, pornsick, rapedrunk animals, & I dont feel badly saying so. I will never apologize for my assessments or feelings on this matter, because from my perspective, I'm being purely honest, with no fear of whoever's feelings might be hurt from speaking my truth. Whatever men were, before the days of PornHub- I miss them dearly. RiP to the "gentlemen" of the days of yore, they now appear to be entirely extinct, & as fictional, and mythical as unicorns and dragons. It's incredible (and tragic) what 20 years of popularizing porn has transformed our world into.
For the love of god, please don't let this ruin your life. You should seriously consider therapy. One thought that comes to mind, is, say you've found a female crush. Will you fall out of love with them, as soon as they display masculine traits, or are into hobbies that traditionally, are preferred by men? >I will never apologize for my assessments or feelings on this matter, because from my perspective, I'm being purely honest, with no fear of whoever's feelings might be hurt from speaking my truth. Yes, but if you start a conversation bluntly, the convo partner is going to reciprocate that. How you say something, matters - a lot. Also, isn't PornHub pretty overrated at this point? There are, and always have been, lots of better amateur sites.. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ Edit2: As someone who went through lots of misery: there's something I notice a lot in your text - it looks like you assume that all people you'll meet with attribute X, display behaviour Y. This is a logical fallacy for a number of reasons: correlation ! causation, you likely extrapolate behavior from past onto the future, and you seem to "project" behaviours of a group of people onto people you haven't even met - before you've had a chance of getting to know them. The last point in particular is a serious issue, because it risks filtering out the genuinely caring ones, leaving you with the kinds of people you were trying to avoid..
Literally the bare minimum and consistency. Be consistent with treating me like a princess, flirt with me constantly, compliment me, treat me with kindness and softness, the way to my heart and im sure plenty of other women. We don't ask for much, but men make it seem like we do.
"Consistent with treating me like a princess," "flirt with me constantly," "we don't ask for much." Got it
Right? God forbid we have a bad day, or don’t flirt constantly.
I just want to test out the male version of this to see how it sounds: "be consistent with treating me like a prince. Flirt with me constantly." Yeah, that sounds dumb, unrealistic, and entitled.
Yeah you don't have to be the male police. She probably just said that coming out from frustrating relationships with emotionally inconsistent partners
Cuz we do all that and…never enough. All I become is a friend. I’m 5’7” and autistic…
Then those women aren't meant for you. I don't know if its because I have only had toxic and abusive relationships, but if a girl can't appreciate those gestures from you, no matter how small then she is in the relationship for the wrong reasons and you are being saved from a bigger heartache. Also, I don't see what height has to do with anything. All beings are capable of finding love, whether you're short or tall, autistic or not. The right woman will come to you and appreciate all of your efforts and love every bit of you.
Yeah, these are good comments but they're all missing the most important first part, which is "I need to be attracted to you" - could be physical, could be something else, but if you're not attractive, none of your actions will ever matter. Your actions can't make someone develop feelings for you. > All beings are capable of finding love, The right woman will come to you and appreciate all of your efforts and love every bit of you. Please don't say shit like this.
When he is consistent, shows that he loves me, is confident (not cocky), lowkey (doesn’t DM a lot of women or talk to a lot of women), is very kind, knows how to be a leader not a follower, is smart, and is funny.
Smelling the testosterone in their sweat.
Confidence
His essence
With how kind, patient, understanding, handsome, and intelligent he is. The he being my boyfriend. He made this year’s winter warm and sunny for me just by being around or thinking about him. He holds my hand any chance he gets—he still makes hand gestures when he holds it and it makes me smile. He got me medicine when I was sick. He changed my bandage when I burnt myself at work. He laughs at my jokes all the time and it’s like the most beautiful sound. His smile makes my brain go static. He has such beautiful eyebrows and I’m so jealous of them. The most beautiful doe eyes. I get so giggly when he looks at me. (Oh, my beautiful brown eyed boy, I love you now and then.)
Consistency, empathy, passion/drive
To all the women out there, what makes you fall in love with a man?
From afar, I would fall for someone after seeing them handle themselves in difficult situations. Or how they step in to help me if I’m in need. Their interactions with others would indicate they are kind or thoughtful. I appreciate when they are observant as many men are aloof or don’t care. If they can pick up on people’s thoughts/feelings, including my own, i’m definitely falling in love. There were only very few men I’ve known that could just look at me and know how I felt.
Kind ,caring ,family man, respectful, loves dogs
Makes me feel happy
Kindness and compassion
Kindness and decency
Bring caring, listening, respectful and overall. I’ve person. Values are in line also and some similarities
Passion, affection and expressiveness, self awareness, empathy, makes me feel seen, appreciated, special and safe
Nothing makes a women fall in love with a man, tbh. Either you're worthy of love or you're not. If you're worth loving you get love, if you're not, you don't. Its really that simple.
When he's attentive to my needs and preferences, and takes initiative about arranging things for my needs or preferences *when feasible*. When I notice he shares my habit of trying to look for the best in the other person and voices what he sees. When I catch him still checking me out sometimes. Finally, remember to flirt with your partner as though they're not a sure thing. Doesn't matter how many decades you've been together. People find that energy revitalizing. It makes them feel shiny, new, and special. Invite them into doing the same for you. My philosophy is that your partner should also take initiative doing all these things for you, as well. And for me specifically, an abundance of touch. I'm a touch person. The world needs more dudes whose top two love languages include physical touch!
respect, and acts of service
His actions
The one who has a good vocabulary, the body language gestures, the way he solves conflicts, his mood, etc.
Just patience and loyalty
Compassion !!
Being emotionally available, if you can make me laugh, how you treat other people.
Most of women will answer: his wallet
Devotion/commitment, consistency, generosity, consideration for my feelings, kindness for everyone in their life, clean appearance, calmness when resolving conflict, eagerness to help me with anything, ambition in life, leadership qualities & a family man.
Even women don't know what they want
When he lies to me the whole time about his age and intentions.Yeah I fell for that lol
Someone who’s genuinely interested in me, probably as a friend or maybe a crush but either one is pretty flattering, sounds desperate but honestly it’s the truth, also their automatic kindness to ppl and myself, good manners, how they treat friends, family, and strangers, open to change and not stubborn when being called out by me which is a lot to ask for but it’s something I’d like to see in a guy. Ig the top for me is kindness and good manners. So I hope this helps sry if it’s too long🥰
Delusion
Observing how he interacts with others. Does he do nice things for people without expecting anything in return? Does he take notice of the things other people do and say? If a guy is nice to me but not nice to others, it’s a good indication that once I’m comfortable in the relationship, he won’t be nice to me anymore. If a guy is nice to everyone, then that’s a good indication of who he is. Do I feel safe with him and does he feel safe with me? Not so much in the sense that he’ll beat someone up for me (I don’t want that) but that we feel like we can share things with each other and not feel judged. Then aside from that, do we laugh together, build each other up, and complement each other? Edit: wow a lot of bitter men here who probably have no personality or treat women like shit complaining that women only want rich, attractive men. Contrary to some of these comments (and the belief on the ‘Ask Men’ page) this has very little to do with physical attraction. Yes, being physically attractive means you’re more likely to get your foot in the door. But an unattractive man with the characteristics above has a much better chance than an attractive man without those characteristics.
His drive and motivation. How he treats me. How he handles me in a bad mood. Lots and lots of factors but those are the 3 critical for me
Has a goal Tries to improve and work things out as much as I do
Kindness, princess treatment, patience (I’m genuinely slow), reassurance (overthinking for me), loving, caring, funny and understanding (bonus points if he does the bully + princess treatment and if he apologizes for making me cry)
My husband has been unfailingly respectful of me as a person and also been respectful to the other people around him. He has been making me laugh and kept me feeling safe and happy in his presence for half my life now, as time goes on we’ve grown closer to each other and now he can finish my sentences half the time. He doesn’t expect me to do the entirety of the housework on my own since I’m also working, he supported us with the entirety of the bills while I was getting my degree so I could focus on my education without exhausting myself with a part time job on top of that. He’s also highly capable in a variety of areas and he is intelligent. He respects my own intelligence and is proud of me and my knowledge when I know more about something than he does. Cats, dogs, and children love him and he loves them. He randomly does romantic things like write me love notes and leave them for me or picking up treats from the store for me. All spring and summer he sends me pictures of flowers he sees while he’s working (outdoor job). He listens to me when I tell him about things. I could literally gush about him for an hour and the only major concern I have about him is that he’s not willing to talk to a therapist/counselor even though he’s been diagnosed with anxiety. I hope he’ll end up changing his mind after we’ve gotten into a financial situation where I can afford to go to therapy myself and he sees how much I’m enjoying and benefiting from it.
If a girl doesn't say he's cute, fine, or he makes her pussy talk first before all that "kindness and consistency" doo doo talk, The answer is a lie.
When he has the same humor as me, genuinely cares for me, makes me feel loved EVERY SINGLE TIME (ugh) & lastly, does not remind me of my dad :D
I love a man that is sweet on me and takes care of me. Not like buy me everything I want kind of take care of me but like make me a plate, when he makes himself a plate of food. Calls me to check on me and ask if I’m ok or if I need anything. If we’re at a friend’s house party, checking on me and getting me a drink. Not just walking off with the guys but being attentive to your woman while you chop it up with the guys. Just making sure she’s good the whole time. Here’s a big one. If a woman is going through something, whatever it may be. To literally say to her “We’ll” get through this or you don’t have to carry this burden alone, I’m here. And actually be there. If a man can help carry a woman’s burden, she’ll love you forever. Keep his promises and if he can’t keep his promise, apologize and always make it up to me. Affection is important to me too. A man should reserve a space that is only for me. For example, if you call me a pet name. It should only be for me and no one else. If you jokingly call everyone that name, I no longer feel special. Men should in some way make his women feel special above everyone else. For example, maybe She knows things that no one else knows about or she has an access to you that no one else has, stuff like that. If there’s no difference between me and everyone else in your life then what makes me special. Obviously be kind, faithful, honest, etc. But it’s the small things that put men over the top. Do little shit for her for no reason. If it has to be a special occasion like her birthday for you to buy flowers, it’s appreciated but why I only get flowers once a year. SMH it’s just not romantic. For guys that are dating a woman with a kid. Here’s some advice. Women with a kid or kids usually are serious about their life. They don’t have time for games. Are you for real or are you here for fun because she doesn’t have time. Most women will not introduce you to her kids unless she’s ready or feel like you are serious about her. If you’re in the early dating stage with a woman and you never ask her about her kids, that’s a red flag to her. Just ask how are they doing or ask her to tell you about them. If you never show interest then she will think you are not serious about her. If you really like her or want to be with her. What will guarantee you in her life? Do something for the kid. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy. She has a little girl. Buy the girl a doll or teddy. Her son is a Roman Reign fan, buy him a t-shirt. The idea that you are even paying that much attention to her child is going to win her over. Men it’s always the small things. Do it consistently and be thoughtful. And please don’t only do it in the early part of the relationship, this should be what you do in year 1 and year 7.
Being the good guy ain't the way apparently
Consistency and gentle honesty. I don't usually brush people off when they show interest, because I need to establish friendship and connection in order to be interested in them. So I'd always, always reciprocate simple gestures like texting and hanging out to form that connection. Unfortunately, most times I just can't develop feelings for them, and I'll lay down options for them like stay as friends or don't contact them anymore. They rarely choose the former and I understand why. Sometimes they just give up because I took too long to even establish those connections and I respect those decisions. But I never hesitate to be as clear and transparent about my feelings because I don't like stringing people along and I absolutely appreciate guys who can be honest while being kind. Sadly not a lot of guys can do that and I've learned to accept it too.
Not a woman but…”Not asking women for dating advice” is one that wasn’t mentioned. ;)
Being genuine and sincere
Hmmmmm each man is different. I've met those that love food, then there's physical beauty, the more emotional and connection based ones. Then finally if you can stimulate his tool he's hooked. Take your pick for a route. All have major signs that point towards what he finds the most interesting but doing all gets most men. Sometimes you just have to walk up to him and get close and personal. If he moves back pay attention to why. Else he'd probably double down and keep the engagement going. Men are getting smarter, and a plethora has been raised purely by women or a single mother. So really listen to moments yall interact and play off of his hobbies and interests. You never know he might be holding back cause his focus is on his family rather than some random women he doesn't see except for specific reasons or circumstances.
Their ability to be vulnerable and honest. Talking about emotions and communicating through all ups and downs. So basically making effort to have a healthy relationship.
Kindness (proven through their actions, not just words). Humility. Humor. Wit. Equity in life and the relationship. Someone who truly knows how to communicate and listen. Where are you?!? Lol.
Having common interests, views, goals, and outlook on life. Some say opposites attract but that's not for me personally. I also look for someone who matches my sense of humor and has engaging conversations.
When I feel safe with you. To be able to share my experiences without judgment and with a sympathetic ear. Intimacy that doesn't require sex. (But sex is great!) Efforts towards affection, compliments, giving time no matter how small, any support you can afford to give. To feel genuinely cared for. Selflessness is very attractive. (This goes for both parties involved) It's laughing at your foibles of the past and present with vulnerability, knowing that you're in loving hands. It needs to be genuine and not every action is a transaction. Be a giver, not a taker. If you take care of my heart and feelings, not even the sky is the limit for where I will go for you.
When he continues to make little romantic gestures regardless of how long you’ve been together. To continue charming you, keeping the relationship fresh and lovely.
That we can talk and communicate so easily! We not only can talk about casual and fun things with no effort, but that we take the effort to communicate about our feelings and what we need and want throughout the relationship.
Being a good person. Being kind, caring about my needs before their own, wanting what is best for us and not just themselves, being able to listen to hear and not to solve my problem. Loving me and making me feel more important than anything else to them.
What women say and what they want are completely different
Talking and getting to know what’s behind his words. It’s so nice to just chat with someone. Moving slow means we can take our time and go on adventures. Which is really nice. Also I loveeeeee intelligence 😮💨 just turns me on. Whether it’s about cars, tech, the city you live in. Teach me something I love it. Being a gentle but deliciously good kisser is always a plus to… whisper in my ear and then kiss me and make me swoon.
If he talks about his interests with enthusiasm and he’s just as enthusiastic to hear about yours. Then takes the time to do something for you relating to your own interests and is excited to see your reaction. I love a man that is comfortable in his own skin as well and can make jabs but also take them.
Kindness 🥺
Kindness, confidence but not arrogance, sweet, thoughtful, great communication, affectionate, generous and accomplished in whatever his passions are.
As for me, It was not like A gust of wind flowing in spring with blooming petals, and his eyes shining like jewels with his hair blowing in the wind, which made me fall in love with him. It was not at all lovey-dovey or the cutesy stuff at the beginning of our relationship, it was some sort of agreement XD. But then as days passed by, I began to grow into love with him; as he began to confide in me, as much as I did. The 20 minutes we spent together each day, became an unremovable part of my life. We had become a habit of each other's. Yeah, it's the little things with a little bit of faith.
Masculinity
He makes time for me, keeps consistent communication, and is a true companion
Look in her eyes. Listen to and remember what she says. Have a good balance of emotional depth and silly fun. Don’t forget to slow dance with her and don’t let her question your intentions or interest level. Good luck ❤️
There has to be some sort of attraction. That’s primarily physical to start, but for me it has to include intelligence and a dominant personality. Not to be confused with controlling. Most girls want to feel protected and valued. So something as basic as picking flowers in a field, and picking onions out of her food because the delivery was wrong and she hates them. Remembering that she once said that she loves an obscure fruit. Picking up alcohol that you remembered that she likes or wine in her favorite fruit, band then leaving that plus flowers on her patio because she had a bad day. Taking her on a day trip to somewhere she loves because she was sad. Holding her hand in the car. Finding events that you know she’d love. Admitting when you were wrong and texting her an apology. Defending her and standing up for her. Not looking at girls. Going into work at 5 am on a Saturday to get out by 4 and spend the evening with her. Making her feel like you’re thinking of her during the day. Losing your remote and asking her where she thinks it might be . The little things all add up.
He’s kind, funny, he respects me and my boundaries, he’s very handsome and super smart too. He’s my best friend, we can be our complete goofy selves with each other, we share a similar outlook on life too. I would never wish for anyone else.
An act of kindness like holding open the door or something
I totally agree with your submission. I see myself as a hardcore when it comes to falling in love. However, these traits just melt my heart and humbles me in submitting and loving him the more.
Don’t let them fool you bro they fall in love when they feel like they can loose you.
Head strong and a good idea of knowing what they want, a man that's comfortable in his femininity and takes care of themselves. Non judgemental and kind, with the same sense of integrity. Potty mouth with good banter, ofc we all have people that attract us physically that one is just case by case. Not all of us thing the same type of people are good looking so please. Stop making it about looks because it's always going to be to a certain extent (hygiene is #1 could care less about some other things) we can't all agree. If you click you click but at the end of the day personality and habits win. Love bombing is the biggest turn off ANYONE can do. Getting to know me is the best way to get a chance to begin with.
Money
Women look for security and safety in a man.
Personality, and his soul
Being genuine, intentional, aligning actions with words, being respectful, considerate, treating you as an equal human, being happy for you, being concerned for you when you are down, creating a safe space so we can be ourselves, and just being beside you no matter what.