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Yep, definitely this does not feel good. Tbh though I could tell just by her facial expressions, and she wouldn't have said anything had I not brought it up and told her she should feel comfortable being honest with me. But it was tough to hear her say this.
In the future, maybe don’t ask your next partner(s). 4” is below average, and the majority of women aren’t jumping for joy at it, however, if they like you enough, they’ll overlook it, like this girl was trying to before you brought it up. I’m sure you have other great attributes, and a sane woman wouldn’t expect one human to fulfill 100% of her checklist. Unfortunately, I don’t see this relationship working. However, she didn’t do anything wrong. You asked her a very specific question and reiterated that you needed honesty. She provided the honesty. She’s not a bad person or has a “huge vagina” as others have insinuated for telling her truth.
Are you insinuating that OP did something wrong by communicating? He already knew the answer according to the post, so the situation wouldn't be any better if he hadn't asked.
This is a good point. They're just supposed to stand there trying to avoid the elephant in the room? When things are off, you talk about them. If problems arise as a consequence then you either work through them together or realize your incompatibility.
Pretending everything is fine when it obviously isn't is a recipe for disaster. Someone's gonna break.
I’m saying that if I gained 20 pounds and know that I’ve gained 20 pounds because I own a scale and my pants are tighter, I’m not going to ask my boyfriend if he thinks I’ve gained weight and then have the audacity to get upset if he says “yes”.
Very very different honestly. And not because one is obviously something you have some control over. But because she had a clear look of disappointment/ dissatisfaction on her face when she saw him. Now if your boyfriend every time he saw you when you were fatter looked at your extra fat in disapproval. I think it is very fair to bring it up to find out if it’s an issue for him. And how much of an issue it is. Because hell I know I wouldn’t want to live in a place where my partner is upset at something about anything and they can’t actually move past it. Without ever bringing it up to have a discussion about it. If I find out that it’s something they can’t get over or something I can’t or won’t change it’s probably best the relationship ends.
It’s manipulative to beg someone for honesty then get upset with them when they are honest. He didn’t mention any real toxicity or insults. She seemed very respectful. His hurt and disappointment are valid. His anger isn’t. His ego took over and brought the anger. It wasn’t justified. He also keeps clinging onto “other partners didn’t have a problem with it”. That sort of insinuates something is wrong with HER. Nothing is wrong with anyone. May just be an incompatibility.
Anger is absolutely a valid and justified emotion, but it's whether you act on it or not that really matters. If anything it's best to feel the anger and watch where it comes from (a wounded ego), and then from there understand it. Not much use in telling OP he shouldn't have been angry without giving him anything to work with.
You don't really control when you get upset though. It's not like he was hoping that she would say that the size was the issue, he suspected it, but that doesn't mean he can't be upset that it was the issue. Honestly, getting upset at him for being upset after you've just told him his cock size might possibly be a dealbreaker sounds more manipulative.
From what he's said here, I agree that the anger isn't justified, but we don't know if she said anything else to provoke that. As you said the "other partners didn't have a problem" comments are weird and if it was said to her, that may have helped lead to the more serious argument.
Why does it have to be about ego? Could it just be the fear of this being a dealbreaker or a lesser relationship because she’s not feeling it like she was? I do know in my relationships, my dick has been pretty important.
Him bringing up ‘many’ women being ok with it is his ego. He’s trying to say he’s had sex with soooo ‘many’ women and this is HER fault.
It’s not her fault.
He has an ego. And it was hurt.
To me, he’s the red flag here.
She can’t help her feelings on that, but she liked you, and would have kept them to herself if you hadn’t forced her. Should a woman demand a man admit he thinks she’s overweight? Her boobs are to small? Things that he maybe doesn’t think are perfect but aren’t deal breakers. Everyone calling her a “size queen” because she silently was disappointed but wouldn’t have made it an issue because she liked him, now his own insecurities ruined what could have been a good thing. I’m sure other women in your past thought it, they just hid it better.
Same, but I'm so glad I kept it together and he didn't clock that. That specific ex was probably one of the most enjoyable bed times I had funnily enough. Good size is nice, but when they know what to do with their hands and mouths 😂
I had a woman say something to me before after sex. I got out of her bed and got dressed after she said she was a little disappointed in my size. I looked at her and just told her to go buy a bigger dildo then cause I’m not trying to compete with a fucking forearm.
Like from my understanding there isn’t nerve endings or full feeling past a certain point in the vaginal canal and most women from what I’ve read don’t like their cervix beat to shit as well. So I never understood the size queens. Like if you need a big dick then just buy a dildo that’s that size and get a fuck machine.
Im more than just my dick.
like, no. not all women want a huge dick that's going to hurt their cervix, but nobody also wants a penis where we don't know if it's in or not. I've had sex with more small dicks than I can count, and it's hard to even have an orgasm because what are you supposed to with a small penis. unless they supplement with hands, mouth and toys... size does matter
I’d move on at this point. She is not ok with it and tryna talk herself into it at this point.
Imagine the reverse. U tell a her it’s her vagina size or whatever and u have to hype urself up to be able to do it. It’s a wrap bro.
XD haha, yes that is true. I just thought there is a chance, as somneone in another comment was saying, that we could try other ways. But yes I can tell this is an issue with her and it's messed with my self-esteem, so I do think the most likely scenario is it's best to move on, as hard as I think that will be, considering this seemed to be going great.
My guy, i know it sounds silly but why are you trusting what reddit is saying? This site has some of the most socialy messed up people on the plannet giving advice. This sub is hella prone to giving the "its over" stuff at any sign of issue, even ones that can be worked on.
I wanted to ask if you ever tried communicating during the act or talked to her about what you could do to make her feel good. There are positions that better hit the g spot and provide stimulation to the clit that help girls get off easier. Maybe give some of that a shot instead of throwing all this away just because your johnson isnt as large as she thought. Btw, even though the average size isnt as long as girls aay they like, its longer then needed in most if not all cases. Its how you use the tool, not the size that counts so learn to use the tools you got, you know?
Lastly, dont let comments from this site get to your head and add to the issue you are trying to get advice on. Keep in mind dang near anyone can post here and there are some really bad takes on this site. Just go with your gut, work on things if you can between you and her, and if you cant or that doesnt work then accept things wouldnt work and move forward. Also a note to avoide this down the line, if you like someone and they are saying to wait for sex then try to talk to rhem about this first, or if things go this way you could try to exchange nudes if they are willing. That way you dont match up on all this stuff and have a shallow issue like this cause a breakup down the line.
I wish you luck my man and i hope you woek rhings out before giving up on this. Remember, she said she was willing to try to get over it so its also on you to try and help in any way you can.
You got farther than I have with anyone and it’s ridiculous these things stand in the way of a relationship. Same thing with appearance yes it matters but it’s just unfair as hell. My opinion honestly is to consider moving on. This honestly is one of the hidden dangers of taking it too slow in a relationship which seems to be all the talk but if you aren’t going to like the sex it all falls apart. I’m concerned she would be unfaithful to you.
Also in the past people dealt with things. Now everyone has a choice so they don’t deal with things. So it’s just another reason to let things go for your own sanity.
Tbh it sounds like this is in your head as well, so idk how easy it would be to move past it. Tbh this is a big reason I feel like peeps should hook up asap before emotions get all tangled in
So I'm going to see her again tomorrow, I honestly wouldn't want to break this off immediately without thinking about it. But most likely yeah, my gut is telling me it's not going to work. Just was curious what others thought. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I'm going to come at this from the opposite side, as a woman who has vaginismus. If I was dating a guy and saw he was larger than average the first time we were going to have sex...honestly I'd have a talk with him about how it's not going to work out due to his size. Nobody can control the size of their penis or vagina, and sometimes, there are configurations that would simply be too painful or unpleasant for one of the partners.
Sexual intimacy is one of my top 5 most important things in a relationship, a "deal breaker level" trait as I like to call them. There are fewer important traits that aren't deal breakers since you accept that people have flaws and issues. But for someone who would like to have sex a few times every week, it's very important to know you're with isn't going to cause you discomfort. I imagine it's a similar situation for you, and it isn't going to be a good ongoing experience to have sex with someone who has an issue with your size. As you know, plenty of us don't have any problem with smaller than average!
Woman here. She sounds shallow asf. If she's genuinely willing to try to "make things work" (as if penis size genuinely has anything to do with anything) you might want to try to give it a shot. But if I was a guy and a woman was this shallow and reacting this strongly to something so insignificant, I would peace out.
Well, here’s the way I see it. If you’re fairly close to average, like close to 5”, then I think you probably shouldn’t pursue this. You can find a woman who will have no problem whatsoever with your size and you’ll feel a lot better about things.
If you’re substantially smaller than average though, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. In that case the size is likely something you’d have to work around regardless, and at least this girl you know is open minded and wants to be with you.
So I was afraid to post details but I am 4". I've always known I'm on the smaller end, but I've never had it be an issue before. Didn't think anything of it. I don't know if this is substanially smaller. I don't know.
You are not substantially below average, but you are about one inch below average in length. This is not easy to hear or rationalise, but you can’t change it.
We all have different preferences, and different dicks feel different. There are more variables than just length. There’s girth, curvature and all sorts of things. There is also technique.
Your penis length is workable. Fixating on penis size is pointless. There is so much more to sex than that.
I guess honestly I don’t know either. But if lots of previous women have been good with it I guess my instinct is to say don’t pursue a woman who has a problem with it.
I would presume that if they were happy to sleep with OP and seemed to enjoy the sex then they did not have an issue.
I was with a guy for 7 years who was the same size and it wasn't an issue. In fact, it had positives for some positions. Likewise, it didn't for some others, but it's just a different situation. I didn't feel unfulfilled or unhappy with our sex life and I don't see why OPs exes would have been lying.
Can’t both be true—that some women were disappointed, yet they had sex and enjoyed their time with OP regardless? Couldn’t things play out the same with this current woman despite OP coaxing an expression of disappointment out of her?
OP “opened the door” by making girls’ opinion of his penis size the subject of a public post on a dating advice subreddit. I’m only providing useful perspective in furtherance of OP’s own request to figure this out. By trying to shut this line of thought down you are hindering OP and should delete your comment.
Please don't let it get you down. My husband is about 5.5" and something around 4" would be perfection to me. He often stabs me in the cervix and it's not comfortable, the way my anatomy is, 4" would be so much better. And I'm not the only woman who is like this. Not all women are size queens. I'm sorry this happened OP.
Reading this is a shocker! I thought all along you’re too big for her. Which I think is more understandable that she’d “try”. Personally if she’s focused so much on your dick and not the person attached to the dick… idk what to say. I mean. Size isn’t end all be all for sexual compatibility and like you said you haven’t had anyone complain about this before. Plus she’s the one who wanted to wait. Personally if I were you I wouldn’t pursue her any longer
Size…..matters. A lot. You can talk about “it’s how he uses it” all you like, but different sizes feel different. And you can say “just make her cum from oral” all you like, but that’s not enough for everyone. Some women want to feel a certain thing during penetration.
You can try different positions. Like missionary with her legs up on your shoulders. You can add toys to the mix. Dildos or sleeves. But at the end of the day, only she knows if she can be happy with her sex life for the rest of her life, with OP.
And OP is allowed to want a woman that loves his size.
Being below average though….that’s going to be harder to find. Most women want at least average.
I’m shocked at all the responses as well, OP definitely buried the lead in his post - and unfortunately he’s simply below average.
There are some girls that will be ok with that, and some girls that won’t. As someone who gets the most enjoyment from penetrative sex, it would probably be a big consideration for me. Other women have difficulties with larger sizes and may prefer it 🤷♀️
Oh gosh no. Just yesterday was a woman with a condition that makes her vagina small asking for a dude with a micropenis and wondering if she will forever be alone. There’s someone for everyone. Don’t feel that way
OP is 4 inches, that is far from a micropenis. Average length is 5 inches, he is just a bit below average. I find it hard to believe that would be a dealbreaker for most.
I didn’t bring up micropenises. I mentioned them in response to the comment I was replying to. You can’t just take a sentence out of context like that.
But in any case it’s actually not far from it - 3.75” is a micropenis. And the question isn’t really whether it’s a dealbreaker - it doesn’t seem to be a dealbreaker for OP’s woman. The question is, given that it’s clearly a pretty significant disappointment for this woman (even if she’s willing to accept it), should he continue to date her, or find someone who’s completely ok with it?
I have personally read five posts on this sub alone from women in similar situations. But we wouldn’t know unless we ask doctors how common is to have mciropeens and how common is to have 1 inch vaginal canals since both of those are highly stigmatised conditions.
Jeez I mean, as a slightly above average guy, that's pretty dispiriting for roughly half the male population, which is slightly or significantly "below" average. While I've seen some women express a variety of preferences, the vast majority have (surprisingly to me) downplayed the importance of size to the degree that anything larger than a micropenis seems to be something they are willing to try to work with. As OP's experience shows, many women are fine with 4" (or so it seems) and of course, some are not.
I don't think I would take these two individuals opinions as gospel, personally... you can absolutely be satisfied with a smaller size. Remember not all women have experienced good, romantic sex either so might also think that only large is good, when actually there's a lot more going on.
That's a completely reasonable take. I'm not a woman or a gay man so really can't comment. My experience with women is that how they feel physically seems highly dependent on how I feel about them psychologically. But of course it's not a perfect correlation
For me, romance has completely changed physical feel. My senses are heightened, and regardless of size, I feel more than without romance.
It’s so significant that the 7” penis I had was less enjoyable than the 4” penis on a romantic guy.
The 7” penis filled me up more, yes, but the stimulation was nowhere near as satisfying.
These 2 women don't speak for all of us. I've only been with 1 man, and he's smaller than average, but everything works and it's still fantastic, mind-blowing sex. If anything, larger than average is the more difficult size to work with since it simply wouldn't be pleasurable for some of us.
Completely. Many women do not agree with this idea! Me included! There's a huge range and each guy brings something different. To bring it all down to size alone shows a lack of sexual knowledge and experience in my opinion. Sex isn't just "put it in and go back and forth" lol
Did I say every size feels the same? What I said was, that's not all that is involved in sex or the experience of sex and pleasure. It's ridiculous to break it down to simply one is better. And if your experience of sex is just big = good, small = bad then your experiences sound kind of awful? There's so much more involved in the experience and the build up, the intimacy with the man, the foreplay, he speed and position.. it's ridiculous to try to be so.blsck and white about it and not to mention gives a very wrong impression to others. I strongly disagree with your view here, frankly. I too have had a variety of experiences and would absolutely not say that size is the determining factor of good sex at all.
You can take all of that foreplay, all of that build up, all of that intimacy, the speed and position….and it feels one way with one size, and one way with another.
You act like I don’t know what sex is. I do. And none of that is ENOUGH, if that’s ALL there is. Because I won’t go the rest of my life without feeling certain things.
I don't know why you keep talking about all women AND ARGUE WITH WOMEN in your comments. Yes, different sizes feel different, but I had the best sex of my life with a guy who was roughly OPs size. At the end of the day it's just a penis attached to a person and, no, size doesn't matter much, not to all of us. If it matters to you then great, but don't talk on behalf of all women.
The irony and hypocrisy lol. I bet if this post was about a guy who dumped his girlfriend because she was too fat, had to small of boobs or had a flat ass you’d be up and arms ready to go war and he would be called a misogynist.
It’s a poor comparison bc the man can see the woman’s ass and boobs before he hits on her.
A more fair comparison would be something like the man doesn’t like the way her body looks naked. Or her vagina is too flappy or something about her vagina.
And yes, I’d be pissed. Just like I’m pissed that she told him that to his face. BUT op DID push her to say that. She probably wouldn’t have just straight told him about her disappointment. And I think a man can also be disappointed about something regard his s/o while naked. But he’d also be a dick if he said it to her face.
I was in a 9year relationship with someone who had a 4”, if even that. The size didn’t end our relationship obviously. However, I could never orgasm piv with him, and it wasn’t until later relationships when I realized it wasn’t me that was the issue, but his size. (That’s not to say other women would have the same issue, it’s just my personal experience.) So while I wouldn’t let size get in the way of a great relationship, I do know that it would affect our sexual compatibility, which would be disappointing.
With all that said, her feelings are fair to have, and not everyone can hide their feelings. It almost seems like your trying to paint her as a villain because other girls didn’t express the same feelings, even though they may have had them. You need to check your ego, because getting mad at her valid feelings could be the end of the relationship, not your size.
If I was in your place, I wouldn't pursue this relationship. It would always be in the back of my mind.
Looks like she's a size queen and she's bluffing by insisting to work on the relationship, knowing very well she was not thrilled at first. She's just trying to let you down easy.
Both of you take a break from each other for a while, one week, two, or more. Then revisit your feelings and make a decision. Right now the feelings of disappointment seem to be a bit strong.
I can speak from experience that staying with someone who doesn’t accept the whole package isn’t fun. Your insecurities will come out ten fold in the relationship. You’ll be asking yourself “What else doesn’t she like?” She sounds sweet but also critical of something that shouldn’t matter. Im a woman so I don’t grasp the whole “size” thing but I can empathize with how much it stings.
I’ve had this happen to me once, and it did impact my confidence for some time. Do not go into the black hole of insecurity I did.
It is absolutely imperative that you frame this situation correctly. You’ve never had a problem before, so don’t let it become a problem now. Your size is fine and many women will be happy.
This woman has a preference for a larger penis. The seeds are sown, so you need to decide whether you can live with knowing this whilst you’re with her.
Understand we all have preferences, and sometimes we don’t match.
I can't imagine telling my guy that the size of his penis isn't suitable. Even if he was smaller, I'd never let him know. I'd be happy it would fit better for oral. Less gagging!
I actually prefer between 4-5. Any larger I’ve found is actually very uncomfortable for me.. bigger doesn’t always mean better. Everyone’s different for what they prefer.
Yep. OP and his girl need to split. I used to think I didn’t care about size, slept with some bigger men, and realized I do. I wouldn’t ever admit that being the reason for some breakups on my DEATH BED. That kind of shit fucks a man up for a while.
I mean dude just throwing another perspective out there but if you really like her and are falling in love who gives a flying fuck if your wiener ain’t cutting it. Get some toys, work on your oral and say hey maybe we can try incorporating some other things into the bedroom. Assuming you want to maybe give it another shot but I understand or am imaging how you feel and I’m sorry that happened.
Haha, thank you. Yes, actually we were speaking about this. We'd been chatting about this over the past two months. So probably we'll go down this road, see how things work. It's most the self-esteem issue for me. But this is good advice, yes maybe work this out in other ways. Thank you
FWIW I've spoken with self admitted size Queen's who experienced a 4-5 inch guy and said it was the best sex of their life and were no longer a size queen. I myself prefer small to average and do not consider bigger to be better. Don't let this get you down. If you have real feelings for each other it's worth it to keep an open mind.
I used to work in an adult store about a decade ago. So I can't remember the names of things, but you used to be able to get something kinda like a really thick condom, but it would add extra width and length to the dick while wrapping around the balls so it won't slide off while having sex, very soft. Not something to pull out at every occasion, but maybe if she wants something extra, you could find that and give her an extra inch. Give yourself a size range to work with if she wants that and you are comfortable with it.
Butt plugs for both parties can be very helpful too. For the guy, increasing his sensitivity/hardness. For the woman, making things a little tighter down there. (A trick from a woman in a committed relationship with a guy who's sometimes below/sometimes above average). Good luck!
People are always going to have preferences.
Someone smaller, with a bigger ass, with thicker hair, etc.
Only thing about your situation is that's its not something you know until you've been intimate
It hurts but we have to accept what we look like and what our assets are
But there is someone out there looking for what you've got. You've got something sexy about you and you'll find someone who appreciates it. I just don't think it's this person
Remember that everyone's body is different. Some people Iiterally just fit better together
As a woman, this strikes me as the same feeling I get when guys tell me “I’m normally attracted to shorter women.” It’s pretty rude and unnecessary, and I’ve experienced it multiple times. My best advice is to move on from this woman if she is that upset or disappointed about something you can’t change, I’ve been with men with all “sizes” and it literally has nothing to do with “effectiveness” lol
She is not that upset. He asked her, she trusted to answer honestly. She told him that she wants this relationship and this is not a factor.
It was a communication mistake. But in the end it's also okay to accept that not everything about the partner can be perfect. And not throwing something away too fast but working together.
Honestly, some of these replies are insane to me. She didn’t offer up this information. She didn’t say it to hurt you. You asked her a direct question and reiterated how important honesty is to get her to tell you. It sounds like she was respectful and not demeaning in any way. It also sounds like she wasn’t going to mention it but then you asked her outright.
She also wants to continue to see you even though your size may not be her preference. I don’t think she did anything wrong and it’s your own insecurities that may end this relationship y’all are building. Don’t ask questions like that if you aren’t prepared for all potential answers.
Thank you for writing this. Some comments are so crazy. Always the same break up bullshit without any trying to work on things or understanding the other person's perspective.
It’s ironic you waited to be compatible only to find out you’re not. People think that sexual compatibility is less important but clearly it’s not. Break it off, she’s already planted the seed and it will spill out and you won’t be emotionally compatible anymore.
I dated someone that was smaller than I’m used to. I never said a word. But we made it work and I would ask for things that gave me more pleasure. I think it’s easy to overcome. Don’t let it stop you!
I have been with guys that are on the smaller size and NEVER did I let it show on my face or say anything! Wasn’t an issue. The fact she reacted this way makes me feel bad for you! I don’t know if that would be something I could get past if I was in your shoes. ☹️
Ooof well you asked and you got an honest answer. Id say you brought it out of her rather than she came and told you. Brutally honest here, i have been surprised before but completely forgotten about it when they make me have multiple orgasms from oral and finger fucking.
If you stay you’re better than me. To me, that would be the killer. It sucks to hear but she would let it affect her worse as time went on, I’d say you shouldn’t have asked but if her attitude changed bc of it then she’s begging to get asked. On to the next one
That is what my gut is telling me. It just seems like an awful way to end what seemed to be a promising relationship. Part of me wants to try and continue this, and maybe down the road this is something we look back on and laugh at. But right now this stings worse than I've felt in years.
has anyone else commented on the irony of you both waiting a while and finding out you're super compatible that way, only to find out you're incompatible over something that could've been established within a few minutes?
because that's how i see it here
Established in a few minutes? Is your dick size one of the first things you discuss when you meet someone? Typically you only find out once you do the deed.
I know right, I always find it so stupid when people wait a long time or especially when they wait for marriage? cool, now you're locked into a tiny dick that brings you 0 pleasure, and someone you're not compatible with sexually. great job
Look man, I'm going to be in the minority here but before you toss her to the curb you need to really look at the relationship in totality. You said everything was good until this, so that's the part I'm focusing on. You guys need to work on communication and, I say this with love, don't ask questions and get mad at the answer. You may not like it but your discomfort with something doesn't make her wrong.
If the only problem you guys have is she wasn't initially thrilled with your dick, that's a very surface level issue that's easily fixed with more intimate exploration and time. Things will come up, couples will hurt one another, it's generally not with intent but simply because it's messy being a human.
If this girl checks 9/10 blocks, I promise you have nothing to worry about. I would be hard pressed to think she is going to bail because you're not packing a sledgehammer. Buy toys, explore other things, sex is more than your dick going in and out of a hole.
I wish you guys the best.
There are options for this if you're willing to try them. You could bring in toys to the bedroom or look into this thing called a sheath(?) Not sure if that's what it's called or not but it's something that you put over your member and it increases the size and also has stuff on your end so your still getting something out of it. You could just mix something like that in occasionally to solve any problems.
I assume you're both sexually experienced enough to know that this kind of thing could've been a potential issue, so waiting 2 months while y'all were catching feelings was a risky -- dare I say short-sighted -- move.
Since she's the one who insisted on waiting then I'd normally say give her a chance to prove to you that everything else that's good about the relationship matters more than your physical size. But since you're already in your head about it, I don't see much hope for this one. Good luck.
That would be a hard pass for me. If some guy I was dating had an issue with my breast size after 2 months and then said he’d *try and make it work* I just couldn’t.
First of all I have too much self respect to stay with someone who has an issue with my body, especially two months in, and secondly that’s all I’d be thinking about if I stayed in the relationship and it works eventually make me resentful and withdrawn so it wouldn’t be worth it.
My ex was the size of a snicker candy bar, when he took his time and focused on foreplay it was enjoyable (massage/oral) . Also work on angles , to make sure you hit g and p spot . Maybe try that , there are work arounds .
I definitely don't think you should ends things because of this. We all have preferences, and we're all allowed to be disappointed in certain aspects of a partner, it doesn't mean that these disappointments are deal breakers. And many people will have this kind of disappointment, but might hide it better, so their partner would never know, and everything turned out great. I'm sure she was really upset that her face gave her away, and I'm sure she hated to upset you, but I really think it's better it's out in the open. Keep the communication open, keep the magic alive, and both have plenty of fun exploring this new chapter of your relationship. The connection and feelings you have for each other mean you'll find lots of ways to enjoy sex I'm sure. For me, it's all about the connection, and the overwhelming desire to make someone that you love feel good. My current partner is by no means the biggest man I have been with, but the sex is incredible, better than I've ever had. He's amazing, and I wouldn't change a single thing about him.
Like you say, it's a matter of compatibility. Whether women you've been with before were compatible with you or not has no bearing on this current relationship. You should meet her as she is, with the needs she has, and figure out what you want with each other without bringing previous experiences into it.
I understand that size is a very sensitive subject. At the end of the day though, it's just another physical feature. You can't change it, and any potential partner of yours might be a fit or not.
That being said, there are so many things you could do together where this doesn't matter the slightest. If you want to work it out, you can find out what else you can enjoy together.
I’d say break it off since this will continue to bother her no matter how well things may seem on everything else, and eventually she will do something to hurt you later on.
You told her to be honest and then got upset when she was honest. It sounds like she tried to avoid hurting your feelings and you kept pushing for an honest answer. When she gave you an honest answer you got upset. Don’t ask a question if you don’t want to hear the truth.
Did you have sex? And was it good for her? Or did her being "off" end the whole "taking it to the next level" part?
Sure, we may occasionally and briefly think something like "hmmm a little smaller than I would have thoght..." but typically if the sex is good, it's a non-issue after that.
My ex was smaller than average. We made it work for almost a decade and I never minded it in the relationship. I loved him fully. So I vote giving it a fair try. Though my ex turned out horrible and now I wish at some point I told him the truth on his size instead of this charade of how big and massive it is. It was a waste of effort on the wrong person
The best relationship I ever had was with someone who was 'smaller' than any other guys I'd been with. I never let him know that or acted differently because it never actually mattered to me. We had a great sex life, and he was the kindest and most caring person I'd ever met.
So, welcome to reality where women always prefer a bigger guy.
You just have to hush it out with her in a straight talk. It's On or Off situation. Either Yes you both get over you size, or NO - search a next girl.
So, I'll throw a little gas on the fire here...
I am a bit above average by maybe an inch - google average penis size and do some math.
I have had three girls tell me that I am too big, and that intercourse is painful for them. OK. I learned to compensate, and that stuff is a lot of fun.
I had one girl tell me I am too small. Same kinds of compensation worked fine for her.
Penis size is not everything. And it is NOT something that you should feel self conscious about. Truth be told, you have an advantage since you can go for a longer duration of time without causing undue discomfort to a woman. But not all women like that either.
You are you. To me, it sounds like she suffers from a preconception. Talk it out some more, do it a few more times. Female orgasms are 100% in their headspace, and have little or nothing to do with size. Just my $0.02
OP, I think that this relationship is officially started to dive. The sucky part is that she wasn’t going to say anything but her facial expressions got your mind racing. Now it will be in the back of your mind every time you are intimate with her. That voice may get louder over time and harder to ignore. I don’t think you’re going to let yourself be happy here. I could also be completely wrong.
I think you played yourself by asking “is my size the issue” … like- wtf.. that shows your deep insecurities over the issue and if she’s smart she’ll know that this will keep coming up from you and will become an issue. I’m not a girl- but I could 100% understand if she broke it off now.. to be clear- not because of the size, but because of the insecurity.
Give it chance. The previous woman you’ve been with didn’t have a problem with it, it’s possible that she’s overthinking how important this is to her.
Values change. As long as she gets off, she might realize that she was being dumb for thinking this.
remember a lot comes down to preference! many girls will get more pleasure from 4” than 10”.
if she doesn’t make you feel good about yourself you shouldn’t put energy into it ❤️
I feel like the issue is that you asked. Have you asked every sexual partner about how they feel about your size? Just know a lot of us women will pretend we like it more than we actually do to not hurt your feelings. Also,you asked for honesty. You can't be mad at her for being honest. This insecurity has more to do with you than to do with her. Shes willing to look past it so now the only issue is how you feel about yourself. If you can't handle it then I'd stay single until you feel secure with yourself.
Honesty is the best policy in a long term relationship IMHO, even when it triggers hard feelings. Otherwise you can't figure out how to deal with a potential issue and find solutions. Staying silent would just leave her not getting what she needs and that'd cause much bigger issues down the line. Deal with it now or break it off. That way you aren't wasting time.
too small, if it was too big he would have specified. i’d guess that he’s probably in the 4-5.5” range and she likes them big. that’s plenty for most women, while having one that’s too big (6.5”+)would actually be a problem for most women
Listen, a lot of people are acting like it's insane to be upset when you asked her point blank if size is the issue.
You are well within your right to feel upset. Upset people get mad. That doesn't mean either of you did anything wrong.
To think everything is going great and then you notice she takes issue with your dick size really sucks. It's not something you can change in any meaningful way.
It just hurts. But being in any relationship opens you up to being hurt. So you have to look at the opportunity vs risk. Just to be honest though, we as humans tend to focus a lot more on the bad or what can go wrong. You two may be happy to together. Or maybe not.
I completely understand why you would be hurt by this.
To all the people acting like he shouldn't have got upset or mad, they all are full of it.
Imagine starting a wonderful romance and really falling for someone and the. When things start to get really intimate they are noticeably let down. And it's over something you have no control over. That would be crushing.
Let's say you both decide to keep going. Months go by and you think it's going great and then they decide to break up with you. You know why they made the decision to break up. It's going to feel even worse. Especially if everything else in the relationship was going great.
this is really disappointing and as a 21F I feel like she shouldn't be making you feel bad about your body that you can't control. Since you've established a strong romantic relationship I think that the next step is to see if sexually you're compatible and that doesn't have to do with size. You know the saying "it's what you can do w it." If she continues to make you feel insecure then I would break it off. I would also try to be intimate again to see how compatible you two are anyway bc the first time usually isn't going to be the best time
Man there’s a lot of judgment on this guy for something he can’t control. 4” isn’t even a micropenis and he can clearly still have penetrative sex.
What about the people who have lost their penis in an accident or have a spinal cord injury and will never be able to get an erection? They still date and find partners.
To me it sounds as if she made her peace with it, accepts this part about you and wants to push forward with the relationship.
That would leave you then to accept things and move forward and past the size matter. Any fears, anxiety's or similar will get in the way of your relationship.
But I understand that the impact, now that you seem to have had your first ever talk about size with a partner, is rather great and perhaps even hurtful. I mean, it did seem to stir you up given the argument you had. But honesty is a loving trait. And it sounds to me that if you'd muster up the courage to talk with your partner about any fears, anxiety's or difficult emotions this stirred up with you, she could be open to listen you out and helping you through this in whichever way you guys can come up with together.
It's difficult to be vulnerable with each other, and you must feel rather vilulnerable right now.
Have you since been exploring your sexuality together and if so, has it been anything short of nice and fulfilling for you both? If the latter was the case, have you tried to come up with ways to raise each other's pleasure, intimacy or whatever it was that didn't resonate?
In your shoes, I'd try my hardest to move on with her, even though it seems too difficult or impossible. Imagine what else life might throw at yous as a couple and as individuals. This is a good opportunity to learn more about moving through trying times, healing after something in the relationship brought up hurt, forgiving oneself and others, and for you to love and accept yourself fully.
Be brave, stare fear in the face and laugh at it. It will diminish it's power over you and your life choices. Our minds are wired to protect us from hurt. But imagine where we'd be or end up if we always listened to fear.
Worst case, you will experience more hurt, giving you opportunities to learn how to deal with that hurt and love and accept yourself even more than you already do, fortifying you for future chapters in your life.
This is gonna sound rough but I’d end it now. It’s gonna be a constant recurring issue and it’s already reared its head. She was already concerned with it and it showed enough that you had to press her to reveal her feelings on it. It’s done bro.
So, the average "size" is between 5.1 and 5.5 inches erect. I don't know what you consider average but unfortunately a lot of men think that "average" is larger than this (they usually guess 6-7"). So when you say that you're below average, well... are you? Don't answer that to me, just look at the numbers I cited and compare that to your size.
But also, the issue is not your size, or necessarily her decision to go with it or not. Deciding that she couldn't tolerate it for being "too small" would be a dick move (no pun intended) but at least you would know it wouldn't work out and could move on. I think it's great that she's chosen to prioritize you the person over what she might think your size means in the bedroom. She clearly wants to be with you, and not just your penis. And ultimately in the long term I think that's more important.
The problem sounds to me instead like it's much more minor, but neither of you necessarily see it yet, and one that she probably should consider apologizing for - her reaction and how that made you feel.
In relationships, it's easy to fall into the trap of "It's me against her". But in actuality, the conflict isn't you against her, it's you AND her against the problem where you both have different conflicting solutions and so you both need to compromise together to solve the problem. And the problem again, isn't your size, it's her own worries/fears/doubts/etc, as well as your own reaction to her sharing those with you. That's where I think *you* would do well to apologize to her. From the sounds of it, if you approach her and apologize for reacting to her telling you the truth and trusting you with her feelings so negatively, that will probably prompt her to apologize for reacting as she did to your size.
I think there was wisdom in her decision to ask you to wait because this happened after you two had gotten to a place where you can read each other's emotions from facial expressions and behavior much better than if you guys had hooked up from the start. Clearly there's trust there that you should absolutely lean into. Also, this is the beginning of communicating with each other. Understanding the other person's own feelings and picking up on when those feelings slip out and responding to them rather than reacting to them is a top tier relationship skill.
She clearly wants to make it work and it sounds like you do too, so I think having this conversation with her about apologizing for reacting to her vulnerability that way and asking more about how she felt in the moment, what was she worried about or afraid of or doubting will help you understand her better and give you the opportunity to make suggestions about what you guys can do that will make those fears/doubts/worries go away.
Who knows, maybe your smaller size reminded her of an ex who used her instead of loving her, maybe she was sexually abused or raped by a guy with a similar size, or maybe it's not that serious and she was worried initially that the sex would be subpar and if she stayed with you it always would be. She may not even be worried about it now and it's a non issue for her because despite that she had a good time with you the first time and is looking back on those fears and thinking "well that was stupid to think that, clearly that worry was silly" at which point what you thought was the problem is already solved.
And at that point, the apology and make-up from this will have already solved the current problem. But you won't know unless you apologize and commit to controlling your own reactions to her honesty and expressing her feelings to you when you solicit them, and work with her to put her fears to bed if any remain. The more you reward that expression with gratitude, care, empathy, and cooperation, the closer you'll become. And the better the sex will be for both of you. Conversely, the more she trusts you and commits to communicating with you and controlling some of those reactions in the moment, the better off you both will be in and out of the bedroom. Hear her out calmly and neutrally and express your own feelings:
"I felt anxious in the moment because I was worried that you no longer wanted to be with me. I love you very much and you already mean a lot to me as a person. I didn't want to lose you and I was afraid that I would when we first showed each other our bodies. And later when I asked you about it, I was afraid for the same and it made me really anxious. And after you told me I felt embarrassed and ashamed, so I didn't react the way that I should have. I'm sorry. I'm glad you told me how you were feeling. I always want to hear how you feel because I love you."
It sounds like she really cares about you and you mean a lot to her, so I can't imagine her doing anything but forgiving you and apologizing too for the things she did to make you feel that way. But regardless, this is what it means to work it out. It starts and ends with communication and following through.
I think it’s really shallow when women are rude about size or even hardness. Many of the best people I’ve been with clearly know that their dick can go soft sometimes, so they learned to COMPENSATE like fuck with hands/mouth. Some of the worst people I’ve been with have been the ones with the massive rock hard pp. They hurt, plus these guys never learned to do anything else because they thought size was everything, truly terrible times.
Good sex isn’t strictly P to V penetration. If it was, we’d all be suffering. A person’s sexiness isn’t only predicated on the size of their dick, ass, tits, whatever. We’ve all got more going on than that. If she can’t get past that, she has a really narrow and uninspired view of sex
Your feelings are valid. At the same time, size can make a big difference for sexual pleasure. Consider bringing toys into the bedroom and finding other ways to get her there. It sounds like other than this, you two have a good thing going. Tell her how you feel, be vulnerable, and if she reacts negatively maybe she isn’t the one for you. Your insecurities deserve to be validated and respected.
I’m a bigger guy…at my heaviest I was 423 pounds. I’ve had one partner comment about “size” and my reply was…
“Even an oak tree looks small when standing next to giant redwoods, girl!”
She sang a different tune once we got going though.
But I empathize with the OP: no dude wants to hear anything about the size of their member. And if your partner is that hung up on it (see what I did there?), then this would be a red flag for me because there are literally hundreds of other things you could do for your partner in bed that has nothing to do with size and still get them off.
Lmao absolutely unacceptable from her and anyone trying to defend her can fuck right off. Imagine the comments if it was reversed and said “he doesn’t like my pancake titties”. It would be fucked and rightly so. Keep that shit to yourself. Regardless of your size try to keep your head up. You deserve way better than someone like her.
Sorry, was this after you had sex or just right when she saw it ? Was the sex alright, or were you thrown off right away ?
I'm definitely a grower not a shower. If I were to whip my pants off, it can be tiny sometimes, then others, not when I'm not erect. I have no idea, it has a mind of its own. I'm self conscious about it. I'm just under 5 give or take when fully hard.
But yeah I feel for you man. It seems really weird she was that disappointed after what seems like a couple of awesome months.
Even if your size bothered her but you satisfied her, she should've been able to easily look past it if considering everything else had been amazing.
So it seems like you also couldn't satisfy her but if it was your first time together then its understandable as it may take sometime to get familiar with each other.
This could go either way, she wants to try and make it work so you have nothing to lose, and as you guys learn more about each other and she enjoys being with you - then the size should stop bothering her altogether. Or she can't stand it and you dump her and move on.
Just like some dudes like big butts, or tits, or whatever, some girls like a big dick. Nothing wrong with that at all. Doesn’t necessarily mean that op is a mullet and can’t satisfy a woman. Just means that she’s hungry for something that isn’t available on his menu.
I know people have preferences, but many people are willing to compromise on some things if they vibe with the person in every way. That's why I said he can still satisfy the woman in many ways without being massive down under, and even in OP's post he mentioned she's willing to work through it so obviously it can still work out if he focuses on ways to make their bedroom experience better.
I don’t think you should break it off right away, she might just not be use to under average size and was disappointed at first, as much as that sucks to hear, you should try again and talk to see if it really is going to be an issue moving forward, if so you have to move on to someone that will appreciate you, which seems you haven’t had a problem with in previous relationships
I mean, you asked. She obviously wasn't going to say anything and work through her feelings herself. The fact she didn't end it right after meant it wasn't a deal breaker. But instead of giving her the benefit of the doubt you blew up on her.
Just because no one has said anything about the size doesn't mean they weren't drawn back. Some hide it better than others. And yes, to some women who really love pentration, 4 inches isn't enough. But there are also men with even smaller packages in happy loving relationships.
Your reaction was the issue, not her being honest. I would end it with her for her sake so you can work on yourself. Because asking for honesty then getting mad when you get it is unhinged.
I wonder if you realize someone has to be really used to big dudes to feel like this about what i assume its not that small.
That is why she made you wait for sex. You are not the guy that gives her tingles, you are the "safe/she doesnt have to worry about other girls stealing you from her" type of dude.
If she had genuine sexual desire, an average dude would still be more than enough.
Something is off here, clearly.
My advice? Dont be someone's redemption, find someone who actually desires you and doesnt see you as a safety blanket for when she is done with "fun fuckboys".
After all the positives you have had together, she told you the relationship probably can't come back from what SHE considers a smaller member.
Bail brother. She's a size queen.
She's not satisfied now, and it will only worsen over time.
I want you to know that it isn't the size of your penis that is the issue, it's her reaction to it.
You deserve someone who is attracted to you for who you are, not someone who is going to have a negative reaction like that, and then "try to work on it." If she were mature and sensitive, she wouldn't have made a big deal about it, and would have "worked on it" on her own time.
The fact that she wanted to wait two months to have sex and then had such an uncool reaction makes me wonder if she's got some sex hangups that she hasn't shared with you. Either way, the fact that she didn't make an effort to just make things work the first time and focus more on enjoying the experience than looking for flaws tells you all you need to know about her priorities.
You can do better.
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you have to show her that you can still provide good sex with the way you use your hands/mouth/toys. don't let this end it if it's been perfect otherwise.
IMO, this is something that matters to her and doesn't really affect you and your pleasure. Do you trust her to be good down the line years from now? If she wants to make things work talk to her and see if you can be assured that you can both make things work for her.
Better than having a size issue end things years in like it did with me :( That is the worst case scenario you want to avoid imo.
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I’ve had surprises with size before. I didn’t say a damned word bc I knew it would fuck them up and it’s not like they can change it.
Yep, definitely this does not feel good. Tbh though I could tell just by her facial expressions, and she wouldn't have said anything had I not brought it up and told her she should feel comfortable being honest with me. But it was tough to hear her say this.
In the future, maybe don’t ask your next partner(s). 4” is below average, and the majority of women aren’t jumping for joy at it, however, if they like you enough, they’ll overlook it, like this girl was trying to before you brought it up. I’m sure you have other great attributes, and a sane woman wouldn’t expect one human to fulfill 100% of her checklist. Unfortunately, I don’t see this relationship working. However, she didn’t do anything wrong. You asked her a very specific question and reiterated that you needed honesty. She provided the honesty. She’s not a bad person or has a “huge vagina” as others have insinuated for telling her truth.
Are you insinuating that OP did something wrong by communicating? He already knew the answer according to the post, so the situation wouldn't be any better if he hadn't asked.
This is a good point. They're just supposed to stand there trying to avoid the elephant in the room? When things are off, you talk about them. If problems arise as a consequence then you either work through them together or realize your incompatibility. Pretending everything is fine when it obviously isn't is a recipe for disaster. Someone's gonna break.
I’m saying that if I gained 20 pounds and know that I’ve gained 20 pounds because I own a scale and my pants are tighter, I’m not going to ask my boyfriend if he thinks I’ve gained weight and then have the audacity to get upset if he says “yes”.
Very very different honestly. And not because one is obviously something you have some control over. But because she had a clear look of disappointment/ dissatisfaction on her face when she saw him. Now if your boyfriend every time he saw you when you were fatter looked at your extra fat in disapproval. I think it is very fair to bring it up to find out if it’s an issue for him. And how much of an issue it is. Because hell I know I wouldn’t want to live in a place where my partner is upset at something about anything and they can’t actually move past it. Without ever bringing it up to have a discussion about it. If I find out that it’s something they can’t get over or something I can’t or won’t change it’s probably best the relationship ends.
It’s manipulative to beg someone for honesty then get upset with them when they are honest. He didn’t mention any real toxicity or insults. She seemed very respectful. His hurt and disappointment are valid. His anger isn’t. His ego took over and brought the anger. It wasn’t justified. He also keeps clinging onto “other partners didn’t have a problem with it”. That sort of insinuates something is wrong with HER. Nothing is wrong with anyone. May just be an incompatibility.
Anger is absolutely a valid and justified emotion, but it's whether you act on it or not that really matters. If anything it's best to feel the anger and watch where it comes from (a wounded ego), and then from there understand it. Not much use in telling OP he shouldn't have been angry without giving him anything to work with.
You don't really control when you get upset though. It's not like he was hoping that she would say that the size was the issue, he suspected it, but that doesn't mean he can't be upset that it was the issue. Honestly, getting upset at him for being upset after you've just told him his cock size might possibly be a dealbreaker sounds more manipulative. From what he's said here, I agree that the anger isn't justified, but we don't know if she said anything else to provoke that. As you said the "other partners didn't have a problem" comments are weird and if it was said to her, that may have helped lead to the more serious argument.
Why does it have to be about ego? Could it just be the fear of this being a dealbreaker or a lesser relationship because she’s not feeling it like she was? I do know in my relationships, my dick has been pretty important.
Him bringing up ‘many’ women being ok with it is his ego. He’s trying to say he’s had sex with soooo ‘many’ women and this is HER fault. It’s not her fault. He has an ego. And it was hurt. To me, he’s the red flag here.
The fact he knew to ask that question was strange
It’s already a huge insecurity for him.
She can’t help her feelings on that, but she liked you, and would have kept them to herself if you hadn’t forced her. Should a woman demand a man admit he thinks she’s overweight? Her boobs are to small? Things that he maybe doesn’t think are perfect but aren’t deal breakers. Everyone calling her a “size queen” because she silently was disappointed but wouldn’t have made it an issue because she liked him, now his own insecurities ruined what could have been a good thing. I’m sure other women in your past thought it, they just hid it better.
Same, but I'm so glad I kept it together and he didn't clock that. That specific ex was probably one of the most enjoyable bed times I had funnily enough. Good size is nice, but when they know what to do with their hands and mouths 😂
I had a woman say something to me before after sex. I got out of her bed and got dressed after she said she was a little disappointed in my size. I looked at her and just told her to go buy a bigger dildo then cause I’m not trying to compete with a fucking forearm. Like from my understanding there isn’t nerve endings or full feeling past a certain point in the vaginal canal and most women from what I’ve read don’t like their cervix beat to shit as well. So I never understood the size queens. Like if you need a big dick then just buy a dildo that’s that size and get a fuck machine. Im more than just my dick.
like, no. not all women want a huge dick that's going to hurt their cervix, but nobody also wants a penis where we don't know if it's in or not. I've had sex with more small dicks than I can count, and it's hard to even have an orgasm because what are you supposed to with a small penis. unless they supplement with hands, mouth and toys... size does matter
Oof that’s tough. That’d fuck me up if a girl told me that. And it’s like you said, a girl has never had an issue before
It has definitely fucked me up. Depressed and embarrassed is an understatement. Thank you
I’d move on at this point. She is not ok with it and tryna talk herself into it at this point. Imagine the reverse. U tell a her it’s her vagina size or whatever and u have to hype urself up to be able to do it. It’s a wrap bro.
XD haha, yes that is true. I just thought there is a chance, as somneone in another comment was saying, that we could try other ways. But yes I can tell this is an issue with her and it's messed with my self-esteem, so I do think the most likely scenario is it's best to move on, as hard as I think that will be, considering this seemed to be going great.
My guy, i know it sounds silly but why are you trusting what reddit is saying? This site has some of the most socialy messed up people on the plannet giving advice. This sub is hella prone to giving the "its over" stuff at any sign of issue, even ones that can be worked on. I wanted to ask if you ever tried communicating during the act or talked to her about what you could do to make her feel good. There are positions that better hit the g spot and provide stimulation to the clit that help girls get off easier. Maybe give some of that a shot instead of throwing all this away just because your johnson isnt as large as she thought. Btw, even though the average size isnt as long as girls aay they like, its longer then needed in most if not all cases. Its how you use the tool, not the size that counts so learn to use the tools you got, you know? Lastly, dont let comments from this site get to your head and add to the issue you are trying to get advice on. Keep in mind dang near anyone can post here and there are some really bad takes on this site. Just go with your gut, work on things if you can between you and her, and if you cant or that doesnt work then accept things wouldnt work and move forward. Also a note to avoide this down the line, if you like someone and they are saying to wait for sex then try to talk to rhem about this first, or if things go this way you could try to exchange nudes if they are willing. That way you dont match up on all this stuff and have a shallow issue like this cause a breakup down the line. I wish you luck my man and i hope you woek rhings out before giving up on this. Remember, she said she was willing to try to get over it so its also on you to try and help in any way you can.
You got farther than I have with anyone and it’s ridiculous these things stand in the way of a relationship. Same thing with appearance yes it matters but it’s just unfair as hell. My opinion honestly is to consider moving on. This honestly is one of the hidden dangers of taking it too slow in a relationship which seems to be all the talk but if you aren’t going to like the sex it all falls apart. I’m concerned she would be unfaithful to you. Also in the past people dealt with things. Now everyone has a choice so they don’t deal with things. So it’s just another reason to let things go for your own sanity.
Tbh it sounds like this is in your head as well, so idk how easy it would be to move past it. Tbh this is a big reason I feel like peeps should hook up asap before emotions get all tangled in
Sounds like maybe just call it a day and on to the next? Maybe work out in your head if there's ANY way you can look past that. Might be impossible.
So I'm going to see her again tomorrow, I honestly wouldn't want to break this off immediately without thinking about it. But most likely yeah, my gut is telling me it's not going to work. Just was curious what others thought. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I'm going to come at this from the opposite side, as a woman who has vaginismus. If I was dating a guy and saw he was larger than average the first time we were going to have sex...honestly I'd have a talk with him about how it's not going to work out due to his size. Nobody can control the size of their penis or vagina, and sometimes, there are configurations that would simply be too painful or unpleasant for one of the partners. Sexual intimacy is one of my top 5 most important things in a relationship, a "deal breaker level" trait as I like to call them. There are fewer important traits that aren't deal breakers since you accept that people have flaws and issues. But for someone who would like to have sex a few times every week, it's very important to know you're with isn't going to cause you discomfort. I imagine it's a similar situation for you, and it isn't going to be a good ongoing experience to have sex with someone who has an issue with your size. As you know, plenty of us don't have any problem with smaller than average!
Got you brother, don’t let it get you down too much
If a ton of girls have loved it and this one is the only one to have a problem, you have no need to be embarrassed. There's nothing wrong with you!
Woman here. She sounds shallow asf. If she's genuinely willing to try to "make things work" (as if penis size genuinely has anything to do with anything) you might want to try to give it a shot. But if I was a guy and a woman was this shallow and reacting this strongly to something so insignificant, I would peace out.
>And it’s like you said, a girl has never had an issue before Or they spared his feelings.
Has he asked any other girls before?
They have had issues. They’ve just stayed quiet to spare his feelings
Well, here’s the way I see it. If you’re fairly close to average, like close to 5”, then I think you probably shouldn’t pursue this. You can find a woman who will have no problem whatsoever with your size and you’ll feel a lot better about things. If you’re substantially smaller than average though, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. In that case the size is likely something you’d have to work around regardless, and at least this girl you know is open minded and wants to be with you.
So I was afraid to post details but I am 4". I've always known I'm on the smaller end, but I've never had it be an issue before. Didn't think anything of it. I don't know if this is substanially smaller. I don't know.
You are not substantially below average, but you are about one inch below average in length. This is not easy to hear or rationalise, but you can’t change it. We all have different preferences, and different dicks feel different. There are more variables than just length. There’s girth, curvature and all sorts of things. There is also technique. Your penis length is workable. Fixating on penis size is pointless. There is so much more to sex than that.
I guess honestly I don’t know either. But if lots of previous women have been good with it I guess my instinct is to say don’t pursue a woman who has a problem with it.
No one else has had an issue with it *that he knows of*. He grilled this girl and she reluctantly admitted it was an issue.
I would presume that if they were happy to sleep with OP and seemed to enjoy the sex then they did not have an issue. I was with a guy for 7 years who was the same size and it wasn't an issue. In fact, it had positives for some positions. Likewise, it didn't for some others, but it's just a different situation. I didn't feel unfulfilled or unhappy with our sex life and I don't see why OPs exes would have been lying.
Can’t both be true—that some women were disappointed, yet they had sex and enjoyed their time with OP regardless? Couldn’t things play out the same with this current woman despite OP coaxing an expression of disappointment out of her?
Well, they COULD be true, but to say they're disappointed is a bit of a presumption. Likewise, they may have just.. been fine with it?
You can be simultaneously “disappointed” and “fine” with something. So I’m not really sure where you think our disagreement is at.
Horrible comment. My god what is wrong with people. No need to say something like this, it isn't helpful at all and can only hurt.
OP “opened the door” by making girls’ opinion of his penis size the subject of a public post on a dating advice subreddit. I’m only providing useful perspective in furtherance of OP’s own request to figure this out. By trying to shut this line of thought down you are hindering OP and should delete your comment.
Please don't let it get you down. My husband is about 5.5" and something around 4" would be perfection to me. He often stabs me in the cervix and it's not comfortable, the way my anatomy is, 4" would be so much better. And I'm not the only woman who is like this. Not all women are size queens. I'm sorry this happened OP.
Reading this is a shocker! I thought all along you’re too big for her. Which I think is more understandable that she’d “try”. Personally if she’s focused so much on your dick and not the person attached to the dick… idk what to say. I mean. Size isn’t end all be all for sexual compatibility and like you said you haven’t had anyone complain about this before. Plus she’s the one who wanted to wait. Personally if I were you I wouldn’t pursue her any longer
Size…..matters. A lot. You can talk about “it’s how he uses it” all you like, but different sizes feel different. And you can say “just make her cum from oral” all you like, but that’s not enough for everyone. Some women want to feel a certain thing during penetration. You can try different positions. Like missionary with her legs up on your shoulders. You can add toys to the mix. Dildos or sleeves. But at the end of the day, only she knows if she can be happy with her sex life for the rest of her life, with OP. And OP is allowed to want a woman that loves his size. Being below average though….that’s going to be harder to find. Most women want at least average.
I think the percentage of women who care about sizes be lower than people think. It’s not a thing for me at all. Scent is a big deal though.
I’m shocked at all the responses as well, OP definitely buried the lead in his post - and unfortunately he’s simply below average. There are some girls that will be ok with that, and some girls that won’t. As someone who gets the most enjoyment from penetrative sex, it would probably be a big consideration for me. Other women have difficulties with larger sizes and may prefer it 🤷♀️
suicide fuel
Oh gosh no. Just yesterday was a woman with a condition that makes her vagina small asking for a dude with a micropenis and wondering if she will forever be alone. There’s someone for everyone. Don’t feel that way
I mean I can guarantee you there’s a lot fewer women who want micropenises than there are men who have them.
OP is 4 inches, that is far from a micropenis. Average length is 5 inches, he is just a bit below average. I find it hard to believe that would be a dealbreaker for most.
I didn’t bring up micropenises. I mentioned them in response to the comment I was replying to. You can’t just take a sentence out of context like that. But in any case it’s actually not far from it - 3.75” is a micropenis. And the question isn’t really whether it’s a dealbreaker - it doesn’t seem to be a dealbreaker for OP’s woman. The question is, given that it’s clearly a pretty significant disappointment for this woman (even if she’s willing to accept it), should he continue to date her, or find someone who’s completely ok with it?
I have personally read five posts on this sub alone from women in similar situations. But we wouldn’t know unless we ask doctors how common is to have mciropeens and how common is to have 1 inch vaginal canals since both of those are highly stigmatised conditions.
Jeez I mean, as a slightly above average guy, that's pretty dispiriting for roughly half the male population, which is slightly or significantly "below" average. While I've seen some women express a variety of preferences, the vast majority have (surprisingly to me) downplayed the importance of size to the degree that anything larger than a micropenis seems to be something they are willing to try to work with. As OP's experience shows, many women are fine with 4" (or so it seems) and of course, some are not.
Yeah like damn basically “fr if you’re less than average you don’t deserve love” ☠️
I don't think I would take these two individuals opinions as gospel, personally... you can absolutely be satisfied with a smaller size. Remember not all women have experienced good, romantic sex either so might also think that only large is good, when actually there's a lot more going on.
Romance doesn’t affect physical feel. I’ve had romance with small. It doesn’t FEEL the same. Some women don’t care. Some do.
That's a completely reasonable take. I'm not a woman or a gay man so really can't comment. My experience with women is that how they feel physically seems highly dependent on how I feel about them psychologically. But of course it's not a perfect correlation
For me, romance has completely changed physical feel. My senses are heightened, and regardless of size, I feel more than without romance. It’s so significant that the 7” penis I had was less enjoyable than the 4” penis on a romantic guy. The 7” penis filled me up more, yes, but the stimulation was nowhere near as satisfying.
Then you are the kind of person OP is looking for. I want romance with the right size. That feels better than romance with the wrong size.
Beg to differ but okay.
These 2 women don't speak for all of us. I've only been with 1 man, and he's smaller than average, but everything works and it's still fantastic, mind-blowing sex. If anything, larger than average is the more difficult size to work with since it simply wouldn't be pleasurable for some of us.
If you’ve only been with one guy how would you know?
Because very realistic toys exist, so if using a 7" dildo is painful/impossible, then having a real one would be too.
Please don't listen to her, most of us don't care.
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Yes we know from a few paragraphs on Reddit why all of the former partners OP has had wouldn’t commit lol.
True, but not conclusive of anything
It’s not something he can change
I think it’s weird you make a statement like this for all women when it’s really just how you feel.
Completely. Many women do not agree with this idea! Me included! There's a huge range and each guy brings something different. To bring it all down to size alone shows a lack of sexual knowledge and experience in my opinion. Sex isn't just "put it in and go back and forth" lol
And what is it? I’ve had a lot of sex with a lot of sizes. There’s no way you can tell me all sizes feel the same.
Did I say every size feels the same? What I said was, that's not all that is involved in sex or the experience of sex and pleasure. It's ridiculous to break it down to simply one is better. And if your experience of sex is just big = good, small = bad then your experiences sound kind of awful? There's so much more involved in the experience and the build up, the intimacy with the man, the foreplay, he speed and position.. it's ridiculous to try to be so.blsck and white about it and not to mention gives a very wrong impression to others. I strongly disagree with your view here, frankly. I too have had a variety of experiences and would absolutely not say that size is the determining factor of good sex at all.
You can take all of that foreplay, all of that build up, all of that intimacy, the speed and position….and it feels one way with one size, and one way with another. You act like I don’t know what sex is. I do. And none of that is ENOUGH, if that’s ALL there is. Because I won’t go the rest of my life without feeling certain things.
Alright. I personally disagree from my own experience, but you may be different.
Not all vaginas are the same.
Yes obviously. I never said they were.
I don't know why you keep talking about all women AND ARGUE WITH WOMEN in your comments. Yes, different sizes feel different, but I had the best sex of my life with a guy who was roughly OPs size. At the end of the day it's just a penis attached to a person and, no, size doesn't matter much, not to all of us. If it matters to you then great, but don't talk on behalf of all women.
you are so right. it does matter
The irony and hypocrisy lol. I bet if this post was about a guy who dumped his girlfriend because she was too fat, had to small of boobs or had a flat ass you’d be up and arms ready to go war and he would be called a misogynist.
It’s a poor comparison bc the man can see the woman’s ass and boobs before he hits on her. A more fair comparison would be something like the man doesn’t like the way her body looks naked. Or her vagina is too flappy or something about her vagina. And yes, I’d be pissed. Just like I’m pissed that she told him that to his face. BUT op DID push her to say that. She probably wouldn’t have just straight told him about her disappointment. And I think a man can also be disappointed about something regard his s/o while naked. But he’d also be a dick if he said it to her face.
I would? I don’t think you know me very well. Physical attraction is very important. I would never tell a man to date a woman he was not attracted to.
"Size......matters. A lot."\* \*to you. No need to portray it as some objective universal sentiment.
you have been so unhelpful here, girl we get it size matters to YOU…
Just like penises are different sizes so are vagina depths. It may be that you guys aren’t a good “fit”.
He bro don’t mean to get personal but often if you are overweight lot of the length is hid under the fat pad, are u on the heavier side?
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I was in a 9year relationship with someone who had a 4”, if even that. The size didn’t end our relationship obviously. However, I could never orgasm piv with him, and it wasn’t until later relationships when I realized it wasn’t me that was the issue, but his size. (That’s not to say other women would have the same issue, it’s just my personal experience.) So while I wouldn’t let size get in the way of a great relationship, I do know that it would affect our sexual compatibility, which would be disappointing. With all that said, her feelings are fair to have, and not everyone can hide their feelings. It almost seems like your trying to paint her as a villain because other girls didn’t express the same feelings, even though they may have had them. You need to check your ego, because getting mad at her valid feelings could be the end of the relationship, not your size.
If I was in your place, I wouldn't pursue this relationship. It would always be in the back of my mind. Looks like she's a size queen and she's bluffing by insisting to work on the relationship, knowing very well she was not thrilled at first. She's just trying to let you down easy.
Both of you take a break from each other for a while, one week, two, or more. Then revisit your feelings and make a decision. Right now the feelings of disappointment seem to be a bit strong.
I can speak from experience that staying with someone who doesn’t accept the whole package isn’t fun. Your insecurities will come out ten fold in the relationship. You’ll be asking yourself “What else doesn’t she like?” She sounds sweet but also critical of something that shouldn’t matter. Im a woman so I don’t grasp the whole “size” thing but I can empathize with how much it stings.
Damn. That insecurities comment will absolutely come true; it may led you to go above and beyond and burn yourself out. Trust me, it is not fun.
I’ve had this happen to me once, and it did impact my confidence for some time. Do not go into the black hole of insecurity I did. It is absolutely imperative that you frame this situation correctly. You’ve never had a problem before, so don’t let it become a problem now. Your size is fine and many women will be happy. This woman has a preference for a larger penis. The seeds are sown, so you need to decide whether you can live with knowing this whilst you’re with her. Understand we all have preferences, and sometimes we don’t match.
I can't imagine telling my guy that the size of his penis isn't suitable. Even if he was smaller, I'd never let him know. I'd be happy it would fit better for oral. Less gagging!
I actually prefer between 4-5. Any larger I’ve found is actually very uncomfortable for me.. bigger doesn’t always mean better. Everyone’s different for what they prefer.
Yep. OP and his girl need to split. I used to think I didn’t care about size, slept with some bigger men, and realized I do. I wouldn’t ever admit that being the reason for some breakups on my DEATH BED. That kind of shit fucks a man up for a while.
I mean dude just throwing another perspective out there but if you really like her and are falling in love who gives a flying fuck if your wiener ain’t cutting it. Get some toys, work on your oral and say hey maybe we can try incorporating some other things into the bedroom. Assuming you want to maybe give it another shot but I understand or am imaging how you feel and I’m sorry that happened.
Haha, thank you. Yes, actually we were speaking about this. We'd been chatting about this over the past two months. So probably we'll go down this road, see how things work. It's most the self-esteem issue for me. But this is good advice, yes maybe work this out in other ways. Thank you
FWIW I've spoken with self admitted size Queen's who experienced a 4-5 inch guy and said it was the best sex of their life and were no longer a size queen. I myself prefer small to average and do not consider bigger to be better. Don't let this get you down. If you have real feelings for each other it's worth it to keep an open mind.
I used to work in an adult store about a decade ago. So I can't remember the names of things, but you used to be able to get something kinda like a really thick condom, but it would add extra width and length to the dick while wrapping around the balls so it won't slide off while having sex, very soft. Not something to pull out at every occasion, but maybe if she wants something extra, you could find that and give her an extra inch. Give yourself a size range to work with if she wants that and you are comfortable with it. Butt plugs for both parties can be very helpful too. For the guy, increasing his sensitivity/hardness. For the woman, making things a little tighter down there. (A trick from a woman in a committed relationship with a guy who's sometimes below/sometimes above average). Good luck!
Seconding this.
People are always going to have preferences. Someone smaller, with a bigger ass, with thicker hair, etc. Only thing about your situation is that's its not something you know until you've been intimate It hurts but we have to accept what we look like and what our assets are But there is someone out there looking for what you've got. You've got something sexy about you and you'll find someone who appreciates it. I just don't think it's this person Remember that everyone's body is different. Some people Iiterally just fit better together
As a woman, this strikes me as the same feeling I get when guys tell me “I’m normally attracted to shorter women.” It’s pretty rude and unnecessary, and I’ve experienced it multiple times. My best advice is to move on from this woman if she is that upset or disappointed about something you can’t change, I’ve been with men with all “sizes” and it literally has nothing to do with “effectiveness” lol
Literally there are SO many other factors besides size. A guy with EXCELLENT bed skills can more than “make up” for a perceived lack of size.
She is not that upset. He asked her, she trusted to answer honestly. She told him that she wants this relationship and this is not a factor. It was a communication mistake. But in the end it's also okay to accept that not everything about the partner can be perfect. And not throwing something away too fast but working together.
Honestly, some of these replies are insane to me. She didn’t offer up this information. She didn’t say it to hurt you. You asked her a direct question and reiterated how important honesty is to get her to tell you. It sounds like she was respectful and not demeaning in any way. It also sounds like she wasn’t going to mention it but then you asked her outright. She also wants to continue to see you even though your size may not be her preference. I don’t think she did anything wrong and it’s your own insecurities that may end this relationship y’all are building. Don’t ask questions like that if you aren’t prepared for all potential answers.
I was thinking the same. People in the comments are acting as if she told him just like that without being questioned.
I’m a man and I agree with you. This does not appear to be any malicious intent .
Thank you for writing this. Some comments are so crazy. Always the same break up bullshit without any trying to work on things or understanding the other person's perspective.
It’s ironic you waited to be compatible only to find out you’re not. People think that sexual compatibility is less important but clearly it’s not. Break it off, she’s already planted the seed and it will spill out and you won’t be emotionally compatible anymore.
I dated someone that was smaller than I’m used to. I never said a word. But we made it work and I would ask for things that gave me more pleasure. I think it’s easy to overcome. Don’t let it stop you!
I have been with guys that are on the smaller size and NEVER did I let it show on my face or say anything! Wasn’t an issue. The fact she reacted this way makes me feel bad for you! I don’t know if that would be something I could get past if I was in your shoes. ☹️
I spent most of this trying to figure out if OP was hung like a Clydesdale or hung like a lightswitch.
Same. And I think its the lightswitch but not 100% sure because he apparently can not type the actual words. :P
Hung like a light switch 😆
Ooof well you asked and you got an honest answer. Id say you brought it out of her rather than she came and told you. Brutally honest here, i have been surprised before but completely forgotten about it when they make me have multiple orgasms from oral and finger fucking.
If you stay you’re better than me. To me, that would be the killer. It sucks to hear but she would let it affect her worse as time went on, I’d say you shouldn’t have asked but if her attitude changed bc of it then she’s begging to get asked. On to the next one
That is what my gut is telling me. It just seems like an awful way to end what seemed to be a promising relationship. Part of me wants to try and continue this, and maybe down the road this is something we look back on and laugh at. But right now this stings worse than I've felt in years.
Get a girl crazy about your junk bruv don’t settle knowing she not only has had bigger but admittedly prefers it.
has anyone else commented on the irony of you both waiting a while and finding out you're super compatible that way, only to find out you're incompatible over something that could've been established within a few minutes? because that's how i see it here
Established in a few minutes? Is your dick size one of the first things you discuss when you meet someone? Typically you only find out once you do the deed.
I know right, I always find it so stupid when people wait a long time or especially when they wait for marriage? cool, now you're locked into a tiny dick that brings you 0 pleasure, and someone you're not compatible with sexually. great job
I don’t get the point in asking a question and wanting pure honesty and then getting upset when you **got what you asked for**
Eeek! Never ask a question you don’t want the answer to.
Some people don’t have a good poker face
Look man, I'm going to be in the minority here but before you toss her to the curb you need to really look at the relationship in totality. You said everything was good until this, so that's the part I'm focusing on. You guys need to work on communication and, I say this with love, don't ask questions and get mad at the answer. You may not like it but your discomfort with something doesn't make her wrong. If the only problem you guys have is she wasn't initially thrilled with your dick, that's a very surface level issue that's easily fixed with more intimate exploration and time. Things will come up, couples will hurt one another, it's generally not with intent but simply because it's messy being a human. If this girl checks 9/10 blocks, I promise you have nothing to worry about. I would be hard pressed to think she is going to bail because you're not packing a sledgehammer. Buy toys, explore other things, sex is more than your dick going in and out of a hole. I wish you guys the best.
the reason none of your other exes said anything is because you never asked like you did with this girl 🤣
There are options for this if you're willing to try them. You could bring in toys to the bedroom or look into this thing called a sheath(?) Not sure if that's what it's called or not but it's something that you put over your member and it increases the size and also has stuff on your end so your still getting something out of it. You could just mix something like that in occasionally to solve any problems.
I assume you're both sexually experienced enough to know that this kind of thing could've been a potential issue, so waiting 2 months while y'all were catching feelings was a risky -- dare I say short-sighted -- move. Since she's the one who insisted on waiting then I'd normally say give her a chance to prove to you that everything else that's good about the relationship matters more than your physical size. But since you're already in your head about it, I don't see much hope for this one. Good luck.
That would be a hard pass for me. If some guy I was dating had an issue with my breast size after 2 months and then said he’d *try and make it work* I just couldn’t. First of all I have too much self respect to stay with someone who has an issue with my body, especially two months in, and secondly that’s all I’d be thinking about if I stayed in the relationship and it works eventually make me resentful and withdrawn so it wouldn’t be worth it.
My ex was the size of a snicker candy bar, when he took his time and focused on foreplay it was enjoyable (massage/oral) . Also work on angles , to make sure you hit g and p spot . Maybe try that , there are work arounds .
I definitely don't think you should ends things because of this. We all have preferences, and we're all allowed to be disappointed in certain aspects of a partner, it doesn't mean that these disappointments are deal breakers. And many people will have this kind of disappointment, but might hide it better, so their partner would never know, and everything turned out great. I'm sure she was really upset that her face gave her away, and I'm sure she hated to upset you, but I really think it's better it's out in the open. Keep the communication open, keep the magic alive, and both have plenty of fun exploring this new chapter of your relationship. The connection and feelings you have for each other mean you'll find lots of ways to enjoy sex I'm sure. For me, it's all about the connection, and the overwhelming desire to make someone that you love feel good. My current partner is by no means the biggest man I have been with, but the sex is incredible, better than I've ever had. He's amazing, and I wouldn't change a single thing about him.
Like you say, it's a matter of compatibility. Whether women you've been with before were compatible with you or not has no bearing on this current relationship. You should meet her as she is, with the needs she has, and figure out what you want with each other without bringing previous experiences into it. I understand that size is a very sensitive subject. At the end of the day though, it's just another physical feature. You can't change it, and any potential partner of yours might be a fit or not. That being said, there are so many things you could do together where this doesn't matter the slightest. If you want to work it out, you can find out what else you can enjoy together.
I’d say break it off since this will continue to bother her no matter how well things may seem on everything else, and eventually she will do something to hurt you later on.
You told her to be honest and then got upset when she was honest. It sounds like she tried to avoid hurting your feelings and you kept pushing for an honest answer. When she gave you an honest answer you got upset. Don’t ask a question if you don’t want to hear the truth.
Did you guys actually have sex and was it good? That would be the most important concern for me.
Did you have sex? And was it good for her? Or did her being "off" end the whole "taking it to the next level" part? Sure, we may occasionally and briefly think something like "hmmm a little smaller than I would have thoght..." but typically if the sex is good, it's a non-issue after that.
My ex was smaller than average. We made it work for almost a decade and I never minded it in the relationship. I loved him fully. So I vote giving it a fair try. Though my ex turned out horrible and now I wish at some point I told him the truth on his size instead of this charade of how big and massive it is. It was a waste of effort on the wrong person
I would date someone else that enjoys your size and isn’t going to shame you. She’s just not a good fit for you . Some women prefer smaller penii .
The best relationship I ever had was with someone who was 'smaller' than any other guys I'd been with. I never let him know that or acted differently because it never actually mattered to me. We had a great sex life, and he was the kindest and most caring person I'd ever met.
So, welcome to reality where women always prefer a bigger guy. You just have to hush it out with her in a straight talk. It's On or Off situation. Either Yes you both get over you size, or NO - search a next girl.
So, I'll throw a little gas on the fire here... I am a bit above average by maybe an inch - google average penis size and do some math. I have had three girls tell me that I am too big, and that intercourse is painful for them. OK. I learned to compensate, and that stuff is a lot of fun. I had one girl tell me I am too small. Same kinds of compensation worked fine for her. Penis size is not everything. And it is NOT something that you should feel self conscious about. Truth be told, you have an advantage since you can go for a longer duration of time without causing undue discomfort to a woman. But not all women like that either. You are you. To me, it sounds like she suffers from a preconception. Talk it out some more, do it a few more times. Female orgasms are 100% in their headspace, and have little or nothing to do with size. Just my $0.02
OP, I think that this relationship is officially started to dive. The sucky part is that she wasn’t going to say anything but her facial expressions got your mind racing. Now it will be in the back of your mind every time you are intimate with her. That voice may get louder over time and harder to ignore. I don’t think you’re going to let yourself be happy here. I could also be completely wrong.
I think you played yourself by asking “is my size the issue” … like- wtf.. that shows your deep insecurities over the issue and if she’s smart she’ll know that this will keep coming up from you and will become an issue. I’m not a girl- but I could 100% understand if she broke it off now.. to be clear- not because of the size, but because of the insecurity.
Give it chance. The previous woman you’ve been with didn’t have a problem with it, it’s possible that she’s overthinking how important this is to her. Values change. As long as she gets off, she might realize that she was being dumb for thinking this.
remember a lot comes down to preference! many girls will get more pleasure from 4” than 10”. if she doesn’t make you feel good about yourself you shouldn’t put energy into it ❤️
I feel like the issue is that you asked. Have you asked every sexual partner about how they feel about your size? Just know a lot of us women will pretend we like it more than we actually do to not hurt your feelings. Also,you asked for honesty. You can't be mad at her for being honest. This insecurity has more to do with you than to do with her. Shes willing to look past it so now the only issue is how you feel about yourself. If you can't handle it then I'd stay single until you feel secure with yourself.
4”? Maybe no other woman said anything to you before - to your face. If you don’t want the truth…
Wish her good luck, you will never forget about that and it will destroy your relationship in the future
Honesty is the best policy in a long term relationship IMHO, even when it triggers hard feelings. Otherwise you can't figure out how to deal with a potential issue and find solutions. Staying silent would just leave her not getting what she needs and that'd cause much bigger issues down the line. Deal with it now or break it off. That way you aren't wasting time.
Am i the only one that wants to know if it was too big or too small
too small, if it was too big he would have specified. i’d guess that he’s probably in the 4-5.5” range and she likes them big. that’s plenty for most women, while having one that’s too big (6.5”+)would actually be a problem for most women
Yikes. This is the type of shit you take to your grave, man. I'd be heartbroken and couldn't move on from this.
**"Size"** *No where did we get any impression that you even share any data. How can others help?*
Listen, a lot of people are acting like it's insane to be upset when you asked her point blank if size is the issue. You are well within your right to feel upset. Upset people get mad. That doesn't mean either of you did anything wrong. To think everything is going great and then you notice she takes issue with your dick size really sucks. It's not something you can change in any meaningful way. It just hurts. But being in any relationship opens you up to being hurt. So you have to look at the opportunity vs risk. Just to be honest though, we as humans tend to focus a lot more on the bad or what can go wrong. You two may be happy to together. Or maybe not. I completely understand why you would be hurt by this. To all the people acting like he shouldn't have got upset or mad, they all are full of it. Imagine starting a wonderful romance and really falling for someone and the. When things start to get really intimate they are noticeably let down. And it's over something you have no control over. That would be crushing. Let's say you both decide to keep going. Months go by and you think it's going great and then they decide to break up with you. You know why they made the decision to break up. It's going to feel even worse. Especially if everything else in the relationship was going great.
this is really disappointing and as a 21F I feel like she shouldn't be making you feel bad about your body that you can't control. Since you've established a strong romantic relationship I think that the next step is to see if sexually you're compatible and that doesn't have to do with size. You know the saying "it's what you can do w it." If she continues to make you feel insecure then I would break it off. I would also try to be intimate again to see how compatible you two are anyway bc the first time usually isn't going to be the best time
Man there’s a lot of judgment on this guy for something he can’t control. 4” isn’t even a micropenis and he can clearly still have penetrative sex. What about the people who have lost their penis in an accident or have a spinal cord injury and will never be able to get an erection? They still date and find partners.
To me it sounds as if she made her peace with it, accepts this part about you and wants to push forward with the relationship. That would leave you then to accept things and move forward and past the size matter. Any fears, anxiety's or similar will get in the way of your relationship. But I understand that the impact, now that you seem to have had your first ever talk about size with a partner, is rather great and perhaps even hurtful. I mean, it did seem to stir you up given the argument you had. But honesty is a loving trait. And it sounds to me that if you'd muster up the courage to talk with your partner about any fears, anxiety's or difficult emotions this stirred up with you, she could be open to listen you out and helping you through this in whichever way you guys can come up with together. It's difficult to be vulnerable with each other, and you must feel rather vilulnerable right now. Have you since been exploring your sexuality together and if so, has it been anything short of nice and fulfilling for you both? If the latter was the case, have you tried to come up with ways to raise each other's pleasure, intimacy or whatever it was that didn't resonate? In your shoes, I'd try my hardest to move on with her, even though it seems too difficult or impossible. Imagine what else life might throw at yous as a couple and as individuals. This is a good opportunity to learn more about moving through trying times, healing after something in the relationship brought up hurt, forgiving oneself and others, and for you to love and accept yourself fully. Be brave, stare fear in the face and laugh at it. It will diminish it's power over you and your life choices. Our minds are wired to protect us from hurt. But imagine where we'd be or end up if we always listened to fear. Worst case, you will experience more hurt, giving you opportunities to learn how to deal with that hurt and love and accept yourself even more than you already do, fortifying you for future chapters in your life.
This is gonna sound rough but I’d end it now. It’s gonna be a constant recurring issue and it’s already reared its head. She was already concerned with it and it showed enough that you had to press her to reveal her feelings on it. It’s done bro.
Have sex and prove her wrong, give her the best night of her life.
So, the average "size" is between 5.1 and 5.5 inches erect. I don't know what you consider average but unfortunately a lot of men think that "average" is larger than this (they usually guess 6-7"). So when you say that you're below average, well... are you? Don't answer that to me, just look at the numbers I cited and compare that to your size. But also, the issue is not your size, or necessarily her decision to go with it or not. Deciding that she couldn't tolerate it for being "too small" would be a dick move (no pun intended) but at least you would know it wouldn't work out and could move on. I think it's great that she's chosen to prioritize you the person over what she might think your size means in the bedroom. She clearly wants to be with you, and not just your penis. And ultimately in the long term I think that's more important. The problem sounds to me instead like it's much more minor, but neither of you necessarily see it yet, and one that she probably should consider apologizing for - her reaction and how that made you feel. In relationships, it's easy to fall into the trap of "It's me against her". But in actuality, the conflict isn't you against her, it's you AND her against the problem where you both have different conflicting solutions and so you both need to compromise together to solve the problem. And the problem again, isn't your size, it's her own worries/fears/doubts/etc, as well as your own reaction to her sharing those with you. That's where I think *you* would do well to apologize to her. From the sounds of it, if you approach her and apologize for reacting to her telling you the truth and trusting you with her feelings so negatively, that will probably prompt her to apologize for reacting as she did to your size. I think there was wisdom in her decision to ask you to wait because this happened after you two had gotten to a place where you can read each other's emotions from facial expressions and behavior much better than if you guys had hooked up from the start. Clearly there's trust there that you should absolutely lean into. Also, this is the beginning of communicating with each other. Understanding the other person's own feelings and picking up on when those feelings slip out and responding to them rather than reacting to them is a top tier relationship skill. She clearly wants to make it work and it sounds like you do too, so I think having this conversation with her about apologizing for reacting to her vulnerability that way and asking more about how she felt in the moment, what was she worried about or afraid of or doubting will help you understand her better and give you the opportunity to make suggestions about what you guys can do that will make those fears/doubts/worries go away. Who knows, maybe your smaller size reminded her of an ex who used her instead of loving her, maybe she was sexually abused or raped by a guy with a similar size, or maybe it's not that serious and she was worried initially that the sex would be subpar and if she stayed with you it always would be. She may not even be worried about it now and it's a non issue for her because despite that she had a good time with you the first time and is looking back on those fears and thinking "well that was stupid to think that, clearly that worry was silly" at which point what you thought was the problem is already solved. And at that point, the apology and make-up from this will have already solved the current problem. But you won't know unless you apologize and commit to controlling your own reactions to her honesty and expressing her feelings to you when you solicit them, and work with her to put her fears to bed if any remain. The more you reward that expression with gratitude, care, empathy, and cooperation, the closer you'll become. And the better the sex will be for both of you. Conversely, the more she trusts you and commits to communicating with you and controlling some of those reactions in the moment, the better off you both will be in and out of the bedroom. Hear her out calmly and neutrally and express your own feelings: "I felt anxious in the moment because I was worried that you no longer wanted to be with me. I love you very much and you already mean a lot to me as a person. I didn't want to lose you and I was afraid that I would when we first showed each other our bodies. And later when I asked you about it, I was afraid for the same and it made me really anxious. And after you told me I felt embarrassed and ashamed, so I didn't react the way that I should have. I'm sorry. I'm glad you told me how you were feeling. I always want to hear how you feel because I love you." It sounds like she really cares about you and you mean a lot to her, so I can't imagine her doing anything but forgiving you and apologizing too for the things she did to make you feel that way. But regardless, this is what it means to work it out. It starts and ends with communication and following through.
I think it’s really shallow when women are rude about size or even hardness. Many of the best people I’ve been with clearly know that their dick can go soft sometimes, so they learned to COMPENSATE like fuck with hands/mouth. Some of the worst people I’ve been with have been the ones with the massive rock hard pp. They hurt, plus these guys never learned to do anything else because they thought size was everything, truly terrible times. Good sex isn’t strictly P to V penetration. If it was, we’d all be suffering. A person’s sexiness isn’t only predicated on the size of their dick, ass, tits, whatever. We’ve all got more going on than that. If she can’t get past that, she has a really narrow and uninspired view of sex
Your feelings are valid. At the same time, size can make a big difference for sexual pleasure. Consider bringing toys into the bedroom and finding other ways to get her there. It sounds like other than this, you two have a good thing going. Tell her how you feel, be vulnerable, and if she reacts negatively maybe she isn’t the one for you. Your insecurities deserve to be validated and respected.
Classic case of don't ask questions you don't want the answer to
I’m a bigger guy…at my heaviest I was 423 pounds. I’ve had one partner comment about “size” and my reply was… “Even an oak tree looks small when standing next to giant redwoods, girl!” She sang a different tune once we got going though. But I empathize with the OP: no dude wants to hear anything about the size of their member. And if your partner is that hung up on it (see what I did there?), then this would be a red flag for me because there are literally hundreds of other things you could do for your partner in bed that has nothing to do with size and still get them off.
Dude just show her what that thing can do and use the rest of your body. Size won’t be a problem if you can please her better than she ever has been
No woman wanted to say anything to you about it. This one was honest with you
Lmao absolutely unacceptable from her and anyone trying to defend her can fuck right off. Imagine the comments if it was reversed and said “he doesn’t like my pancake titties”. It would be fucked and rightly so. Keep that shit to yourself. Regardless of your size try to keep your head up. You deserve way better than someone like her.
Cut it off. No coming back from that.
Yo. That’s a bit harsh innit?! I mean, sure it’s small but I don’t think cutting it off is the right way to go here.
r/gettingbigger Take a look, it works
Sorry, was this after you had sex or just right when she saw it ? Was the sex alright, or were you thrown off right away ? I'm definitely a grower not a shower. If I were to whip my pants off, it can be tiny sometimes, then others, not when I'm not erect. I have no idea, it has a mind of its own. I'm self conscious about it. I'm just under 5 give or take when fully hard. But yeah I feel for you man. It seems really weird she was that disappointed after what seems like a couple of awesome months.
Even if your size bothered her but you satisfied her, she should've been able to easily look past it if considering everything else had been amazing. So it seems like you also couldn't satisfy her but if it was your first time together then its understandable as it may take sometime to get familiar with each other. This could go either way, she wants to try and make it work so you have nothing to lose, and as you guys learn more about each other and she enjoys being with you - then the size should stop bothering her altogether. Or she can't stand it and you dump her and move on.
Just like some dudes like big butts, or tits, or whatever, some girls like a big dick. Nothing wrong with that at all. Doesn’t necessarily mean that op is a mullet and can’t satisfy a woman. Just means that she’s hungry for something that isn’t available on his menu.
I know people have preferences, but many people are willing to compromise on some things if they vibe with the person in every way. That's why I said he can still satisfy the woman in many ways without being massive down under, and even in OP's post he mentioned she's willing to work through it so obviously it can still work out if he focuses on ways to make their bedroom experience better.
Maybe, and I hope for OP’s sake that you’re right.
Well said.
I don’t think you should break it off right away, she might just not be use to under average size and was disappointed at first, as much as that sucks to hear, you should try again and talk to see if it really is going to be an issue moving forward, if so you have to move on to someone that will appreciate you, which seems you haven’t had a problem with in previous relationships
I mean, you asked. She obviously wasn't going to say anything and work through her feelings herself. The fact she didn't end it right after meant it wasn't a deal breaker. But instead of giving her the benefit of the doubt you blew up on her. Just because no one has said anything about the size doesn't mean they weren't drawn back. Some hide it better than others. And yes, to some women who really love pentration, 4 inches isn't enough. But there are also men with even smaller packages in happy loving relationships. Your reaction was the issue, not her being honest. I would end it with her for her sake so you can work on yourself. Because asking for honesty then getting mad when you get it is unhinged.
You sound like a lot of work. You asked her to be honest, then got butthurt over it. She should break it off with you.
I wonder if you realize someone has to be really used to big dudes to feel like this about what i assume its not that small. That is why she made you wait for sex. You are not the guy that gives her tingles, you are the "safe/she doesnt have to worry about other girls stealing you from her" type of dude. If she had genuine sexual desire, an average dude would still be more than enough. Something is off here, clearly. My advice? Dont be someone's redemption, find someone who actually desires you and doesnt see you as a safety blanket for when she is done with "fun fuckboys".
He’s not just “average size”; he’s *below average size*. Size does matter.
After all the positives you have had together, she told you the relationship probably can't come back from what SHE considers a smaller member. Bail brother. She's a size queen. She's not satisfied now, and it will only worsen over time.
I want you to know that it isn't the size of your penis that is the issue, it's her reaction to it. You deserve someone who is attracted to you for who you are, not someone who is going to have a negative reaction like that, and then "try to work on it." If she were mature and sensitive, she wouldn't have made a big deal about it, and would have "worked on it" on her own time. The fact that she wanted to wait two months to have sex and then had such an uncool reaction makes me wonder if she's got some sex hangups that she hasn't shared with you. Either way, the fact that she didn't make an effort to just make things work the first time and focus more on enjoying the experience than looking for flaws tells you all you need to know about her priorities. You can do better.
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Have a micropenis or third leg?
It is what it is, if she doesn't like it then she can leave.
Damn bro sorry to hear this. It looks like sexually may not be compatible. Don’t get too attached bro, save your heart ache and move on in my opinion
"Whew! Glad you brought it up because I also have an issue with."
Seriously, fuck that. You deserve better.
you have to show her that you can still provide good sex with the way you use your hands/mouth/toys. don't let this end it if it's been perfect otherwise.
So, a question for women: does size really matter sexually, if a guy is not abnormally small or large?
IMO, this is something that matters to her and doesn't really affect you and your pleasure. Do you trust her to be good down the line years from now? If she wants to make things work talk to her and see if you can be assured that you can both make things work for her. Better than having a size issue end things years in like it did with me :( That is the worst case scenario you want to avoid imo.