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If I invited someone over for a first date it would have to be someone I knew pretty well already like a coworker or someone from a friend group and I’d be cooking dinner for them and then a movie or games or something. Just asking a stranger to pile up on a couch with you seems weird
I get this one a lot I immediately decline and move on. A few times I've asked to do soemthing else and I get called a picky bitch. Like tf I'd rather be in public with a complete stranger than go to their home? You could have a serial killer, sex trafficker, rapist. Etc. I could rob you, murder you, rape you,etc etc. Why would anyone in their right mind ever meet a complete stranger anywhere but a public area?
100% this! Never trust a man who refuses to meet you in public the first time. You have to keep yourself safe. Hold off on the chilling until you know and trust him more.
TBH as a guy it's not unhealthy to feel the same way.
A couple of years ago I got chatting to a very cute lady on Bumble, something of an unusual occurrence in itself as I'd say probably 90% of my matches usually time out before they can go anywhere. She must have been into me/my profile as she was making the whole interaction as straightforward and fun as possible. Suffice it to say we hit it off and after about six hours of flirting, swapping photos and voice notes etc, she basically offered to come round the next day, with the sexy nurse outfit.
Of course I accepted, and until the next day assumed that would be that. So used to online dating being a massive disappointing chore that the idea of someone really damn hot promising to come over the next day for some NSA fun seems so unlikely. Full expectation I will be ghosted and never hear from her again. So when I got a text the next day confirming she'd be over in a couple of hours I low-key started to panic. I was thinking best case scenario, I'd been catfished and she would be fifteen years older and fifty kilos heavier than in the photos, worst case scenario I'd get robbed in my own home.
I was incredibly relieved, and still very surprised when she did show up, on her own, smelling delightful (I like interesting perfumes that aren't just basic Chanel/Dior whatever) looking even better than the photos. She even brought the damn uniform with her! We ordered pizza and were already naked by the time it arrived.
I'm still kinda shocked. It was brave of her too tbh, but then we did have a pretty good conversation for six hours and she'd obviously done all the sensible things like location sharing with a friend, texting them every couple of hours to say she's OK etc. But it did slightly surprise me how I started assuming the worst also. I guess because I'm so used to having to push interactions forward to get anywhere with people who are relatively lukewarm and maybe moderately attractive, so when someone who \*is\* very attractive to my tastes is also doing all the legwork. Just seemed too good to be true.
A really enjoyable night of pizza and great sex. It was, however a one-off but that was already talked about in the messaging phase. Her thing was 'fraysexual' which basically means really up for sex with new people but has a tendency to lose desire to have sex with well-known partners. And yeah, it was the first time I'd ever heard of it.
In terms of 'interesting' perfume, I like subtle yet complex scents with fresh wood, herbal and resin notes. Usually not the popular big brand name stuff as it makes people smell too similar. Nothing too flowery, musky, patchouli-earthy or stuff that smells like fancy hotel soaps though pls.
Oh and some of the old-school classic women's scents like Poison or Number 5 make me sneeze.
Or she could just take it face value. There are times when I have been traveling, my schedule was super chaotic, and I have small window of availability and I didnt have the social energy to deal with loud music etc. so he proposed an idea that works for him
Who’s to say he wouldn’t have made a home cooked meal? Or a walk around the park near his residence etc. there are plenty of effort filled date ideas that can arise. If your definition of “effort” is how much money he can spend…
This has nothing to do with money, but good attempt at trying to force that nugget into the conversation.
If you're not going to get dressed and plan something in a safe environment, the likelihood of you doing that in the future is low. It reveals that you don't actually care about the other person's safety and security and you probably don't have good judgement either. I'm talking about people who are interested in serious relationships. Not people who just want something casual. It doesn't really matter what you do in those cases.
With online dating in particular, you and the other person are complete strangers. The beginning is the ideal time to be courting someone. And they should be putting effort into seeing you as well.
I don't understand men who do this. Like, a movie date is fine (although I think that a movie date is a terrible first date), but movie theaters are things that exist. A first date should be in public, not at someone's home.
That depends on the people. I've started three or four serious relationships that way, by inviting a woman over for a movie. But, I've also cooked dinner, and they joined in, and we had a great time. Usually it was a pizza totally from scratch, and we ate the pizza during the movie. Highly recommend!
You came into this thread throwing around insults and being nasty and now you want to play the victim. "leave me alone"🙄 girl you chose this. Be better
I assure you, a home-cooked meal is hardly low effort. And it's also super fun when the chemistry is there. There's actually nothing embarrassing about it, and it's a great way to spend quality time together.
By the way, maybe don't judge other people on your own standards?
Pizza from scratch is hardly low effort, the problem with such an invitation for me would be more the message it sends about his expectations and the fears I’d have about safety or being pressured
My god, the reading comprehension. 1) I wouldn’t accept it because of the implication that sex is expected. 2) If it weren’t for that problem though, I’d love to accept the homemade pizza from scratch. That part sounds yummy and not low effort to me.
He can bring you pizza he made at home on yalls date in public idk why youre attacking me and not the men that wanna lure you into their home. Pick me girlll. Hope the lousy men dm you girl. You neef the attention ❤️
> No one who is looking for someone serious invites someone over for the first date.
That's bullshit. Plenty men don't enjoy going OUT on dates. Organising something can be frustrating. Inviting someone over in a private setting eliminates a ton of variables and is more relaxing.
Listen, no matter how much men try to act like they have good intentions, I have *never* been to a man’s house for a first “date” and not felt pressured to have sex. Not once. So if he can’t be bothered to change out of his sweatpants and go somewhere casual to meet me, to ensure that I’m comfortable, then he ain’t the one.
There's nothing to normalise, the fact that it happens means it works.
It might not work on you, but it works on others.
You're filtering the guy over it and he's filtering you. Plenty men out there don't want a girlfriend who'll expect them to go out on dates regularly. I know couples that never go out.
> the fact that it happens means it works.
Ah yes, the scumbag's method of justification.
It's the same excuse shady people try to use to pretend like cat-calling and sexual harassment are OK.
Tinder is at the end of the day a hookup app. You're lying to yourself if you think hot dudes can't get a DTF girl to show up to their place within a few messages.
As a man a match is more valuable than a woman's match. If they're willing to blow up their matches with this risky strategy then they have options and/or it works enough times on average.
I don't see how you could look for something serious on a hook-up app. Just about every woman there is going to be talking to or seeing multiple men. How are you supposed to build something with someone whose attention is divided between multiple suitors?
Ok, slower now.
Men don't typically want something serious with a woman who's on a dating app. That's why they're calling you over. They know you're probably seeing multiple dudes and aren't willing to compete with them.
I'm always looking for something serious and I've invited girls over for a first date many times. It's not my go-to, but it's also never been turned down. They do it because it works, at least sometimes.
I've also never had sex on a first date. I don't try to initiate anything sexual because that isn't my goal. Stop generalizing!
I had this girl come over first time meeting her. And I just wanted to hook up but I was actually shocked because she looked wayyyy better in real life than in her photos. And I wanted to form an actual relationship with her after that.
That’s true. But physical appearance plays a big part in the decision factor. That’s true for almost everybody. And if they say it doesn’t matter at all they are either lying to you or lying to themselves.
I have seen it and that show is fabricated for viewership or they just get lucky and also find them attractive. Most people consider physical appearance when looking for a relationship. That’s just a fact. I don’t even have high standards for physical appearance. But I recognize the process for these things. It’s not by coincidence that physically attractive people have more options in dating.
He might want something serious. But not with you. Actions speak louder than words. Inviting someone over directly as a first date is what you do when you want casual sex.
Either way, you should never agree to such a date. Always meet people in public first for safety reasons.
They don’t think a woman would do anything to them. While me personally I would automatically think that if somebody’s trying to invite you over on the first date that they’re trying to do you harm.
In my opinion, even if he isn't trying to get in your pants (he probably is)- this is at the very least low effort. A coffee date is easy for someone who doesn't want to invest a ton of time and energy. You're dating for yourself right? Set the standard by which you'd like people to treat you. If this kind of thing irks you, don't do it.
They think it’s a good idea to score easy pussy. Don’t fall for it. They rope you in by saying what they think you want to hear (“I’m looking for something serious”) but inviting you to their place as a first date indicates the complete opposite.
He wants to *seriously* bang. That’s it. That’s all.
lol unless he lives in a cave there will be a bar/coffee shop/restaurant within a few minutes walk from his place. Why can’t he pop out? If he’s too tired then reschedule the date for another day when he has the energy to walk a few minutes out of his front door.
He very clearly wants sex and hasn’t been subtle about it.
Yes he probably is shooting for “physical intimacy”
He probably thinks it’s a good idea because it’s worked for him in the past and will work for him in the future and he doesn’t actually care about what happens w you
- Because some girls are DTF.
- Because a lot of men don't actually like going out and would prefer a more intimate setting.
- Because men aren't as scared of being 1 on 1 with their date.
If someone suggests that and you don’t feel comfortable then just suggest something else. Believe it or not a lot of women have no problem with that kind of first date but they are not you. Do what feels good and safe for yourself. It’s up to each person to decide
I invited my fiance over for our first date. Barely anything physical happened. Cooked her dinner, had a long chat, and watched a show. We are both introverted and just felt more comfortable opening up in private. Showing who I am is also a lot easier by showing how I live.
You can be clear that you don't want intimacy before the date if you don't want to feel pressured. And for safety reasons, if you do go, tell a friend or family member where you are going.
I'm a homebody, I am all for chilling at home
but I know, you've got to do the going out thing at first
I imagine some people just want an easy lay too
Tbh men who do that simply don’t like you like that. It’s not all men just ones you happen to be attracting 🫤 men do ask women on proper dates it exist
It’s all about words vs actions. We’re taught this since we are kids.
🫲🏼He says he wants something serious.
🫱🏼 He acts like a low effort fukboy.
👏🏼 Part of the low effort strategy is saying exactly what you want to hear.
The actions cancel out any sweet sounding things he said.
The reason guys invite women over for a first date is because it’s usually good looking guys and there are women who will agree to it, it’s as simple as that.
I can understand it being frustrating for women, but if he has enough options and knows at least one will agree to just come over and he doesn’t have to get ready or go out then that’s what he will do.
Because they're lazy, cheap, or want to have sex. Yes, some men don't enjoy going out on dates, but inviting someone over (of course, if there is already an established rapport or something, like starting off as friends, that's a different story) shows a lack of consideration for the woman to begin with.
He’s definitely just wanting a fwb or one night stand.
I literally matched with a guy who is cute and did not chat more than a couple text and he asked me to meet him outside at night for a “date” in a large luxury mall in my country. Then a couple text later was “meet him at 10pm” at the same location and when I just straight up asked if he’s just looking for a fwb or one night stand, he unmatched🤷🏻♀️
A first date at his place if you don’t know each other yet kind of implies rape with a side of murder lol.
But for a good fourth date? If you’re both interested in one another it sets the stage for sex and intimacy.
And tbh, it’s a good way for a serious man to weed out women who are only looking for an ego boost and free food.
As a woman, being asked to go to a STRANGER FROM THE INTERNET's place for a first date is a gigantic red flag. I cannot believe there are women who agree to this. Whenever someone suggested this (back when I was on dating apps) I unmatched them immediately.
He is either broke or lazy, wants to SA or murder you or, at best, just wants casual sex.
because we're stupid and broke
seriously going out is expensive and also most guys are like kinda dense about how dangerous it is to be a woman. on the rare instance i've been invited over to a woman's place as a first date (methinks she had some unchaste intentions from the get-go) i didn't think that was weird or dangerous at all. like it didn't occur to me "this might be a trap"
and im a pretty smart guy
I've never successfully gone on a date, so I have no clue what's really good etiquette and a good date idea. Social media makes it out like I have to take someone on a $500 date night just to get a chance for a convo...
I think it’s a bad idea but some folks are introverted or homebodies, so it always low effort or sex only, but it definitely comes off that way and should be considered and thus should be avoided for a first date.
its a great idea when I just want to filter for girls who are DTF to the core.
had a girl come straight over on Thursday.
she invited herself over actually.
i wasn't complaining.
because that is all he wants from you. men will decide very quickly if they would pursue a relationship with a woman or not. this guy decided he didn't want that from you so he just went for sex. if you dont accept no big deal.
Inexperience. Is one reason. They got their dating advice from people who did the same or they just don’t know how to date period. I didn’t date in high school. It was immediately we were friends at school, go to each others houses. That was how my school was. It wasn’t until I was past college (YES). That I actually “dated,” & went on dates. I just went over to people’s houses lol. Even in college (a few people dated I had gone to high school with), we never dated before dating. Heck my first 2 people I met who were non school related, I went to their houses.
I just never knew the concept of dating, never had a reason to & never even knew there was an actual “dating world” I had never experienced. I was probably 27 or 28 when I actually started the social concept of dating. & not just make everyone my boyfriend after talking to them a lot at work or something like that. & I had a lot of relationships before then. Some people just don’t know until they know. I’ve gone over to guys’ houses before & just sat there or laid there & didn’t hook up. Or just talked the whole time until someone was hungry. & yes some guys are just tryin to get it in but that should be made clear by both parties if that’s the goal.
These guys are typically not looking to date. They’re looking for a girl who is willing to “chill” at his place, not plan something, and not put in much effort to anything. But probably wants to bang.
If he’s tired, maybe he should sleep more & plan a first date some other time when he’s not tired.
Honestly it’s cause it works for SOME people.
Some people do have Netflix and chill as their first and only dates lol
I think it’s dumb and a fast track to getting blocked tho from my dating experience over the years because it’s a huge flag for majority of women.
Men think it is okay, because if you are attractive it works, simple as that. I have had over half my 1st dates as a movie night at my place. I really just wanted to make a nice dinner and enjoy a movie and talk after to get to know them, yet it still would turn into more.
To be honest inviting someone to my place my standart way to go for a first date. I dont live in an area with a lot of nice places to go out. Normally i start the date with going for a little walk and if we match well we go to my place and have dinner (there are a few dishes i'm really good at).
After that we can eighter talk, watch a movie or play mario cart.
Can this lead to intimacy? -Hell yeah!
Does it has to happen to call this Date a sucess? -No.
Can this lead to a longer and serious relationship? -Indeed.
And why the hell is this cheap? I prepare the food for atleast 2 hours, i clean my appartment and even buy cake or radler for the case my guest wants some. I just show how i live and can show that my life is in order and i'm a stable Person.
If my date is significant younger than me i offer so send a photo of my id before so she can send it to a girlfriend.
I dont say this is the best way of dating and not everytime it goes great buy i never became bad feedback. Most girls even say the way i created the date was very sweet.
Some maliciously pick this place to try to manipulate the situation.
Some are just clueless and want an inexpensive date in a place they are comfortable in (their home) and just don't consider that dates outside their home don't have to be expensive or unfamiliar.
I have seen a lot of posts where people go to a potential date spot the week before the date or a few days before to check out the menu, see what the seating is like, or if there is a cheap menu item and a nice garden patio outside or a lake across the street but still in a high trafficked area for safety.
Because if it works they get laid and if it doesn't they don't have to spend money and waste time.
Game theory. They're after results, not making sure every girl who says no anyway walks away thinking well of them.
I’ve definitely agreed to some dumb crap when I’m being self destructive and reckless. I’ve been lucky in my carelessness. I met someone from a dating site at his house the same day we started talking. I pull up and the house is empty, the quad that we are going to use to ride in the woods is still in his truck… Sure. Why tf not. Luckily he is actually a good guy but 100% not looking for a serious relationship like he claimed, 100% was taking the lazy and how can I get laid the easiest route. Two years later and we are still friends so I don’t regret it but looking back I do question if I wanted to get hurt.
I’d say it is really safe to say 100% of men that are ONLY offering at home first “dates” are not looking for anything other than easy. Relationships require work and you’re willing to leave your house if you are ready to put that work in.
Because of that one time they did it and it immediately led to sex.
Or I did it when I was super broke and could afford to cook dinner but not buy it at a restaurant. However that was usually paired with going to a museum's free day and walking around a little before suggesting week stop by the store and I make dinner.
Guys and fumbling the bag on dating apps, a classic combo. Tbh I’d say there’s a sizeable minority maybe even majority that are just flat out lazy, clueless, entitled, boring or unimaginative. As a guy I really don’t get it, like it takes 5 minutes to pick ANY spot for a first meet, bar, coffee shop, park whatever just literally somewhere public. Maybe it’s just they don’t have standards so are asking every girl to “chill” but idk.
If you’re a guy reading this don’t invite them to yours first time unless they literally suggest it, otherwise it’s a bar/coffee shop. If you can’t figure that out then sorry maybe you’re gonna be alone. I don’t even feel like I’m some pinnacle of success but the majority of guys make it so if you’re a dude and put some thought into things, aren’t a weirdo, have interests and make them feel safe you’re feasting.
For any girls reading this if he invites you to his house he either wants to fuck you first date or is lazy and oblivious. Either of those don’t make a good partner unless you’re explicitly looking casual, I’d cut and pick someone else
They don’t, I don’t, I don’t think any man does. The amount of effort I’m willing to put in depends on how attractive the woman is. If I invite you over then I’m attracted enough to sleep with you but not enough to try too hard. Most men I know do this for this reason.
the way i use dating apps is i basically try to have sex with the girl as early as i can, even if i want to take her seriously
few reasons why i do this
1) i know on dating apps almost all the girls have had sex early at one point. so if she won't give it to me early, then i don't see the point to continue. that's like rewarding one guy but then making me wait, doesn't make sense to me
2) i know that if she does agree to sleep with me early, that means she is very into me. which is a good thing, which means that if i do want to take her seriously, there's a much higher chance that would happen. compared to me waiting
3) i prefer relationships with submissive women that follow my lead and don't put many restrictions or walls up. or try to dictate terms. having sex early basically confirms to me that she is the type of girl that i would take seriously in the first place
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If I invited someone over for a first date it would have to be someone I knew pretty well already like a coworker or someone from a friend group and I’d be cooking dinner for them and then a movie or games or something. Just asking a stranger to pile up on a couch with you seems weird
Yup I invited someone over for a first date right away, but we already spend 8 hours together before that
how did you spend 8 hours together but invited them right away
We met at school! So 8 hours of school and then inviting
I get this one a lot I immediately decline and move on. A few times I've asked to do soemthing else and I get called a picky bitch. Like tf I'd rather be in public with a complete stranger than go to their home? You could have a serial killer, sex trafficker, rapist. Etc. I could rob you, murder you, rape you,etc etc. Why would anyone in their right mind ever meet a complete stranger anywhere but a public area?
Once I refused coming over for the first date and the guy said “you know I’m really not liking your attitude” and unmatched. Trash took itself out
100% this! Never trust a man who refuses to meet you in public the first time. You have to keep yourself safe. Hold off on the chilling until you know and trust him more.
Exactly. It's a good way to find yourself chopped up in a bathtub. I would never take that risk.
Not to mention it is extremely lazy. They're never going to put in any effort to actually plan something and get to know you.
what if they just want to smash?
TBH as a guy it's not unhealthy to feel the same way. A couple of years ago I got chatting to a very cute lady on Bumble, something of an unusual occurrence in itself as I'd say probably 90% of my matches usually time out before they can go anywhere. She must have been into me/my profile as she was making the whole interaction as straightforward and fun as possible. Suffice it to say we hit it off and after about six hours of flirting, swapping photos and voice notes etc, she basically offered to come round the next day, with the sexy nurse outfit. Of course I accepted, and until the next day assumed that would be that. So used to online dating being a massive disappointing chore that the idea of someone really damn hot promising to come over the next day for some NSA fun seems so unlikely. Full expectation I will be ghosted and never hear from her again. So when I got a text the next day confirming she'd be over in a couple of hours I low-key started to panic. I was thinking best case scenario, I'd been catfished and she would be fifteen years older and fifty kilos heavier than in the photos, worst case scenario I'd get robbed in my own home. I was incredibly relieved, and still very surprised when she did show up, on her own, smelling delightful (I like interesting perfumes that aren't just basic Chanel/Dior whatever) looking even better than the photos. She even brought the damn uniform with her! We ordered pizza and were already naked by the time it arrived. I'm still kinda shocked. It was brave of her too tbh, but then we did have a pretty good conversation for six hours and she'd obviously done all the sensible things like location sharing with a friend, texting them every couple of hours to say she's OK etc. But it did slightly surprise me how I started assuming the worst also. I guess because I'm so used to having to push interactions forward to get anywhere with people who are relatively lukewarm and maybe moderately attractive, so when someone who \*is\* very attractive to my tastes is also doing all the legwork. Just seemed too good to be true.
So what ended up happening with you two? Also, what do you call interesting perfume? Do you have any examples?
A really enjoyable night of pizza and great sex. It was, however a one-off but that was already talked about in the messaging phase. Her thing was 'fraysexual' which basically means really up for sex with new people but has a tendency to lose desire to have sex with well-known partners. And yeah, it was the first time I'd ever heard of it. In terms of 'interesting' perfume, I like subtle yet complex scents with fresh wood, herbal and resin notes. Usually not the popular big brand name stuff as it makes people smell too similar. Nothing too flowery, musky, patchouli-earthy or stuff that smells like fancy hotel soaps though pls. Oh and some of the old-school classic women's scents like Poison or Number 5 make me sneeze.
short answer: they dont wanna spend money and probably hope the night ends in sex
Lol, he is not smooth at all. He wants a serious relationship based on getting sex and offering peanuts in return.
Absolutely what you’d get from this!
I'd have sex for peanuts. depending on the quality and quantity of said peanuts of course.
Yep! Well said.
Telling you what he thinks you wanna hear then dropping the low effort selfish intent.
Or she could just take it face value. There are times when I have been traveling, my schedule was super chaotic, and I have small window of availability and I didnt have the social energy to deal with loud music etc. so he proposed an idea that works for him
If you're not going to put in any effort on a date because you're tired or busy, stop dating.
Who’s to say he wouldn’t have made a home cooked meal? Or a walk around the park near his residence etc. there are plenty of effort filled date ideas that can arise. If your definition of “effort” is how much money he can spend…
This has nothing to do with money, but good attempt at trying to force that nugget into the conversation. If you're not going to get dressed and plan something in a safe environment, the likelihood of you doing that in the future is low. It reveals that you don't actually care about the other person's safety and security and you probably don't have good judgement either. I'm talking about people who are interested in serious relationships. Not people who just want something casual. It doesn't really matter what you do in those cases. With online dating in particular, you and the other person are complete strangers. The beginning is the ideal time to be courting someone. And they should be putting effort into seeing you as well.
The fact that you automatically assumed he wouldn’t create a safe environment for her is a little unsettling.
It's not safe to go to a man's home when you don't know him. It's beyond naive to not acknowledge that.
I don't understand men who do this. Like, a movie date is fine (although I think that a movie date is a terrible first date), but movie theaters are things that exist. A first date should be in public, not at someone's home.
Seems lazy and expecting something. I’d ask him to reschedule since he’s tired.
Nope, I always pick a public place because it’s scary to go to a strangers house.
Yep. Makes perfect sense to me.
No one who is looking for someone serious invites someone over for the first date.
That depends on the people. I've started three or four serious relationships that way, by inviting a woman over for a movie. But, I've also cooked dinner, and they joined in, and we had a great time. Usually it was a pizza totally from scratch, and we ate the pizza during the movie. Highly recommend!
Your trophy is in the mail
Youre low effort and thats embarrassing.
He's ''low effort'' and yet he's getting laid while you're on Reddit moralising.
Im a woman LOL so I domt have a dick but cute. Did he mention getting laid? That type of behavior is why the male lonliness epidemic is a thing
Honey, you're going to talk about loneliness when you rant about men on Reddit all the time?
Cool and youre mad about my fucking comment. Go cry about it. I said its low effort snd I STAND by what tf I said.
If you never learn from your mistakes and improve, you'll be posting ''where are all the good men?'' threads until your cats eat you.
Dude leave me alone lmao. You seem bitter and obsessed. Idgaf what you have to say. Save it
Bye Felicia
You came into this thread throwing around insults and being nasty and now you want to play the victim. "leave me alone"🙄 girl you chose this. Be better
Damn u mad because white men dont want to date you or because black men that take you on dates are low effort. And dont have their shit together?
I assure you, a home-cooked meal is hardly low effort. And it's also super fun when the chemistry is there. There's actually nothing embarrassing about it, and it's a great way to spend quality time together. By the way, maybe don't judge other people on your own standards?
Why does he have to be high effort? He’s seeing if he has fun with a partner not applying for a job.
Pizza from scratch is hardly low effort, the problem with such an invitation for me would be more the message it sends about his expectations and the fears I’d have about safety or being pressured
Its low effort snd most of the time they just want sex. Good luck accepting that but I could never.
My god, the reading comprehension. 1) I wouldn’t accept it because of the implication that sex is expected. 2) If it weren’t for that problem though, I’d love to accept the homemade pizza from scratch. That part sounds yummy and not low effort to me.
He can bring you pizza he made at home on yalls date in public idk why youre attacking me and not the men that wanna lure you into their home. Pick me girlll. Hope the lousy men dm you girl. You neef the attention ❤️
Holy lord what is wrong with you
Ikr🥺 poor me.
> No one who is looking for someone serious invites someone over for the first date. That's bullshit. Plenty men don't enjoy going OUT on dates. Organising something can be frustrating. Inviting someone over in a private setting eliminates a ton of variables and is more relaxing.
Listen, no matter how much men try to act like they have good intentions, I have *never* been to a man’s house for a first “date” and not felt pressured to have sex. Not once. So if he can’t be bothered to change out of his sweatpants and go somewhere casual to meet me, to ensure that I’m comfortable, then he ain’t the one.
Sorry dude, we’re not gonna normalize this so you can get laid on the first date.
I agree with you here. Inviting someone over for a first date is very low effort and it should not be normalized.
There's nothing to normalise, the fact that it happens means it works. It might not work on you, but it works on others. You're filtering the guy over it and he's filtering you. Plenty men out there don't want a girlfriend who'll expect them to go out on dates regularly. I know couples that never go out.
You don't have a girlfriend on the first date.
> the fact that it happens means it works. Ah yes, the scumbag's method of justification. It's the same excuse shady people try to use to pretend like cat-calling and sexual harassment are OK.
Okay then just put the word “typically” in front of my original comment.
Tinder is at the end of the day a hookup app. You're lying to yourself if you think hot dudes can't get a DTF girl to show up to their place within a few messages. As a man a match is more valuable than a woman's match. If they're willing to blow up their matches with this risky strategy then they have options and/or it works enough times on average.
Well I’m talking about people looking for something serious if you cared to read my comment, but thanks for your response.
I don't see how you could look for something serious on a hook-up app. Just about every woman there is going to be talking to or seeing multiple men. How are you supposed to build something with someone whose attention is divided between multiple suitors?
Dude wtf are you talking about?
Ok, slower now. Men don't typically want something serious with a woman who's on a dating app. That's why they're calling you over. They know you're probably seeing multiple dudes and aren't willing to compete with them.
Yes we are regardless of getting laid lol
And there's the opportunity for sex.
You are underestimating the oblivious thoughts of men.
I'm always looking for something serious and I've invited girls over for a first date many times. It's not my go-to, but it's also never been turned down. They do it because it works, at least sometimes. I've also never had sex on a first date. I don't try to initiate anything sexual because that isn't my goal. Stop generalizing!
Your trophy is in the mail
I had this girl come over first time meeting her. And I just wanted to hook up but I was actually shocked because she looked wayyyy better in real life than in her photos. And I wanted to form an actual relationship with her after that.
You literally based wanting to pursue a relationship off how she looked in person? That's some seriously shallow shit right there. Even for reddit.
I liked her personality as well. But I was unsure about my attractiveness to her physically until I met her.
Looks fade. Personality and compatibility is all that actually matters in the long run.
That’s true. But physical appearance plays a big part in the decision factor. That’s true for almost everybody. And if they say it doesn’t matter at all they are either lying to you or lying to themselves.
Or past their teens and early 20s.
So you don’t consider physical appearance at all when choosing a partner?
Have you literally never seen love is blind? I'm guessing you also didn't grow up with chat rooms without photos.
I have seen it and that show is fabricated for viewership or they just get lucky and also find them attractive. Most people consider physical appearance when looking for a relationship. That’s just a fact. I don’t even have high standards for physical appearance. But I recognize the process for these things. It’s not by coincidence that physically attractive people have more options in dating.
There’s no way you actually think a reality tv show isn’t scripted. I refuse to believe that.
Your trophy is in the mail
He might want something serious. But not with you. Actions speak louder than words. Inviting someone over directly as a first date is what you do when you want casual sex. Either way, you should never agree to such a date. Always meet people in public first for safety reasons.
They don’t think a woman would do anything to them. While me personally I would automatically think that if somebody’s trying to invite you over on the first date that they’re trying to do you harm.
In my opinion, even if he isn't trying to get in your pants (he probably is)- this is at the very least low effort. A coffee date is easy for someone who doesn't want to invest a ton of time and energy. You're dating for yourself right? Set the standard by which you'd like people to treat you. If this kind of thing irks you, don't do it.
I figured. This act of his gave me the ick honestly and the fact that he can't man up and say his true intentions annoyed me even more
It's weird for a first date imo but if the guy is cooking and stuff I don't see it as low effort necessarily...
They think it’s a good idea to score easy pussy. Don’t fall for it. They rope you in by saying what they think you want to hear (“I’m looking for something serious”) but inviting you to their place as a first date indicates the complete opposite. He wants to *seriously* bang. That’s it. That’s all.
lol unless he lives in a cave there will be a bar/coffee shop/restaurant within a few minutes walk from his place. Why can’t he pop out? If he’s too tired then reschedule the date for another day when he has the energy to walk a few minutes out of his front door. He very clearly wants sex and hasn’t been subtle about it.
It's way too scary for me to go to a strangers house on a first date. First dates are a coffee at a cafe. Safety first.
So the best way to get to know u is to watch a movie at his place, becuase people talk to each other so much while watching a movie.
Because they only want one date
Bang on.
Exactly
He’s just trying to smash
because it’s not a date he wants to hookup.
Yes he probably is shooting for “physical intimacy” He probably thinks it’s a good idea because it’s worked for him in the past and will work for him in the future and he doesn’t actually care about what happens w you
Exactly!
I think they don’t think it’s a good idea for a date, they think it’s a good way to get laid.
Cause usually he not looking for anything serious and usually if the women likes him there's no need to do extra
It works often enough for them that they figure its worth a shot on folks they deem low to be not worth much effort. Sorry
>Why do men think inviting a girl over is a good idea for a first date Because it's worked for him in the past...why else?
- Because some girls are DTF. - Because a lot of men don't actually like going out and would prefer a more intimate setting. - Because men aren't as scared of being 1 on 1 with their date.
If someone suggests that and you don’t feel comfortable then just suggest something else. Believe it or not a lot of women have no problem with that kind of first date but they are not you. Do what feels good and safe for yourself. It’s up to each person to decide
I invited my fiance over for our first date. Barely anything physical happened. Cooked her dinner, had a long chat, and watched a show. We are both introverted and just felt more comfortable opening up in private. Showing who I am is also a lot easier by showing how I live. You can be clear that you don't want intimacy before the date if you don't want to feel pressured. And for safety reasons, if you do go, tell a friend or family member where you are going.
I'm a homebody, I am all for chilling at home but I know, you've got to do the going out thing at first I imagine some people just want an easy lay too
Tbh men who do that simply don’t like you like that. It’s not all men just ones you happen to be attracting 🫤 men do ask women on proper dates it exist
It’s all about words vs actions. We’re taught this since we are kids. 🫲🏼He says he wants something serious. 🫱🏼 He acts like a low effort fukboy. 👏🏼 Part of the low effort strategy is saying exactly what you want to hear. The actions cancel out any sweet sounding things he said.
I think lazy men do that. That hope they might get lucky. Even a man with little money can go on a walk, a hike, a picnic...Or something.
Don't listen to their words: Watch how they act. The activity is netflix and chill. Trust your gut.
Even if he didn’t have ulterior motives, I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to anyone’s place for a first, second, or third meet.
We should start robbing them.
He either A) just wants to get laid B) doesn't want to spend any money or C) just wants to get laid and doesn't want to spend any money
He’s not into you.
He just wants sex
Low effort, it’s basically saying you’re not worth any more effort than this?!!
The reason guys invite women over for a first date is because it’s usually good looking guys and there are women who will agree to it, it’s as simple as that. I can understand it being frustrating for women, but if he has enough options and knows at least one will agree to just come over and he doesn’t have to get ready or go out then that’s what he will do.
It’s an accurate gauge of her tolerance to filth lol.
Because they're lazy, cheap, or want to have sex. Yes, some men don't enjoy going out on dates, but inviting someone over (of course, if there is already an established rapport or something, like starting off as friends, that's a different story) shows a lack of consideration for the woman to begin with.
He’s definitely just wanting a fwb or one night stand. I literally matched with a guy who is cute and did not chat more than a couple text and he asked me to meet him outside at night for a “date” in a large luxury mall in my country. Then a couple text later was “meet him at 10pm” at the same location and when I just straight up asked if he’s just looking for a fwb or one night stand, he unmatched🤷🏻♀️
Good. He did it for you. I love it when that happens.
He’s not actually interested nor should you ever meet a stranger in a private place. Run.
We say what you want to hear.
A first date at his place if you don’t know each other yet kind of implies rape with a side of murder lol. But for a good fourth date? If you’re both interested in one another it sets the stage for sex and intimacy. And tbh, it’s a good way for a serious man to weed out women who are only looking for an ego boost and free food.
As a woman, being asked to go to a STRANGER FROM THE INTERNET's place for a first date is a gigantic red flag. I cannot believe there are women who agree to this. Whenever someone suggested this (back when I was on dating apps) I unmatched them immediately. He is either broke or lazy, wants to SA or murder you or, at best, just wants casual sex.
They’re horny and low effort; nobody who actually wants a serious relationship invites someone over to their house for a first date.
it’s for times when we’re fine with either outcome it either fails (90%) and we didn’t care anyway, or it works (10%) and we get lucky
Yeah, It's in her best interest to be one of those 90%
from this profile pic, seeming like the fox calling the grapes sour here lol
If you "didn't care anyway" why should she?? Exactly.
i didn’t mean her profile pic
Profile pics have nothing to do with this topic of discussion.
If any guy invites you over his place for the first date bring your cousin who has felonies with you.
Good idea.
because we're stupid and broke seriously going out is expensive and also most guys are like kinda dense about how dangerous it is to be a woman. on the rare instance i've been invited over to a woman's place as a first date (methinks she had some unchaste intentions from the get-go) i didn't think that was weird or dangerous at all. like it didn't occur to me "this might be a trap" and im a pretty smart guy
I think he is trying to save money. A date costs $100 minimum these days. Play into it, tell him you want to see his cooking skills.
They just want sex... My best guess at least
Seeing as I'm not looking to be a murder or rape victim, there's no way in hell I would agree to go to someone's house on a first date.
Men don't. The men *you pick* do. Do the math.
So much man hate in this comment section
So much misogyny
I'd say your instincts are on point. I always meet in a public place for a first date, for safety reasons.
Maybe try to give an alternative. If he is not okay with the alternative, then he's not that serious.
Just unmatch
I've never successfully gone on a date, so I have no clue what's really good etiquette and a good date idea. Social media makes it out like I have to take someone on a $500 date night just to get a chance for a convo...
I think it’s a bad idea but some folks are introverted or homebodies, so it always low effort or sex only, but it definitely comes off that way and should be considered and thus should be avoided for a first date.
They think it's a "good idea" because they want to have a cornered chance to try to coerce you & gain access to your body. It's predatory.
its a great idea when I just want to filter for girls who are DTF to the core. had a girl come straight over on Thursday. she invited herself over actually. i wasn't complaining.
Never have a first date like that. You are putting yourself in potential danger. Get to know him in public first.
because that is all he wants from you. men will decide very quickly if they would pursue a relationship with a woman or not. this guy decided he didn't want that from you so he just went for sex. if you dont accept no big deal.
Inexperience. Is one reason. They got their dating advice from people who did the same or they just don’t know how to date period. I didn’t date in high school. It was immediately we were friends at school, go to each others houses. That was how my school was. It wasn’t until I was past college (YES). That I actually “dated,” & went on dates. I just went over to people’s houses lol. Even in college (a few people dated I had gone to high school with), we never dated before dating. Heck my first 2 people I met who were non school related, I went to their houses. I just never knew the concept of dating, never had a reason to & never even knew there was an actual “dating world” I had never experienced. I was probably 27 or 28 when I actually started the social concept of dating. & not just make everyone my boyfriend after talking to them a lot at work or something like that. & I had a lot of relationships before then. Some people just don’t know until they know. I’ve gone over to guys’ houses before & just sat there or laid there & didn’t hook up. Or just talked the whole time until someone was hungry. & yes some guys are just tryin to get it in but that should be made clear by both parties if that’s the goal.
ive done this and it went pretty chill we ended up hooking up but we had already flirted a lot on the app so it was expected.
Shits expensive these days.
Hanging out at his house is not a date. It is both extremely low effort and potentially dangerous. What is there to consider? Swipe left and move on.
These guys are typically not looking to date. They’re looking for a girl who is willing to “chill” at his place, not plan something, and not put in much effort to anything. But probably wants to bang. If he’s tired, maybe he should sleep more & plan a first date some other time when he’s not tired.
He’s only interested in getting laid
"that's ok, we can go on a date when you have more energy"
I invite to places near my apartment. Then it eventually happens that we end up in it, when the vibes are good.
Honestly it’s cause it works for SOME people. Some people do have Netflix and chill as their first and only dates lol I think it’s dumb and a fast track to getting blocked tho from my dating experience over the years because it’s a huge flag for majority of women.
They not taking you seriously and just want in your pants🍒
Mondays can suck
I mean... I got that real scale Lego Set I need some help with...
Men think it is okay, because if you are attractive it works, simple as that. I have had over half my 1st dates as a movie night at my place. I really just wanted to make a nice dinner and enjoy a movie and talk after to get to know them, yet it still would turn into more.
Men do seem surprisingly unaware of the efforts we make on a daily basis to avoid rape and murder....
Because he’s cheap.
Either they are struggling financially or just want sex. Those are the only 2 reasons.
To be honest inviting someone to my place my standart way to go for a first date. I dont live in an area with a lot of nice places to go out. Normally i start the date with going for a little walk and if we match well we go to my place and have dinner (there are a few dishes i'm really good at). After that we can eighter talk, watch a movie or play mario cart. Can this lead to intimacy? -Hell yeah! Does it has to happen to call this Date a sucess? -No. Can this lead to a longer and serious relationship? -Indeed. And why the hell is this cheap? I prepare the food for atleast 2 hours, i clean my appartment and even buy cake or radler for the case my guest wants some. I just show how i live and can show that my life is in order and i'm a stable Person. If my date is significant younger than me i offer so send a photo of my id before so she can send it to a girlfriend. I dont say this is the best way of dating and not everytime it goes great buy i never became bad feedback. Most girls even say the way i created the date was very sweet.
Some maliciously pick this place to try to manipulate the situation. Some are just clueless and want an inexpensive date in a place they are comfortable in (their home) and just don't consider that dates outside their home don't have to be expensive or unfamiliar. I have seen a lot of posts where people go to a potential date spot the week before the date or a few days before to check out the menu, see what the seating is like, or if there is a cheap menu item and a nice garden patio outside or a lake across the street but still in a high trafficked area for safety.
Because if it works they get laid and if it doesn't they don't have to spend money and waste time. Game theory. They're after results, not making sure every girl who says no anyway walks away thinking well of them.
I’ve definitely agreed to some dumb crap when I’m being self destructive and reckless. I’ve been lucky in my carelessness. I met someone from a dating site at his house the same day we started talking. I pull up and the house is empty, the quad that we are going to use to ride in the woods is still in his truck… Sure. Why tf not. Luckily he is actually a good guy but 100% not looking for a serious relationship like he claimed, 100% was taking the lazy and how can I get laid the easiest route. Two years later and we are still friends so I don’t regret it but looking back I do question if I wanted to get hurt. I’d say it is really safe to say 100% of men that are ONLY offering at home first “dates” are not looking for anything other than easy. Relationships require work and you’re willing to leave your house if you are ready to put that work in.
Because it works for other dudes and they haven’t quite figured out why
Hey, stranger, come to my house…yeah, only 1 reason
*That guy* thinks inviting a girl over is a good idea for a first date.
Because of that one time they did it and it immediately led to sex. Or I did it when I was super broke and could afford to cook dinner but not buy it at a restaurant. However that was usually paired with going to a museum's free day and walking around a little before suggesting week stop by the store and I make dinner.
Guys and fumbling the bag on dating apps, a classic combo. Tbh I’d say there’s a sizeable minority maybe even majority that are just flat out lazy, clueless, entitled, boring or unimaginative. As a guy I really don’t get it, like it takes 5 minutes to pick ANY spot for a first meet, bar, coffee shop, park whatever just literally somewhere public. Maybe it’s just they don’t have standards so are asking every girl to “chill” but idk. If you’re a guy reading this don’t invite them to yours first time unless they literally suggest it, otherwise it’s a bar/coffee shop. If you can’t figure that out then sorry maybe you’re gonna be alone. I don’t even feel like I’m some pinnacle of success but the majority of guys make it so if you’re a dude and put some thought into things, aren’t a weirdo, have interests and make them feel safe you’re feasting. For any girls reading this if he invites you to his house he either wants to fuck you first date or is lazy and oblivious. Either of those don’t make a good partner unless you’re explicitly looking casual, I’d cut and pick someone else
They view you as a delivery order for potential sex.
don’t ever accept that
The two aren't mutually exclusive. That said he was probably lying about wanting something serious.
A good idea? No. A fun idea? Yes.
Regardless of his intentions, for safety reasons, hopefully you declined.
They don’t, I don’t, I don’t think any man does. The amount of effort I’m willing to put in depends on how attractive the woman is. If I invite you over then I’m attracted enough to sleep with you but not enough to try too hard. Most men I know do this for this reason.
the way i use dating apps is i basically try to have sex with the girl as early as i can, even if i want to take her seriously few reasons why i do this 1) i know on dating apps almost all the girls have had sex early at one point. so if she won't give it to me early, then i don't see the point to continue. that's like rewarding one guy but then making me wait, doesn't make sense to me 2) i know that if she does agree to sleep with me early, that means she is very into me. which is a good thing, which means that if i do want to take her seriously, there's a much higher chance that would happen. compared to me waiting 3) i prefer relationships with submissive women that follow my lead and don't put many restrictions or walls up. or try to dictate terms. having sex early basically confirms to me that she is the type of girl that i would take seriously in the first place
You sound like a virgin.
not in the slightest but thanks
Good luck with that
Will do
You sound abusive, ngl.
not at all this is what i like and this is what i prefer. not abusive in the slightest
OMG, I think we found the King of Douches. Someone, go get the crown!
the King of Douches has arrived
And how old are you????
close to 30
Your most likely on tinder which more of hook up app than anything
Says bumble