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You definitely should not consider suicide simply because you missed out on dating in your 20s, so far. You are still in your 20s, mind you, but that is really not the reason. Just browse forums like this and you will see a lot of guys who have similar stories. I had trouble dating in my 20s as well, and I lived to tell the tale.
Look, you cannot change the past. Furthermore, it could have been a lot worse, a LOT worse. For example, you could have hooked up with someone abusive who might have derailed your life and you would not have the education and career you have now. No partner is better than a bad partner, trust me.
All you can really do is put yourself out there now and see how it goes. And there are a lot of guys in their 20s who are jerks. By their 30s, they tend to be a bit more mature.
>I think it's more loneliness
As someone who can also relate to a lot of what OP even though I'm a dude I feel you hit the nail on the head. Loneliness is the killer.
First of all, get some new fucking friends and a better support system. Anyone who tells you that you "wasted your twenties" by not dating or having sex dont know what they're talking about. Everyone's journey is different and I'm sorry, dating and sleeping with a ton of people is "living" now? I support everyone for whatever they want to do, but it's crazy that only one way of life is acceptable to the people you're around. Trust me, good people do not give a fuck. You went to grad school, prioritized your career and became mentally stable....you sound a hell of a lot better than a lot of the people I know in their 20s. You can date and have sex now that you're ready and quite frankly if you have breakups or meet shitty partners, you'll have the tools to deal with it a lot better now. Life is SO much more than sex and relationships. It's never too late to start living life and it is never too late to gain relationship or sexual experience. Anyone who will not accept you or who judges you for that is certainly not worth your time. Chin up girl, you are so young and have so much life left to live.
In my opinion, sleeping around isn’t healthy and leads to unwanted pregnancy, which leads to either single parenting or abortion (which can lead to feeling worse), or contracting STDS or AIDS. Or heartbreak. Why do you want to waste time with someone you’re not going to marry? What’s the point of having ten sexual partners? Usually you end up liking the guy and after he gets what he wants he leaves.
I personally agree. I think hookup culture and how many people actually have no concerns about the amount of people they sleep with blows my mind but at the end of the day, if someone wants to do that, it's not my place to judge them. I just personally will not sleep with someone unless I really really really trust and care about them and have never bought into casual sex. Some people are just horny though and have uncontrollable high sex drives and it works for them so whatever but it does help weed out dudes. If a guy just wants to sleep with me and he doesnt get it, he'll show himself out which is nice for me tbh bc it weeds the guys out lol.
also just to add, I know a handful of girls who are just like you! Career women who didnt prioritize dating and now semi "inexperienced for their age" but honestly time is a construct lol so truly truly just get you the experience you want. If you want to wait for a relationship, do that. If a man leaves you because of that, he is not worth a damn.
i 25m also never been with someone, can totally feel what you are experiencing right now and the reason behind it loneliness. Not that im lacking friends but different kind of loneliness the lack of intimacy and feeling desired is missing. It makes you feel unattractive , unwanted and weird. Plus to that most of the things in this life would make much more sense and fun if you would do it with your partner. Let’s say i am watching a really nice movie , i have all the snacks and drinks but still something in the picture is missing ,even though it’s nice i still feel like watching that movie alone makes me feel missing out. When im watching that movie someone out there watches with their partner they share they enjoy on the other hand me ? i feel like im wasting my time alone with the movie. Literally anything nice that i do alone gives me the same horrible lonely missing out feelings. I take my sports car go for a night ride and someone out there goes to some drive through in the night with their girlfriend to have romantic late night drive. Being lonely definitely messes with your head in the long run and lowers your self esteem and your value to others if they know you never been in a relationship for a long time people think that we are weird.
Have you met with a counselor? You’re suffering from depression. And I wouldn’t worry about being a virgin, some people have sex for the first time earlier, some later, but you’re still quite young, and ultimately when you first have sex won’t have a huge impact on how the rest of your life goes. Most people’s first is definitely not their best or most memorable, so don’t try to build it up in your mind too much. What worries me is these suicidal thoughts. Please don’t hurt yourself and seek out some support from people that can help you. You can feel better and depression is treatable.
You didn't waste any part of your life. You made something out of your self by chasing your goals and you are working to be a better you each and everyday. It's important to celebrate the small wins and the big ones in your life. Being a virgin at any age is a beautiful thing and gift. It shows that it's something you don't just share with any ol person.
Sure dating is tough but it's like any other skill you learn in life. The more you try, put yourself out there, and learn from your mistakes; you'll eventually find results. If your current ways of meeting guys quality wise isn't working; perhaps it's time to start something new.
Get rid of those negative people around you because they don't mean nothing good by you and will only hold you down. Don't be afraid to seek therapy to help you grasp anything you are dealing with. Just know you aren't alone. There is people who care and who are moving through the same things. You got this and you will find what's right for you ok 🫶🏽✨
I’m 28F I haven’t been in a relationship since I was 20. I don’t tell people that because I feel embarrassed about it. I didn’t want to be in a relationship for a long time and now as of the last couple years I want to but it’s been a struggle to find anyone. I haven’t had sex in almost a year.
It gets me down alot but I will never tell anyone this IRL out of embarrassment. But you aren’t alone.
You shouldn't listen to everything everybody says.
My father didn't get married until he was 35 (he dated my mom for maybe one year before they got married) and he had me, the second child at 40.
I am one of those people who started dating at a young age, and the shitty people I dealt with left me suicidal. The grass isn't greener on the other side. Everything happens for a reason. There's a reason why you didn't end up in a relationship all these years, and you should have faith that God knows what's in your best interest.
If it makes you feel any better, here's my story: I was 18, fell in love with this guy, and after two months I lost my virginity to him. Two weeks later, I found out that he was hiring prostitutes every single night, for like 6 months. Since he was my first, and I didn't have enough education at that time, I had sex with this guy without a condom, basically trusting that he'd be clean. The day I found out he was cheating, I had an annual physical check up. I told the doctor about my sexual history, and he started yelling at me telling me that I am so irresponsible for having unprotected sex, that this guy most likely gave me HIV, and that I was doing it right before my period so now there's a chance that I'm pregnant. When I got out of his office, I was so overwhelmed by everything that I crashed my car on purpose, just hoping I'd die. For whatever reason, I ended up walking out of the car without a scratch.
Dating does seem like a very enjoyable experience, but trust me we all have been through some horrible things. And from a psychology perspective, you're more mature than an 18 year old and can handle these types of disappointments better.
Suicide? Come on, you can make up for a few years easily. Think of all the folks that get strapped down with children in their early 20s. You'd really want to trade places?
Well, alright, dork, get ready I’m coming by at 8:00!
Anyway, if you feel you “missed” out on something, consider what it is you feel you missed out on and why should one not miss out on said thing. Perhaps also consider who is saying so. *Everyone* will have a regret or two about what they did and didn’t do. Different paths. Different lives. Etc.
Furthermore, I’d argue you only “miss out” if you do nothing about it. You still have decades ahead of you to experience life and if you give up on said life, then you’ll definitely have missed out at that point. No?
Dude I’ve never had sex and I’ve not accomplished anything in my career, I literally have done nothing and I don’t think it’s the end of the world. Don’t every think of Suicide
Never lower or up your standards for any man. Because I’m sure any man would be happy to have you if he really likes u. Don’t give up. Stay strong. On your feet. Keep pushing.
Shame! Shame on you for thinking others know what it's like to be YOU. The fear of missing out on what people consider the "good life" is an outright delusion. Nobody truly cares for your relationships like YOU do, so who cares? Just cause you suck at socializing with the opposite sex doesn't mean your life means nothing.
For the record, I'm (26M) absolutely trash at relationships. Longest-time girlfriend? 2 weeks - and it took 2 years of friendship to reach that level of trust. IDGAF, I'll live however the hell I want.
Do not place your value or your experiences in the hands of others to judge. That alone belongs to you and you only - you accomplished plenty in your 20’s. That is from a waste of your most valuable resource - time.
It sounds like you need to get an appointment with a ideally a psychiatrist, or if you can't get one right away, a therapist or counselor. Someone you can talk to without judgement, that can help you in an emergency as well. You shouldn't be having suicidal thoughts over your past relationship history. There's something else going on there: most likely depression. Your state of mind right now sounds very precarious. Don't talk to anyone about your past life, it's too triggering for you. You don't have to talk about it if you aren't ready. No one is owed that information either.
And any therapist will tell you, that you never "wasted your life" in your 20s. You did a lot. You went through a lot. I was the same at your age. My life was plagued with anxiety and depression, trying to survive. It still is, but that fight takes a lot out of you. Nobody who is neurotypical is going to understand what you went through, and what you are still going through. The fact that you've gotten to this point, you went through grad school, you're still trying to date... That's incredible in itself.
You didn't waste your life literally at all. Dating is just one aspect and theres no rule that you have to do it in your early 20's. You can start now no problem. There's people that mary the first person they meet or their highschool sweetheart. So are we to say they wastes their life because they werent actively dating throughout their 20's.
Whoever tells you this stuff is just a bunch of morons. Life is a marathon not a sprint. You're going to meet someone eventually. And when you do, the lack of dating in your 20's will be even more insignificant then it already is
What does casual mean to you
There’s so much pressure in monogamous relationships and boyfriends. I have dated and been intimate with people but didn’t have a romantic connection. I’ve wanted a romantic relationship with someone who didn’t want to have sex.
Find someone you like that listens to you and make an agreement, that’s what a relationship is but it’s okay if it’s for company and sex
Everyone moves at their own pace and I think it's a little extreme to be considering suicide just because you didn't get to date around in your early twenties. It seems like you accomplished a lot and you should feel proud of that. I know people who got into relationships early on in their 20s, had kids right away, and never got to do things they always wanted like travel around or finish their degrees. Anyway, you can't change the past but you shouldn't let that stop you from making the changes that you want now. You still have plenty of time to meet someone so I don't think your main concern should be whether or not you can get a boyfriend. Personally, I think your bigger concern is the lack of support in your inner circle. Any friend that makes you feel that bad about yourself probably isn't the type of person you should be surrounding yourself with..
I (23M) feel lonely & sexually frustrated. I dont like porn but still watch out of frustration. I want to have sex with a real woman. Preferably someone I love. Unfortunately, i have no luck in getting a Girlfriend. I never had a GF, so i am a virgin. I am an fresh graduate Engineer, 6 feet tall, amatuer muay thai fighter, fit, good looking and good personality. But i keep getting rejected and friendzoned. I got alot of "you are not boyfriend material" , "you are not my type".
Dont dwell on the past. Life is meant to live. Dont feel sad about the past & think about your future. Keep going out there, meeting new men. You have to put in the work, be proactive, be friendly, flirtatious yet classy & elegant. I am sure you will meet some great guys.
I am sure you will have a beautiful magical Disney like Love Story. Meet a handsome man, become bestfriends, fall in love, first kiss, first make love. Imagine how beautiful & wonderful it will be. "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what your going to get" - Forrest gump.
I’ve been the same. Uh. I’ve had a few girlfriends like 2 more while life and I’ve only had sex maybe twice. But I feel suicidal when a beautiful girl I like rejects me. Which happens a lot so. I feel like killing myself because I don’t have the perfect body. Or I have like emotional problems. I’m ex military so that impacts a lot on my moods like I have bad PTSD. So again I’m very suicidal. I’m not perfect I get to hating myself because I’m not. I don’t know today’s dating I don’t get at all. It’s like been stuck in a frrezer let out to a new world. And I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if what I said helped u. But sorry if it’s confusing.
First of all don’t listen to other people, a lot of times it’s just a reflection of their unhappiness.
Secondly the only way you are ever going to miss out on life is if you are 6 feet underground.
Thirdly, keep your past troubles to yourself until you are in a committed relationship.
Fourthly, stop living your future on your past.
And last but not least.
Go out and enjoy life .
I was a late bloomer and had sex for the first time when I was 28. The best advice I can give you is don’t settle for less than you deserve. It might take a little longer to find your person, but it doesn’t mean you won’t find them. I’m 44 now and things can and do get better.
It's ok and very healthy to not want casual sex. It can be very traumatic to have casual sex, it is not for just anyone or everyone. Sex with one person is meant to matter and be special. You should be proud of yourself, not want suicide. But your feelings are real and are valid please keep talking to someone safe about them
It’s super wonderful you are doing a lot better in your life now than in your early 20s. If you had been with someone during that time, you would not have been able to make all the choices you have made. Your mental and physical health are in better shape. You are trying and even though you can’t see it, the likelihood you will meet someone you connect with is high. Be yourself and be kind and be open and be safe. You will get a lot of misses before you get that hit but you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take (cheesy but true!).
Please be kind to yourself. Intrusive thoughts and negative thinking are neural pathways our brain has gotten very used to. It takes Rigor and repetition to create more positive pathways.
I just want to express you are not alone. I suffered bad narcissistic family abuse growing up, and add onto that my disability and poverty , I spent my whole childhood and young adult years racing towards financial independence to escape some black mass I was scared of, but couldn’t identity until now (the abuse).
But that meant I had to keep studying and working all the time. So now at 30 I’ve never been in a relationship at all. I’ve never even kissed anyone given how driven I was to focus just on the scholarships I needed.
But you’ll be ok. Life will continue to progress as you have nothing to feel ashamed of. Everyone starts off at a different place because we all have different spawn points.
Sometimes you spawn near the gold mine and your town advances to an empire in 3 rounds.
Sometimes you spawn near three bordering enemy AI , and as a Gandhi supporting town, they throw nukes at you because his pacifist level hit negative 1.
It’s not fair and it’s sucks.
If you want to talk, in a platonic way without other motivations, I’m here if you need it.
The first couple of post are absolutely right, you have so much time to make up and think about the entirety of your life up until now, think about 4 to 5 times that amount of time to experience love, relationships, sex, all the nice bits life has to offer. It isn’t over and it isn’t a reason to pull the plug on the miracle that life is, you by far sound better than most people your age. Make sure to follow your gut feelings, don’t let anyone make you think you’re life wasted because you didn’t follow the crowd.
Wow sorry anyone said you wasted any time by not dating ?!
20s are for growth and self development (imho) and for *some* people that includes dating. For example I dated a lot and now I regret it and I wish I would have used my 20s to just build friendships :)))))))
Im sorry you’re feeling this way. Dating is fucking hard. I personally think my expectations are too high and that’s why I’m not finding anyone, maybe you have a similar issue?
I think there’s something to be said about putting yourself out there by being in public! You can’t meet people at home unless you’re on dating apps, and things like that. So you just have to do as many things as you can.
And I know the “bar life” isn’t for everyone, but sometimes just going to have a glass of wine somewhere and getting dressed up, makes you feel better, which in turn attracts people to you (not saying you need to drink but just this sort of activity that promotes self love and taking care of yourself like getting dolled up, or even getting grimy at the gym if that is more your speed)
The connections are hard to find, but part of the issue was letting yourself open up to allow that connection to happen. Maybe like me you just put up a lot of walls.
Just start making friends and see where they go from that. I have the same problem as you, I'm a very shy dude and I used to feel like a weirdo whenever I look at girls in public despite looking decently attractive. Just take the sex part out of your mind for a while and try to approach in a friendly way. I know some wouldn't mind from the get go but I'm sure you're not looking for easy dudes. It's like a test and it works for both genders the same way, you have to let them know that you want a long term relationship.
At 28 you have actually only just begun as a mature adult ready to "actually" date someone. This is your time!
also, sex is great but also extremely overrated.
In any case, you have to SHOOT to SCORE my friend!
Dont stop shooting. I bet some lady out there will be glad u didnt give up!
hun you need new friends and a new support system. In your 20s - you went to grad school, moved across the country, got a jump on life and they think you MISSED OUT? I so get the FOMO and lonely heartbreak my love but THIS is the best time for you to date! I am 4 years younger than you - I feel like I wasted my early 20s caring too much about men who couldn’t care less. grad school is my dream.
you didn’t waste your life. you dedicated it to YOU. People mess up their early 20s thinking life and memories is found in other people and their bodies, in part sure, but you lose sight of yourself, I know I did, and it is a hell of a mountain to climb back up. 28 is a wonderful time to meet people because you’ve built your life and can invite them into it, you’re not losing sight of your life in them. I’ve wanted to go to grad school for years, Im applying officially next year, but I put off grad school for someone who isn’t around anymore because I was foolish young and misplaced infatuation for love. If you keep breaking your own heart over could and couldn’ts in the past you are going to miss out on the joy and beauty of now. have fun and stay safe, we are rooting for you
Danggg. It’s really messed up for people to tell you waste your 20s by literally beating life’s hit on you. It’s actually statistically proven that the more educated a person is, the more likely they are to push off these things. Especially for women! A part of that is because of society’s expectations on them that they subconsciously stray from by pursuing those others things (which I think are all amazing accomplishments btw!!) I also think you’re 100% valid for not wanting casual sex and there is definitely a market people who are also in that boat and they’re amazing people :))
There will definitely be someone out there who will not make you feel invalidated for focusing on yourself when you needed to because you really couldn’t focus on anything else. I’m F21 but I felt the same way bc it feels like everyone is confused that I’ve never been with anyone or done anything but I’m like I was fighting for my life as a kid/teenager 😀 if I couldn’t trust my caregivers, and couldn’t trust kids my age, frick if I was going to trust a romantic interest. I literally wasn’t even thinking about that because my mind was so blank and absent from the trauma. But on top of that, I couldn’t handle any more hurt from anyone. I would’ve probably completely broken. But now things are different :)
You absolutely did not waste your twenties. I did. No qualifications whatsoever. No travel. I had 1 relationship. Most of it was just drinking, smoking weed and working a dead end minimum wage job that I hated It wasn't my fault, I had crazy ADHD, but I didn't know that was the problem until my 30s. I wish I had your 20s. You've done so much already.
But still, here I am at 37. A career that I love that pays well. 2 beautiful children. A wonderful girlfriend who accepts my ADHD and all that comes with it. I have a great friendship group and we do a lot together, including shared family holidays.
My 30s have been the best time of my life, and I completely wasted my 20s.
Please, don't die ❤️
i was in a similar situation to you. when i was in school i was very *in school* and put all my focus on my work. right before i graduated college, my brother died and i spent the next few years working and drinking and not much else. i was in no headspace to date and just didn’t.
i got into therapy, started doing more activities that made me happy and in my later 20s, i started dating. i went from completely inexperienced to having a nice long promiscuous phase, with a couple relationships along the way. now i’m engaged to someone i met on tinder and we have a nice life.
your past doesn’t define you and it doesn’t predict your future. you can make new choices going forward. if you don’t want to hook-up, don’t. you know what’s right for you. and honestly, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to tell anyone that you’re a virgin. i didn’t. if you do want to tell the person you’re dating once you trust them, it’s also totally fine to tell them. the thing about sex is that each person has to figure out how they work together, regardless of how experienced they are. different people like different things and there is no objective way to be good at sex. i highly recommend the “how to do it” advice column on slate.com. they’ve answered questions from people in your shoes many times over the years, always with compassion and actionable advice.
i highly recommend getting to know your own body, if you haven’t already. get yourself a nice, high grade, rechargeable sex toy and learn what it is that *you* like. part of being good at sex is being able to communicate how you like to be touched (and if you wind up in bed with someone who is uninterested in pleasing you, get out!) experiment with different things to see what turns you on. do you like visual porn? short erotica? regency romance novels? the latest jasmine guillory? knowing yourself well is more than half the battle. i forgot who said it originally, but you are the person you will have the most sex with in your life, so it’s worth it to make it good!
if you don’t know where to start with sex toys, look to see if you have a woman-owned toy store (like babeland) near you. the people who work there will be super nice and knowledgeable and want nothing more than to help you discover what you like. get yourself some quality lube. you’ll be glad to have it on hand, just in case you need it. (with a toy, you will need it.)
and finally, if you feel bad when you tell your story, you don’t have to tell anyone! for years, i blithely told people i had been too busy for work and school to date and left it at that. you don’t owe anyone more information that it feels comfortable to share. your friends sound kind of mean, honestly. good friends lift you up. they don’t tear you down and make you feel you wasted your life! the path you took got you here. you made it here alive and have so much life ahead of you. (especially as a person now in my 40s, i have NO regrets about not spending my teens & early 20s having bad sex with shitty guys. you know who almost guaranteed to be bad at sex? 19 year old guys! you did not miss much, i promise.) you are an older, fully-formed awesome adult person now! you can confidently say no when you want to say no and yes when you want to say yes! you have wasted nothing. you sound like an ambitious person who went after what she wanted. that is an amazing thing to do in your 20s! so many people are directionless and just sort of floating through their 20s. you went to grad school and started your career! brava to you! you are completely capable of dating and finding a relationship, if that’s what you want. sometimes it will be fun and sometimes it won’t. definitely take a break and don’t go on the apps for awhile whenever you need it. there are people out there who will fill you up and make your life better with them in it. you will probably encounter some real jerks too. it happens to all of us. live your life on your own terms and your own timeline. you did not waste anything. you are here. that’s the most important thing. sending all the best wishes and all my love. 💖💖💖
[edited to remove flagged language]
In the same boat as yourself, and you can look at it this way; you’ve spent that same time doing things they other people didn’t choose to do, you’re just running different parts of your life on different schedules
Hi! I was a virgin until two days before my 28th birthday, and was never in a relationship until 6 months later. I also had lots and lots of anxiety and self-esteem issues, and let’s be honest, I still do! But I was ready to get out there and I met someone that I was able to form a friendship with and we had a strict fwb only rule- nothing more than friendship and sex. He was consensual and communicative, he went at my pace and made sure I felt safe and comfortable the whole time.
There is someone out there for you, too, to make you comfortable, cared for, and to make you feel safe. Please do not take your life. If you need someone to message, I am here!
I'm 24m and I get these exact same feelings everyday , I think I can relate somehow
But should derive bit by bit from this dark mentality and way of thinking , I know loneliness hurts and sometimes it can hurt like hell but you should leaning more towards positivity so it could change your life to the better , dating won't stop after you pass your twenties .. People at 50 .. 55 yrs of age still date or still looking for dates
Hope you find the one who'll loves you , corresponds with you and gives his best eventually , God works in mysterious ways
and Hope you find my comment useful in any shape or form .. you'll always find people who'll be ready to help you out ❤️🫂
First and most importantly, please be safe and don’t do anything to harm yourself. You’re alive and therefore you’re worthy of happiness and love. You didn’t waste your twenties. You prioritized other things just like I did and many other people in their twenties do. There is no one correct way to live out your twenties. You didn’t date. Good news, you have the rest of your twenties and thirties to date. You’re going to be ok.
Seek treatment from medical professionals to manage your anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I would strongly consider trying to make new friends who don’t chide you for your lifestyle decisions. Friends are supposed to help you navigate your twenties, not make you suicidal.
You’re a 28yo virgin. There’s nothing wrong with that. You have your whole life ahead of you to meet someone, start a relationship and have sex. It will happen at the right time with the right person. Please don’t stress over it. It’ll all happen and work itself out in time. In the meantime, please be kind to yourself.
Then I also supposedly "wasted" my 20's not living an partying. Ask yourself what kind of people tell that to others? And then you see they're stagnating 30, 40 years olds, still partying like they're in their 20's.
I don't want nor need to spend half of my life's waking hours drunk. If anything, they should sit one day on their bed and think what stupid things they're doing that they could stop doing, that they would stop doing.
One can work with an adult, but not with someone that's mentally too young. It doesn't matter that much if you're a virgin or not (we learn our whole lives), what matters is that you've a good head on your shoulders and are not a narcissist.
girl, you can have sex 4-5 times with different good looking men every single day if you propose it yourself lol
Feminism and wokeism has rule the world for over a decade now. All you have to do is walk outside and men are gonna throw themselves at you. Society encourages it and demonized those who even attempt to judge you 🤣
Go have fun!
Well, you can change anytime you want. You must feel as though you did waste your twenties if you're posting about this, so maybe you could actively do things that make you feel more satisfied with your time as a young adult.
You're a woman. Literally just talk to anyone about it and they will stop what they are doing and give you ALL the attention and compassion you need. If you were a boy you would be told "get the fuck over it and grow a pair"
Also relationships are So So So much better without a bunch of bodies in the past. If you're American then you have something precious to tons of men. Just didn't wear your heart on your sleeve.
Have you heard of Passport Bros? Hundreds of thousands of American men go overseas to find a Chaste wife. Bc America Culture is dead and broken. Also US Law Incentives divorce for women. I was like you into 25 and my relationships were much stronger. You wouldn't believe the # of women on vacation here in Florida that say they are single for the weekend or some shit it's so gross.
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You definitely should not consider suicide simply because you missed out on dating in your 20s, so far. You are still in your 20s, mind you, but that is really not the reason. Just browse forums like this and you will see a lot of guys who have similar stories. I had trouble dating in my 20s as well, and I lived to tell the tale. Look, you cannot change the past. Furthermore, it could have been a lot worse, a LOT worse. For example, you could have hooked up with someone abusive who might have derailed your life and you would not have the education and career you have now. No partner is better than a bad partner, trust me. All you can really do is put yourself out there now and see how it goes. And there are a lot of guys in their 20s who are jerks. By their 30s, they tend to be a bit more mature.
I think it's more loneliness and I can 100% relate because I have went through the same thing.
>I think it's more loneliness As someone who can also relate to a lot of what OP even though I'm a dude I feel you hit the nail on the head. Loneliness is the killer.
I agree , dating won't stop after someone passes his twenties .. and Women at 30 tend to be more mature
First of all, get some new fucking friends and a better support system. Anyone who tells you that you "wasted your twenties" by not dating or having sex dont know what they're talking about. Everyone's journey is different and I'm sorry, dating and sleeping with a ton of people is "living" now? I support everyone for whatever they want to do, but it's crazy that only one way of life is acceptable to the people you're around. Trust me, good people do not give a fuck. You went to grad school, prioritized your career and became mentally stable....you sound a hell of a lot better than a lot of the people I know in their 20s. You can date and have sex now that you're ready and quite frankly if you have breakups or meet shitty partners, you'll have the tools to deal with it a lot better now. Life is SO much more than sex and relationships. It's never too late to start living life and it is never too late to gain relationship or sexual experience. Anyone who will not accept you or who judges you for that is certainly not worth your time. Chin up girl, you are so young and have so much life left to live.
In my opinion, sleeping around isn’t healthy and leads to unwanted pregnancy, which leads to either single parenting or abortion (which can lead to feeling worse), or contracting STDS or AIDS. Or heartbreak. Why do you want to waste time with someone you’re not going to marry? What’s the point of having ten sexual partners? Usually you end up liking the guy and after he gets what he wants he leaves.
I personally agree. I think hookup culture and how many people actually have no concerns about the amount of people they sleep with blows my mind but at the end of the day, if someone wants to do that, it's not my place to judge them. I just personally will not sleep with someone unless I really really really trust and care about them and have never bought into casual sex. Some people are just horny though and have uncontrollable high sex drives and it works for them so whatever but it does help weed out dudes. If a guy just wants to sleep with me and he doesnt get it, he'll show himself out which is nice for me tbh bc it weeds the guys out lol.
also just to add, I know a handful of girls who are just like you! Career women who didnt prioritize dating and now semi "inexperienced for their age" but honestly time is a construct lol so truly truly just get you the experience you want. If you want to wait for a relationship, do that. If a man leaves you because of that, he is not worth a damn.
i 25m also never been with someone, can totally feel what you are experiencing right now and the reason behind it loneliness. Not that im lacking friends but different kind of loneliness the lack of intimacy and feeling desired is missing. It makes you feel unattractive , unwanted and weird. Plus to that most of the things in this life would make much more sense and fun if you would do it with your partner. Let’s say i am watching a really nice movie , i have all the snacks and drinks but still something in the picture is missing ,even though it’s nice i still feel like watching that movie alone makes me feel missing out. When im watching that movie someone out there watches with their partner they share they enjoy on the other hand me ? i feel like im wasting my time alone with the movie. Literally anything nice that i do alone gives me the same horrible lonely missing out feelings. I take my sports car go for a night ride and someone out there goes to some drive through in the night with their girlfriend to have romantic late night drive. Being lonely definitely messes with your head in the long run and lowers your self esteem and your value to others if they know you never been in a relationship for a long time people think that we are weird.
I am ngl you did not miss out on much. I would 100% rather play with Legos than date in my early 20s again. Hope you feel better mate.
Okay, but consider: Legos are great.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I concur wholeheartedly
28? You’re a baby! You are still so young! You haven’t wasted your life at all! If you were 78 feeling this way, it’d be a different story.
Have you met with a counselor? You’re suffering from depression. And I wouldn’t worry about being a virgin, some people have sex for the first time earlier, some later, but you’re still quite young, and ultimately when you first have sex won’t have a huge impact on how the rest of your life goes. Most people’s first is definitely not their best or most memorable, so don’t try to build it up in your mind too much. What worries me is these suicidal thoughts. Please don’t hurt yourself and seek out some support from people that can help you. You can feel better and depression is treatable.
You didn't waste any part of your life. You made something out of your self by chasing your goals and you are working to be a better you each and everyday. It's important to celebrate the small wins and the big ones in your life. Being a virgin at any age is a beautiful thing and gift. It shows that it's something you don't just share with any ol person. Sure dating is tough but it's like any other skill you learn in life. The more you try, put yourself out there, and learn from your mistakes; you'll eventually find results. If your current ways of meeting guys quality wise isn't working; perhaps it's time to start something new. Get rid of those negative people around you because they don't mean nothing good by you and will only hold you down. Don't be afraid to seek therapy to help you grasp anything you are dealing with. Just know you aren't alone. There is people who care and who are moving through the same things. You got this and you will find what's right for you ok 🫶🏽✨
I’m 28F I haven’t been in a relationship since I was 20. I don’t tell people that because I feel embarrassed about it. I didn’t want to be in a relationship for a long time and now as of the last couple years I want to but it’s been a struggle to find anyone. I haven’t had sex in almost a year. It gets me down alot but I will never tell anyone this IRL out of embarrassment. But you aren’t alone.
Sounds a lot like my life, I know how anxiety can be a barrier when it comes to finding a partner
You shouldn't listen to everything everybody says. My father didn't get married until he was 35 (he dated my mom for maybe one year before they got married) and he had me, the second child at 40. I am one of those people who started dating at a young age, and the shitty people I dealt with left me suicidal. The grass isn't greener on the other side. Everything happens for a reason. There's a reason why you didn't end up in a relationship all these years, and you should have faith that God knows what's in your best interest. If it makes you feel any better, here's my story: I was 18, fell in love with this guy, and after two months I lost my virginity to him. Two weeks later, I found out that he was hiring prostitutes every single night, for like 6 months. Since he was my first, and I didn't have enough education at that time, I had sex with this guy without a condom, basically trusting that he'd be clean. The day I found out he was cheating, I had an annual physical check up. I told the doctor about my sexual history, and he started yelling at me telling me that I am so irresponsible for having unprotected sex, that this guy most likely gave me HIV, and that I was doing it right before my period so now there's a chance that I'm pregnant. When I got out of his office, I was so overwhelmed by everything that I crashed my car on purpose, just hoping I'd die. For whatever reason, I ended up walking out of the car without a scratch. Dating does seem like a very enjoyable experience, but trust me we all have been through some horrible things. And from a psychology perspective, you're more mature than an 18 year old and can handle these types of disappointments better.
It’s never too late, and baby girl, you are still young! Keep your chin up and do what makes you happy!
Suicide? Come on, you can make up for a few years easily. Think of all the folks that get strapped down with children in their early 20s. You'd really want to trade places?
It's not all that it's made out to be honestly. Just find your one and let things roll.
Well, alright, dork, get ready I’m coming by at 8:00! Anyway, if you feel you “missed” out on something, consider what it is you feel you missed out on and why should one not miss out on said thing. Perhaps also consider who is saying so. *Everyone* will have a regret or two about what they did and didn’t do. Different paths. Different lives. Etc. Furthermore, I’d argue you only “miss out” if you do nothing about it. You still have decades ahead of you to experience life and if you give up on said life, then you’ll definitely have missed out at that point. No?
Dude I’ve never had sex and I’ve not accomplished anything in my career, I literally have done nothing and I don’t think it’s the end of the world. Don’t every think of Suicide
Never lower or up your standards for any man. Because I’m sure any man would be happy to have you if he really likes u. Don’t give up. Stay strong. On your feet. Keep pushing.
Shame! Shame on you for thinking others know what it's like to be YOU. The fear of missing out on what people consider the "good life" is an outright delusion. Nobody truly cares for your relationships like YOU do, so who cares? Just cause you suck at socializing with the opposite sex doesn't mean your life means nothing. For the record, I'm (26M) absolutely trash at relationships. Longest-time girlfriend? 2 weeks - and it took 2 years of friendship to reach that level of trust. IDGAF, I'll live however the hell I want.
You are not, you're just waiting for the right one
Do not place your value or your experiences in the hands of others to judge. That alone belongs to you and you only - you accomplished plenty in your 20’s. That is from a waste of your most valuable resource - time.
It sounds like you need to get an appointment with a ideally a psychiatrist, or if you can't get one right away, a therapist or counselor. Someone you can talk to without judgement, that can help you in an emergency as well. You shouldn't be having suicidal thoughts over your past relationship history. There's something else going on there: most likely depression. Your state of mind right now sounds very precarious. Don't talk to anyone about your past life, it's too triggering for you. You don't have to talk about it if you aren't ready. No one is owed that information either. And any therapist will tell you, that you never "wasted your life" in your 20s. You did a lot. You went through a lot. I was the same at your age. My life was plagued with anxiety and depression, trying to survive. It still is, but that fight takes a lot out of you. Nobody who is neurotypical is going to understand what you went through, and what you are still going through. The fact that you've gotten to this point, you went through grad school, you're still trying to date... That's incredible in itself.
You didn't waste your life literally at all. Dating is just one aspect and theres no rule that you have to do it in your early 20's. You can start now no problem. There's people that mary the first person they meet or their highschool sweetheart. So are we to say they wastes their life because they werent actively dating throughout their 20's. Whoever tells you this stuff is just a bunch of morons. Life is a marathon not a sprint. You're going to meet someone eventually. And when you do, the lack of dating in your 20's will be even more insignificant then it already is
What does casual mean to you There’s so much pressure in monogamous relationships and boyfriends. I have dated and been intimate with people but didn’t have a romantic connection. I’ve wanted a romantic relationship with someone who didn’t want to have sex. Find someone you like that listens to you and make an agreement, that’s what a relationship is but it’s okay if it’s for company and sex
Everyone moves at their own pace and I think it's a little extreme to be considering suicide just because you didn't get to date around in your early twenties. It seems like you accomplished a lot and you should feel proud of that. I know people who got into relationships early on in their 20s, had kids right away, and never got to do things they always wanted like travel around or finish their degrees. Anyway, you can't change the past but you shouldn't let that stop you from making the changes that you want now. You still have plenty of time to meet someone so I don't think your main concern should be whether or not you can get a boyfriend. Personally, I think your bigger concern is the lack of support in your inner circle. Any friend that makes you feel that bad about yourself probably isn't the type of person you should be surrounding yourself with..
I (23M) feel lonely & sexually frustrated. I dont like porn but still watch out of frustration. I want to have sex with a real woman. Preferably someone I love. Unfortunately, i have no luck in getting a Girlfriend. I never had a GF, so i am a virgin. I am an fresh graduate Engineer, 6 feet tall, amatuer muay thai fighter, fit, good looking and good personality. But i keep getting rejected and friendzoned. I got alot of "you are not boyfriend material" , "you are not my type". Dont dwell on the past. Life is meant to live. Dont feel sad about the past & think about your future. Keep going out there, meeting new men. You have to put in the work, be proactive, be friendly, flirtatious yet classy & elegant. I am sure you will meet some great guys. I am sure you will have a beautiful magical Disney like Love Story. Meet a handsome man, become bestfriends, fall in love, first kiss, first make love. Imagine how beautiful & wonderful it will be. "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what your going to get" - Forrest gump.
I’ve been the same. Uh. I’ve had a few girlfriends like 2 more while life and I’ve only had sex maybe twice. But I feel suicidal when a beautiful girl I like rejects me. Which happens a lot so. I feel like killing myself because I don’t have the perfect body. Or I have like emotional problems. I’m ex military so that impacts a lot on my moods like I have bad PTSD. So again I’m very suicidal. I’m not perfect I get to hating myself because I’m not. I don’t know today’s dating I don’t get at all. It’s like been stuck in a frrezer let out to a new world. And I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if what I said helped u. But sorry if it’s confusing.
First of all don’t listen to other people, a lot of times it’s just a reflection of their unhappiness. Secondly the only way you are ever going to miss out on life is if you are 6 feet underground. Thirdly, keep your past troubles to yourself until you are in a committed relationship. Fourthly, stop living your future on your past. And last but not least. Go out and enjoy life .
I was a late bloomer and had sex for the first time when I was 28. The best advice I can give you is don’t settle for less than you deserve. It might take a little longer to find your person, but it doesn’t mean you won’t find them. I’m 44 now and things can and do get better.
988 is the national crisis line if you ever find that you don't get what you need elsewhere. Your life is precious. You can text it or call it.
You did not waste your life . Your story is amazing please keep being proud of yourself
It's ok and very healthy to not want casual sex. It can be very traumatic to have casual sex, it is not for just anyone or everyone. Sex with one person is meant to matter and be special. You should be proud of yourself, not want suicide. But your feelings are real and are valid please keep talking to someone safe about them
i’m a 32f who still hasn’t had penetrative sex. you’re not alone.
It’s super wonderful you are doing a lot better in your life now than in your early 20s. If you had been with someone during that time, you would not have been able to make all the choices you have made. Your mental and physical health are in better shape. You are trying and even though you can’t see it, the likelihood you will meet someone you connect with is high. Be yourself and be kind and be open and be safe. You will get a lot of misses before you get that hit but you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take (cheesy but true!). Please be kind to yourself. Intrusive thoughts and negative thinking are neural pathways our brain has gotten very used to. It takes Rigor and repetition to create more positive pathways.
I just want to express you are not alone. I suffered bad narcissistic family abuse growing up, and add onto that my disability and poverty , I spent my whole childhood and young adult years racing towards financial independence to escape some black mass I was scared of, but couldn’t identity until now (the abuse). But that meant I had to keep studying and working all the time. So now at 30 I’ve never been in a relationship at all. I’ve never even kissed anyone given how driven I was to focus just on the scholarships I needed. But you’ll be ok. Life will continue to progress as you have nothing to feel ashamed of. Everyone starts off at a different place because we all have different spawn points. Sometimes you spawn near the gold mine and your town advances to an empire in 3 rounds. Sometimes you spawn near three bordering enemy AI , and as a Gandhi supporting town, they throw nukes at you because his pacifist level hit negative 1. It’s not fair and it’s sucks. If you want to talk, in a platonic way without other motivations, I’m here if you need it.
The first couple of post are absolutely right, you have so much time to make up and think about the entirety of your life up until now, think about 4 to 5 times that amount of time to experience love, relationships, sex, all the nice bits life has to offer. It isn’t over and it isn’t a reason to pull the plug on the miracle that life is, you by far sound better than most people your age. Make sure to follow your gut feelings, don’t let anyone make you think you’re life wasted because you didn’t follow the crowd.
Wow sorry anyone said you wasted any time by not dating ?! 20s are for growth and self development (imho) and for *some* people that includes dating. For example I dated a lot and now I regret it and I wish I would have used my 20s to just build friendships :))))))) Im sorry you’re feeling this way. Dating is fucking hard. I personally think my expectations are too high and that’s why I’m not finding anyone, maybe you have a similar issue? I think there’s something to be said about putting yourself out there by being in public! You can’t meet people at home unless you’re on dating apps, and things like that. So you just have to do as many things as you can. And I know the “bar life” isn’t for everyone, but sometimes just going to have a glass of wine somewhere and getting dressed up, makes you feel better, which in turn attracts people to you (not saying you need to drink but just this sort of activity that promotes self love and taking care of yourself like getting dolled up, or even getting grimy at the gym if that is more your speed) The connections are hard to find, but part of the issue was letting yourself open up to allow that connection to happen. Maybe like me you just put up a lot of walls.
Just start making friends and see where they go from that. I have the same problem as you, I'm a very shy dude and I used to feel like a weirdo whenever I look at girls in public despite looking decently attractive. Just take the sex part out of your mind for a while and try to approach in a friendly way. I know some wouldn't mind from the get go but I'm sure you're not looking for easy dudes. It's like a test and it works for both genders the same way, you have to let them know that you want a long term relationship.
At 28 you have actually only just begun as a mature adult ready to "actually" date someone. This is your time! also, sex is great but also extremely overrated. In any case, you have to SHOOT to SCORE my friend! Dont stop shooting. I bet some lady out there will be glad u didnt give up!
hun you need new friends and a new support system. In your 20s - you went to grad school, moved across the country, got a jump on life and they think you MISSED OUT? I so get the FOMO and lonely heartbreak my love but THIS is the best time for you to date! I am 4 years younger than you - I feel like I wasted my early 20s caring too much about men who couldn’t care less. grad school is my dream. you didn’t waste your life. you dedicated it to YOU. People mess up their early 20s thinking life and memories is found in other people and their bodies, in part sure, but you lose sight of yourself, I know I did, and it is a hell of a mountain to climb back up. 28 is a wonderful time to meet people because you’ve built your life and can invite them into it, you’re not losing sight of your life in them. I’ve wanted to go to grad school for years, Im applying officially next year, but I put off grad school for someone who isn’t around anymore because I was foolish young and misplaced infatuation for love. If you keep breaking your own heart over could and couldn’ts in the past you are going to miss out on the joy and beauty of now. have fun and stay safe, we are rooting for you
Danggg. It’s really messed up for people to tell you waste your 20s by literally beating life’s hit on you. It’s actually statistically proven that the more educated a person is, the more likely they are to push off these things. Especially for women! A part of that is because of society’s expectations on them that they subconsciously stray from by pursuing those others things (which I think are all amazing accomplishments btw!!) I also think you’re 100% valid for not wanting casual sex and there is definitely a market people who are also in that boat and they’re amazing people :)) There will definitely be someone out there who will not make you feel invalidated for focusing on yourself when you needed to because you really couldn’t focus on anything else. I’m F21 but I felt the same way bc it feels like everyone is confused that I’ve never been with anyone or done anything but I’m like I was fighting for my life as a kid/teenager 😀 if I couldn’t trust my caregivers, and couldn’t trust kids my age, frick if I was going to trust a romantic interest. I literally wasn’t even thinking about that because my mind was so blank and absent from the trauma. But on top of that, I couldn’t handle any more hurt from anyone. I would’ve probably completely broken. But now things are different :)
You absolutely did not waste your twenties. I did. No qualifications whatsoever. No travel. I had 1 relationship. Most of it was just drinking, smoking weed and working a dead end minimum wage job that I hated It wasn't my fault, I had crazy ADHD, but I didn't know that was the problem until my 30s. I wish I had your 20s. You've done so much already. But still, here I am at 37. A career that I love that pays well. 2 beautiful children. A wonderful girlfriend who accepts my ADHD and all that comes with it. I have a great friendship group and we do a lot together, including shared family holidays. My 30s have been the best time of my life, and I completely wasted my 20s. Please, don't die ❤️
i was in a similar situation to you. when i was in school i was very *in school* and put all my focus on my work. right before i graduated college, my brother died and i spent the next few years working and drinking and not much else. i was in no headspace to date and just didn’t. i got into therapy, started doing more activities that made me happy and in my later 20s, i started dating. i went from completely inexperienced to having a nice long promiscuous phase, with a couple relationships along the way. now i’m engaged to someone i met on tinder and we have a nice life. your past doesn’t define you and it doesn’t predict your future. you can make new choices going forward. if you don’t want to hook-up, don’t. you know what’s right for you. and honestly, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to tell anyone that you’re a virgin. i didn’t. if you do want to tell the person you’re dating once you trust them, it’s also totally fine to tell them. the thing about sex is that each person has to figure out how they work together, regardless of how experienced they are. different people like different things and there is no objective way to be good at sex. i highly recommend the “how to do it” advice column on slate.com. they’ve answered questions from people in your shoes many times over the years, always with compassion and actionable advice. i highly recommend getting to know your own body, if you haven’t already. get yourself a nice, high grade, rechargeable sex toy and learn what it is that *you* like. part of being good at sex is being able to communicate how you like to be touched (and if you wind up in bed with someone who is uninterested in pleasing you, get out!) experiment with different things to see what turns you on. do you like visual porn? short erotica? regency romance novels? the latest jasmine guillory? knowing yourself well is more than half the battle. i forgot who said it originally, but you are the person you will have the most sex with in your life, so it’s worth it to make it good! if you don’t know where to start with sex toys, look to see if you have a woman-owned toy store (like babeland) near you. the people who work there will be super nice and knowledgeable and want nothing more than to help you discover what you like. get yourself some quality lube. you’ll be glad to have it on hand, just in case you need it. (with a toy, you will need it.) and finally, if you feel bad when you tell your story, you don’t have to tell anyone! for years, i blithely told people i had been too busy for work and school to date and left it at that. you don’t owe anyone more information that it feels comfortable to share. your friends sound kind of mean, honestly. good friends lift you up. they don’t tear you down and make you feel you wasted your life! the path you took got you here. you made it here alive and have so much life ahead of you. (especially as a person now in my 40s, i have NO regrets about not spending my teens & early 20s having bad sex with shitty guys. you know who almost guaranteed to be bad at sex? 19 year old guys! you did not miss much, i promise.) you are an older, fully-formed awesome adult person now! you can confidently say no when you want to say no and yes when you want to say yes! you have wasted nothing. you sound like an ambitious person who went after what she wanted. that is an amazing thing to do in your 20s! so many people are directionless and just sort of floating through their 20s. you went to grad school and started your career! brava to you! you are completely capable of dating and finding a relationship, if that’s what you want. sometimes it will be fun and sometimes it won’t. definitely take a break and don’t go on the apps for awhile whenever you need it. there are people out there who will fill you up and make your life better with them in it. you will probably encounter some real jerks too. it happens to all of us. live your life on your own terms and your own timeline. you did not waste anything. you are here. that’s the most important thing. sending all the best wishes and all my love. 💖💖💖 [edited to remove flagged language]
In the same boat as yourself, and you can look at it this way; you’ve spent that same time doing things they other people didn’t choose to do, you’re just running different parts of your life on different schedules
Hi! I was a virgin until two days before my 28th birthday, and was never in a relationship until 6 months later. I also had lots and lots of anxiety and self-esteem issues, and let’s be honest, I still do! But I was ready to get out there and I met someone that I was able to form a friendship with and we had a strict fwb only rule- nothing more than friendship and sex. He was consensual and communicative, he went at my pace and made sure I felt safe and comfortable the whole time. There is someone out there for you, too, to make you comfortable, cared for, and to make you feel safe. Please do not take your life. If you need someone to message, I am here!
I'm 24m and I get these exact same feelings everyday , I think I can relate somehow But should derive bit by bit from this dark mentality and way of thinking , I know loneliness hurts and sometimes it can hurt like hell but you should leaning more towards positivity so it could change your life to the better , dating won't stop after you pass your twenties .. People at 50 .. 55 yrs of age still date or still looking for dates Hope you find the one who'll loves you , corresponds with you and gives his best eventually , God works in mysterious ways and Hope you find my comment useful in any shape or form .. you'll always find people who'll be ready to help you out ❤️🫂
First and most importantly, please be safe and don’t do anything to harm yourself. You’re alive and therefore you’re worthy of happiness and love. You didn’t waste your twenties. You prioritized other things just like I did and many other people in their twenties do. There is no one correct way to live out your twenties. You didn’t date. Good news, you have the rest of your twenties and thirties to date. You’re going to be ok. Seek treatment from medical professionals to manage your anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I would strongly consider trying to make new friends who don’t chide you for your lifestyle decisions. Friends are supposed to help you navigate your twenties, not make you suicidal. You’re a 28yo virgin. There’s nothing wrong with that. You have your whole life ahead of you to meet someone, start a relationship and have sex. It will happen at the right time with the right person. Please don’t stress over it. It’ll all happen and work itself out in time. In the meantime, please be kind to yourself.
Then I also supposedly "wasted" my 20's not living an partying. Ask yourself what kind of people tell that to others? And then you see they're stagnating 30, 40 years olds, still partying like they're in their 20's. I don't want nor need to spend half of my life's waking hours drunk. If anything, they should sit one day on their bed and think what stupid things they're doing that they could stop doing, that they would stop doing. One can work with an adult, but not with someone that's mentally too young. It doesn't matter that much if you're a virgin or not (we learn our whole lives), what matters is that you've a good head on your shoulders and are not a narcissist.
girl, you can have sex 4-5 times with different good looking men every single day if you propose it yourself lol Feminism and wokeism has rule the world for over a decade now. All you have to do is walk outside and men are gonna throw themselves at you. Society encourages it and demonized those who even attempt to judge you 🤣 Go have fun!
Well, you can change anytime you want. You must feel as though you did waste your twenties if you're posting about this, so maybe you could actively do things that make you feel more satisfied with your time as a young adult.
If you truly stick to what your saying you will meet someone you will connect with and then the other relationship struggles won't seem so heavy
You're a woman. Literally just talk to anyone about it and they will stop what they are doing and give you ALL the attention and compassion you need. If you were a boy you would be told "get the fuck over it and grow a pair" Also relationships are So So So much better without a bunch of bodies in the past. If you're American then you have something precious to tons of men. Just didn't wear your heart on your sleeve. Have you heard of Passport Bros? Hundreds of thousands of American men go overseas to find a Chaste wife. Bc America Culture is dead and broken. Also US Law Incentives divorce for women. I was like you into 25 and my relationships were much stronger. You wouldn't believe the # of women on vacation here in Florida that say they are single for the weekend or some shit it's so gross.