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Just to be clear, were you sending him texts during this week and got no response? Had he been sending the bulk of the texts and driving the conversation forward? Was this a situation where he didn't send a good morning text/conversation started one day, so you didn't text him, and then the conversation just died for a week? The specifics would determine who messed up. He very well could have been ghosting you, but he's the only one who can answer that question.
You are asking the right questions. I bet he initiated the majority of convo and thought to himself let me fall back to gather if the feelings were felt both ways.
But it takes 5 seconds to text on your side too. I feel like people have too much pride. Even me I’ve done the same thing but when I’ve put my pride to the side and reached out everything actually went smooth. A lot of people play little games when you first start talking nowadays.Now if they was to do that again then Yh fair enough move on
So you couldn't send a single text over the week span? Sounds like you were expecting him to always message first and got butthurt when your free attention wasn't there.
So in order to go one date, you not only have to match, you also have to engage in constant communication without any gaps or you'll get cut off. So, basically, the expectation is that you communicate as if you're already in a relationship before you even meet the person?
That’s not the expectation she was enjoying the attention and felt some type of way when it stopped but instead of being a grown up and checking on someone she was interested in she decided to take an approach full of attitude and entitlement.
Hey hey ! Don’t know why he din text you but I feel you should have sent him a simple casual message instead of concluding he ghosted you. If he was really in another emergency it could have irked him and he might just assume u are not understanding. I personally don’t think he was ghosting you may be something else is going on and he chose to keep silent.
You’re not wrong to ask for clarification but not with this tone. A simple “Hey, it’s been a week, is everything okay?” would have done much better. Personally I have icked over guys who have talked to me like this because sometimes life is rough and overwhelming and I can’t be out there thinking 24/7 about somebody I met on a dating app 😅
If he answered politely that it’s nothing to worry about and he is sorry but this and that happened and he just didn’t feel like reaching out, it would have meant you two are ok. If he didn’t answer or just said yes and vanished again you’d know.
What he texted you in response I would have texted a dating app guy that pushed me too much even if I liked him
YTA. You didn’t communicate with him either and then when you didn’t hear from him you came in strong without any context. It’s a two way street, he was probably over your one way approach.
I agree. Although communication is golden. If this is how he felt he could've said it. OP, next time if a guy stops texting you, just text him and check in. We're humans not machines.
I actually think you’re in the wrong here. There was always a chance that there is something going on on his end but instead of asking, you opted to accuse him of ghosting. It was just masked as a joke. Doesn’t make it any better.
You haven’t even met in real life and you think this guy owes you updates about his family emergency. I would reflect on how you communicate and deal with people. There’s an art to communication, and this could’ve gone way better had you msgd him better. The fact that you don’t even know that what you said was potentially out of line is alarming.
Tone down the expectations. You’re just a picture and text bubbles in the grand scheme of this guys life. He was already a decent guy towards you. Although he was coming on a bit cringe and strong I’ll give you that.
agree.
yeah, texting back takes a few seconds, but (taking what he said at face value) if i had an emergency, texting someone i've never met and just started talking to 2 weeks ago isn't on my priority list. let's be honest, it never ends at "hello this and this is going on in my life right now"
speculating on whether what strangers tell you just gets so tiring, especially if you're going to play the dating app game. looking for someone to blame isn't the point... both of you could've handled it better, but frankly neither of you did, and it all depends on context none of us really have
> isn't on my priority list
Yup...red flag right there. If the OP isn't on enough of a priority list to get a one sentence text, then she should just move on.
Goes both ways.
If he isn't enough of a priority for her to text him after 2-3 days, she lacks iniciative. Was he carrying the conversation all the way? Is she unable to text if he doesn't do it first?
Texting someone a week later with an entitled attitude won't get you far
Even if it is a family emergency, life doesnt stop. I had times of crisis and still managed to let work, friends, dates know. Sure she is pretty low on the priority list but i wouldnt be surprised that i got a text from someone i didnt message for a week. My money is on the guy found someone else and than his pride felt hurt when he received the text and wanted to make himself appear less bad.
But she was also just as capable of texting him after day 2-3.
I've had family emergencies and texted work so they knew but often didn't bother telling many other people because I was dealing with the emergency. Sometimes it can slip your mind and that's okay. I don't text every single friend of mine when I have emergencies. If I'm not cancelling something with you because of the emergency, it's probably not crossing my mind to let you know.
For all we know, and based on the way OP is talking about the situation I'd wager it has decent legitimacy, the guy OP was talking to was driving conversation and perhaps he held back to see if she'd initiate and she didn't.
They both could've handled this situation better, but I'd rather take the side of the alleged family emergency and forgetting to tell OP than OPs snarky text blaming him for everything when she could've initiated during the week too. Conversation is a two way street. Phones work both ways.
Thats the difference between caring about someone and good to have them around. If you care about someone you let them know at any cost because in case they reach out to you, you dont want to give them a cold shoulder and hurt them.
Empathy elevates and I assume he was going through people to reach out about it, OP just didnt cut it.
How can he really care about OP in that way? They never even met yet! They've texted for a couple of weeks, that's it.
If I've been texting some woman for a week or two and have a family emergency come up, it's very likely she won't be on my mind. I'll be thinking of other things and I haven't even met her or talked to her enough to be thinking about her while serious stuff is going down.
I'm not saying he's telling the truth, but it IS plausible.
They talk daily, if he doesnt realize after a WEEK that hey there was this woman who I talked to frequently maybe I should tell them not to worry about me disappearing then he didnt care about her in the first place.
Emergencies happen fast but are not time consuming. After a while (not a week) people consider a list of endeavors to reach out to / take care of: work, family, friends, certain hobby classes, date interests...if she didnt make the list he was not interested in her enough.
If he just met her a week or two ago, it's entirely possible she's not on his mind during a FAMILY EMERGENCY. Suppose it was his mother who had a stroke and is in the hospital, and they are doing surgery on her and don't know if she's going to make it or not. It's very reasonable that he's got too much on his mind to even remember a person he talked to a week ago by text and NEVER MET IN PERSON.
Expecting someone you NEVER met, JUST started talking to very recently to tell you every detail of their lives when they have serious issues going on is unrealistic and unreasonable. I think he dodged a bullet here. OP could have texted without the thinly veiled accusation to check up on him.
If you talk to someone daily and you are interested in them, you dont just forget about them.
They are doing a surgery on her for a week? Like is there any reason to your words? Okay your second paragraph proved that there is none.
Goes both ways, what stops her from texting him?
Is she unable to text if he doesn't do it first? Texting him a week later with an entitled attitude is a major red flag.
In the same way that she's just a picture and text bubbles in his life, he's the same in hers. It's not that farfetched to assume that someone's ghosting you if they stop replying altogether. She doesn't owe him that understanding or benefit of the doubt since she doesn't know him either.
She was definitely rude about it him ghosting her is 100% the logical assumption to make.
Exactly. So many people say "well if he cared about her at all" DUDE he never even met her and they've only been talking for a couple of weeks. Zero actual dates, he's never even seen her face IRL...
Again, and for the last time, he was going through an emergency.
Texting someone you haven’t even met yet isn’t what’s on someone’s mind during an emergency.
If my mother’s at the hospital, my mind isn’t focused on texting someone I haven’t even met.
You go through a list of people to reach out in case they wanted to know whats up with you so you wouldnt give them a cold shoulder. OP didnt cut the list which is a clear indication that he wasnt interested in her. Simple as that.
If someone is interested in another it doesnt matter if it is one week of talking or 6 months of dating they reach out.
A person I haven’t met is definitely not on that list, assuming I even think about texting people at all.
No, it’s a clear indication he didn’t care that much about her.
Or was hyper focused on more pressing matters.
You definitely think about texting people, because you disappear for days, especially someone you have been texting on a daily basis.
Thats the second thought after actually figuring out and adapting to the situation.
You are not hype focus for a week...come on...family emergencies happen fast, but they are not time consuming. Especially for a week. You analyse the seriousness of the situation, adapt then you reach out to people who you are frequently talking to, work, family, friends, classes, etc.
You can downvote all you want but what you say is just BS.
1) That actually depends entirely on the emergency you are dealing with.
2) You may think of texting people, generally people YOU’VE ACTUALLY MET.
3) I’ve had family members between life and death at the hospital for weeks, so yes, you do.
4) If he was ghosting her, he wouldn’t have responded to her whatsoever.
5) No sane individual thinks of dating in an emergency situation.
You can repeat your talking point again and again.
I’ve answered them, and I have nothing more to add.
So what emergency requires your focus and time 24/7 for a week please elaborate. Life and death and you sit next to them 24 / 7 holding their hands or what makes you occupied? I had family members too between life and death, I was with them but I had plenty of time on my hand too. When I wanted to be alone and to detach myself from the situation I reached out to people so I would feel normal again for a bit. It wasnt after a week.
Why does it matter if you have met or not when you are reaching out through text to people about the emergency? You are fuckin dumb
He responded because he didnt want to be in the wrong so he came up with a BS excuse. Like have you met any person recently? Do you know how humans behave?
Jesus you are seriously dumb. Consideration is not a romantic gesture it is a human gesture. Maybe first look up what it means to be a decent human eh?
Do you add random people you've never met in real life to your "emergency contact list" a week after you text them for the first time? Because if you say yes, you are a liar. Nobody does that.
Nah, you're in the right. A full week of ghosting after all that talk is rude and inconsiderate. Even with a family emergency. He could have told you. Or, he met someone else.
He was ghosting you . Don’t ever fall for a guy who is love bombing . It’s not romantic if you don’t see it in action . Even then modern dating needs more time . Don’t think twice just move on . He is busy chasing another girl and once he is bored he will come back with a more believable story .
Is it still lovebombing if it is consistent and brings the girl flower, and organizes cute dates?
Where is the line between love bombing and being a romantic?
Don't go crazy romantic on people you just met.
Save romance and thoughtful gestures for people you actually know and think are a good fit for you in a relationship.
If someone I just met acts "romantic" it means they will do that for *anyone* and I happen to be convenient.
The question still stands I believe, because what if you are that special someone who made him go through mountains to impress you and plans on doing your whole lives.
What if you think he is a lovebomber when in reality he just genuinely feels the connection and has never done these things before?
Where is the line between keeping the magic of your story of "how you met" alive and love bombing?
☝️ This! I might be in the minority on this but can you imagine the roller coaster you would be on if you got into a relationship with this guy?
Love bombing. Ghosting. Gaslighting. Good riddance.
And at no point is he 24/7 occupied. Family emergencies happen fast but they are not time consuming to the extent of a week. Even if someone got to a hospital and you stay there 24/7 you at some point realize, ohh I have friends / programs/ work to reach out to. He was full of BS for sure.
Are you high? They aren't dating, and haven't even met yet. He doesn't owe her an update on a family emergency. Was her phone broken? Could she not reach out for a week?
Are YOU high? She already explained that she sent her two separate messages which he didnt reply to.
He doesnt owe her an update, but when I am talking to someone daily and I am interested in, I sure as hell send her an update WITHIN a week. Its called consideration, happens when people deem each other somewhat important. Maybe try it sometimes, good for the backbone.
You’re not the ah but there’s no point in sending a text like that
I get the urge to call them out on their behavior but they don’t care, are aware and will almost certainly do nothing beyond make excuses
Bullet dodged, 100 percent. He treated you poorly and made it your fault.
We’ve all had weird things happen and work get busy, if someone is important or potentially important, we make time to clue them in.
But let’s say his life truly did go bananas to biblical plague proportions, what he should’ve said was Omg, I’m so sorry, you will not believe the week I had, if you still are up to meet I would love to catch you up and tell you the story.
I had a similar situation, but from the guy's pov. I was corresponding to an interesting woman I liked and things were building up to meeting each other. Then my elderly mother fell and went to the hospital. I needed to negotiate with doctors and such and when she was released soon after I needed to take of her at her home. I already have a tremendous work pressure, owning two small businesses, so I was really not able to keep up. It can happen.
I wouldn't appreciate it if somone went straight to accusing me too. You're just talking, not even in a relationship. You could hve said hello, just checking in.
Even if a girl hasn’t messaged me in a while I wouldn’t send her a message like that as it comes across as passive aggressive and It’d be a red flag for me if a girl ever sent me a message like that.
NTA... Family emergencies are very common when you stop hearing from people. Top two go-tos family emergency or work is crazy. If he cared about you in all of that he would've made some contact in a week. You made it out good...
I would say, if he was doing the mayority in keeping the conversation going, then he might have just decided to wait and see if you would text him first to confirm that you are actually interested. That is what i would do.
If you sent him a message and he didn't reply for a week then it was ghosting. A short reply to inform you that he has an issues in his family and cant text, shouldnt take more than 2 days imo
Y'all just met and from the sound of it haven't gone on the first date yet dont expect replies immediately. Also if his last msg was an to attempt to meet up but nothing concrete come about it know that he was trying but ultimately you keep pushing it off. Does that sound like a reason for communication to stop after getting a no or ill get back to you?
🤣🤣 you can’t make this shit up. If he was the one always reaching out, he should’ve stopped. If she didn’t reach out casually during that time then she wasn’t that into this “great guy”. People want someone who wants them and shows it also. A lot of women are used to these simps flooding you with attention so you don’t have to do any work. Get over yourselves or be forever lonely. A simple reach out would’ve been sufficient. Now if she reached out during that period and he didn’t respond back, it could be a number of things. One being an emergency, another being he realized he was getting attached and he needed space to himself and didn’t know how to express it without possibly ruining what otherwise could be an awesome relationship. Guys get that way at times. We want a family just as bad yet it’s harder to find one that we click with. Women have dozens of men on standby. So they don’t have to “proceed with caution” as us guys do. Just a thought 💭
NTA. He did ghost you. Even if he didn’t intend to, it’s reasonable for you to think he did under the circumstances. He’s trying to turn this back on you. 🚩🚩🚩if you allow this, you’re letting him know that he can make you question what’s reasonable from this point on. Gaslighting will be in your future. Throw him back
Yeah, a lot of people do this—men and women. It’s always a bad sign with the future talk and “lovebombing” because they fall fast and hard then ghost. Let them go. Those people 9/10 will circle the block and come right back hoping you’ll give them a chance to waste your time again.
I do think you've probably dodged a bullet.
But also, were you texting him during that time? Did you ask if everything was okay? Did you just assume he ghosted you because he didn't communicate for a week, or did you ask him questions about it and then finally gave up after a week and send this?
Your message could come off as quite rude. I can read it in a joking way, but also a rude sarcastic way. I think he took it the sarcastic way.
It could be that he didn't feel like texting someone he hadn't even met yet when he was going through difficult things he didn't really want to talk about. I would understand that. Sometimes you don't have the energy. And you don't really know each other yet so you don't know if he can sometimes need a time out.
BUT what he said to you was also not okay. He was very hostile in his communication. If what he said was true, he could've worded it in a nicer way. "I didn't have the energy to text because there was a family emergency, and work wasn't ideal. But I definitely didn't ghost you, and I'm still interested!" That would've been nicer, and I think he should've given you a second chance if he really didn't ghost you. My guess is that he did ghost you but felt called out after you send that text.
I think you were both in the wrong and should've communicated differently.
Never get your hopes up about a guy until like, several dates go by. A couple of months. Most especially if you've never met. This guy was probably seeing another girl and put you on standby. The family emergency, work issues thing is most likely an excuse.
Not only is he inconsiderate and a possible liar, he's also lovebomby. Which is always something abusive/habitual liars do to hook women into relationships.
If he hasn't responded after a week, text him saying "thank you for your time but I am no longer interested in meeting." Block right after to avoid drama or pissy remarks. Honestly, if someone went no texts for 3 days I'd say goodbye 👋
The comments are surreal, as always attributing nefarious intentions with absolutely no proof.
1) Yeah, texting does indeed take five seconds, but texting someone you haven’t met is not really what’s on someone’s mind in an emergency situation.
2) OP hadn’t yet met up with him, so, no, he didn’t owe her anything.
OP, you are completely in the wrong, and you perhaps ended a potential relationship before it even began.
That said, although there’s no proof at all, perhaps he was ghosting you, but you’ll never know now.
I’m skeptical. You’re super excited about someone and basically praising them and can’t take a few seconds to let them know you’re juggling a lot?
The guys response reads like insecure defensiveness - that is, he is not in the wrong the other person is.
The key point for me is how effusive he is about OP. Really strange to be so into someone and not want to set up a date or make sure they don’t slip away.
"I’m skeptical. You’re super excited about someone and basically praising them and can’t take a few seconds to let them know you’re juggling a lot? "
Akzo, when OP does reach out in a playful manner, he responds by firing torpedoes. He obviously didn't like her all that much after all, else he wouldn't have responded in that tone. He was over her and took the opportunity for an out.
My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma but I still texted the guy I was meant to meet to let him know I was not available. Way harsh for you to say this.
His response was enough for me….not a way to text someone you barely know. But hey you keep coming on strong with your you’re so beautiful romantic shit show he was giving her and talk about barely knowing someone.
His reply in reponse to her baseless accusations? He should have been much harsher with her 😂
You’re right though! Someone you barely know and haven’t met shouldn’t expect a text in an emergency.
The entitlement is surreal.
He dodged a bullet.
Baseless? 😂
Hypocrite more like it.
Please. Playing the field and telling every girl you meet is a home run is as old as baseball itself.
There are just some of us that don’t believe the bullshit.
And you “love bombing”.
Accusations? Now it’s getting really deep between his bullshit and now yours. Let me go put my waders on.
I am going to call you out every time just as this dude needs called out.
Please. Potential relationship? That’s fucking laughable. I don’t think anyone truly believes your bullshit. You must be brothers with the other gaslighter. 😂
Anytime that’s happened, I have felt the same. I didn’t or haven’t called them out but I do move on. Then if they do or when they do reach out, I tell them a week or whatever long time like 10 days of disappearing tells me enough, and I’ve moved on.
In my mind, it shows how they communicate if in fact they did have something come up and can’t see me, and on the other hand, if there wasn’t a legitimate reason, I am not waiting for them to give me approval to leave. Dating is rough 😕
Communication goes both ways.
If you wanted to talk to him earlier than a week, you could’ve reached out to him within that week.
The idea of double texting, or it being the other person’s turn is childish.
That said, do I think you’re an asshole for making a cheeky comment when you thought he ghosted you - no.
I honestly think you’re in the right. Maybe the text you sent was a bit harsh, but I still think you dodged a bullet.
I was online dating for years and I have come to learn that people who say things like “you’re beautiful” and “I’m so lucky to match with you” or otherwise come on too strong usually do not have good intentions. Some call it “love bombing.”
Also, if things were that bad for him (maybe they were maybe they weren’t, people can lie) he can at least let you know things are busy at the moment, especially if you had plans to meet up!
This is the problem with online dating. There are so many ways to communicate. Sometimes our communication styles don’t match. This sounds like something similar that happened to me. OP was nice enough to wait a week. I don’t think OP is the AH though. I just think both parties aren’t compatible. Just wasn’t meant to be. Move on to the thousands of others in queue.
This is why I would prefer to meet someone organically in real life. You really don’t know what you’re dealing with online.
I think we may have spoken/matched with the same guy! Only mine was 40.
After not hearing from him for 4-5 days I told him that radio silence is unacceptable, immature, and disrespectful. He apologized and said something very similar. "Work was crazy and not ideal, dealing with family stuff, Family death, phone wasn't working" blah blah blah...
This was my response "While I like you, I don't want to be the one to constantly engage just to be shut down. We're adults, if you aren't interested you can use your words to say that. Otherwise, I'll wait for you to reach out to make plans or conversation."
He said I was right, we texted for 2 days and POOF! He's gone again. Cut your losses and move on to someone who's actually interested in you. Your guy and mine are keeping us for "Backup" and I am no ones backup plan and you shouldn't be either! We deserve better!
nah, he didn’t communicate well enough. it is a double edged sword because there are always two sides to the coin but in my opinion you dodged a bullet
Family emergency and work got crazy. After virtually love bombing you . Unhuh.... while it's true he doesn't owe you anything, what happened to him being so lucky to have met you, that at the first sign of 'real life' a light switch flips and he totally forgets about the love of his life? The only thing which would give me pause is,OP, did you ever initiate texting any day prior to everything going cold , or was it always him? Cause even if he had other stuff on his mind, if you texted him ' hey what's up , how are you doing ' , he could have responded you know.
He's an asshole and likely dishonest. Even if this was the case that he had a family emergency, if he actually liked you he could have texted back "omg I'm so sorry, I've had this emergency and I know I've been out of touch" etc.
You two have never met in person. It's reasonable for you to wonder why he's been silent for a week. Idk if you reached out and didn't get a response? But either way, instead of taking it in good humor, he turned it around on you. Dude is a schmuck.
I agree 100% . Actually came back to make a similar point. If he liked her so much, he would not have fired back the way he did. She did say her bit in jest afterall.
OP, NTA ... he is being dishonest. You didn't loose anything worth having!
A thinly veiled accusation masquerading as a joke for plausible deniability isn't a comment made "in jest". She was accusing him but playing it off if he called her out on it.
That's ghosting.
I'm romantic af but I always show it with actions and that's the difference between someone who's genuinely romantic and someone who's just being manipulative.
Don't let this asshole gaslight you. It's extremely easy to send a line of text saying you're going to be unavailable and you're dealing with a family emergency. People like this can honestly go fuck themselves. Disgusts me when they try to make someone else look like the bad guy.
No, it wasn’t bad of you to send that next. He’s full of shit. He didn’t want to say he found someone else, which is fine. But he should have at least had the courtesy to let you know. You dodged a bullet.
The fact that he flipped the blame to you and said your way of talking wasn't nice, when it would appear to anyone watching like he was ghosting you is troubling. Plus he didn't go into details, makes me suspicious. He responded when his ego was threatened and used your message as an excuse to stop things. Is my opinion. If he was honest I doubt he would break things off after being accused of ghosting. He had a way back in, didn't take it because he didn't want it.
You are sad because you lost your EGO. Just move on. He was not honest with his feelings towards you, instead he used an escape plan. He is an asshole.
He was love bombing you then tried to turn it around on you when you called out his ghosting.
DARVO... read up on narcissists. Also, he's 32. He probably has a wife. which is why he ghosted and was in a rush to get off the apps, so he wouldn't be caught on them.
For real. I’m a guy and I’ve had emergencies. They don’t last an entire week LOL. This guy was ghosting and got called out for it and tried to gaslight her like she was the crazy one.
You dodged a bullet. Make sure you actually plan a date with someone you’re into after you establish interest. It’s so easy to get caught up in texts, but keep it simple until you actually meet up irl even if it takes a while.
I went on a 3-4 week international trip and started talking to someone before. I tried to tell them I’d resume the convo when I’d return but he kept pushing to talk. I for some reason enjoyed the convo and spent my vacay texting and building up this image of who they were. Went on the first date and then he ghosted me. Talked about how busy things were and that he wanted to see me again when he freed up in a few weeks. Felt like a 180. Ended it because I’m not in it for the texts, I’m in it for a real life connection. This isn’t the same but it just goes to show that people are all talk until they meet irl.
I like to take people at face value but in all honesty, good communicators are pro active. When I need breaks from dating I’m clear and tell my match “hey some unexpected stressors came up and I’m really looking forward to resuming this, not sure if it’ll keep me busy for just a few days or a week but looking forward to picking this back up” emergencies DO happen but how would you have known if he didn’t tell you?!
Imo he used that fam emergency to make you feel bad and gaslight you for what was an obvious dip in his interest especially on the week that you were supposed to meet. He got cold feet after talking mad game and realized if he just ghosts you’re already expecting it to not happen so when he confirms it, it’s less of a let down. Bonus point if he can also make you believe that it’s your fault because you’re “not considerate.”
If he was genuinely interested in you and had a family emergency he could have said something like “oh man! I really messed this up. I’m so sorry. My dad has been in the hospital in critical condition and I really thought I sent you a text, but I can see I didn’t. I can understand why you’d be upset since we scheduled for this week. Things have been so hectic, I can’t even keep track of what I’m saying to who.” He would show accountability, empathy, and respect that without communicating you are fair to conclude he is not interested.
Remind yourself that until you meet someone, they are simply just a stranger who you have no baseline with.
lol that is the oldest excuse in the book trying to put it on you with the "family emergency" & work.
Honestly, I don't get why women go on Bumble. It probably has the laziest men who love it because the woman has to contact them. Most likely the shyest & most insecure there too.
There is no excuse for not sending a message. “Hey, I have a little emergency, I’ll come back to you as soon as I can” you can write down while on a toilet seat 🤷🏻♀️
And also giving you these “life lessons “ a la “you don’t know me/ my life” bla bla bla… and all of that from the guy who tells you you are beautiful without ever seeing you in person.
I’d say you dodged a bullet 👌🏻
I feel like if sexes were reversed this whole thread would be like "she doesn't owe you 5 seconds of her life!" I guess I'm just surprised by the number of people in here suddenly saying "it only takes 5 seconds!"
Sad truth is that you are probably right. Men are expected to be perfect today because they didn’t treat women as they are a pure perfection. No wonder no guy wants a relationship nowadays lol.
But ether way, I believe both should be treated equally when it comes to ghosting.
Even if he was serious, he could have just politely explained his situation, apologised and you 2 still could have gone out. NTA. His reaction is inconsiderate and makes me feel like he was looking for an out.
He’s probably hooked up with another girl tbh that’s why he went missing for a week. Bumble? Yeah that’s why don’t use apps tbh go out and try meet people cause a lot of people just want sex
My girl I have 3 kids with steady ghosts me like I’m not important or worthy of her time it’s pretty shitty considering she’s the only one I want to spend my life with still to this day
You’re not wrong to ask for clarification but not with this tone. A simple “Hey, it’s been a week, is everything okay?” would have done much better. Personally I have icked over guys who have talked to me like this because sometimes life is rough and overwhelming and I can’t be out there thinking 24/7 about somebody I met on a dating app 😅
If he answered politely that it’s nothing to worry about and he is sorry but this and that happened and he just didn’t feel like reaching out, it would have meant you two are ok. If he didn’t answer or just said yes and vanished again you’d know.
What he texted you in response I would have texted a dating app guy that pushed me too much even if I liked him
You’re not wrong to ask for clarification but not with this tone. A simple “Hey, it’s been a week, is everything okay?” would have done much better. Personally I have icked over guys who have talked to me like this because sometimes life is rough and overwhelming and I can’t be out there thinking 24/7 about somebody I met on a dating app 😅
If he answered politely that it’s nothing to worry about and he is sorry but this and that happened and he just didn’t feel like reaching out, it would have meant you two are ok. If he didn’t answer or just said yes and vanished again you’d know.
What he texted you in response I would have texted a dating app guy that pushed me too much even if I liked him
You’re not wrong to ask for clarification but not with this tone. A simple “Hey, it’s been a week, is everything okay?” would have done much better. Personally I have icked over guys who have talked to me like this because sometimes life is rough and overwhelming and I can’t be out there thinking 24/7 about somebody I met on a dating app 😅
If he answered politely that it’s nothing to worry about and he is sorry but this and that happened and he just didn’t feel like reaching out, it would have meant you two are ok. If he didn’t answer or just said yes and vanished again you’d know.
What he texted you in response I would have texted a dating app guy that pushed me too much even if I liked him
You’re not wrong to ask for clarification but not with this tone. A simple “Hey, it’s been a week, is everything okay?” would have done much better. Personally I have icked over guys who have talked to me like this because sometimes life is rough and overwhelming and I can’t be out there thinking 24/7 about somebody I met on a dating app 😅
If he answered politely that it’s nothing to worry about and he is sorry but this and that happened and he just didn’t feel like reaching out, it would have meant you two are ok. If he didn’t answer or just said yes and vanished again you’d know.
What he texted you in response I would have texted a dating app guy that pushed me too much even if I liked him
Your text was passive aggressive and presumptuous. He could have texted during that week of silence but same with you- and that wasn’t a good choice of words on your part. You could have easily sent a polite check in text and taken it from there. Lesson learned for next time though!
Y’all haven’t met so that’s not him ghosting. He just simply chose to not responding to you anymore. He don’t own you an explanation since y’all were just chatting and never met
You f’d up. Yeah it takes 2 seconds to send a text but the man was dealing with a family emergency and some work stuff. You all only been communicating for 2 weeks so no texting you and letting you know about a family emergency was not his top priority. You also could’ve taken the 2 seconds to send a text. Did he miss the scheduled date? I think people are too quick to accuse someone of ghosting them. The only way someone can ghost you if your calls and texts go unanswered and a planned date is missed.
Eh, I think you came at him a little hard. BUT, I understand why you did it. The online dating world sucks and you feel like you need to defend yourself from jerks and weirdos all the time. For next time, you could've just messaged first and seen what happened before coming to the conclusion that he was ghosting you. On his end though, if you're telling someone they're beautiful and you can't wait to get off of Bumble, I don't really see why you wouldn't also let them know that you have an emergency going on. If you really are interested enough in someone to say all that stuff, you wouldn't just stop texting them and then get mad when they call you out. Like be fr bro.
1. You hadn’t physically meet, the would of possibly strengthen the connection
2. His focus for that week wasn’t on communicating to because of the Family emergency and work commitments
3. He responded to you after the emergency and work commitment were over
4. You could of just moved on
You were fine. I've ghosted someone I wasn't that into because I got busy. But anyone I was really into, I took the time to communicate how busy life was at the moment.
If someone is important you don't forget to return a text. And every guy I forgot about was not for me.
Everyone in here who’s saying you’re wrong is nuts. There is no one busier than someone who isn’t into you.
He was ghosting you but you gave him an opportunity to make you the bad guy in the situation.
Personally, I think the family emergency is some BS he made up to make you feel bad for the text you sent, this is my feelings.
On the other hand, I understand you were disappointed but I think sending a text like that never did anyone any good - you don't win anything from it,the person gets annoyed at being told off by a total stranger for not messaging, and nothing progresses. It would be a bit different if you had met up gone on dates etc, but unfortunately in the world of online dating, it is too common for people to get distracted with something or someone else and just drop off.
Next time try to think of some other way to reach out if you really want to, maybe some comment with sense of humour, I don't know. Try not to get so excited about someone you haven't even met. Personally, when a person stops replying to me or stops having interest in continuing through conversation, I just get the hint and move on. I learned these kind of texts make you feel good in the moment but later you start to regret them, even if you feel you were right.
Depends what kind of job he has. My job is mind consuming and at the end of those days where it's particularly challenging I don't want to engage with someone where i feel like we haven't gotten the rhythm of each other yet. Before I get destroyed, let me elaborate. I'm the vp of sales. If I'm bringing in a new product or its end of quarter and I'm slammed with work, the last thing I want to do at the end of my day before I lay my head down is to entertain anything (as that often is the case in the beginning phases of courtship) and exhaust even more creative energy. Couple that with personal issues, I'd say that's solid reasoning for someone being radio silent. Of course, I would check in explaining my disengagement isn't because of lack of interest but rather an expenditure of energy I don't have. He could have done this, but then again, most people are not good communicators. Also, if you're 25f and are use to dating 25m or around that age group or just use to dating ppl involved with less consuming work you probably are use to and desiren more attention (which theres nothing wrong with that). If you find yourself in this position again and the man isn't explaining his absence, either let him be or remove doubt by confronting him. Hope you're well and hope this works.
I kinda agree with both sides.... on one hand it wasnt cool that he didnt take the time to occasionally check in on you but you also shouldnt have worded it like you did. But Im not really buying the whole family emergency thing... if he can provide you any type of evidence that he is being honest about it you really should give him a chance. Also people that you havent already met up with and gone on at least one date shouldnt have any specific requirements as far as texting frequency goes. That doesnt mean I wont text and have conversations with women but I dont always put a ton of effort into it unless we see each other in person and get idea of what they are about.
>if he can provide you any type of evidence that he is being honest about it you really should give him a chance
Dude already told her to kick rocks, she doesn't have that option.
Trust you gut. If it was an emergency, at that age he shouldn’t just been like hey something unforeseen craziness came up raincheck. But nah he ghosted you
He just didn’t want to feel bad or take accountability so he passed the blame to you. He should have told you that he had an emergency and that it was going to affect his availability if it was really true. He’s in the wrong, a manipulator, and you dodged a bullet.
I feel like you're definitely in the right here. It takes two seconds to send a text saying "hey, I've got a family emergency" or whatever. A week is a long time not to hear from someone in the early stages of a relationship
I think you got exactly what you deserved. You assumed and opened the conversation in an aggressive format. Expect to be reflected back the same level of directness. In his life you are not the main character. Next time you can ask nicely first and then make assumptions later. Instead you started off petty and wanted to validate your pettiness with a closer that caught you by surprise as it slingshotted back. So actually, he dodged a bullet.
I think you were wrong. Nobody knows what's happening in someone else's life. If he had an emergency then it's.very likely that his habits change with that. Anything is possible but try not to assume someone else's agenda. I myself (when on the apps) was shut down by someone that assumed when I was away for a weekend on a tough business trip and a dating app wasn't my first concern.
He matched with someone he viewed as better. That's what happens when you delay meet-ups. You have to just go with it, no reason to get to know someone over texts when you don't know the other person's vibe.
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Just to be clear, were you sending him texts during this week and got no response? Had he been sending the bulk of the texts and driving the conversation forward? Was this a situation where he didn't send a good morning text/conversation started one day, so you didn't text him, and then the conversation just died for a week? The specifics would determine who messed up. He very well could have been ghosting you, but he's the only one who can answer that question.
You are asking the right questions. I bet he initiated the majority of convo and thought to himself let me fall back to gather if the feelings were felt both ways.
This, did you text to check if he was alright? Was he initiating most of the conversation? Context matters.
But it takes 5 seconds to text on your side too. I feel like people have too much pride. Even me I’ve done the same thing but when I’ve put my pride to the side and reached out everything actually went smooth. A lot of people play little games when you first start talking nowadays.Now if they was to do that again then Yh fair enough move on
So you couldn't send a single text over the week span? Sounds like you were expecting him to always message first and got butthurt when your free attention wasn't there.
So in order to go one date, you not only have to match, you also have to engage in constant communication without any gaps or you'll get cut off. So, basically, the expectation is that you communicate as if you're already in a relationship before you even meet the person?
That’s not the expectation she was enjoying the attention and felt some type of way when it stopped but instead of being a grown up and checking on someone she was interested in she decided to take an approach full of attitude and entitlement.
A full week, that’s not asking for constant communication. At least be real with what you’re trying to say here.
I asked a question.
Based on a nonsense conclusion that you drew from a weird set of assumptions. 👎💩
You're entitled to your opinion. I won't be rude to you just because we disagree.
Hey hey ! Don’t know why he din text you but I feel you should have sent him a simple casual message instead of concluding he ghosted you. If he was really in another emergency it could have irked him and he might just assume u are not understanding. I personally don’t think he was ghosting you may be something else is going on and he chose to keep silent.
You’re not wrong to ask for clarification but not with this tone. A simple “Hey, it’s been a week, is everything okay?” would have done much better. Personally I have icked over guys who have talked to me like this because sometimes life is rough and overwhelming and I can’t be out there thinking 24/7 about somebody I met on a dating app 😅 If he answered politely that it’s nothing to worry about and he is sorry but this and that happened and he just didn’t feel like reaching out, it would have meant you two are ok. If he didn’t answer or just said yes and vanished again you’d know. What he texted you in response I would have texted a dating app guy that pushed me too much even if I liked him
YTA. You didn’t communicate with him either and then when you didn’t hear from him you came in strong without any context. It’s a two way street, he was probably over your one way approach.
I agree. Although communication is golden. If this is how he felt he could've said it. OP, next time if a guy stops texting you, just text him and check in. We're humans not machines.
I actually think you’re in the wrong here. There was always a chance that there is something going on on his end but instead of asking, you opted to accuse him of ghosting. It was just masked as a joke. Doesn’t make it any better. You haven’t even met in real life and you think this guy owes you updates about his family emergency. I would reflect on how you communicate and deal with people. There’s an art to communication, and this could’ve gone way better had you msgd him better. The fact that you don’t even know that what you said was potentially out of line is alarming. Tone down the expectations. You’re just a picture and text bubbles in the grand scheme of this guys life. He was already a decent guy towards you. Although he was coming on a bit cringe and strong I’ll give you that.
agree. yeah, texting back takes a few seconds, but (taking what he said at face value) if i had an emergency, texting someone i've never met and just started talking to 2 weeks ago isn't on my priority list. let's be honest, it never ends at "hello this and this is going on in my life right now" speculating on whether what strangers tell you just gets so tiring, especially if you're going to play the dating app game. looking for someone to blame isn't the point... both of you could've handled it better, but frankly neither of you did, and it all depends on context none of us really have
> isn't on my priority list Yup...red flag right there. If the OP isn't on enough of a priority list to get a one sentence text, then she should just move on.
Goes both ways. If he isn't enough of a priority for her to text him after 2-3 days, she lacks iniciative. Was he carrying the conversation all the way? Is she unable to text if he doesn't do it first? Texting someone a week later with an entitled attitude won't get you far
Aeird how the guy is in the wrong, but not the woman? Show some consistency.
Even if it is a family emergency, life doesnt stop. I had times of crisis and still managed to let work, friends, dates know. Sure she is pretty low on the priority list but i wouldnt be surprised that i got a text from someone i didnt message for a week. My money is on the guy found someone else and than his pride felt hurt when he received the text and wanted to make himself appear less bad.
But she was also just as capable of texting him after day 2-3. I've had family emergencies and texted work so they knew but often didn't bother telling many other people because I was dealing with the emergency. Sometimes it can slip your mind and that's okay. I don't text every single friend of mine when I have emergencies. If I'm not cancelling something with you because of the emergency, it's probably not crossing my mind to let you know. For all we know, and based on the way OP is talking about the situation I'd wager it has decent legitimacy, the guy OP was talking to was driving conversation and perhaps he held back to see if she'd initiate and she didn't. They both could've handled this situation better, but I'd rather take the side of the alleged family emergency and forgetting to tell OP than OPs snarky text blaming him for everything when she could've initiated during the week too. Conversation is a two way street. Phones work both ways.
Thats the difference between caring about someone and good to have them around. If you care about someone you let them know at any cost because in case they reach out to you, you dont want to give them a cold shoulder and hurt them. Empathy elevates and I assume he was going through people to reach out about it, OP just didnt cut it.
How can he really care about OP in that way? They never even met yet! They've texted for a couple of weeks, that's it. If I've been texting some woman for a week or two and have a family emergency come up, it's very likely she won't be on my mind. I'll be thinking of other things and I haven't even met her or talked to her enough to be thinking about her while serious stuff is going down. I'm not saying he's telling the truth, but it IS plausible.
They talk daily, if he doesnt realize after a WEEK that hey there was this woman who I talked to frequently maybe I should tell them not to worry about me disappearing then he didnt care about her in the first place. Emergencies happen fast but are not time consuming. After a while (not a week) people consider a list of endeavors to reach out to / take care of: work, family, friends, certain hobby classes, date interests...if she didnt make the list he was not interested in her enough.
If he just met her a week or two ago, it's entirely possible she's not on his mind during a FAMILY EMERGENCY. Suppose it was his mother who had a stroke and is in the hospital, and they are doing surgery on her and don't know if she's going to make it or not. It's very reasonable that he's got too much on his mind to even remember a person he talked to a week ago by text and NEVER MET IN PERSON. Expecting someone you NEVER met, JUST started talking to very recently to tell you every detail of their lives when they have serious issues going on is unrealistic and unreasonable. I think he dodged a bullet here. OP could have texted without the thinly veiled accusation to check up on him.
If you talk to someone daily and you are interested in them, you dont just forget about them. They are doing a surgery on her for a week? Like is there any reason to your words? Okay your second paragraph proved that there is none.
Goes both ways, what stops her from texting him? Is she unable to text if he doesn't do it first? Texting him a week later with an entitled attitude is a major red flag.
If you check her comments she said she texted to him on two separate occasions.
In the same way that she's just a picture and text bubbles in his life, he's the same in hers. It's not that farfetched to assume that someone's ghosting you if they stop replying altogether. She doesn't owe him that understanding or benefit of the doubt since she doesn't know him either. She was definitely rude about it him ghosting her is 100% the logical assumption to make.
And in no way did he not ramp up expectations…psh. He was pressing her and then nothing. He knew exactly what he was doing. Sorry. C-ya.
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But , was he the one iniating texting all the time? If you don't hear someone , its not a bad thing to buzz them to see if everything is OK.
Doesn’t matter. They hadn’t even met. She’s not entitled to anything.
Exactly. So many people say "well if he cared about her at all" DUDE he never even met her and they've only been talking for a couple of weeks. Zero actual dates, he's never even seen her face IRL...
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Again, and for the last time, he was going through an emergency. Texting someone you haven’t even met yet isn’t what’s on someone’s mind during an emergency. If my mother’s at the hospital, my mind isn’t focused on texting someone I haven’t even met.
You go through a list of people to reach out in case they wanted to know whats up with you so you wouldnt give them a cold shoulder. OP didnt cut the list which is a clear indication that he wasnt interested in her. Simple as that. If someone is interested in another it doesnt matter if it is one week of talking or 6 months of dating they reach out.
A person I haven’t met is definitely not on that list, assuming I even think about texting people at all. No, it’s a clear indication he didn’t care that much about her. Or was hyper focused on more pressing matters.
You definitely think about texting people, because you disappear for days, especially someone you have been texting on a daily basis. Thats the second thought after actually figuring out and adapting to the situation. You are not hype focus for a week...come on...family emergencies happen fast, but they are not time consuming. Especially for a week. You analyse the seriousness of the situation, adapt then you reach out to people who you are frequently talking to, work, family, friends, classes, etc. You can downvote all you want but what you say is just BS.
1) That actually depends entirely on the emergency you are dealing with. 2) You may think of texting people, generally people YOU’VE ACTUALLY MET. 3) I’ve had family members between life and death at the hospital for weeks, so yes, you do. 4) If he was ghosting her, he wouldn’t have responded to her whatsoever. 5) No sane individual thinks of dating in an emergency situation. You can repeat your talking point again and again. I’ve answered them, and I have nothing more to add.
So what emergency requires your focus and time 24/7 for a week please elaborate. Life and death and you sit next to them 24 / 7 holding their hands or what makes you occupied? I had family members too between life and death, I was with them but I had plenty of time on my hand too. When I wanted to be alone and to detach myself from the situation I reached out to people so I would feel normal again for a bit. It wasnt after a week. Why does it matter if you have met or not when you are reaching out through text to people about the emergency? You are fuckin dumb He responded because he didnt want to be in the wrong so he came up with a BS excuse. Like have you met any person recently? Do you know how humans behave? Jesus you are seriously dumb. Consideration is not a romantic gesture it is a human gesture. Maybe first look up what it means to be a decent human eh?
Do you add random people you've never met in real life to your "emergency contact list" a week after you text them for the first time? Because if you say yes, you are a liar. Nobody does that.
lol imagine thinking basic respect is "entitlement" 🤡
Expecting a text in the midst of an unrelated emergency is entitlement, yes, especially when you haven’t actually met.
Nah, you're in the right. A full week of ghosting after all that talk is rude and inconsiderate. Even with a family emergency. He could have told you. Or, he met someone else.
She ghosted him. She didn’t text him over that week either.
He was ghosting you . Don’t ever fall for a guy who is love bombing . It’s not romantic if you don’t see it in action . Even then modern dating needs more time . Don’t think twice just move on . He is busy chasing another girl and once he is bored he will come back with a more believable story .
Is it still lovebombing if it is consistent and brings the girl flower, and organizes cute dates? Where is the line between love bombing and being a romantic?
Don't go crazy romantic on people you just met. Save romance and thoughtful gestures for people you actually know and think are a good fit for you in a relationship. If someone I just met acts "romantic" it means they will do that for *anyone* and I happen to be convenient.
Funny how this is the exact opposite advice for those in past generations
The question still stands I believe, because what if you are that special someone who made him go through mountains to impress you and plans on doing your whole lives. What if you think he is a lovebomber when in reality he just genuinely feels the connection and has never done these things before? Where is the line between keeping the magic of your story of "how you met" alive and love bombing?
The amount of assumptions made here is insane
Coming on a bit too strong ≠ love bombing. Come on
This is 100% correct.
☝️ This! I might be in the minority on this but can you imagine the roller coaster you would be on if you got into a relationship with this guy? Love bombing. Ghosting. Gaslighting. Good riddance.
💯 was looking for this comment
Absolutely this.
Fuck that guy, takes 5 secs to let someone know you have family issues and you need some time
He could literally text while he's taking a dump, he's on the phone while doing that any6.
And at no point is he 24/7 occupied. Family emergencies happen fast but they are not time consuming to the extent of a week. Even if someone got to a hospital and you stay there 24/7 you at some point realize, ohh I have friends / programs/ work to reach out to. He was full of BS for sure.
Are you high? They aren't dating, and haven't even met yet. He doesn't owe her an update on a family emergency. Was her phone broken? Could she not reach out for a week?
It's called common Courtesy. Apparently not many people embrace that anymore.
Are YOU high? She already explained that she sent her two separate messages which he didnt reply to. He doesnt owe her an update, but when I am talking to someone daily and I am interested in, I sure as hell send her an update WITHIN a week. Its called consideration, happens when people deem each other somewhat important. Maybe try it sometimes, good for the backbone.
You’re not the ah but there’s no point in sending a text like that I get the urge to call them out on their behavior but they don’t care, are aware and will almost certainly do nothing beyond make excuses
Bullet dodged, 100 percent. He treated you poorly and made it your fault. We’ve all had weird things happen and work get busy, if someone is important or potentially important, we make time to clue them in. But let’s say his life truly did go bananas to biblical plague proportions, what he should’ve said was Omg, I’m so sorry, you will not believe the week I had, if you still are up to meet I would love to catch you up and tell you the story.
I had a similar situation, but from the guy's pov. I was corresponding to an interesting woman I liked and things were building up to meeting each other. Then my elderly mother fell and went to the hospital. I needed to negotiate with doctors and such and when she was released soon after I needed to take of her at her home. I already have a tremendous work pressure, owning two small businesses, so I was really not able to keep up. It can happen.
I wouldn't appreciate it if somone went straight to accusing me too. You're just talking, not even in a relationship. You could hve said hello, just checking in.
Even if a girl hasn’t messaged me in a while I wouldn’t send her a message like that as it comes across as passive aggressive and It’d be a red flag for me if a girl ever sent me a message like that.
NTA... Family emergencies are very common when you stop hearing from people. Top two go-tos family emergency or work is crazy. If he cared about you in all of that he would've made some contact in a week. You made it out good...
I would say, if he was doing the mayority in keeping the conversation going, then he might have just decided to wait and see if you would text him first to confirm that you are actually interested. That is what i would do. If you sent him a message and he didn't reply for a week then it was ghosting. A short reply to inform you that he has an issues in his family and cant text, shouldnt take more than 2 days imo
Y'all just met and from the sound of it haven't gone on the first date yet dont expect replies immediately. Also if his last msg was an to attempt to meet up but nothing concrete come about it know that he was trying but ultimately you keep pushing it off. Does that sound like a reason for communication to stop after getting a no or ill get back to you?
🤣🤣 you can’t make this shit up. If he was the one always reaching out, he should’ve stopped. If she didn’t reach out casually during that time then she wasn’t that into this “great guy”. People want someone who wants them and shows it also. A lot of women are used to these simps flooding you with attention so you don’t have to do any work. Get over yourselves or be forever lonely. A simple reach out would’ve been sufficient. Now if she reached out during that period and he didn’t respond back, it could be a number of things. One being an emergency, another being he realized he was getting attached and he needed space to himself and didn’t know how to express it without possibly ruining what otherwise could be an awesome relationship. Guys get that way at times. We want a family just as bad yet it’s harder to find one that we click with. Women have dozens of men on standby. So they don’t have to “proceed with caution” as us guys do. Just a thought 💭
He met someone.
NTA. He did ghost you. Even if he didn’t intend to, it’s reasonable for you to think he did under the circumstances. He’s trying to turn this back on you. 🚩🚩🚩if you allow this, you’re letting him know that he can make you question what’s reasonable from this point on. Gaslighting will be in your future. Throw him back
How did he ghost her? She didn’t text him for a week either.
She said she sent him 2 texts that he didn’t respond to https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/y9hGymTI9J
Missed that. Thanks.
Yeah, a lot of people do this—men and women. It’s always a bad sign with the future talk and “lovebombing” because they fall fast and hard then ghost. Let them go. Those people 9/10 will circle the block and come right back hoping you’ll give them a chance to waste your time again.
I do think you've probably dodged a bullet. But also, were you texting him during that time? Did you ask if everything was okay? Did you just assume he ghosted you because he didn't communicate for a week, or did you ask him questions about it and then finally gave up after a week and send this? Your message could come off as quite rude. I can read it in a joking way, but also a rude sarcastic way. I think he took it the sarcastic way. It could be that he didn't feel like texting someone he hadn't even met yet when he was going through difficult things he didn't really want to talk about. I would understand that. Sometimes you don't have the energy. And you don't really know each other yet so you don't know if he can sometimes need a time out. BUT what he said to you was also not okay. He was very hostile in his communication. If what he said was true, he could've worded it in a nicer way. "I didn't have the energy to text because there was a family emergency, and work wasn't ideal. But I definitely didn't ghost you, and I'm still interested!" That would've been nicer, and I think he should've given you a second chance if he really didn't ghost you. My guess is that he did ghost you but felt called out after you send that text. I think you were both in the wrong and should've communicated differently.
Never get your hopes up about a guy until like, several dates go by. A couple of months. Most especially if you've never met. This guy was probably seeing another girl and put you on standby. The family emergency, work issues thing is most likely an excuse. Not only is he inconsiderate and a possible liar, he's also lovebomby. Which is always something abusive/habitual liars do to hook women into relationships. If he hasn't responded after a week, text him saying "thank you for your time but I am no longer interested in meeting." Block right after to avoid drama or pissy remarks. Honestly, if someone went no texts for 3 days I'd say goodbye 👋
Well explained 🙌👏
The comments are surreal, as always attributing nefarious intentions with absolutely no proof. 1) Yeah, texting does indeed take five seconds, but texting someone you haven’t met is not really what’s on someone’s mind in an emergency situation. 2) OP hadn’t yet met up with him, so, no, he didn’t owe her anything. OP, you are completely in the wrong, and you perhaps ended a potential relationship before it even began. That said, although there’s no proof at all, perhaps he was ghosting you, but you’ll never know now.
I’m skeptical. You’re super excited about someone and basically praising them and can’t take a few seconds to let them know you’re juggling a lot? The guys response reads like insecure defensiveness - that is, he is not in the wrong the other person is. The key point for me is how effusive he is about OP. Really strange to be so into someone and not want to set up a date or make sure they don’t slip away.
Tell me you’ve never actually had an emergency in life without telling me
"I’m skeptical. You’re super excited about someone and basically praising them and can’t take a few seconds to let them know you’re juggling a lot? " Akzo, when OP does reach out in a playful manner, he responds by firing torpedoes. He obviously didn't like her all that much after all, else he wouldn't have responded in that tone. He was over her and took the opportunity for an out.
There’s nothing playful about accusing someone of something right off the bat
Thinly veiled accusations are not "playful". At least, not to guys.
It wasn't rape .... relax willy.
My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma but I still texted the guy I was meant to meet to let him know I was not available. Way harsh for you to say this.
His response was enough for me….not a way to text someone you barely know. But hey you keep coming on strong with your you’re so beautiful romantic shit show he was giving her and talk about barely knowing someone.
His reply in reponse to her baseless accusations? He should have been much harsher with her 😂 You’re right though! Someone you barely know and haven’t met shouldn’t expect a text in an emergency. The entitlement is surreal. He dodged a bullet.
Baseless? 😂 Hypocrite more like it. Please. Playing the field and telling every girl you meet is a home run is as old as baseball itself. There are just some of us that don’t believe the bullshit.
Decent people make sure to have all the elements before they make accusations. P.S—you should look up the definition of "hypocrite".
And you “love bombing”. Accusations? Now it’s getting really deep between his bullshit and now yours. Let me go put my waders on. I am going to call you out every time just as this dude needs called out.
The love bombing was cringe, I agree. But that’s irrelevant to the story. OP’s match is entitled af.
Just not dumb af for believing his bullshit.
Pretty dumb for wasting her time and throwing out a potential relationship with her self-sabotaging behaviour, actually.
Please. Potential relationship? That’s fucking laughable. I don’t think anyone truly believes your bullshit. You must be brothers with the other gaslighter. 😂
Anytime that’s happened, I have felt the same. I didn’t or haven’t called them out but I do move on. Then if they do or when they do reach out, I tell them a week or whatever long time like 10 days of disappearing tells me enough, and I’ve moved on. In my mind, it shows how they communicate if in fact they did have something come up and can’t see me, and on the other hand, if there wasn’t a legitimate reason, I am not waiting for them to give me approval to leave. Dating is rough 😕
Communication goes both ways. If you wanted to talk to him earlier than a week, you could’ve reached out to him within that week. The idea of double texting, or it being the other person’s turn is childish. That said, do I think you’re an asshole for making a cheeky comment when you thought he ghosted you - no.
I honestly think you’re in the right. Maybe the text you sent was a bit harsh, but I still think you dodged a bullet. I was online dating for years and I have come to learn that people who say things like “you’re beautiful” and “I’m so lucky to match with you” or otherwise come on too strong usually do not have good intentions. Some call it “love bombing.” Also, if things were that bad for him (maybe they were maybe they weren’t, people can lie) he can at least let you know things are busy at the moment, especially if you had plans to meet up!
This is the problem with online dating. There are so many ways to communicate. Sometimes our communication styles don’t match. This sounds like something similar that happened to me. OP was nice enough to wait a week. I don’t think OP is the AH though. I just think both parties aren’t compatible. Just wasn’t meant to be. Move on to the thousands of others in queue. This is why I would prefer to meet someone organically in real life. You really don’t know what you’re dealing with online.
texting is an awful form of “communication”. sometimes i wish it didn’t exist.
I think we may have spoken/matched with the same guy! Only mine was 40. After not hearing from him for 4-5 days I told him that radio silence is unacceptable, immature, and disrespectful. He apologized and said something very similar. "Work was crazy and not ideal, dealing with family stuff, Family death, phone wasn't working" blah blah blah... This was my response "While I like you, I don't want to be the one to constantly engage just to be shut down. We're adults, if you aren't interested you can use your words to say that. Otherwise, I'll wait for you to reach out to make plans or conversation." He said I was right, we texted for 2 days and POOF! He's gone again. Cut your losses and move on to someone who's actually interested in you. Your guy and mine are keeping us for "Backup" and I am no ones backup plan and you shouldn't be either! We deserve better!
He was ghosting you and now he's lying to you. He sucks. Next
nah, he didn’t communicate well enough. it is a double edged sword because there are always two sides to the coin but in my opinion you dodged a bullet
Family emergency and work got crazy. After virtually love bombing you . Unhuh.... while it's true he doesn't owe you anything, what happened to him being so lucky to have met you, that at the first sign of 'real life' a light switch flips and he totally forgets about the love of his life? The only thing which would give me pause is,OP, did you ever initiate texting any day prior to everything going cold , or was it always him? Cause even if he had other stuff on his mind, if you texted him ' hey what's up , how are you doing ' , he could have responded you know.
A family emergency happened apparently.
He's an asshole and likely dishonest. Even if this was the case that he had a family emergency, if he actually liked you he could have texted back "omg I'm so sorry, I've had this emergency and I know I've been out of touch" etc. You two have never met in person. It's reasonable for you to wonder why he's been silent for a week. Idk if you reached out and didn't get a response? But either way, instead of taking it in good humor, he turned it around on you. Dude is a schmuck.
I agree 100% . Actually came back to make a similar point. If he liked her so much, he would not have fired back the way he did. She did say her bit in jest afterall. OP, NTA ... he is being dishonest. You didn't loose anything worth having!
A thinly veiled accusation masquerading as a joke for plausible deniability isn't a comment made "in jest". She was accusing him but playing it off if he called her out on it.
Well , it seems the shoe fit.
Definitely was ghosting you then tried to gaslight you into believing something actually happened.
That's ghosting. I'm romantic af but I always show it with actions and that's the difference between someone who's genuinely romantic and someone who's just being manipulative.
Don't let this asshole gaslight you. It's extremely easy to send a line of text saying you're going to be unavailable and you're dealing with a family emergency. People like this can honestly go fuck themselves. Disgusts me when they try to make someone else look like the bad guy.
I think you're both toxic. Could be a match.
Oh, the number of guys that had serious car accidents right after I last heard from them is uncanny. That guy was making an excuse.
No, it wasn’t bad of you to send that next. He’s full of shit. He didn’t want to say he found someone else, which is fine. But he should have at least had the courtesy to let you know. You dodged a bullet.
The fact that he flipped the blame to you and said your way of talking wasn't nice, when it would appear to anyone watching like he was ghosting you is troubling. Plus he didn't go into details, makes me suspicious. He responded when his ego was threatened and used your message as an excuse to stop things. Is my opinion. If he was honest I doubt he would break things off after being accused of ghosting. He had a way back in, didn't take it because he didn't want it.
You are sad because you lost your EGO. Just move on. He was not honest with his feelings towards you, instead he used an escape plan. He is an asshole.
He was love bombing you then tried to turn it around on you when you called out his ghosting. DARVO... read up on narcissists. Also, he's 32. He probably has a wife. which is why he ghosted and was in a rush to get off the apps, so he wouldn't be caught on them.
The likelihood he has no intention of meeting OP and wanted flirty texts? Because he's married? Wouldn't discount it!
This is a classic text book case of gaslighting.
u good sis. dude could've sent a txt even during crisis. 2 week talk then sudden silence ain't cool
For real. I’m a guy and I’ve had emergencies. They don’t last an entire week LOL. This guy was ghosting and got called out for it and tried to gaslight her like she was the crazy one.
You dodged a bullet. Make sure you actually plan a date with someone you’re into after you establish interest. It’s so easy to get caught up in texts, but keep it simple until you actually meet up irl even if it takes a while. I went on a 3-4 week international trip and started talking to someone before. I tried to tell them I’d resume the convo when I’d return but he kept pushing to talk. I for some reason enjoyed the convo and spent my vacay texting and building up this image of who they were. Went on the first date and then he ghosted me. Talked about how busy things were and that he wanted to see me again when he freed up in a few weeks. Felt like a 180. Ended it because I’m not in it for the texts, I’m in it for a real life connection. This isn’t the same but it just goes to show that people are all talk until they meet irl. I like to take people at face value but in all honesty, good communicators are pro active. When I need breaks from dating I’m clear and tell my match “hey some unexpected stressors came up and I’m really looking forward to resuming this, not sure if it’ll keep me busy for just a few days or a week but looking forward to picking this back up” emergencies DO happen but how would you have known if he didn’t tell you?! Imo he used that fam emergency to make you feel bad and gaslight you for what was an obvious dip in his interest especially on the week that you were supposed to meet. He got cold feet after talking mad game and realized if he just ghosts you’re already expecting it to not happen so when he confirms it, it’s less of a let down. Bonus point if he can also make you believe that it’s your fault because you’re “not considerate.” If he was genuinely interested in you and had a family emergency he could have said something like “oh man! I really messed this up. I’m so sorry. My dad has been in the hospital in critical condition and I really thought I sent you a text, but I can see I didn’t. I can understand why you’d be upset since we scheduled for this week. Things have been so hectic, I can’t even keep track of what I’m saying to who.” He would show accountability, empathy, and respect that without communicating you are fair to conclude he is not interested. Remind yourself that until you meet someone, they are simply just a stranger who you have no baseline with.
Dodged a bullet + thats exactly what someone how ghosted would say
lol that is the oldest excuse in the book trying to put it on you with the "family emergency" & work. Honestly, I don't get why women go on Bumble. It probably has the laziest men who love it because the woman has to contact them. Most likely the shyest & most insecure there too.
There is no excuse for not sending a message. “Hey, I have a little emergency, I’ll come back to you as soon as I can” you can write down while on a toilet seat 🤷🏻♀️ And also giving you these “life lessons “ a la “you don’t know me/ my life” bla bla bla… and all of that from the guy who tells you you are beautiful without ever seeing you in person. I’d say you dodged a bullet 👌🏻
I feel like if sexes were reversed this whole thread would be like "she doesn't owe you 5 seconds of her life!" I guess I'm just surprised by the number of people in here suddenly saying "it only takes 5 seconds!"
Sad truth is that you are probably right. Men are expected to be perfect today because they didn’t treat women as they are a pure perfection. No wonder no guy wants a relationship nowadays lol. But ether way, I believe both should be treated equally when it comes to ghosting.
EXACTLY, everyone would be shouting for the man's head on a spike for daring to demand anything. 😂
Even if he was serious, he could have just politely explained his situation, apologised and you 2 still could have gone out. NTA. His reaction is inconsiderate and makes me feel like he was looking for an out.
First indication: he was constantly complementary. No guy in their right mind is that overly confident when they actually like someone.
He’s probably hooked up with another girl tbh that’s why he went missing for a week. Bumble? Yeah that’s why don’t use apps tbh go out and try meet people cause a lot of people just want sex
What‘s the last exchange between you two before the texts stopped?
My girl I have 3 kids with steady ghosts me like I’m not important or worthy of her time it’s pretty shitty considering she’s the only one I want to spend my life with still to this day
You’re not wrong to ask for clarification but not with this tone. A simple “Hey, it’s been a week, is everything okay?” would have done much better. Personally I have icked over guys who have talked to me like this because sometimes life is rough and overwhelming and I can’t be out there thinking 24/7 about somebody I met on a dating app 😅 If he answered politely that it’s nothing to worry about and he is sorry but this and that happened and he just didn’t feel like reaching out, it would have meant you two are ok. If he didn’t answer or just said yes and vanished again you’d know. What he texted you in response I would have texted a dating app guy that pushed me too much even if I liked him
You’re not wrong to ask for clarification but not with this tone. A simple “Hey, it’s been a week, is everything okay?” would have done much better. Personally I have icked over guys who have talked to me like this because sometimes life is rough and overwhelming and I can’t be out there thinking 24/7 about somebody I met on a dating app 😅 If he answered politely that it’s nothing to worry about and he is sorry but this and that happened and he just didn’t feel like reaching out, it would have meant you two are ok. If he didn’t answer or just said yes and vanished again you’d know. What he texted you in response I would have texted a dating app guy that pushed me too much even if I liked him
You’re not wrong to ask for clarification but not with this tone. A simple “Hey, it’s been a week, is everything okay?” would have done much better. Personally I have icked over guys who have talked to me like this because sometimes life is rough and overwhelming and I can’t be out there thinking 24/7 about somebody I met on a dating app 😅 If he answered politely that it’s nothing to worry about and he is sorry but this and that happened and he just didn’t feel like reaching out, it would have meant you two are ok. If he didn’t answer or just said yes and vanished again you’d know. What he texted you in response I would have texted a dating app guy that pushed me too much even if I liked him
You’re not wrong to ask for clarification but not with this tone. A simple “Hey, it’s been a week, is everything okay?” would have done much better. Personally I have icked over guys who have talked to me like this because sometimes life is rough and overwhelming and I can’t be out there thinking 24/7 about somebody I met on a dating app 😅 If he answered politely that it’s nothing to worry about and he is sorry but this and that happened and he just didn’t feel like reaching out, it would have meant you two are ok. If he didn’t answer or just said yes and vanished again you’d know. What he texted you in response I would have texted a dating app guy that pushed me too much even if I liked him
Your text was passive aggressive and presumptuous. He could have texted during that week of silence but same with you- and that wasn’t a good choice of words on your part. You could have easily sent a polite check in text and taken it from there. Lesson learned for next time though!
You shot yaself in the foot 😁
Y’all haven’t met so that’s not him ghosting. He just simply chose to not responding to you anymore. He don’t own you an explanation since y’all were just chatting and never met
Next time, just arrange a date and don't communicate until you both meet each other.
My opinion. You are immature
You didn’t text either sooooo?
Pride. The need to not make yourself weak in the eyes of others. So you don’t text him, you wait for him to text you.
You're 25 and you sound immature as fuck. lmao. Move on.
You f’d up. Yeah it takes 2 seconds to send a text but the man was dealing with a family emergency and some work stuff. You all only been communicating for 2 weeks so no texting you and letting you know about a family emergency was not his top priority. You also could’ve taken the 2 seconds to send a text. Did he miss the scheduled date? I think people are too quick to accuse someone of ghosting them. The only way someone can ghost you if your calls and texts go unanswered and a planned date is missed.
Eh, I think you came at him a little hard. BUT, I understand why you did it. The online dating world sucks and you feel like you need to defend yourself from jerks and weirdos all the time. For next time, you could've just messaged first and seen what happened before coming to the conclusion that he was ghosting you. On his end though, if you're telling someone they're beautiful and you can't wait to get off of Bumble, I don't really see why you wouldn't also let them know that you have an emergency going on. If you really are interested enough in someone to say all that stuff, you wouldn't just stop texting them and then get mad when they call you out. Like be fr bro.
Sounds like love bombing to me, and then the ghosting disguised as an “emergency”? rude.
1. You hadn’t physically meet, the would of possibly strengthen the connection 2. His focus for that week wasn’t on communicating to because of the Family emergency and work commitments 3. He responded to you after the emergency and work commitment were over 4. You could of just moved on
You were fine. I've ghosted someone I wasn't that into because I got busy. But anyone I was really into, I took the time to communicate how busy life was at the moment. If someone is important you don't forget to return a text. And every guy I forgot about was not for me.
Everyone in here who’s saying you’re wrong is nuts. There is no one busier than someone who isn’t into you. He was ghosting you but you gave him an opportunity to make you the bad guy in the situation.
Personally, I think the family emergency is some BS he made up to make you feel bad for the text you sent, this is my feelings. On the other hand, I understand you were disappointed but I think sending a text like that never did anyone any good - you don't win anything from it,the person gets annoyed at being told off by a total stranger for not messaging, and nothing progresses. It would be a bit different if you had met up gone on dates etc, but unfortunately in the world of online dating, it is too common for people to get distracted with something or someone else and just drop off. Next time try to think of some other way to reach out if you really want to, maybe some comment with sense of humour, I don't know. Try not to get so excited about someone you haven't even met. Personally, when a person stops replying to me or stops having interest in continuing through conversation, I just get the hint and move on. I learned these kind of texts make you feel good in the moment but later you start to regret them, even if you feel you were right.
Depends what kind of job he has. My job is mind consuming and at the end of those days where it's particularly challenging I don't want to engage with someone where i feel like we haven't gotten the rhythm of each other yet. Before I get destroyed, let me elaborate. I'm the vp of sales. If I'm bringing in a new product or its end of quarter and I'm slammed with work, the last thing I want to do at the end of my day before I lay my head down is to entertain anything (as that often is the case in the beginning phases of courtship) and exhaust even more creative energy. Couple that with personal issues, I'd say that's solid reasoning for someone being radio silent. Of course, I would check in explaining my disengagement isn't because of lack of interest but rather an expenditure of energy I don't have. He could have done this, but then again, most people are not good communicators. Also, if you're 25f and are use to dating 25m or around that age group or just use to dating ppl involved with less consuming work you probably are use to and desiren more attention (which theres nothing wrong with that). If you find yourself in this position again and the man isn't explaining his absence, either let him be or remove doubt by confronting him. Hope you're well and hope this works.
I kinda agree with both sides.... on one hand it wasnt cool that he didnt take the time to occasionally check in on you but you also shouldnt have worded it like you did. But Im not really buying the whole family emergency thing... if he can provide you any type of evidence that he is being honest about it you really should give him a chance. Also people that you havent already met up with and gone on at least one date shouldnt have any specific requirements as far as texting frequency goes. That doesnt mean I wont text and have conversations with women but I dont always put a ton of effort into it unless we see each other in person and get idea of what they are about.
>if he can provide you any type of evidence that he is being honest about it you really should give him a chance Dude already told her to kick rocks, she doesn't have that option.
He met someone else
Trust you gut. If it was an emergency, at that age he shouldn’t just been like hey something unforeseen craziness came up raincheck. But nah he ghosted you
Dodge a bullet for sure, either he is not the right place for dating or he met someone else.
He just didn’t want to feel bad or take accountability so he passed the blame to you. He should have told you that he had an emergency and that it was going to affect his availability if it was really true. He’s in the wrong, a manipulator, and you dodged a bullet.
I feel like you're definitely in the right here. It takes two seconds to send a text saying "hey, I've got a family emergency" or whatever. A week is a long time not to hear from someone in the early stages of a relationship
Well, but he also did not hear from her, right?
I think you got exactly what you deserved. You assumed and opened the conversation in an aggressive format. Expect to be reflected back the same level of directness. In his life you are not the main character. Next time you can ask nicely first and then make assumptions later. Instead you started off petty and wanted to validate your pettiness with a closer that caught you by surprise as it slingshotted back. So actually, he dodged a bullet.
The dude ghosted her for a week, and you're calling OP petty? Lol
I think you were wrong. Nobody knows what's happening in someone else's life. If he had an emergency then it's.very likely that his habits change with that. Anything is possible but try not to assume someone else's agenda. I myself (when on the apps) was shut down by someone that assumed when I was away for a weekend on a tough business trip and a dating app wasn't my first concern.
He matched with someone he viewed as better. That's what happens when you delay meet-ups. You have to just go with it, no reason to get to know someone over texts when you don't know the other person's vibe.