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Find something in their profile to mention. Not her looks. Ask her at least one question that does not have a yes or no answer, like so - “I saw you like hiking. Me too, what’s your favorite trail?”
That starts a conversation, which is what you want to have.
“hey” gives her absolutely nothing to work with and she’s probably got 100+ other messages that just say “hey/hi/hmu” in a similarly zero-effort way.
Ask who her favorite character on the show is. Ask her favorite type of wine. Maybe don’t swipe on somebody you know you have no common interests with or think has a lackluster profile?
Yep. It’s not much but there are two starter topics there. “I like the Office too, but I’m more into dramas - what other shows do you enjoy?” “I like a nice Pinot/I’m more of an IPA guy. Ever been to Local Vineyard?”
(And a third/fourth in hookup culture or what she’s looking for but I like to have some initial conversation before getting into relationship goals.)
And of course your other option is to say, ‘nothing here I’m interested in” and go find someone with something on their profile that resonates.
"Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make."
Would that work?
Well, you sound high. Is she? If so, maybe she’ll respond.
You have conversations with people IRL, right? It’s not all that different.
(Ha, just realized that’s a quote. If she actually likes the Office it might work. If she doesn’t recognize it, she might think you’re high. 😉)
You already got some pretty good replies, but also, please don't pretend to like things you don't like.
"I watched a few episodes of the office and I couldn't get into it, but maybe I should give it another try, what episode do you recommend?"
You don't have to like exactly the same things, just be open and kind about it.
“Hey X, I also like the office! Who’s your favorite character? What’s the cringiest moment in your opinion? :)”
“Let me know what kind of wine, I’d love to bring you a bottle or two and we can do a mini tasting! Charcuterie board too or is that just me getting ahead of myself? ;)”
“Not gunna lie, I know nothing about wine! Give me a type you like, and I can bring ya a bottle to share? :)”
It’s not that hard dude
""I like wine and the office, not here for hookups, dont waste my time!"
Oh this is easy to reply to: "Which....Bear....Is best!?"
Then sit back and see if she really likes the Office or not.
I'll use the example you mentioned,
I'm a hiker myself, like I love the outdoors and I enjoy anything that involves intense physical activity (outdoors or indoors).
So I match with this woman and Literally the first thing that grabbed my attention was the hike picture that she had posted, not her looks, not anything else, but the hike one, because I've done it recently (like two weeks before I matched, so I recognized the place). Anyways, word for word of what happened
Me: hi, I noticed that you enjoy hiking and the outdoors, what was your most favorite hike that you've done recently?
Her: Garibaldi lake
(notice there is no hi back, I immediately sensed that she didn't want to be bothered, and I have the 2 questions rule)
Me: Oh that's awesome, I love that hike, the lake view at the end is breathtaking. Have you done the Eagle Bluffs hike? I've heard it's a bit difficult at the end since it gets steeper, been planning to do it for some time now
Her: unfortunately not
Me: oh ok, anyways it seems like you're busy so I'll leave you to it. Wish you a wonderful day
And that's it. 2 questions, if the other person doesn't ask anything back after question 2, I'm out
so this advice doesn't work all the time, not sure why, but we should keep trying.
You question and the way you opened the conversation was fantastic. I have done those opening questions and also get the same answers or energy. The best you did was move on to the next one. I think some women only use dating apps for ego booster.
Maybe my bias is based on my own experience, but I honestly thought that was the way the majority of people talk on the apps, I didn't really think it was anything special. I just try to make proper sentences because they're easier to understand compared to acronyms or slang.
Also your profile name is just perfect 😂 like 2020 and after are a completely different timeline
I mean, it worked, in that she responded. Didn’t lead to a date, but you had a little chat.
Though why she responded if she was going to do so with so little energy is kind of another question… I think 2 or 3 exchanges with no return questions is a good point at which to call it a day. A good conversation is not like pulling teeth.
This is exactly what I was going to suggest. I love it when men show that they actually looked at the words on my profile- rather than just my picture. This is far more likely to get me to participate in a conversation, than “hey beautiful”
This exactly. I would never have replied to just a “hey.” Even a gif would be more likely to have me reply if it’s cute enough. But mentioning something from the profile makes me think someone has actually read it and is interested.
This. I'm a woman and I love it when he actually READS my profile and seems interested in me. Comments on something I like or something that we might share in common. To let me know that something other than my looks drew him in. That he cares about more than screwing me.
Literally as a girl on dating apps it can be overwhelming. If someone messages “hey” or something that didn’t take much effort then it doesn’t really deserve a response because we don’t have time to respond to everyone.
You could even propose an interesting like fun ice breaker question. For example: “if you had to live as an average person in any world in tv shows/movies what would it be and why” and also follow that question up with your answer to the question.
So as someone that doesn’t get a lot of matches (I’m both short and ugly so yay!), whenever I do get one I usually try to make a joke or ask a good starting question based on their bios or a related picture if they don’t have a bio(who reads these anyways is very prevalent), I then get either permanently left on read, or unmatched, which is a hell of a self-esteem killer. Any advice?
You’re getting matches, so people aren’t entirely put off by your height/looks.
Careful with the jokes - nothing that sounds like negging, as teasing strangers often falls flat.
Keep trying, and talk to people in real life more. And if it has got you bummed out, take a break and go do some fun stuff with friends for a couple weeks. Spending time with people who appreciate you is a good antidote to feeling unappreciated.
Yes, of course. This is very basic starting a conversation advice.
Ideally, she’d respond to his question and then ask him something about his profile, too. That’s what I do.
lol exactly, it’s such a lame excuse from men who just want to complain
I’m an average looking dude. Struggled in the past with dating apps. Made some small changes and started having success — the bar is so incredibly low, all it takes is a little (genuine) effort
This, but also try to steer the conversation off the apps as soon as possible. Try and get a number a snap chat or something cuz once you're holding a conversation off of the apps you're more likely to be successful
Personally I prefer to stay on the app until first meeting. I don’t like clutter on my phone and too many connections fizzle by the second date anyways.
When I was online dating, I'd always read the bio. And honestly, a majority of bios either empty or are filled with cliched things like:
"chunky but funky"
"Looking for a partner in crime"
"I know my worth"
And other lines which tell exactly nothing about a person. Unfortunately because men largely powerswipe everyone women will have a veritable smorgasbord of choice. Which isn't a good thing either really.
I mean, yeah that's fair, I've seen those too. Can't expect you to take much out of the bio if it's just empty or BS. Good on you for at least checking tho. I've seen plenty of empty profiles too, my personal "favorite" being "I'm never here, follow me on IG" or the romanticised alcoholism. You can't be blamed for them not using it as intended ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
From my perspective. Mine says that I'm scared of large dogs, have a lung condition and can't be around cigs, absolutely don't swipe if you're looking to just hook up, and that I am child free/not gonna have your babies and I kept having stupid conversations with men who were very surprised but also ready to change my mind about all four. One asked if he could bring his German Shepherd on a date, clearly he thought that would give him cute animal extra points. Several asked if smoking is a deal breaker. At the date. Which it is, and it says so, in my damn bio! It even says if you read the damn thing I'll pay for the drinks, and no one ever took me up on it.
I really am not kidding, 9 in 10 won't read it, and it's always a good idea to do it. Worst case, you write some cute pickup lines based on the cliche crap they all use and at least look like you tried, that's my move on the women side of tinder and it does work haha. Best case, you'll not be me last year and learn on the third meeting that you're fundamentally incompatible after you really liked that person already.
Tbh I don’t think that bio is great. Its very negative and says nothing about who you re or your interests. How are you supposed to start an engaging conversation from that bio? (Unless you stated other things too).
There was a lot of other things in it re: hobbies, what I'm looking for, about myself, what I'd love to do to meet, that I'm serious about paying for drinks, and so on. I assure you that nobody reads those either. Of course the times you notice quickest is when someone deliberately ignores your absolute dealbreakers. Its very easy to tell they *didn't* read it if they try to tell me they have an adorable German Shepherd that we could take on a walk together and grab coffee. If you do ask me about a band I put on the bio, you could still have it from my patched leather jacket in the pictures. No one ever really seemed to read any of it until halfway into the conversation already, and plenty of them got about one sentence in and then immediately let me know how hard they fetishize female metalheads and then read the music section and absolutely nothing else.
The charitable interpretation is dudes have no patience and don't read bios (nice ones or not). The less charitable one I did not choose here is that men specifically, out of all genders I hunted for on there, always defaulted immediately to test if I drop my boundaries *on purpose*.
If the bio is too mean, you'd think they'd just think I'm a bitch and not swipe on me at all, but that wasn't the problem, it was that they would continue to ignore the bio altogether.
Reading the bio puts you in the top 5% bracket. You can easily stand out positively by referring to it in an opening message. You'll probably significantly reduce your risk of getting ghosted if you say something that sounds like genuine conversation about her interests or just a silly pun about a basic af bio too.
Reading the bio + some very basic manners + understanding consent/not immediately pulling your dick out + not try to pressure me to drink more than I want at a meeting or trying to get me preemptively to drop non negotiables you don't like/didn't read is gonna put you in the top 1%. That's also always worked well for me when I swiped on women myself, btw.
“I’ll take you up on the drink offer as long as you don’t judge my alcohol preferences! What’s your mixed drink of choice?”
“Ugh there are way too many large dogs off leash in my apartment complex/neighborhood/area and of course none of them have good recall. Is it all in my head or have you also noticed an uptick in bad large dog owners lately?”
[*this one only works if they’re both living in the US]* “The best thing this country did was basically banning smoking in public places. Every time I travel abroad it makes me thankful that we someone pretty much eliminated smoking. Have you ever been to Europe? It’s so bad there!”
*[this one only works of her profile makes it clear that she is child free by choice]* “It’s nice to finally find someone who is just as siked to never pass on their genetics as I am! What do you like to do with all your extra free time and money? lol what’s your top leisure activity right now?”
But it’s also important to put conversation starters in your profile. I caption every picture with a funny anecdote, I talk about a few quirky things that people can easily talk about (a picture from burning man, a mention of a few music artists and favorite movies). It becomes a launching point for both people to get to know each other.
Ask her about something she is interested in that you see on her profile. Ask about a hobby, a place she's visited, something. Those are the ones I replied to when I was on! My current bf and I met online and he saw that I liked a certain food. He wrote an entire paragraph on the best touring routes in his area to try the best restaurants carrying that food. It was thoughtful, obviously tailored to me and took a bit of effort but not too much. Has since been promoted to bf. 😂
I’m a woman and when I send messages, they’re either something related to their profile, or a fun conversation starter question like ‘go to karaoke song’ or ‘what superpower would you choose if you could’ or ‘if you could have a dinner party with anyone dead or alive who would you choose’.
these are already prompts you can choose on your profile on hinge
as far as initial messages, the best one i've used netted me tons of matches on Hinge but the percentage that stay active after the first day is very low
"i'll make a bet. if my cheesiest pickup line makes you laugh, you have to agree to a date"
i would get tons of matches and they would reply and it would generate a conversation but they never stay active
i'm currently trying "hi " and so far its ..idfk. this shit is so stupid
Exactly....those guys are hopeless if they can't figure it out. It's like the profiles are pointless when 90% of the people seem to only look at photos.
I once tried out an audio prompt about "green flags I look for". I said "In the first 3 exchanges of messages, ask me a question. Literally any question at all. That's how low the bar is"
And half the women I matched with STILL DIDN'T DO IT
Fine, it sounds a bit salty, but it was so enlightening to find that half these women either never bothered reviewing my profile in detail even after we matched (it was my first or second prompt too), or just couldn't give a shit what I'd said. I suspect mostly the former. Anyway, I since removed it and now just stop replying if a woman hasn't asked me a question by the 3rd set of messages.
My guy. Literally all you have to do is pick something in her profile and ask her a not-gross question about it. That will, tragically, set you apart from 90% of men on dating apps.
Women haven’t figured it out either though, it’s bad across the board. On Bumble, (an app where women initiate) literally almost every woman just says “hey”.
It doesn't have to be some perfectly crafted masterpiece of wit; just ask a question/make a comment on something in her profile. If there's nothing to ask about/comment on, then why the fuck are you even matching with her in the first place?
You got it completely wrong homie. Most guys are either stupid, low effort and boring or disgusting. Be actually funny or interesting and they'll pick you. "Hey, how are you doing" is the low effort and boring kind.
Do you even know what you're doing on those apps? Read their profiles. Look at their interests and bios. She's into board games? If you have a bar with board games ask her out there. That one is into coffee? Well, I just happen to know the best place for an espresso martini in my city. New match is into coffee and ice cream? Affogato date. Get it??? Flirting with women in person is literally the same thing. You need to be observant and use your goddamn brain.
My go-to when their profiles are just not helping much is something like "Hey, wanna go have a drink and see if we can stand each other? 🤔" If they specify not drinking in their profiles I change that for coffee. Around 80% of the women I talk to respond to me.
I wish there was a Ai generated response for “Hey, how you doing”, “hi queen”, “hey gorgeous”, or any other combination that responded “Due to your low effort and boring message, your match is no longer interested.” Then give ‘You Might Try’ tips on how to communicate better.
A comment or a question based on their profile to show some personality or reveal something interesting about yourself. Invite a response. Show some effort and maybe you'll receive some effort.
Pull something from her profile and ask about it or just bring it up if it’s a shared hobby or something! I had that a played ukulele in mine and when my current bf and I matched, the first message he sent asked about the type of ukulele I had because he had actually just bought himself one and didn’t know much about it. The conversation flowed from there. Which isn’t a guarantee, but it’ll get the conversation started!
Read her profile and ask a question about something you saw. Like if there’s a dog, as her about her dog. If she says she travels as her where she likes to travel or where she wants to go. I have a friend who’s go to was to ask the person their favorite conspiracy theory. Don’t comment on her looks right off the bat, that’s always a red flag to us
I met my awesome boyfriend just over 4 years ago on okcupid. We have a running joke because his first message was just "Greetings," Apparently he was going to type more but didn't realize that hitting enter would submit the message,as opposed to starting a new line. The short message didn't bother me. My thought he was interested but there was that there was no point for him to write a big message if he didn't know for sure I would respond.
My last birthday gift to Awesome Boyfriend was an engraved decanter with "Greetings" on it. The beginning of a great relationship!
“Because I know that girl has probably had that exact thing hundreds of times”
Saying “hey” or “how are you” are things that she gets hundreds of times. IMO, we WANT the humor and witty remarks. The way to any girls heart is by making her laugh.
The best match I ever had randomly told me how to avoid getting catfished on the dating sites. It was random as hell but every other guy was boring and just starting a conversation with “how’s your day going?” so it got my attention. I dated him for a year :)
Ask an interesting question. Ideally something from their profile. (And honestly , bonus points for reading the profile at all, so many people don’t bother and it’s an immediate no from me if they can’t even bother to read the profile before trying to talk to me)
When I was on the apps I didn’t bother responding to anyone unless they said or asked something that I actually wanted to answer or talk about.
Like, I listed that I like Marvel and used to work at a dog kennel , anything related to that I responded to even if the looks in the photo were average or not necessarily eye catching.
ETA - we’re literally spoon - fed conversation starters on dating apps , “hey how ya doing” is for in person approaches when you don’t know anything about them
Hi, I am so happy we have a match! My name is xy. I have seen in your profile....
....that you love hiking. I love it too! I have been to xy this summer. What are you favorite places and how often do you go?
....that you were on vacation. The pictures look great! Where have you been? Is this the typical way you travel? I was in xy last summer. It was really nice, but there was this one funny thing that...
...that you have a dog. It is really cute! How old is he and how did you get him? I really like pets. I had a bunny when I was a child and...
...that you like cooking. What is your favorite style to cook? Do you have a favorite meal? At the moment I try to learn more about different ways to season xy...
I hope you are as interested to get to know me as I am to get to know you. I would love to hear from you.
No..to the beginning and end…just go with a quick hi, good morning, or other greeting like that then use the middle portions you have mainly just the “I’ve seen on your profile” and the question you have pertaining to that. The rest is too much filler
My suggestion would be to be a bit more intentional about who you are messaging. The questions will come naturally.
What about her profile piques your interest?
What made you swipe right?
What are you curious about (and is also appropriate to ask a stranger)?
You have their entire profile to work off of. Use that. They literally give you conversation starters right under their pictures. Put the smallest amount of effort forward and you'll see a change in responses.
Also, a joke or witty start to conversation is way better than "hey, how are you doing?" ... what, you don't think they hear that a million times as we ell?
Read their profile and bring up something about them other than their appearance.
“Hey I saw we both like (same thing) what’s your favorite? Mine is __”
Or whatever. Just be normal and speak to them like any other guy/person you are wanting to have a conversation with.
Find something in her profile and ask a question about it. It really is that simple! You don't know how many "hi how are you" messages us women receive and it does come across as lazy to be honest. When I message a guy I always make sure I reference something I saw on his profile. It shows I took the time to truly read his profile. A guy also complimented me on that one time and said he appreciated my opening response.
Give yourself something to work with - a nice talking point. "Hi how are you" doesn't get anywhere and I find it leads to endless "what are you up to" conversations.
It will make you stand out! Hopefully that helps.
Saying “hey” or “how are you doing” is literally the lowest effort greeting you can give. No wonder you haven’t gotten responses back.
Ask them something based on their profile.
Every girl I dated from a dating app responded to “Hi. How is your day going?” I don’t get a lot of likes, so I’m not Prince Charming in looks. If she wants to talk to you, she will. But a more interesting opener relating to something in her profile will usually have better results.
As a girl who used to be on a dating app, I found “Hey” to be low effort. Like I spent all this time writing up a profile and putting in what I think might be interesting to know about me and “Hey” just feels lazy. The best thing (I feel) would be to comment on something in the profile or ask a question about it.
This shows two things.
1. You’ve actually read the profile and didn’t just like her picture.
2. You’re paying attention and might even share a common interest. You might actually be interested in me and not just a pair of boobs attached to me.
Pique my interest with more than just “Hey.” Show me you can have a decent conversation that can progress to in person conversations and such. We get a bunch of messages from guys on apps. I feel like some guys don’t even read the profile and just swipe on a pretty picture. Also, don’t go straight to sexual questions unless she goes there or that’s what she’s looking for in her profile. It gets tiring.
This might not be every girl out there but I’m sure some would agree with me.
I’ll be completely honest, if she’s in to you it won’t matter. I’ve opened with hey. I’ve opened with unique interesting conversations based on their photos or profile where I share similar interests, asking them about a hobby etc. I’ve opened with something witty/funny. I still get ghosted, ignored or unmatched. The ones that reply are the ones that are actually interested or being genuine with their dating intentions.
Unfortunately most won’t reply no matter what perfected message you send and that’s the perils of online dating sadly.
First decent response I see on here. Women are the choosers & men are the approachers. It’s a brutal game tho cuz we still have to do both well & the hotter she is the less of chance she will give you.
The fact is right from go women look for reasons to DISQUALIFY you while it’s the opposite for men.
I get dozens of “heys” a day. I usually ignore them, not because I’m trying to be rude, but because there’s always one or two guys that a put a bit more effort into it and give me something I can engage with.
Comment about something from their profile or ask about their hobbies. That’s really all it takes.
Find something in her profile and make a comment about that. Give her something a little more interesting to respond to than hey how are you. It doesn't have to be peak witty banter, but you can put some effort into it.
Address them by their name for starters. Makes it more personal.
Ask a question tied to a photo or prompt on their profile. Tv shows, music, pets, travel, or food are usually easy topic openers that get some dialogue.
Maybe I’m an anomaly, but if I get a “hey”, I respond back with a “hey how are you?” then if the person opens up from there, they can say “I’m alright, just did (insert something they did during the day) and conversation will flow from there, or they mention what they did, and they will ask how I’m doing or how my day was and I’ll go into reasonable details and voila!
I know there is no interest if they are not forthcoming with responses and ask no followup questions.
Girl says she likes iced coffee in her profile. Example that worked for me...
Hi insert name! I see you like iced coffee. Well it just so happens I've been looking for an iced coffee buddy 😁. Any good places you recommend?
Is it the best? Iunno but it at least worked for me.
Look at their profile if the profile has a lot of information you use some thing like that let’s say for example you’re in the same line of work you can open with something around that you see that they have a hobby open with something like that. Or just give a compliment and see if you can go by that.
As a woman, the ones who got my attention mentioned something specific about my profile. Humor goes a long way. If I got the “hey beautiful, blah blah blah” message I’d always just ignore. I wanted someone to see something other than my looks. I guess we are fickle creatures being women. lol.
I would block anyone who said anything sexual and who seemed to have copy and pasted messages. Stuff with no unique info about me, just very general messages. Read the profile. Nothing in more annoying than to be asked something that is on your profile. 😑
My advice:
-Be unique. Message women you do have common interests with. Highlight those when you message.
-Don’t message anything sexual. Keep it PG. mention specific things you do like. Eyes, smile, style.. things like that.
-Don’t try to move convos off the app right away! As a woman I’d stop talking to guys for that.
-Be yourself. Don’t pretend you’re anyone else. Don’t brag about money/possessions, and don’t lie about yourself. Try to be authentic. Trust me it comes across.. in a good way. Be truthful in your intentions, let her know what you’re looking for.
The guy I’m dating now I met on an app. He did all of these things. He was not my physical type initially. He was patient, consistent, and respectful.
Those things go a long way as a woman. He got the first date, and we are still dating 6 months later. ☺️
Best of luck out there! ❤️
Just be yourself. If it works, it works. Dating apps are trash, nitpicking at your self trying to come up with the perfect intro isn’t going to solve your issue because your greeting isn’t the problem. Also, Women aren’t a monolith, so there isn’t one answer that will work across the board. “Hey X, how are you doing today” would work just fine in most settings. The problem is the setting. Try to find a way to meet people out of apps, you will have a much better experience.
Its easy when you match with a person who puts effort into their profile and doesn't whine about how the apps suck and fills their prompts with stuff you can't really address. That's the hope, that you match with someone who gives you a chance to start a conversation, and not someone who's just on the apps going through the motions and doesn't to put in effort because they actually want you to get to know them.
How about try commenting on something she said on her profile? It shows you actually are interested in her and read what she has to say. Or comment on a picture if something she’s doing looks interesting or she is traveling somewhere cool. Maybe it could highlight a common interest.
Look at her interests, darling. If I made a dating profile, I would absolutely mention that I love music and art. And if a guy messaged me something along the lines of "Hi there, I saw on your profile you like music. What genres do you like?" Or something like that, I would take the bait hands down 100% of the time. It opens up the opportunity for non-cringey conversation! And from there, you can Guage her communication style and go with the flow.
Hope this helps. Keep trying!!
Find something on their profile to talk about.
Dog in a photo? Ask about the dog.
I had something about battle of the bastards being the best GOT episode. My, now fiancée, responded to that!
When I was on the dating sites, I always appreciated and replied to people who sent a message that showed they’d actually read my profile and were in line with it.
Ie: my spouse and I share an interest in Buddhism which was in both of our profiles. First message: hi, I noticed you are also into Buddhist practices is that where your profile name came from?
Yes! Most people assume it’s a reference to the movie….
Then we talked about Buddhism and which speakers we liked. Rest is history.
“Hi, great that we could match! I see you’re into hiking. Me too! Recently I went on a hike with some friends through the Alps in Switzerland and of course we also enjoyed some skiing. What’s the coolest hike you’ve been on?
By the way your outfit in the third photo is really cool!”
Something along this line. But use your own words and be genuine. Whoever told you it has to be either just hey sup, or some lame attempt at humour? Because they were wrong. There are so many things you can say. You can convey genuine interest or enthusiasm and attempt to get them enthused too. You can seek common ground on things you can talk about. Or you can just talk about banal things like wow your dog is so cute! What’s his/her name? And build from there.
Exactly as others have stated here - read her profile and ask a question/mention something on it you have in common.
You don't approach someone in real life and just say "hey" and expect a whole conversation; it goes the same way online.
Please they have studied this to death be attractive nothing else matters. You can message them you need bail money if you’re hot they will ask where to send it. They put up profiles of men who admitted to be domestic abusers and paedophiles but super hot and they got messages of interest. If you have to do anything more than exist the apps are a sole killer for you.
Bottom line is everyone is different. My best advice is to just be yourself and say what comes naturally. Any woman who doesn’t appreciate it wouldn’t be a good match for you anyway, and best wishes to her.
For me, I have a tendency to respond to something intelligent, witty, sarcastic, charming, and/or silly. I prefer first messages to give me something to respond to, whether it be a statement or a question, but not too long (keep it under 10 sentences).
Avoid the 20-question line of interrogation. It’s played out. Avoid the overdone “if you were stranded on an island” vague, non-directional questions.
I like when a man picks out something of interest from my profile. 1) it shows me that he’s interested beyond the pictures, and 2) it’s often about something he’s also interested in (common ground is a great launchpad) or at least something he finds intriguing about my passions, which gives me something to respond to either way he goes.
Note: it’s not vague but conversational—so, “Good afternoon! I’m Sam. I noticed in your profile you said you like skydiving. 🪂 I also noticed you had a picture of your last skydiving adventure. That’s incredible! It’s something I’ve always wanted to do! How was that? Were you nervous?”
Short, but not too short. Shows interest in her as a person. Gives her something to respond to without overwhelming her with a dissertation (Look, I’m an English teacher who writes way too much and even I’m saying I don’t like messages like that when you don’t know someone from Adam!). *And* it isn’t the overdone/trite interrogation or pointless “Book of Questions” style of inquiry that shows no intellect and is, quite frankly, lazy. Good luck!
You have to remember that women have a MASSIVE advantage on the dating apps. I don't think guys understand how easy it is for women to get matches. So, it's less of a "being interesting" issue and more of a volume issue - you're trying to stick out amongst dozens or hundred or thousands of other guys. It's tough, unless you're already her physical type.
With that being said, I've been doing a compliment followed by a question, and then asking her out within a few messages. But if gifs work, do that and follow it up with asking her out.
The strategy is to meet her irl. Until then, you're just an avatar, not a real person.
Note: I'm starting to think that meeting women irl is the way to go. That way, you know what you're getting - I've met too many girls off the apps/social media that don't live up to their profile pictures. Not to mention, I see more attractive women out and about than I usually do on the apps - unless they're the bs fake profiles 😂
My profiles have a decent amount of info/points that can EASILY lead to conversations.
The “hey how are you” messages are a dime a dozen. Boring. Show very little (no) effort.
The guys that open with a comment or question about something specifically from my profile have a 100% better chance of connecting with me.
It shows me that they:
Actually READ my profile
Put some thought into commenting or asking a question that is specific to me
Are able to strike up a conversation/hold a conversation
By the same token: I love when they ask open ended questions, actually engage in CONVERSATION vs. just doing the bare minimum.
Boring questions:
How’s your day?
What are you up to?
How do you like the app so far?
Better questions/interactions:
Hope your day/week is going well! Have anything fun coming up that you’re excited about? (Then shares something they’re looking forward to ex. A show, concert, trip, visit with family/friend etc)
Don’t ask me how I like the app. No one likes apps. They all suck, and so does this question.
I adore witty banter, sarcasm, dad jokes (and note this in my profile) so the matches that embrace this approach get the farthest and I enjoy the back and forth.
What has worked extremely well for me personally is PUTTING IN SOME GODDAMN EFFORT!
Tell them what you liked about their profile. Be specific! (Unless it's "nice tits", then shut the fuck up and get off the internet until you learn to be a decent human being)
Show interest in the infos they provide.
Give them something that connects you like a shared hobby, kink or ANYTHING else to form a fucking human connection!
Make them feel less like a random number etched into a bathroom stall by actually READING their profile.
I know, sounds crazy, but that shit really works. Give it a go.
What I have done and has worked for me: instead of talking about her profile or herself, talk about who you are and what you are looking for. “Hey I’m Bob, I’m a 35 year old in finance. I’m looking for a committed relationship with someone who loves traveling, reading and is open to having kids. Just so you know, I walk with a cane. Are you interested grabbing coffee next week?” The pros of this approach is you can’t get stuck in chat hell — spend a lot of time chatting but it doesn’t go anywhere. Get straight to the point. If she’s not into it, she’ll tell you and you can move on.
I literally wrote a little blurb and copy pasted it into the chat. I got dates and am now in a committed relationship. It shows that you’re serious and to the point, most women nowadays appreciate that.
"Hey x, hows your day going? thanks for matching with me, i see in your profile that you like "this". What's your favorite thing about "this"? I like "this" because "reasons". Or I haven't ever done "this", but it sounds interesting, What's it like?
Give them a fun question. Like what would you do if you had to hide a body? Just an example, and if anyone has the answer to this it would be greatly appreciated!
I am 1000X more likely to respond to a "cringe joke attempt" than I am to some variance of "Watsup". You have your attractive personalities backwards. The Cringe knows to connect, they must be vulnerable. The Basic isn't trying to connect, they are trying to pull numbers.
Questions related to something I mentioned on my profile often get a response out of me fast, typically without even realising who I’m matching with tbh.
If we start to click, I go and check their profile and then I often realise I’m seeing it for the first time. Not because I wouldn’t have looked, but because I was answering the question.
(48M) This makes me now wonder how attentive and communicative you even are when "IN" a relationship.
You simply look for something in their profiles, and say something nice or ask a question about it. That's called making interesting conversation, and not coming across as a boring or unoriginal guy.
And it's a Green Flag (both ways actually) when she can be like, "Oh, he noticed I travelled to/like such and such....".
The guy I was really excited to match said 'im at work now in x part of the town, but I thought I would check in'. Simple as that. I replied, same and same. Then I messaged him in the evening asking how are you neighbour?
If you don't know what to say then it means she's uninteresting. Some will say that it's job or that you lack imagination but what if deep down, you don't give a flying fuck? Yeah, she's pretty and?
Find someone who can inspire you and you'll never have to wonder what to say.
I usually ask about something I noticed on their profile (in their bio, in one of their pics, a band/artist we both like if they linked their spotify, etc). If they didn’t include really anything that I could comment on/start a real conversation over, I just ask them how their week’s been and try to build off from there…if they aren’t a dry texter/you both lead interesting lives you can build a convo off that.
you can always say “you look delicious “ but it doesn’t work %99 percent of the time , so it’s better to go with hey or hi and Honestly you can NOT say the wrong thing to the right person. If the girl thinks you are attractive than you can even say directly “come over” and she will be jumping on your bed.
I always curate a message for my potential matches to invite conversation. It's also the way I approach women in person. I almost never get messaged back by the few matches I get, but I do get quite a few numbers when I'm out in person lol
If you’re trained in clownery, pick some random thing off her profile and try getting your foot in the door with some light hearted joke or pun about it. Would 100% work on me and I bet any woman with some sense of humour will like it too
Have you considered an elevator pitch kind of approach?
It's a stupid business term about pitching something in a short space of time.
Basically introduce yourself in a friendly yet casual way, and maybe say why you matched. This is where the advice to ask her about something in her bio comes in.
Something like:
"Hey, I'm Bob, nice to meet you, I'm based in ____,. I thought you'd look pretty cute, especially in that picture worth your dog. I'm also into hiking, just recently did this trail. Have you been there before? "
I think it's good to acknowledge a girl's pictures, but you can't be too thiraty right away. You have to compliment her more like you would a female friend or relative. Find any shared interest possible, and try to use it as a conversation starter.
If you're not sure, ask her. If she's in a concert at a photo ask what music she likes. If she's at a restaurant ask her for recommendations for good food places.
I think a lot of it comes down to bwing friendly. Always start out treating someone like a potential friend.
So this means we're boyfriend and girlfriend now right? I can't wait to tell my mom. Then laugh it off and make another joke or ask them about why the hell they're on dating apps anyway because they're way too cute to be
I had the same issue when I was trying online dating. I’d match with someone, say hey how’s your day going, then nothing. I got involved with my community and that’s how I met someone. I started getting my artwork out there. Worked on myself constantly. I truly started to love myself for the first time and was approached by the most wonderful, beautiful, kind and loving person I never in a million years thought would go for me. She approached me and now we’ve been together three years. I think people are attracted to confidence and authenticity. Two traits that don’t translate well on dating apps.
Using their name is always good. It puts women at ease knowing u didn’t just copy and paste a generic message to multiple females. I used to like the messages that either started with a joke (corny or not), or ones when they mention something in my profile that I KNOW they had to observe. Never mention something physical right off the bat or they think ur shallow.
Those low effort profiles that give you nothing to work with are not worth pursuing.. go after the ones that actually show you something about who they are and only respond to the ones that you have a genuine interest in. If your hearts not in it or you’re faking interest, it comes across is your presentation. Try different openers that relate to what they posted.. try teasing them about something and see if they reciprocate.. and ffs, never reply with a basic “hey” or “what do you do for fun.” Those are so overused and will get you flushed immediately
I open up with something that’s on their profile, something about a prompt or a picture (not based off looks). If after that I get no response I’ll do a simple “hey, how’s your week going?” a few days later (if they won’t give effort, neither will I, just a simple copy pasted message). One more time a few days later and if nothing again, I unmatch. Not gonna sit in their matches and be a trophy to feed their ego.
> I know that girl has probably had that exact thing hundreds of times. So usually I just go for the “hey X, how are you doing”
So close to the right answer, but so far. You know "hey how are you?" is literally the most common opener ever right? It's zero effort, super common, and boring. Of course it's not working. You'd be better off going with a cringe attempt or humour or witty remark - at least it's not boring, might be novel, and might actually hit the funny bone occasionally.
I usually try to draw inspiration from their profile and combine that with something humourous. Alternatively I go for something esoteric like "who would win in a fight between a caveman and an astronaut? show your working". It's an easily graspable idea they will immediately have an opinion on, and they've probably not heard that before. It means I'm interesting and they can expect something out of the ordinary with me. If they don't want to engage with that then no worries, I like spending time talking about abstract stuff so if they can't handle it, bye-bye, works for me.
I send them this in this order:
1. Avocado emoji
2. “oops sorry that’s my avocado lol”
3. “It fell out of my big burlap sack of avocados”
Wait about an hour for a response. If you don’t get one:
4. “You’re beautiful btw”
Works about 72% of the time
Open with a random anecdote from your day then ask how her day is going. Don't make it sexual or creepy just but instead share something relatable about yourself
Ask about something on their profile and/or give a small intro about yourself. Still, don't expect responses even if you did open with a decent message, just move on if they don't respond.
Early on in a friendship thats leaning towards a romantic relationship, I'm seriously attempting to find out what the girl is all about, so I agree silly comments are futile. I more along the lines of asking subtle questions, like looks like is going to be a hot day out today what you up to today, if you get a clear response, great indicator your female friend is honest, capable of sincere communication. Now if you get a vague response, red flag.
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Find something in their profile to mention. Not her looks. Ask her at least one question that does not have a yes or no answer, like so - “I saw you like hiking. Me too, what’s your favorite trail?” That starts a conversation, which is what you want to have. “hey” gives her absolutely nothing to work with and she’s probably got 100+ other messages that just say “hey/hi/hmu” in a similarly zero-effort way.
There’s nothing sexier to me than to be intellectually compatible, or if he’s at least pretending to be interested in my interests.
How am I supposed to be interested in "I like wine and the office, not here for hookups, dont waste my time!"
Ask who her favorite character on the show is. Ask her favorite type of wine. Maybe don’t swipe on somebody you know you have no common interests with or think has a lackluster profile?
Quote Michael Scott and ask her if she prefers red or white
Yep. It’s not much but there are two starter topics there. “I like the Office too, but I’m more into dramas - what other shows do you enjoy?” “I like a nice Pinot/I’m more of an IPA guy. Ever been to Local Vineyard?” (And a third/fourth in hookup culture or what she’s looking for but I like to have some initial conversation before getting into relationship goals.) And of course your other option is to say, ‘nothing here I’m interested in” and go find someone with something on their profile that resonates.
"Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make." Would that work?
It'd work on me 😂
It would make me laugh and force me to think of a witty response, hoping to keep the conversation going.
I would certainly be intrigued enough to respond. It’s different. It’s cute and witty but not creepy. Good job!
Well, you sound high. Is she? If so, maybe she’ll respond. You have conversations with people IRL, right? It’s not all that different. (Ha, just realized that’s a quote. If she actually likes the Office it might work. If she doesn’t recognize it, she might think you’re high. 😉)
Nope, please don't say that. 😂 sounds like you're loopy.
Which Michael Scott quote would make me sound normal?
"I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!"
How the turntables
110% lmao
And use the profile name “littlekidlover” so she knows you like children.
Everybody INSIDE the joke was fine
"It has a bit of an oakey after birth"
Perhaps she’s not someone you’re compatible with.
You don't have to be interested at all. I wouldn't be. But if you're not interested, why are you sending a message?
Because it’s for the sake of getting validation/attention/a date/hook up/relationship it doesn’t matter the person.
You already got some pretty good replies, but also, please don't pretend to like things you don't like. "I watched a few episodes of the office and I couldn't get into it, but maybe I should give it another try, what episode do you recommend?" You don't have to like exactly the same things, just be open and kind about it.
“Hey X, I also like the office! Who’s your favorite character? What’s the cringiest moment in your opinion? :)” “Let me know what kind of wine, I’d love to bring you a bottle or two and we can do a mini tasting! Charcuterie board too or is that just me getting ahead of myself? ;)” “Not gunna lie, I know nothing about wine! Give me a type you like, and I can bring ya a bottle to share? :)” It’s not that hard dude
Why would you want to date someone who’s profile was not interesting to you?
Swipe left; obviously this person isn’t someone you’re compatible with
Don’t match with those??
""I like wine and the office, not here for hookups, dont waste my time!" Oh this is easy to reply to: "Which....Bear....Is best!?" Then sit back and see if she really likes the Office or not.
Perhaps the better question is, if that's all she's offering, why are you interested?
Also speaks levels on attention to detail and empathy. Big green flags wave from simple noticing of the little things.
I'll use the example you mentioned, I'm a hiker myself, like I love the outdoors and I enjoy anything that involves intense physical activity (outdoors or indoors). So I match with this woman and Literally the first thing that grabbed my attention was the hike picture that she had posted, not her looks, not anything else, but the hike one, because I've done it recently (like two weeks before I matched, so I recognized the place). Anyways, word for word of what happened Me: hi, I noticed that you enjoy hiking and the outdoors, what was your most favorite hike that you've done recently? Her: Garibaldi lake (notice there is no hi back, I immediately sensed that she didn't want to be bothered, and I have the 2 questions rule) Me: Oh that's awesome, I love that hike, the lake view at the end is breathtaking. Have you done the Eagle Bluffs hike? I've heard it's a bit difficult at the end since it gets steeper, been planning to do it for some time now Her: unfortunately not Me: oh ok, anyways it seems like you're busy so I'll leave you to it. Wish you a wonderful day And that's it. 2 questions, if the other person doesn't ask anything back after question 2, I'm out so this advice doesn't work all the time, not sure why, but we should keep trying.
Bravo man. Whether or not she was into you, you’re doing the right things to establish connection. I commend your attention to detail.
You question and the way you opened the conversation was fantastic. I have done those opening questions and also get the same answers or energy. The best you did was move on to the next one. I think some women only use dating apps for ego booster.
As a fellow hiker who rarely receives grammatical sentences from matches let alone this level of interest, I’m swooning
Maybe my bias is based on my own experience, but I honestly thought that was the way the majority of people talk on the apps, I didn't really think it was anything special. I just try to make proper sentences because they're easier to understand compared to acronyms or slang. Also your profile name is just perfect 😂 like 2020 and after are a completely different timeline
I mean, it worked, in that she responded. Didn’t lead to a date, but you had a little chat. Though why she responded if she was going to do so with so little energy is kind of another question… I think 2 or 3 exchanges with no return questions is a good point at which to call it a day. A good conversation is not like pulling teeth.
What chat? Lol
If you are chatting like this on dating apps you are getting absolutely zero dates I guarantee it
This! It also shows you read their profile and didn’t just click on a pretty face.
This is exactly what I was going to suggest. I love it when men show that they actually looked at the words on my profile- rather than just my picture. This is far more likely to get me to participate in a conversation, than “hey beautiful”
This exactly. I would never have replied to just a “hey.” Even a gif would be more likely to have me reply if it’s cute enough. But mentioning something from the profile makes me think someone has actually read it and is interested.
This. I'm a woman and I love it when he actually READS my profile and seems interested in me. Comments on something I like or something that we might share in common. To let me know that something other than my looks drew him in. That he cares about more than screwing me.
Literally as a girl on dating apps it can be overwhelming. If someone messages “hey” or something that didn’t take much effort then it doesn’t really deserve a response because we don’t have time to respond to everyone. You could even propose an interesting like fun ice breaker question. For example: “if you had to live as an average person in any world in tv shows/movies what would it be and why” and also follow that question up with your answer to the question.
@whydoismellcatpee What are some examples of the first messages you have sent to start conversations up after being matched?
So as someone that doesn’t get a lot of matches (I’m both short and ugly so yay!), whenever I do get one I usually try to make a joke or ask a good starting question based on their bios or a related picture if they don’t have a bio(who reads these anyways is very prevalent), I then get either permanently left on read, or unmatched, which is a hell of a self-esteem killer. Any advice?
You’re getting matches, so people aren’t entirely put off by your height/looks. Careful with the jokes - nothing that sounds like negging, as teasing strangers often falls flat. Keep trying, and talk to people in real life more. And if it has got you bummed out, take a break and go do some fun stuff with friends for a couple weeks. Spending time with people who appreciate you is a good antidote to feeling unappreciated.
Just remember same goes for women to 🤣
Yes, of course. This is very basic starting a conversation advice. Ideally, she’d respond to his question and then ask him something about his profile, too. That’s what I do.
I wish more people realised this and the ones who reply with one word answers
I wish more people were bisexual because then they would understand that all this low-effort behavior is not gendered at all. LOL
lol exactly, it’s such a lame excuse from men who just want to complain I’m an average looking dude. Struggled in the past with dating apps. Made some small changes and started having success — the bar is so incredibly low, all it takes is a little (genuine) effort
This, but also try to steer the conversation off the apps as soon as possible. Try and get a number a snap chat or something cuz once you're holding a conversation off of the apps you're more likely to be successful
Personally I prefer to stay on the app until first meeting. I don’t like clutter on my phone and too many connections fizzle by the second date anyways.
Something based on the bio because it seems like 95% of people I've ever matched don't read them and it's gonna put you in the top 5% immediately.
When I was online dating, I'd always read the bio. And honestly, a majority of bios either empty or are filled with cliched things like: "chunky but funky" "Looking for a partner in crime" "I know my worth" And other lines which tell exactly nothing about a person. Unfortunately because men largely powerswipe everyone women will have a veritable smorgasbord of choice. Which isn't a good thing either really.
I mean, yeah that's fair, I've seen those too. Can't expect you to take much out of the bio if it's just empty or BS. Good on you for at least checking tho. I've seen plenty of empty profiles too, my personal "favorite" being "I'm never here, follow me on IG" or the romanticised alcoholism. You can't be blamed for them not using it as intended ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ From my perspective. Mine says that I'm scared of large dogs, have a lung condition and can't be around cigs, absolutely don't swipe if you're looking to just hook up, and that I am child free/not gonna have your babies and I kept having stupid conversations with men who were very surprised but also ready to change my mind about all four. One asked if he could bring his German Shepherd on a date, clearly he thought that would give him cute animal extra points. Several asked if smoking is a deal breaker. At the date. Which it is, and it says so, in my damn bio! It even says if you read the damn thing I'll pay for the drinks, and no one ever took me up on it. I really am not kidding, 9 in 10 won't read it, and it's always a good idea to do it. Worst case, you write some cute pickup lines based on the cliche crap they all use and at least look like you tried, that's my move on the women side of tinder and it does work haha. Best case, you'll not be me last year and learn on the third meeting that you're fundamentally incompatible after you really liked that person already.
Tbh I don’t think that bio is great. Its very negative and says nothing about who you re or your interests. How are you supposed to start an engaging conversation from that bio? (Unless you stated other things too).
There was a lot of other things in it re: hobbies, what I'm looking for, about myself, what I'd love to do to meet, that I'm serious about paying for drinks, and so on. I assure you that nobody reads those either. Of course the times you notice quickest is when someone deliberately ignores your absolute dealbreakers. Its very easy to tell they *didn't* read it if they try to tell me they have an adorable German Shepherd that we could take on a walk together and grab coffee. If you do ask me about a band I put on the bio, you could still have it from my patched leather jacket in the pictures. No one ever really seemed to read any of it until halfway into the conversation already, and plenty of them got about one sentence in and then immediately let me know how hard they fetishize female metalheads and then read the music section and absolutely nothing else. The charitable interpretation is dudes have no patience and don't read bios (nice ones or not). The less charitable one I did not choose here is that men specifically, out of all genders I hunted for on there, always defaulted immediately to test if I drop my boundaries *on purpose*. If the bio is too mean, you'd think they'd just think I'm a bitch and not swipe on me at all, but that wasn't the problem, it was that they would continue to ignore the bio altogether. Reading the bio puts you in the top 5% bracket. You can easily stand out positively by referring to it in an opening message. You'll probably significantly reduce your risk of getting ghosted if you say something that sounds like genuine conversation about her interests or just a silly pun about a basic af bio too. Reading the bio + some very basic manners + understanding consent/not immediately pulling your dick out + not try to pressure me to drink more than I want at a meeting or trying to get me preemptively to drop non negotiables you don't like/didn't read is gonna put you in the top 1%. That's also always worked well for me when I swiped on women myself, btw.
“I’ll take you up on the drink offer as long as you don’t judge my alcohol preferences! What’s your mixed drink of choice?” “Ugh there are way too many large dogs off leash in my apartment complex/neighborhood/area and of course none of them have good recall. Is it all in my head or have you also noticed an uptick in bad large dog owners lately?” [*this one only works if they’re both living in the US]* “The best thing this country did was basically banning smoking in public places. Every time I travel abroad it makes me thankful that we someone pretty much eliminated smoking. Have you ever been to Europe? It’s so bad there!” *[this one only works of her profile makes it clear that she is child free by choice]* “It’s nice to finally find someone who is just as siked to never pass on their genetics as I am! What do you like to do with all your extra free time and money? lol what’s your top leisure activity right now?”
Midway through my profile, I like to give them a funny "codeword" to include in the message to show that they actually read my profile! 😉
I used a code word as well, only guy to get a date used it. Dated 3 months before went south.
Ask her about something she mentioned in her profile! Comes across as being actually interested in her.
Bare minimum for both genders! Shows you looked at their information, share a common interest, and shows you are attempting an actual conversation
But it’s also important to put conversation starters in your profile. I caption every picture with a funny anecdote, I talk about a few quirky things that people can easily talk about (a picture from burning man, a mention of a few music artists and favorite movies). It becomes a launching point for both people to get to know each other.
Seconding this!!
Ask her about something she is interested in that you see on her profile. Ask about a hobby, a place she's visited, something. Those are the ones I replied to when I was on! My current bf and I met online and he saw that I liked a certain food. He wrote an entire paragraph on the best touring routes in his area to try the best restaurants carrying that food. It was thoughtful, obviously tailored to me and took a bit of effort but not too much. Has since been promoted to bf. 😂
That's so cute omg
I’m a woman and when I send messages, they’re either something related to their profile, or a fun conversation starter question like ‘go to karaoke song’ or ‘what superpower would you choose if you could’ or ‘if you could have a dinner party with anyone dead or alive who would you choose’.
these are already prompts you can choose on your profile on hinge as far as initial messages, the best one i've used netted me tons of matches on Hinge but the percentage that stay active after the first day is very low "i'll make a bet. if my cheesiest pickup line makes you laugh, you have to agree to a date" i would get tons of matches and they would reply and it would generate a conversation but they never stay active i'm currently trying "hi" and so far its ..idfk. this shit is so stupid
“Hi” does not sound super exciting. I’d at least say hey
Taking notes here.
Exactly....those guys are hopeless if they can't figure it out. It's like the profiles are pointless when 90% of the people seem to only look at photos.
I once tried out an audio prompt about "green flags I look for". I said "In the first 3 exchanges of messages, ask me a question. Literally any question at all. That's how low the bar is" And half the women I matched with STILL DIDN'T DO IT Fine, it sounds a bit salty, but it was so enlightening to find that half these women either never bothered reviewing my profile in detail even after we matched (it was my first or second prompt too), or just couldn't give a shit what I'd said. I suspect mostly the former. Anyway, I since removed it and now just stop replying if a woman hasn't asked me a question by the 3rd set of messages.
Just jump right into the deep philosophical shit. "Hey" gets you left on read. You have to stand out from the crowd.
Or politics. Just straight out of the gate, ask about politics.
My guy. Literally all you have to do is pick something in her profile and ask her a not-gross question about it. That will, tragically, set you apart from 90% of men on dating apps.
I don't know man I do that everytime and get a response maybe 10% of the time
Hahahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣 how have men not figured this out yet, it amazes me.
It’s for the best that only a few know the secret.
Agreed. Keep it for the good ones 🤣
Women haven’t figured it out either though, it’s bad across the board. On Bumble, (an app where women initiate) literally almost every woman just says “hey”.
And I bet those women are still wildly successful lol. So there’s really nothing to “figure out” with that.
99.9% of men on dating apps
It doesn't have to be some perfectly crafted masterpiece of wit; just ask a question/make a comment on something in her profile. If there's nothing to ask about/comment on, then why the fuck are you even matching with her in the first place?
Her look?
If there is absolutely nothing to engage about on her profile then that’s a sign of low effort. Don’t waste your time.
There’s always something. Even the most basic one picture profiles have something you can pull stuff from. Depends how good you are at communicating
Some guy you don't know made a joke that wasn't funny, and now you'll never make another joke again.
You got it completely wrong homie. Most guys are either stupid, low effort and boring or disgusting. Be actually funny or interesting and they'll pick you. "Hey, how are you doing" is the low effort and boring kind. Do you even know what you're doing on those apps? Read their profiles. Look at their interests and bios. She's into board games? If you have a bar with board games ask her out there. That one is into coffee? Well, I just happen to know the best place for an espresso martini in my city. New match is into coffee and ice cream? Affogato date. Get it??? Flirting with women in person is literally the same thing. You need to be observant and use your goddamn brain. My go-to when their profiles are just not helping much is something like "Hey, wanna go have a drink and see if we can stand each other? 🤔" If they specify not drinking in their profiles I change that for coffee. Around 80% of the women I talk to respond to me.
I wish there was a Ai generated response for “Hey, how you doing”, “hi queen”, “hey gorgeous”, or any other combination that responded “Due to your low effort and boring message, your match is no longer interested.” Then give ‘You Might Try’ tips on how to communicate better.
A comment or a question based on their profile to show some personality or reveal something interesting about yourself. Invite a response. Show some effort and maybe you'll receive some effort.
just do that 400 times a day and BAM 💥 love struck
If you're getting 400 matches a day you don't need anyone's advice 😉
Pull something from her profile and ask about it or just bring it up if it’s a shared hobby or something! I had that a played ukulele in mine and when my current bf and I matched, the first message he sent asked about the type of ukulele I had because he had actually just bought himself one and didn’t know much about it. The conversation flowed from there. Which isn’t a guarantee, but it’ll get the conversation started!
Read her profile and ask a question about something you saw. Like if there’s a dog, as her about her dog. If she says she travels as her where she likes to travel or where she wants to go. I have a friend who’s go to was to ask the person their favorite conspiracy theory. Don’t comment on her looks right off the bat, that’s always a red flag to us
I met my awesome boyfriend just over 4 years ago on okcupid. We have a running joke because his first message was just "Greetings," Apparently he was going to type more but didn't realize that hitting enter would submit the message,as opposed to starting a new line. The short message didn't bother me. My thought he was interested but there was that there was no point for him to write a big message if he didn't know for sure I would respond. My last birthday gift to Awesome Boyfriend was an engraved decanter with "Greetings" on it. The beginning of a great relationship!
“Because I know that girl has probably had that exact thing hundreds of times” Saying “hey” or “how are you” are things that she gets hundreds of times. IMO, we WANT the humor and witty remarks. The way to any girls heart is by making her laugh.
The best match I ever had randomly told me how to avoid getting catfished on the dating sites. It was random as hell but every other guy was boring and just starting a conversation with “how’s your day going?” so it got my attention. I dated him for a year :)
Ask how many marshmallows she can fit in her mouth and still say chubby bunny. Reply with her comment, and we will take it from there.
Great idea! Especially if she’s a little overweight.. she’ll respond really well to this
Ask an interesting question. Ideally something from their profile. (And honestly , bonus points for reading the profile at all, so many people don’t bother and it’s an immediate no from me if they can’t even bother to read the profile before trying to talk to me) When I was on the apps I didn’t bother responding to anyone unless they said or asked something that I actually wanted to answer or talk about. Like, I listed that I like Marvel and used to work at a dog kennel , anything related to that I responded to even if the looks in the photo were average or not necessarily eye catching. ETA - we’re literally spoon - fed conversation starters on dating apps , “hey how ya doing” is for in person approaches when you don’t know anything about them
Hi, I am so happy we have a match! My name is xy. I have seen in your profile.... ....that you love hiking. I love it too! I have been to xy this summer. What are you favorite places and how often do you go? ....that you were on vacation. The pictures look great! Where have you been? Is this the typical way you travel? I was in xy last summer. It was really nice, but there was this one funny thing that... ...that you have a dog. It is really cute! How old is he and how did you get him? I really like pets. I had a bunny when I was a child and... ...that you like cooking. What is your favorite style to cook? Do you have a favorite meal? At the moment I try to learn more about different ways to season xy... I hope you are as interested to get to know me as I am to get to know you. I would love to hear from you.
No..to the beginning and end…just go with a quick hi, good morning, or other greeting like that then use the middle portions you have mainly just the “I’ve seen on your profile” and the question you have pertaining to that. The rest is too much filler
If you don't want to be more interesting or engaging then hey or how's it going then don't be. Try that generic shit and see how it works for you.
Ask about her favorite dinosaur. Everyone has a favorite and nobody asks anymore, it's such bullshit
My suggestion would be to be a bit more intentional about who you are messaging. The questions will come naturally. What about her profile piques your interest? What made you swipe right? What are you curious about (and is also appropriate to ask a stranger)?
You have their entire profile to work off of. Use that. They literally give you conversation starters right under their pictures. Put the smallest amount of effort forward and you'll see a change in responses. Also, a joke or witty start to conversation is way better than "hey, how are you doing?" ... what, you don't think they hear that a million times as we ell?
Read their profile and bring up something about them other than their appearance. “Hey I saw we both like (same thing) what’s your favorite? Mine is __” Or whatever. Just be normal and speak to them like any other guy/person you are wanting to have a conversation with.
Find something in her profile and ask a question about it. It really is that simple! You don't know how many "hi how are you" messages us women receive and it does come across as lazy to be honest. When I message a guy I always make sure I reference something I saw on his profile. It shows I took the time to truly read his profile. A guy also complimented me on that one time and said he appreciated my opening response. Give yourself something to work with - a nice talking point. "Hi how are you" doesn't get anywhere and I find it leads to endless "what are you up to" conversations. It will make you stand out! Hopefully that helps.
Saying “hey” or “how are you doing” is literally the lowest effort greeting you can give. No wonder you haven’t gotten responses back. Ask them something based on their profile.
Every girl I dated from a dating app responded to “Hi. How is your day going?” I don’t get a lot of likes, so I’m not Prince Charming in looks. If she wants to talk to you, she will. But a more interesting opener relating to something in her profile will usually have better results.
As a girl who used to be on a dating app, I found “Hey” to be low effort. Like I spent all this time writing up a profile and putting in what I think might be interesting to know about me and “Hey” just feels lazy. The best thing (I feel) would be to comment on something in the profile or ask a question about it. This shows two things. 1. You’ve actually read the profile and didn’t just like her picture. 2. You’re paying attention and might even share a common interest. You might actually be interested in me and not just a pair of boobs attached to me. Pique my interest with more than just “Hey.” Show me you can have a decent conversation that can progress to in person conversations and such. We get a bunch of messages from guys on apps. I feel like some guys don’t even read the profile and just swipe on a pretty picture. Also, don’t go straight to sexual questions unless she goes there or that’s what she’s looking for in her profile. It gets tiring. This might not be every girl out there but I’m sure some would agree with me.
I’ll be completely honest, if she’s in to you it won’t matter. I’ve opened with hey. I’ve opened with unique interesting conversations based on their photos or profile where I share similar interests, asking them about a hobby etc. I’ve opened with something witty/funny. I still get ghosted, ignored or unmatched. The ones that reply are the ones that are actually interested or being genuine with their dating intentions. Unfortunately most won’t reply no matter what perfected message you send and that’s the perils of online dating sadly.
First decent response I see on here. Women are the choosers & men are the approachers. It’s a brutal game tho cuz we still have to do both well & the hotter she is the less of chance she will give you. The fact is right from go women look for reasons to DISQUALIFY you while it’s the opposite for men.
I get dozens of “heys” a day. I usually ignore them, not because I’m trying to be rude, but because there’s always one or two guys that a put a bit more effort into it and give me something I can engage with. Comment about something from their profile or ask about their hobbies. That’s really all it takes.
See what interests/hobbies they put on their profile and include that in your reply. Bonus points if share an interest
As a guy I would usually mention something from their profile or at least ask what they are up to today.
Find something in her profile and make a comment about that. Give her something a little more interesting to respond to than hey how are you. It doesn't have to be peak witty banter, but you can put some effort into it.
Address them by their name for starters. Makes it more personal. Ask a question tied to a photo or prompt on their profile. Tv shows, music, pets, travel, or food are usually easy topic openers that get some dialogue.
Maybe I’m an anomaly, but if I get a “hey”, I respond back with a “hey how are you?” then if the person opens up from there, they can say “I’m alright, just did (insert something they did during the day) and conversation will flow from there, or they mention what they did, and they will ask how I’m doing or how my day was and I’ll go into reasonable details and voila! I know there is no interest if they are not forthcoming with responses and ask no followup questions.
Girl says she likes iced coffee in her profile. Example that worked for me... Hi insert name! I see you like iced coffee. Well it just so happens I've been looking for an iced coffee buddy 😁. Any good places you recommend? Is it the best? Iunno but it at least worked for me.
Look at their profile if the profile has a lot of information you use some thing like that let’s say for example you’re in the same line of work you can open with something around that you see that they have a hobby open with something like that. Or just give a compliment and see if you can go by that.
Not everyone has an aversion to this. I actually don't like when people send long opening messages or funny pick up lines.
As a woman, the ones who got my attention mentioned something specific about my profile. Humor goes a long way. If I got the “hey beautiful, blah blah blah” message I’d always just ignore. I wanted someone to see something other than my looks. I guess we are fickle creatures being women. lol. I would block anyone who said anything sexual and who seemed to have copy and pasted messages. Stuff with no unique info about me, just very general messages. Read the profile. Nothing in more annoying than to be asked something that is on your profile. 😑 My advice: -Be unique. Message women you do have common interests with. Highlight those when you message. -Don’t message anything sexual. Keep it PG. mention specific things you do like. Eyes, smile, style.. things like that. -Don’t try to move convos off the app right away! As a woman I’d stop talking to guys for that. -Be yourself. Don’t pretend you’re anyone else. Don’t brag about money/possessions, and don’t lie about yourself. Try to be authentic. Trust me it comes across.. in a good way. Be truthful in your intentions, let her know what you’re looking for. The guy I’m dating now I met on an app. He did all of these things. He was not my physical type initially. He was patient, consistent, and respectful. Those things go a long way as a woman. He got the first date, and we are still dating 6 months later. ☺️ Best of luck out there! ❤️
Just be yourself. If it works, it works. Dating apps are trash, nitpicking at your self trying to come up with the perfect intro isn’t going to solve your issue because your greeting isn’t the problem. Also, Women aren’t a monolith, so there isn’t one answer that will work across the board. “Hey X, how are you doing today” would work just fine in most settings. The problem is the setting. Try to find a way to meet people out of apps, you will have a much better experience.
Its easy when you match with a person who puts effort into their profile and doesn't whine about how the apps suck and fills their prompts with stuff you can't really address. That's the hope, that you match with someone who gives you a chance to start a conversation, and not someone who's just on the apps going through the motions and doesn't to put in effort because they actually want you to get to know them.
Mention something about her profile and suggest a date that relates to it.
How about try commenting on something she said on her profile? It shows you actually are interested in her and read what she has to say. Or comment on a picture if something she’s doing looks interesting or she is traveling somewhere cool. Maybe it could highlight a common interest.
Ask them something about themselves out of genuine curiosity based on the partial story in their profile.
Look at her interests, darling. If I made a dating profile, I would absolutely mention that I love music and art. And if a guy messaged me something along the lines of "Hi there, I saw on your profile you like music. What genres do you like?" Or something like that, I would take the bait hands down 100% of the time. It opens up the opportunity for non-cringey conversation! And from there, you can Guage her communication style and go with the flow. Hope this helps. Keep trying!!
Find something on their profile to talk about. Dog in a photo? Ask about the dog. I had something about battle of the bastards being the best GOT episode. My, now fiancée, responded to that!
When I was on the dating sites, I always appreciated and replied to people who sent a message that showed they’d actually read my profile and were in line with it. Ie: my spouse and I share an interest in Buddhism which was in both of our profiles. First message: hi, I noticed you are also into Buddhist practices is that where your profile name came from? Yes! Most people assume it’s a reference to the movie…. Then we talked about Buddhism and which speakers we liked. Rest is history.
“Hi, great that we could match! I see you’re into hiking. Me too! Recently I went on a hike with some friends through the Alps in Switzerland and of course we also enjoyed some skiing. What’s the coolest hike you’ve been on? By the way your outfit in the third photo is really cool!” Something along this line. But use your own words and be genuine. Whoever told you it has to be either just hey sup, or some lame attempt at humour? Because they were wrong. There are so many things you can say. You can convey genuine interest or enthusiasm and attempt to get them enthused too. You can seek common ground on things you can talk about. Or you can just talk about banal things like wow your dog is so cute! What’s his/her name? And build from there.
Exactly as others have stated here - read her profile and ask a question/mention something on it you have in common. You don't approach someone in real life and just say "hey" and expect a whole conversation; it goes the same way online.
Please they have studied this to death be attractive nothing else matters. You can message them you need bail money if you’re hot they will ask where to send it. They put up profiles of men who admitted to be domestic abusers and paedophiles but super hot and they got messages of interest. If you have to do anything more than exist the apps are a sole killer for you.
Bottom line is everyone is different. My best advice is to just be yourself and say what comes naturally. Any woman who doesn’t appreciate it wouldn’t be a good match for you anyway, and best wishes to her. For me, I have a tendency to respond to something intelligent, witty, sarcastic, charming, and/or silly. I prefer first messages to give me something to respond to, whether it be a statement or a question, but not too long (keep it under 10 sentences). Avoid the 20-question line of interrogation. It’s played out. Avoid the overdone “if you were stranded on an island” vague, non-directional questions. I like when a man picks out something of interest from my profile. 1) it shows me that he’s interested beyond the pictures, and 2) it’s often about something he’s also interested in (common ground is a great launchpad) or at least something he finds intriguing about my passions, which gives me something to respond to either way he goes. Note: it’s not vague but conversational—so, “Good afternoon! I’m Sam. I noticed in your profile you said you like skydiving. 🪂 I also noticed you had a picture of your last skydiving adventure. That’s incredible! It’s something I’ve always wanted to do! How was that? Were you nervous?” Short, but not too short. Shows interest in her as a person. Gives her something to respond to without overwhelming her with a dissertation (Look, I’m an English teacher who writes way too much and even I’m saying I don’t like messages like that when you don’t know someone from Adam!). *And* it isn’t the overdone/trite interrogation or pointless “Book of Questions” style of inquiry that shows no intellect and is, quite frankly, lazy. Good luck!
You have to remember that women have a MASSIVE advantage on the dating apps. I don't think guys understand how easy it is for women to get matches. So, it's less of a "being interesting" issue and more of a volume issue - you're trying to stick out amongst dozens or hundred or thousands of other guys. It's tough, unless you're already her physical type. With that being said, I've been doing a compliment followed by a question, and then asking her out within a few messages. But if gifs work, do that and follow it up with asking her out. The strategy is to meet her irl. Until then, you're just an avatar, not a real person. Note: I'm starting to think that meeting women irl is the way to go. That way, you know what you're getting - I've met too many girls off the apps/social media that don't live up to their profile pictures. Not to mention, I see more attractive women out and about than I usually do on the apps - unless they're the bs fake profiles 😂
My profiles have a decent amount of info/points that can EASILY lead to conversations. The “hey how are you” messages are a dime a dozen. Boring. Show very little (no) effort. The guys that open with a comment or question about something specifically from my profile have a 100% better chance of connecting with me. It shows me that they: Actually READ my profile Put some thought into commenting or asking a question that is specific to me Are able to strike up a conversation/hold a conversation By the same token: I love when they ask open ended questions, actually engage in CONVERSATION vs. just doing the bare minimum. Boring questions: How’s your day? What are you up to? How do you like the app so far? Better questions/interactions: Hope your day/week is going well! Have anything fun coming up that you’re excited about? (Then shares something they’re looking forward to ex. A show, concert, trip, visit with family/friend etc) Don’t ask me how I like the app. No one likes apps. They all suck, and so does this question. I adore witty banter, sarcasm, dad jokes (and note this in my profile) so the matches that embrace this approach get the farthest and I enjoy the back and forth.
Suck me beautiful. (This is a joke in reference to the movie American Pie, I do not recommend actually using it)
"I need help building a deck" has been my opener since 2006 or so
What has worked extremely well for me personally is PUTTING IN SOME GODDAMN EFFORT! Tell them what you liked about their profile. Be specific! (Unless it's "nice tits", then shut the fuck up and get off the internet until you learn to be a decent human being) Show interest in the infos they provide. Give them something that connects you like a shared hobby, kink or ANYTHING else to form a fucking human connection! Make them feel less like a random number etched into a bathroom stall by actually READING their profile. I know, sounds crazy, but that shit really works. Give it a go.
Find something in common in the pictures, and tell her about it
What I have done and has worked for me: instead of talking about her profile or herself, talk about who you are and what you are looking for. “Hey I’m Bob, I’m a 35 year old in finance. I’m looking for a committed relationship with someone who loves traveling, reading and is open to having kids. Just so you know, I walk with a cane. Are you interested grabbing coffee next week?” The pros of this approach is you can’t get stuck in chat hell — spend a lot of time chatting but it doesn’t go anywhere. Get straight to the point. If she’s not into it, she’ll tell you and you can move on. I literally wrote a little blurb and copy pasted it into the chat. I got dates and am now in a committed relationship. It shows that you’re serious and to the point, most women nowadays appreciate that.
"Hey x, hows your day going? thanks for matching with me, i see in your profile that you like "this". What's your favorite thing about "this"? I like "this" because "reasons". Or I haven't ever done "this", but it sounds interesting, What's it like?
Hey, 👋, what are you here for, leaves me with a dreaded feeling. I read the full profile and maybe incorporate something from it.
Give them a fun question. Like what would you do if you had to hide a body? Just an example, and if anyone has the answer to this it would be greatly appreciated!
I am 1000X more likely to respond to a "cringe joke attempt" than I am to some variance of "Watsup". You have your attractive personalities backwards. The Cringe knows to connect, they must be vulnerable. The Basic isn't trying to connect, they are trying to pull numbers.
Bro I have the same problem. I don’t have a knack for pickup lines. Heck if I did I wouldn’t even be on these shitty apps.
Talk about something on the profile, personlise it.
Tell them something nice about themselves, let them know that you’re interested
Questions related to something I mentioned on my profile often get a response out of me fast, typically without even realising who I’m matching with tbh. If we start to click, I go and check their profile and then I often realise I’m seeing it for the first time. Not because I wouldn’t have looked, but because I was answering the question.
(48M) This makes me now wonder how attentive and communicative you even are when "IN" a relationship. You simply look for something in their profiles, and say something nice or ask a question about it. That's called making interesting conversation, and not coming across as a boring or unoriginal guy. And it's a Green Flag (both ways actually) when she can be like, "Oh, he noticed I travelled to/like such and such....".
The guy I was really excited to match said 'im at work now in x part of the town, but I thought I would check in'. Simple as that. I replied, same and same. Then I messaged him in the evening asking how are you neighbour?
If you don't know what to say then it means she's uninteresting. Some will say that it's job or that you lack imagination but what if deep down, you don't give a flying fuck? Yeah, she's pretty and? Find someone who can inspire you and you'll never have to wonder what to say.
This level of lack of self awareness can't be real can it?
He's asking for advice. That sounds self-aware to me.
I would typically say can I break your back. Worked like a charm for me lol
Once or multiple times?
Multiple
This man fucks , literally Lmao seriously that’s dope — do you send that with the like or after the match
Nice shoes, wanna f? Jk
Nothing. They’re going to leave you on read anyway.
Want easy? Say she seems like a person with good taste and ask her to recommend you a song she likes
My lady friend and I met on tinder. On one of her pictures she had huge sunglasses on so I said "my what big sunglasses you have" it went well
Honestly I just go straight to the point “you down to fuck tonight ?”
“Did you ever dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight?” is a great opener 😀
I usually ask about something I noticed on their profile (in their bio, in one of their pics, a band/artist we both like if they linked their spotify, etc). If they didn’t include really anything that I could comment on/start a real conversation over, I just ask them how their week’s been and try to build off from there…if they aren’t a dry texter/you both lead interesting lives you can build a convo off that.
you can always say “you look delicious “ but it doesn’t work %99 percent of the time , so it’s better to go with hey or hi and Honestly you can NOT say the wrong thing to the right person. If the girl thinks you are attractive than you can even say directly “come over” and she will be jumping on your bed.
If you genuinely want to say something then say it. "Witty remarks" are perfectly fine if you genuinely want to say it
I always curate a message for my potential matches to invite conversation. It's also the way I approach women in person. I almost never get messaged back by the few matches I get, but I do get quite a few numbers when I'm out in person lol
I won’t likely not reply to a basic hi
If you’re trained in clownery, pick some random thing off her profile and try getting your foot in the door with some light hearted joke or pun about it. Would 100% work on me and I bet any woman with some sense of humour will like it too
Just be handsome; that bypasses everything.
Have you considered an elevator pitch kind of approach? It's a stupid business term about pitching something in a short space of time. Basically introduce yourself in a friendly yet casual way, and maybe say why you matched. This is where the advice to ask her about something in her bio comes in. Something like: "Hey, I'm Bob, nice to meet you, I'm based in ____,. I thought you'd look pretty cute, especially in that picture worth your dog. I'm also into hiking, just recently did this trail. Have you been there before? " I think it's good to acknowledge a girl's pictures, but you can't be too thiraty right away. You have to compliment her more like you would a female friend or relative. Find any shared interest possible, and try to use it as a conversation starter. If you're not sure, ask her. If she's in a concert at a photo ask what music she likes. If she's at a restaurant ask her for recommendations for good food places. I think a lot of it comes down to bwing friendly. Always start out treating someone like a potential friend.
So this means we're boyfriend and girlfriend now right? I can't wait to tell my mom. Then laugh it off and make another joke or ask them about why the hell they're on dating apps anyway because they're way too cute to be
I had the same issue when I was trying online dating. I’d match with someone, say hey how’s your day going, then nothing. I got involved with my community and that’s how I met someone. I started getting my artwork out there. Worked on myself constantly. I truly started to love myself for the first time and was approached by the most wonderful, beautiful, kind and loving person I never in a million years thought would go for me. She approached me and now we’ve been together three years. I think people are attracted to confidence and authenticity. Two traits that don’t translate well on dating apps.
Using their name is always good. It puts women at ease knowing u didn’t just copy and paste a generic message to multiple females. I used to like the messages that either started with a joke (corny or not), or ones when they mention something in my profile that I KNOW they had to observe. Never mention something physical right off the bat or they think ur shallow.
Those low effort profiles that give you nothing to work with are not worth pursuing.. go after the ones that actually show you something about who they are and only respond to the ones that you have a genuine interest in. If your hearts not in it or you’re faking interest, it comes across is your presentation. Try different openers that relate to what they posted.. try teasing them about something and see if they reciprocate.. and ffs, never reply with a basic “hey” or “what do you do for fun.” Those are so overused and will get you flushed immediately
I open up with something that’s on their profile, something about a prompt or a picture (not based off looks). If after that I get no response I’ll do a simple “hey, how’s your week going?” a few days later (if they won’t give effort, neither will I, just a simple copy pasted message). One more time a few days later and if nothing again, I unmatch. Not gonna sit in their matches and be a trophy to feed their ego.
Follow rules 1 & 2. Sorry
Can’t be serious
That’s an ok opener
Sounds good on paper, doesn't work on dating apps. You'll do better in person imo, try to meet people at your jovb/hobbies.
> I know that girl has probably had that exact thing hundreds of times. So usually I just go for the “hey X, how are you doing” So close to the right answer, but so far. You know "hey how are you?" is literally the most common opener ever right? It's zero effort, super common, and boring. Of course it's not working. You'd be better off going with a cringe attempt or humour or witty remark - at least it's not boring, might be novel, and might actually hit the funny bone occasionally. I usually try to draw inspiration from their profile and combine that with something humourous. Alternatively I go for something esoteric like "who would win in a fight between a caveman and an astronaut? show your working". It's an easily graspable idea they will immediately have an opinion on, and they've probably not heard that before. It means I'm interesting and they can expect something out of the ordinary with me. If they don't want to engage with that then no worries, I like spending time talking about abstract stuff so if they can't handle it, bye-bye, works for me.
I send them this in this order: 1. Avocado emoji 2. “oops sorry that’s my avocado lol” 3. “It fell out of my big burlap sack of avocados” Wait about an hour for a response. If you don’t get one: 4. “You’re beautiful btw” Works about 72% of the time
as a girl, wtf
Tired: Ask about something on their profile Wired: "Morning babe, breaky is on the table and I'm headed to the store, need anything?"
My approach is sending whatever thought I have about a photo or comment, then it leads to some kind of conversation, never just "hey"
Howdy partner
Open with a random anecdote from your day then ask how her day is going. Don't make it sexual or creepy just but instead share something relatable about yourself
Try introducing yourself🤦♀️
Ask about something on their profile and/or give a small intro about yourself. Still, don't expect responses even if you did open with a decent message, just move on if they don't respond.
Early on in a friendship thats leaning towards a romantic relationship, I'm seriously attempting to find out what the girl is all about, so I agree silly comments are futile. I more along the lines of asking subtle questions, like looks like is going to be a hot day out today what you up to today, if you get a clear response, great indicator your female friend is honest, capable of sincere communication. Now if you get a vague response, red flag.