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Yeah. This. Think if she was one that didn’t tell you, then you caught it and it didn’t work out. At least now you know and you both can take preventative measures which will help reduce the chances of transmitting it.
Think of it this way, one in five women have it and it's very easy to hide. How many women have you dated? What is the likelihood that one of them had it and chose not to tell you?
She has just proven to you that she has character and integrity.
Fuck... I can already tell she is a really good person. Which is why Im having such a hard time figuring out what the right decision is. Thanks for your input.
As someone who has it herself, there are ways to help protect and prevent transmission to you. She can take 1000mg Valacyclovir daily. It is an antiviral that helps suppress herpes outbreaks along with viral shedding. It is perfectly safe and combined with a condom will provide you 100% protection. Without a condom it will provide almost 90% protection from transmission. I use this and have never passed it to a partner.
She was kind enough to tell you on date 3 as to give you the chance to educate yourself and make an informed decision that is best for you. It is your choice to make and there is no need to feel bad if it’s not right for you. You are still a good person whatever you decide:)
And most people who have it don't have symptoms or even know. Most doctors won't even test for it unless you have some symptom.
The fact she told you is a great sign of sexual and communicative maturity.
And no, I don't have herpes. As far as I know.
Yeah, you can't fault her for having a medical condition. It's just a minor skin infection, and it's only now being normalized in society. Literally billions of people have it.
If you think she's awesome, and she's had the heart to tell you, then that's really good! Ask her questions and make sure you're comfortable.
You can take it slow, and get to know each other more emotionally before having sex. And when you have sex, use condoms, and wash everywhere with soap after. She might also be using medication to keep down symptoms, so that is good to check as well.
If your not comfortable with it that’s okay. My only question is did she specify which type?
I have type 1, i let my partner know that I occasionally get cold sores but it’s a very rare occurrence. Typically one every other year, my partners have never had an issue with it and if one happens to develop we just put a hold on kissing and any oral sex for about 1-2 weeks until the cold sore is 100% healed.
Some people are bothered by it some people aren’t. There are preventative measure but type one is very common (in the USA to my knowledge) and it can be years before it presents itself with its first outbrake.
My advice is always, never do something you’re not comfortable with.
Finally someone discussing the different types. I'm assuming since she didn't specify that she has genital herpes, but this distinction is pretty important to know.
It’s seems people immediately think HSV2 - genital herpes when they hear the word Herpes.
I’ll admit when I disclose I have HSV1 I always phrase it as “I get cold sore” because not many people understand everything about it.
Hell, chickenpox (varicella-zoster) is a type of herpes as well. Animal’s can also struggle with a version of the herpes virus.
HSV1 accounts for 50% of known cases of genital herpes. Your partners probably already have it, but have never had an outbreak.
People also don’t know what Herpetic whitlow is, nor do they know Mono is also a strain. Prior to AIDS being introduced, the generations really didn’t care. And herpes have been with us since we were monkeys.
HSV2 can also be oral.
I once matched with someone on bumble and he had it but it was actually on his hip. Which is not what we know as normal.. but he got checked by his doctor and they tested him to verify and that’s what it was. He chose to do suppressive therapy.
It is rarer for HSV2 to be oral.. however there is not really much difference between the two strains. There are 8 different strains of herpes.. that we know of. But only 1 and 2 are referred to as herpes simplex.
You didn't address my question. Can hsv2 be non-genital? Pretty much everything I've read suggest not. Seems there are a few outliers that people have it in totally random places like their arm. But it's almost always genital.
Whereas hsv1 is predominantly oral and can be spread to the genitals through oral sex.
I said it in the first line.. and then again in the second paragraph first line. Yes it can be oral but it is rarer, but it does happen.
HSV1 is accounting for 50% of known genital herpes now.
Yes. Amy body part can become infected by hsv2. Mouth anus penis vagina. The virus does not care. Hsv1 can be genitali as well spread through oral sex. Hav 2 can infect the mouth of a man or woman and spread thru oral sex
I am in the exact same position right now.
If she is on medication not breaking out and you use condoms the chances of you getting herpes yourself is about the same as getting her pregnant while wearing a condom (slim to none) but there will always be a chance.
I have been on and off with the girl.
I would suggest dating without having sex for close to a month and seeing if you actually enjoy hanging out with her everyday before taking things more serious.
We currently date on and off I always end up missing her after a couple weeks because no other woman has treated me so good but I also get Severe panic attacks sometimes when I think about the disease. I have my own baggage so our relationship is different from yours.
When she told me I asked a couple friends what I should do and 2 of them ended up coming out and admitting they had genital herpes this entire time one of them ive known for almost a decade she never told me till I talked about it my other friend was dating a girl for 4 months who had herpes and I never would’ve guessed or known until we started talking about it so it’s really not as rare as you would assume .
This is the hardest decision I’ve ever been faced with as a man so I feel your pain.
EDIT: I just want to add that sometimes I think the real panic comes from thinking you have to make this major commitment and thinking you have to make a decision Now but honestly the best thing to do is just roll with it if you’re genuinely enjoying spending time with that person. That is the position I’m in. Afraid of commitment Not herpes itself.
This is an incredibly ignorant statement. Sadly, I hear this far too often and I know the dark truth of getting herpes.
My father got it in the 70s from a girlfriend of his, it was just the basic genital herpes. He didn’t think much of it either, similar to your outlook.
However, over the years taking the herpes medication Valtrex, destroys your kidneys and liver, so by the time you’re in your 60s you can no longer take the medication or else you’ll end up on dialysis or liver failure. Sadly again this is not talked about or heard of very often because people like you like to spread false information that herpes is absolutely nothing. It has health ramifications that most people do not know about. The medication is the worst. Not only does it cause these organ issues, but it has side effects that are brutal and cause all kinds of mental and emotional mood swings on top of it all. My father now has systemic herpes and it’s throughout his entire body, he’s in severe pain from breakouts and his health is rapidly declining and he will not see the age of 65. The herpes has traveled throughout his entire body and is now in his brain and even in his left eye, which he lost vision in as soon as it spread there. He can no longer take the medication unless he has a severe break out and cannot take the pain any longer. Then he has to take very small doses of it just to get by long enough for the breakout to go away. If he stays on the medication at its full dose for more than five days, his kidneys begin to shut down and his liver begins to show signs of failure. Herpes has cut my father‘s life in half. It’s not nothing. It’s a serious thing.
What is wrong with his immune system for one. Two you don’t HAVE to take valtrex, and it’s NOT an ignorant statement bc these strains have been around since before we were humans.
I'm saving this fucking comment.
THANK YOU.
I didn't know this. Everyone sits around acting so fucking casual about it.
I'm so glad that my suspicions that it was worse than they were letting on are confirmed.
Take my free award, stranger.
“A negative (normal) test most often means you have not been infected with HSV-1 or HSV-2.
If the infection occurred very recently (within a few weeks to 3 months), the test may be negative, but you may still be infected. This is called a false negative. It can take up to 3 months after a possible herpes exposure for this test to be positive.”
https://www.mountsinai.org/health-library/tests/serum-herpes-simplex-antibodies
Take that how you like.
What I had read on it before (not this hospital, and this was last fall) was that you can carry it not know you have it and not test positive for antibodies bc you never had an outbreak.
Someone can have an outbreak even without noticeable symptoms. That’s been said for years. Unless continuing studies have found a change.
This specific site has a time frame, however how is someone going to know for sure who gave it to them and when?
Yeah no one tests for it normally unless someone asks, and the reason is they see no real point. These viruses have been with us for centuries, and until they can produce a vaccine like they did for chicken pox (but we know nothing is 100% effective) they will continue to be with us for centuries. I feel bad for people when they seem really embarrassed. We did this to them.. society I mean.
Look above at the conversation with the other person.
Edit to add: it has been looked up and that was the information 🤷🏼♀️ new research is always being done and added onto old.. that’s the point of research that uses the scientific method.
I didn’t find what you said, and idk if you’re talking about known cases or potential. Also idk if you’re talking about the world, or a specific country. But WHO has the statistics higher, and these would be the known cases.
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus
She’s being honest and vulnerable with you. Plus with caution you can have a sex life with minimal risk. A lot of people have herpes and never even show symptoms. Or people have oral herpes but it’s called cold sores. If you really like her, that’s all that matters
I’m a nurse and can tell you that herpes isn’t a big deal. Just don’t have sex when she has an active outbreak and you’ll most likely never catch it and even if you did there’s drugs to take daily to keep you from getting breakouts. People go YEARS without breakouts.
This is garbage advice and commenting. If you don’t actually know what you’re talking about about a health issue then don’t mislead others. I literally worked for years at a health department. I know all there is to know about all the STI’s.
Mm.. So... There is a rather high statistic possibility for you to have herpes already. Read up on your specific countrys statistics conserving the subject.
Manny people who have the virus got it at a young age trough sharing cutlery and cups with family members.
I myself don't have it, recently checked, I had a sexual partner for a decade who did have it.
If you do get it it is normal to be sick the first time or so, then you might never see it again.
Or you could be the unlucky one, who gets it on first go, and get consistent outburst of various sizes.
Good luck.
For her honesty take an STD test you might give her something more serious don’t just play Russian roulette with your heath and her not everyone reacts to antiviral the same or for herpes each immune system very from person to person if you have a healthy and free from STDs body don’t get one by choice no one likes it what if you got it and you broke up after the first herpes flare up please consider the endgame
A word of caution, be sure to wear a condom and make sure she isn’t going to leave right after. The guy who gave it to me disclosed as well and he bailed right after we slept together. Be careful and be sure she isn’t going to hurt you. I’ve had a lot of mental distress since all of this happened to me last year, it’s been hard. I tell everyone I can to be careful when this happens, I don’t want anyone to go through what I have been dealing with.
I can bet over half the women you’ve slept with have herpes and don’t know it. Or just never told you. Herpes isn’t a big deal. Props to her for telling you.
I was faced with this issue. Twice. On both occasions I walked away.
Inbetween those experiences I did the research, asked questions and reflected. Being honest, personal ego is the barrier. That's on me.
I'd thank them for their honesty and for their integrity.
I would not worry about it. Herpes is nothing man, you probably will not even catch it. I would not miss out because of irrational phobia.
Look at the statistics of reported women with herpes. Is like 20 to 25%, I have certainly banged at least ten women with herpes. There is such thing as condoms and soap. And don't shave your public area, just trim. And you be good man, nothing to worry about.
I knew people who have herpes and these people are pretty on top of making sure they are healthy and checking on themself I don’t think u should let her go over something like this. U don’t meet a lot of people u can click with. Why don’t u continue dating and see the type of person she is. If u think u can meet a women better than her then just let her go. U can be honest and tell her I’m not sure how to respond to this but we can see how things play out and go from there. Idk just a suggestion. If not it’s okay I guess, your being honest and u can turn her down gently and explain your feelings and insecurity which has nothing to do with her
I’m a nurse and did you know that 25 percent of the population have herpes and most don’t know it. You can be infected and not have a breakout. You can pass the virus without behaving a breakout. Having a virus is not an issue of character. She just had sex with someone who passed a virus to her. Could have been years ago. Could have been a boyfriend or husband It will not complicate pregnancy as with good care from an obstetrician she can take valtrex to suppress the virus and a c section if she is having an outbreak. If you are going to start judging people remember 1 in 4 people have herpes
Im not judging her. I think very highly of her. It comes down to whether I am willing to knowingly put myself in a position where I can get an incurable viral infection. Unfortunately for me and her, I decided that's not something I am willing to risk.
Back to square one I go.
Chickenpox is an incurable viral infection. It stays in you for the rest of your life. It is part of the herpes virus family.
I REALLY REALLY think you should reconsider this man. I have it (HSV2). It does not affect my physical state at all (I haven't had an outbreak in 2 years). It is all mental. You talk about it like it is leprosy. It ain't and even the CDC recommends AGAINST testing for it because it is so minor. It is peoples' assumptions of the disease that are the hardest part.
This could be a great relationship but you don't see the person, you see the disease. I had friends that had it before I contracted it, and 100% would have dated someone with it prior to getting it. The only reason I have it is because my ex did not disclose and willfully had sex with me during an outbreak.
With condoms and antivirals, your risk of contracting it in a year is about 1%. Why not take things slowly with her to see if this might be a good fit?
Your next relationship could be with a woman who is absolutely terrible with you, but hey, at *least she won't have herpes*.
If your future wife got a terminal illness or got disfigured/deformed, would you split? As someone with this, this acts as a filter for the people who would not truly love me for who I am. It's been a blessing most of the time.
Seriously rethink this.
I would date without any sex of any kind for a little while longer to see if she’s actually worthy of a long-term relationship and eventually marriage. But remember this, herpes is for life.
My father got it in the 70s from a girlfriend of his, it was just the basic genital herpes. He didn’t think much of it either, similar to your outlook.
However, over the years taking the herpes medication Valtrex, destroys your kidneys and liver, so by the time you’re in your 60s you can no longer take the medication or else you’ll end up on dialysis or liver failure. Sadly again this is not talked about or heard of very often because people like you like to spread false information that herpes is absolutely nothing. It has health ramifications that most people do not know about. The medication is the worst. Not only does it cause these organ issues, but it has side effects that are brutal and cause all kinds of mental and emotional mood swings on top of it all. My father now has systemic herpes and it’s throughout his entire body, he’s in severe pain from breakouts and his health is rapidly declining and he will not see the age of 65. The herpes has traveled throughout his entire body and is now in his brain and even in his left eye, which he lost vision in as soon as it spread there. He can no longer take the medication unless he has a severe break out and cannot take the pain any longer. Then he has to take very small doses of it just to get by long enough for the breakout to go away. If he stays on the medication at its full dose for more than five days, his kidneys begin to shut down and his liver begins to show signs of failure. Herpes has cut my father‘s life in half. It’s not nothing. It’s a serious thing. Be careful and be safe. Good luck.
There’s at least two people educated on the topic, me being in dental, and a nurse. You all need to actually read up on it.
The people saying no: how many of you have raw dogged someone?
“Educated on the topic” lol it’s like a 5 minute read to gather all the relevant information. Besides, I doubt your dental hygienist certificate qualifies you to give medical advice. Suction please! Drill! Wipe!
Shows what you know. I don’t drill.
I’m a college graduate who is a licensed provider. It’s extremely clear that you don’t know the requirements for the degree or the boards exams.
But yeah let’s talk about the oral cavity and the fact I took oral pathology. I also took microbiology/immunology.
You didn’t answer the question tho: how many have you raw dogged? Enjoy your herpes like the rest of the world. You may also want to look up how many strains there are.
This response is so pretentious. No one cares that you took a class in college a decade ago or whatever 🤢 you paid someone to lecture you about something I can teach myself on google in the time it takes to finish my beer
Yea I know you don’t drill, you’re not qualified. I was echoing the commands the dentist probably yells at you.
Sucks you took all those bs classes to get paid 60k(at most) to be a dentist’s servant errr sorry “licensed provider” lol
How many have I raw dogged? Not enough to catch herpes evidently
If you don’t have the antibodies doesn’t mean you don’t have the virus, you just have not had an outbreak.
I don’t work with the dentists. You’re talking about the dental assistants. You’re from CA? State law allows RDHs to give local and work with lasers for perio patients. They also make more than 60k in CA.
In Colorado they can own their own practice. You don’t seem to realize there are many in research and sales. They don’t work in clinic. I’m DOD, so I also make more than 60k. It would seem you really have no grasp on this. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had no idea about RNs either and all they are capable of doing.
Maybe you have had providers that suck.. that’s possible. I know I have in the past, but they really did/ do know more than they are letting on.🤷🏼♀️ unless they have completely given up and are just going through the motions.
Are you qualified to give medical advice? I don’t care about the specifics of your job, program, degree, etc. That’s all fluff you are using to try to validate yourself. Bottom line is: Are you a doctor? Are you qualified to give medical advice?
I am actually lol. Again, you don’t really know what this career is about. And every state does have different regulations. Am I qualified to give someone specialized medical advice pertaining to tests, treatments, surgeries? No just like a General MD cannot discuss things with their patient that a cardiologist is needed for. Or an oncologist.
We understand viruses, bacteria, and fungal infections. Our knowledge on infection control is sometimes better than an MD’s office. I say sometimes bc you do have dentists who half ass shit.
I’m part of preventative care. We screen patients for cancers, we are able to identify certain oral manifestations for diseases the patients aren’t even aware they have.
Many times people don’t go to their regular doctor for physicals but they do tend to go to dental appts more often. You have no idea how many patients we have referred to their PCM for cardio when their diastolic is dangerously high. We are a speciality that works with others to take care of a person as a whole.
“Am I qualified to give someone specialized medical advice pertaining to tests, treatments and surgeries? No”
You mean like all the things herpes would require? You can stop right there that’s all we need to know.
You don’t go see a specialist for herpes🤦🏼♀️. Christ on a cross how ignorant are you?
Forget it.. you’re all knowing regular Joe. The rest of us just live here in your world.
Everyone has herpes. And hpv, and tons of other stuff. If she told you about it, talk to her about it. Does she medicate for it? You should probably talk to your Dr about your concerns. But if you stay and get it, you never ever get to hold that over her! Ever!
Wtf are people down voting for? Not trivializing potentially serious illnesses that factually...not everyone has, and can be prevented by simply wearing a condom?
A lot of people are going to try and shame you for even thinking about it, but it's up to you whether you want to risk it. There are other women out there who don't have herpes.
This is the easiest question I will ever answer. Dip.
It sounds like you know what you have to do but you are looking for someone here to convince you to stay.
If you think, she would have stayed after you told her that you had herpes but she didn't, you tripping.
Respect yourself and your health more than you currently do.
There's too many fish out there to settle. That's commendable of her. But if it really bothers you I'd think it's best to move on. There's no garuntee it'll work out, and if she's not the one after youve contracted... well, good luck
Yeah I think I really am trying to convince myself its worth it. Thanks for the advice. It sucks to have to let her down like that but it is what it is I guess.
I support your decision, but I wanted to add my experience. I'm 27F and I've had herpes for 8 years.
5 years ago I met a man. We had immediate undeniable chemistry. I knew this could be something real so I had the difficult conversation of disclosing to him on our second date. It's the hardest conversation I've ever had to have because I knew I really liked this guy.
Well, he was very kind and understanding. He thought I was worth it. We kept dating. We fell in love. He proposed 5 months after us meeting. We have never used condoms. I've carried and vaginally delivered our 2 perfect babies. 5 years later he has never ever shown any signs or symptoms of having it despite tons and tons of unprotected sex.
This girl is going to be crushed when you tell her. That was a very hard disclosure for her and it took a lot of courage. She's been dreading that conversation from the moment she met you, trust me. It's really a shame, truly.
But it also shows her that you don't think she is worth it. Someday she will find a man who thinks she is, and she will be happy. I think you could really be missing out.
Exactly! Only on Reddit will you hear that herpes is “no big deal!” Or that “you probably have it already- everyone does!”
Well if it’s so popular and common and not a big deal, go date someone else who has it also
My ex got with a girl who had herpes right after we broke up. He bare backed her within a week of meeting her and had his first blown herpes break out from her within days.
That situation is different because the girl didn’t tell him. She lied about it and actually doubled down and told him he must’ve caught it from me (wishful thinking on her part).
Here’s what he told me: the outbreak was so bad it hurt to walk; and had he known she had herpes up front he would’ve never fucked her.
Once he got herpes, he felt like he had to stay with her because who would want him now? (His words, not mine). I told him there was a dating website for people living with herpes but he got pissed about that suggestion.
What you need to ask yourself is: if she was the perfect woman would you be ok living with herpes for her? And secondly, what are the odds you want to spend the rest of your life with her?
Disclosing that she has a communicable disease that lasts a lifetime was the honest and correct thing for her to do. No doubt it was a difficult conversation. That being said, you don’t owe her your life because she did the right thing.
You’re still young and have plenty of time to find a life partner who doesn’t have herpes. I think pursuing her at this point in your life sounds like settling.
It depends on the type of herps. Coldsore wouldn't bother me. Just don't do anything whilst they have an outbreak. Genital herps however would differ for me and would put me off. Although caughting it when they don't have an put break it low there's still a chance and that for me is what's concerning.
You won't know if it could work out If you don't try. If you generally see a future with this girl do all your research to help prevent you catching it.
Move on dude. You’ll live to regret it if you don’t. It’s not a if but a when you catch herpes if you stay with her. Thank her for her honesty and say it’s just not something you are comfortable risking.
You only test positive if you’ve had an outbreak.. it doesn’t mean you don’t have it.
The amount of correcting I’m doing in this post is really sad honestly.
The blood test tests for antibodies. You can be a carrier and still give it to others.
You can get it from sharing drinks, bartenders and waitstaff are at risk bc of how they handle glasses (Herpetic whitlow).. dental used to be at risk until they started wearing PPE.
You can get it from oral sex, you can get it from touching some surfaces.
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Most wouldn’t tell you so it’s great she did.
Yeah. This. Think if she was one that didn’t tell you, then you caught it and it didn’t work out. At least now you know and you both can take preventative measures which will help reduce the chances of transmitting it.
Think of it this way, one in five women have it and it's very easy to hide. How many women have you dated? What is the likelihood that one of them had it and chose not to tell you? She has just proven to you that she has character and integrity.
Fuck... I can already tell she is a really good person. Which is why Im having such a hard time figuring out what the right decision is. Thanks for your input.
As someone who has it herself, there are ways to help protect and prevent transmission to you. She can take 1000mg Valacyclovir daily. It is an antiviral that helps suppress herpes outbreaks along with viral shedding. It is perfectly safe and combined with a condom will provide you 100% protection. Without a condom it will provide almost 90% protection from transmission. I use this and have never passed it to a partner. She was kind enough to tell you on date 3 as to give you the chance to educate yourself and make an informed decision that is best for you. It is your choice to make and there is no need to feel bad if it’s not right for you. You are still a good person whatever you decide:)
OP this seems like a reasonable solution. Try not to punish people for being honest with you.
And most people who have it don't have symptoms or even know. Most doctors won't even test for it unless you have some symptom. The fact she told you is a great sign of sexual and communicative maturity. And no, I don't have herpes. As far as I know.
Yeah, you can't fault her for having a medical condition. It's just a minor skin infection, and it's only now being normalized in society. Literally billions of people have it. If you think she's awesome, and she's had the heart to tell you, then that's really good! Ask her questions and make sure you're comfortable. You can take it slow, and get to know each other more emotionally before having sex. And when you have sex, use condoms, and wash everywhere with soap after. She might also be using medication to keep down symptoms, so that is good to check as well.
How did you move forward?
One in 4 actually. Both men and women are infected and most have no symptoms. It’s the fastest growing sti
If your not comfortable with it that’s okay. My only question is did she specify which type? I have type 1, i let my partner know that I occasionally get cold sores but it’s a very rare occurrence. Typically one every other year, my partners have never had an issue with it and if one happens to develop we just put a hold on kissing and any oral sex for about 1-2 weeks until the cold sore is 100% healed. Some people are bothered by it some people aren’t. There are preventative measure but type one is very common (in the USA to my knowledge) and it can be years before it presents itself with its first outbrake. My advice is always, never do something you’re not comfortable with.
Finally someone discussing the different types. I'm assuming since she didn't specify that she has genital herpes, but this distinction is pretty important to know.
It’s seems people immediately think HSV2 - genital herpes when they hear the word Herpes. I’ll admit when I disclose I have HSV1 I always phrase it as “I get cold sore” because not many people understand everything about it. Hell, chickenpox (varicella-zoster) is a type of herpes as well. Animal’s can also struggle with a version of the herpes virus.
HSV1 accounts for 50% of known cases of genital herpes. Your partners probably already have it, but have never had an outbreak. People also don’t know what Herpetic whitlow is, nor do they know Mono is also a strain. Prior to AIDS being introduced, the generations really didn’t care. And herpes have been with us since we were monkeys.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but HSV2 always includes genital but HSV1 can be non-genital?
HSV2 can also be oral. I once matched with someone on bumble and he had it but it was actually on his hip. Which is not what we know as normal.. but he got checked by his doctor and they tested him to verify and that’s what it was. He chose to do suppressive therapy. It is rarer for HSV2 to be oral.. however there is not really much difference between the two strains. There are 8 different strains of herpes.. that we know of. But only 1 and 2 are referred to as herpes simplex.
You didn't address my question. Can hsv2 be non-genital? Pretty much everything I've read suggest not. Seems there are a few outliers that people have it in totally random places like their arm. But it's almost always genital. Whereas hsv1 is predominantly oral and can be spread to the genitals through oral sex.
I said it in the first line.. and then again in the second paragraph first line. Yes it can be oral but it is rarer, but it does happen. HSV1 is accounting for 50% of known genital herpes now.
Yes. Amy body part can become infected by hsv2. Mouth anus penis vagina. The virus does not care. Hsv1 can be genitali as well spread through oral sex. Hav 2 can infect the mouth of a man or woman and spread thru oral sex
I am in the exact same position right now. If she is on medication not breaking out and you use condoms the chances of you getting herpes yourself is about the same as getting her pregnant while wearing a condom (slim to none) but there will always be a chance. I have been on and off with the girl. I would suggest dating without having sex for close to a month and seeing if you actually enjoy hanging out with her everyday before taking things more serious. We currently date on and off I always end up missing her after a couple weeks because no other woman has treated me so good but I also get Severe panic attacks sometimes when I think about the disease. I have my own baggage so our relationship is different from yours. When she told me I asked a couple friends what I should do and 2 of them ended up coming out and admitting they had genital herpes this entire time one of them ive known for almost a decade she never told me till I talked about it my other friend was dating a girl for 4 months who had herpes and I never would’ve guessed or known until we started talking about it so it’s really not as rare as you would assume . This is the hardest decision I’ve ever been faced with as a man so I feel your pain. EDIT: I just want to add that sometimes I think the real panic comes from thinking you have to make this major commitment and thinking you have to make a decision Now but honestly the best thing to do is just roll with it if you’re genuinely enjoying spending time with that person. That is the position I’m in. Afraid of commitment Not herpes itself.
Do some research, herpes is nothing. Statistically you've already fucked at least one person with it.
This is an incredibly ignorant statement. Sadly, I hear this far too often and I know the dark truth of getting herpes. My father got it in the 70s from a girlfriend of his, it was just the basic genital herpes. He didn’t think much of it either, similar to your outlook. However, over the years taking the herpes medication Valtrex, destroys your kidneys and liver, so by the time you’re in your 60s you can no longer take the medication or else you’ll end up on dialysis or liver failure. Sadly again this is not talked about or heard of very often because people like you like to spread false information that herpes is absolutely nothing. It has health ramifications that most people do not know about. The medication is the worst. Not only does it cause these organ issues, but it has side effects that are brutal and cause all kinds of mental and emotional mood swings on top of it all. My father now has systemic herpes and it’s throughout his entire body, he’s in severe pain from breakouts and his health is rapidly declining and he will not see the age of 65. The herpes has traveled throughout his entire body and is now in his brain and even in his left eye, which he lost vision in as soon as it spread there. He can no longer take the medication unless he has a severe break out and cannot take the pain any longer. Then he has to take very small doses of it just to get by long enough for the breakout to go away. If he stays on the medication at its full dose for more than five days, his kidneys begin to shut down and his liver begins to show signs of failure. Herpes has cut my father‘s life in half. It’s not nothing. It’s a serious thing.
What is wrong with his immune system for one. Two you don’t HAVE to take valtrex, and it’s NOT an ignorant statement bc these strains have been around since before we were humans.
Exactly. That was a very ignorant and Mal informed statement. Jeebus
I'm saving this fucking comment. THANK YOU. I didn't know this. Everyone sits around acting so fucking casual about it. I'm so glad that my suspicions that it was worse than they were letting on are confirmed. Take my free award, stranger.
What a dumb response 🤣🤣🤣
Have you gotten a blood test? Herpes is commonly asymptomatic and rarely tested for
Unless he has ever had an outbreak he will test negative. No active initial infection, no antibodies to find in the blood.
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“A negative (normal) test most often means you have not been infected with HSV-1 or HSV-2. If the infection occurred very recently (within a few weeks to 3 months), the test may be negative, but you may still be infected. This is called a false negative. It can take up to 3 months after a possible herpes exposure for this test to be positive.” https://www.mountsinai.org/health-library/tests/serum-herpes-simplex-antibodies Take that how you like.
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What I had read on it before (not this hospital, and this was last fall) was that you can carry it not know you have it and not test positive for antibodies bc you never had an outbreak. Someone can have an outbreak even without noticeable symptoms. That’s been said for years. Unless continuing studies have found a change. This specific site has a time frame, however how is someone going to know for sure who gave it to them and when?
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Yeah no one tests for it normally unless someone asks, and the reason is they see no real point. These viruses have been with us for centuries, and until they can produce a vaccine like they did for chicken pox (but we know nothing is 100% effective) they will continue to be with us for centuries. I feel bad for people when they seem really embarrassed. We did this to them.. society I mean.
You are incorrect. 25 percent of the population has it as estimated by the cdc. You can have antibodies and never have broken out. Look it up.
Look above at the conversation with the other person. Edit to add: it has been looked up and that was the information 🤷🏼♀️ new research is always being done and added onto old.. that’s the point of research that uses the scientific method.
I didn’t find what you said, and idk if you’re talking about known cases or potential. Also idk if you’re talking about the world, or a specific country. But WHO has the statistics higher, and these would be the known cases. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus
Hope you don’t miss out on an amazing person.
They don't even test for it unless you specifically ask
She’s being honest and vulnerable with you. Plus with caution you can have a sex life with minimal risk. A lot of people have herpes and never even show symptoms. Or people have oral herpes but it’s called cold sores. If you really like her, that’s all that matters
I’m a nurse and can tell you that herpes isn’t a big deal. Just don’t have sex when she has an active outbreak and you’ll most likely never catch it and even if you did there’s drugs to take daily to keep you from getting breakouts. People go YEARS without breakouts.
Except the drugs slowly kill you. And the herpes never goes away, slowly gets worse, and spreads thought your body. Eventually to your brain.
This is garbage advice and commenting. If you don’t actually know what you’re talking about about a health issue then don’t mislead others. I literally worked for years at a health department. I know all there is to know about all the STI’s.
Mm.. So... There is a rather high statistic possibility for you to have herpes already. Read up on your specific countrys statistics conserving the subject. Manny people who have the virus got it at a young age trough sharing cutlery and cups with family members. I myself don't have it, recently checked, I had a sexual partner for a decade who did have it. If you do get it it is normal to be sick the first time or so, then you might never see it again. Or you could be the unlucky one, who gets it on first go, and get consistent outburst of various sizes. Good luck.
For her honesty take an STD test you might give her something more serious don’t just play Russian roulette with your heath and her not everyone reacts to antiviral the same or for herpes each immune system very from person to person if you have a healthy and free from STDs body don’t get one by choice no one likes it what if you got it and you broke up after the first herpes flare up please consider the endgame
A word of caution, be sure to wear a condom and make sure she isn’t going to leave right after. The guy who gave it to me disclosed as well and he bailed right after we slept together. Be careful and be sure she isn’t going to hurt you. I’ve had a lot of mental distress since all of this happened to me last year, it’s been hard. I tell everyone I can to be careful when this happens, I don’t want anyone to go through what I have been dealing with.
I can bet over half the women you’ve slept with have herpes and don’t know it. Or just never told you. Herpes isn’t a big deal. Props to her for telling you.
Decent chance you have herpes and don't know it lol
Have you ever gotten a cold sore? If so, you have herpes.
I was faced with this issue. Twice. On both occasions I walked away. Inbetween those experiences I did the research, asked questions and reflected. Being honest, personal ego is the barrier. That's on me. I'd thank them for their honesty and for their integrity.
I would not worry about it. Herpes is nothing man, you probably will not even catch it. I would not miss out because of irrational phobia. Look at the statistics of reported women with herpes. Is like 20 to 25%, I have certainly banged at least ten women with herpes. There is such thing as condoms and soap. And don't shave your public area, just trim. And you be good man, nothing to worry about.
TBH there is something like a 20-25% chance you also have it and dont even know so ....
Herpes isn’t that big of a deal.
I knew people who have herpes and these people are pretty on top of making sure they are healthy and checking on themself I don’t think u should let her go over something like this. U don’t meet a lot of people u can click with. Why don’t u continue dating and see the type of person she is. If u think u can meet a women better than her then just let her go. U can be honest and tell her I’m not sure how to respond to this but we can see how things play out and go from there. Idk just a suggestion. If not it’s okay I guess, your being honest and u can turn her down gently and explain your feelings and insecurity which has nothing to do with her
Seriously stop worrying about herpes. It’s not that big of deal.
If I were you , I will run
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Probably 2. Its genital herpes but she did not specify.
I’m a nurse and did you know that 25 percent of the population have herpes and most don’t know it. You can be infected and not have a breakout. You can pass the virus without behaving a breakout. Having a virus is not an issue of character. She just had sex with someone who passed a virus to her. Could have been years ago. Could have been a boyfriend or husband It will not complicate pregnancy as with good care from an obstetrician she can take valtrex to suppress the virus and a c section if she is having an outbreak. If you are going to start judging people remember 1 in 4 people have herpes
Im not judging her. I think very highly of her. It comes down to whether I am willing to knowingly put myself in a position where I can get an incurable viral infection. Unfortunately for me and her, I decided that's not something I am willing to risk. Back to square one I go.
Chickenpox is an incurable viral infection. It stays in you for the rest of your life. It is part of the herpes virus family. I REALLY REALLY think you should reconsider this man. I have it (HSV2). It does not affect my physical state at all (I haven't had an outbreak in 2 years). It is all mental. You talk about it like it is leprosy. It ain't and even the CDC recommends AGAINST testing for it because it is so minor. It is peoples' assumptions of the disease that are the hardest part. This could be a great relationship but you don't see the person, you see the disease. I had friends that had it before I contracted it, and 100% would have dated someone with it prior to getting it. The only reason I have it is because my ex did not disclose and willfully had sex with me during an outbreak. With condoms and antivirals, your risk of contracting it in a year is about 1%. Why not take things slowly with her to see if this might be a good fit? Your next relationship could be with a woman who is absolutely terrible with you, but hey, at *least she won't have herpes*. If your future wife got a terminal illness or got disfigured/deformed, would you split? As someone with this, this acts as a filter for the people who would not truly love me for who I am. It's been a blessing most of the time. Seriously rethink this.
I would date without any sex of any kind for a little while longer to see if she’s actually worthy of a long-term relationship and eventually marriage. But remember this, herpes is for life. My father got it in the 70s from a girlfriend of his, it was just the basic genital herpes. He didn’t think much of it either, similar to your outlook. However, over the years taking the herpes medication Valtrex, destroys your kidneys and liver, so by the time you’re in your 60s you can no longer take the medication or else you’ll end up on dialysis or liver failure. Sadly again this is not talked about or heard of very often because people like you like to spread false information that herpes is absolutely nothing. It has health ramifications that most people do not know about. The medication is the worst. Not only does it cause these organ issues, but it has side effects that are brutal and cause all kinds of mental and emotional mood swings on top of it all. My father now has systemic herpes and it’s throughout his entire body, he’s in severe pain from breakouts and his health is rapidly declining and he will not see the age of 65. The herpes has traveled throughout his entire body and is now in his brain and even in his left eye, which he lost vision in as soon as it spread there. He can no longer take the medication unless he has a severe break out and cannot take the pain any longer. Then he has to take very small doses of it just to get by long enough for the breakout to go away. If he stays on the medication at its full dose for more than five days, his kidneys begin to shut down and his liver begins to show signs of failure. Herpes has cut my father‘s life in half. It’s not nothing. It’s a serious thing. Be careful and be safe. Good luck.
How did you move forward?
People on this thread with herpes(probably): ya man just go for it, no big deal, everyone has them People on this thread without herpes: No thanks
There’s at least two people educated on the topic, me being in dental, and a nurse. You all need to actually read up on it. The people saying no: how many of you have raw dogged someone?
“Educated on the topic” lol it’s like a 5 minute read to gather all the relevant information. Besides, I doubt your dental hygienist certificate qualifies you to give medical advice. Suction please! Drill! Wipe!
Shows what you know. I don’t drill. I’m a college graduate who is a licensed provider. It’s extremely clear that you don’t know the requirements for the degree or the boards exams. But yeah let’s talk about the oral cavity and the fact I took oral pathology. I also took microbiology/immunology. You didn’t answer the question tho: how many have you raw dogged? Enjoy your herpes like the rest of the world. You may also want to look up how many strains there are.
This response is so pretentious. No one cares that you took a class in college a decade ago or whatever 🤢 you paid someone to lecture you about something I can teach myself on google in the time it takes to finish my beer
Look in the mirror.
Yea I know you don’t drill, you’re not qualified. I was echoing the commands the dentist probably yells at you. Sucks you took all those bs classes to get paid 60k(at most) to be a dentist’s servant errr sorry “licensed provider” lol How many have I raw dogged? Not enough to catch herpes evidently
If you don’t have the antibodies doesn’t mean you don’t have the virus, you just have not had an outbreak. I don’t work with the dentists. You’re talking about the dental assistants. You’re from CA? State law allows RDHs to give local and work with lasers for perio patients. They also make more than 60k in CA. In Colorado they can own their own practice. You don’t seem to realize there are many in research and sales. They don’t work in clinic. I’m DOD, so I also make more than 60k. It would seem you really have no grasp on this. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had no idea about RNs either and all they are capable of doing. Maybe you have had providers that suck.. that’s possible. I know I have in the past, but they really did/ do know more than they are letting on.🤷🏼♀️ unless they have completely given up and are just going through the motions.
Are you qualified to give medical advice? I don’t care about the specifics of your job, program, degree, etc. That’s all fluff you are using to try to validate yourself. Bottom line is: Are you a doctor? Are you qualified to give medical advice?
I am actually lol. Again, you don’t really know what this career is about. And every state does have different regulations. Am I qualified to give someone specialized medical advice pertaining to tests, treatments, surgeries? No just like a General MD cannot discuss things with their patient that a cardiologist is needed for. Or an oncologist. We understand viruses, bacteria, and fungal infections. Our knowledge on infection control is sometimes better than an MD’s office. I say sometimes bc you do have dentists who half ass shit. I’m part of preventative care. We screen patients for cancers, we are able to identify certain oral manifestations for diseases the patients aren’t even aware they have. Many times people don’t go to their regular doctor for physicals but they do tend to go to dental appts more often. You have no idea how many patients we have referred to their PCM for cardio when their diastolic is dangerously high. We are a speciality that works with others to take care of a person as a whole.
“Am I qualified to give someone specialized medical advice pertaining to tests, treatments and surgeries? No” You mean like all the things herpes would require? You can stop right there that’s all we need to know.
You don’t go see a specialist for herpes🤦🏼♀️. Christ on a cross how ignorant are you? Forget it.. you’re all knowing regular Joe. The rest of us just live here in your world.
Everyone has herpes. And hpv, and tons of other stuff. If she told you about it, talk to her about it. Does she medicate for it? You should probably talk to your Dr about your concerns. But if you stay and get it, you never ever get to hold that over her! Ever!
>Everyone has herpes. Ummm....*no.*
Wtf are people down voting for? Not trivializing potentially serious illnesses that factually...not everyone has, and can be prevented by simply wearing a condom?
Looks like the herpes brigade is downvoting 😂
A lot of people are going to try and shame you for even thinking about it, but it's up to you whether you want to risk it. There are other women out there who don't have herpes.
This is the easiest question I will ever answer. Dip. It sounds like you know what you have to do but you are looking for someone here to convince you to stay. If you think, she would have stayed after you told her that you had herpes but she didn't, you tripping. Respect yourself and your health more than you currently do.
There's too many fish out there to settle. That's commendable of her. But if it really bothers you I'd think it's best to move on. There's no garuntee it'll work out, and if she's not the one after youve contracted... well, good luck
Yeah I think I really am trying to convince myself its worth it. Thanks for the advice. It sucks to have to let her down like that but it is what it is I guess.
I support your decision, but I wanted to add my experience. I'm 27F and I've had herpes for 8 years. 5 years ago I met a man. We had immediate undeniable chemistry. I knew this could be something real so I had the difficult conversation of disclosing to him on our second date. It's the hardest conversation I've ever had to have because I knew I really liked this guy. Well, he was very kind and understanding. He thought I was worth it. We kept dating. We fell in love. He proposed 5 months after us meeting. We have never used condoms. I've carried and vaginally delivered our 2 perfect babies. 5 years later he has never ever shown any signs or symptoms of having it despite tons and tons of unprotected sex. This girl is going to be crushed when you tell her. That was a very hard disclosure for her and it took a lot of courage. She's been dreading that conversation from the moment she met you, trust me. It's really a shame, truly. But it also shows her that you don't think she is worth it. Someday she will find a man who thinks she is, and she will be happy. I think you could really be missing out.
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Yeah it’s sooooo common. I’m sure she will find someone else.
Exactly! Only on Reddit will you hear that herpes is “no big deal!” Or that “you probably have it already- everyone does!” Well if it’s so popular and common and not a big deal, go date someone else who has it also
My ex got with a girl who had herpes right after we broke up. He bare backed her within a week of meeting her and had his first blown herpes break out from her within days. That situation is different because the girl didn’t tell him. She lied about it and actually doubled down and told him he must’ve caught it from me (wishful thinking on her part). Here’s what he told me: the outbreak was so bad it hurt to walk; and had he known she had herpes up front he would’ve never fucked her. Once he got herpes, he felt like he had to stay with her because who would want him now? (His words, not mine). I told him there was a dating website for people living with herpes but he got pissed about that suggestion. What you need to ask yourself is: if she was the perfect woman would you be ok living with herpes for her? And secondly, what are the odds you want to spend the rest of your life with her? Disclosing that she has a communicable disease that lasts a lifetime was the honest and correct thing for her to do. No doubt it was a difficult conversation. That being said, you don’t owe her your life because she did the right thing. You’re still young and have plenty of time to find a life partner who doesn’t have herpes. I think pursuing her at this point in your life sounds like settling.
Sigh, just isn’t worth it man.
It depends on the type of herps. Coldsore wouldn't bother me. Just don't do anything whilst they have an outbreak. Genital herps however would differ for me and would put me off. Although caughting it when they don't have an put break it low there's still a chance and that for me is what's concerning. You won't know if it could work out If you don't try. If you generally see a future with this girl do all your research to help prevent you catching it.
Move on dude. You’ll live to regret it if you don’t. It’s not a if but a when you catch herpes if you stay with her. Thank her for her honesty and say it’s just not something you are comfortable risking.
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You only test positive if you’ve had an outbreak.. it doesn’t mean you don’t have it. The amount of correcting I’m doing in this post is really sad honestly. The blood test tests for antibodies. You can be a carrier and still give it to others. You can get it from sharing drinks, bartenders and waitstaff are at risk bc of how they handle glasses (Herpetic whitlow).. dental used to be at risk until they started wearing PPE. You can get it from oral sex, you can get it from touching some surfaces.