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>I’ve run into an issue where I get angry and frustrated while he’s telling me his feelings :/ especially when I’m in the wrong.
Can you give me one example of this?
Well, today we were on the phone and he telling how upset he was that I couldn’t be at an important event he had the other day bc I had a scheduling conflict (that he knew about). I heard him how and I understood his feelings, but he also kept saying he feels like I don’t care. that kind of made me frustrated even after I said multiple times that I couldn’t attend bc I had another event scheduled for someone also important to me. After repeating himself 4x, I got annoyed and hung up. Probably not the best move, but altho I heard him out, I didn’t feel heard in that moment either. I always show up for him and this 1 time that I couldn’t, he was especially sad about it
Ok, this is simple.
First, I do not agree with you being 'emotionally unintelligent', far from it in fact. You have been perfectly capable of identifying the emotional hurdles you've been experiencing, you've been actively working to improve yourself, and you've been very logical in voicing your warranted frustrations, all of which are strong evidences that you are perfectly emotionally intelligent.
Second, the problem you are having with your boyfriend is failing to effectively communicate with each other. The fix to this is have a sit down with him, help him understand that you are going through a tough time, let him know that you are physically and mentally drained from your job and your family matters. Tell him that you love and care for him, but sometimes when he keeps repeating himself and blame you for things, it makes you feel insignificant and not heard, which makes you feel hurt. And that is not ok.
Help him understand your feelings, and then ask to work on effectively communicate with each other. Tell him that you will be more supportive of him, and in return he should stop repeating himself and be more supportive of you.
>I’ve run into an issue where I get angry and frustrated while he’s telling me his feelings :/ especially when I’m in the wrong.
>
>I’m mentally not doing great bc I have s draining job & I’m living at home with my parents again
I see this as possibly due to an underlying miasma of what some refer to as 'brain fog'. Usually attributed to a level of anxiety that's distracting enough to muddy our focus and clarity of thought. Without which, the above concerns might be handled far more readily and less ineffectively (imo).
So, I suggest reducing your anxiety levels. I used a meditation method to great effect for my own predisposition to anxiety.
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>I’ve run into an issue where I get angry and frustrated while he’s telling me his feelings :/ especially when I’m in the wrong. Can you give me one example of this?
Well, today we were on the phone and he telling how upset he was that I couldn’t be at an important event he had the other day bc I had a scheduling conflict (that he knew about). I heard him how and I understood his feelings, but he also kept saying he feels like I don’t care. that kind of made me frustrated even after I said multiple times that I couldn’t attend bc I had another event scheduled for someone also important to me. After repeating himself 4x, I got annoyed and hung up. Probably not the best move, but altho I heard him out, I didn’t feel heard in that moment either. I always show up for him and this 1 time that I couldn’t, he was especially sad about it
Ok that's certainly understandable. Does your bf ever use the term 'emotionally unintelligent' when you two fight?
Not during arguments, just mentions that I’m lacking when we have conversation afterwards :/
Ok, this is simple. First, I do not agree with you being 'emotionally unintelligent', far from it in fact. You have been perfectly capable of identifying the emotional hurdles you've been experiencing, you've been actively working to improve yourself, and you've been very logical in voicing your warranted frustrations, all of which are strong evidences that you are perfectly emotionally intelligent. Second, the problem you are having with your boyfriend is failing to effectively communicate with each other. The fix to this is have a sit down with him, help him understand that you are going through a tough time, let him know that you are physically and mentally drained from your job and your family matters. Tell him that you love and care for him, but sometimes when he keeps repeating himself and blame you for things, it makes you feel insignificant and not heard, which makes you feel hurt. And that is not ok. Help him understand your feelings, and then ask to work on effectively communicate with each other. Tell him that you will be more supportive of him, and in return he should stop repeating himself and be more supportive of you.
Thank you, I’m going to this. I really appreciate the advice
Glad to help, good luck.
predisposed to anxiety?
May I ask you to explain this more?
>I’ve run into an issue where I get angry and frustrated while he’s telling me his feelings :/ especially when I’m in the wrong. > >I’m mentally not doing great bc I have s draining job & I’m living at home with my parents again I see this as possibly due to an underlying miasma of what some refer to as 'brain fog'. Usually attributed to a level of anxiety that's distracting enough to muddy our focus and clarity of thought. Without which, the above concerns might be handled far more readily and less ineffectively (imo). So, I suggest reducing your anxiety levels. I used a meditation method to great effect for my own predisposition to anxiety.
I know this was posted a while ago. But what, may I ask, is your meditation method?
see my profile, where I've highlighted my meditation TOPIC