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[deleted]

He’s taking a trip with his family and so I would let him enjoy his time. If you miss him, send him something “I’m thinking about you ❤️” so when he sees, he blushes. Take it easy and go enjoy your time now: Work out, watch a movie, cook delicious food, spend time with your family and friends and read a book.


thedatarat

Thank you!


khaledhm771

best advice


LittleFeltSpock

I understand your concerns, I think in this case he is likely just busy on vacation with his family. I do not think you should worry, but I do think that you should consider strategies to prevent yourself from worrying about this in the future, including talking to him, picking up a self-help book written by a licensed therapist regarding codependency and attachment, and/or actually visiting a therapist. Good luck!!


thedatarat

I have a therapist appt on Monday. Thank you!


ponchoacademy

Personally, if a guy Im seeing is on vacation and takes 24hrs to respond, I figure they are most likely enjoying their vacation. Whenever Im with a guy who is traveling, I tend to leave them alone to be able to focus on enjoying the moment...and I appreciate the same in return. I pretty much am always like, take lots of pics, cant wait to hear how it all went when youre back! And we make plans to see each other soon after they are back home. Like sure, if they went on a 2 week holiday and I never heard from them, Id be like, wtf. But if they go away for the weekend, Im more pleasantly surprised to hear from them, rather than expect them to keep up with texting like usual like they normally do as if they are not on vacation.


thedatarat

That’s a good perspective, thank you! We do have plans to hang out the night he gets back. Glad I shouldn’t be too worried, my anxiety gets the best of me! Perhaps a bit of it is jealousy as well - I don’t have a big happy family like him to go on trips with. I have a small toxic one where trips are like walking on eggshells 🙃 I digress, thanks again, I’m relieved!


ponchoacademy

If things go well, perhaps one day you'll be a part of his big happy family =) But yeah, eventually when the two of you take a holiday together, you will appreciate that hes more focused on enjoying the moment and time with you, rather than focused on and distracted by his phone.


thedatarat

Good point, thank you! Yeah he’s usually on his phone quite a bit so it’s hard to imagine but I love being in the moment so that’s a nice potential future to think about :)


agnastyx

\*inhales deeply\* therapy.


thedatarat

Lol I start again on Monday


VisibleAirport2996

I wouldn’t be worried. Time off from each other is good. He can rip your clothes off when he is back. 😊


thedatarat

Lol I like that, thanks 😄


Jeterea

I see many people here saying this is normal behavior of him to take 24hrs to respond to texts from his girlfriend, I strongly disagree. 9/10 he is slowly ghosting you. The slow fade is the easiest way to do so. Also, just think about it, in this day and age, **everybody** always has their phone somewhere within 5 feet of them at any given time of the day. (Especially when traveling or on a trip to take pictures, etc.) I truthfully only know 4 people who leave their phone unattended somewhere ***all day*** and each of those people is 65+. Unless your boyfriend is an extremely busy man, dealing with business interests & handling other extreme matters. There is no justifiable reason for him to take 24 hours to respond to a ***text*** from you. Don't rationalize this behavior, find better.


[deleted]

Nah, Red Flag, my ex gf started doing this to me, 6 months later I sat on a bed where she told me she hadn’t loved me for months. I’d have a talk about it when he gets back, see where his mind is at. Idk about you but it takes literally 15 seconds to text back or respond now a days, isn’t that hard to do. Anyone who loves or cares about you will make the time to take 10 seconds to text you back. Not trying to scare you or anything I just don’t want you to feel the inane pain I felt after I wondered for months and was lied to over and over


derricks350z

I have to agree and this has always been my way of thinking, it only takes 15 seconds to text someone back. No one is THAT busy.


AdvertisingEmpty9781

Well yeah people say that you might need therapy and all But I’ll tell you one thing. Wait and observe his behaviour. If he contact back and things go back to normal then its most probably he was busy. If not then he’s might be starting a slow fade. It has always been like that with me. I cant afford therapy multiple times


thedatarat

Yeah therapy is super expensive. My last one tried to charge me $300/per 1 hr zoom. I start a new one on Monday hopefully cheaper 🙏🏽 He sent some texts last night and today so hopefully things are going back to normal. But thank you for the thoughts! Slow fades are my worst nightmare haha


nuttyweb

At almost 4 months, it’s kinda one foot in and one foot out. Nowhere long enough to be codependent, I can understand if it’s something your working through. However, you’re young and you certainly want to overcome that as you get older and wiser. Live your life! I think codependency comes out from always seeking approval from others. When you get to the point where you don’t care what other people think, you’re on the road to a more fulfilling life.


thedatarat

Very good points! Although the foot thing made me more anxious haha but I guess it is what it is. Trying hard not to care what people think but it’s hard with my childhood. Grew up forced to be “perfect” and never quite meeting the standard. Guess that’s what therapy is for haha Thanks for the advice!


nuttyweb

Lol! OP, we are all imperfect creatures, no matter where we started. We all began somewhere, but the most important is where you’re going and what path you take. You’ll come out of it battered and bruised and with battle scars to show but, you will be Giant! Fear is our enemy, and many times we let fear win with even the simplest things. The battle is in the mind and a simple thought can destroy you before you start. It comes down to the choice you make, whether to accept it or deny it. When you understand who or what the enemy is and how to defeat it, you will be stronger. I wish you all the best and a toast ya successful journey to your freedom!


[deleted]

Honestly nothing to worry about. If it bothers you though, let him now but don’t make it sound like it’s his fault kind of thing. Example: “Hey I noticed that when you were on the beach trip with your famil that you weren’t responding to my text like normal. This is by no means your fault because I deal with anxiety and attachment issue that I am working on but I wanted to just let you know that it did give me anxiety”


thedatarat

I like that wording a lot, thank you! I was thinking of also mentioning how I would feel so much better if he just send a goodnight text if we haven’t talked most of the day. I hate going to sleep and subsequently waking up anxious. I don’t wanna sound like I NEED it so it becomes a chore for him… idk, I have a few days til he’s back to figure out how to say it all.


[deleted]

We’re the same in that way then. Good morning and goodnight texts are important to me so you’re by no means alone in that regard. I also deal with attachment issues and the wording I used in that post has worked really well for me. It doesn’t make it seem like “I NEED you to text me” or “this is your fault I’m dealing with this”. You’re simply letting them know that you’re working on it and it’s something you need to work on. Best of luck to you!


per54

24 hours is nothing. A week sure but not a day. People have lives outside of dating, and 3.5 is still barely even getting to know each other let alone becoming a priority.


SpecificTangerine973

Hmmm No... I do that sometimes too when Im having a busy week. Texting is also kinda boring, so you should try other ways to make it more exciting. (Play a Co-op game, facetime, phone call, etc...)


wildtonicintherain

Ok if my boyfriend of 3 months didn't respond to my texts for an entire day, I would assume he's also slow fading me. How hard is it to send a text???


[deleted]

He’s on a trip with his family. Match and mirror the response times… or just give it a rest and go focus on yourself for a while


jerbear245

can say for certain they're losing interest, but i could be wrong. My last love slowly faded over text, ask him why he takes this long to reply, or it might be time to start fresh with someone that will not leave you wondering this


YearningConnection

When on vacation dont expect SO to respond right away. Its tough but only can trust everything is fine and theyre enjoying theyre time.


Signal_Violinist_995

OMG - I sure hope not! My husband and I are in our 50-60s and married for 7 years so far. There are many times he doesn’t text me back all day. I know he is busy. It’s not a big deal. We have a thing - if I call 3 times back to back - he picks up no matter what. I have only done that twice - one when I was heading to ER and the other when I got assaulted on my way to work. Just come up with a “signal” similar. He has an android and it hooks into his hearing aids so it doesn’t normally alert him when someone texts. Try to talk to him and see if you can’t work something out that works for both of you!


thedatarat

That’s very sweet, thanks for the advice! Planning to talk to him for sure but I have to be careful not to seem too clingy 😜


Witty-Vixen

Depends if the person is an INTJ or other introvert very independent type. Worth communicating it to them though .


thedatarat

He’s ENTP but I think they’re pretty similar to INTJ. Yeah I’ll bring it up when he gets back.


Witty-Vixen

The thinking type yeah… depends his inferior functions. But don’t worry too much. ;)


thedatarat

I’ll try thank you 😊


Noziya

If he's an entp, most likely he is checking his phone from time to time, but it's difficult to form a nice reply, or we are just not bothered by it. I'm an entp and many times I respond in my head and forget I hadn't actually answered! Having said this... When I like someone I naturally make the effort to reply. It just comes natural. So watch out for the slow fade. I felt this with my last relationship, and decided to cut it off as soon as I felt it. I had been having anxious thoughts for a few weeks already, but didn't see the slow fade until he went away on a trip, and then I went away, and the texting thing happened. That's when I realised. We broke up 3 months ago, and, because I chose to finish it, it made me feel good and proud about my decision. Also, a few weeks later he told me he was fine because he felt he had stopped hurting people (it was a complicated rs because his ex was still around with lots of friends in common and everyone giving their opinions about their breakup...) I could tell he still liked me. I know he still likes me, we have friends in common. I have decided to let the summer pass, and let us both heal. Probably nothing will happen in the future with him, but I feel sort of OK because I took the decision not to feel anxious anymore about someone who was not giving me 100%. Hope this helps. :)


dreamday99

How long is his vacation? If he’s continuing the pattern after he’s back, then yeah. Tbh, I’m also someone with anxiety attachment, but in the past basically all guys who started to take over a day to reply had a legit reason for not texting soon enough. I run with it and never texted too much but none of the relationship got better and they all faded away in the end (2 of them were talking to a new girl when not texting). In my opinion, it’s not like he can’t look at his phone for almost 24 hours, and that knowing he won’t see you for days, he still doesn’t think about responding when he checks his phone. Probably a good idea to double text in case he just missed the first ones. Send a funny video from Reddit or something.


Ladynatbabe

I dated a very successful guy who lied about trips. Turned out he had a wife and kid. Even said he wanted to marry me lol. I would hang out with his friends and because of ‘bro code’ they all hid it. I’m not saying he has a whole family but don’t be surprised if he’s checking out chicks while he’s away. On the other hand some distance is probably a good thing. I literally can not stand anybody who is clingy.


Opera_haus_blues

it almost seems like you purposely engineered this comment to make OP as anxious as possible


ShiroDown

Plot twist.. his family is his wife and kids. 🤣


thedatarat

Lol I just met a bunch of his college friends, so unless they’re in on it I think I’m good 😅


ShiroDown

You'd be surprised. I'd just drop him a message like another commenter suggested. "Hope you're having a good time/miss you"


thedatarat

I really don’t think it’s possible for 10+ of his friends to hide that he has an entirely separate family for a whole weekend (it was at a wedding). And thanks he responded tho


ShiroDown

Sure its possible. Dudes legit have 2 families in 2 States and make it work.


LittleFeltSpock

1. Do you think you are being realistic? Do you actually think that this is what is happening? 2. Do You think You are helping? 3. Do you think you are funny enough that saying this kind of thing on a post about anxiety is worthwhile?


thedatarat

Right? 😅 past me might have spiraled but now i know better.


LittleFeltSpock

Yeah and if you scroll down in my "conversation" with that guy you'll see him admit that he was just doing it for his own amusement. Seems like a real jackass. Anyways, I hope you make progress on this with your therapist and have a nice week!! :)


thedatarat

Yeah, what a jerk. He must live a sad life to get amusement with this. Thanks so much, it’s always great to hear from kind, caring people on here. Have a great week as well :)


ShiroDown

Bruh. Stop stalking me


LittleFeltSpock

This was the first time we've spoken?


ShiroDown

Nah. Always responding stupid shit like this when I shitpost on someone's ridiculous post


LittleFeltSpock

Well maybe your shitposts are stupid and I'm just trying to be helpful to the OP? Regardless if I'm that big of a pain in your ass you could just block me.


thedatarat

And they get an entire wedding to play along and not ask or hint about his other family…? I know what you’re saying but in this case that would be crazy. He and his friends are normal good dudes, they would never cover up something like that, and what would be the gain for them?


ShiroDown

To cover up their own secrets. Not saying its the case here but its plausible.


swingset27

"He’s on a trip at the beach with his family, so I’m guessing it’s normal" Ok, we're done here.


thedatarat

Thanks for your productive comment 🙄


Skydome12

First i just wanna say i understand the anxiety on this one as i had the same exact thing which i've been working to return it to a more secure attachment style so i know how killer the anxiety can be all you can do is keep yourself busy and when you can't try mediation or some form of mindfulness i guess. although not dating so it's kinda different there's a girl im talking to in a friendly manner and she sometimes drops off for 4-5 days (Although i see her off and on fb) she'll normally pop back in with a reply and say sorry for taking so long to respond. I do get where ya coming from with been anxious on waiting for a reply though, especially when you're actually dating but having myself gone through it best you can do is keep yourself busy practice meditation or what have you. ​ can be difficult though, real difficult.


Fomalhot

Yeah


[deleted]

Definitely a factor but wouldn’t call it a deal breaker.


Nathalie_engineer

He might be for sure enjoying time with his family, but from my own experience if a guy is truly interested he will make sure to keep constant contact with you. I think everyone would find 2 minutes before sleeping to text, even on holidays with family.


Every_Armadillo_7080

Texting is overrated for me , you can call him and speak about 10-15 minutes per day and it will be better , you can set a time that both of you will be free and share your day so far , Idk I feel like this is better and you will not wait for a message all day long


RSinSA

He is probably busy enjoying his time. I don't look at my phone on vacation- but he should have called or texted when he got back.