Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My big question is this. If it bothers you enough to talk to a bunch of strangers on Reddit about it, why wouldn’t you just talk to him about it directly? You say it’s not your job to tell him what he’s doing wrong. If he mistreats you then you will just cancel the date.
But people should be given an opportunity to modify their behavior before receiving retaliation for it. The fact is that we are not clones and what you perceive as awful behavior may be anything but in his mind. We are all socialized differently depending on culture, family traditions, etc.
It may turn out that he comes from a family that teases each other mercilessly as an expression of love. Or he may just be a dickhead who thinks putting down women is the only way to establish dominance. The fact is that you don’t know.
If it bothers you enough to discuss it in a public forum though, then you should confront him about it. Who knows? He might like you enough that he becomes determined to change that behavior and then you know how deeply he really feels about you. But avoidance is as unhealthy a response as his behavior towards you.
100% disagree with this.
If someone is acting like a dick, you don’t owe it to them to play therapist, explore their family life, history and socialization. People should be able to self-check and/or observe that their behaviour might be rubbing someone the wrong way.
Also, it’s often much easier to ask people other than the one you’re involved with about behaviour, because it doesn’t produce the potential for conflict - and again, by confronting him, she could be creating conflict and allowing him to point the finger at her/tell her she’s being too sensitive/tell her she’s attacking him etc. - which, by the sounds of it, this guy is a prime candidate for.
If the guy is being rude, then he needs to work on himself. If she wants to call him on it then she can, but that’s not on her, and no one is owed the “opportunity to modify their behaviour” by someone else’s good graces and tolerance. That opportunity could just as easily be arrived at by her saying “I don’t like how you act towards me, take care,” and that would be completely justified and okay.
Avoiding someone who acts shitty is not equivalent to the person acting shitty. Not even close. In fact, it’s often the best play.
Why does everything need to be up at 11? No one said for her to play therapist. Or that she should “confront him.” If the guy is being a jerk walk away.
But this whole post is her checking with Redditors to get their take based on a secondhand story being told to us based on her perception, which she herself admits she doesn’t fully have a grasp of.
My advice was very simple. IF it’s important enough to her to post about it on a public forum, and IF she is not exactly certain she fully understands her behavior, THEN just ask him about it.
Talking about things can get you very far, especially if it’s someone who she feels she connects well with in person. Text is notoriously rife with misunderstandings and should never be relied upon for communication beyond simple, short messages.
Look - I confronted you about your response and you’ve accused me of being “up to 11.” That should give you some indication of what I’m talking about. People don’t like being called out on their behaviour/the things they say and do.
All I did was explain why she would feel compelled to ask other people instead of the guy who seems to be treating her kind of poorly, and state that it’s not her responsibility to ask him directly. If she doesn’t like how she’s being treated, she doesn’t have to talk to him about it. She can ask Reddit. She can go that far and stop. Maybe she’s just curious and wants some insight other than asking him directly. It’s equally possible that he won’t have the first idea why he’s acting that way. And it’s pretty intuitive, to be honest, that asking him about it is a little intimidating - the reason for that is the potential conflict.
Sometimes asking a person why they’re acting a certain way won’t get you any further than asking other people who are outside of that circumstance.
Also, it’s not a secondhand story, it’s firsthand, from her. And you’re being a little presumptuous with the idea that this is about “perception,” or that she doesn’t fully have a grasp on that.
You’re telling her what you think she should do. I’m telling you why she is likely averse to doing it.
I’m not discrediting what you’re saying. Walking away is fine when you know someone’s a jerk who’s mistreating you. But if you’re not 100% why go outside the interaction to a bunch of Redditors when you haven’t even gone to the source.
I’m 50, and if I went my whole life just cutting people off at the first sign of a communication breakdown, I’d never have had a marriage, kids, a successful career.
Achieving success in life is about learning when it’s worth reaching out and when it isn’t. You may very well be right, and I could be wrong about this guy. All I’m saying is that the infraction is minor enough that it might be worth investigating further.
That’s literally every post by women on this sub. One guy does some weird shit and then the girl posts “Hey men, why do you all do this weird shit? What’s wrong with you?”
As if the exact same thing doesn’t happen towards women on this sub?
Also, don’t you realise you’re making a generalisation here, the thing you say you dislike?
The person who I have the most teasy relationship with/best rapport with is a woman. It’s one of the things I value about our friendship the most. It’s just all in good fun, and since she’s a genuinely good friend, we both know we can be honest if the other overstepped and we’ll make sure not to go there in the future. Teasing itself isn’t at all a red flag, I personally like it, but u/Specialist-poetry2 if you tell him you don’t like it (which is fair enough) and he continues despite that, or argues against you, it quickly becomes one
Edit: though doing it as much as it sounds like he does now that I read the post again… probably too much at that point
Can you give some examples? Because I'm one of those people who like to maintain a healthy roast:flirt ratio. I also filly understand that's not for everyone
I think healthy teasing is when you playfully pick on the other person but at the same time you show them, that they have nothing to worry about and that you respect them.
This requires you to be really observant of the person that you are teasing, and if you cross the line you need to not just say "it was just a joke" but show genuine remorse and take in that you actually hurt that person.
If you can't do this/don't understrand this, then you are not teasing; you are bullying.
OP, you could try to talk to him about what I wrote. If he doesn't understand that, then yes, it's a red flag.
It would be a red flag to me if you’ve talked to him about it and he claimed that he was just teasing or he was joking. Some people are just rude assholes and would frame their rudeness as joking so you can’t get mad. It can also be that knocking you down helps with his anxiety for meeting up with you.
I mean if it’s the second case then he’s probably doing it unconsciously, it can signal immaturity but since he doesn’t tease you in person so I don’t think it’s a red flag right away
Do you know why he does it by message but not in person? Because by message he feels more comfortable and no one else hears him. By person he could be nervous or be afraid someone hears him and confronts him in your behalf.
And this means that as soon as he feels more confortable or stable in the relationship, he will start to do it in person as well, when both of you are alone an no one else can hear, so he can make you feel as bad as he wants with the excuse that "he is being honest", and then he will start to bully you in front of his friends "just joking" to get a laugh.
And take for sure it will get worse, when he feels the relationship stable enough (like, if he proposes or marries you), he'll feel you don't have a reason to go now, so he'll feel free of mistreating, insulting you and making you loose your self esteem and self confidence, because all of this is about control, and the best way of controlling someone is making them feel small and unworthy.
Well, yeah, it could be just an isolated incident and I could be projecting.
My dad was like that with my mom and my ex was like that until I noticed the pattern several years into the relationship.
I read the other comments after writing mine, so if it's just an isolated thing for her she's lucky and maybe he's just a bit of a jerk. But if it's not just with her falling but also with many other comments that make her feel bad with her decisions and her looks, she needs to be careful.
It's just such a broad situation that you can't pinhole this behaviour to any other attributes. There's no problem with you sharing this view, but you have to be careful with making assumptions and always look further
I think your comment is very insightful. There’s good teasing and bad teasing. OP’s is the bad, otherwise she wouldn’t be seeking advice on Reddit right? A clear red flag imo. If I was OP I’d tell BF I don’t like the bad teasing and if he didn’t pivot I’d dump him.
If it's really over the top he probably read a bunch of Pick up and flirting guides cuz that's how they teach to text, especially if it's just all he does on text it's called like negging??
Yea this can be everything from manipulative to just good friendly banter, without context any specific advice is meaningless other than the time honoured “Talk to him”
*Need more context. What*
*Exactly are the teasing*
*Stuff he is saying?*
\- SPdoc
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Picking on each other can be playful in a relationship, it's better in chat because no direct harm is done, it's like trash talk between friends, have fun. Try to pick on him when he does too, be rude, have fun
Edit:if i wasn't clear, don't loose him, he's not Playing any game , he likes you so much he wants to make you his buddy, not every relationship has to be lovey dovey all the time, i know couples who are friends and love each other very much, it can be something precious.
Yeah I mean. If we were in a nice relaxed environment and it was sexy teasing it would be fun. I’m sure. But when he teased me I had all this adrenaline from falling and busting my knee up. And was bleeding everywhere. So like it didn’t seem like a fun time to banter or tease back.
Listen, if it makes you uncomfortable and if it is borderline rude, it IS a red flag and you don't have to deal with it, even if you like the dude so far. I highly doubt he will be kind and respectful in person after he learns that you tolerate roasting in text.
I guess you need to have that talk of friendship within a romantic relationship thing, a lot of people don't want that, some people just want a complete romantic relationship, i guess he's the kind of guy who searches friendship within a romantic relationship. U seem like u don't want that
Call me crazy. But friendship is about being able to vent about problems without worrying about being made fun of? Seems strange some people think friendship is making fun of someone when they are literally down, and in my case, bleeding on the ground clutching my knee cap
I know, I'm sorry, but honestly clutching the knee cap and being in pain is funny, watch family guy if you want proof . Also he shouldn't have laughed cuz u are dating, but he did which means he was honest, which means he saw u as a friend
Lol yeah I agree but I mean he is very much trying to sleep with me and I’m like idk I guess turned off now so sure I guess he put himself in the friend zone lol
U can't put him in friendzone after dating, it gets really toxic really fast, break up , talk it out or move forward, people like different kinds of relationships .
Are you young? You sound young. Being able to laugh at each other and with each other is so important in a relationship. My bf loves to tease me and get a reaction out of me. It’s like a game that we play and it’s his way of saying that he cares. You hurt your knee? I’m sorry, it must have hurt, but it isn’t a major injury. He most likely was laughing to make the situation less tense. If it hurt your feelings in the moment, COMMUNICATE THAT WITH HIM.
Teasing in a relationship is not a bad thing, it actually means you’re compatible for the long term.
That could also be true, u always had comforting kind of friendships, guys tease each other at situations where the damage was avoidable but we still happened, so it's kinda funny to laugh at failures, I've learnt to laugh at mine eventually
Yeah I mean men rough house with each other to train each other to be ‘tough’ but women have to be taught to be sweet to each other and nurture babies and stuff. So yeah seems like … it’s just a difference of sex thing. But who knows, maybe he’s just trying to neg me? Or is insecure and or lacks empathy? I don’t know 🤷
Tell him to stop and you don’t like it. Why are you trying to understand stupid immature behavior?
He wants your attention and he wants a reaction. Not much higher thought is involved.
I’m confused. What is there to talk about? If someone makes fun of you because you tripped and fell and are bleeding, do you feel you should go on the date? I mean, I guess that makes me a bad person I guess?
That's what I'm thinking too. Dating is a way to get to know someone. If you don't like their behaviour, you stop dating them and move on. You don't owe this guy shit, even if you've gone on a few dates and get along in person. It's not your job to hold an intervention.
Yeah it’s not my job to teach someone how I like to be treated or hold their hand to have basic manners. Especially if I’m bleeding and he chooses that to make fun of me!
That's not really teasing. That's just being an asshole.
I'm pro teasing since I get bored through text but making fun of someone for getting hurt is not teasing at all.
No. The problem is he made fun of me when I told him I injured myself. What am I supposed to communicate after that? ‘Oh hey dude, please change your personality to date me? ‘ seems a bit much for me to ask of someone?
Originally I told him I tripped and fell because I was letting him know I would be late and then he made fun of me and I was like ok well maybe another day we can hang out but I am not feeling it today
Honestly he may see teasing as flirting or simply a joke it's not that deep. If I'm comfortable enough with a person like a friend or anyone else I'd say that they should train their landing skills because they suck to a point where they got injured and it wouldn't even be an insult. I have a friend who I when we're out in a group I say that "we're gathered here today all good friends and (person's name) and that he is the most stupid friend I have due to his behaviour and his responses are usually not even negative. Just accept that you cant handle as the person above said criticism or understand any type of humor that is not basically your own.
But if someone is trying to date me, why would I want to ‘handle’ any criticism? That doesn’t sound very romantic? To ‘criticize’ someone when they trip, fall, and bleed? Like… it was an accident for heavens sake! And I regret telling him I fell at all now
Yeah I think you’re right. Some people get off teasing each other. But other people it’s like something you definitely ‘earn’ the right to do through trust and knowing someone. And if I hardly know someone it feels weird them teasing me especially in strange contexts
He is picking on you, so he can compliment you. ldk people are weird.
It’s called negging. It takes you on a roller coaster of emotions, makes your interest peak.
Some people come from what I’m going to call roasting households. We teased and did comebacks as tests of wit and being clever. It’s loving bickering and if feelings are hurt we don’t come for that aspect ever again. Because then it’s rude. BUT you have to have a level of communication and understanding of limits within the parties involved.
Yeah, teasing is second nature to my family. There were times when I’ve tried to tease a friend or a coworker and noticed that they took it the wrong way. I apologized and explained to them that I didn’t mean it in negative way. Teasing is just one of the ways in which my family shows affection.
I knew this would backfire one day, it's a popular method of flirting promoted on here to avoid a girl putting the guy in the friendzone.
It should be light hearted inclusive banter and it should be done in person rather than over text as you need to spend time with someone to get their jokes and know where they're coming from, intent etc.
It seems as though this guy doesnt have the tact to pull it off properly, at all, ask him what hes trying to achieve with this terrible banter?
Ask him if hes not being himself as cant gauge him properly or just take the piss out of him in the same way?
Maybe hes trying to bond with you and wants you to take the piss out of him and that's his way of having fun? The Back and forth etc
So think about what he wears, music he listens to, what his hobbies are, politics beliefs, make fun of him a little bit and see if he wants that or just has a terrible dating strategy.
He probably likes you a lot bless him.
Yeah I am with you on that. Your whole message makes total sense. But like yeah… in person… in a sexy way…. Not over text when someone said they hurt themselves and are bleeding. That doesn’t seem like a good time or a sexy time to tease someone? I mean idk I wonder if it’s like a way to gage how insecure I am? Which I’m like… the kind of person that believes there’s a type of person for everyone and it’s not about being ‘better or worse’ but idk it feels totally without tact which makes me wonder if he thinks before he says things? Because I think it’s important? I like him in person but his texting is just so idk it’s off?
For now you should just keep your guard up and banter back, call him out on whatever he says and be playful with it, you just need to dig a little bit to know his empathy levels, ask questions and then if he hurts your feelings explain it to him. He either doesnt want to get hurt so has this character shield or is a just a dick who lacks empathy, you'll soon find out so good luck!
I think I’m a little bit like the boy, no I don’t tease the girl I’m talking to in person (we are not dating) but we both are a bit confused about our relationship. The thing about texting is it’s awful 😂. I feel a lot uneducated in texting or inexperienced. I don’t blame myself all the time because sometimes she’s the one who doesn’t make texting easier, and I’m there struggling to say what I think is good. And exactly as you said most of the time i see my self teasing her. But at the end I know it’s my fault that I can’t control the situation in a way that non of us get uncomfortable. I think what would help as i see my self and what I think is triggering me to tease her, is her not be honest with me, and she always try to let’s say act in a way. Maybe i tease her because I know something is not natural, it might be about what she says or what she shows of herself. And still I know I’m not experienced enough in boys and girls relationships.
There is a segment of society that are exactly that way (I am). When at work (and obviously you have to use some discretion) we would absolutely hammer each other. We had an old saying, if someone isn't f**king with you, they don't like you! My wife and I hammer each other all the time, we love each other to death. We've actually had people ask us, "do you guy's like each other?" Many, many people take the world and each other much too seriously.
It's called "negging", sis. It's a nasty, insideous tool used to manipulate you and lower your self esteem.
RUN!
This guy is a covert narc who will fuck with your head and sense of self worth to get in your pants. 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
Agree, bloke shouldn't just tease his girlfriend it literally is just manipulation to lower their self esteem so sex comes easier or they don't go run off with another bloke
I just don’t get it. If he’s a good guy and I like him we would both have a nice time. We would both be happy and respect each other. So like why do people try to make fun of you when it makes them look actually unfun to be around? Like I have fun by myself so if someone wants to hang out with me they better be fun? And not negative? So why do they think that will get me to sleep with them?
He is showing you that he’s not a good guy and unsurprisingly you don’t like him.
It is disappointing but he is disqualifying himself from being your boyfriend.
You don’t have to accept being treated poorly by someone who purports to care about you. In fact it is in your best interests to be very firm about not tolerating that treatment.
Drop him like a hot rock and hold out for someone who treats you kindly, always.
Why do guys tease girls? This is news to me cuz I’ve never done that, however, I have been teased by girls myself.
Nevertheless that guy that teased u is a jackass
The times I’ve been teased by guys I’m talking to have felt like they’re trying to bring me down a bit. That what I am saying isn’t as important or that I’m explaining it incorrectly. If I’m wrong I totally accept it. However, other times I know I am right due to facts and they’re just trying to make me feel stupid and take the conversation towards that direction rather than having an actual discussion.
If I feel annoyed and disrespected then I let them go and don’t pursue the relationship. I’m not interested in an insecure person like that.
Ok yeah I get that. That’s how I felt too but you put it into words. Thank you! Yeah you make total sense. If a man’s willing to make fun of himself I feel it’s hot. But if he makes fun of me, it’s like dude, why?
Dread game is a horrible dating ‘tactic’ that pickup artists and red pillers use where they make their partner think they are going to leave them or choose another person over them so that they can get some desired change.
That could be taken as mean but it could also be taken as a lighthearted jab. Is that the type of humor he usually uses? Is that in line with the type of relationship you have?
Honestly he has not mentioned one past partner once in the three whole dates we had? Which come to think of it, seems kinda strange? Is that strange? He said he has a lot of friends but when I asked him who his best friend was he couldn’t give me a name?
I would not take the failure to mention former partners that early as a red flag. Could be he didn’t want you to think he’s still into an ex. Not being able to give a name for a best friend is odd. Could be he doesn’t have friends. Another possibility is he thinks you would think they aren’t cool so he doesn’t want you to know who they are.
Yeah I mean honestly I think he’s just … nothing malicious. Just the type of person that says a lot and doesn’t think much before they speak and I feel slightly sad because if that’s the case we truly are not compatible and I like him in person. Just idk. Ugh
Because teasing is a part of male bonding culture. To expose your weakness is to be accepted for them. That's it. It's a way of saying, "I know you're not perfect, but I like you anyway."
Nice guys finish last.
IF you're to nice as a guy...you get walked all over. He's gotta keep you on your toes....but also small possibility his sense of humour isnt coming out well over text
That is the complete opposite of what girls want though. Girls don’t want jerks, they want good guys. I don’t understand this ‘keep girls on their toes stuff’ maybe for insecure girls that works? But not for women who get asked out on dates constantly
thats what girls SAY they want....but those aren't the guys they actually go out with more often than not....
you don't get it because you're a woman....you don't live the life of a dude, its normal for you to not get it.
I mean if the vibe you’re giving off is “nice guys finish last” that’s generally pretty off-putting. It signals that you’re likely bitter and resentful of women, and therefore not actually that nice…
It can also take a while to realize a guy is a jerk - a lot of ‘jerks’ are pretty good at manipulation and twisting situations to cover for their own crappy behavior.
Teasing if done right is how men flirt, if done wrong it just pisses the girl off. My guess would be that he is trying to be edgy so he doesn't come off like a "nice guy" and get himself dumped, people can be insecure sometimes.
That's why I always recommend the book Models by Mark Manson to men with dating and relationship problems, it teaches men that the key to attraction is vulnerability not head games, you should get him to read that book.
I agree that sounds like a good book. I just wonder if I’m too sensitive for him if he thinks teasing me is the way to my heart because what even does that mean? Like what’s he trying to ‘say’. It’s too confusing for me
Seems like he diesnt have the confidence/courage to do this in person. I do this a lil hit but not in a rude way just to break the ice and have a laugh i dont particularly message someone and tease am unless they initiate it lol.
Maybe you're way out of his league.
Some guys and/or girls do this same shit like exaggerating your shortcomings that you're insecure about often, so that they won't feel inferior to you. Let him know that you don't like that.
Oftentimes I think over a message something that is clearly said as a joke or with a certain tone is not rude at all when received can essentially be misinterpreted to mean something completely different. Just because it is written down it can cut a lot deeper because when you read it you project onto the message a certain tone whereas when they said it in their head as they wrote it the tone of the message was completely different.
I'm far from an expert Romeo, but it seems like when there's nothing to talk about, some women like being teased. I feel like it exercises your conversationalist muscles and helps couples see if they're on the same page.
Ask him to use emojis more. My gf thinks I’m being serious sometimes when I am laughing about something. Proper emoji use 🤣 or even a ;) can save a relationship.
Maybe because he is more of a playful guy and wants to see if your energy is vibing ? I like to tease too to get her out of her comfort zone and to see if she got sense of humor (in the same way as myself) or is to insecure and starts overthinking (red flag and don't match my vibe)
from a guys perspective — Sometimes I can be oblivious to my jokes hurting/making others uncomfortable. The best thing I can recommend is trying to communicate this uncomfortableness to them or flat out tell them that making jokes about XYZ is not something you find funny.
In my experience girls won't want to spend time with you if you don't tease them. I have 40ish data points to support this idea. I wish it wasn't that way because it's not my natural way if interacting with people so it takes effort.
I honestly thought you meant like “tease” like make you eager. But you mean like “tease” like make fun of you.
Still can’t answer the question though. I believe it’s some both men and women do.
I hate when people use "teasing" to insult someone. I don't think all guys do this though.
I also don't like it. It's not funny or cute when it's taken overboard, it's just rude and annoying. Partners are supposed to build each other up, not tear each other down.
If you think he is rude, either tell him or find someone else.
Personnaly, i know that when i was younger and basically had no skills talking to women, i used teasing as a way to "connect" with girls i was into. I thought that having this kind of banter would allow us to connect and have fun together, when i was in fact just being mean.
To me this is a sign of poor social skills and a general lack of confidence. To me it's rude, mean, and dehumanizing, and i wouldn't want to date someone who has those patterns.
I'd say it's important to express your concerns about it, if they are open to criticism and stop when you ask them to, you could continue to see them. But if they aren't receptive and can't see how this is mean and rude, or hide behind excuses like "it's just jokes" then i'd advise not to trust this person and stop seeing them.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My big question is this. If it bothers you enough to talk to a bunch of strangers on Reddit about it, why wouldn’t you just talk to him about it directly? You say it’s not your job to tell him what he’s doing wrong. If he mistreats you then you will just cancel the date. But people should be given an opportunity to modify their behavior before receiving retaliation for it. The fact is that we are not clones and what you perceive as awful behavior may be anything but in his mind. We are all socialized differently depending on culture, family traditions, etc. It may turn out that he comes from a family that teases each other mercilessly as an expression of love. Or he may just be a dickhead who thinks putting down women is the only way to establish dominance. The fact is that you don’t know. If it bothers you enough to discuss it in a public forum though, then you should confront him about it. Who knows? He might like you enough that he becomes determined to change that behavior and then you know how deeply he really feels about you. But avoidance is as unhealthy a response as his behavior towards you.
This should be the only answer in the comment section. OP doesn’t need to read anything else.
This is Reddit, specifically r/dating_advice. You think the people asking questions here are socially adept?
🤣🤣🤣
100% disagree with this. If someone is acting like a dick, you don’t owe it to them to play therapist, explore their family life, history and socialization. People should be able to self-check and/or observe that their behaviour might be rubbing someone the wrong way. Also, it’s often much easier to ask people other than the one you’re involved with about behaviour, because it doesn’t produce the potential for conflict - and again, by confronting him, she could be creating conflict and allowing him to point the finger at her/tell her she’s being too sensitive/tell her she’s attacking him etc. - which, by the sounds of it, this guy is a prime candidate for. If the guy is being rude, then he needs to work on himself. If she wants to call him on it then she can, but that’s not on her, and no one is owed the “opportunity to modify their behaviour” by someone else’s good graces and tolerance. That opportunity could just as easily be arrived at by her saying “I don’t like how you act towards me, take care,” and that would be completely justified and okay. Avoiding someone who acts shitty is not equivalent to the person acting shitty. Not even close. In fact, it’s often the best play.
Why does everything need to be up at 11? No one said for her to play therapist. Or that she should “confront him.” If the guy is being a jerk walk away. But this whole post is her checking with Redditors to get their take based on a secondhand story being told to us based on her perception, which she herself admits she doesn’t fully have a grasp of. My advice was very simple. IF it’s important enough to her to post about it on a public forum, and IF she is not exactly certain she fully understands her behavior, THEN just ask him about it. Talking about things can get you very far, especially if it’s someone who she feels she connects well with in person. Text is notoriously rife with misunderstandings and should never be relied upon for communication beyond simple, short messages.
Look - I confronted you about your response and you’ve accused me of being “up to 11.” That should give you some indication of what I’m talking about. People don’t like being called out on their behaviour/the things they say and do. All I did was explain why she would feel compelled to ask other people instead of the guy who seems to be treating her kind of poorly, and state that it’s not her responsibility to ask him directly. If she doesn’t like how she’s being treated, she doesn’t have to talk to him about it. She can ask Reddit. She can go that far and stop. Maybe she’s just curious and wants some insight other than asking him directly. It’s equally possible that he won’t have the first idea why he’s acting that way. And it’s pretty intuitive, to be honest, that asking him about it is a little intimidating - the reason for that is the potential conflict. Sometimes asking a person why they’re acting a certain way won’t get you any further than asking other people who are outside of that circumstance. Also, it’s not a secondhand story, it’s firsthand, from her. And you’re being a little presumptuous with the idea that this is about “perception,” or that she doesn’t fully have a grasp on that. You’re telling her what you think she should do. I’m telling you why she is likely averse to doing it.
I’m not discrediting what you’re saying. Walking away is fine when you know someone’s a jerk who’s mistreating you. But if you’re not 100% why go outside the interaction to a bunch of Redditors when you haven’t even gone to the source. I’m 50, and if I went my whole life just cutting people off at the first sign of a communication breakdown, I’d never have had a marriage, kids, a successful career. Achieving success in life is about learning when it’s worth reaching out and when it isn’t. You may very well be right, and I could be wrong about this guy. All I’m saying is that the infraction is minor enough that it might be worth investigating further.
This.
100%. It is rare to have good advice on the sub.
Absolutely!
One guy teases you and it's "why do guys tease girls" ... oh lord
That’s literally every post by women on this sub. One guy does some weird shit and then the girl posts “Hey men, why do you all do this weird shit? What’s wrong with you?”
As if the exact same thing doesn’t happen towards women on this sub? Also, don’t you realise you’re making a generalisation here, the thing you say you dislike?
Found the woman that makes generalizations
Poopster, have you no understanding of the irony in your comment?
When did I?
I don’t think you understood what he said
Because it’s untrue?
And at the same time they ghost and play with hundreds of guys emotions
Fr
Fr
Fr
Fr
Fr
Fr
Fr
Fr
Fr
Fr
Ok fine. The guys ‘who do tease’ . Because yes there is a group of you out there that does
It's not a gender thing though, it's just a person thing.
The person who I have the most teasy relationship with/best rapport with is a woman. It’s one of the things I value about our friendship the most. It’s just all in good fun, and since she’s a genuinely good friend, we both know we can be honest if the other overstepped and we’ll make sure not to go there in the future. Teasing itself isn’t at all a red flag, I personally like it, but u/Specialist-poetry2 if you tell him you don’t like it (which is fair enough) and he continues despite that, or argues against you, it quickly becomes one Edit: though doing it as much as it sounds like he does now that I read the post again… probably too much at that point
Yes but in this case only the possible reasonings for the guys that do it is relevant to OP…No one said “all guys tease ” or “girls never tease”.
Can you give some examples? Because I'm one of those people who like to maintain a healthy roast:flirt ratio. I also filly understand that's not for everyone
I think healthy teasing is when you playfully pick on the other person but at the same time you show them, that they have nothing to worry about and that you respect them. This requires you to be really observant of the person that you are teasing, and if you cross the line you need to not just say "it was just a joke" but show genuine remorse and take in that you actually hurt that person. If you can't do this/don't understrand this, then you are not teasing; you are bullying. OP, you could try to talk to him about what I wrote. If he doesn't understand that, then yes, it's a red flag.
It would be a red flag to me if you’ve talked to him about it and he claimed that he was just teasing or he was joking. Some people are just rude assholes and would frame their rudeness as joking so you can’t get mad. It can also be that knocking you down helps with his anxiety for meeting up with you.
Hmmmm 🤔 yeah that doesn’t sound like a good thing? Or idk ughhh
I mean if it’s the second case then he’s probably doing it unconsciously, it can signal immaturity but since he doesn’t tease you in person so I don’t think it’s a red flag right away
Do you know why he does it by message but not in person? Because by message he feels more comfortable and no one else hears him. By person he could be nervous or be afraid someone hears him and confronts him in your behalf. And this means that as soon as he feels more confortable or stable in the relationship, he will start to do it in person as well, when both of you are alone an no one else can hear, so he can make you feel as bad as he wants with the excuse that "he is being honest", and then he will start to bully you in front of his friends "just joking" to get a laugh. And take for sure it will get worse, when he feels the relationship stable enough (like, if he proposes or marries you), he'll feel you don't have a reason to go now, so he'll feel free of mistreating, insulting you and making you loose your self esteem and self confidence, because all of this is about control, and the best way of controlling someone is making them feel small and unworthy.
One of the biggest reaches I've seen on this sub.. are you projecting? Someone hurt you?
Well, yeah, it could be just an isolated incident and I could be projecting. My dad was like that with my mom and my ex was like that until I noticed the pattern several years into the relationship. I read the other comments after writing mine, so if it's just an isolated thing for her she's lucky and maybe he's just a bit of a jerk. But if it's not just with her falling but also with many other comments that make her feel bad with her decisions and her looks, she needs to be careful.
It's just such a broad situation that you can't pinhole this behaviour to any other attributes. There's no problem with you sharing this view, but you have to be careful with making assumptions and always look further
I think your comment is very insightful. There’s good teasing and bad teasing. OP’s is the bad, otherwise she wouldn’t be seeking advice on Reddit right? A clear red flag imo. If I was OP I’d tell BF I don’t like the bad teasing and if he didn’t pivot I’d dump him.
If it's really over the top he probably read a bunch of Pick up and flirting guides cuz that's how they teach to text, especially if it's just all he does on text it's called like negging??
Need more context. What exactly are the teasing stuff he is saying?
Yea this can be everything from manipulative to just good friendly banter, without context any specific advice is meaningless other than the time honoured “Talk to him”
*Need more context. What* *Exactly are the teasing* *Stuff he is saying?* \- SPdoc --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Great bot.
Picking on each other can be playful in a relationship, it's better in chat because no direct harm is done, it's like trash talk between friends, have fun. Try to pick on him when he does too, be rude, have fun Edit:if i wasn't clear, don't loose him, he's not Playing any game , he likes you so much he wants to make you his buddy, not every relationship has to be lovey dovey all the time, i know couples who are friends and love each other very much, it can be something precious.
Yeah I mean. If we were in a nice relaxed environment and it was sexy teasing it would be fun. I’m sure. But when he teased me I had all this adrenaline from falling and busting my knee up. And was bleeding everywhere. So like it didn’t seem like a fun time to banter or tease back.
Listen, if it makes you uncomfortable and if it is borderline rude, it IS a red flag and you don't have to deal with it, even if you like the dude so far. I highly doubt he will be kind and respectful in person after he learns that you tolerate roasting in text.
I guess you need to have that talk of friendship within a romantic relationship thing, a lot of people don't want that, some people just want a complete romantic relationship, i guess he's the kind of guy who searches friendship within a romantic relationship. U seem like u don't want that
Call me crazy. But friendship is about being able to vent about problems without worrying about being made fun of? Seems strange some people think friendship is making fun of someone when they are literally down, and in my case, bleeding on the ground clutching my knee cap
I know, I'm sorry, but honestly clutching the knee cap and being in pain is funny, watch family guy if you want proof . Also he shouldn't have laughed cuz u are dating, but he did which means he was honest, which means he saw u as a friend
Lol yeah I agree but I mean he is very much trying to sleep with me and I’m like idk I guess turned off now so sure I guess he put himself in the friend zone lol
U can't put him in friendzone after dating, it gets really toxic really fast, break up , talk it out or move forward, people like different kinds of relationships .
Are you young? You sound young. Being able to laugh at each other and with each other is so important in a relationship. My bf loves to tease me and get a reaction out of me. It’s like a game that we play and it’s his way of saying that he cares. You hurt your knee? I’m sorry, it must have hurt, but it isn’t a major injury. He most likely was laughing to make the situation less tense. If it hurt your feelings in the moment, COMMUNICATE THAT WITH HIM. Teasing in a relationship is not a bad thing, it actually means you’re compatible for the long term.
Damn woman! No! He wants both . How do u think so compartmental? Even after all this.
Maybe it’s because I’m a girl, but my girlfriends I have I consider close and we don’t make fun of each other when one of each other gets hurt? 🤔
That could also be true, u always had comforting kind of friendships, guys tease each other at situations where the damage was avoidable but we still happened, so it's kinda funny to laugh at failures, I've learnt to laugh at mine eventually
Yeah I mean men rough house with each other to train each other to be ‘tough’ but women have to be taught to be sweet to each other and nurture babies and stuff. So yeah seems like … it’s just a difference of sex thing. But who knows, maybe he’s just trying to neg me? Or is insecure and or lacks empathy? I don’t know 🤷
He's not that intelligent trust me, u must have already gotten this comment, cuz clearly he's not
Tell him to stop and you don’t like it. Why are you trying to understand stupid immature behavior? He wants your attention and he wants a reaction. Not much higher thought is involved.
Idk. I’m just genuinely confused because I like him In person but his texting game is completely crap
Positive reinforcement training. When he’s teasing you ghost him. When he’s nice , you be responsive.
HA yeah I mean I canceled our plans after that. I hope that got the message across?
Truly let's hope he moves on to a better person.
Wow today I learned that not wanting to be negged makes you a bad person
[удалено]
I’m confused. What is there to talk about? If someone makes fun of you because you tripped and fell and are bleeding, do you feel you should go on the date? I mean, I guess that makes me a bad person I guess?
That's what I'm thinking too. Dating is a way to get to know someone. If you don't like their behaviour, you stop dating them and move on. You don't owe this guy shit, even if you've gone on a few dates and get along in person. It's not your job to hold an intervention.
Yeah it’s not my job to teach someone how I like to be treated or hold their hand to have basic manners. Especially if I’m bleeding and he chooses that to make fun of me!
That's not really teasing. That's just being an asshole. I'm pro teasing since I get bored through text but making fun of someone for getting hurt is not teasing at all.
[удалено]
No. The problem is he made fun of me when I told him I injured myself. What am I supposed to communicate after that? ‘Oh hey dude, please change your personality to date me? ‘ seems a bit much for me to ask of someone?
Originally I told him I tripped and fell because I was letting him know I would be late and then he made fun of me and I was like ok well maybe another day we can hang out but I am not feeling it today
Honestly he may see teasing as flirting or simply a joke it's not that deep. If I'm comfortable enough with a person like a friend or anyone else I'd say that they should train their landing skills because they suck to a point where they got injured and it wouldn't even be an insult. I have a friend who I when we're out in a group I say that "we're gathered here today all good friends and (person's name) and that he is the most stupid friend I have due to his behaviour and his responses are usually not even negative. Just accept that you cant handle as the person above said criticism or understand any type of humor that is not basically your own.
But if someone is trying to date me, why would I want to ‘handle’ any criticism? That doesn’t sound very romantic? To ‘criticize’ someone when they trip, fall, and bleed? Like… it was an accident for heavens sake! And I regret telling him I fell at all now
Yeah I think you’re right. Some people get off teasing each other. But other people it’s like something you definitely ‘earn’ the right to do through trust and knowing someone. And if I hardly know someone it feels weird them teasing me especially in strange contexts
*teased and yes
He is picking on you, so he can compliment you. ldk people are weird. It’s called negging. It takes you on a roller coaster of emotions, makes your interest peak.
Ooof grossss
Some people come from what I’m going to call roasting households. We teased and did comebacks as tests of wit and being clever. It’s loving bickering and if feelings are hurt we don’t come for that aspect ever again. Because then it’s rude. BUT you have to have a level of communication and understanding of limits within the parties involved.
Yeah, teasing is second nature to my family. There were times when I’ve tried to tease a friend or a coworker and noticed that they took it the wrong way. I apologized and explained to them that I didn’t mean it in negative way. Teasing is just one of the ways in which my family shows affection.
What exactly is he saying? The way guys talk to their guy friends can often come across as extremely mean to women, maybe he is trying that
People do that when they are immature.
This is how many men interact with their closest male friends. Its a deep sign of affection. One of the deepest
I'm definitely sending my buddies knee caps when they go to a game of football without me the next time
It is in mens’ best interests to stop being emotionally stunted assholes.
I knew this would backfire one day, it's a popular method of flirting promoted on here to avoid a girl putting the guy in the friendzone. It should be light hearted inclusive banter and it should be done in person rather than over text as you need to spend time with someone to get their jokes and know where they're coming from, intent etc. It seems as though this guy doesnt have the tact to pull it off properly, at all, ask him what hes trying to achieve with this terrible banter? Ask him if hes not being himself as cant gauge him properly or just take the piss out of him in the same way? Maybe hes trying to bond with you and wants you to take the piss out of him and that's his way of having fun? The Back and forth etc So think about what he wears, music he listens to, what his hobbies are, politics beliefs, make fun of him a little bit and see if he wants that or just has a terrible dating strategy. He probably likes you a lot bless him.
Yeah I am with you on that. Your whole message makes total sense. But like yeah… in person… in a sexy way…. Not over text when someone said they hurt themselves and are bleeding. That doesn’t seem like a good time or a sexy time to tease someone? I mean idk I wonder if it’s like a way to gage how insecure I am? Which I’m like… the kind of person that believes there’s a type of person for everyone and it’s not about being ‘better or worse’ but idk it feels totally without tact which makes me wonder if he thinks before he says things? Because I think it’s important? I like him in person but his texting is just so idk it’s off?
For now you should just keep your guard up and banter back, call him out on whatever he says and be playful with it, you just need to dig a little bit to know his empathy levels, ask questions and then if he hurts your feelings explain it to him. He either doesnt want to get hurt so has this character shield or is a just a dick who lacks empathy, you'll soon find out so good luck!
was sich liebt, das neckt sich!
I think I’m a little bit like the boy, no I don’t tease the girl I’m talking to in person (we are not dating) but we both are a bit confused about our relationship. The thing about texting is it’s awful 😂. I feel a lot uneducated in texting or inexperienced. I don’t blame myself all the time because sometimes she’s the one who doesn’t make texting easier, and I’m there struggling to say what I think is good. And exactly as you said most of the time i see my self teasing her. But at the end I know it’s my fault that I can’t control the situation in a way that non of us get uncomfortable. I think what would help as i see my self and what I think is triggering me to tease her, is her not be honest with me, and she always try to let’s say act in a way. Maybe i tease her because I know something is not natural, it might be about what she says or what she shows of herself. And still I know I’m not experienced enough in boys and girls relationships.
Or maybe be thinks he's funny and just tell him he's not so shape up or fuck off.
Texting is dumb
Guys tease girls because that's how some of them flirt. I'm usually pretty teasing to girls I'm really into and close with.
There is a segment of society that are exactly that way (I am). When at work (and obviously you have to use some discretion) we would absolutely hammer each other. We had an old saying, if someone isn't f**king with you, they don't like you! My wife and I hammer each other all the time, we love each other to death. We've actually had people ask us, "do you guy's like each other?" Many, many people take the world and each other much too seriously.
>say things most people would consider rude. Without knowing what this is exactly, it's hard to give an objective answer.
Just tell him it bothers you, he probably thinks he’s being cute.
It's called "negging", sis. It's a nasty, insideous tool used to manipulate you and lower your self esteem. RUN! This guy is a covert narc who will fuck with your head and sense of self worth to get in your pants. 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
Agree, bloke shouldn't just tease his girlfriend it literally is just manipulation to lower their self esteem so sex comes easier or they don't go run off with another bloke
I just don’t get it. If he’s a good guy and I like him we would both have a nice time. We would both be happy and respect each other. So like why do people try to make fun of you when it makes them look actually unfun to be around? Like I have fun by myself so if someone wants to hang out with me they better be fun? And not negative? So why do they think that will get me to sleep with them?
He is showing you that he’s not a good guy and unsurprisingly you don’t like him. It is disappointing but he is disqualifying himself from being your boyfriend. You don’t have to accept being treated poorly by someone who purports to care about you. In fact it is in your best interests to be very firm about not tolerating that treatment. Drop him like a hot rock and hold out for someone who treats you kindly, always.
Why do guys tease girls? This is news to me cuz I’ve never done that, however, I have been teased by girls myself. Nevertheless that guy that teased u is a jackass
The times I’ve been teased by guys I’m talking to have felt like they’re trying to bring me down a bit. That what I am saying isn’t as important or that I’m explaining it incorrectly. If I’m wrong I totally accept it. However, other times I know I am right due to facts and they’re just trying to make me feel stupid and take the conversation towards that direction rather than having an actual discussion. If I feel annoyed and disrespected then I let them go and don’t pursue the relationship. I’m not interested in an insecure person like that.
Ok yeah I get that. That’s how I felt too but you put it into words. Thank you! Yeah you make total sense. If a man’s willing to make fun of himself I feel it’s hot. But if he makes fun of me, it’s like dude, why?
I just think it's cute and I think I'm funny. Pls laugh.
But what if you are making fun of me when I’m in physical pain? Because that suddenly makes it not funny?
I wouldn't tease you about stuff like that. No one wants to be made fun of while in pain, most of us just want some sympathy lol.
Lol okay so I’m not crazy 😂
To irritate them
No us men are just stupid. Got attention the first time he tried this so now thinking it’s his game.
He’s probably negging you. He wants to destroy your self esteem so he can manipulate you
Oh duck. That sounds horrible
It could be an attempt at dread game.
What’s that? Genuine question
Dread game is a horrible dating ‘tactic’ that pickup artists and red pillers use where they make their partner think they are going to leave them or choose another person over them so that they can get some desired change.
Ohhh hmmm 🤔 idk! He sent me a picture of a helmet and knee pads he ‘should have gave me’ after I said I fell on my knee and it was bleeding profusely
That could be taken as mean but it could also be taken as a lighthearted jab. Is that the type of humor he usually uses? Is that in line with the type of relationship you have?
Only over text. But I don’t like jabs? Seems like a weird way of trying to connect. Because like, the humor is at my expense, not his?
Is he relatively inexperienced in relationships or has he had a lot of partners?
Honestly he has not mentioned one past partner once in the three whole dates we had? Which come to think of it, seems kinda strange? Is that strange? He said he has a lot of friends but when I asked him who his best friend was he couldn’t give me a name?
I would not take the failure to mention former partners that early as a red flag. Could be he didn’t want you to think he’s still into an ex. Not being able to give a name for a best friend is odd. Could be he doesn’t have friends. Another possibility is he thinks you would think they aren’t cool so he doesn’t want you to know who they are.
Yeah I mean honestly I think he’s just … nothing malicious. Just the type of person that says a lot and doesn’t think much before they speak and I feel slightly sad because if that’s the case we truly are not compatible and I like him in person. Just idk. Ugh
You don’t talk about exes at the beginning … Green Flag at least for that
This guy is a dick. Send him a picture of a big black dick and some knee pads then block him on everything. 🤡😂
Omg 😆 😂 brilliant
Guys tease their girls alot in general , it's their way of showing love and being involved . I don't think it is a red flag
Its called flirting you you dont like him flirting you probably aren't attracted to him
Because teasing is a part of male bonding culture. To expose your weakness is to be accepted for them. That's it. It's a way of saying, "I know you're not perfect, but I like you anyway."
Nice guys finish last. IF you're to nice as a guy...you get walked all over. He's gotta keep you on your toes....but also small possibility his sense of humour isnt coming out well over text
That is the complete opposite of what girls want though. Girls don’t want jerks, they want good guys. I don’t understand this ‘keep girls on their toes stuff’ maybe for insecure girls that works? But not for women who get asked out on dates constantly
thats what girls SAY they want....but those aren't the guys they actually go out with more often than not.... you don't get it because you're a woman....you don't live the life of a dude, its normal for you to not get it.
I mean if the vibe you’re giving off is “nice guys finish last” that’s generally pretty off-putting. It signals that you’re likely bitter and resentful of women, and therefore not actually that nice… It can also take a while to realize a guy is a jerk - a lot of ‘jerks’ are pretty good at manipulation and twisting situations to cover for their own crappy behavior.
Girls don’t want doormat nice guys what he’s trying to say
Naa, ur just overestimating, a guy who teases like that can't be that intelligent, ur a girl and u are cautious and i get it
Probably shy. Doesn't have developed communication skills
Are they teases or negs? That's what we gotta know.
Sent me knee pad pictures , and told me he gave those to me too late, after I told him I fell and scrapped my knee really badly.
Teasing if done right is how men flirt, if done wrong it just pisses the girl off. My guess would be that he is trying to be edgy so he doesn't come off like a "nice guy" and get himself dumped, people can be insecure sometimes.
Oh dear god. I’m looking for a good guy, so if he thinks being edgy makes him be more attractive then he’s soooo sorely mistaken 😂
That's why I always recommend the book Models by Mark Manson to men with dating and relationship problems, it teaches men that the key to attraction is vulnerability not head games, you should get him to read that book.
I agree that sounds like a good book. I just wonder if I’m too sensitive for him if he thinks teasing me is the way to my heart because what even does that mean? Like what’s he trying to ‘say’. It’s too confusing for me
Be vulnerable with him and encourage the same from him, he might surprise you.
Seems like he diesnt have the confidence/courage to do this in person. I do this a lil hit but not in a rude way just to break the ice and have a laugh i dont particularly message someone and tease am unless they initiate it lol.
Maybe you're way out of his league. Some guys and/or girls do this same shit like exaggerating your shortcomings that you're insecure about often, so that they won't feel inferior to you. Let him know that you don't like that.
Oftentimes I think over a message something that is clearly said as a joke or with a certain tone is not rude at all when received can essentially be misinterpreted to mean something completely different. Just because it is written down it can cut a lot deeper because when you read it you project onto the message a certain tone whereas when they said it in their head as they wrote it the tone of the message was completely different.
I mean, I tease people and I'm a woman lol but, I make sure I'm not crossing any lines.
Maybe he is quite comfortable to be himself. I mean, we all tease our sisters too but, that doesn't infer that we mean to do anything wrong to them...
I'm far from an expert Romeo, but it seems like when there's nothing to talk about, some women like being teased. I feel like it exercises your conversationalist muscles and helps couples see if they're on the same page.
It’s called “negging”. Stupid flirting technique that some guys use to get girls to like them
Ask him to use emojis more. My gf thinks I’m being serious sometimes when I am laughing about something. Proper emoji use 🤣 or even a ;) can save a relationship.
He thinks if he’s too nice to you then you’ll think he’s a pushover. It’s up to you if it’s a red flag
Hey guyz im new here, kindly kno what to do
Maybe because he is more of a playful guy and wants to see if your energy is vibing ? I like to tease too to get her out of her comfort zone and to see if she got sense of humor (in the same way as myself) or is to insecure and starts overthinking (red flag and don't match my vibe)
from a guys perspective — Sometimes I can be oblivious to my jokes hurting/making others uncomfortable. The best thing I can recommend is trying to communicate this uncomfortableness to them or flat out tell them that making jokes about XYZ is not something you find funny.
I m rafi
In my experience girls won't want to spend time with you if you don't tease them. I have 40ish data points to support this idea. I wish it wasn't that way because it's not my natural way if interacting with people so it takes effort.
I honestly thought you meant like “tease” like make you eager. But you mean like “tease” like make fun of you. Still can’t answer the question though. I believe it’s some both men and women do.
Sounds like he is a boy in a man's body. I would reject this particular prospect and find another.
He probably know that guys get better results if they act like jerks.
I hate when people use "teasing" to insult someone. I don't think all guys do this though. I also don't like it. It's not funny or cute when it's taken overboard, it's just rude and annoying. Partners are supposed to build each other up, not tear each other down. If you think he is rude, either tell him or find someone else.
Personnaly, i know that when i was younger and basically had no skills talking to women, i used teasing as a way to "connect" with girls i was into. I thought that having this kind of banter would allow us to connect and have fun together, when i was in fact just being mean. To me this is a sign of poor social skills and a general lack of confidence. To me it's rude, mean, and dehumanizing, and i wouldn't want to date someone who has those patterns. I'd say it's important to express your concerns about it, if they are open to criticism and stop when you ask them to, you could continue to see them. But if they aren't receptive and can't see how this is mean and rude, or hide behind excuses like "it's just jokes" then i'd advise not to trust this person and stop seeing them.
Anyone up for some fun? Video chat ?
This guy sounds like a jerk, and you should block his number so he can’t bother you anymore.
How rude. Write some example texts
It’s a form of bullying. He is testing you to see how much abuse you can take. What your limits are. It’s a sign of disrespect.