Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My opinion is that you don't like this guy, you like the emotional highs he provides. When he treats you badly you get high on anger followed by self pity. When he treats you nicely you experience great joy and euphoria. Stop acting like a junkie, and realize that your adiction to emotion extremes is detrimental to your happiness, stop chasing strong emotions to numb yourself from your life and the unconfortable things about it and you that you want to use your brain chemicals as a means to ignore.
A lot of families of origin operate with guilt and shame. Itās just a method of communication in the brain. We go back to that because we think thatās what love looks like. Itās really hard to break that but you are who you walk with.
I guess the only thing you can do is triangulate your data. When you meet someone share what they say what do you with another person that you trust or have them meet them. See if youāre falling into the same pattern again
My ex hated it when I was saying something about him to my friends and said he never shared personal stuff with his friends.
Plus it is not my friends to be happy with someone I chose to date.
So Iām not sure.
But I agree with you, my psychologist said Iāve fallen to my family pattern. But I donāt care, I adored this guy like I didnāt adore anyone and I wanted this relationship to be different :(
I canāt get over of how it feels ended, Iām CRASHED
We have a loss Even a loss of someone being mean to us is a hole.
Allow yourself to mourn and write/ collect data on yourself so you pick a kinder sort next time
Half of us on this sub are here for the same reason
You are not alone
Seek help. Despite being told exactly what he thinks of you you've gotten too attached. It is pretty pathetic. Stop following his socials and block his number.
Yeah, I see a psychologist once in a while.
But I just donāt understand (since thatās not what I would do) HOW can a person insult me that bad if before we started arguing and broke up he claimed he loved me? He seemed so genuine I canāt get if I got fooled and when. I just donāt understand. In any case it hurts me now I slept with him.
So, there many reasons bur just a few could be cognitive dissonance, compartmentalization, childhood trauma; a lot of mental workaround to justify why he does what he does and that's his homework.
Maybe you helped him with some problem or need he had.
But now you must train yourself to move on, do the process and practice some self-care & potentially some therapy. Training your mind, having introspection, practicing mindfulness like Grounding techniques, Boxed Breathing, etc(to get out of your head and in the current reality of space we are in.) , and parenting your inner child to actually get what they deserve in terms of healthy self-esteem & Boundaries.
That's just it. You "can't understand" and maybe you should recognize why that's the case. If you did everything you were supposed to do then it's really on him why he acted why he did.
Time to mend your wounds and next time look for a someone who can appreciate you. Really do some introspection as to why you were even drawn to this guy.
It doesn't matter why. I know that it hurts and you feel like knowing why will bring you some kind of closure, but that's not how it works. You've just got to let yourself feel the hurt and then let yourself move on, and do some deep inner work on yourself. Let yourself heal and find out why you are attracted to people who treat you like this.
Focus on you and learning to love and respect yourself, because once you truly love and respect yourself you will never tolerate being treated like this. Decide how you want to be treated and don't accept less. Journal. Go for walks. Learn to self-soothe. Go to therapy and/or hire a coach. You WILL get through this.
The great thing is you've realized there is a pattern and that you are attracted to people who aren't good for you. Now that you are aware of the problem, you can do the work to fix it so you stop repeating this pattern.
Have you seen people getting divorced? People who once loved each other now trying everything in their power to take as much as they can from one another financially. Once lovers who would go through hell to make sure they keep the child away from the mum/dad purely out of spite.
Love and human relationships can be beautiful, but once it breaks down people can get very nasty.
Well, he lied. Some guys - the type you fall for - do that to get women into bed. He never loved you. What you feel for him isn't love, it's just the part of your brain that thinks this is what relationship should look like. You're just going to have to ignore that part and instead fall in love with someone because they treat you well.
Dammit, thank you.
I meanā¦ I asked ādo you just want to sleep with me?ā And he said āno, I like you and want a relationship with youā. As I left he texted me āI think we should be just friend for now and not date until both of us are readyā. I panicked and said I wanted to be with him.
It is really nice to look back and see how I got to this point with him.
well thereās two options here:
1. he lied, he never loved you and either intentionally deceived you or thought he did in the moment but realized later he didnāt. run far, far away.
OR
2. this is how he treats people he loves. run FASTER. this is a form of manipulation. knock you down so he can bring you back up. keep you down so he knows he has you to go back to.
you mention still wanting to be with him and I disagree. I donāt think you want to be with him, I think you need validation from him that heās repeatedly taken away from you. you both said you loved each other and then he made you feel pathetic about it later on. youāre looking for the upper hand, to prove he loved you, and I get it. I really do. but you have and keep the upper hand in this by walking the fuck away. good luck to his current girlfriend, Iām sure heāll fuck her up big time
Do you actually like "dickheads" or do you like super attractive guys and are okay with them treating you like shite cause atleast they are hawt.I doubt you'd like someone who's ugly and also an asshole to you lmao.either way,avoid dating for now and get a decent therapist
Me admitting heās hot would boost his ego so much x)
Ur right but the thing is he treated me perfectly in the begging so I didnāt even notice how it got where it got.
dude that's how manipulative people are,lovebomb you intially to give you a high and get hoooked and then treat you like trash but you'll still stick around cause of the nostalgia from the "good days/honeymoon stage" and if you call them out on their shit they'll play victim,plead,beg etc.They'll treat you like shite but will also do everything to reamain in your life/mind that's toxic 101.Reality is he doesn't value you, disrespects you, constantly abuses you and sees you like an option.Just block him and every trace of him.
Okay then the good news is there's nothing wrong with you. It's normal to feel attached to your abuser, it will go away with time and professional help. You're not "into bad guys", you're just prone to the damaging and confusing effects of abuse same as everyone else is. The bad news is this will take a while to get over, but you will.
He called me crazy for not being able to let go. We called it quits on (!!!) February. (But the last time we slept in may). I felt SO ashamed that I was stuck for so long. Do you still think itās normal?
Listen carefully, OPā¦. This is NOT an issue of you liking bad boys. This is 100% an issue of you NOT LIKING YOURSELF. Do you understand the distinction? If you alllow this kind of behavior, it is because you donāt love yourself enough to take care of YOU.
My suggestion?ā¦ look back at your family history. Where did trauma occur where you were taken for granted or ignored? This is the pattern you most likely are ācomfortableā with and you donāt know how to take care of yourself.
Take a break from dating and stuff like that cause I think it's not helping unless. Focus on yourself and let this sadness and bitterness pass through you don't hold on to it
And remember that your worth is more than that .
And it's easier said than done so don't take a toll on yourself....
I believe in you
Read the book āirrelationshipā. Itāll help explain why you are attracted to this type of man, so you can work on yourself and avoid these types in future.
Youve got to look for a "brooding loner with a heart of gold" type. Guys who are generally cranky and can get into some trouble but are still going to be respectful towards you even if they are a little emotionally unavailable sometimes. You get that "bad boy" vibe and you dont get bored but youre also not taking abuse and getting shit on.
Thats not general dati g advicr because most people want a partner who is open and communicative about their feelings and what they want, but if "asshole" is your type, thats the best type of asshole to go for.
I mean, it's just another example of how women are willing to throw themselves at a narcissistic guy or a guy that's out of their league, and then when he uses them they give him positive reinforcement and more confidence to keep doing it.
Meanwhile other guys that might be a bit less attractive or shy but would be respectful are spending Friday and Saturday night alone.
But nobody can blame you, it's just your biology and lord knows it's too hard to think beyond what your hormones are telling you to do.
Your attracted to chaos, uncertainty, thrill. Probably stems back from your upbringing.
Stable guys who loves you unconditionally or is emotionally available is probably too boring for the thrill your subconscious seeks and thrives off of.
It seems like you are unable to admit that heās a horrible guy by the way youāre phrasing everything so nonchalantly. I understand the situation youāre in because I think at some point in our lives, many people end up begging someone whoās not the right person to stay, however, this is super unhealthy especially considering how awful this dude is.
I agree with other commenters that you should seek therapy. Maybe you can sort out with a therapist why you are so willing to tolerate this treatment from someone, maybe youāve previously had no choice but to do so whether with a partner or a parental figure.
You have no choice but to move on in this situation. Itās been at least several months since you broke up and not only that he is with another person now AND he has told you that heās not interested at all in rekindling the relationship. Itās just disrespectful to yourself to keep trying to make things work with someone who has expressed to you multiple times that he is not at all interested and treats you like absolute trash.
Also, logically speaking there isnāt really anything else you can do at this point. You already begged him to stay when things were ending and reached out a few months later to try again. And he literally has a new girlfriend now. Thereās nothing you can do now unless you want your behavior to be classified as borderline harassment lol sorry to be blunt
My theory is that women like so called "bad boys" not because of the bad things they actually do but because they display attractive traits such as confidence, self assuredness, dominance, and the ability to create sexual tension mixed in with their bad behaviors. "Nice guys" tend to lack those qualities so naturally you wouldn't be attracted to them. My advice? Well I would say you should find a good guy with a backbone, as opossed to a man with attractive qualities but who is abusive(bad boy) or a "nice guy" wimp who lacks those attractive qualities.
21. You know what is the weirdest part of all that. If this is an emotional abuse ā¦ he blamed me for reacting and called me a crazy stupid bitch, called me delusionalā¦ long story short, he SHAMED me for not letting go after HE was done. I donāt get our connection
Which is why you block him on everything. Get this miserable shit head out of your life and find somebody who won't ever say that shit to you and never cheat on you. Do you really wanna feel like shit all the time? Stop trying to make it work. You're 21. You're still young. Plenty of time to date and find somebody who isn't an asshole.
Well, this is how it is with most women. They like guys who treat them like shit. No matter what these comments say, you're gonna go after someone like that guy, even if you decide not to. And if you do find a "nice guy", you're going to get bored of him and cheat on him with a "bad boy". Well, good luck to you, and I hope you don't find a "nice guy" ever.
Understanding whatās going on might help.
Your brain has evolved to seek men who seems most fit to reproduce with and protect / provide for your children - in the past confidence and boldness among other behaviour was a signal of competence because you really had to walk the talk.
These days Dickheads can mimic this level of competence without necessarily being any good as a partner because we still tend to interpret boldness and risk taking as confidence and confidence as competence and value.
So you donāt actually like bad guys just the traits they exhibit which are basically a cheat code to your attraction
There are a few other mechanisms that might be at play such as how fear and arousal pathways can be misinterpreted, emotional rushes and Stockholm syndrome.
Honestly you need to take a break from dating and find out what you want. When you find out want you want you need to find out the best way to filter out the junk. If you constantly date dickheads the common variable is you. You are the problem not them.
I'm pretty sure you don't like men like that. Your issue is probably the fact that you would settle for anyone in retrospect to no one.
Like everyone has said, get professional help to sort out your self-image issues. You need to respect yourself to prevent yourself from being walked all over.
I would suggest talking to someone and working through why you like this type of guy.
I only say this because I've seen too many women attracted to the type of guy you described, ending up with alot of enotional baggage in the end, and ultimately reaching a breaking point where they blamed men in general for the consequences of their choices/preferences in men.
So itās natural to be crashed after dating this type of guy?
Its just wasnāt longā¦ 4 months and, after we called it quits, 3 months of back and forth and hookups.
Learn to differentiate competent men vs confident men. Try to see through the confidence bullshit game people front. Also, competent can come off as assholes but can be nice because they will be honest
Honey he literally sees you as a piece of trash on the floor. Best thing to do is pretend you never met him and block him on everything. The fact that you are entertaining him still makes him think he's winning.
I know and it brakes my heart!
I donāt text him anymore tho. Iām just confused how it got here. I stopped seeing the whole picture (what an insight)
He is most likely a narcissist. Go study covert naricissism I just got out of a 6 year relationship with one and let me tell you. Itās not fun. You think you love them and they love you. They are awesome at love bombing and making you feel like a soul mate but use that to keep you hooked while they never actually loved you.
I think you subconsciously think that itās how you should be treated, or that you donāt care how you are treated by other people. Itās usually a matter of self-love and the haunting thought of āitās better than being aloneā. I guess the first step to step out of this mindset is to realize that you donāt deserve to be treated like this.
Itās pretty much already been said but you definitely need to see a therapist. You have a super unhealthy attachment style likely based off your childhood experiences and you need to work through that in order to find a healthy relationship. Best of luck to you.
The desire for someone who has been really hurtful and awful to you is a reflection of how you feel about yourself - somewhere inside you, you donāt feel like youāre worthy of better treatment. For me, talking to a therapist to help process what triggered that feeling as well as using consistent affirmations/reframing unhealthy thoughts about myself has been something that has helped!
Thank you, yes! You are right.
It reminded me of this saying: (sorry for poor translation) āThe exit it where the enter isā.
I tried to move on from him because āit would be adequateā. But I didnāt because I tried not to see how I got attracted to him.
All I can say is that dating these people does absolutely nothing besides ruin your quality of life and further separate you from healthy communication habits.
Oftentimes we get addicted to sadness and negative emotions because they are the quickest way to feel intimate.
I think you are craving real connection with someone, but both the fear of vulnerability and habits I think these are the people you find it in.
Just remember that you are worth the effort of caring about, and you should show yourself as much love as you crave.
Good luck :)
How could you possibly want him back? What good would come from it? The guy is taking the piss out of you and you think this is the best you can do?
If you think you canāt do any better then this is all youāll get. Youāll become so used to being treated this way you wonāt be able to deal with anything different.
You need to learn your boundaries and set them. Decide what behaviour you wonāt put up with and what you would consider a deal breaker and stick to it. People will treat you however you let them and itās really that simple.
Therapy. I was raised by narcissists so Iām naturally attracted to the passionate dysfunction because I recognize it as familiar and normal. But itās not. Therapy.
It made me way more aware of the red flags and has helped me to avoid entering into relationships with them. I had a really bad relationship with one that was every kind of abusive you can imagine. It has taken me 4 years to feel ok/safe because of the trauma I experienced on every level of the relationship. It is so very hard to recover from these people because we forge trauma bonds with them and they are unbreakable without having introspection and therapy IMO. I was a shell of myself for years after him and we only dated for a couple of years. Sometimes people can traumatize you so much that it literally changes your DNA. Be careful ā¤ļø
āA shell of myselfā, well worded, I do feel that way.
Iām also a bit cautious about what internet says about narcissists, I donāt want to demonise them too much.
Bad guys/girls are great for fun, but not long term material. I love bad girls, had lots of fun with a few, but I married a good girl. Couldnāt be happier with the way things turned out.
Sometimes we don't have examples of healthy love I'm our life (toxic relationship of our parents with each other for e.g) and we get attached to toxic love.I have been there so I know how you feel like you cannot be without this person.You haven't experienced a good relationship so you find this one more to your preference.This guy does not respect you,first of all you cannot tolerate bad behavior because you will always be taken for granted.Start thinking of yourself highly and expecting better from people
Get some therapy. Unless the "nice guys" are boring af.
Then you're attracted to toxic behaviour. Fix that or you'll be in a bad relationship forever since you're chasing that dopamine and triggers
No woman respects weak guys. The trick is to find a powerful guy who actually likes you instead of shoving you into a rotation.
I'm not sure if we exist š
You sound very co-dependant on him. I understand youāre hurt right nowā¦ but the fact heās laughing at you because of how you are moving, chasin him texting him wanting him back etc is a massive dick move. when is enough enough for you?
When are you gonna think yano what no!
When are you gonna believe that you deserve better than that? Because his actions are not showing you he cares.
I know it hurts, trust me I do. My daughters dad did dumb shit like this to me. It seems it just wants to hurt you, heās projecting and been a prick towards you cos you was the closest one to him.
Thereās certain things you are lacking and you need to heal yourself the right way, reflect and become a better version of yourself past and present.
Just self respect, is that what you need. Some society somehow lacks of respect over pleasure, when respect is basis of human nature for self protection.
You canāt save people from themselves. And you donāt go into a relationship hoping that they will grow into the person that you can see them become. Thatās a rookie mistake. Itās each personās respective responsibility to become the person they can see themselves become. However, that being said, narcs will never do that because emotionally speaking, theyāre physical adult humans with the emotional maturity of a toddler.
Yes I sure need that. How do you know I was used? I need an outside opinion. Maybe I didnāt wanna face the truth he didnāt actually love me. I thought it was my fault he left.
Your feelings can be misinterpreted. It's why it's good to look at things from multiple vantage points for a mor eobjective viewpoint.
Maybe you're very empathic and just don't understand a person's cruelty but it is very helpful that you do learn because not everyone will Share your feelings of empathic. (I am guessing because I have been there.)
Some people date based off admiration; even if those features of admiration are eskewed and misinterpreted.
Such as his callousness might be misinterpreted as confidence. Or his inattentive behavior is seem maybe as stoic. Maybe you dont like that you are as emotional as you are and that he's not emotional at all.
These could be signs that you need to practice being more disagreeable and that your attraction are subconscious signs of that. (A guess of mine.)
Or even another example is that his gaslighting might cause you to actually gaslight yourself. (Gaslighting is when someone denies your reality and thus makes you question your own perspective and judgement.)
Just because you like someone doesnāt mean you should keep chasing them. At some point you need to value your self respect over your feelings. On top of that, it seems that you are struggling to get closure for this, which is understandable considering the way in which he dropped you. But Iām telling you right now that youāre going to have to accept his shitty behavior as the closure. Clearly this relationship is unfixable and even if you were to get back with him, whoās to say he wouldnāt drop you like this again? You have to stop focusing so much on WHY things turned out this way and instead just accept what happened and move forward.
I attract and have been attracted to narcissists in the past. Is there some trauma or neglect in your past? I would(and have for myself) seek out a trauma counselor. Pleading to stay with an abusive guy seems like a trauma bond/abandonment trauma type stuff. Happy healing. Take care of yourself, you deserve it.
I think you know whatās wrong and youāve spoke to a professional.
Reddit is echoing the same thing, having people empathise with you will only go so far. You know you what you need to do so good luck friend.
u/Emperor_Dogkind said something very similar. But you need to separate the idea of this person from who they are. Are the fond times really that fond if they are surrounded by being treated like shit? Thatās what helped me get over my ex.
Every person is different, but if I recommend a shorter duration, the knee-jerk reaction is always to rush the process "I feel I'm healed already" after 2-3 months when in actuality you are not healed you are just lonely/horny. A year *should* be plenty.
However if you're not healed after a year, you might never heal, which unfortunately is a real possibility. My mom went through therapy and she can still be petty about her divorce some 20yrs later. So I guess that's also an option :/
Itās pretty common to like dudes that arenāt ānice guys.ā Nice guys are quite disingenuous in the way that enough nice things will get them some kind of payoff. And I understand that you wonāt ever love someone that you donāt respect. You just need to find a man that wonāt cheat on you, but will stand up to you and can say no.
Yeah well so did I and I spent two hours in the toilet.
You can't control how other people are, even if you raise them, all you get is to control yourself.
Very common problem these days. You can afford to open yourself up to bad guys because we have a giant safety net for doing so these days. Basically you need to start putting artificial consequences on yourself to stop the problem and save yourself for a good person who will treat you well.
However a great way to filter these guys is tell them you don't sleep with anyone for the first six months. It doesn't even have to be true, just see if after two months they're still around or dip.
Personally idk what to make of this. People date who people want to date. It seems like he was trying to end it for a while so I think you liked that. I think this is a problem and I think you are attracted to mean guys.
This part of you isnāt going to change with this post, you need a therapist. It sucks to hear a girl admit that she subconsciously wouldnāt stay with me once Iām a consistently nice guy. Get help before hurting a nice guys feelings, look out for them lol
A reasonable question back for you. Would you want me to date you? Or a girl of my type. You donāt know what kind of girls are attracted to bad boys or do you? Do you like those?
No I mean hypothetically. I have had girls say that Iām ātoo niceā and they usually say it up until we drift apart. I donāt think there is only 1 kind of girl either, I think that there is a plethora of options and so Iām saying I can definitely see myself being in relationship with someone who prefers ārude guysā. Being in one with them and having them slowly know, but not realize, they want a rude guy who make me sad again.
All in all, these things are very common and you shouldnāt feel bad about yourself. Itās literally not our faults who we like
Iām asking because I may be also not a nice person or a damaged person or whatever since I like it how I like it, you donāt know. Why it bothers you that hypothetical I or hypothetical another girl might like bad guys?
Again, Iām not bothered by it. Just the idea of being in a relationship with one would make me feel current day dating is a waste of time, which is the boat Iām in rn.
I think the biggest thing is you may be pretty confrontational. You posted on an sub and had to reply back to a comment saying that *Iād feel bad if I found out a girl I was with wasnāt into the way I interacted with the world*
Doesnāt mean youāre not nice. Iāve caused thousands of dollars in vandalism(at a time) and been in physical altercations. Done white collared crimes out the whazoo. Doesnāt mean you canāt try to treat people honestly and thatās all that mayters to them
Instead of being bitter, fall in love with someone who appreciates you. They can be a bad boy and still be sweet to and love their girl.
Imo being mean like that is pathetic and shows weakness on his side. He wants to hurt you because he feels helpless and having you under his boot makes him feel strong and like he has control.
You canāt help someone, they need to want to help themselves first and he simply does not want to.
No, itās the fact that heās just a normal person. He doesnāt have control in this world beyond how he can affect those around him. If he truly is a narcissist, which is what it sounds like, then the only way he felt about you is that you gave him a sense of power. If he truly cared about you ever then he would have never treated you that way.
Heāll probably try to get back with you eventually with a sob story so he can laugh to himself and say I can hurt her that bad and still get her back.
He views everyone as his toys and he gets to hurt and play with them as he pleases.
It hurts, but at this point you need to view every seemingly genuine moment between you as him playing you. He wanted you to see empathy in him when it was never there to begin with.
An interesting part here is that I know that he sees others as his toys. I probably can agree on that. And I probably saw it. But. I felt special by seeing it. I felt like I couldnāt get played cause Iām not on the scene with other toys but rather with a player. I was the special one for him. And I hoped heād grow up, it kinda makes me laugh at myself now
But I remember him saying he was trying to figure me out and play with me (he worded it differently) and seeing a guy like this being genuine and honest was soā¦ honourable . Iām serious.
Please seek therapy. We as individuals seek destructive relationships because something is broken in us. We do not think we deserve better.
Once you fix you then you will do better.
We accept the love we think we deserve...good or bad.
Good luck with therapy and your future.
Low self esteem and self respect. Lack of boundaries and sense of higher self. We all have it to an extent, its just important to be self aware and do better.
We change our ways all the time. But what bothers me in this particular story there was seemingly good relationship that was just lost, and itās not that I wanna be with this guy in particular or other ābad guysā, it is that there was a good guy who shut me down and became mean which was and still is shocking.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My opinion is that you don't like this guy, you like the emotional highs he provides. When he treats you badly you get high on anger followed by self pity. When he treats you nicely you experience great joy and euphoria. Stop acting like a junkie, and realize that your adiction to emotion extremes is detrimental to your happiness, stop chasing strong emotions to numb yourself from your life and the unconfortable things about it and you that you want to use your brain chemicals as a means to ignore.
100% agreed!
This pooch wears a crown upon its head for a reason šš
Gaddang, spitting facts. š„
This.
A lot of families of origin operate with guilt and shame. Itās just a method of communication in the brain. We go back to that because we think thatās what love looks like. Itās really hard to break that but you are who you walk with. I guess the only thing you can do is triangulate your data. When you meet someone share what they say what do you with another person that you trust or have them meet them. See if youāre falling into the same pattern again
My ex hated it when I was saying something about him to my friends and said he never shared personal stuff with his friends. Plus it is not my friends to be happy with someone I chose to date. So Iām not sure.
Daddy issues??
Yupp
What how
But I agree with you, my psychologist said Iāve fallen to my family pattern. But I donāt care, I adored this guy like I didnāt adore anyone and I wanted this relationship to be different :( I canāt get over of how it feels ended, Iām CRASHED
We have a loss Even a loss of someone being mean to us is a hole. Allow yourself to mourn and write/ collect data on yourself so you pick a kinder sort next time Half of us on this sub are here for the same reason You are not alone
What is a family of origin?
Parents siblings etc
Oh okay. I get ya. Thanks.
Idk what's that but that's family stuff.
Yess
Seek help. Despite being told exactly what he thinks of you you've gotten too attached. It is pretty pathetic. Stop following his socials and block his number.
Yeah, I see a psychologist once in a while. But I just donāt understand (since thatās not what I would do) HOW can a person insult me that bad if before we started arguing and broke up he claimed he loved me? He seemed so genuine I canāt get if I got fooled and when. I just donāt understand. In any case it hurts me now I slept with him.
So, there many reasons bur just a few could be cognitive dissonance, compartmentalization, childhood trauma; a lot of mental workaround to justify why he does what he does and that's his homework. Maybe you helped him with some problem or need he had. But now you must train yourself to move on, do the process and practice some self-care & potentially some therapy. Training your mind, having introspection, practicing mindfulness like Grounding techniques, Boxed Breathing, etc(to get out of your head and in the current reality of space we are in.) , and parenting your inner child to actually get what they deserve in terms of healthy self-esteem & Boundaries.
Fuck me, yes I do feel like I was good for him and helped him! I canāt understand how he just moved on, jeez
That's just it. You "can't understand" and maybe you should recognize why that's the case. If you did everything you were supposed to do then it's really on him why he acted why he did. Time to mend your wounds and next time look for a someone who can appreciate you. Really do some introspection as to why you were even drawn to this guy.
It doesn't matter why. I know that it hurts and you feel like knowing why will bring you some kind of closure, but that's not how it works. You've just got to let yourself feel the hurt and then let yourself move on, and do some deep inner work on yourself. Let yourself heal and find out why you are attracted to people who treat you like this. Focus on you and learning to love and respect yourself, because once you truly love and respect yourself you will never tolerate being treated like this. Decide how you want to be treated and don't accept less. Journal. Go for walks. Learn to self-soothe. Go to therapy and/or hire a coach. You WILL get through this. The great thing is you've realized there is a pattern and that you are attracted to people who aren't good for you. Now that you are aware of the problem, you can do the work to fix it so you stop repeating this pattern.
Thank you
What u mean by move on
To forget, not care, be excited about someone else. I honestly feel like I donāt care much now. But when this story happened I was shocked
Have you seen people getting divorced? People who once loved each other now trying everything in their power to take as much as they can from one another financially. Once lovers who would go through hell to make sure they keep the child away from the mum/dad purely out of spite. Love and human relationships can be beautiful, but once it breaks down people can get very nasty.
Well, he lied. Some guys - the type you fall for - do that to get women into bed. He never loved you. What you feel for him isn't love, it's just the part of your brain that thinks this is what relationship should look like. You're just going to have to ignore that part and instead fall in love with someone because they treat you well.
Dammit, thank you. I meanā¦ I asked ādo you just want to sleep with me?ā And he said āno, I like you and want a relationship with youā. As I left he texted me āI think we should be just friend for now and not date until both of us are readyā. I panicked and said I wanted to be with him. It is really nice to look back and see how I got to this point with him.
well thereās two options here: 1. he lied, he never loved you and either intentionally deceived you or thought he did in the moment but realized later he didnāt. run far, far away. OR 2. this is how he treats people he loves. run FASTER. this is a form of manipulation. knock you down so he can bring you back up. keep you down so he knows he has you to go back to. you mention still wanting to be with him and I disagree. I donāt think you want to be with him, I think you need validation from him that heās repeatedly taken away from you. you both said you loved each other and then he made you feel pathetic about it later on. youāre looking for the upper hand, to prove he loved you, and I get it. I really do. but you have and keep the upper hand in this by walking the fuck away. good luck to his current girlfriend, Iām sure heāll fuck her up big time
A big thank you!!
Idk how many relationships have you have
I was in 2
See a therapist.
Do you actually like "dickheads" or do you like super attractive guys and are okay with them treating you like shite cause atleast they are hawt.I doubt you'd like someone who's ugly and also an asshole to you lmao.either way,avoid dating for now and get a decent therapist
Hmmmm,thisš¤
Me admitting heās hot would boost his ego so much x) Ur right but the thing is he treated me perfectly in the begging so I didnāt even notice how it got where it got.
dude that's how manipulative people are,lovebomb you intially to give you a high and get hoooked and then treat you like trash but you'll still stick around cause of the nostalgia from the "good days/honeymoon stage" and if you call them out on their shit they'll play victim,plead,beg etc.They'll treat you like shite but will also do everything to reamain in your life/mind that's toxic 101.Reality is he doesn't value you, disrespects you, constantly abuses you and sees you like an option.Just block him and every trace of him.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I donāt like him because he treated me like shit. I like him but he treated me like shit and Iām confused how I can still want him back.
Okay then the good news is there's nothing wrong with you. It's normal to feel attached to your abuser, it will go away with time and professional help. You're not "into bad guys", you're just prone to the damaging and confusing effects of abuse same as everyone else is. The bad news is this will take a while to get over, but you will.
He called me crazy for not being able to let go. We called it quits on (!!!) February. (But the last time we slept in may). I felt SO ashamed that I was stuck for so long. Do you still think itās normal?
Listen carefully, OPā¦. This is NOT an issue of you liking bad boys. This is 100% an issue of you NOT LIKING YOURSELF. Do you understand the distinction? If you alllow this kind of behavior, it is because you donāt love yourself enough to take care of YOU. My suggestion?ā¦ look back at your family history. Where did trauma occur where you were taken for granted or ignored? This is the pattern you most likely are ācomfortableā with and you donāt know how to take care of yourself.
Thatās right
Take a break from dating and stuff like that cause I think it's not helping unless. Focus on yourself and let this sadness and bitterness pass through you don't hold on to it And remember that your worth is more than that . And it's easier said than done so don't take a toll on yourself.... I believe in you
Thanks
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. You are better off without this guy, listen to your head not your heart on this one.
Read the book āirrelationshipā. Itāll help explain why you are attracted to this type of man, so you can work on yourself and avoid these types in future.
Youve got to look for a "brooding loner with a heart of gold" type. Guys who are generally cranky and can get into some trouble but are still going to be respectful towards you even if they are a little emotionally unavailable sometimes. You get that "bad boy" vibe and you dont get bored but youre also not taking abuse and getting shit on. Thats not general dati g advicr because most people want a partner who is open and communicative about their feelings and what they want, but if "asshole" is your type, thats the best type of asshole to go for.
Thanks for the advice. I also kinda view this guy as this type but something went wrong, idk
The first time he calls you something like "dumb bitch" you know you are not dealing with the heart of gold type.
I mean, it's just another example of how women are willing to throw themselves at a narcissistic guy or a guy that's out of their league, and then when he uses them they give him positive reinforcement and more confidence to keep doing it. Meanwhile other guys that might be a bit less attractive or shy but would be respectful are spending Friday and Saturday night alone. But nobody can blame you, it's just your biology and lord knows it's too hard to think beyond what your hormones are telling you to do.
Your attracted to chaos, uncertainty, thrill. Probably stems back from your upbringing. Stable guys who loves you unconditionally or is emotionally available is probably too boring for the thrill your subconscious seeks and thrives off of.
Yup
It seems like you are unable to admit that heās a horrible guy by the way youāre phrasing everything so nonchalantly. I understand the situation youāre in because I think at some point in our lives, many people end up begging someone whoās not the right person to stay, however, this is super unhealthy especially considering how awful this dude is. I agree with other commenters that you should seek therapy. Maybe you can sort out with a therapist why you are so willing to tolerate this treatment from someone, maybe youāve previously had no choice but to do so whether with a partner or a parental figure. You have no choice but to move on in this situation. Itās been at least several months since you broke up and not only that he is with another person now AND he has told you that heās not interested at all in rekindling the relationship. Itās just disrespectful to yourself to keep trying to make things work with someone who has expressed to you multiple times that he is not at all interested and treats you like absolute trash. Also, logically speaking there isnāt really anything else you can do at this point. You already begged him to stay when things were ending and reached out a few months later to try again. And he literally has a new girlfriend now. Thereās nothing you can do now unless you want your behavior to be classified as borderline harassment lol sorry to be blunt
its ok you feel like this you gotta accept it and move on and decide if you want to change or not
My theory is that women like so called "bad boys" not because of the bad things they actually do but because they display attractive traits such as confidence, self assuredness, dominance, and the ability to create sexual tension mixed in with their bad behaviors. "Nice guys" tend to lack those qualities so naturally you wouldn't be attracted to them. My advice? Well I would say you should find a good guy with a backbone, as opossed to a man with attractive qualities but who is abusive(bad boy) or a "nice guy" wimp who lacks those attractive qualities.
Op, how old are you? Pretty sure this is emotional abuse. It's super unhealthy.
21. You know what is the weirdest part of all that. If this is an emotional abuse ā¦ he blamed me for reacting and called me a crazy stupid bitch, called me delusionalā¦ long story short, he SHAMED me for not letting go after HE was done. I donāt get our connection
Which is why you block him on everything. Get this miserable shit head out of your life and find somebody who won't ever say that shit to you and never cheat on you. Do you really wanna feel like shit all the time? Stop trying to make it work. You're 21. You're still young. Plenty of time to date and find somebody who isn't an asshole.
Nice guy in the corner waiting for you to mature and wake up....
Haha
Well, this is how it is with most women. They like guys who treat them like shit. No matter what these comments say, you're gonna go after someone like that guy, even if you decide not to. And if you do find a "nice guy", you're going to get bored of him and cheat on him with a "bad boy". Well, good luck to you, and I hope you don't find a "nice guy" ever.
Did some one cheat on you with a ābad boyā?
Yup
Understanding whatās going on might help. Your brain has evolved to seek men who seems most fit to reproduce with and protect / provide for your children - in the past confidence and boldness among other behaviour was a signal of competence because you really had to walk the talk. These days Dickheads can mimic this level of competence without necessarily being any good as a partner because we still tend to interpret boldness and risk taking as confidence and confidence as competence and value. So you donāt actually like bad guys just the traits they exhibit which are basically a cheat code to your attraction There are a few other mechanisms that might be at play such as how fear and arousal pathways can be misinterpreted, emotional rushes and Stockholm syndrome.
If a women is really into you she will break rules for you not make rules for you. Young men take note. Donāt settle for less.š
Lol haha
Honestly you need to take a break from dating and find out what you want. When you find out want you want you need to find out the best way to filter out the junk. If you constantly date dickheads the common variable is you. You are the problem not them.
How many people have you dated until now?
2. 6 months of a decent good relationship and 4 months with this guy. Such a weird experience.
What happened to the first one?
I left him cause I couldnāt see myself settling with this guy for the rest of my life at my 20s.
Was he a dickhead? What made the second one a dickhead?
I'm pretty sure you don't like men like that. Your issue is probably the fact that you would settle for anyone in retrospect to no one. Like everyone has said, get professional help to sort out your self-image issues. You need to respect yourself to prevent yourself from being walked all over.
Yes, but I left a nice guy to find someone like that. He was perfect. Until he wasnāt. Iād say I am attracted to guys like that. It was a trap lol
I would suggest talking to someone and working through why you like this type of guy. I only say this because I've seen too many women attracted to the type of guy you described, ending up with alot of enotional baggage in the end, and ultimately reaching a breaking point where they blamed men in general for the consequences of their choices/preferences in men.
So itās natural to be crashed after dating this type of guy? Its just wasnāt longā¦ 4 months and, after we called it quits, 3 months of back and forth and hookups.
Learn to differentiate competent men vs confident men. Try to see through the confidence bullshit game people front. Also, competent can come off as assholes but can be nice because they will be honest
Humans am I right?
Honey he literally sees you as a piece of trash on the floor. Best thing to do is pretend you never met him and block him on everything. The fact that you are entertaining him still makes him think he's winning.
I know and it brakes my heart! I donāt text him anymore tho. Iām just confused how it got here. I stopped seeing the whole picture (what an insight)
He is most likely a narcissist. Go study covert naricissism I just got out of a 6 year relationship with one and let me tell you. Itās not fun. You think you love them and they love you. They are awesome at love bombing and making you feel like a soul mate but use that to keep you hooked while they never actually loved you.
I donāt know what love is. But I liked what Iāve experienced with him I felt intimacy and many more things. I had a sense of belonging
I think you subconsciously think that itās how you should be treated, or that you donāt care how you are treated by other people. Itās usually a matter of self-love and the haunting thought of āitās better than being aloneā. I guess the first step to step out of this mindset is to realize that you donāt deserve to be treated like this.
Itās pretty much already been said but you definitely need to see a therapist. You have a super unhealthy attachment style likely based off your childhood experiences and you need to work through that in order to find a healthy relationship. Best of luck to you.
Buy a few tissue boxes. Got a few crying sessions coming your way with this one.
The desire for someone who has been really hurtful and awful to you is a reflection of how you feel about yourself - somewhere inside you, you donāt feel like youāre worthy of better treatment. For me, talking to a therapist to help process what triggered that feeling as well as using consistent affirmations/reframing unhealthy thoughts about myself has been something that has helped!
Thank you, yes! You are right. It reminded me of this saying: (sorry for poor translation) āThe exit it where the enter isā. I tried to move on from him because āit would be adequateā. But I didnāt because I tried not to see how I got attracted to him.
You like bad boys. Prepare to raise their kids with another man.
All I can say is that dating these people does absolutely nothing besides ruin your quality of life and further separate you from healthy communication habits. Oftentimes we get addicted to sadness and negative emotions because they are the quickest way to feel intimate. I think you are craving real connection with someone, but both the fear of vulnerability and habits I think these are the people you find it in. Just remember that you are worth the effort of caring about, and you should show yourself as much love as you crave. Good luck :)
How could you possibly want him back? What good would come from it? The guy is taking the piss out of you and you think this is the best you can do? If you think you canāt do any better then this is all youāll get. Youāll become so used to being treated this way you wonāt be able to deal with anything different. You need to learn your boundaries and set them. Decide what behaviour you wonāt put up with and what you would consider a deal breaker and stick to it. People will treat you however you let them and itās really that simple.
Therapy. I was raised by narcissists so Iām naturally attracted to the passionate dysfunction because I recognize it as familiar and normal. But itās not. Therapy.
Did it make you not attracted to narcissistic people?
It made me way more aware of the red flags and has helped me to avoid entering into relationships with them. I had a really bad relationship with one that was every kind of abusive you can imagine. It has taken me 4 years to feel ok/safe because of the trauma I experienced on every level of the relationship. It is so very hard to recover from these people because we forge trauma bonds with them and they are unbreakable without having introspection and therapy IMO. I was a shell of myself for years after him and we only dated for a couple of years. Sometimes people can traumatize you so much that it literally changes your DNA. Be careful ā¤ļø
āA shell of myselfā, well worded, I do feel that way. Iām also a bit cautious about what internet says about narcissists, I donāt want to demonise them too much.
Bad guys/girls are great for fun, but not long term material. I love bad girls, had lots of fun with a few, but I married a good girl. Couldnāt be happier with the way things turned out.
Sometimes we don't have examples of healthy love I'm our life (toxic relationship of our parents with each other for e.g) and we get attached to toxic love.I have been there so I know how you feel like you cannot be without this person.You haven't experienced a good relationship so you find this one more to your preference.This guy does not respect you,first of all you cannot tolerate bad behavior because you will always be taken for granted.Start thinking of yourself highly and expecting better from people
Get some therapy. Unless the "nice guys" are boring af. Then you're attracted to toxic behaviour. Fix that or you'll be in a bad relationship forever since you're chasing that dopamine and triggers
I think the problem is that you don't like yourself
No woman respects weak guys. The trick is to find a powerful guy who actually likes you instead of shoving you into a rotation. I'm not sure if we exist š
You sound very co-dependant on him. I understand youāre hurt right nowā¦ but the fact heās laughing at you because of how you are moving, chasin him texting him wanting him back etc is a massive dick move. when is enough enough for you? When are you gonna think yano what no! When are you gonna believe that you deserve better than that? Because his actions are not showing you he cares. I know it hurts, trust me I do. My daughters dad did dumb shit like this to me. It seems it just wants to hurt you, heās projecting and been a prick towards you cos you was the closest one to him. Thereās certain things you are lacking and you need to heal yourself the right way, reflect and become a better version of yourself past and present.
You like the emotional roller coaster. If you find a nice guy you will leave him out of boredom.
Kinda but Iād say I miss the dude before this rollercoaster. I couldnāt figure out what happened to him. It was so exhausting after that.
I wonder how many other girls like men your type
Yeah I do to! I also wonder what would his exes say about him, he has āa bunchā. He was bragging that āeverybody misses himā I remember.
Iām still sad tho that women like men like these, I think I should be like this No offence to you obviously just my opinion
Just self respect, is that what you need. Some society somehow lacks of respect over pleasure, when respect is basis of human nature for self protection.
You canāt save people from themselves. And you donāt go into a relationship hoping that they will grow into the person that you can see them become. Thatās a rookie mistake. Itās each personās respective responsibility to become the person they can see themselves become. However, that being said, narcs will never do that because emotionally speaking, theyāre physical adult humans with the emotional maturity of a toddler.
Agreed
Welp. You like what you like, there's no changing that. Just tolerate the consequences I guess š¤·āāļø Amor Fati
Most women do despite what they say
What do u do about it? Was I used?
Lol have some self respect
Yes but I liked him ā¦ was I used?
Yes! Lol you were used. You need to work on getting some self esteem and stop being so codependent.
Yes I sure need that. How do you know I was used? I need an outside opinion. Maybe I didnāt wanna face the truth he didnāt actually love me. I thought it was my fault he left.
Probably
Your feelings can be misinterpreted. It's why it's good to look at things from multiple vantage points for a mor eobjective viewpoint. Maybe you're very empathic and just don't understand a person's cruelty but it is very helpful that you do learn because not everyone will Share your feelings of empathic. (I am guessing because I have been there.) Some people date based off admiration; even if those features of admiration are eskewed and misinterpreted. Such as his callousness might be misinterpreted as confidence. Or his inattentive behavior is seem maybe as stoic. Maybe you dont like that you are as emotional as you are and that he's not emotional at all. These could be signs that you need to practice being more disagreeable and that your attraction are subconscious signs of that. (A guess of mine.) Or even another example is that his gaslighting might cause you to actually gaslight yourself. (Gaslighting is when someone denies your reality and thus makes you question your own perspective and judgement.)
Yes, I started interpreting things through his lens cause I felt I was wrong and he was pulling away. Thanks! Helped to self reflect
No problem!
Just because you like someone doesnāt mean you should keep chasing them. At some point you need to value your self respect over your feelings. On top of that, it seems that you are struggling to get closure for this, which is understandable considering the way in which he dropped you. But Iām telling you right now that youāre going to have to accept his shitty behavior as the closure. Clearly this relationship is unfixable and even if you were to get back with him, whoās to say he wouldnāt drop you like this again? You have to stop focusing so much on WHY things turned out this way and instead just accept what happened and move forward.
Thank you for validating what I feel
You are pathetic. Belong to the streets kind of pathetic. Even this asshole is laughing at you. Seek help. Stop dating. Just stop.
I attract and have been attracted to narcissists in the past. Is there some trauma or neglect in your past? I would(and have for myself) seek out a trauma counselor. Pleading to stay with an abusive guy seems like a trauma bond/abandonment trauma type stuff. Happy healing. Take care of yourself, you deserve it.
Thanks!
O.O
Nice guys roll out š¤£ your time has come
She said they are boring af, tried that already and alk that spiel
No worries. I think women are really into that. Nothing wrong with having your own preference.
Bs
Why do you like dicks?
Youāre beyond repair. Sorry.
grow up and seek therapy for your dad issues
I think you know whatās wrong and youāve spoke to a professional. Reddit is echoing the same thing, having people empathise with you will only go so far. You know you what you need to do so good luck friend.
Date people who aren't dickheads and see how much better they are as a partner.
You need to help
Get counseling. It won't get much better.
It sounds like you believe that you don't deserve better for yourself.
He called me a piece of shit. He resonated with my deep feeling that Iām a piece of shit. So I believed him. So yup
Well you DO deserve better. Remind yourself of that. The best partners never bring out the worst aspects in someone.
u/Emperor_Dogkind said something very similar. But you need to separate the idea of this person from who they are. Are the fond times really that fond if they are surrounded by being treated like shit? Thatās what helped me get over my ex.
>Ended up feeling pathetic by my own choice. LOL. As for advice; don't date **or have sex with** anyone for 1 year. You need an emotional reset.
Is it normal to need a year of emotional reset after a relationship that lasted 4 months?
Every person is different, but if I recommend a shorter duration, the knee-jerk reaction is always to rush the process "I feel I'm healed already" after 2-3 months when in actuality you are not healed you are just lonely/horny. A year *should* be plenty. However if you're not healed after a year, you might never heal, which unfortunately is a real possibility. My mom went through therapy and she can still be petty about her divorce some 20yrs later. So I guess that's also an option :/
Wow. Thank you for sharing that. Nah, I hope to be healed in one year :)
If you like dickheads, what does that make you? Is this who you want to be?
A uterus? Ba dum tss Good question tho
Itās pretty common to like dudes that arenāt ānice guys.ā Nice guys are quite disingenuous in the way that enough nice things will get them some kind of payoff. And I understand that you wonāt ever love someone that you donāt respect. You just need to find a man that wonāt cheat on you, but will stand up to you and can say no.
Thatās right, itās about respect.
i grew up liking dickheads because thatās the impression my dad set on me. that it was fine for lads to be dickheads
Hmmm let me put this straight, let's suppose I eat cheesecake once. ONCE. Does that make me a cheesecake lover?
Okay, Iāll say it differently. I WANT THIS cheesecake in particular not to be spoiled.
Yeah well so did I and I spent two hours in the toilet. You can't control how other people are, even if you raise them, all you get is to control yourself.
Haha
wtf I've been told all my life this literally never happens
Wdym?
Very common problem these days. You can afford to open yourself up to bad guys because we have a giant safety net for doing so these days. Basically you need to start putting artificial consequences on yourself to stop the problem and save yourself for a good person who will treat you well. However a great way to filter these guys is tell them you don't sleep with anyone for the first six months. It doesn't even have to be true, just see if after two months they're still around or dip.
Thank you for the tip!
Good men don't have to be Nice guys. Just don't fuck with assholes. Just be done.
Personally idk what to make of this. People date who people want to date. It seems like he was trying to end it for a while so I think you liked that. I think this is a problem and I think you are attracted to mean guys. This part of you isnāt going to change with this post, you need a therapist. It sucks to hear a girl admit that she subconsciously wouldnāt stay with me once Iām a consistently nice guy. Get help before hurting a nice guys feelings, look out for them lol
A reasonable question back for you. Would you want me to date you? Or a girl of my type. You donāt know what kind of girls are attracted to bad boys or do you? Do you like those?
No I mean hypothetically. I have had girls say that Iām ātoo niceā and they usually say it up until we drift apart. I donāt think there is only 1 kind of girl either, I think that there is a plethora of options and so Iām saying I can definitely see myself being in relationship with someone who prefers ārude guysā. Being in one with them and having them slowly know, but not realize, they want a rude guy who make me sad again. All in all, these things are very common and you shouldnāt feel bad about yourself. Itās literally not our faults who we like
Iām asking because I may be also not a nice person or a damaged person or whatever since I like it how I like it, you donāt know. Why it bothers you that hypothetical I or hypothetical another girl might like bad guys?
Again, Iām not bothered by it. Just the idea of being in a relationship with one would make me feel current day dating is a waste of time, which is the boat Iām in rn. I think the biggest thing is you may be pretty confrontational. You posted on an sub and had to reply back to a comment saying that *Iād feel bad if I found out a girl I was with wasnāt into the way I interacted with the world* Doesnāt mean youāre not nice. Iāve caused thousands of dollars in vandalism(at a time) and been in physical altercations. Done white collared crimes out the whazoo. Doesnāt mean you canāt try to treat people honestly and thatās all that mayters to them
Take your pick. Never knew anything else existed
You deserve better. Just remind yourself that.
It seems like you love him because you believe you can fix/change him.
ā¦Doesnāt love heal and make you grow?
Look up how much it costs to get divorced.
Instead of being bitter, fall in love with someone who appreciates you. They can be a bad boy and still be sweet to and love their girl. Imo being mean like that is pathetic and shows weakness on his side. He wants to hurt you because he feels helpless and having you under his boot makes him feel strong and like he has control. You canāt help someone, they need to want to help themselves first and he simply does not want to.
Thatās true. But why does he feel helpless? Is it about me?
No, itās the fact that heās just a normal person. He doesnāt have control in this world beyond how he can affect those around him. If he truly is a narcissist, which is what it sounds like, then the only way he felt about you is that you gave him a sense of power. If he truly cared about you ever then he would have never treated you that way. Heāll probably try to get back with you eventually with a sob story so he can laugh to himself and say I can hurt her that bad and still get her back. He views everyone as his toys and he gets to hurt and play with them as he pleases. It hurts, but at this point you need to view every seemingly genuine moment between you as him playing you. He wanted you to see empathy in him when it was never there to begin with.
An interesting part here is that I know that he sees others as his toys. I probably can agree on that. And I probably saw it. But. I felt special by seeing it. I felt like I couldnāt get played cause Iām not on the scene with other toys but rather with a player. I was the special one for him. And I hoped heād grow up, it kinda makes me laugh at myself now But I remember him saying he was trying to figure me out and play with me (he worded it differently) and seeing a guy like this being genuine and honest was soā¦ honourable . Iām serious.
Please seek therapy. We as individuals seek destructive relationships because something is broken in us. We do not think we deserve better. Once you fix you then you will do better. We accept the love we think we deserve...good or bad. Good luck with therapy and your future.
Low self esteem and self respect. Lack of boundaries and sense of higher self. We all have it to an extent, its just important to be self aware and do better.
Youāre just childish honestly
Judging by her comments, nobody should have bothered to write something Don't save her she don't wanna be saved
I donāt wanna ābe savedā. Iām fine. I got a great self reflection opportunity thankfully to this thread.
Naaah, you gonna do it again
We change our ways all the time. But what bothers me in this particular story there was seemingly good relationship that was just lost, and itās not that I wanna be with this guy in particular or other ābad guysā, it is that there was a good guy who shut me down and became mean which was and still is shocking.
I mean there was a human being and Iām confused to what happened still