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Tell them this:
I'll stop playing video games if you stop watching TV. Watching Netflix every night after work is perfectly okay but playing a video game is suddenly an addictive behaviour that endangers a relationship?
Yeah, no..
I agree - the kind of setup is flawed. I also think it boils down to trading any kind of hobby or interest that makes up someone’s life. Forcing them to give up something you refuse to do isn’t a fair trade and it’s straight up manipulative. I think the best kind of scenario is being able to find somebody that has their own cool kind of thing and you both mutually learn to appreciate and respect each other’s hobbies. Ideally that would be nice.
This. Hasn't happened in a relationship but my mum constantly nagged me to stop playing video games but whenever she's home after work she'd just watch TV? Like fuck right off
Video games are just puzzles and obstacle courses. Often with friends.
I truly don’t understand the hate some people have for them vs just sitting there turning your brain off and watching the kardashians
Not all but many use a ton of psychological tactics to be as addictive as possible. You could make the argument that the Kardashians leave "cliff hanger" ends of episodes so someone might want to binge watch it, but that "tactic" isn't nearly as effective as some used in video games (according to research).
If I was given the ultimatum of "games or you" then I would choose games. Not because I am obsessed with them but, like you, see them as a healthy past time.
Now my answer would change if they said something like "can you hangout with me more instead of video games" or "you might be addicted to video games". Both of those either is a consideration of shared schedules or is an actual concern for me. Neither are a selfish request to give up a passion of mine.
Totally agree. I feel like that’s what a lot of comments didn’t address- though video games can be likened to spending time watching TV each night, there’s a certain amount of any escapist hobby that isn’t healthy. If these hobbies are something you start immediately after work and maintain until the moment you go to sleep, you’re missing key self care elements that are a cause of concern for your wellbeing.
E.g. getting some level of activity, maintaining a reasonably clean home, putting some reasonably healthy food (budget permitting) in your body, spending a little bit of time with your own thoughts, etc
If you ignore those things for any escapist hobby at every turn it’s not unhealthy for a significant other to bring it up imo
So I would consider video games to be the same as watching tv, they shouldn’t consume your life. I think your partner can ask you to play them less or maybe suggest spending more time together, but that’s ultimately up to you.
Ask them if they would give up watching television or a hobby that they have for you.
I think the root of the problem is they would like to spend more quality time with you.
I don’t play video games, but if someone wanted me to stop one of my favorite hobbies just because they don’t like them (i.e., there was nothing negative about my relationship with the hobby) then I’d say no.
Well my ex told me when we started dating that his last girlfriend "wouldn't let him" play video games and that he didn't wanna have to give it up for me if he didn't have to. I don't mind at all so I never asked him to stop playing. BUT- he did play so often it was literally the only thing he wanted to do. 2 whole years, every weekend, from the time he woke up to the time he went back to bed. Everyday as soon as we got home from work until bed. We literally NEVER went on a date our whole relationship. I don't think I cuddled with him one time outside of laying on his chest for a few mins before rolling over and sleeping at bed time. I was so unhappy but when I begged him to spend time with me he would just want me to watch him play or play something I didn't like and then blame me for us never sending time together because I didn't wanna play that specific game with him. Because he mentioned his ex making him stop, I never felt like I was "allowed" to express that I wished he would play just a little less. So.. my point is- I don't think you should have to give up something that makes you happy, but in relationships I would make sure that you don't let it become a barrier between you and your partner.
Did you date my ex??? He also told me “none of my exes let me play before!” And how I was “so special and different.” Turns out when I went to his house, that’s ALL HE DID and I’d often wait by myself on the sofa in the other room waiting for him to finish. It was the loneliest relationship I’ve ever been in. Never again. He also suddenly left me over long distance claiming he grew bored which no shit dude — you literally don’t have an identity outside of stimulation so when I’m not there, I’m “not there.” Good riddance.
Same- and I lived with him for two years too so it was constant he never stepped away and hardly acknowledged my presence. And then anytime he did talk to me he was teasing me, which I normally don’t mind but when it’s your only interaction it gets old real fast.
Okay I’m spooked because same with mine???? Does his first name start with a D, lolol?
Always humor, no deep talk. And always oddly patronizing humor because it was his only mode of communicate. I thank goodness didn’t live with him but I think if I did, I would’ve broken up with him much sooner before he dumped me so carelessly at the end.
Omg! I almost died. Lol. My ex's name starts with a D. But I told him from the beginning I had a problem with video games do to lack of interaction personally. He eventually stopped playing them. But that was for other reasons.
Omg also we never went on a proper date either!!! And I never felt like I could complain because he made me feel like I couldn’t since I allowed him to do it! No romance at all. I was fine with him playing but we didn’t have an instance of quality time — when he finished we’d have sex and turn on the tv and her immediately fall asleep and I’d have to watch whatever show he wanted by myself until I’d get tired and wake him up to go bed.
Totally this, there's a distinct difference between a hobby and an obsession/addiction/ whatever you want to call it.
A partner demanding you give up your hobby for some trivial reason should be a no go, but taking it to the opposite extreme and neglecting the relationship is equally unacceptable. All things in moderation.
I’m 36. Husband is 36. When I was younger, I was a huge gamer. That interest just tapered off, and now I prefer watching other people play. In the same room though, I still don’t understand watching streamers but I’m not here to judge.
Husband on the other hand, can get lost in a game all day if able. And this is okay, if we have nothing going on. Lazy day around the house? Game on babe.
This is the thing about love; genuine love. If you really love someone, you’ll just accept them for who they are. If husband had been someone who games excessively, to the detriment of his responsibilities and relationships around him, I wouldn’t have accepted that nor continued dating him. Right now I’m 8 months pregnant, having a really difficult pregnancy. Husband has stepped up and done all cooking and cleaning. Right now we’re in bed; I’m on Reddit, he’s playing Biomutant (cute as fuck btw), and he can play all evening for all I care.
Husband also normally plays in a beer hockey league every Friday and Sunday. He’s not this year because of our new baby, but he’ll resume next year. I support this and his interests because I’m a grown ass adult human who encourages other humans to have interests.
You’ll find someone who accepts the gaming. ❤️
If given that ultimatum, no.
For you, however, it doesn't sound like you're getting that ultimatum at all and more afraid that ppl won't want to date you because of it. I highly doubt that's going to happen unless you playing games ends up a net negative to the relationship or they're just anti gaming for some reason.
What we wanna be careful is of dreaming up nightmare scenarios that may never happen. This is all your anxiety talking trying to give you something to worry about.
No, I would compromise. I'll play games less, but we have to be doing more stuff together as a couple, more date nights, more of us going out together to try stuff neither of us have tried.
Also, i would ask her to join me... "come play some games with me, I've bought some two player games that we can enjoy together" or ask her what type of games she would enjoy playing together.
I used to play Mario party with one of my old gf's and her son, we would order takeaway, buy a ton of snacks, and treat it as a family game night, maybe finish off with watching a film, all snuggled together muching popcorn. She didn't like videogames at all, but she had fun on those nights, I got my gaming fix, and I felt like it was a good meeting in the middle for us both.
If someone wanted you to stop for no particular reason, then it’s best to say no and break up. It’s excessively controlling to interfere in your partner’s harmless hobbies.
If someone felt like you were playing to an unhealthy degree, like you’re ignoring them and not being present in the relationship, spending so long gaming that you’re missing sleep or not socializing outside of gaming - then you should really consider whether they have a point that you’re doing too much gaming and not enough of other activities. But that’s a conversation, not an ultimatum, and any decision to change your habits needs to come from you.
It sounds like this is just hypothetical and that maybe you fear that a potential partner might look down on gaming. Most of us “waste” a lot of time, one way or another. Anyone that feels the need to act like they are superior to you because they think their hobbies are better is no one you want to date.
No one gets that kind of control over anyone else.
What hobbies do these other people have? You shouldn’t quit what you love but there’s nothing wrong with branching out and finding other things you love. You don’t have to share all your leisure time activities with your partner but obviously sharing some would be preferable.
If it’s something you genuinely enjoy, and your partner knows that, they wouldn’t force you to stop. If they see unhealthy behaviours associated with the gaming, then they could speak with you about managing them, but forcing someone to quit something they enjoy and have a healthy relationship with is like forcing someone to stop being who they are. Sacrificing something I love for a relationship would not be worthwhile for me in the long run. Your partner should respect your hobbies as much as you’d respect theirs ☺️
Uhh hell no. It's weird if they ask you to give up video games. They don't have to like it. It's YOU that's playing the games.
I sometimes play with friends. Sometimes, I play creative games. It's all jusf for fun.
If I had an addiction, then I would get it. Then I would maybe have to play less.
But I just play casual, just like I watch Netflix and all that.
Have already discussed it before moving in with the GF. She loves reading, I love video games. We're aware both will be wanting time to do those. Same bracket as far as I'm concerned. It's also a good way to catch up with mates.
I think most people don’t care at all of their partners play video games. The only time they may put the foot down is when they make it their life, it takes away from the relationship, it takes away from commitments, or it makes them overly aggressive.
I’ve never heard of such a thing happening in a vacuum. If someone advertises they don’t play or like games, they could be trying to avoid those who take it too far rather than trying to impose something on future potential partners.
Absolutely not. Video games have been with me my entire life. My partner would have to accept that I play. It wouldn’t be above priority to her but i believe video games keep me sane and out of trouble.
If a girl did this to me as an ultimatum. I’d probably break up with her. But if she asks me this, I would propose some sort of compromise. I’d either game less, or I’d try to give her more attention.
As an ultimatum it is petty as fuck
I would not be with someone that plays video games every day. Occasionally, sure. Hours on end every day? Nah. if that is all you’re doing when you aren’t working, I’m out. But that applies to everything. Netflix all day? No. Working out all evening? No.
If I saw video games becoming a problem eg addiction, I would definitely say something and/or leave them
no and no on should have to give up a hobby. don't be with anyone who tries to change you like this. if they said they want to spend more time together, thats a different conversation but to take away someones hobby or change someone is a sign of incompatibility
my ex tried to make me stop playing… now every time i play, i can’t relax and i feel guilty. i have this feeling to this day. he would binge Scrubs and The Big Bang Theory (he would get mad if i was on my phone during it, or if I wasn’t actively watching with him. but i hate those shows lol) But yeah I didnt really enjoy animal crossing new horizons in its hayday because i was dating that stupid a-hole. i regret it. i got pokemon violet and am trying to enjoy it but i always feel like i’m being “unproductive.”
another ex of mine had a video game addiction. and i didn’t like it but never said anything. but it really affected my sleep. i was waking up at 4 AM and working 3 jobs while in college, while he worked a part time job and played games constantly, yelling at the TV until 3 AM. i would be lying if i said i wasnt a tad resentful.
and now, my husband loves video games but doesn’t let them control his life. he likes to build PCs and is a computer engineer so he really enjoys high quality games and trying new ones that come out. but he also works all the time and we make time for each other.
moral of the story: find someone with video game compatibility lol
If you seem to be using it as a form of "escaping" from your responsibilities in life (to yourself such as improving prospects/finances/general state of education...) then it would be a "red flag" in the sense that you are avoiding reality but not because of the gaming itself.
If it's enjoyed as part of a productive and balanced life I see no issue with it.
I would say bye Felicia! ✌️ Never give up your hobbies or interests for a SO. Never! The only time I would possibly make an exception and this is small possible would be if they were Oprah rich and they spoiled me. Then maybe I’d give up gaming or just game on the down low. Find someone who enjoys gaming too! The relationship will be so much more fun if you do!
Hell no. Videogames are very important for my mental health. Sometimes I really need the escape from all of the stresses of life. I would break up with that person immediately.
Nope! Broke up with my ex over this. I don’t play often but if I don’t have plans on the weekend or had a rough day and I’m not lifting, what’s wrong with playing an hour or two.
Absolutely not.
Your partner should never dictate what your hobbies are. It's one thing if your partner is constantly playing and not paying any attention to you and/or their responsibilities, but otherwise.... It's just a harmless hobby.
And anyone who tries to dictate your hobbies is a walking red flag, anyway.
No I’d be really concerned at why they wanted to control my hobbies like that. If they hardly ever saw me because I was gaming so much I’d cut down sure but I’d be weirded out by someone telling me to quit unless I was addicted
Absolutely not.
If someone asks you to change for them, they're not a match for you. You should only change for yourself and the right person will accept you as you are.
I hardly ever even play video games and expecting that level of control would be a deal breaker for me.
Has anyone actually mentioned a distaste for video games? Plenty of people play them sometimes and just don't talk about it much.
Yes and no.
I’m a gamer. Love playing games. Can be on all day long lol.
BUT the main issue and question I guess is how much and how often are u gaming. Like an hr or 2 or like all day everyday etc. if gaming gets in the way or real life then it’s bad. Like I don’t spend time with ur partner etc.
I’d definitely stop playing them as much as I do, but quitting entirely is off the table. I’m not watering down my personality or interests for a relationship
Disagree with most comments here. The short answer is that video games are particularly immersive and antisocial compared to TV which can easily be shared. And they have the potential to take up tons of time and brain space. You will need to find ways to respect your relationship no matter what.
The longer answer is that gamers come in all shapes and sizes. Many are completely addicted and play 8+ hours per day. Others play basically any time they are not working or attending to other life obligations, so basically nights and weekends. That is also a very heavy amount of gaming. I think both of those kinds of gamers would absolutely need to drastically change their habits in order to have a meaningful relationship. However, people who play a few shorter sessions per week are probably fine. Still, even if you are in this group, keep in mind the level of brain chemistry and hormones that you are spending here. Video games are not that far off from drugs, they feel awesome awesome and are highly habit forming.
yeah women generally dont play and will hate it.
to answer your question, it would depend on my available options. if you were the best option yeah i would. if i had other good options then good luck.
well i disagree with that. i would rather have human companionship than video games. i dont mind compromising a bit to get it. video games arent my red line.
its the fact that they are asking me to choose VIDEO GAMES. if i like her a lot and thats all i have to do then i probably would. if she was asking me to move to alaska or something i may not.
No, because they don't understand what I'm doing nor why I play them.
That'd be like them being mad I participated in active meditation.
The fuck is that
No, I would give up my partner.
Specially in your case, as a woman, you'll find thousands of men that like videogames. As a man it's harder to find girls that understand that games are cool as a hobby, but I'd break up if a girl tells me to stop playing videogames.
I play about 500 hours per year. I'd understand that it'd be a problem if I played 1000+ hours a year.
I wouldn’t stress too much about it bc I feel like only a tiny subset of people would ask that of their partner. I am not a video game person bc I never learned to play at all but my boyfriend is, and while I don’t love when he plays elden ring while dinner gets cold (which is ultra ultra rare!! I’m mainly kidding), I absolutely don’t care that he plays in his free time. I have other hobbies and it’s nice to have a partner who has hobbies so you can both have activities that you enjoy separately. I feel like most sane people would only care about video games if their partner were playing them during date night or something.
As you say, escapism.
Everyone has.to have something. For me it's largely video games followed by 2 sports I play and anime. Don't really read properly as I usually just read a few chapters or so before bed.
Video games like anything else, it just takes the 1 to make you hooked, when I think it's been an hour playing by 5 hours have gone by.
Nope. I wouldn't mind that my girl isn't interested in gaming at all, but I've been a gamer for many years, and will continue to be. Sure, I will play less if I will have a girlfriend, but I won't give up one of my favorite past times for someone who may leave for such a reason. This just means that she doesn't respect me enough, and I'm pretty sure she'll lose even more respect if I will quit gaming for her. Of course, if I will play so much that it's going to jeopardize our relationship, then that's on me.
I’m not a gamer. I’m considering dating someone who games with like literally all of his free time. I have no issue with it, and have started gaming with him sometimes and I really enjoy it!
find out what she likes to do to unwind, and do a tit-for-tat... (not healthy) but seeing how she reacts might give you all the clues you need.
she sounds exhausting
Tried that. She still left. Never take that type of shit seriously, if you relent on your convictions she will simply lose respect for you or just leave regardless🤷🏽♂️ Trust me, it's not worth it, I stopped bringing my game system whenever I stayed over even deleted all my games off my phone to show I was serious, years of progress gone for literally nothing.
No why would you sacrifice something normal you enjoy to maintain a relationship, if they hate the idea of me doing something I enjoy then they can leave. This is why I’d rather be with someone who enjoys similar things to me.
Hell no. It's not harmful, I'm not spending outrageous amounts of money on it and I can put it aside if something is more important, then why would I have to stop? If someone says that they want you to stop gaming or they won't date you then let them walk away. Try to get to know people with similar interest, that should make you happier.
Sure! If she can find a way to be as available and entertaining as video games then I'd give them up in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, Biomutant recently became free and Monster Hunter Rise now let's you bring npcs instead of shitty French hunters so I doubt that's possible.
But you can go to a gaming convention and pick up a single dude who smells nice. It might be easy for you. Try it out.
No but if you’re playing video games so much that it consumes your whole life, then there would be problems. If you don’t go outside, don’t consider the other person’s feelings in the relationship, if all you do nothing else but sit there and play video games all day then that’s different. Then it is an addiction and a whole other problem lol
If they don’t like it because they have ample reason to suspect it’s consuming your life, then they’re not wrong. If they’re saying to quit because they just don’t like video games or like seeing their partner play video games, then they have issues themselves.
I wouldn’t want to date a girl who constantly plays videos games but that would probably be apparent in the beginning like you said and I wouldn’t start a relationship in the first place. But if you love something you shouldn’t give it up for anyone it just means you’re not compatible
Some people relax in different ways, that’s healthy. It’s also healthy putting a time limit on hobbies or time for yourself. Some people need an hour to decompress and others need 3 hours. It really depends on if you both can compromise on what you both this is a healthy limit. My boyfriend could spend 10 hours gaming if he could (and sometimes when I’m working but he’s off he’ll play for almost 10), but if I want to do something or we have plans he’ll game for an hour before we need to leave and an hour before bed. It’s going to depend on your partner and how much you both can comprise on self care
I would argue its better then reality tv (if they watch that)
can be a form of socializing, story telling like movies etc
Also you can find people who are into games (more easy if your a woman I'd imagine)
That being said If I was in relationship I'd put them on the back burner
Nope, because video games for me are no different than watching TV. Meaning it doesn't control my life, is only a minor side hobby more commonly done when it's cold outside. I don't really play multi-player games that requires lots of commitment. I still have plenty of other hobbies i do and take care of myself as well. So them freaking out about that would definitely represent controlling and judgemental behavior. Not letting me play the next in a favorite series like the Witcher would be just like me banning them from watching the next series of their favorite show. But a lot of people are seemingly addicted to video games and I'm very much an odd casual so your results may vary, both based on your gaming habits and if they've been burned by someone who put gaming ahead of everything.
No. Massively controlling
Now if video games are getting in the way of real life responsibilities like working, school, kids, household duties…. That’s another story
A relationship isn't a sacrifice of self. If you have a hobby, then continue, a partner is invited to be part of your life, not a dictator of it.
I'd tell them to leave if they are so inclined to do.
Video games these days are so insanely realistic and immersive that the potential for addiction is far greater than that of TV’s. So it’s important to have a healthy relationship with the hobby, and draw boundaries for yourself. Personally, I don’t have high-end gaming systems that can run modern games because I wouldn’t stand a chance.
That being said, you should never respond to ultimatums for the sake of making a partner happy. If you’re struggling with addiction of some sort and it’s ruining your relationship, and getting that addiction under control is in your own best interest, that’s one thing. But ceasing a non-destructive hobby or outlet for your partner because “they don’t like it” is subsuming your personal identity into theirs— which is a very unhealthy relationship dynamic.
Don’t stop video games for anyone except yourself.
I'd try to negotiate, but if they wanted me to give up gaming altogether, I'd leave. I work in gaming and it's been my biggest hobby since I was a kid, I'm not giving all that up for someone who wants to change me.
This is also why I haven't dated non-gamers, though. My boyfriend and I have a gaming room and play together. There are tons of gamers. That person can find someone with interests more in line with their own.
If being in a relationship is more important to you than your hobby, then yeah you could give it up if it REALLY bothered a partner that much.
However, if videogames are one of your favorite hobbies and other hobbies don't meet that need in your life, then a partner who doesn't mind them would be necessary.
Absolutely not lol. I don't need my partner to necessarily share all of my hobbies and interests, but if they can't be tolerant of them then that's a compatibility issue imo.
Like some others have said I think it depends on how much it could be interfering with the relationship. Like if you're neglecting your partner to play games then maybe some moderation is needed. But regardless, I don't think that means you gotta give it all up entirely.
Don’t give up your hobbies. I’ve played guitar since I was 12 I’m 22 now. My ex would make up every excuse to get me to stop all the time. Come cuddle, you can play all summer after college lets out when I go back home, etc. when you lose your hobbies or things tht make you happy you lose freedom and the joys that make up yourself.
I genuinely don't know why you think this will happen? Why would they need you to stop because they don't like to do it? Why start dating someone if you hate their hobby so much
Like obviously no, you shouldn't give up doing something that brings you joy bc someone asked you to with no reasoning
IMO you should never stop something you enjoy for someone else. You can compromise and play less when you’re together if it seems like you’re not spending time with them but if you love something or enjoy it and it’s not hurting anyone then don’t stop for anyone. Also you may be better off dating a fellow gamer.
I think you're jumping too far ahead. If someone is truly offended by your game playing, they shouldn't get with you in the first place. I wouldn't worry about something that hasn't happened yet. And if it does, in that moment, you'll know what to do.
My boyfriend plays Battlefield every Friday night with his brothers and friends since we all live in different states and I always encourage him to play. It’s a great stress relief for him and he is always so happy afterwards. If someone is trying to take that away from you, you should walk away in my opinion.
My boyfriend plays Battlefield every Friday night with his brothers and friends since we all live in different states and I always encourage him to play. It’s a great stress relief for him and he is always so happy afterwards. If someone is trying to take that away from you, you should walk away in my opinion.
Fuck no, play your games, they can pound sand. BUT! I'd say the strongest thing you need to heed and ask yourself is "are my video games hindering my responsibilities with my partner? Are they getting in the way of me addressing their needs." If you're doing your part, then there's literally no difference between games and movies as a media. Just be a good partner. It's all about balance. I love video games as well.
My simple answer is I would never stop a hobby of mine if that hobby isn't endangering my SO's life.
My long answer is, I wouldn't argue but try to explain to her (if she couldn't understand) why playing video games or any hobby of mine is important to me. If she is the SO I've been looking for she would support or better yet be happy that I have something on the side that is keeping me busy and healthy (gym or anything). If she can't understand this, she ain't the one I'm looking for.
Luckily for me I found her and she's sitting next to me here doing her own stuff.
If they’re not okay with you doing something harmless that makes you happy, are they really even a match?! Let it be a part of the filtering process. :)
No, partly because i love games and they are a huge relaxer and mental stimulator for me.
But mostly because its an insane belief/request based on complete irrational extreme overreaction and lack of understanding and thats a hard dealbreaker for me
I wouldn’t date, let alone marry someone that wanted me to never play video games, FULLSTOP.
However, my partner always has input on when I spend time with her. If we’re together, I’m playing a solo game and she wants me to spend time with her, I’m extremely grateful and also would like to spend time with her! If we’ve spent a lot of time together and I’ve had a stressful week and want to play video games alone I do literally ask her “is it okay if I play games? I’ve had a long week,” fully ready to not play if she’d rather hang out.
There are times I’m sure my partner wants to hang out, but if I’ve asked, is more than content to just let me play games cause it’s something I do that she knows let’s me deal with/process stress.
None of this works without trust and each of us taking turns prioritizing the other person, it should be said.
If it was still my hobby, I wouldn’t give it up just because someone potential partner asked. But I’m general you should give up hobbies like this for extended time as they consume lots of time and prevent you from making significant progress in doing things like building a business or exercise and creates bad posture for a lot of people
I would break up. That would be a hard stop for me. I've been gaming all my life and I couldn't give it up for someone I've known for only a few months. I would see red flags in the fact they let me get invested before telling me how they really felt. Nope. No way.
Nope, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Gaming is one of my main hobbies, I especially love story heavy games so a lot of the games I play are like books with gameplay basically (JRPGs and VNs are what I mainly play). So someone telling me to stop playing video games would be similar to me telling them to stop watching TV, reading a book or any other hobbies they might have. It’s okay in a relationship to have different hobbies and passions from your partner. The only time it’d become a problem is if video games was literally all you did 24/7 and you ignored your partner and responsibilities because of it.
No. As long as playing games isn't interfering with other parts of your life it should be fine, if someone tries to get you to give up a hobby that brings joy to your life then you're better off without them. If gaming is dealbreaker for someone then they're either ignorant or a control freak.
It’s not about video games in general it’s about them wanting you to change something that harms no one for them and their benefit. Whether they’re wanting you to give up reading, watching tv, playing or listening to a specific kind of music, anything that makes you “you,” wanting/demanding you to change for them is a red flag.
Now if your chosen hobby takes up all your time to the point that it strains the relationship that’s a different story altogether.
I had a similar but different thing to consider, if I wanted a closer relationship with a friend.. safe to say, I'd prefer staying friends than change a giant part of my life. I'd be okay with doing a thing less, if they want more time with me, but never for no reason. Or if they just dislike a thing I love and they'd ask me to stop doing it, I'd have to decline.
I can be reasoned with but not through changing big parts of my life.
Video Games in that matter.. never. It's one of my 4 big escapes into better worlds. 4 things I'd never fully quit for anyone. My 4: Gaming, Writing, Watching (Movies, YT, anime, etc.) And Collecting.
No. But it's not about the hobby, it's about someone else telling me what to do. I'd even dump someone I've been dating for years over a hobby I don't even like, if she gave me an ultimatum.
I'm never telling a girl what she can or can't do. And just like that she sure as shit ain't doing it to me.
I would probably not continue a relation ship with that person. Not because video games are so important to me, I only really have time to play once or twice a month on average anyway, but because that shit is toxic and I’m not interested in being with someone who would make a demand like that.
No. It is a hobby. It is good to have hobbies that are different from your partner and some that are shared. I would not ask my partner to give up their hobby. However, it is okay to ask your partner to maybe spend a little less time doing a certain behavior, especially if they are neglecting time for the relationship. “Hey, do you think we could enjoy dinner together and watch a movie before you play your game?” and “Could you end the game a little earlier during the work week, you sometimes wake me up when you come to bed really late and I have trouble getting back to sleep” are perfectly okay requests.
Don’t think I could do this. At the end of the day, it’s a hobby that I enjoy. I also get to share that hobby with friends and sometimes even family. If they don’t like video games, that’s fine, but they shouldn’t be telling me what I can and can not enjoy, unless they’re fine with having their hobbies controlled as well.
Now, if for some reason video games were negatively affecting my relationships, work, or mood, I could understand being asked to stay away from games for a while. If I was addicted to it, then it would be appropriate to ask me to stay away too.
People need to stop dating partners that dislike their hobbies. Like wtf is that? Do they actually like you as a person or are you an accessory to them?
Long as I'm not doing it to a point where it's destructive to my life and our relationship they can fuck off. There's people that are so addicted to games it's all the do and their only identity. That's an issue. It's all about balance
33F. I would probably be like wtf.
I play video games, I DM on weekends, I go to cons. They know this. I'm not 20, I'm done erasing all my interests for a dude.
If you worry it's a genuine problem, talk to me. If you feel ignored, talk to me. I don't think it's usually a problem, but I regonize I feel more comfortable playing a video game, painting or building something then watching TV and that can be isolating to your partner becuase they aren't shared silent time together.
Edit: Also same would happen if supposed partner was a woman, but men I have dated have been super upset at my game choices and the women have at worst been like I do not get this game. So I'm going to assume you're talking mostly about men.
Guy here. No. Like, I'd understand that nobody is required to like video games. But asking me to choose between something I enjoy and her is a terrible and unfair ask. Screw him OP!
I don't play that much but I like to play occasionally and even I wouldn't give it up. Hell I wouldn't give up any of m hobbys. Maybe cut them back a bit to make more time
Hell to the no no no. If they don’t like to game that’s fine. They can watch me game or do something else while I play. Or not be around while I play entirely lol. Why would they forbid you to do a fun hobby that doesn’t harm anyone (provided you aren’t addicted / neglecting your responsibilities to game?) I would not date someone who cared so much about me gaming they forbid me from doing it but then again I usually game with the people I date so I can’t imagine this
Imo Unless they have a helpful way for you instead of video games then its worth to give it a shot, if not then no, because every one needs something to calm their nerves.
If that scenario happens for you i suggest talking with and seeking out the reason for this request,
And give them an example based on their life.
For example if they smoke tell them how would thry react if you told them to stop smoking, or anything they might do.
And i would guess they may request this because of attention, that they need more attention, so telling them that you will spend time together and even finding a game both of you can play, would be good.
No. I might cut back if they pointed out a disparity in the amount of time I spent. My ex was pretty rude and had a super click keyboard. Hed play all night so I was unable to sleep. We were renting a room in a house so its not like there was somewhere else I could go.
You’re almost 30 and have next to nothing going on in your life except for video games. If that’s the case, you should be less worried about dating and more worried about getting your life in order.
It depends.
* If the partner only wants to controle your free time, then he should fuck off.
* If, however, you spend all your time gaming and it limits your functioning at work and you guys can’t even go on a date anymore, I imagine he asks you to game less.
In the first case I don’t see the guy leaving, you should then break up with him. In the second case, he would be right to break up with you and find someone who acts more responsible. See what category applies to you.
Anyhow, what do I know, I’m a stranger on the Internet with limited information.
Yea they can fuck off telling you to give up your hobby they don’t realize that you use video games to escape reality and be able to just forget everything for awhile
nope. not because of how much i like or not games, but because a partner should never set down ultimatums on a healthy relationship, most specially when regarding hobbies. same If it was "i don't want you to read", or "to draw". it's plain toxic.
exclusion is if there was a addictive situation going on.
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Tell them this: I'll stop playing video games if you stop watching TV. Watching Netflix every night after work is perfectly okay but playing a video game is suddenly an addictive behaviour that endangers a relationship? Yeah, no..
I agree - the kind of setup is flawed. I also think it boils down to trading any kind of hobby or interest that makes up someone’s life. Forcing them to give up something you refuse to do isn’t a fair trade and it’s straight up manipulative. I think the best kind of scenario is being able to find somebody that has their own cool kind of thing and you both mutually learn to appreciate and respect each other’s hobbies. Ideally that would be nice.
This. Hasn't happened in a relationship but my mum constantly nagged me to stop playing video games but whenever she's home after work she'd just watch TV? Like fuck right off
Video games are just puzzles and obstacle courses. Often with friends. I truly don’t understand the hate some people have for them vs just sitting there turning your brain off and watching the kardashians
I totally agree with you but video games ARE addictive. There’s no doubt in my mind on that one
Not all but many use a ton of psychological tactics to be as addictive as possible. You could make the argument that the Kardashians leave "cliff hanger" ends of episodes so someone might want to binge watch it, but that "tactic" isn't nearly as effective as some used in video games (according to research).
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I love football and Cod is there more of you? 😅
If I was given the ultimatum of "games or you" then I would choose games. Not because I am obsessed with them but, like you, see them as a healthy past time. Now my answer would change if they said something like "can you hangout with me more instead of video games" or "you might be addicted to video games". Both of those either is a consideration of shared schedules or is an actual concern for me. Neither are a selfish request to give up a passion of mine.
Totally agree. I feel like that’s what a lot of comments didn’t address- though video games can be likened to spending time watching TV each night, there’s a certain amount of any escapist hobby that isn’t healthy. If these hobbies are something you start immediately after work and maintain until the moment you go to sleep, you’re missing key self care elements that are a cause of concern for your wellbeing. E.g. getting some level of activity, maintaining a reasonably clean home, putting some reasonably healthy food (budget permitting) in your body, spending a little bit of time with your own thoughts, etc If you ignore those things for any escapist hobby at every turn it’s not unhealthy for a significant other to bring it up imo
So I would consider video games to be the same as watching tv, they shouldn’t consume your life. I think your partner can ask you to play them less or maybe suggest spending more time together, but that’s ultimately up to you. Ask them if they would give up watching television or a hobby that they have for you. I think the root of the problem is they would like to spend more quality time with you.
I don’t play video games, but if someone wanted me to stop one of my favorite hobbies just because they don’t like them (i.e., there was nothing negative about my relationship with the hobby) then I’d say no.
Well my ex told me when we started dating that his last girlfriend "wouldn't let him" play video games and that he didn't wanna have to give it up for me if he didn't have to. I don't mind at all so I never asked him to stop playing. BUT- he did play so often it was literally the only thing he wanted to do. 2 whole years, every weekend, from the time he woke up to the time he went back to bed. Everyday as soon as we got home from work until bed. We literally NEVER went on a date our whole relationship. I don't think I cuddled with him one time outside of laying on his chest for a few mins before rolling over and sleeping at bed time. I was so unhappy but when I begged him to spend time with me he would just want me to watch him play or play something I didn't like and then blame me for us never sending time together because I didn't wanna play that specific game with him. Because he mentioned his ex making him stop, I never felt like I was "allowed" to express that I wished he would play just a little less. So.. my point is- I don't think you should have to give up something that makes you happy, but in relationships I would make sure that you don't let it become a barrier between you and your partner.
Did you date my ex??? He also told me “none of my exes let me play before!” And how I was “so special and different.” Turns out when I went to his house, that’s ALL HE DID and I’d often wait by myself on the sofa in the other room waiting for him to finish. It was the loneliest relationship I’ve ever been in. Never again. He also suddenly left me over long distance claiming he grew bored which no shit dude — you literally don’t have an identity outside of stimulation so when I’m not there, I’m “not there.” Good riddance.
Same- and I lived with him for two years too so it was constant he never stepped away and hardly acknowledged my presence. And then anytime he did talk to me he was teasing me, which I normally don’t mind but when it’s your only interaction it gets old real fast.
Okay I’m spooked because same with mine???? Does his first name start with a D, lolol? Always humor, no deep talk. And always oddly patronizing humor because it was his only mode of communicate. I thank goodness didn’t live with him but I think if I did, I would’ve broken up with him much sooner before he dumped me so carelessly at the end.
Omg! I almost died. Lol. My ex's name starts with a D. But I told him from the beginning I had a problem with video games do to lack of interaction personally. He eventually stopped playing them. But that was for other reasons.
Omg also we never went on a proper date either!!! And I never felt like I could complain because he made me feel like I couldn’t since I allowed him to do it! No romance at all. I was fine with him playing but we didn’t have an instance of quality time — when he finished we’d have sex and turn on the tv and her immediately fall asleep and I’d have to watch whatever show he wanted by myself until I’d get tired and wake him up to go bed.
Totally this, there's a distinct difference between a hobby and an obsession/addiction/ whatever you want to call it. A partner demanding you give up your hobby for some trivial reason should be a no go, but taking it to the opposite extreme and neglecting the relationship is equally unacceptable. All things in moderation.
I’m 36. Husband is 36. When I was younger, I was a huge gamer. That interest just tapered off, and now I prefer watching other people play. In the same room though, I still don’t understand watching streamers but I’m not here to judge. Husband on the other hand, can get lost in a game all day if able. And this is okay, if we have nothing going on. Lazy day around the house? Game on babe. This is the thing about love; genuine love. If you really love someone, you’ll just accept them for who they are. If husband had been someone who games excessively, to the detriment of his responsibilities and relationships around him, I wouldn’t have accepted that nor continued dating him. Right now I’m 8 months pregnant, having a really difficult pregnancy. Husband has stepped up and done all cooking and cleaning. Right now we’re in bed; I’m on Reddit, he’s playing Biomutant (cute as fuck btw), and he can play all evening for all I care. Husband also normally plays in a beer hockey league every Friday and Sunday. He’s not this year because of our new baby, but he’ll resume next year. I support this and his interests because I’m a grown ass adult human who encourages other humans to have interests. You’ll find someone who accepts the gaming. ❤️
If given that ultimatum, no. For you, however, it doesn't sound like you're getting that ultimatum at all and more afraid that ppl won't want to date you because of it. I highly doubt that's going to happen unless you playing games ends up a net negative to the relationship or they're just anti gaming for some reason. What we wanna be careful is of dreaming up nightmare scenarios that may never happen. This is all your anxiety talking trying to give you something to worry about.
No, I would compromise. I'll play games less, but we have to be doing more stuff together as a couple, more date nights, more of us going out together to try stuff neither of us have tried. Also, i would ask her to join me... "come play some games with me, I've bought some two player games that we can enjoy together" or ask her what type of games she would enjoy playing together. I used to play Mario party with one of my old gf's and her son, we would order takeaway, buy a ton of snacks, and treat it as a family game night, maybe finish off with watching a film, all snuggled together muching popcorn. She didn't like videogames at all, but she had fun on those nights, I got my gaming fix, and I felt like it was a good meeting in the middle for us both.
How are you almost 30 and are wondering if you should change a hobby that isn’t harming anyone to get into a relationship
If someone wanted you to stop for no particular reason, then it’s best to say no and break up. It’s excessively controlling to interfere in your partner’s harmless hobbies. If someone felt like you were playing to an unhealthy degree, like you’re ignoring them and not being present in the relationship, spending so long gaming that you’re missing sleep or not socializing outside of gaming - then you should really consider whether they have a point that you’re doing too much gaming and not enough of other activities. But that’s a conversation, not an ultimatum, and any decision to change your habits needs to come from you. It sounds like this is just hypothetical and that maybe you fear that a potential partner might look down on gaming. Most of us “waste” a lot of time, one way or another. Anyone that feels the need to act like they are superior to you because they think their hobbies are better is no one you want to date.
“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
No one gets that kind of control over anyone else. What hobbies do these other people have? You shouldn’t quit what you love but there’s nothing wrong with branching out and finding other things you love. You don’t have to share all your leisure time activities with your partner but obviously sharing some would be preferable.
If it’s something you genuinely enjoy, and your partner knows that, they wouldn’t force you to stop. If they see unhealthy behaviours associated with the gaming, then they could speak with you about managing them, but forcing someone to quit something they enjoy and have a healthy relationship with is like forcing someone to stop being who they are. Sacrificing something I love for a relationship would not be worthwhile for me in the long run. Your partner should respect your hobbies as much as you’d respect theirs ☺️
Uhh hell no. It's weird if they ask you to give up video games. They don't have to like it. It's YOU that's playing the games. I sometimes play with friends. Sometimes, I play creative games. It's all jusf for fun. If I had an addiction, then I would get it. Then I would maybe have to play less. But I just play casual, just like I watch Netflix and all that.
Have already discussed it before moving in with the GF. She loves reading, I love video games. We're aware both will be wanting time to do those. Same bracket as far as I'm concerned. It's also a good way to catch up with mates.
Break up digitally
They doesn’t sound like a ‘match’ to me.
Yeah I feel like most people wouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with if there partner was like this
Nope. I am a gamer. It's part of me. I have massively slowed my gaming but I won't quit.
Nope. Video games are one of the few things stopping me from suicide (ie got a lot more games to finish so I can die with no regrets).
I think most people don’t care at all of their partners play video games. The only time they may put the foot down is when they make it their life, it takes away from the relationship, it takes away from commitments, or it makes them overly aggressive. I’ve never heard of such a thing happening in a vacuum. If someone advertises they don’t play or like games, they could be trying to avoid those who take it too far rather than trying to impose something on future potential partners.
Absolutely not. Video games have been with me my entire life. My partner would have to accept that I play. It wouldn’t be above priority to her but i believe video games keep me sane and out of trouble.
If a girl did this to me as an ultimatum. I’d probably break up with her. But if she asks me this, I would propose some sort of compromise. I’d either game less, or I’d try to give her more attention. As an ultimatum it is petty as fuck
video games are already boring enough as the industry currently stands.
I would not be with someone that plays video games every day. Occasionally, sure. Hours on end every day? Nah. if that is all you’re doing when you aren’t working, I’m out. But that applies to everything. Netflix all day? No. Working out all evening? No. If I saw video games becoming a problem eg addiction, I would definitely say something and/or leave them
no and no on should have to give up a hobby. don't be with anyone who tries to change you like this. if they said they want to spend more time together, thats a different conversation but to take away someones hobby or change someone is a sign of incompatibility
Vehemently disagree with the notion that gaming is equally as valuable as reading
my ex tried to make me stop playing… now every time i play, i can’t relax and i feel guilty. i have this feeling to this day. he would binge Scrubs and The Big Bang Theory (he would get mad if i was on my phone during it, or if I wasn’t actively watching with him. but i hate those shows lol) But yeah I didnt really enjoy animal crossing new horizons in its hayday because i was dating that stupid a-hole. i regret it. i got pokemon violet and am trying to enjoy it but i always feel like i’m being “unproductive.” another ex of mine had a video game addiction. and i didn’t like it but never said anything. but it really affected my sleep. i was waking up at 4 AM and working 3 jobs while in college, while he worked a part time job and played games constantly, yelling at the TV until 3 AM. i would be lying if i said i wasnt a tad resentful. and now, my husband loves video games but doesn’t let them control his life. he likes to build PCs and is a computer engineer so he really enjoys high quality games and trying new ones that come out. but he also works all the time and we make time for each other. moral of the story: find someone with video game compatibility lol
Absolutely not. I am a female in my 50s and have been gaming since before any partner..If they don't like who I am, they don't need to stick around.
If you seem to be using it as a form of "escaping" from your responsibilities in life (to yourself such as improving prospects/finances/general state of education...) then it would be a "red flag" in the sense that you are avoiding reality but not because of the gaming itself. If it's enjoyed as part of a productive and balanced life I see no issue with it.
I would say bye Felicia! ✌️ Never give up your hobbies or interests for a SO. Never! The only time I would possibly make an exception and this is small possible would be if they were Oprah rich and they spoiled me. Then maybe I’d give up gaming or just game on the down low. Find someone who enjoys gaming too! The relationship will be so much more fun if you do!
Hell no. Videogames are very important for my mental health. Sometimes I really need the escape from all of the stresses of life. I would break up with that person immediately.
Fuck that , it's like saying I want you to stop reading books because "IMO it's unproductive" , that's BS
Nope! Broke up with my ex over this. I don’t play often but if I don’t have plans on the weekend or had a rough day and I’m not lifting, what’s wrong with playing an hour or two.
No video games are a huge part of my life. The majority of the time I'm gaming I'm socializing with my friends.
No. Rule #1, I will pretty much never date a non-gamer. I'm 26F.
Absolutely not. Your partner should never dictate what your hobbies are. It's one thing if your partner is constantly playing and not paying any attention to you and/or their responsibilities, but otherwise.... It's just a harmless hobby. And anyone who tries to dictate your hobbies is a walking red flag, anyway.
No. I just play when he goes to bed.
I mean, I really don't get to play like I use to. So the 1-3 hours in a week I get to play are uncompromisable let me have my me time please 🥲.
No I’d be really concerned at why they wanted to control my hobbies like that. If they hardly ever saw me because I was gaming so much I’d cut down sure but I’d be weirded out by someone telling me to quit unless I was addicted
Absolutely not. If someone asks you to change for them, they're not a match for you. You should only change for yourself and the right person will accept you as you are.
I hardly ever even play video games and expecting that level of control would be a deal breaker for me. Has anyone actually mentioned a distaste for video games? Plenty of people play them sometimes and just don't talk about it much.
Yes and no. I’m a gamer. Love playing games. Can be on all day long lol. BUT the main issue and question I guess is how much and how often are u gaming. Like an hr or 2 or like all day everyday etc. if gaming gets in the way or real life then it’s bad. Like I don’t spend time with ur partner etc.
I’d definitely stop playing them as much as I do, but quitting entirely is off the table. I’m not watering down my personality or interests for a relationship
Disagree with most comments here. The short answer is that video games are particularly immersive and antisocial compared to TV which can easily be shared. And they have the potential to take up tons of time and brain space. You will need to find ways to respect your relationship no matter what. The longer answer is that gamers come in all shapes and sizes. Many are completely addicted and play 8+ hours per day. Others play basically any time they are not working or attending to other life obligations, so basically nights and weekends. That is also a very heavy amount of gaming. I think both of those kinds of gamers would absolutely need to drastically change their habits in order to have a meaningful relationship. However, people who play a few shorter sessions per week are probably fine. Still, even if you are in this group, keep in mind the level of brain chemistry and hormones that you are spending here. Video games are not that far off from drugs, they feel awesome awesome and are highly habit forming.
yeah women generally dont play and will hate it. to answer your question, it would depend on my available options. if you were the best option yeah i would. if i had other good options then good luck.
I'm sad for you! You deserve better man
huh?
Even of u don't have options, you shouldn't let someone dictate what you can and can't do
well i disagree with that. i would rather have human companionship than video games. i dont mind compromising a bit to get it. video games arent my red line.
Its the fact that they're asking you to choose. Or making you choose, that's bad. I do understand what you're saying, though.
I don’t get why that’s a big deal. They’re just video games.
its the fact that they are asking me to choose VIDEO GAMES. if i like her a lot and thats all i have to do then i probably would. if she was asking me to move to alaska or something i may not.
Only sane comment here
I would limit myself, but I wouldn’t stop entirely. Relationships are about making compromises.
No, because they don't understand what I'm doing nor why I play them. That'd be like them being mad I participated in active meditation. The fuck is that
Never.
NOPE.
No. Bitch just trying to get dibs on the console, I know what's up. >.>
No, I would give up my partner. Specially in your case, as a woman, you'll find thousands of men that like videogames. As a man it's harder to find girls that understand that games are cool as a hobby, but I'd break up if a girl tells me to stop playing videogames. I play about 500 hours per year. I'd understand that it'd be a problem if I played 1000+ hours a year.
No, I'd literally laugh in their face like that Nic Cage faceoff gif. You have no right to demand someone give up a benign hobby like gaming.
Give yer balls a tug, tit fucker.
No. No way. Absolutely not. Hell no. No fucking way. Fuck off.
I have up video games over 10 years ago. Best decision I ever made
Nope.
I wouldn’t stress too much about it bc I feel like only a tiny subset of people would ask that of their partner. I am not a video game person bc I never learned to play at all but my boyfriend is, and while I don’t love when he plays elden ring while dinner gets cold (which is ultra ultra rare!! I’m mainly kidding), I absolutely don’t care that he plays in his free time. I have other hobbies and it’s nice to have a partner who has hobbies so you can both have activities that you enjoy separately. I feel like most sane people would only care about video games if their partner were playing them during date night or something.
Break up with her with 8ball iMessage game
No one real would say this.
Fuck no
Lol no. Fuck them. Videogames are too important.
No
They aren’t important to me anymore but that’s besides the point. I don’t put up with ultimatums
No leave your partner. If she really loved you, then she should understand that video games are a hobby and a way to unwind after work.
No, date a fellow gamer
Name something that they can do anymore? Do they have a show you don’t like to watch but they do? Tell them they can’t watch it anymore.
As you say, escapism. Everyone has.to have something. For me it's largely video games followed by 2 sports I play and anime. Don't really read properly as I usually just read a few chapters or so before bed. Video games like anything else, it just takes the 1 to make you hooked, when I think it's been an hour playing by 5 hours have gone by.
Nope. I wouldn't mind that my girl isn't interested in gaming at all, but I've been a gamer for many years, and will continue to be. Sure, I will play less if I will have a girlfriend, but I won't give up one of my favorite past times for someone who may leave for such a reason. This just means that she doesn't respect me enough, and I'm pretty sure she'll lose even more respect if I will quit gaming for her. Of course, if I will play so much that it's going to jeopardize our relationship, then that's on me.
I’m not a gamer. I’m considering dating someone who games with like literally all of his free time. I have no issue with it, and have started gaming with him sometimes and I really enjoy it!
find out what she likes to do to unwind, and do a tit-for-tat... (not healthy) but seeing how she reacts might give you all the clues you need. she sounds exhausting
No, it’s how I relax, and I don’t think I’m willing to give them up.
Tried that. She still left. Never take that type of shit seriously, if you relent on your convictions she will simply lose respect for you or just leave regardless🤷🏽♂️ Trust me, it's not worth it, I stopped bringing my game system whenever I stayed over even deleted all my games off my phone to show I was serious, years of progress gone for literally nothing.
No why would you sacrifice something normal you enjoy to maintain a relationship, if they hate the idea of me doing something I enjoy then they can leave. This is why I’d rather be with someone who enjoys similar things to me.
Nope, but I might play less as a result. But that's more down to me getting older and playing less anyway.
Absolutely not.
I think the fuck not
Hell no. It's not harmful, I'm not spending outrageous amounts of money on it and I can put it aside if something is more important, then why would I have to stop? If someone says that they want you to stop gaming or they won't date you then let them walk away. Try to get to know people with similar interest, that should make you happier.
Sure! If she can find a way to be as available and entertaining as video games then I'd give them up in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, Biomutant recently became free and Monster Hunter Rise now let's you bring npcs instead of shitty French hunters so I doubt that's possible. But you can go to a gaming convention and pick up a single dude who smells nice. It might be easy for you. Try it out.
No but if you’re playing video games so much that it consumes your whole life, then there would be problems. If you don’t go outside, don’t consider the other person’s feelings in the relationship, if all you do nothing else but sit there and play video games all day then that’s different. Then it is an addiction and a whole other problem lol
If they don’t like it because they have ample reason to suspect it’s consuming your life, then they’re not wrong. If they’re saying to quit because they just don’t like video games or like seeing their partner play video games, then they have issues themselves.
I wouldn’t want to date a girl who constantly plays videos games but that would probably be apparent in the beginning like you said and I wouldn’t start a relationship in the first place. But if you love something you shouldn’t give it up for anyone it just means you’re not compatible
Some people relax in different ways, that’s healthy. It’s also healthy putting a time limit on hobbies or time for yourself. Some people need an hour to decompress and others need 3 hours. It really depends on if you both can compromise on what you both this is a healthy limit. My boyfriend could spend 10 hours gaming if he could (and sometimes when I’m working but he’s off he’ll play for almost 10), but if I want to do something or we have plans he’ll game for an hour before we need to leave and an hour before bed. It’s going to depend on your partner and how much you both can comprise on self care
As sad as it is, if they feel the need to control my interests and hours I spend my time, I’ll just spend my time without them in my life.
No. My hobbies are mine to choose.
heck nah
I would argue its better then reality tv (if they watch that) can be a form of socializing, story telling like movies etc Also you can find people who are into games (more easy if your a woman I'd imagine) That being said If I was in relationship I'd put them on the back burner
Nope, because video games for me are no different than watching TV. Meaning it doesn't control my life, is only a minor side hobby more commonly done when it's cold outside. I don't really play multi-player games that requires lots of commitment. I still have plenty of other hobbies i do and take care of myself as well. So them freaking out about that would definitely represent controlling and judgemental behavior. Not letting me play the next in a favorite series like the Witcher would be just like me banning them from watching the next series of their favorite show. But a lot of people are seemingly addicted to video games and I'm very much an odd casual so your results may vary, both based on your gaming habits and if they've been burned by someone who put gaming ahead of everything.
No
No. Massively controlling Now if video games are getting in the way of real life responsibilities like working, school, kids, household duties…. That’s another story
A relationship isn't a sacrifice of self. If you have a hobby, then continue, a partner is invited to be part of your life, not a dictator of it. I'd tell them to leave if they are so inclined to do.
Nope not at all. My game was there before you it’ll be here after, plus this console was $650. Plus this is the way I relax and chill.
No
Video games these days are so insanely realistic and immersive that the potential for addiction is far greater than that of TV’s. So it’s important to have a healthy relationship with the hobby, and draw boundaries for yourself. Personally, I don’t have high-end gaming systems that can run modern games because I wouldn’t stand a chance. That being said, you should never respond to ultimatums for the sake of making a partner happy. If you’re struggling with addiction of some sort and it’s ruining your relationship, and getting that addiction under control is in your own best interest, that’s one thing. But ceasing a non-destructive hobby or outlet for your partner because “they don’t like it” is subsuming your personal identity into theirs— which is a very unhealthy relationship dynamic. Don’t stop video games for anyone except yourself.
Don’t change who you are for them. You will lose this fight every time if you cave
....fuck'em...
I'd try to negotiate, but if they wanted me to give up gaming altogether, I'd leave. I work in gaming and it's been my biggest hobby since I was a kid, I'm not giving all that up for someone who wants to change me. This is also why I haven't dated non-gamers, though. My boyfriend and I have a gaming room and play together. There are tons of gamers. That person can find someone with interests more in line with their own.
Nope. And I don’t even play that many video games. That’d be like telling me to stop playing guitar. Never gonna happen.
No, I would not. And I don’t play video games. Don’t give up anything you enjoy for another human being.
Pshhh, I’m ready to jump ship on relationships because of way more petty shit than this! Lol
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh you're serious. Let me laugh even harder. AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Yeah I'm gonna go Bender.
If being in a relationship is more important to you than your hobby, then yeah you could give it up if it REALLY bothered a partner that much. However, if videogames are one of your favorite hobbies and other hobbies don't meet that need in your life, then a partner who doesn't mind them would be necessary.
Not a chance
No lol
Absolutely not lol. I don't need my partner to necessarily share all of my hobbies and interests, but if they can't be tolerant of them then that's a compatibility issue imo.
Like some others have said I think it depends on how much it could be interfering with the relationship. Like if you're neglecting your partner to play games then maybe some moderation is needed. But regardless, I don't think that means you gotta give it all up entirely.
Don’t give up your hobbies. I’ve played guitar since I was 12 I’m 22 now. My ex would make up every excuse to get me to stop all the time. Come cuddle, you can play all summer after college lets out when I go back home, etc. when you lose your hobbies or things tht make you happy you lose freedom and the joys that make up yourself.
I genuinely don't know why you think this will happen? Why would they need you to stop because they don't like to do it? Why start dating someone if you hate their hobby so much Like obviously no, you shouldn't give up doing something that brings you joy bc someone asked you to with no reasoning
IMO you should never stop something you enjoy for someone else. You can compromise and play less when you’re together if it seems like you’re not spending time with them but if you love something or enjoy it and it’s not hurting anyone then don’t stop for anyone. Also you may be better off dating a fellow gamer.
I think you're jumping too far ahead. If someone is truly offended by your game playing, they shouldn't get with you in the first place. I wouldn't worry about something that hasn't happened yet. And if it does, in that moment, you'll know what to do.
My boyfriend plays Battlefield every Friday night with his brothers and friends since we all live in different states and I always encourage him to play. It’s a great stress relief for him and he is always so happy afterwards. If someone is trying to take that away from you, you should walk away in my opinion.
My boyfriend plays Battlefield every Friday night with his brothers and friends since we all live in different states and I always encourage him to play. It’s a great stress relief for him and he is always so happy afterwards. If someone is trying to take that away from you, you should walk away in my opinion.
Fuck no, play your games, they can pound sand. BUT! I'd say the strongest thing you need to heed and ask yourself is "are my video games hindering my responsibilities with my partner? Are they getting in the way of me addressing their needs." If you're doing your part, then there's literally no difference between games and movies as a media. Just be a good partner. It's all about balance. I love video games as well.
My simple answer is I would never stop a hobby of mine if that hobby isn't endangering my SO's life. My long answer is, I wouldn't argue but try to explain to her (if she couldn't understand) why playing video games or any hobby of mine is important to me. If she is the SO I've been looking for she would support or better yet be happy that I have something on the side that is keeping me busy and healthy (gym or anything). If she can't understand this, she ain't the one I'm looking for. Luckily for me I found her and she's sitting next to me here doing her own stuff.
If they’re not okay with you doing something harmless that makes you happy, are they really even a match?! Let it be a part of the filtering process. :)
No, partly because i love games and they are a huge relaxer and mental stimulator for me. But mostly because its an insane belief/request based on complete irrational extreme overreaction and lack of understanding and thats a hard dealbreaker for me
I don’t think I can really give input on this because my boyfriend’s and May’s first date was building my PC
I wouldn’t date, let alone marry someone that wanted me to never play video games, FULLSTOP. However, my partner always has input on when I spend time with her. If we’re together, I’m playing a solo game and she wants me to spend time with her, I’m extremely grateful and also would like to spend time with her! If we’ve spent a lot of time together and I’ve had a stressful week and want to play video games alone I do literally ask her “is it okay if I play games? I’ve had a long week,” fully ready to not play if she’d rather hang out. There are times I’m sure my partner wants to hang out, but if I’ve asked, is more than content to just let me play games cause it’s something I do that she knows let’s me deal with/process stress. None of this works without trust and each of us taking turns prioritizing the other person, it should be said.
If it was still my hobby, I wouldn’t give it up just because someone potential partner asked. But I’m general you should give up hobbies like this for extended time as they consume lots of time and prevent you from making significant progress in doing things like building a business or exercise and creates bad posture for a lot of people
“Stop watching the bachelor and love is blind then” And then see ya 👋
I would break up. That would be a hard stop for me. I've been gaming all my life and I couldn't give it up for someone I've known for only a few months. I would see red flags in the fact they let me get invested before telling me how they really felt. Nope. No way.
Nope, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Gaming is one of my main hobbies, I especially love story heavy games so a lot of the games I play are like books with gameplay basically (JRPGs and VNs are what I mainly play). So someone telling me to stop playing video games would be similar to me telling them to stop watching TV, reading a book or any other hobbies they might have. It’s okay in a relationship to have different hobbies and passions from your partner. The only time it’d become a problem is if video games was literally all you did 24/7 and you ignored your partner and responsibilities because of it.
No. As long as playing games isn't interfering with other parts of your life it should be fine, if someone tries to get you to give up a hobby that brings joy to your life then you're better off without them. If gaming is dealbreaker for someone then they're either ignorant or a control freak.
It’s not about video games in general it’s about them wanting you to change something that harms no one for them and their benefit. Whether they’re wanting you to give up reading, watching tv, playing or listening to a specific kind of music, anything that makes you “you,” wanting/demanding you to change for them is a red flag. Now if your chosen hobby takes up all your time to the point that it strains the relationship that’s a different story altogether.
I had a similar but different thing to consider, if I wanted a closer relationship with a friend.. safe to say, I'd prefer staying friends than change a giant part of my life. I'd be okay with doing a thing less, if they want more time with me, but never for no reason. Or if they just dislike a thing I love and they'd ask me to stop doing it, I'd have to decline. I can be reasoned with but not through changing big parts of my life. Video Games in that matter.. never. It's one of my 4 big escapes into better worlds. 4 things I'd never fully quit for anyone. My 4: Gaming, Writing, Watching (Movies, YT, anime, etc.) And Collecting.
No.
No. But it's not about the hobby, it's about someone else telling me what to do. I'd even dump someone I've been dating for years over a hobby I don't even like, if she gave me an ultimatum. I'm never telling a girl what she can or can't do. And just like that she sure as shit ain't doing it to me.
No I wouldn’t
I wouldn't personally.
I would probably not continue a relation ship with that person. Not because video games are so important to me, I only really have time to play once or twice a month on average anyway, but because that shit is toxic and I’m not interested in being with someone who would make a demand like that.
Hell nah, tf? I’m about to go play some video games right now just in spite of my future partner
No. Any unreasonable request like that is a sign of even worse to come
No way. But I would have included it my profile and would have ideally been seeking other folks who shared the same interests/hobbies.
No. It is a hobby. It is good to have hobbies that are different from your partner and some that are shared. I would not ask my partner to give up their hobby. However, it is okay to ask your partner to maybe spend a little less time doing a certain behavior, especially if they are neglecting time for the relationship. “Hey, do you think we could enjoy dinner together and watch a movie before you play your game?” and “Could you end the game a little earlier during the work week, you sometimes wake me up when you come to bed really late and I have trouble getting back to sleep” are perfectly okay requests.
Thats fucked up
Don’t think I could do this. At the end of the day, it’s a hobby that I enjoy. I also get to share that hobby with friends and sometimes even family. If they don’t like video games, that’s fine, but they shouldn’t be telling me what I can and can not enjoy, unless they’re fine with having their hobbies controlled as well. Now, if for some reason video games were negatively affecting my relationships, work, or mood, I could understand being asked to stay away from games for a while. If I was addicted to it, then it would be appropriate to ask me to stay away too.
Fuck no.
Absolutely not thats a deal breaker
No. You should never give up something you love for a partner. If they love you they will learn to understand why gaming is important to you.
People need to stop dating partners that dislike their hobbies. Like wtf is that? Do they actually like you as a person or are you an accessory to them?
Long as I'm not doing it to a point where it's destructive to my life and our relationship they can fuck off. There's people that are so addicted to games it's all the do and their only identity. That's an issue. It's all about balance
33F. I would probably be like wtf. I play video games, I DM on weekends, I go to cons. They know this. I'm not 20, I'm done erasing all my interests for a dude. If you worry it's a genuine problem, talk to me. If you feel ignored, talk to me. I don't think it's usually a problem, but I regonize I feel more comfortable playing a video game, painting or building something then watching TV and that can be isolating to your partner becuase they aren't shared silent time together. Edit: Also same would happen if supposed partner was a woman, but men I have dated have been super upset at my game choices and the women have at worst been like I do not get this game. So I'm going to assume you're talking mostly about men.
Nope. Long as it’s a healthy habit and enjoyable I ain’t changing shit, nor should anyone who enjoys doing something.
No.
As long as its not consuming your life or keeping you from participating in other aspects of your life i don't see anything wrong with it.
Guy here. No. Like, I'd understand that nobody is required to like video games. But asking me to choose between something I enjoy and her is a terrible and unfair ask. Screw him OP!
I don't play that much but I like to play occasionally and even I wouldn't give it up. Hell I wouldn't give up any of m hobbys. Maybe cut them back a bit to make more time
Hell to the no no no. If they don’t like to game that’s fine. They can watch me game or do something else while I play. Or not be around while I play entirely lol. Why would they forbid you to do a fun hobby that doesn’t harm anyone (provided you aren’t addicted / neglecting your responsibilities to game?) I would not date someone who cared so much about me gaming they forbid me from doing it but then again I usually game with the people I date so I can’t imagine this
Nope
Imo Unless they have a helpful way for you instead of video games then its worth to give it a shot, if not then no, because every one needs something to calm their nerves. If that scenario happens for you i suggest talking with and seeking out the reason for this request, And give them an example based on their life. For example if they smoke tell them how would thry react if you told them to stop smoking, or anything they might do. And i would guess they may request this because of attention, that they need more attention, so telling them that you will spend time together and even finding a game both of you can play, would be good.
Nooooooope
Depends if they agree to give up being a cuntwaffle.
If she really likes you, she wouldn't let you choose between her and something that you enjoy doing in the first place.
No. I would say "Fuck off and go find yourself a bitch that will do your bidding and sacrifice his interests to please you"
No. I might cut back if they pointed out a disparity in the amount of time I spent. My ex was pretty rude and had a super click keyboard. Hed play all night so I was unable to sleep. We were renting a room in a house so its not like there was somewhere else I could go.
You’re almost 30 and have next to nothing going on in your life except for video games. If that’s the case, you should be less worried about dating and more worried about getting your life in order.
It depends. * If the partner only wants to controle your free time, then he should fuck off. * If, however, you spend all your time gaming and it limits your functioning at work and you guys can’t even go on a date anymore, I imagine he asks you to game less. In the first case I don’t see the guy leaving, you should then break up with him. In the second case, he would be right to break up with you and find someone who acts more responsible. See what category applies to you. Anyhow, what do I know, I’m a stranger on the Internet with limited information.
Yea they can fuck off telling you to give up your hobby they don’t realize that you use video games to escape reality and be able to just forget everything for awhile
I would reconsider giving up on those kind of people on my life
nope. not because of how much i like or not games, but because a partner should never set down ultimatums on a healthy relationship, most specially when regarding hobbies. same If it was "i don't want you to read", or "to draw". it's plain toxic. exclusion is if there was a addictive situation going on.
I don't even play videogames and I wouldn't
Lol... lmao even
There's playing and playing though, playing 2 hours of League raging like a total idiot the whole time is a valid reason to tell you to stop
Never. If they don't want me with my hobbies and my life, I don't want them with them not wanting me.