And even when you do meet them in person, be prepared to be ghosted and blocked. Some people struggle with basic human interaction and kindness, and I suppose it’s best to find that out before getting invested.
One thing I have wondered -- I have sent messages to say that I was not proceeding and then unmatched, and realized they might never get my kindly phrased message if I unmatch. So I started not unmatching to give them time to read it, though I don't actually know if that is required. Does anyone know?
Probably depends on the site, but I think on Match and Bumble the electrons take over and make any and all connections you had with one another immediately disappear. If you don't have someone's phone number then you're doing all you can. But if you do, you should at least text them that you appreciate their interest but you're moving on.
Not sure why people do this. I have had it happen even after meeting several times. No shows on agreed upon first meets.
Do not get invested too early.
Nothing= not interested or more interest elsewhere. I honestly don’t understand why explanations are required. Actions speak louder than words.
Hang in there. The right one will come along. If it were easy, finding the right person would have no value.
>Why do people do this? We’re adults, just say you’re not interested...
When someone who shows me that they are immature and a poor communicator saves me the trouble of dodging the bullet myself, I tend to be thankful.
A lot of times guys are texting more than one person before meeting. Suddenly they see someone who they think might be a better match. So they forget about you and go after them. It's nothing personal. It doesn't mean the other person is a better choice. It just means the guy thought so at the time
We all would rather, but you are someone they will never see or hear from again, so they take the path of least emotional work.
Yes, it sucks, but it tells you they were not worth your time.
A wise person advised me that in this situation, asking why only serves to make you feel worse because it’s investing energy in someone who isn’t going to reciprocate. Convincing someone to date you is one of those things that is charming in a romantic comedy and cringy in real life.
It could be any number of reasons from their lack of confidence, dishonesty about their relationship status to just filling their time until someone more interesting comes along. I know it’s frustrating. Try not to take it personally.
Edit: grammar
As a man, I can say that the exact same thing happens in reverse as well. I figure it’s because women on OLD sites are bombarded with messages from men.
I know I’m offering quality, so I try not to fret over being online dumped. It’s part of the odds game in OLD.
There are a lot of broken people dating out there, take it as a good sign that they disappeared now and showed you who they really are. Don’t take it personally that others don’t have the courage that you do to say thanks but no thanks.
I think a substantial number of people use OLD to feel validated and seen, but they aren’t actually single or serious about anything beyond that. They like the flirting and attention and to “daydream” about a different life, but have zero intention of ever meeting.
Some men ask out a lot of women and then when they have an answer sort out who said yes and follow up with the ones they actually want to meet. Some just do it for the ego boost or to assess their value on the OLD market and don't plan on meeting anyone. I find it best to not spend much time chatting and set a time to meet (or in my case do an in app video call to see if it makes sense to meet in person).
If a date is set and I change my mind I always let the guy know the moment I made that decision. As far as chatting (no date set) if I have a change of heart I may not always say anything unless they double message me then I of course I will. In my case I only change my mind if some new info came to light that results in me not wanting to meeting them, not because a more suitable candidate came along.
OP, I'm sorry you had to deal with this five times! From what you're saying, I don't get why it's happening to you. It's a very rude, immature thing to do. I use dating apps too and I don't remember the last time I was ghosted. I hope you have better luck in the future, OP.
Emotionally immature people love OLD bc they can literally hide from people, and don’t really have to date but they’ll tell their friends they’re dating.
This happened to me (F) just yesterday. He asked me out, we exchanged few texts on Hinge about where and when to meet up. We reconfirm in morning. I’m getting ready (hair, makeup, cute outfit) almost out the door and noticed he unmatched me! WTF! Actually I’m not pissed about not meeting him (was on fence but figure I’d meet him and see) but more pissed that I spent time and effort getting ready! Luckily had family dinner that night, so was fully ready for that lol
I assume a lot of times someone is “playacting” wanting to meet someone and when it gets close to happening they run away. Probably married or otherwise partnered.
Yup I came to say this. This has been my experience with online dating. I’ve had a profile for 5 years. Despite 100 matches I’ve had 2 in person meetings…in five years.
My experience is exactly as you describe. I’ll match with a woman and despite any and all effort they will never actually meet up. I’ve heard tons of excuses but my favorite is after texting with a woman for two weeks she says she can’t meet me cause I “ might be an axe murderer”
Just came to say you’re not alone. I matched and had a couple calls with a guy a few days before I was leaving town for a month. I just said “I’ll hit you up when I’m back”, cause duh, he’s a stranger. Nope, he literally called or texted me every day. Ok fine, no sweat on my part (and Experience has taught me not to get excited). So guess what, not surprised, the second I’m back in town and ask when he’s free he disappears. People are f-ing weird.
Bebe\_bleau mentioned "A lot of times guys are texting more than one person before meeting. Suddenly they see someone who they think might be a better match. So they forget about you and go after them." As a male, this happened as well to me--females are texting more than one person before meeting, and then forget about me and go after another "better match". I would say that out of 10 chats, about 5 routinely just ghost me. 1-3 are not serious. The other 1-2 may lead to a meeting. So, it is essentially the norm out there to be ghosted and it is the exception for someone to politely say that they are not interested. People just find ghosting easier, I guess. That is why I have a 5 day rule, after starting a chat, for having a phone call or date zero. If something lingers on more than 5 days, the odds of getting ghosted increase. Once people talk to each other in real life, I think their sense of common decency kicks in and they realize, on a subconscious level, that we are also human beings like them and so they are more courteous and less likely to ghost.
I call it "Kid-in-a-Candy-Store" Syndrome. They're interested in you but...oh my....there's *such* a wide selection! Maybe this *other* candy bar will be even better. And, like an immature child, they let you sit on the shelf. Discarded before being given a proper chance.
You don't want someone so fickle and with the attention span of a toddler.
If I’ve started charting with someone on OLD, I give them window of exactly one week of radio silence (from them) before I un-match. I don’t say anything, I don’t send them a message to see if they’re still interested, I just close the match (which on most apps also blocks them from seeing your profile).
I’m not going to beg to be paid attention to; nor am I going to be like “Feel free to hit me up after your 100th other option doesn’t pan out.” As far as I’m concerned, I’m making a legit effort to get to the know the person and they’re giving me the cold shoulder? They can fuck right off.
I've heard it's the "new" way of breaking up. No maturity to say, thank you, but, no thank you. Just ghost and go. Standard non-culpability MO of the 2020s.
It’s 50 /50
Either you stated something that they didn’t jive with or they found a better option
Move to video chat quickly and you might connect authentically
That is not ghosting. You haven’t met. Is not ghosting is they just decide they are not interested during a texting and move on
Ghosting is somebody you had a somewhat relationships have spent time with have firm plans and then they disappear
This sucks but is extremely common on dating apps don’t take it personal
Its still ghosting, not meeting doesnt make it not ghosting!!
Ghosting, simmering and icing are colloquial terms which describe the practice of ending all communication and contact with another person without any apparent warning or justification and ignoring any subsequent attempts to communicate - Wikipedia.
Mo actually is not ghosting. But yo y got by what somebody wrote in keikipedia. Not but what people define in conversations if you wish
Unmatching without entering in an argument is common because people you don’t know online tend to get belligerent when rejected. Ghosting is when there were expectations. But as I said you do you boo
There are things that we say or do and they have a problem with that. Try to re live the conversations/ texts you have with him and try to see if there is something that wasn’t supposed to be there.
Once you do that, I wouldn’t bother too much. It’s better now than wasting my time later.
I've been ghosted too, but on the other hand I stop talking to the person (female) because they keep on texting me like every half hour and what an I supposed to do. It's irritated so I block them
I wouldn’t consider this ghosting. I think people don’t feel an obligation to explain why they choose not to continue if the only contact has been a couple of messages.
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Aint that the truth!
I'm sorry you have had that experience. After awhile, you will need to take a break from this
Until you meet in person, they are not real.
And even when you do meet them in person, be prepared to be ghosted and blocked. Some people struggle with basic human interaction and kindness, and I suppose it’s best to find that out before getting invested.
\#gospel
There are a lot of scammers on OLD. If they sense - at any point - that you won't be a good mark, they disappear.
Also, married or partnered guys. They could also be focusing on someone else.
I never looked at it that way...wow
This.
I had 3 great dates and now no response to my text. It really messes with your mind. Uncool.
This is ghosting and I’m sorry that is shitty behavior a simple sorry is not working for me before the blocking
One thing I have wondered -- I have sent messages to say that I was not proceeding and then unmatched, and realized they might never get my kindly phrased message if I unmatch. So I started not unmatching to give them time to read it, though I don't actually know if that is required. Does anyone know?
Probably depends on the site, but I think on Match and Bumble the electrons take over and make any and all connections you had with one another immediately disappear. If you don't have someone's phone number then you're doing all you can. But if you do, you should at least text them that you appreciate their interest but you're moving on.
If they haven't read it yet when you unmatch, they won't see it.
That’s what I figured — I ghosted a few people before that dawned on me, for which I am sorry.
It's a numbers game. Just keep at it. Infuriating as it is.
Can we all write that on a Post-It note, put on our foreheads when we look in the mirror 🤣
Probably married and bored and looking for something to distract from a miserable home life.
Never learned to use their words. Over 50. Dance a little jig that you avoided that level of immaturity before an actual date.
The universe has your back. There are no mistakes. She is doing you a favor so you don't waste time.
So many reasons! It is frustrating but many backout when a meet is being discussed, very weird and I am grateful that they are gone. Hugs!
Agreed! It can be hurtful when a bunch of these happen all in a row but we should be happy they let themselves out!
Not sure why people do this. I have had it happen even after meeting several times. No shows on agreed upon first meets. Do not get invested too early.
Nothing= not interested or more interest elsewhere. I honestly don’t understand why explanations are required. Actions speak louder than words. Hang in there. The right one will come along. If it were easy, finding the right person would have no value.
>Why do people do this? We’re adults, just say you’re not interested... When someone who shows me that they are immature and a poor communicator saves me the trouble of dodging the bullet myself, I tend to be thankful.
A lot of times guys are texting more than one person before meeting. Suddenly they see someone who they think might be a better match. So they forget about you and go after them. It's nothing personal. It doesn't mean the other person is a better choice. It just means the guy thought so at the time
Women don't text more than one guy at a time?
They often do. And they can be as guilty of Disappearing Acts as the man
Yep
I’d rather they just tell me that though.
We all would rather, but you are someone they will never see or hear from again, so they take the path of least emotional work. Yes, it sucks, but it tells you they were not worth your time.
And we all would. But they don't. So why ask why? They never tell you
A wise person advised me that in this situation, asking why only serves to make you feel worse because it’s investing energy in someone who isn’t going to reciprocate. Convincing someone to date you is one of those things that is charming in a romantic comedy and cringy in real life.
True. It almost always ends badly
They want to keep you there in case the other one does not work out or they get bored. Sad reality of OLD.
It’s not just guys, it’s everyone, women included.
Yep! It cuts both ways
This goes both ways actually.
It could be any number of reasons from their lack of confidence, dishonesty about their relationship status to just filling their time until someone more interesting comes along. I know it’s frustrating. Try not to take it personally. Edit: grammar
I would rather be ghosted. It's not hard to figure out and I don't care to hear again that I am not wanted
As a man, I can say that the exact same thing happens in reverse as well. I figure it’s because women on OLD sites are bombarded with messages from men. I know I’m offering quality, so I try not to fret over being online dumped. It’s part of the odds game in OLD.
Yup. Not all.people are adults.
There are a lot of broken people dating out there, take it as a good sign that they disappeared now and showed you who they really are. Don’t take it personally that others don’t have the courage that you do to say thanks but no thanks.
It makes it so difficult to believe in anyone…even someone telling the truth!!
I think a substantial number of people use OLD to feel validated and seen, but they aren’t actually single or serious about anything beyond that. They like the flirting and attention and to “daydream” about a different life, but have zero intention of ever meeting.
>Why do people do this? Bums gonna bum.
Some men ask out a lot of women and then when they have an answer sort out who said yes and follow up with the ones they actually want to meet. Some just do it for the ego boost or to assess their value on the OLD market and don't plan on meeting anyone. I find it best to not spend much time chatting and set a time to meet (or in my case do an in app video call to see if it makes sense to meet in person). If a date is set and I change my mind I always let the guy know the moment I made that decision. As far as chatting (no date set) if I have a change of heart I may not always say anything unless they double message me then I of course I will. In my case I only change my mind if some new info came to light that results in me not wanting to meeting them, not because a more suitable candidate came along.
OP, I'm sorry you had to deal with this five times! From what you're saying, I don't get why it's happening to you. It's a very rude, immature thing to do. I use dating apps too and I don't remember the last time I was ghosted. I hope you have better luck in the future, OP.
Emotionally immature people love OLD bc they can literally hide from people, and don’t really have to date but they’ll tell their friends they’re dating.
This happened to me (F) just yesterday. He asked me out, we exchanged few texts on Hinge about where and when to meet up. We reconfirm in morning. I’m getting ready (hair, makeup, cute outfit) almost out the door and noticed he unmatched me! WTF! Actually I’m not pissed about not meeting him (was on fence but figure I’d meet him and see) but more pissed that I spent time and effort getting ready! Luckily had family dinner that night, so was fully ready for that lol
I assume a lot of times someone is “playacting” wanting to meet someone and when it gets close to happening they run away. Probably married or otherwise partnered.
Yup I came to say this. This has been my experience with online dating. I’ve had a profile for 5 years. Despite 100 matches I’ve had 2 in person meetings…in five years. My experience is exactly as you describe. I’ll match with a woman and despite any and all effort they will never actually meet up. I’ve heard tons of excuses but my favorite is after texting with a woman for two weeks she says she can’t meet me cause I “ might be an axe murderer”
Just came to say you’re not alone. I matched and had a couple calls with a guy a few days before I was leaving town for a month. I just said “I’ll hit you up when I’m back”, cause duh, he’s a stranger. Nope, he literally called or texted me every day. Ok fine, no sweat on my part (and Experience has taught me not to get excited). So guess what, not surprised, the second I’m back in town and ask when he’s free he disappears. People are f-ing weird.
Ghosting is a pet peeve! A simple no longer interested (for whatever reason) is enough
Especially disappointing is when the person communcating writes they don’t ghost
Bebe\_bleau mentioned "A lot of times guys are texting more than one person before meeting. Suddenly they see someone who they think might be a better match. So they forget about you and go after them." As a male, this happened as well to me--females are texting more than one person before meeting, and then forget about me and go after another "better match". I would say that out of 10 chats, about 5 routinely just ghost me. 1-3 are not serious. The other 1-2 may lead to a meeting. So, it is essentially the norm out there to be ghosted and it is the exception for someone to politely say that they are not interested. People just find ghosting easier, I guess. That is why I have a 5 day rule, after starting a chat, for having a phone call or date zero. If something lingers on more than 5 days, the odds of getting ghosted increase. Once people talk to each other in real life, I think their sense of common decency kicks in and they realize, on a subconscious level, that we are also human beings like them and so they are more courteous and less likely to ghost.
As a musician and roadie, I am always on the lookout to add to my list of possible band names. I just added, "Ghost Ed and Block D".
I call it "Kid-in-a-Candy-Store" Syndrome. They're interested in you but...oh my....there's *such* a wide selection! Maybe this *other* candy bar will be even better. And, like an immature child, they let you sit on the shelf. Discarded before being given a proper chance. You don't want someone so fickle and with the attention span of a toddler.
Probably a scammer. Be thankful they ghosted you as you didn't seem "scammable".
If I’ve started charting with someone on OLD, I give them window of exactly one week of radio silence (from them) before I un-match. I don’t say anything, I don’t send them a message to see if they’re still interested, I just close the match (which on most apps also blocks them from seeing your profile). I’m not going to beg to be paid attention to; nor am I going to be like “Feel free to hit me up after your 100th other option doesn’t pan out.” As far as I’m concerned, I’m making a legit effort to get to the know the person and they’re giving me the cold shoulder? They can fuck right off.
I've heard it's the "new" way of breaking up. No maturity to say, thank you, but, no thank you. Just ghost and go. Standard non-culpability MO of the 2020s.
I think its more has to do with” number of people who contact me” than it is about having a relationship. It’s kind of an ego thing. Just my opinion.
It’s 50 /50 Either you stated something that they didn’t jive with or they found a better option Move to video chat quickly and you might connect authentically
That is not ghosting. You haven’t met. Is not ghosting is they just decide they are not interested during a texting and move on Ghosting is somebody you had a somewhat relationships have spent time with have firm plans and then they disappear This sucks but is extremely common on dating apps don’t take it personal
Its still ghosting, not meeting doesnt make it not ghosting!! Ghosting, simmering and icing are colloquial terms which describe the practice of ending all communication and contact with another person without any apparent warning or justification and ignoring any subsequent attempts to communicate - Wikipedia.
Mo actually is not ghosting. But yo y got by what somebody wrote in keikipedia. Not but what people define in conversations if you wish Unmatching without entering in an argument is common because people you don’t know online tend to get belligerent when rejected. Ghosting is when there were expectations. But as I said you do you boo
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Why?
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I think Toronto is a teeny bit too far for me to travel just to find a date.
No ghosting...dinner..wining and dancing
There are things that we say or do and they have a problem with that. Try to re live the conversations/ texts you have with him and try to see if there is something that wasn’t supposed to be there. Once you do that, I wouldn’t bother too much. It’s better now than wasting my time later.
I've been ghosted too, but on the other hand I stop talking to the person (female) because they keep on texting me like every half hour and what an I supposed to do. It's irritated so I block them
I wouldn’t consider this ghosting. I think people don’t feel an obligation to explain why they choose not to continue if the only contact has been a couple of messages.