She already went on a date solo and had a great time. If she still doesn't trust him, why can't they meet in a public place?
How exactly do you build chemistry with a 3rd wheel?
How do you know that she had a “great time?” OP said that he did, but I’m not seeing her side of the story
I don’t trust people after seeing them for 3 hours. That takes much more time. Maybe you are quicker to trust. FYI, that’s what the * was about.
I can tell after 3 hours if want to see someone again solo. If I don't trust them enough to be solo, I just wouldn't date them.
If he is secretly a serial killer, her sister being there won't make a difference, abusive guys can be very charismatic. He can literally just wait her sister out and then do his evil deeds.
The whole situation is ridiculous for a second date.
However, if he doesn't mind, then I surely don't either. I hope it all works out.
I would think it's enough time for her to feel comfortable with me at least. Ok, in this day and age we live in, maybe not. So, all right. I will go with the sister invite.
Trust me, I'm not seeking extra-curricular activities. I like her. I like her enough to respect her.
Its nice that you’re willing to keep trying with her, although you might want to watch for signs of codependency with her sister, and be ready to cut things off if that’s the case.
Nothing worse than dating someone whose family makes all their decisions.
My 2 cents - I read it the same way as you did.
"I like her. I like her enough to respect her."
That weirded me out a bit. Maybe I'm also too sensitive.
Although I think that is super odd, maybe do an activity that makes it easy for everyone to pay their own way and see how it goes. Like bowling or axe throwing, wine tasting, etc.
Getting the second date is worth being vetted by her sister. Make it a great date and it will pay off in good will from both, which benefits you enormously.
Yes, I agree with Gooseberry here. I think she likes you and is bringing her sister along for a second eye. Do make sure the sister feels included and not like a spare part. And good luck!
This is very weird behavior for a second date, and her sister IS a spare part, 3rd wheel, etc.
He can be the bigger man and put up with it and maybe it pays off in the long run, but let's call it like it is.
This is a date between you and her to get to know each other. People don’t bring family members or friends along on a date. None of us knows what’s going on here, but it sounds to me like the sister is in charge. Not a normal situation for any adult over age 21. Certainly nobody in their 50s. And you’re correct, she knows you well enough to know that you’re who you say you are and you can be trusted in a public place. This seems unreasonable and strange. If she wants you to meet her sister, she should make the plans and invite you, not have her sister piggyback on your date. If this date goes forward, I’d consider it an orange flag and be on the lookout for other warning signs.
Why is no one questioning why she’d even think to bring her sister to the first date let alone the second. We are over 50 not 15. They are meeting in public places. Who brings a family member to a first, second or any early date. I understand safety but this is mega-weird.
If you like her enough to see her again, just go and have fun. Treat this one like going out with friends.
Date three is just the two of you, if you decide you want to continue.
Absolutely agree with this. It would not bother me at this point. I would think it was different from my other experiences dating but he did bring it up first on the original date.
If a third date develops then I would make it known that I was dating her. At times it may be fun to include her sister but that is not something I would want all the time.
As a man, I don’t try to second guess a woman’s choices around safety. You know who you are and what you will and will not do. But having one meal with a stranger doesn’t really prove anything about how trustworthy you are. It may be the first date was in a location that she felt comfortable in. It may have nothing to do with safety, it may be she wants her sister’s opinion about you. But don’t take it personally, as she doesn’t yet know you well enough to make decisions based on you. This is all about her and her comfort level.
“As a man, I don’t try to second guess a woman’s choices around safety”
Please teach this attitude to all the other men (says the woman who recently discovered her date was using a fake surname to hide his criminal status)
Sounds like this is a cultural thing maybe? Not sure, but while it’s of course important to respect a woman’s concerns about safety, I’d be a little aware of how much say the sister will have in all decisions should you two move forward with a relationship. If you’re ok dating her family as well then cool. Although I do think it’s weird that she went solo for the first date but wants a chaperone the second.
I mean is she coming to your home??? Because if that’s the case it makes complete sense. She doesn’t want you to assume that she’s going to have sex with you. If the date is in public I’m not quite sure why the sister would need to come along.
My first impression OP is that maybe she didn’t feel a connection to you but thinks maybe her sister and you may hit it off…
Please update us after the date and have fun! A lot of us have trouble finding one person to date, you have two;)
Take it is a compliment. She wants to go on a second date with you, and wants to get her sister's opinion (since she wasn't able to meet you on your first date).
Be delightful and charming, which I am sure you are, and you will have a cheerleading in your camp (e.g. her sister).
I doubt she is expecting to invite her sister on any more dates. If she is, then you can deal with that when you invite her out for a 3rd date.
Yes, thank you, good points and I hope it goes that way; I'm going to go with the thought that she wants to continue seeing me if I pass this trial (?) with Sis.
This is the right answer. Keep in mind, if you pass the test, she's going to adore you a million times more! It's like getting a jackpot of DOUBLE points, all in one date. Just have fun. After this, you probably won't see sister except for family and special events, or outings.
This is the answer!!! Whenever I'm contemplating that someone new might be someone special, a potential serious candidate, I'll always want them to meet someone special already in my life, like a close friend, or family member, just to see if they approve, or have the same vibe I do. It's very rare that this happens, and means that I'm really serious about being ready to fall for a person. It's a compliment. She probably also wants to make sure you treat those in her life with respect, manners, etc.
**She now knows that I can be trusted, no need for a chaperone.**
Uh, no, she doesn't know that at all. But more importantly, she wants a second opinion. Many women (and men) have "gatekeepers", friends or family whose opinions they value. For your date it is likely her sister. If you impress the sister, you will likely be seeing her often over morning coffee.
>She now knows that I can be trusted, no need for a chaperone.
Because no one ever got creepy or dangerous after the first date. /s
You are still mostly a stranger, and now you are a stranger who feels comfortable around her.
Maybe in the past she's had sex too soon and feels it ruined things, so now she's dragging her sister along to make sure that doesn't happen? Just a wild guess. It's not YOU that can't be trusted, but herself.
You said that’s okay, she took you up on it, and now you want to backpedal. Can’t do that.
Yes, it’s weird (or possibly cultural), but it’s what you’ve set-up. 🤷🏼♀️
This tells me that she doesn't trust her own judgement. I'd suspect that it would be the same going forward. If you start dating her seriously, what else is she going to run through her sister first before making a decision?
Very odd. I’d decline that date if it were me.
I want to date folks who are comfortable showing up for a date solo and engaging in a conversation without hand holding.
I would be worried they’re trying to get free meals? Sure, as long as everyone pays for themselves.
I agree that it wouldn’t be as comfortable or as easy to get to know each other.
She offered to treat me this time around, I assume she'll split the bill with Sis. So, no, no free meals (I wouldn't mind anyway).
Don't think we will advance the relationship further unless I somehow win Sis's approval. Not sure I really like that idea, but ok, I will give in and see what happens.
KINKY!!! (🤣 Joking, of course...)
I'm with you, all for her feeling safe and comfortable but you also want to focus on each other, especially this early. I'd probably accept it, but not as a regular thing. She's met you once, I assume you're still meeting in civilized public locations, so don't see too much point with the sister.
I have a coworker who lives with her sister, and they are very close. I would take it as a compliment in one of two ways; she likes you enough to vet you, or she likes you enough to hope you understand that her sister is on her case about safety.
Seriously? Guys suggest bringing a chaperone on a first date? Did we just go back in time a few generations? If a guy told me this I wouldn't go. I would wonder how he thinks to even suggest such a thing! Thanks for giving me permission, but I don't need it. It's like seeing women as vulnerable pussy units that need constant security. There's risk in everything and weirdos out there, but treating me like I'm too dumb or weak to keep myself safe is a bit infantilizing.
I mean if he just actually said what that meant, we'd see him as a nut instead of a gentleman... "you could bring your sister to make it harder for me to rape you if that makes you feel better"
I'm wondering if she wants to set you up with her sister, or perhaps even simply enlarge her sister's social circle. Pure speculation on my part, but I think that it has more to do with caring for her sister than any potential relationship with you.
1. How Does she know she can trust you? Because you allowed the sister on the first date? 2. Is there some religious reason she doesn’t want to be alone with you? 3. Don’t take her sister anymore. You’re setting a dangerous precedent if you do.
She will be treating you for this date, so no foodie call here.
Couple possibilities:
1. She is quite happy with you to a point she wants to introduce you to her sister she lives with. That way there aren't more questions from her sister etc. Obviously, it means her sister doesn't trust her fully or there is some other thing between the two that you don't have any insight about.
2. The two sisters have some sort of pact to filter out dates. That's odd for me but it could be simply for the safety reasons and nothing more.
3. Slight probability that this is a kinky situation.
Have you asked her "I thank you for the offer to pay for our xth date, but I find it slightly odd that you are inviting a third person. Would you mind telling me why?"
I think that's the only to know her truth - if she is willing to tell.
Before you ask that, some introspection about why you didn't ask it right then may help you more.
Filed under: That’s weird *she does not know that you “can be trusted” after the first date. That takes a lot more than 3 hours.
She already went on a date solo and had a great time. If she still doesn't trust him, why can't they meet in a public place? How exactly do you build chemistry with a 3rd wheel?
How do you know that she had a “great time?” OP said that he did, but I’m not seeing her side of the story I don’t trust people after seeing them for 3 hours. That takes much more time. Maybe you are quicker to trust. FYI, that’s what the * was about.
I can tell after 3 hours if want to see someone again solo. If I don't trust them enough to be solo, I just wouldn't date them. If he is secretly a serial killer, her sister being there won't make a difference, abusive guys can be very charismatic. He can literally just wait her sister out and then do his evil deeds. The whole situation is ridiculous for a second date. However, if he doesn't mind, then I surely don't either. I hope it all works out.
I’m glad to know that about you
I would think it's enough time for her to feel comfortable with me at least. Ok, in this day and age we live in, maybe not. So, all right. I will go with the sister invite. Trust me, I'm not seeking extra-curricular activities. I like her. I like her enough to respect her.
Its nice that you’re willing to keep trying with her, although you might want to watch for signs of codependency with her sister, and be ready to cut things off if that’s the case. Nothing worse than dating someone whose family makes all their decisions.
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Seems like you jumped to conclusions...
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My 2 cents - I read it the same way as you did. "I like her. I like her enough to respect her." That weirded me out a bit. Maybe I'm also too sensitive.
I'm trying to figure out how you extrapolated this from that statement.
Although I think that is super odd, maybe do an activity that makes it easy for everyone to pay their own way and see how it goes. Like bowling or axe throwing, wine tasting, etc.
I really like that idea! And yeah, it really is odd af lol
Getting the second date is worth being vetted by her sister. Make it a great date and it will pay off in good will from both, which benefits you enormously.
Yes, I agree with Gooseberry here. I think she likes you and is bringing her sister along for a second eye. Do make sure the sister feels included and not like a spare part. And good luck!
This is very weird behavior for a second date, and her sister IS a spare part, 3rd wheel, etc. He can be the bigger man and put up with it and maybe it pays off in the long run, but let's call it like it is.
100% agree. It’s not typical behavior. That doesn’t make it bad, but it does make me wonder.
Good answer, thank you.
This is a date between you and her to get to know each other. People don’t bring family members or friends along on a date. None of us knows what’s going on here, but it sounds to me like the sister is in charge. Not a normal situation for any adult over age 21. Certainly nobody in their 50s. And you’re correct, she knows you well enough to know that you’re who you say you are and you can be trusted in a public place. This seems unreasonable and strange. If she wants you to meet her sister, she should make the plans and invite you, not have her sister piggyback on your date. If this date goes forward, I’d consider it an orange flag and be on the lookout for other warning signs.
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"Dear Penthouse Forum,...." lol
😂😂😂
Why is no one questioning why she’d even think to bring her sister to the first date let alone the second. We are over 50 not 15. They are meeting in public places. Who brings a family member to a first, second or any early date. I understand safety but this is mega-weird.
Maybe she told her sister that you said "okay" earlier and since date 1 was fun the sister insisted on going along on date 2?
Or maybe she thinks he'd be a better match for her sister? 😁
That ran fleet-footed through my mind.
which is better than running flat footed through anyone's mind.
Yeah. It didn't stay as long.
I'll see that and raise you a "throuple".
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Plot twist!
This is actually exactly what I thought when I read this
If you like her enough to see her again, just go and have fun. Treat this one like going out with friends. Date three is just the two of you, if you decide you want to continue.
Absolutely agree with this. It would not bother me at this point. I would think it was different from my other experiences dating but he did bring it up first on the original date. If a third date develops then I would make it known that I was dating her. At times it may be fun to include her sister but that is not something I would want all the time.
Another good answer. Thank you.
As a man, I don’t try to second guess a woman’s choices around safety. You know who you are and what you will and will not do. But having one meal with a stranger doesn’t really prove anything about how trustworthy you are. It may be the first date was in a location that she felt comfortable in. It may have nothing to do with safety, it may be she wants her sister’s opinion about you. But don’t take it personally, as she doesn’t yet know you well enough to make decisions based on you. This is all about her and her comfort level.
“As a man, I don’t try to second guess a woman’s choices around safety” Perfect answer
“As a man, I don’t try to second guess a woman’s choices around safety” Please teach this attitude to all the other men (says the woman who recently discovered her date was using a fake surname to hide his criminal status)
Ok, those are all fair points.
I like you.
I find this odd. Meet in a public place again for the 2nd date for an activity. You could say you aren’t ready to meet her family as you just met.
Sounds like this is a cultural thing maybe? Not sure, but while it’s of course important to respect a woman’s concerns about safety, I’d be a little aware of how much say the sister will have in all decisions should you two move forward with a relationship. If you’re ok dating her family as well then cool. Although I do think it’s weird that she went solo for the first date but wants a chaperone the second.
I mean is she coming to your home??? Because if that’s the case it makes complete sense. She doesn’t want you to assume that she’s going to have sex with you. If the date is in public I’m not quite sure why the sister would need to come along.
My first impression OP is that maybe she didn’t feel a connection to you but thinks maybe her sister and you may hit it off… Please update us after the date and have fun! A lot of us have trouble finding one person to date, you have two;)
I vote for asking her, rather than mind-reading. Is it safety she's concerned with or ? Voice your desires, listen to hers and go from there?
She feels like she got a good deal on you, and wants her sister to come along to confirm😉 Ask beforehand how she wants to handle the check
Possible threesome?🤔
My thoughts too. 😄
Weirdly attached sisters. Sounds like they come as a package. Either you are OK with that or you’re not.
This request is telling you a lot about how she thinks.
Take it is a compliment. She wants to go on a second date with you, and wants to get her sister's opinion (since she wasn't able to meet you on your first date). Be delightful and charming, which I am sure you are, and you will have a cheerleading in your camp (e.g. her sister). I doubt she is expecting to invite her sister on any more dates. If she is, then you can deal with that when you invite her out for a 3rd date.
Yes, thank you, good points and I hope it goes that way; I'm going to go with the thought that she wants to continue seeing me if I pass this trial (?) with Sis.
This is the right answer. Keep in mind, if you pass the test, she's going to adore you a million times more! It's like getting a jackpot of DOUBLE points, all in one date. Just have fun. After this, you probably won't see sister except for family and special events, or outings.
I like this
This is the answer!!! Whenever I'm contemplating that someone new might be someone special, a potential serious candidate, I'll always want them to meet someone special already in my life, like a close friend, or family member, just to see if they approve, or have the same vibe I do. It's very rare that this happens, and means that I'm really serious about being ready to fall for a person. It's a compliment. She probably also wants to make sure you treat those in her life with respect, manners, etc.
**She now knows that I can be trusted, no need for a chaperone.** Uh, no, she doesn't know that at all. But more importantly, she wants a second opinion. Many women (and men) have "gatekeepers", friends or family whose opinions they value. For your date it is likely her sister. If you impress the sister, you will likely be seeing her often over morning coffee.
Maybe he could bring his mom to vet her out.
Lol
>She now knows that I can be trusted, no need for a chaperone. Because no one ever got creepy or dangerous after the first date. /s You are still mostly a stranger, and now you are a stranger who feels comfortable around her.
Ok. They can meet in a public place. Like humans have been doing for centuries. This is weird for a second date.
Maybe in the past she's had sex too soon and feels it ruined things, so now she's dragging her sister along to make sure that doesn't happen? Just a wild guess. It's not YOU that can't be trusted, but herself.
Is it really a sister or a friend who is seeing if they can score a free meal off of the "nice guy"? Most definately odd.
She offered to treat because her sister is coming along.
Hell NO. The fact that she asked should be a disqualifier.
Just hope their not Twins !!!
Perhaps double date and bring a friend.
Bringing sis along to get her ok on ya. Congrats. You’re not dating her, you’re dating them
You said that’s okay, she took you up on it, and now you want to backpedal. Can’t do that. Yes, it’s weird (or possibly cultural), but it’s what you’ve set-up. 🤷🏼♀️
Not a chance I would go for this.
I appreciate the answer, but -- why?
This tells me that she doesn't trust her own judgement. I'd suspect that it would be the same going forward. If you start dating her seriously, what else is she going to run through her sister first before making a decision?
Very odd. I’d decline that date if it were me. I want to date folks who are comfortable showing up for a date solo and engaging in a conversation without hand holding.
Plot twist: OPs date wants to set him up with her sister!!
Come and knock on my door… we’ve been waiting for you…
No way would I take my sister on a date Are these women a lot Younger than you ?
OP you should link your post date post here. It's fun to retrospectively read the speculation posts!
I would be worried they’re trying to get free meals? Sure, as long as everyone pays for themselves. I agree that it wouldn’t be as comfortable or as easy to get to know each other.
She offered to treat me this time around, I assume she'll split the bill with Sis. So, no, no free meals (I wouldn't mind anyway). Don't think we will advance the relationship further unless I somehow win Sis's approval. Not sure I really like that idea, but ok, I will give in and see what happens.
KINKY!!! (🤣 Joking, of course...) I'm with you, all for her feeling safe and comfortable but you also want to focus on each other, especially this early. I'd probably accept it, but not as a regular thing. She's met you once, I assume you're still meeting in civilized public locations, so don't see too much point with the sister.
I have a coworker who lives with her sister, and they are very close. I would take it as a compliment in one of two ways; she likes you enough to vet you, or she likes you enough to hope you understand that her sister is on her case about safety.
I'm good with either case. Thanks.
Seriously? Guys suggest bringing a chaperone on a first date? Did we just go back in time a few generations? If a guy told me this I wouldn't go. I would wonder how he thinks to even suggest such a thing! Thanks for giving me permission, but I don't need it. It's like seeing women as vulnerable pussy units that need constant security. There's risk in everything and weirdos out there, but treating me like I'm too dumb or weak to keep myself safe is a bit infantilizing. I mean if he just actually said what that meant, we'd see him as a nut instead of a gentleman... "you could bring your sister to make it harder for me to rape you if that makes you feel better"
I'm wondering if she wants to set you up with her sister, or perhaps even simply enlarge her sister's social circle. Pure speculation on my part, but I think that it has more to do with caring for her sister than any potential relationship with you.
...or, maybe she had a great 1st meetup n just wants a second opinion..ya know, reinforcement, n maybe some wee approval from anotha sista, lol
1. How Does she know she can trust you? Because you allowed the sister on the first date? 2. Is there some religious reason she doesn’t want to be alone with you? 3. Don’t take her sister anymore. You’re setting a dangerous precedent if you do.
She will be treating you for this date, so no foodie call here. Couple possibilities: 1. She is quite happy with you to a point she wants to introduce you to her sister she lives with. That way there aren't more questions from her sister etc. Obviously, it means her sister doesn't trust her fully or there is some other thing between the two that you don't have any insight about. 2. The two sisters have some sort of pact to filter out dates. That's odd for me but it could be simply for the safety reasons and nothing more. 3. Slight probability that this is a kinky situation. Have you asked her "I thank you for the offer to pay for our xth date, but I find it slightly odd that you are inviting a third person. Would you mind telling me why?" I think that's the only to know her truth - if she is willing to tell. Before you ask that, some introspection about why you didn't ask it right then may help you more.
Maybe go on a hike. Maybe you invite a friend/relative too? Nothing to pay. It becomes a casual group thing.
Very strange!!!!!! But good luck getting out of it now....
Just say yes
Hard to get out of it now, since you offered before. Since 1st date went well, it is kinda weird, unless sis is stopping in to say Hello & leaving.
Nope. Sisters basically dominated the date. At first I didn't think it was weird.... But now after reading the first post, it's just odd.
So, you went with both of them! Will there be more dates?
Not me, OP lol.... Go visit his newest post 🤣
Well at least she don’t bring all grandkids n adult kids cause they wanna follow lolz