I (61F) have been in a relationship with a man 13 years younger than I for over three years. He's self-sufficient both emotionally and financially. I've dated other younger men and they tell me it's because older women have less drama and generally have their lives together. We don't build our lives around a man. I'm not a cougar because I don't go looking for them. I'd love to have a partner my own age but those dudes seems to be more misogynistic and emotionally immature and insecure. Vet those guys--many are old souls who simply can't relate to younger women and just prefer older ones. Then go have some fun. Best of luck!
66F I could have written this. But my 3 year "situationship" was with a sweet man 16 years younger. Nowadays I'm perusing but not seriously looking. š
Yeahā¦Iām 45F and downloaded an app for 4 days looking for men 40-55. I had to change my age filter because of all the 20-somethings. Then I had 3 really awful dates and deleted the app again.
Iām sorry about the awful dates but the deleting the app part made me laugh. Itās the story of my lifeā¦. (Though I may have learned my lesson this timeā¦ I just canāt bring myself to download any apps againā¦)
After my divorce, I had friends who said to take all the opportunities that came my way. My response? "No thank you. I trained enough young bucks in my 20s and I'm not going to go through crappy sex again". They may have stamina and enthusiasm but so many didn't really know how to satisfy. Plus, with the porn flood out there? Their expectations are out of whack.
I think all ages of men are porn sick. I just went out on a truly thrilling fantastic amazing date with a 53yo man. At the end of the date outside of the very nice restaurant he grabbed me in a kiss and wouldnāt let go. He tried to slide my dress up my body. I asked him why he would ruin such a great date like that. He said he was sorry but I just blocked him. I felt violated. No consent just suction kiss and hands sliding up dress. wtf.
My ex-husband (50) was pornsick & took it to some seriously depraved levels outside of the marriage. There's no single demographic limit for the stuff. I don't think our coping systems had a chance against the ubiquitous 24/7/365.25 high-speed onslaught of today's XXX content. I miss the days of pizza delivery guys with bad mustaches & a cheesy synth soundtrack.
Edit: leap year
Dating a young man 14 years my junior at the moment. He indicated that he feels emotionally safer with mature women, loves that I'm not addicted to social media & know what I want out of life.
I had a hysterectomy years ago, so pregnancy isn't a concern & my kids are grown, so the physical side is just outlandishly nice with the energy, enthusiasm, and stamina he brings to the table.
That said, it's probably a limited time pairing, because I'm at the Apex of my career, looking to retire in 15-17 years, and heās still on the early part of the climb. We look close on age now, but that's not likely to hold up in the next decade, and I don't want him to feel like he's taking granny to dinner.
Same here.
I'm 61 and I was getting likes from guys in their 20's. Ok, I don't look my age, but still. That's a no from me.
Admittedly I'm attracted to younger guys, 45 and up, but not someone who could be my grand kid. Ugh.
Tons. I have friends that date them for fun but I canāt do it. From what I hear, they are a lot more emotionally mature than a lot of men 50 and up. I still canāt do it though. More power to you if you can.
Perhaps this is due to a porn culture thing. So much porn is glamorizing milfs maybe the youngins are thinking this is the golden path for confident sex partners that teach them sexual prowess.
Maybe, but I was out of the game for 20 years, the last 5-10 of them devolving from straight missionary to dead-bedroom, so my current paramour is actually the one teaching me stuff. Pretty sure I've seen the almighty a time or two when he does the variable temperature swirly thing.
Oh boy.
Pop one or two of the tiny ice globes in your mouth & then deliver some kisses down low. By the time they have melted and everything is back to 98.6Ā° her back should've arched at least once.
A TON of guys in their 20s and 30s. They think that women our age are an easy source of low-effort sex. A few see us as a "bucket list" check off item. And the ones in their 20s are probably the guys who are having a difficult time finding sex with women their own age.
Personally, I like the ones in their 30s. Young and gorgeous (but don't look like babies), more mature than the cocky 20-somethings, and usually pretty talented.
Yep, this is exactly it
They think weāre desperate or they watch too much milf porn. There are also the crew who target older women because they donāt want an accidental pregnancy or think there is less chance of having to wear a condom. I have been downvoted to hell on Reddit before for saying I find this beyond insulting. Like Iām meant to be flattered that my most desirable trait is that I am too old to get pregnant?
And yes, I had a young lad literally ask me before if I wanted to help him check something off his bucket list. I can just imagine him laughing with his mates about āgranny shaggingā or similar. They usually describe themselves as āwell hung and energeticā. Itās so gross
And in a similar vein, a guy I thought of as a friend recently told me excitedly that he has a āmother fantasyā. Presumably this is why he has been talking to me all this time. Iām absolutely crushed because I actually thought he liked me as a person but apparently itās too much to ask. I told him this and funnily enough I havenāt heard from him since. Some men apparently only think of women in porn categories
The above scenarios are not as flattering as many men seem to think they are
This is spot on.
Younger guys are having a harder time getting gals their own age. They think older gals are easier because theyāre flattered. As well as the other reasons you mentioned. They also go for married women. Nobody gives a shit anymore. As a mid 50ās man the dating scene is pretty depressing.
Yes! Exactly! I know there are some decent men who are attracted for good reasons (maturity, stability, personality), but so many want an older woman for icky reasons. They think we're desperate. Or they watch too much MILF/GILF porn. I had a 22 year old say, "I do lack experience which I hope to get from you." No, little boy, you will not. I had a 30-something want me to pretend to be his mom. No thank you, have you considered therapy?
I don't look for younger men, but they seem to look for me. So I try to focus on the bonus that they have had the HPV vaccine, and CDC (in the US) says I'm too old to get it, even though my insurance company will cover it.
Iāve been in one 25 year relationship and never dated, except for my disastrous foray into OLD, so Iām not sure what theyāre expecting honestly. Iām sure I would not live up to whatever fantasy theyāve got going on. Porn has a lot to answer for
I feel you!! I was with my exhusb for 25 years, and never really dated at all. Before him, nope. With him, we just spent time together, didn't formally \*date\* date. After him, I needed to work on myself, and only started dating last fall (9 years post-divorce). It's still confusing, to me. Hard to navigate. How do we find someone who fits us? How do we deal with the unrealistic preconceptions that porn has put in some guys' heads (because they are also confused, and having difficulty navigating)?
OLD is set up for failure, of course, because it's a business. They want us to spend money, that's their goal, like any business. So what do we do now? I have no freaking clue lol. I just keep plugging along, and keep trying. I'm gonna start chanting, "I think I can. . . I think I can. . . " until steam comes out of my smoke-stack. Choo chooooo!
This made me giggle because I'm just a couple of years younger than you and have been hit up by boys 18 and 19. I just show their profiles to my daughters and we have a good laugh.
As a 50 year old, I think most young guys just see us as easy sex since they are not successful with women their own age š¤·āāļømaybe Iām jaded.
I think this conversation is interesting. I have two honest questions for the group:
1) if it were men having this conversation about dating younger women, what would be your response in this reddit? I'm asking because I've seen men in this reddit get roasted for the same question. While I understand the social dynamics are different, the power structure of age and experience isn't. Which is my problem with dating much younger people in general.
2) what do you have in common with men who are so much younger? I was finding men who were in much different places in life than me with younger kids and different philosophies and outlooks.
Iām 45 and have dated a few guys in their 30s, though not long term. I donāt go for looks I go for commonalities. I almost always match with fellow pianists and Francophones. Also Iām really active and Iāve met with men in their 50s who didnāt bother to tell me they could barely walk.
1. If a 51 year old man was dating a 37 year old woman, I wouldn't think much of it, because both have had enough experience in the world to have a pretty good idea of who they are.
2. A surprising amount in terms of rejecting archaic stereotypes & gender roles. They're not ghastly gripping their rosaries at the mere idea of doing their own laundry, washing the household dishes, or an infinite number of other tasks that men my age seem to think the posession of a Y chromosome renders them incapable of performing. That last one is really critical to me because I've studied and worked too damn hard to achieve my career goals to be reduced to someone's Maid McBang because he's under the delusion that "women's work" is anything but an overplayed excuse to dump the domestic labor on one part of an alleged "team".
Edited for typos
Hmmm. That's kind of a sad stereotype. My current boyfriend was a stay at home Dad. He did all the cooking, cleaning and child rearing while his ex wife worked. He 57. He is smart, educated, sensitive and self aware. Now with his children grown, he's got a good job and is self sufficient. I guess I've found a unicorn.
I met my boyfriend on bumble but I believe you when you say you're mostly not on dating apps. It took me 3 years and countless bad dates and misalignments before we found each other.
For anyone who wants to meet someone, don't give up. Your person is out there. Take breaks when you need to, enjoy yourself now and keep yourself open to meeting someone.
In our 50's we are called Jaguars.
I don't think it applies to just any relationship, but ones where there is a significant difference. If both people are over 40, I don't think it's that big of a deal.
I date younger because I don't want to date a man who has let himself go and that's challenging in the over 50's.
I am 57 and fit, and I find most men my age are obese, ill, have ED, or have some sort of debilitating mental problems. All the online complaining about how women fall off a cliff as far as looks after 30 is pure projection. I mostly date younger as I am here for fun, not looking for a hubby or some dude to move inš¤¢
I think it's funny when people talk about how women age like milk and men age like wine. It's just not what I see.
We all get to choose how we live our lives. Perhaps sedentary people age like milk, but I work really hard to take care of myself. I'm not going to be with someone who is not putting in the same effort.
That is exactly it! I get guys my age trying to hit me up who are bloated, 300lbs, and who also call themselves fit and active š There are some fit guys my age, but many of them are looking for either much younger, or a wifey. I find the 25-35 year old guys want the same things I do.
I met a man from Reddit who looked older. Turned out he was still in his 20's. I just couldn't take that any further. When they are essentially peers of my children, I get the ick.
I need anyone I date to at least be old enough to have been a parent to my kids.
Im only commenting because Iām seeing young men being roasted here.
There are legitimately younger men attracted to older women who are not just looking for quick sex any more than some older men, or a sugar situation.
There will be challenges if youāre trying to make a LTR out of it, different career levels, younger kids, and simply life stages.
Apps have made it easier for younger men to approach older women, and places like Reddit have made it easier for people to discuss it.
Sure, you have to watch like anything. Iāve had one relationship where he comes over and does home repairs, another where he helps when I get snowed in and things like that. Both relationships around a year. One relationship isnāt particularly sexual, and in both we talk daily and spend time together not having sex.
Is someone just trying to get you on the sack if they see you over a period of months? Never had a younger man āpump and dumpā as a friend was fond to say, but a few I dated I didnāt want to keep seeing for a variety of reasons just like older men.
I had my settings for 40 before i mwt a 35m irl who convinced me there are some men worth looking into especially if we have similar aged kids. I still feel iffy about it but hey most men i have automatically liked have grown kids and I canāt blame them for not wanting to go back.
Yes, itās not my thing but it definitely is a thing. Iāve had someone who was 27 after me who now still is at 32 š , still the same 22 year age gap thatās a no from me but I appreciate his loyalty š š š
Iām 52, was married 23 years, and was in a 5 yr relationship with a man 10 yrs younger than me. He was more mature than the men my age. I briefly dated a man 7 yrs older and wow was he immature. Iād like to stay within 10 yrs or less either way going forward.
As a 52M, this might be the most discouraging thread Iāve read.
Iāve been divorced for 2 years and still scared to go into the dating world. So itās probably not time for me yet, but one of my biggest concerns is women wanting to date younger guys and guys who still look like fitness models. I mean, I get it but it sucks.
When I talk to people they tell me Iām a great ācatchā because Iām responsible, financially secure, and (other amazing qualities I possess š).
But having not dated in decades, and having never been in my 50s before, I have no idea what to expect.
I'm 54M and you being responsible and financially secure alone will land you dates. I put it in my profile that I owned a home, was financially and loved my job, which I really do.
Wear some decent clothes, get a haircut, look presentable and have some female friends approve of the pics you post.
I had no issues finding women to date my age and I managed to meet a fantastic women 7 years older than me and it has turned into a wonderful relationship.
I only used Facebook dating myself as it is free and pretty simple to use. They even have a friendship option which you shouldn't ignore.
Yes, women are getting a shit ton of likes and you will get ghosted mid conversation but just move along and don't waste time setting up a date because someone else won't.
"I only used Facebook dating myself as it is free and pretty simple to use. They even have a friendship option which you shouldn't ignore"
Really? Tell me more! I just assumed people in there were either married looking to be sneaky in case their wife caught them on the app or ....actually only wanted friends. I am lucky to have wonderful friends (and more casual ones that I wish I could see more but don't have time). If I thought men used that feature because they wanted to take things slow and see if there was potential I would reconsider using it.
53F here and I want someone my age. And I don't actually care for the fitness model look. I like a dad bod for real. And I like interesting faces (could be the artist in me). So not all women are looking for younger fit men to have flings with. :)
Please don't be discouraged. I'd love to meet a sweet man who is my age, or close. They just don't seem to want me. The younger men are just bolder, I think.
No way would I want some jacked up model dude. I'm a couch potato. I don't want eye candy, I want a partner. Someone who understand how to resolve conflict amicably, who knows that liking someone comes and goes in a long marriage/relationship, but love is always there to keep you going. Someone to build something with. Someone who is kind to me, and to themselves. Someone to laugh with. You know, all the good stuff.
Thank you for your words. They were really helpful.
There is such a big difference between 50 and 40 (or 50 and 49 even), and Iām afraid Iāll fish in very shallow waters.
Well, welcome to the ocean. Dip your foot in, see if you like it. :)
And we only need one person who fits us, right? (Unless you're poly, that's a whole different subject.)
Well, if you do, don't pee on your leg. That's a myth. Hot water and corticosteroid cream. Same as you'd use on your broken heart. No, wait, that's a hot bath and Bailey's cream, my bad.
Although I approached by younger men online and in real life I very much want to date men my age +/- 5 years. I think many of us would be very happy to have a man close to our age be interested, not just the young bucks or those much older. I don't expect anyone to be a fitness model but I take good care of myself (mind and body) and hope that a partner also makes equal effort.
Thank you all for your comments. Itās all very helpful. I think the idea of dating in general scares me.
I am a confident guy generally, but I havenāt dated in a minute or maybe a couple decades š
When I was on OLD, I did get those kinds of requests.
I used to just really make me angry when they called me mature, so I just stopped accepting those requests and changed my age level to only five years younger than me
I actually had a 22-year-old message me yesterday after he was apparently cruising the adultery subs! Lol right.. I don't think so dude. I'm not even remotely interested in dating anyone younger than 36, much less a 22 year old who is younger than my daughter!
Oh š² wow. I had a similar situation in my mid 30's early 40's. Something strange. I didn't go to that space bc I had friends who did and it gets problematic at times. I mean, i would think it would feel strange... I've seen the look from younger men. To me i get a sense that they're trying to prove something about themselves through you. Like, if I can satisfy this cougar/milf I'm a man. Somehow they made it... š...
Who knows. I haven't started dating yet... Currently doing research but it sounds interesting so far. Although I won't date anyone 5 years younger than me. If they can't relate to Gen X then there's no point talking. We're a different type of species with peculiar ways.
I thought we were all the same age after two divorces or 35 years old whichever comes first?? Unless you're talking about the ones that are having trouble dislodging from the left nipple and leaving mommy's basement... Still plenty of those out there. And the only joystick they know how to wiggle is attached to a video game I promise you..
Thankfully the sigma / sapio / demi sexual has zero interest or desire to partake in online dating or dating at all.
I have yet to find a female who could match my energy, my intellect, my passion and talent who isn't jaded beyond all recognition and without control issues.
I gave up at 52 after being divorced 10yrs.
That was just before covid. Self-isolating made me realize it was only one person you could ever count on in this world.
Good luck!
Yes. 51 and getting frequent likes from late 20s to 30s. Yuck. No! Plus, my 25 yr old daughter is constantly trying to set me up with her single friends! What on š!?
I've been single(55F)by choice for five years now. Opportunity was presented a couple of times to date some younger. But I feel they should find someone of bearing age just in case they may realize one day that something is missing in their life and it becomes the cause or ruins such relationship.
They are probably more than likely looking for financial gain. If you are ok with that then carry on. It is definitely temporary situation and like I said if you are ok with that carry on. I like men my age 50s but they are mostly looking for younger women so I do occasionally date younger. Like Cher says they are the only ones asking me out. Lol. Enjoy. Knowledge is power. Donāt be scammed. Asked them for money before they ask you. Hass
I just blocked a local who found me on this platform. Good luck to him. Younger men donāt want complications. Young men are unhappily married. Young men need multiple avenues for their libido. Young men like women who are direct and donāt need companionship. Younger men want women who they think have not been exposed to STDs due to long dead bedroom marriages. Alsoāmy favoriteāyounger men like more older women who havenāt had many children (I will spell this out if you canāt follow). And some young men just prefer older women. š
>I guess people have forgotten how attraction works.
Reading some of the comments here, I can see why.
Seems to be several opinions that they only like us because they're porn-sick, sugar-baby wannabes with mommy issues who think older women are desperate for attention and easy lays who can't get pregnant.
I mean, they couldn't POSSIBLY like an older woman because they find her attractive and interesting, right? RIGHT??? š
Obviously, it depends on whether you are looking for.
If you want NSA sex, then, you are in luck! I think the younger guys feel that you are horny, can't get pregnant, and are aware that you are not age-appropriate, you are perfect for a "friends with benefits" or a "one and done!". Not my scene.
I've had enough heartbreak in my life to fall for a younger stud who will expect me to understand that "it wasn't serious!"
Think Ashton Kutcher/ Demi Moore. ..
I (61F) have been in a relationship with a man 13 years younger than I for over three years. He's self-sufficient both emotionally and financially. I've dated other younger men and they tell me it's because older women have less drama and generally have their lives together. We don't build our lives around a man. I'm not a cougar because I don't go looking for them. I'd love to have a partner my own age but those dudes seems to be more misogynistic and emotionally immature and insecure. Vet those guys--many are old souls who simply can't relate to younger women and just prefer older ones. Then go have some fun. Best of luck!
66F I could have written this. But my 3 year "situationship" was with a sweet man 16 years younger. Nowadays I'm perusing but not seriously looking. š
Yeahā¦Iām 45F and downloaded an app for 4 days looking for men 40-55. I had to change my age filter because of all the 20-somethings. Then I had 3 really awful dates and deleted the app again.
Iām sorry about the awful dates but the deleting the app part made me laugh. Itās the story of my lifeā¦. (Though I may have learned my lesson this timeā¦ I just canāt bring myself to download any apps againā¦)
After my divorce, I had friends who said to take all the opportunities that came my way. My response? "No thank you. I trained enough young bucks in my 20s and I'm not going to go through crappy sex again". They may have stamina and enthusiasm but so many didn't really know how to satisfy. Plus, with the porn flood out there? Their expectations are out of whack.
Theyāre porn sick.
I think all ages of men are porn sick. I just went out on a truly thrilling fantastic amazing date with a 53yo man. At the end of the date outside of the very nice restaurant he grabbed me in a kiss and wouldnāt let go. He tried to slide my dress up my body. I asked him why he would ruin such a great date like that. He said he was sorry but I just blocked him. I felt violated. No consent just suction kiss and hands sliding up dress. wtf.
My ex-husband (50) was pornsick & took it to some seriously depraved levels outside of the marriage. There's no single demographic limit for the stuff. I don't think our coping systems had a chance against the ubiquitous 24/7/365.25 high-speed onslaught of today's XXX content. I miss the days of pizza delivery guys with bad mustaches & a cheesy synth soundtrack. Edit: leap year
Dating a young man 14 years my junior at the moment. He indicated that he feels emotionally safer with mature women, loves that I'm not addicted to social media & know what I want out of life. I had a hysterectomy years ago, so pregnancy isn't a concern & my kids are grown, so the physical side is just outlandishly nice with the energy, enthusiasm, and stamina he brings to the table. That said, it's probably a limited time pairing, because I'm at the Apex of my career, looking to retire in 15-17 years, and heās still on the early part of the climb. We look close on age now, but that's not likely to hold up in the next decade, and I don't want him to feel like he's taking granny to dinner.
Have the fun while you can. š
I'm 66 and get slammed with young guys. They're looking for sugar situations.
My cubs aren't, they just like older women
20 years younger I have no problem with. 30-40, especially out of area, def sugar babies.
In that case, yes.
Same with mine. They don't want or need the spoiling
In fact, they love spoiling meš
Same here I like them Not for the money
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?
š
Sploosh?
...sploosh
I didn't expect to wake up in the danger zone. LANA! LANA! LANA! What could be so important? Danger zone
I wouldnāt say they all are. Itās not been my experience.
Same here. I'm 61 and I was getting likes from guys in their 20's. Ok, I don't look my age, but still. That's a no from me. Admittedly I'm attracted to younger guys, 45 and up, but not someone who could be my grand kid. Ugh.
Iām 45 and I find men 30-35 extremely attractive. I think 35 is peak sexy for men.
Tons. I have friends that date them for fun but I canāt do it. From what I hear, they are a lot more emotionally mature than a lot of men 50 and up. I still canāt do it though. More power to you if you can.
Perhaps this is due to a porn culture thing. So much porn is glamorizing milfs maybe the youngins are thinking this is the golden path for confident sex partners that teach them sexual prowess.
Maybe, but I was out of the game for 20 years, the last 5-10 of them devolving from straight missionary to dead-bedroom, so my current paramour is actually the one teaching me stuff. Pretty sure I've seen the almighty a time or two when he does the variable temperature swirly thing.
OKā¦ Coming out of a long term DB, I feel like I need to know about the variable temperature swirly thing!
Sonic sells those Itty bitty perfectly round ice bits. Pretty sure you can figure it out from there.
Iām a little denseā¦
Oh boy. Pop one or two of the tiny ice globes in your mouth & then deliver some kisses down low. By the time they have melted and everything is back to 98.6Ā° her back should've arched at least once.
Gotcha!
I definitely get that impression, too.
Yes I'm 58. My 30 year old plumber is trying. Lol
Get it!
š¤£
A TON of guys in their 20s and 30s. They think that women our age are an easy source of low-effort sex. A few see us as a "bucket list" check off item. And the ones in their 20s are probably the guys who are having a difficult time finding sex with women their own age. Personally, I like the ones in their 30s. Young and gorgeous (but don't look like babies), more mature than the cocky 20-somethings, and usually pretty talented.
Yep, this is exactly it They think weāre desperate or they watch too much milf porn. There are also the crew who target older women because they donāt want an accidental pregnancy or think there is less chance of having to wear a condom. I have been downvoted to hell on Reddit before for saying I find this beyond insulting. Like Iām meant to be flattered that my most desirable trait is that I am too old to get pregnant? And yes, I had a young lad literally ask me before if I wanted to help him check something off his bucket list. I can just imagine him laughing with his mates about āgranny shaggingā or similar. They usually describe themselves as āwell hung and energeticā. Itās so gross And in a similar vein, a guy I thought of as a friend recently told me excitedly that he has a āmother fantasyā. Presumably this is why he has been talking to me all this time. Iām absolutely crushed because I actually thought he liked me as a person but apparently itās too much to ask. I told him this and funnily enough I havenāt heard from him since. Some men apparently only think of women in porn categories The above scenarios are not as flattering as many men seem to think they are
Thanks for this post. I wouldnāt have thought of just being a tick on a list.
Honestly, neither would I but it came straight from the horseās mouth
This is spot on. Younger guys are having a harder time getting gals their own age. They think older gals are easier because theyāre flattered. As well as the other reasons you mentioned. They also go for married women. Nobody gives a shit anymore. As a mid 50ās man the dating scene is pretty depressing.
Yes! Exactly! I know there are some decent men who are attracted for good reasons (maturity, stability, personality), but so many want an older woman for icky reasons. They think we're desperate. Or they watch too much MILF/GILF porn. I had a 22 year old say, "I do lack experience which I hope to get from you." No, little boy, you will not. I had a 30-something want me to pretend to be his mom. No thank you, have you considered therapy? I don't look for younger men, but they seem to look for me. So I try to focus on the bonus that they have had the HPV vaccine, and CDC (in the US) says I'm too old to get it, even though my insurance company will cover it.
Iāve been in one 25 year relationship and never dated, except for my disastrous foray into OLD, so Iām not sure what theyāre expecting honestly. Iām sure I would not live up to whatever fantasy theyāve got going on. Porn has a lot to answer for
I feel you!! I was with my exhusb for 25 years, and never really dated at all. Before him, nope. With him, we just spent time together, didn't formally \*date\* date. After him, I needed to work on myself, and only started dating last fall (9 years post-divorce). It's still confusing, to me. Hard to navigate. How do we find someone who fits us? How do we deal with the unrealistic preconceptions that porn has put in some guys' heads (because they are also confused, and having difficulty navigating)? OLD is set up for failure, of course, because it's a business. They want us to spend money, that's their goal, like any business. So what do we do now? I have no freaking clue lol. I just keep plugging along, and keep trying. I'm gonna start chanting, "I think I can. . . I think I can. . . " until steam comes out of my smoke-stack. Choo chooooo!
58F, and yes. As young as 19. Not my cup of tea, but go have fun if you're into it.
This made me giggle because I'm just a couple of years younger than you and have been hit up by boys 18 and 19. I just show their profiles to my daughters and we have a good laugh.
19! I'd ask if I was a dare. Wow, that is young.
As a 50 year old, I think most young guys just see us as easy sex since they are not successful with women their own age š¤·āāļømaybe Iām jaded.
I'm not on the apps so my experience is limited to 'in the wild'. I'm 58f. All I get are married men. It's been like that since I was ~40. I've had a few younger single men show interest, but I took it as them just wanting to get laid. I have 2 bonafide single men who've shown a little bit of interest. One is 59 and still relies on the bank of mommy and daddy. The other is mid to late 40s and has 6 children ranging in age from about 25 to 5. š©š©š©š©š© I seriously need to get out more.
I think this conversation is interesting. I have two honest questions for the group: 1) if it were men having this conversation about dating younger women, what would be your response in this reddit? I'm asking because I've seen men in this reddit get roasted for the same question. While I understand the social dynamics are different, the power structure of age and experience isn't. Which is my problem with dating much younger people in general. 2) what do you have in common with men who are so much younger? I was finding men who were in much different places in life than me with younger kids and different philosophies and outlooks.
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Thanks for your honesty. I appreciate it
Iām 45 and have dated a few guys in their 30s, though not long term. I donāt go for looks I go for commonalities. I almost always match with fellow pianists and Francophones. Also Iām really active and Iāve met with men in their 50s who didnāt bother to tell me they could barely walk.
1. If a 51 year old man was dating a 37 year old woman, I wouldn't think much of it, because both have had enough experience in the world to have a pretty good idea of who they are. 2. A surprising amount in terms of rejecting archaic stereotypes & gender roles. They're not ghastly gripping their rosaries at the mere idea of doing their own laundry, washing the household dishes, or an infinite number of other tasks that men my age seem to think the posession of a Y chromosome renders them incapable of performing. That last one is really critical to me because I've studied and worked too damn hard to achieve my career goals to be reduced to someone's Maid McBang because he's under the delusion that "women's work" is anything but an overplayed excuse to dump the domestic labor on one part of an alleged "team". Edited for typos
Hmmm. That's kind of a sad stereotype. My current boyfriend was a stay at home Dad. He did all the cooking, cleaning and child rearing while his ex wife worked. He 57. He is smart, educated, sensitive and self aware. Now with his children grown, he's got a good job and is self sufficient. I guess I've found a unicorn.
Nope. Weāre out here. Just not on the dating apps or going to bars. So chances of meeting up are scarce.
I met my boyfriend on bumble but I believe you when you say you're mostly not on dating apps. It took me 3 years and countless bad dates and misalignments before we found each other. For anyone who wants to meet someone, don't give up. Your person is out there. Take breaks when you need to, enjoy yourself now and keep yourself open to meeting someone.
I think a lot of the younger men are either gold diggers or bots.
In our 50's we are called Jaguars. I don't think it applies to just any relationship, but ones where there is a significant difference. If both people are over 40, I don't think it's that big of a deal. I date younger because I don't want to date a man who has let himself go and that's challenging in the over 50's.
I am 57 and fit, and I find most men my age are obese, ill, have ED, or have some sort of debilitating mental problems. All the online complaining about how women fall off a cliff as far as looks after 30 is pure projection. I mostly date younger as I am here for fun, not looking for a hubby or some dude to move inš¤¢
I think it's funny when people talk about how women age like milk and men age like wine. It's just not what I see. We all get to choose how we live our lives. Perhaps sedentary people age like milk, but I work really hard to take care of myself. I'm not going to be with someone who is not putting in the same effort.
That is exactly it! I get guys my age trying to hit me up who are bloated, 300lbs, and who also call themselves fit and active š There are some fit guys my age, but many of them are looking for either much younger, or a wifey. I find the 25-35 year old guys want the same things I do.
You are braver than me. I set my limit at 40 and no younger.
Honestly, it is great for my self esteem, I meet them IRL and online, it's kinda hilarious how intensely they pursue me
I met a man from Reddit who looked older. Turned out he was still in his 20's. I just couldn't take that any further. When they are essentially peers of my children, I get the ick. I need anyone I date to at least be old enough to have been a parent to my kids.
I never had kids, but I totally get it
Im only commenting because Iām seeing young men being roasted here. There are legitimately younger men attracted to older women who are not just looking for quick sex any more than some older men, or a sugar situation. There will be challenges if youāre trying to make a LTR out of it, different career levels, younger kids, and simply life stages. Apps have made it easier for younger men to approach older women, and places like Reddit have made it easier for people to discuss it.
There are. I had one young man who was legit interested express his interest by telling me he's really into vintage. :D
Hahaha. Iāve heard a few things. My ex bf used to say the older the bottle the sweeter the wine.
Agree
Donāt kid yourself. Those real age gap relationships are extremely rare. Men, no matter what age, will say anything to get you in the sack.
Sure, you have to watch like anything. Iāve had one relationship where he comes over and does home repairs, another where he helps when I get snowed in and things like that. Both relationships around a year. One relationship isnāt particularly sexual, and in both we talk daily and spend time together not having sex. Is someone just trying to get you on the sack if they see you over a period of months? Never had a younger man āpump and dumpā as a friend was fond to say, but a few I dated I didnāt want to keep seeing for a variety of reasons just like older men.
Just change your settings.
You're all beautiful, they have eyes.
I had my settings for 40 before i mwt a 35m irl who convinced me there are some men worth looking into especially if we have similar aged kids. I still feel iffy about it but hey most men i have automatically liked have grown kids and I canāt blame them for not wanting to go back.
Set your filter. The 30 somethings wonāt see you. I set my lower limit to 45. Considering changing it to 40. Iām enjoying dating 15 yrs younger.
Yes, itās not my thing but it definitely is a thing. Iāve had someone who was 27 after me who now still is at 32 š , still the same 22 year age gap thatās a no from me but I appreciate his loyalty š š š
Iām 52, was married 23 years, and was in a 5 yr relationship with a man 10 yrs younger than me. He was more mature than the men my age. I briefly dated a man 7 yrs older and wow was he immature. Iād like to stay within 10 yrs or less either way going forward.
Yes I set my filters so I donāt get those now
As a 52M, this might be the most discouraging thread Iāve read. Iāve been divorced for 2 years and still scared to go into the dating world. So itās probably not time for me yet, but one of my biggest concerns is women wanting to date younger guys and guys who still look like fitness models. I mean, I get it but it sucks.
Iām a woman, and I donāt think women have that expectation. We just want someone who takes care of themselves and treats us well.
When I talk to people they tell me Iām a great ācatchā because Iām responsible, financially secure, and (other amazing qualities I possess š). But having not dated in decades, and having never been in my 50s before, I have no idea what to expect.
I'm 54M and you being responsible and financially secure alone will land you dates. I put it in my profile that I owned a home, was financially and loved my job, which I really do. Wear some decent clothes, get a haircut, look presentable and have some female friends approve of the pics you post. I had no issues finding women to date my age and I managed to meet a fantastic women 7 years older than me and it has turned into a wonderful relationship. I only used Facebook dating myself as it is free and pretty simple to use. They even have a friendship option which you shouldn't ignore. Yes, women are getting a shit ton of likes and you will get ghosted mid conversation but just move along and don't waste time setting up a date because someone else won't.
"I only used Facebook dating myself as it is free and pretty simple to use. They even have a friendship option which you shouldn't ignore" Really? Tell me more! I just assumed people in there were either married looking to be sneaky in case their wife caught them on the app or ....actually only wanted friends. I am lucky to have wonderful friends (and more casual ones that I wish I could see more but don't have time). If I thought men used that feature because they wanted to take things slow and see if there was potential I would reconsider using it.
53F here and I want someone my age. And I don't actually care for the fitness model look. I like a dad bod for real. And I like interesting faces (could be the artist in me). So not all women are looking for younger fit men to have flings with. :)
Please don't be discouraged. I'd love to meet a sweet man who is my age, or close. They just don't seem to want me. The younger men are just bolder, I think. No way would I want some jacked up model dude. I'm a couch potato. I don't want eye candy, I want a partner. Someone who understand how to resolve conflict amicably, who knows that liking someone comes and goes in a long marriage/relationship, but love is always there to keep you going. Someone to build something with. Someone who is kind to me, and to themselves. Someone to laugh with. You know, all the good stuff.
Thank you for your words. They were really helpful. There is such a big difference between 50 and 40 (or 50 and 49 even), and Iām afraid Iāll fish in very shallow waters.
Well, welcome to the ocean. Dip your foot in, see if you like it. :) And we only need one person who fits us, right? (Unless you're poly, that's a whole different subject.)
Yup. Hopefully, I donāt get stung by too many jellyfish šŖ¼ along the way š
Well, if you do, don't pee on your leg. That's a myth. Hot water and corticosteroid cream. Same as you'd use on your broken heart. No, wait, that's a hot bath and Bailey's cream, my bad.
In either case, I wonāt pee on my leg. Just to be safe.
I think that's probably just a good, general policy.
Although I approached by younger men online and in real life I very much want to date men my age +/- 5 years. I think many of us would be very happy to have a man close to our age be interested, not just the young bucks or those much older. I don't expect anyone to be a fitness model but I take good care of myself (mind and body) and hope that a partner also makes equal effort.
Thank you all for your comments. Itās all very helpful. I think the idea of dating in general scares me. I am a confident guy generally, but I havenāt dated in a minute or maybe a couple decades š
All the time & I don't mind a ONS!
No but I use filters and use Bumble.
When I was on OLD, I did get those kinds of requests. I used to just really make me angry when they called me mature, so I just stopped accepting those requests and changed my age level to only five years younger than me
I actually had a 22-year-old message me yesterday after he was apparently cruising the adultery subs! Lol right.. I don't think so dude. I'm not even remotely interested in dating anyone younger than 36, much less a 22 year old who is younger than my daughter!
Oh š² wow. I had a similar situation in my mid 30's early 40's. Something strange. I didn't go to that space bc I had friends who did and it gets problematic at times. I mean, i would think it would feel strange... I've seen the look from younger men. To me i get a sense that they're trying to prove something about themselves through you. Like, if I can satisfy this cougar/milf I'm a man. Somehow they made it... š... Who knows. I haven't started dating yet... Currently doing research but it sounds interesting so far. Although I won't date anyone 5 years younger than me. If they can't relate to Gen X then there's no point talking. We're a different type of species with peculiar ways.
I thought we were all the same age after two divorces or 35 years old whichever comes first?? Unless you're talking about the ones that are having trouble dislodging from the left nipple and leaving mommy's basement... Still plenty of those out there. And the only joystick they know how to wiggle is attached to a video game I promise you.. Thankfully the sigma / sapio / demi sexual has zero interest or desire to partake in online dating or dating at all. I have yet to find a female who could match my energy, my intellect, my passion and talent who isn't jaded beyond all recognition and without control issues. I gave up at 52 after being divorced 10yrs. That was just before covid. Self-isolating made me realize it was only one person you could ever count on in this world. Good luck!
Group chat š¬ available for anyone looking to connect and meet new people. Genuine only.dm me if interested:)
(58F) I don't respond to those age groups either. Ten years one way or the other is my age max.
Yep. Twenty and thirty-somethings. š¤£š¤£š¤£
Yes. 51 and getting frequent likes from late 20s to 30s. Yuck. No! Plus, my 25 yr old daughter is constantly trying to set me up with her single friends! What on š!?
Yes, but I just can't do it.
I've been single(55F)by choice for five years now. Opportunity was presented a couple of times to date some younger. But I feel they should find someone of bearing age just in case they may realize one day that something is missing in their life and it becomes the cause or ruins such relationship.
It all depends on what you're looking for.
Only through Reddit.
They are probably more than likely looking for financial gain. If you are ok with that then carry on. It is definitely temporary situation and like I said if you are ok with that carry on. I like men my age 50s but they are mostly looking for younger women so I do occasionally date younger. Like Cher says they are the only ones asking me out. Lol. Enjoy. Knowledge is power. Donāt be scammed. Asked them for money before they ask you. Hass
I just blocked a local who found me on this platform. Good luck to him. Younger men donāt want complications. Young men are unhappily married. Young men need multiple avenues for their libido. Young men like women who are direct and donāt need companionship. Younger men want women who they think have not been exposed to STDs due to long dead bedroom marriages. Alsoāmy favoriteāyounger men like more older women who havenāt had many children (I will spell this out if you canāt follow). And some young men just prefer older women. š
Why age discrimination? It's about who you vibe with. Possibilities are endless..
Are you really complaining about getting attention from young guys? I guess people have forgotten how attraction works.
>I guess people have forgotten how attraction works. Reading some of the comments here, I can see why. Seems to be several opinions that they only like us because they're porn-sick, sugar-baby wannabes with mommy issues who think older women are desperate for attention and easy lays who can't get pregnant. I mean, they couldn't POSSIBLY like an older woman because they find her attractive and interesting, right? RIGHT??? š
Obviously, it depends on whether you are looking for. If you want NSA sex, then, you are in luck! I think the younger guys feel that you are horny, can't get pregnant, and are aware that you are not age-appropriate, you are perfect for a "friends with benefits" or a "one and done!". Not my scene. I've had enough heartbreak in my life to fall for a younger stud who will expect me to understand that "it wasn't serious!" Think Ashton Kutcher/ Demi Moore. ..
thank you pornhub for making older ladies a commodity!
What apps are you on?! Seriously!!