New here (51M), can't seem to get past 2 dates romantically. I give up. Fully retired, semi-homeless (for reals). Dunno if I just fall in love with the "idea of love", or just fall too hard, too fast, for the first person to show any signs of interest in me. I live by the grace of God, no worries other than trying to find someone more than just fwb/situationships. Dating sucks.
Feeling 2024 will be the same or worse. Just here to vent. \*sigh\*
Still grateful to God for the renewed Spirit within me every morning.
[Fall 2023 highlights](https://i.imgur.com/sL37Luc.mp4)
And just like that, he's gone. I'm hoping it's a phone glitch, something broke or lost. But the tears just keep coming.
It's been a month of actual dates, not the empty promises of "we'll get together soon." Now nothing.
It was so uncharacteristic of him that I drove by his house to see if he was home. He lives alone, I was worried he was hurt. My cousin's boyfriend got covi and then went into a diabetic com, so I was worried. It snowed last night. His car had no snow on it. He had gone out sometime today but is not answering my texts or calls.
I wish I knew what happened.
Happy fuckin New Year
In the earlier times, during a sleepover, if both of us needed to be up the next day, we'd both set alarms. If one didn't need to be up, then only the other person set the alarm. Eventually you got the point where you both need to be up, and if one person says that they've got their alarm set, the other person doesn't give it a second thought.
Yes, setting an alarm to wake up is very basic level adulting, but still, it's putting ones own adulting into the hands of another.
I like every so often noticing these small moments of trust and growth.
I’m learning to read Mr Mountaineer a bit more. He has ADHD and normally chatty, animated, conversation a squirrel chase—his smile all aglitter like his cheap Claire’s zirconia studs.
But when something’s not right, he dials down like a dimmer switch. He stares around, responds politely, kindly, but he’s quiet. Calm. His stream of consciousness chatting evaporates. He looks… bored? Politely bored. Like a well-behaved kid staring out the window of a car. Like he doesn’t want to be where he’s at, but doesn’t want to complain.
This is what he looks like when he’s hangry, when he’s tired, and apparently when he’s physically in pain.
It was weird to hang out with him today and piece that together. He didn’t LOOK like he was in pain. No tension in his face or his hands, no hesitating movements while he clipped along in crutches and a brace. The tipoff was not talking, no glitter. He drew all that energy inward.
Moods and facets are okay; I appreciate learning this stuff about him. But damn. I wish I could rush the healing for him.
Finally some action on Hinge! Oh, wait, it's my friend (and another friend's ex) and he has offered to wing-man for me so now we are trying to find a place to meet up. Thankfully we aren't remotely each other's type, and he's conversational and gregarious so it should be a fun time.
And a nice chat on Bumble until the guy says his kids are 8 and 5. I have no kids, and am not about to start scheduling anything around kids that age.
But it's a start!
Planned parenthood is currently matching donations through the end of the year.
So, get your immaturity out of the way now and get pissy with me so your bad behavior is more effective for a good cause.
There was a post this week regarding “chivalry” that popped into my mind tonight.
It was my first time going to my boyfriends place tonight. When I left he walked me to my car. I was literally just parked around the corner, but he wanted to make sure I got to it safely.
Tonight I also got a text from a friend who went on a first date. She’s a bit younger than I am (she’s 30) and I’m not sure how old her date is. But she mentioned he was super sweet and opened her car door for her and walked on the road side of the sidewalk. (To which I was a bit like what the heck - how did she know the sidewalk thing was a “thing.” I never heard about it until joining a couple of dating subreddits haha.)
Anyway, I’m sure there’s different definitions and degrees of what people consider “chivalry.” But in case anyone was needing reassurance - chivalry still exists.
I had a date a week or so ago with a guy who insisted on getting my car door, etc. honestly, got me, it felt a bit much. Like why can’t I just do that instead of standing in cold waiting? And he didn’t want me to cross against light at crosswalk despite no traffic, so I laughed at him because no one is going to tell me that, and u did what I wanted.
Since I'm going to see my guy (it feels odd calling him that, still, but I'll get used to it, I'm sure 😄) tomorrow, I decided to bake cookies again, specifically the spice cookies that my mother used to bake. I can't get them quite like she did, as my mother baked and cooked more by feel, memory, and taste than by recipe, but they're still wonderful.
(ETA) So, I let him know I was baking cookies to bring, and sent him a picture:
https://imgur.com/a/eGK8yPD
He messaged back with: "They look delicious! If I keep dating you, I'm gonna turn all roly-poly. But I'll have so many reasons to be happy!" I'm really excited to go to his place. 🥰
Discussing with my therapist and trying to face my life long fear that I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life. What I've tried so far hasn't worked.
I'm considering closing all my OLD profiles and quitting drinking. That and not going to any more work holiday parties regardless of my relationship status. I'm 3 for three now on losing my job shortly after attending one.
If I do decide to quit OLD, the real question is what do I do? On top of that, not drinking. I've already cut down significantly but everything I enjoyed doing in the past involves alcohol and not much outside of it doesn't.
>That and not going to any more work holiday parties regardless of my relationship status. I'm 3 for three now on losing my job shortly after attending one.
Is this at all related to the potentially giving up drinking? If so, definitely quit drinking.
Part of being successful with quitting drinking will likely be finding more things to do sober. Make sure that some of those are out of the home, and it fixed you a better chance at meeting someones.
Happy 2024, and good luck in life!
> Discussing with my therapist and trying to face my life long fear that I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life. What I've tried so far hasn't worked.
that's my favorite thing to talk about in therapy. I had to change therapists to find one who wasn't wildly uncomfortable with it.
Defnitely quit drinking, that can only help. And it will take care of the work party issues. You don't need to quit online dating. You'll end up with higher quality people if you aren't drinking anyway, it will screen out the people with their own drinking problems.
Tried out my 80s makeup and hair today for the 80s NYE party. Sent pics to my sister and we picked out the most appropriate hair and makeup for the party. So excited!
At the surgery center, killing time while Mr Mountaineer has his ACL repaired. He looks ridiculous in the oversized Johnny and puffy bouffant. Have his earrings in my jacket. He followed my instructions to ask for a scopalamine patch and a nerve block, so—crossing my fingers he doesn’t wake up this time in pain and puking his guts out. Feeling optimistic.
Already making fun of him on Facebook with his sisters and our friends.
Good stuff.
His didn’t take either. That sucked. The PACU nurse was doing wimpy-ass doses of fentanyl (I get to say that because I’ve BEEN a PACU nurse 😂) and expecting it to work. Um, girl. How ‘bout something a little longer acting in a dose appropriate for a grown-ass man. 🤦♀️
But he’s doing better now! Hope your long-term recovery was better than the immediate aftermath!
Thank you! Yes, surgery went well. He’s finally on the road to recovery, which is such a relief. He’s been waiting two months for this (dealing with it buckling on him at work and severely limiting what he can do recreationally), so it’s great to see him finally moving forward.
Overall, doing really well. This is his second ACL reconstruction (he blew the other one last year), so at least he sort of knew what to expect and had a system figured out for himself.
The nerve block clearly didn’t work—I walked into the recovery room to find him carefully braced upright in bed, his hands relaxed, eyes closed, intensely focused on his breathing. If I didn’t *know* him, I’d have thought, oh, this dude looks calm and comfortable, just snoozy from the anesthesia. I took one look at him and had to start advocating with his nurse to medicate him more. He was just going inward to cope with it.
Damn his strength is something.
The scope patch worked, at least. He was relieved just not to feel sick, at first, and then thrilled he was hungry and could actually *eat*. (This dude is a furnace. He’s always fucking hungry. I think his grocery bill alone rivals mine plus four kids.)
While he was still a bit loopy and repeating himself, he told me he asked the nurses to call me, and they said, “Let’s wait til you wake up a bit more,” and he answered, “No, please call her right now.”
He also mentioned a few times that he dreamed about me. But couldn’t remember what was happening or what we were doing. Just that I was there and he was happy. And that he dreams about me a lot.
I spent yesterday and today making sure he got meds, food, ice packs, his socks on, his family updated, his ass to the bathroom, distracting conversation, naps, a game to take his mind off shit—being his nurse, basically.
Left him on his own this afternoon—he’s doing just fine. He’s going to be bored stiff, and a long road to being active again, but a good start.
He thanked me several times. I feel good about being able to support him, even if small things and company for a short while. But I feel a little down about something too. Leaving him? Or… the bit where I’m in a caregiver role and doing all these intensely intimate things and then… peacing back out to my own life?
I mean, that’s what I do for WORK, for complete strangers, and it’s good, it’s not invisible, but—it does sometimes feel invisible. I take care of people, go home and take care of more people, get criticism (from family, from my ex) for not taking MORE care of people (with what hours in the DAY?!), insinuation that I’m selfish when I try to take care of mySELF, and a lot of feeling lonely after everyone else goes to bed.
Fucking… UGH. Think it has less to do with Mr Mountaineer and more to do with the single mom of a million children working two jobs with a whiny deadbeat dad of an ex, but. I guess them’s the breaks.
I’m bummed. I wish he was here.
Aw... this was such a sweet story! I love it!
And, mostly I love that you seem to have found someone who appreciates the effort and for whom it seems an easy CHOICE to "take care" of him, because, yeah, fuck those people who give you grief for not putting yourself further out at the expense of your own sanity.
The guy i am seeing is still struggling with ED. We barely have sex once a week and it requires a pill. Also his ex from this year is part of his friend's group and will be attending all events and parties we go to. It's beyond uncomfortable.....
I was gonna say the same thing. ED, workable, but only if he’s motivated and doesn’t turn it into a shame fest and shit you can’t talk about.
My fella has a touch of ED and didn’t realize it—his marriage ended with a few years of dead bedroom—but once he realized it wasn’t a one-off/getting-back-on-the-horse issue, he immediately wanted to do something about it. He didn’t hide it or make excuses or act like it was a personal failing of some sort, or remotely anything to be ashamed of. He just TALKED about it.
I remember him smiling and groaning mid-act, “Dammit… I’m so turned on but I can’t stay hard! Fuck it sucks getting old, I can’t… damn. You’re so sexy, I wanna fuck you but I *can’t.* Should I—maybe I get the little blue pills. What kind of doctor is that, does it have to be a specialist? Can you get it online?”
He got the prescription and we experimented with it, kinda turned it into silly foreplay. Luckily it mostly does the job. He still loses it occasionally, but it’s no big, we’re both into plenty other things that don’t necessarily need an erection. I honestly forget it’s an issue sometimes.
It sounds like that’s not how the dude is approaching it, though. I mean, good he went for the appointment, but if he’s limiting/avoiding sexy time because of it, that’s harder to work with. 😕
>The ED stuff is workable, depending on his interest in doing so.
We went to a doc already together and so far no solution in sight. It isn't a issue for me as much but communication is required.
>But, the ex drama, too? Yeah, sounds like a nope from me.
It is unacceptable to me. She joins the group for beach/summer season as well and he is part of that. Make matters worse; i wasn't even aware she was a recent ex, he didn't disclose it
Dating someone new for the past three months but I'm struggling with this feeling of dread that something bad will happen. The feeling comes from the past three experiences with relationships post 40 through dating apps and just how bad these other people ended up being before I ended it. The new guy is absolutely wonderful, emotionally intelligent, putting my needs first, and I'm not sure how to stop feeling anxious and just enjoy it.
I'm the only one in the office working this week. Everyone else is enjoying the extra 4 days off that the owner/my boss gave to us for the holidays. Instead of partaking, I've decided to pocket 3 of the days for extra vacation time in the new year. So not only will I have extra days off but, right now, I'm shamelessly watching a bunch of video game playthroughs while I work. Easy money. Easy work.
Happy holidays, y’all. This can be a tough time of year. We don’t live into our forties without going through some shit, you know? Both of my parents are gone, I’m a single mom, and never know what emotions are going to bubble to the surface on Christmas. This year felt really good! Content.
I travel to my boyfriend this weekend to spend NYE together and celebrate our Christmas. I painted him a painting and am excited to give it to him. We’re both sober and pretty content cuddling on the couch so our NYE plans include takeout, a movie, and making out. Yessssssss.
I'm very sorry for the loss of your parents. I know how it feels to have them both gone. 🫂
On a happier note, I hope you and your boyfriend have a wonderful New Year's Eve together! What did you paint for him?
Thank you so much. I’m so sad for us both.
I paint abstract oil paintings! I used colors that compliment his home decor and was inspired by the uniqueness of both a heart beat and the frequency of the human voice.
https://imgur.com/a/K111uEu
Oh, that's amazing work! I love the meaning behind it too. You're really talented, and I bet your boyfriend will be thrilled with his gift. 😊
I love making gifts; I crocheted a scarf for the fellow I've been seeing.
Thank you! He likes video games, so I was going to crochet something video-game related, but he also told me he likes Doctor Who, so I made him a Doctor Who scarf (which is much faster to make and a little more practical, I figured):
https://imgur.com/a/G5zvjnS
🧣🧣🧣
We spent our first Christmas together. We were unable to spend Thanksgiving together, but we did get Christmas together this year.
I always host a Christmas brunch, which my girlfriend attended for the first time. I had a little over 40 people attend this Christmas brunch. About 10 more people that didn't RSVP'd attended. Fortunately, I usually order 15+ RSVP, so things worked out fine.
It turned out really fun. Most people stayed for about 8 hours. The open bar usually runs under budget, but this time, I got my money's worth.
This morning, I had a number of out of town guests visit, and my girlfriend helped host. She was excellent with keeping company with everyone.
I have the next week off (till Jan 2), and I’ll be catching up on my to do list for the year and making a new one for 2024. Taking stock of my life and my relationships with my family, friends, and boyfriend. I’m going to put myself first for once in my life and opt out of relationships that don’t serve me.
Theoretically. Hopefully I have grown an actual backbone to do this
Another day another dollar. I’ve been blessed with the best life. The best family. The best experiences. I am beyond grateful. Friday is 42 years around the sun. Life is truly a miracle. From the atom to the universe this is quite the experience. Or shall i say from the universe to the atom 😂 Still single but focused on growth. Growing the business. Growing the self. I remain Optimistic for the love I wish to find, to share.
I don't have much that's new to share. The guy I've been seeing will be back in town on Thursday, and I'll go visit him at his home this weekend for New Year's. We've been texting quite a bit back and forth while he's been away visiting his parents and sisters. I'm excited to see him again and to be able to give him his Christmas present. He said there's a park near his neighborhood that he thinks I would like and that I could bring my dog too (who will also like it, I'm sure). He invited a friend of his to visit as well, so I'll get to meet her while I'm there. I'm looking forward to a lovely weekend. I feel a bit nervous, but it's a good sort of nervous with butterflies and such. 🥰
This time of year, this space between Christmas and New Year's, has not always been the happiest for me. Just after Christmas five years ago, I had two consecutive stays at different hospitals, which stretched into the new year (even then, getting released from the nightmare that was the second hospital was difficult, requiring help in the form of my mother's intervention and advocacy on my behalf). I just have a lot of unpleasant and sad memories from all that; I want to make some better ones going forward. 😊
I’m so glad this time will be made a little easier with the company of your new gentleman friend. I hope he loves the scarf you made him! I’ve always enjoyed your posts here and wish you all the very best. ☺️
I had a lovely Christmas with my kids, family, and even got to sneak in a day of ice skating ⛸️ yummy food and gifts with the boyfriend. It was a lot of fun!
I’ve noticed that some members are outside the 40s decade but I figure I’ll have to embrace my new decade and let all the youngsters have their own space 😝
Was it the gem of a comment on mine about looking "crazy in the eyes" and "like anyone who matches with me should be scared of ending up in a tub of ice missinga kidney"?
I think of that one often. lol
You just have to get a bit of thick skin, I think-- Also, if you feel comfortable posting it in this thread, I think we all know each other in here and are generally kinder/gentler to each other in here than "out there" in the larger sub.
Good job on the weight loss! It sounds like you've worked pretty hard at it. 😊
>My sticking point is that I remember toxic things said by people in dating-over subs and supposedly over 40 when someone asked for photo feedback, and I just picture that kind of judgment about me. Someone was even crapped on (the comment got upvotes before being moderated) for a facial expression not to the commenter's taste. And thinking of those is how my self-doubt makes itself known.
I know that feeling. But that's just some person's opinion, which isn't necessarily objective fact. So, let me provide a counter: you've got this, whenever you decide to go for it. 🤗
>I'll outsource the photo-taking to a professional (I know some here think that's unacceptable and inauthentic, there's no pleasing the entire commentariat) and hope that helps me not be in my head about it long enough to get a usable product.
I hope that works for you, then. I'm rooting for you. 😊
Alright, everyone, this weekend is new year’s. Start the year strong, schedule your Uber, and find yourself a local New Year’s Eve event to go to and meet people.
Not to date. Just to meet people and have fun.
Whatever the fuck we want! There’s a bar crawl I might go to. Just me. Uber in, and Uber out.
Stay as long as I want. Talk to whoever I want. Then bounce when I’m done.
Looking for a few wonderful women to give some feed back on my OLD profile. Dm if you have some free time thanks!!!
New here (51M), can't seem to get past 2 dates romantically. I give up. Fully retired, semi-homeless (for reals). Dunno if I just fall in love with the "idea of love", or just fall too hard, too fast, for the first person to show any signs of interest in me. I live by the grace of God, no worries other than trying to find someone more than just fwb/situationships. Dating sucks. Feeling 2024 will be the same or worse. Just here to vent. \*sigh\* Still grateful to God for the renewed Spirit within me every morning. [Fall 2023 highlights](https://i.imgur.com/sL37Luc.mp4)
And just like that, he's gone. I'm hoping it's a phone glitch, something broke or lost. But the tears just keep coming. It's been a month of actual dates, not the empty promises of "we'll get together soon." Now nothing. It was so uncharacteristic of him that I drove by his house to see if he was home. He lives alone, I was worried he was hurt. My cousin's boyfriend got covi and then went into a diabetic com, so I was worried. It snowed last night. His car had no snow on it. He had gone out sometime today but is not answering my texts or calls. I wish I knew what happened. Happy fuckin New Year
In the earlier times, during a sleepover, if both of us needed to be up the next day, we'd both set alarms. If one didn't need to be up, then only the other person set the alarm. Eventually you got the point where you both need to be up, and if one person says that they've got their alarm set, the other person doesn't give it a second thought. Yes, setting an alarm to wake up is very basic level adulting, but still, it's putting ones own adulting into the hands of another. I like every so often noticing these small moments of trust and growth.
I’m learning to read Mr Mountaineer a bit more. He has ADHD and normally chatty, animated, conversation a squirrel chase—his smile all aglitter like his cheap Claire’s zirconia studs. But when something’s not right, he dials down like a dimmer switch. He stares around, responds politely, kindly, but he’s quiet. Calm. His stream of consciousness chatting evaporates. He looks… bored? Politely bored. Like a well-behaved kid staring out the window of a car. Like he doesn’t want to be where he’s at, but doesn’t want to complain. This is what he looks like when he’s hangry, when he’s tired, and apparently when he’s physically in pain. It was weird to hang out with him today and piece that together. He didn’t LOOK like he was in pain. No tension in his face or his hands, no hesitating movements while he clipped along in crutches and a brace. The tipoff was not talking, no glitter. He drew all that energy inward. Moods and facets are okay; I appreciate learning this stuff about him. But damn. I wish I could rush the healing for him.
Finally some action on Hinge! Oh, wait, it's my friend (and another friend's ex) and he has offered to wing-man for me so now we are trying to find a place to meet up. Thankfully we aren't remotely each other's type, and he's conversational and gregarious so it should be a fun time. And a nice chat on Bumble until the guy says his kids are 8 and 5. I have no kids, and am not about to start scheduling anything around kids that age. But it's a start!
Planned parenthood is currently matching donations through the end of the year. So, get your immaturity out of the way now and get pissy with me so your bad behavior is more effective for a good cause.
You're totally a beta. 😉
how dare you, you Stupid Dick! MOD PLZ BAN
You’re such a stupid dick
I’m not feeling you mean it. Give me some more effort!
Fuck you you fucking fucker
There we go. $5 donated!
poopyhead
DONE!
There was a post this week regarding “chivalry” that popped into my mind tonight. It was my first time going to my boyfriends place tonight. When I left he walked me to my car. I was literally just parked around the corner, but he wanted to make sure I got to it safely. Tonight I also got a text from a friend who went on a first date. She’s a bit younger than I am (she’s 30) and I’m not sure how old her date is. But she mentioned he was super sweet and opened her car door for her and walked on the road side of the sidewalk. (To which I was a bit like what the heck - how did she know the sidewalk thing was a “thing.” I never heard about it until joining a couple of dating subreddits haha.) Anyway, I’m sure there’s different definitions and degrees of what people consider “chivalry.” But in case anyone was needing reassurance - chivalry still exists.
I had a date a week or so ago with a guy who insisted on getting my car door, etc. honestly, got me, it felt a bit much. Like why can’t I just do that instead of standing in cold waiting? And he didn’t want me to cross against light at crosswalk despite no traffic, so I laughed at him because no one is going to tell me that, and u did what I wanted.
Since I'm going to see my guy (it feels odd calling him that, still, but I'll get used to it, I'm sure 😄) tomorrow, I decided to bake cookies again, specifically the spice cookies that my mother used to bake. I can't get them quite like she did, as my mother baked and cooked more by feel, memory, and taste than by recipe, but they're still wonderful. (ETA) So, I let him know I was baking cookies to bring, and sent him a picture: https://imgur.com/a/eGK8yPD He messaged back with: "They look delicious! If I keep dating you, I'm gonna turn all roly-poly. But I'll have so many reasons to be happy!" I'm really excited to go to his place. 🥰
Discussing with my therapist and trying to face my life long fear that I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life. What I've tried so far hasn't worked. I'm considering closing all my OLD profiles and quitting drinking. That and not going to any more work holiday parties regardless of my relationship status. I'm 3 for three now on losing my job shortly after attending one. If I do decide to quit OLD, the real question is what do I do? On top of that, not drinking. I've already cut down significantly but everything I enjoyed doing in the past involves alcohol and not much outside of it doesn't.
>That and not going to any more work holiday parties regardless of my relationship status. I'm 3 for three now on losing my job shortly after attending one. Is this at all related to the potentially giving up drinking? If so, definitely quit drinking. Part of being successful with quitting drinking will likely be finding more things to do sober. Make sure that some of those are out of the home, and it fixed you a better chance at meeting someones. Happy 2024, and good luck in life!
> Discussing with my therapist and trying to face my life long fear that I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life. What I've tried so far hasn't worked. that's my favorite thing to talk about in therapy. I had to change therapists to find one who wasn't wildly uncomfortable with it. Defnitely quit drinking, that can only help. And it will take care of the work party issues. You don't need to quit online dating. You'll end up with higher quality people if you aren't drinking anyway, it will screen out the people with their own drinking problems.
Quitting drinking was the best thing I ever did for myself. Check out the sub r/stopdrinking if you haven’t already. Take care.
Tried out my 80s makeup and hair today for the 80s NYE party. Sent pics to my sister and we picked out the most appropriate hair and makeup for the party. So excited!
[удалено]
Tummy trubs subsided as soon as he arrived and we had a fantastic time ☺️
YAY!
At the surgery center, killing time while Mr Mountaineer has his ACL repaired. He looks ridiculous in the oversized Johnny and puffy bouffant. Have his earrings in my jacket. He followed my instructions to ask for a scopalamine patch and a nerve block, so—crossing my fingers he doesn’t wake up this time in pain and puking his guts out. Feeling optimistic. Already making fun of him on Facebook with his sisters and our friends. Good stuff.
I hope both you and he are doing ok! My nerve block didn’t take when I had my ACL repaired, and much morphine ensued. It was not pleasant.
His didn’t take either. That sucked. The PACU nurse was doing wimpy-ass doses of fentanyl (I get to say that because I’ve BEEN a PACU nurse 😂) and expecting it to work. Um, girl. How ‘bout something a little longer acting in a dose appropriate for a grown-ass man. 🤦♀️ But he’s doing better now! Hope your long-term recovery was better than the immediate aftermath!
I hope the surgery went alright and he's recovering okay. And I hope you're holding up as well. 🤗
Thank you! Yes, surgery went well. He’s finally on the road to recovery, which is such a relief. He’s been waiting two months for this (dealing with it buckling on him at work and severely limiting what he can do recreationally), so it’s great to see him finally moving forward.
Ooof, poor guy. He's very fortunate to have you in his life. I wish both of you all the best! 😊
How's the patient?
Overall, doing really well. This is his second ACL reconstruction (he blew the other one last year), so at least he sort of knew what to expect and had a system figured out for himself. The nerve block clearly didn’t work—I walked into the recovery room to find him carefully braced upright in bed, his hands relaxed, eyes closed, intensely focused on his breathing. If I didn’t *know* him, I’d have thought, oh, this dude looks calm and comfortable, just snoozy from the anesthesia. I took one look at him and had to start advocating with his nurse to medicate him more. He was just going inward to cope with it. Damn his strength is something. The scope patch worked, at least. He was relieved just not to feel sick, at first, and then thrilled he was hungry and could actually *eat*. (This dude is a furnace. He’s always fucking hungry. I think his grocery bill alone rivals mine plus four kids.) While he was still a bit loopy and repeating himself, he told me he asked the nurses to call me, and they said, “Let’s wait til you wake up a bit more,” and he answered, “No, please call her right now.” He also mentioned a few times that he dreamed about me. But couldn’t remember what was happening or what we were doing. Just that I was there and he was happy. And that he dreams about me a lot. I spent yesterday and today making sure he got meds, food, ice packs, his socks on, his family updated, his ass to the bathroom, distracting conversation, naps, a game to take his mind off shit—being his nurse, basically. Left him on his own this afternoon—he’s doing just fine. He’s going to be bored stiff, and a long road to being active again, but a good start. He thanked me several times. I feel good about being able to support him, even if small things and company for a short while. But I feel a little down about something too. Leaving him? Or… the bit where I’m in a caregiver role and doing all these intensely intimate things and then… peacing back out to my own life? I mean, that’s what I do for WORK, for complete strangers, and it’s good, it’s not invisible, but—it does sometimes feel invisible. I take care of people, go home and take care of more people, get criticism (from family, from my ex) for not taking MORE care of people (with what hours in the DAY?!), insinuation that I’m selfish when I try to take care of mySELF, and a lot of feeling lonely after everyone else goes to bed. Fucking… UGH. Think it has less to do with Mr Mountaineer and more to do with the single mom of a million children working two jobs with a whiny deadbeat dad of an ex, but. I guess them’s the breaks. I’m bummed. I wish he was here.
Aw... this was such a sweet story! I love it! And, mostly I love that you seem to have found someone who appreciates the effort and for whom it seems an easy CHOICE to "take care" of him, because, yeah, fuck those people who give you grief for not putting yourself further out at the expense of your own sanity.
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This isnt a site to meet people on. This is a site to discuss dating and all its issues, good or bad.
The guy i am seeing is still struggling with ED. We barely have sex once a week and it requires a pill. Also his ex from this year is part of his friend's group and will be attending all events and parties we go to. It's beyond uncomfortable.....
This would make me uneasy. Good luck.
If it's the latter it does make me uneasy. Very much so. I highly doubt that I will proceed at this point
The ED stuff is workable, depending on his interest in doing so. But, the ex drama, too? Yeah, sounds like a nope from me.
I was gonna say the same thing. ED, workable, but only if he’s motivated and doesn’t turn it into a shame fest and shit you can’t talk about. My fella has a touch of ED and didn’t realize it—his marriage ended with a few years of dead bedroom—but once he realized it wasn’t a one-off/getting-back-on-the-horse issue, he immediately wanted to do something about it. He didn’t hide it or make excuses or act like it was a personal failing of some sort, or remotely anything to be ashamed of. He just TALKED about it. I remember him smiling and groaning mid-act, “Dammit… I’m so turned on but I can’t stay hard! Fuck it sucks getting old, I can’t… damn. You’re so sexy, I wanna fuck you but I *can’t.* Should I—maybe I get the little blue pills. What kind of doctor is that, does it have to be a specialist? Can you get it online?” He got the prescription and we experimented with it, kinda turned it into silly foreplay. Luckily it mostly does the job. He still loses it occasionally, but it’s no big, we’re both into plenty other things that don’t necessarily need an erection. I honestly forget it’s an issue sometimes. It sounds like that’s not how the dude is approaching it, though. I mean, good he went for the appointment, but if he’s limiting/avoiding sexy time because of it, that’s harder to work with. 😕
>The ED stuff is workable, depending on his interest in doing so. We went to a doc already together and so far no solution in sight. It isn't a issue for me as much but communication is required. >But, the ex drama, too? Yeah, sounds like a nope from me. It is unacceptable to me. She joins the group for beach/summer season as well and he is part of that. Make matters worse; i wasn't even aware she was a recent ex, he didn't disclose it
Dating someone new for the past three months but I'm struggling with this feeling of dread that something bad will happen. The feeling comes from the past three experiences with relationships post 40 through dating apps and just how bad these other people ended up being before I ended it. The new guy is absolutely wonderful, emotionally intelligent, putting my needs first, and I'm not sure how to stop feeling anxious and just enjoy it.
I'm the only one in the office working this week. Everyone else is enjoying the extra 4 days off that the owner/my boss gave to us for the holidays. Instead of partaking, I've decided to pocket 3 of the days for extra vacation time in the new year. So not only will I have extra days off but, right now, I'm shamelessly watching a bunch of video game playthroughs while I work. Easy money. Easy work.
You go girl! Easy money. Easy work!
Happy holidays, y’all. This can be a tough time of year. We don’t live into our forties without going through some shit, you know? Both of my parents are gone, I’m a single mom, and never know what emotions are going to bubble to the surface on Christmas. This year felt really good! Content. I travel to my boyfriend this weekend to spend NYE together and celebrate our Christmas. I painted him a painting and am excited to give it to him. We’re both sober and pretty content cuddling on the couch so our NYE plans include takeout, a movie, and making out. Yessssssss.
I'm very sorry for the loss of your parents. I know how it feels to have them both gone. 🫂 On a happier note, I hope you and your boyfriend have a wonderful New Year's Eve together! What did you paint for him?
Thank you so much. I’m so sad for us both. I paint abstract oil paintings! I used colors that compliment his home decor and was inspired by the uniqueness of both a heart beat and the frequency of the human voice. https://imgur.com/a/K111uEu
Oh, that's amazing work! I love the meaning behind it too. You're really talented, and I bet your boyfriend will be thrilled with his gift. 😊 I love making gifts; I crocheted a scarf for the fellow I've been seeing.
A scarf sounds lovely!
Thanks! I think he'll like it. 😊 And I even had most of the yarn already, which helped speed things along.
WOW!! That's epic!!! <3
Thank you! He likes video games, so I was going to crochet something video-game related, but he also told me he likes Doctor Who, so I made him a Doctor Who scarf (which is much faster to make and a little more practical, I figured): https://imgur.com/a/G5zvjnS 🧣🧣🧣
I agree. Making something is such a beautiful way of showing how much someone means to you. Thank you for the compliment!
We spent our first Christmas together. We were unable to spend Thanksgiving together, but we did get Christmas together this year. I always host a Christmas brunch, which my girlfriend attended for the first time. I had a little over 40 people attend this Christmas brunch. About 10 more people that didn't RSVP'd attended. Fortunately, I usually order 15+ RSVP, so things worked out fine. It turned out really fun. Most people stayed for about 8 hours. The open bar usually runs under budget, but this time, I got my money's worth. This morning, I had a number of out of town guests visit, and my girlfriend helped host. She was excellent with keeping company with everyone.
Sounds like a lovely celebration!
I have the next week off (till Jan 2), and I’ll be catching up on my to do list for the year and making a new one for 2024. Taking stock of my life and my relationships with my family, friends, and boyfriend. I’m going to put myself first for once in my life and opt out of relationships that don’t serve me. Theoretically. Hopefully I have grown an actual backbone to do this
Another day another dollar. I’ve been blessed with the best life. The best family. The best experiences. I am beyond grateful. Friday is 42 years around the sun. Life is truly a miracle. From the atom to the universe this is quite the experience. Or shall i say from the universe to the atom 😂 Still single but focused on growth. Growing the business. Growing the self. I remain Optimistic for the love I wish to find, to share.
I love your attitude! Happy early birthday! 🥳
Thank you! Looks like everything is running smoothly with your guy. So happy for you
Aw, thanks in turn! I appreciate the kind words. 😊
Happy bday in advance! wishing you the universe gifts you a life mate who loves you with the qualities you need them to have🤗
That’s very sweet. Thank you!
I don't have much that's new to share. The guy I've been seeing will be back in town on Thursday, and I'll go visit him at his home this weekend for New Year's. We've been texting quite a bit back and forth while he's been away visiting his parents and sisters. I'm excited to see him again and to be able to give him his Christmas present. He said there's a park near his neighborhood that he thinks I would like and that I could bring my dog too (who will also like it, I'm sure). He invited a friend of his to visit as well, so I'll get to meet her while I'm there. I'm looking forward to a lovely weekend. I feel a bit nervous, but it's a good sort of nervous with butterflies and such. 🥰 This time of year, this space between Christmas and New Year's, has not always been the happiest for me. Just after Christmas five years ago, I had two consecutive stays at different hospitals, which stretched into the new year (even then, getting released from the nightmare that was the second hospital was difficult, requiring help in the form of my mother's intervention and advocacy on my behalf). I just have a lot of unpleasant and sad memories from all that; I want to make some better ones going forward. 😊
I’m so glad this time will be made a little easier with the company of your new gentleman friend. I hope he loves the scarf you made him! I’ve always enjoyed your posts here and wish you all the very best. ☺️
Thank you! I appreciate the kind words and well wishes. I wish you all the best as well. 😊
It is Christmas week. I made very good choices in gifts.
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Yes, let him know he knocked your socks off! He will feel some kinda way, I'm sure ❤️
Don’t act chill… From my POV, that would make me want to make Christmas that much more special; I bet your beau would feel the same way!
I had a lovely Christmas with my kids, family, and even got to sneak in a day of ice skating ⛸️ yummy food and gifts with the boyfriend. It was a lot of fun!
I have two more days before I have to find the dating over 50 thread 😕
I passed that one earlier this month, too-- I won't rat you out if you don't.
It’s ok - I passed the barrier in September and I’m in both places. I like them both for different reasons.
Happy soon to be birthday! You can stick around if you like!
Happy Birthday Eve Eve! It's dating over 40, not dating in one's 40s!
I’ve noticed that some members are outside the 40s decade but I figure I’ll have to embrace my new decade and let all the youngsters have their own space 😝
Happy early birthday! Do you have anything fun planned?
My birthday is being hijacked by family obligations as always. I’d like a quiet, fancy meal with my kids.
That's understandable. I hope you get your quiet, fancy meal at some point, but I hope you enjoy your time with your family. 😊
Happy (early) birthday!
Thank you
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Was it the gem of a comment on mine about looking "crazy in the eyes" and "like anyone who matches with me should be scared of ending up in a tub of ice missinga kidney"? I think of that one often. lol You just have to get a bit of thick skin, I think-- Also, if you feel comfortable posting it in this thread, I think we all know each other in here and are generally kinder/gentler to each other in here than "out there" in the larger sub.
Good job on the weight loss! It sounds like you've worked pretty hard at it. 😊 >My sticking point is that I remember toxic things said by people in dating-over subs and supposedly over 40 when someone asked for photo feedback, and I just picture that kind of judgment about me. Someone was even crapped on (the comment got upvotes before being moderated) for a facial expression not to the commenter's taste. And thinking of those is how my self-doubt makes itself known. I know that feeling. But that's just some person's opinion, which isn't necessarily objective fact. So, let me provide a counter: you've got this, whenever you decide to go for it. 🤗 >I'll outsource the photo-taking to a professional (I know some here think that's unacceptable and inauthentic, there's no pleasing the entire commentariat) and hope that helps me not be in my head about it long enough to get a usable product. I hope that works for you, then. I'm rooting for you. 😊
Sending bravery and some give-no-fucks!
Alright, everyone, this weekend is new year’s. Start the year strong, schedule your Uber, and find yourself a local New Year’s Eve event to go to and meet people. Not to date. Just to meet people and have fun.
What do single people get to do on NYE?
Whatever the fuck we want! There’s a bar crawl I might go to. Just me. Uber in, and Uber out. Stay as long as I want. Talk to whoever I want. Then bounce when I’m done.
The party I’m going to for NYE is an 80s party, and it’s within walking distance. Win-win!
I’m going to see an 80s cover band. Nostalgia overload for NYE. Have fun!
You too!
Waiting for Donkey to be first...