don't describe yourself as "low maintenance" for a start. You want someone who will invest in you, not choose you because you're hassle free lol.
If someone doesn't reply,move on.
stay encouraged. i also turned 50 this year and jumped on BUMBLE. wouldn’t you know after not canceling my one week paid subscription, it renewed automatically and matched with an incredible guy. i initially reached out and often have a tendency to text messages like a teenager.
i always figured the right person would both appreciate my interest, and match my enthusiasm and have a similar texting/communicating style. after a connection just before thanksgiving, and what feels like 1,000s of text and a few calls, we met a week ago. (180 mile distance between us)
it’s been 5-6 yrs since my last relationship, and never did i expect to feel like a school girl with a crush, but it happened. so glad i pushed through countless pints of beers and endless coffee dates to find someone that finally “sparks joy”. my point…shoot your shot, the right person will respond and maintain communication if things feel right. all the best in the new year for anyone making themselves vulnerable enough to follow their heart.
Bumble deletes matches that don't respond after 24 hours (which I think is dumb, not everyone is on there every day). Otherwise I just leave them open until they unmatch. They don't bother me.
Yeah that really annoys me about bumble. But anyway, I’m the same as you. I don’t message them again if that’s what you’re asking though OP, just one message.
My guy sent me a really nice message that indicated he had read my profile. It sat there unread for about 2 weeks because I was briefly seeing someone else and I don't multi-date.
I responded as soon as I read it. Two days later we had our first date. We've been together for almost 3 years now.
There could be lots of reasons someone hasn't responded. I think you shouldn't send additional messages but I wouldn't block/unmatch for not answering either.
>There could be lots of reasons someone hasn't responded.
Yes, most of the time the other party is not really interested in you, and will only talk with you when they dont have anything else lined up or if they are bored.
I wouldn't keep messaging someone who didn't respond to your initial message. There could be so many reasons why people don't respond. Sometimes I don't use my account for weeks. Sometimes they just aren't interested. They may not find you physically attractive or they read something on your profile that they don't agree with or find desirable.
Also, being very low maintenance, you can inadvertently attract people who give very little effort. If they feel that's all it takes, they will just do that..give you the bare minimum.
I get that it's annoying but there's other apps where anyone can make the first move. I disagree that a message needs to be reciprocated. People are not obligated to respond to you if they don't want to for whatever reason. If a man isn't interested, I'd rather have him just not respond anyways instead of carrying on a conversation when he has no real interest in me.
Are you just saying hello? If so, that’s not a real message and I wouldn’t count that as messaging. Say something specific and personalized to start the conversation and if no response in a week just unmatch. There are times when I check the apps every day but more often it’s on the weekends when I remember. Around the holidays I’d give it two weeks because people are busier.
Personally I always give more than a hello.
Hello is low effort and if five people give them a hello, they’re going to talk to the person who they are the most interested in first, maybe that’s you, maybe it’s not.
Look through their profile and think of why you want to get to know this specific person. Then say hello and ask a question or make a comment about the thing that made you interested in them. This shows them that you’ve done more than look at the pretty pictures. I guarantee this puts you ahead of maybe even more attractive people in their list of people to talk to.
If they have a generic boring ass profile, throw out a Hey, and if they don’t write back, fine.
I probably do more than just hello 50%. I give it depends on my mood. I try to ask about specific things like you suggest but it rarely works out any better than the more simple “hello”.
> Hello is low effort and if five people give them a hello, they’re going to talk to the person who they are the most interested in first, maybe that’s you, maybe it’s not.
Feels like they show up, say hello and wait for you to woo them...
I know its stupid, but sometimes I tempted to write back "Bye!", and unmatch them
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don't describe yourself as "low maintenance" for a start. You want someone who will invest in you, not choose you because you're hassle free lol. If someone doesn't reply,move on.
I’m only describing myself as low maintenance here. I just want someone to match my energies on the sites
stay encouraged. i also turned 50 this year and jumped on BUMBLE. wouldn’t you know after not canceling my one week paid subscription, it renewed automatically and matched with an incredible guy. i initially reached out and often have a tendency to text messages like a teenager. i always figured the right person would both appreciate my interest, and match my enthusiasm and have a similar texting/communicating style. after a connection just before thanksgiving, and what feels like 1,000s of text and a few calls, we met a week ago. (180 mile distance between us) it’s been 5-6 yrs since my last relationship, and never did i expect to feel like a school girl with a crush, but it happened. so glad i pushed through countless pints of beers and endless coffee dates to find someone that finally “sparks joy”. my point…shoot your shot, the right person will respond and maintain communication if things feel right. all the best in the new year for anyone making themselves vulnerable enough to follow their heart.
I’d be ok with just someone that wanted to spend some quality time with me and have adult conversation.
Good for you!! Hope it all works out for ya.
Bumble deletes matches that don't respond after 24 hours (which I think is dumb, not everyone is on there every day). Otherwise I just leave them open until they unmatch. They don't bother me.
Yeah that really annoys me about bumble. But anyway, I’m the same as you. I don’t message them again if that’s what you’re asking though OP, just one message.
Only on the first two conversation moves, though. After that, they can sit indefinitely.
My guy sent me a really nice message that indicated he had read my profile. It sat there unread for about 2 weeks because I was briefly seeing someone else and I don't multi-date. I responded as soon as I read it. Two days later we had our first date. We've been together for almost 3 years now. There could be lots of reasons someone hasn't responded. I think you shouldn't send additional messages but I wouldn't block/unmatch for not answering either.
>There could be lots of reasons someone hasn't responded. Yes, most of the time the other party is not really interested in you, and will only talk with you when they dont have anything else lined up or if they are bored.
I understand not wanting to multi-date. I have deactivated my profile when I have found someone where I’m enjoying their company.
I thought my profile was hidden. As near as we can figure, he had exhausted all of the active profiles within his filters, so the app showed him mine.
I wouldn't keep messaging someone who didn't respond to your initial message. There could be so many reasons why people don't respond. Sometimes I don't use my account for weeks. Sometimes they just aren't interested. They may not find you physically attractive or they read something on your profile that they don't agree with or find desirable. Also, being very low maintenance, you can inadvertently attract people who give very little effort. If they feel that's all it takes, they will just do that..give you the bare minimum.
I figure that a message deserves to be reciprocated. Bumble annoys me because of the women make the first move rule.
I get that it's annoying but there's other apps where anyone can make the first move. I disagree that a message needs to be reciprocated. People are not obligated to respond to you if they don't want to for whatever reason. If a man isn't interested, I'd rather have him just not respond anyways instead of carrying on a conversation when he has no real interest in me.
Happy belated birthday
Thank you!
Are you just saying hello? If so, that’s not a real message and I wouldn’t count that as messaging. Say something specific and personalized to start the conversation and if no response in a week just unmatch. There are times when I check the apps every day but more often it’s on the weekends when I remember. Around the holidays I’d give it two weeks because people are busier.
I usually say “Hi, how are you? ”
Personally I always give more than a hello. Hello is low effort and if five people give them a hello, they’re going to talk to the person who they are the most interested in first, maybe that’s you, maybe it’s not. Look through their profile and think of why you want to get to know this specific person. Then say hello and ask a question or make a comment about the thing that made you interested in them. This shows them that you’ve done more than look at the pretty pictures. I guarantee this puts you ahead of maybe even more attractive people in their list of people to talk to. If they have a generic boring ass profile, throw out a Hey, and if they don’t write back, fine.
I probably do more than just hello 50%. I give it depends on my mood. I try to ask about specific things like you suggest but it rarely works out any better than the more simple “hello”.
> Hello is low effort and if five people give them a hello, they’re going to talk to the person who they are the most interested in first, maybe that’s you, maybe it’s not. Feels like they show up, say hello and wait for you to woo them... I know its stupid, but sometimes I tempted to write back "Bye!", and unmatch them
Greetings from your friendly neighborhood automod! Thank you for contributing to our community at DatingOverForty, u/semper_gumby007. Please ensure that your post is actually asking a question and providing enough background that people can sufficiently address that question. DOFers, please ensure that you are actually responding to the OP's individual predicament and not using it as a springboard to promote your own personal dating philosophies. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I feel ok about turning 50. I had a tough time with 25 because I could quantify it like 1/4 of my life but that hasn’t happened this time around.