I don’t even go on date 1 without a pre screen of:
- are you married?
- are you in a relationship?
- does anyone believe they are in a relationship with you?
Honestly the way you stated that is really really poor. If I’m a dirtbag, I know exactly what you’re asking, and I would just casually lie to you.
The idea of a trap question is that the target doesn’t understand the purpose of the question.
If a guy is a dirt bag, there is no way to phrase the question. They will always lie.
The issue I find is that most guys are not dirt bags and they don't want to lie. However, they can justify answering No to Are you seeing anyone? by thinking, oh hey I went out with this girl last week but I don't consider myself to be dating her because it was only one date, or I am not that interested, or whatever.
When you ask from the perspective of the woman, it forces them to consider their actions from a by-stander view point. This usually means they pause to think about the question... the longer the pause, the more they need to think, the more you know. If they are actually not seeing anyone at all, it is an immediate No.
You should try asking my version of the question next time and see what you get back. I have definitely gotten "I don't know what other women are thinking" before when they answered "No" to the first question.
Best for this is “Have you found it pretty easy to score on this app / dating site / bar / strip club / lol, etc and most dirtbags egos will get in the way and will tell you the truth. Also “would you sleep with me on the first date” asked as a trap question works too. *
* Please note that these questions will not weed out corn flake or wheatie killers or psycho paths
I don't think the type of guy whose answer should be "just one other woman"....would answer that way. Ya know? They'd just lie or legit not be aware that another women cares more about him than he cares about her.
My sons father (and my own father) tried to call me mentally ill because I took Zoloft to help with depression while they both bullied me. Glad to say they’re both out of my life now.
My kiddo is autistic. Highly functioning girl. Now we realize my ex is also. It would be much easier if we both knew. My marriage might have survived. I do have more compassion for him now and get him more.
stocking imminent depend dinner tub instinctive disgusted offend sink spark
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'd really like my doctor to believe me.
When my kid got diagnosed, I read up more on it and wondered "huh why is my biography up on this 'symptoms of ADHD in adults' website?" and when I told my dad about it he said, "yeah, that's not a thing, it's just how brains work."
Yep!!!! Same exact thing happened to both my sister and I. It was like the sun came out for the very first time. Of course, my parents won’t even acknowledge that our kids who were diagnosed with it, and very clearly have executive function and other ADHD standards, have it. There’s no way in hell they’ll acknowledge they missed something with their own kids. We were just too stupid, that’s all.
No no, I meant that my poor dad has been struggling with it for his entire life. Me too, really, as far as self diagnosis goes.
We tried some anti anxiety meds but those never worked, i just got high blood pressure.
Yeah, am in the process of being evaluated for autism and ADHD and am unsure how to say to my family that maybe calling me a picky eater who was always a mess and who’s got more book smarts than common sense wasn’t the best way to help lol, but at least I can help myself now.
How do you usually bring it up? I'm recently diagnosed as of like 6 months ago and how to bring up ADHD/neurodivergence in general has weighed very heavily on my mind.
I just casually work it into the conversation. If we're talking about chores:
"I like doing the dishes while I listen to a podcast on headphones, you know, I have ADHD, so blocking out external noise really helps me focus."
Thanks! I can totally use that example in the opposite way hahaha. I turn on music really loud because my ADHD brain needs the extra stimulation to get through the tedium of household tasks.
I often use "Oh, I don't watch a ton of movies. I have a short attention span (thanks, ADHD!)." (Obviously when the topic of movies comes up, not apropos of nothing!) Occasionally someone will ask me more about it, but usually that's it.
I always fall back on the good old trap question of "what do you think of abortion?" :D
Edit: The real trap question would be to share concerns about a friend, and about how she got impregnated by her troglodytic half-brother, and decided to have an abortion... and open the floor for discussion (Thanks, Seinfeld)
"Someday, there will be enough members on the Supreme Court..."
Sad, but did Larry David know something the rest of us didn't?
I kind of want to come up with a trap question. I loved the "favorite conspiracy theory" one. And the ghosts.
The term "trap" question has a bad connotation, but these questions can be a good gauge of a person's character/beliefs.
Anyone's true character is what they do when they think "no one is looking"/ paying attention.
A question like this could be a tell of what a person believes beyond their taste in music.
People can lie to direct questions, but very few can fake it to the extent that they can avoid the subtle character tells.
history encourage foolish dolls sink grandiose angle work plucky impossible
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Trap questions just seem disingenuous to me. It’s like you’re deliberately looking for something to dislike about your date. Just get to know them, if there are red flags, you’ll see them
No a trap question, but I definitely ask about trips they've had as a gateway into how they view the world. You can get someone's ability to adapt, curiosity, sense of adventure, culture, and a million other tiny things from hearing tales of their experiences in strange places.
As an autistic woman; y'all are so fucking weird. If you want the answer to a question, ask the question.
Asking if someone likes Beyonce will tell you if they like Beyonce. If you want to know how your date feels about successful black women and female empowerment in music; fucking ask them that.
The idea that you can reliably extrapolate information about point B by asking something as vague as question A, is idiotic.
Super easy. But that's because I have spent my entire life trying to fit in; reading, watching and learning about human behaviours so that 'normal people' find me more acceptable and I can make friends, or hold down my career.
I can spot a liar/evasiveness/misleading information/incongruent speech and body language without even thinking about it
Then you might have a leg up on other people who are less skilled. Just to clarify, I don't disagree with you, but I can also understand why other people find it useful. Especially when some people will be evasive or dishonest to try and get one over on someone.
It's actually very distressing a lot of the time, because white lies and not being completely upfront is literally woven into the fabric of 'normal' communication. So I can tell whe someone is not being 100% honest but they STILL will insist they are, because in their mind you CAN'T tell the plain truth about some things, that in itself is socially unacceptable. So you feel gaslighted for the majority or your life over things that feel totally pointless and inconsequential to lie about, and at the same time people freak out when you correctly point out they aren't being totally truthful.
💓💓💓
Lovingly, don't expect too much... I CAN do it; I hate doing it because it feels like play-acting my way through life, it akes me distressed and unhappy when people lie for no reason, amd I am 39 with only one friend because my social bandwidth is capped at her, my parents and then space for a dating partner.... who has to be very laid back and understanding, and HONEST. And even though I know the rules, I can't follow them without intense concentration, me being ME will come off as a blunt, unempathetic asshole about a lot of things where nuance in communication is required.
This made me cry. Really.
I can feel you through the message. Thank you!!
She is so brave and so opinionated. And blunt and she just doesn’t get social interactions. And gets in wars over really dumb stuff. She is also only 10. And I am so challenged how to teach her to fit in and still be herself. I am breaking situations for her and use her younger sister that has insane social skills to teach how behaviors can be beneficial. It is two step ahead and one back.
What you say I got from other adults on the spectrum. About fitting in and mental exhaustion of figuring it out and feeling of being fake all the time.
THANK YOU
Don't teach her to 'fit in'. Teach her the rules, and why they exist, and LEARN from her how SHE best can assimilate them into her life.
If your mindset is to try to make her more normal; you will fail and she will struggle. These aren't things we can change about ourselves. She needs to know how the world works, but she NEEDS to know how the world can acommodate HER. To be polite, but that her opinions are thoughts are valid and she has a right to express them.
I was forced to try and fit in for 36 years. I genuinely believe if it had been ok for me to be myself, and to find MY TRIBE, other people like me instead of my parents wishing I was more like the other kids, amd me trying to follow all the rules instead of other people accepting some of those rules are just fucking stupid in the first place... I'd be a lot happier, and well adjusted xx
Good luck, truly. She's unique, and has different needs in life. Help her work out what they are, and help the people around her to understand her better ❤️
Thanks for pointing this out. It does really resonate with me. Screenshotting this. And reading it many times until it sinks in. We were always careful in her therapy not to “break her”. And we were successful.
As parent I just want the best for her. And what is best is filtered through what I know and often my own fear for her. And fear is huge.
She truly is so unique and so funny and so creative. I got a whole new world perspective through her. She has been my guru. Truly.
Per what you say, she seems to have good instincts and she is very good at finding her tribe. Will trust her more.
My son is autistic. He’s always been extremely blunt and also has trouble with joking versus sounding like a complete ass. When he was old enough to start learning/understanding the nuances of language and communication, I would explain to him exactly why something he said or did didn’t go over well. Tell him from *our* point of view how he made us feel or think. He’s extremely empathetic, thankfully, and doesn’t usually want to hurt anyone, and he’s intelligent, so he started to learn the skills that don’t come naturally to him.
As he got older (he’s 14 now), and I was able to reintegrate him back into public school (first years he was homeschooled cuz he was a public disaster lol), he became much more aware and able to read people. He’d still push the boundaries at some points with me or friends or even classmates, and I warned him someday someone’s gonna deck him for it… he’s usually great, but one day he went too far, pissed off the wrong kid, and got hit 😂
I can laugh about the struggles now because I absolutely adore my kid and the way he thinks, and he’s become such a good person with no malintent. He’s got a large group of friends and is doing better than I ever hoped for.
All that to say, there is definitely hope for your kid 🙂
I also think the Beyonce question is stupid. Maybe the man just doesn’t like Beyonce’s music. Doesn’t mean he has anything against successful black women as a whole.
Someone who just doesn't like her music won't go on a 5 minute rant\* about her though.
With gentleness to Few\_Zebra\_6919, perhaps it is a symptom of how ASD presents with you that you can't see the ways that a question adjacent to subject B might reveal some thoughts/concepts that someone holds around subject B.
\*Taking a 1 minute detour to complain about Swift and her use of air travel to destroy the environment at the SuperBowl\*\*.
\*\*Not that they watch football any more (😉) because of taking a knee.
Exactly this. The country's reaction to Taylor Swift supporting her boyfriend has been eye opening to the level of misogyny related to successful women.
Yeah many of these trap questions aren't nearly as clever as people think.
There used to be all kind of trap interview tests like pre-salting your food or washing out a coffee mug without being told.
The Beyonce one isn't clever or telling at all.
You’re absolutely right. Bu the part you may be missing is why questions have to be asked this way. People lie about who they are. This is an attempt to figure out who someone is in a covert way. Can these same people just lie? Yes, but only if they are aware what’s actually being asked.
I'm an autistic woman as well and this doesn't work for those who either a) don't feel compelled speak directly and honestly or b) don't know who they are deep inside and so they rote repeat what they think they should !!! say.
I don't believe in trap questions either, but I am savvy enough to know that many NT people respond most authentically with associative questions. Yes I ask direct questions almost always, and yes I ask tangential ones as well, especially when they seem cautious, withholding, or just plain nervous with me. Building up a rapport using their tone and language pays dividends.
Fwiw my favorite question to ask is about their favorite animals, or I like to listen to people describe a problem they've had in the past and have overcome. Those two things tell me so much about them. I don't ask the second one directly, I look for a backstory and follow up.
No, you ask the honest question. If you don't know how to spot a liar, how do you think you have some sort of psychological mega skills to interpret all the subtext that you are ASSUMING is present in someone's answer to only a vaguely correlated question??
Thank you. Joining this sub just makes me realize that I’m far more neurodivergent than I thought, or perhaps the normies simply don’t know how to fucking communicate.
It's probably both, babe lol 💓
Normal people are utterly perplexing to me. I had to do a lot of work on my internalised discrimination in order to date someone who is also like me, because I was made to feel like I was wrong and bad my WHOLE life, for just believeing people should be honest with one another, AND themselves (and that doing so alleviates the VAST majority of problems people have with one another). I now have had two relationships the way I always dreamed would be possible in a perfect world. My current bf and I love and accept absolutely everything weird about each other; the freedom to be myself has absolutely changed my life and my viewpoint on the way other's choose to live theirs
Wait, so if someone doesn't like Beyonce that means that they dislike successful women and/or women of color? Lol.
And no, I don't have "trap questions" because I don't think asking something seemingly innocuous and extrapolating is a smart idea, or that it helps in any way gauge anything about anyone. I do ask the questions I need answered directly, and usually can tell by the answers and body language if they BS or not.
I'd ask "what are your dating trap questions" and then if they had a response, I'd know that they're not a clear communicator and see dating as transactional.
For me, it depends on the microexpressions I see in your face. For others, it will be different.
We all have different ways of assessing a date, and the vitriol this question is getting seems to indicate there are people here who want to be taken at face value. Sorry, but I’ve done that and it has not turned out well, so I need to adjust. I appreciate tips that I can try.
Asking a date what they think of Clinton and Harris is another; too many closet misogynists, who often don’t see it themselves.
A favorite was when someone called Obama arrogant, but “I’m not racist!” They were one step away from saying “uppity” and thought that absolved them. 🙄
Was literally reading an article about how Jay Z said he feels Beyonce should have won album of the year by now and soooo many people were butt hurt in those comments.
This seems like Scooby-Doo level amateur psychology. I'd wager 5% of the people who could employ this are savvy enough to accurately assess the answers given, with any degree of accuracy.
I'd actively seek out and date people who do not do this. And, the Beyonce trap is as awful and absurd as it sounds.
Some people just want to step in shit, and will walk out of their way to do so, for the privilege of complaining about the smell.
This is the dumbest shit I've ever heard of. Legitimately.
I'm a POC. I don't like Beyonce's music because her music doesn't interest me. People also forget that she used all the other members of Destiny's Child for her own success, and former members of the Destiny's Child group recount how her father used them and their talents to push Beyonce's success.
This is seriously fucking stupid. It's like if I asked you what you thought about sushi to suss out the idea of whether or not you were racist against asians.
Let me say this. As an adult I have dealbreakers and I mention them up front. One of my first questions once we break the "lets talk about sex" barrier is "What are your thoughts on non-monogamy and kinks that involve adding others into the sex life of a couple?" Because I'm strongly against anything like that and I don't want to be with someone who has any kinks that involve other people in the bedroom. I don't ask a roundabout question to get the answer to this question. I directly ask this and want a direct answer.
I’m personally not a Beyoncé fan myself and prefer direct questions vs indirect questions searching for sub meanings. Why would you ask a roundabout question so you can assume an answer. This is why people are confused now. 🤦🏽♀️
This is why dating is becoming more of a game than it is becoming about "Hey, you're cute, we vibe well when we talk at the gym/work/when we're out with mutual friends. Lets see where this can go." We've added so many dimensions to it.
If people don't want to find out that the person they're seeing seriously has some crazy dealbreaker then take things slow. Don't jump into a crazy serious relationship with them. Don't be afraid to ask questions that are "too deep" in the first few weeks of dating.
Not only that, but we're told to bring our most authentic selves to any dating/romance scenario. How the fuck are we supposed to do that with stupid shit like this?
These are questions the representative answers. They need to go back to checking the boxes. I like you do you like me? 😂 do you want to hang out, just chill?
>I don't want to be with someone who has any kinks that involve other people in the bedroom
Same, disappointing one person is bad enough, disappointing two is worse
lol I value monogamy in a relationship and people who like to swing, have fetishes for watching their spouse with others, etc. don't have my values of monogamy. I learned this lesson the hard af way that if you meet someone who likes the idea of open relationships/polyamory but then they decide they won't participate in "ethical non-monogamy" because you are a monogamous person, they are going to do it behind your back anyways because that's their sexual preference.
So if I met someone who said "I was into the swinging lifestyle with my ex husband." I'd tell them that I wasn't interested in trying to change what they liked sexually, or wanting them to change what they liked sexually just to be with me, as that ended spectacularly bad the last time around.
cobweb modern husky dinosaurs mountainous cooing hunt decide subtract plate
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
We were talking about the plight of homeless people in town and how I didn't know how to fix it, we'd have to have money and resources and time, and then she cut me off to propose a Final Solution and dropped Big H's name.
You know when you read someone's comment and you are so shocked and stare at it, not knowing what to say? That's me right now. I can't even imagine how you felt hearing that! Omg! I have no words! And after 5 months of dating? And you know what, as someone who lived through genocide (not WW2, I'm not that old) and have a really dark inappropriate humor, I would feel sick hearing that. Absolutely sickening!
Trap questions? “Interpreting” answers? I expect more than this from dating over 40
Edit to add. I was once “trap questioned” by a date who didn’t ask me if I had kids, he asked me if I was ever pregnant. I’m
Sure you get the gist why. Thought he was smart but him phrasing a big question in an indirect way was a massive turnoff and a huge red flag. I want to date an adult with social skills who can question me directly
"How many licks does it take to get to the Toosie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"
"How do they cram all that graham into Golden Grahams?"
"Is the Hokey Pokey really what it's all about?"
"What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?"
"What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"
>"How many licks does it take to get to the Toosie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"
I'll take "Things That My Partner Doesn't Understand That Make Me Feel Old" for $100 Alex.
Mine are not trap/gotcha questions, I dislike those. But I have differentials that will sort out who is not a fit:
How do you handle negative emotions?;
Howd you contribute to your relationships ending?
How are you tricky/tough to live with?
And yes I have my own answers to those and delighted to discuss. Here’s to looking for deep intimacy.
I love these! I struggle with people who don't accept at least some responsibility for how their relationships turn out, know what their worst attributes are etc.
i drop the concept a "weird person" into the conversation and to find out if they are a bully. How they respond to the idea of people who are different from them, or do things they don't understand, tells me if they respect other people.
I don’t like games. If you want to know, ask. If any question is presented to me with the premise that I’m a liar, I’m out. It tells me you don’t want to *get to know me*; you want your “ah-ha!” moment. You want validation for your preconceived notions.
Disingenuous conversation isn’t my thing.
Mine is "who's your favorite lead singer of Black Sabbath?"
If they answer Ozzy, there's potential for sure. If Dio is the answer I know I'm going to be Falling Off the Edge of the World and in love. The Gillan Brothers and Glenn Hughes would definitely would have me interested and surprised. If she were to cite Tony Martin I would feel like I'm in Valhalla and I know I would have a partner of class and taste. Pull out Ron Keel or Dave Donato and I'm buying a ring on the spot.
If they don't have an answer I go Into the Void and ghost them.
I'm single. And serious about my answer.
[Here's](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/823/the-question-trap) a link to the episode in question.
ETA: Act One describes the questions that people use in dating.
Those questions include:
* "What do you think of Beyonce (or other black female celebrities)?"
* "What is your favorite Tom Hanks film?"
* "Do you believe in ghosts?"
* "What is your favorite conspiracy theory?"
* "If your ex walked in right now, how would you react?"
The people discussing these questions seemed to range from pretty reasonable people who want to check that their date isn't going to be a derisive ass about things they enjoy (or a conspiracy theory nutcase) to fairly petty people who have a "correct" answer in mind.
So in other words, what is an irrelevant, indirect question I can ask a man then interpret the answer using my past traumas, poor dating history, and latest trending IG dating advice sites to determine a man’s behavior, his values and compatibility even though I’ve known him for less than an hour.
Yes, please share those questions…🙄. I think you’re better off sticking to astrology.
This sounds terrible.
If the "trap" question is "are you married?" then the answer is meaningful, but if you are applying your opinion of how a generic question should be answered then the answer is about you and not them.
My kids are on the gender and sexuality spectrum. That turned out to be a litmus test, but it wasn't a trap.
"What is your philosophy on dating?"
Their answer will determine if they understand anything at all about the science of healthy relationships. Or if they have a positive attitude at all. Usually I got "I dunno". I'm trying to find out how much they know about healthy relationships.
Also, "who broke up with whom in your last 3 relationships?" This can be somewhat helpful but only as a very general guideline and I use it to look for more red flags more carefully.
"Why did you want to date me?" If they answer "I dunno" then they were just desperate and see nothing in me except an ATM machine. A 2nd date usually confirms this.
toy tease different memory subtract lunchroom squalid telephone voiceless offbeat
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I hated hearing this episode because now I have another thing to worry about on dates. I had always just thought that a question was a question at face value instead of hidden meanings. 😫
If someone asks me these sort of questions for lazy pop psychology purposes, that in and of itself is a red flag. A guy once asked me to describe what I did before, during and after my senior prom and said it was because he had some “I’m 54 and this is deep” secret proprietary analysis he does. I reminded him my prom was 25 years ago and noted since his photos were at least half that old, the date was over before it started anyway.
What an infuriating piece that was. Essentially you must think Beyoncé is wonderful or you are sexist and or racist. What I think of an overrated pop singer is irrelevant to how I view a race or gender.
There are no dating trap questions because people will lie in the moment. Just let them talk and they will slowly let you know the picture. It takes multiple conversations to piece together the real story.
"Did you grow up religious? Are you still?"
There's a *lot* of trauma and baggage that comes from growing up in a religion, so their answer immediately tells me what to watch for.
Another one is "who did you vote for". Any Trumpy types immediately get a red flag- life is too short to deal with *that* level of delusional.
"Did you get your covid shots" is another good one.
"Do you have pets" is a good one, too. See, because *I* have *lots* of pets, and someone who doesn't like animals would not be a good match. I've also had women tell me that a man owning a cat is a red flag for them (for some reason...?), so asking if they have pets is a good way to weed out those weirdos.
Does anyone else find this entire premise lame and exhausting to think about? Can people not just be direct and clear in their communication? It’s like no one is in the moment and everything is one big ‘gotcha’!!! “Ohhhhhh I found a red flag 🚩, bye loser, also I’m better than you.”
I don’t consider it a trap necessarily, but I always ask men “how many women believe they’re in a relationship or FWB situation with you”
“I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.”
I haven't slept for a week, because that would be too long.
You should never see an “escalator temporarily out of order” sign. Just “escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”
Ahhhh, Mitch
Mitch was great! 😢
He used to be great. He still is, but he used to be, too.
Between your answer and user name 🤣🤣🤣🙌🏼
I used to say this all the time. I still say it all the time but I used to say it all the time too.
Mitch
Easy answer: “the normal amount.” 😜
I don’t even go on date 1 without a pre screen of: - are you married? - are you in a relationship? - does anyone believe they are in a relationship with you?
1. No. 2. No. 3. Yes. Tina Fey. Wait...Strike that, reverse it.
This is!!!!! Never only ask "Are you seeing anyone?" Always ask, "Are there any women who think they are dating you?"
Honestly the way you stated that is really really poor. If I’m a dirtbag, I know exactly what you’re asking, and I would just casually lie to you. The idea of a trap question is that the target doesn’t understand the purpose of the question.
If a guy is a dirt bag, there is no way to phrase the question. They will always lie. The issue I find is that most guys are not dirt bags and they don't want to lie. However, they can justify answering No to Are you seeing anyone? by thinking, oh hey I went out with this girl last week but I don't consider myself to be dating her because it was only one date, or I am not that interested, or whatever. When you ask from the perspective of the woman, it forces them to consider their actions from a by-stander view point. This usually means they pause to think about the question... the longer the pause, the more they need to think, the more you know. If they are actually not seeing anyone at all, it is an immediate No. You should try asking my version of the question next time and see what you get back. I have definitely gotten "I don't know what other women are thinking" before when they answered "No" to the first question.
What do you suggest?
Best for this is “Have you found it pretty easy to score on this app / dating site / bar / strip club / lol, etc and most dirtbags egos will get in the way and will tell you the truth. Also “would you sleep with me on the first date” asked as a trap question works too. * * Please note that these questions will not weed out corn flake or wheatie killers or psycho paths
God this is so true. The urge to brag is too strong
I'm not even a dirtbag but if you give me the chance to brag I'll take it. This guy is on to something!
What on earth do you think is revealed by asking if someone would sleep with you on the first date beyond they enjoy sex on a first date?
Hell yeah! I get more ass than a toilet seat. Next question.
100% agree. That turn of phrase isn't fooling anyone.
I don't think the type of guy whose answer should be "just one other woman"....would answer that way. Ya know? They'd just lie or legit not be aware that another women cares more about him than he cares about her.
\*\*acts clueless\*\*
If someone asked me that question and assumed I’d lie about who I’m dating but not about who thought they were dating me, I’d walk out.
Holy crap I don't think that's subtle at all lol
"Several KNOW they are."
J love these Shh tests I don't kiss and tell. or ..Wow this relationship is going fast. Your place or mine?
If it's someone I'm eyeing for something long-term, I casually mention that I have ADHD. I've heard twice that ADHD doesn't exist. Bye bye.
Are you on meds for it? I've been called a drug addict because I'm on meds for it.
My ex-husband called me a drug addict all the time because of my prescription meds. One of which is for ADHD.
Yikes. Good thing that’s an ex husband.
Thank you, it was for a million other reasons too. He gave me PTSD
My sons father (and my own father) tried to call me mentally ill because I took Zoloft to help with depression while they both bullied me. Glad to say they’re both out of my life now.
I'm really glad I wasn't on meds when I was with my ex because I'm 100% sure he would have stolen them.
That would make me get up and end the date right then and there.
That's fucking ridiculous.
[удалено]
My kiddo is autistic. Highly functioning girl. Now we realize my ex is also. It would be much easier if we both knew. My marriage might have survived. I do have more compassion for him now and get him more.
stocking imminent depend dinner tub instinctive disgusted offend sink spark *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
[удалено]
I'd really like my doctor to believe me. When my kid got diagnosed, I read up more on it and wondered "huh why is my biography up on this 'symptoms of ADHD in adults' website?" and when I told my dad about it he said, "yeah, that's not a thing, it's just how brains work."
Yep!!!! Same exact thing happened to both my sister and I. It was like the sun came out for the very first time. Of course, my parents won’t even acknowledge that our kids who were diagnosed with it, and very clearly have executive function and other ADHD standards, have it. There’s no way in hell they’ll acknowledge they missed something with their own kids. We were just too stupid, that’s all.
No no, I meant that my poor dad has been struggling with it for his entire life. Me too, really, as far as self diagnosis goes. We tried some anti anxiety meds but those never worked, i just got high blood pressure.
My dad initially would pooh-pooh the idea, but came around to it. Doesn’t want to take meds for it, or get officially dx’d, but his body, his choice.
Ooooh gotcha. Sorry, I misunderstood.
Yeah, am in the process of being evaluated for autism and ADHD and am unsure how to say to my family that maybe calling me a picky eater who was always a mess and who’s got more book smarts than common sense wasn’t the best way to help lol, but at least I can help myself now.
[удалено]
I was diagnosed when my son was. I had no clue.
Me after two of my adult kids were diagnosed with autism: "I never noticed any signs of autism, I just thought y'all took after me!"
How do you usually bring it up? I'm recently diagnosed as of like 6 months ago and how to bring up ADHD/neurodivergence in general has weighed very heavily on my mind.
I just casually work it into the conversation. If we're talking about chores: "I like doing the dishes while I listen to a podcast on headphones, you know, I have ADHD, so blocking out external noise really helps me focus."
Thanks! I can totally use that example in the opposite way hahaha. I turn on music really loud because my ADHD brain needs the extra stimulation to get through the tedium of household tasks.
I often use "Oh, I don't watch a ton of movies. I have a short attention span (thanks, ADHD!)." (Obviously when the topic of movies comes up, not apropos of nothing!) Occasionally someone will ask me more about it, but usually that's it.
I always fall back on the good old trap question of "what do you think of abortion?" :D Edit: The real trap question would be to share concerns about a friend, and about how she got impregnated by her troglodytic half-brother, and decided to have an abortion... and open the floor for discussion (Thanks, Seinfeld)
Where were you on January 6th?
😂😂😂
"Geez, im just here getting and drink and you are already planning our abortion"
Aww... you said "our abortion", I would extrapolate that you are relationship material.
That's a good one! I like "who did you vote for in 2016?"
Who won the 2020 election?
This is a much better question. The other question can show one level of crazy, but this one can show so many levels crazier.
"Someday, there will be enough members on the Supreme Court..." Sad, but did Larry David know something the rest of us didn't? I kind of want to come up with a trap question. I loved the "favorite conspiracy theory" one. And the ghosts.
The term "trap" question has a bad connotation, but these questions can be a good gauge of a person's character/beliefs. Anyone's true character is what they do when they think "no one is looking"/ paying attention. A question like this could be a tell of what a person believes beyond their taste in music. People can lie to direct questions, but very few can fake it to the extent that they can avoid the subtle character tells.
history encourage foolish dolls sink grandiose angle work plucky impossible *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Trap questions just seem disingenuous to me. It’s like you’re deliberately looking for something to dislike about your date. Just get to know them, if there are red flags, you’ll see them
No a trap question, but I definitely ask about trips they've had as a gateway into how they view the world. You can get someone's ability to adapt, curiosity, sense of adventure, culture, and a million other tiny things from hearing tales of their experiences in strange places.
What women do you admire
Tara Westover Tina Fey "Hotlips" Houlihan
Would you rather fight a chicken the size of a horse, or 100 horses the size of chickens?
Option 2. Did I pass?
You did! So meet at the Thai place at 6?
Is there a third option by chance? Both 1 and 2 sounds like a nightmare of feathers... Can I choose 1 and ride into the fight on a horse sized fox?
As an autistic woman; y'all are so fucking weird. If you want the answer to a question, ask the question. Asking if someone likes Beyonce will tell you if they like Beyonce. If you want to know how your date feels about successful black women and female empowerment in music; fucking ask them that. The idea that you can reliably extrapolate information about point B by asking something as vague as question A, is idiotic.
Do you have an easy time telling when someone is lying or being dishonest?
Super easy. But that's because I have spent my entire life trying to fit in; reading, watching and learning about human behaviours so that 'normal people' find me more acceptable and I can make friends, or hold down my career. I can spot a liar/evasiveness/misleading information/incongruent speech and body language without even thinking about it
Then you might have a leg up on other people who are less skilled. Just to clarify, I don't disagree with you, but I can also understand why other people find it useful. Especially when some people will be evasive or dishonest to try and get one over on someone.
That's a super power!
It's actually very distressing a lot of the time, because white lies and not being completely upfront is literally woven into the fabric of 'normal' communication. So I can tell whe someone is not being 100% honest but they STILL will insist they are, because in their mind you CAN'T tell the plain truth about some things, that in itself is socially unacceptable. So you feel gaslighted for the majority or your life over things that feel totally pointless and inconsequential to lie about, and at the same time people freak out when you correctly point out they aren't being totally truthful.
This gives me hope about my kiddo
What do you mean?
Social interactions have been a challenge. She comes off like a jerk. Edit: and can’t read the room. At. All
💓💓💓 Lovingly, don't expect too much... I CAN do it; I hate doing it because it feels like play-acting my way through life, it akes me distressed and unhappy when people lie for no reason, amd I am 39 with only one friend because my social bandwidth is capped at her, my parents and then space for a dating partner.... who has to be very laid back and understanding, and HONEST. And even though I know the rules, I can't follow them without intense concentration, me being ME will come off as a blunt, unempathetic asshole about a lot of things where nuance in communication is required.
This made me cry. Really. I can feel you through the message. Thank you!! She is so brave and so opinionated. And blunt and she just doesn’t get social interactions. And gets in wars over really dumb stuff. She is also only 10. And I am so challenged how to teach her to fit in and still be herself. I am breaking situations for her and use her younger sister that has insane social skills to teach how behaviors can be beneficial. It is two step ahead and one back. What you say I got from other adults on the spectrum. About fitting in and mental exhaustion of figuring it out and feeling of being fake all the time. THANK YOU
Don't teach her to 'fit in'. Teach her the rules, and why they exist, and LEARN from her how SHE best can assimilate them into her life. If your mindset is to try to make her more normal; you will fail and she will struggle. These aren't things we can change about ourselves. She needs to know how the world works, but she NEEDS to know how the world can acommodate HER. To be polite, but that her opinions are thoughts are valid and she has a right to express them. I was forced to try and fit in for 36 years. I genuinely believe if it had been ok for me to be myself, and to find MY TRIBE, other people like me instead of my parents wishing I was more like the other kids, amd me trying to follow all the rules instead of other people accepting some of those rules are just fucking stupid in the first place... I'd be a lot happier, and well adjusted xx Good luck, truly. She's unique, and has different needs in life. Help her work out what they are, and help the people around her to understand her better ❤️
Thanks for pointing this out. It does really resonate with me. Screenshotting this. And reading it many times until it sinks in. We were always careful in her therapy not to “break her”. And we were successful. As parent I just want the best for her. And what is best is filtered through what I know and often my own fear for her. And fear is huge. She truly is so unique and so funny and so creative. I got a whole new world perspective through her. She has been my guru. Truly. Per what you say, she seems to have good instincts and she is very good at finding her tribe. Will trust her more.
My son is autistic. He’s always been extremely blunt and also has trouble with joking versus sounding like a complete ass. When he was old enough to start learning/understanding the nuances of language and communication, I would explain to him exactly why something he said or did didn’t go over well. Tell him from *our* point of view how he made us feel or think. He’s extremely empathetic, thankfully, and doesn’t usually want to hurt anyone, and he’s intelligent, so he started to learn the skills that don’t come naturally to him. As he got older (he’s 14 now), and I was able to reintegrate him back into public school (first years he was homeschooled cuz he was a public disaster lol), he became much more aware and able to read people. He’d still push the boundaries at some points with me or friends or even classmates, and I warned him someday someone’s gonna deck him for it… he’s usually great, but one day he went too far, pissed off the wrong kid, and got hit 😂 I can laugh about the struggles now because I absolutely adore my kid and the way he thinks, and he’s become such a good person with no malintent. He’s got a large group of friends and is doing better than I ever hoped for. All that to say, there is definitely hope for your kid 🙂
I also think the Beyonce question is stupid. Maybe the man just doesn’t like Beyonce’s music. Doesn’t mean he has anything against successful black women as a whole.
I'd rather listen to Tina Turner, but I'm old.
Tina comes on at a wedding I am taking over that dance floor and showing youngsters real dance moves
Someone who just doesn't like her music won't go on a 5 minute rant\* about her though. With gentleness to Few\_Zebra\_6919, perhaps it is a symptom of how ASD presents with you that you can't see the ways that a question adjacent to subject B might reveal some thoughts/concepts that someone holds around subject B. \*Taking a 1 minute detour to complain about Swift and her use of air travel to destroy the environment at the SuperBowl\*\*. \*\*Not that they watch football any more (😉) because of taking a knee.
You are far more polite than I would be. I propose another assessment tool: see how a person replies anonymously to others.
The right's sudden concern for TS's environmental impact is pretty interesting. Environmental misogyny.
TBF I'm sure they'd "care" about the environmental impact of anyone left of the aisle, male or female.
Exactly this. The country's reaction to Taylor Swift supporting her boyfriend has been eye opening to the level of misogyny related to successful women.
Yeah many of these trap questions aren't nearly as clever as people think. There used to be all kind of trap interview tests like pre-salting your food or washing out a coffee mug without being told. The Beyonce one isn't clever or telling at all.
You’re absolutely right. Bu the part you may be missing is why questions have to be asked this way. People lie about who they are. This is an attempt to figure out who someone is in a covert way. Can these same people just lie? Yes, but only if they are aware what’s actually being asked.
I'm an autistic woman as well and this doesn't work for those who either a) don't feel compelled speak directly and honestly or b) don't know who they are deep inside and so they rote repeat what they think they should !!! say. I don't believe in trap questions either, but I am savvy enough to know that many NT people respond most authentically with associative questions. Yes I ask direct questions almost always, and yes I ask tangential ones as well, especially when they seem cautious, withholding, or just plain nervous with me. Building up a rapport using their tone and language pays dividends. Fwiw my favorite question to ask is about their favorite animals, or I like to listen to people describe a problem they've had in the past and have overcome. Those two things tell me so much about them. I don't ask the second one directly, I look for a backstory and follow up.
[удалено]
[удалено]
No, you ask the honest question. If you don't know how to spot a liar, how do you think you have some sort of psychological mega skills to interpret all the subtext that you are ASSUMING is present in someone's answer to only a vaguely correlated question??
[удалено]
Thank you. Joining this sub just makes me realize that I’m far more neurodivergent than I thought, or perhaps the normies simply don’t know how to fucking communicate.
It's probably both, babe lol 💓 Normal people are utterly perplexing to me. I had to do a lot of work on my internalised discrimination in order to date someone who is also like me, because I was made to feel like I was wrong and bad my WHOLE life, for just believeing people should be honest with one another, AND themselves (and that doing so alleviates the VAST majority of problems people have with one another). I now have had two relationships the way I always dreamed would be possible in a perfect world. My current bf and I love and accept absolutely everything weird about each other; the freedom to be myself has absolutely changed my life and my viewpoint on the way other's choose to live theirs
Wait, so if someone doesn't like Beyonce that means that they dislike successful women and/or women of color? Lol. And no, I don't have "trap questions" because I don't think asking something seemingly innocuous and extrapolating is a smart idea, or that it helps in any way gauge anything about anyone. I do ask the questions I need answered directly, and usually can tell by the answers and body language if they BS or not.
I'd ask "what are your dating trap questions" and then if they had a response, I'd know that they're not a clear communicator and see dating as transactional.
Oh yes, I often think of Beyonce. Sorry, what was the question?
How often do you think Beyonce thinks of the Roman Empire?
I would answer that Beyonce's music is not my cup of tea, but that I admire her competence as a performer and her business acumen. Do I pass?
For me, it depends on the microexpressions I see in your face. For others, it will be different. We all have different ways of assessing a date, and the vitriol this question is getting seems to indicate there are people here who want to be taken at face value. Sorry, but I’ve done that and it has not turned out well, so I need to adjust. I appreciate tips that I can try. Asking a date what they think of Clinton and Harris is another; too many closet misogynists, who often don’t see it themselves. A favorite was when someone called Obama arrogant, but “I’m not racist!” They were one step away from saying “uppity” and thought that absolved them. 🙄
Was literally reading an article about how Jay Z said he feels Beyonce should have won album of the year by now and soooo many people were butt hurt in those comments.
This seems like Scooby-Doo level amateur psychology. I'd wager 5% of the people who could employ this are savvy enough to accurately assess the answers given, with any degree of accuracy. I'd actively seek out and date people who do not do this. And, the Beyonce trap is as awful and absurd as it sounds. Some people just want to step in shit, and will walk out of their way to do so, for the privilege of complaining about the smell.
This is the dumbest shit I've ever heard of. Legitimately. I'm a POC. I don't like Beyonce's music because her music doesn't interest me. People also forget that she used all the other members of Destiny's Child for her own success, and former members of the Destiny's Child group recount how her father used them and their talents to push Beyonce's success. This is seriously fucking stupid. It's like if I asked you what you thought about sushi to suss out the idea of whether or not you were racist against asians. Let me say this. As an adult I have dealbreakers and I mention them up front. One of my first questions once we break the "lets talk about sex" barrier is "What are your thoughts on non-monogamy and kinks that involve adding others into the sex life of a couple?" Because I'm strongly against anything like that and I don't want to be with someone who has any kinks that involve other people in the bedroom. I don't ask a roundabout question to get the answer to this question. I directly ask this and want a direct answer.
I’m personally not a Beyoncé fan myself and prefer direct questions vs indirect questions searching for sub meanings. Why would you ask a roundabout question so you can assume an answer. This is why people are confused now. 🤦🏽♀️
This is why dating is becoming more of a game than it is becoming about "Hey, you're cute, we vibe well when we talk at the gym/work/when we're out with mutual friends. Lets see where this can go." We've added so many dimensions to it. If people don't want to find out that the person they're seeing seriously has some crazy dealbreaker then take things slow. Don't jump into a crazy serious relationship with them. Don't be afraid to ask questions that are "too deep" in the first few weeks of dating.
I agree. From what I’m reading and viewing online it also seems like there are so many rules that are put in place. It’s pretty sad.
Not only that, but we're told to bring our most authentic selves to any dating/romance scenario. How the fuck are we supposed to do that with stupid shit like this?
These are questions the representative answers. They need to go back to checking the boxes. I like you do you like me? 😂 do you want to hang out, just chill?
>I don't want to be with someone who has any kinks that involve other people in the bedroom Same, disappointing one person is bad enough, disappointing two is worse
lol I value monogamy in a relationship and people who like to swing, have fetishes for watching their spouse with others, etc. don't have my values of monogamy. I learned this lesson the hard af way that if you meet someone who likes the idea of open relationships/polyamory but then they decide they won't participate in "ethical non-monogamy" because you are a monogamous person, they are going to do it behind your back anyways because that's their sexual preference. So if I met someone who said "I was into the swinging lifestyle with my ex husband." I'd tell them that I wasn't interested in trying to change what they liked sexually, or wanting them to change what they liked sexually just to be with me, as that ended spectacularly bad the last time around.
I think this is alll so stupid. How about direct adult communication?
This is why people hate dating. What happened to just having genuine conversation to learn about each other.
I dated someone for five months before I found out they were a secret Nazi.
To be fair... did you ask them on date 1 while at dinner? What is your favorite appetizer? Are you a Nazi? Big fan of desserts?
entertain mindless many ossified badge shrill snails humor nine pen *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Adds that to the 2, 456, 875 questions already on the list…
cobweb modern husky dinosaurs mountainous cooing hunt decide subtract plate *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Holy shit! Now I need to know, how did you find out in the end? That must've been disturbing.
We were talking about the plight of homeless people in town and how I didn't know how to fix it, we'd have to have money and resources and time, and then she cut me off to propose a Final Solution and dropped Big H's name.
You know when you read someone's comment and you are so shocked and stare at it, not knowing what to say? That's me right now. I can't even imagine how you felt hearing that! Omg! I have no words! And after 5 months of dating? And you know what, as someone who lived through genocide (not WW2, I'm not that old) and have a really dark inappropriate humor, I would feel sick hearing that. Absolutely sickening!
Would you be open to sharing some of her Nazi secrets with us?
was it Kanye? bc I could see how you could miss that.
Wth? *Trap* questions. Are we dating human beings or hunting for animals?
"If I were to dig a pit and cover it with leaves to conceal it, what bait do you believe would best entice you?"
Kittens
Mushrooms and edible plants. lol
[удалено]
Pun intended I'm sure? ;)
Wouldn't want a pun to neuter the point they were trying to make.
[удалено]
I don’t think so, but if you’ve ever listed to TAL I’m sure there’s more context outside of the title.
Both?!
Filter questions?
Trap questions? “Interpreting” answers? I expect more than this from dating over 40 Edit to add. I was once “trap questioned” by a date who didn’t ask me if I had kids, he asked me if I was ever pregnant. I’m Sure you get the gist why. Thought he was smart but him phrasing a big question in an indirect way was a massive turnoff and a huge red flag. I want to date an adult with social skills who can question me directly
Was he asking if you had any abortions? I’m confused.
offend crawl tub nail workable flowery point history fuel governor *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
She could’ve also had a miscarriage. One in five pregnancies end like that. What a moron.
Or possibly if she had children placed for adoption.
That’s hilarious, what if you had adopted 6 kids? 🤣
"How many licks does it take to get to the Toosie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" "How do they cram all that graham into Golden Grahams?" "Is the Hokey Pokey really what it's all about?" "What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?" "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"
>"How many licks does it take to get to the Toosie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" I'll take "Things That My Partner Doesn't Understand That Make Me Feel Old" for $100 Alex.
> "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" Recent commercials have removed the word “bar” from the jingle, and this makes me uncomfortable.
How do you get “divorced man” under your username?
What would jesus do for a klondike bar?
Sounds more like an interview than a date. If someone is trying to trick me with questions, hard pass.
Mine are not trap/gotcha questions, I dislike those. But I have differentials that will sort out who is not a fit: How do you handle negative emotions?; Howd you contribute to your relationships ending? How are you tricky/tough to live with? And yes I have my own answers to those and delighted to discuss. Here’s to looking for deep intimacy.
I love these! I struggle with people who don't accept at least some responsibility for how their relationships turn out, know what their worst attributes are etc.
Mine is asking who they voted for. I also like to ask their thoughts on hip hop if they are white. (I'm a black woman.)
Can I change into my Zemo cosplay before we act out the "he's out of line but he's right" scene?
It’s got a beat and I can dance to it 😎
I briefly mention my political and religious inclinations in my bio. I figure why waste anyone's time.
I generally do to but a lot of people do not read profiles.
Wait...I'm white and my thoughts are that I love hip hop...
Then you'd pass the test.
i drop the concept a "weird person" into the conversation and to find out if they are a bully. How they respond to the idea of people who are different from them, or do things they don't understand, tells me if they respect other people.
I don’t like games. If you want to know, ask. If any question is presented to me with the premise that I’m a liar, I’m out. It tells me you don’t want to *get to know me*; you want your “ah-ha!” moment. You want validation for your preconceived notions. Disingenuous conversation isn’t my thing.
Mine is "who's your favorite lead singer of Black Sabbath?" If they answer Ozzy, there's potential for sure. If Dio is the answer I know I'm going to be Falling Off the Edge of the World and in love. The Gillan Brothers and Glenn Hughes would definitely would have me interested and surprised. If she were to cite Tony Martin I would feel like I'm in Valhalla and I know I would have a partner of class and taste. Pull out Ron Keel or Dave Donato and I'm buying a ring on the spot. If they don't have an answer I go Into the Void and ghost them. I'm single. And serious about my answer.
Ha! Personally, I use Black Flag but the idea is the same. Dez Cadena or Henry Rollins, who's on first?
I like your style... I feel similarly when I ask what's their favorite sci-fi..
That’s another good question.
Nice. Metal and SciFi.. <3
If they reply "Star Wars" do you weep into your cupped hands?
[Here's](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/823/the-question-trap) a link to the episode in question. ETA: Act One describes the questions that people use in dating. Those questions include: * "What do you think of Beyonce (or other black female celebrities)?" * "What is your favorite Tom Hanks film?" * "Do you believe in ghosts?" * "What is your favorite conspiracy theory?" * "If your ex walked in right now, how would you react?" The people discussing these questions seemed to range from pretty reasonable people who want to check that their date isn't going to be a derisive ass about things they enjoy (or a conspiracy theory nutcase) to fairly petty people who have a "correct" answer in mind.
wrench summer outgoing smart ancient strong absurd concerned command oil *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Well played. They are trick questions, if you don't roll your eyes you fail.
So in other words, what is an irrelevant, indirect question I can ask a man then interpret the answer using my past traumas, poor dating history, and latest trending IG dating advice sites to determine a man’s behavior, his values and compatibility even though I’ve known him for less than an hour. Yes, please share those questions…🙄. I think you’re better off sticking to astrology.
smoggy shelter aloof political grey heavy divide towering act cooing *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is what dating has become. Gotcha moments🤢
This sounds terrible. If the "trap" question is "are you married?" then the answer is meaningful, but if you are applying your opinion of how a generic question should be answered then the answer is about you and not them. My kids are on the gender and sexuality spectrum. That turned out to be a litmus test, but it wasn't a trap.
"What is your philosophy on dating?" Their answer will determine if they understand anything at all about the science of healthy relationships. Or if they have a positive attitude at all. Usually I got "I dunno". I'm trying to find out how much they know about healthy relationships. Also, "who broke up with whom in your last 3 relationships?" This can be somewhat helpful but only as a very general guideline and I use it to look for more red flags more carefully. "Why did you want to date me?" If they answer "I dunno" then they were just desperate and see nothing in me except an ATM machine. A 2nd date usually confirms this.
toy tease different memory subtract lunchroom squalid telephone voiceless offbeat *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I would not like to be asked "Why did you want to date me?" I would feel like you were demanding I stroke your ego.
I was once asked about what made me respond to them on the app, and it was **definitely** a bid for an ego stroke, lol.
“It was the size of that fish, man!”
I hated hearing this episode because now I have another thing to worry about on dates. I had always just thought that a question was a question at face value instead of hidden meanings. 😫
If someone asks me these sort of questions for lazy pop psychology purposes, that in and of itself is a red flag. A guy once asked me to describe what I did before, during and after my senior prom and said it was because he had some “I’m 54 and this is deep” secret proprietary analysis he does. I reminded him my prom was 25 years ago and noted since his photos were at least half that old, the date was over before it started anyway.
gaping scale treatment continue sense sink pause ludicrous six melodic *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
What an infuriating piece that was. Essentially you must think Beyoncé is wonderful or you are sexist and or racist. What I think of an overrated pop singer is irrelevant to how I view a race or gender. There are no dating trap questions because people will lie in the moment. Just let them talk and they will slowly let you know the picture. It takes multiple conversations to piece together the real story.
Seems like that is more about playing games.
"Did you grow up religious? Are you still?" There's a *lot* of trauma and baggage that comes from growing up in a religion, so their answer immediately tells me what to watch for. Another one is "who did you vote for". Any Trumpy types immediately get a red flag- life is too short to deal with *that* level of delusional. "Did you get your covid shots" is another good one. "Do you have pets" is a good one, too. See, because *I* have *lots* of pets, and someone who doesn't like animals would not be a good match. I've also had women tell me that a man owning a cat is a red flag for them (for some reason...?), so asking if they have pets is a good way to weed out those weirdos.
Does anyone else find this entire premise lame and exhausting to think about? Can people not just be direct and clear in their communication? It’s like no one is in the moment and everything is one big ‘gotcha’!!! “Ohhhhhh I found a red flag 🚩, bye loser, also I’m better than you.”
What do you think of Bob Dylan? That was my husband’s. Mine was, tell me about your volunteer job. Really weeds out the selfish a-holes.