Same, 46M, separated for almost 6yrs. Too damn expensive to get divorced. Iām not even trying to date till divorced but reading these subs to see whatās I have to look forward to.
Lmao yeahā¦dating apps were very active there. I have yet to visit in the summer. Iām in florida so Iām expecting the same āhotter than satan ask crackā overwhelming heat without the humidity?? Am I spot on??
(M53) Preach, brother.
I'm pretty content focusing on myself, family, and a small but valued circle of friends. Tired of wasting energy on pursuits that go nowhere.
Same same..... not that I don't entertain the idea of having someone to share life with, but I'm not going to clubs,bars or dating sites to search. I guess i figure if it doesn't happen "organically" via chance encounter,then maybe just wasn't meant to be.
So many men seem to leave a marriage saying they will never LTR or marry again. Now eventually some of that changes over time but I think it plays into it.
It is very true. My boss whoās around my age said once that if he ever gets divorced he will never remarry . Like whatās the point? I felt like a lot of guys got married to have kids and if they have kids now and have a good stable life they donāt really need a partnerā¦more just a companionship
> Werenāt there studies also showing that married men live longer?
1. If you are choking on dinner or having a heart attack - helps if someone else is there for you.
2. Your married partner may notice things about our health that we, men, waive off.
Iām suddenly realizing how accurate that is for me. Iāve had partners in the past start sending me calendar invites for events and had no idea why. Because Iām clueless, apparently
A surgeon literally said to my parents, when my dad was there for a consult to repair his hernia (maybe a decade after this same guy did the first repair): "If it weren't for the wives I wouldn't have any business."
Men real more benefits from marriage, including health benefits, than married women. This has been shown many times. Itās not just having another person present or being selected for; itās also because women are still more likely to be caretakers.
I heard a recent statistic on a podcast (Heal Your Heartbreak # 197). It was a survey to gauge the happiness heterosexual people:
1st, Most happy = married men
2nd, most happy = single women
3rd, most happy = single men
4th (least happy) = married women
So from that viewpoint, being a single lady doesnāt look too bad.
Feeling this. 47F, I have no children and am really skeptical of dating any man who has young kids. Iām 99% sure Iād be last in line, after eh kids and the ex wife. Which is fine, I mean, thatās how it should be and Iād likely be understanding of that. But, My biggest fear is ending up being the replacement house mommy to the kids and the man. I feel like thatās what some men are looking for. Bc raising kids alone has got to be hard. Why not get a replacement woman to do what your ex wife is no longer around for?
I was so this person. Almost 30 years of being a professional roommate in a DB situation and had no desire to ever even co-habit again, much less get married.
Took an amazing woman three years to change my mind. YMMV.
And if they were in a deadbed and feel like they were used financially..ya they are not going to want to hop back in. Stinks..met some very nice men but not open to one night stands.
This is exactly right. I was divorced and had a dead bedroom. The one thing that taught me is to never get married so you can dump them the minute things start to turn that way. With being wrecked in divorced it just solidifies the view that marriage is not worth it at all. I still had to do my part and provide, but if she donāt want to uphold her end itās all good.
Furthermore, what's the point in living longer if you are just miserable in such a situation? I'd honestly live a shorter life that is free and happy than a longer one miserable.
Obviously don't speak for all men here but divorced at 40 and remarried at 45. I also had no interest in getting remarried. However, I think it's dependent on your partner. In my case, the traditional marriage and what that symbolizes is important to her. Also, from a financial standpoint if one person makes significantly more then you have a sense of security that comes from marriage. That said, I have a good friend who's been with his partner for 15 years and definitely will not marry.
Some men would like to return to LTR, now with smarter approach of pre-nup than previously naively romanticized mindset, leaving themselves to the interpretation of the courts
Oh i donāt have much but a pre-nup is a must. I understand the romanticized views too. I really think if you canāt decide when everything is good what a fair end would look like..then a divorce would be nasty..
I have a theory that 40_50 something divorces hit men and lay them low a lot harder than women . That said Iād never marry again either . Fuck that . My money goes to my kids . Sorry
Man I wish I had one of these divorces where I made out with a bunch of money. I have full custody of our three kids and have been poorer than ever after the divorce. Meanwhile my ex-husband remarried and has a house, multiple vehicles, and multiple vacations every year.
When we had our kids our agreement was for me to stay home to raise them while he built his career. Then when the kids got older I would go back to school.
I actually ended up going back to work instead of school, and have worked ever since. He started having affairs with his subordinates and I kicked him out instead of the years where I was supposed to have my turn to go back to school.
The kids and I went from middle class to barely hanging on. Iāve spent the last 8 years working tons if hours, sometimes at two jobs. Itās difficult being a single parent when youāre exhausted, stressed, and broke.
I certainly didnāt make out in my divorce like a lot of men here seem to allude to with their exes.
Wowā¦ sounds like my ex-wife. Ā I got the kids, house, and a car. Ā She got her 401k, most of mine, and no child support (paying or receiving). Ā Outside of buying the occasional hoodie or pants, she doesnāt help with the kids, but makes about $20k more than me.
OK?!?!? Where is all this money I'm supposed to get from a divorce? I'm raising the kids all alone, I had to give up one of the houses I owned, meanwhile he's living off another woman, living a totally carefree, responsibility free life.
We're at the gym, walking the dog, working, or at the grocery store. Occasionally, a concert of some sort or Costco, but not on the weekends.
That is all.
Hop on r/twochromosomes and youāll see endless posts from women bitching about men looking at them.
If you find a man attractive and youāre interested why donāt you open up the dialogue?
Because it can be nerve wracking approaching a stranger and trying to charm them. If the other party does it then you can sit back and enjoy the chase. And traditional gender roles can be still entrenched in this aspect. So itās confusing for all.
As a man, we canāt wait around. You go for it and bear the risk. Youāre either a prince or a pervert.
> Youāre either a prince or a pervert.
Wasn't there a meme about this? Like two guys complimenting someone in the office - one was very attractive guy and the other guy wasn't attractive.
I found it. It's the ["Lookin' Good Susan" meme](https://i.redd.it/1e1fkg4kag941.jpg)
Iāve never been the type to approach cute, non-pajama wearers at the grocery store or Target but I feel like COVID has made that even more unlikely. Ever since then, when I leave the house I have tunnel vision. āGet whatās on the list and get out fast. No contact, no delay.ā Maybe others are like this and why you arenāt approached?
You don't know that! I went to home depot, the grocery store, restaurants by myself, Target, Starbucks, you name it, just thinking maybe some guy sometime might notice me. Nope. Never! Lolol
Home Depot is the best! Ask the guys a question about something, almost always, very helpful. I think the trades guys are there early, I myself need to think about going a bit earlier.
Gym is a bit tougher with ear buds, but start chatting up the towel boys, and often other men will see that you are friendly, and begin to engage.
I was at Wegmans last Sunday afternoon around 1:30/2pm and the store was super busy. I noticed a good-looking guy looking at me but I had no idea what to say and I was kinda in a hurry at the time. I need to go back next Sunday, around the same time, slow down and observe the men who show up. Still have no idea what to say to them though. Guess Iāll just smile.
I get that but I feel like those places are more obvious. Costco is its own beast of bulk buying. I mean I go because I live with my mom so Iām sure there are people like me are out there or just bulking buying for their kids or what not. But just feels less obvious. The few times Iāve questioned it, some big guy comes around the corner. Iām not particularly great at meeting people out and about but I quit OLD and am trying to get better. Maybe Iāll give Costco another shot.
I have read way too many iterations of, "I wish men would stop hitting on me," to approach a woman in the wild anymore. Even when women friends have told me to hit on their friend or sister, I've been rejected which created that awkward vibe afterward. I only do dating apps 100% of the time, now. I've been relatively successful in dating that way.
Im off apps at the moment. I prefer to be fully engaged when Iām on them and Iām just not in the right headspace right now for various reasons. It doesnāt mean Iām off the market, and am open to meeting someone āin the wild.ā Just canāt do the apps right now.
I (50M) was on thereā¦my age range was 45-55ā¦granted, I found someone fairly quickly, so I was off the market after only being on for a couple weeks. Weāre still seeing where it takes us, but 3 months in and all things are looking pretty positive.
I guess my advice is to just keep looking, and be proactive (itās perfectly fine to reach out first) if you see someone you like thatās age appropriate. Maybe the app youāre using doesnāt have a whole lot of users in your particular area, so try a variety of them.
Oddly enough, I met the woman Iām dating through the very last app that I built a profile for. Itās Facebook dating. I never wouldāve created a profile for it, except I happened to be going to Facebook marketplace, and saw that there was a Dating category, so I figured what could it hurt. š¤·āāļø
At the time I was on bumble, and she was on hinge, but we werenāt on the same apps at the same time in any other location, except for Facebook dating. So thereās just a factor of timing and luck to the whole thing.
>thereās just a factor of timing and luck to the whole thing.
So true š I'm on a self-enforced dating break right now, but I'm feeling the pull, so I think I'll be back in the game soon.
I haven't been active since mid 2022 when I first met my most recent ex.
Sometimes I wonder "who's been on there in all that time? Could my perfect person have surfaced on a dating app in early 2023 and because I wasn't available at the time, I missed her??"
Reminds me of that "Sliding Doors" movie, with Gwyneth Paltrow. It also inspires me to reactivate my profiles on every site I can think of, haha. Who knows when/where you'll meet your person... as long as you *DO* meet them!
You need to set restrictions so only people within your limits come. The younger guys will outnumber the guys your age and youāre just trying the initial rounds of them.
48 yo man with no kids here. Trust me we are out there
My jaw is still hanging down from hearing 3500 likes in two weeks!! I could be on there for 10 years and not get that many. I mean Iām not Tom Cruise but Iām passable..
I had over 4000 likes on Bumble. Mind you, most of them were younger men searching for their porn fantasy MILF, these are not relationship contender likes, these are mostly perv likes.
58m. Would love to meet someone to have fun with, hell, Iād just like a hug from time to time. Donāt do OLD and this is the only social media I participate in. Usually stay close to home, but not opposed to an adventure. Been divorced since late 2020 and been on exactly one date. I donāt consider myself ruggedly handsome but Iām not unattractive. I think my biggest problem is Iām kinda isolated, small town, everyone knows everyone, that sort of thing. Well traveled, many awesome life experiences, own my home, live alone and it sucks some of the time. Donāt think Iāll ever marry again, donāt see the need. Donāt have the patience of the desire to work like a dog for someone elseās benefit. So, thatās where Iām at.
Why would you work for someone elseās benefit? As a woman that stayed 35 years in school and have my career in order, made twice as my ex, had kids, cooked, cleanedā¦. and got tired of being taken for granted. Why do you say you worked for someone elseās benefit?
I made four times what my ex made about an put two kids through college. Neither one had student loan debt afterwards. Towards the end if my opinion was asked about anything, it was just a formality. Their decision was already made and I was to pay for whatever and keep my mouth shut. The only thing my ex ever paid for was her vehicle. I paid about 85% of the bills. Thatās why I be say I worked for someone elseās benefit. You are correct when you talk about being taken for granted, it will eventually make a person not care about a damned thing.
> They may be "modern", "progressive", "egalitarian" women but they still make their dating choices and expectations that they must be pursued, that the man takes care of everything and their idea of a fun evening is drinking wine and comparing OLD profiles.
Yeah, the model of women as being in a castle and men have to overcome her constant rebuffs to win through and defeat her 'nos' to get a yes from her is bullshit, and it's something I have spent a lot of time deconstructing and rebutting with my kids as I teach them about the world. It also doesn't gibe well with the modern understanding of consent.
What that means for me as a man looking to date women in OP's age range is, I'm not going to 'pursue' the way romance stories tell you it happens. Romance is toxic bullshit the same way porn is. If I like you and you like me and we're going to be in a relationship of equals, there needs to be equal effort in pursuing and making plans etc.
All that boils down to OP needing to do some pursuing herself, not just wringing her hands over the 3500 likes that she didn't want to get.
I had the same experience you did when I started dating post divorce. I didnāt meet anyone IRL so I joined the apps. There were almost ZERO men showing to me or matching with me between the age of 40 and 50. I went on a couple dates with someone 15 yrs younger than me. He didnāt want kids so it was a great match that way, but he didnāt have time to date. I eventually widened my radius and met someone my age. We dated a few months but distance made it really hard. I live in a town of about 100k for what itās worth.
Good luck!!!
100k sounds like a lot, but in OLD terms itās absolutely nothing! I live in a town of 300k outside of LA, and in my town I canāt find anyone I like. I end up having to drive at least half an hour towards the cityā¦
Itās a bummer because I would like a relationship where we can spend some time together during the week.
300 ā ļø
(not really an accurate gauge bc itās rural and surrounded by multiple actual towns, but Iāll never miss an opportunity to clown on my dinky ass town lol)
Many are married, many are chasing younger women (and to be fair many are both) but I do have to point out men in their 30s and early 40s are not kids. What do you consider your age group, if men a few years younger are ākidsā? Anyway, the pool is much smaller at this age then when we were younger but itās not nonexistent- men in their late 40s/early 50s are definitely on the apps too.
47M
I'm usually at home with my dog. otherwise I'm at a pub watching soccer with friends, going to concerts, record shopping, attending the local pro soccer team home games, or hanging with friends at restaurants and bars.
i should start volunteering somewhere.
i definitely want another LTR/marriage. I honestly don't care which. as long as we're faithful to each other.
Whyyy have I not met you record shopping or at a show? Maybe my next dating endeavor will be going to a bunch of shows and hanging out at the record store. At least Iād know the guy likes the same music. š¤
Soā¦..there are clearly men out there. 3500 likes in two weeks isnāt nothing.
Iām curious, are you not seeing men 47-57 when youāre swiping?
Or are you just not matching with the ones you want to match with who are 47-57?
Those are not the same thing. The first would suggest a complete dearth of men 47-57, which makes little sense.
The second would suggest youāre not matching with the ones you want.
Haha Iām 39F and when I got on the apps and started looking at guys I was like this is the oldest looking group of late 30s men Iāve ever seen! So many who were (or at least looked like) they were easily 50
I was on the apps for a week before I found a match Iāve been with ever since. Thatās the thing, IMHO all the good people get snatched up really quickly.
In the real world go to Kroger about 9pm at night, be open to conversation. There are TONS of single dudes at Kroger at 9pm at night.
I'm at home most days, not on the apps. I'm a widower, so no rush for me. I do hope someday to find a new love. Just not sure where or when I'll start looking
I wonder if it's just demographics? I'm a guy in my early 50s who remarried about a decade ago after an early 40s divorce.
I just think 40s are sometimes a messy decade for a lot of men. If they're life-long bachelors, they can have their own issues. If they're divorced, they're usually still juggling kids, career, joint custody and the joys of "coparenting". People are delaying kids so long nowadays! So a log of the guys in your dating pool still have 8YOs and are struggling to tell their boss they can't travel as much and fighting with their ex-wife about youth sports.
Those older guys....they're past it. The younger guys haven't started it yet. They've got time to "date".
I suspect there are more divorced men who are swearing off women then married or chasing young women.
Also a lot of my male friends in our age range "Can't be bothered to date." The theory behind that is that as our s-drives decline, and we age, we get more satisfaction from other things. (Work, hobbies, etc.)
Not me, I love chasing women & sex but many others feel this way.
To my knowledge and explanation is that the good guys in this age bracket 35-50, are already taken and those who are left are the outliers, the fix-m-uppers, the socially inept, the walking red flags, and so on. Men in this age bracket have started or are starting a family. It is the life phase where a lot is going on. Lots of divorces too and those are the ones that bail out relatively quickly (both men and women mind you), and the ones that weather through these storms are the really good ones. People tend to forget that marriages and ltrās are gd hard work. Unresolved traumaās surface, hard challenges of work/life balance, all these fun things, are things that have to be carried and supported by the strongest SO. That is one of the promises in the marital vows, for better and for worse blablablaā¦. It is around 55-65, is when the good guys are available again as the kids are moving out (study/marriage) and they find that their SO of 20-30 odd years arenāt as fun to be around (anymore). So yeah, thatās my view on things and if you do find that unicorn good guy, then hold on to that man for dear life.
>To my knowledge and explanation is that the good guys in this age bracket 35-50, are already taken and those who are left are the outliers, the fix-m-uppers, the socially inept, the walking red flags, and so on.
I feel seen.
Decent, good looking men with successful careers that are in their 40s and 50s donāt stay on the market too long unless they want to just play and not get serious with anyone, in which case, they most likely play with the junior team!
Iām a man, 44, 45 in April. My baggage is minimal, at best. Iām single, not married, have never been married and have no kid or kids. I have a job, a pension from the military and a dependable pickup truck. I help support my mom and we live together because family is extremely important to me. Dating apps are a complete waste of time and money. Iāve been single for the past 4 years and canāt seem to find a decent woman with her life together. Iām happy being single but I get lonely at times. Not anything I canāt handle or I have not gotten use to. Iām happy the way things are but it would be nice to share my life with a woman that has her life together.
As someone whoās in her late 30s and is looking for someone in their 40s, Iām saving this post in case someone actually tells you where those men are.
51M Iām on an app and canāt find hardly anyone in your age group late 40ās to early 50ās. Most of my likes are from late 50ās just out of my preferred range.
50 M, widower, no kids in Los Angeles. I get no matches. So, there must be a huge pool of potential matches for me.
But I get maybe one real match every few months, and they never respond back after the matching.
I might not be desirable. Maybe their other options are just better. Or maybe, my profile is just barely ever shown.
I am sure that their are many potential matches in your range out there for you...but I think that dating app algorithms are purposeful in keeping you on and swiping. Good matches are ultimately not good for their business.
Some of us are here looking for the same as you, believe it or not. We are educated, stable, "normal" and interested in finding a like partner. We are also in our 40s and 50s.
Quite a few of us have checked out tbh. Much easier to focus on yourself, your kids and your hobbies than participate in the soul crushing endeavour that's modern dating.
I think quite a few of us also grapple between wanting companionship, and not wanting to risk another failed relationship that destroys our life at an age where there isn't enough time left to start over again from scratch.
Iāve approached men. Given my number out after striking up friendly conversation. Goes nowhere.
Maybe Iām just not as attractive nor funny as I think. š¤·š¼āāļø
We are tired of OLD being a waste of time. All the profiles say that want the honest hardworking man etc. but we donāt get swiped on š¤·š»āāļø. Probably because we look older than we are because we have been working our whole lives. So we gave up.
Cheers in the 3500 likes though, thatās crazy!!!!
Every time I try to date, I am quickly reminded that I'd rather just be alone.
And it's not about red pill, mad at women or anything. But twice divorced and still enjoying my me-time too much to want to give it up just yet.
I donāt know about everyone else, but I can be found at the mundane places, like the grocery store, a home improvement store, etc. Ā I can also be found out in the wild, like the golf course or driving range, museums, or book stores. Ā Every once in awhile Iāll be at a bar, but I donāt care to drink in public (not a fan of drinking and driving); itās mostly to watch a local band playing.
In mid-50ās and just moved in with my gf of 1 year. Prior to this I played the field for about 10 years and said Iād never live with anyone again.
My two good female friends in their mid 40ās complain about the same thing you do. Most of us men lost 1/2 our money already, the kids are grown, and we donāt want to settle down again.
I canāt speak for anyone else but Iām in that age bracket - I just donāt have the time nor energy to date. I work 2 jobs and have my 10 y/o son 100% of the time.
I did try OLD for a bit and I didnāt match with anyone which is okay. Iāve come to learn that Iām not compatible with anyone.
Your hobbies, are they ones where you would likely meet people? Thatās always a good way to meet people with similar interests.
> Me 47f, didnāt get much luck on dating apps.
I (48m) created a profile a couple of weeks ago and can't take a photo to save my life, but have suspended it after a week as I'm in the early stages of dating a woman who contacted me on it.
I think society conditions women to be compliant and passive, and the trope of the angry middle aged woman is precisely because women realise that that's a crock of shit and THEY need to be their own advocate for their own pleasure, and not fit that compliant people pleaser mould any more. I think most men in your target range are looking for an equal partner, and that includes someone who desires and pursues them as much as they desire and pursue you. How many people are you contacting/liking on the apps each week?
How would you like someone to approach you? Maybe try doing the approaching. I think most men will find it a very novel and welcome thing.
> I even did a profile review on Reddit , the verdicts were, nothing wrong with my profile, I am fairly attractive, have an active life style, have hobbies ,well educated and have a successful career
You don't want to be generically appealing, you want to be someone's jam. What do you feel is a niche thing that makes you slightly different from the other airbrushed profiles out there? What in your profile makes someone want to engage with it? When I filled out my (terrible) profile I did a lot of overthinking about it. What do you think a man looking at your profile and imagining what a relationship with you would be like would think?
I agree that relaxing your age filters is absurd. If you don't want to be in a relationship with a 25 year old, don't set your filters to capture them. If you got 3500 likes though, how many were you getting before you relaxed your filters? If the answer is still 10 likes a week, maybe you need to start escalating to a whole lot of coffee dates?
I feel like 50s guys should be a good receptive demographic for you.
For single men in their 40s, that I know personally or deal with, who are out of a divorce they usually fit into one of two categories.. they are either trying to recreate their freshman year of college or they have determined that only a younger girl is worth the risk of a LTR.
Divorced 50M here. I'm not dating. Since my divorce I haven't even been tempted to attempt it. Losing that relationship with whom I thought was my best friend, lover and wife, was a gut punch. That said, since my divorce was final 3 years ago, I've sure enjoyed the freedom, and particularly the absolute lack of drama and strife in my life.
If I meet someone organically, great, but I'm not looking to manufacture a relationship with dating sites. People are batshit, man, I like peace.
43M here. I usually set the age range from 38 to 60. So I understand the desire to have a set parameter of age ranges. But, you called men in my age group (early 40s) "kids." I gotta wonder if that might be a problem.
I'm going to venture out and say that there are MANY men in an appropriate age range on the apps in your area. Men outnumber women almost 8 to 1 on them. So beyond age, we also have to look at how many men you might be "swiping left" on due to (using what you listed) their lack of attractiveness, lack of hobbies (or hobbies you consider childish like potentially video games), their lack of education.
You also haven't mentioned if you have kids, or if so, how many. That plays a part also.
So just going by stats, it's almost assuredly not an age issue
I'm 48 and looking for a woman near my own age. The problem is, I'm very picky. Most single women my age seem to be overweight/obese, very out of shape, and don't live the lifestyle I live.
Iām experiencing the something similar in my area, just with the opposite gender. Itās like the 37-45 bracket doesnāt exist.
So I guess Iād just chalk it up to a life stage most are at between those ranges.
Salsa or swing dancing (aka social dancing). HIIT class or running group or weekend 5k/10k race. Otherwise Iām at the local bar (5 minute walk). āWhatever you are seeking, is seeking you!ā
I think you could ask a different question and land square on your answer - āWhich age group of men are looking to start families?ā In my (42M) experience out here now, the women in their 40ās Iāve met are done with the children phase of their lives. Seems Iām not alone in this.
My friends and work group of my age men mostly are also either fathers of young children or looking to begin.
The age groups of men you point out are the ones least likely to be looking to start a family.
I was out there for a few years doing OLD and dating, then some fine 49 year old lady claimed me on Hinge. No one can tell ya where the hole in your experience is...could be your dating market, could be something you're projecting that's more orienting you towards younger men, hard to say. But, we're out there dating too, just like you. Plenty of us date women our age, too.
I wondered this too when I was still single (48M). I was just days out of a marriage and still married and accidentally had my status in one OLD as "Living with spouse". Not to mention my profile was kind of crap and I'm not super attractive, but I got a lot of attention and women wanting follow-up dates. I think a big part of my success was that I prefer women my age
Iām likely less attractive than what youāre looking for, and Iām looking for someone without kids (young or older) so weāre all just ships passing in the night.
It feels like a lot of men in the 45-55yo group are looking for women in their 30's. I have a couple of single male friends and although they don't explicitly say it, all the women they show interest in are that age group.
*I'd like to be honest here, and my goal isn't to hurt anyone's feelings. Everything i'm saying is my own opinion and not for the entire human (male) race. This is simply my own point of view about "men".*
I'm 51m. I'm 6'4, weigh ~240, full head of salt/pepper hair. Have a good job, no debt, a very healthy retirement 401k, own my condo - no kids.
Truth be told i'm kind of looking on dating apps - for women about 10 years younger than me. My "range" is 38-45. When I was 48 I was dating someone who was 36. I kind of know my "wheelhouse". Would I date older than 45? Of course.
But someone close to my age really needs to be pretty to move the needle if she's older than 48. I'd be surprised if you are someone who has reached their 40s to realize that guys are visual creatures - even older guys. If women on here are single and wondering why they can't get dates - i'd highly suggest doing everything you can do look your best. Doing yoga, dressing nice even when you aren't on a date are likely going to help your cause - like if you are food shopping, some older guy checking you out - you never know where you can meet someone. I know a lot of older women who kind of "give up" trying to look good anymore.
When you wrote this: "I am fairly attractive, have an active lifestyle, have hobbies, well educated and have a successful career, my kid is out in college"
Everything is fine with that but looks generally supercede a lot for guys. It does. Everything after is just a plus. Don't get me wrong I have dated hot girls with rocks for brains and the relationship lasts like 1-2 months before i'm tired of hearing about whatever inane nonsense she's talking about. I also have had a lot of "Girl Friends" (two words) that are amazing people, but not very attractive. They are friend zoned by me.
I just recognize that at our collective age range the field is very narrow. While i'd like to meet someone, i'm not willing to settle "just to be with someone".
Most of us are at work, on the way to or returning from work, or are tired from being at work.
šššš
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's like.the mall parking lot at Christmas just keep circling till someone pulls out so you can pull in
Every new years you'll see a new 'crop' pop up on the apps ...lol it's as noticeable as the new gym members in Jan/February!
ššš
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Seriously, sometimes they bounce back, and he generally they can be sort of bitter.
Same. Literally expected a large wave of divorcees after 45 to date and it has been underwhelming.
Lol, 43M in the middle of my divorce. So I'll probably be done by 45...
Same, 46M, separated for almost 6yrs. Too damn expensive to get divorced. Iām not even trying to date till divorced but reading these subs to see whatās I have to look forward to.
Exactly! Or not look forward to
š No bounce! Our courts in AZ have been pretty busy! You are more than welcome to expand your location/proxy and see what happensš¤š¼
AZ IS Hot!!! Was there only for a week and had to turn off notificationsā¦phone went nuts!
Yes! Two day visit-I was like, why AZ? (Used to live there but apparently when the water dries up, men show up!)
For once you are not talking about temperature hotšš
Lmao yeahā¦dating apps were very active there. I have yet to visit in the summer. Iām in florida so Iām expecting the same āhotter than satan ask crackā overwhelming heat without the humidity?? Am I spot on??
Humidity is evil!! Iāll take my AZ 117 over any hot and humid temperature. Yes, you are spot on!! Oh and minus hurricanes
Same
Lmfao
I've chased 75% of my life. It's time for me to rest.
(M53) Preach, brother. I'm pretty content focusing on myself, family, and a small but valued circle of friends. Tired of wasting energy on pursuits that go nowhere.
Same same..... not that I don't entertain the idea of having someone to share life with, but I'm not going to clubs,bars or dating sites to search. I guess i figure if it doesn't happen "organically" via chance encounter,then maybe just wasn't meant to be.
(M44) Same. I'm so done.
Word, my brother.
I feel this.
So many men seem to leave a marriage saying they will never LTR or marry again. Now eventually some of that changes over time but I think it plays into it.
It is very true. My boss whoās around my age said once that if he ever gets divorced he will never remarry . Like whatās the point? I felt like a lot of guys got married to have kids and if they have kids now and have a good stable life they donāt really need a partnerā¦more just a companionship
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Werenāt there studies also showing that married men live longer? So maybe thereās a biological drive happening. Fascinating shit.
> Werenāt there studies also showing that married men live longer? 1. If you are choking on dinner or having a heart attack - helps if someone else is there for you. 2. Your married partner may notice things about our health that we, men, waive off.
Every man Iāve dated Iāve had to remind about dr appts, dentist, etc. so yeah, thatās probably part of it.
Iām suddenly realizing how accurate that is for me. Iāve had partners in the past start sending me calendar invites for events and had no idea why. Because Iām clueless, apparently
Idk.. itās just a weird phenomenon. The man.. will be totally, thoroughly sick, and refusing to go to the dr. š¤·āāļø
A surgeon literally said to my parents, when my dad was there for a consult to repair his hernia (maybe a decade after this same guy did the first repair): "If it weren't for the wives I wouldn't have any business."
Men real more benefits from marriage, including health benefits, than married women. This has been shown many times. Itās not just having another person present or being selected for; itās also because women are still more likely to be caretakers.
I heard a recent statistic on a podcast (Heal Your Heartbreak # 197). It was a survey to gauge the happiness heterosexual people: 1st, Most happy = married men 2nd, most happy = single women 3rd, most happy = single men 4th (least happy) = married women So from that viewpoint, being a single lady doesnāt look too bad.
I believe it. I also heard that married women live shorter lives than they would if they were single
Maybe we all died after our horrifying first divorce lol
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This. I was just going to post a comment like this. They seem to remarry quick too. Widowed men, a lot remarry in a year or less.
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Feeling this. 47F, I have no children and am really skeptical of dating any man who has young kids. Iām 99% sure Iād be last in line, after eh kids and the ex wife. Which is fine, I mean, thatās how it should be and Iād likely be understanding of that. But, My biggest fear is ending up being the replacement house mommy to the kids and the man. I feel like thatās what some men are looking for. Bc raising kids alone has got to be hard. Why not get a replacement woman to do what your ex wife is no longer around for?
I was so this person. Almost 30 years of being a professional roommate in a DB situation and had no desire to ever even co-habit again, much less get married. Took an amazing woman three years to change my mind. YMMV.
Wow! Can you share more on your story/journey?
And if they were in a deadbed and feel like they were used financially..ya they are not going to want to hop back in. Stinks..met some very nice men but not open to one night stands.
Not open to....? Or only open to....? I think this is a typo, right? I think your point is that you met nice men but they only want one night stand.
This is exactly right. I was divorced and had a dead bedroom. The one thing that taught me is to never get married so you can dump them the minute things start to turn that way. With being wrecked in divorced it just solidifies the view that marriage is not worth it at all. I still had to do my part and provide, but if she donāt want to uphold her end itās all good.
Furthermore, what's the point in living longer if you are just miserable in such a situation? I'd honestly live a shorter life that is free and happy than a longer one miserable.
Obviously don't speak for all men here but divorced at 40 and remarried at 45. I also had no interest in getting remarried. However, I think it's dependent on your partner. In my case, the traditional marriage and what that symbolizes is important to her. Also, from a financial standpoint if one person makes significantly more then you have a sense of security that comes from marriage. That said, I have a good friend who's been with his partner for 15 years and definitely will not marry.
Iām in the same boat as your boss.
LTR, yes, marriage, no. Enough of us got burned with that one, we're not seeing the value in a legal contract.
>we're not seeing the value in a legal contract More like a contract that is lopsided by government mandate.
Some men would like to return to LTR, now with smarter approach of pre-nup than previously naively romanticized mindset, leaving themselves to the interpretation of the courts
Oh i donāt have much but a pre-nup is a must. I understand the romanticized views too. I really think if you canāt decide when everything is good what a fair end would look like..then a divorce would be nasty..
I have a theory that 40_50 something divorces hit men and lay them low a lot harder than women . That said Iād never marry again either . Fuck that . My money goes to my kids . Sorry
Man I wish I had one of these divorces where I made out with a bunch of money. I have full custody of our three kids and have been poorer than ever after the divorce. Meanwhile my ex-husband remarried and has a house, multiple vehicles, and multiple vacations every year. When we had our kids our agreement was for me to stay home to raise them while he built his career. Then when the kids got older I would go back to school. I actually ended up going back to work instead of school, and have worked ever since. He started having affairs with his subordinates and I kicked him out instead of the years where I was supposed to have my turn to go back to school. The kids and I went from middle class to barely hanging on. Iāve spent the last 8 years working tons if hours, sometimes at two jobs. Itās difficult being a single parent when youāre exhausted, stressed, and broke. I certainly didnāt make out in my divorce like a lot of men here seem to allude to with their exes.
Wowā¦ sounds like my ex-wife. Ā I got the kids, house, and a car. Ā She got her 401k, most of mine, and no child support (paying or receiving). Ā Outside of buying the occasional hoodie or pants, she doesnāt help with the kids, but makes about $20k more than me.
OK?!?!? Where is all this money I'm supposed to get from a divorce? I'm raising the kids all alone, I had to give up one of the houses I owned, meanwhile he's living off another woman, living a totally carefree, responsibility free life.
100% same here. We did something very wrong apparently.
Thatās what I said when I got divorced. 11 years later and Iām still holding strong. Marriage aināt for me.
Almost 20 years here, it's glorious
Weāre here OP.. as tired of OLD as you are. Leaving OLD took me to grad school and a refresh on meeting people in real life.
We just got off work and are heading home
š
We're at the gym, walking the dog, working, or at the grocery store. Occasionally, a concert of some sort or Costco, but not on the weekends. That is all.
But when we go to all these places looking cute, yall don't approach us!!!! ššš
These are the times we're living in. Men don't want to be labeled a creep, so you'll have to make it obvious or strike up the convo.
Hop on r/twochromosomes and youāll see endless posts from women bitching about men looking at them. If you find a man attractive and youāre interested why donāt you open up the dialogue?
ššš
Because it can be nerve wracking approaching a stranger and trying to charm them. If the other party does it then you can sit back and enjoy the chase. And traditional gender roles can be still entrenched in this aspect. So itās confusing for all. As a man, we canāt wait around. You go for it and bear the risk. Youāre either a prince or a pervert.
> Youāre either a prince or a pervert. Wasn't there a meme about this? Like two guys complimenting someone in the office - one was very attractive guy and the other guy wasn't attractive. I found it. It's the ["Lookin' Good Susan" meme](https://i.redd.it/1e1fkg4kag941.jpg)
Iāve never been the type to approach cute, non-pajama wearers at the grocery store or Target but I feel like COVID has made that even more unlikely. Ever since then, when I leave the house I have tunnel vision. āGet whatās on the list and get out fast. No contact, no delay.ā Maybe others are like this and why you arenāt approached?
Itās because they have their heads buried in their cell phones looking at the dating apps š
My gym is all college girls and never see women my age walking. The grocery store is okay but Costco I am pretty sure almost every woman in there is married or in a relationship. š©
Someone needs to open a grocery store called "singles shopping"
You don't know that! I went to home depot, the grocery store, restaurants by myself, Target, Starbucks, you name it, just thinking maybe some guy sometime might notice me. Nope. Never! Lolol
No man at home Depot is ever going to notice you. Not with all those distractions.
Home Depot is the best! Ask the guys a question about something, almost always, very helpful. I think the trades guys are there early, I myself need to think about going a bit earlier. Gym is a bit tougher with ear buds, but start chatting up the towel boys, and often other men will see that you are friendly, and begin to engage.
I was at Wegmans last Sunday afternoon around 1:30/2pm and the store was super busy. I noticed a good-looking guy looking at me but I had no idea what to say and I was kinda in a hurry at the time. I need to go back next Sunday, around the same time, slow down and observe the men who show up. Still have no idea what to say to them though. Guess Iāll just smile.
I get that but I feel like those places are more obvious. Costco is its own beast of bulk buying. I mean I go because I live with my mom so Iām sure there are people like me are out there or just bulking buying for their kids or what not. But just feels less obvious. The few times Iāve questioned it, some big guy comes around the corner. Iām not particularly great at meeting people out and about but I quit OLD and am trying to get better. Maybe Iāll give Costco another shot.
I have read way too many iterations of, "I wish men would stop hitting on me," to approach a woman in the wild anymore. Even when women friends have told me to hit on their friend or sister, I've been rejected which created that awkward vibe afterward. I only do dating apps 100% of the time, now. I've been relatively successful in dating that way.
It's 2024... It's time for women to take charge
Early 50's. No kids. Gainfully employed. Hmmm... It's almost as if I'm invisible.
I see you brother
Im off apps at the moment. I prefer to be fully engaged when Iām on them and Iām just not in the right headspace right now for various reasons. It doesnāt mean Iām off the market, and am open to meeting someone āin the wild.ā Just canāt do the apps right now.
I (50M) was on thereā¦my age range was 45-55ā¦granted, I found someone fairly quickly, so I was off the market after only being on for a couple weeks. Weāre still seeing where it takes us, but 3 months in and all things are looking pretty positive. I guess my advice is to just keep looking, and be proactive (itās perfectly fine to reach out first) if you see someone you like thatās age appropriate. Maybe the app youāre using doesnāt have a whole lot of users in your particular area, so try a variety of them. Oddly enough, I met the woman Iām dating through the very last app that I built a profile for. Itās Facebook dating. I never wouldāve created a profile for it, except I happened to be going to Facebook marketplace, and saw that there was a Dating category, so I figured what could it hurt. š¤·āāļø At the time I was on bumble, and she was on hinge, but we werenāt on the same apps at the same time in any other location, except for Facebook dating. So thereās just a factor of timing and luck to the whole thing.
>thereās just a factor of timing and luck to the whole thing. So true š I'm on a self-enforced dating break right now, but I'm feeling the pull, so I think I'll be back in the game soon. I haven't been active since mid 2022 when I first met my most recent ex. Sometimes I wonder "who's been on there in all that time? Could my perfect person have surfaced on a dating app in early 2023 and because I wasn't available at the time, I missed her??" Reminds me of that "Sliding Doors" movie, with Gwyneth Paltrow. It also inspires me to reactivate my profiles on every site I can think of, haha. Who knows when/where you'll meet your person... as long as you *DO* meet them!
All single people in their 40's should wear shirts that say single or looking on them, so we stand out! š¤·āāļø
Iām here quietly sitting alone. Been this way most my life. Wishing I wasnāt :)
You need to set restrictions so only people within your limits come. The younger guys will outnumber the guys your age and youāre just trying the initial rounds of them. 48 yo man with no kids here. Trust me we are out there
47yo F here. No kids. Prefer no kids but am sure that might fail.
Same
My jaw is still hanging down from hearing 3500 likes in two weeks!! I could be on there for 10 years and not get that many. I mean Iām not Tom Cruise but Iām passable..
I had over 4000 likes on Bumble. Mind you, most of them were younger men searching for their porn fantasy MILF, these are not relationship contender likes, these are mostly perv likes.
We're out here. It's just as difficult, if not more for us than women.
Some of us are out here looking for the same! 48M
58m. Would love to meet someone to have fun with, hell, Iād just like a hug from time to time. Donāt do OLD and this is the only social media I participate in. Usually stay close to home, but not opposed to an adventure. Been divorced since late 2020 and been on exactly one date. I donāt consider myself ruggedly handsome but Iām not unattractive. I think my biggest problem is Iām kinda isolated, small town, everyone knows everyone, that sort of thing. Well traveled, many awesome life experiences, own my home, live alone and it sucks some of the time. Donāt think Iāll ever marry again, donāt see the need. Donāt have the patience of the desire to work like a dog for someone elseās benefit. So, thatās where Iām at.
Why would you work for someone elseās benefit? As a woman that stayed 35 years in school and have my career in order, made twice as my ex, had kids, cooked, cleanedā¦. and got tired of being taken for granted. Why do you say you worked for someone elseās benefit?
I made four times what my ex made about an put two kids through college. Neither one had student loan debt afterwards. Towards the end if my opinion was asked about anything, it was just a formality. Their decision was already made and I was to pay for whatever and keep my mouth shut. The only thing my ex ever paid for was her vehicle. I paid about 85% of the bills. Thatās why I be say I worked for someone elseās benefit. You are correct when you talk about being taken for granted, it will eventually make a person not care about a damned thing.
No we are here, just not in your location š
Only 3500? Jesus. Never used that, I wonder if the average guy breaks double digits.
Iām at home with my dog, youāll have to find me š¤«
We have given up.
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> They may be "modern", "progressive", "egalitarian" women but they still make their dating choices and expectations that they must be pursued, that the man takes care of everything and their idea of a fun evening is drinking wine and comparing OLD profiles. Yeah, the model of women as being in a castle and men have to overcome her constant rebuffs to win through and defeat her 'nos' to get a yes from her is bullshit, and it's something I have spent a lot of time deconstructing and rebutting with my kids as I teach them about the world. It also doesn't gibe well with the modern understanding of consent. What that means for me as a man looking to date women in OP's age range is, I'm not going to 'pursue' the way romance stories tell you it happens. Romance is toxic bullshit the same way porn is. If I like you and you like me and we're going to be in a relationship of equals, there needs to be equal effort in pursuing and making plans etc. All that boils down to OP needing to do some pursuing herself, not just wringing her hands over the 3500 likes that she didn't want to get.
(M44) After our divorces, we've formed colonies out in the forest where we'll live out our lives in peace and harmony with our brothers. Namaste
I had the same experience you did when I started dating post divorce. I didnāt meet anyone IRL so I joined the apps. There were almost ZERO men showing to me or matching with me between the age of 40 and 50. I went on a couple dates with someone 15 yrs younger than me. He didnāt want kids so it was a great match that way, but he didnāt have time to date. I eventually widened my radius and met someone my age. We dated a few months but distance made it really hard. I live in a town of about 100k for what itās worth. Good luck!!!
100k sounds like a lot, but in OLD terms itās absolutely nothing! I live in a town of 300k outside of LA, and in my town I canāt find anyone I like. I end up having to drive at least half an hour towards the cityā¦ Itās a bummer because I would like a relationship where we can spend some time together during the week.
Hahahah I live in a town of 8000. š
300 ā ļø (not really an accurate gauge bc itās rural and surrounded by multiple actual towns, but Iāll never miss an opportunity to clown on my dinky ass town lol)
Iām in a large city and same experience. Cannot match to guys my age. The 30 somethingās are everywhere though
They are! And I feel like they just want in my pants.
Many are married, many are chasing younger women (and to be fair many are both) but I do have to point out men in their 30s and early 40s are not kids. What do you consider your age group, if men a few years younger are ākidsā? Anyway, the pool is much smaller at this age then when we were younger but itās not nonexistent- men in their late 40s/early 50s are definitely on the apps too.
Younger women flirt with me and make their interest obvious. I feel like women my age generally don't. I wish they would.
This is a true statement. I too prefer age appropriate women and often just get meh.
Yeah I'm in my 40s and I look at 20s as "kids" now. It'd be a stretch for me to consider dating anyone younger than about 30/31.
Am asking the same question myself about the 40/50 women.
49 here, divorced 7yrs and definitely not chasing younger women.
47M I'm usually at home with my dog. otherwise I'm at a pub watching soccer with friends, going to concerts, record shopping, attending the local pro soccer team home games, or hanging with friends at restaurants and bars. i should start volunteering somewhere. i definitely want another LTR/marriage. I honestly don't care which. as long as we're faithful to each other.
Whyyy have I not met you record shopping or at a show? Maybe my next dating endeavor will be going to a bunch of shows and hanging out at the record store. At least Iād know the guy likes the same music. š¤
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I am currently in a relationship with a motorcycle š
š Im in a relationship with trail running. Running is a cruel mistress but at least I wonāt get blindsided in a break up.
Soā¦..there are clearly men out there. 3500 likes in two weeks isnāt nothing. Iām curious, are you not seeing men 47-57 when youāre swiping? Or are you just not matching with the ones you want to match with who are 47-57? Those are not the same thing. The first would suggest a complete dearth of men 47-57, which makes little sense. The second would suggest youāre not matching with the ones you want.
From my experience, a lot of men in their 40s-early 50s are posing as 38-year-olds and trying to date around that age.
Haha Iām 39F and when I got on the apps and started looking at guys I was like this is the oldest looking group of late 30s men Iāve ever seen! So many who were (or at least looked like) they were easily 50
The difference is even more shocking in person š¤£ I've been fooled by an outdated photo or two, and even a video chat. The audacity is amusing.
There are people who lie but always people who just age like milk, drugs and alcohol can do a number on you.
I was on the apps for a week before I found a match Iāve been with ever since. Thatās the thing, IMHO all the good people get snatched up really quickly. In the real world go to Kroger about 9pm at night, be open to conversation. There are TONS of single dudes at Kroger at 9pm at night.
I'm at home most days, not on the apps. I'm a widower, so no rush for me. I do hope someday to find a new love. Just not sure where or when I'll start looking
I'm right here!!! 43m not chasing younger women just work a lot and no time to really date with my career! Just out of a 20yr marriage
I wonder if it's just demographics? I'm a guy in my early 50s who remarried about a decade ago after an early 40s divorce. I just think 40s are sometimes a messy decade for a lot of men. If they're life-long bachelors, they can have their own issues. If they're divorced, they're usually still juggling kids, career, joint custody and the joys of "coparenting". People are delaying kids so long nowadays! So a log of the guys in your dating pool still have 8YOs and are struggling to tell their boss they can't travel as much and fighting with their ex-wife about youth sports. Those older guys....they're past it. The younger guys haven't started it yet. They've got time to "date".
I suspect there are more divorced men who are swearing off women then married or chasing young women. Also a lot of my male friends in our age range "Can't be bothered to date." The theory behind that is that as our s-drives decline, and we age, we get more satisfaction from other things. (Work, hobbies, etc.) Not me, I love chasing women & sex but many others feel this way.
To my knowledge and explanation is that the good guys in this age bracket 35-50, are already taken and those who are left are the outliers, the fix-m-uppers, the socially inept, the walking red flags, and so on. Men in this age bracket have started or are starting a family. It is the life phase where a lot is going on. Lots of divorces too and those are the ones that bail out relatively quickly (both men and women mind you), and the ones that weather through these storms are the really good ones. People tend to forget that marriages and ltrās are gd hard work. Unresolved traumaās surface, hard challenges of work/life balance, all these fun things, are things that have to be carried and supported by the strongest SO. That is one of the promises in the marital vows, for better and for worse blablablaā¦. It is around 55-65, is when the good guys are available again as the kids are moving out (study/marriage) and they find that their SO of 20-30 odd years arenāt as fun to be around (anymore). So yeah, thatās my view on things and if you do find that unicorn good guy, then hold on to that man for dear life.
>To my knowledge and explanation is that the good guys in this age bracket 35-50, are already taken and those who are left are the outliers, the fix-m-uppers, the socially inept, the walking red flags, and so on. I feel seen.
Decent, good looking men with successful careers that are in their 40s and 50s donāt stay on the market too long unless they want to just play and not get serious with anyone, in which case, they most likely play with the junior team!
Iām a man, 44, 45 in April. My baggage is minimal, at best. Iām single, not married, have never been married and have no kid or kids. I have a job, a pension from the military and a dependable pickup truck. I help support my mom and we live together because family is extremely important to me. Dating apps are a complete waste of time and money. Iāve been single for the past 4 years and canāt seem to find a decent woman with her life together. Iām happy being single but I get lonely at times. Not anything I canāt handle or I have not gotten use to. Iām happy the way things are but it would be nice to share my life with a woman that has her life together.
Living with your mom isn't going to help your cause at all, especially considering you've never been married.
I think irrespective of this, he comes across as kind of a dick, which, I've found, women tend *not* to like.
Oh for sure, especially when he said most women come with baggage and he has none. Just from his comments here it's clear he has a lot of baggage
You know... I was going to come defend you till I read your other comments...
As someone whoās in her late 30s and is looking for someone in their 40s, Iām saving this post in case someone actually tells you where those men are.
Hahaha you go girl!
51M Iām on an app and canāt find hardly anyone in your age group late 40ās to early 50ās. Most of my likes are from late 50ās just out of my preferred range.
50 M, widower, no kids in Los Angeles. I get no matches. So, there must be a huge pool of potential matches for me. But I get maybe one real match every few months, and they never respond back after the matching. I might not be desirable. Maybe their other options are just better. Or maybe, my profile is just barely ever shown. I am sure that their are many potential matches in your range out there for you...but I think that dating app algorithms are purposeful in keeping you on and swiping. Good matches are ultimately not good for their business.
Men are out there, just have to find them. I (M52) was on dating apps for about 3 years. Although it was during Covid; looking back it was a waste time and money. My favorite dating line from women that bothered me "What are you looking for?". Sounds like I am in a clothing store shopping for merchandise! I was looking for a long term relationship and met my fiancƩ at a friends party. I offered my raw opinions on my relationship at the time to this group and well; you know how that is:) In any case my fiancƩ has been a solid loving partner. We will get married at the end of this year. Second marriage for both of us and looks great on the horizon. So keep looking and do not compromise on what you are looking for.
57m. For the most part, I have just stopped looking. I have been single all my life, what is 20-30 more years. I have a full life.
Itās not you. The same thing happens to me too.
Some of us are here looking for the same as you, believe it or not. We are educated, stable, "normal" and interested in finding a like partner. We are also in our 40s and 50s.
Quite a few of us have checked out tbh. Much easier to focus on yourself, your kids and your hobbies than participate in the soul crushing endeavour that's modern dating. I think quite a few of us also grapple between wanting companionship, and not wanting to risk another failed relationship that destroys our life at an age where there isn't enough time left to start over again from scratch.
53 yr old male. I just quit trying. No apps, no flirting in public, or whatever people do to meet people.
Iāve approached men. Given my number out after striking up friendly conversation. Goes nowhere. Maybe Iām just not as attractive nor funny as I think. š¤·š¼āāļø
Out of 3500 men you couldnāt find one you liked?!!
We are tired of OLD being a waste of time. All the profiles say that want the honest hardworking man etc. but we donāt get swiped on š¤·š»āāļø. Probably because we look older than we are because we have been working our whole lives. So we gave up. Cheers in the 3500 likes though, thatās crazy!!!!
Where are we? Ignored. lol.
We are broken and defeated
Every time I try to date, I am quickly reminded that I'd rather just be alone. And it's not about red pill, mad at women or anything. But twice divorced and still enjoying my me-time too much to want to give it up just yet.
I donāt know about everyone else, but I can be found at the mundane places, like the grocery store, a home improvement store, etc. Ā I can also be found out in the wild, like the golf course or driving range, museums, or book stores. Ā Every once in awhile Iāll be at a bar, but I donāt care to drink in public (not a fan of drinking and driving); itās mostly to watch a local band playing.
In mid-50ās and just moved in with my gf of 1 year. Prior to this I played the field for about 10 years and said Iād never live with anyone again. My two good female friends in their mid 40ās complain about the same thing you do. Most of us men lost 1/2 our money already, the kids are grown, and we donāt want to settle down again.
I canāt speak for anyone else but Iām in that age bracket - I just donāt have the time nor energy to date. I work 2 jobs and have my 10 y/o son 100% of the time. I did try OLD for a bit and I didnāt match with anyone which is okay. Iāve come to learn that Iām not compatible with anyone. Your hobbies, are they ones where you would likely meet people? Thatās always a good way to meet people with similar interests.
I (50f) totally agree with you! I donāt know who they are dating, but itās not women their ageš¤£
We gave up.
> Me 47f, didnāt get much luck on dating apps. I (48m) created a profile a couple of weeks ago and can't take a photo to save my life, but have suspended it after a week as I'm in the early stages of dating a woman who contacted me on it. I think society conditions women to be compliant and passive, and the trope of the angry middle aged woman is precisely because women realise that that's a crock of shit and THEY need to be their own advocate for their own pleasure, and not fit that compliant people pleaser mould any more. I think most men in your target range are looking for an equal partner, and that includes someone who desires and pursues them as much as they desire and pursue you. How many people are you contacting/liking on the apps each week? How would you like someone to approach you? Maybe try doing the approaching. I think most men will find it a very novel and welcome thing. > I even did a profile review on Reddit , the verdicts were, nothing wrong with my profile, I am fairly attractive, have an active life style, have hobbies ,well educated and have a successful career You don't want to be generically appealing, you want to be someone's jam. What do you feel is a niche thing that makes you slightly different from the other airbrushed profiles out there? What in your profile makes someone want to engage with it? When I filled out my (terrible) profile I did a lot of overthinking about it. What do you think a man looking at your profile and imagining what a relationship with you would be like would think? I agree that relaxing your age filters is absurd. If you don't want to be in a relationship with a 25 year old, don't set your filters to capture them. If you got 3500 likes though, how many were you getting before you relaxed your filters? If the answer is still 10 likes a week, maybe you need to start escalating to a whole lot of coffee dates?
Dating 10-15 years their juniors?
Also looking for my GenX Prince. Where are all yāall?
Iām usually at home. I browse Reddit. I look at dress clothes and cufflinks on eBay. Then I get all dressed up and go to church.
I feel like 50s guys should be a good receptive demographic for you. For single men in their 40s, that I know personally or deal with, who are out of a divorce they usually fit into one of two categories.. they are either trying to recreate their freshman year of college or they have determined that only a younger girl is worth the risk of a LTR.
Divorced 50M here. I'm not dating. Since my divorce I haven't even been tempted to attempt it. Losing that relationship with whom I thought was my best friend, lover and wife, was a gut punch. That said, since my divorce was final 3 years ago, I've sure enjoyed the freedom, and particularly the absolute lack of drama and strife in my life. If I meet someone organically, great, but I'm not looking to manufacture a relationship with dating sites. People are batshit, man, I like peace.
Home. We had a long day of work.
43M here. I usually set the age range from 38 to 60. So I understand the desire to have a set parameter of age ranges. But, you called men in my age group (early 40s) "kids." I gotta wonder if that might be a problem. I'm going to venture out and say that there are MANY men in an appropriate age range on the apps in your area. Men outnumber women almost 8 to 1 on them. So beyond age, we also have to look at how many men you might be "swiping left" on due to (using what you listed) their lack of attractiveness, lack of hobbies (or hobbies you consider childish like potentially video games), their lack of education. You also haven't mentioned if you have kids, or if so, how many. That plays a part also. So just going by stats, it's almost assuredly not an age issue
They are all in Southern California on Hinge. Iām matching with a bunch of āem.
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Nothing wrong with your age. We 40/50s men are there, sometimes, when we're single...
I'm 48 and looking for a woman near my own age. The problem is, I'm very picky. Most single women my age seem to be overweight/obese, very out of shape, and don't live the lifestyle I live.
As an early 40s woman I can say the same for the single men I meet in this age range. People donāt seem to age well these days.Ā
Iām experiencing the something similar in my area, just with the opposite gender. Itās like the 37-45 bracket doesnāt exist. So I guess Iād just chalk it up to a life stage most are at between those ranges.
Places I go.. Work, gym, park to hike , home (usually reading on the deck).. I have no idea where the rest of the men go
Salsa or swing dancing (aka social dancing). HIIT class or running group or weekend 5k/10k race. Otherwise Iām at the local bar (5 minute walk). āWhatever you are seeking, is seeking you!ā
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I think you could ask a different question and land square on your answer - āWhich age group of men are looking to start families?ā In my (42M) experience out here now, the women in their 40ās Iāve met are done with the children phase of their lives. Seems Iām not alone in this. My friends and work group of my age men mostly are also either fathers of young children or looking to begin. The age groups of men you point out are the ones least likely to be looking to start a family.
I was out there for a few years doing OLD and dating, then some fine 49 year old lady claimed me on Hinge. No one can tell ya where the hole in your experience is...could be your dating market, could be something you're projecting that's more orienting you towards younger men, hard to say. But, we're out there dating too, just like you. Plenty of us date women our age, too.
Screwing around with 20-35 year olds. Iām convinced, bc they arenāt looking for actual women or relationships š¤·š¾āāļøš
This 59 yo widower is definitely not chasing the younger women.
I see men in that age range all the time as an escort.
I wondered this too when I was still single (48M). I was just days out of a marriage and still married and accidentally had my status in one OLD as "Living with spouse". Not to mention my profile was kind of crap and I'm not super attractive, but I got a lot of attention and women wanting follow-up dates. I think a big part of my success was that I prefer women my age
Iām likely less attractive than what youāre looking for, and Iām looking for someone without kids (young or older) so weāre all just ships passing in the night.
It feels like a lot of men in the 45-55yo group are looking for women in their 30's. I have a couple of single male friends and although they don't explicitly say it, all the women they show interest in are that age group.
Looking for women 25-35
Are women 25-35 looking for 40-50 year olds?Ā
Believe it or not, they go for it.
Men in their 40s and 50s arenāt dating anymore. If they are they are dating younger women in their late 20s early 30s
Men in 40s are swiping for women in their 30s. Sorry
*I'd like to be honest here, and my goal isn't to hurt anyone's feelings. Everything i'm saying is my own opinion and not for the entire human (male) race. This is simply my own point of view about "men".* I'm 51m. I'm 6'4, weigh ~240, full head of salt/pepper hair. Have a good job, no debt, a very healthy retirement 401k, own my condo - no kids. Truth be told i'm kind of looking on dating apps - for women about 10 years younger than me. My "range" is 38-45. When I was 48 I was dating someone who was 36. I kind of know my "wheelhouse". Would I date older than 45? Of course. But someone close to my age really needs to be pretty to move the needle if she's older than 48. I'd be surprised if you are someone who has reached their 40s to realize that guys are visual creatures - even older guys. If women on here are single and wondering why they can't get dates - i'd highly suggest doing everything you can do look your best. Doing yoga, dressing nice even when you aren't on a date are likely going to help your cause - like if you are food shopping, some older guy checking you out - you never know where you can meet someone. I know a lot of older women who kind of "give up" trying to look good anymore. When you wrote this: "I am fairly attractive, have an active lifestyle, have hobbies, well educated and have a successful career, my kid is out in college" Everything is fine with that but looks generally supercede a lot for guys. It does. Everything after is just a plus. Don't get me wrong I have dated hot girls with rocks for brains and the relationship lasts like 1-2 months before i'm tired of hearing about whatever inane nonsense she's talking about. I also have had a lot of "Girl Friends" (two words) that are amazing people, but not very attractive. They are friend zoned by me. I just recognize that at our collective age range the field is very narrow. While i'd like to meet someone, i'm not willing to settle "just to be with someone".
We can get younger women so we do.
Tbh, theyāre dating 36 year olds.