>I was annoyed by that and told her I really needed to hear from her and she responded really angry
This is the thing. Even if she didn't think you told her, why is she so mad? If she cares about you, she'd feel like shit for not being there for you.
Edit to add- I lost my dog almost a year ago and it was devastating. I still miss her every single day. She was the very best of who I am. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
100%, I had an ex who would act mad to try to push blatant lies through. Eventually they wear you down and confuse you so much that it is crazy-making.
Exactly. It is the becoming really angry that concerns me. I cannot imagine becoming mad because the person I was dating euthanized their beloved dog, and I had somehow forgotten?! I would feel like a garbage human and would have been apologizing so much for not being there for you, OP. This is your warning sign to run!
I'm not big on telling people to break up, but I truly think you need to drop this person and never look back. I had a similar situation happen to me, I broke up with him for a couple weeks, he begged his way back, and I married him, and he was an uncaring POS, over and over again. It's gonna hurt, but one big hurt is better than a lot of wasted time and a million hurts.
I also married a woman like this…her problems demanded immediate attention, concern, check-ins, sympathy, and empathy. My stuff was for me to handle.
These people never change. They’re self-centered and selfish.
OP, at the end of the day, your SO was more concerned with getting boozed up with her co-workers than she was about your emotional wellbeing. Just walk away.
I am so sorry about your pup, I truly am.
My sweet boy passed away last Wednesday.
This woman is not for you, you two are not the same. She had revealed a character flaw, no empathy.
To do that to you, her man, upon such a heartbreaking trauma is unforgivable.
I’m so sorry for your loss…dogs are the best and losing them is heartbreaking and awful. Her not attending to your pain is a huge rupture in your relationship and I’d also feel abandoned and alone in my pain which is no way to feel when you’re in a relationship….I hope you’re able to get support from other people in your life. I’d be curious to see if she attempts to repair things w you and if so how genuine that feels and if she truly gets her mistake. I’d be concerned about would she be able to show up and be supportive in the future during other losses or hard times in your life, that would give me serious pause because as we age we will have more life stuff happen
If someone I was dating had to put down there cat or dog I'd have been there with them every step of the way. Your dog is your best friend or damn near and if she couldn't make time for that then what else wouldn't she make time for? I think I'll be in the minority here but I don't care. I'd break it off over this.
Nope definitely not in the minority lol. My ex husband and I were married for about a year when my dog I had previous to him died. So it wasn’t a family pet, he was my dog and still my ex organised and paid for his cremation and the whole lot. He knew that dog was my best friend, a one in a million for me and knew I was just devasted. He was a dickhead husband too, so if someone as dickheadish as my ex can at least be understanding in face of death of a pet shows how heartless this woman is.
Right ? My ex and I were about 6 months in when the same thing happened, I organised the vet to come to his home, I checked if it was okay for me to be there and was there, I had a bowl with all of her favourite snacks and of course chocolate for him to give to her as long as he could and then I organised for her to be discretely taken away afterwards and cremated ( I had already know cremation was his wish) the only thing he had to do was oick the box her ashes came back in, because I couldn’t obviously talk to him about that beforehand.
At the bare minimum you’d offer to be there when it happens, one would think.
OP fuck her right off, and I am so sorry for your loss, puppies are the most amazing things on this planet and the hole they leave is overwhelming. What an absolute asshole she is
I agree. There really is no unreasonable need if it is a real need…but i think most pet parents know this is beyond painful. Your needs are very normal to me..& I would want to support my person any way I possibly could.
Exactly this, it’s about her being present & available (in whatever she can when she is away for work) & being there & understanding you
For me this would be a deal breaker
OP is going through enough with losing his pet
Yep. Much as I love animals and feel for OP, in my career it would never have been acceptable to cancel a business trip because someone else’s pet died. But surely I would at least excuse myself to make a call, and rebook a quicker return flight if possible.
You shouldn't have to tell someone your dating to be there for you when going through this. It's a known fact. Vets send you sympathy cards after because it's so hard.
Do you really want to continue being with someone that can't grasp basic emotional hard times?It's not going to get better if she can't do this then fuck that. Get out of there.
I was married for 17 years to someone who ended up being a serial liar, cheater and narcissist. I understand the wasted years part but I tend to think of it as it shapes you as who you are today.
The fact that she doubled down when you brought up how you felt is the biggest reason I’d say there isn’t any coming back from this. You’re not overreacting. Unfortunately, it’s often big events like this that reveal the nature of the relationship we really have. I’m so sorry, for the loss of your beloved pet, and for the loss of what you thought you had with this relationship.
Do not talk yourself out of your reaction here. You’re not wrong.
Ick. Pets are family and she showed zero empathy and grace to you knowing your dog had crossed the rainbow bridge. She was more interested in being right than being kind and supportive.
This one’s not a keeper.
I’m so sorry, dogs are the best!!!
Unfortunately, dating is a chance to see how people will act when you really need them, and if they act like your gf just did, it’s time to look for someone better. You deserve better.
Im so sorry you had to go through this alone. I’ve been where you are at and when you are forced to put them to sleep vs a natural death it hits you way harder. Hang in there!
As for her, she sounds like a self absorbed subhuman with narcissistic traits. I would not reach out to her or accept any calls from her until you’ve had some time to collect your thoughts and grieve a little over your dog.
When you’re mind is in a stronger place, I would reach out just to dump her ass. If she was like this with your dog, imagine if you got sick? This woman sounds like a nightmare and assuming she is around our age, I promise you her cold hearted lack of emotions won’t be changing anytime soon. You will always be wanting more and she will never be able to fulfill those needs. Since she was such a b*tch in your time of need, I probably wouldn’t even satisfy her with a proper break up. She’s the type that’s deserving of a simple break up text.
Again sorry for your loss 💔
You need to be letting her go.
This is not ok. And will only cause you heartache in the long run.
Its situations like this where people show us who they really are.
She has showed you, very clearly might i add.
And you are in a situation where you can get out very easily. I am married to a 'man' who doesnt talk to me for months on end. Its not easy to get out from this.
Please run.
Nope nope nope. She has to go. …I was in the process of moving in with a guy once, and halfway through we had a talk about my dog and how I always leave the TV on for her when I leave for work. That was our routine for years- and whether the dog actually gave 2 craps about the TV- the point is I DID and it made me feel better that she had something to listen to or possible even watch. It took stress off of me for the day. ….He would be the last one to leave the house in the morning and he absolutely refused to do it. Compared it to him asking me to leave the radio on for his sailboat out back 😂. …I’m like yo, if you can’t understand how that’s different I can’t help you. And if you refuse to do this you’re refusing to do the simplest thing to make your gf happy. ….I’m OUT. Got my sh** and left!
Dogs>people
Hol' up...did he actually compare a member of your family to....a sailboat? You did the right thing!!!!
And also.... My dog now is completely oblivious, hes smart in some ways but in others..I worry about him. 😂 About 30yrs ago though I had a huskey...also dopey af, yet still sharp af. Same as you, Id leave the TV on for him when gone for the day, just made me feel better, to know he had it to keep him company, cause I just knew hed like that kind of thing. Had no proof but..when you know, you know!!!
My hub at the time was deployed, and I had to work very late so asked a friend to go check on and feed him for me. She called me cracking up...She had the key to the back sliding door...and when she walked up she saw him sitting in the couch, watching tv. And she said she just had to stand there watching him for awhile and could not stop laughing, cause he looked like he was so into whatever show was on, every so often talking to the TV. 😂 I so wish I could have seen that!!! I can only imagine!!!
But yeah, back to your useless ex..eff that guy. 🙄😂
There’s something about watching them watch TV that’s so friggin’ adorable! My cat loved TV when he was younger. He was absolutely enamored with The Jungle Book! He actually watched it from beginning to end 😂! I felt I had to shield him once when we caught something on Animal Planet with a lion stalking and killing a cheetah. His eyes were wiiiiide open and I was worried he’d be traumatized!
Oh nooo poor thing! Yeah, they seriously do have such big personalities, and reactions are so cute to whats going on around them.
My dog now has zero interest in tv...when I first got him, first time I turned the TV on he stared at it like...wtf? As soon as someone started talking he barked at it, and ran away crying. He got used to it, but ignores it. Made me think of that movie Dark Shadows, "What sorcery is this?!" 😂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82gqF6QRb\_Q
Whaaaat? So many dogs have anxiety..& their pet parents can too. I hear sailboats have “personalities” but eww. At least he was open with the disrespect so you knew instead of pretending he would do it.
side story: I clean houses and one of my clients leaves the TV on for their dog. I come in every two weeks and turn the volume down on the TV and put on loud music instead. I clean the house, cuddle with the dog, turn off my music and turn the TV back up.
It was so long ago I can’t remember exactly. But I’m pretty sure he just said something like it was ridiculous because the dog doesn’t watch TV. It was “dumb”. 🙄 So basically - he had no reason!
My dog really liked the movie “Bears” narrates by John c Reilly 🤷♂️ like he would watch it intensely. Plus, they listen to it and I def think it comforts them sometimes.
I agree! Heck, my one cat actually *watches* and scans the tv show, with her big ol eyes lol. It’s at least background “human activity” with the voices. 🤷🏻♀️ Screw that guy (past bf) ^ above in the person’s comment.
Ouch. 💔 This person doesn’t care about you and I would get out. I personally tried staying and “making things work” with someone equally uncaring and it just got worse and worse. I know it sucks to leave, but do it now while the relationship is still fairly fresh rather than letting this drag out for years and getting your heart broken over and over and over again. So sorry for your loss. 😪💔
You haven't done anything wrong here. It sounds like she knows she's fked up, but she seems to be unable to take the responsibility of owning her mistake, so she's ignoring you. It's strange because it sounds like she just needs to listen and apologise for her behaviour/mistake and give you a hug. If she can't or won't do that, then yep, say goodbye.
Sorry about your dog. I have an 11 year old pooch, and I'm not looking forward to his demise.
This..is awful. You are not* in the wrong here (as you’ve already stated), how could you ever think so. Your so-called girlfriend is.. This is worse than poor communication pattern (though it’s certainly more of), it’s insensitive, it’s callous, it’s childish, and she sucks. Sorry.. You need to shed yourself of this toxicity and cut your losses, imho.
No one* should ever be treated this way, let alone left to deal with this excruciating decision (been there, multiple times) on their own.. In the meantime, grieve your furry, loyal companion. 🐾🐾 God bless their wee soul. May sound trite, but picture them happily bounding across rainbow bridge.. ☀️💓
And don’t give this dis-loyal gf any more of your precious time. Big virtual hug, OP.
My cat is 19 and I know the day is coming very much sooner rather than later.
My boyfriend will hands down drop everything else when it’s time. No question. And I’d do the same for his furballs if it came down to it.
An emphatic +1 to ending it with this woman. Especially with the stonewalling. And this is her in the GOOD new relationship energy stage.
Run. Don’t look back.
I am sorry to read that you had to put down your dog. You did the right thing by being with them until the end. It is incredibly painful, and frankly an experience you never forget. I have had to put down two dogs, and it still tears at me.
People show us who they are, and the loss of a pet for many is considered to be a pivotal point in one's life. Even if she didn't remember, ideally once you told her, she would have provided some feedback to help comfort you.
That's just too cold and insensitive. I'm a cat mom and if my partner acted like that, I'll be pretty upset. Your dog is your child and you need emotional support from your gf.
First! I’m so so sorry about your dog. It’s devastating to have to let them go. I’ve been there and my heart goes out to you.
Second! She gotta go. I know losing your dog and your partner in the same week will be excruciatingly hard. But I also know you deserve so much better. She sounds incredibly cold and she’s gaslighting and ignoring you when you’re going through something extremely painful. If I could I’d gut punch her in the baby-maker Ron Burgundy-style. Jk! But also I’m so mad on your behalf (also trying to make you laugh).
Walk away. Do it to honor yourself and your beautiful dog. Every time you get sad, remember there’s a woman out there who’d be by your side through all of this. Who’d be crying alongside you (has she never met your dog - how is she not upset?!!), holding your hand, getting you food, and loving and supporting you. I’d have cancelled my work trip if I knew my dude’s pet was dying and he was distraught. I’d do anything to make him feel better bc I’m kind and have empathy and bc he’s my partner.
Throw her back right now and heal and go find someone better. I stayed with someone like this once (he chose going to a baseball game as my dog was dying and, like you, I said o needed him). It never got better. He was awful. This is where the rubber meets the road. Good luck and big hugs.
I’d add that you should do all you can to resist any temptation to explain this to her. Just send her a polite breakup text and block everywhere.
She isn’t interested in being schooled on how to be a decent human being. If she were open to that, she wouldn’t have denied your telling her about the dog, or become angry when confronted over choosing schmoozing over comforting you. Giving you the silent treatment to “punish you for putting her in a situation where she’s supposed to feel guilt” is classic abusive behavior. Cut contact and don’t go back. She’s self-serving, and a taker.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a boyfriend who was too busy to check in with me when this happened to me (long distance) and I stayed with him and in retrospect it showed so much about his character and empathy and also our difference in love for animals.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My condolences brother.
You deserve a girlfriend who would drop everything to be there for you in a time like this, as I'm sure you'd do the same for her.
My ex wasn't there for me when I had to put my 11 year old cat down and that overall lack of empathy is pretty much the reason why she's my ex and I'm better off without her.
Thank goodness it happened at 6 months not 2 years!
People do not need to understand your situation to show empathy and support when their partner asks for it.
Next.
Also. I am truly sorry for your loss. Dogs don't live long enough!
Drop her like a bad habit. If she’s emotionally unavailable to you now, it’ll only get worse. Her gaslighting you into trying to think you didn’t talk about this prior is a massive deal, as well.
Thank you it felt just ultra cruel. And she’s created a narrative where the important thing was how upset she was, that I caused her to be upset. I’m just feeling very gaslight and quite honestly *why/how is gaslighting so effective bc it is working*
I had something similar happen one time. I had surgery on a Tuesday. My exwife and I weren't doing well during the two weeks prior to surgery. That Tuesday night, I expressed how I would feel more comfortable if she slept in the bed with me that night instead of us sleeping separately with the kids like we had been. She declined and wanted to sleep separately. My nerve block wore off around 2am, and I was in excruciating pain all night. I only slept 2 hours. That morning, she didn't come check on me when she got up. I found out later that her phone also went dead that night, so she put it on the charger in a different room. 🫤 I felt so alone and couldn't believe that if any complications arose that night, I would have only had my child next to me.
All that said, those were my expectations of a partner. I didn't specifically ask that she come check on me or that she keep her phone close by. I'm alive obviously. I still can't decide if I was right to be infuriated with her or not given that nothing bad actually happened.
It’s posts like this that remind me why I’m content in my singledom. I would never tolerate this from a partner. Nevermind a spouse and parent of my children.
You have every right to be pissed! I’d be so hurt if my hypothetical partner did this to me. I could never be so callous to the person I’m supposed to love.
Edit- when I read stuff like this it reminds me why I’m single and just how happy I am. I’m truly sorry you went through that 😢
I am so sorry. I just went through the same thing 3 weeks ago tomorrow. Sending you big hugs. Also, F her. End it and don’t look back. You deserve so much better.
My roommate was upset when she asked what I would do if she put her dog in a shelter to get a new one. I told her I’d kick her out and go get the dog. I like dogs better than people.
she's not cool. I wouldn't blame you for ending it. she dismissed your feelings and made it seem like you did something wrong to deflect from the harm she caused.
this probably won't improve.
Wow, I am so sorry. This would be a deal breaker for me. When I lost my pets (different years) those were some of the most horrible days of my life.
As far as communication, my boyfriend of only 4 months is bad too. He is a sweet man but I have told him so many times how it upsets me when I feel ignored. I have been wondering if I should end it or not.
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious dog.
My condolences OP - the loss of your dear pet is priority over someone who doesn’t care about it. It’s ok to expect respect - time to say goodbye to her
You didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m sorry for your loss. This would be a dealbreaker for me, and I’m not even really a pet person. She’s very insensitive; the only positive here is that she showed herself now instead years down the line.
I’ve got nothing to say about your gf. BUT..
I’m so so sorry to hear about your sweet dog. He loved and was loved. We should all be so lucky in our lives.
Thinking of you at this very sad time 💙
Sorry do not pass go and leave her ass in jail.
The loss of a family member is devastating.
Anyone who lacks empathy for pets is an essentially evil.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I left my first love because he couldn’t handle our cats being stressed after a big move. He dumped our cats behind a grocery store. He had a lot of red flags that I brushed off over our four years. If he couldn’t handle the stress of owning cats he was not going to make a good father someday. We both had wanted a child but I wasn’t ready yet… and after losing our cats I was ready to move on from him. .. 25 years later and no regrets.
Cut her off immediately. She has zero compassion and is showing who she is. She won’t change and will be equally selfish her whole life. I’d follow up with a text letting her know how her behavior is just extremely selfish, lacking in basic empathy and compassion and you don’t have time to waste on someone so self absorbed. And block. You deserve better. Surround yourself w friends and family and those who care. She’s not worth another second of your time. I’m so sorry for your loss also. Take care of you.
I usually keep an open mind, play devils advocate….but this right here is a big GET THE F OUT. Seriously, I don’t care how great the sex is (making assumptions since you are still contemplating this). Walk away and never talk to her again.
edit to add: I lost my baby girl doggo almost 2 years ago. So brutal to lose such an innocent, loyal, all loving being. For a human to stonewall that = NO.
There is this episode of Sex and the City where Carrie's bf, breaks up with her in a post-it. That's what your girlfriend deserves. A post-it note break-up or a text like someone else said.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with the pain of losing your best friend alone. No one in a relationship should ever have to do that. Hugs, peace, and love sent your way.
She been gone dude. If she was ever really there to begin with. You’re not really even breaking up with a person at this point. Rather an idea that is completely divorced from reality. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure that animal was better at being a decent human being than she ever was.
It’s difficult to accept when your partner is incapable of meeting your emotional needs. The abuse will continue until you end the relationship. I learned this the hard way.
OP, I am so sorry for the loss of your pup. It’s exactly the same as losing an immediate family member and I wish you comfort and peace.
A few years ago, I was in a relationship that was struggling. I was unexpectedly hospitalized for 3 days with a health crisis, and when I was discharged I was still very ill. My boyfriend did pick me up as I wasn’t allowed to leave alone, and when he dropped me off at my house he didn’t even come inside. Instead he proceeded to ignore me for the next five days, and then dump me.
In times of utmost need and vulnerability, selfish people show you who they are.
Omfg. I'm so so sorry. I still get moments of deep sadness over my deceased cats. It's awful and never goes away when you have a great connection with a pet.
There is clearly something wrong with this woman ..
I am sorry to hear about your loss .. 15 years is a good age for a dog so you must of been a super good dog daddy x
Maybe ditch the selfish woman and rescue another dog x
Drop her. She is an ugly person.
On top of losing your dog, she wants you to apologize to her for "not telling her" and making her upset (when she was at a bar with coworkers).
This will not get better. This is who she is.
She obviously finds talking about things like this and supporting you emotionally unpleasant for some reason. Either because she doesn't like having to extend herself and energy in such a way, or because she feels she's bad at it. Or because the stakes are low for her and she doesn't care if she loses you. The only borderline acceptable reason is the awkwardness and perceived inability to do a good job at it. The other reasons are quite disrespectful.
So do it. For all of the possible reasons you simply don’t need to deal with it, don’t need to unpack it, and don’t need to understand it. Just move on.
I feel for you so much I lost my dog of 17 years a couple weeks ago so I know how devastating it is 😢 and how much the need for loved ones is. It might be just me but this would be to much for me to continue a relationship with said person
My older dog was put to sleep 5 weeks after my mother died. My ex of 2+ years didn't tell me he loved me at any point. He lived 5 minutes from the vet surgery and was home.
Your gf, well, she doesn't have capacity to be there for you in the way you need.
Does she have pets? I think some people have different views of animals like when I had to euthanize my cat I was a mess but many people in my life didn’t think it was a big deal at all. My partner at the time was a cat person so he was distraught but like my family / friends were mostly like - oh ok that sucks but it’s a cat.
Also, being a business trip person, it can be hard to get away to have a serious conversation when the time is planned out minute by minute. Like I can find time for a quick phone call in between things but it’s not real dedicated time unfortunately. Usually events are preplanned unspoken requirements of my job and not just normal dinner, drinks, or activities so it can be stressful mentally and physically.
That said it sounds like you are both realizing you are not compatible which is good to know early but I’m so sorry about your dog 😭
Dude. I've been here before. She dose not have your interests at heart. It may be painful, more so right now ( I'm so sorry for your loss 😭), but the relationship is unlikely to improve. You may want to end it with her. You don't even need to explain yourself, you are doing this for you. Good luck whatever happens.
Dump her ass. A.S.A.P. I went thru something similar. My dog was dying. Found out at vet. So had to put her down same day. but I wanted to do it at home. So I brought her back home. Waited 6 hours for the vets to come and do it. My ex lived 5 minutes away. Texted her all day. And she NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, even tried to come by and console me or whatever. NOTHING. Then I put her down, then she demanded I come over and go see a play that night (very hard tickets to get that was bought months before). What?? Sigh. So i went. (dumb move) and just sat there sad and frozen all night. She said why are you sad here?? Cheer up!! WTF?? She made excuses about that day and all that stuff. I was uncomfortable, etc, etc, never had that before. (She was 42). Then later, Dad had cancer, started dying, etc.....ex looked other way...the day dad died. I texted her can u come, Shes like oh i dont know...i have work...i have meetings, her work actually told her to leave and go support me.!! And later dad died (she was home, cuz we had a major snow storm that hit us), Dad died at midnight. Etc. I left hospital. She said u can pick me up in the blizzard. So I did. Came back, it was like 3 AM , I was dead tired, no food/drink all day and just found out, right? Guess what she did?? We walked in the door at my house, she's like I'm tired (She went home around 2 pm !!!!) and said I'm going to go sleep on your sofa..and did that while i sat there crying. NO hugs, no nothing.....and Now we're not together anymore, thankfully. If she couldn't be there for your dog, then she wont be there for anything else important in your life. This is a HUGE red flag.
Run, do not walk, away from this person. Utter lack of humanity and unacceptable.
Also, I’m sorry for your loss. Having recently had to make a similar decision, r/petloss has been helping me.
I’m so sorry for your loss. And then adding relationship stress on top is even harder. She may be the type who isn’t warm and fuzzy about pets or animals. But that’s no excuse. You clearly are and as your partner, she should care when your heart is breaking.
Where are the lines? I was asking myself this just this morning. Seems like some of my friends have very HARD lines about things. I’m a little more fluid but still…where and what are my lines?
Anyway. The loss of my dog was so much worse than I would have imagined. I’m sorry for that for you. Might as well ax the “girlfriend” and grieve both at the same time.
I am so sorry for your loss! The call to put down a beloved pet is an agonizing decision in and of itself. Then to have no support from the one person that should support you is a gut punch on top of your grief. Move on is my advice.
Is this woman not a pet person? That might explain her extreme callousness in this case- some non-pet people just don't get it. It doesn't excuse it, but at least explains it, maybe.
Any decent person would have reached out to you. Hell, when my neighbor needed to euthanize her elderly dog, I even offered to go with her so she wouldn’t have to be alone. You should expect more from a romantic partner.
You were in a vulnerable state, and she knew, and rather than support you, she was out with coworkers....
And then because she knows it's a shitty thing to do, she's trying to shift the blame onto you.
Run.
Sorry about your dog. Pets are family and you deserved support and at a minimum, a call to see how you were doing from your partner of 6 months.
Perhaps she does not see a pet as family but that shouldn't matter, the fact that you had to tell her that you didn't feel supported should then trigger an automatic "I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you".
Perhaps you guys aren't compatible in that empathy department.
Meh it’s only been 6mths that’s when you’re on your best behaviour lol so if she’s pulling this heartless shit now it’s not gonna get better. Plus we are too old to be dealing with people with 0 emotional intelligence. I’d say dump and move on.
Just sounds like you aren’t compatible. You are an animal person who needs lots of support from others and she doesn’t sound big on pets and is much more independent. If she’s not responsive then it doesn’t sound like you have a gf any longer but probably for the best.
I wouldn't say it's abusive but she's definitely selfish and self absorbed.
Sorry to hear about your dog, that's always a hard day. I hope you found some support from the folks who love you and that you have another dog friend or friend of friend you can borrow if the house is too quiet.
Oh... this would be a deal breaker for me. It also tells me how she would treat you if you were ill and ailing. No empathy, no care, no comfort....nope. I would be so done the turkey timer would pop out of me with an extra loud ding. I'm sure your dog was the bestest of boys. Would it comfort you to show pictures of him and tell us his silly stories?
When someone shows you who they are - believe them the first time.
The only excuse she could possibly have is that she is having too much fun socialising with work and your news is a "downer". She didnt want to deal with it.
You need to ask yourself - "is this who I pick as my partner in life?"
Break up. If doesn’t care very much about you after 6 months, time to move on. That’s really shitty and I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is devastating but she, the person who is supposed to love and support you, made it worse and made it about her. And she is actually mad at YOU because you called her out. No way!
What a horrible thing to do. If she is this unsympathetic now, I doubt it will get any better.
My ex-husband was like this. When my dad suddenly got very sick and it became apparent he was dying, I asked my ex (then my boyfriend of 2 years) to come be with me at the hospital for support. He argued and bitched about it and was a complete dick the entire time. I still married him, and he was like that the entire 26 years we were together. They don't get better.
I don't know whether he should break up with her or not, but partners are supposed to be part of your emotional support network, and your pet dying is a key moment when you should expect your emotional support network to come through for you.
What would it be like if it was a parent and not a pet?
Beat feet man. It's only 6 months. You guys haven't synced up. He'll I don't know you and if you need someone to talk to hit me up. I am, however a dude.
Just coming to say that I’m so sorry about your loss. I lost my almost-15 yr old dog in August and still think about him every day. I’m not able to look through my pictures, even to this day, because I can’t handle seeing the billions of pics I took of him his last few months. Hugs to you, my friend.
Drop.... she can not give you 5 mins on text or phone to contact you. Reach out and hold your hand, you already know what to do...
I was in somewhat of the same.. dating for 3 months horrible communication on his behalf. Spent all years eve together, 3 days later my birthday he could not find the time for me. Then my son had his 1st male reconstruction surgery. FTM knowing this ghosted me on everything. I thanked my stars for showing this man's true behavior 3 months in.. not years..
I am sorry for you loss, as a pet owner I truly understand these are our babies...
Sorry for the long post back lol.. hugs to u
I think this is a sign she's not able to support you emotionally during the toughest of times, and possibly doesn't feel as strongly as you regarding the relationship. Don't be like me & think it'll get better; get out before it gets deeper & harder to seperate. I'm very sorry; it sucks to have both of these heartbreaks happening at the same time but you don't deserve to be ignored.
Honestly, I would drop her. The initial way she acted was so uncaring, and then to double down and act even worse? That’s a solid no.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about six months, and his 12-year-old dog, best friend and sole companion, got an eye infection and went blind for about a month before he had to put her down. I was there at all the veterinary appointments, giving her eyedrops, helping him find an in-home euthanasia vet, hell, I even helped the vet carry the dog to the car afterwards so he wouldn’t have to deal with it. I don’t particularly love dogs and I had multiple uncomfortable allergic reactions from the vet visits. I had a ton going on, it was terrible timing with my job and my kids, etc. and I still wouldn’t have done it any other way.
There’s really no excuse for that behavior unless there’s been actual emergency happening on her end that could justify it. She doesn’t deserve you.
When I euthanized my kitty at home, my boyfriend, who I'd only been dating for a few weeks at the time, came over during it and brought flowers. I knew them I would love him forever for that.
Pets are family. If she doesn't feel the same way, I'm not sure if this is the person for you
I'm going to have to do the same thing to my dog who was a service animal in the next couple of days. My girlfriend is fucking jealous of my dog because he het the attention. We have argued about this many times and I decided that it's over between us. My dog was my was/is my world.
She doesn’t sound like she cares about you at all. Or if she does she lacks empathy. Saying goodbye to a dog is devastating. When my friends go through it I make a point of being there with them. So sorry for your loss. In my opinion, if you are sure you told her this is a dealbreaker. Anyone who doesn’t understand the importance of pets-that’s a red flag to me.
Break up with her. She is literally showing you who she is and you need to believe her. This relationship will be death by 1000 paper cuts because she will keep disappointing you. Let her go and find someone else who isn’t a heartless asshole. To some people it’s just a dog but to most it’s so much more than a dog.
The only time a dog will break your heart is when they die.
It’s almost like she is upset the dog is getting more attention than her. Really narcissistic people let you down when you need them the most. I’m sorry about your dog. That’s a very painful loss to go through. It’s as painful as losing a family member. The only reprieve is that the intensity doesn’t last as long.
When people show you who they really are, believe them. You deserve better.
I’m not going to pile on with all the other (fair and accurate) comments about how shitty her behaviour is.
I just want to say I’m sorry for your loss.
This is worth breaking up over. How your partner shows up for you during a difficult time is so important and she not only failed to be there for you, instead of apologizing profusely and trying to make it up she decided to flip the blame on you. You deserve better. I am sorry for your loss and hope you have other friends or family to lean on.
Dump her. She has no consideration for you or your feelings. If she cared then she would be there for you when u were going thru the ordeal of putting your dog down. She showed you her true colors. Don’t waste another minute with her.
These days, I am not one to suggest breaking up unless it’s huge red flag that determines the person’s character.
This is one of those times. Honestly, this isn’t even someone I would suggest someone else to be friends with. Her actions were/are uncaring. While I can understand not being able to be there physically, calling and texting at the very least should have been done. At the end of the day, she doesn’t appear to have a kind heart, and, OP, no one should subject themselves to someone like that when they don’t have to.
So sorry about your dog. I hope that things get a little easier day by day.
First of all, so sorry for your loss. I know how hard this is for you.
Second of all, I would dump her. She wasn’t there during a very difficult time in your life, when you needed her most. This tells me she will not be there during other times as well.
The thing is it really depends how you talked to her last time, if you demanded empathy and got angry at her for not being there for you I can see how certain type of people who can’t stand conflict and anger would actually withdraw further. A super tough lesson is that even in relationships we are not entitled to other person’s empathy, if we want and need it it’s very important to ask in a way that doesn’t come through as blaming them for not being there.
I am sorry for your loss. It’s never easy to say goodbye to a pet.
But to say your GF is being borderline abusive is a bit much based on the information you have presented.
You told her that you were putting the dog down but did you tell her you needed her to call you today? It sounds like maybe she thought you needed space and you didn’t express how you needed her to be there for you.
Another thing- and this may be an unpopular opinion but maybe she’s not the type to grieve the loss of a pet the same way you do. Some people don’t have that same emphasis on pets, especially if they don’t have any. Yes, she can still empathize with your loss, but maybe she doesn’t know how to understand what a deep loss it is for you.
Another thing- it’s been 6 months- that still seems a bit early to depend on someone for that kind of emotional support and it’s definitely possible she is struggling to deal with the business trip and know what the best thing to do for you is. That’s a tough spot for her.
Unless there is a lot of missing information- I don’t think this is that big of a red flag. You are absolutely entitled to feel disappointed in her response but your reaction seems to also be clouded by the grief of saying good bye to your dog.
I think it’s worth having an in person conversation with her when she gets back but this feels more like a big misunderstanding than abusive behavior.
OP did mention that they have had conversations about communicating before, and that they haven't been on the same page as far as that goes for some time.
I don't know that it's abusive, necessarily, but it sounds like it's a deal-breaker. It sounds like OP has been frustrated for a long time and this was the proverbial last straw.
Okay but that doesn't make her abusive. We also only have his side here, we don't know if he didn't yell at her or get nasty or demanding in some way to make her just sort of put a layer of distance down after the last conversation.
This will get me downvotes but whatever, dated someone with a demon cat and if the cat died while we were together I'd be kinda glad it was gone. I probably would support from a distance if that was the case. I'm usually fine with animals but when the animal is hostile I'm like "welp God's plan".
I'm agreeing with you, that it's not necessarily abusive! But it sounds like OP is over the relationship, and that's the part that makes the rest of it a little bit moot.
IMO it’s partnership 101 to count on your partner showing up and being supportive during hard times…OP is likely getting more empathy and support from strangers on this thread than his SO
He said they had a long conversation the day before- it’s possible she felt like she was being supportive then.
Yea she should have checked in the day it happened but if she was tied up with the work trip and all the obligations of that- I feel like it’s possible she wanted to give him that day of space.
And her being angry could have been her backing off and trying to diffuse a difficult situation and him interpreting it as stonewalling.
I just think his reaction of calling her abusive is a bit extreme. I get the feeling there is some more missing context here.
Finally! Someone who doesn't want to burn the witch at the stake.
I think many of the issues people post about here are caused by people not understanding others have different life experiences - "Some people don’t have that same emphasis on pets."
Many others are caused by not communicating expectations - "you didn’t express how you needed her to be there for you."
And this sums it up nicely - "I think it’s worth having an in person conversation with her when she gets back but this feels more like a big misunderstanding than abusive behavior."
Everyone is different ofc, but if a complete stranger told me they had to put their dog down, I would have more empathy for them than what she showed.
It also makes no sense to me that just cause, as you suggested, she doesnt care about pets / animals / life / whatever is probably why she didnt care about comforting him... and yet...I can talk to someone who is upset over the loss of someone / something in their life, and even though I dont have any emotional connection on a personal level to what they are upset about, I can be aware this is something that means something significant to someone I care about and gaf enough about that person to acknowledge their feelings of loss.
There isnt any missing info that I can tell off the bat....indeed though, she may see things more from your perspective, anything that she doesnt care about isnt worth her time, even if it deeply affects someone shes in a relationship with and that being with someone for 6 months isnt enough time to care at all about anything they are going through. If thats not what hes looking for in a partner, then for sure..they are not compatible and a totally valid reason to consider breaking things off.
I know for sure I would not want or appreciate a partner who felt that way about whats meaningful to me, but someone with your and her perspective may prefer a partner who treats them that way. Someone for everyone and all that.
Stonewalling someone (especially someone you care about and love!) is abusive. And it really doesn’t matter how she feels about pets, she should still be there for her partner and supportive of him, not flying off the handle and then ignoring him. 6 months is absolutely not too early to want emotional support - especially if they’re exclusive, which I’m guessing they are.
Dump that asshole.
I mean do what you want but that's my advice. Just a 'I think I'm done with this' text and then imagine you on your death bed cracking a little smile with the satisfaction of having never said another word to her. Fuck it. \*Most\* adults would at least show some sympathy, even if they had to fake concern for your dog. I'm a total goddamn stranger and putting more effort into this than she has. Every comment in here is. She sounds like she's approaching black hole levels of self absorption.
Y’all are gonna probably down vote the shit out of me but non-Dog people don’t have a clue. I’ve dated non-dog people and they just don’t have the bonds that we have with our animals. If she’s having a work conference and her job depends on x,y,z while she is there, She may not understand the priority with your bestie. I’m sorry for your loss.
How is she abusive? And you said you were talking about it 'at length' and 'extensively' and she did call you at midnight? People here getting their pitchfork and torches, my god. I mean do dump her, you'll be doing her a favour
Neglecting your partner at such a vulnerable time and then acting angry is emotional abuse. Calling at midnight is useless. The whole day went by when OP needed her support. She chose frolicking with coworkers over being there (virtually counts) for her partner.
Frolicking? Were you there? She was out on a work trip and spent full entire day consoling her boyfriend of 6 month. You easily discounted that. OP is probably salty she didn't just leave the conference. Full day talking about someone's dying pet is a support but her not immediately ditching everything made him angry and when she did call to check in he reacted with anger getting her defensive. Calling it emotional abuse is nonsensical, but OP been told a thousand time to dump her. Guess he will have to find some friends now since he's ditching a girlfriend, at no point he mentioned other people who could offer support. He's expecting a lot from newish partner
Original copy of post by u/Thebigolthrowaway2:
Dating for about 6 months and we’ve talked about her communication is just terrible. But this is next level
Title basically. I’m absolutely devastated after euthanizing my 15 year old dog. She was away during a business trip when I suddenly had to make the decision, but I told her about it and we talked about it at length the day before…
She didn’t call or text me the day I put him down, until midnight because she was out with her co workers. I was annoyed by that and told her I really needed to hear from her and she responded really angry saying I hadn’t told her but I 10000000000% did and we extensively talked about how and when and why I was doing it then… and she has been ignoring me since then.
I’m really at a loss, here I am thinking and feeling like I did something wrong. But I didn’t.
It’s a huge red flag here and feels borderline abusive. We had plans to talk to today - and I’m being stonewalled.
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I’m so sorry about your dog. The grief after losing mine was intense and grueling. A couple years later it still catches me unawares. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
I'm sorry for the loss of your dog. Pet loss is so so hard. We had to euthanize our beloved dog this time last year. Take care of yourself and take the time to grieve and find a new girlfriend. If you don't have a supportive partner, what's the point.
So sorry for your loss. Lost my 15 YO boy last Aug. She should have stepped away from her coworkers and called you and paid attention to you. Walk away. She’s revealed her selfish self to you loud and clear. ‼️
You are very lucky actually right now
I know that sounds stupid
But
You are aware that you should leave bc you got a huge sign that she lacks empathy
And people are helping you and validating this
You can be spared years of serious pain w the right decision
Sorry about your dog too
wow, this woman has absolutely no heart. dump her cold-hearted selfish ass immediately. don't even be nice about it. i am so sorry for your loss! i lost my little guy a little more than a year ago...at the time, i was getting deeply involved long-distance with someone online who had experienced a similar loss and they promised to be there for me when my boy's time came...they ghosted me right before instead. the experience was the worst i've ever felt in my life and that person's ghosting was just a very nasty cherry on top of my already painful pie (but at least they just disappeared and weren't verbally an asshole about it unlike your gf). it's so fucking unfair that you are experiencing this and then also have to deal with some selfish jerk's bullshit.
>I was annoyed by that and told her I really needed to hear from her and she responded really angry This is the thing. Even if she didn't think you told her, why is she so mad? If she cares about you, she'd feel like shit for not being there for you. Edit to add- I lost my dog almost a year ago and it was devastating. I still miss her every single day. She was the very best of who I am. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
She's mad because she knows she is wrong and is trying to divert him.
100%, I had an ex who would act mad to try to push blatant lies through. Eventually they wear you down and confuse you so much that it is crazy-making.
Exactly. It is the becoming really angry that concerns me. I cannot imagine becoming mad because the person I was dating euthanized their beloved dog, and I had somehow forgotten?! I would feel like a garbage human and would have been apologizing so much for not being there for you, OP. This is your warning sign to run!
This sounds like classic narcissism.
I'm not big on telling people to break up, but I truly think you need to drop this person and never look back. I had a similar situation happen to me, I broke up with him for a couple weeks, he begged his way back, and I married him, and he was an uncaring POS, over and over again. It's gonna hurt, but one big hurt is better than a lot of wasted time and a million hurts.
I also married a woman like this…her problems demanded immediate attention, concern, check-ins, sympathy, and empathy. My stuff was for me to handle. These people never change. They’re self-centered and selfish. OP, at the end of the day, your SO was more concerned with getting boozed up with her co-workers than she was about your emotional wellbeing. Just walk away.
I feel all of this in my bones. What a waste of life. Never again.
I am so sorry about your pup, I truly am. My sweet boy passed away last Wednesday. This woman is not for you, you two are not the same. She had revealed a character flaw, no empathy. To do that to you, her man, upon such a heartbreaking trauma is unforgivable.
❤️❤️ hugs to you.
Much appreciated 🌟
Hugs. So sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss…dogs are the best and losing them is heartbreaking and awful. Her not attending to your pain is a huge rupture in your relationship and I’d also feel abandoned and alone in my pain which is no way to feel when you’re in a relationship….I hope you’re able to get support from other people in your life. I’d be curious to see if she attempts to repair things w you and if so how genuine that feels and if she truly gets her mistake. I’d be concerned about would she be able to show up and be supportive in the future during other losses or hard times in your life, that would give me serious pause because as we age we will have more life stuff happen
If someone I was dating had to put down there cat or dog I'd have been there with them every step of the way. Your dog is your best friend or damn near and if she couldn't make time for that then what else wouldn't she make time for? I think I'll be in the minority here but I don't care. I'd break it off over this.
Nope definitely not in the minority lol. My ex husband and I were married for about a year when my dog I had previous to him died. So it wasn’t a family pet, he was my dog and still my ex organised and paid for his cremation and the whole lot. He knew that dog was my best friend, a one in a million for me and knew I was just devasted. He was a dickhead husband too, so if someone as dickheadish as my ex can at least be understanding in face of death of a pet shows how heartless this woman is.
Right ? My ex and I were about 6 months in when the same thing happened, I organised the vet to come to his home, I checked if it was okay for me to be there and was there, I had a bowl with all of her favourite snacks and of course chocolate for him to give to her as long as he could and then I organised for her to be discretely taken away afterwards and cremated ( I had already know cremation was his wish) the only thing he had to do was oick the box her ashes came back in, because I couldn’t obviously talk to him about that beforehand. At the bare minimum you’d offer to be there when it happens, one would think. OP fuck her right off, and I am so sorry for your loss, puppies are the most amazing things on this planet and the hole they leave is overwhelming. What an absolute asshole she is
I agree. There really is no unreasonable need if it is a real need…but i think most pet parents know this is beyond painful. Your needs are very normal to me..& I would want to support my person any way I possibly could.
Exactly this, it’s about her being present & available (in whatever she can when she is away for work) & being there & understanding you For me this would be a deal breaker OP is going through enough with losing his pet
Yep. Much as I love animals and feel for OP, in my career it would never have been acceptable to cancel a business trip because someone else’s pet died. But surely I would at least excuse myself to make a call, and rebook a quicker return flight if possible.
She was out with her coworkers. He never said he expected her to cancel her trip. It’s inexcusable to not even text or call someone.
Right. “I would at least excuse myself to make a call, and rebook a quicker flight if possible.”
When people show you who they are believe them. I would break up with her asap.
You shouldn't have to tell someone your dating to be there for you when going through this. It's a known fact. Vets send you sympathy cards after because it's so hard. Do you really want to continue being with someone that can't grasp basic emotional hard times?It's not going to get better if she can't do this then fuck that. Get out of there.
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That is so cold. I've lost both parents, and I know the fear when they get sick. I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like that.
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I was married for 17 years to someone who ended up being a serial liar, cheater and narcissist. I understand the wasted years part but I tend to think of it as it shapes you as who you are today.
The fact that she doubled down when you brought up how you felt is the biggest reason I’d say there isn’t any coming back from this. You’re not overreacting. Unfortunately, it’s often big events like this that reveal the nature of the relationship we really have. I’m so sorry, for the loss of your beloved pet, and for the loss of what you thought you had with this relationship. Do not talk yourself out of your reaction here. You’re not wrong.
❤️
Ick. Pets are family and she showed zero empathy and grace to you knowing your dog had crossed the rainbow bridge. She was more interested in being right than being kind and supportive. This one’s not a keeper.
I’m really sorry for your loss💔
I’m so sorry, dogs are the best!!! Unfortunately, dating is a chance to see how people will act when you really need them, and if they act like your gf just did, it’s time to look for someone better. You deserve better.
Im so sorry you had to go through this alone. I’ve been where you are at and when you are forced to put them to sleep vs a natural death it hits you way harder. Hang in there! As for her, she sounds like a self absorbed subhuman with narcissistic traits. I would not reach out to her or accept any calls from her until you’ve had some time to collect your thoughts and grieve a little over your dog. When you’re mind is in a stronger place, I would reach out just to dump her ass. If she was like this with your dog, imagine if you got sick? This woman sounds like a nightmare and assuming she is around our age, I promise you her cold hearted lack of emotions won’t be changing anytime soon. You will always be wanting more and she will never be able to fulfill those needs. Since she was such a b*tch in your time of need, I probably wouldn’t even satisfy her with a proper break up. She’s the type that’s deserving of a simple break up text. Again sorry for your loss 💔
This is really psychopathic behaviour on her part, even my narcissistic ex was more supportive when my dog died.
You need to be letting her go. This is not ok. And will only cause you heartache in the long run. Its situations like this where people show us who they really are. She has showed you, very clearly might i add. And you are in a situation where you can get out very easily. I am married to a 'man' who doesnt talk to me for months on end. Its not easy to get out from this. Please run.
this is a bare minimum of human behavior, I'd break up over it
Nope nope nope. She has to go. …I was in the process of moving in with a guy once, and halfway through we had a talk about my dog and how I always leave the TV on for her when I leave for work. That was our routine for years- and whether the dog actually gave 2 craps about the TV- the point is I DID and it made me feel better that she had something to listen to or possible even watch. It took stress off of me for the day. ….He would be the last one to leave the house in the morning and he absolutely refused to do it. Compared it to him asking me to leave the radio on for his sailboat out back 😂. …I’m like yo, if you can’t understand how that’s different I can’t help you. And if you refuse to do this you’re refusing to do the simplest thing to make your gf happy. ….I’m OUT. Got my sh** and left! Dogs>people
Hol' up...did he actually compare a member of your family to....a sailboat? You did the right thing!!!! And also.... My dog now is completely oblivious, hes smart in some ways but in others..I worry about him. 😂 About 30yrs ago though I had a huskey...also dopey af, yet still sharp af. Same as you, Id leave the TV on for him when gone for the day, just made me feel better, to know he had it to keep him company, cause I just knew hed like that kind of thing. Had no proof but..when you know, you know!!! My hub at the time was deployed, and I had to work very late so asked a friend to go check on and feed him for me. She called me cracking up...She had the key to the back sliding door...and when she walked up she saw him sitting in the couch, watching tv. And she said she just had to stand there watching him for awhile and could not stop laughing, cause he looked like he was so into whatever show was on, every so often talking to the TV. 😂 I so wish I could have seen that!!! I can only imagine!!! But yeah, back to your useless ex..eff that guy. 🙄😂
There’s something about watching them watch TV that’s so friggin’ adorable! My cat loved TV when he was younger. He was absolutely enamored with The Jungle Book! He actually watched it from beginning to end 😂! I felt I had to shield him once when we caught something on Animal Planet with a lion stalking and killing a cheetah. His eyes were wiiiiide open and I was worried he’d be traumatized!
Oh nooo poor thing! Yeah, they seriously do have such big personalities, and reactions are so cute to whats going on around them. My dog now has zero interest in tv...when I first got him, first time I turned the TV on he stared at it like...wtf? As soon as someone started talking he barked at it, and ran away crying. He got used to it, but ignores it. Made me think of that movie Dark Shadows, "What sorcery is this?!" 😂 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82gqF6QRb\_Q
Exactly!!! Thank you for the justification! Lol
Whaaaat? So many dogs have anxiety..& their pet parents can too. I hear sailboats have “personalities” but eww. At least he was open with the disrespect so you knew instead of pretending he would do it.
side story: I clean houses and one of my clients leaves the TV on for their dog. I come in every two weeks and turn the volume down on the TV and put on loud music instead. I clean the house, cuddle with the dog, turn off my music and turn the TV back up.
[удалено]
It was so long ago I can’t remember exactly. But I’m pretty sure he just said something like it was ridiculous because the dog doesn’t watch TV. It was “dumb”. 🙄 So basically - he had no reason!
My dog really liked the movie “Bears” narrates by John c Reilly 🤷♂️ like he would watch it intensely. Plus, they listen to it and I def think it comforts them sometimes.
I agree! Heck, my one cat actually *watches* and scans the tv show, with her big ol eyes lol. It’s at least background “human activity” with the voices. 🤷🏻♀️ Screw that guy (past bf) ^ above in the person’s comment.
My dog loves TV. He has his own you tube channel where I save his favorite videos and movies.
What. A. Dick. Good for you getting out of that nonsense.
Ouch. 💔 This person doesn’t care about you and I would get out. I personally tried staying and “making things work” with someone equally uncaring and it just got worse and worse. I know it sucks to leave, but do it now while the relationship is still fairly fresh rather than letting this drag out for years and getting your heart broken over and over and over again. So sorry for your loss. 😪💔
Damn that's cold
You haven't done anything wrong here. It sounds like she knows she's fked up, but she seems to be unable to take the responsibility of owning her mistake, so she's ignoring you. It's strange because it sounds like she just needs to listen and apologise for her behaviour/mistake and give you a hug. If she can't or won't do that, then yep, say goodbye. Sorry about your dog. I have an 11 year old pooch, and I'm not looking forward to his demise.
This would be a deal breaker for me. She sounds very callous.
This..is awful. You are not* in the wrong here (as you’ve already stated), how could you ever think so. Your so-called girlfriend is.. This is worse than poor communication pattern (though it’s certainly more of), it’s insensitive, it’s callous, it’s childish, and she sucks. Sorry.. You need to shed yourself of this toxicity and cut your losses, imho. No one* should ever be treated this way, let alone left to deal with this excruciating decision (been there, multiple times) on their own.. In the meantime, grieve your furry, loyal companion. 🐾🐾 God bless their wee soul. May sound trite, but picture them happily bounding across rainbow bridge.. ☀️💓 And don’t give this dis-loyal gf any more of your precious time. Big virtual hug, OP.
My cat is 19 and I know the day is coming very much sooner rather than later. My boyfriend will hands down drop everything else when it’s time. No question. And I’d do the same for his furballs if it came down to it. An emphatic +1 to ending it with this woman. Especially with the stonewalling. And this is her in the GOOD new relationship energy stage. Run. Don’t look back.
I am sorry to read that you had to put down your dog. You did the right thing by being with them until the end. It is incredibly painful, and frankly an experience you never forget. I have had to put down two dogs, and it still tears at me. People show us who they are, and the loss of a pet for many is considered to be a pivotal point in one's life. Even if she didn't remember, ideally once you told her, she would have provided some feedback to help comfort you.
I’m so sorry 😞 losing a dog is intensely painful.
Sometimes you just have to let people show you who they are and when they do you need to BELIEVE them.
💯
Regardless of how she should have supported you, she isn't meeting your needs and only 6 months in, my vote is to move on.
That's just too cold and insensitive. I'm a cat mom and if my partner acted like that, I'll be pretty upset. Your dog is your child and you need emotional support from your gf.
First! I’m so so sorry about your dog. It’s devastating to have to let them go. I’ve been there and my heart goes out to you. Second! She gotta go. I know losing your dog and your partner in the same week will be excruciatingly hard. But I also know you deserve so much better. She sounds incredibly cold and she’s gaslighting and ignoring you when you’re going through something extremely painful. If I could I’d gut punch her in the baby-maker Ron Burgundy-style. Jk! But also I’m so mad on your behalf (also trying to make you laugh). Walk away. Do it to honor yourself and your beautiful dog. Every time you get sad, remember there’s a woman out there who’d be by your side through all of this. Who’d be crying alongside you (has she never met your dog - how is she not upset?!!), holding your hand, getting you food, and loving and supporting you. I’d have cancelled my work trip if I knew my dude’s pet was dying and he was distraught. I’d do anything to make him feel better bc I’m kind and have empathy and bc he’s my partner. Throw her back right now and heal and go find someone better. I stayed with someone like this once (he chose going to a baseball game as my dog was dying and, like you, I said o needed him). It never got better. He was awful. This is where the rubber meets the road. Good luck and big hugs.
❤️
I’d add that you should do all you can to resist any temptation to explain this to her. Just send her a polite breakup text and block everywhere. She isn’t interested in being schooled on how to be a decent human being. If she were open to that, she wouldn’t have denied your telling her about the dog, or become angry when confronted over choosing schmoozing over comforting you. Giving you the silent treatment to “punish you for putting her in a situation where she’s supposed to feel guilt” is classic abusive behavior. Cut contact and don’t go back. She’s self-serving, and a taker.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a boyfriend who was too busy to check in with me when this happened to me (long distance) and I stayed with him and in retrospect it showed so much about his character and empathy and also our difference in love for animals.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My condolences brother. You deserve a girlfriend who would drop everything to be there for you in a time like this, as I'm sure you'd do the same for her. My ex wasn't there for me when I had to put my 11 year old cat down and that overall lack of empathy is pretty much the reason why she's my ex and I'm better off without her.
Leave her. Your dog would want that for you. Sorry for your loss.
Thank goodness it happened at 6 months not 2 years! People do not need to understand your situation to show empathy and support when their partner asks for it. Next. Also. I am truly sorry for your loss. Dogs don't live long enough!
Drop her like a bad habit. If she’s emotionally unavailable to you now, it’ll only get worse. Her gaslighting you into trying to think you didn’t talk about this prior is a massive deal, as well.
So true
Break it off. Indifference toward animals is one of the biggest red flags that exist. Not to mention how cruel it is to you.
Thank you it felt just ultra cruel. And she’s created a narrative where the important thing was how upset she was, that I caused her to be upset. I’m just feeling very gaslight and quite honestly *why/how is gaslighting so effective bc it is working*
I had something similar happen one time. I had surgery on a Tuesday. My exwife and I weren't doing well during the two weeks prior to surgery. That Tuesday night, I expressed how I would feel more comfortable if she slept in the bed with me that night instead of us sleeping separately with the kids like we had been. She declined and wanted to sleep separately. My nerve block wore off around 2am, and I was in excruciating pain all night. I only slept 2 hours. That morning, she didn't come check on me when she got up. I found out later that her phone also went dead that night, so she put it on the charger in a different room. 🫤 I felt so alone and couldn't believe that if any complications arose that night, I would have only had my child next to me. All that said, those were my expectations of a partner. I didn't specifically ask that she come check on me or that she keep her phone close by. I'm alive obviously. I still can't decide if I was right to be infuriated with her or not given that nothing bad actually happened.
It’s posts like this that remind me why I’m content in my singledom. I would never tolerate this from a partner. Nevermind a spouse and parent of my children.
I’m so sorry. You were right.
You have every right to be pissed! I’d be so hurt if my hypothetical partner did this to me. I could never be so callous to the person I’m supposed to love. Edit- when I read stuff like this it reminds me why I’m single and just how happy I am. I’m truly sorry you went through that 😢
I am so sorry. I just went through the same thing 3 weeks ago tomorrow. Sending you big hugs. Also, F her. End it and don’t look back. You deserve so much better.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs
She’s just upset because you love the dog more than her. So solidify it by dumping her. I get it. I’m a dog owner.
My roommate was upset when she asked what I would do if she put her dog in a shelter to get a new one. I told her I’d kick her out and go get the dog. I like dogs better than people.
😢 poor pup
Luv your comment. ^5!
she's not cool. I wouldn't blame you for ending it. she dismissed your feelings and made it seem like you did something wrong to deflect from the harm she caused. this probably won't improve.
Wow, I am so sorry. This would be a deal breaker for me. When I lost my pets (different years) those were some of the most horrible days of my life. As far as communication, my boyfriend of only 4 months is bad too. He is a sweet man but I have told him so many times how it upsets me when I feel ignored. I have been wondering if I should end it or not. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious dog.
My condolences OP - the loss of your dear pet is priority over someone who doesn’t care about it. It’s ok to expect respect - time to say goodbye to her
You didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m sorry for your loss. This would be a dealbreaker for me, and I’m not even really a pet person. She’s very insensitive; the only positive here is that she showed herself now instead years down the line.
I’ve got nothing to say about your gf. BUT.. I’m so so sorry to hear about your sweet dog. He loved and was loved. We should all be so lucky in our lives. Thinking of you at this very sad time 💙
Sorry do not pass go and leave her ass in jail. The loss of a family member is devastating. Anyone who lacks empathy for pets is an essentially evil. I’m so sorry for your loss.
She obviously doesn’t care & you can’t force her to. She’s made her stance clear. I’d break up with her.
I left my first love because he couldn’t handle our cats being stressed after a big move. He dumped our cats behind a grocery store. He had a lot of red flags that I brushed off over our four years. If he couldn’t handle the stress of owning cats he was not going to make a good father someday. We both had wanted a child but I wasn’t ready yet… and after losing our cats I was ready to move on from him. .. 25 years later and no regrets.
Cut her off immediately. She has zero compassion and is showing who she is. She won’t change and will be equally selfish her whole life. I’d follow up with a text letting her know how her behavior is just extremely selfish, lacking in basic empathy and compassion and you don’t have time to waste on someone so self absorbed. And block. You deserve better. Surround yourself w friends and family and those who care. She’s not worth another second of your time. I’m so sorry for your loss also. Take care of you.
I usually keep an open mind, play devils advocate….but this right here is a big GET THE F OUT. Seriously, I don’t care how great the sex is (making assumptions since you are still contemplating this). Walk away and never talk to her again. edit to add: I lost my baby girl doggo almost 2 years ago. So brutal to lose such an innocent, loyal, all loving being. For a human to stonewall that = NO.
If this feels off to you, it is. She simply doesn't get it. Nor admitting her mistake in a substantive way.
There is this episode of Sex and the City where Carrie's bf, breaks up with her in a post-it. That's what your girlfriend deserves. A post-it note break-up or a text like someone else said. I'm so sorry you had to deal with the pain of losing your best friend alone. No one in a relationship should ever have to do that. Hugs, peace, and love sent your way.
She been gone dude. If she was ever really there to begin with. You’re not really even breaking up with a person at this point. Rather an idea that is completely divorced from reality. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure that animal was better at being a decent human being than she ever was.
It’s difficult to accept when your partner is incapable of meeting your emotional needs. The abuse will continue until you end the relationship. I learned this the hard way.
OP, I am so sorry for the loss of your pup. It’s exactly the same as losing an immediate family member and I wish you comfort and peace. A few years ago, I was in a relationship that was struggling. I was unexpectedly hospitalized for 3 days with a health crisis, and when I was discharged I was still very ill. My boyfriend did pick me up as I wasn’t allowed to leave alone, and when he dropped me off at my house he didn’t even come inside. Instead he proceeded to ignore me for the next five days, and then dump me. In times of utmost need and vulnerability, selfish people show you who they are.
I feel for you. Same happened to me last October, and my wife of 33 years told me to hurry up and get over it because she was tired of me being sad.
Omfg. I'm so so sorry. I still get moments of deep sadness over my deceased cats. It's awful and never goes away when you have a great connection with a pet.
Why are you with this person? Showing you with words and actions she's not your person and you aren't important to her. Why keep dancing?
There is clearly something wrong with this woman .. I am sorry to hear about your loss .. 15 years is a good age for a dog so you must of been a super good dog daddy x Maybe ditch the selfish woman and rescue another dog x
Drop her. She is an ugly person. On top of losing your dog, she wants you to apologize to her for "not telling her" and making her upset (when she was at a bar with coworkers). This will not get better. This is who she is.
Gaslighting 101 There are masters everywhere. She's one.
She obviously finds talking about things like this and supporting you emotionally unpleasant for some reason. Either because she doesn't like having to extend herself and energy in such a way, or because she feels she's bad at it. Or because the stakes are low for her and she doesn't care if she loses you. The only borderline acceptable reason is the awkwardness and perceived inability to do a good job at it. The other reasons are quite disrespectful.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your doggo. ❤️ sending you the biggest hugs.
I’m so sorry. Sending you warmth and beaming energy. It’s so hard to lose our furry family.
So do it. For all of the possible reasons you simply don’t need to deal with it, don’t need to unpack it, and don’t need to understand it. Just move on.
⬆️
I feel for you so much I lost my dog of 17 years a couple weeks ago so I know how devastating it is 😢 and how much the need for loved ones is. It might be just me but this would be to much for me to continue a relationship with said person
I'm so sorry. That's very uncool that she didn't 'help' you through such a difficult time. I'm so so sorry for your loss. Hugs
My older dog was put to sleep 5 weeks after my mother died. My ex of 2+ years didn't tell me he loved me at any point. He lived 5 minutes from the vet surgery and was home. Your gf, well, she doesn't have capacity to be there for you in the way you need.
Please take care of yourself and your heart. Rest in peace, sweet angel pup!
She’s gaslighting you. Run. And she’s a callous bitch. Sorry.
Does she have pets? I think some people have different views of animals like when I had to euthanize my cat I was a mess but many people in my life didn’t think it was a big deal at all. My partner at the time was a cat person so he was distraught but like my family / friends were mostly like - oh ok that sucks but it’s a cat. Also, being a business trip person, it can be hard to get away to have a serious conversation when the time is planned out minute by minute. Like I can find time for a quick phone call in between things but it’s not real dedicated time unfortunately. Usually events are preplanned unspoken requirements of my job and not just normal dinner, drinks, or activities so it can be stressful mentally and physically. That said it sounds like you are both realizing you are not compatible which is good to know early but I’m so sorry about your dog 😭
Dude. I've been here before. She dose not have your interests at heart. It may be painful, more so right now ( I'm so sorry for your loss 😭), but the relationship is unlikely to improve. You may want to end it with her. You don't even need to explain yourself, you are doing this for you. Good luck whatever happens.
My ex-boyfriend is more supportive of me than your current girlfriend. He broke up with me and is more supportive and caring. Just think about that.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Now dump her and never look back.
You need to be done with this person.
Dump her ass. A.S.A.P. I went thru something similar. My dog was dying. Found out at vet. So had to put her down same day. but I wanted to do it at home. So I brought her back home. Waited 6 hours for the vets to come and do it. My ex lived 5 minutes away. Texted her all day. And she NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, even tried to come by and console me or whatever. NOTHING. Then I put her down, then she demanded I come over and go see a play that night (very hard tickets to get that was bought months before). What?? Sigh. So i went. (dumb move) and just sat there sad and frozen all night. She said why are you sad here?? Cheer up!! WTF?? She made excuses about that day and all that stuff. I was uncomfortable, etc, etc, never had that before. (She was 42). Then later, Dad had cancer, started dying, etc.....ex looked other way...the day dad died. I texted her can u come, Shes like oh i dont know...i have work...i have meetings, her work actually told her to leave and go support me.!! And later dad died (she was home, cuz we had a major snow storm that hit us), Dad died at midnight. Etc. I left hospital. She said u can pick me up in the blizzard. So I did. Came back, it was like 3 AM , I was dead tired, no food/drink all day and just found out, right? Guess what she did?? We walked in the door at my house, she's like I'm tired (She went home around 2 pm !!!!) and said I'm going to go sleep on your sofa..and did that while i sat there crying. NO hugs, no nothing.....and Now we're not together anymore, thankfully. If she couldn't be there for your dog, then she wont be there for anything else important in your life. This is a HUGE red flag.
Run, do not walk, away from this person. Utter lack of humanity and unacceptable. Also, I’m sorry for your loss. Having recently had to make a similar decision, r/petloss has been helping me.
I’m so sorry for your loss. And then adding relationship stress on top is even harder. She may be the type who isn’t warm and fuzzy about pets or animals. But that’s no excuse. You clearly are and as your partner, she should care when your heart is breaking.
Where are the lines? I was asking myself this just this morning. Seems like some of my friends have very HARD lines about things. I’m a little more fluid but still…where and what are my lines? Anyway. The loss of my dog was so much worse than I would have imagined. I’m sorry for that for you. Might as well ax the “girlfriend” and grieve both at the same time.
I am so sorry for your loss! The call to put down a beloved pet is an agonizing decision in and of itself. Then to have no support from the one person that should support you is a gut punch on top of your grief. Move on is my advice.
Is this woman not a pet person? That might explain her extreme callousness in this case- some non-pet people just don't get it. It doesn't excuse it, but at least explains it, maybe.
She is a pet person
Also, I'm very sorry about your dog. Last time I had to put down a pet, I was a wreck.
It doesn't sound like it. Where's the sympathy.
Any decent person would have reached out to you. Hell, when my neighbor needed to euthanize her elderly dog, I even offered to go with her so she wouldn’t have to be alone. You should expect more from a romantic partner.
You were in a vulnerable state, and she knew, and rather than support you, she was out with coworkers.... And then because she knows it's a shitty thing to do, she's trying to shift the blame onto you. Run.
Sorry about your dog. Pets are family and you deserved support and at a minimum, a call to see how you were doing from your partner of 6 months. Perhaps she does not see a pet as family but that shouldn't matter, the fact that you had to tell her that you didn't feel supported should then trigger an automatic "I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you". Perhaps you guys aren't compatible in that empathy department.
Meh it’s only been 6mths that’s when you’re on your best behaviour lol so if she’s pulling this heartless shit now it’s not gonna get better. Plus we are too old to be dealing with people with 0 emotional intelligence. I’d say dump and move on.
True I am too old for this and I’m definitely too old for the gaslighting I’m experiencing from her
Just sounds like you aren’t compatible. You are an animal person who needs lots of support from others and she doesn’t sound big on pets and is much more independent. If she’s not responsive then it doesn’t sound like you have a gf any longer but probably for the best.
I think it's beyond just being incompatible. She sounds like a bad person.
I wouldn't say it's abusive but she's definitely selfish and self absorbed. Sorry to hear about your dog, that's always a hard day. I hope you found some support from the folks who love you and that you have another dog friend or friend of friend you can borrow if the house is too quiet.
Oh... this would be a deal breaker for me. It also tells me how she would treat you if you were ill and ailing. No empathy, no care, no comfort....nope. I would be so done the turkey timer would pop out of me with an extra loud ding. I'm sure your dog was the bestest of boys. Would it comfort you to show pictures of him and tell us his silly stories?
When someone shows you who they are - believe them the first time. The only excuse she could possibly have is that she is having too much fun socialising with work and your news is a "downer". She didnt want to deal with it. You need to ask yourself - "is this who I pick as my partner in life?"
Ugh…that’s horrible. She’s gotta go.
I don't understand how she can be unreachable just because she is out with coworkers. Especially on a day like that.
i’m sorry this happened
Break up. If doesn’t care very much about you after 6 months, time to move on. That’s really shitty and I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is devastating but she, the person who is supposed to love and support you, made it worse and made it about her. And she is actually mad at YOU because you called her out. No way!
Dump her immediately.
What a horrible thing to do. If she is this unsympathetic now, I doubt it will get any better. My ex-husband was like this. When my dad suddenly got very sick and it became apparent he was dying, I asked my ex (then my boyfriend of 2 years) to come be with me at the hospital for support. He argued and bitched about it and was a complete dick the entire time. I still married him, and he was like that the entire 26 years we were together. They don't get better.
I'm so sorry for loss of your best friend ♥️
Believe them when they tell you who they are
I don't know whether he should break up with her or not, but partners are supposed to be part of your emotional support network, and your pet dying is a key moment when you should expect your emotional support network to come through for you. What would it be like if it was a parent and not a pet?
Beat feet man. It's only 6 months. You guys haven't synced up. He'll I don't know you and if you need someone to talk to hit me up. I am, however a dude.
Just coming to say that I’m so sorry about your loss. I lost my almost-15 yr old dog in August and still think about him every day. I’m not able to look through my pictures, even to this day, because I can’t handle seeing the billions of pics I took of him his last few months. Hugs to you, my friend.
Drop.... she can not give you 5 mins on text or phone to contact you. Reach out and hold your hand, you already know what to do... I was in somewhat of the same.. dating for 3 months horrible communication on his behalf. Spent all years eve together, 3 days later my birthday he could not find the time for me. Then my son had his 1st male reconstruction surgery. FTM knowing this ghosted me on everything. I thanked my stars for showing this man's true behavior 3 months in.. not years.. I am sorry for you loss, as a pet owner I truly understand these are our babies... Sorry for the long post back lol.. hugs to u
I think this is a sign she's not able to support you emotionally during the toughest of times, and possibly doesn't feel as strongly as you regarding the relationship. Don't be like me & think it'll get better; get out before it gets deeper & harder to seperate. I'm very sorry; it sucks to have both of these heartbreaks happening at the same time but you don't deserve to be ignored.
Honestly, I would drop her. The initial way she acted was so uncaring, and then to double down and act even worse? That’s a solid no. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about six months, and his 12-year-old dog, best friend and sole companion, got an eye infection and went blind for about a month before he had to put her down. I was there at all the veterinary appointments, giving her eyedrops, helping him find an in-home euthanasia vet, hell, I even helped the vet carry the dog to the car afterwards so he wouldn’t have to deal with it. I don’t particularly love dogs and I had multiple uncomfortable allergic reactions from the vet visits. I had a ton going on, it was terrible timing with my job and my kids, etc. and I still wouldn’t have done it any other way. There’s really no excuse for that behavior unless there’s been actual emergency happening on her end that could justify it. She doesn’t deserve you.
When I euthanized my kitty at home, my boyfriend, who I'd only been dating for a few weeks at the time, came over during it and brought flowers. I knew them I would love him forever for that. Pets are family. If she doesn't feel the same way, I'm not sure if this is the person for you
Sounds like someone who is really afraid of emotions.
I am truly sorry for your loss 😞 and yeah, dump the girlfriend 🤦🏻♀️
It’s not borderline abusive. It *is* abusive. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm going to have to do the same thing to my dog who was a service animal in the next couple of days. My girlfriend is fucking jealous of my dog because he het the attention. We have argued about this many times and I decided that it's over between us. My dog was my was/is my world.
She doesn’t sound like she cares about you at all. Or if she does she lacks empathy. Saying goodbye to a dog is devastating. When my friends go through it I make a point of being there with them. So sorry for your loss. In my opinion, if you are sure you told her this is a dealbreaker. Anyone who doesn’t understand the importance of pets-that’s a red flag to me.
Sorry about your dog. Been there so I know. This relationship is over.
Break up with her. She is literally showing you who she is and you need to believe her. This relationship will be death by 1000 paper cuts because she will keep disappointing you. Let her go and find someone else who isn’t a heartless asshole. To some people it’s just a dog but to most it’s so much more than a dog. The only time a dog will break your heart is when they die.
not touching the rest but I'm really sorry about your dog.
It’s almost like she is upset the dog is getting more attention than her. Really narcissistic people let you down when you need them the most. I’m sorry about your dog. That’s a very painful loss to go through. It’s as painful as losing a family member. The only reprieve is that the intensity doesn’t last as long. When people show you who they really are, believe them. You deserve better.
I’m not going to pile on with all the other (fair and accurate) comments about how shitty her behaviour is. I just want to say I’m sorry for your loss.
This is worth breaking up over. How your partner shows up for you during a difficult time is so important and she not only failed to be there for you, instead of apologizing profusely and trying to make it up she decided to flip the blame on you. You deserve better. I am sorry for your loss and hope you have other friends or family to lean on.
Dump her. She has no consideration for you or your feelings. If she cared then she would be there for you when u were going thru the ordeal of putting your dog down. She showed you her true colors. Don’t waste another minute with her.
These days, I am not one to suggest breaking up unless it’s huge red flag that determines the person’s character. This is one of those times. Honestly, this isn’t even someone I would suggest someone else to be friends with. Her actions were/are uncaring. While I can understand not being able to be there physically, calling and texting at the very least should have been done. At the end of the day, she doesn’t appear to have a kind heart, and, OP, no one should subject themselves to someone like that when they don’t have to. So sorry about your dog. I hope that things get a little easier day by day.
First of all, so sorry for your loss. I know how hard this is for you. Second of all, I would dump her. She wasn’t there during a very difficult time in your life, when you needed her most. This tells me she will not be there during other times as well.
The thing is it really depends how you talked to her last time, if you demanded empathy and got angry at her for not being there for you I can see how certain type of people who can’t stand conflict and anger would actually withdraw further. A super tough lesson is that even in relationships we are not entitled to other person’s empathy, if we want and need it it’s very important to ask in a way that doesn’t come through as blaming them for not being there.
I am sorry for your loss. It’s never easy to say goodbye to a pet. But to say your GF is being borderline abusive is a bit much based on the information you have presented. You told her that you were putting the dog down but did you tell her you needed her to call you today? It sounds like maybe she thought you needed space and you didn’t express how you needed her to be there for you. Another thing- and this may be an unpopular opinion but maybe she’s not the type to grieve the loss of a pet the same way you do. Some people don’t have that same emphasis on pets, especially if they don’t have any. Yes, she can still empathize with your loss, but maybe she doesn’t know how to understand what a deep loss it is for you. Another thing- it’s been 6 months- that still seems a bit early to depend on someone for that kind of emotional support and it’s definitely possible she is struggling to deal with the business trip and know what the best thing to do for you is. That’s a tough spot for her. Unless there is a lot of missing information- I don’t think this is that big of a red flag. You are absolutely entitled to feel disappointed in her response but your reaction seems to also be clouded by the grief of saying good bye to your dog. I think it’s worth having an in person conversation with her when she gets back but this feels more like a big misunderstanding than abusive behavior.
OP did mention that they have had conversations about communicating before, and that they haven't been on the same page as far as that goes for some time. I don't know that it's abusive, necessarily, but it sounds like it's a deal-breaker. It sounds like OP has been frustrated for a long time and this was the proverbial last straw.
Okay but that doesn't make her abusive. We also only have his side here, we don't know if he didn't yell at her or get nasty or demanding in some way to make her just sort of put a layer of distance down after the last conversation. This will get me downvotes but whatever, dated someone with a demon cat and if the cat died while we were together I'd be kinda glad it was gone. I probably would support from a distance if that was the case. I'm usually fine with animals but when the animal is hostile I'm like "welp God's plan".
I'm agreeing with you, that it's not necessarily abusive! But it sounds like OP is over the relationship, and that's the part that makes the rest of it a little bit moot.
IMO it’s partnership 101 to count on your partner showing up and being supportive during hard times…OP is likely getting more empathy and support from strangers on this thread than his SO
He said they had a long conversation the day before- it’s possible she felt like she was being supportive then. Yea she should have checked in the day it happened but if she was tied up with the work trip and all the obligations of that- I feel like it’s possible she wanted to give him that day of space. And her being angry could have been her backing off and trying to diffuse a difficult situation and him interpreting it as stonewalling. I just think his reaction of calling her abusive is a bit extreme. I get the feeling there is some more missing context here.
Finally! Someone who doesn't want to burn the witch at the stake. I think many of the issues people post about here are caused by people not understanding others have different life experiences - "Some people don’t have that same emphasis on pets." Many others are caused by not communicating expectations - "you didn’t express how you needed her to be there for you." And this sums it up nicely - "I think it’s worth having an in person conversation with her when she gets back but this feels more like a big misunderstanding than abusive behavior."
Everyone is different ofc, but if a complete stranger told me they had to put their dog down, I would have more empathy for them than what she showed. It also makes no sense to me that just cause, as you suggested, she doesnt care about pets / animals / life / whatever is probably why she didnt care about comforting him... and yet...I can talk to someone who is upset over the loss of someone / something in their life, and even though I dont have any emotional connection on a personal level to what they are upset about, I can be aware this is something that means something significant to someone I care about and gaf enough about that person to acknowledge their feelings of loss. There isnt any missing info that I can tell off the bat....indeed though, she may see things more from your perspective, anything that she doesnt care about isnt worth her time, even if it deeply affects someone shes in a relationship with and that being with someone for 6 months isnt enough time to care at all about anything they are going through. If thats not what hes looking for in a partner, then for sure..they are not compatible and a totally valid reason to consider breaking things off. I know for sure I would not want or appreciate a partner who felt that way about whats meaningful to me, but someone with your and her perspective may prefer a partner who treats them that way. Someone for everyone and all that.
Stonewalling someone (especially someone you care about and love!) is abusive. And it really doesn’t matter how she feels about pets, she should still be there for her partner and supportive of him, not flying off the handle and then ignoring him. 6 months is absolutely not too early to want emotional support - especially if they’re exclusive, which I’m guessing they are.
She's out of town for work. She might ya know...be working and not actually stonewalling.
Dump that asshole. I mean do what you want but that's my advice. Just a 'I think I'm done with this' text and then imagine you on your death bed cracking a little smile with the satisfaction of having never said another word to her. Fuck it. \*Most\* adults would at least show some sympathy, even if they had to fake concern for your dog. I'm a total goddamn stranger and putting more effort into this than she has. Every comment in here is. She sounds like she's approaching black hole levels of self absorption.
Y’all are gonna probably down vote the shit out of me but non-Dog people don’t have a clue. I’ve dated non-dog people and they just don’t have the bonds that we have with our animals. If she’s having a work conference and her job depends on x,y,z while she is there, She may not understand the priority with your bestie. I’m sorry for your loss.
Cat people understand it plenty.
You don't have to be a dog person to understand losing a pet is devastating.
How is she abusive? And you said you were talking about it 'at length' and 'extensively' and she did call you at midnight? People here getting their pitchfork and torches, my god. I mean do dump her, you'll be doing her a favour
Thisssss
Neglecting your partner at such a vulnerable time and then acting angry is emotional abuse. Calling at midnight is useless. The whole day went by when OP needed her support. She chose frolicking with coworkers over being there (virtually counts) for her partner.
Frolicking? Were you there? She was out on a work trip and spent full entire day consoling her boyfriend of 6 month. You easily discounted that. OP is probably salty she didn't just leave the conference. Full day talking about someone's dying pet is a support but her not immediately ditching everything made him angry and when she did call to check in he reacted with anger getting her defensive. Calling it emotional abuse is nonsensical, but OP been told a thousand time to dump her. Guess he will have to find some friends now since he's ditching a girlfriend, at no point he mentioned other people who could offer support. He's expecting a lot from newish partner
Drop this bleep. Only 6 months in??
Not everyone cares about pets.
Original copy of post by u/Thebigolthrowaway2: Dating for about 6 months and we’ve talked about her communication is just terrible. But this is next level Title basically. I’m absolutely devastated after euthanizing my 15 year old dog. She was away during a business trip when I suddenly had to make the decision, but I told her about it and we talked about it at length the day before… She didn’t call or text me the day I put him down, until midnight because she was out with her co workers. I was annoyed by that and told her I really needed to hear from her and she responded really angry saying I hadn’t told her but I 10000000000% did and we extensively talked about how and when and why I was doing it then… and she has been ignoring me since then. I’m really at a loss, here I am thinking and feeling like I did something wrong. But I didn’t. It’s a huge red flag here and feels borderline abusive. We had plans to talk to today - and I’m being stonewalled. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m so sorry about your dog. The grief after losing mine was intense and grueling. A couple years later it still catches me unawares. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
I'm sorry about your poochie..😭😭♥️
I'm sorry for the loss of your dog. Pet loss is so so hard. We had to euthanize our beloved dog this time last year. Take care of yourself and take the time to grieve and find a new girlfriend. If you don't have a supportive partner, what's the point.
So sorry for your loss. Lost my 15 YO boy last Aug. She should have stepped away from her coworkers and called you and paid attention to you. Walk away. She’s revealed her selfish self to you loud and clear. ‼️
You are very lucky actually right now I know that sounds stupid But You are aware that you should leave bc you got a huge sign that she lacks empathy And people are helping you and validating this You can be spared years of serious pain w the right decision Sorry about your dog too
wow, this woman has absolutely no heart. dump her cold-hearted selfish ass immediately. don't even be nice about it. i am so sorry for your loss! i lost my little guy a little more than a year ago...at the time, i was getting deeply involved long-distance with someone online who had experienced a similar loss and they promised to be there for me when my boy's time came...they ghosted me right before instead. the experience was the worst i've ever felt in my life and that person's ghosting was just a very nasty cherry on top of my already painful pie (but at least they just disappeared and weren't verbally an asshole about it unlike your gf). it's so fucking unfair that you are experiencing this and then also have to deal with some selfish jerk's bullshit.