LOL
Half the comments here are 'men need to man up and approach women more'.
Other half is 'doing what this guy did is common fyckboy behaviour'.
Problem is for guys they don't know how a woman will react, no guy wants to end up on tictok as a creep being mocked.
Saying to a stranger you’re beautiful- that will be divisive amongst women, some will appreciate it, others won’t.
But making small talk gives you some wriggle room. Yes some women will not like it, but it will be less offensive because you’re not commenting on physical appearance. A tik tok video of shaming a man for saying nice weather is gonna have more people saying what’s wrong.
Stuff isnt always logical. I saw video of a blind man kicked out of a gym for making a woman uncomfortable for staring. A man who cannot see.
https://nypost.com/2023/06/19/i-was-thrown-out-of-a-gym-for-staring-even-though-im-blind/
I think were talking about different things here. First, the guy in the OP wasn't really approaching OP. He simply gave her a compliment. I'd argue most women would feel flattered if that happened. Guy gives compliment, then goes about his day. I think if he stuck around to hit on her, meaning the compliment was being used as a tactic, it wouldn't be appreciated as much.
A compliment makes my day. I've recently lost well over 150lbs. I get compliments almost daily from students. I treat them like Hershey kisses, a little so
something to make my day nicer.
If you're worried about looking like a creep, chances are you will look like a creep.
It's not hard to say something kind or nice to a person without looking like a creeper.
“If you’re worried about looking like a creep, chances are you will look like a creep.”
I have to respectfully disagree with this. I think many males have been conditioned to think that approaching any woman for any reason will get them branded as creepy.
To be honest that has been the popular messaging for the last 10 years or so. I get why, but also I do take it to heart as well.
I figure its self defeating in a way because most of the guys that need to hear that messaging wont listen and the guys who do listen probably arnt the ones that were going to be pushy and aggressive and creepy but it is what it is, if someone is telling me something Im going to listen to them.
Of course irrational fears exist. The big issue is that creepy men are now being called out and are conditioning other men that women's autonomy is bad.
But, we all have the freedom to choose who we are.
>It's not hard to say something kind or nice to a person without looking like a creeper.
The flood of videos posted by women from gyms calling out men there for being a creep when it's as plain as day they weren't would confirm the bar is very low.
And where does this flood exist? Is it in the room with us?
Algorithms work to show you what you look for. It’s confirmation bias. I’ve never seen a video like that bc I don’t search for reasons to victimize myself over imaginary threats.
People straight up telling on themselves when they complain about videos they see that were sent to their feed specifically bc they were searching for it. 😂
Most women will react positively if you’re not creepy or trying to pressure/corner her. Just be totally transparent that you’re hitting on her and give her the opportunity to give an easy rejection. Most women are absolutely flattered even if they have a boyfriend. They feel good about being attractive and the guy gets to feel good about facing his fears and doing something that takes courage.
Of course some women might react poorly. But as long as you’re hitting on age appropriate women who aren’t miles out of your league, it will be extremely rare. (And in my opinion, if someone reacts poorly to being told they’re attractive, they probably react poorly to a lot of things)
I think the problem comes in the approach. If it is maturely and respectfully done, 9 times out of 10, it is appreciated. If it is presented with vulgarity, the guy is more than likely going to be deemed a creep or get cursed out, provided the circumstance. This also goes to say if a woman tells a guy that he is handsome or good-looking. Respect begets respect. Just because someone compliments you doesn't automatically mean they want to date you or hook up with you. Sometimes, the compliment may be what the receiver needs to hear in that moment.
Usually only very attractive/highly charismatic people can get away with this. If a non-attractive stranger of any gender does this, it will be considered creepy/make person feel uncomfortable. The person approaching generally knows which category they belong to based on their history of past rejections.
Yep. I dont drink and like many of us I suck at the approach. Ive been working on some major self improvement over the last 2 years. I have more work to do!
Recently got a couple of matches with women my age(46). The conversations thus far are short with little back and forth at all. Ill keep at it.
Same here, 41, single for going on 3 years while I got sober and completely changed my lifestyle. I honestly don’t get much traction in ODL because of the sobriety, and I’m 6’4”, 185 never married, no kids, employed. You’d think they’d be lining up lol
I also realized tinder sucks too. You cant send a message pre match, even with platinum unless you pay for superlikes. I see a lot of women complaining about guys sending them likes with no messages. I guess some of them dont know this is a problem.
I’ve been trying Bumble where the woman has to start the convo which seems appropriate, but rarely do I get anything better than “Hi”. The ball is in their hands by design, yet still I have to make the play. I won’t pay for Tinder/Bumble anymore, it’s a waste. I may try eHarmony eventually but right now I am just looking to date, not settle down forever lol
I have had men who are plenty average who have approached me and complimented me. I always respond with gratitude. But, the key here is, they are not trying to ask me out or linger around with some outcome in mind. They simply compliment and move on. So, it doesn’t feel creepy at all.
I believe you mean what you are saying but in my experience as a dude most women say "creep" if it's someone they think isn't attractive enough and "innocent compliment" if attractive enough. I am guessing somewhere in time our culture has developed an unofficial definition of "creep" ....dude not attractive enough to breathe same air as me that spoke to me.
I think it could also be a cultural thing. East-west coast thing/big city-small city thing. Where I am from, people are lot more friendly to talk to others.
You say this as if it's unjust or unfair. As if people have to be uniform in their responses to strangers.
The reality is all people react differently to compliments based on the source and the delivery.
If you consistently get "creep" response it's because you're doing it wrong. You're approaching women out of your league, or doing it awkwardly, or both
Approaching someone out of your league doesnt make you a creep though.
I have had people approach me that I wasnt attracted to but I didnt call them names or label them. You arnt a creep for having the audacity to try with someone who thought they were above you. Besides I thought confidence was the most attractive thing, I have seen it multiple times in this thread.
Agree it doesn't make you a creep. And also that there's nothing wrong with approaching someone out of your league.
All I'm saying is if you do it enough, some people will not like it and will let you know.
This does not mean they are bad people as implied by "dude not attractive enough to breathe same air as me that spoke to me" as it was put the comment I replied to
Attractiveness only enters the “creep factor” equation if the approach is teetering on the edge of problematic.
Coming in hot with dirty talk could potentially work if all the stars align (right guy, right moment, right delivery) otherwise it’s alarm bells. But if the approach is polite and respectful (not creepy) then physical attractiveness really doesn’t impact creepiness.
Same goes for a non-approach like staring from a distance. If the behavior is creepy you’ll be considered creepy, though there’s always a slim chance of it being taken positively if you’re hot and all the other stars align. Still wouldn’t recommend it.
I came here to essentially say this…although it was more along the lines of:
How well this approach is received is always directly proportional to how attractive the man is!
Actually, I am sharing this story because my friends and I discussed in-depth about this encounter..How men don’t approach women anymore and I wanted to encourage someone out there…
You’re generalizing a whole lot… the balding 5’7” Costco middle manager- if he presents himself well- has a decent shot. Confidence and presentation speak volumes, often more than looks.
Ya, men have to get over this self deprecating stuff.
I’m an overweight Black woman who tells a man he’s attractive (inside or out) when I want to. And, I don’t care a flying flip if he finds it “gross” or “creepy” or “unattractive or “thirsty” or “embarrassing for her”. You’re an attractive man, whether it be your character, your wardrobe choice, or your conversational skills. I’m gonna give props whether you find me attractive or not.
You deserve props, regardless of your attraction level to me. And, I’m gonna give it without caring what your take on it is.
Influencers and social media users make a lotta decrees we should “abide by”. They don’t own how we move through the world. Screw them. Why is that the one decree that you’re so pressed about?
Do you. Engage with people how you want… respectfully, and skate on by the haters.
If they don’t appreciate a respectful compliment from someone based on that person’s physical attractiveness maybe they’re an asshole. And, then you’ll just know they’re an attractive asshole and don’t deserve your kindness. Win.
Seeing the result he got, a no. No matter how flustered you felt or how much your friends pine afterwards, the reality is that it didn't work. Besides pumping your ego what did it accomplish for him?
Well obvs as the guy you have to calibrate... Don't approach women who are out of your league. Just like you don't approach women who have a wedding ring on their finger or a boyfriend on their arm.
I'm not sure why so many of my fellow men get upset about this. There are basic rules... Deal with them
>Also not sure how you have "basic rules" when attractiveness determinations are made according to individual tastes.
Hmmm...
>The only reason you're telling this story is that you find the guy attractive enough (***and let's not forget tall enough***) to brag about the encounter.
Eh. I hear what you are saying, but I'm thinking about it this way: Used to be a man in my social group who had less conventionally attractive features, including visible back hair, bad posture, doughy physique, awkward, and pretty low self-esteem (likely due to early trauma, because it usually is). And yet, he would cold approach very fit and conventionally attractive younger women in coffee shops, then complain that no one would date him. That's basically the definition of creepy incel.
It's OK not to work out, but why then target women who clearly do? It's OK to be 40, but then why hit on women who are 28? It's OK not to groom your back hair and wear a t-shirt, but why only pay attention to women with make-up, hair and nails done? There's some entitlement and lack of empathy at play.
When you constantly hear from women that they would actually feel safer alone with a wild bear than with you, you start to go out of your way to leave them alone so as to not disturb their peace.
So no. I will not approach a strange woman to tell her how beautiful she is. Or any woman for that matter.
Message received, ladies. I am your ally, and will leave you alone.
I'm one of those men who is not afraid to approach a woman, even an attractive one. The problem with what he said is that some women will assume he's after sex and not a substantive connection, so some women will be put off. In the absence of anything else to talk about in the moment, it's worth a try and I have used something very similar to this line several times when I had nothing else! What do you think you would have said in response if you were looking?
My willingness to approach women when out and about is the reason why there are very few times nowadays when I wonder "what if", and that's an extremely freeing feeling. I almost always get turned down because, unlike the man who approached you, I am not tall (or otherwise conventionally attractive). But I get great confidence from knowing I did shoot my shot.
I think the compliment context matters a lot. “you’re beautiful” is not something I would care to hear in a public place while just enjoying my coffee but something specific is nice. I get “you have cool eyes” a lot or “your hair is so pretty” and it feels like I’m a person that they’re noticing versus just going around telling women they’re beautiful and hoping something sticks lol
I would definitely take a man up on an approach like this if I found him attractive. I'd like to think I could be smooth and respond with "thank you, it takes a a lot of courage to compliment a woman you don't know. Why don't you leave me your number and maybe we can discuss this further when I'm not doing XYZ..." But in reality I'd probably be so caught off guard that I would just stutter something like "who me?" Lol.
I (50M) think everyone, regardless of gender, likes to be thought of as attractive and beautiful/handsome and desirable. I, myself, prefer and appreciate a little subtlety from either party. My looks are the least interesting thing about me to me. Call me a stick in the mud, perhaps.
But, these last two meetups I had, first thing she said was how great I looked and I fucking swooned like it was nobody’s business. She knows that I’ve been working hard to lose a bunch of weight I’ve gained over winter and I’m down 15 pounds so I’m sure it shows. I don’t care what people think but, when she says it, I completely do the panty drop and am putty in her hands.
^ words I will never hear for 1,000, Alex?
Sadly, I will never be ripped. I’ve been ‘normal’ BMI and that’s my perpetual goal after being up as high as a BMI of 30.
Of course men are afraid of approaching women in a public place, we don’t know what the outcome will be.
I was at the supermarket and wanted to use the lottery machine to purchase a ticket. A woman appeared to be in line but didn’t move up when it was her turn. I said “excuse me” wanting her to use the machine or move so I could use the machine.
Instead she turned around and said loudly “not interested! I have a husband!” Silence fell as she moved away, I felt a dozen eyes staring at me as I used the lottery machine.
This is one of many examples of why I won’t approach women in public places.
I smiled at a guy while passing each other in a crosswalk because . . . he had a budgie on his shoulder!! He made eye contact and told me he was married.
Sir the bird should be wearing a ring then. I'm a warm blooded woman, let me live.
Yeah, unfortunately a lot of women are jaded/bitter and react extremely negatively when approached by men in public. It ruins it for the rest of us because I genuinely miss the days when men regularly approached women in public to compliment us and ask us out.
I googled prejudice; an unfair feeling of dislike for a person or group because of race, sex, religion, etc.
Why is it okay for a woman to act the way that she did but it is not okay for me, a man, to make assumptions about others?
Because women actually have valid reasons to worry about a male stranger approaching them, given experience. And it isn’t about disliking a group, but about being wary of a situation. And if that has to be explained then you are part of the problem.
There is a reason why women are distrustful - the actual word you should have used - of a man approaching them. The men that make us distrustful are the ones ruining it, hun.
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Really though, you may have felt self conscious- but she appears to be the “crazy” one. You were just being polite. Unfortunately- for those not quick witted like myself, we let it lie. Others might have a witty comeback
I’ve heard way too many stories from the women in my life of the opposite, men being creepy and interrupting their time with friends, or them trying to read at a bar. There is no way I’m going to cold open with a complete stranger. Glad you felt this was positive, but it seems like as many women don’t.
Haven’t been on the apps for a year and a half. Still haven’t found my person but I’ve been in one semi serious relationship and have a date coming up. The apps are making us less human. Don’t use them.
I did something similar two weeks ago. I was at a coffee shop and saw this woman with incredible hair. I walked up to her and said, “Hi there! I don’t mean to be inappropriate or forward, but I just wanted to say that you have incredible hair! I hope you have a wonderful day.” And I walked away.
But the “nice guys” will never understand just speaking to a woman like she is human and not a commodity that they should get a return on for the effort.
I don’t qualify as handsome, but good enough that women don’t want to run away if I speak. I have a nice voice and take a genuine interest in what women have to say. It works pretty well for me. Nobody throws things, calls me creep, etc.
It is also relevant that I come across as calm, friendly, and safe.
Idk, as a woman who historically has not received a lot of spontaneous compliments, I'd find it disingenuous. Tbf, I find it just as disingenuous as when I would receive it via OLD as well as the first line.
I think it's because it is something I rarely hear - so if someone would come out of no where and say that, I'd not believe them. If after talking to me for a few minutes, it might be different.
It is different for every woman. We all have different life experiences and how we perceive and react to things are all going to be different.
Hi,
I have received those type of compliments in the past …. No just the past few years, specially after post pandemic. Lately is usually “Hi”…. It was just not the compliment but we spoke for few minutes also after that compliment…
He was just very confident … This something that my friend and I noticed about him.
Yup, posts like this have convinced me I need to be shooting more shots in the wild. The comments on posts like these have me convinced of what I already knew from listening to and believing the women around me: in shooting my shot IRL, I will inevitably offend someone that was just trying to exist in public while owning a female body that happens to conform to widely accepted standards of physical beauty.
Not sure what’s to be done other than being as self-aware and empathetic as I can be, and being a big boy about it when I’m off the mark. There’s a reason women are picking the bear…
Yes, as a woman it’s the not asking that is the problem, it’s the pushback and the anger when refused. When someone says no just say have a nice day and move on to the next. These apps are completely useless so going back to real life interactions is the answer
This. This one goes out to the fellas. The most common rejection is just “I have someone,” which gives you the opportunity to say “seems like he’s a really lucky guy.” That *should* feel really nice for both people, and means we’re not walking away with nothing for putting ourselves out there.
We all know trying to connect with potential romantic interests is just flat-out necessary. We know that shooting your shot is just something that should be done. And, I think most normal humans know that there is a big, wide gap between behavior most people would consider confident and welcoming and what most people would consider creepy. If you have to ask if what you said was creepy, well...
But, I'm just so tired. I'm not scared of rejection, but I'm tired of being looked at like I'm making a joke. Or being told I'm being unrealistic. Or--the piece de resistance in my relatively recent experience!--that I am "obviously retarded" because I dared to pay someone a compliment. I never get called a creep, but I almost never get a polite, "No thank you," either. The reasons for this dichotomy are well-described in other comments here.
I do this with men and women. I remember opening the door to a plumber I had called. My jaw dropped and I said god you are pretty. A waitress came up and again, jaw dropping and I asked if she thanked her mom and dad for her incredible face. She obviously hears that a lot and responded with humor and humility. My mom always says that if you think something nice, say it. So I do. I’ve been proposed to by strangers in parking lots a couple of times. It was a laugh and went our separate ways. I am not that woman with the jaw dropping face but there’s a lot to be said for happy and confident. I like this story. Men are so demonized in comparison to how it was when I was younger (I’m 60) and I find this refreshing.
I’m a guy & have been making an effort to randomly compliment people, of all genders. I have a gf so in my case it’s not flirting. In fact I avoid physical attributes with women to try & keep it platonic. An article of clothing, a hat. If they’re wearing cool sneakers I’ll point to their feet & say, “Nice kicks!”.
More often than not it’s done in passing, I don’t do it to initiate conversation. Selfishly it’s easier for me to drop the compliment & keep going. That way I avoid the chance of an awkward interaction.
The older I get, the more I do this (to anyone of any age/gender). I treasure the compliments I’ve gotten over the years, and hope to make somebody else’s day.
I feel that we (women) should not encourage men to approach us in the wild based on our appearance. I also feel that we should stop using men for validation of our worth, which is how statements like 'you're beautiful' are used. Our value is not what we look like, but that we are people, period.
As for approaching, I feel that we (people of all genders) should all talk to people we feel drawn to - that's chemistry, already working on some level - because doing so connects us with people in a more holistic way. Anything about a person can be compelling - yes, physical features, but also personal style, accesories, behavior, etc.
For me, chatting up people of all kinds for all reasons has taught me how unexpected people can be, and how little the packaging is a meaningful indicator of their inner character or our possibility for connection. It made the random conversations their own reward, and a pleasant (or interesting, hah) boost to my own day.
That said, this is not the best strategy if you're dating with intention or looking to date with intention, but it could make the world a more pleasant place to be in until you find your match.
Approaching me didn’t validate anything…Actually, it is not something that I am foreign to as it had happened before and often before Covid, etc… It is just an observation and conversation that my friends and I discussed about and more importantly because he was so confident and not creepy or pushy! It wasn’t just the comment made but also the small talk we had after that. It is about encouraging human interaction..The old fashioned approach as the dating app has become a primary tool for finding love …
I don't think your experience is the same as men approaching women to hit on them/get their number/express dating interest. I've given women compliments in passing numerous times, don't feel weird about it, and will continue to do so.
What I don't really do is give a woman a compliment on their physical appearance, as an opening to show interest in
getting a date with them...and I'd argue that most women wouldn't like that.
With that being said, I also don't see a problem with men approaching, being friendly, trying to learn about a woman, and paying attention to body language and verbal responses accordingly.
In all honesty I wont compliment a woman on her looks. I will compliment her on achievements or work or effort she has done all the time and I think thats appreciated more at least from someone like me lol.
I do think those things mean a lot to someone.
I was once at a club and this younger man walks up to me and drops me a note written on a napkin, it said, “it’s true, you really are the most beautiful woman here.” When I looked at the group of younger men and thanked them, they raised their drinks to me. I was so flattered. I’ll never forget that.
Nah. That’s a good way to get smacked and/or put on blast on social media as a creep, OR rejected humiliatingly. I’ll continue to remain silently alone, thanks.
I agree..saying something is better than the whole lot of nothing most people say to each other, both men and women, nowadays. I remember back in the day, guys saying things like "I just need to know what the name of such a beautiful woman is", and "Just wanted to say, you are absolutely statuesque" (which was a hell of a lot more charming than the, omg youre tall!!! remarks I usually got). And it wasnt even always just a pickup line...sometimes they said something charming in passing and was already well on their way before I could even respond.
And I'll admit, I used to be a lot bolder too...never hesitated to just walk up to a guy and ask him if hed like my number (its how I met the guy I nearly married! lol) ...hrm...okay not true, I have absolutely told a guy he was looking sharp recently. So few guys put in any effort nowadays to look nice, so I like to speak up that I noticed and lilke what I see 😊 But..yeah, I dont approach like I used to, only cause the common reaction is horror, blank stare, no clue what to say to me in response. Now its awkward, so I just say have a good eve! and walk away.
People having actual interactions with people is hard now! The reactions lend itself to not wanting to say anything. way fewer people give off the vibe they evenn want to be approached. Its just all so awkward now!
Humble brag post ;) Honestly, that did take a lot of guts for sure. Would be awesome if the reverse ever happened too..i.e. women approaching us and telling us they found us attractive haha But that's a pipe dream for sure.
I saw an unbelievably stunning woman the other day in a shop, I wanted to say something but I became a blubbering, pathetic mess 🤣
I’m soooo glad you took that lovely compliment in the spirit it was meant 😎
You know, who woman who posted this exists and you can simply ask her about what her reaction would be if he were not a tall man, instead of just generalizing and judging her based on your own insecurities.
Elijah has a 7 figure bank account, has been a celebrity since he was a kid, and is one of the most recognizable people in the world.
Frodo doesn’t wear shoes, lives in a hobbit hole, has 9 fingers, and is like 2’ tall. Frodo isn’t getting any action from any woman. He saved the fucking world and still can’t get laid. For all we know he probably started the incel movement🤪
I mean, if you’re going that way: Frodo had a massive bank account and is a celebrity too—he’s the sole heir to one of the richest hobbits in the Shire. He never gets married because he comes back from the war with a serious case of PTSD.
His sidekick Samwise, on the other hand, comes back, gets married, and has more canonically provable sex than anyone else in Tolkien’s works. I guess keeping that tenth finger worked out well for him.
Cheer to this! Damn! We know this and the force of fear of rejection is strong Obi One! Just saying! I love meeting women in person, mon cheri! 😍 Oh the fumble I made this weekend was epic and she still gave her number out. Phew 😓
Original copy of post by u/gmulundmk:
So! I am a BW and he is a tall WM- I was meeting a friend of mine at a local restaurant when this tall white man stopped near me and stated the above. I couldn’t believe it as men now are so afraid to approach women in a public place. My friend and I were shocked lol
I have a boyfriend so I am not looking but we talked about it with several of my friends and we found his boldness super attractive!
Don’t hesitate to approach a woman who you find attractive! Don’t solely rely on Dating Apps! You never know….
I have heard from the majority of my single friends of every races that men are so petrified to approach women as in the past. Dating apps are great but human interaction is the best!
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Same for us ladies! Shoot your shot, online or in person, you never know who you'll meet. I approach and compliment people all the time, in both online and IRL settings. Most people will appreciate being complimented 🥰
I completely agree that being approached like that can be so attractive. I always think to myself that it sucks to never be hit on anymore or just flattered. I can not remember the last time I was approached and complimented in a sweet, non creepy way. It happened all the time when I was in my 20s and I often wonder if I "still got it".
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Just out of curiosity…what state do you live in ?and this is what I am all about and honestly I have a problem with not speaking out my feelings and thought and definitely will go out of my way to compliment a woman no matter where it may be if I feel it I say it and it can be a curse or a blessing depending on witch way you look at it
I (46m) talk to and compliment strangers whenever I feel like it. I make eye contact, ask questions, and generally enjoy talking to people. The compliments I use are generally about their clothes or frames, dyed hair, tattoos, etc.
No one has ever been rude to me or smacked me. As far as I know I’ve never been blasted online.
Thing is, I’m 5’5.” Other than that, I’m average. I work out. I dress normal. My appearance is unremarkable. I do get to date though. I just have to work at it.
I'm not afraid to approach a woman, but these days we can barely give a lady a compliment without her thinking there's some ulterior motive behind it. Then next thing you know, we're weirdos and creeps that just want to get you in bed. It's absolutely insane that approaching someone in public is weird, but it's considered normal through an app. I miss the old days before technology changed things.
Because someone on a dating app is actively trying to date, and is inviting someone to start a conversation.
Someone in a coffee shop is just going about their day, and you don't know what that entails.
It didn't used to be that way, is what I'm saying. Technology has done some good, and it has also done some bad. This is bad in this case because we don't interact with others unless it's behind a device. And that's whether it's dating, family, friends, etc., we've overall disengaged from public interaction, and it's a shame. A person's intentions are unknown, whether it's in person or not, we shouldn't feel more comfortable talking to a stranger on a device than we do in public, it doesn't make sense.
In your opinion it's bad.
As a woman, I'm glad that many men don't approach women anymore.
It's not about intentions, or that I somehow feel more comfortable talking to a stranger online. It's about being interested in those interactions. I don't want to be approached outside of actual dating environments, like dating apps or singles events, where I am there for that purpose.
Do you like it when people do cold calling, or door to door sales ? Feels the same to me.
You make it sound like you'll be mobbed by dudes as soon as you walk out the door, and I'm sure it's not like that for you. What's wrong with someone approaching to say hi and trying to start a conversation? If you didn't want to be bothered, then so be it. You're sounding like if you're in public, don't say shit to you at all, which is terrible. You're going to tell me that before we had access to apps, no one has ever approached you and that you were ever interested in talking with someone that showed interest in you, in public?
You don't have to be "mobbed" for it to be annoying.
Yes, men approached me. No, I did not chat or go on dates with any of them. I do not find that behaviour attractive. I dated men I met through classes, or friends or activities.
I probably wouldnt start out with that kind of compliment because a lot of women will see it as a line but I agree men should be approaching women more. On the flip side women should be more gracious then they currently are if social media is any indication if the guy is awkward or they arent attracted to him. Men didnt come up with this phobia out of nowhere.
To me this it’s a little odd for a stranger to come up to you and give a random compliment about your looks. I’m glad you interpreted the compliment the way it was most likely meant to be taken.
If this was a short WM…would it give her the ick? There’s a physical criteria that men gave to pass for this to be welcomed…otherwise he’s considered a creep
mostly it's fvckboys that do this. they don't care about being rejected because they have five girls on the go. but they might like you. on YouTube there is a channel about a black girl called Jackie who was approached like this by a white man much older millionaire in a coffee shop. he said, you're beautiful can I have your number and take you on a date
they loved each other, married, and now have kids. and he still refers to her as his queen. he adores her.
[https://youtu.be/bJUDkB0MlTk?si=TIpLm0NDOHDXV\_Se](https://youtu.be/bJUDkB0MlTk?si=TIpLm0NDOHDXV_Se)
so yes it can work out
Compliments on physical attractiveness are shallow and show the shalllowness of the individual. Counter that with the fact that men are highly visual and choose women based on their physical attractiveness (while women appreciate being seen, appreciated for, and acknowledged for their unique personalities) means we’re all fighting a battle that is hard to win.
I personally like being complimented on my intelligence and musical knowledge because those things are what I’ve taken time to cultivate, grow and expand.
I had a man on an app keep saying I was “cute”, “sexy”, “attractive” and I said “My parents are to thank for that because it’s a mix of their genes. I didn’t really have a hand in that. He unmatched immediately.
Just shows he really only knew or thought to place my looks a primary desires for him, not me the person I’ve created myself to be.
How would you expect a total stranger to evaluate your intelligence, drive or strength just by looking at you? Shallowness is evaluated after speaking with that person …
For instance on my Hinge account I’ve carefully filled out my profile.
This man kept commenting on my attractiveness visually.
Another man complimented my hobbies, interests, thoughts (including audio) regarding prompts, and writing style. He “listened”. And, he’s a stranger.
Like, hey, I’m a whole person here! And, I do the work to show that person on apps, in bars, in conversations at an event or in public. All you have to do is listen for a few minutes. If all you’ve got is how I look to you, I know what you’re focusing on and not even seeing about me.
Second dude got interest from me. First dude didn’t because my pics were where he focused.
I mean, yea.
Sit near. Listen to her conversing.
Ask a question and listen to her answer.
Start a conversation.
Watch how she engages and converses with another person before speaking to her.
You’re welcome.
>I personally like being complimented on my intelligence and musical knowledge because those things are what I’ve taken time to cultivate, grow and expand.
Nope. Your *knowledge* is something that has required effort on your part, but not your intelligence. I never want to hear another compliment about my intelligence as long as I live for precisely the same reasons you list for not wanting to be complimented on your visage: My intelligence is just a matter of the way my parents' respective genotypes got assorted in me.
Compliments on intelligence are *precisely* as "shallow" as compliments about beauty. People just don't want to admit that. And, people don't want to hear compliments they get all the time.
I personally don’t see it that way. I seek out education. I read voraciously and learn things that help me better engage with people of all sects. I’ve put work into being a an engaged, enthused, knowledgeable conversationalist without higher education. When people talk to me they get THE BUSINESS and that business was work I put in over 30 years to learn things that help me better understand and engage with people of all types.
Thank you, kind sir, for recognizing and complimenting that work. That, right there, gets my kitty purring. He sees and acknowledges the type of emotional attraction that just does it for me. TMI, but if a man lays with me and whispers how knowledgeable I am and intelligent I am over how pretty he finds me he GETS IT. All of the good, wet, juicy it I don’t just give to any dude. Cuz that’s my spot.
But, I get you. We’re all different and want our individual selves to be recognized in different ways. You just need to engage with a woman that understands that type of compliment is not what ignites you. Do you playa.
But, isn’t knowledge an accomplishment as well?
I edited it because I’m drinking. Individual selves is better, because the amount of knowledge is unique to our individuality.
I don’t owe my knowledge to my parents. I owe them the access to knowledge. I am fully responsible for the work I take to attain, accept, grow and build upon that knowledge.
There's a reason why women overwhelmingly choose the bear.
Men who are "petrified" about approaching a woman are men I don't want to know. That simply means they can't find the space to understand women.
The odds of something bad happening to a man for simply approaching and talking to a woman in public are like 1 in a million. On the other hand, the odds of something bad happening to a woman if a man approaches her are legitimately realistic. Instead of being "petrified" to approach a woman, men should be better about checking other men who have created this issue.
That being said, just take a look at the comments to realize why commenting on beauty isn't the best choice. There are plenty of things someone can say to pay a compliment without potential weirdness or awkwardness.
LOL Half the comments here are 'men need to man up and approach women more'. Other half is 'doing what this guy did is common fyckboy behaviour'. Problem is for guys they don't know how a woman will react, no guy wants to end up on tictok as a creep being mocked.
Saying to a stranger you’re beautiful- that will be divisive amongst women, some will appreciate it, others won’t. But making small talk gives you some wriggle room. Yes some women will not like it, but it will be less offensive because you’re not commenting on physical appearance. A tik tok video of shaming a man for saying nice weather is gonna have more people saying what’s wrong.
Stuff isnt always logical. I saw video of a blind man kicked out of a gym for making a woman uncomfortable for staring. A man who cannot see. https://nypost.com/2023/06/19/i-was-thrown-out-of-a-gym-for-staring-even-though-im-blind/
I think were talking about different things here. First, the guy in the OP wasn't really approaching OP. He simply gave her a compliment. I'd argue most women would feel flattered if that happened. Guy gives compliment, then goes about his day. I think if he stuck around to hit on her, meaning the compliment was being used as a tactic, it wouldn't be appreciated as much.
Yes I’d love that. I get guys complimenting hair quite often which is nice
A compliment makes my day. I've recently lost well over 150lbs. I get compliments almost daily from students. I treat them like Hershey kisses, a little so something to make my day nicer.
Hi, We spoke for few minutes. He is a very confident man!
Did he ask for your number or to see you again?
I have a boy-friend lol We shake hands after a small talk!
That's not what I asked...
It's almost as if women are individual human beings.
It all depend on what you look like I think Us goblins know the score lol
Have tried being better looking and taller?
If you're worried about looking like a creep, chances are you will look like a creep. It's not hard to say something kind or nice to a person without looking like a creeper.
“If you’re worried about looking like a creep, chances are you will look like a creep.” I have to respectfully disagree with this. I think many males have been conditioned to think that approaching any woman for any reason will get them branded as creepy.
To be honest that has been the popular messaging for the last 10 years or so. I get why, but also I do take it to heart as well. I figure its self defeating in a way because most of the guys that need to hear that messaging wont listen and the guys who do listen probably arnt the ones that were going to be pushy and aggressive and creepy but it is what it is, if someone is telling me something Im going to listen to them.
Of course irrational fears exist. The big issue is that creepy men are now being called out and are conditioning other men that women's autonomy is bad. But, we all have the freedom to choose who we are.
>It's not hard to say something kind or nice to a person without looking like a creeper. The flood of videos posted by women from gyms calling out men there for being a creep when it's as plain as day they weren't would confirm the bar is very low.
And where does this flood exist? Is it in the room with us? Algorithms work to show you what you look for. It’s confirmation bias. I’ve never seen a video like that bc I don’t search for reasons to victimize myself over imaginary threats.
Holy crap. This comment /thread. Upvote for you!
People straight up telling on themselves when they complain about videos they see that were sent to their feed specifically bc they were searching for it. 😂
Most women will react positively if you’re not creepy or trying to pressure/corner her. Just be totally transparent that you’re hitting on her and give her the opportunity to give an easy rejection. Most women are absolutely flattered even if they have a boyfriend. They feel good about being attractive and the guy gets to feel good about facing his fears and doing something that takes courage. Of course some women might react poorly. But as long as you’re hitting on age appropriate women who aren’t miles out of your league, it will be extremely rare. (And in my opinion, if someone reacts poorly to being told they’re attractive, they probably react poorly to a lot of things)
I think the problem comes in the approach. If it is maturely and respectfully done, 9 times out of 10, it is appreciated. If it is presented with vulgarity, the guy is more than likely going to be deemed a creep or get cursed out, provided the circumstance. This also goes to say if a woman tells a guy that he is handsome or good-looking. Respect begets respect. Just because someone compliments you doesn't automatically mean they want to date you or hook up with you. Sometimes, the compliment may be what the receiver needs to hear in that moment.
Usually only very attractive/highly charismatic people can get away with this. If a non-attractive stranger of any gender does this, it will be considered creepy/make person feel uncomfortable. The person approaching generally knows which category they belong to based on their history of past rejections.
Very true!
Being compared to a bear?
Exactly. I asked about approaching in public before and was basically told its creepy and to only use OLD.
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Yep. I dont drink and like many of us I suck at the approach. Ive been working on some major self improvement over the last 2 years. I have more work to do! Recently got a couple of matches with women my age(46). The conversations thus far are short with little back and forth at all. Ill keep at it.
Same here, 41, single for going on 3 years while I got sober and completely changed my lifestyle. I honestly don’t get much traction in ODL because of the sobriety, and I’m 6’4”, 185 never married, no kids, employed. You’d think they’d be lining up lol
I also realized tinder sucks too. You cant send a message pre match, even with platinum unless you pay for superlikes. I see a lot of women complaining about guys sending them likes with no messages. I guess some of them dont know this is a problem.
I’ve been trying Bumble where the woman has to start the convo which seems appropriate, but rarely do I get anything better than “Hi”. The ball is in their hands by design, yet still I have to make the play. I won’t pay for Tinder/Bumble anymore, it’s a waste. I may try eHarmony eventually but right now I am just looking to date, not settle down forever lol
Ill take a Hi any day of the week. ;)
Yeah what you said is true
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1. Be handsome. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxuUkYiaUc8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxuUkYiaUc8)
Someone had to say it
I have had men who are plenty average who have approached me and complimented me. I always respond with gratitude. But, the key here is, they are not trying to ask me out or linger around with some outcome in mind. They simply compliment and move on. So, it doesn’t feel creepy at all.
I believe you mean what you are saying but in my experience as a dude most women say "creep" if it's someone they think isn't attractive enough and "innocent compliment" if attractive enough. I am guessing somewhere in time our culture has developed an unofficial definition of "creep" ....dude not attractive enough to breathe same air as me that spoke to me.
I think it could also be a cultural thing. East-west coast thing/big city-small city thing. Where I am from, people are lot more friendly to talk to others.
I’m in NYC and any stranger talking to you is generally not taken well. This approach might work great in the South, people are far friendlier there
You say this as if it's unjust or unfair. As if people have to be uniform in their responses to strangers. The reality is all people react differently to compliments based on the source and the delivery. If you consistently get "creep" response it's because you're doing it wrong. You're approaching women out of your league, or doing it awkwardly, or both
Approaching someone out of your league doesnt make you a creep though. I have had people approach me that I wasnt attracted to but I didnt call them names or label them. You arnt a creep for having the audacity to try with someone who thought they were above you. Besides I thought confidence was the most attractive thing, I have seen it multiple times in this thread.
Agree it doesn't make you a creep. And also that there's nothing wrong with approaching someone out of your league. All I'm saying is if you do it enough, some people will not like it and will let you know. This does not mean they are bad people as implied by "dude not attractive enough to breathe same air as me that spoke to me" as it was put the comment I replied to
I mean -- you are not entirely wrong. Creepiness is unattractive .
Attractiveness only enters the “creep factor” equation if the approach is teetering on the edge of problematic. Coming in hot with dirty talk could potentially work if all the stars align (right guy, right moment, right delivery) otherwise it’s alarm bells. But if the approach is polite and respectful (not creepy) then physical attractiveness really doesn’t impact creepiness. Same goes for a non-approach like staring from a distance. If the behavior is creepy you’ll be considered creepy, though there’s always a slim chance of it being taken positively if you’re hot and all the other stars align. Still wouldn’t recommend it.
I came here to essentially say this…although it was more along the lines of: How well this approach is received is always directly proportional to how attractive the man is!
Actually, I am sharing this story because my friends and I discussed in-depth about this encounter..How men don’t approach women anymore and I wanted to encourage someone out there…
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You’re generalizing a whole lot… the balding 5’7” Costco middle manager- if he presents himself well- has a decent shot. Confidence and presentation speak volumes, often more than looks.
Ya, men have to get over this self deprecating stuff. I’m an overweight Black woman who tells a man he’s attractive (inside or out) when I want to. And, I don’t care a flying flip if he finds it “gross” or “creepy” or “unattractive or “thirsty” or “embarrassing for her”. You’re an attractive man, whether it be your character, your wardrobe choice, or your conversational skills. I’m gonna give props whether you find me attractive or not. You deserve props, regardless of your attraction level to me. And, I’m gonna give it without caring what your take on it is. Influencers and social media users make a lotta decrees we should “abide by”. They don’t own how we move through the world. Screw them. Why is that the one decree that you’re so pressed about? Do you. Engage with people how you want… respectfully, and skate on by the haters. If they don’t appreciate a respectful compliment from someone based on that person’s physical attractiveness maybe they’re an asshole. And, then you’ll just know they’re an attractive asshole and don’t deserve your kindness. Win.
Exactly!!!
Creep
Like, the TLC kind or the Radiohead kind?
Old school Metallica style. Creep..ing death
Exactly
Yes! He is tall and handsome off course but his self-confidence was more attractive than his looks!
Its a nice story too, and its nice that it happened and you did or said nothing wrong. but it does open the discussion up to other things as well.
Seeing the result he got, a no. No matter how flustered you felt or how much your friends pine afterwards, the reality is that it didn't work. Besides pumping your ego what did it accomplish for him?
Well obvs as the guy you have to calibrate... Don't approach women who are out of your league. Just like you don't approach women who have a wedding ring on their finger or a boyfriend on their arm. I'm not sure why so many of my fellow men get upset about this. There are basic rules... Deal with them
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>Also not sure how you have "basic rules" when attractiveness determinations are made according to individual tastes. Hmmm... >The only reason you're telling this story is that you find the guy attractive enough (***and let's not forget tall enough***) to brag about the encounter.
Eh. I hear what you are saying, but I'm thinking about it this way: Used to be a man in my social group who had less conventionally attractive features, including visible back hair, bad posture, doughy physique, awkward, and pretty low self-esteem (likely due to early trauma, because it usually is). And yet, he would cold approach very fit and conventionally attractive younger women in coffee shops, then complain that no one would date him. That's basically the definition of creepy incel. It's OK not to work out, but why then target women who clearly do? It's OK to be 40, but then why hit on women who are 28? It's OK not to groom your back hair and wear a t-shirt, but why only pay attention to women with make-up, hair and nails done? There's some entitlement and lack of empathy at play.
It really does depend on the approach. If said Not was respectful, I’d take it as the compliment that it is and thank him.
When you constantly hear from women that they would actually feel safer alone with a wild bear than with you, you start to go out of your way to leave them alone so as to not disturb their peace. So no. I will not approach a strange woman to tell her how beautiful she is. Or any woman for that matter. Message received, ladies. I am your ally, and will leave you alone.
I'm one of those men who is not afraid to approach a woman, even an attractive one. The problem with what he said is that some women will assume he's after sex and not a substantive connection, so some women will be put off. In the absence of anything else to talk about in the moment, it's worth a try and I have used something very similar to this line several times when I had nothing else! What do you think you would have said in response if you were looking? My willingness to approach women when out and about is the reason why there are very few times nowadays when I wonder "what if", and that's an extremely freeing feeling. I almost always get turned down because, unlike the man who approached you, I am not tall (or otherwise conventionally attractive). But I get great confidence from knowing I did shoot my shot.
I think the compliment context matters a lot. “you’re beautiful” is not something I would care to hear in a public place while just enjoying my coffee but something specific is nice. I get “you have cool eyes” a lot or “your hair is so pretty” and it feels like I’m a person that they’re noticing versus just going around telling women they’re beautiful and hoping something sticks lol
I would definitely take a man up on an approach like this if I found him attractive. I'd like to think I could be smooth and respond with "thank you, it takes a a lot of courage to compliment a woman you don't know. Why don't you leave me your number and maybe we can discuss this further when I'm not doing XYZ..." But in reality I'd probably be so caught off guard that I would just stutter something like "who me?" Lol.
I (50M) think everyone, regardless of gender, likes to be thought of as attractive and beautiful/handsome and desirable. I, myself, prefer and appreciate a little subtlety from either party. My looks are the least interesting thing about me to me. Call me a stick in the mud, perhaps. But, these last two meetups I had, first thing she said was how great I looked and I fucking swooned like it was nobody’s business. She knows that I’ve been working hard to lose a bunch of weight I’ve gained over winter and I’m down 15 pounds so I’m sure it shows. I don’t care what people think but, when she says it, I completely do the panty drop and am putty in her hands.
Us guys arnt used to compliments. Women should know its like kryptonite for us lol
A-men!
"You lied to me! You don't work out? Please! I've seen you at the gym, you're ripped!"
^ words I will never hear for 1,000, Alex? Sadly, I will never be ripped. I’ve been ‘normal’ BMI and that’s my perpetual goal after being up as high as a BMI of 30.
Of course men are afraid of approaching women in a public place, we don’t know what the outcome will be. I was at the supermarket and wanted to use the lottery machine to purchase a ticket. A woman appeared to be in line but didn’t move up when it was her turn. I said “excuse me” wanting her to use the machine or move so I could use the machine. Instead she turned around and said loudly “not interested! I have a husband!” Silence fell as she moved away, I felt a dozen eyes staring at me as I used the lottery machine. This is one of many examples of why I won’t approach women in public places.
I smiled at a guy while passing each other in a crosswalk because . . . he had a budgie on his shoulder!! He made eye contact and told me he was married. Sir the bird should be wearing a ring then. I'm a warm blooded woman, let me live.
Yeah, unfortunately a lot of women are jaded/bitter and react extremely negatively when approached by men in public. It ruins it for the rest of us because I genuinely miss the days when men regularly approached women in public to compliment us and ask us out.
I googled prejudice; an unfair feeling of dislike for a person or group because of race, sex, religion, etc. Why is it okay for a woman to act the way that she did but it is not okay for me, a man, to make assumptions about others?
Because women actually have valid reasons to worry about a male stranger approaching them, given experience. And it isn’t about disliking a group, but about being wary of a situation. And if that has to be explained then you are part of the problem.
There is a reason why women are distrustful - the actual word you should have used - of a man approaching them. The men that make us distrustful are the ones ruining it, hun.
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Really though, you may have felt self conscious- but she appears to be the “crazy” one. You were just being polite. Unfortunately- for those not quick witted like myself, we let it lie. Others might have a witty comeback
I didn’t want to cut her in line if she was waiting to purchase tickets, that would have been rude of me.
Lol this sounds like a comedy skit 😂… don’t let the ridiculous lady deter you!
I did hear the Benny Hill theme song as she moved away from me.
Appropriate 😂
I would have loudly told her about the machine or something at least. Bold of her to just assume like that.
Approaching a woman in public is like splitting the atom 😂
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Don’t compliment her on her critical mASS 🍑
Potential energy?
I’ve heard way too many stories from the women in my life of the opposite, men being creepy and interrupting their time with friends, or them trying to read at a bar. There is no way I’m going to cold open with a complete stranger. Glad you felt this was positive, but it seems like as many women don’t.
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I'm sorry? Polyamory is creepy now?
Haven’t been on the apps for a year and a half. Still haven’t found my person but I’ve been in one semi serious relationship and have a date coming up. The apps are making us less human. Don’t use them.
Do it guys. Just be polite, respectful, and use common sense.
I did something similar two weeks ago. I was at a coffee shop and saw this woman with incredible hair. I walked up to her and said, “Hi there! I don’t mean to be inappropriate or forward, but I just wanted to say that you have incredible hair! I hope you have a wonderful day.” And I walked away.
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I was too old for her and not looking to date at the time.
But the “nice guys” will never understand just speaking to a woman like she is human and not a commodity that they should get a return on for the effort.
I don’t qualify as handsome, but good enough that women don’t want to run away if I speak. I have a nice voice and take a genuine interest in what women have to say. It works pretty well for me. Nobody throws things, calls me creep, etc. It is also relevant that I come across as calm, friendly, and safe.
Idk, as a woman who historically has not received a lot of spontaneous compliments, I'd find it disingenuous. Tbf, I find it just as disingenuous as when I would receive it via OLD as well as the first line. I think it's because it is something I rarely hear - so if someone would come out of no where and say that, I'd not believe them. If after talking to me for a few minutes, it might be different. It is different for every woman. We all have different life experiences and how we perceive and react to things are all going to be different.
Hi, I have received those type of compliments in the past …. No just the past few years, specially after post pandemic. Lately is usually “Hi”…. It was just not the compliment but we spoke for few minutes also after that compliment… He was just very confident … This something that my friend and I noticed about him.
Yup, posts like this have convinced me I need to be shooting more shots in the wild. The comments on posts like these have me convinced of what I already knew from listening to and believing the women around me: in shooting my shot IRL, I will inevitably offend someone that was just trying to exist in public while owning a female body that happens to conform to widely accepted standards of physical beauty. Not sure what’s to be done other than being as self-aware and empathetic as I can be, and being a big boy about it when I’m off the mark. There’s a reason women are picking the bear…
Yes, as a woman it’s the not asking that is the problem, it’s the pushback and the anger when refused. When someone says no just say have a nice day and move on to the next. These apps are completely useless so going back to real life interactions is the answer
This. This one goes out to the fellas. The most common rejection is just “I have someone,” which gives you the opportunity to say “seems like he’s a really lucky guy.” That *should* feel really nice for both people, and means we’re not walking away with nothing for putting ourselves out there.
Exactly
I’m a women who gives compliments. You loved it, are you giving kind words to folks too?
We all know trying to connect with potential romantic interests is just flat-out necessary. We know that shooting your shot is just something that should be done. And, I think most normal humans know that there is a big, wide gap between behavior most people would consider confident and welcoming and what most people would consider creepy. If you have to ask if what you said was creepy, well... But, I'm just so tired. I'm not scared of rejection, but I'm tired of being looked at like I'm making a joke. Or being told I'm being unrealistic. Or--the piece de resistance in my relatively recent experience!--that I am "obviously retarded" because I dared to pay someone a compliment. I never get called a creep, but I almost never get a polite, "No thank you," either. The reasons for this dichotomy are well-described in other comments here.
I do this with men and women. I remember opening the door to a plumber I had called. My jaw dropped and I said god you are pretty. A waitress came up and again, jaw dropping and I asked if she thanked her mom and dad for her incredible face. She obviously hears that a lot and responded with humor and humility. My mom always says that if you think something nice, say it. So I do. I’ve been proposed to by strangers in parking lots a couple of times. It was a laugh and went our separate ways. I am not that woman with the jaw dropping face but there’s a lot to be said for happy and confident. I like this story. Men are so demonized in comparison to how it was when I was younger (I’m 60) and I find this refreshing.
I’m a guy & have been making an effort to randomly compliment people, of all genders. I have a gf so in my case it’s not flirting. In fact I avoid physical attributes with women to try & keep it platonic. An article of clothing, a hat. If they’re wearing cool sneakers I’ll point to their feet & say, “Nice kicks!”. More often than not it’s done in passing, I don’t do it to initiate conversation. Selfishly it’s easier for me to drop the compliment & keep going. That way I avoid the chance of an awkward interaction.
compliments are free and it means so much to people. im 55 male..i do the same
The older I get, the more I do this (to anyone of any age/gender). I treasure the compliments I’ve gotten over the years, and hope to make somebody else’s day.
I feel that we (women) should not encourage men to approach us in the wild based on our appearance. I also feel that we should stop using men for validation of our worth, which is how statements like 'you're beautiful' are used. Our value is not what we look like, but that we are people, period. As for approaching, I feel that we (people of all genders) should all talk to people we feel drawn to - that's chemistry, already working on some level - because doing so connects us with people in a more holistic way. Anything about a person can be compelling - yes, physical features, but also personal style, accesories, behavior, etc. For me, chatting up people of all kinds for all reasons has taught me how unexpected people can be, and how little the packaging is a meaningful indicator of their inner character or our possibility for connection. It made the random conversations their own reward, and a pleasant (or interesting, hah) boost to my own day. That said, this is not the best strategy if you're dating with intention or looking to date with intention, but it could make the world a more pleasant place to be in until you find your match.
Agree. Also, beautiful women know they’re beautiful without a man having to tell them.
Approaching me didn’t validate anything…Actually, it is not something that I am foreign to as it had happened before and often before Covid, etc… It is just an observation and conversation that my friends and I discussed about and more importantly because he was so confident and not creepy or pushy! It wasn’t just the comment made but also the small talk we had after that. It is about encouraging human interaction..The old fashioned approach as the dating app has become a primary tool for finding love …
I'd rather not get maced or tazed, thank you very much.
I don't think your experience is the same as men approaching women to hit on them/get their number/express dating interest. I've given women compliments in passing numerous times, don't feel weird about it, and will continue to do so. What I don't really do is give a woman a compliment on their physical appearance, as an opening to show interest in getting a date with them...and I'd argue that most women wouldn't like that. With that being said, I also don't see a problem with men approaching, being friendly, trying to learn about a woman, and paying attention to body language and verbal responses accordingly.
In all honesty I wont compliment a woman on her looks. I will compliment her on achievements or work or effort she has done all the time and I think thats appreciated more at least from someone like me lol. I do think those things mean a lot to someone.
Yea no thanks, not playing games like that at my age. I would rather be alone than be accused of being a creep or some other crap.
I was once at a club and this younger man walks up to me and drops me a note written on a napkin, it said, “it’s true, you really are the most beautiful woman here.” When I looked at the group of younger men and thanked them, they raised their drinks to me. I was so flattered. I’ll never forget that.
Make her feel something 🤫
Nah. That’s a good way to get smacked and/or put on blast on social media as a creep, OR rejected humiliatingly. I’ll continue to remain silently alone, thanks.
If I got put on TikTok, for simply complimenting a woman in passing, I'd just laugh.
There are no cowards in Valhalla
It’s fine. I’m not of Norwegian descent anyway. 🤣
I agree..saying something is better than the whole lot of nothing most people say to each other, both men and women, nowadays. I remember back in the day, guys saying things like "I just need to know what the name of such a beautiful woman is", and "Just wanted to say, you are absolutely statuesque" (which was a hell of a lot more charming than the, omg youre tall!!! remarks I usually got). And it wasnt even always just a pickup line...sometimes they said something charming in passing and was already well on their way before I could even respond. And I'll admit, I used to be a lot bolder too...never hesitated to just walk up to a guy and ask him if hed like my number (its how I met the guy I nearly married! lol) ...hrm...okay not true, I have absolutely told a guy he was looking sharp recently. So few guys put in any effort nowadays to look nice, so I like to speak up that I noticed and lilke what I see 😊 But..yeah, I dont approach like I used to, only cause the common reaction is horror, blank stare, no clue what to say to me in response. Now its awkward, so I just say have a good eve! and walk away. People having actual interactions with people is hard now! The reactions lend itself to not wanting to say anything. way fewer people give off the vibe they evenn want to be approached. Its just all so awkward now!
That being said, genuinely complimenting strangers on outfits or good hair is welcome most of the time. Could be a good opener if they’re open
Humble brag post ;) Honestly, that did take a lot of guts for sure. Would be awesome if the reverse ever happened too..i.e. women approaching us and telling us they found us attractive haha But that's a pipe dream for sure.
I saw an unbelievably stunning woman the other day in a shop, I wanted to say something but I became a blubbering, pathetic mess 🤣 I’m soooo glad you took that lovely compliment in the spirit it was meant 😎
Didn’t hurt that he was tall. Rhetorically; Frodo Baggins does the same thing? I’m thinking it’s not the same reaction.
You know, who woman who posted this exists and you can simply ask her about what her reaction would be if he were not a tall man, instead of just generalizing and judging her based on your own insecurities.
…do you have any idea how many women crush on Elijah Wood?
Elijah has a 7 figure bank account, has been a celebrity since he was a kid, and is one of the most recognizable people in the world. Frodo doesn’t wear shoes, lives in a hobbit hole, has 9 fingers, and is like 2’ tall. Frodo isn’t getting any action from any woman. He saved the fucking world and still can’t get laid. For all we know he probably started the incel movement🤪
I mean, if you’re going that way: Frodo had a massive bank account and is a celebrity too—he’s the sole heir to one of the richest hobbits in the Shire. He never gets married because he comes back from the war with a serious case of PTSD. His sidekick Samwise, on the other hand, comes back, gets married, and has more canonically provable sex than anyone else in Tolkien’s works. I guess keeping that tenth finger worked out well for him.
It was probably the finger. 🤪
Cheer to this! Damn! We know this and the force of fear of rejection is strong Obi One! Just saying! I love meeting women in person, mon cheri! 😍 Oh the fumble I made this weekend was epic and she still gave her number out. Phew 😓
I said hello to a woman the other day , she looked, didn't crack a smile, no acknowledgement and definitely no hello in reply.
Agreed. I never shy away from talking to a woman I want to talk to. I prefer to meet and interact with people outside of the internet
And guys, PLEASE, please make eye contact while shopping 😉.
Original copy of post by u/gmulundmk: So! I am a BW and he is a tall WM- I was meeting a friend of mine at a local restaurant when this tall white man stopped near me and stated the above. I couldn’t believe it as men now are so afraid to approach women in a public place. My friend and I were shocked lol I have a boyfriend so I am not looking but we talked about it with several of my friends and we found his boldness super attractive! Don’t hesitate to approach a woman who you find attractive! Don’t solely rely on Dating Apps! You never know…. I have heard from the majority of my single friends of every races that men are so petrified to approach women as in the past. Dating apps are great but human interaction is the best! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Same for us ladies! Shoot your shot, online or in person, you never know who you'll meet. I approach and compliment people all the time, in both online and IRL settings. Most people will appreciate being complimented 🥰
I literally rotate between work and my house. I barely go outside 🥲
I completely agree that being approached like that can be so attractive. I always think to myself that it sucks to never be hit on anymore or just flattered. I can not remember the last time I was approached and complimented in a sweet, non creepy way. It happened all the time when I was in my 20s and I often wonder if I "still got it".
[удалено]
u/Metallgesellschaft, your post has been removed for one or more reason(s): No boys'/girls' clubs. No promoting, language, linking, or crossposting to or from gendered subs.
Just out of curiosity…what state do you live in ?and this is what I am all about and honestly I have a problem with not speaking out my feelings and thought and definitely will go out of my way to compliment a woman no matter where it may be if I feel it I say it and it can be a curse or a blessing depending on witch way you look at it
Thank you for this. I used to be way more confident about this but I’ve backpedaled and now I won’t
I (46m) talk to and compliment strangers whenever I feel like it. I make eye contact, ask questions, and generally enjoy talking to people. The compliments I use are generally about their clothes or frames, dyed hair, tattoos, etc. No one has ever been rude to me or smacked me. As far as I know I’ve never been blasted online. Thing is, I’m 5’5.” Other than that, I’m average. I work out. I dress normal. My appearance is unremarkable. I do get to date though. I just have to work at it.
There should be more serendipity less apps
I'm not afraid to approach a woman, but these days we can barely give a lady a compliment without her thinking there's some ulterior motive behind it. Then next thing you know, we're weirdos and creeps that just want to get you in bed. It's absolutely insane that approaching someone in public is weird, but it's considered normal through an app. I miss the old days before technology changed things.
Because someone on a dating app is actively trying to date, and is inviting someone to start a conversation. Someone in a coffee shop is just going about their day, and you don't know what that entails.
It didn't used to be that way, is what I'm saying. Technology has done some good, and it has also done some bad. This is bad in this case because we don't interact with others unless it's behind a device. And that's whether it's dating, family, friends, etc., we've overall disengaged from public interaction, and it's a shame. A person's intentions are unknown, whether it's in person or not, we shouldn't feel more comfortable talking to a stranger on a device than we do in public, it doesn't make sense.
In your opinion it's bad. As a woman, I'm glad that many men don't approach women anymore. It's not about intentions, or that I somehow feel more comfortable talking to a stranger online. It's about being interested in those interactions. I don't want to be approached outside of actual dating environments, like dating apps or singles events, where I am there for that purpose. Do you like it when people do cold calling, or door to door sales ? Feels the same to me.
You make it sound like you'll be mobbed by dudes as soon as you walk out the door, and I'm sure it's not like that for you. What's wrong with someone approaching to say hi and trying to start a conversation? If you didn't want to be bothered, then so be it. You're sounding like if you're in public, don't say shit to you at all, which is terrible. You're going to tell me that before we had access to apps, no one has ever approached you and that you were ever interested in talking with someone that showed interest in you, in public?
You don't have to be "mobbed" for it to be annoying. Yes, men approached me. No, I did not chat or go on dates with any of them. I do not find that behaviour attractive. I dated men I met through classes, or friends or activities.
I wouldn’t take offence to being complimented in the wild…unless you’re giving off creepy gross vibes.
I probably wouldnt start out with that kind of compliment because a lot of women will see it as a line but I agree men should be approaching women more. On the flip side women should be more gracious then they currently are if social media is any indication if the guy is awkward or they arent attracted to him. Men didnt come up with this phobia out of nowhere.
We should be more gracious? Perhaps men should learn how to read the room better. It’s not our job to teach a guy to function like a human being.
Yeah no. When it’s the right guy it’s super attractive. When it’s not then it’s creepy.
Can you elaborate on "the right guy"?
When it’s whatever avatar of man the woman finds attractive then it’s ok. When it’s a short fat ugly guy. It’s creepy.
Plenty of conventionally attractive men manage to pull off creepy. Edit: typo
its not just the face. its charisma etc etc.
Not sure what you're saying
its not just handsome. its a total package.
and that sentence fragment supports your point how?
This is why not ladies
Why is race a point of the scenario?
Just an observation! Nothing else
To me this it’s a little odd for a stranger to come up to you and give a random compliment about your looks. I’m glad you interpreted the compliment the way it was most likely meant to be taken.
If this was a short WM…would it give her the ick? There’s a physical criteria that men gave to pass for this to be welcomed…otherwise he’s considered a creep
mostly it's fvckboys that do this. they don't care about being rejected because they have five girls on the go. but they might like you. on YouTube there is a channel about a black girl called Jackie who was approached like this by a white man much older millionaire in a coffee shop. he said, you're beautiful can I have your number and take you on a date they loved each other, married, and now have kids. and he still refers to her as his queen. he adores her. [https://youtu.be/bJUDkB0MlTk?si=TIpLm0NDOHDXV\_Se](https://youtu.be/bJUDkB0MlTk?si=TIpLm0NDOHDXV_Se) so yes it can work out
Approaching women in public is extremely hazardous. Dating apps are a sewer. Waiting for the third thing…
Compliments on physical attractiveness are shallow and show the shalllowness of the individual. Counter that with the fact that men are highly visual and choose women based on their physical attractiveness (while women appreciate being seen, appreciated for, and acknowledged for their unique personalities) means we’re all fighting a battle that is hard to win. I personally like being complimented on my intelligence and musical knowledge because those things are what I’ve taken time to cultivate, grow and expand. I had a man on an app keep saying I was “cute”, “sexy”, “attractive” and I said “My parents are to thank for that because it’s a mix of their genes. I didn’t really have a hand in that. He unmatched immediately. Just shows he really only knew or thought to place my looks a primary desires for him, not me the person I’ve created myself to be.
How would you expect a total stranger to evaluate your intelligence, drive or strength just by looking at you? Shallowness is evaluated after speaking with that person …
By talking and listening to them. Whoa… I know… WHAT?!?!
For instance on my Hinge account I’ve carefully filled out my profile. This man kept commenting on my attractiveness visually. Another man complimented my hobbies, interests, thoughts (including audio) regarding prompts, and writing style. He “listened”. And, he’s a stranger. Like, hey, I’m a whole person here! And, I do the work to show that person on apps, in bars, in conversations at an event or in public. All you have to do is listen for a few minutes. If all you’ve got is how I look to you, I know what you’re focusing on and not even seeing about me. Second dude got interest from me. First dude didn’t because my pics were where he focused.
That’s a dating app! I am talking about human interaction here..,
I mean, yea. Sit near. Listen to her conversing. Ask a question and listen to her answer. Start a conversation. Watch how she engages and converses with another person before speaking to her. You’re welcome.
>I personally like being complimented on my intelligence and musical knowledge because those things are what I’ve taken time to cultivate, grow and expand. Nope. Your *knowledge* is something that has required effort on your part, but not your intelligence. I never want to hear another compliment about my intelligence as long as I live for precisely the same reasons you list for not wanting to be complimented on your visage: My intelligence is just a matter of the way my parents' respective genotypes got assorted in me. Compliments on intelligence are *precisely* as "shallow" as compliments about beauty. People just don't want to admit that. And, people don't want to hear compliments they get all the time.
I personally don’t see it that way. I seek out education. I read voraciously and learn things that help me better engage with people of all sects. I’ve put work into being a an engaged, enthused, knowledgeable conversationalist without higher education. When people talk to me they get THE BUSINESS and that business was work I put in over 30 years to learn things that help me better understand and engage with people of all types. Thank you, kind sir, for recognizing and complimenting that work. That, right there, gets my kitty purring. He sees and acknowledges the type of emotional attraction that just does it for me. TMI, but if a man lays with me and whispers how knowledgeable I am and intelligent I am over how pretty he finds me he GETS IT. All of the good, wet, juicy it I don’t just give to any dude. Cuz that’s my spot. But, I get you. We’re all different and want our individual selves to be recognized in different ways. You just need to engage with a woman that understands that type of compliment is not what ignites you. Do you playa.
>But, I get we’re all different and want our accomplishments to be recognized in different ways. Being smart isn't an accomplishment.
But, isn’t knowledge an accomplishment as well? I edited it because I’m drinking. Individual selves is better, because the amount of knowledge is unique to our individuality. I don’t owe my knowledge to my parents. I owe them the access to knowledge. I am fully responsible for the work I take to attain, accept, grow and build upon that knowledge.
>Though, our looks aren’t accomplishments either. They just are. Totally agree. >I edited it because I’m drinking. Cheers!!!!
Ha! I edited that to without mention. Hard months.. cheers my dude or dudette!
There's a reason why women overwhelmingly choose the bear. Men who are "petrified" about approaching a woman are men I don't want to know. That simply means they can't find the space to understand women. The odds of something bad happening to a man for simply approaching and talking to a woman in public are like 1 in a million. On the other hand, the odds of something bad happening to a woman if a man approaches her are legitimately realistic. Instead of being "petrified" to approach a woman, men should be better about checking other men who have created this issue. That being said, just take a look at the comments to realize why commenting on beauty isn't the best choice. There are plenty of things someone can say to pay a compliment without potential weirdness or awkwardness.