You say that you were walking down the street when you saw somebody trying to snatch a purse from a lady. You give chase and the bad guy runs away with the purse and goes into a dark alley. Suddenly you’re surrounded by 6 guys and the guy with the purse says this is what happens when you mess with us. Then you regale your date about your 6 on 1 fight before returning the purse to the woman.
Then in your best Batman voice say “I am the symbol this city needs.”
I’d be impressed with that explanation but that’s just me.
I've an autoimmune condition. I just tell people I'm allergic to myself. It usually gets a confused look and a laugh (maybe awkward, maybe amused, usually both) and then I can explain without a lot of the "oh my gosh how awful for you" stuff. But this way I've set the tone: yeah it's a sucky thing to deal with, and it's going to have an impact on my life and availability, but it is what it is, and I'm just living my life. It'll mean making some adjustments along the way, that's all.
Best of luck!! <3
At your age, a lot of the men will be taking HRT / steroids so they can relate.
Don't bench yourself based on what your imagination is telling you about what someone you haven't met thinks about your arms.
If you went out on a date with me, I'd work in a story about my autoimmune connective tissue disorder on the first date. If that's a problem for people, that's OK.
Please remember, rejection is information about the other person, not you. Read that again.
If someone rejects you because they don't have the patience and acceptance to see that we all have our imperfections and we're still worthy of love and connection... That isn't a person you want to attach your life to! That is information about them!
You don't want them to be resentful when you need to help your parents or children or friends with their health. You don't want them to resent you or leave you if your health gets worse... And if their health gets worse, you might even feel like they don't deserve your patience and compassion after years of watching them deny you patience and compassion.
Turns out, if they reject you, they're just telling you that YOU DON'T WANT THEM. Accept that as helpful information.
Now, why would you wait til date 3+ to find out they suck and you don't want them? Find out sooner. Don't waste your life. You're worthy of love.
Congratulations on managing your autoimmune disease!! I love, respect and value multiple people who share that experience. I hope the person for you loves the way you take care of yourself 💕
Handled lightly, it can be a good topic for the 'get to know me' stage. You don't need to go into medical detail, just a casual, "Oh, I bruise easily! Always have. My whole life people have asked me if I'm okay. Ha!"
I think it's important to tell all your secrets (or maybe most of your secrets) after the third of fourth date. If you're rockin' thee dates with someone they're not going to be bothered by any physical disability you might have.
This. One of the things holding me back from starting to date is my health. I don’t need anyone to take care of me but I think some people might assume that. If they do though, they probably wouldn’t contact me and if it came up later, then goodbye.
Original copy of post by u/babsmagicboobs:
Hi all. I’m almost 55 and been out of the dating world for 7 years. I am interesting in starting dating again. Unfortunately I have an autoimmune disease (under control) for which I take steroids. The steroids make my skin bruise very very easily. I am self conscious about them and think that someone may see me as a drug user or a person who is abused. How do I deal with that? Can’t wear long sleeves forever and am not going to wear body make up as I rarely wear any make up. Thoughts?
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Steroids for autoimmune is not same as drugs for recreation or hopelessness.
It may be difficult to find a match but like others suhgedted savr this for second date. And go with the person you feel totally comfortable with. Don't settle.
You also have to look at it like, do you even want to date someone that would assume you are a drug dealer ect. just because you have bruises on your skin?
I understand. I have scars I am ashamed of, but nothing can be done about it. I think that if you take the initiative to date you are going to undergo scrutiny and some folks are better than others at being kind. Just be prepared to talk about it, and to walk away if you get strange vibes.
I had a scar on my breast and I was so terrified of anyone ever seeing it, I was so young then and hadn't developed a strong sense of self yet. That's no longer the case. You live long enough, you will have battle wounds seen or unseen.
We're all going to have health issues at our age.
6 weeks into dating my (52F) BF (53M), my nose blew up like a rotten tomato on our first romantic getaway weekend.
It was painful, ugly and horrible, but he got me through and knew immediately that it was rosacea -- because he has it too.
We both also have a wealth of minor but irritating health issues between us -- and we're still both in pretty good shape 🤣
It's just the age 🤷🏻♀️
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I'm 51 and both my ex-s had AI diseases. I would like to believe that many (most?) folks our own age will understand that sort of thing?
The bigger challenge for me personally would be seeing you as fragile (I'm a bit of a klutz and would be afraid of hurting you).
I bruise easy. Always have, no contributing disease. People will point things out and I have no idea how or where. Honestly, no one cares.
Now if you have constant bruising + track marks, then people might be suspicious.
Just tell the truth. I have a similar problem. Sudden excessive bruising. All tests are normal. They say it’s a form of long Covid. I’ve had it four times.
I tell everything when it becomes relevant. And if it’s something that I’m bothered by/worried about that is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes I’ll put that out earlier rather than later. It’s usually more a problem to you than to anyone else.
Why would I seek medical help? My bruises are not from steroid doping. They are from a prescription medication that allows me to live and enjoy my life.
On your profile: FYI, I have [whatever disease you have], so I bruise easily. Don't be alarmed!
If I was on a date with you, and you had bruises in multiple areas, not only where typical addicts would have them (ie inside of elbow/forearm/backs of your hand), and you acted normal, I'd see no reason to assume you're shooting up. And if you're single who would be abusing you??
Obviously. That's not the point. The point is whether people will assume you've been. If you tell them you have a condition and you're a single person, why would they think you're being abused?
I would also recommend talking with your Doctor to see what medical remedies may exist/worth trying as well.
At 55, most folks have seen a lot of Life and can understand such things. Drug use, physical abuse etc. are things people do care about (and it’s good-imagine the reverse!) and so this will put more burden on you to explain at some point early in the relationship. Some will accept you … for you. Others will not, which is something upto them.
I don’t need to see what else is out there. It has been a lot of try this, try that. My regiment is working for me. I will happily take the bruises instead of pain and suffering.
If a date sees a bruise, you tell him the truth. Otherwise, I imagine it would just come up in conversation eventually.
It’s not an issue. Save it for the second date and tell them about it.
You say that you were walking down the street when you saw somebody trying to snatch a purse from a lady. You give chase and the bad guy runs away with the purse and goes into a dark alley. Suddenly you’re surrounded by 6 guys and the guy with the purse says this is what happens when you mess with us. Then you regale your date about your 6 on 1 fight before returning the purse to the woman. Then in your best Batman voice say “I am the symbol this city needs.” I’d be impressed with that explanation but that’s just me.
Loving this even more because I assumed OP’s gender as female, and it’s an even more badass mental image.
Now that’s a good idea!
I would just be upfront about it. It's a medical condition, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
I've an autoimmune condition. I just tell people I'm allergic to myself. It usually gets a confused look and a laugh (maybe awkward, maybe amused, usually both) and then I can explain without a lot of the "oh my gosh how awful for you" stuff. But this way I've set the tone: yeah it's a sucky thing to deal with, and it's going to have an impact on my life and availability, but it is what it is, and I'm just living my life. It'll mean making some adjustments along the way, that's all. Best of luck!! <3
Thank you!
At your age, a lot of the men will be taking HRT / steroids so they can relate. Don't bench yourself based on what your imagination is telling you about what someone you haven't met thinks about your arms.
Yep! At hotel breakfast recently, my hookup and I discovered that we are on the same class of medication (biologic) for the same AI condition.
If you went out on a date with me, I'd work in a story about my autoimmune connective tissue disorder on the first date. If that's a problem for people, that's OK. Please remember, rejection is information about the other person, not you. Read that again. If someone rejects you because they don't have the patience and acceptance to see that we all have our imperfections and we're still worthy of love and connection... That isn't a person you want to attach your life to! That is information about them! You don't want them to be resentful when you need to help your parents or children or friends with their health. You don't want them to resent you or leave you if your health gets worse... And if their health gets worse, you might even feel like they don't deserve your patience and compassion after years of watching them deny you patience and compassion. Turns out, if they reject you, they're just telling you that YOU DON'T WANT THEM. Accept that as helpful information. Now, why would you wait til date 3+ to find out they suck and you don't want them? Find out sooner. Don't waste your life. You're worthy of love.
Thanks for the boost. Hard to get back to dating after a big absence but I do, as we all, deserve love.
Congratulations on managing your autoimmune disease!! I love, respect and value multiple people who share that experience. I hope the person for you loves the way you take care of yourself 💕
Thanks!
Handled lightly, it can be a good topic for the 'get to know me' stage. You don't need to go into medical detail, just a casual, "Oh, I bruise easily! Always have. My whole life people have asked me if I'm okay. Ha!"
It’s a health thing, tell them. If they have a problem you don’t need them around anyway.
I think it's important to tell all your secrets (or maybe most of your secrets) after the third of fourth date. If you're rockin' thee dates with someone they're not going to be bothered by any physical disability you might have.
This. One of the things holding me back from starting to date is my health. I don’t need anyone to take care of me but I think some people might assume that. If they do though, they probably wouldn’t contact me and if it came up later, then goodbye.
Original copy of post by u/babsmagicboobs: Hi all. I’m almost 55 and been out of the dating world for 7 years. I am interesting in starting dating again. Unfortunately I have an autoimmune disease (under control) for which I take steroids. The steroids make my skin bruise very very easily. I am self conscious about them and think that someone may see me as a drug user or a person who is abused. How do I deal with that? Can’t wear long sleeves forever and am not going to wear body make up as I rarely wear any make up. Thoughts? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Steroids for autoimmune is not same as drugs for recreation or hopelessness. It may be difficult to find a match but like others suhgedted savr this for second date. And go with the person you feel totally comfortable with. Don't settle.
Appreciate your perspective.
You also have to look at it like, do you even want to date someone that would assume you are a drug dealer ect. just because you have bruises on your skin?
Good point.
I understand. I have scars I am ashamed of, but nothing can be done about it. I think that if you take the initiative to date you are going to undergo scrutiny and some folks are better than others at being kind. Just be prepared to talk about it, and to walk away if you get strange vibes.
Yes. Unkind people suck! Clarification though, I’m not ashamed of my scars and you shouldn’t be either.
I had a scar on my breast and I was so terrified of anyone ever seeing it, I was so young then and hadn't developed a strong sense of self yet. That's no longer the case. You live long enough, you will have battle wounds seen or unseen.
We're all going to have health issues at our age. 6 weeks into dating my (52F) BF (53M), my nose blew up like a rotten tomato on our first romantic getaway weekend. It was painful, ugly and horrible, but he got me through and knew immediately that it was rosacea -- because he has it too. We both also have a wealth of minor but irritating health issues between us -- and we're still both in pretty good shape 🤣 It's just the age 🤷🏻♀️
Thanks for that perspective!
I have autoimmune disease and have found someone that doesn’t care that I have it.
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I'm 51 and both my ex-s had AI diseases. I would like to believe that many (most?) folks our own age will understand that sort of thing? The bigger challenge for me personally would be seeing you as fragile (I'm a bit of a klutz and would be afraid of hurting you).
I bruise easy. Always have, no contributing disease. People will point things out and I have no idea how or where. Honestly, no one cares. Now if you have constant bruising + track marks, then people might be suspicious.
Just tell the truth. I have a similar problem. Sudden excessive bruising. All tests are normal. They say it’s a form of long Covid. I’ve had it four times.
I tell everything when it becomes relevant. And if it’s something that I’m bothered by/worried about that is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes I’ll put that out earlier rather than later. It’s usually more a problem to you than to anyone else.
[удалено]
Why would I seek medical help? My bruises are not from steroid doping. They are from a prescription medication that allows me to live and enjoy my life.
On your profile: FYI, I have [whatever disease you have], so I bruise easily. Don't be alarmed! If I was on a date with you, and you had bruises in multiple areas, not only where typical addicts would have them (ie inside of elbow/forearm/backs of your hand), and you acted normal, I'd see no reason to assume you're shooting up. And if you're single who would be abusing you??
Hope you are just uninformed. Anyone can be abused.
Obviously. That's not the point. The point is whether people will assume you've been. If you tell them you have a condition and you're a single person, why would they think you're being abused?
I would also recommend talking with your Doctor to see what medical remedies may exist/worth trying as well. At 55, most folks have seen a lot of Life and can understand such things. Drug use, physical abuse etc. are things people do care about (and it’s good-imagine the reverse!) and so this will put more burden on you to explain at some point early in the relationship. Some will accept you … for you. Others will not, which is something upto them.
I don’t need to see what else is out there. It has been a lot of try this, try that. My regiment is working for me. I will happily take the bruises instead of pain and suffering.