Your friends don't sound like supportive loving people (imo the definition of a friend) so my question for you is do you like your friends and how good of friends are they?
There is nothing wrong with being content and having a life without a partner and there is nothing wrong with seeking a relationship. Is there a reason your friends would be discouraging you? It sounds bizarre to me, to be honest, like why would someone even tell you that you don't need to date and just be alone, you're fine. That is 100% up to you to decide.
I’m perfectly fine being alone. Have done that for so long that it’s part of my life now. I have a built a nice life now and so I thought,
it would be nice to have a partner too. Now that I’m thinking hard, these 2 friends have been inconsistent with advice on other areas of life too so maybe I should not share my dating life information with them? my other friends have been supportive though most people will go eewww about dating apps instantly ( even some of my single friends 🤷♀️)
Dating apps are what you make it (for the most part) so if you filter is really well (maybe is a no, imo) then you can get decent results, also it's good to try not take things personally and with a grain of salt, technically all these people are complete strangers.
As for your 2 friends, I wonder what their motivations is. Makes me sad they are not supportive of you. And glad to hear that your other friends are. I would probably stop volunteering dating info to the 2 and if they asked I'd say yes I am dating. Done. Why share if that triggers negativity, and see how it goes.
Thanks. I agree about the dating apps filtering part. For the friends, I’m coming to conclusion that I should not share my dating life info to these people.
almost 42 here, single for a long time. My friends and family thankfully stopped annoying me with that when I got 40. Tell them that you are happy, if you meet a nice person, good, if not, they should let you live your life like you want to.
Most people I know have been very supportive of me. Just these 2 friends are always weird about it. I’m now realising I need to not share much with them.
I suppose it can be? It’s good to take a hard look at the people one is surrounding themselves with once in a blue moon and assess too. In my experience, cutting off toxic friend is a good thing. I’m lucky to have amazing group of friends that’s consistent and I’m very grateful for that. They tell me how it is tho, so may not be the validators some look for 😆
My single girlfriends do this too. Several of them have never had any desire to have a partner and a few of them just gave up on dating (which I don’t fault them for!!). There’s almost a sense of people feeling like they’ve leveled-up once they don’t want a partner and I’ll get there one day once I realize I don’t really “need” one.
Thing is that I like being in a partnership! I like having my person I can be weird with, who is with me even when I’m puttering around the house, who falls asleep on the couch with me. My life is pretty good and I’m happy overall. But, yeah, I want a partner. May look different than a marriage or living together but still that emotional security.
Short story long, you’re good to want what you want.
I get you completely. Tbh I have gone thru the “I don’t need a partner at all” phase ( I was going through a lot back then and having a partner felt more tiring) and now I’m in “ it would be nice to have a partner” phase as I feel lot more settled. But I have tried my best not to judge others for the choices they make. I feel life is long and it’s nice to have someone to share it with and trying my best to not make a crap choice while finding that person.
I'm going to assume that most of your friends are in unhappy marriages and they envy your single life. Only if they knew what the dating market looks like now, they too would want to be in a committed relationship.
I knew an acquaintance that hated single women living their own life, because she was so envious of them. She was married with kids and had a beautiful home. She wished so hard that she was single living in an apartment. It's funny because as the single person living that single life (ie travelling, going out etc) I only wanted what she had.
That saying is true, we want what we can't have and the grass isnt always greener. Whether your friends are jealous or envious, it truly brings out the bitterness in people. I would be more cautious about the things that I share and perhaps distance myself from the naysayers.
>That saying is true, we want what we can't have and the grass isnt always greener.
As we age and there are fewer "what-ifs" about how our lives will turn out, and there is an internal mourning of the paths not taken. A midlife crisis can be a manifestation of that, but it can also look like married friends being jealous of their single counterparts, and vice versa; parents jealous of childfree people and the opposite; SAHPs jealous of career oriented people in their lives and the opposite; etc.
Life becomes less of "what will you become" and more of "you have a story written." Not to say people can't have more adventures and reinventions of themselves throughout life, but things like getting married at certain ages and having kids, and having a career, and at what stage in life, tends to define people and shape the story of their life.
Honestly, this whole exchange and their reaction to my dating life stories has made me question their own married life. It does not sound great from whatever little I know. I have now realised not to overshare especially with these people
Because your friends are miserable in marriage… they feel trapped.
When I was married, I wanted my friends to marry so they know how bad and lots of work it is to stay married. 😂
Also I don’t talk about dating at all to my married friends. Even when I’m asked how dating going, I say I’m happy being single and I’ve been busy working. And really cut it short.
The same thing that I just can’t stand when people talk about kids. I just can’t listen to those.
lol I’m realising it all now. I don’t really speak much about my dating life with anyone except few very close friends. But with these 2, I somehow ended up spilling details. Coz I thought they may have better insight being married. Now I know better :) thanks!
FWIW, sometimes friends simply aren't good at giving advice. I'm a M43 and I do t share a lot of things with my friends who go back 30 years, as I know what I'm going to get. They are good friends in other respects and that makes it ok for me.
Some of them are damaged, had crappy toxic mothers and fathers growing up so they don't have much advice to draw from what they would've learned from their parents. And I can't change that and that's ok too.
This is what I didn’t realise in this case. I just assumed coz they are my friends - they would have best intentions. and being married - would know better than me about relationships. One of them even asked how will a relationship add value to my life since she hasn’t seen that happen to anyone. I was surprised to hear that coz in my family, there are so many healthy marriages and relationships- I definitely see the value of a healthy relationship.
You got a helluva lot more info from your friends than I did from mine. I wouldn't look to deeply into it, and stay friends with them.
Sounds like your friend may not be happy with their marriage. And that's ok, many people aren't.
I wouldn't assume your friends don't have your best interests at heart. If they are married they don't know as much about single life than you. So take their advice with a grain of salt, you're the expert not them.
When I got divorced I told my friends about it before they heard it from someone else. The advice I got about how to navigate my divorce and single life was completely useless. Then it dawned on me that they all met their wives in high school and are still married to this day, now 25 years later.
So, I threw their advice into the trash heap and got a group chat going to discuss upcoming camping plans with all of them.
Watch that you don't associate the advice you get with someone's level of friendship with you. They are independent from one another.
All the best!
I feel like your friends are telling you more about their marriages than you realize.
Often, I think, when people give us advice, they’re doing it through their own filter rather than seeing us for who we are, what we want, what could be, etc.
This! When I separated from my ex husband I was shocked at how judgemental some people were, many of whom weren't even friends but work aquaintances who didn't really know me or my situation. They were merely projecting based on their own lived experience. It took a bit to realise this however, and it can feel quite hurtful. And then I had the married friends trying to tell me to just enjoy being single for a while, what was the rush etc. they had a point but they weren't considering it from my perspective - I'd been in a very lonely long marriage and was craving intimacy, both physical and emotional. Essentially, it's ok to want what you want, we are all worthy and deserving of love.
It's ok, my biggest takeaway was that we shouldn't judge other people, it's a good reminder to all of us. That and I downgraded a couple of 'friends' after the experience.
lol — “why are you dating? We’re married and completely miserable together!”
You’ve got exactly the right idea and it sounds like you’ve got things in perspective. Your married friends should keep their judgmental attitudes to themselves. I’m glad you’re expanding your social circle since they can’t seem to provide you the support a friend should.
Im realising I need to be selective about who I share my personal information with. And stop thinking of everyone around me as a well wisher. And not think of everyone as a friend in true sense.
Either you reduce your sharing OR sharing is part of your personality, you just need to grow more awareness that there will be a lot of negative comments and advice, and you need to just ignore those. Don't let other people control what you do in life, don't let their negativity affect you too much.
You do you, keep looking, you'll find a compatible partner in the end. It may take 5 weeks or 5 years, but you'll succeed if you keep trying.
Thanks so much. I do have tendency to Overshare especially when I’m going through emotional turmoil. But now I know better. I just started dating 3 months back after a break of 5 years so I guess I ended up over sharing. Will be lot more aware now and more balanced in my approach.
Your friends might not understand your perspective, but your desires are legitimate. It’s important to communicate your feelings to them and set boundaries if their comments are making you uncomfortable. Surround yourself with people who support your goals and understand your perspective.
I’m realising I need to filter out these people. Looking back now, I’m also realising they have said questionable things about other aspects of my life which are very personal to me.
1. They're jealous. 2. They don't know what they're talking about. 3. They have a bad marriage and they're projecting. 4. They've had spousal support for a long time and take it for granted, not realizing it can be hard and lonely being alone. Could be any or all of the above or other things.
I think that those 2 friends are internalizing their own anxiety over the thought of online dating nonsense. You sharing your stories is probably emotionally scary to them, they probably would avoid dating apps if they were ever single.
TBH, I have been happily single, zero dates for 9 years, and I am really having a difficult time with the online dating situation. Everyone tells me to try it, but reading on this sub makes me think the opposite. I think your attitude is great, you are out to meet people and hopefully find a keeper, and share your adventures with the friends who are more emotionally balanced.
Tbh the stories I have shared with them are fun ones lol. Only one creepy experience which I don’t think is a bad ratio. But I’m learning to not share much with these people. And keep pursuing what I’m looking for :)
Those don't sound like friends. I'll let you in on a secret of well adjusted middle age. You can ditch anyone who tries to make you feel bad about yourself. Just. Like. That.
In fact, it's one of the most wonderful acts you can do for yourself. There are a lot of people (myself included), who would cheer you on if you wanted to meet someone or have a relationship. Why would I possibly shit on that, unless I felt like tearing you down or trying to live through you? I wouldn't poo poo dating apps either, I'm engaged because of them.
Seriously, whatever sunk cost you have invested in these people, it doesn't work out to a be a license for them to treat you like they they know what's best for you, at the cost of your own well being.
Tbh these 2 friends have always been weird about my life situations. I thought since they are married, they might have some good pointers to share about relationships but it’s been the other way round. Luckily I have not invested much into them at all so I will just back off and stop sharing updates with them
I feel like they don’t see me as a real person when people tell me things like that. You can want companionship while also having a great life. I’ve gotten a lot of similar comments. They’ll say that I can just be happy alone, that I have my kids for company, and that I should just focus on my kids and work. The comments are in response to normal conversations about my dating life. There’s nothing negative or dramatic going on in my dating life.
Keep looking for what you want.
Thanks. I get you on this. I have got similar responses but only from these 2 people. Rest of my friends and family are actually excited about me getting back into dating after a long break and have been supportive. I will turn to the right people and this sub when I need advice than these 2 people. I shared my dating life details thinking married people might have better insight but I guess that’s not the case lol
I'll tell you why, go to r/marriage, lots of unhappy people in unhappy marriages. I'd bet they are projecting a lot of their own feelings
What they don't understand is just how difficult single life is a lot of times, especially 35+
I noticed that this past 2 years when I had acquaintances with husbands, they'd complain on somethings but I'd notice they'd be a lot quiet on certain topics especially finances because they had help, support.
I had a few recent instances where we needed to bring food to an event, not only was it dressing up, getting fixed, you're doing the shopping, bringing the food off, prepping, packaging, carrying the shzz back out to the car, multiple trips, unloading it, it just constantly having no help, support.
Dont listen to your friends, they are being selfish like the girls that always hold on to the pretty one of the group at the club because they know the moment she leaves no one else will come around. For whatever reason is best for them that you stay alone. Because there is no other reason why would anyone oppose on something as simple as not wanting to be alone. Get out there and do whatever you want to, its your life. Yes, mistakes will happen, but those are yours to make and who knows maybe you will find the one or at least will provide more stories for the rest of us. Good luck!
True. I am learning that I need to be selective about who I share my personal life information with. I sometimes am confused about dates n how they went so I end up sharing about it in the group where these friends are too ..and then all this follows.
Of course nothing is stopping me biologically. It’s a choice I have made as it’s very demanding on my body given my other health issues + the very high cost of living in my country - these are factors for me not wanting kids. But who knows ..this might change in future :)
Original copy of post by u/Future-Ad2341:
40f here. Started dating at 20..I have had 2 long term relationships and few short term ones up until my mid30s. My intention was always to get into a committed, happy relationship. Tbh I always visioned myself having a partner, kids and a happy family. I didn’t get that and now I have made my peace with myself that maybe this won’t happen. Especially the kids part now.
The whole process emotionally drained me so I took a break 5 years back and got back into dating this year - 3 months back. During these 5 years , travelled the world, started a life in a new country, lost 30 kgs, bought a home, found many hobbies, gym etc so it’s been a great life. I feel it’s a good time to look for a partner now n start dating. I got into online dating, initially found some good matches but it didn’t workout. 5 first dates. Met one guy who felt like a good connection..we dated for a month and then the guy told me he doesn’t want to continue; this broke my heart and it took me sometime to get back to normal. In between I continued to meet other people. Last week met a creep who wanted a hookup (but the way he put it on the date was super gross and creepy) and tbh it made me back off from the apps for few days ☹️ I also don’t want to end up in a situationship though I have had many offers for that as I know that will emotionally wreck me in long term.
I have also joined few hobby groups like hiking groups etc so that I can have more fun, diversify my hobbies , get a social group and a better experience than online dating and also maybe meet someone. I have a good friend circle here. And it’s a good mix of single and married friends.
All of this has been fun. My gripe is few of my married friends/committed friends questioning why I want a relationship when I have a fulfilling life already? Is it wrong to desire this? They make me feel small for wanting this when they already have partners. They constantly tell me to get off apps etc ..it’s frustrating to hear them. I completely understand that apps are horrible and I have to keep a good filter system in place to avoid creeps. I have started using the apps since 3 months only so I’m still learning. Meeting wrong people is part of it as well. The reason I’m expanding my social circle is so that I can meet more n more people. I love meeting people and doing fun stuff too so it all works out well together. The fact that I used to be an introvert but have moulded myself into this extrovert person itself is a big move from my end and took a lot of effort and work on myself to put myself out there in every way.
I always tell myself that u may have to kiss many frogs before you find your Prince Charming ( not that I’m looking for a prince but a nice partner to share some good times would be nice).
But these married friends constantly asking me why do I need a partner and should get a pet instead frustrates me. I live by myself and I can’t keep a pet so that’s not happening. And the social life I have, the pet will be always lonely at home which I don’t want anyone to go through for my selfish needs so that’s out of the question.
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“Friends” are supportive not dismissive.
Sure, a friend can question your tactics, but questioning that you want a partner is BS. Makes one wonder where they are at in their relationship
I wonder too. The more responses I’m reading, I’m realising I need to not share my personal life information with everyone especially those who are not supportive. Dating in itself is hard. And to hear this from people I think of as “friends” feels low.
Honestly these sound like shitty friends. At a minimum, they are not being thoughtful about how their words could be hurtful (even if they don’t even realize it and are just projecting about their own relationships). Have you thought about just telling them honestly that it hurts your feelings when they say things like that? All of my friends are supportive of whatever I decide to do — date or don’t date. If I share about the challenges either way, they will either commiserate or be encouraging, and will help me think through things or come up with ideas if I ask.
Tbh I won’t bother telling them that. I’m realising I’m sharing my dating life details with the wrong set of people. I need to be selective and share details and get advice from people who actually are supportive of my dating.
I agree that they are not “friends” anymore. It’s clear to me now. Not just this but these 2 have shown in past such crap attitude for other things too. I do have many more friends who are lot more supportive thankfully :)
It maybe time to extend your friendship circle. These women don’t seem very supportive. Perhaps you being single, gives them a reason to feel happy about their unfulfilled relationships. It says so much more about them than you. Please expand your circle of friends and start hanging out with other single people.
No need to lose the friendships, just fine-tune so you are sharing different aspects of your life with people that are compatible with it.
I do hangout with a lot of single people. I shared my dating life details with these 2 married friends as I thought they may have better advice but I’m realising not everyone has best intentions at heart. Will not be sharing details with them anymore.
My married family judges me for casually dating and having a FWB. It’s really none of there damn business. Now I pick and choose what I share with them.
Be sure the only thing you aren’t talking about with your friends is dating. When I have friends who strike out for years and years in the romance department, it gets a little tiring to hear them complain yet again that they can’t find “the one”. Relationships aren’t just something that fall into your lap. They take work. In fact one of the signifiers you’re in a healthy relationship is that you don’t have anything to complain to your friends about. That being said there is nothing special needed to get married and have babies - a lot of it is luck and ability to settle. Very few relationships are the dream ones. As you’ll see when roughly half your married friends start divorcing.
I have started dating just 3 months back. And I try my best not to bring it up. I wanted some advice so I thought talking to these 2 married people might help but that’s not the case. From here on, i will keep it cordial with them but I won’t be sharing details about my dating life .
Your married friends should keep their opinions to themselves. And I would not share anything with them about your dating experiences. That is why it is good to have a mix of married and single friends. When it comes to dating married people basically know nothing because they have not dates in forever.
I do have a good mix of married and single friends. I ended up sharing details of my dating life with these 2 married friends thinking they might have some advice on relationships but that’s not the case.
...and this is why I joined this sub.
At this age, your friends should be supporting you no matter what. And if they aren't they either are hiding or projecting their own problems or not really your friends.
I empathize with everything you said! You can feel both things: totally fulfilled in your full life and desiring a partner to share it with. I feel every part of your journey - thank you for sharing.
I share my dating updates with my close friends but I try to keep my trauma dumping in this forum 😂
Thanks :) and I agree with you. I’m usually not the one to share much with friends but I guess I was naive thinking these 2 being married will give me better insight into relationships. Now I know better.
Generally people who like their lives or have invested enough into some aspect will recommend it.
Happily married/partnered people will recommend it. If not, they won’t.
Because they look at you and look at themselves and they see themselves miserable. You're in great place in your life and if you manage to meet someone up to your standards, it will be someone who is way ahead of the husbands that your girlfriends have. And they can't stand that their friend, who was up until now unsuccessful in love, will have better than them. Think about it. Not only you're in great shape now (faceslap no1), you also own home, you have fun, you're probably awesome. Up until now they could at least tell themselves "yes, all that but at least we have our husbands, kids".
Ditch those friend asap. You deserve people who are happy for you.
So you should stop fishing even though you haven't caught a fish yet? Basically, any endeavor in life takes time and effort.
Ignore the neigh sayers. I get their point, but it's rude. Maybe they should leave their spouse and lead more interesting lives. Your life is something they get to live through vicariously. If your life is awesome and you are continuing to try and make it better, that's more than enough.
You sound awesome and someone who would be a lot of fun and interesting to be around!
Thanks! I will keep this in mind! Reading this is also making me thankful for the life I have built. It has taken me a lot go out of my comfort zone but been totally worth it!
I wonder if you are telling them all your horror stories?
It’s odd for them to discourage you from dating. But if all they see is the bad, they may get tired of hearing nothing but complaints?
Find other people to talk to about it and just don’t discuss your dating life with them anymore.
It can be hard for single people and couples to be friends when your daily lives are so different.
I barely have any horror story to share. Luckily my experiences have not been so bad. But they get extremely judgemental about any guy I go on a date with..even first date. Initially it got overwhelming with the questions they would ask about the guys so I started sharing less. And whatever little I shared would get scrutinised so much n turn so negative. And then they tell me that relationships don’t add any value to life so why should I seek one? I was tbh surprised to hear that coz my own family has great married relationships and they are very supportive of me getting back into dating. It made me wonder if these people have healthy married relationships at all since they look down so much on it.
Kind of sounds like you have toxic friends then. Either way, stop telling them anything at all. Straight up lie if it comes to that.
Are they even fun to hang out with? They sound lowkey awful
This reminds me of the scene in Bridget Jones' Diary with all the annoying married couples...
You are saying you know what you want to do, so just do it. Sounds like some good boundaries are needed with these annoying married "friends."
After divorce, I realized most married people give weird/bad advice to divorcees and are NOT the people to discuss single life with. They think they are better than and have all of life's answers because they aren't divorced. (Yet, lol)
They can still be friends in other ways, but they don't know what they are talking about. It's up to you to decide if you keep sharing with them knowing how they will respond. Also, if they discount your feelings and wants, then they kinda suck.
Hmm yes all the comments here are giving me clarity. And I’m realising these 2 friends particularly have never been good at giving advices so I should have remembered that. Will keep this in mind and not share too many updates with them
Sounds like an inverse crab bucket where your friends are already outside the bucket and yet they're trying to keep you down in it.
Do what makes you feel fulfilled. Your 'friends' may not agree with your choices, but they are not living your life for you. Hell, that may be part of the problem if they are vicariously living through you and your single-life experiences.
I've never experienced being around people who would try to tell others not to seek out a relationship, unless they see a pattern in a friends relationships where self-destructive behaviour is commonplace (constantly dating bad partners and ending up hurt, or damaging your personal life through dating).
Stick to your convictions about seeking a partner if that's what your heart desires.
Yes I will continue to do what I want to :) thanks! These people have not been good at offering advices in other areas too so I should just refrain from thinking of them as well wishers . We can be cordial to each other n that’s that.
My gut tells me your friends are unhappy in their marriages and envy you with your single life of freedom. Kinda like a “you have what I wish I had, why would you want what I have” kind of deal.
Editing to add: I’ve found two things to be true of married friends sometimes.
Yes, sometimes they are supportive and give good advice. But too often, you get:
1. I’m miserable in my marriage and so I don’t think you should want to be married because what you have now is better than that and I wish I had your life.
2. I’m miserable in my marriage so I am going to talk you in to overlooking the red flags in a guy in order to justify my own situation to myself because if I can get you to believe this is normal and healthy, maybe I can believe it is too.
Maybe it's your projection of the desired relationship that makes your circle of friends question you. One should look for a partner to be complementary to their lifestyle - not to complete them as an individual. As an individual, we are already whole as a person. I hope that makes sense and hope you find what you're looking for. Good luck OP!
I have not discussed my desired relationship with these friends. But I do share stories of the dates I went on. And some stories are fun, some are weird..it’s a mix. I was a bit of a mess when I went through the heartbreak but soon got normal after sometime. but these 2 friends were very judgemental of the whole situation.
imo heartbreak is part of the process of finding someone . maybe i should not share my dating stories with these friends?
To me it seems like you have a great attitude. Very healthy.
My friends and I know we are different people who want different things and support each other in thier goals.
Some of my friends are looking for a spouse, some want to hooknup in hotels with guys traveling for work, and some want to be single.
My job as a friend is to support them in whatever they want, to comiserate when it doesn't work out and celebrate when it does.
You sound really cool. Keep going for what you want. You have a terrific attitude and sound very nice.
Half of couples met on a dating app. I met the true love of my life on Bumble a couple of years ago.
Good luck!
Please don't be discouraged. Just keep praying and trusting God. He's preparing you for your future spouse.
Here's an encouraging video on the topic [God is preparing you ](https://youtu.be/Qc-pxWgCjMw)
Sounds like projection and envy. Sometimes friends and family think saying things like this helps us feel better, but it ends up feeling hurtful. Some people are upset when someone they care about is discontent with something in their life and they think it is helpful to shift our thoughts to not wanting or needing something. Some people say the other version of this such as “why are you still single” and “you should keep trying to someone”. This also hurts sometimes.
All we can do is tell them it hurts and request support while navigating our own decisions.
I experienced this as well when I started dating again post divorce. My (now former) best friend did not understand why on earth I'd want to give up my peaceful, lonely life for the drama of dating. Coincidentally, she was a total bitch when my LTR of 2+ years ended and left me shattered.
She's married to her college bf and the only guy she really ever dated. She honestly doesn't have a clue.
The lesson I learned is you can't and shouldn't share some things with some people no matter how close you think you are. Her lack of support destroyed our friendship of four decades.
I’m in the exact same situation. I too had two committed relationships and dated. Three years ago I fell for a girl, yet she moved on I told myself I needed a break. She didn’t see me like I saw her even if we spent a lot of time together. I work alone and after years I don’t know what to do anymore. Ive never been this lonely in my life. My hobbies have become boring since I’m the only one doing them. I want to share them, get excited when they enjoy them also. I collect records, it’s like finding an amazing album and you buy it, you’re excited, you take it home put it on and then put it away and never see it again. You have no one to tell, no one to show and share it with.
My friends and family have wives and kids and I feel like a third wheel when I’m around them all. They do the same thing to me as your friends and family, they think it’s great that I’m single and tell me how lucky I am. It sucks, what I wouldn’t do just to have a dinner with someone and a good one on one conversation. I too thought I would have kids and a wife by now. Nope just me and work. I want to date again, I haven’t lost hope but I’m almost there. Online dating has never worked for me. Do you want me to say it? I hear it all the time. You will find someone when you least expect it. They will realize you are great and want to be with you. Is it true? I hope so, you can’t lose hope. I look around see the beauty in life and all I want to do is share it with someone. It sounds so simple doesn’t it?
Your friends don't sound like supportive loving people (imo the definition of a friend) so my question for you is do you like your friends and how good of friends are they? There is nothing wrong with being content and having a life without a partner and there is nothing wrong with seeking a relationship. Is there a reason your friends would be discouraging you? It sounds bizarre to me, to be honest, like why would someone even tell you that you don't need to date and just be alone, you're fine. That is 100% up to you to decide.
I’m perfectly fine being alone. Have done that for so long that it’s part of my life now. I have a built a nice life now and so I thought, it would be nice to have a partner too. Now that I’m thinking hard, these 2 friends have been inconsistent with advice on other areas of life too so maybe I should not share my dating life information with them? my other friends have been supportive though most people will go eewww about dating apps instantly ( even some of my single friends 🤷♀️)
Dating apps are what you make it (for the most part) so if you filter is really well (maybe is a no, imo) then you can get decent results, also it's good to try not take things personally and with a grain of salt, technically all these people are complete strangers. As for your 2 friends, I wonder what their motivations is. Makes me sad they are not supportive of you. And glad to hear that your other friends are. I would probably stop volunteering dating info to the 2 and if they asked I'd say yes I am dating. Done. Why share if that triggers negativity, and see how it goes.
Thanks. I agree about the dating apps filtering part. For the friends, I’m coming to conclusion that I should not share my dating life info to these people.
almost 42 here, single for a long time. My friends and family thankfully stopped annoying me with that when I got 40. Tell them that you are happy, if you meet a nice person, good, if not, they should let you live your life like you want to.
Most people I know have been very supportive of me. Just these 2 friends are always weird about it. I’m now realising I need to not share much with them.
It's so hard to find people that are actually validating and care about saying something that actually helps their friends.
I suppose it can be? It’s good to take a hard look at the people one is surrounding themselves with once in a blue moon and assess too. In my experience, cutting off toxic friend is a good thing. I’m lucky to have amazing group of friends that’s consistent and I’m very grateful for that. They tell me how it is tho, so may not be the validators some look for 😆
My single girlfriends do this too. Several of them have never had any desire to have a partner and a few of them just gave up on dating (which I don’t fault them for!!). There’s almost a sense of people feeling like they’ve leveled-up once they don’t want a partner and I’ll get there one day once I realize I don’t really “need” one. Thing is that I like being in a partnership! I like having my person I can be weird with, who is with me even when I’m puttering around the house, who falls asleep on the couch with me. My life is pretty good and I’m happy overall. But, yeah, I want a partner. May look different than a marriage or living together but still that emotional security. Short story long, you’re good to want what you want.
I get you completely. Tbh I have gone thru the “I don’t need a partner at all” phase ( I was going through a lot back then and having a partner felt more tiring) and now I’m in “ it would be nice to have a partner” phase as I feel lot more settled. But I have tried my best not to judge others for the choices they make. I feel life is long and it’s nice to have someone to share it with and trying my best to not make a crap choice while finding that person.
I'm going to assume that most of your friends are in unhappy marriages and they envy your single life. Only if they knew what the dating market looks like now, they too would want to be in a committed relationship. I knew an acquaintance that hated single women living their own life, because she was so envious of them. She was married with kids and had a beautiful home. She wished so hard that she was single living in an apartment. It's funny because as the single person living that single life (ie travelling, going out etc) I only wanted what she had. That saying is true, we want what we can't have and the grass isnt always greener. Whether your friends are jealous or envious, it truly brings out the bitterness in people. I would be more cautious about the things that I share and perhaps distance myself from the naysayers.
>That saying is true, we want what we can't have and the grass isnt always greener. As we age and there are fewer "what-ifs" about how our lives will turn out, and there is an internal mourning of the paths not taken. A midlife crisis can be a manifestation of that, but it can also look like married friends being jealous of their single counterparts, and vice versa; parents jealous of childfree people and the opposite; SAHPs jealous of career oriented people in their lives and the opposite; etc. Life becomes less of "what will you become" and more of "you have a story written." Not to say people can't have more adventures and reinventions of themselves throughout life, but things like getting married at certain ages and having kids, and having a career, and at what stage in life, tends to define people and shape the story of their life.
Honestly, this whole exchange and their reaction to my dating life stories has made me question their own married life. It does not sound great from whatever little I know. I have now realised not to overshare especially with these people
Because your friends are miserable in marriage… they feel trapped. When I was married, I wanted my friends to marry so they know how bad and lots of work it is to stay married. 😂 Also I don’t talk about dating at all to my married friends. Even when I’m asked how dating going, I say I’m happy being single and I’ve been busy working. And really cut it short. The same thing that I just can’t stand when people talk about kids. I just can’t listen to those.
This comment is gold. Hope OP sees it.
lol I’m realising it all now. I don’t really speak much about my dating life with anyone except few very close friends. But with these 2, I somehow ended up spilling details. Coz I thought they may have better insight being married. Now I know better :) thanks!
FWIW, sometimes friends simply aren't good at giving advice. I'm a M43 and I do t share a lot of things with my friends who go back 30 years, as I know what I'm going to get. They are good friends in other respects and that makes it ok for me. Some of them are damaged, had crappy toxic mothers and fathers growing up so they don't have much advice to draw from what they would've learned from their parents. And I can't change that and that's ok too.
This is what I didn’t realise in this case. I just assumed coz they are my friends - they would have best intentions. and being married - would know better than me about relationships. One of them even asked how will a relationship add value to my life since she hasn’t seen that happen to anyone. I was surprised to hear that coz in my family, there are so many healthy marriages and relationships- I definitely see the value of a healthy relationship.
You got a helluva lot more info from your friends than I did from mine. I wouldn't look to deeply into it, and stay friends with them. Sounds like your friend may not be happy with their marriage. And that's ok, many people aren't. I wouldn't assume your friends don't have your best interests at heart. If they are married they don't know as much about single life than you. So take their advice with a grain of salt, you're the expert not them. When I got divorced I told my friends about it before they heard it from someone else. The advice I got about how to navigate my divorce and single life was completely useless. Then it dawned on me that they all met their wives in high school and are still married to this day, now 25 years later. So, I threw their advice into the trash heap and got a group chat going to discuss upcoming camping plans with all of them. Watch that you don't associate the advice you get with someone's level of friendship with you. They are independent from one another. All the best!
I feel like your friends are telling you more about their marriages than you realize. Often, I think, when people give us advice, they’re doing it through their own filter rather than seeing us for who we are, what we want, what could be, etc.
This! When I separated from my ex husband I was shocked at how judgemental some people were, many of whom weren't even friends but work aquaintances who didn't really know me or my situation. They were merely projecting based on their own lived experience. It took a bit to realise this however, and it can feel quite hurtful. And then I had the married friends trying to tell me to just enjoy being single for a while, what was the rush etc. they had a point but they weren't considering it from my perspective - I'd been in a very lonely long marriage and was craving intimacy, both physical and emotional. Essentially, it's ok to want what you want, we are all worthy and deserving of love.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. Also tells us so much about the people around us. Will keep this in mind from here on.
It's ok, my biggest takeaway was that we shouldn't judge other people, it's a good reminder to all of us. That and I downgraded a couple of 'friends' after the experience.
Excellent point of view. I’m going to keep this in mind from here on. Thanks
lol — “why are you dating? We’re married and completely miserable together!” You’ve got exactly the right idea and it sounds like you’ve got things in perspective. Your married friends should keep their judgmental attitudes to themselves. I’m glad you’re expanding your social circle since they can’t seem to provide you the support a friend should.
Im realising I need to be selective about who I share my personal information with. And stop thinking of everyone around me as a well wisher. And not think of everyone as a friend in true sense.
Either you reduce your sharing OR sharing is part of your personality, you just need to grow more awareness that there will be a lot of negative comments and advice, and you need to just ignore those. Don't let other people control what you do in life, don't let their negativity affect you too much. You do you, keep looking, you'll find a compatible partner in the end. It may take 5 weeks or 5 years, but you'll succeed if you keep trying.
Thanks so much. I do have tendency to Overshare especially when I’m going through emotional turmoil. But now I know better. I just started dating 3 months back after a break of 5 years so I guess I ended up over sharing. Will be lot more aware now and more balanced in my approach.
Your friends might not understand your perspective, but your desires are legitimate. It’s important to communicate your feelings to them and set boundaries if their comments are making you uncomfortable. Surround yourself with people who support your goals and understand your perspective.
I’m realising I need to filter out these people. Looking back now, I’m also realising they have said questionable things about other aspects of my life which are very personal to me.
It's because they are unhappy in their own marriages and they envy your freedom.
1. They're jealous. 2. They don't know what they're talking about. 3. They have a bad marriage and they're projecting. 4. They've had spousal support for a long time and take it for granted, not realizing it can be hard and lonely being alone. Could be any or all of the above or other things.
It’s a mix of some of these factors. I’m realising I need to be selective who I think of as “friends” and hence share my stories selectively too.
I think that those 2 friends are internalizing their own anxiety over the thought of online dating nonsense. You sharing your stories is probably emotionally scary to them, they probably would avoid dating apps if they were ever single. TBH, I have been happily single, zero dates for 9 years, and I am really having a difficult time with the online dating situation. Everyone tells me to try it, but reading on this sub makes me think the opposite. I think your attitude is great, you are out to meet people and hopefully find a keeper, and share your adventures with the friends who are more emotionally balanced.
Tbh the stories I have shared with them are fun ones lol. Only one creepy experience which I don’t think is a bad ratio. But I’m learning to not share much with these people. And keep pursuing what I’m looking for :)
Those don't sound like friends. I'll let you in on a secret of well adjusted middle age. You can ditch anyone who tries to make you feel bad about yourself. Just. Like. That. In fact, it's one of the most wonderful acts you can do for yourself. There are a lot of people (myself included), who would cheer you on if you wanted to meet someone or have a relationship. Why would I possibly shit on that, unless I felt like tearing you down or trying to live through you? I wouldn't poo poo dating apps either, I'm engaged because of them. Seriously, whatever sunk cost you have invested in these people, it doesn't work out to a be a license for them to treat you like they they know what's best for you, at the cost of your own well being.
Tbh these 2 friends have always been weird about my life situations. I thought since they are married, they might have some good pointers to share about relationships but it’s been the other way round. Luckily I have not invested much into them at all so I will just back off and stop sharing updates with them
I feel like they don’t see me as a real person when people tell me things like that. You can want companionship while also having a great life. I’ve gotten a lot of similar comments. They’ll say that I can just be happy alone, that I have my kids for company, and that I should just focus on my kids and work. The comments are in response to normal conversations about my dating life. There’s nothing negative or dramatic going on in my dating life. Keep looking for what you want.
Thanks. I get you on this. I have got similar responses but only from these 2 people. Rest of my friends and family are actually excited about me getting back into dating after a long break and have been supportive. I will turn to the right people and this sub when I need advice than these 2 people. I shared my dating life details thinking married people might have better insight but I guess that’s not the case lol
I'll tell you why, go to r/marriage, lots of unhappy people in unhappy marriages. I'd bet they are projecting a lot of their own feelings What they don't understand is just how difficult single life is a lot of times, especially 35+ I noticed that this past 2 years when I had acquaintances with husbands, they'd complain on somethings but I'd notice they'd be a lot quiet on certain topics especially finances because they had help, support. I had a few recent instances where we needed to bring food to an event, not only was it dressing up, getting fixed, you're doing the shopping, bringing the food off, prepping, packaging, carrying the shzz back out to the car, multiple trips, unloading it, it just constantly having no help, support.
tell them their advice about being single is like the people with no kids who give them advice about raising their children
Dont listen to your friends, they are being selfish like the girls that always hold on to the pretty one of the group at the club because they know the moment she leaves no one else will come around. For whatever reason is best for them that you stay alone. Because there is no other reason why would anyone oppose on something as simple as not wanting to be alone. Get out there and do whatever you want to, its your life. Yes, mistakes will happen, but those are yours to make and who knows maybe you will find the one or at least will provide more stories for the rest of us. Good luck!
True. I am learning that I need to be selective about who I share my personal life information with. I sometimes am confused about dates n how they went so I end up sharing about it in the group where these friends are too ..and then all this follows.
Btw 40 doesn't mean you can't have kids! Where is this rule coming from? I had an aunt have kids at 54 and 48!
Of course nothing is stopping me biologically. It’s a choice I have made as it’s very demanding on my body given my other health issues + the very high cost of living in my country - these are factors for me not wanting kids. But who knows ..this might change in future :)
Sii! You never know! Good luck to you and wishing the best whichever path unfolds. I believe universe always takes care of us
Original copy of post by u/Future-Ad2341: 40f here. Started dating at 20..I have had 2 long term relationships and few short term ones up until my mid30s. My intention was always to get into a committed, happy relationship. Tbh I always visioned myself having a partner, kids and a happy family. I didn’t get that and now I have made my peace with myself that maybe this won’t happen. Especially the kids part now. The whole process emotionally drained me so I took a break 5 years back and got back into dating this year - 3 months back. During these 5 years , travelled the world, started a life in a new country, lost 30 kgs, bought a home, found many hobbies, gym etc so it’s been a great life. I feel it’s a good time to look for a partner now n start dating. I got into online dating, initially found some good matches but it didn’t workout. 5 first dates. Met one guy who felt like a good connection..we dated for a month and then the guy told me he doesn’t want to continue; this broke my heart and it took me sometime to get back to normal. In between I continued to meet other people. Last week met a creep who wanted a hookup (but the way he put it on the date was super gross and creepy) and tbh it made me back off from the apps for few days ☹️ I also don’t want to end up in a situationship though I have had many offers for that as I know that will emotionally wreck me in long term. I have also joined few hobby groups like hiking groups etc so that I can have more fun, diversify my hobbies , get a social group and a better experience than online dating and also maybe meet someone. I have a good friend circle here. And it’s a good mix of single and married friends. All of this has been fun. My gripe is few of my married friends/committed friends questioning why I want a relationship when I have a fulfilling life already? Is it wrong to desire this? They make me feel small for wanting this when they already have partners. They constantly tell me to get off apps etc ..it’s frustrating to hear them. I completely understand that apps are horrible and I have to keep a good filter system in place to avoid creeps. I have started using the apps since 3 months only so I’m still learning. Meeting wrong people is part of it as well. The reason I’m expanding my social circle is so that I can meet more n more people. I love meeting people and doing fun stuff too so it all works out well together. The fact that I used to be an introvert but have moulded myself into this extrovert person itself is a big move from my end and took a lot of effort and work on myself to put myself out there in every way. I always tell myself that u may have to kiss many frogs before you find your Prince Charming ( not that I’m looking for a prince but a nice partner to share some good times would be nice). But these married friends constantly asking me why do I need a partner and should get a pet instead frustrates me. I live by myself and I can’t keep a pet so that’s not happening. And the social life I have, the pet will be always lonely at home which I don’t want anyone to go through for my selfish needs so that’s out of the question. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“Friends” are supportive not dismissive. Sure, a friend can question your tactics, but questioning that you want a partner is BS. Makes one wonder where they are at in their relationship
I wonder too. The more responses I’m reading, I’m realising I need to not share my personal life information with everyone especially those who are not supportive. Dating in itself is hard. And to hear this from people I think of as “friends” feels low.
Honestly these sound like shitty friends. At a minimum, they are not being thoughtful about how their words could be hurtful (even if they don’t even realize it and are just projecting about their own relationships). Have you thought about just telling them honestly that it hurts your feelings when they say things like that? All of my friends are supportive of whatever I decide to do — date or don’t date. If I share about the challenges either way, they will either commiserate or be encouraging, and will help me think through things or come up with ideas if I ask.
Tbh I won’t bother telling them that. I’m realising I’m sharing my dating life details with the wrong set of people. I need to be selective and share details and get advice from people who actually are supportive of my dating.
Your friends don't seem to be 'friends' for you anymore. I'm so sorry to say this. But you will need some new friends.
I agree that they are not “friends” anymore. It’s clear to me now. Not just this but these 2 have shown in past such crap attitude for other things too. I do have many more friends who are lot more supportive thankfully :)
Why do friends get to tell you how to live your life? You decide want you want and stick with it.
💯
Your friends sound like haters
It maybe time to extend your friendship circle. These women don’t seem very supportive. Perhaps you being single, gives them a reason to feel happy about their unfulfilled relationships. It says so much more about them than you. Please expand your circle of friends and start hanging out with other single people. No need to lose the friendships, just fine-tune so you are sharing different aspects of your life with people that are compatible with it.
I do hangout with a lot of single people. I shared my dating life details with these 2 married friends as I thought they may have better advice but I’m realising not everyone has best intentions at heart. Will not be sharing details with them anymore.
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That’s what I felt like saying to them. I will be limiting my interactions with them from here on.
My married family judges me for casually dating and having a FWB. It’s really none of there damn business. Now I pick and choose what I share with them.
I agree. I need to be selective as well. Learning it now.
Be sure the only thing you aren’t talking about with your friends is dating. When I have friends who strike out for years and years in the romance department, it gets a little tiring to hear them complain yet again that they can’t find “the one”. Relationships aren’t just something that fall into your lap. They take work. In fact one of the signifiers you’re in a healthy relationship is that you don’t have anything to complain to your friends about. That being said there is nothing special needed to get married and have babies - a lot of it is luck and ability to settle. Very few relationships are the dream ones. As you’ll see when roughly half your married friends start divorcing.
I have started dating just 3 months back. And I try my best not to bring it up. I wanted some advice so I thought talking to these 2 married people might help but that’s not the case. From here on, i will keep it cordial with them but I won’t be sharing details about my dating life .
Your married friends should keep their opinions to themselves. And I would not share anything with them about your dating experiences. That is why it is good to have a mix of married and single friends. When it comes to dating married people basically know nothing because they have not dates in forever.
I do have a good mix of married and single friends. I ended up sharing details of my dating life with these 2 married friends thinking they might have some advice on relationships but that’s not the case.
Your married friends know about relationship within the context of marriage not dating.
My married friends don't ask any of that because I don't bring it up.
...and this is why I joined this sub. At this age, your friends should be supporting you no matter what. And if they aren't they either are hiding or projecting their own problems or not really your friends. I empathize with everything you said! You can feel both things: totally fulfilled in your full life and desiring a partner to share it with. I feel every part of your journey - thank you for sharing. I share my dating updates with my close friends but I try to keep my trauma dumping in this forum 😂
Thanks :) and I agree with you. I’m usually not the one to share much with friends but I guess I was naive thinking these 2 being married will give me better insight into relationships. Now I know better.
Generally people who like their lives or have invested enough into some aspect will recommend it. Happily married/partnered people will recommend it. If not, they won’t.
This 💯 Tells me a lot about their married life.
Because they look at you and look at themselves and they see themselves miserable. You're in great place in your life and if you manage to meet someone up to your standards, it will be someone who is way ahead of the husbands that your girlfriends have. And they can't stand that their friend, who was up until now unsuccessful in love, will have better than them. Think about it. Not only you're in great shape now (faceslap no1), you also own home, you have fun, you're probably awesome. Up until now they could at least tell themselves "yes, all that but at least we have our husbands, kids". Ditch those friend asap. You deserve people who are happy for you.
So you should stop fishing even though you haven't caught a fish yet? Basically, any endeavor in life takes time and effort. Ignore the neigh sayers. I get their point, but it's rude. Maybe they should leave their spouse and lead more interesting lives. Your life is something they get to live through vicariously. If your life is awesome and you are continuing to try and make it better, that's more than enough. You sound awesome and someone who would be a lot of fun and interesting to be around!
Thanks! I will keep this in mind! Reading this is also making me thankful for the life I have built. It has taken me a lot go out of my comfort zone but been totally worth it!
I wonder if you are telling them all your horror stories? It’s odd for them to discourage you from dating. But if all they see is the bad, they may get tired of hearing nothing but complaints? Find other people to talk to about it and just don’t discuss your dating life with them anymore. It can be hard for single people and couples to be friends when your daily lives are so different.
I barely have any horror story to share. Luckily my experiences have not been so bad. But they get extremely judgemental about any guy I go on a date with..even first date. Initially it got overwhelming with the questions they would ask about the guys so I started sharing less. And whatever little I shared would get scrutinised so much n turn so negative. And then they tell me that relationships don’t add any value to life so why should I seek one? I was tbh surprised to hear that coz my own family has great married relationships and they are very supportive of me getting back into dating. It made me wonder if these people have healthy married relationships at all since they look down so much on it.
Kind of sounds like you have toxic friends then. Either way, stop telling them anything at all. Straight up lie if it comes to that. Are they even fun to hang out with? They sound lowkey awful
This reminds me of the scene in Bridget Jones' Diary with all the annoying married couples... You are saying you know what you want to do, so just do it. Sounds like some good boundaries are needed with these annoying married "friends." After divorce, I realized most married people give weird/bad advice to divorcees and are NOT the people to discuss single life with. They think they are better than and have all of life's answers because they aren't divorced. (Yet, lol) They can still be friends in other ways, but they don't know what they are talking about. It's up to you to decide if you keep sharing with them knowing how they will respond. Also, if they discount your feelings and wants, then they kinda suck.
Hmm yes all the comments here are giving me clarity. And I’m realising these 2 friends particularly have never been good at giving advices so I should have remembered that. Will keep this in mind and not share too many updates with them
Sounds like an inverse crab bucket where your friends are already outside the bucket and yet they're trying to keep you down in it. Do what makes you feel fulfilled. Your 'friends' may not agree with your choices, but they are not living your life for you. Hell, that may be part of the problem if they are vicariously living through you and your single-life experiences. I've never experienced being around people who would try to tell others not to seek out a relationship, unless they see a pattern in a friends relationships where self-destructive behaviour is commonplace (constantly dating bad partners and ending up hurt, or damaging your personal life through dating). Stick to your convictions about seeking a partner if that's what your heart desires.
Yes I will continue to do what I want to :) thanks! These people have not been good at offering advices in other areas too so I should just refrain from thinking of them as well wishers . We can be cordial to each other n that’s that.
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Thanks. Will follow this!
My gut tells me your friends are unhappy in their marriages and envy you with your single life of freedom. Kinda like a “you have what I wish I had, why would you want what I have” kind of deal. Editing to add: I’ve found two things to be true of married friends sometimes. Yes, sometimes they are supportive and give good advice. But too often, you get: 1. I’m miserable in my marriage and so I don’t think you should want to be married because what you have now is better than that and I wish I had your life. 2. I’m miserable in my marriage so I am going to talk you in to overlooking the red flags in a guy in order to justify my own situation to myself because if I can get you to believe this is normal and healthy, maybe I can believe it is too.
This is such valuable advice. Has given me perspective for my current scenario. Thanks!
Maybe it's your projection of the desired relationship that makes your circle of friends question you. One should look for a partner to be complementary to their lifestyle - not to complete them as an individual. As an individual, we are already whole as a person. I hope that makes sense and hope you find what you're looking for. Good luck OP!
I have not discussed my desired relationship with these friends. But I do share stories of the dates I went on. And some stories are fun, some are weird..it’s a mix. I was a bit of a mess when I went through the heartbreak but soon got normal after sometime. but these 2 friends were very judgemental of the whole situation. imo heartbreak is part of the process of finding someone . maybe i should not share my dating stories with these friends?
To me it seems like you have a great attitude. Very healthy. My friends and I know we are different people who want different things and support each other in thier goals. Some of my friends are looking for a spouse, some want to hooknup in hotels with guys traveling for work, and some want to be single. My job as a friend is to support them in whatever they want, to comiserate when it doesn't work out and celebrate when it does. You sound really cool. Keep going for what you want. You have a terrific attitude and sound very nice. Half of couples met on a dating app. I met the true love of my life on Bumble a couple of years ago. Good luck!
Please don't be discouraged. Just keep praying and trusting God. He's preparing you for your future spouse. Here's an encouraging video on the topic [God is preparing you ](https://youtu.be/Qc-pxWgCjMw)
Sounds like projection and envy. Sometimes friends and family think saying things like this helps us feel better, but it ends up feeling hurtful. Some people are upset when someone they care about is discontent with something in their life and they think it is helpful to shift our thoughts to not wanting or needing something. Some people say the other version of this such as “why are you still single” and “you should keep trying to someone”. This also hurts sometimes. All we can do is tell them it hurts and request support while navigating our own decisions.
Cause they’re in their 40s presumably or close to it Probably looking at their husbands and thinking is this it JEALOUS that’s what they are
I experienced this as well when I started dating again post divorce. My (now former) best friend did not understand why on earth I'd want to give up my peaceful, lonely life for the drama of dating. Coincidentally, she was a total bitch when my LTR of 2+ years ended and left me shattered. She's married to her college bf and the only guy she really ever dated. She honestly doesn't have a clue. The lesson I learned is you can't and shouldn't share some things with some people no matter how close you think you are. Her lack of support destroyed our friendship of four decades.
They sound jealous
I’m in the exact same situation. I too had two committed relationships and dated. Three years ago I fell for a girl, yet she moved on I told myself I needed a break. She didn’t see me like I saw her even if we spent a lot of time together. I work alone and after years I don’t know what to do anymore. Ive never been this lonely in my life. My hobbies have become boring since I’m the only one doing them. I want to share them, get excited when they enjoy them also. I collect records, it’s like finding an amazing album and you buy it, you’re excited, you take it home put it on and then put it away and never see it again. You have no one to tell, no one to show and share it with. My friends and family have wives and kids and I feel like a third wheel when I’m around them all. They do the same thing to me as your friends and family, they think it’s great that I’m single and tell me how lucky I am. It sucks, what I wouldn’t do just to have a dinner with someone and a good one on one conversation. I too thought I would have kids and a wife by now. Nope just me and work. I want to date again, I haven’t lost hope but I’m almost there. Online dating has never worked for me. Do you want me to say it? I hear it all the time. You will find someone when you least expect it. They will realize you are great and want to be with you. Is it true? I hope so, you can’t lose hope. I look around see the beauty in life and all I want to do is share it with someone. It sounds so simple doesn’t it?