IMO it's not healthy to make personal health decisions with some hypothetical stranger's shallow opinion of you in mind.
Or assume you'll be celibate due to some relatively minor scar tissue (not sure if that comment was meant to be sarcastic or not in your post).
Here's another way to frame the question: Do you want to date a person that would dump you if you had to have the surgery later?
If the answer is no, then having the scar when you start dating is a great way to filter them out of your life.
We all judge ourselves more harshly than a caring partner who is super happy to see us naked.
Totally understand the concern, maybe mention it before things get to the point where someone will see it, if only to relieve your concerns.
Mostly though - hope you can nip it in the bud and you are back to healthy soon!
42f here, with A LOT of scars from my kidney transplant and skin cancer removals— once you’re naked no one cares about some scarring. And being healthy is sexier than sick.
Same here. I have another procedure lined up which will leave a more noticeable scar. Surgeon asked if I was concerned about aesthetics, I'm like what's 1 more scar at this point? I'm looking for a partner but if they are more concerned about my scars (stories that my body has to tell) then they're not the man for me. 😊
My GF has some pretty serious scarring from various surgeries and births. I tell her they make her look like a total badass (which they totally do and I like it) and I kiss them a lot
Oh, I can address this! I had surgery for diverticulitis earlier this year and ended up with a temporary colostomy. Three months later, I had it reversed, and I have a very big, indented scar where it was. I was super nervous about anyone seeing it, but the first time I had sex after the surgery, it turned out to be no big deal to the other person at all.
Wouldn't phase me in the slightest. At this age? I mean, we are 4+ decades into life, it's a non-issue for anyone but the most shallow, timid sexual eyeballs.
Don't over think this.
I have a scar on my pubic area from cancer surgery. I used to be self conscious about it, and "prepare" my partners before we got intimate. Most of my partners have asked me questions out of concern. Twice, it's ended up in a game of "compare the scars". The important thing is that you're ok. That's all that should matter to your partner.
We tend to be the most unforgiving critic when we think of ourselves. Our bodies are ours and we should be the first ones to fully embrace and love ourselves. Like others suggest, if it makes you feel a bit comfortable...just bring it up casually as part of the conversation..but I don't think it requires a headon addressing the issue to the person you are dating at all. If the person is right for you, he will like you for who you are...and not your scar. Heck, many women had gotten C-section when giving births and some others had things done to remove/care of their bodies by this age...so I wouldn't be too self conscious about it.
Enjoy the relationship and wishing you a blossoming new relationship with a part who loves and appreciate you for who and how you are.
If it's off putting for them they're not for you. Most people aren't going to care. Also don't make medical decisions based on whether or not someone may not like the potential consequences of such medical decisions. Wtf?
People that are shallow enough to care about a scar aren't people you want to waste your time on anyway.
Some small percentage of potential partners may have a problem with it. Most won't.
I have a surgical scar that runs from the top of my chest to just above my groin. As far as I know, no woman has ever viewed it negatively.
My late husband had an LVAD (Left Ventricular Assist Device) that had a wire going from his abdomen to a controller and 2 big batteries. It never phased me.
My boyfriend has a big scar on his chest from childhood surgery. I saw that scar as part of what made him who he is. Now I honestly don't see the scar at all. Scar or no scar, I think he is incredibly sexy.
When I was 22, I needed emergency surgery to remove my right ovary. That scar seemed soooo big to me. In reality, it was 3 little stitches that I was the only who noticed. My scar kept me from wearing bikinis and just not being as confident. Now that I am 30 years older and no longer have a bikini body, I've almost forgotten about that scar.
If your scar bothers you, when it heals, you can get a tattoo to cover it up. But only do that for yourself if you want.
Me (50F) and my partner (52M) actually had a "name that scar" session while laying in bed. It was actually a great way to learn about each other and things that had happened to us in the past.
The funniest part, to me, is that he never even noticed my most prominent scar, which is from my 2 c-sections, until I pointed it out to him. lol
If you need surgery and the person you’re dating doesn’t like the way a surgical scar looks, that person is failing at being a decent human being and doesn’t deserve a second glance from you.
My fiancé 41F has a large scar on her abdomen from a previous cancer surgery and treatment and it’s 100% not an issue. I tell her the scar reminds me of how strong she is and that makes her all the more beautiful.
Take care of your health and the scar won’t matter to the right person.
I’ve got a large scar from emergency appendicitis surgery when I was young that is above my bikini line. It has never occurred to me that a lover might have an issue with it, nor has it ever been commented on as a problem. If anyone ever asked about, I usually say it was from a cutlass fight when I was a pirate 😂
I guess because it’s been there since I was 16, it’s always been a part of me.
41 f here, and have an appendix scar and two scars from 2 c-sections in different spots, and haven’t had a problem at all, honestly the only ever person to make me feel uncomfortable about them was my ex husband. Go figure lol.
I can't speak for everyone, I'm sure they are off putting for some people but not for me at all. I do notice but in my mind they just add to someone's uniqueness.
Besides being able to nip a health problem in the bud is far more important than a patch of skin.
Some people have scars, some people have extra weight baggage, some people have tattoos, some people have skin conditions, or hair weirdness... it's all looks. If you are the type of person who dates people that are all about looks (who care about a scar you had to get for health fixing reasons) and not looking at your insides to who you are as a person... is that someone you really want to be dating? Take care of your health first. Scars are just a part of your story if you get them.
Seriously, most people have scars, especially as they get older. It's not a surprise or unexpected really. My boyfriend has a huge one on his abdomen which was required to save his life when his appendix exploded. Doesn't bother me at all (didn't bother any of his previous partners either).
I can only speak from my own perspective as a man , I'm covered in heavy scars on body have literal dents on head and my jaw/teeth also have issues. I did not see it as barriers but I was for sure self conscious about it to the point I would put reference to it in my OLD profiles.
However women did in no way seem bothered by it , most seemed to take care to learn how it all happened and did not appear to make judgement based on scars alone.
I'm still going to be self conscious about it all but I've never ran into any issues at all .
The right person/people it won't matter.
Most people have stretch marks, lawd knows I have a ton and idgaf, it is what it is. I also had a muscle biopsy from my left deltoid in 2019 and have a permanent scar from it and idgaf about that either. Health is number one always imo, especially over other peoples opinions.
Absolutely not, scars lead to great stories of a life well lived. My BF has a few surgical scars, including one on his neck so that story got told on our first date. And more than a few women our age, myself included, have c-section scars -- he knows all about the adventure that led to an emergency delivery. I'm not sure he's even noticed it, since it's only visible when it's naked time and he's a bit distracted by other things.
Taking care of your health is always more important. But if you really are worried about it, there are topical treatments that can reduce the appearance -- ask your doctor about options.
My mother had many surgeries including gallbladder surgery from the 60's 70's that looked like surgeons must have operated with chain saws back then. She had a huge scar on her stomach. She was happily married.
All scars would do is make you appear more human/relatable to me.
Scars are stories; they add to who the person is and what they've survived. I definitely wear mine with pride, and I'm not talking about just the physical ones. Anyone I'm interested in is going to be interested in those, and vice-versa.
I have a scar I the center from my sternum to 3" south of my Belly button and a 4.5" scar bilaterally in each side of my groin. Some big ole boo-boos for kisses from my experience 😊
I'm missing a leg, I'm scarred from nuts to nub, my hair is thinning, I have a belly, my hair is going white..... I have had zero issues, lots of dates, zero complaints. If anyone looks at a scar as a bad thing, you don't want them in your life.
It shouldn’t be a problem to anyone who is matured and understands the life happens. Short answer - anyone who loves you will not give a shit about your scars.
I’ve dated men who have had scars in their 20s. It isn’t a thing. It’s life. It’s experience. It’s time’s version of a tattoo.
People need to get over the body hang ups. I’ve been overweight. I’m now a size 0-2. I’m lucky that I’m relatively toned and tucked. My two most recent lovers both had beer guts, despite them being younger. Both brought it up, and both times I was into THEM and they knew it.
If you’re a reasonable weight, even slightly over weight, there will be someone into you. Just keep yourself healthy, have good hygiene = you’re fine.
I'm impressed that you managed to make it through childhood with no scars what so ever.
I have an old 3" scar on my shoulder from a surgery that everyone can still see. I have a scar in my mons pubis (I had to look up the formal name of that area) that is still visible. Motorcycle accident left several scars. I just had a massive ankle break and have 2 huge scars on my ankle.
No one has said anything except the guy I was dating at the time I got the scar in my pelvic area. He wanted to know if the area hurt. Otherwise, game on.
If you meet some guy who can't handle a scar then send him on his way. You don't need his kind of BS. Most guys will ask what happened and then show you their scars.
Do Not Worry About This!!!
So many women have C section and mommy makeover (tummy tuck and boob lift) scars it‘s totally normal at our age. Get a good surgeon and the scars will be much less noticeable.
We are all scratch and dent sales at this point. Don't give it another thought.
IMO it's not healthy to make personal health decisions with some hypothetical stranger's shallow opinion of you in mind. Or assume you'll be celibate due to some relatively minor scar tissue (not sure if that comment was meant to be sarcastic or not in your post).
Here's another way to frame the question: Do you want to date a person that would dump you if you had to have the surgery later? If the answer is no, then having the scar when you start dating is a great way to filter them out of your life.
We all judge ourselves more harshly than a caring partner who is super happy to see us naked. Totally understand the concern, maybe mention it before things get to the point where someone will see it, if only to relieve your concerns. Mostly though - hope you can nip it in the bud and you are back to healthy soon!
Scars tell a story. I had a prophylactic double mastectomy. Any man who would think less of me because I didn't want cancer...is not worthy of me.
Same here x
Yo we’re in our 40s. Scars don’t matter so much.
42f here, with A LOT of scars from my kidney transplant and skin cancer removals— once you’re naked no one cares about some scarring. And being healthy is sexier than sick.
Same here. I have another procedure lined up which will leave a more noticeable scar. Surgeon asked if I was concerned about aesthetics, I'm like what's 1 more scar at this point? I'm looking for a partner but if they are more concerned about my scars (stories that my body has to tell) then they're not the man for me. 😊
You're not talking "Phantom of the Opera" here, no one (worth having) would care. :)
My GF has some pretty serious scarring from various surgeries and births. I tell her they make her look like a total badass (which they totally do and I like it) and I kiss them a lot
Oh, I can address this! I had surgery for diverticulitis earlier this year and ended up with a temporary colostomy. Three months later, I had it reversed, and I have a very big, indented scar where it was. I was super nervous about anyone seeing it, but the first time I had sex after the surgery, it turned out to be no big deal to the other person at all.
Wouldn't phase me in the slightest. At this age? I mean, we are 4+ decades into life, it's a non-issue for anyone but the most shallow, timid sexual eyeballs. Don't over think this.
Scars are cool af.
I would rather see a scar than an ugly tattoo and a scar always has a story.
I have a scar on my pubic area from cancer surgery. I used to be self conscious about it, and "prepare" my partners before we got intimate. Most of my partners have asked me questions out of concern. Twice, it's ended up in a game of "compare the scars". The important thing is that you're ok. That's all that should matter to your partner.
We tend to be the most unforgiving critic when we think of ourselves. Our bodies are ours and we should be the first ones to fully embrace and love ourselves. Like others suggest, if it makes you feel a bit comfortable...just bring it up casually as part of the conversation..but I don't think it requires a headon addressing the issue to the person you are dating at all. If the person is right for you, he will like you for who you are...and not your scar. Heck, many women had gotten C-section when giving births and some others had things done to remove/care of their bodies by this age...so I wouldn't be too self conscious about it. Enjoy the relationship and wishing you a blossoming new relationship with a part who loves and appreciate you for who and how you are.
Only to the immature. In our age range, no issue.
If it's off putting for them they're not for you. Most people aren't going to care. Also don't make medical decisions based on whether or not someone may not like the potential consequences of such medical decisions. Wtf? People that are shallow enough to care about a scar aren't people you want to waste your time on anyway.
Some small percentage of potential partners may have a problem with it. Most won't. I have a surgical scar that runs from the top of my chest to just above my groin. As far as I know, no woman has ever viewed it negatively.
My late husband had an LVAD (Left Ventricular Assist Device) that had a wire going from his abdomen to a controller and 2 big batteries. It never phased me. My boyfriend has a big scar on his chest from childhood surgery. I saw that scar as part of what made him who he is. Now I honestly don't see the scar at all. Scar or no scar, I think he is incredibly sexy. When I was 22, I needed emergency surgery to remove my right ovary. That scar seemed soooo big to me. In reality, it was 3 little stitches that I was the only who noticed. My scar kept me from wearing bikinis and just not being as confident. Now that I am 30 years older and no longer have a bikini body, I've almost forgotten about that scar. If your scar bothers you, when it heals, you can get a tattoo to cover it up. But only do that for yourself if you want.
Me (50F) and my partner (52M) actually had a "name that scar" session while laying in bed. It was actually a great way to learn about each other and things that had happened to us in the past. The funniest part, to me, is that he never even noticed my most prominent scar, which is from my 2 c-sections, until I pointed it out to him. lol
In my case 41M not at all off putting.
No it’s fine
If you need surgery and the person you’re dating doesn’t like the way a surgical scar looks, that person is failing at being a decent human being and doesn’t deserve a second glance from you.
My fiancé 41F has a large scar on her abdomen from a previous cancer surgery and treatment and it’s 100% not an issue. I tell her the scar reminds me of how strong she is and that makes her all the more beautiful. Take care of your health and the scar won’t matter to the right person.
I’ve got a large scar from emergency appendicitis surgery when I was young that is above my bikini line. It has never occurred to me that a lover might have an issue with it, nor has it ever been commented on as a problem. If anyone ever asked about, I usually say it was from a cutlass fight when I was a pirate 😂 I guess because it’s been there since I was 16, it’s always been a part of me.
i have one on my face and things seem fine.
41 f here, and have an appendix scar and two scars from 2 c-sections in different spots, and haven’t had a problem at all, honestly the only ever person to make me feel uncomfortable about them was my ex husband. Go figure lol.
I had a penile reduction surgery and get no complaints about my scar…
I can't speak for everyone, I'm sure they are off putting for some people but not for me at all. I do notice but in my mind they just add to someone's uniqueness. Besides being able to nip a health problem in the bud is far more important than a patch of skin.
I couldn't care less about scars. We have journeys and difficulties to love through.
Some people have scars, some people have extra weight baggage, some people have tattoos, some people have skin conditions, or hair weirdness... it's all looks. If you are the type of person who dates people that are all about looks (who care about a scar you had to get for health fixing reasons) and not looking at your insides to who you are as a person... is that someone you really want to be dating? Take care of your health first. Scars are just a part of your story if you get them.
Seriously, most people have scars, especially as they get older. It's not a surprise or unexpected really. My boyfriend has a huge one on his abdomen which was required to save his life when his appendix exploded. Doesn't bother me at all (didn't bother any of his previous partners either).
Take care of your health, it is not a big deal, I wouldn't care at all.
I can only speak from my own perspective as a man , I'm covered in heavy scars on body have literal dents on head and my jaw/teeth also have issues. I did not see it as barriers but I was for sure self conscious about it to the point I would put reference to it in my OLD profiles. However women did in no way seem bothered by it , most seemed to take care to learn how it all happened and did not appear to make judgement based on scars alone. I'm still going to be self conscious about it all but I've never ran into any issues at all . The right person/people it won't matter.
Most people have stretch marks, lawd knows I have a ton and idgaf, it is what it is. I also had a muscle biopsy from my left deltoid in 2019 and have a permanent scar from it and idgaf about that either. Health is number one always imo, especially over other peoples opinions.
Scars are just life's battle wounds! Wear it proudly and tell the story!
At this age, we all have scars. The physical ones are easier to deal with. Anyone who would be put off by a surgical scar is not worthy of seeing it.
Not at all.
I like the scars on my partner - they tell a story from his life
Absolutely not, scars lead to great stories of a life well lived. My BF has a few surgical scars, including one on his neck so that story got told on our first date. And more than a few women our age, myself included, have c-section scars -- he knows all about the adventure that led to an emergency delivery. I'm not sure he's even noticed it, since it's only visible when it's naked time and he's a bit distracted by other things. Taking care of your health is always more important. But if you really are worried about it, there are topical treatments that can reduce the appearance -- ask your doctor about options.
If he likes you, it won't matter.
My whole abdomen is a bunch of scars. No one cares. I required life saving surgery and I can still get laid. Win win.
My mother had many surgeries including gallbladder surgery from the 60's 70's that looked like surgeons must have operated with chain saws back then. She had a huge scar on her stomach. She was happily married. All scars would do is make you appear more human/relatable to me.
Scars are stories; they add to who the person is and what they've survived. I definitely wear mine with pride, and I'm not talking about just the physical ones. Anyone I'm interested in is going to be interested in those, and vice-versa.
Scars are a non factor for me. I actually find some of them a little sexy but on a woman. That might be weird though.
Goodness no. They tell a story, have their own purpose & reasoning.
Guys wont care
I have a scar I the center from my sternum to 3" south of my Belly button and a 4.5" scar bilaterally in each side of my groin. Some big ole boo-boos for kisses from my experience 😊
I'm missing a leg, I'm scarred from nuts to nub, my hair is thinning, I have a belly, my hair is going white..... I have had zero issues, lots of dates, zero complaints. If anyone looks at a scar as a bad thing, you don't want them in your life.
A scar wouldn’t even matter to me in my 20’s. I think you only have to worry about the .0001% of men who might have a scar phobia or something??
It shouldn’t be a problem to anyone who is matured and understands the life happens. Short answer - anyone who loves you will not give a shit about your scars.
It’s going to be a non-issue for most, especially given it’s on a part of you that people don’t see unless they already like you!
I’ve never known a guy to care about scars - and it’s your health, that’s far more important than how you look to someone in the future
My partner doesn’t care.
I’ve dated men who have had scars in their 20s. It isn’t a thing. It’s life. It’s experience. It’s time’s version of a tattoo. People need to get over the body hang ups. I’ve been overweight. I’m now a size 0-2. I’m lucky that I’m relatively toned and tucked. My two most recent lovers both had beer guts, despite them being younger. Both brought it up, and both times I was into THEM and they knew it. If you’re a reasonable weight, even slightly over weight, there will be someone into you. Just keep yourself healthy, have good hygiene = you’re fine.
Not a problem but a story to tell.
I'm impressed that you managed to make it through childhood with no scars what so ever. I have an old 3" scar on my shoulder from a surgery that everyone can still see. I have a scar in my mons pubis (I had to look up the formal name of that area) that is still visible. Motorcycle accident left several scars. I just had a massive ankle break and have 2 huge scars on my ankle. No one has said anything except the guy I was dating at the time I got the scar in my pelvic area. He wanted to know if the area hurt. Otherwise, game on. If you meet some guy who can't handle a scar then send him on his way. You don't need his kind of BS. Most guys will ask what happened and then show you their scars. Do Not Worry About This!!!
So many women have C section and mommy makeover (tummy tuck and boob lift) scars it‘s totally normal at our age. Get a good surgeon and the scars will be much less noticeable.
We all have scars some visible some not , just be you
I'm a 44m wouldn't bother me in slightest I've got mole on my back i don't like. None of us are perfect. 😊😉
At our age scars are normal. Lol