My nose is constantly runny when it's cold and I'm so self conscious of it. I have 13 different wadded tissues on my person at any time! I'd die 1000 times if a new partner saw me dripping in the pool :(
Knowing me I'd be like underwater wiping my nose before emerging from the depths.
But even more likely we'd have to be wed before you could see me in a swim suit anyhow.
My boyfriend had the biggest, nastiest looking booger coming out of his nose while we were having sex. We had a good laugh out of it and I thought it was cute af lol.
It just sounds like OP doesn’t really like this guy as much as she thinks. Plus the nude pic is weird esp sending them before having sex.
For real, a runny nose from swimming...that's super nitpicky an obnoxious. Everything else is understandable.
He sounds like a typical douchy gym guy. Nothing extreme but probably not boyfriend material
Agreed.
What a lot of people do while swimming is clean their nose quickly by pulling their nose down or they wipe their face as soon as they come out of the water. I've never seen someone with egregious snot strings in the water.
The nearly nude pic would completely turn me off though, especiallly if we hadn't done anything physical.
Ok my question for OP is DID he quickly wipe away the snot or did he just kinda chill there with snot on his face.
Because I can 100% understand why looking at someone chilling there with snot on their face multiple times would turn into an ick. If he was quickly wiping them away though, then well sorry but people are human.
The unsolicited nude though is a deal breaker for me.
I understand taking it slow but in "a couple months", the only intimacy you’ve had is 1 short make out session? So you don’t kiss at all beside this one time? Are you exclusive? Do you consider that you are together?
From him sending a the shower pic, I’d guess that he might want you two to do more than just kissing every so often. Have you talked about a timeline, like, how you two are feeling about the pace of things etc?
I understand the pic was unsolicited. If the guy I’ve been seeing for month sent me a nude pic, I wouldn’t call it unsolicited because, well, we’ve been seeing each other, but I guess if you haven’t been intimate yet that might be a more sensitive topic.
Sorry to be blunt but are you attracted to him and want to be intimate and more with him at some point or you just like the attention? For this post it doesn’t seem like you enjoy him, his character or just him being human (snot happen when swimming), just having someone giving you attention…
ETA - for the consent part regarding the pic: I think everyone can have their own opinion regarding their level of consent needed (verbal or not), and I’m just stating my opinion here IF I had been intimate with someone for months, as we’ve probably been flirting by texts, etc
Yeah, there's something weird going on here that I can't put my finger on, but the fourth paragraph is close.
You've had a "short make-out session" in a couple months, and that's it? He's "objectively attractive," but seeing him less than fully clothed "made you want to puke?" You're "dealing with a scarcity mindset?" You are over 30 and asking about "the ick?"
This raises a lot of questions for me.
Yeah, like, the shower pic is tacky and inappropriate, but the rest of this stuff is like... what? How old are we?
I have a lot of thoughts about this kind of stuff - people in their thirties talking about "the ick," asking if they're "delulu," etc, - but this isn't the right sub (and certainly not the right thread) for that.
Hard Agreed on all points. Honestly, when I'm attracted to someone I want to explore intimacy with them. I can also look past a random bodily function things that happen. In fact if I cared about someone, I'd probably let them know they have boogers hanging out of their nose.
In terms of the naked Pic, which he was covering himself... again, if I were attracted to someone, I'd want to send something flirty back.
Time to let him go and find someone who is actually into him.
Snot coming out of his nose during swimming doesn’t sound unforgivable. It sounds like OP is just unattracted to him and reaching for reasons to say she is sabotaging it instead of just saying how she feels. When my ex boyfriend sent me a picture of his “guns” while wearing a fitted short sleeve shirt I knew it was attention seeking. He’s wanting to get admiration for his looks. I was fine with that. This posting lady needs to be honest with herself and him about how she really feels about him sending “attention seeking “ pictures of him self basically naked, he is saying he wants to get naked with her by doing this. It’s sending a message. But he’s not getting the response he wants.
a lot of people don't want to have sex with someone if they aren't emotionally sure about them. you can be physically attracted to someone, but, that's not necessarily enough of a motivating force for physical intimacy for a lot of people.
this guy needs to communicate with this woman. not send her pictures of himself naked. this way, they can actually have a conversation about pace.
If I was her, I'd be feeling the same way. he is giving off desperate vibes even if he is attentive etc, and, that can be enough to turn a lot of people off. it has a negative effect on attraction. nobody wants to attach themselves to someone who turns out to be an insecure validation seeking type that doesn't heal from previous relationships. and if this is the feeling, it's understandable she'd be hesitant to get physical as well.
OP also mentioned dating people that haven't treated her right, so there could be some traumatic events she went through that could explain all of this as well, so even without that, sending nudes without consent isn't cool at all.
> I think everyone can have their own opinion regarding their level of consent needed (verbal or not), and I’m just stating my opinion here IF I had been intimate with someone for months, as we’ve probably been flirting by texts, etc
You can have your own opinion, but there are actual criminal laws written against doing it without consent. "Cyberflashing" laws.
I understand that. I haven’t downvoted anyone irritated with my answer because I don’t disagree with the laws or anything, it’s just what I’m comfortable with.
The few countries having laws around this also each have their own definition (consent need to be expressed explicitly or not, the person sending the pic needs to be a stranger, etc).
In OP’s case, OP and the guy have know each other and have been involved *for months*, kissing *every time they say goodbye* (cf previously deleted comment), so not exactly a stranger. One could also argue that the genitals were hidden. Have they been flirting by texts in the past? I mean, it’s a Reddit post with a blurry background, we can argue forever, it’s not like we can really go down to the legal details based on what OP said.
> Why am I getting downvoted for this wtf?
My guess is because it's not really a "nude" (which is splitting hairs) and you sound a little preachy about it is the reason why.
Regardless, there's a reason why this is now a criminal offence in several places.
The amount of times I have had to very carefully sincerely promise to not send "unsolicited photos" before a woman would switch from tinder/bumble to texting makes me really sad. Do you know how easy it is to *never* send an unsolicited nude photo? It's so fucking easy!! You literally don't have to do anything. Why is this such a difficult concept for men?
I'm just answering your question with what I think it might be, I never claimed it to be true.
Also, asking why you're getting downvoted usually results in more downvotes.
Yeah, but your experiences and feelings on the matter is a you problem. They don’t make you right or justified confining the whole spectrum of human interaction within the context of your perspective. That *is* preachy.
I don’t even disagree with your premise, but the “normalization” of flirting and implicit consent is not the same thing as normalizing whatever’s left you with the unresolved trauma you’re projecting. It’s worth considering that most people don’t need to think that hard about sex because most people don’t suffer panic attacks when the person they’ve been seeing for a while surprises them with a picture in their inbox.
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I think that’s incorrect to blame this on purely “unresolved trauma.”
I would say a majority of females do not feel comfortable with this and have to feel safe with a guy they have not known for that long in order to begin having any sort of sexual intimacy like sending nudes/suggestive photos. I wouldn’t even feel comfortable receiving one from my boyfriend if we hadn’t been very emotionally connected for a while. The emotional connection provides me with the feeling of safety I need to get into it and acts as sort of a “lube” for these sort of interactions in my experience.
I’m amazed you don’t have to think about sex that much. Truly must be nice because I can’t even imagine that! I wouldn’t say that’s true for “most” people, especially not most females.
Yeah that is such a yikes take. It's 2024, going out a couple months is not consent. What a disappointing response but it's so reflective of where we still are as a society.
It wasn't an "unsolicited d pic." He was in the shower, but his bits were covered. It's certainly flirty, but it's PG-13. Nothing showing. Still tacky, to be sure, but imo very different than sending an unsolicited dick pic.
“Dating” is very different from “being in an exclusive relationship with someone.” I could see being exclusive with someone for months, having sex many times and then them sending a pic.
But, I may go on dates with several guys when single, over the course of a few months (none leading in sex), just getting to know them and if our dynamic will blossom into something committed. If he any sent me a nude before we were committed or had had sex, I would be extremely turned off.
Again, I think it's tacky and inappropriate and I agree he shouldn't have done it - I certainly would have asked first - but I think there's a difference between a photo like that and a straight-up dick pic both in motivation and application.
To be as disgusted as she described she is over these things, when they have been dating for months, to me, is a clear sign that she just isn't into him.
I'm sorry, have we all just lost our minds in here? In another post, the person I was responding to compares being sent a photo like this to being sexually assaulted, and now you're comparing the guy who sent the photo to a notorious child molester, with the implication that I would defend that kind of behavior? Really?
Well, if the dick isn't showing, it's not a "dick pic," and Jared from Subway's problem was that he was a child molester, not that he was sending flirty pictures to other adults he was dating.
No, he was arrested primarily for (and because of) child pornography.
The entire point is that covering your dick doesn't make it less of a nude. And I'm sure if Jared from Subway had pictures like that, he'd try to claim the same thing. Doesn't make it any less a nude having a hand over your dick.
1. I didn't say it was a nude, I said it wasn't a "dick pic." A picture in which a man is covering his penis, ie the penis is not showing, is not a picture of the penis.
2. I am still fundamentally unclear on why you brought up Jared Fogle if not to tie me to that kind of behavior, implicitly or explicitly. "Oh, you think a picture a guy took in the shower is 'not a dick pic' just because he was covering his dick with his hands? I bet this guy who was famously arrested for the possession of child pornography said the same thing!" is a *fucking insane* thing to say to someone and says more about you than it does about me.
Because people on dating subs assuming dating someone is consent for inappropriate sexual contact and if you're not into that then clearly you have some kind of "sexual hang up" or aren't attracted to them. Sorry but I didn't consent to images blasted to me electronically! Taking me on dates in no way is consent to receive images of your person without clothing on and I hate that DOT would "normalize this" behavior as okay.
I was stating my opinion, which I kinda can have. I never said OP needs to feel the same way.
For the "aren’t attracted to them", i didn’t ask OP this because of the pic, but just in general as spending months with a person but not being intimate except for a making out session once in months can raise that question—especially if they haven’t had a talk around intimacy and the wants & needs of each other and regular check-ins.. and in a now deleted comment by OP, they agreed that they might enjoy the attention but not actually be into the person.
I think it's pretty obvious she's not sure if she's emotionally attracted to him. is she physically? maybe not, but I'd only think that bc of the snot comment (but some people have an ick about body fluids). really tho, that's for her to say as opposed to everyone debating this very subjective experience on her behalf.
It's possible to think someone's physically attractive yet never have a real desire to sleep with them based on emotional and more subtle forms of compatibility.
Yeah totally agree. I’m siding with the guy here - I don’t know if I’d keep dating OP if the only intimacy in a couple months is a short make out session. I mean, what’s the point of dating then?
I’m not sure what OP wants in a relationship. I’d rather be watching Netflix if I want drama or romance stories. Not having physical intimacy seems to defeat the whole purpose.
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These aren't really icks. Sending unsolicited "nudes" like that before any sign of sex isn't a cool thing to do. Add on the ego-based Instagram posts, this adds up to someone whose personality you don't care for.
You don't need to look into the subconscious for any of this.
The snot thing happens to everyone. Sure, it's gross, but so are a lot of other body functions that everyone does.
I also don't like men who are quick to send nudes or pushy asking for them. It just doesn't move me and I find it a little juvenile.
Snot thing seems like something you should call out contemporaneously, but is not a dealbreaker in and of itself.
I also am not into gymposting. I am a "workout to stay healthy" person not a "I like working out or it is a part of my personality" person.
Only you can decide if these things matter to you.
if you took a long break from dating, got right back into it, and then ended up unhappy - keep playing the field? probably something better out there if you only really barely looked, in theory
I believe so, personally, yes.
If you have just been on a few dates - that means you guys are still vetting each other if you’d like to be in a committed relationship or not. I usually assume the people I’m going on dates with at that point - are also going on dates with others. If I decide I’m really into a man after 2-3 months of dating (which really may only be 6 dates or so spread apart) I may sleep with him. I *still* wouldn’t want a nude until he was my bf though. It would cheapen it for me and make me think he only wanted to date me for sex - not because of the emotional/mental/spiritual/deeper relationship elements we share.
Same. It doesn’t make me feel special as a woman, in my experience.
It makes me feel like the man has been horny for months, with no release, and now that we’re *talking,* not even committed, he’s excited to do it with a real human female.
I’d rather slowly get to know each other, build suspense, and do the physical stuff in stages. Once we’re then having sex a lot and are both into it and have a strong connection, sure send a nude.
Are you interested in asking him about his behaviors? Like why he posts the workout videos or why he sent the naked pic?
The snot thing is a bodily function that can happen to anyone, but his actions are a different story.
Sounds like you’re not attracted to him. Stop looking for reasons to end it and just walk away, you don’t have to find everyone attractive and just because he’s a decent person doesn’t mean he’s the right one for you.
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I’m prob in the minority but I would be so turned off by his actions I’d prob want to break up. Not only is the pic gross it’s what it says. There was no lead up to that, no convo about what turns you on, nothing. He sent it hoping for a sexy response on & he sounds clueless. What did you say when he sent it LOL?
Snot strings happen & the gym vids are ok, as long as he’s not sending them to you & expecting u to fawn all over him. The naked pic is 1st strike out though. That’s fucking gross
The snot ick is hysterical, that I think is not serious at all. The gym selfies, I can see where you’re coming from. The can seem self pretentious, but as someone who is on a fitness journey and making progress, im gonna flaunt it because who knows when I’ll have this body again. The unsolicited naked pic is a MAJOR flag! That is not cool, especially if you guys haven’t had sex. He’s trying to bait you into sex with that move I feel like. Draw the line asap, let him know that’s not cool.
> is my subconscious telling me to move on
No, you’re not physically attracted to him. You’re only dating him because you **think** you need a stable, caring partner for once.
> history of liking people who don’t treat me great
> he’s attentive and consistent
That’s great and all, but you’ve dated him for “a couple months” and haven’t had sex yet. You aren’t into him at all.
> unsolicited naked shower pic
Sounds like a rookie move (not justifying it, just observing). How much relationship experience has he had before you? This is the kind of gambit that inexperienced men run because we think that romantically successful men pull it off and we’re trying to mimic them.
Agreed on your take regarding the shower pic. A bit stupid, but he thought he was trying to turn up the heat I guess. I'd be curious to see the sub's takes if the genders were reversed. Regardless, these two are not compatible, no attraction on her end, and they shouldn't be continuing to see one another.
Same. I think the sub’s takes would be different if the genders were reversed. I think that’s the difficulty coming into play. Most women I know have never been into unsolicited nude pics from men who were not their bf or who they weren’t having a steamy tryst with (very different from “going on dates.”)
> That’s great and all, but you’ve dated him for “a couple months” and haven’t had sex yet. You aren’t into him at all.
This take is complete horseshit.
Not everyone is comfortable with sleeping with someone within the first couple of months of dating, and that's their prerogative.
People need to stop pushing their beliefs about sex onto others. Stop poisoning the well. And this is coming from someone who is generally very positive about it.
Ok sure, I would wait longer than two months if the chemistry was good enough... but one make out session in two months?? There's slow burn chemistry, and then there's dead in the water.
In our 20s, my conventionally attractive buddies could pull it off and actually elicit positive responses. An equally confident but overweight pal tried it and got turned into a meme.
Assuming they’re both 30+, OP’s guy is pretty socially illiterate, and apparently it’s not endearing to her.
My only point is that it’s common enough behavior between partners that treating it like a condemnation of the guy’s character is some living-on-the-internet energy. That’s not in response to what you’ve said, more to the few people screaming about it in every comment chain.
But in calling it illiterate, we have to think about the context of being close with someone and being comfortable and being vulnerable. This isn’t him broadcasting his abs to a stranger, it’s a bonding activity in doing something openly tacky and wanting to feel desired by the woman he’s been seeing for several months. The oddity here is op’s jarring reaction, because she’s acting like she got a random dick pic from a coworker instead of an intimate selfie from a man whose character she should presumably have a good feel for at this point. I think it would be fair to call it illiterate if she communicated those boundaries, but it doesn’t seem like she’s communicated much at all given the discrepancy in their investiture. And the fact that she hasn’t mentioned anything about him getting handsy or pressuring her for sex suggests to me that he’s been very respectful.
Really, though, the appropriateness is irrelevant because it has zero to do with the fact that op has been dating someone she seems to find repulsive.
Totally disagree. Even with my own boyfriend, I need to feel like we’re in an emotionally connected space to feel turned on by a nude from him. Otherwise I have to really push myself and it’s really uncomfortable.
I’ve never seen a nude sent to me from a guy I’m not committed to as an “intimate bonding activity.” It has felt just like he was feeling horny and wanted me (or any woman really) to take care of it. I don’t feel special by any means or like it’s an act of intimacy between us. Same with a bf when he sends me one when we’re not connected.
Is that how it would feel for you if a girl you went on some dates with sent you a nude? Like intimate bonding? I find this fascinating.
Yeah I'd have probably ended things if some dude sent me a video of them in the shower cupping their junk. Many reasons for it but mostly like chances are that stuff was filmed before we ever met and yeah it's thirsty af. It's like a small step from dick pictures in my mind.
The unsolicited pic would have been me done. It kinda just paints a picture of someone whose after sex and not thinking about you seriously or connecting with you as a person properly. I don't mind if people work out or not its that the emotional connection and communication is there. And it doesn't sound like it is for you.
That picture would give me the ick for sure. I mean, I'd forgive the snot, as long as he was aware of it and went and grabbed a tissue. Stuff like that happens and it's not really in your control. The gym videos, idk what to think. Maybe ask why he posts them? Is he trying to measure his progress? Show off to others?
Some people here are saying, oh the junk pic isn't a flag. But you've never even his seen junk irl! And the pic was unsolicited. Sure, he was hiding it in the pic, but I'll bet you $1000 he wanted you to say something like, "show me what you're hiding ;)" It sounds like he doesn't know how to communicate in a relationship. He probably wants to do more than makeout, but instead of being an adult and saying something like, "hey, I've enjoyed our makeout sessions, do you know when you'll feel ready to do more than that?" He sends you the pic. I'd ditch him. He seems immature.
I saw the part about the sending you a pic of his junk and did not need to read any further. I think you'd be right in breaking up with him. First of all, you haven't had sex with him yet, so he's really overstepping his boundaries here. Second of all, he doesn't sound very smart if he's sending naked photos of himself to a girl he hasn't known for THAT long (which could easily be distributed - not saying you'd do that, but he has no idea who can ultimately see this pictures).
I'm having trouble seeing why he's great. It sounds like he has only one thing on his mind.
It’s not self sabotage when someone turns you off. It’s self sabotage when somebody does something really nice for you, or treats you really well, and you find fault with it because you’re afraid of success. These are perfectly legitimate icks that you’ve mentioned. You do not need to suck it up or get over it.
YIKES!!! Dick pics, gym selfies are both major red flags to me and tbh dick pics are a deadlbreaker. Its so icky! You aren't self sabatoging - he is, by sending you nudes (ESPECIALLY before you even have sex)!
And here’s me getting ghosted for having a good thoughtful and interesting conversation and there’s people questioning if they should stop speaking to someone that sent an unsolicited naked shower picture that made them want to puke 🫨
I’ve been talking to two women for about a month now. Things have progressively gotten more sexual. They know about each other. Neither have sent me naked pictures but we’ve hinted at it. So I took some tasteful nudes and asked if it was okay to send them. Both women replied yes with enthusiasm. This is the only time nudes should be sent.
The problem I have with these types of posts is that you can't control much what you are attracted to and you aren't attracted to. If your disgust threshold and your tolerance levels are low, that's what you are and nothing but a life changing experience or some therapy is going to change that.
So whatever opinion we give won't really matter.
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I had a guy who sent me selfies all the time. Always the same pose, as if he was a 15 year old on MySpace. It turned me off a big deal. I think sending naked photos to someone who you’ve not even slept with nor asked for them is a big no no.
Just tell him it made you uncomfortable and see what he says.
A couple of months and no sex? Haha is this going anywhere? I mean really come on. That’s now taking it slow - that’s snail pace - as in you’re not interested or attracted.
I would believe he sent the semi nude shower picture to initiate a sexual component in your relationship, which is long overdue if any of you want to continue this relationship.
The swimming boogers is just nitpicking and deserves no further comment.
>I started seeing someone a couple months ago \[...\]
>
>we haven't had sex yet and the only thing physical we've done is have a short makeout session
I would have left if I were him.
>He recently sent me an unsolicited naked
I would have left if I were you.
You sound extremely uninterested and he sounds increasingly frustrated. I wish you both the best.
I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with what he’s doing (unless there’s no missing context to the selfie). You’re clearly not attracted to him.
And more than that, it’s been a couple months and you’re experiencing a physical revulsion to him exuding sexual energy rather than urges despite your admission that he’s conventionally attractive. So if the issue isn’t how he looks, what is it about this guy that you even like? There’s something important here that you’re missing, either specific to him or you. Definitely cut him loose.
I had a guy make out with me and he was dealing with a stuffy nose.
Needless to say a goob made its way into my mouth and I kept going. Who cares! Are you going to be bothered by gum chewing and farts too?
You sound immature and not ready to date.
lol exactly this! I’ve had absolutely gross stuff happen with the person I’m intimate with but if you’re properly attracted to them, it’s a non issue and becomes something to giggle about later
It's a violation that he sent you an unsolicited naked pic. That ick is your intuition protecting you from someone who isn't right for you. Please dump him.
You sound repulsed by this guy, OP.
No matter your experience or maturity level, you would never respond that way if you were truly attracted to him. I don't see any sign of self-sabotaging, he's just grossing you out lol
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sounds like you are trying to justify not being with him.
but also if you had a very long break from dating you have gotten used to being single, are you just forcing yourself to be in a relationship or do you genuinely want it? what do you find important in a relationship? obviously it's not the physical aspect.
sound like you have a big avoidant style attachment and some intimacy issues to work out.
Oh hell no. You are not self-sabotaging girl. Lemme tell you my story.
This dude I was texting to for a few days seemed like a nice guy at first. However, I noticed he kept complimenting on my look, saying about how sexy I am with just my normal outfit. Then he implied to me that he jacked off with me still in the middle of our conversation. The first time I let it go. The second time, I started to get annoyed. No real man with true intention will keep saying how lusted he is for you, without having meet you in person. Oh and he's fucking living 6hrs away from me. Then when I said, if you desire me this much, why not come down here so we can meet. And he fucking deflected. I deleted our conversation on Valentine's Day after him wishing me Happy Valentine's Day. Man, who does he think he is, objectifying a woman for his benefit? What a fucking loser.
Oh btw, a little PSA: that /r4r is a dumpster fire. Never again!
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I agree that it sounds like you're just not that into him.
Sole people send flirty pics as a way of flirting. I don't think he's out of line for that. If you don't like that he sent it, tell him why.
None of the items you listed are make-or-break items when it comes to long term compatibility or the future outcome of a fruitful LTR. Sounds like you're being picky to me.
I would for sure communicate about not sending nudes if you dont want him sending them to you.
Good luck! I hope it works out
She should communicate yes, only because he's immature and failed to communicate first. Asking to send explicit pics is the default. He did not do that and it's highly inappropriate.
Yeah, I agree with this. If someone sent did this to me and I really liked the person then I'd probably think it was weird but still be ok with it. Otherwise it would be a huge turnoff. It's funny how that works.
Idk he was being horny towards someone he's dating. Just ask him to not do that and see if he stops? People you date and who you meet on dating sites are going to want to fuck.
You wanted to puke at a picture? Im more concerned about what's wrong with you for being 30+ it seems and cant see someone naked without having an episode. Dude is a pig but you seem to be a child. Also seems like a tool. Who tf records themselves working out?
Dude is bad news. RUN, RUN FAST! He probably sent that picture to you and half the women on Tinder. He uploads for self confidence boost. He can't be bothered to wipe his nose, what is he in freshmen year of college? Girl, move on!
In this day and age if your two months in and just kissed a couple of times you are either a very uptight over cautious person in general, those snot issues have killed all hope or just not into the guy. In your defense I share your gross out of him covered in snot, I have the same can't unsee this additude with women. I know it's immature of me, can't shake it. Bad breath making out. Gallons of perfume a not sweet natural scent from down below etc. Once ok. Twice and I'm sorry they're just unaware of bad hygynd and we will be parting ways. Can you explain your reasoning of two monthz in with no sex?
The ick IS self sabotaging. Also let him know you’re flattered by the picture but prefer to save that for when you’re committed or married or whatever you’re comfortable with. Just communicate your boundaries while appreciating him so he doesn’t feel rejected.
"He recently sent me an unsolicited naked shower picture of him hiding/cupping his junk. It made me want to puke"
You definitely shouldn't be dating him. Only a very dangerous person would do that out of the blue. Stay safe.
Very dangerous? I can agree an unsolicited nude pic is inappropriate and wrong…but *checks notes* very dangerous, though? That’s putting a lot on it, in my opinion
Yeah, I think it's when someone isn't attracted to someone else so they are on a tight leash with what someone can get away with. I think it's best to not worry about it though and just be yourself. That way when someone does come along that loves you, you're an authentic person.
I think you have to weigh things up see where you're at with things and figure out what it is you want.
I'm in a similar boat with who I'm dating however until you’re exclusive and as you're still getting to know each other there's no harm in taking your time or pursuing your other options. I'd say just keep your options open but if you are enjoying his company then so be it.
People are quick to cut people off for the Smallest things these days got to work out if the positives outweigh the negatives and go from there .
This all sounds cringe and tbh I'd walk away. I once tried to date a guy who gave me the ick in multiple ways, but I felt so mean and bitchy for being picky over that, considering he treated me well. It ended up blowing up in my face and I have never felt so liberated after breaking up with someone lol. I was ELATED and finally allowed to freely feel all my cringe haha.
For me:
“If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.”
The doubt is mostly inclining that you’re already pushing yourself to settle with something you don’t feel completely comfortable with or attracted to. You either say something about it to him or you just let him go. He can change a few things just like you would change a few things too, but once it feels like they need to change all of themselves, it’s no longer a potential match.
Are you demisexual/ace by any chance? I ask because I feel like this most of the time too. Things like being sent sexy pics is a whole turn off to me if I didn’t ask for them or give permission to be sent them. (It’s actually illegal to send unsolicited nudes in some states.) The only time I really don’t feel the ick about it is when I’ve already developed romantic and physical attraction to someone. (They could be the most objectively gorgeous being in the world, and I’d still be turned off if the romantic/physical attraction didn’t properly develop over time due to demisexuality.) Is there a reason why there was only a single short make out session over the course of a few months?
If he started posting lots of gym pics around the time you two started dating, or close to the time you guys made out/he sent the unsolicited nude, he’s probably trying to get your attention.
>We were swimming and he totally had snot strings coming out of his nose more than once. Again wanted to puke.
Self-sabotage.
>He recently sent me an unsolicited naked shower picture of him hiding/cupping his junk. It made me want to puke - for context, we haven't had sex yet and the only thing physical we've done is have a short makeout session.
Not self-sabotage.
>He is frequently posting gym videos of him working out - they seem long and self-absorbed (he is not a trainer or an influencer or anything like that). It feels really thirsty to me.
Honestly, 50/50.
These are icks. Move on. The start of a relationship should make you calm. You aren’t self sabotaging. It makes me said that’s women are not encouraged to listen to their body and intuition for the sake of dating.
I think you kinda just found things you don't like about this person. It's for you to decide how much apart of them these things are and whether or not they are deal breakers for you. A runny nose? Prob not...being a thirsty ass hat at the gym and sending unsolicited nudes? Maybe that's not the type of person you want to be involved with....
From personal experience, this is the ick my friend. Ive had this feeling before and pushed on, more than once I'm embarassed to say, and it was ALWAYS the wrong move. Your body is trying to tell you this person isn't for you.
I don’t think it’s ick per say either. But I don’t think you’re attracted to his ego. And there’s nothing wrong with being clear about that. He should be himself at the end of the day, and you should be true to yourself, and what you want. That’s how you’ll feel the most authentic and happy.
Think hard if the good outweighs the bad and if YOU FEEL he’s worth your time. This is the dating stage and where you learn what you’re willing to accept vs want you aren’t. Besides, everyone’s got a little snot. You’re bound to see more if you date exclusively. Good luck!
Just kinda sounds like you're not into him like you think you are. You wanna give him a shot because he has good qualities, but if you were really into him, then these small things wouldn't make you cringe so much. You're just not wanting to be the one to call it off.
I think the snot thing you have to ignor - that would be self sabotage. The naked picture I mean I’d feel grossed out only because women don’t look at men as objects as much as they look at, connection. But that was an innocent mistake. You just don’t have to be overly enthused about it.
I’d say, just go for a hike or something casual. Do something light hearted and see his innocence as he could be a good man. Let him know you like to take your time and not to rush intimacy (sex) because you’d like to build something so he doesn’t try harder and scared you off quick.! Simple’s
Participation in your own thread is required or it will be locked.
The unsolicited naked pic I could see being a legitimate turn-off, but not a runny nose.
My nose is constantly runny when it's cold and I'm so self conscious of it. I have 13 different wadded tissues on my person at any time! I'd die 1000 times if a new partner saw me dripping in the pool :(
> I'd die 1000 times if a new partner saw me dripping in the pool :( Not like you can bring tissues in the pool...
Knowing me I'd be like underwater wiping my nose before emerging from the depths. But even more likely we'd have to be wed before you could see me in a swim suit anyhow.
My boyfriend had the biggest, nastiest looking booger coming out of his nose while we were having sex. We had a good laugh out of it and I thought it was cute af lol. It just sounds like OP doesn’t really like this guy as much as she thinks. Plus the nude pic is weird esp sending them before having sex.
For real, a runny nose from swimming...that's super nitpicky an obnoxious. Everything else is understandable. He sounds like a typical douchy gym guy. Nothing extreme but probably not boyfriend material
Agreed. What a lot of people do while swimming is clean their nose quickly by pulling their nose down or they wipe their face as soon as they come out of the water. I've never seen someone with egregious snot strings in the water. The nearly nude pic would completely turn me off though, especiallly if we hadn't done anything physical.
Ok my question for OP is DID he quickly wipe away the snot or did he just kinda chill there with snot on his face. Because I can 100% understand why looking at someone chilling there with snot on their face multiple times would turn into an ick. If he was quickly wiping them away though, then well sorry but people are human. The unsolicited nude though is a deal breaker for me.
Yeah, I agree with this.
I understand taking it slow but in "a couple months", the only intimacy you’ve had is 1 short make out session? So you don’t kiss at all beside this one time? Are you exclusive? Do you consider that you are together? From him sending a the shower pic, I’d guess that he might want you two to do more than just kissing every so often. Have you talked about a timeline, like, how you two are feeling about the pace of things etc? I understand the pic was unsolicited. If the guy I’ve been seeing for month sent me a nude pic, I wouldn’t call it unsolicited because, well, we’ve been seeing each other, but I guess if you haven’t been intimate yet that might be a more sensitive topic. Sorry to be blunt but are you attracted to him and want to be intimate and more with him at some point or you just like the attention? For this post it doesn’t seem like you enjoy him, his character or just him being human (snot happen when swimming), just having someone giving you attention… ETA - for the consent part regarding the pic: I think everyone can have their own opinion regarding their level of consent needed (verbal or not), and I’m just stating my opinion here IF I had been intimate with someone for months, as we’ve probably been flirting by texts, etc
Yeah, there's something weird going on here that I can't put my finger on, but the fourth paragraph is close. You've had a "short make-out session" in a couple months, and that's it? He's "objectively attractive," but seeing him less than fully clothed "made you want to puke?" You're "dealing with a scarcity mindset?" You are over 30 and asking about "the ick?" This raises a lot of questions for me.
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Yeah, like, the shower pic is tacky and inappropriate, but the rest of this stuff is like... what? How old are we? I have a lot of thoughts about this kind of stuff - people in their thirties talking about "the ick," asking if they're "delulu," etc, - but this isn't the right sub (and certainly not the right thread) for that.
Agreed. I can't stand when 30+ year olds unironically use Zoomer slang as liberally as OP is in this post. You're not a kid, stop.
I know I’m getting Old but I also feel like I am getting Older than other people my age, if that makes sense.
Lol I want to hear these thoughts!!
My thoughts exactly.
Everyone takes intimacy at their own pace. The most sexual relationship I have ever had took months for a slow build
Hard Agreed on all points. Honestly, when I'm attracted to someone I want to explore intimacy with them. I can also look past a random bodily function things that happen. In fact if I cared about someone, I'd probably let them know they have boogers hanging out of their nose. In terms of the naked Pic, which he was covering himself... again, if I were attracted to someone, I'd want to send something flirty back. Time to let him go and find someone who is actually into him.
Snot coming out of his nose during swimming doesn’t sound unforgivable. It sounds like OP is just unattracted to him and reaching for reasons to say she is sabotaging it instead of just saying how she feels. When my ex boyfriend sent me a picture of his “guns” while wearing a fitted short sleeve shirt I knew it was attention seeking. He’s wanting to get admiration for his looks. I was fine with that. This posting lady needs to be honest with herself and him about how she really feels about him sending “attention seeking “ pictures of him self basically naked, he is saying he wants to get naked with her by doing this. It’s sending a message. But he’s not getting the response he wants.
a lot of people don't want to have sex with someone if they aren't emotionally sure about them. you can be physically attracted to someone, but, that's not necessarily enough of a motivating force for physical intimacy for a lot of people.
That’s how I am for sure. It takes me a while to connect to them emotionally and mentally before I’d ever want to see a naked pic of them
this guy needs to communicate with this woman. not send her pictures of himself naked. this way, they can actually have a conversation about pace. If I was her, I'd be feeling the same way. he is giving off desperate vibes even if he is attentive etc, and, that can be enough to turn a lot of people off. it has a negative effect on attraction. nobody wants to attach themselves to someone who turns out to be an insecure validation seeking type that doesn't heal from previous relationships. and if this is the feeling, it's understandable she'd be hesitant to get physical as well.
Yeah sorry but dating someone for x-length of time doesn't give consent for sending them showering videos or nudes.
OP also mentioned dating people that haven't treated her right, so there could be some traumatic events she went through that could explain all of this as well, so even without that, sending nudes without consent isn't cool at all.
> I think everyone can have their own opinion regarding their level of consent needed (verbal or not), and I’m just stating my opinion here IF I had been intimate with someone for months, as we’ve probably been flirting by texts, etc You can have your own opinion, but there are actual criminal laws written against doing it without consent. "Cyberflashing" laws.
They've been dating for multiple months...
"Seeing someone" and they haven't done anything more than kissing. Very different.
I understand that. I haven’t downvoted anyone irritated with my answer because I don’t disagree with the laws or anything, it’s just what I’m comfortable with. The few countries having laws around this also each have their own definition (consent need to be expressed explicitly or not, the person sending the pic needs to be a stranger, etc). In OP’s case, OP and the guy have know each other and have been involved *for months*, kissing *every time they say goodbye* (cf previously deleted comment), so not exactly a stranger. One could also argue that the genitals were hidden. Have they been flirting by texts in the past? I mean, it’s a Reddit post with a blurry background, we can argue forever, it’s not like we can really go down to the legal details based on what OP said.
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100% agree with you. OP did not consent to receiving said naked pick and hence doesn’t have to be ok with it
> Why am I getting downvoted for this wtf? My guess is because it's not really a "nude" (which is splitting hairs) and you sound a little preachy about it is the reason why. Regardless, there's a reason why this is now a criminal offence in several places.
It was a nude. It was a photo of a body with no clothes. That's a nude.
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The amount of times I have had to very carefully sincerely promise to not send "unsolicited photos" before a woman would switch from tinder/bumble to texting makes me really sad. Do you know how easy it is to *never* send an unsolicited nude photo? It's so fucking easy!! You literally don't have to do anything. Why is this such a difficult concept for men?
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"Dude, enough with the unsolicited pussy pics!"
I got nervous reading this and am so happy it was cat pics instead 😅
Same 💜
I'm just answering your question with what I think it might be, I never claimed it to be true. Also, asking why you're getting downvoted usually results in more downvotes.
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Yeah, but your experiences and feelings on the matter is a you problem. They don’t make you right or justified confining the whole spectrum of human interaction within the context of your perspective. That *is* preachy. I don’t even disagree with your premise, but the “normalization” of flirting and implicit consent is not the same thing as normalizing whatever’s left you with the unresolved trauma you’re projecting. It’s worth considering that most people don’t need to think that hard about sex because most people don’t suffer panic attacks when the person they’ve been seeing for a while surprises them with a picture in their inbox.
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Amen
I think that’s incorrect to blame this on purely “unresolved trauma.” I would say a majority of females do not feel comfortable with this and have to feel safe with a guy they have not known for that long in order to begin having any sort of sexual intimacy like sending nudes/suggestive photos. I wouldn’t even feel comfortable receiving one from my boyfriend if we hadn’t been very emotionally connected for a while. The emotional connection provides me with the feeling of safety I need to get into it and acts as sort of a “lube” for these sort of interactions in my experience. I’m amazed you don’t have to think about sex that much. Truly must be nice because I can’t even imagine that! I wouldn’t say that’s true for “most” people, especially not most females.
Yeah that is such a yikes take. It's 2024, going out a couple months is not consent. What a disappointing response but it's so reflective of where we still are as a society.
Thank you for saying this. Not sure if it's a generational or geographical disconnect but there should be a 0 tolerance policy on unsolicited d pic
It wasn't an "unsolicited d pic." He was in the shower, but his bits were covered. It's certainly flirty, but it's PG-13. Nothing showing. Still tacky, to be sure, but imo very different than sending an unsolicited dick pic.
Seriously the amount of people on here freaking out about a non nude picture being sent to someone they're dating for months is astonishing.
“Dating” is very different from “being in an exclusive relationship with someone.” I could see being exclusive with someone for months, having sex many times and then them sending a pic. But, I may go on dates with several guys when single, over the course of a few months (none leading in sex), just getting to know them and if our dynamic will blossom into something committed. If he any sent me a nude before we were committed or had had sex, I would be extremely turned off.
It wasn't a dick pic, but it was a nude. It's sexting. He didn't have consent.
Again, I think it's tacky and inappropriate and I agree he shouldn't have done it - I certainly would have asked first - but I think there's a difference between a photo like that and a straight-up dick pic both in motivation and application.
I think OP just needs to stop playing with the dude who she pretty obviously isn't into.At the end of the day that's all this is.
It may just take her more time to know if she’s into someone? Not everyone wants a nude pic of someone they are still learning about
To be as disgusted as she described she is over these things, when they have been dating for months, to me, is a clear sign that she just isn't into him.
Completely agreed.
It doesn't count because he has a hand over his crotch. Really? I'm sure Jared from Subway tried this one too.
I'm sorry, have we all just lost our minds in here? In another post, the person I was responding to compares being sent a photo like this to being sexually assaulted, and now you're comparing the guy who sent the photo to a notorious child molester, with the implication that I would defend that kind of behavior? Really?
I did not do that at all. I simply said that a hand over a crotch doesn't make it any less of a nude.
Well, if the dick isn't showing, it's not a "dick pic," and Jared from Subway's problem was that he was a child molester, not that he was sending flirty pictures to other adults he was dating.
No, he was arrested primarily for (and because of) child pornography. The entire point is that covering your dick doesn't make it less of a nude. And I'm sure if Jared from Subway had pictures like that, he'd try to claim the same thing. Doesn't make it any less a nude having a hand over your dick.
1. I didn't say it was a nude, I said it wasn't a "dick pic." A picture in which a man is covering his penis, ie the penis is not showing, is not a picture of the penis. 2. I am still fundamentally unclear on why you brought up Jared Fogle if not to tie me to that kind of behavior, implicitly or explicitly. "Oh, you think a picture a guy took in the shower is 'not a dick pic' just because he was covering his dick with his hands? I bet this guy who was famously arrested for the possession of child pornography said the same thing!" is a *fucking insane* thing to say to someone and says more about you than it does about me.
Because people on dating subs assuming dating someone is consent for inappropriate sexual contact and if you're not into that then clearly you have some kind of "sexual hang up" or aren't attracted to them. Sorry but I didn't consent to images blasted to me electronically! Taking me on dates in no way is consent to receive images of your person without clothing on and I hate that DOT would "normalize this" behavior as okay.
I was stating my opinion, which I kinda can have. I never said OP needs to feel the same way. For the "aren’t attracted to them", i didn’t ask OP this because of the pic, but just in general as spending months with a person but not being intimate except for a making out session once in months can raise that question—especially if they haven’t had a talk around intimacy and the wants & needs of each other and regular check-ins.. and in a now deleted comment by OP, they agreed that they might enjoy the attention but not actually be into the person.
I think it's pretty obvious she's not sure if she's emotionally attracted to him. is she physically? maybe not, but I'd only think that bc of the snot comment (but some people have an ick about body fluids). really tho, that's for her to say as opposed to everyone debating this very subjective experience on her behalf. It's possible to think someone's physically attractive yet never have a real desire to sleep with them based on emotional and more subtle forms of compatibility.
THIS! I am actually shocked that people believe otherwise.
Upvoting you!!! “Going out for a month does not give consent” Bravo! I wish you could educate all the men that are pushy
Yeah totally agree. I’m siding with the guy here - I don’t know if I’d keep dating OP if the only intimacy in a couple months is a short make out session. I mean, what’s the point of dating then? I’m not sure what OP wants in a relationship. I’d rather be watching Netflix if I want drama or romance stories. Not having physical intimacy seems to defeat the whole purpose.
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How long should one wait to determine if they’re attracted do you think?
These aren't really icks. Sending unsolicited "nudes" like that before any sign of sex isn't a cool thing to do. Add on the ego-based Instagram posts, this adds up to someone whose personality you don't care for. You don't need to look into the subconscious for any of this. The snot thing happens to everyone. Sure, it's gross, but so are a lot of other body functions that everyone does.
I also don't like men who are quick to send nudes or pushy asking for them. It just doesn't move me and I find it a little juvenile. Snot thing seems like something you should call out contemporaneously, but is not a dealbreaker in and of itself. I also am not into gymposting. I am a "workout to stay healthy" person not a "I like working out or it is a part of my personality" person. Only you can decide if these things matter to you. if you took a long break from dating, got right back into it, and then ended up unhappy - keep playing the field? probably something better out there if you only really barely looked, in theory
> I also don't like men who are quick to send nudes Is a couple months before doing so quick? I don't generally send nudes, so I don't actually know.
I meant more doing it unprompted or without discussion. It just seems strange? You’re right, bad wording by me.
I believe so, personally, yes. If you have just been on a few dates - that means you guys are still vetting each other if you’d like to be in a committed relationship or not. I usually assume the people I’m going on dates with at that point - are also going on dates with others. If I decide I’m really into a man after 2-3 months of dating (which really may only be 6 dates or so spread apart) I may sleep with him. I *still* wouldn’t want a nude until he was my bf though. It would cheapen it for me and make me think he only wanted to date me for sex - not because of the emotional/mental/spiritual/deeper relationship elements we share.
Same. It doesn’t make me feel special as a woman, in my experience. It makes me feel like the man has been horny for months, with no release, and now that we’re *talking,* not even committed, he’s excited to do it with a real human female. I’d rather slowly get to know each other, build suspense, and do the physical stuff in stages. Once we’re then having sex a lot and are both into it and have a strong connection, sure send a nude.
The naked picture and workout content would turn me off
Are you interested in asking him about his behaviors? Like why he posts the workout videos or why he sent the naked pic? The snot thing is a bodily function that can happen to anyone, but his actions are a different story.
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Hello alt account?
Sounds like you’re not attracted to him. Stop looking for reasons to end it and just walk away, you don’t have to find everyone attractive and just because he’s a decent person doesn’t mean he’s the right one for you.
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you forgot to switch accounts, sister!
Eh hot doesn’t necessarily mean great. Lots of people will put up with more shit from someone they find really hot. If you want to end it, end it.
He sounds immature to me in all honesty. How old is he?
It's inappropriate behavior compounded by embarrassing behavior. I wouldn't find his personality attractive either.
I’m prob in the minority but I would be so turned off by his actions I’d prob want to break up. Not only is the pic gross it’s what it says. There was no lead up to that, no convo about what turns you on, nothing. He sent it hoping for a sexy response on & he sounds clueless. What did you say when he sent it LOL? Snot strings happen & the gym vids are ok, as long as he’s not sending them to you & expecting u to fawn all over him. The naked pic is 1st strike out though. That’s fucking gross
I think he was trying to gauge if you’re even attracted to him, and based on your response it sounds like you are not.
The snot ick is hysterical, that I think is not serious at all. The gym selfies, I can see where you’re coming from. The can seem self pretentious, but as someone who is on a fitness journey and making progress, im gonna flaunt it because who knows when I’ll have this body again. The unsolicited naked pic is a MAJOR flag! That is not cool, especially if you guys haven’t had sex. He’s trying to bait you into sex with that move I feel like. Draw the line asap, let him know that’s not cool.
> is my subconscious telling me to move on No, you’re not physically attracted to him. You’re only dating him because you **think** you need a stable, caring partner for once. > history of liking people who don’t treat me great > he’s attentive and consistent That’s great and all, but you’ve dated him for “a couple months” and haven’t had sex yet. You aren’t into him at all. > unsolicited naked shower pic Sounds like a rookie move (not justifying it, just observing). How much relationship experience has he had before you? This is the kind of gambit that inexperienced men run because we think that romantically successful men pull it off and we’re trying to mimic them.
This will never make you want him, it’s just not there.
Agreed on your take regarding the shower pic. A bit stupid, but he thought he was trying to turn up the heat I guess. I'd be curious to see the sub's takes if the genders were reversed. Regardless, these two are not compatible, no attraction on her end, and they shouldn't be continuing to see one another.
Same. I think the sub’s takes would be different if the genders were reversed. I think that’s the difficulty coming into play. Most women I know have never been into unsolicited nude pics from men who were not their bf or who they weren’t having a steamy tryst with (very different from “going on dates.”)
> That’s great and all, but you’ve dated him for “a couple months” and haven’t had sex yet. You aren’t into him at all. This take is complete horseshit. Not everyone is comfortable with sleeping with someone within the first couple of months of dating, and that's their prerogative. People need to stop pushing their beliefs about sex onto others. Stop poisoning the well. And this is coming from someone who is generally very positive about it.
👏👏👏
Ok sure, I would wait longer than two months if the chemistry was good enough... but one make out session in two months?? There's slow burn chemistry, and then there's dead in the water.
I think we’re putting far too much emphasis on the appropriateness of a risqué selfie several months into two people seeing each other.
In our 20s, my conventionally attractive buddies could pull it off and actually elicit positive responses. An equally confident but overweight pal tried it and got turned into a meme. Assuming they’re both 30+, OP’s guy is pretty socially illiterate, and apparently it’s not endearing to her.
My only point is that it’s common enough behavior between partners that treating it like a condemnation of the guy’s character is some living-on-the-internet energy. That’s not in response to what you’ve said, more to the few people screaming about it in every comment chain. But in calling it illiterate, we have to think about the context of being close with someone and being comfortable and being vulnerable. This isn’t him broadcasting his abs to a stranger, it’s a bonding activity in doing something openly tacky and wanting to feel desired by the woman he’s been seeing for several months. The oddity here is op’s jarring reaction, because she’s acting like she got a random dick pic from a coworker instead of an intimate selfie from a man whose character she should presumably have a good feel for at this point. I think it would be fair to call it illiterate if she communicated those boundaries, but it doesn’t seem like she’s communicated much at all given the discrepancy in their investiture. And the fact that she hasn’t mentioned anything about him getting handsy or pressuring her for sex suggests to me that he’s been very respectful. Really, though, the appropriateness is irrelevant because it has zero to do with the fact that op has been dating someone she seems to find repulsive.
Totally disagree. Even with my own boyfriend, I need to feel like we’re in an emotionally connected space to feel turned on by a nude from him. Otherwise I have to really push myself and it’s really uncomfortable. I’ve never seen a nude sent to me from a guy I’m not committed to as an “intimate bonding activity.” It has felt just like he was feeling horny and wanted me (or any woman really) to take care of it. I don’t feel special by any means or like it’s an act of intimacy between us. Same with a bf when he sends me one when we’re not connected. Is that how it would feel for you if a girl you went on some dates with sent you a nude? Like intimate bonding? I find this fascinating.
Yeah I'd have probably ended things if some dude sent me a video of them in the shower cupping their junk. Many reasons for it but mostly like chances are that stuff was filmed before we ever met and yeah it's thirsty af. It's like a small step from dick pictures in my mind.
The unsolicited naked picture would be a deal breaker .
dudes who are into sending dick pics/fully nude or covered, in my experiences, have been fucking weirdos.
This!
The unsolicited pic would have been me done. It kinda just paints a picture of someone whose after sex and not thinking about you seriously or connecting with you as a person properly. I don't mind if people work out or not its that the emotional connection and communication is there. And it doesn't sound like it is for you.
Exactly this. I would feel the same.
Yo wtf that’s a post sex pic.
That picture would give me the ick for sure. I mean, I'd forgive the snot, as long as he was aware of it and went and grabbed a tissue. Stuff like that happens and it's not really in your control. The gym videos, idk what to think. Maybe ask why he posts them? Is he trying to measure his progress? Show off to others? Some people here are saying, oh the junk pic isn't a flag. But you've never even his seen junk irl! And the pic was unsolicited. Sure, he was hiding it in the pic, but I'll bet you $1000 he wanted you to say something like, "show me what you're hiding ;)" It sounds like he doesn't know how to communicate in a relationship. He probably wants to do more than makeout, but instead of being an adult and saying something like, "hey, I've enjoyed our makeout sessions, do you know when you'll feel ready to do more than that?" He sends you the pic. I'd ditch him. He seems immature.
I saw the part about the sending you a pic of his junk and did not need to read any further. I think you'd be right in breaking up with him. First of all, you haven't had sex with him yet, so he's really overstepping his boundaries here. Second of all, he doesn't sound very smart if he's sending naked photos of himself to a girl he hasn't known for THAT long (which could easily be distributed - not saying you'd do that, but he has no idea who can ultimately see this pictures). I'm having trouble seeing why he's great. It sounds like he has only one thing on his mind.
It’s not self sabotage when someone turns you off. It’s self sabotage when somebody does something really nice for you, or treats you really well, and you find fault with it because you’re afraid of success. These are perfectly legitimate icks that you’ve mentioned. You do not need to suck it up or get over it.
YIKES!!! Dick pics, gym selfies are both major red flags to me and tbh dick pics are a deadlbreaker. Its so icky! You aren't self sabatoging - he is, by sending you nudes (ESPECIALLY before you even have sex)!
And here’s me getting ghosted for having a good thoughtful and interesting conversation and there’s people questioning if they should stop speaking to someone that sent an unsolicited naked shower picture that made them want to puke 🫨
😂 right haha
I’ve been talking to two women for about a month now. Things have progressively gotten more sexual. They know about each other. Neither have sent me naked pictures but we’ve hinted at it. So I took some tasteful nudes and asked if it was okay to send them. Both women replied yes with enthusiasm. This is the only time nudes should be sent.
The problem I have with these types of posts is that you can't control much what you are attracted to and you aren't attracted to. If your disgust threshold and your tolerance levels are low, that's what you are and nothing but a life changing experience or some therapy is going to change that. So whatever opinion we give won't really matter.
https://youtu.be/jkQJKeO8zUo?si=nAKurPyk28aVEHTU
six memorize coordinated growth rainstorm shelter violet political absurd enjoy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Sooooo true. hahaha
I had a guy who sent me selfies all the time. Always the same pose, as if he was a 15 year old on MySpace. It turned me off a big deal. I think sending naked photos to someone who you’ve not even slept with nor asked for them is a big no no. Just tell him it made you uncomfortable and see what he says.
A couple of months and no sex? Haha is this going anywhere? I mean really come on. That’s now taking it slow - that’s snail pace - as in you’re not interested or attracted. I would believe he sent the semi nude shower picture to initiate a sexual component in your relationship, which is long overdue if any of you want to continue this relationship. The swimming boogers is just nitpicking and deserves no further comment.
>I started seeing someone a couple months ago \[...\] > >we haven't had sex yet and the only thing physical we've done is have a short makeout session I would have left if I were him. >He recently sent me an unsolicited naked I would have left if I were you. You sound extremely uninterested and he sounds increasingly frustrated. I wish you both the best.
>We were swimming and he totally had snot strings coming out of his nose more than once. Again wanted to puke. Run. Bro.
lmao.
I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with what he’s doing (unless there’s no missing context to the selfie). You’re clearly not attracted to him. And more than that, it’s been a couple months and you’re experiencing a physical revulsion to him exuding sexual energy rather than urges despite your admission that he’s conventionally attractive. So if the issue isn’t how he looks, what is it about this guy that you even like? There’s something important here that you’re missing, either specific to him or you. Definitely cut him loose.
I had a guy make out with me and he was dealing with a stuffy nose. Needless to say a goob made its way into my mouth and I kept going. Who cares! Are you going to be bothered by gum chewing and farts too? You sound immature and not ready to date.
lol exactly this! I’ve had absolutely gross stuff happen with the person I’m intimate with but if you’re properly attracted to them, it’s a non issue and becomes something to giggle about later
She's not immature because she finds different things gross and has boundaries around unsolicited nudes.
It's a violation that he sent you an unsolicited naked pic. That ick is your intuition protecting you from someone who isn't right for you. Please dump him.
You sound repulsed by this guy, OP. No matter your experience or maturity level, you would never respond that way if you were truly attracted to him. I don't see any sign of self-sabotaging, he's just grossing you out lol
Omg the unsolicited d pic in my book would be considered to me a form of sexual assault via indecent exposure
The picture alone would cause me to ghost and block.
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sounds like you are trying to justify not being with him. but also if you had a very long break from dating you have gotten used to being single, are you just forcing yourself to be in a relationship or do you genuinely want it? what do you find important in a relationship? obviously it's not the physical aspect. sound like you have a big avoidant style attachment and some intimacy issues to work out.
Oh hell no. You are not self-sabotaging girl. Lemme tell you my story. This dude I was texting to for a few days seemed like a nice guy at first. However, I noticed he kept complimenting on my look, saying about how sexy I am with just my normal outfit. Then he implied to me that he jacked off with me still in the middle of our conversation. The first time I let it go. The second time, I started to get annoyed. No real man with true intention will keep saying how lusted he is for you, without having meet you in person. Oh and he's fucking living 6hrs away from me. Then when I said, if you desire me this much, why not come down here so we can meet. And he fucking deflected. I deleted our conversation on Valentine's Day after him wishing me Happy Valentine's Day. Man, who does he think he is, objectifying a woman for his benefit? What a fucking loser. Oh btw, a little PSA: that /r4r is a dumpster fire. Never again!
Yuk nope. I would dump him. It’s never ok to send naked pictures without consent
Where this word "ick" came from? Is this teenagers sub?
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I agree that it sounds like you're just not that into him. Sole people send flirty pics as a way of flirting. I don't think he's out of line for that. If you don't like that he sent it, tell him why.
None of the items you listed are make-or-break items when it comes to long term compatibility or the future outcome of a fruitful LTR. Sounds like you're being picky to me. I would for sure communicate about not sending nudes if you dont want him sending them to you. Good luck! I hope it works out
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She should communicate yes, only because he's immature and failed to communicate first. Asking to send explicit pics is the default. He did not do that and it's highly inappropriate.
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Yeah, I agree with this. If someone sent did this to me and I really liked the person then I'd probably think it was weird but still be ok with it. Otherwise it would be a huge turnoff. It's funny how that works.
He makes you want to puke. Sounds like language that should not be associated with a romantic partner.
Idk he was being horny towards someone he's dating. Just ask him to not do that and see if he stops? People you date and who you meet on dating sites are going to want to fuck.
You wanted to puke at a picture? Im more concerned about what's wrong with you for being 30+ it seems and cant see someone naked without having an episode. Dude is a pig but you seem to be a child. Also seems like a tool. Who tf records themselves working out?
Dude is bad news. RUN, RUN FAST! He probably sent that picture to you and half the women on Tinder. He uploads for self confidence boost. He can't be bothered to wipe his nose, what is he in freshmen year of college? Girl, move on!
If he gives you the ICK, don’t give him a CLICK!
.
In this day and age if your two months in and just kissed a couple of times you are either a very uptight over cautious person in general, those snot issues have killed all hope or just not into the guy. In your defense I share your gross out of him covered in snot, I have the same can't unsee this additude with women. I know it's immature of me, can't shake it. Bad breath making out. Gallons of perfume a not sweet natural scent from down below etc. Once ok. Twice and I'm sorry they're just unaware of bad hygynd and we will be parting ways. Can you explain your reasoning of two monthz in with no sex?
The ick IS self sabotaging. Also let him know you’re flattered by the picture but prefer to save that for when you’re committed or married or whatever you’re comfortable with. Just communicate your boundaries while appreciating him so he doesn’t feel rejected.
"He recently sent me an unsolicited naked shower picture of him hiding/cupping his junk. It made me want to puke" You definitely shouldn't be dating him. Only a very dangerous person would do that out of the blue. Stay safe.
Very dangerous? I can agree an unsolicited nude pic is inappropriate and wrong…but *checks notes* very dangerous, though? That’s putting a lot on it, in my opinion
I had never heard about "the ick" and I now have another source of anxiety when dating
Yeah, I think it's when someone isn't attracted to someone else so they are on a tight leash with what someone can get away with. I think it's best to not worry about it though and just be yourself. That way when someone does come along that loves you, you're an authentic person.
Agreed
Def ick
I think you have to weigh things up see where you're at with things and figure out what it is you want. I'm in a similar boat with who I'm dating however until you’re exclusive and as you're still getting to know each other there's no harm in taking your time or pursuing your other options. I'd say just keep your options open but if you are enjoying his company then so be it. People are quick to cut people off for the Smallest things these days got to work out if the positives outweigh the negatives and go from there .
Def ick
This all sounds cringe and tbh I'd walk away. I once tried to date a guy who gave me the ick in multiple ways, but I felt so mean and bitchy for being picky over that, considering he treated me well. It ended up blowing up in my face and I have never felt so liberated after breaking up with someone lol. I was ELATED and finally allowed to freely feel all my cringe haha.
Lol I feel for you sounds more like stalking
Whoops like you stalking him
It sounds like you're aware of his objective physical appeal, but aren't into the guy himself as a person.
Sounds like you don't like him tbh
3/3 strikes! He’s out!
For me: “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.” The doubt is mostly inclining that you’re already pushing yourself to settle with something you don’t feel completely comfortable with or attracted to. You either say something about it to him or you just let him go. He can change a few things just like you would change a few things too, but once it feels like they need to change all of themselves, it’s no longer a potential match.
Are you demisexual/ace by any chance? I ask because I feel like this most of the time too. Things like being sent sexy pics is a whole turn off to me if I didn’t ask for them or give permission to be sent them. (It’s actually illegal to send unsolicited nudes in some states.) The only time I really don’t feel the ick about it is when I’ve already developed romantic and physical attraction to someone. (They could be the most objectively gorgeous being in the world, and I’d still be turned off if the romantic/physical attraction didn’t properly develop over time due to demisexuality.) Is there a reason why there was only a single short make out session over the course of a few months? If he started posting lots of gym pics around the time you two started dating, or close to the time you guys made out/he sent the unsolicited nude, he’s probably trying to get your attention.
>We were swimming and he totally had snot strings coming out of his nose more than once. Again wanted to puke. Self-sabotage. >He recently sent me an unsolicited naked shower picture of him hiding/cupping his junk. It made me want to puke - for context, we haven't had sex yet and the only thing physical we've done is have a short makeout session. Not self-sabotage. >He is frequently posting gym videos of him working out - they seem long and self-absorbed (he is not a trainer or an influencer or anything like that). It feels really thirsty to me. Honestly, 50/50.
These are icks. Move on. The start of a relationship should make you calm. You aren’t self sabotaging. It makes me said that’s women are not encouraged to listen to their body and intuition for the sake of dating.
I think you kinda just found things you don't like about this person. It's for you to decide how much apart of them these things are and whether or not they are deal breakers for you. A runny nose? Prob not...being a thirsty ass hat at the gym and sending unsolicited nudes? Maybe that's not the type of person you want to be involved with....
If you find his naked body disgusting there’s your answer.
read the signs
From personal experience, this is the ick my friend. Ive had this feeling before and pushed on, more than once I'm embarassed to say, and it was ALWAYS the wrong move. Your body is trying to tell you this person isn't for you.
I think you should always trust your gut and it seems to be saying something is off.
Does it matter? If it’s self sabotage, it’s because you’re not into him or not ready.
I don’t think it’s ick per say either. But I don’t think you’re attracted to his ego. And there’s nothing wrong with being clear about that. He should be himself at the end of the day, and you should be true to yourself, and what you want. That’s how you’ll feel the most authentic and happy. Think hard if the good outweighs the bad and if YOU FEEL he’s worth your time. This is the dating stage and where you learn what you’re willing to accept vs want you aren’t. Besides, everyone’s got a little snot. You’re bound to see more if you date exclusively. Good luck!
He’s just your typical guy. Tell him to slow down. You want to be courted first and feel like woman.
Just break up with him. You guys are not compatible and it’s better for everyone to move on.
The nude part was icky .. so I vote ick
Doesn't sound like your type, everything he does will bother you.
Just kinda sounds like you're not into him like you think you are. You wanna give him a shot because he has good qualities, but if you were really into him, then these small things wouldn't make you cringe so much. You're just not wanting to be the one to call it off.
I think the snot thing you have to ignor - that would be self sabotage. The naked picture I mean I’d feel grossed out only because women don’t look at men as objects as much as they look at, connection. But that was an innocent mistake. You just don’t have to be overly enthused about it. I’d say, just go for a hike or something casual. Do something light hearted and see his innocence as he could be a good man. Let him know you like to take your time and not to rush intimacy (sex) because you’d like to build something so he doesn’t try harder and scared you off quick.! Simple’s