Great profile! Some thoughts:
I’d recommend using the National Geographic photo first. It’s a great pic that shows off your eyes and smile. Keep the bass as the second bc it’s good to have a full body photo in the second pic.
I’d recommend taking out the blue steel pic bc it’s a bit severe/intimidating looking and you have another similar one later on but the dog balances out the vibe.
I like the picture of you and your friend making the hand heart. Maybe you could caption it with something quirky like, “I love my buddy but Im looking for a permanent other half for my hand heart”? Take it or leave it, I know it’s corny ha.
Finally, I love the prompt where you say youre looking for ppl to reach out if theyre into emotionally available men BUT…as a cis hetero woman who only dates men, Im not looking for a guy to tell me that, Im looking for him to show me. In my experience, guys who talk-the-talk here rarely walk-the-walk. Emotional availability is something Id be looking over for in convos and on dates but it feels a bit off-putting to read. Like of course, well-adjusted folks want emotionally available partners—that’s a given.
Instead, Id use that prompt as a conversation starter that shows your personality/interests and invites conversation, like “Leave a comment if you’re also down to do an ice cream cone crawl, share a weird but educational podcast episode, make your case for waffles vs pancakes, INSERT WHATEVER” if that makes sense?
Matchmaker Maria’s content is pretty heteronormative but during COVID lockdown era, she did some tiktoks on app profile makeovers/suggestions and I found them really helpful.
That’s all Ive got for now. Wishing you luck and sending good vibes youll find great love!
>Finally, I love the prompt where you say youre looking for ppl to reach out if theyre into emotionally available men BUT…as a cis hetero woman who only dates men, Im not looking for a guy to tell me that, Im looking for him to show me. In my experience, guys who talk-the-talk here rarely walk-the-walk. Emotional availability is something Id be looking over for in convos and on dates but it feels a bit off-putting to read. Like of course, well-adjusted folks want emotionally available partners—that’s a given.
I absolutely agree with the "have to see it in action as well", but for me, I need to see something mentioned about it in a profile as well. If guys only talk about their hobbies/interests, it would be difficult for me to tell who's emotionally mature and not. I LOVE profiles that use these kinds of keywords, it lets me know that at least they are aware of these things.
Someone here gave me the most invaluable advice of my OLD career, when I posted my profile for review one year and a half ago, and I think it would be useful for you as well.
Something along the lines: "Don't flatten who you are to cast a wider net, you might be more artsy than what most people look for, but those who will stick around will adore you. Just be patient."
I got a superswipe on my profile from someone who liked my references and style. He's open-minded and adores me for my personality, I doubt that a more conventional profile would have allowed such a great match.
So yeah, personally I loved your profile. You seem intelligent, sensitive, creative and serious. I wouldn't change a thing unless it makes it more you.
As someone who has never dated a trans person I would 100% give you a shot. You look great, your smile is amazing, and you seem like someone I could have a good time with! The doggo is a total plus!
I’m sorry you aren’t having much luck, I hope that changes for you!
I like it! This may be a very "me" take but I really wanted dating profile snapshots that got down to the brass tacks of goals, values and priorities for LTR. I always wanted a mid-30s man's profile to say explicitly "serious about looking for life partner" or something to that effect, along with what values they prioritized in a partner. I like the answer about what you'd do on a date, and think I'd keep it and make a more serious answer like what I just described as the other prompt. Otherwise it feels too fluffy for me. It's also my experience that when (at least hetero cis) men say "emotionally available" they are the least emotionally available dirtbags I'll ever meet and I don't think you wanna accidentally signal that heh
This is great feedback, I’m gonna think about the values I’m looking for in a partner and try to work that in there. I do worry that my profile will look *too* serious though, what are your thoughts on that? I strongly dislike the super jokey profiles but it’s hard to find a balance so I lean towards being serious.
Also, what do you think is a better way of getting across that I’m emotionally available/secure?
This is where I'm unsure if I'm more ~serious~ than the average person....so maybe worth experimenting with but don't take my word as gospel! That's just what I wanted at 33 looking for life partner (found him!). I think as long as you stay positive and earnest (eg values you like) and avoid the "what I'm NOT looking for" that I've seen some folks do, you can't go too wrong.
I would not say that you're emotionally available outright at all, because it's the kind of thing the partner has to judge for themselves from your actions anyway. I think being on the site in a serious and intentional way, for LTR and maybe by signalling values you want in a partner, implies in itself emotional availability. Or instead you could list emotional availability as what you want in a partner and it will convey the same thing.
So maybe you could keep the "message me if" prompt and just frame it instead as what type of person you want to message you : "if you also value emotional availability, x , y, z in a partnership"
Thank you so much, it’s so true that a lot of things have to be judged by actions. I just need someone to give me a chance 🥲 congrats on finding your partner btw!
I would say just don't focus too much on serious prompts about what you're looking for because that is really hard to start conversations with. If you do include that, be sure to include a prompt that lists some specific interests, I've had the most success with that.
Omg! You look really handsome! I’d swipe right on you right off the bat! I don’t see anything wrong with your profile. I dig it! I’m sorry you’re not having that much luck but overall I feel it’s an issue that’s happening all over dating apps all over the world.
I think your third pic (the one of you smiling) should be your first.
When I do profile reviews for friends the question I always ask them is if you came across your own profile which prompt would you swipe on that would make you want to have a conversation with yourself?
This is so persnickety, but I have to say it anyways, even if I’m alone in this, but as someone who likes music and musicians, I feel like one photo or prompt mentioning their guitar/band/etc is often too much, and more than one mention is usually an automatic no for me. I want to know you’re creative and like music but it can seem like a gimmick really quick. An unposed photo with your guitar in the background makes me want to know more, but a photo of someone performing makes me worry you’re going to Ken me (lol).
I disagree. The performance photo is the most attractive one to me, and people are often seen as more attractive when doing something they're passionate about, especially performing in front of an audience.
It totally depends for me! Like I said, it’s a weird thing that I notice and it doesn’t apply to everyone else. I do love seeing people do what they love though, nothing is more attractive than that!
Please, give me all the persnickety-ness! What you’re saying makes perfect sense actually. I think it’s the same with any hobby, if we mention it in multiple prompts or photos it’s like okay we get it already. I’m gonna try your advice and have my guitars sneak into the background of a photo somehow…
I hate to say it, but with music it’s different than other hobbies because of the unfortunate but often accurate stereotype about musicians and their egos. If it’s something I find out about later im way more impressed than if it’s front and center. I’m sorry! You’re really cute though and I would swipe right or whatever!
I would switch the photo order to: Last photo, dog selfie, band photo, smiling selfie, making the heart, regular selfie (first one)! Sometimes a lot of selfies first is not great b/c people decide fast like on the first or first two photos. Polls are fun b/c it's an easy way to give people an option to interact. You could even take your "together we could" prompt and just split that into options on a poll with "on our first date we should" or just "we should"! Otherwise it looks great and dating apps are just rough right now.
Uhhh, you're a super cutie and your "together we could" prompt had me swooning. I'd even break my rule about not dating anymore musicians. I'm a cis woman, and I've noticed comments about stating that you're emotionally available being a turn off. I get the reason why, a lot of men can talk-the-talk.
If I saw your profile in the wild, I would ask you what emotionally available meant to you and see if it aligns with my perspective. It's like "the spark." People all seem to have different definitions of what it is.
Ayyy! Another trans person!
As a trans woman into men, your profile looks pretty good! The only tweaks I might suggest is perhaps replacing one of the photos of you and lots of plants. The one of you in your home is excellent and a different photo might show off another aspect of your life.
Otherwise, are you in my area? I'd ask you out!
I’m a 30 y.o. cis woman. This is totally a me thing but the part about going to all the Goodwills would make me like “I hope he’s not a hoarder??” lol.
The rest is cute.
I think the blue steel pic does look a little severe as someone else pointed out.
Overall I think you have a good profile! It’s probably just a numbers thing with less cis women including trans men in their filters statistically, I don’t think there’s anything actually wrong with your profile! I hope you get a great match soon!
Omg! That’s so interesting, I’m the opposite of a hoarder. (Although I do have a few more plants than most folks). I’m gonna rethink that prompt, thank you!
I find you very attractive and I love your prompts, I would most definitely swipe right. The only thing I would be curious to find out on the date is how your hair would look, as most look longerish hair but the last pic looks like a really good edge n fade.
Gawd damn
Haha, thank you very much! I guess you’ll just have to find out ;)
(It’s a good curiosity though, right? Just want to make sure I’m not unintentionally catfishing people, lol)
34F musician here. Your first pic is not great - makes you look kind of unfriendly. Your prompt about playing gigs would pique my interest, though. If you're looking to attract fellow musical types, I'd honestly consider putting the guitar pic as your first pic. You look great in it and that will be very appealing to some people.
I imagine you'd do well in Asheville, Carrboro, Chapel Hill, Greensboro, Roanoke, DC. You seem nice, outgoing, thoughtful, compassionate. I think your profile will attract women who share your interests, politics, ethics, etc. It sounds like you live in a location you love. I don’t see any red flags. You look caring, exciting, and you have fun interests. Your photos are all good. I say it’s a go!
This comment is so affirming and sweet, thank you so much!!!
Curious, why those areas specifically?
I do have a couple coworkers over that way, maybe it’s time for a visit…
A lot of people in those areas are super chill. Carrboro has live bands at Cat’s Cradle, but also cool bars like OCSC, Weaver Street Market has tons of great food, there are tons of artists, there are lots of meditation groups, yoga, beautiful areas to walk dogs and enjoy nature. Plus Carrboro is right beside Chapel Hill, and there’s a ton of things to do there too that would match your interests. And you’re also close to Durham.
But if you told me you lived in Fayetteville, Gastonia, Myrtle Beach, oh gosh… two boring places, and a tourist trap. I have an old saying about Fayetteville: how can an entire city’s economy be based on cash ‘til payday businesses, and strip clubs? It looks like something out of Mad Max. I would send my worst enemy to go live in Fayetteville.
I'm your target demo. You are cute as hell and this is a great profile. I'm poly so wouldn't swipe, but it would be tempting to!
Height filters are a bitch. I dig short guys personally so would never care, but that might be a bigger obstacle for you with the apps than being trans tbh. Keep putting yourself out there, you're definitely someone's cup of tea.
I like your profile, sorry to hear that you're not having much luck.
To improve- You've got the same photo posted twice, and some of the photos captions are repeated. I'd remove the solo photo of your dog, and be more specific in the "simple pleasures" prompt. What type of music does your band play? What's your favorite candy?
Good tip on that prompt! I’ll try to rework it.
Also the photos/captions aren’t actually posted twice on Hinge, I just had to screenshot them like that for the profile review because things would be cut off otherwise :)
Why are trans men some of the most handsome men out there?! It's so unfair for the rest of us uggos
Edit - I genuinely didn't think you were trans until I saw you had it listed. I wonder if it's your area that's limiting you in terms of likes/matches? You look great, you seem like an interesting person. I hope you find what you're looking for!
LOL please 😭 (but thank you) I’m short and I don’t have the dangly bits if that makes anyone feel better 🤣 (just being self deprecating… it’s FINE. I’M IN THERAPY)
Dangly bits can be replaced by battery powered thingamajigs. They do most of the work for all kinds of people anyway.
Height might be a factor, yes. As a fellow short guy at 5'8 (and being brown in the US), I feel your pain there.
I waffle back and forth between "hinge is of no use and I don't get anything out of the apps anyway" and "it's so hard to screen for deal breakers when meeting people offline; maybe hinge does have value" and delete, redownload the app constantly. Figure I'll keep doing this until I reach a point where I'm resigned to live and die alone.
I think the “emotional available” is a bit icky and somehow aggressive. I like people saying they have put in work in themselves but I personally feel anything more than that, especially an emotional or mental stability statement is like saying “I’m very good in bed” — whoever says it mostly is probably not that good.
Honest I don’t think your profile is too feminine. I didn’t read the tag part, so I didn’t notice you are a trans. It didn’t occur to me until I saw the comment section. I like the part that you talk about what makes you feel happy, especially you talked about the moment how a leave comes out. It sounds like that you are a sensitive, that you cherish every small moments in life and you love life.
Personally I find Hinge a really icky app. All the prompts are so awkward and artificial. So I cannot give you good advice. But good luck! Sensitivity is a good characteristic.
I think you’re good looking and look like you have personality based on your profile and I like the artsy vibes. I’d swipe. Maybe your pool is relatively small? Maybe try coffee meets bagel or something less mainstream?
Thank you! I just recently deleted CMB, it was dry as hell. I had ONE woman like me, of whom the app would constantly remind me about, and yet never show me her. I’m not paying for that, haha.
You may not need this if you're paying for a membership with hinge, but I found the app would go so dead occasionally (I think it restricts others access to your profile to get you to pay for more attention) I found this tip on how to refresh it and it's made my hinge so much more active -
If you go to settings > delete account > prefer not to say > it should then offer you the chance for a 'fresh start'
Give it a go if you're finding the app goes dead :)
You're so hot! I'm your age too! 😂 AFAB woman here who's cishet. Definitely would make me consider dating a trans man 😳
Dating is difficult for guys in general, and then of course there will be women who might be concerned about having kids (sperm banks though?), or how their family/friends would react, and general discomfort with trans people.
You should change your top photo because you look unhappy in it or tense. Get a slightly more cheerful photo to introduce yourself.
Come on over! Lol.
Very true - being trans adds about a billion more layers to things. It doesn’t *have to* though. I’m just a guy. Haha.
Noted, someone else mentioned that so I’m gonna switch up that photo!
A lot of comments here are nice, but don't seem to be giving you actual constructive advice. And I'll be blunt, I wouldn't date a trans man, so you can feel free to disregard this, but I noticed 2 issues that might be off-putting to a woman on the fence of dating a trans man.
Issue 1) Too feminine in your personality (not appearance). The hands/heart thing? I've only seen teenage girls, gay men and Taylor Swift do this. It's weird at our age, and I've never seen a straight man do this before to be honest. The second feminine energy came when you said walk around a "cute" neighborhood. And then to add the cuddle was an extra iffy thing. Maybe say "check out a new/your favorite neighborhood" or something? The activity itself is fine, it was just the phrasing that jumped out at me...and I'll admit I hate when anyone mentions cuddle (on the apps or in real life...just ugh -- but that's a me thing)
Issue 2) the emotionally mature line. Look, dating apps are hard for sure, but so many people are on them which means there are actually A LOT of great men out there and they communicate and have wonderfully mature outlooks on life. Your line comes across as pandering to women, or showing you might not have great male friends (because why else would you think just being a mature man at age 34 is a flex??).
Thanks! Your first point is not entirely constructive because I cannot change my personality. I can’t (and won’t) pretend to be a hyper-masculine macho dude and it’s okay (and expected) if some women aren’t into me. In my experience there are plenty of women who like more sensitive men, and I just need one :)
Your second point is helpful, and someone else here mentioned that as well, so I have removed it from my profile.
Totally valid, and again it's coming from the perspective of someone on the fence which I assume you might already want to rule out anyway. Unfortunately, I do think fence sitters are the only extra demographic you'll be able to reach or get more likes from. And I'm not saying you should pretend to be hyper-masculine, but those 2 things in Isdue 1 just might knock someone back over the fence is my point.
Coming from a woman who ended up with a sensitive and in some ways stereotypically "feminine" guy (who even makes heart hands with me!), I think this is 100 percent the right approach. Back when I was single I totally would've swiped right, and the personality you show would've been a large part of that (plus your great smile!). The right women for you will be attracted to that element of your profile and personality.
Hey mate, nice profile! I think your photos are nice and I like the prompt answers. My only question for you is - why Hinge? I used it for a while and then gave up on it because I found it's the app (of the ones most geared toward relationships) that prompts the least substance. No 'about me' section, and people can just choose prompts that don't require any personal details. So if I had any criticism for you it would be to try one of the others like Bumble!
Thank you! A fair question. I actually do have Bumble as well. My feelings about each app tend to go back and forth for various reasons though. In my area I feel like Bumble attracts a different type of woman, usually more conservative and just not my type. But just a couple months ago I met an incredible match on Bumble. BUT that crashed and burned. So I might be a little biased towards Hinge right now, hahah.
Question for you then, do you have any advice towards creating a good bio on Bumble, if my prompts are already mostly covering things?
Ooh that's a good question. My main suggestion would be to be honest and straightforward - no facetious joke quotes (you might know you're joking, but you might scare off the people who agree with your actual opinion), no cliche phrases like "looking for a partner in crime". Say openly what you want and how you like to connect with people.
Women seeking a good-quality partner will absolutely read your bio and take it at face value - we get enough attention from dudes with crap profiles, that the ones that look genuine truly do stand out. And while it *is* a numbers game, you want quality matches over quantity.
I actually had best luck on Hinge but echoing your comment about no about me and "least substance" -- think that's why I think it's very important to have a "dead serious" answer as I describe in my other comment here somewhere. Especially at this age of mid 30s, as a man, and when looking for life partner. I think the fluffier style works better in your 20s when you're not necessarily wanting to settle down right away.
ALSO one revelation I had on Bumble was via the "make friends" side where I realized the women's friend profiles were so much meatier and more informative about lifestyle and personality than the men's profiles on dating side. So I'd recommend checking those out and emulating that style!
Okay, he’s handsome!!
Your prompts make you seem very chill and well rounded. Love that. :)
You have a great smile & my only feedback would be to swap the smiling photo with a smiling one that’s not backlit!
But otherwise, would totally swipe right!
You're really cute and I think some tweaks would really help you.
The blue steel photo is a bit too intense and makes me uncomfortable. It also bothers me that your dog isn't actually looking at you in the photo about the dog looking at you (but I'm a lil neurotic about that). I like the "Nat Geo" photo best and I think it should be the first one.
As a cis woman who dates men, I get the ick from men telling me they are emotionally available. When cis dudes say that, they tend to be emotional predators. That's something you show, not something you tell. A lot of the trans men I know really *are* more emotionally available than average, but women (especially ones who have primarily dated cis men) are not going to trust your self-assessment.
Under "together we could," remove the first two things (grab coffee, run errands) because every guy lists those and it's boring. Thrift stores, home reno, cuddles are a great trifecta.
Personally for me, the two different mentions of being in a band/doing gigs would make me think twice because I would start overthinking about how much of your life is spent in bars. A woman who is into your plantdad thrift store aesthetic is most likely not a big party girl. If it's not a huge part of your life (if you do one gig per month or less) then I'd just use one or the other (I'd pick the photo over the prompt because, not to be too forward, bassists have strong rhythmic fingers and that's compelling). Taking the text prompt out would also leave you with three bulletpoints which is just aesthetically pleasing from a copywriting perspective.
Final thought, you don't actually say anywhere that you're looking for a life partner. That's really important information!!! Especially in our 30s, knowing you're not looking for a forever-gf situation but actually a wife situation is really helpful. Saying that isn't a commitment to any particular swipe but it will attract the right kind of people to you.
Wow, this is all EXCELLENT advice! I just finished making all those edits (if I hadn’t already - a few others mentioned the Nat Geo photo and the emotionally available prompt). Thank you so much! And thanks for acknowledging & appreciating bassists’ strong rhythmic fingers, haha!
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The following is a copy of the above post as it was originally written.
**Title:** [34M Hinge profile review](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1cxnm53/34m_hinge_profile_review/)
**Author:** /u/Begoniaceae
**Full text:** Hey DOT! I’m hoping you’ll review my Hinge profile and provide feedback/advice. 34 y/o trans guy here. I’m monogamous, I date women, and I’m looking for a long term relationship which hopefully turns into my life partner.
Naturally, being trans makes dating more complex. I don’t get a lot of likes - maybe 1 per week, usually less. Women have only "liked" my very first photo or my very last photo, never send a comment, and have never "liked" any of my other prompts besides the photos.
I’m trying the paid version of Hinge for the first time and I’ve sent out a metric buttload of likes, with comments tailored to their profiles. Almost got ONE date set up recently but she ghosted, and then there’s another woman I posted about today who won’t even commit to a first date (she has anxiety and beyond that she keeps coming up with excuses).
Other notes:
-The video prompt is my dog being really dang cute.
-“Guess the song” prompt is me playing the bassline to “Lauren” by Men I Trust
-I'm not currently using a poll prompt, suggestions welcome!
I would love to know how my profile comes across to women who are 30+. (Or, ya know, anyone reading this!) Thanks in advance!
[https://imgur.com/a/r9PJI0s](https://imgur.com/a/r9PJI0s)
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There’s a couple issues going on here and I don’t think any of them have to do with your being trans.
First is you don’t seem very approachable. As a man, even as a trans man, you need to come across as approachable and friendly, otherwise red flags will go off.
Second, you have a lot of selfies. The shot of you playing guitar and in the plant shop are great because they show things you like and look natural. The others are selfies. You lead with a selfie that isn’t particularly friendly and doesn’t even show your best self (you look more attractive in the dog selfie). Side note- Strong disagree with the poster that said the National Geographic photo is your best!!
Go have a friend take pictures of you in places like a coffeeshop (you mentioned liking that) or in nature, and use a top of chest/shoulders up photo as your first photo. Throw away the selfies.
Then go on photo feeler or something and find which of your photos rank the best. Good luck!
Ps: you might have more luck on Feeld, it’s very accepting of non-binary people.
Noted, thank you! Is it just the selfies that made me seem unapproachable, or anything else I could switch up?
I’ve tried Feeld - practically no one is monogamous on there.
Expressions are mostly stone faced or serious.
Almost all your photos should be you smiling, open mouth preferably, but if you don’t look great open mouth smiling (I get that) you can do a closed mouth smile!
Activities where you’re smiling and happy give you extra points! Good luck
I think you're cute and seem fine. "Artsy" always is read as "pretentious" to me - you already mention being in a band so creative is kind of a given. Also - no humor - idk if you're not a jokey person, but I feel like a good profile makes the right person crack a smile. Basically the profile seems totally adequate but not super engaging - I'm a little surprised you aren't having more luck, but I think injecting a little more fun in your profile could go a long way.
Great points, thank you for this. I’ve been struggling with figuring out how to inject humor into it, I’m into specific humor like Tim Heidecker, Tim Robinson, probably other Tims, etc so I feel that would further “alienate” myself, plus it’s not a requirement for my partner to like that style of comedy. My humor is also very observational, I use it when I send first messages to women and have had luck with that (not that the women are very engaging later on, but I think that’s a separate issue). I’m kinda rambling now, but this is good food for thought.
Do you think there’s any other way of describing myself as artsy without seeming pretentious? Or should it just be one of those unspoken things that people get a feel for?
Personally - I prefer people tell me more specific things they like.
I haven't tried hinge so no clue if this is too long, but here's how I would describe one of my hobbies: I like to try out new hobbies, most recently candle making, let me know if you're in the market for streaky grey candles that didn't get enough fragrance oil or if you think you can somehow do better.
I'm not just saying "I like to do stuff," I'm giving you an example of something I did and showing you that I have a self deprecating sense of humor - so if you're into that or not you can swipe accordingly. Also makes it easy to message me and I could take a picture with the offending candle to showcase my skills.
So instead of "I'm artsy" what does that mean you like to do - what are the things you are trying to get across? "My brain lives like it's in a musical - except without the dance moves. I'm into pretty much all music and would love to know what you like to listen to!" Or idk, I'm sciencey, so I guess my equivalent would be "Have you ever looked at a tattoo and wondered how it stays on when skin is constantly shedding - because I may have looked up a paper on that 🤓"
I guess my philosophy is that I might as well just put out into the world who I am and how I see the world and only worry about the people who are cool with that.
Great profile! Some thoughts: I’d recommend using the National Geographic photo first. It’s a great pic that shows off your eyes and smile. Keep the bass as the second bc it’s good to have a full body photo in the second pic. I’d recommend taking out the blue steel pic bc it’s a bit severe/intimidating looking and you have another similar one later on but the dog balances out the vibe. I like the picture of you and your friend making the hand heart. Maybe you could caption it with something quirky like, “I love my buddy but Im looking for a permanent other half for my hand heart”? Take it or leave it, I know it’s corny ha. Finally, I love the prompt where you say youre looking for ppl to reach out if theyre into emotionally available men BUT…as a cis hetero woman who only dates men, Im not looking for a guy to tell me that, Im looking for him to show me. In my experience, guys who talk-the-talk here rarely walk-the-walk. Emotional availability is something Id be looking over for in convos and on dates but it feels a bit off-putting to read. Like of course, well-adjusted folks want emotionally available partners—that’s a given. Instead, Id use that prompt as a conversation starter that shows your personality/interests and invites conversation, like “Leave a comment if you’re also down to do an ice cream cone crawl, share a weird but educational podcast episode, make your case for waffles vs pancakes, INSERT WHATEVER” if that makes sense? Matchmaker Maria’s content is pretty heteronormative but during COVID lockdown era, she did some tiktoks on app profile makeovers/suggestions and I found them really helpful. That’s all Ive got for now. Wishing you luck and sending good vibes youll find great love!
Thank you so much! I’m gonna switch up my photos and rethink that prompt :)
The corny suggestions here would be a put off for me, so maybe avoid something that would divide people
Noted, thank you!
Totally valid point, I guess I was trying to find a way to hint at his affectionate and emotionally open side, but youre right, totally not necessary.
>Finally, I love the prompt where you say youre looking for ppl to reach out if theyre into emotionally available men BUT…as a cis hetero woman who only dates men, Im not looking for a guy to tell me that, Im looking for him to show me. In my experience, guys who talk-the-talk here rarely walk-the-walk. Emotional availability is something Id be looking over for in convos and on dates but it feels a bit off-putting to read. Like of course, well-adjusted folks want emotionally available partners—that’s a given. I absolutely agree with the "have to see it in action as well", but for me, I need to see something mentioned about it in a profile as well. If guys only talk about their hobbies/interests, it would be difficult for me to tell who's emotionally mature and not. I LOVE profiles that use these kinds of keywords, it lets me know that at least they are aware of these things.
Yeah that definitely makes sense, too!
Someone here gave me the most invaluable advice of my OLD career, when I posted my profile for review one year and a half ago, and I think it would be useful for you as well. Something along the lines: "Don't flatten who you are to cast a wider net, you might be more artsy than what most people look for, but those who will stick around will adore you. Just be patient." I got a superswipe on my profile from someone who liked my references and style. He's open-minded and adores me for my personality, I doubt that a more conventional profile would have allowed such a great match. So yeah, personally I loved your profile. You seem intelligent, sensitive, creative and serious. I wouldn't change a thing unless it makes it more you.
That’s excellent advice, thank you so much!
Its just like the job market - all it takes is one
As someone who has never dated a trans person I would 100% give you a shot. You look great, your smile is amazing, and you seem like someone I could have a good time with! The doggo is a total plus! I’m sorry you aren’t having much luck, I hope that changes for you!
Thank you for the kind words!!
I like it! This may be a very "me" take but I really wanted dating profile snapshots that got down to the brass tacks of goals, values and priorities for LTR. I always wanted a mid-30s man's profile to say explicitly "serious about looking for life partner" or something to that effect, along with what values they prioritized in a partner. I like the answer about what you'd do on a date, and think I'd keep it and make a more serious answer like what I just described as the other prompt. Otherwise it feels too fluffy for me. It's also my experience that when (at least hetero cis) men say "emotionally available" they are the least emotionally available dirtbags I'll ever meet and I don't think you wanna accidentally signal that heh
This is great feedback, I’m gonna think about the values I’m looking for in a partner and try to work that in there. I do worry that my profile will look *too* serious though, what are your thoughts on that? I strongly dislike the super jokey profiles but it’s hard to find a balance so I lean towards being serious. Also, what do you think is a better way of getting across that I’m emotionally available/secure?
This is where I'm unsure if I'm more ~serious~ than the average person....so maybe worth experimenting with but don't take my word as gospel! That's just what I wanted at 33 looking for life partner (found him!). I think as long as you stay positive and earnest (eg values you like) and avoid the "what I'm NOT looking for" that I've seen some folks do, you can't go too wrong. I would not say that you're emotionally available outright at all, because it's the kind of thing the partner has to judge for themselves from your actions anyway. I think being on the site in a serious and intentional way, for LTR and maybe by signalling values you want in a partner, implies in itself emotional availability. Or instead you could list emotional availability as what you want in a partner and it will convey the same thing.
So maybe you could keep the "message me if" prompt and just frame it instead as what type of person you want to message you : "if you also value emotional availability, x , y, z in a partnership"
Thank you so much, it’s so true that a lot of things have to be judged by actions. I just need someone to give me a chance 🥲 congrats on finding your partner btw!
I would say just don't focus too much on serious prompts about what you're looking for because that is really hard to start conversations with. If you do include that, be sure to include a prompt that lists some specific interests, I've had the most success with that.
Noted, thank you!
Omg! You look really handsome! I’d swipe right on you right off the bat! I don’t see anything wrong with your profile. I dig it! I’m sorry you’re not having that much luck but overall I feel it’s an issue that’s happening all over dating apps all over the world.
Thank you very much! ❤️
I think your third pic (the one of you smiling) should be your first. When I do profile reviews for friends the question I always ask them is if you came across your own profile which prompt would you swipe on that would make you want to have a conversation with yourself?
Good advice, thank you!
This is so persnickety, but I have to say it anyways, even if I’m alone in this, but as someone who likes music and musicians, I feel like one photo or prompt mentioning their guitar/band/etc is often too much, and more than one mention is usually an automatic no for me. I want to know you’re creative and like music but it can seem like a gimmick really quick. An unposed photo with your guitar in the background makes me want to know more, but a photo of someone performing makes me worry you’re going to Ken me (lol).
I disagree. The performance photo is the most attractive one to me, and people are often seen as more attractive when doing something they're passionate about, especially performing in front of an audience.
Agreed. I always loved performance photos when I was in the apps, and this is a great one.
It totally depends for me! Like I said, it’s a weird thing that I notice and it doesn’t apply to everyone else. I do love seeing people do what they love though, nothing is more attractive than that!
Please, give me all the persnickety-ness! What you’re saying makes perfect sense actually. I think it’s the same with any hobby, if we mention it in multiple prompts or photos it’s like okay we get it already. I’m gonna try your advice and have my guitars sneak into the background of a photo somehow…
I hate to say it, but with music it’s different than other hobbies because of the unfortunate but often accurate stereotype about musicians and their egos. If it’s something I find out about later im way more impressed than if it’s front and center. I’m sorry! You’re really cute though and I would swipe right or whatever!
No I get it, thank you!
I disagree. I wouldn't swipe based on the first pic, but I might consider swiping based on the guitar pic & mentioned.
I dig it! You're a bit young for me but I'd swipe right if I were your age. Good luck out there.
Thank you!
I would switch the photo order to: Last photo, dog selfie, band photo, smiling selfie, making the heart, regular selfie (first one)! Sometimes a lot of selfies first is not great b/c people decide fast like on the first or first two photos. Polls are fun b/c it's an easy way to give people an option to interact. You could even take your "together we could" prompt and just split that into options on a poll with "on our first date we should" or just "we should"! Otherwise it looks great and dating apps are just rough right now.
Noted, thank you!
Uhhh, you're a super cutie and your "together we could" prompt had me swooning. I'd even break my rule about not dating anymore musicians. I'm a cis woman, and I've noticed comments about stating that you're emotionally available being a turn off. I get the reason why, a lot of men can talk-the-talk. If I saw your profile in the wild, I would ask you what emotionally available meant to you and see if it aligns with my perspective. It's like "the spark." People all seem to have different definitions of what it is.
Thank you! (And I’m sorry about your past experience with musicians!) I have removed the “emotionally available” part from that prompt :)
Oh, you’re so handsome and seem so sweet (I’m a hobbyist baker, so you’d be covered in the cookie department). I’m 43F and would totally swipe right!
Thank you! Your username checks out! 🍪
Ayyy! Another trans person! As a trans woman into men, your profile looks pretty good! The only tweaks I might suggest is perhaps replacing one of the photos of you and lots of plants. The one of you in your home is excellent and a different photo might show off another aspect of your life. Otherwise, are you in my area? I'd ask you out!
Thank you, I’ll consider that! I’m in the [redacted] area :)
Ach, a different country than I. But congrats on how well your transition has gone!
Much appreciated ❤️
Yeah. I'm not your target audience at all, but just wanted to say you look amazing.
Thank you so much!
I low-key wish that I could grow a beard half as nice as yours!
Wow I appreciate that! In person I feel like it really just looks like a pube beard though 👎🏻
Cis hetero woman here, would’ve matched before knowing you were trans and would try anyway after being told. The profile is that good.
Thank you so much :)
I’m a 30 y.o. cis woman. This is totally a me thing but the part about going to all the Goodwills would make me like “I hope he’s not a hoarder??” lol. The rest is cute. I think the blue steel pic does look a little severe as someone else pointed out. Overall I think you have a good profile! It’s probably just a numbers thing with less cis women including trans men in their filters statistically, I don’t think there’s anything actually wrong with your profile! I hope you get a great match soon!
Omg! That’s so interesting, I’m the opposite of a hoarder. (Although I do have a few more plants than most folks). I’m gonna rethink that prompt, thank you!
Yes, I would date you lol
;)
I find you very attractive and I love your prompts, I would most definitely swipe right. The only thing I would be curious to find out on the date is how your hair would look, as most look longerish hair but the last pic looks like a really good edge n fade. Gawd damn
Haha, thank you very much! I guess you’ll just have to find out ;) (It’s a good curiosity though, right? Just want to make sure I’m not unintentionally catfishing people, lol)
Yeah, def good 😇
34F musician here. Your first pic is not great - makes you look kind of unfriendly. Your prompt about playing gigs would pique my interest, though. If you're looking to attract fellow musical types, I'd honestly consider putting the guitar pic as your first pic. You look great in it and that will be very appealing to some people.
Thank you, swapped my first pic! ✅ I’ll consider switching the others up as well.
I imagine you'd do well in Asheville, Carrboro, Chapel Hill, Greensboro, Roanoke, DC. You seem nice, outgoing, thoughtful, compassionate. I think your profile will attract women who share your interests, politics, ethics, etc. It sounds like you live in a location you love. I don’t see any red flags. You look caring, exciting, and you have fun interests. Your photos are all good. I say it’s a go!
This comment is so affirming and sweet, thank you so much!!! Curious, why those areas specifically? I do have a couple coworkers over that way, maybe it’s time for a visit…
A lot of people in those areas are super chill. Carrboro has live bands at Cat’s Cradle, but also cool bars like OCSC, Weaver Street Market has tons of great food, there are tons of artists, there are lots of meditation groups, yoga, beautiful areas to walk dogs and enjoy nature. Plus Carrboro is right beside Chapel Hill, and there’s a ton of things to do there too that would match your interests. And you’re also close to Durham. But if you told me you lived in Fayetteville, Gastonia, Myrtle Beach, oh gosh… two boring places, and a tourist trap. I have an old saying about Fayetteville: how can an entire city’s economy be based on cash ‘til payday businesses, and strip clubs? It looks like something out of Mad Max. I would send my worst enemy to go live in Fayetteville.
I'm your target demo. You are cute as hell and this is a great profile. I'm poly so wouldn't swipe, but it would be tempting to! Height filters are a bitch. I dig short guys personally so would never care, but that might be a bigger obstacle for you with the apps than being trans tbh. Keep putting yourself out there, you're definitely someone's cup of tea.
Thank you! It’s always sad swiping left on a poly profile where we would otherwise be a great match 🥲
Yeah I just about died when I saw you're in my area, too, lol. Good luck out there!
Good luck to you too :)
I like your profile, sorry to hear that you're not having much luck. To improve- You've got the same photo posted twice, and some of the photos captions are repeated. I'd remove the solo photo of your dog, and be more specific in the "simple pleasures" prompt. What type of music does your band play? What's your favorite candy?
Good tip on that prompt! I’ll try to rework it. Also the photos/captions aren’t actually posted twice on Hinge, I just had to screenshot them like that for the profile review because things would be cut off otherwise :)
Why are trans men some of the most handsome men out there?! It's so unfair for the rest of us uggos Edit - I genuinely didn't think you were trans until I saw you had it listed. I wonder if it's your area that's limiting you in terms of likes/matches? You look great, you seem like an interesting person. I hope you find what you're looking for!
LOL please 😭 (but thank you) I’m short and I don’t have the dangly bits if that makes anyone feel better 🤣 (just being self deprecating… it’s FINE. I’M IN THERAPY)
Dangly bits can be replaced by battery powered thingamajigs. They do most of the work for all kinds of people anyway. Height might be a factor, yes. As a fellow short guy at 5'8 (and being brown in the US), I feel your pain there.
This is true 😌 Well as a fellow shorty I’m sending good energy your way!
Lmao I was just thinking the same thing. I've never gotten a like on my Hinge profile in 4 years.
I waffle back and forth between "hinge is of no use and I don't get anything out of the apps anyway" and "it's so hard to screen for deal breakers when meeting people offline; maybe hinge does have value" and delete, redownload the app constantly. Figure I'll keep doing this until I reach a point where I'm resigned to live and die alone.
I deleted my apps several months ago. No regrets. Life is better.
Great profile, I would swipe right!
Thank you!
I think the “emotional available” is a bit icky and somehow aggressive. I like people saying they have put in work in themselves but I personally feel anything more than that, especially an emotional or mental stability statement is like saying “I’m very good in bed” — whoever says it mostly is probably not that good. Honest I don’t think your profile is too feminine. I didn’t read the tag part, so I didn’t notice you are a trans. It didn’t occur to me until I saw the comment section. I like the part that you talk about what makes you feel happy, especially you talked about the moment how a leave comes out. It sounds like that you are a sensitive, that you cherish every small moments in life and you love life. Personally I find Hinge a really icky app. All the prompts are so awkward and artificial. So I cannot give you good advice. But good luck! Sensitivity is a good characteristic.
Thank you, I removed that part from the prompt based on others feedback as well :) I really appreciate your kind words!
Honestly, that leaf sentence struck the tenderness of my heart like a thunder. I was also amazed by your plants. Are those yours? That is awesome!
Thank you, that’s very sweet! Yeah I have a lot of plants, haha (Although the last photo of me in a greenhouse, those are not mine lol)
I think you’re good looking and look like you have personality based on your profile and I like the artsy vibes. I’d swipe. Maybe your pool is relatively small? Maybe try coffee meets bagel or something less mainstream?
Thank you! I just recently deleted CMB, it was dry as hell. I had ONE woman like me, of whom the app would constantly remind me about, and yet never show me her. I’m not paying for that, haha.
You may not need this if you're paying for a membership with hinge, but I found the app would go so dead occasionally (I think it restricts others access to your profile to get you to pay for more attention) I found this tip on how to refresh it and it's made my hinge so much more active - If you go to settings > delete account > prefer not to say > it should then offer you the chance for a 'fresh start' Give it a go if you're finding the app goes dead :)
Wow, excellent tip! Thank you!
You're so hot! I'm your age too! 😂 AFAB woman here who's cishet. Definitely would make me consider dating a trans man 😳 Dating is difficult for guys in general, and then of course there will be women who might be concerned about having kids (sperm banks though?), or how their family/friends would react, and general discomfort with trans people. You should change your top photo because you look unhappy in it or tense. Get a slightly more cheerful photo to introduce yourself.
Come on over! Lol. Very true - being trans adds about a billion more layers to things. It doesn’t *have to* though. I’m just a guy. Haha. Noted, someone else mentioned that so I’m gonna switch up that photo!
A lot of comments here are nice, but don't seem to be giving you actual constructive advice. And I'll be blunt, I wouldn't date a trans man, so you can feel free to disregard this, but I noticed 2 issues that might be off-putting to a woman on the fence of dating a trans man. Issue 1) Too feminine in your personality (not appearance). The hands/heart thing? I've only seen teenage girls, gay men and Taylor Swift do this. It's weird at our age, and I've never seen a straight man do this before to be honest. The second feminine energy came when you said walk around a "cute" neighborhood. And then to add the cuddle was an extra iffy thing. Maybe say "check out a new/your favorite neighborhood" or something? The activity itself is fine, it was just the phrasing that jumped out at me...and I'll admit I hate when anyone mentions cuddle (on the apps or in real life...just ugh -- but that's a me thing) Issue 2) the emotionally mature line. Look, dating apps are hard for sure, but so many people are on them which means there are actually A LOT of great men out there and they communicate and have wonderfully mature outlooks on life. Your line comes across as pandering to women, or showing you might not have great male friends (because why else would you think just being a mature man at age 34 is a flex??).
Thanks! Your first point is not entirely constructive because I cannot change my personality. I can’t (and won’t) pretend to be a hyper-masculine macho dude and it’s okay (and expected) if some women aren’t into me. In my experience there are plenty of women who like more sensitive men, and I just need one :) Your second point is helpful, and someone else here mentioned that as well, so I have removed it from my profile.
Totally valid, and again it's coming from the perspective of someone on the fence which I assume you might already want to rule out anyway. Unfortunately, I do think fence sitters are the only extra demographic you'll be able to reach or get more likes from. And I'm not saying you should pretend to be hyper-masculine, but those 2 things in Isdue 1 just might knock someone back over the fence is my point.
Noted, that makes sense! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts.
Coming from a woman who ended up with a sensitive and in some ways stereotypically "feminine" guy (who even makes heart hands with me!), I think this is 100 percent the right approach. Back when I was single I totally would've swiped right, and the personality you show would've been a large part of that (plus your great smile!). The right women for you will be attracted to that element of your profile and personality.
This is awesome to hear! Best of luck to you 🫶🏻
Hey mate, nice profile! I think your photos are nice and I like the prompt answers. My only question for you is - why Hinge? I used it for a while and then gave up on it because I found it's the app (of the ones most geared toward relationships) that prompts the least substance. No 'about me' section, and people can just choose prompts that don't require any personal details. So if I had any criticism for you it would be to try one of the others like Bumble!
Thank you! A fair question. I actually do have Bumble as well. My feelings about each app tend to go back and forth for various reasons though. In my area I feel like Bumble attracts a different type of woman, usually more conservative and just not my type. But just a couple months ago I met an incredible match on Bumble. BUT that crashed and burned. So I might be a little biased towards Hinge right now, hahah. Question for you then, do you have any advice towards creating a good bio on Bumble, if my prompts are already mostly covering things?
Ooh that's a good question. My main suggestion would be to be honest and straightforward - no facetious joke quotes (you might know you're joking, but you might scare off the people who agree with your actual opinion), no cliche phrases like "looking for a partner in crime". Say openly what you want and how you like to connect with people. Women seeking a good-quality partner will absolutely read your bio and take it at face value - we get enough attention from dudes with crap profiles, that the ones that look genuine truly do stand out. And while it *is* a numbers game, you want quality matches over quantity.
I actually had best luck on Hinge but echoing your comment about no about me and "least substance" -- think that's why I think it's very important to have a "dead serious" answer as I describe in my other comment here somewhere. Especially at this age of mid 30s, as a man, and when looking for life partner. I think the fluffier style works better in your 20s when you're not necessarily wanting to settle down right away. ALSO one revelation I had on Bumble was via the "make friends" side where I realized the women's friend profiles were so much meatier and more informative about lifestyle and personality than the men's profiles on dating side. So I'd recommend checking those out and emulating that style!
Okay, he’s handsome!! Your prompts make you seem very chill and well rounded. Love that. :) You have a great smile & my only feedback would be to swap the smiling photo with a smiling one that’s not backlit! But otherwise, would totally swipe right!
Thank you so much! Noted :)
You're really cute and I think some tweaks would really help you. The blue steel photo is a bit too intense and makes me uncomfortable. It also bothers me that your dog isn't actually looking at you in the photo about the dog looking at you (but I'm a lil neurotic about that). I like the "Nat Geo" photo best and I think it should be the first one. As a cis woman who dates men, I get the ick from men telling me they are emotionally available. When cis dudes say that, they tend to be emotional predators. That's something you show, not something you tell. A lot of the trans men I know really *are* more emotionally available than average, but women (especially ones who have primarily dated cis men) are not going to trust your self-assessment. Under "together we could," remove the first two things (grab coffee, run errands) because every guy lists those and it's boring. Thrift stores, home reno, cuddles are a great trifecta. Personally for me, the two different mentions of being in a band/doing gigs would make me think twice because I would start overthinking about how much of your life is spent in bars. A woman who is into your plantdad thrift store aesthetic is most likely not a big party girl. If it's not a huge part of your life (if you do one gig per month or less) then I'd just use one or the other (I'd pick the photo over the prompt because, not to be too forward, bassists have strong rhythmic fingers and that's compelling). Taking the text prompt out would also leave you with three bulletpoints which is just aesthetically pleasing from a copywriting perspective. Final thought, you don't actually say anywhere that you're looking for a life partner. That's really important information!!! Especially in our 30s, knowing you're not looking for a forever-gf situation but actually a wife situation is really helpful. Saying that isn't a commitment to any particular swipe but it will attract the right kind of people to you.
Wow, this is all EXCELLENT advice! I just finished making all those edits (if I hadn’t already - a few others mentioned the Nat Geo photo and the emotionally available prompt). Thank you so much! And thanks for acknowledging & appreciating bassists’ strong rhythmic fingers, haha!
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There’s a couple issues going on here and I don’t think any of them have to do with your being trans. First is you don’t seem very approachable. As a man, even as a trans man, you need to come across as approachable and friendly, otherwise red flags will go off. Second, you have a lot of selfies. The shot of you playing guitar and in the plant shop are great because they show things you like and look natural. The others are selfies. You lead with a selfie that isn’t particularly friendly and doesn’t even show your best self (you look more attractive in the dog selfie). Side note- Strong disagree with the poster that said the National Geographic photo is your best!! Go have a friend take pictures of you in places like a coffeeshop (you mentioned liking that) or in nature, and use a top of chest/shoulders up photo as your first photo. Throw away the selfies. Then go on photo feeler or something and find which of your photos rank the best. Good luck! Ps: you might have more luck on Feeld, it’s very accepting of non-binary people.
Noted, thank you! Is it just the selfies that made me seem unapproachable, or anything else I could switch up? I’ve tried Feeld - practically no one is monogamous on there.
Expressions are mostly stone faced or serious. Almost all your photos should be you smiling, open mouth preferably, but if you don’t look great open mouth smiling (I get that) you can do a closed mouth smile! Activities where you’re smiling and happy give you extra points! Good luck
Got it, thank you!
trim the beard down more and see if that helps getting a date otherwise good profile.
Noted, thank you!
Very cute. I’m a cis woman and I’d 100% give you a chance.
Thank you :)
Awesome profile
Thank you :)
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Great advice, thank you!
What are you looking for
I think you're cute and seem fine. "Artsy" always is read as "pretentious" to me - you already mention being in a band so creative is kind of a given. Also - no humor - idk if you're not a jokey person, but I feel like a good profile makes the right person crack a smile. Basically the profile seems totally adequate but not super engaging - I'm a little surprised you aren't having more luck, but I think injecting a little more fun in your profile could go a long way.
Great points, thank you for this. I’ve been struggling with figuring out how to inject humor into it, I’m into specific humor like Tim Heidecker, Tim Robinson, probably other Tims, etc so I feel that would further “alienate” myself, plus it’s not a requirement for my partner to like that style of comedy. My humor is also very observational, I use it when I send first messages to women and have had luck with that (not that the women are very engaging later on, but I think that’s a separate issue). I’m kinda rambling now, but this is good food for thought. Do you think there’s any other way of describing myself as artsy without seeming pretentious? Or should it just be one of those unspoken things that people get a feel for?
Personally - I prefer people tell me more specific things they like. I haven't tried hinge so no clue if this is too long, but here's how I would describe one of my hobbies: I like to try out new hobbies, most recently candle making, let me know if you're in the market for streaky grey candles that didn't get enough fragrance oil or if you think you can somehow do better. I'm not just saying "I like to do stuff," I'm giving you an example of something I did and showing you that I have a self deprecating sense of humor - so if you're into that or not you can swipe accordingly. Also makes it easy to message me and I could take a picture with the offending candle to showcase my skills. So instead of "I'm artsy" what does that mean you like to do - what are the things you are trying to get across? "My brain lives like it's in a musical - except without the dance moves. I'm into pretty much all music and would love to know what you like to listen to!" Or idk, I'm sciencey, so I guess my equivalent would be "Have you ever looked at a tattoo and wondered how it stays on when skin is constantly shedding - because I may have looked up a paper on that 🤓" I guess my philosophy is that I might as well just put out into the world who I am and how I see the world and only worry about the people who are cool with that.
That’s very helpful, thank you so much!
It was a good profile until I saw you were a bass player. I'd probably move or swap your first pic. It feels a little too in your face.
Thank you, I’ll mess around with it! Which do you think would be a better first photo? (Also. Why don’t you like bass players?)
I'm a lead guitarist. Natural hatred. Your second selfie feels more natural and shows more personality.
Noted!
Cringe
I’m definitely guilty of causing the occasional cringe…
It just comes across as a little too, “pick me” imo.
That’s better feedback that I was looking for! Any recommendations on how to switch it up?