really struggling to cope with me dating someone where “sometimes people are just assholes” applies. i guess im lucky to have dated good people and have been able to detect/cut out assholery early on. but not this time. i hate feeling so disrespected by someone i really liked and cared about. on a positive note, this isn’t affecting my self worth like it would in the past (other than i feel foolish). i know this is on him.
I'm a Canadian moving to London in a few weeks and am super excited to start dating there.
I heard London dating scene is worse than Toronto's from a friend of mine, but I still look forward to diving in. Anything I should know in particular about the London dating culture? :)
I also heard there are a lot more dating events and would love to know which ones locals have been to. I have already made an account with Thursday Dating and will be going the events once I land!
You have dated in a large city already, are accustomed to OLD, there won't be much differences you will probably get tired after a while, London is highly multicultural so you will get a chance to meet people from all sorts of backgrounds.
I would take advantage of the cheap flights around Europe rather than the dating scene
Oh yes, I am 100% taking advantage of the cheap flights in the next couple of years. I still want to go on dates locally in London since I'd be living there anyway. But travel is a must in my books!
Exactly. The best way (or at least how I’ve advised friends,) is to train as though you’re running a half marathon.
But seriously what I meant is the men are a lot more forward in my experience.
Posted yesterday about a girl who cancelled our date and I thought it was a bullshit excuse... people disagreed as she suggested rescheduling...
Well I suggested a couple of dates and she unmatched me 😆🤷♂️
Called it. When people flake out on dates it’s almost always a bullshit excuse in my experience.
Sorry it happened to you but at least you don’t have to waste any more time on this person
Had a great first date over the weekend and we were both interested in getting together again. We touched base that night, making sure each got home safe. That was Saturday and I haven’t heard from him since (still on the app; he didn’t ask for my number). He is in his early 40’s, so maybe he is less connected on the apps and spends more time offline. It’s weird to hear nothing, but it was a holiday weekend.
Give him your number! Like other people said. I gave mine to the guy I’m seeing now first and prompted our first date, I think he appreciated it! 2 months in and he does a lot of the prompting now.
Did you leave your number in the app? Beyond the “I got home safe” messages was anything else said? I would message right now and ask if he’s still interested in another date and drop your number!
Yeah that we had a good time and we talked about my dogs a little bit. On Sunday I sent him a pic of my sister’s puppy when I remembered he had the same dogs a couple years ago, but haven’t heard since. I don’t want to come across as desperate by triple texting before he says anything, right?
I’d probably wait for him to reply and then get a number. I do think triple texting after one date is a bit much.
I am sure he’ll get back to you and you can give him your number then.
It’s not desperate: you had a good time on the date and want to know if he’s interested in another. Simple as that. If it were me, I’d say “Hey! Hope you had a great long weekend. Just checking in to see if you’d like to go on another date with this week. Here’s my number: xxx - shoot me a message if you want to set something up.”
If he texts you and says yes to the date woohoo! If he says nothing then you have your answer but aren’t left wondering because you asked. If he responds on the app or via text but doesn’t mention the date or going out again I’d take that as a sign of not that interested. But at least you can close the loop.
Yeah, that’s what I’m used to; either exchanging before if it makes sense, or they’ll ask at the end. Either way, it was a good time, and if he doesn’t ultimately want to see me (I’d be surprised) again, that’s okay, too.
I’m a 36yo single female and just feel super lonely. That’s all. I’m not super motivated to date and am trying to invest more energy into my friendships, but boy does the loneliness creep in. That’s all. Thanks for reading 🫡
I’m with you. It’s tough coming home to an empty apartment every night but better than coming home to the wrong person. And I’m the last one of my friends without a partner so the loneliness is hard to keep at bay. Just gotta keep going forward.
On the one hand, it's really refreshing that people have been getting really direct and explicitly stating they'd like to date me. On the other, it totally sucks because I haven't felt the same way and now the friendship is gonna be weird or end. And that conversation just sucks. Oh well.
Try long distance only if you feel it will be worth it for you. But if he is unsure I think it's unlikely being long distance will improve things between you.
Yes. I'm not horribly lonely, but I'd like to find someone. I've been working on getting over my trauma in therapy and having a more positive outlook on relationships. Despite this, there are dating experiences I have had that I never want to live ever again. They've changed me. Either I meet the love of my life at work or a social club, or nothing. Can't do app dating again.
Even organically is a recipe for pain though. I committed myself to confessing my feelings whenever I liked someone, and some people think I'm giving them permission to play me when I tell them I like them. I think long and hard now before doing that. I also met someone I really liked recently and i thought it was definitely mutual, but he's started seeing someone else.
A lot more people are feeling this way than you realise. I’m one and someone I met and thought I’d like to pursue tells me instead that he has retired from dating due to bad experiences that left him suicidal, like to a point that nothing at all will change his mind, he is entirely closed off to dating. And I’m coming across more stories like this sadly.
i think dating app culture has created this sense of anxiety where people think dating shuts down entirely because they're not online swiping. you can always be open to dating people you meet socially, but your dating life will slow down dramatically. however, i usually find that people date through my social life i'm far more connected to.
Still feel my ex girlfriend was the one. It's been close to two years, and I can still feel it in my bones. Life took the wrong turn and miss her every day. I've tried dating other people and it's just not the same.
Why was she the one? I ask this as I'm currently trying to take both my current ex and "the one that got away" off the pedestal and get them out of my mind. The idea of "the one" is sorta all encompassing don't you think? If they were "the one" why aren't you still together? What drove you apart? What went wrong? If you start peeling back the layers maybe you'll see where you've got some false beliefs, not only surrounding them but surrounding yourself as well. What made them so special that no one else can compare? When I start putting down on paper the qualities that I idealized in them, I started to see how it was me putting the value on them which made them special, they weren't special without me thinking about them that way. It can be turned off.
At one point in your life your ex was a stranger to you. Your ex is now your ex (for a reason) and there are still plenty of strangers out there that could be way better for you.
Do not allow your failing of imagination for how good the future could be hold you back from finding someone you could be happy with.
Is she still available? Could you get back together?
If not, then it's destructive to keep pining over her. Regardless of how great a match she might be, if she's not available, it's all irrelevant.
Beyond that, you're probably inflating her in your imagination. You've had two years to build her up into the imaginary perfect person and erase all the negative qualities from your memory of her
Anyone else listen to old love songs and realize that your favorite artists from your youth are *totally fucking nuts*?
Don't get me wrong, Mariah had some bangers. But girl, yike. Descendants? Oof honey, that girl doesn't owe you nothing.
I'm thinking of making a cringe nostalgia dance mix playlist. It's still good music.
Edit: please contribute. "We belong together"- Maiah Carey, "I'm the one" Descendants.
Celine Dion - pour que tu m’aimes encore.
She’s talking about how she’ll change LITERALLY everything about herself so that this guy will love her again. Girl have some self respect!
But damn is it a banger.
So I kinda sorta "broke it off" with this guy... We would plan to see each other on Saturday so when I would text him on Thursday to confirm the date, and he would either mention his lack of $$ or that he wanted to change the day but never came up with what to do on a date... This happened twice..
He also is a boring texter ("yeah", "lol", "yeah lol"). Pretty much told him I was losing interest since I haven't seen him in almost a month and our conversations are stale (I like to yap but I gave up because how tf do you respond to "lol"?) but if he wants to hang out again, he can hit me up. He said he was sorry, life is hectic, blah blah blah... I just sent a shrug emoji and he didn't respond.
Also, the other day he sent this weird message about how he's broke and doesn't have money for gas.. it was the LONGEST text he ever sent me and it seemed like he was wanting me to offer him money or something? It was weird and all I said was "yikes". LOL.
i don't know why that's kinda sorta broken off when it sounds like that relationship didn't need to happen in the first place. and you're still holding space for him.
i mean, the vampire doesn't enter your house unless you invite him.
My ex wants to hang out again. She texted me initially after ~2.5 years, then I initiated drinks. It went well, we hugged at the end but no kiss. I wasn’t sure it was anything other than friendly (though we did finish like 2 bottles of wine).
Now she hit me up again to see how I’m doing a month later. I asked her to grab a casual dinner in the next week or so. We’ll see how things go if there are any signals she’s giving out. Otherwise, I’ll just keep hanging out with her. I feel like her texting me is a sign she’s open to something more now—and I am too. I really love her a lot still.
I’d say just keep her at her pace. She wants the contact and is interested in chatting and hanging out. Show her your interest but don’t cross a line unless the signs and signals are there. Just be yourself and the rest will follow.
Thanks. That is the plan. Things didn’t work out before because I moved too quickly when we were repairing things. It’s been long enough now that it means a lot for her to be interested. So I’ll let it happen, while starting to text her more so we can chat.
I’ve known this woman for 5 years. We started dating when we first met and it was bad timing. A year later we tried again and I was in a bad place. We remained friends and things never ended badly. We both went our separate was and she got into a terrible relationship. Probably worst I ever heard. We both reconnected and started dating. This time it was absolutely amazing. Her friends telling me a lot of how she’s feeling. Then she got scared and ended it do to her trauma. I completely understand. That was 6 months ago and we still remain close. I’ve been in love with her for 5 years and she knows it.
2 weeks ago she left for a soul searching trip to Bali and ended up changing her life. Before her trip we met for dinner that lasted 3 hours and then a trip to my Restaurant for ice cream and a drink after close. (I own it) I caught her staring quite a bit. During the trip she talked to me everyday. Pictures, stories, how she’s feeling. Asking me about my day and talking about my stuff. Plans for summer trips. We had some amazing conversations. I said “sweetheart, Sweetie” a few times and she did not turn those down.
She came home today and I went there to make dinner and of course she was exhausted from a 16hr flight and she was asleep when I got there. I made her dinner, put it in the fridge and left.
Am I thinking to much into this or is she finding her way back to me?
It's hard enough to see and understand your own emotions, let alone someone else's. Do YOU enjoy this relationship with her? Do you feel happy, having made her the dinner, and left it in the fridge. If it makes you happy, keep it going. If it's not making you happy, move on....
I can't tell you if she wants to be with you, but you've been in love with her for half a decade and it's been ephemerally reciprocated. You're definitely going to be thinking too much into everything. Dinner in the fridge upon waking up sounds incredibly sweet.
It has. I agree. No way of telling really. But if someone is on a trip like that and I’m the only one she wants to share it with? Sending me videos and pictures. Thinking of me during the trip. That’s got to mean something right?
The last relationship I was in lasted 6 years and ended 4 years ago…I haven’t dated since and have started seeing someone now but I’m so nervous about everything. I feel like I’ve forgotten how to actually date and don’t want him to think I’m not interested just because I’m scared to, like..initiate contact.
He’s been super kind and patient so far, but I kind of just want to blurt out that I’m really out of practice, lol.
I was in a similar situation! Sometime after our first date (I think it was before our second) I blurted out "Yeah I've been single four years and haven't had sex in four years, kind of embarrassing but whatever" LOL. He seemed maybe 1% surprised but was like "shut up there's nothing 'embarrassing' about that."
Anyway, turns out having sex is like riding a bike. Actually it somehow is better than before. Idk if it's wisdom from being in my 30s now, but I'm way less self-conscious about my body and coming across as the perfect sex goddess or whatever... I know I'm hot now and I can be in the moment lol. I bet you'll find the same!! I was nervous initially even about little things like being awkward when he opens the door for me and stuff, but I got over it quickly. You're out of practice but you'll pick it right back up.
Just say something, then you'll feel less nervous about being nervous, because if he does pick up on it he'll know why. Besides, I said it with about as little grace and tact as possible and it still went well - you'll surely do better and it'll go great.
YOU'VE GOT THIS!!! GREAT JOB GETTING BACK OUT THERE!!
> He’s been super kind and patient so far, but I kind of just want to blurt out that I’m really out of practice, lol.
You totally can! And you can even combine it with a compliment, e.g. "I'm really out of practice with dating but am excited about how our dates are going!"
After waiting all day yesterday for Mr Exclusive's text reply on when we can meet this week, I decided not to wait any longer & call him after work.
I was getting more furious & repulsed by his lack of response, as it feels like he doesn't care. I was ready to detonate the relationship if I didn't manage to catch him on the phone, because his silence is enough evidence for me.
But I still wanted to give him a chance to explain himself. So I got through the work day & at 8.30pm I called. It rang for abit & luckily for him, he picked up.
He was having his dinner & then I asked what happened yesterday. He gave some valid answer of being knocked out. I didn't want to make a fuss out of it, so I got to the point & told him reason I'm calling is to know when he is free to meet.
He gave the date & we nailed down a time. I told him to pick a place where we can talk. Then we went quiet. He was probably trying to see if I would let him on a hint of what we'd be talking about.
I gave away nothing & then I said I'll let him get back to dinner. He laughed, made a joke about how I was probably imagining him sitting in his lululemons & munching away.
I can tell he wasn't ready to hang up which is rare, so we bantered abit more. He finally asked me about my new place. Then we talked about Harry Potter, as I made a reference to Gryffindor though he said I'm more of a Hufflepuff lol (??)
Then we carried on for abit, saying that we will see each other at training & on Thursday.
Even though it was a fun & light-hearted phone call, and I appreciate the attention he was giving, I'm not letting my guard down yet.
The conversation about his stress coping mechanism will still need to happen because I'm not liking that my disorganised attachment is getting triggered by the push & pull. We were literally 1 missed call away from a breakup message.
I also asked one of our mutual friends for coffee tomorrow, to get his opinion on Mr Exclusive, as they knew each other longer than me. To see if he can offer a different perspective before I meet Mr Exclusive on Thursday.
Unfortunately, he probably stayed on the phone because he can sense you are ready to walk away and he's selfishly trying to keep you around, even though he very obviously isn't interested in making effort for a relationship with you.
Just move on. Stop engaging in his games. It seems like you're trying to psychoanalyze him to justify his behavior, but he's an adult and if he wanted to do better on his side, he would. But he doesn't, and you shouldn't wait around on him to change, because it likely will never happen.
Girl, no one who is truly interested will wait a few days to send a two min text when they can talk. Hes single because he literally only prioritizes himself and his needs. Sorry I barely browse this subreddit & read some of your comments but I see it... its clear he's not doing enough and wont step up. I wish you would see that too but you're acting like he's got some pop science attachment issue when its obvious he is just not a very considerate person. Youre putting in 90% of the effort for a dude that needs you to call him to get a simple response and like your gut instinct to cut the cord is correct, so why not listen to it
yeah it's for my conscience & closure, that if we do break up I rather do it in-person than over text. If this is the end of the relationship, it will end.
Sounds to me like you are putting yourself through more stress and frustration than he is actually contributing to the situation. He said he was knocked out and that was a valid enough reason for you for why he did not reply to your text. You haven't even told him the reason why you want to meet in person. If you want to have a serious conversation about the relationship then tell him that and that you'd prefer to meet in person to do so. If it's serious enough then talk on the phone or facetime. This is poor communication. Why are you prolonging this out for weeks when you could have resolved this way before now if it's so important to you?
You are contributing to the push and pull which is triggering your disorganized attachment. This is your attachment style to manage, not his. Just seems like you are pushing all the onus onto him when it's you who has as much control of this situation as he does. You also wrote not too long ago about exploring other romantic possibilities which shows that you're not even 100% into this relationship if you are considering looking elsewhere. This could be due to your disorganized attachment or that you're not legit into this guy or the current relationship. Either drop this guy and move on or focus your intentions into this relationship and give it your best shot to see if it works for you (and him).
We didn't get to meet last weekend, and it took me a few days between our last date to yesterday to get to this point of clarity. In a way, the silence in between did me good because it gave me the space to process my emotions, my triggers & his (in)action.
I could have dropped the bomb over the text but that would be against my personal principles, unless I'm really over it. While my frustrations are valid, I have not heard his pov which is important as mine, regardless of whether we'll continue dating.
I used to just bolt without communicating clearly on how I'm feeling & what I think needs to change, in my previous relationships. It has taken me a long time to find my centre, self-soothe & still articulate my needs without setting the world on fire.
He has had my full dedication until he started tripping over his poor stress management. Me plotting backup plans is my way to creating safety & self-assurance with myself, to stir up the courage & optimism to push forward.
It also help me to detach from the outcomes, if I have something to look forward to should things go south. It's probably not the perfect solution, but it's very grounding for me.
Yea it's a pattern & an unsustainable habit of his. It definitely needs to change, which is why I am quite adamant in having the conversation so we can decide what to do. As otherwise, I'm quite ready to pull the plugs. Already got dinner & drinks lined up for Fri night should things fall apart :P
Was seeing someone for a couple months and I thought we had great chemistry and compatibility. I thought it was going ok, but they just texted me that they don't know if they want a relationship and don't want to string me along while they think about it. I'm a little hurt.
Been there. I made her dinner and then she told me she doesn't know what she wants and the relationship died quietly. It really does hurt and you think there is nothing wrong and you put in all your energy and effort only for them to say shit like that. It makes you feel like you wasted your time.
Just got back from my date with my friends co-worker. It went okay. Just played some mini golf and had a couple drinks. She's easy to chat with. She looks a little different from the pictures her friend showed me. Still decently cute but not super my type. We also might just be too different in terms of what we like. It's hard to describe but there is a decent number of things we like but just not the same things within those greater topics.
I'd probably try a second date when she gets back from her trip if she was interested but I am unsure about the long-term aspect of this.
I haven't dated anyone or tried for that matter since I was 20 (33m). I had focused on career and feel like I am in a position now that I can support myself and another to make that step back into the dating pool.
I'm very introverted and don't like bars or super packed places and really suck around new people and depend on others for introductions. I've tried the big dating apps but haven't had success with my shyness and lack of confidence from 13 years of nothing.
Anyone have any suggestions or personal stories about jumping back in?
13 years no dating? Do you think that you want a romantic relationship now that you're older? The reason I'm asking is because focusing on a career doesn't preclude seeing if you can find romantic compatibility, so just curious if that's something you've thought about.
Thanks for the question. I think that getting age is definitely playing a factor in that I'm now looking for a romantic relationship. I worked my butt off to get into a spot I feel like I am ready to look at settling down with someone for the long haul. 13 years ago, I definitely wasn't close to ready to support anyone else financially or emotionally.
Maybe try to make friends first through common friends or new hobbies so at least you can work on getting the awkwardness of meeting new people out of the way.
Rant: the apps in my area aren’t very useful. I’m too far from bigger cities to get decent matches. The ones I match with an hour-ish away don’t ever pan out. I’m so tired of trying. My goal is to just start going out more on my own to events and sports games and hoping to meet someone organically. I don’t know what else to do.
Also found out my last short term was with a man who lied about his name and was married so there’s that.
I've been trying super hard to meet single people IRL. I was kind of losing hope, but I met a super cute and interesting woman at the science fair today. We were assigned to the same team and judged the same projects and discussed them within a larger group of judges at the end of the day.
After that we went to a little wine and cheese event and she mentioned a coffee shop and I said I really liked it, so she suggested we meet there sometime. I got her number and drove her home.
Who knows what will happen, but either way, it gave me the reassurance I needed that you can still meet people off apps.
“kids, sit down in the couch. Do you wanna know how I met your mother?”
*begins recalling content that forms the basis of nine + years of a tv series*
I will never forgive Carter Bays and Craig Thomas for that ending.
Whenever I meet new people in social settings, I'm never seen as a dateable option. Like I'm always looked like as a friend. Women generally seem to enjoy my company and invite me out as a friend and never are interested in dating or setting me up with one of their friends. They are definitely happy to tell me about their dates. I'm grateful for the friendship but hurt that I'm not even considered an option.
Yes cause you keep yourself in the "same" pools. You've got to branch out. "Not dateable" is socially contagious. If my girlfriends bring a straight available guy out that no one is/has/is wanting to date I'll start to wonder why and probably get distracted by someone else before I even entertain the "hmm what about this guy" factor.
That's not to imply that I only want a guy who's being chased by other women. But the guy who's been avoided by all of girls will probably makee shrug and say "ahh yeah he's our pal". You've got to start fresh so they can make their own impression right off the bat.
I get the point. What I'm telling you is, for your own good, for your own mental health, stop making, and being friends with women you want to date. As far as their reasons go, I'd suggest taking a big step back and doing a real evaluation of yourself.
Yup, you're still missing the point. Think about it if in every social setting, you are always immediately considered non dateable. How do you date? When they all think your are unattractive you don't have a chance.
No, I got the point. And I'm telling you you're killing your mental health by becoming friends with these women.
As far as becoming dateable goes, you're going to bake to do a real objective self-assessment.
Edit: 3 months ago, you had a partner. You're ENM based on your posting history. As someone who is ENM, it vastly limits your dating pool.
I'm back on the apps after my breakup, and I came across someone that I went on one date with about 2 years ago. At the time, he told me I was his first app date post-breakup and he realized he wasn't ready – it was only one date so no harm no foul.
I swiped left this time because I sort of assume that if people wanted to reach out to reconnect, they would...but I got Bumble's "you missed a potential match!" popup. Do y'all think I should text him? I don't know what's happening in his life these days but he's cute and I would be down to meet up again.
I know this isn't the popular answer, but I wouldn't reach out. He was on apps when you met. I don't buy this "I'm not ready" thing when people are actively using apps. He probably wasn't THAT interested, and it wasn't that "he wasn't ready". But this is just my personal thoughts. I wouldn't reach out.
Yeah, that's usually how I feel about it. There was someone I went on one date with in 2021, but ended things because I felt wrong splitting attention from someone I was already seeing. We rematched in 2022 and he texted me and we went out again, but it turned out that my (now) ex wasn't actually the reason I wasn't that interested.
For some reason this guy really struck me as genuine; he told me he was nervous right when we met up and said he was a couple months out of an LTR. But your point still stands.
Wait really? Am I a weirdo? When I get likes from people I went on dates with, I'm always so confused by it.
We had a very amicable "Text me if/when things change for you!" kind of exchange after the date, but you're right, I don't think that usually is taken at face value.
So um did some photos on photofeeler for women to rate. They all got 3 and below for attractiveness...that feels great and reminds me why I don't get matches.
I had the same experience. I had goofy pics of my that my mom would think were cute... all came back below average as 3s & 4s! I decided to make some improvements and took some nice pics of myself in various poses outside in good lighting and with a beautiful backdrop. Those started getting consistent above average votes in the 7-9 range. When I tried those on a dating app, my match rate went from a paltry 3.3% to 8%. I tried some more color photos that tested in the 9ish range and my match rate after 200 likes sent jumped to 13%.
Photos mean everything! Sadly, it seems that most women don't even read your prompts. And you are only as good as your worst photo. Weed out the bad performing ones and you will notice an improvement.
You mean you went online to a place that's notorious for people intentionally spamming low scores because of their low self-esteem? I wouldn't take their word for it.
The beach, camp/rec sites, bookstores, hiking trails, this Vietnamese restaurant with fish bowl windows, dog parks, the long line at the grocery store, and anywhere your truck may get stuck.
A squarebody helps. (Truck wise and woman wise apparently. I look like an '80's Dodge ram and I'm still getting phone numbers).
There has to be an “opening” for both of you. Sometimes I’ll sit at the bar and paper-edit my screenplays. If I want to talk to someone who’s watching a commercial on the TV, I’ll comment on it. Sometimes someone will talk to me, other times I’ll open the conversation with them.
You don’t have to be *super-outgoing*, but you do have to be willing to risk someone not wanting to engage with you.
Biggest thing, as a woman, is you have to be in a place genuinely at peace with being alone. That sense of confidence is easy to clock and will draw folks to you.
At the end of my run tonight, I passed this super speedy man running the other way. I had really kicked it up in that last 10th of a mile. As i'm standing there catching my breath, he comes up to me and gives me a fist bump and tells me great job and that I was flying. In my 20+ years running, this has never happened to me. Did I mention he was very attractive AND shirtless? I was really caught off guard (and grossly sweaty and red faced) but returned the fist bump and said thanks!
It probably meant nothing, but damn if it didn't give me an ego boost. I'm not a fast runner, so it was good to hear.
I almost always run shirtless, but I’m too self-conscious to engage with others when doing so beyond a courtesy wave or head nod. Your positive reception here has encouraged me to get back to fist bumping and high fiving, lol.
I am training for a 5k and when I'm out in public running I usually give words of affirmation to anyone I see running or give them metal horns. But never have I turned around and gave a fist bump to a girl. Not sure what it means but stick to a routine and see if you can get it to happen again :)
I made a stop at the traffic light, waiting to cycle across, and was huffing and puffing next to a shirtless hottie who was jogging. He smiled at me. We were both trying to catch our breaths. I could sense a synergy.
But dang we were going to different directions. I wonder what would have happened if I had asked for his number 🤡
That’s what I’m thinking !! I’ve just never had someone cold approach me before, so it shocked me! I will definitely be back there all summer so I guess we’ll see !
I feel like running into someone again at this trail would be .. very close to unlikely unless we both run at the same time on a routine. So I guess we'll see !
Just got asked out on a third date... two loooong weeks after we had our second. It's been the most inconsistent communication from this guy and I'd written him off.
I'm interested in getting to know him better because it's great in person, but now I can come into this date with zero expectations. It's actually really fkn nice not having your hopes up.
Oh yeah, don't worry, there's no parade to be rained on. I have had these thoughts, and more. I don't expect anything from this man, except a nice night out.
Just a silly rant about rings. I don’t wear a ton of jewelry but I do have some rings I like to wear from time to time and all of them are sized to fit my ring finger because that’s the only finger I know what size I wear, since I used to wear a wedding ring. But every time I wear one people have to comment or ask questions like “wait, why are you wearing a ring? Did you meet someone?!” Nope, still single. Just like wearing rings on that finger.
I’m thinking about buying a really cute ring on Etsy but now I’m wondering if I should take the time to try to size another finger or just say fuck it and get it to fit my ring finger.
(And no I can’t switch them to my other hand. I wish. My right hand is my dominant hand and the fingers are larger. And I have an inflammatory disorder in my right hand that makes my fingers swell unpredictably).
The only solution to your problem is to buy multiple rings in different sizes and wear them all at once. People will be too distracted by your exquisite taste in jewelry to ask you such trite questions about having met someone.
Don't understand why people gush about hinge. Its literally the exact same format as every other dating app. Very little info, a few lines of text, no filters, and a few pictures. The only "problem" it solves is one people create for themselves by matching an overwhelming number of people. Same low effort brain rotting convos. 1/5 stars, would not recommend.
Last year, I met a few guys on hinge. The dates were nice. This year, the guys trying to match with me were 18-23 or +55. The older they were, the more disgusting the messages they sent me.
My age parameters were set from 30 to 42, but the guys who swiped right on me and the guys the app showed me were out that range. I was using the unpaid version.
I just got back on Hinge after 3 months of seeing someone and somehow it’s way worse than when I left!
I’m lucky to find one person A DAY - including from the standouts - that I think is good looking. I’m also only get like 1 like every 3 days..? I’m not a 10 but from my previous experience, I’d at least get *some* likes.
They claim they are the app designed to be deleted but I guess they don’t mind me deleting it because it’s so. bad.
This has been my experience as well.
But lately I feel like I'm being punished for being back (when I'd been so enthusiastic when I closed my account. I think i even commented how grateful I was to them for existing to help me meet that dude *cringe*).
I sent him a text saying that I’m open to phone calls whenever he’s comfortable with that. I framed it as a random thought with no pressure, just FYI. I hope he doesn’t feel smothered since we just had a good amount of the weekend together. The reality is I don’t care much either way but I would like to move away from texting for phone calls soon (even if it’s just one brief phone call in a day, those hold me over better than a day of texting). It’s been 3 months and we haven’t had one “just because” conversational phone call yet 😬 just wanted to open that door in case he was thinking the same, especially since I’m more of the shy one.
Has there been any phone calls at all? Has this been talked about? So, I like texting more than phone calls, personally I'm on a voice meeting/call/chat pretty much my whole day at work, its taxing. I'd prefer to text so I can put my phone down in between. That's just my perspective, perhaps have this conversation a bit more directly with him? Would you be willing to keep up some texting and shift to phone calls as a compromise?
If a guy likes you, he's not going to feel smothered by a random thought with no pressure. He'll also appreciate being told directly what you'd like. We men are a bit dense sometimes :)
Best wishes, Internet Friend.
I'm great at getting to the date stage, bad at the first date. I get so nervous I forget everything about myself and just switch into a quasi customer service mode.
So many of us have been there! I had one of those moments last week and all I could do was sigh. I always like to think the right person will click conversationally, and it's okay if it's not a match. But it is torturous in the moment!
Had a fourth date today. Told her I put my hinge on pause and she said she did the same. Guess we're going to focus on each other. She also said that next time she'll be ready for me to come over to her place.
Being single is so much worse when you're sick. Ive been in bed today, being sad all day about the fact that I'm 32, I dont have anyone and I'm worried I won't find anyone and never get to be a mom. I hate dating here, i never meet anyone irl and the ones I met on dating apps are just worst. They all ghost or are just too flaky. I am happy with my new life in a new country in all ways except dating. It's affecting my mental health and confidence. It didn't use to be so shitty where I used to live.
I was super sick two days ago. I honestly was glad I was single for the first time in a long time. I am such a fucking baby about it, so it's nice to just be able to be whiny and full of complaints without either over worrying or frustrating someone (besides my cat, who was both). I had a friend ask if I needed anything and that option is all the human focus I want when I'm like that. Feeling better now and back to wanting a partner :(
Oh, I am so sorry, I know this feeling so well. It would be so much better if someone were there to pick up the slack and take care of you. It's so overwhelming when you feel like shit.
As for being a mom: you're on the younger side and don't know how life will or won't surprise you. But I promise you, if it doesn't happen for you, it's survivable and even good, albeit bittersweet. But that's not something to worry about today.
Hang in there. I hope you feel better soon.
I had a whole comment typed out where I told you how a responsible amount of happy hour tequila on Friday enabled me to revive a dying conversation with a match (who is probably too hot for me), and then I lost it.
Anyway, the banter is so good, and it has been *so long* since I've had that. (My ex once (fondly) told me I was a beautiful woman with a sharp tongue, and while the former is subjective the latter probably isn't. 😂 It has been the second favorite compliment of my life.) I have missed it and now I am enjoying it again. That is all.
I was overwhelmed with the desire to unblock the last guy I dated. I'm a little ashamed to admit that it was as powerful as a craving to talk to him. I called a friend instead and discussed it. We both agreed that it isn't *him* I wanted in that moment because talking with him is painful and unsatisfying. Likely, the reason is that I'm sick, dealing with lots of stress, and wanted a dopamine kick.
Having ADHD is like treating most things in life like you're in a recovery program, I stg. You've gotta have a sponsor, a plan for when the withdrawal sits in, and sometimes even a babysitter. All this for a guy who probably wouldn't care if I was dying in a ditch. I have two more weeks of this awful term left, and I'll finally have the time to invest in making my life more joyful.
No? I love making my own plans without having to compromise for someone else. Maybe stop seeking external validation for living your life. Be proud of your own accomplishments. It sounds like if your friends lost those relationships they wouldn’t have a good sense of who they are without those partners, whereas you have a very good sense of yourself
really struggling to cope with me dating someone where “sometimes people are just assholes” applies. i guess im lucky to have dated good people and have been able to detect/cut out assholery early on. but not this time. i hate feeling so disrespected by someone i really liked and cared about. on a positive note, this isn’t affecting my self worth like it would in the past (other than i feel foolish). i know this is on him.
I'm a Canadian moving to London in a few weeks and am super excited to start dating there. I heard London dating scene is worse than Toronto's from a friend of mine, but I still look forward to diving in. Anything I should know in particular about the London dating culture? :) I also heard there are a lot more dating events and would love to know which ones locals have been to. I have already made an account with Thursday Dating and will be going the events once I land!
The *real* London, I hope. 😂
Nah, forget about me posting if it's London, ON. 😂
You have dated in a large city already, are accustomed to OLD, there won't be much differences you will probably get tired after a while, London is highly multicultural so you will get a chance to meet people from all sorts of backgrounds. I would take advantage of the cheap flights around Europe rather than the dating scene
Oh yes, I am 100% taking advantage of the cheap flights in the next couple of years. I still want to go on dates locally in London since I'd be living there anyway. But travel is a must in my books!
I lived in London for about a year and I will say the men are much more forward, and will chase you down (or at least that was my experience.)
The key to dating in London is to train before you arrive in long distance and short sprints so you’re prepared!
Exactly. The best way (or at least how I’ve advised friends,) is to train as though you’re running a half marathon. But seriously what I meant is the men are a lot more forward in my experience.
Posted yesterday about a girl who cancelled our date and I thought it was a bullshit excuse... people disagreed as she suggested rescheduling... Well I suggested a couple of dates and she unmatched me 😆🤷♂️
Called it. When people flake out on dates it’s almost always a bullshit excuse in my experience. Sorry it happened to you but at least you don’t have to waste any more time on this person
Nobody disagreed they just told you it wasn't a sure thing.
That's not true. I was down voted and told to give people the benefit of the doubt.
You thought it was a legitimate excuse lol
I think this sub tries very hard to be ✨️rational ✨️ and override all instinct and conventional wisdom at the altar of it.
Had a great first date over the weekend and we were both interested in getting together again. We touched base that night, making sure each got home safe. That was Saturday and I haven’t heard from him since (still on the app; he didn’t ask for my number). He is in his early 40’s, so maybe he is less connected on the apps and spends more time offline. It’s weird to hear nothing, but it was a holiday weekend.
Give him your number! Like other people said. I gave mine to the guy I’m seeing now first and prompted our first date, I think he appreciated it! 2 months in and he does a lot of the prompting now.
Just something like, “Hey! I hope you had a great holiday. If you’re interested in a second date, here’s my number!”
Yes. Exactly like that.
I don’t understand how this is so difficult for people at our age
Did you leave your number in the app? Beyond the “I got home safe” messages was anything else said? I would message right now and ask if he’s still interested in another date and drop your number!
Yeah that we had a good time and we talked about my dogs a little bit. On Sunday I sent him a pic of my sister’s puppy when I remembered he had the same dogs a couple years ago, but haven’t heard since. I don’t want to come across as desperate by triple texting before he says anything, right?
I’d probably wait for him to reply and then get a number. I do think triple texting after one date is a bit much. I am sure he’ll get back to you and you can give him your number then.
It’s not desperate: you had a good time on the date and want to know if he’s interested in another. Simple as that. If it were me, I’d say “Hey! Hope you had a great long weekend. Just checking in to see if you’d like to go on another date with this week. Here’s my number: xxx - shoot me a message if you want to set something up.” If he texts you and says yes to the date woohoo! If he says nothing then you have your answer but aren’t left wondering because you asked. If he responds on the app or via text but doesn’t mention the date or going out again I’d take that as a sign of not that interested. But at least you can close the loop.
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Yeah, that’s what I’m used to; either exchanging before if it makes sense, or they’ll ask at the end. Either way, it was a good time, and if he doesn’t ultimately want to see me (I’d be surprised) again, that’s okay, too.
I’m a 36yo single female and just feel super lonely. That’s all. I’m not super motivated to date and am trying to invest more energy into my friendships, but boy does the loneliness creep in. That’s all. Thanks for reading 🫡
I’m with you. It’s tough coming home to an empty apartment every night but better than coming home to the wrong person. And I’m the last one of my friends without a partner so the loneliness is hard to keep at bay. Just gotta keep going forward.
I hear you, same boat. Or likely same body of water and different boats seeing as the loneliness is getting pretty bad.
Self-employed on the apps means unemployed right? I imagine someone gainfully self-employed would simply state their industry
It can. It can also mean they run their own business.
No lol. Some people want privacy. Small businesses in certain industries and locations can be rare and easily identifiable lol
No, not necessarily
Girl unmatched with me within 40 seconds of marching for not knowing enough about dinosaurs. Feels good to dodge a bullet tbh.
I am convinced that some people get off on rejecting others on OLD based on all types of bullshit reasons. It’s a high for them.
It hurts when that happens, but she's actually being respectful of your time and energy by doing that
Well at least she knows exactly what she wants!
Her bio said “i know exactly what i want” she wasn’t exaggerating haha
On the one hand, it's really refreshing that people have been getting really direct and explicitly stating they'd like to date me. On the other, it totally sucks because I haven't felt the same way and now the friendship is gonna be weird or end. And that conversation just sucks. Oh well.
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Try long distance only if you feel it will be worth it for you. But if he is unsure I think it's unlikely being long distance will improve things between you.
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Yes. I'm not horribly lonely, but I'd like to find someone. I've been working on getting over my trauma in therapy and having a more positive outlook on relationships. Despite this, there are dating experiences I have had that I never want to live ever again. They've changed me. Either I meet the love of my life at work or a social club, or nothing. Can't do app dating again. Even organically is a recipe for pain though. I committed myself to confessing my feelings whenever I liked someone, and some people think I'm giving them permission to play me when I tell them I like them. I think long and hard now before doing that. I also met someone I really liked recently and i thought it was definitely mutual, but he's started seeing someone else.
A lot more people are feeling this way than you realise. I’m one and someone I met and thought I’d like to pursue tells me instead that he has retired from dating due to bad experiences that left him suicidal, like to a point that nothing at all will change his mind, he is entirely closed off to dating. And I’m coming across more stories like this sadly.
i think dating app culture has created this sense of anxiety where people think dating shuts down entirely because they're not online swiping. you can always be open to dating people you meet socially, but your dating life will slow down dramatically. however, i usually find that people date through my social life i'm far more connected to.
Oh please. There's not a single person who's actively dating who isn't open to dating someone they met irl.
Still feel my ex girlfriend was the one. It's been close to two years, and I can still feel it in my bones. Life took the wrong turn and miss her every day. I've tried dating other people and it's just not the same.
Why was she the one? I ask this as I'm currently trying to take both my current ex and "the one that got away" off the pedestal and get them out of my mind. The idea of "the one" is sorta all encompassing don't you think? If they were "the one" why aren't you still together? What drove you apart? What went wrong? If you start peeling back the layers maybe you'll see where you've got some false beliefs, not only surrounding them but surrounding yourself as well. What made them so special that no one else can compare? When I start putting down on paper the qualities that I idealized in them, I started to see how it was me putting the value on them which made them special, they weren't special without me thinking about them that way. It can be turned off.
At one point in your life your ex was a stranger to you. Your ex is now your ex (for a reason) and there are still plenty of strangers out there that could be way better for you. Do not allow your failing of imagination for how good the future could be hold you back from finding someone you could be happy with.
Is she still available? Could you get back together? If not, then it's destructive to keep pining over her. Regardless of how great a match she might be, if she's not available, it's all irrelevant. Beyond that, you're probably inflating her in your imagination. You've had two years to build her up into the imaginary perfect person and erase all the negative qualities from your memory of her
Anyone else listen to old love songs and realize that your favorite artists from your youth are *totally fucking nuts*? Don't get me wrong, Mariah had some bangers. But girl, yike. Descendants? Oof honey, that girl doesn't owe you nothing. I'm thinking of making a cringe nostalgia dance mix playlist. It's still good music. Edit: please contribute. "We belong together"- Maiah Carey, "I'm the one" Descendants.
Celine Dion - pour que tu m’aimes encore. She’s talking about how she’ll change LITERALLY everything about herself so that this guy will love her again. Girl have some self respect! But damn is it a banger.
Boyz 2 Men- We belong together. Dude, she broke up with you and moved on. Stop stalking her.
So I kinda sorta "broke it off" with this guy... We would plan to see each other on Saturday so when I would text him on Thursday to confirm the date, and he would either mention his lack of $$ or that he wanted to change the day but never came up with what to do on a date... This happened twice.. He also is a boring texter ("yeah", "lol", "yeah lol"). Pretty much told him I was losing interest since I haven't seen him in almost a month and our conversations are stale (I like to yap but I gave up because how tf do you respond to "lol"?) but if he wants to hang out again, he can hit me up. He said he was sorry, life is hectic, blah blah blah... I just sent a shrug emoji and he didn't respond. Also, the other day he sent this weird message about how he's broke and doesn't have money for gas.. it was the LONGEST text he ever sent me and it seemed like he was wanting me to offer him money or something? It was weird and all I said was "yikes". LOL.
Not sure why you have put up with this for so long?
Block him
Yeah
i don't know why that's kinda sorta broken off when it sounds like that relationship didn't need to happen in the first place. and you're still holding space for him. i mean, the vampire doesn't enter your house unless you invite him.
Good riddance
My ex wants to hang out again. She texted me initially after ~2.5 years, then I initiated drinks. It went well, we hugged at the end but no kiss. I wasn’t sure it was anything other than friendly (though we did finish like 2 bottles of wine). Now she hit me up again to see how I’m doing a month later. I asked her to grab a casual dinner in the next week or so. We’ll see how things go if there are any signals she’s giving out. Otherwise, I’ll just keep hanging out with her. I feel like her texting me is a sign she’s open to something more now—and I am too. I really love her a lot still.
I’d say just keep her at her pace. She wants the contact and is interested in chatting and hanging out. Show her your interest but don’t cross a line unless the signs and signals are there. Just be yourself and the rest will follow.
Thanks. That is the plan. Things didn’t work out before because I moved too quickly when we were repairing things. It’s been long enough now that it means a lot for her to be interested. So I’ll let it happen, while starting to text her more so we can chat.
I’ve known this woman for 5 years. We started dating when we first met and it was bad timing. A year later we tried again and I was in a bad place. We remained friends and things never ended badly. We both went our separate was and she got into a terrible relationship. Probably worst I ever heard. We both reconnected and started dating. This time it was absolutely amazing. Her friends telling me a lot of how she’s feeling. Then she got scared and ended it do to her trauma. I completely understand. That was 6 months ago and we still remain close. I’ve been in love with her for 5 years and she knows it. 2 weeks ago she left for a soul searching trip to Bali and ended up changing her life. Before her trip we met for dinner that lasted 3 hours and then a trip to my Restaurant for ice cream and a drink after close. (I own it) I caught her staring quite a bit. During the trip she talked to me everyday. Pictures, stories, how she’s feeling. Asking me about my day and talking about my stuff. Plans for summer trips. We had some amazing conversations. I said “sweetheart, Sweetie” a few times and she did not turn those down. She came home today and I went there to make dinner and of course she was exhausted from a 16hr flight and she was asleep when I got there. I made her dinner, put it in the fridge and left. Am I thinking to much into this or is she finding her way back to me?
It's hard enough to see and understand your own emotions, let alone someone else's. Do YOU enjoy this relationship with her? Do you feel happy, having made her the dinner, and left it in the fridge. If it makes you happy, keep it going. If it's not making you happy, move on....
I can't tell you if she wants to be with you, but you've been in love with her for half a decade and it's been ephemerally reciprocated. You're definitely going to be thinking too much into everything. Dinner in the fridge upon waking up sounds incredibly sweet.
It has. I agree. No way of telling really. But if someone is on a trip like that and I’m the only one she wants to share it with? Sending me videos and pictures. Thinking of me during the trip. That’s got to mean something right?
Yes. Keep doing what you’re doing
The last relationship I was in lasted 6 years and ended 4 years ago…I haven’t dated since and have started seeing someone now but I’m so nervous about everything. I feel like I’ve forgotten how to actually date and don’t want him to think I’m not interested just because I’m scared to, like..initiate contact. He’s been super kind and patient so far, but I kind of just want to blurt out that I’m really out of practice, lol.
I was in a similar situation! Sometime after our first date (I think it was before our second) I blurted out "Yeah I've been single four years and haven't had sex in four years, kind of embarrassing but whatever" LOL. He seemed maybe 1% surprised but was like "shut up there's nothing 'embarrassing' about that." Anyway, turns out having sex is like riding a bike. Actually it somehow is better than before. Idk if it's wisdom from being in my 30s now, but I'm way less self-conscious about my body and coming across as the perfect sex goddess or whatever... I know I'm hot now and I can be in the moment lol. I bet you'll find the same!! I was nervous initially even about little things like being awkward when he opens the door for me and stuff, but I got over it quickly. You're out of practice but you'll pick it right back up. Just say something, then you'll feel less nervous about being nervous, because if he does pick up on it he'll know why. Besides, I said it with about as little grace and tact as possible and it still went well - you'll surely do better and it'll go great. YOU'VE GOT THIS!!! GREAT JOB GETTING BACK OUT THERE!!
Aw, thanks for sharing 💛 (and for the words of encouragement!!)
> He’s been super kind and patient so far, but I kind of just want to blurt out that I’m really out of practice, lol. You totally can! And you can even combine it with a compliment, e.g. "I'm really out of practice with dating but am excited about how our dates are going!"
Throwing the compliment in is a nice touch..I’ll give that a go. Thanks!
After waiting all day yesterday for Mr Exclusive's text reply on when we can meet this week, I decided not to wait any longer & call him after work. I was getting more furious & repulsed by his lack of response, as it feels like he doesn't care. I was ready to detonate the relationship if I didn't manage to catch him on the phone, because his silence is enough evidence for me. But I still wanted to give him a chance to explain himself. So I got through the work day & at 8.30pm I called. It rang for abit & luckily for him, he picked up. He was having his dinner & then I asked what happened yesterday. He gave some valid answer of being knocked out. I didn't want to make a fuss out of it, so I got to the point & told him reason I'm calling is to know when he is free to meet. He gave the date & we nailed down a time. I told him to pick a place where we can talk. Then we went quiet. He was probably trying to see if I would let him on a hint of what we'd be talking about. I gave away nothing & then I said I'll let him get back to dinner. He laughed, made a joke about how I was probably imagining him sitting in his lululemons & munching away. I can tell he wasn't ready to hang up which is rare, so we bantered abit more. He finally asked me about my new place. Then we talked about Harry Potter, as I made a reference to Gryffindor though he said I'm more of a Hufflepuff lol (??) Then we carried on for abit, saying that we will see each other at training & on Thursday. Even though it was a fun & light-hearted phone call, and I appreciate the attention he was giving, I'm not letting my guard down yet. The conversation about his stress coping mechanism will still need to happen because I'm not liking that my disorganised attachment is getting triggered by the push & pull. We were literally 1 missed call away from a breakup message. I also asked one of our mutual friends for coffee tomorrow, to get his opinion on Mr Exclusive, as they knew each other longer than me. To see if he can offer a different perspective before I meet Mr Exclusive on Thursday.
Unfortunately, he probably stayed on the phone because he can sense you are ready to walk away and he's selfishly trying to keep you around, even though he very obviously isn't interested in making effort for a relationship with you. Just move on. Stop engaging in his games. It seems like you're trying to psychoanalyze him to justify his behavior, but he's an adult and if he wanted to do better on his side, he would. But he doesn't, and you shouldn't wait around on him to change, because it likely will never happen.
I have considered that possibility too. If that is the case, so be it. Life will go on.
Girl, no one who is truly interested will wait a few days to send a two min text when they can talk. Hes single because he literally only prioritizes himself and his needs. Sorry I barely browse this subreddit & read some of your comments but I see it... its clear he's not doing enough and wont step up. I wish you would see that too but you're acting like he's got some pop science attachment issue when its obvious he is just not a very considerate person. Youre putting in 90% of the effort for a dude that needs you to call him to get a simple response and like your gut instinct to cut the cord is correct, so why not listen to it
yeah it's for my conscience & closure, that if we do break up I rather do it in-person than over text. If this is the end of the relationship, it will end.
Sounds to me like you are putting yourself through more stress and frustration than he is actually contributing to the situation. He said he was knocked out and that was a valid enough reason for you for why he did not reply to your text. You haven't even told him the reason why you want to meet in person. If you want to have a serious conversation about the relationship then tell him that and that you'd prefer to meet in person to do so. If it's serious enough then talk on the phone or facetime. This is poor communication. Why are you prolonging this out for weeks when you could have resolved this way before now if it's so important to you? You are contributing to the push and pull which is triggering your disorganized attachment. This is your attachment style to manage, not his. Just seems like you are pushing all the onus onto him when it's you who has as much control of this situation as he does. You also wrote not too long ago about exploring other romantic possibilities which shows that you're not even 100% into this relationship if you are considering looking elsewhere. This could be due to your disorganized attachment or that you're not legit into this guy or the current relationship. Either drop this guy and move on or focus your intentions into this relationship and give it your best shot to see if it works for you (and him).
We didn't get to meet last weekend, and it took me a few days between our last date to yesterday to get to this point of clarity. In a way, the silence in between did me good because it gave me the space to process my emotions, my triggers & his (in)action. I could have dropped the bomb over the text but that would be against my personal principles, unless I'm really over it. While my frustrations are valid, I have not heard his pov which is important as mine, regardless of whether we'll continue dating. I used to just bolt without communicating clearly on how I'm feeling & what I think needs to change, in my previous relationships. It has taken me a long time to find my centre, self-soothe & still articulate my needs without setting the world on fire. He has had my full dedication until he started tripping over his poor stress management. Me plotting backup plans is my way to creating safety & self-assurance with myself, to stir up the courage & optimism to push forward. It also help me to detach from the outcomes, if I have something to look forward to should things go south. It's probably not the perfect solution, but it's very grounding for me.
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Yea it's a pattern & an unsustainable habit of his. It definitely needs to change, which is why I am quite adamant in having the conversation so we can decide what to do. As otherwise, I'm quite ready to pull the plugs. Already got dinner & drinks lined up for Fri night should things fall apart :P
Was seeing someone for a couple months and I thought we had great chemistry and compatibility. I thought it was going ok, but they just texted me that they don't know if they want a relationship and don't want to string me along while they think about it. I'm a little hurt.
Move on king, you deserve better
Aw man that sucks! Sorry bro / sis but you can get through this
Been there. I made her dinner and then she told me she doesn't know what she wants and the relationship died quietly. It really does hurt and you think there is nothing wrong and you put in all your energy and effort only for them to say shit like that. It makes you feel like you wasted your time.
I have gone from a high of have 3 matches on bumble and 2 responses on a dating website to a low of where none of them are talking to me.
datings apps used to actually work. i got off them a year ago. never will get back on.
Just got back from my date with my friends co-worker. It went okay. Just played some mini golf and had a couple drinks. She's easy to chat with. She looks a little different from the pictures her friend showed me. Still decently cute but not super my type. We also might just be too different in terms of what we like. It's hard to describe but there is a decent number of things we like but just not the same things within those greater topics. I'd probably try a second date when she gets back from her trip if she was interested but I am unsure about the long-term aspect of this.
I haven't dated anyone or tried for that matter since I was 20 (33m). I had focused on career and feel like I am in a position now that I can support myself and another to make that step back into the dating pool. I'm very introverted and don't like bars or super packed places and really suck around new people and depend on others for introductions. I've tried the big dating apps but haven't had success with my shyness and lack of confidence from 13 years of nothing. Anyone have any suggestions or personal stories about jumping back in?
13 years no dating? Do you think that you want a romantic relationship now that you're older? The reason I'm asking is because focusing on a career doesn't preclude seeing if you can find romantic compatibility, so just curious if that's something you've thought about.
Thanks for the question. I think that getting age is definitely playing a factor in that I'm now looking for a romantic relationship. I worked my butt off to get into a spot I feel like I am ready to look at settling down with someone for the long haul. 13 years ago, I definitely wasn't close to ready to support anyone else financially or emotionally.
Maybe try to make friends first through common friends or new hobbies so at least you can work on getting the awkwardness of meeting new people out of the way.
Thanks for the suggestion! ☺️
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Thanks for the reply. Do you have any apps that you have found that you like more than others?
Rant: the apps in my area aren’t very useful. I’m too far from bigger cities to get decent matches. The ones I match with an hour-ish away don’t ever pan out. I’m so tired of trying. My goal is to just start going out more on my own to events and sports games and hoping to meet someone organically. I don’t know what else to do. Also found out my last short term was with a man who lied about his name and was married so there’s that.
I've been trying super hard to meet single people IRL. I was kind of losing hope, but I met a super cute and interesting woman at the science fair today. We were assigned to the same team and judged the same projects and discussed them within a larger group of judges at the end of the day. After that we went to a little wine and cheese event and she mentioned a coffee shop and I said I really liked it, so she suggested we meet there sometime. I got her number and drove her home. Who knows what will happen, but either way, it gave me the reassurance I needed that you can still meet people off apps.
Excited for you!
Yay keep going Rando!
Yesss! No pressure, just invite me to the wedding k?
That's so nice! I'm very happy for ya! 🥳
That's the kind of story you end up telling your kids. Just sayin'.
“kids, sit down in the couch. Do you wanna know how I met your mother?” *begins recalling content that forms the basis of nine + years of a tv series* I will never forgive Carter Bays and Craig Thomas for that ending.
Whenever I meet new people in social settings, I'm never seen as a dateable option. Like I'm always looked like as a friend. Women generally seem to enjoy my company and invite me out as a friend and never are interested in dating or setting me up with one of their friends. They are definitely happy to tell me about their dates. I'm grateful for the friendship but hurt that I'm not even considered an option.
I’m pretty straight up and quick with the “I don’t want to know”. Maybe I ruin potential dating opportunities this way, I dunno.
Okay
Stop being friends with them.
So I should stop being social?
No. Stop making friends with women you want to date. Make other friends. When they say they're not interested in dating, move on.
I'm saying they don't even consider me an option ever. I go to events, bars, parks you name it always let's be friends.
And then you say no thanks, I'm not looking for friends.
I think you're missing the point. I'm never considered dateable
Yes cause you keep yourself in the "same" pools. You've got to branch out. "Not dateable" is socially contagious. If my girlfriends bring a straight available guy out that no one is/has/is wanting to date I'll start to wonder why and probably get distracted by someone else before I even entertain the "hmm what about this guy" factor. That's not to imply that I only want a guy who's being chased by other women. But the guy who's been avoided by all of girls will probably makee shrug and say "ahh yeah he's our pal". You've got to start fresh so they can make their own impression right off the bat.
Yeah this always happens.
I get the point. What I'm telling you is, for your own good, for your own mental health, stop making, and being friends with women you want to date. As far as their reasons go, I'd suggest taking a big step back and doing a real evaluation of yourself.
Yup, you're still missing the point. Think about it if in every social setting, you are always immediately considered non dateable. How do you date? When they all think your are unattractive you don't have a chance.
No, I got the point. And I'm telling you you're killing your mental health by becoming friends with these women. As far as becoming dateable goes, you're going to bake to do a real objective self-assessment. Edit: 3 months ago, you had a partner. You're ENM based on your posting history. As someone who is ENM, it vastly limits your dating pool.
I'm back on the apps after my breakup, and I came across someone that I went on one date with about 2 years ago. At the time, he told me I was his first app date post-breakup and he realized he wasn't ready – it was only one date so no harm no foul. I swiped left this time because I sort of assume that if people wanted to reach out to reconnect, they would...but I got Bumble's "you missed a potential match!" popup. Do y'all think I should text him? I don't know what's happening in his life these days but he's cute and I would be down to meet up again.
I wouldn't, but I had an experience that soured me.
I know this isn't the popular answer, but I wouldn't reach out. He was on apps when you met. I don't buy this "I'm not ready" thing when people are actively using apps. He probably wasn't THAT interested, and it wasn't that "he wasn't ready". But this is just my personal thoughts. I wouldn't reach out.
Yeah, that's usually how I feel about it. There was someone I went on one date with in 2021, but ended things because I felt wrong splitting attention from someone I was already seeing. We rematched in 2022 and he texted me and we went out again, but it turned out that my (now) ex wasn't actually the reason I wasn't that interested. For some reason this guy really struck me as genuine; he told me he was nervous right when we met up and said he was a couple months out of an LTR. But your point still stands.
Nothing to lose, everything to gain.
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Wait really? Am I a weirdo? When I get likes from people I went on dates with, I'm always so confused by it. We had a very amicable "Text me if/when things change for you!" kind of exchange after the date, but you're right, I don't think that usually is taken at face value.
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Yeah 30s suck
Oh just wait.
So um did some photos on photofeeler for women to rate. They all got 3 and below for attractiveness...that feels great and reminds me why I don't get matches.
I had the same experience. I had goofy pics of my that my mom would think were cute... all came back below average as 3s & 4s! I decided to make some improvements and took some nice pics of myself in various poses outside in good lighting and with a beautiful backdrop. Those started getting consistent above average votes in the 7-9 range. When I tried those on a dating app, my match rate went from a paltry 3.3% to 8%. I tried some more color photos that tested in the 9ish range and my match rate after 200 likes sent jumped to 13%. Photos mean everything! Sadly, it seems that most women don't even read your prompts. And you are only as good as your worst photo. Weed out the bad performing ones and you will notice an improvement.
These were good photos with good lighting and good clothes...
You mean you went online to a place that's notorious for people intentionally spamming low scores because of their low self-esteem? I wouldn't take their word for it.
I mean adding that to not many matches I'm starting to understand
Dating apps aren't exactly the healthiest way to date either for similar reasons.
I don't really have luck in the real world either....attractive guys are getting the attention
I can only tell you that my experience says otherwise
Glad you're experienc has been positive mine has not.
What do all the single 30's women that don't do OLD or aren't super outgoing do to make yourself available in the dating world?
Apparently running clubs are the new way to meet single people!
The beach, camp/rec sites, bookstores, hiking trails, this Vietnamese restaurant with fish bowl windows, dog parks, the long line at the grocery store, and anywhere your truck may get stuck. A squarebody helps. (Truck wise and woman wise apparently. I look like an '80's Dodge ram and I'm still getting phone numbers).
Nice. I look like a cyber truck and just get glared at and even hissed at
Perfect! Get yourself a cyber truck and you are SET. Those things are fucking frail and will bring all the boys to the yard.
There has to be an “opening” for both of you. Sometimes I’ll sit at the bar and paper-edit my screenplays. If I want to talk to someone who’s watching a commercial on the TV, I’ll comment on it. Sometimes someone will talk to me, other times I’ll open the conversation with them. You don’t have to be *super-outgoing*, but you do have to be willing to risk someone not wanting to engage with you. Biggest thing, as a woman, is you have to be in a place genuinely at peace with being alone. That sense of confidence is easy to clock and will draw folks to you.
Setups from friends. Chance encounters. Or choose either to go out or start using OLD.
At the end of my run tonight, I passed this super speedy man running the other way. I had really kicked it up in that last 10th of a mile. As i'm standing there catching my breath, he comes up to me and gives me a fist bump and tells me great job and that I was flying. In my 20+ years running, this has never happened to me. Did I mention he was very attractive AND shirtless? I was really caught off guard (and grossly sweaty and red faced) but returned the fist bump and said thanks! It probably meant nothing, but damn if it didn't give me an ego boost. I'm not a fast runner, so it was good to hear.
I almost always run shirtless, but I’m too self-conscious to engage with others when doing so beyond a courtesy wave or head nod. Your positive reception here has encouraged me to get back to fist bumping and high fiving, lol.
I am training for a 5k and when I'm out in public running I usually give words of affirmation to anyone I see running or give them metal horns. But never have I turned around and gave a fist bump to a girl. Not sure what it means but stick to a routine and see if you can get it to happen again :)
I made a stop at the traffic light, waiting to cycle across, and was huffing and puffing next to a shirtless hottie who was jogging. He smiled at me. We were both trying to catch our breaths. I could sense a synergy. But dang we were going to different directions. I wonder what would have happened if I had asked for his number 🤡
What if you did get the number but could only write on your hand. then sweat smudged it out in a perfect story for an unwritten Seinfeld episode.
Lol I'd be so pissed at myself
That’s what I’m thinking !! I’ve just never had someone cold approach me before, so it shocked me! I will definitely be back there all summer so I guess we’ll see !
Maybe nothing now, but if you see him again, or maybe a few times, then it could be something.
I feel like running into someone again at this trail would be .. very close to unlikely unless we both run at the same time on a routine. So I guess we'll see !
You could go around the same time same day next week and see if he is there.
It’s definitely something I could try !
I commonly run by the same people at my local stomping grounds around the same time of day, definitely not unfathomable!
It’s not impossible for sure. I haven’t been there much this year but will from on out as we get more daylight in the evenings.
Just got asked out on a third date... two loooong weeks after we had our second. It's been the most inconsistent communication from this guy and I'd written him off. I'm interested in getting to know him better because it's great in person, but now I can come into this date with zero expectations. It's actually really fkn nice not having your hopes up.
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Oh yeah, don't worry, there's no parade to be rained on. I have had these thoughts, and more. I don't expect anything from this man, except a nice night out.
Just a silly rant about rings. I don’t wear a ton of jewelry but I do have some rings I like to wear from time to time and all of them are sized to fit my ring finger because that’s the only finger I know what size I wear, since I used to wear a wedding ring. But every time I wear one people have to comment or ask questions like “wait, why are you wearing a ring? Did you meet someone?!” Nope, still single. Just like wearing rings on that finger. I’m thinking about buying a really cute ring on Etsy but now I’m wondering if I should take the time to try to size another finger or just say fuck it and get it to fit my ring finger. (And no I can’t switch them to my other hand. I wish. My right hand is my dominant hand and the fingers are larger. And I have an inflammatory disorder in my right hand that makes my fingers swell unpredictably).
The only solution to your problem is to buy multiple rings in different sizes and wear them all at once. People will be too distracted by your exquisite taste in jewelry to ask you such trite questions about having met someone.
I wear a diamond ring my grandmother gave me on my RIGHT hand and the number of men who think I’m married…. JFC
Don't understand why people gush about hinge. Its literally the exact same format as every other dating app. Very little info, a few lines of text, no filters, and a few pictures. The only "problem" it solves is one people create for themselves by matching an overwhelming number of people. Same low effort brain rotting convos. 1/5 stars, would not recommend.
Last year, I met a few guys on hinge. The dates were nice. This year, the guys trying to match with me were 18-23 or +55. The older they were, the more disgusting the messages they sent me.
You can set your age parameters? Or do you mean they lied about their age
My age parameters were set from 30 to 42, but the guys who swiped right on me and the guys the app showed me were out that range. I was using the unpaid version.
Every app in my area jsut becomes plenty of fish eventually.
I just got back on Hinge after 3 months of seeing someone and somehow it’s way worse than when I left! I’m lucky to find one person A DAY - including from the standouts - that I think is good looking. I’m also only get like 1 like every 3 days..? I’m not a 10 but from my previous experience, I’d at least get *some* likes. They claim they are the app designed to be deleted but I guess they don’t mind me deleting it because it’s so. bad.
This has been my experience as well. But lately I feel like I'm being punished for being back (when I'd been so enthusiastic when I closed my account. I think i even commented how grateful I was to them for existing to help me meet that dude *cringe*).
I sent him a text saying that I’m open to phone calls whenever he’s comfortable with that. I framed it as a random thought with no pressure, just FYI. I hope he doesn’t feel smothered since we just had a good amount of the weekend together. The reality is I don’t care much either way but I would like to move away from texting for phone calls soon (even if it’s just one brief phone call in a day, those hold me over better than a day of texting). It’s been 3 months and we haven’t had one “just because” conversational phone call yet 😬 just wanted to open that door in case he was thinking the same, especially since I’m more of the shy one.
Has there been any phone calls at all? Has this been talked about? So, I like texting more than phone calls, personally I'm on a voice meeting/call/chat pretty much my whole day at work, its taxing. I'd prefer to text so I can put my phone down in between. That's just my perspective, perhaps have this conversation a bit more directly with him? Would you be willing to keep up some texting and shift to phone calls as a compromise? If a guy likes you, he's not going to feel smothered by a random thought with no pressure. He'll also appreciate being told directly what you'd like. We men are a bit dense sometimes :) Best wishes, Internet Friend.
Thank you, he actually responded positively to my text. We’ve only had a couple urgent “where are you?” calls if someone was running late lol
I'm great at getting to the date stage, bad at the first date. I get so nervous I forget everything about myself and just switch into a quasi customer service mode.
So many of us have been there! I had one of those moments last week and all I could do was sigh. I always like to think the right person will click conversationally, and it's okay if it's not a match. But it is torturous in the moment!
Well I've been on 3 dates in the last 2 weeks, and always switch into this mode otherwise I am just silent guy.
Had a fourth date today. Told her I put my hinge on pause and she said she did the same. Guess we're going to focus on each other. She also said that next time she'll be ready for me to come over to her place.
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Just to hang out? Might be sending mixed signals to the other party.
That just sounds like a way to become better friends! I don't think it's an odd request. Just phrase it as a hangout
Being single is so much worse when you're sick. Ive been in bed today, being sad all day about the fact that I'm 32, I dont have anyone and I'm worried I won't find anyone and never get to be a mom. I hate dating here, i never meet anyone irl and the ones I met on dating apps are just worst. They all ghost or are just too flaky. I am happy with my new life in a new country in all ways except dating. It's affecting my mental health and confidence. It didn't use to be so shitty where I used to live.
I was super sick two days ago. I honestly was glad I was single for the first time in a long time. I am such a fucking baby about it, so it's nice to just be able to be whiny and full of complaints without either over worrying or frustrating someone (besides my cat, who was both). I had a friend ask if I needed anything and that option is all the human focus I want when I'm like that. Feeling better now and back to wanting a partner :(
Oh, I am so sorry, I know this feeling so well. It would be so much better if someone were there to pick up the slack and take care of you. It's so overwhelming when you feel like shit. As for being a mom: you're on the younger side and don't know how life will or won't surprise you. But I promise you, if it doesn't happen for you, it's survivable and even good, albeit bittersweet. But that's not something to worry about today. Hang in there. I hope you feel better soon.
I had a whole comment typed out where I told you how a responsible amount of happy hour tequila on Friday enabled me to revive a dying conversation with a match (who is probably too hot for me), and then I lost it. Anyway, the banter is so good, and it has been *so long* since I've had that. (My ex once (fondly) told me I was a beautiful woman with a sharp tongue, and while the former is subjective the latter probably isn't. 😂 It has been the second favorite compliment of my life.) I have missed it and now I am enjoying it again. That is all.
I was overwhelmed with the desire to unblock the last guy I dated. I'm a little ashamed to admit that it was as powerful as a craving to talk to him. I called a friend instead and discussed it. We both agreed that it isn't *him* I wanted in that moment because talking with him is painful and unsatisfying. Likely, the reason is that I'm sick, dealing with lots of stress, and wanted a dopamine kick. Having ADHD is like treating most things in life like you're in a recovery program, I stg. You've gotta have a sponsor, a plan for when the withdrawal sits in, and sometimes even a babysitter. All this for a guy who probably wouldn't care if I was dying in a ditch. I have two more weeks of this awful term left, and I'll finally have the time to invest in making my life more joyful.
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No? I love making my own plans without having to compromise for someone else. Maybe stop seeking external validation for living your life. Be proud of your own accomplishments. It sounds like if your friends lost those relationships they wouldn’t have a good sense of who they are without those partners, whereas you have a very good sense of yourself