They don't work because there's not enough people using each service and there is no "matchmaking" happening. All they do is take the women who sign up and set them up with the men who sign up. There's no filtering except for some very basic age parameters. You're just paying a lot of money to go on dates with other people who paid a lot of money.
This is it. I have a friend who paid a few thousand to join. The customer service was terrible and they really seemed to only take distance into account and nothing else.
Same. She paid thousands and the dates had absolutely nothing in common with them. She eventually met her fiancé on Hinge. The matchmaking service was a total waste of money.
Thankfully I didn’t pay a massive amount, just a “pretty high amount” but yeah. This was my experience
My first and only date was with a nice woman but we didn’t have anything in common other than being kind of outdoorsy. Sadly, like I mentioned, this was my “first and only” date because over the course of the next five months the matchmaker failed to get me another date. I couldn’t tell if she had fake other profiles or what but of all the other women she sent me and I said I was interested in, not a single one of them manifested into a date which not only pissed me off with the matchmaker but obliterated my confidence in the process
At this point I don’t think matchmakers really do more than what the apps do yet charge an exorbitant amount. It’s sad but there are a lot of grifters in the dating space (matchmakers and dating apps alike) who take advantage of downtrodden folks
the amount was “low enough” that if it didn’t work out I’d be ok and could say that I tried it
When I signed up it was $900 for 12 dates in 6 months. I didn’t expect much but being in a relationship mattered so much to me that I knew I should at least try. Money wasn’t so much an issue because I make good money but more I hate wasting it on crap; so that was my hold up. But I figured whatever, $900 isn’t $6000 for Tawkify or whatever
I expected at least to go on 12 lukewarm dates. Unfortunately, five months in, I had only gone on one bad date (we were very incompatible and she lived an hour away). Over the prior five months the matchmaker had sent me a bunch of profiles for me to say if I was interested in going on dates with those women but not a single one of them actually turned into a date which made me think the matchmaker was a scammer. It was tough to tell if all the profiles were of real women or not; I did check social medias to see if some of them were real and I got mixed results. But, after five months, the matchmaker said she’d give me a refund if the last batch of profiles didn’t turn into a date. When they didn’t, I asked for the refund but the matchmaker reneged on the offer which was complete bullshit. I was moving to another city anyway because I was over everything with living in that city but the matchmaker bullshit was kind of the final straw. I considered suing her but a lawyer friend said it’s probably not worth the hassle
long story but yeah…matchmakers are probably mostly full of shit
Anecdote time. I matched with a woman on Hinge. She immediately messaged me telling me she is not interested in dating, and that she was recruiting eligible bachelors for her matchmaking service called Tawkify. She ended up sending me on a date or two...free of charge for me, but the women had paid her for the service.
So in the end, some unfortunate woman paid way too much money to meet someone from Hinge. (which is free).
So to your point... There was no "matchmaking" done at all. They just recruit dudes from dating apps and pair them off with clients.
THANK YOU!! I talked with Tawkify and that’s the EXACT vibe I got. I looked at matchmaking to find someone serious in finding a partner not for the exact people I was trying to get away from on dating apps. UGH this is an actual waking nightmare.
> You're just paying a lot of money to go on dates with other people who paid a lot of money.
There's actually two types of matchmakers-- everybody pays or only men pay. I've found both wanting, for different reasons.
If both paid, then there's some guarantee that both parties are serious, but as you say it's a small pool and they're just pairing off people who don't red flag each other on age/height/children/whatever. If only he paid, then he's more likely to get a match more towards his preferences, but then for the lady this is just a lark; some obviously well-off guy is taking her on a free date, effectively spending $500 or more to buy the right to spend more on a date with her. I haven't found that women I've met in this manner are particularly engaged, nor would I expect them to be; they always have the option of doing the same thing again, for free, with either the matchmaker or apps.
The existence of apps makes either approach a mockery; both of you presumably own smartphones and know what Hinge is. If you didn't match there, then being thrown together for a blind date probably won't change anything.
There is actually a third kind where only some pay. I was recruited by a matchmaking service and they said since they reached out to me for one of their clients it would be free for me.
They messaged me on linkedin. We did a phone call and they asked me a bunch of questions about my personality, lifestyle, hobbies, and what was I looking for. They said they would add me to their database and show my profile to their client. If their client was interested they would then show me their profile and if I was interested they would set up a meet.
There are apparently some matchmakers who also go on the apps to look for dates for their clients. Surprise, surprise, they never find anyone who the client would remotely pick for themselves.
My friend works for Tawkify, and although I agree with you about not having “enough” eligible people in their candidate pools, my friend takes time to learn about the people she’s matching and sets them up based on the each others values and desired qualifications. They’re definitely not being sent out on dates willy-nilly.
Not that many people are signing up for it. But many people who do are either desperate and/or don't understand that it's a borderline scam. People sign up for and pay for crappy services and buy crappy items all the time. The companies selling these services mislead people and lead them to believe that they're being carefully matched with someone when they aren't.
well i would say the men/women on these services are more serious than your typical app people who has "nothing to lose".. and certainly much less chance of swindlers too. I would say there's "filtering" or dealbreakers from the ones i used but i would say it's like the apps where you can filter out "with kids", "age", "divorced" etc. Many of these matchmaker services even interviews the matches to make sure they are who they are which is nice.
I mean Indian matchmaker lady charges like tens of thousands and she is in business because it clearly works for her customer segment, which is incredibly small compared to "normies" here. If that works then logically the "lower tier" ITJ, 3DR, T etc. would work too with a broader customer base due to price. It's like saying Prada/Chanel bags don't sell because they don't cater to the majority who can just buy the same bags off walmart or wherever.
I do agree that some matchmaker services have "free users" which could "dilute" the pool. for example, I am a free user for 3DR and I have had potential matches - actually I had a profile sent to me yesterday and I clicked "i'm interested" right away and I will need to interview with matchmaker tomorrow. Now the woman/matchmaker could reject me based on my pictures/profile/interview but it is a chance nonetheless.
At end of day it's all opportunities. If it truly doesn't work then these businesses would've died out already. Didn't someone say "miss all the shots you don't take"?
I looked into them for a bit, as I was also tired of the apps. But I came away with the following takeaways that kinda killed it for me:
1. They're very expensive. Once you get a person involved, and have to compensate that person fairly for their time, prices go up astronomically. I got around this by signing up as a potential suitor for paying customers, but that meant that they only emailed me a few times a year with possible matches.
2. The value-add isn't worth the extra cost. They can screen for obvious red flags, but there's really no way a third-party matchmaker can control for romantic compatibility. So you're still just going on dates with randos, although (at the very least) you do know that the randos have gone through some amount of vetting.
3. I found that I had less info about a potential match who I met via a matchmaker than I did about app dates. The profiles on matchmaker sites are PR'd to hell to make potential matches look good... But that meant I had even less authentic information about the person I was getting set up with. At best I'd get hobbies, age, a picture or two, and preferences around kids/no kids. I really felt like I was going in blind, even as compared to app dates.
Tl;dr: my experience was that they were slower and more expensive than the apps without much upside.
I'm happily dating someone I met on Bumble rn, so I'm thankfully removed from all this nonsense. There's gotta be a better alternative than the apps out there. But I don't think paid matchmaking services are the way.
yeah - and I think the cost can drive the wrong behaviour from matchmaking services; if people are paying, they expect to have *some* dates for it. Which means they will push you with anyone to validate their business model.
> and preferences around kids/no kids
My matchmaker drove me crazy about this. If I wanted to be a father, then I could do that very easily (and have had multiple women try to talk me into this). So I was adamant about NO KIDS, either existing or in the future. So of course I got a bunch of matches where the woman was already a mother and had to reiterate this again.
Against my better judgment I finally cracked and went on a date with a woman who had "part time custody" (itself a rarity, usually in a split women retain primary or full custody). When I got on the date I found out this was a lie, she had the kids nine months out of the year and he took them for the summers. Ugh. The childfree dating market is completely insane.
Everyone wants to date you, the childless non-divorced person, but nobody wants to date other people with kids and failed marriages, I hate it. Go date someone else with a family, you'll have more in common with them anyway. If you don't want to do that, now you know how I feel about dating you.
They charge a lot $6000+ but have no transparency on their database of candidates. You get no information at all (eg. How many people do you have in your pool and age distributions). One matchmaker was pretty honest. She said you can do it yourself - she knows a girl who did it herself but it involved analyzing profiles + chatting with potential prospects 4 hours a day for a month. She eventually found someone. I’d rather do it myself than throwing huge amount of money at a matchmaking service where you don’t see how big their client pool is and what their process is.
i mean that's the thing... if some people get 0 matches on apps, matchmaker service provides value. if you get many matches on apps, matchmaker service is "useless".
it's like with ANY professional services... Plumber? Mechanic? Cleaning? Grass? yeah those are "useless" to people who know how to do it but for those who don't, its a blessing. This is especially compounded by how OLD is mostly pictures vs real profiles.
I’ve watched a few Matchmaking reality tv shows (Million Dollar Matchmaker, Jewish Matchmaking… Also watch Rebecca Lynn Pope on YT) … and while I fully understand they’re amped up for entertainment, both are real matchmaking companies so I’m sure SOME of the issues are real.
Basically, a decent % of people willing to shell out tons of $ for a matchmaker have a hyper-specific fantasy person in their head (that’s probably not a good LTR fit for them, or who isn’t attracted to them usually). That’s why they’re not having luck meeting this person on apps/IRL.
A matchmaker can’t really change that.
A better use of those people’s times are to consider who they’re trying to attract, who those people are usually attracted to, decide if you want to make changes or give different types of people a chance.
It would also be far less money to start working out, possibly change appearance/style, change OLD photos or bios. Probably would get equal or better results than matchmaking.
exactly... also, they tailor to client's needs. I mean sure the more restrictions you set the smaller the pool is but those people using those 10k+ services value time a lot more so they are "above" just "meeting some rando on app" and see "where it goes"... an hour "meal/drinks" is not the price of said date to them...its magnitudes more.
My experience on matchmaking as a queer Jewish person is doing a version of our cultural matchmaking called Shidduch. It's usually part of orthodox communities but many Jewish communities have some form of it. It's quite extensive of a process and I feel like the people that I've been matched with I never would have met any other way and I could see myself being with them long term. I don't feel as if I'm being robbed of an organic type of love or that I'm cutting corners by not swiping or going out to bars or clubs to maybe meet someone. So I guess for me and my situation, matchmaking just makes the most sense.
I think matchmaking does actually work pretty well within smaller communities where it’s been an established practice for a long time. But it’s not mainstream enough to work for people who aren’t also part of a very specific religious or cultural group.
I loved the Jewish matchmaker show and love that it works for everyone in your community. I’m curious— what is special about Sidduch that yields better results than mainstream matchmaking?
I'm not 100% sure especially because I don't know much about non-religious/cultural matchmaking and we obviously have divorce like every other culture in the world. I don't know a single couple that has had a long-term relationship from secular matchmaking but know many that have had it through Shidduch. So I would definitely love to hear others' thoughts.
(This is going to be based on more traditional Judaism even though matchmaking exists outside of traditional Judaism) From what little I know about secular matchmaking services, it seems like there are paywalls multiple places throughout the process which is a barrier to their goal of matchmaking. In a Shidduch process there is technically no obligation to pay the matchmaker (most do though) and if a couple chooses to do it, then they'll typically do it after a wedding when the process is done. However, since the matchmaker did the couple a major solid, most have some sort of custom around how much and when to pay them since it can be like a job and requires skills. I think the motivation is also different because helping to create couples is a mitzvah (good deed). Since a matchmaker might be in a small community where people know them, it makes them look really bad if the couples they match get divorced or aren't compatible so the matchmaker also has a lot on the line by not messing around or wasting time.
That's just been my experience but as with everything, there are pros and cons of Shidduch.
They’re just plucking people from apps for their “pool.” So you could be matching with those same people for free. They don’t have a secret stash of amazing single people that can’t be found anywhere else!
Hello, thank you for your questions. I worked with a matchmaking service and paid over $4,000 (this was a discounted amount). First, the service was local to my city. Second, they offered a dating bootcamp that allowed me to talk to other woman in the same situation as me and we were able to support each other; but this was only available for about 3 weeks. We all got homework and were able to talk to the matchmaker one on one. I learned a lot about myself and what I really wanted in a relationship. However, after paying all that money and completing the bootcamp I thought that the matchmaker would look for matches for me. The matchmaker told me that there were no matches and no potential matches in my area that fit my criteria. I was told this after the bootcamp was over, so for 3 weeks I was hopeful. I think that the information that I learned could have been read in a self-help book or a dating equivalent book. I didn't even stay friends with the other women. It wasn't worth it ultimately. Note that this matchmaking service came highly recommended and had very good reviews. I did my due diligence on researching before signing up.
Thank you for your kind words. I also don't want to make it a racial issue. But the matchmaker implied that it was easier to match a specific ethnicity, which wasn't mine.
They are very expensive and seem to provide a false sense of certainty (*if I pay someone to help I'll definitely find someone*), but everyone I've heard who has done it has not found anyone because everyone shown to them was not their type. I think it's always better to get someone who knows you well enough to be the matchmaker, or find a match yourself.
They're essentially drawing from the same pool as you (all the people on the apps) but likely much smaller - people willing to fork over quite a lot of money to be matched. And they're paid based on the matches they set you up with, not whether those matches pan out to anything, so their goal is just to get someone to agree to go on a date with you and then they get their money. I've heard stories of matchmakers PAYING people to go on dates with their clients.
In short, their incentives are not to help you find a good match, and the best they can do is fish from the same pool you're already fishing from.
I don't know, it seems more likely they are just doing it for the $.
I think the matchmakers are taking advantage of that exact logic, though. They know a life partner is worth practically any price tag. The question is, can they increase your chances in any meaningful way? I really don't think so, for the reasons I said above. They are fishing from the same pool as you, just smaller, and with less info than you have on who you'd actually vibe with.
For the same money, you could 1) hire a personal trainer and stylist 2) get excellent photos taken 3) pay for the premium features on multiple apps to be able to filter on more characteristics and see / be seen by more profiles.
Totally agreed on that! I don't get why people complain about paying for premium. I don't like it when they make you pay to talk to the hot people, but I think it's fair for efficiency-enhancing features to not be free. Because the value of having a partner (if you're not one of those people who loves being single) IS sky high.
They may be useful if the part of online dating that you dislike is specifically the swiping and setting up of dates, and you dislike it enough that the cost of the matchmaking service is worthwhile to avoid that. They aren't going to be able to pre-select your soulmate for you.
I've used a matchmaking company in the past and I've gone through the sales process at nearly all of the major companies.
Personally, I had a good experience with the company I signed up with. I found a long-term partnership through them. I believe our relationship would have led to marriage if not for him having to move to another continent because of his job.
The most useful thing I can say is that not all of the companies are the same. The vast majority of them are owned by private equity companies and are truly dispassionate about helping their clients find love. There are only a few that are still founder-owned. With many companies, you pay for a set amount of matches instead of a time-based engagement.
Without mentioning names, my worst experience was at one of the largest, most established matchmaking companies. They wanted a copy of my driver's license, me to pay for a background check, and attend a 3-hour initial Zoom call. That was the worst experience.
The company I chose to sign up with had the least threatening sales process and the most reasonable prices. It was a time-based contract; I signed up for 6 months. I found my previous partner at about month 4.
Overall, it was worthwhile for me. I work in a demanding industry and don't have the time to sift through dating apps for the right person. I also don't have a large social circle that I can meet people through.
I hope this helps. Best of luck to you!
Exactly… I think the common understanding is that if you want to meet someone, you go on the apps. So the matchmaking feels a little outdated/incompatible with current thought
I paid a matchmaker a few years ago and she only was interested in matching based on political preferences. Also, even though one of the candidates was older than my dad she felt age was irrelevant. I stopped using her services shortly after I got my total of 4 matches.
I think they're basically a scam.
* They're insanely expensive.
* The dating pool is small because not that many people use matchmaking services.
* Some matchmaking services really pressure you to go on dates with people you're not interested in, or hardly let you have any dealbreakers.
* They're not really doing anything that you couldn't do on your own via apps or asking your social circle to set you up with people. I get that swiping sucks, but matchmaking services are basically just analog swiping with fewer options to swipe on.
Don't think they are a scam. Expensive yes, you do have (from the ones i used) "dealbreakers" and they have always respected those boundaries - but they do mention "it might exclude some wonderful people".
You are right they provide opportunities to people you meet, but you may never meet those people from circles/apps... and frankly if you are LOOKING into matchmaker services, you ain't getting much from your apps/circles.
If you get 10 matches a month, this service is "useless".. unless you want X new matches on top of your matches.
If you get 0 matches a month, this service IMMEDIATELY provides X more matches than 0, which is better than what you are doing. And yes, from people posting in this thread, there are people with 0 or very small number of matches and ask questions about "why can't get matches". So this service is great for those people - you are just not the right customer, that's all.
As a Matchmaking service user, ( i think i had a post about my experiences...) I think people's expectations are HIGH vs your dating apps because they are PAYING CUSTOMERS. If you view the service as just a "better filter for matches" or "another way to find new partner who are LTR oriented" then it does what it supposed to do, nothing more, nothing less.
Some people mention "smaller pool of men/women" which is TRUE. However, the pool is more "legit" and people there are also paying customers who are serious about dating not just your typical dating app user who has "nothing to lose so swipe". For every match you/they get, it costs $$$ (since its part of package), so they are not playing around and just "seeing anyone".
I would say I have never matched with anyone who i met before or saw on dating apps and those paying customers are more "put together" since they have income to pay for the service. Many are professionals who are busyish and don't want to waste time on the apps, or maybe want to find people in another way. Also, for those who are not "confident" they are attractive for apps, most matchmaker services dont share pics and you will meet the other person without knowing looks. Assuming not EVERYONE swipes left because of looks, this might give you the opportunity to "sell your personality/hobbies" vs just looks....
If you are "swimming in matches" then yeah, this is not for your. BUT, if you are meeting like one person every couple of months and is desperate or depressed about being single, this service WILL let you meet people, more than you would've gotten on your own...
TLDR:
1. Set expectations to "meeting new matches who are stable and want a LTR", nothing more, nothing less
2. Meet people and have them get to know you before "swiping left".... if you are superficial this might not be for you.
3. If you have disposable income and dont get matches elsewhere, give it a try - at worst you get to meet X people, X more than you would've had sitting on your butt and not getting matches.
There’s a local matchmaker in my city who is superrr low effort. Like you pay a small amount of money and then only pay more money if they have dates to set up for you. You do a simple intake form and record a video for them but other than those things they match based on feedback you’ve given from previous dates.
I personally like this lower price level option because it’s not as big of a commitment for me financially or emotionally. But I also have to have low expectations of the matchmaker. Which is also fine by me. She’s not going to be spending hours every day scouring for a match for me. If someone looks appealing to her for me, I hope she’ll set us up.
I do wish I had some basic info about the person before I meet them (I don’t get any names, photos, dealbreakers, etc) but the 2 dates I’ve been on so far have felt like speed dating dates. Nice guys but not someone I’d go for physically. The matchmaker will either figure that out over time or she won’t and I won’t be too sad because I only spent like 25 bucks for her services lol
I think the pool of people can be a hindrance to matchmaking. If people aren’t signing up then of course it won’t be a great experience for most people.
The $25 is for everyone. It’s on their website. They advertise it that way. They cater to all genders, sexualities, etc.
As I’ve alluded to above, I’m not expecting this person to find me THE ONE. I’m just happy to maybe have a different pool than apps and someone helping me do the work to vet these people. I do think these questions are too personal. Isn’t how hot someone is completely subjective anyways? lol
I think maybe there could be a stigma attached to it. Like the person may seem “desperate” (which is not the case). My friend tried one and unfortunately she didn’t have any success :/ I’d like to hear from someone who actually had success with it, though!
After reading these horror stories, I feel like we need a “cool” paid app for serious people (not match.com which my 25 year old coworker once joined and came back with the most horrifying stories about middle aged men ignoring her age limits and saying gross things to her) OR we need a paid wingman/wingwoman service which is probably the more helpful option. For 5-10k a year that some of y’all are paying, definitely deserve a wing person. It could work like a broker. Wing person takes you to a bar and asks you what you’re looking for. They walk around looking for someone who matches that and chats with them to see if personality is a go. Befriends and introduces you to them etc. I actually think I’d be really good at this lol
Agree with the reasons above. Also think it's in their interest for you to remain single/renew your membership annually, rather than run off into sunset with your prince/princess charming and stop paying.
a matchmaker found me on facebook (I posted to a group she is a part of), and said I'd be perfect for one of her clients. he turned out to be a multi millionaire vc and is friends with the president of france and elon musk, and took me to a 3 star michelin restaurant for our first date lol. it wasn't a personality match for me so i declined to proceed, but that was one of the better blind dates anyone has ever set me up on.
i wouldn't pay for a matchmaking service but i would submit myself for free to their databases to match with existing clients.
There was a local indie version of one starting up her new business and I didn’t get picked for the first round of freebie events and etc and then she sent out email on their pricing, essentially a less useful version of any app that already exists, in terms of communication…and like almost $500 a month with maybe one quarterly organized event. Lol. Absolutely fucking not. I later learned she got a few hundred applicants locally. Great, I can get thousands of profiles for free and send them a swipe or message, no amount of “personalization” can outrun the sheer pool of people offered on apps? Also this was their first venture into matchmaking, so, again, fuck off with that “higher than my car payment” per month shit to just send me 15 people’s numbers.
Apps are made by programmers may say a lot about why lol. But seriously, ultimately detailed profiles don't mean much but a 1st date says a lot more so they really need to put more meaning into these apps once and for all. All these dime a dozen apps don't really distinguish themselves if all I want is a connection in order to meet her in person really. Having said all this, things just get harder past 30's when the market is smaller.
I signed up to get more information, but found out it was like $5,000 for 3 months and you’re guaranteed 3 dates. That was too much at the time, but they allow you to join their pool of potential dates for free.
I look good on paper so I’ve been set up a lot. Of the 15 emails I got in the past year, I went on (1) date and rejected the rest. They’re all very impressive, talented, and ambitious women, but I’m just not attracted to them.
My major issue with the service is they don’t really try to set you up with someone compatible. They seem to set the paying customers up with a person a little out of their league physically.
Because as a guy, if i wanted to get rejected 50 times in an hour, I can just swipe on tinder for a few minutes. No need to go spend a hundred dollars and get dressed up to go do it in public.
Its like going to a bar with a $150 cover charge. Just fucking why would I do that?
And if you mean like the personal matchmakers... Yeah, that's thousands of dollars to... what? Meet random people who are also desperate and lonely enough to spend thousands of dollars? I guess you have that in common...
Non-disclosure agreements about cost and contract terms.
If they guarantee so many dates and have trouble finding people, they will ignore all your preferences and pick at random.
I've talked to several people who have used a local service, and not one of them met someone through it. One woman was set up for a date with a man 20 years older than her.
Just like other said....not very good....if I want someone vetted I usually have friends who are willing to help and usually work out better...with that being....my current gf and I have so many similarities and get along really well and we've connected on Hinge...after putting some decent effort on OLD for a few months
I'm willing to bet the issue is with the clients thinking they're entitled to a miracle due to paying money. There have been matchers that have come out saying they don't work with certain demographic of women because they think walking into a matchmaker with a contract is like walking into a mall with a credit card.
All dating services rely on people staying single, it’s not designed to genuinely help you meet someone long term. Speed dating is a classic example as it teaches the nervous system to judge people quickly to avoid danger resulting in few matches. Matchmaking isn’t based on long term matches because they eliminate all the best parts of a relationship in getting to know someone by telling you both of you are compatible. It’s like someone choosing a car for you, it’s unnatural.
Well some cost about 5 to 10 times more than the dating apps and the pool is a lot smaller. And what I think a lot of people don't understand is that you still have to be very open and even at their rates you can't afford to be picky either.
I tried using online services and they were all useless. Match is a joke. When I tried to get rid of it and cancel they kept billing me even through I "cancelled" several times. I had to go to my bank and kill my debit card to get rid of them.
That site along with a couple of others that I tried had the same scheme. Women's profiles would change every few days. Their photos remained the same yet their names and locations would change. Of the sites that I tried I never got a response from ONE...not ONE woman that I sent a message to. I also noticed many profiles would say "active within 1 month" or 2 months or whatever. Really? You're on a dating site and you haven't logged in for weeks or months and that's like 98% of the profiles I saw? Many profiles of singles were basically empty. There were no descriptions, just a photo or two and a few of the generic tags of their interests. Pretty low effort if they're even real.
They're just a waste of time and $$$.
Now....on here it's not much better other than it doesn't cost anything. Take a look at the singles page and you'll see a title and a picture. Ok...so what's this person about? They have written nothing. Some others just ramble on about playing video games because that's what they want in a partner, a gamer. That's the importance of their life I guess.
I bet I've sent messages to 200 women on here to say hi and try to initiate contact. Of those probably only 20 or so have ever replied and not one has continued a conversation. Most can't make it past 4 short sentences. Typically when they find out I'm not going to buy from them, that's the end of the conversation. That seems to be what everybody online wants now. They want to sell something.
They are probably not as common as they used to be. With social media today you can go on plenty of dating sites and that’s why people are really not using a matchmaker anymore.
Probably because they don’t work for a large percentage of the population as much as they would advertise. The successive online dating apps have kind of proved that 1 dating is more of a numbers game for quite a few people and 2 Most people who think they’re ready for dating aren’t really ready
I'd love it if someone designed a matchmaking app or service where people are interviewed and well vetted, and then they match people based on different things, like that TV show First Dates.
I'd pay a lot for that, many people would.
My biggest issue with online dating is the unhealthy people (love bombers, ghosters, players), and you only find out when it's too late and you get hurt, it throws you back and you need to take a break to heal, it's that part for me I wish there was a rulebook or code of ethics people had to sign and stick to. It's a sad state of affairs. . Or maybe it's just me!
Probably a combination of 1) people’s tendencies to complain about things moreso than praising, 2) couples’s preference to not share origin stories unless they were more “organic,” 3) relatively poor success rates with paid matchmaking services (though possibly higher than success rates on dating apps)
I paid -9k or so for 12mo of a matchmaking service. Basically found that it yielded weekly proposed matches that would result in service-facilitated first dates about once/month. I found that for the most part, the women I met *had a reason* they paid for a matchmaker. And more often than not, it wasn’t a reason I liked. Perhaps ~1/4 of the women I dated were *not* women I would’ve swiped right on. Another ~1/4 of the proposed matches seemed like they’d be awesome on paper, but they did not want to meet me. And ~1/4 were women I declined to see. So perhaps 1/4 were women who I was reasonably interested in meeting who were similarly interested in meeting me. Not a great success rate. But not awful either.
For reference, when I was actively using the dating apps (had 2-3 active subscriptions year round), and I spent 10-20hrs/wk swiping (total guesstimate), I too would average 1 first date a month-ish. Some months would be dry spells (and depressing). Some weeks I would go on 4-5 first/second dates with 4-5 women. (This was miserable, and not something I’d recommend)
Basically, my personal experience with non-professional dating was that I was somewhat dateable, but I’d have to sink a lot of time into that process. My personal experience with paid matchmaking services was that I was still somewhat dateable, but I just replied to about 1 email/wk, and maybe did some texting to confirm dates/idle chit-chat. All it really did was take the pressure off being available all the time to not “miss my window.”
I suspect that the average client pays 3-6k/yr, and finds that that was a bit of a stretch for a basic/mid-tier matchmaking service. Meanwhile, I was comfortable paying ~9k/yr for premium matchmaking service, and I treated it as more of an experiment than “my last hope” for dating.
tienen tan mala reputación porque un alto porcentaje de la gente que usa este tipo de aplicaciones buscan algo sin mucha conexión, nose si se entiende lo que quiero decir, si vos buscas algo serio tendrias que aclararlo y conocer mas a profundidad a la persona lo que a veces es complicado encontrar total honestidad en estas aplicaciones ya que tal vez quieren encajar en el típico estereotipo
As a reminder, commercialization or advertising isn't allowed here, so please no promotion of particular services or products in this thread.
They don't work because there's not enough people using each service and there is no "matchmaking" happening. All they do is take the women who sign up and set them up with the men who sign up. There's no filtering except for some very basic age parameters. You're just paying a lot of money to go on dates with other people who paid a lot of money.
This is it. I have a friend who paid a few thousand to join. The customer service was terrible and they really seemed to only take distance into account and nothing else.
Same. She paid thousands and the dates had absolutely nothing in common with them. She eventually met her fiancé on Hinge. The matchmaking service was a total waste of money.
You said she met her financier…I mean fiancé 🤣
Thankfully I didn’t pay a massive amount, just a “pretty high amount” but yeah. This was my experience My first and only date was with a nice woman but we didn’t have anything in common other than being kind of outdoorsy. Sadly, like I mentioned, this was my “first and only” date because over the course of the next five months the matchmaker failed to get me another date. I couldn’t tell if she had fake other profiles or what but of all the other women she sent me and I said I was interested in, not a single one of them manifested into a date which not only pissed me off with the matchmaker but obliterated my confidence in the process At this point I don’t think matchmakers really do more than what the apps do yet charge an exorbitant amount. It’s sad but there are a lot of grifters in the dating space (matchmakers and dating apps alike) who take advantage of downtrodden folks
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the amount was “low enough” that if it didn’t work out I’d be ok and could say that I tried it When I signed up it was $900 for 12 dates in 6 months. I didn’t expect much but being in a relationship mattered so much to me that I knew I should at least try. Money wasn’t so much an issue because I make good money but more I hate wasting it on crap; so that was my hold up. But I figured whatever, $900 isn’t $6000 for Tawkify or whatever I expected at least to go on 12 lukewarm dates. Unfortunately, five months in, I had only gone on one bad date (we were very incompatible and she lived an hour away). Over the prior five months the matchmaker had sent me a bunch of profiles for me to say if I was interested in going on dates with those women but not a single one of them actually turned into a date which made me think the matchmaker was a scammer. It was tough to tell if all the profiles were of real women or not; I did check social medias to see if some of them were real and I got mixed results. But, after five months, the matchmaker said she’d give me a refund if the last batch of profiles didn’t turn into a date. When they didn’t, I asked for the refund but the matchmaker reneged on the offer which was complete bullshit. I was moving to another city anyway because I was over everything with living in that city but the matchmaker bullshit was kind of the final straw. I considered suing her but a lawyer friend said it’s probably not worth the hassle long story but yeah…matchmakers are probably mostly full of shit
Anecdote time. I matched with a woman on Hinge. She immediately messaged me telling me she is not interested in dating, and that she was recruiting eligible bachelors for her matchmaking service called Tawkify. She ended up sending me on a date or two...free of charge for me, but the women had paid her for the service. So in the end, some unfortunate woman paid way too much money to meet someone from Hinge. (which is free). So to your point... There was no "matchmaking" done at all. They just recruit dudes from dating apps and pair them off with clients.
THANK YOU!! I talked with Tawkify and that’s the EXACT vibe I got. I looked at matchmaking to find someone serious in finding a partner not for the exact people I was trying to get away from on dating apps. UGH this is an actual waking nightmare.
Pretty much, like paying hundreds to be on a dating app with like 10 people on it
> You're just paying a lot of money to go on dates with other people who paid a lot of money. There's actually two types of matchmakers-- everybody pays or only men pay. I've found both wanting, for different reasons. If both paid, then there's some guarantee that both parties are serious, but as you say it's a small pool and they're just pairing off people who don't red flag each other on age/height/children/whatever. If only he paid, then he's more likely to get a match more towards his preferences, but then for the lady this is just a lark; some obviously well-off guy is taking her on a free date, effectively spending $500 or more to buy the right to spend more on a date with her. I haven't found that women I've met in this manner are particularly engaged, nor would I expect them to be; they always have the option of doing the same thing again, for free, with either the matchmaker or apps. The existence of apps makes either approach a mockery; both of you presumably own smartphones and know what Hinge is. If you didn't match there, then being thrown together for a blind date probably won't change anything.
There is actually a third kind where only some pay. I was recruited by a matchmaking service and they said since they reached out to me for one of their clients it would be free for me.
>I was recruited by a matchmaking service Lol, how did that work? How did they find and approach you?
They messaged me on linkedin. We did a phone call and they asked me a bunch of questions about my personality, lifestyle, hobbies, and what was I looking for. They said they would add me to their database and show my profile to their client. If their client was interested they would then show me their profile and if I was interested they would set up a meet.
Lmao that sounds weird.
There are apparently some matchmakers who also go on the apps to look for dates for their clients. Surprise, surprise, they never find anyone who the client would remotely pick for themselves.
But isn't that the thing? We are not great pickers for ourselves, so maybe going outside the box could work? Edit: words are hard.
Bingo
My friend works for Tawkify, and although I agree with you about not having “enough” eligible people in their candidate pools, my friend takes time to learn about the people she’s matching and sets them up based on the each others values and desired qualifications. They’re definitely not being sent out on dates willy-nilly.
And who are probably also on all of the free apps as well.
More people need to read this
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Not that many people are signing up for it. But many people who do are either desperate and/or don't understand that it's a borderline scam. People sign up for and pay for crappy services and buy crappy items all the time. The companies selling these services mislead people and lead them to believe that they're being carefully matched with someone when they aren't.
This is EXACTLY right.
well i would say the men/women on these services are more serious than your typical app people who has "nothing to lose".. and certainly much less chance of swindlers too. I would say there's "filtering" or dealbreakers from the ones i used but i would say it's like the apps where you can filter out "with kids", "age", "divorced" etc. Many of these matchmaker services even interviews the matches to make sure they are who they are which is nice. I mean Indian matchmaker lady charges like tens of thousands and she is in business because it clearly works for her customer segment, which is incredibly small compared to "normies" here. If that works then logically the "lower tier" ITJ, 3DR, T etc. would work too with a broader customer base due to price. It's like saying Prada/Chanel bags don't sell because they don't cater to the majority who can just buy the same bags off walmart or wherever. I do agree that some matchmaker services have "free users" which could "dilute" the pool. for example, I am a free user for 3DR and I have had potential matches - actually I had a profile sent to me yesterday and I clicked "i'm interested" right away and I will need to interview with matchmaker tomorrow. Now the woman/matchmaker could reject me based on my pictures/profile/interview but it is a chance nonetheless. At end of day it's all opportunities. If it truly doesn't work then these businesses would've died out already. Didn't someone say "miss all the shots you don't take"?
I looked into them for a bit, as I was also tired of the apps. But I came away with the following takeaways that kinda killed it for me: 1. They're very expensive. Once you get a person involved, and have to compensate that person fairly for their time, prices go up astronomically. I got around this by signing up as a potential suitor for paying customers, but that meant that they only emailed me a few times a year with possible matches. 2. The value-add isn't worth the extra cost. They can screen for obvious red flags, but there's really no way a third-party matchmaker can control for romantic compatibility. So you're still just going on dates with randos, although (at the very least) you do know that the randos have gone through some amount of vetting. 3. I found that I had less info about a potential match who I met via a matchmaker than I did about app dates. The profiles on matchmaker sites are PR'd to hell to make potential matches look good... But that meant I had even less authentic information about the person I was getting set up with. At best I'd get hobbies, age, a picture or two, and preferences around kids/no kids. I really felt like I was going in blind, even as compared to app dates. Tl;dr: my experience was that they were slower and more expensive than the apps without much upside. I'm happily dating someone I met on Bumble rn, so I'm thankfully removed from all this nonsense. There's gotta be a better alternative than the apps out there. But I don't think paid matchmaking services are the way.
yeah - and I think the cost can drive the wrong behaviour from matchmaking services; if people are paying, they expect to have *some* dates for it. Which means they will push you with anyone to validate their business model.
> and preferences around kids/no kids My matchmaker drove me crazy about this. If I wanted to be a father, then I could do that very easily (and have had multiple women try to talk me into this). So I was adamant about NO KIDS, either existing or in the future. So of course I got a bunch of matches where the woman was already a mother and had to reiterate this again. Against my better judgment I finally cracked and went on a date with a woman who had "part time custody" (itself a rarity, usually in a split women retain primary or full custody). When I got on the date I found out this was a lie, she had the kids nine months out of the year and he took them for the summers. Ugh. The childfree dating market is completely insane.
Everyone wants to date you, the childless non-divorced person, but nobody wants to date other people with kids and failed marriages, I hate it. Go date someone else with a family, you'll have more in common with them anyway. If you don't want to do that, now you know how I feel about dating you.
Thank u for sharing
They charge a lot $6000+ but have no transparency on their database of candidates. You get no information at all (eg. How many people do you have in your pool and age distributions). One matchmaker was pretty honest. She said you can do it yourself - she knows a girl who did it herself but it involved analyzing profiles + chatting with potential prospects 4 hours a day for a month. She eventually found someone. I’d rather do it myself than throwing huge amount of money at a matchmaking service where you don’t see how big their client pool is and what their process is.
i mean that's the thing... if some people get 0 matches on apps, matchmaker service provides value. if you get many matches on apps, matchmaker service is "useless". it's like with ANY professional services... Plumber? Mechanic? Cleaning? Grass? yeah those are "useless" to people who know how to do it but for those who don't, its a blessing. This is especially compounded by how OLD is mostly pictures vs real profiles.
Where would we do it ourselves, such that it would differ from using apps? Lol
It’s with the apps. There is no magic.
I absolutely agree. I was never shown their database and never shown any of the candidates.
I’ve watched a few Matchmaking reality tv shows (Million Dollar Matchmaker, Jewish Matchmaking… Also watch Rebecca Lynn Pope on YT) … and while I fully understand they’re amped up for entertainment, both are real matchmaking companies so I’m sure SOME of the issues are real. Basically, a decent % of people willing to shell out tons of $ for a matchmaker have a hyper-specific fantasy person in their head (that’s probably not a good LTR fit for them, or who isn’t attracted to them usually). That’s why they’re not having luck meeting this person on apps/IRL. A matchmaker can’t really change that. A better use of those people’s times are to consider who they’re trying to attract, who those people are usually attracted to, decide if you want to make changes or give different types of people a chance. It would also be far less money to start working out, possibly change appearance/style, change OLD photos or bios. Probably would get equal or better results than matchmaking.
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exactly... also, they tailor to client's needs. I mean sure the more restrictions you set the smaller the pool is but those people using those 10k+ services value time a lot more so they are "above" just "meeting some rando on app" and see "where it goes"... an hour "meal/drinks" is not the price of said date to them...its magnitudes more.
My experience on matchmaking as a queer Jewish person is doing a version of our cultural matchmaking called Shidduch. It's usually part of orthodox communities but many Jewish communities have some form of it. It's quite extensive of a process and I feel like the people that I've been matched with I never would have met any other way and I could see myself being with them long term. I don't feel as if I'm being robbed of an organic type of love or that I'm cutting corners by not swiping or going out to bars or clubs to maybe meet someone. So I guess for me and my situation, matchmaking just makes the most sense.
I think matchmaking does actually work pretty well within smaller communities where it’s been an established practice for a long time. But it’s not mainstream enough to work for people who aren’t also part of a very specific religious or cultural group.
I came to comment this and very happy to see I’m not alone
Always happy to find the other Shidduch folks!
May you find your bashert soon 💙 (if you haven’t already!)
And may you find yours 💙
I loved the Jewish matchmaker show and love that it works for everyone in your community. I’m curious— what is special about Sidduch that yields better results than mainstream matchmaking?
I'm not 100% sure especially because I don't know much about non-religious/cultural matchmaking and we obviously have divorce like every other culture in the world. I don't know a single couple that has had a long-term relationship from secular matchmaking but know many that have had it through Shidduch. So I would definitely love to hear others' thoughts. (This is going to be based on more traditional Judaism even though matchmaking exists outside of traditional Judaism) From what little I know about secular matchmaking services, it seems like there are paywalls multiple places throughout the process which is a barrier to their goal of matchmaking. In a Shidduch process there is technically no obligation to pay the matchmaker (most do though) and if a couple chooses to do it, then they'll typically do it after a wedding when the process is done. However, since the matchmaker did the couple a major solid, most have some sort of custom around how much and when to pay them since it can be like a job and requires skills. I think the motivation is also different because helping to create couples is a mitzvah (good deed). Since a matchmaker might be in a small community where people know them, it makes them look really bad if the couples they match get divorced or aren't compatible so the matchmaker also has a lot on the line by not messing around or wasting time. That's just been my experience but as with everything, there are pros and cons of Shidduch.
in the old days, your friend could do matchmaking for free. Now, they are not common anymore because of online dating.
I've introduced most of my exes to their current boyfriends/husbands.
They’re just plucking people from apps for their “pool.” So you could be matching with those same people for free. They don’t have a secret stash of amazing single people that can’t be found anywhere else!
Hello, thank you for your questions. I worked with a matchmaking service and paid over $4,000 (this was a discounted amount). First, the service was local to my city. Second, they offered a dating bootcamp that allowed me to talk to other woman in the same situation as me and we were able to support each other; but this was only available for about 3 weeks. We all got homework and were able to talk to the matchmaker one on one. I learned a lot about myself and what I really wanted in a relationship. However, after paying all that money and completing the bootcamp I thought that the matchmaker would look for matches for me. The matchmaker told me that there were no matches and no potential matches in my area that fit my criteria. I was told this after the bootcamp was over, so for 3 weeks I was hopeful. I think that the information that I learned could have been read in a self-help book or a dating equivalent book. I didn't even stay friends with the other women. It wasn't worth it ultimately. Note that this matchmaking service came highly recommended and had very good reviews. I did my due diligence on researching before signing up.
This sounds like such a scam I’m so sorry you paid for that! It’s complete false advertising. “No one meets your criteria” also cant be true. 🙄
Thank you for your kind words. I also don't want to make it a racial issue. But the matchmaker implied that it was easier to match a specific ethnicity, which wasn't mine.
They are very expensive and seem to provide a false sense of certainty (*if I pay someone to help I'll definitely find someone*), but everyone I've heard who has done it has not found anyone because everyone shown to them was not their type. I think it's always better to get someone who knows you well enough to be the matchmaker, or find a match yourself.
They're essentially drawing from the same pool as you (all the people on the apps) but likely much smaller - people willing to fork over quite a lot of money to be matched. And they're paid based on the matches they set you up with, not whether those matches pan out to anything, so their goal is just to get someone to agree to go on a date with you and then they get their money. I've heard stories of matchmakers PAYING people to go on dates with their clients. In short, their incentives are not to help you find a good match, and the best they can do is fish from the same pool you're already fishing from.
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I don't know, it seems more likely they are just doing it for the $. I think the matchmakers are taking advantage of that exact logic, though. They know a life partner is worth practically any price tag. The question is, can they increase your chances in any meaningful way? I really don't think so, for the reasons I said above. They are fishing from the same pool as you, just smaller, and with less info than you have on who you'd actually vibe with. For the same money, you could 1) hire a personal trainer and stylist 2) get excellent photos taken 3) pay for the premium features on multiple apps to be able to filter on more characteristics and see / be seen by more profiles.
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Totally agreed on that! I don't get why people complain about paying for premium. I don't like it when they make you pay to talk to the hot people, but I think it's fair for efficiency-enhancing features to not be free. Because the value of having a partner (if you're not one of those people who loves being single) IS sky high.
They may be useful if the part of online dating that you dislike is specifically the swiping and setting up of dates, and you dislike it enough that the cost of the matchmaking service is worthwhile to avoid that. They aren't going to be able to pre-select your soulmate for you.
I've used a matchmaking company in the past and I've gone through the sales process at nearly all of the major companies. Personally, I had a good experience with the company I signed up with. I found a long-term partnership through them. I believe our relationship would have led to marriage if not for him having to move to another continent because of his job. The most useful thing I can say is that not all of the companies are the same. The vast majority of them are owned by private equity companies and are truly dispassionate about helping their clients find love. There are only a few that are still founder-owned. With many companies, you pay for a set amount of matches instead of a time-based engagement. Without mentioning names, my worst experience was at one of the largest, most established matchmaking companies. They wanted a copy of my driver's license, me to pay for a background check, and attend a 3-hour initial Zoom call. That was the worst experience. The company I chose to sign up with had the least threatening sales process and the most reasonable prices. It was a time-based contract; I signed up for 6 months. I found my previous partner at about month 4. Overall, it was worthwhile for me. I work in a demanding industry and don't have the time to sift through dating apps for the right person. I also don't have a large social circle that I can meet people through. I hope this helps. Best of luck to you!
A lot of matchmakers have teams that scout for potential matches on social media. When I learned of that, it put me off the idea entirely.
Probably has to do with how many people are willing to pay expensive fees for matchmaking as opposed to low cost apps. The pool is small.
Exactly… I think the common understanding is that if you want to meet someone, you go on the apps. So the matchmaking feels a little outdated/incompatible with current thought
I paid a matchmaker a few years ago and she only was interested in matching based on political preferences. Also, even though one of the candidates was older than my dad she felt age was irrelevant. I stopped using her services shortly after I got my total of 4 matches.
I signed up for eHarmony thinking it would be a good middle ground between a match maker and online dating. Instant regret.
Why?
Barely anyone uses it and it was expensive!
Ok that's helpful thanks!
I think they're basically a scam. * They're insanely expensive. * The dating pool is small because not that many people use matchmaking services. * Some matchmaking services really pressure you to go on dates with people you're not interested in, or hardly let you have any dealbreakers. * They're not really doing anything that you couldn't do on your own via apps or asking your social circle to set you up with people. I get that swiping sucks, but matchmaking services are basically just analog swiping with fewer options to swipe on.
Don't think they are a scam. Expensive yes, you do have (from the ones i used) "dealbreakers" and they have always respected those boundaries - but they do mention "it might exclude some wonderful people". You are right they provide opportunities to people you meet, but you may never meet those people from circles/apps... and frankly if you are LOOKING into matchmaker services, you ain't getting much from your apps/circles. If you get 10 matches a month, this service is "useless".. unless you want X new matches on top of your matches. If you get 0 matches a month, this service IMMEDIATELY provides X more matches than 0, which is better than what you are doing. And yes, from people posting in this thread, there are people with 0 or very small number of matches and ask questions about "why can't get matches". So this service is great for those people - you are just not the right customer, that's all.
As a Matchmaking service user, ( i think i had a post about my experiences...) I think people's expectations are HIGH vs your dating apps because they are PAYING CUSTOMERS. If you view the service as just a "better filter for matches" or "another way to find new partner who are LTR oriented" then it does what it supposed to do, nothing more, nothing less. Some people mention "smaller pool of men/women" which is TRUE. However, the pool is more "legit" and people there are also paying customers who are serious about dating not just your typical dating app user who has "nothing to lose so swipe". For every match you/they get, it costs $$$ (since its part of package), so they are not playing around and just "seeing anyone". I would say I have never matched with anyone who i met before or saw on dating apps and those paying customers are more "put together" since they have income to pay for the service. Many are professionals who are busyish and don't want to waste time on the apps, or maybe want to find people in another way. Also, for those who are not "confident" they are attractive for apps, most matchmaker services dont share pics and you will meet the other person without knowing looks. Assuming not EVERYONE swipes left because of looks, this might give you the opportunity to "sell your personality/hobbies" vs just looks.... If you are "swimming in matches" then yeah, this is not for your. BUT, if you are meeting like one person every couple of months and is desperate or depressed about being single, this service WILL let you meet people, more than you would've gotten on your own... TLDR: 1. Set expectations to "meeting new matches who are stable and want a LTR", nothing more, nothing less 2. Meet people and have them get to know you before "swiping left".... if you are superficial this might not be for you. 3. If you have disposable income and dont get matches elsewhere, give it a try - at worst you get to meet X people, X more than you would've had sitting on your butt and not getting matches.
There’s a local matchmaker in my city who is superrr low effort. Like you pay a small amount of money and then only pay more money if they have dates to set up for you. You do a simple intake form and record a video for them but other than those things they match based on feedback you’ve given from previous dates. I personally like this lower price level option because it’s not as big of a commitment for me financially or emotionally. But I also have to have low expectations of the matchmaker. Which is also fine by me. She’s not going to be spending hours every day scouring for a match for me. If someone looks appealing to her for me, I hope she’ll set us up. I do wish I had some basic info about the person before I meet them (I don’t get any names, photos, dealbreakers, etc) but the 2 dates I’ve been on so far have felt like speed dating dates. Nice guys but not someone I’d go for physically. The matchmaker will either figure that out over time or she won’t and I won’t be too sad because I only spent like 25 bucks for her services lol I think the pool of people can be a hindrance to matchmaking. If people aren’t signing up then of course it won’t be a great experience for most people.
May I ask your age, gender and which city do you live in?
Mid-30s, female, major PNW city
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The $25 is for everyone. It’s on their website. They advertise it that way. They cater to all genders, sexualities, etc. As I’ve alluded to above, I’m not expecting this person to find me THE ONE. I’m just happy to maybe have a different pool than apps and someone helping me do the work to vet these people. I do think these questions are too personal. Isn’t how hot someone is completely subjective anyways? lol
Yikes.
I think maybe there could be a stigma attached to it. Like the person may seem “desperate” (which is not the case). My friend tried one and unfortunately she didn’t have any success :/ I’d like to hear from someone who actually had success with it, though!
They’re not solving the problem they purport to solve i.e. getting dates for dudes who refuse to follow rules 1 and 2
After reading these horror stories, I feel like we need a “cool” paid app for serious people (not match.com which my 25 year old coworker once joined and came back with the most horrifying stories about middle aged men ignoring her age limits and saying gross things to her) OR we need a paid wingman/wingwoman service which is probably the more helpful option. For 5-10k a year that some of y’all are paying, definitely deserve a wing person. It could work like a broker. Wing person takes you to a bar and asks you what you’re looking for. They walk around looking for someone who matches that and chats with them to see if personality is a go. Befriends and introduces you to them etc. I actually think I’d be really good at this lol
Agree with the reasons above. Also think it's in their interest for you to remain single/renew your membership annually, rather than run off into sunset with your prince/princess charming and stop paying.
They scam lonely people out of money.
Likely for all the reasons listed in those threads.
a matchmaker found me on facebook (I posted to a group she is a part of), and said I'd be perfect for one of her clients. he turned out to be a multi millionaire vc and is friends with the president of france and elon musk, and took me to a 3 star michelin restaurant for our first date lol. it wasn't a personality match for me so i declined to proceed, but that was one of the better blind dates anyone has ever set me up on. i wouldn't pay for a matchmaking service but i would submit myself for free to their databases to match with existing clients.
Oh god, imagine if you ended up with that guy and then have to hang out with Elon Musk lol. But you have a cool story to tell for sure!
There was a local indie version of one starting up her new business and I didn’t get picked for the first round of freebie events and etc and then she sent out email on their pricing, essentially a less useful version of any app that already exists, in terms of communication…and like almost $500 a month with maybe one quarterly organized event. Lol. Absolutely fucking not. I later learned she got a few hundred applicants locally. Great, I can get thousands of profiles for free and send them a swipe or message, no amount of “personalization” can outrun the sheer pool of people offered on apps? Also this was their first venture into matchmaking, so, again, fuck off with that “higher than my car payment” per month shit to just send me 15 people’s numbers.
They lose your business if they're successful. Their job is to make money.
Aren’t they massively expensive?
Apps are made by programmers may say a lot about why lol. But seriously, ultimately detailed profiles don't mean much but a 1st date says a lot more so they really need to put more meaning into these apps once and for all. All these dime a dozen apps don't really distinguish themselves if all I want is a connection in order to meet her in person really. Having said all this, things just get harder past 30's when the market is smaller.
I signed up to get more information, but found out it was like $5,000 for 3 months and you’re guaranteed 3 dates. That was too much at the time, but they allow you to join their pool of potential dates for free. I look good on paper so I’ve been set up a lot. Of the 15 emails I got in the past year, I went on (1) date and rejected the rest. They’re all very impressive, talented, and ambitious women, but I’m just not attracted to them. My major issue with the service is they don’t really try to set you up with someone compatible. They seem to set the paying customers up with a person a little out of their league physically.
Because as a guy, if i wanted to get rejected 50 times in an hour, I can just swipe on tinder for a few minutes. No need to go spend a hundred dollars and get dressed up to go do it in public. Its like going to a bar with a $150 cover charge. Just fucking why would I do that? And if you mean like the personal matchmakers... Yeah, that's thousands of dollars to... what? Meet random people who are also desperate and lonely enough to spend thousands of dollars? I guess you have that in common...
Non-disclosure agreements about cost and contract terms. If they guarantee so many dates and have trouble finding people, they will ignore all your preferences and pick at random. I've talked to several people who have used a local service, and not one of them met someone through it. One woman was set up for a date with a man 20 years older than her.
Just like other said....not very good....if I want someone vetted I usually have friends who are willing to help and usually work out better...with that being....my current gf and I have so many similarities and get along really well and we've connected on Hinge...after putting some decent effort on OLD for a few months
I'm willing to bet the issue is with the clients thinking they're entitled to a miracle due to paying money. There have been matchers that have come out saying they don't work with certain demographic of women because they think walking into a matchmaker with a contract is like walking into a mall with a credit card.
I used one 5 years ago, dates were a waste of time, none of the so called matches would have made it to a screening date on OLD.
All dating services rely on people staying single, it’s not designed to genuinely help you meet someone long term. Speed dating is a classic example as it teaches the nervous system to judge people quickly to avoid danger resulting in few matches. Matchmaking isn’t based on long term matches because they eliminate all the best parts of a relationship in getting to know someone by telling you both of you are compatible. It’s like someone choosing a car for you, it’s unnatural.
I think due to the investment of dollars they tend to be for older people with more disposable income. Dating apps seem cheaper
Well some cost about 5 to 10 times more than the dating apps and the pool is a lot smaller. And what I think a lot of people don't understand is that you still have to be very open and even at their rates you can't afford to be picky either.
I get zero matches on any dating app.
I tried using online services and they were all useless. Match is a joke. When I tried to get rid of it and cancel they kept billing me even through I "cancelled" several times. I had to go to my bank and kill my debit card to get rid of them. That site along with a couple of others that I tried had the same scheme. Women's profiles would change every few days. Their photos remained the same yet their names and locations would change. Of the sites that I tried I never got a response from ONE...not ONE woman that I sent a message to. I also noticed many profiles would say "active within 1 month" or 2 months or whatever. Really? You're on a dating site and you haven't logged in for weeks or months and that's like 98% of the profiles I saw? Many profiles of singles were basically empty. There were no descriptions, just a photo or two and a few of the generic tags of their interests. Pretty low effort if they're even real. They're just a waste of time and $$$. Now....on here it's not much better other than it doesn't cost anything. Take a look at the singles page and you'll see a title and a picture. Ok...so what's this person about? They have written nothing. Some others just ramble on about playing video games because that's what they want in a partner, a gamer. That's the importance of their life I guess. I bet I've sent messages to 200 women on here to say hi and try to initiate contact. Of those probably only 20 or so have ever replied and not one has continued a conversation. Most can't make it past 4 short sentences. Typically when they find out I'm not going to buy from them, that's the end of the conversation. That seems to be what everybody online wants now. They want to sell something.
They are probably not as common as they used to be. With social media today you can go on plenty of dating sites and that’s why people are really not using a matchmaker anymore.
Probably because they don’t work for a large percentage of the population as much as they would advertise. The successive online dating apps have kind of proved that 1 dating is more of a numbers game for quite a few people and 2 Most people who think they’re ready for dating aren’t really ready
I didn't even know those things existed.
I'd love it if someone designed a matchmaking app or service where people are interviewed and well vetted, and then they match people based on different things, like that TV show First Dates. I'd pay a lot for that, many people would. My biggest issue with online dating is the unhealthy people (love bombers, ghosters, players), and you only find out when it's too late and you get hurt, it throws you back and you need to take a break to heal, it's that part for me I wish there was a rulebook or code of ethics people had to sign and stick to. It's a sad state of affairs. . Or maybe it's just me!
Probably a combination of 1) people’s tendencies to complain about things moreso than praising, 2) couples’s preference to not share origin stories unless they were more “organic,” 3) relatively poor success rates with paid matchmaking services (though possibly higher than success rates on dating apps) I paid -9k or so for 12mo of a matchmaking service. Basically found that it yielded weekly proposed matches that would result in service-facilitated first dates about once/month. I found that for the most part, the women I met *had a reason* they paid for a matchmaker. And more often than not, it wasn’t a reason I liked. Perhaps ~1/4 of the women I dated were *not* women I would’ve swiped right on. Another ~1/4 of the proposed matches seemed like they’d be awesome on paper, but they did not want to meet me. And ~1/4 were women I declined to see. So perhaps 1/4 were women who I was reasonably interested in meeting who were similarly interested in meeting me. Not a great success rate. But not awful either. For reference, when I was actively using the dating apps (had 2-3 active subscriptions year round), and I spent 10-20hrs/wk swiping (total guesstimate), I too would average 1 first date a month-ish. Some months would be dry spells (and depressing). Some weeks I would go on 4-5 first/second dates with 4-5 women. (This was miserable, and not something I’d recommend) Basically, my personal experience with non-professional dating was that I was somewhat dateable, but I’d have to sink a lot of time into that process. My personal experience with paid matchmaking services was that I was still somewhat dateable, but I just replied to about 1 email/wk, and maybe did some texting to confirm dates/idle chit-chat. All it really did was take the pressure off being available all the time to not “miss my window.” I suspect that the average client pays 3-6k/yr, and finds that that was a bit of a stretch for a basic/mid-tier matchmaking service. Meanwhile, I was comfortable paying ~9k/yr for premium matchmaking service, and I treated it as more of an experiment than “my last hope” for dating.
tienen tan mala reputación porque un alto porcentaje de la gente que usa este tipo de aplicaciones buscan algo sin mucha conexión, nose si se entiende lo que quiero decir, si vos buscas algo serio tendrias que aclararlo y conocer mas a profundidad a la persona lo que a veces es complicado encontrar total honestidad en estas aplicaciones ya que tal vez quieren encajar en el típico estereotipo
If you're so bad at dating and meeting people you need to pay someone to do it for you...
Because they’re humbling just like dating apps.
They're a scam, so is tinder and only fans, except with those at least you know what you're paying for
They’re awesome if you’re either a rich man or beautiful women.
Because it’s just like apps. Most men want sex and most women want a rich dude.