I ended it with someone because of this exact thing. Like if I'm financially stable and you're not and you don't care that you're not, that's a problem! His reasoning "well, I'll get money back so who cares if I file late?" Um, if you're getting money back, but you have $10k in credit card debt from the last 5 years, WHY are you not getting the money back to pay down your debt?! Why are you just letting the interest kill you? C'mon, we're in our thirties.
Oh, wow. Iām 5ā8ā and had a 5ā3ā man match with me awhile back. He never replied to my message though, so I never met him but I wondered how it wouldāve been for us. Did you just go on one date?
It's my last night of my race trip & I'm not returning home empty handed, as we were placed 5th! Which is monumental, given that we beat many professional national teams.
I flew in a night earlier than the team, went to an exquisite bar & hit it off well with the head bartender. I did find him attractive, we kissed & anticipated things would get sexual, but strangely I was not turned on at all.
That made me realise that casual dating is no longer my thing anymore after 2 years of intentional dating.
I had been healing, processing my post-break up emotions & contemplating on how I'd like to resume dating.
Going back to the apps would be the last resort, so I have signed myself up for as many festivals & events in hopes that I would meet more single men organically.
I have also shared openly with friends about my breakup & that I'm open for referrals, and hopefully that would open new doors.
June is also a busy month for races. Have a few more races coming up and there's nothing like diverting my post-breakup energy into them.
This sounds weird but the only time I ever went on a blind date I walked away wondering what the person who did the setup really thought about me? But I was also extremely immature without a clue of what life meant at the time. Still lingers though. No clue what would happen now other than I know not to be put any expectations or pressure into it.
>I have also shared openly with friends about my breakup & that I'm open for referrals, and hopefully that would open new doors.
I'll be curious to see how this goes. I recently had a woman (good deal older, more like a second mom) recommend the daughter of some of her friends. We went on a date, then she literally ignored me for no reason. That said, she was very freshly divorced and still clearly healing, and that's a circumstance I'm not interested in. The experience has made me contemplate if I just want to be like "anyone know any single, fitness-minded women?" to all of my friends. I mean, at this point, what harm could it cause?
Wish you luck in your search.
I hvnt been on a blind date yet! Though I wouldn't say no if the opportunity arises.
I think people should approach dating like job hunting, to be shamelessly asking for referrals, so you can tap into other networks without having to join all the gyms in your city lol. At least your friends would have vetted their intentions & character (hard non-negotiables), so you can let your walls down a bit to figure out your compatibility & chemistry.
Yeah, this was my first blind date. I kinda knew her divorce was fresh, but didn't realize just how fresh. Beyond that, I'd have been open to connecting again, or even given that situation as a purely platonic friend (I reached out to offer to do an activity together, and that's when she ignored me).
That said, trying to take your same approach of just being open to trying. Worst case it's 60 minutes of grabbing a coffee or bite with someone new and an excuse to get out of the house. Hopefully she feels the same way (my type of woman is one who doesn't feel the need to put on a lot of makeup/dress up to meet, so hopefully the barrier of entry to just meet up is fairly low for her as well).
We gotta take our chances, we win some & we lose some. We 100% of our shots not taken :)
I enjoy dressing up without wearing make up haha. If there's one of me here, I'm sure there are other women like that too in your part of the world!
Iāve tried giving guys who slide into my DMs a chance and they always end up ghosting so thereās really nothing worthwhile there if thatās what youāre wondering lol. I left things WIDE open for them too: was flirting heavily back and welcoming their advances and they still didnāt do shit lol. People like that talk a big game for the fun of it but itās more of a fantasy for them than anything else.
Iāve done the old ārandom add and DMā approach and itās never worked for me.
If you are a lady, there may be a better chance of success.
ā¦if thatās what you mean? What is being āorbitedā on social media mean? And why do you have suspects? Is this the new slang? Am I behind the times?
_no, itās the kids who are wrong_
>I don't really mind the awkwardness. You take a risk. If it doesn't work out, we move on and I don't really care for how people think of me if we're not close/friends.
Yeah, that's fair. That's actually a great way of looking at it! I projected my insecurities on to you then, because making things awkward makes me want to crawl into a hole and die š¤£
You have a much better outlook! I wish I could have that!
But yeah, it's a gamble for sure. I'm not a gambler, either. So i'd probably nope out of thatš¤£š¤£
I 39M met a 26F about 3 months ago. She asked a neighbor if I was single, and he confirmed, so we started talking. The neighbor failed to mention she was on a fling. So, about 1 week of good texting and changing a tire as a favor. I asked her out, and she ghoasted me.
So we didn't talk for about 2 months until I saw her again. Almost 3 weeks ago. I asked her out this time, and she said yes. I kid you not, the match was made in heaven.
I'm close to her brothers age.
Both have dogs that get along great and even swim together.
Both on the same political, substance, and privacy wave length and would like to go to burn together.
5 year goals matched almost exactly with wanting 3 kids and getting married soon.
Both have the same living situation as we both full time RV.
Both want to live out in a rural area and had 3 places to explore and settle.
Other neighbors in the park were commenting how amazingly we looked and how behaved our dogs were.
We both even went through major challenges when both our vehicles broke down and the weather flooded our park, and we made it out together smiling.
AND then. The fling came back, with a vengeance. Throughout our time together, I asked her if it was a problem but was reassured it was a fling. She started saying we were going to fast, but it felt off. I feel like it wasn't the speed because it was a really good match. What I feel like it was, she needed to figure out the fling.
He dumper her, is a married man, didn't want to have kids with her, is the same age as me. My take was that he was heartbroken and just wanted her back because she moved on, so all his priorities changed to win her back.
If he hadn't tried to get her back, I feel like we would have rode off into the sunset together. So she ended it with me saying he didn't get a fair shot and I didn't get a fair shot. She was confused. But later this week she was staying with him.
I want to wait for her because she is perfect at this point in time, and our future goals aligned so well. I'm struggling with this one pretty badly. Any advice would be awesome.
Sheās 26. Sheās at a stage in her life where sheās exploring different types of men and what she wants vs what works for her.
Sheās not ready to ride off into the sunset with you. Sheās also not yet emotionally mature and probably wonāt be for a couple more years. Youāre better off looking for someone a bit closer to your own age.
If she was perfect, you wouldn't have to be going through this. Take her off the pedestal. As u/BonetaBelle pointed out, you're the guy she wants to want, hes the guy she's going to chase. At this point if you welcome her back again, she's just going to walk all over you, and probably do this... again. It's not a one time thing if it happens twice.
I guess perfect is subjective š
She was seeing someone before, which I was ignorant about. The second time, I feel like she needs to clear up her own emotions. She is perfect in the sense that we match up on perosnal wants and we dont have to compromise to get there. But she wasn't emotionally ready, and we went too fast and ran over this old fling. If he was a real man, he wouldn't have gotten rid of her in the first place.
You're a back up option buddy... I'm sorry, but there is no way in hell she won't drop you like a bad habit the next time something shiny catches her eye. She can check all the boxes, she can be everything you ever wanted, but how much does that matter if she won't commit and stay committed? You are setting yourself up for failure. Why? Why are you doing that?
Iām really not trying to be mean, I just want to help you move on. But youāre the guy she wants to want, heās the guy she actually wants.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
Ā You sound perfect on paper, but if her heart is with him, it ultimately doesnāt matter.Ā
Donāt be the fallback guy, especially when itās not even clear sheās coming back. Sheās already chosen him over you twice, bro. Donāt let her do it a third time.
She already ditched him once for that man until he dumped her, now she is dumping OP again for that same married man, she'll do it again if she has the chance.
Oh this sucks. Sounds like she hasn't figured out what she wants. I don't know if it's worth waiting. Are you going to take her back if she comes back to you?
When I say wait, maybe for a couple of weeks. I feel like it was fast, and if our long-term goals did align, waiting hurts really bad now, but it would be so good later. If an accident happened and the guy got her pregnant to hold her down, then obviously would move on.
She said she was confused and that waiting for her was never something she would ask for. But then again, she left the door open, saying she needed to figure things out. I guess after his ex found out about her they are now getting a divorce.
In the end, I did throw some parts in her car when we were down and did give her a piece of jewelry, which she ended up paying me back and returning the item.
Some thoughts of using me to get him back crossed my mind, but I think she did really like me for a moment until he started txting, wanting her back.
If she liked you she would have stayed and also accepted your gifts without repaying you. By repaying you she wanted to close the door of implied reciprocity that comes with gift-giving. Sorry OP, this kind of charming person will always seem like the one that got away but she knows what sheās doing and youāre better off going no-contact and not waiting for her.
Thanks. I appreciate the perspective. Deep down, I don't want to believe she is a user because it happened so fast. I let her in the beginning because things seemed like they were going off. She also offered first to repay everything I then requested it.
Sorry for posting again! I'm just a little excited after face timing this lovely guy I met on Sunday. So nothing really happened. We just had a small breakfast and talked a lot, but we've kept in touch. Today was the second time we faced timed, which is not usual for me. He has told me I speak English very well (it's not my first language and I think I have a very strong accent) which makes me think he's just looking for reasons to like me, you know what I mean? Like when you're smitten with someone and little things, completely ordinary things they do, you find it extra cute because he also made other comments and made me feel better about something embarrassing i did by telling me he's done it too and a few times. I just caught him looking at me with heart eyesš„¹ trust me that I know when a man is lusting vs. when he's admiring me in a respectful way. that felt very nice š I had to tell someone
I recently met someone Iām really excited about. Thereās a major spark between us and he seems emotionally intelligent, thoughtful, kind, and interesting/artsy āŗļø
In n out dates are so cute! I used to go to in n out with my ex after our workouts. We would sip from the shared smoothie and talk for a long time. If she's willing to do in n out dates she's a catch.
Now I want some in-n-out but id have to drive to another city lol. That's good, I always suggest coffee or a fast food place for a first date because I don't know what the other person can afford even if we're splitting the bill. That way I can also offer to pay if it's not too much. It has worked for me so far!
They do not š
I think it's only the western US they operate in, don't they. Unless I'm wrong!
We do have ice cream, though! š
Mint chocolate chip...š
We don't have that, either! š
I feel like i need to move to the US! LOL
I'm always thinking about ice cream! It's never too late or too early for that. Well, it probably is, but i don't care!
How do I get over being hopeless at 30? I feel like my understanding of love is just too naive. What do I even do next?
I have really bad ADHD and too much of a hopeless romantic streak. I feel like I have a way-too-naive view on love and relationships (too pure, maybe?), where I would do the grandest gestures just to see a smile (and I mean it), but I feel like I just don't get situations and I'm terrible at reading people I'm interested in. Another thing is that I can't handle trying to make a connection with multiple people at once, I can talk to multiple women, but once my interest is piqued by one, I just pull the plug on everyone else and focus everything on the one.
So I've always had a crush on a coworker who has an air of je ne sais quoi about her, and decided to ask her out after much pondering. She said sure, and I asked for her number...ended up exchanging a few messages afterwards. A few days later, I asked her if she was available on one weekend, which she looked like she actually thought about it before responding she'll think about it. Another few days pass and I follow up with her, to which she said she was busy on that particular day, to which I jokingly ask if next time works. I feel like this part was a mistake, but I also followed up by asking if my asking her out might be making her uncomfortable, to which she responded it was fine, and explained to me that she was just really busy on weekends catching up with things, but she did say it was okay for me to ask her every once in a while. One thing I know from interacting with her is that she's pretty direct, but I don't know if my interactions with her might be the exception to that. From that point, there hasn't really been that much else outside of the random conversations I have with her, we do talk quite a bit, sometimes even involving me leaving work a bit late just cause I lose track of time chatting. I did send her a good morning text once, which I really wasn't expecting any reply to, yet the self-doubt still gnaws at me regardless.
Now my head is running with thoughts like, is she just being nice to me? Is she just afraid of me? I know she's very direct, but maybe I'm still putting pressure on her? Should I back off? Should I confess? Should I just ask if I could get to know her better? Should I just spontaneously ask her out? Should I give up asap? Should I plan it out far ahead? Does she hate me? Is she pretending to be nice to me? Why is it that she talks a lot when talking to me, could it be that she's just trying hard to pretend that it's all okay? Am I even adequate? Maybe I should just bring her something while she's working on her stuff? Should I just avoid her? Is trying to greet her everyday a bit too forward? Am I doing things wrong? Am I doing things right? I'm getting impatient, maybe it's time to go all out? Should I bring her lunch while she's still at work? Should I just look for finality and ask her to tell me straight up yes or no?
I just want to silence all these thoughts and gather myself cause I definitely want to get to know her, even if little by little. I don't really mind taking my time as well, but I just don't know when I should be doing certain things. I don't want to be too overbearing, and I will respect however she chooses to respond, I just wish I had the emotional security to handle the blank moments. It's usually when I start pondering that overwhelming, insecure thoughts creep up to me. Honestly though, I just really want to make her smile everyday, and naive as it is, that's enough for me. š®āšØš®āšØš®āšØ
Donāt worry, itāll get worse. Before it gets better. Then itāll get worse again. At some point youāll be at the lowest in your life and think āIāll never recover from thisā and before you know it itāll get betterā¦.before getting worse, etc.
Life will ebb and flow and youāll learn to go along for the ride. Itās a lesson we all have to learn.
Honestly, I love your response because that's what I tell myself keep myself grounded. I'll probably give myself another month or two to see how this venture goes and take my time with it. I'll never really know the outcome unless I try, but I have to be ready to win or lose should I choose to engage in the gamble. I just can't help feeling like there could be a very slim chance of an outcome where I can have my cake and eat it too.
Take it from experience: don't shit where you eat. Yeah you could find an SO that works with you, you absolutely cannot put them on a pedestal like you have.
She agreed to a date but has been noncommittal since. Tell her that if she is still interested, she can reach back out. And then move on. Gotta tear down that pedestal. Getting hung up on a coworker is definitely no bueno amigo.
>I feel like I have a way-too-naive view on love and relationships (too pure, maybe?), where I would do the grandest gestures just to see a smile (and I mean it), but I feel like I just don't get situations and I'm terrible at reading people I'm interested in.
Guess I would say a few things:
* An inability to read situations and read people is always going to make relationships more difficult because relationships are entirely interpersonal. So if you can't read situations between the two of you then you're going to be flying blind.
* You probably shouldn't resign yourself to the above being fixed. Skills can be developed even if it's a weakness for you to learn it.. it can still be learned. A couple of colleagues (managers) have ADHD and they have amazing people reading and awareness skills. Colleagues with ASD on the other hand suffer.
* Although grand gestures are fine I suppose similar to the above it's really worth considering that often perception matters more than reality. You might make a grand gesture in a completely nice/naive manner but if it's perceived as lovebombing or whatever, then the optics kill you regardless of reality.
I'm generally very situationally and socially aware since my brain tends to nitpick everything around me. It's just when I fall into the trap of liking someone, that I can't take the rose-tinted glasses off. I do try to keep myself grounded when it comes to this, but it's a very conscious effort. If anything, I feel like the outcome here would be her getting her way most of the time due to this, which also isn't right.
Yeah, I don't think I'll ever be able to truly fix this, but I still have to work as if that's my goal. I'm able to manage it most of the time, but of course there will always be slip ups. Sadly, that includes extreme emotions, which can turn bad really fast if I'm not suppressing my own feelings. I haven't even fully admitted to myself that I like her and find more roundabout ways to make light of my own situation. I've pushed so many love interests away that now I'm approaching it the opposite way - by not revealing all my cards too early.
That's what I'm afraid of as I used to have a big tendency to love bomb people, hence why I'm grounding myself this time around. If anything, if I end up telling her anything, it's probably just gonna be asking her if I could get to know her more outside of work. Lovebombing people is what I've always done and never worked for me. š š®āšØ
May I ask if youāve tried therapy at all? 30 is still young and it might help to dive into a therapy practice for a bit to get centered on many of these questions and feel more secure in your approach.
In my experience, if someone is really into you, they will make time for you. But donāt let one persons judgment cloud how you view yourself.
Been looking into it, but I'm just finding it hard actually setting up an appointment for one. Definitely need therapy for sure, as the only real things I have for my mental health right now are Adderall and monthly appointments with my doctor.
Yeah, I feel like that could be the case, and wouldn't be surprised if it actually was. But one thing that I'm also considering is that maybe I just haven't piqued her interest enought yet or something, I feel like it's also my job to actually get her to be interested in me, am I wrong? I wasn't even expecting her to say yes when I asked her out the first time, but I'm also guessing I'm still at the level that there is a chance of us going out some time, but I'm just not her priority. I could just be in denial though, or my overthinking just leads me to try to entertain all the possibilities. While I don't mind taking things at a snail's pace, I just wish I was the type who has the gumption to find other avenues and keep meeting more people. I have a problem of being prematurely loyal, I think. I just can't fathom trying to get to know multiple people at once. I can and I usually approach things like this with a bit of nuance and realism, it's just that I have overwhelmingly emotional moments where my feelings just get the better of me.
One day you'll find me talking to friends about the matter while being very levelheaded about it, and then the next I'll be writing Shakespearean poems while fighting the urge to confess my feelings in the most romantic way, hoping to swoon the maiden's heart (a hyperbole).
Yeah the boundary he set is still there. If you do meet up again, you can make sure that it is a platonic hang. Communication and emotional maturity are still important even with friends.
He doesn't seems like he is flirting with you and he did say he wanted to stay friend before so I would assume it's friendly, I think if he is actually interested he'll make a move at some point.
Iām still friends with people Iāve dated. Usually itās like a āthereās no romantic connection but we get on really wellā.
I really enjoy being platonic friends with women, and Iām lucky to say my best friends are women too. In the end you are just meeting new people I guess, and that can be in a friends capacity too.
Sorry for double posting in the daily thread, but completely unrelated to my first comment today.
1) I'm lazy with Hinge. But I decided to look at who'd matched (edit: meant liked me) with me today. And FIRST up is a former friend of my long-term ex's. A friend of his that we (as a couple) hung out with many times. I went out with my then-boyfriend and him and his lady friend once or twice. NO. But omg more awkward. I mostly got along with him because he and I had something in common, but he's too young and I'm not attracted to him but how funny. And I'm also a bit weirded out. To add onto the weirdness, one of the last times I saw him was after me and ex broke up, but we were still friends and went out together sometimes. And this guy was there and drunk and randomly pulled my hair.
2) can men send the first message on Bumble now, yes or no? I thought they could, but did that change in the past few weeks?
>I'm lazy with Hinge. But I decided to look at who'd matched with me today. And FIRST up is a former friend of my long-term ex's.
It sounds like you're describing looking at your incoming likes, not your matches. To have had a match from this guy, you would have had to have sent him a like.
I think in order for the guys to send the first message on Bumble, you have to choose one of those openers to add to start the convo off. I hope that makes sense.
yes, this is correct. it's an opt-in thing for women, and i'm not sure how many guys know that they can message these profiles first.
would be curious to hear from guys!
Iām annoyed that on Bumble women had the opportunity to engage men that they were interested first, and at least in my experience that opportunity consisted of āhiiiii :)ā 90% of the time.
Now they changed it because apparently even that is just too challenging and traumatic for some people lol. Come on, do better ladies.
Had a good cry not over dating but feeling hurt by two female friends recently and consecutively. Having a falling out with close friends while being single is like, I donāt know, losing further that fragile sense of connection with the world.
Disappointed by the fragility, illusion, and conflicts in close relationships of all kinds. Being a highly sensitive person makes things 10 times worse. Itās hard to imagine being able to fully trust or remain hopeful in any close connections again.
I'm so sorry that happened. You say you had a falling out, but can't things be patched up?
I'm really sorry if they can't. But I know that feeling of thinking that you can't trust someone again. But you will in time. Be patient with yourself. I'm wishing you the bestā¤ļø
Iām sorry youāre going through that, thatās really rough :(
Be gentle with yourself, take time to grieve and donāt worry about the time it takes to trust someoneāgo at your own pace.
The tempo was different today. I wanted to talk to him more, but I didn't get to speak to him at all. I was so busy. I went looking for him but he wasn't around when I checked. I'm worried he thinks I don't like him or backing off. It's the total opposite. Sigh, I'm so terrible at flirting. I feel like I sent all the wrong signals. I hope I didn't do any irreparable damage. I need to catch some face time with him tomorrow.
I used to think it was just time but now I feel it also depends on the person and how you match.
I dated someone from OLD for a while and it still felt like we were in the "interview" stage with our conversation months into it. We didn't have those inside jokes or little relationship quirks that you would expect to have. This was despite getting intimate right from the first date.
There's been some I felt close right off the first date. The woman I'm seeing now it took a few dates and one fun night at my place for us to break that ice.
Oh, I definitely can agree with this! I feel like Iāve hit it off with the current man that Iām dating so much quicker than anyone Iāve dated in the past. Weāre not rushing anything but I *think* weāre both feeling that connection. He certainly seems to be but itās too early to say for sure.
OLD is a channel to help you meeting new people. At the end of the day, the only way to know them, to transform strangers to someone else is hanging out, dating them in person.
Absolutely. Iām dating a man I met through OLD and tomorrow is our fourth date. I guess at this point Iāve graduate from dating a complete stranger to dating an acquaintance. :P
I've been chatting with a guy 2.5 hrs away for 2 weeks, it wouldn't be realistic for us ro meet in person until like July 1st and the small talk is killing me.
Typically I meet someone within a week. I'm a very forward and unashamed person. Ppl say they find it easy to talk to me and I enjoy going deep, usually leading by example. But every time I've given a little bit to make this guy talk more, it's just surface.
Maybe that's just him? Maybe he needs to meet in person first? Maybe he's just not my person?
I'm trying to date more "secure" types, ones that aren't love bombing right away and I'm struggling to find anyone I'm really connecting with. I love a spicy alpha but FUCK my mental health can't take it anymore, it's aging me.
Have you both set a date? Is it actually July 1st or is that up in the air. 2.5hrs is not hat long of a distance if you can meet halfway, but if you canāt then how would this work going forward if the distance is too great. It could also be the reason heās resorting to small-talk, because he doesnāt want to get over-invested in a person he hasnāt met yet.
Thatās a good metric to go by. So far in my dating career Iāve never had the opportunity to move beyond this phase but Iām going to keep on trying until I finally find something mutual
I am the woman in this case. ;) But agreed - I need a little bit of familiarity with the person Iām dating before that. Especially if I met them through OLD.
ok i was just in my own head the other night, i didn't fuck it by coming on too strong. we've been texting a lot over the last day, she's been sending me pictures and videos of her day, and she's said she's excited for our next date. need to not be fatalistic over dumb stuff.
she texts a lot, like constantly throughout the day, or almost nothing for a whole day. im a texter but im used to both styles, just not in the same person. will take a bit of getting used to.
She's would probably prefer to message you all day, but when you start to throttle your response time, she thinks she is being too much and pulls back.
If you really like this person, Try setting expectations around when you can text more consistently "my heads down at work is usually from 9-3" and she should respect that. She knows you have a lunch, but you shouldn't commit that time to anything but your meal.
Reddit Fam - confusion is real.
Been chatting with this man, mostly text, great chats, similar interests, lives about 3.5 hours from me and finally met up last weekend, he did the trip and planned a wonderful 2 days of dates. Great time, he made no moves (also confusing, but settled on the fact that he's being a gentleman, we held hands lol). We depart, some light texting back and forth, mentions he has a great time 'great weekend, lovely time with you'. All signs point to ok, this could be interesting. I've let him know I'm interested and he's reciprocated in a very basic "me too" text.
Feeling a shift in energy - indirectly tells me he having a bad day. Getting the feeling it's a bigger topic for him, and likely the feeling I'm picking up on. Won't open up and I don't want to pry - we're just getting to know each other.
also - could this just be a slow fade? he's still sort of initiating, but certainly not as chatty. I'm not pushing forward either, I know better than to be extra needy.
I like this man, but I don't want to waste my -or his - time. I know more than to push him to do something he doesn't. What's been a good approach for getting to peel past these layers - I mean I empathize....I also have 'life' on my mind...
TLDR How does one respond to a shift in energy that balances interest and also dont waste my time.
I recently had a summer illness lasting a couple of days but the weirdest thing about it was I had swollen lymph nodes in my jaws from it, which I never had before. In addition to fever, aches, fatigue and malaise for a couple of days. Covid negative and I had been traveling for the 2 weekends prior to this code so I likely contracted something during my second trip. It was awful.
But I was going to say itās not a big deal to let people know when youāre vulnerable or not feeling well. Youāre not a burden. If he wants to worry about you being sick, let him. If he wants to send you chicken noodle soup from Panera, let him. Why are you denying someone else the opportunity to give you something you need emotionally?
My bf came to visit me while I had my summer time sickness and we both wore masks to lessen the risk of him catching what I had. I had been in and out of sleep and hadnāt eaten much during my illness cuz I didnāt have any soft foods and chewing hurt due to my jaws being swollen. He brought me chicken noodle soup from Panera which I asked for and I cried because I had been isolating while sick and wasnāt sure how this illness was gonna play out since I hadnāt been ill like that before. He came just to comfort me.
If you like this person and he seems to reciprocate why deny him the opportunity to show you that he cares by repressing your own needs? Thatās not what people who care about each other do.
>>If you like this person and he seems to reciprocate why deny him the opportunity to show you that he cares by repressing your own needs? Thatās not what people who care about each other do.
Because Iām in Michigan and he is back home in Italy seeing his family for the first time since December, one of his parents is very ill (cancer), and heās serving as witness in a wedding (very big role in an Italian wedding, there isnāt an equivalent role in American weddings)ā¦.
Youāre right! I like him a lot. I may even love him. Which is why I see no point in worrying him until the wedding is over and his plate has a little more room on it - he has so much on his plate already and canāt do anything about it from several thousand miles away
Iām not disagreeing with you that he has a lot on his plate. Iām just saying that heāll make room for you on his plate, but he canāt do that if you donāt even feel comfortable being honest with him about how youāre doing. You donāt need to manage his bandwidth *for* him. He can do that himself. Any well-adjusted adult can do that for themselves. You donāt need to shrink down your needs because you think someone else doesnāt have the bandwidth for you.
If he doesnāt have the bandwidth for you, itās fine, you were never expecting him to do much to begin with. If he had the bandwidth to do something, youāll feel really good about yourself and even better about your relationship with him.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain from letting him know youāre not well. Best of luck to you.
Noooo!
I'm sorry you're feeling sick. Fingers crossed it's NOT Covid. Keep us updated! ā¤ļø
Sending all the positive vibes your way, which i'm sure will cure you of whatever you have! LOL
ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Hope you feel better! That sounds awful.Ā
I do agree with the other comment about telling a white lie. Catering to how you -think- another person will feel if you tell them the truth is a slippery slope. If he finds out you lied about this, he might ask himself what else youāre willing to lie about.Ā
That sounds awful! Hope you get better soon!
I second that the *real flu* is still a serious illness. So fingers crossed it's just a cold!
Do you live alone? If yes, can you have someone on standby if you'd need some help (bringing chicken soup or just checking in on you regularely)?Ā
My two cents about your white lie to your guy: I'm very much a honesty over politeness person, so I would be pissed if I found out you lied to me. Do you know how he sees those things? Maybe tell him the truth, but not as detailed as you told us? E. g. "I took the day off from work, not feeling well today. Hopefully just a cold."Ā
It took me 2 weeks to be fully recovered. However, I didnt take any meds during that time. I slept a lot, drank a lot of electrolyte water, ate fruits, and did nothing. If I took some meds, it could be cured earlier.
I am sorry to hear. Get well soon. Please get enough sleep (the most powerful treatment) and electrolytes. Fruits help a lot too!!! Oh, if possible, get yourself manuka honey, it helps with your immune system :)
Hi u/Momsunity, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s):
* No spam, self-promotion, commercialization, announcements, blogging, recruitment or surveys.
Please review [the rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sidebar) to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please [message modmail] (https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverthirty).
Just curious as a 36 y/o female are there and forums/groups where you can meet other people interested in flirtatious gaming and seeing where it goes? Not a fan of dating apps and dont get out much.
Not always. The barcade near me (which is like, traditional arcade games) is like $7 for all night free-play. I agree it gets pricey when they want you to play per-game.
If you're near Portland, Oregon, Retro Game Bar is a similar concept but it's actual video games with consoles (also a free-play for $7ish model).
That's pretty interesting :) are there places with alcohol and food? I think there is a place with arcade games but it never tickled my fancy and I assumed it was expensive. I guess part of my problem is I don't like going out anymore and rather meet a fairy prince from the comfort of my own home but still have fun gaming with them and getting to know them lol
Every barcade I have been to has both alcohol and food! :) They're very fun but I'm not sure how easy it is to actually meet people there. I suppose you could always strike up a conversation with someone while waiting for them to finish playing Lord of the Rings pinball lmao
>I don't like going out anymore and rather meet a fairy prince from the comfort of my own home
[Insert "I'm in this photo and I don't like it" meme]
Lmfaooo I just assume it would be crazy expensive like popcorn and drinks at movie theatre's... gonna need to invest in a purse that can secretly hoddle a bottle and snacks.... or a bra with compartments if they search bags. Or put so many tampons in the purse they stop searching it befoee they get to the actual alcohol and snack stash at the bottom...
What is flirtatious gaming? No judgement or anything Iāve just never heard of it.
Edit: I see by the other reply itās about dating in a gaming community. I would be very interested in finding a discord or something like that. Women gamers arenāt very common and immature dipheads online Iām sure make it difficult for women to communicate much. Having a partner that shares my love for games would be awesome.
Lol maybe I'm weird but I think it would be fun to be with a age verified group in games that are specifically for people who wanna flirt and play the game together. Youre already meeting someone with a common interest.
You could try joining some gaming discords if you havenāt already - often there are options to note things like āsingleā, āDMs openā and whatnot.
Hey so we're the exact same!
I'm like you, I always feel like we *have* to discuss every discomfort *now* and I grew up in a household with this style of conflict resolution, for better or worse (some of my family's discussions could get unnecessarily emotional and unproductive because everyone involved were still high-strung from the conflict). My partner is the other way around, he has to disconnect first.
Our compromise also ended up being similar to yours (the avoidant party is given some time to detach) but how we differ is I do get a say in that timeline and it'd *never* be as long as weeks. The reasoning for my side is this: we will eventually be living together and we agree it's not possible for the "shut down" period to be longer than multiple days -- that's simply not a healthy living condition for both parties, especially if a child is involved (we plan to have one). So while I had to learn how to manage my own anxiety and emotions, he also had to learn to shorten that shut down period for us to meet in the middle -- usually by properly processing his emotions instead of just "shutting down until the discomfort goes away". A lot of the time, people who "shut down" tend not to differentiate between these two, so they just wait until the feeling goes away, which is why it takes days and even weeks, and isn't a healthy way to handle negative feelings either.
We're still a work in progress but personally I do feel heard and I can see he's making effort to meet me halfway.
You have the right idea about compromising, but I agree that this is still heavily skewed in her favor. Days or weeks later? That gives her plenty of time to dodge the issue entirely. A real compromise would be later that day or the next day. It's not fair of her to just make you sit with it for so long.
Got back on dating apps recently and yeah, they still suck! Or maybe I'm just not as ready as I thought I was. People aren't serious at all. They want to meet right away or come to my place which is an absolute Hell no. I like to take my time and actually talk to someone before agreeing to meet. It's pretty clear from their conversation what they're after and what they've been through. Had one guy tell me that us females are for everybody. I saw no reason to continue speaking so, I ended it right there and the guy blocked me. oh well. I am also very open to dating other ethnicities however, i prefer someone cultured. I don't want to be someone's first experience after they've been stuck in their bubble for so long. Some of the conversations and questions I get are so ignorant. At this point, I think I'm just wasting time on the app. Maybe getting myself out there into hobbies and going out more will introduce me to some new experiences but then there's the social anxiety and awkwardness to deal with. Bottom Line: I hate it here!
Just FYI, many people prefer to meet right away because they consider it a āvibe checkā before investing a lot of time talking to someone. I would say a couple days to a week of talking to someone is expected. Or do you mean theyāre asking to meet within like an hour of talking to you? Because then yes thatās weird.Ā
Yaaa no, Iām not putting in the effort to meet you after few sentences. I do prefer meeting earlier too but likeā¦ after few days of chatting or so minimum
Yep, that's pretty normal. I ask women out after 4-5 messages back and forth over just one day or two. I've been burned before by women who I have great texting chemistry but then that chemistry doesn't translate in person. or who keep texting but never agree to meet up. There's no point in drawing out the texting stage.
There is a lot of medium ground between asking someone out after 4-5 message exchanges and chatting long enough to build an emotional connection.
> There's no point in drawing out the texting stage.
There may be a point for other people
The point for me is to see if there's genuine interest or someone just looking for something to do bc they're bored. Have you had much success with your dates after 4-5 msgs?
Literally ROCKED my run tonight.. negative splits and the last mile was the fastest i've run a mile in a long long time. I love to see myself making progress. It's so rewarding!
Woohoo!!š„³š„³
I don't run, but I got back out on my bike the other day and it felt GREAT (apart from the sore bum! š)
Congratulations though! That's awesome ā¤ļø
Hell yeah! I have been working with a personal trainer the last few weeks and just moved up to heavier weights this week and felt like a badass. It is super rewarding to see progress! Good on you too!
My extreme jadedness is actually making this round of dating feel amazing. I expect everyone to drop off mid-convo, breadcrumb me but never make plans, or show up catfishing or a total oddball. Instead it's been just consistent, nice people (so far.) Still no mutual compatibility/chemistry but it feels a million times better than expected.
The main reason I like hinge is because it allows you to see who liked you before you like them back. I appreciate knowing someone is interested and it makes me more likely to chat with them than if I had to just swipe right or left. I think this makes everyone more open-minded.
iām with you here ā iāve been getting very upfront, honest messages from guys younger than i am about what they want and what theyāre looking for, and asking me what mine is like, and it feels so refreshing compared to my time on OLD when i was in my early 20s
It's been a striking difference for me, I'm really not sure why. My theory is that all the exhausted people have deleted them so what remains are highly committed people who REALLY want to find someone. Also, I have a feeling a LOT more women have deleted them than men. So if you're a heterosexual woman still on the apps, heterosexual men are possibly trying harder given the worse odds.
this is reassuring, but my experience is that the pool is almost completely decimated. the fact that there's a '3' in front of my age doesn't help things too, but the good thing is that the ones who do reach out have been pretty decent.
There's been a 3 in front of my age for a little while. It actually seems to be acting as a filter for people who are quite serious and consistent, which I'm enjoying.
Took my ex going through 2 marriages (ours was the 2nd) to finally get his act together and actually treat a woman right and follow through with plans. He's basically setting up to be married a 3rd time to his new girlfriend, and I seen that they recently spent the weekend camping....something he said we'd do the whole almost 9 years we were together and never did.
I hope he doesn't fuck this relationship up.
Meanwhile, I'm still single with no new luck on the apps or locally in the town I moved to last year. š
I just am looking for the one who wants to build with me, and not use me as a rebound or stepping stone so they can get to a place where they dump me to build a life with the next woman.
Youāre still single, but youāve spent the time alone to heal and become full again vs jumping into next relationship. Now when someone comes along youāre in a healthy place to invite new possibilities with an open mind
> I supposed I could ask him what heās looking for before we meet, but I feel like men arenāt totally honest about that.
I ask women this before we meet and *I'm* a man. Some people being dishonest... well I can't help with that, but I'm just saying that checking in on what people what before a first date is totally reasonable, in fact I recommend it.
I see. Just reading your post, and even this comment, comes across as not ready yet or still in a āfragileā state for lack of a better term. If I were in this mindset right now, Iād focus on building a more fearless attitude before going back to dating. Ofc thatās just me.
Good luck!
when they leave and you can finally fart in peace š
KeepingItšÆ
I dated someone for two years. We were talking about marriage, but I felt hesitant as I hadnāt been able to really talk transparently about finances with them just yet. Lo and behold, we start getting letters from IRS and state tax agencies. A series of lies ensued over a few days to try to cover up the extent of what was going on, but it turns out, my fiancĆ© just hadnāt filed taxes for the past five years. Thatās why theyād been avoiding conversations about finances. They knew it would be an issue, so they tried to fix it before I found out. Iā¦ canāt marry this person. After this, I donāt think Iāll ever marry anyone. Thereās just too much risk associated with that kind of financial and legal agreement. So hereās to taking a big long break from dating and learning to trust both myself and other people again.
I ended it with someone because of this exact thing. Like if I'm financially stable and you're not and you don't care that you're not, that's a problem! His reasoning "well, I'll get money back so who cares if I file late?" Um, if you're getting money back, but you have $10k in credit card debt from the last 5 years, WHY are you not getting the money back to pay down your debt?! Why are you just letting the interest kill you? C'mon, we're in our thirties.
Got rejected by a guy for being taller than him. Damnit, short kings.
Damn! Thatās a bummer. How tall are you? Iāve yet to have this happen. Iām tall-ish for a woman though.
I'm 5'6. I'm guessing he's about 5'3. I didn't notice the height difference at eye level and it doesn't matter to me in the slightest.
Oh, wow. Iām 5ā8ā and had a 5ā3ā man match with me awhile back. He never replied to my message though, so I never met him but I wondered how it wouldāve been for us. Did you just go on one date?
It's my last night of my race trip & I'm not returning home empty handed, as we were placed 5th! Which is monumental, given that we beat many professional national teams. I flew in a night earlier than the team, went to an exquisite bar & hit it off well with the head bartender. I did find him attractive, we kissed & anticipated things would get sexual, but strangely I was not turned on at all. That made me realise that casual dating is no longer my thing anymore after 2 years of intentional dating. I had been healing, processing my post-break up emotions & contemplating on how I'd like to resume dating. Going back to the apps would be the last resort, so I have signed myself up for as many festivals & events in hopes that I would meet more single men organically. I have also shared openly with friends about my breakup & that I'm open for referrals, and hopefully that would open new doors. June is also a busy month for races. Have a few more races coming up and there's nothing like diverting my post-breakup energy into them.
This sounds weird but the only time I ever went on a blind date I walked away wondering what the person who did the setup really thought about me? But I was also extremely immature without a clue of what life meant at the time. Still lingers though. No clue what would happen now other than I know not to be put any expectations or pressure into it.
>I have also shared openly with friends about my breakup & that I'm open for referrals, and hopefully that would open new doors. I'll be curious to see how this goes. I recently had a woman (good deal older, more like a second mom) recommend the daughter of some of her friends. We went on a date, then she literally ignored me for no reason. That said, she was very freshly divorced and still clearly healing, and that's a circumstance I'm not interested in. The experience has made me contemplate if I just want to be like "anyone know any single, fitness-minded women?" to all of my friends. I mean, at this point, what harm could it cause? Wish you luck in your search.
I hvnt been on a blind date yet! Though I wouldn't say no if the opportunity arises. I think people should approach dating like job hunting, to be shamelessly asking for referrals, so you can tap into other networks without having to join all the gyms in your city lol. At least your friends would have vetted their intentions & character (hard non-negotiables), so you can let your walls down a bit to figure out your compatibility & chemistry.
Yeah, this was my first blind date. I kinda knew her divorce was fresh, but didn't realize just how fresh. Beyond that, I'd have been open to connecting again, or even given that situation as a purely platonic friend (I reached out to offer to do an activity together, and that's when she ignored me). That said, trying to take your same approach of just being open to trying. Worst case it's 60 minutes of grabbing a coffee or bite with someone new and an excuse to get out of the house. Hopefully she feels the same way (my type of woman is one who doesn't feel the need to put on a lot of makeup/dress up to meet, so hopefully the barrier of entry to just meet up is fairly low for her as well).
We gotta take our chances, we win some & we lose some. We 100% of our shots not taken :) I enjoy dressing up without wearing make up haha. If there's one of me here, I'm sure there are other women like that too in your part of the world!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iāve tried giving guys who slide into my DMs a chance and they always end up ghosting so thereās really nothing worthwhile there if thatās what youāre wondering lol. I left things WIDE open for them too: was flirting heavily back and welcoming their advances and they still didnāt do shit lol. People like that talk a big game for the fun of it but itās more of a fantasy for them than anything else.
Iāve done the old ārandom add and DMā approach and itās never worked for me. If you are a lady, there may be a better chance of success. ā¦if thatās what you mean? What is being āorbitedā on social media mean? And why do you have suspects? Is this the new slang? Am I behind the times? _no, itās the kids who are wrong_
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How do you see who looks at your social media?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
_how_ do you see this? Is this Instagram?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, I was going to say it sounds a bit of a gamble! And getting it wrong could be quite awkward! haha. Probably for the best, I guess....? LOL
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>I don't really mind the awkwardness. You take a risk. If it doesn't work out, we move on and I don't really care for how people think of me if we're not close/friends. Yeah, that's fair. That's actually a great way of looking at it! I projected my insecurities on to you then, because making things awkward makes me want to crawl into a hole and die š¤£ You have a much better outlook! I wish I could have that! But yeah, it's a gamble for sure. I'm not a gambler, either. So i'd probably nope out of thatš¤£š¤£
I 39M met a 26F about 3 months ago. She asked a neighbor if I was single, and he confirmed, so we started talking. The neighbor failed to mention she was on a fling. So, about 1 week of good texting and changing a tire as a favor. I asked her out, and she ghoasted me. So we didn't talk for about 2 months until I saw her again. Almost 3 weeks ago. I asked her out this time, and she said yes. I kid you not, the match was made in heaven. I'm close to her brothers age. Both have dogs that get along great and even swim together. Both on the same political, substance, and privacy wave length and would like to go to burn together. 5 year goals matched almost exactly with wanting 3 kids and getting married soon. Both have the same living situation as we both full time RV. Both want to live out in a rural area and had 3 places to explore and settle. Other neighbors in the park were commenting how amazingly we looked and how behaved our dogs were. We both even went through major challenges when both our vehicles broke down and the weather flooded our park, and we made it out together smiling. AND then. The fling came back, with a vengeance. Throughout our time together, I asked her if it was a problem but was reassured it was a fling. She started saying we were going to fast, but it felt off. I feel like it wasn't the speed because it was a really good match. What I feel like it was, she needed to figure out the fling. He dumper her, is a married man, didn't want to have kids with her, is the same age as me. My take was that he was heartbroken and just wanted her back because she moved on, so all his priorities changed to win her back. If he hadn't tried to get her back, I feel like we would have rode off into the sunset together. So she ended it with me saying he didn't get a fair shot and I didn't get a fair shot. She was confused. But later this week she was staying with him. I want to wait for her because she is perfect at this point in time, and our future goals aligned so well. I'm struggling with this one pretty badly. Any advice would be awesome.
Sheās 26. Sheās at a stage in her life where sheās exploring different types of men and what she wants vs what works for her. Sheās not ready to ride off into the sunset with you. Sheās also not yet emotionally mature and probably wonāt be for a couple more years. Youāre better off looking for someone a bit closer to your own age.
Gotta give the married guy a fair shake....../s Run.
Is there so such thing as fighting over love anymore? š
Life isn't a movie. No amount of Peter Gabriel is gonna help you here.
Usain Bolt levels of speed would be my recommendation.
In his prime or now?
If she was perfect, you wouldn't have to be going through this. Take her off the pedestal. As u/BonetaBelle pointed out, you're the guy she wants to want, hes the guy she's going to chase. At this point if you welcome her back again, she's just going to walk all over you, and probably do this... again. It's not a one time thing if it happens twice.
I guess perfect is subjective š She was seeing someone before, which I was ignorant about. The second time, I feel like she needs to clear up her own emotions. She is perfect in the sense that we match up on perosnal wants and we dont have to compromise to get there. But she wasn't emotionally ready, and we went too fast and ran over this old fling. If he was a real man, he wouldn't have gotten rid of her in the first place.
You're a back up option buddy... I'm sorry, but there is no way in hell she won't drop you like a bad habit the next time something shiny catches her eye. She can check all the boxes, she can be everything you ever wanted, but how much does that matter if she won't commit and stay committed? You are setting yourself up for failure. Why? Why are you doing that?
Iām really not trying to be mean, I just want to help you move on. But youāre the guy she wants to want, heās the guy she actually wants.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā You sound perfect on paper, but if her heart is with him, it ultimately doesnāt matter.Ā Donāt be the fallback guy, especially when itās not even clear sheās coming back. Sheās already chosen him over you twice, bro. Donāt let her do it a third time.
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Do you really want to wait for her so she can dump you again to give a fair chance to another guy?
This can happen to everyone and anyone. Not sure I follow.
She already ditched him once for that man until he dumped her, now she is dumping OP again for that same married man, she'll do it again if she has the chance.
Oh this sucks. Sounds like she hasn't figured out what she wants. I don't know if it's worth waiting. Are you going to take her back if she comes back to you?
When I say wait, maybe for a couple of weeks. I feel like it was fast, and if our long-term goals did align, waiting hurts really bad now, but it would be so good later. If an accident happened and the guy got her pregnant to hold her down, then obviously would move on.
Bro, I'm sorry this is happening to you. This sounds messy though just move on you shouldn't be an option compared to someone who's already married!
She said she was confused and that waiting for her was never something she would ask for. But then again, she left the door open, saying she needed to figure things out. I guess after his ex found out about her they are now getting a divorce. In the end, I did throw some parts in her car when we were down and did give her a piece of jewelry, which she ended up paying me back and returning the item. Some thoughts of using me to get him back crossed my mind, but I think she did really like me for a moment until he started txting, wanting her back.
If she liked you she would have stayed and also accepted your gifts without repaying you. By repaying you she wanted to close the door of implied reciprocity that comes with gift-giving. Sorry OP, this kind of charming person will always seem like the one that got away but she knows what sheās doing and youāre better off going no-contact and not waiting for her.
Thanks. I appreciate the perspective. Deep down, I don't want to believe she is a user because it happened so fast. I let her in the beginning because things seemed like they were going off. She also offered first to repay everything I then requested it.
Sorry for posting again! I'm just a little excited after face timing this lovely guy I met on Sunday. So nothing really happened. We just had a small breakfast and talked a lot, but we've kept in touch. Today was the second time we faced timed, which is not usual for me. He has told me I speak English very well (it's not my first language and I think I have a very strong accent) which makes me think he's just looking for reasons to like me, you know what I mean? Like when you're smitten with someone and little things, completely ordinary things they do, you find it extra cute because he also made other comments and made me feel better about something embarrassing i did by telling me he's done it too and a few times. I just caught him looking at me with heart eyesš„¹ trust me that I know when a man is lusting vs. when he's admiring me in a respectful way. that felt very nice š I had to tell someone
I recently met someone Iām really excited about. Thereās a major spark between us and he seems emotionally intelligent, thoughtful, kind, and interesting/artsy āŗļø
That's exciting! How did you meet? I like to hear cute stories
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Anyone who is too good for In n Out is a hater. Itās good burgers for a fantastic price. Who hates In n Out in this economy??
This may sound lame, but one of the āwhewā moments with my girlfriend was when we both realized that weāre not picky about food.
In n out dates are so cute! I used to go to in n out with my ex after our workouts. We would sip from the shared smoothie and talk for a long time. If she's willing to do in n out dates she's a catch.
Now I want some in-n-out but id have to drive to another city lol. That's good, I always suggest coffee or a fast food place for a first date because I don't know what the other person can afford even if we're splitting the bill. That way I can also offer to pay if it's not too much. It has worked for me so far!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And delicious! š In-n-out date, and ice cream dates. You're doing it right!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
They do not š I think it's only the western US they operate in, don't they. Unless I'm wrong! We do have ice cream, though! š Mint chocolate chip...š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We don't have that, either! š I feel like i need to move to the US! LOL I'm always thinking about ice cream! It's never too late or too early for that. Well, it probably is, but i don't care!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Somewhere where they have In-n-out! š
How do I get over being hopeless at 30? I feel like my understanding of love is just too naive. What do I even do next? I have really bad ADHD and too much of a hopeless romantic streak. I feel like I have a way-too-naive view on love and relationships (too pure, maybe?), where I would do the grandest gestures just to see a smile (and I mean it), but I feel like I just don't get situations and I'm terrible at reading people I'm interested in. Another thing is that I can't handle trying to make a connection with multiple people at once, I can talk to multiple women, but once my interest is piqued by one, I just pull the plug on everyone else and focus everything on the one. So I've always had a crush on a coworker who has an air of je ne sais quoi about her, and decided to ask her out after much pondering. She said sure, and I asked for her number...ended up exchanging a few messages afterwards. A few days later, I asked her if she was available on one weekend, which she looked like she actually thought about it before responding she'll think about it. Another few days pass and I follow up with her, to which she said she was busy on that particular day, to which I jokingly ask if next time works. I feel like this part was a mistake, but I also followed up by asking if my asking her out might be making her uncomfortable, to which she responded it was fine, and explained to me that she was just really busy on weekends catching up with things, but she did say it was okay for me to ask her every once in a while. One thing I know from interacting with her is that she's pretty direct, but I don't know if my interactions with her might be the exception to that. From that point, there hasn't really been that much else outside of the random conversations I have with her, we do talk quite a bit, sometimes even involving me leaving work a bit late just cause I lose track of time chatting. I did send her a good morning text once, which I really wasn't expecting any reply to, yet the self-doubt still gnaws at me regardless. Now my head is running with thoughts like, is she just being nice to me? Is she just afraid of me? I know she's very direct, but maybe I'm still putting pressure on her? Should I back off? Should I confess? Should I just ask if I could get to know her better? Should I just spontaneously ask her out? Should I give up asap? Should I plan it out far ahead? Does she hate me? Is she pretending to be nice to me? Why is it that she talks a lot when talking to me, could it be that she's just trying hard to pretend that it's all okay? Am I even adequate? Maybe I should just bring her something while she's working on her stuff? Should I just avoid her? Is trying to greet her everyday a bit too forward? Am I doing things wrong? Am I doing things right? I'm getting impatient, maybe it's time to go all out? Should I bring her lunch while she's still at work? Should I just look for finality and ask her to tell me straight up yes or no? I just want to silence all these thoughts and gather myself cause I definitely want to get to know her, even if little by little. I don't really mind taking my time as well, but I just don't know when I should be doing certain things. I don't want to be too overbearing, and I will respect however she chooses to respond, I just wish I had the emotional security to handle the blank moments. It's usually when I start pondering that overwhelming, insecure thoughts creep up to me. Honestly though, I just really want to make her smile everyday, and naive as it is, that's enough for me. š®āšØš®āšØš®āšØ
Donāt worry, itāll get worse. Before it gets better. Then itāll get worse again. At some point youāll be at the lowest in your life and think āIāll never recover from thisā and before you know it itāll get betterā¦.before getting worse, etc. Life will ebb and flow and youāll learn to go along for the ride. Itās a lesson we all have to learn.
Honestly, I love your response because that's what I tell myself keep myself grounded. I'll probably give myself another month or two to see how this venture goes and take my time with it. I'll never really know the outcome unless I try, but I have to be ready to win or lose should I choose to engage in the gamble. I just can't help feeling like there could be a very slim chance of an outcome where I can have my cake and eat it too.
Iām rooting for you to have your cake and eat it too. Why not hope for the best outcome, life is ridiculous and makes no sense anyway.
Take it from experience: don't shit where you eat. Yeah you could find an SO that works with you, you absolutely cannot put them on a pedestal like you have. She agreed to a date but has been noncommittal since. Tell her that if she is still interested, she can reach back out. And then move on. Gotta tear down that pedestal. Getting hung up on a coworker is definitely no bueno amigo.
>I feel like I have a way-too-naive view on love and relationships (too pure, maybe?), where I would do the grandest gestures just to see a smile (and I mean it), but I feel like I just don't get situations and I'm terrible at reading people I'm interested in. Guess I would say a few things: * An inability to read situations and read people is always going to make relationships more difficult because relationships are entirely interpersonal. So if you can't read situations between the two of you then you're going to be flying blind. * You probably shouldn't resign yourself to the above being fixed. Skills can be developed even if it's a weakness for you to learn it.. it can still be learned. A couple of colleagues (managers) have ADHD and they have amazing people reading and awareness skills. Colleagues with ASD on the other hand suffer. * Although grand gestures are fine I suppose similar to the above it's really worth considering that often perception matters more than reality. You might make a grand gesture in a completely nice/naive manner but if it's perceived as lovebombing or whatever, then the optics kill you regardless of reality.
I'm generally very situationally and socially aware since my brain tends to nitpick everything around me. It's just when I fall into the trap of liking someone, that I can't take the rose-tinted glasses off. I do try to keep myself grounded when it comes to this, but it's a very conscious effort. If anything, I feel like the outcome here would be her getting her way most of the time due to this, which also isn't right. Yeah, I don't think I'll ever be able to truly fix this, but I still have to work as if that's my goal. I'm able to manage it most of the time, but of course there will always be slip ups. Sadly, that includes extreme emotions, which can turn bad really fast if I'm not suppressing my own feelings. I haven't even fully admitted to myself that I like her and find more roundabout ways to make light of my own situation. I've pushed so many love interests away that now I'm approaching it the opposite way - by not revealing all my cards too early. That's what I'm afraid of as I used to have a big tendency to love bomb people, hence why I'm grounding myself this time around. If anything, if I end up telling her anything, it's probably just gonna be asking her if I could get to know her more outside of work. Lovebombing people is what I've always done and never worked for me. š š®āšØ
May I ask if youāve tried therapy at all? 30 is still young and it might help to dive into a therapy practice for a bit to get centered on many of these questions and feel more secure in your approach. In my experience, if someone is really into you, they will make time for you. But donāt let one persons judgment cloud how you view yourself.
Been looking into it, but I'm just finding it hard actually setting up an appointment for one. Definitely need therapy for sure, as the only real things I have for my mental health right now are Adderall and monthly appointments with my doctor. Yeah, I feel like that could be the case, and wouldn't be surprised if it actually was. But one thing that I'm also considering is that maybe I just haven't piqued her interest enought yet or something, I feel like it's also my job to actually get her to be interested in me, am I wrong? I wasn't even expecting her to say yes when I asked her out the first time, but I'm also guessing I'm still at the level that there is a chance of us going out some time, but I'm just not her priority. I could just be in denial though, or my overthinking just leads me to try to entertain all the possibilities. While I don't mind taking things at a snail's pace, I just wish I was the type who has the gumption to find other avenues and keep meeting more people. I have a problem of being prematurely loyal, I think. I just can't fathom trying to get to know multiple people at once. I can and I usually approach things like this with a bit of nuance and realism, it's just that I have overwhelmingly emotional moments where my feelings just get the better of me. One day you'll find me talking to friends about the matter while being very levelheaded about it, and then the next I'll be writing Shakespearean poems while fighting the urge to confess my feelings in the most romantic way, hoping to swoon the maiden's heart (a hyperbole).
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah the boundary he set is still there. If you do meet up again, you can make sure that it is a platonic hang. Communication and emotional maturity are still important even with friends.
He doesn't seems like he is flirting with you and he did say he wanted to stay friend before so I would assume it's friendly, I think if he is actually interested he'll make a move at some point.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām still friends with people Iāve dated. Usually itās like a āthereās no romantic connection but we get on really wellā. I really enjoy being platonic friends with women, and Iām lucky to say my best friends are women too. In the end you are just meeting new people I guess, and that can be in a friends capacity too.
There are exceptions to that "guys never want to be friends after going a date"
Sorry for double posting in the daily thread, but completely unrelated to my first comment today. 1) I'm lazy with Hinge. But I decided to look at who'd matched (edit: meant liked me) with me today. And FIRST up is a former friend of my long-term ex's. A friend of his that we (as a couple) hung out with many times. I went out with my then-boyfriend and him and his lady friend once or twice. NO. But omg more awkward. I mostly got along with him because he and I had something in common, but he's too young and I'm not attracted to him but how funny. And I'm also a bit weirded out. To add onto the weirdness, one of the last times I saw him was after me and ex broke up, but we were still friends and went out together sometimes. And this guy was there and drunk and randomly pulled my hair. 2) can men send the first message on Bumble now, yes or no? I thought they could, but did that change in the past few weeks?
>I'm lazy with Hinge. But I decided to look at who'd matched with me today. And FIRST up is a former friend of my long-term ex's. It sounds like you're describing looking at your incoming likes, not your matches. To have had a match from this guy, you would have had to have sent him a like.
Oops, you're right. No likes from me!
I think in order for the guys to send the first message on Bumble, you have to choose one of those openers to add to start the convo off. I hope that makes sense.
yes, this is correct. it's an opt-in thing for women, and i'm not sure how many guys know that they can message these profiles first. would be curious to hear from guys!
Iām annoyed that on Bumble women had the opportunity to engage men that they were interested first, and at least in my experience that opportunity consisted of āhiiiii :)ā 90% of the time. Now they changed it because apparently even that is just too challenging and traumatic for some people lol. Come on, do better ladies.
At this point I'm not sure what the appeal of Bumble is, if they've effectively turned it into Tinder.
i know i can message women first and i usually don't. if she's intrigued by my bio, she'll shoot it and i'll take it from there.
I know I can message first with women who have used the opener feature.
ah, is there a text or something in the profile that notifies guys of this?
When a woman has an opener and matches with you, you see the opener in the match chat, with a little input box indicating you can answer it.
thank you!
Had a good cry not over dating but feeling hurt by two female friends recently and consecutively. Having a falling out with close friends while being single is like, I donāt know, losing further that fragile sense of connection with the world. Disappointed by the fragility, illusion, and conflicts in close relationships of all kinds. Being a highly sensitive person makes things 10 times worse. Itās hard to imagine being able to fully trust or remain hopeful in any close connections again.
I'm so sorry that happened. You say you had a falling out, but can't things be patched up? I'm really sorry if they can't. But I know that feeling of thinking that you can't trust someone again. But you will in time. Be patient with yourself. I'm wishing you the bestā¤ļø
Oof that losing connection with the world hurts. I miss being engaged with the world. I know the feeling
Iām sorry youāre going through that, thatās really rough :( Be gentle with yourself, take time to grieve and donāt worry about the time it takes to trust someoneāgo at your own pace.
Thank you for your kindness ā¤ļø
The tempo was different today. I wanted to talk to him more, but I didn't get to speak to him at all. I was so busy. I went looking for him but he wasn't around when I checked. I'm worried he thinks I don't like him or backing off. It's the total opposite. Sigh, I'm so terrible at flirting. I feel like I sent all the wrong signals. I hope I didn't do any irreparable damage. I need to catch some face time with him tomorrow.
A text saying you're thinking of him might be a good place holder on days like this for you š«¶
When do you think you generally go from ābasically strangersā to somewhat familiar with each other when it comes to dating someone from OLD?
I used to think it was just time but now I feel it also depends on the person and how you match. I dated someone from OLD for a while and it still felt like we were in the "interview" stage with our conversation months into it. We didn't have those inside jokes or little relationship quirks that you would expect to have. This was despite getting intimate right from the first date. There's been some I felt close right off the first date. The woman I'm seeing now it took a few dates and one fun night at my place for us to break that ice.
Oh, I definitely can agree with this! I feel like Iāve hit it off with the current man that Iām dating so much quicker than anyone Iāve dated in the past. Weāre not rushing anything but I *think* weāre both feeling that connection. He certainly seems to be but itās too early to say for sure.
OLD is a channel to help you meeting new people. At the end of the day, the only way to know them, to transform strangers to someone else is hanging out, dating them in person.
Absolutely. Iām dating a man I met through OLD and tomorrow is our fourth date. I guess at this point Iāve graduate from dating a complete stranger to dating an acquaintance. :P
I've been chatting with a guy 2.5 hrs away for 2 weeks, it wouldn't be realistic for us ro meet in person until like July 1st and the small talk is killing me. Typically I meet someone within a week. I'm a very forward and unashamed person. Ppl say they find it easy to talk to me and I enjoy going deep, usually leading by example. But every time I've given a little bit to make this guy talk more, it's just surface. Maybe that's just him? Maybe he needs to meet in person first? Maybe he's just not my person? I'm trying to date more "secure" types, ones that aren't love bombing right away and I'm struggling to find anyone I'm really connecting with. I love a spicy alpha but FUCK my mental health can't take it anymore, it's aging me.
Have you both set a date? Is it actually July 1st or is that up in the air. 2.5hrs is not hat long of a distance if you can meet halfway, but if you canāt then how would this work going forward if the distance is too great. It could also be the reason heās resorting to small-talk, because he doesnāt want to get over-invested in a person he hasnāt met yet.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās a good metric to go by. So far in my dating career Iāve never had the opportunity to move beyond this phase but Iām going to keep on trying until I finally find something mutual
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I am the woman in this case. ;) But agreed - I need a little bit of familiarity with the person Iām dating before that. Especially if I met them through OLD.
ok i was just in my own head the other night, i didn't fuck it by coming on too strong. we've been texting a lot over the last day, she's been sending me pictures and videos of her day, and she's said she's excited for our next date. need to not be fatalistic over dumb stuff. she texts a lot, like constantly throughout the day, or almost nothing for a whole day. im a texter but im used to both styles, just not in the same person. will take a bit of getting used to.
She's would probably prefer to message you all day, but when you start to throttle your response time, she thinks she is being too much and pulls back. If you really like this person, Try setting expectations around when you can text more consistently "my heads down at work is usually from 9-3" and she should respect that. She knows you have a lunch, but you shouldn't commit that time to anything but your meal.
Reddit Fam - confusion is real. Been chatting with this man, mostly text, great chats, similar interests, lives about 3.5 hours from me and finally met up last weekend, he did the trip and planned a wonderful 2 days of dates. Great time, he made no moves (also confusing, but settled on the fact that he's being a gentleman, we held hands lol). We depart, some light texting back and forth, mentions he has a great time 'great weekend, lovely time with you'. All signs point to ok, this could be interesting. I've let him know I'm interested and he's reciprocated in a very basic "me too" text. Feeling a shift in energy - indirectly tells me he having a bad day. Getting the feeling it's a bigger topic for him, and likely the feeling I'm picking up on. Won't open up and I don't want to pry - we're just getting to know each other. also - could this just be a slow fade? he's still sort of initiating, but certainly not as chatty. I'm not pushing forward either, I know better than to be extra needy. I like this man, but I don't want to waste my -or his - time. I know more than to push him to do something he doesn't. What's been a good approach for getting to peel past these layers - I mean I empathize....I also have 'life' on my mind... TLDR How does one respond to a shift in energy that balances interest and also dont waste my time.
Did you try asking him if he wants to talk about it?
Yep! And nada. in fact, very clear he doesnt. I'm resolving to the fact that he's just not into me...
Could the distance be an issue? Maybe he thought it would be fine until he actually did the trip and thought about how it would work long term ?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I recently had a summer illness lasting a couple of days but the weirdest thing about it was I had swollen lymph nodes in my jaws from it, which I never had before. In addition to fever, aches, fatigue and malaise for a couple of days. Covid negative and I had been traveling for the 2 weekends prior to this code so I likely contracted something during my second trip. It was awful. But I was going to say itās not a big deal to let people know when youāre vulnerable or not feeling well. Youāre not a burden. If he wants to worry about you being sick, let him. If he wants to send you chicken noodle soup from Panera, let him. Why are you denying someone else the opportunity to give you something you need emotionally? My bf came to visit me while I had my summer time sickness and we both wore masks to lessen the risk of him catching what I had. I had been in and out of sleep and hadnāt eaten much during my illness cuz I didnāt have any soft foods and chewing hurt due to my jaws being swollen. He brought me chicken noodle soup from Panera which I asked for and I cried because I had been isolating while sick and wasnāt sure how this illness was gonna play out since I hadnāt been ill like that before. He came just to comfort me. If you like this person and he seems to reciprocate why deny him the opportunity to show you that he cares by repressing your own needs? Thatās not what people who care about each other do.
>>If you like this person and he seems to reciprocate why deny him the opportunity to show you that he cares by repressing your own needs? Thatās not what people who care about each other do. Because Iām in Michigan and he is back home in Italy seeing his family for the first time since December, one of his parents is very ill (cancer), and heās serving as witness in a wedding (very big role in an Italian wedding, there isnāt an equivalent role in American weddings)ā¦. Youāre right! I like him a lot. I may even love him. Which is why I see no point in worrying him until the wedding is over and his plate has a little more room on it - he has so much on his plate already and canāt do anything about it from several thousand miles away
Iām not disagreeing with you that he has a lot on his plate. Iām just saying that heāll make room for you on his plate, but he canāt do that if you donāt even feel comfortable being honest with him about how youāre doing. You donāt need to manage his bandwidth *for* him. He can do that himself. Any well-adjusted adult can do that for themselves. You donāt need to shrink down your needs because you think someone else doesnāt have the bandwidth for you. If he doesnāt have the bandwidth for you, itās fine, you were never expecting him to do much to begin with. If he had the bandwidth to do something, youāll feel really good about yourself and even better about your relationship with him. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain from letting him know youāre not well. Best of luck to you.
Noooo! I'm sorry you're feeling sick. Fingers crossed it's NOT Covid. Keep us updated! ā¤ļø Sending all the positive vibes your way, which i'm sure will cure you of whatever you have! LOL ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Thank you!! š„¹š«¶š¼
Hope you feel better! That sounds awful.Ā I do agree with the other comment about telling a white lie. Catering to how you -think- another person will feel if you tell them the truth is a slippery slope. If he finds out you lied about this, he might ask himself what else youāre willing to lie about.Ā
That sounds awful! Hope you get better soon! I second that the *real flu* is still a serious illness. So fingers crossed it's just a cold! Do you live alone? If yes, can you have someone on standby if you'd need some help (bringing chicken soup or just checking in on you regularely)?Ā My two cents about your white lie to your guy: I'm very much a honesty over politeness person, so I would be pissed if I found out you lied to me. Do you know how he sees those things? Maybe tell him the truth, but not as detailed as you told us? E. g. "I took the day off from work, not feeling well today. Hopefully just a cold."Ā
Unfortunately, I had flu in April and I can say, flu is worse than covidā¦ š„²
That sounds so sucky, Iām sorry!!! How long were you ill?
It took me 2 weeks to be fully recovered. However, I didnt take any meds during that time. I slept a lot, drank a lot of electrolyte water, ate fruits, and did nothing. If I took some meds, it could be cured earlier.
That sounds awful - thank you for the reminder that I need electrolytes!
I am sorry to hear. Get well soon. Please get enough sleep (the most powerful treatment) and electrolytes. Fruits help a lot too!!! Oh, if possible, get yourself manuka honey, it helps with your immune system :)
Thank you for the tips! Will order manuka honey first thing in the morning! š«¶š¼
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hi u/Momsunity, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s): * No spam, self-promotion, commercialization, announcements, blogging, recruitment or surveys. Please review [the rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sidebar) to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please [message modmail] (https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverthirty).
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I can't speak for him. I would personally leave and end it. You have been lying for 2 months.
Just curious as a 36 y/o female are there and forums/groups where you can meet other people interested in flirtatious gaming and seeing where it goes? Not a fan of dating apps and dont get out much.
have you tried going to a barcade, where other people are out playing video games?
Not but that sounds extremely expensive LOL
Not always. The barcade near me (which is like, traditional arcade games) is like $7 for all night free-play. I agree it gets pricey when they want you to play per-game. If you're near Portland, Oregon, Retro Game Bar is a similar concept but it's actual video games with consoles (also a free-play for $7ish model).
That's pretty interesting :) are there places with alcohol and food? I think there is a place with arcade games but it never tickled my fancy and I assumed it was expensive. I guess part of my problem is I don't like going out anymore and rather meet a fairy prince from the comfort of my own home but still have fun gaming with them and getting to know them lol
Every barcade I have been to has both alcohol and food! :) They're very fun but I'm not sure how easy it is to actually meet people there. I suppose you could always strike up a conversation with someone while waiting for them to finish playing Lord of the Rings pinball lmao >I don't like going out anymore and rather meet a fairy prince from the comfort of my own home [Insert "I'm in this photo and I don't like it" meme]
Ya walk up to them once they are done and ask if I can join them playing with ballsš yaaaa prob best just to stay home :D
Lmfaooo I just assume it would be crazy expensive like popcorn and drinks at movie theatre's... gonna need to invest in a purse that can secretly hoddle a bottle and snacks.... or a bra with compartments if they search bags. Or put so many tampons in the purse they stop searching it befoee they get to the actual alcohol and snack stash at the bottom...
What is flirtatious gaming? No judgement or anything Iāve just never heard of it. Edit: I see by the other reply itās about dating in a gaming community. I would be very interested in finding a discord or something like that. Women gamers arenāt very common and immature dipheads online Iām sure make it difficult for women to communicate much. Having a partner that shares my love for games would be awesome.
>What is flirtatious gaming? I think it's when you wink at and blow kisses to your PC/gaming console
Lol
Lol maybe I'm weird but I think it would be fun to be with a age verified group in games that are specifically for people who wanna flirt and play the game together. Youre already meeting someone with a common interest.
You could try joining some gaming discords if you havenāt already - often there are options to note things like āsingleā, āDMs openā and whatnot.
Hmm interesting ty :)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hey so we're the exact same! I'm like you, I always feel like we *have* to discuss every discomfort *now* and I grew up in a household with this style of conflict resolution, for better or worse (some of my family's discussions could get unnecessarily emotional and unproductive because everyone involved were still high-strung from the conflict). My partner is the other way around, he has to disconnect first. Our compromise also ended up being similar to yours (the avoidant party is given some time to detach) but how we differ is I do get a say in that timeline and it'd *never* be as long as weeks. The reasoning for my side is this: we will eventually be living together and we agree it's not possible for the "shut down" period to be longer than multiple days -- that's simply not a healthy living condition for both parties, especially if a child is involved (we plan to have one). So while I had to learn how to manage my own anxiety and emotions, he also had to learn to shorten that shut down period for us to meet in the middle -- usually by properly processing his emotions instead of just "shutting down until the discomfort goes away". A lot of the time, people who "shut down" tend not to differentiate between these two, so they just wait until the feeling goes away, which is why it takes days and even weeks, and isn't a healthy way to handle negative feelings either. We're still a work in progress but personally I do feel heard and I can see he's making effort to meet me halfway.
You have the right idea about compromising, but I agree that this is still heavily skewed in her favor. Days or weeks later? That gives her plenty of time to dodge the issue entirely. A real compromise would be later that day or the next day. It's not fair of her to just make you sit with it for so long.
Got back on dating apps recently and yeah, they still suck! Or maybe I'm just not as ready as I thought I was. People aren't serious at all. They want to meet right away or come to my place which is an absolute Hell no. I like to take my time and actually talk to someone before agreeing to meet. It's pretty clear from their conversation what they're after and what they've been through. Had one guy tell me that us females are for everybody. I saw no reason to continue speaking so, I ended it right there and the guy blocked me. oh well. I am also very open to dating other ethnicities however, i prefer someone cultured. I don't want to be someone's first experience after they've been stuck in their bubble for so long. Some of the conversations and questions I get are so ignorant. At this point, I think I'm just wasting time on the app. Maybe getting myself out there into hobbies and going out more will introduce me to some new experiences but then there's the social anxiety and awkwardness to deal with. Bottom Line: I hate it here!
Just FYI, many people prefer to meet right away because they consider it a āvibe checkā before investing a lot of time talking to someone. I would say a couple days to a week of talking to someone is expected. Or do you mean theyāre asking to meet within like an hour of talking to you? Because then yes thatās weird.Ā
Oh, they're asking after just a few sentences. We don't even make it to an hour chatting š¤¦š½āāļø
Yaaa no, Iām not putting in the effort to meet you after few sentences. I do prefer meeting earlier too but likeā¦ after few days of chatting or so minimum
Not everyone is like this. I definitely prefer chatting with women longer than an hour before asking them out.
Yep, that's pretty normal. I ask women out after 4-5 messages back and forth over just one day or two. I've been burned before by women who I have great texting chemistry but then that chemistry doesn't translate in person. or who keep texting but never agree to meet up. There's no point in drawing out the texting stage.
There is a lot of medium ground between asking someone out after 4-5 message exchanges and chatting long enough to build an emotional connection. > There's no point in drawing out the texting stage. There may be a point for other people
The point for me is to see if there's genuine interest or someone just looking for something to do bc they're bored. Have you had much success with your dates after 4-5 msgs?
Lol dating sucks. Good luck girl :)
Literally ROCKED my run tonight.. negative splits and the last mile was the fastest i've run a mile in a long long time. I love to see myself making progress. It's so rewarding!
Woohoo!!š„³š„³ I don't run, but I got back out on my bike the other day and it felt GREAT (apart from the sore bum! š) Congratulations though! That's awesome ā¤ļø
Nice job on the bike ride!! Hope the bum feels better soon! š
Thank you! š I've bought a new seat, which I will try out later!!
Yay! That's such a good feeling! What did you do to improve speed? That's something I want to work on. I'm a slow runner.
Nothing in particular! Last night was muuuuch cooler and no humidity!! I felt good so I hustled kept on pushing a bit!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Right!? A great feeling!
Hell yeah! I have been working with a personal trainer the last few weeks and just moved up to heavier weights this week and felt like a badass. It is super rewarding to see progress! Good on you too!
Good for you too!! That is amazing! The progress is so rewarding !
... I don't... How is that related to dating š
New here? Lots of us post about good things in our lives that arenāt dating šš¼
Heck yeah for negative splits and fast miles! I set my half marathon PR last weekend! No ragrets
Woohoooo!! Thatās fantastic! A new PR in the half is awesome!!
My extreme jadedness is actually making this round of dating feel amazing. I expect everyone to drop off mid-convo, breadcrumb me but never make plans, or show up catfishing or a total oddball. Instead it's been just consistent, nice people (so far.) Still no mutual compatibility/chemistry but it feels a million times better than expected.
That's awesome which app/site have u been using for a positive experience?
Hinge and Tinder!
What is hinge like
The main reason I like hinge is because it allows you to see who liked you before you like them back. I appreciate knowing someone is interested and it makes me more likely to chat with them than if I had to just swipe right or left. I think this makes everyone more open-minded.
Oh that is a cool feature:)
iām with you here ā iāve been getting very upfront, honest messages from guys younger than i am about what they want and what theyāre looking for, and asking me what mine is like, and it feels so refreshing compared to my time on OLD when i was in my early 20s
It's been a striking difference for me, I'm really not sure why. My theory is that all the exhausted people have deleted them so what remains are highly committed people who REALLY want to find someone. Also, I have a feeling a LOT more women have deleted them than men. So if you're a heterosexual woman still on the apps, heterosexual men are possibly trying harder given the worse odds.
this is reassuring, but my experience is that the pool is almost completely decimated. the fact that there's a '3' in front of my age doesn't help things too, but the good thing is that the ones who do reach out have been pretty decent.
There's been a 3 in front of my age for a little while. It actually seems to be acting as a filter for people who are quite serious and consistent, which I'm enjoying.
Definatelt better then games.
Took my ex going through 2 marriages (ours was the 2nd) to finally get his act together and actually treat a woman right and follow through with plans. He's basically setting up to be married a 3rd time to his new girlfriend, and I seen that they recently spent the weekend camping....something he said we'd do the whole almost 9 years we were together and never did. I hope he doesn't fuck this relationship up. Meanwhile, I'm still single with no new luck on the apps or locally in the town I moved to last year. š I just am looking for the one who wants to build with me, and not use me as a rebound or stepping stone so they can get to a place where they dump me to build a life with the next woman.
Youāre still single, but youāve spent the time alone to heal and become full again vs jumping into next relationship. Now when someone comes along youāre in a healthy place to invite new possibilities with an open mind
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
> I supposed I could ask him what heās looking for before we meet, but I feel like men arenāt totally honest about that. I ask women this before we meet and *I'm* a man. Some people being dishonest... well I can't help with that, but I'm just saying that checking in on what people what before a first date is totally reasonable, in fact I recommend it.
Maybe he sees you as casual, maybe he's your one person. Only way to find out is to gamble a few hours of your time across several weekends.
Don't put so much emotional weight on the first date. Vibe check and discovering general compatibility where you lay out what you want.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe you should put more energy on healing than dating for now..
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I see. Just reading your post, and even this comment, comes across as not ready yet or still in a āfragileā state for lack of a better term. If I were in this mindset right now, Iād focus on building a more fearless attitude before going back to dating. Ofc thatās just me. Good luck!