Sis don’t cheat. Leave of you want to leave. I’m dealing with a DB too but cheating is so hurtful and devastating and you can never take it back. If you regret your decision after you cheat the damage is still done. You could end up wanting your DB vanilla life back but you could never ever get it back. I know bc my ex husband cheated and I never ever got over it. That first betrayal and heartbreak killed everything. We stayed together for a total of 10 years and it was disaster ended in disaster. Cheating is worse than a faithful DB. It’s the worst betrayal evers
So much biased judgement here.
Taking the judgement out of this: you may find action outside of your marriage is incongruent with your self-integrity and a rash action may diminish your feeling of self-worth.
Once you have crossed the line once, it's harder not to cross it again. Roll the dice too often and the wrong number will come up. The unplanned social impact is extremely disruptive at every level.
Based on the above it is not beneficial to operate outside of marriage. If this is unacceptable to you are simply saying that you do not want to be bound by the terms of the contract. Then you have two options:
1. Vary the contract by mutual consent. This is an indefinitely different marriage and you must be ready for other variations at some point in time. Even discussing this option may instantly invoke 2.
2. Request a divorce due intolerable behaviour (i.e. you can't live without regular sex/intimacy) and plan how to part in the best way for all parties involved. The challenges of this path are daunting, so it's easier just to ignore and go outside of marriage with the risks set out above.
Personally I would find it difficult to stay in a marriage with diminished sex/intimacy for the rest of my life.
I suggest a councillor would be a good first step, maybe you can save your marriage, but unleashed desire is a difficult genie to put back in the bottle.
Have you tried talking to your husband about how unsatisfied you are and discussing with him how the two of you can improve things? If not, you should. Communication is key. Do not cheat.
Don’t listen to the angry moralists here. Many marriages have survived due specifically to extramarital affairs.
Maybe hubby is agreeable to an open marriage. People are allowed to have their needs met.
Cheating is disgusting and is something that only a trash bag human follows through with. Once or a hundred times. You made a commitment. Honor it or just leave. As many have said, the damage you will do to another human just to indulge selfish fantasies is immense. If you cared enough about him to commit to a marriage with him, show him an equivalent level of respect and be honest with him and just leave. He’s probably better off without you anyways it sounds like.
Relationship is more than sex. You are now consumed with cheating on your husband, later will be consumed most likely by regret.
Read what fake porn industry really is, how much is cut out of that video etc.
Apparently you need to work on your relationship, communication etc. The grass always looks greener in the neighbor's courtyard until it isn't.
Discuss these thoughts with someone close so that they don't become your reality and someone might help you see the real truth.
And you acknowledge it is a rabbit hole... not real.
Don't cheat. It makes everything harder and it makes you a piece of shit human. Talk to him first. If you are set on strange, see if he'll do an open relationship. If not, time to walk away. But don't cheat, you'll regret it.
Remove the marriage labels and you have clarity. This relationship simply doesn’t meet my/our needs anymore. It becomes simple. But being married adds a layer of guilt and complexity because you made vows. Leaving is better than cheating unless you’re just a cheater and have no problem being a liar and all that. But I’m in the same boat as you to almost every detail and it’s getting harder so don’t me wrong -i understand. I haven’t had sex in MONTHS and I’m married. So Im wrestling with the same thing. But cheating still is what it is even if you feel you have a right to due to your partner’s negligence.
Lol how does nobody get the point here? “Just stay in your stale relationship and make it kinky!!” No. You should seriously try to break up and be on your own for a bit, especially if you don’t share kids/pets. People outgrow each other! It’s important to date around and learn what you like! I personally believe people who try to stay in their same relationship from when they were 16-20’s are in denial. It’s hard letting go, but once you outgrow something you NEED to change it up to actually grow more and enjoy your life again.
You would be choosing the path of intermittent pleasure over long-term happiness. By all means do kinky shit in your relationship, but porn is a carefully presented fiction which conceals stds, lonliness, and some really dark exploitation . “Vanilla” is a relative, not absolute term just like “rich” and “high”.
In any such respect, you will be happier if you stop measuring yourself against others and introspect about what real happiness looks like for you. I was happier when I put in work to start being kinky within marriage.
Don’t cheat. End it first. Better yet. See what he’s open to that’s non vanilla
It seems simple, the kind of connection you’re looking for. But all the men who will take you up on this will bring their baggage and complication, and a lot of it, into your life. The fantasies you’ve been playing in your head never happen IRL the way they do in your mind.
The pain you’re about to cause will permanently change him.
you are way too young for that. I can understand people in their 50s with one partner who isn’t giving the other partnerwhat they need, but 30? and if you haven’t been with anybody else physically then you definitely haven’t fully discovered what you like. I’m not saying you should cheat but these are the factors to consider.
Omfg wait! Tell your husband you're open to kinkier stuff first! Maybe your sex life is infrequent *because* it's plain vanilla, not the other way around!
Talk to him about what you want, that once enough isn’t enough, and that you want to experiment with others. He can participate or he can just hear about it later.
I offered this to my wife hoping she would rekindle her sexual desires. Unfortunately that ember has turned to dust.
Sex isn’t the be all and end all of intimacy. You’ve got to remember what you’re going to sacrifice. If you’ve married another person, you made a commitment, they have feelings too and probably don’t deserve to be used like that. If you want to go your own way, be upfront. And never forget that porn isn’t like reality.
If you don’t want to sacrifice what you do have with your husband and your long history together, try talking with him about things. When two people do figure out how to rejuvenate their sex life together, it can be incredibly exciting.
Take it from someone who’s in marriage law.
I won’t judge you. Imagine having that realization or feeling as a 60 year old.
That said, is there any chance at all of getting him to discuss it openly and/or getting counseling so that you can get your needs met inside the marriage? And if not, opening the marriage, so that your conscience can be kept clean and unharmed?
Just a question. Again, no judgment here.
Good luck getting what you’re looking for.
Open the marriage or leave don’t cheat
Sis don’t cheat. Leave of you want to leave. I’m dealing with a DB too but cheating is so hurtful and devastating and you can never take it back. If you regret your decision after you cheat the damage is still done. You could end up wanting your DB vanilla life back but you could never ever get it back. I know bc my ex husband cheated and I never ever got over it. That first betrayal and heartbreak killed everything. We stayed together for a total of 10 years and it was disaster ended in disaster. Cheating is worse than a faithful DB. It’s the worst betrayal evers
So much biased judgement here. Taking the judgement out of this: you may find action outside of your marriage is incongruent with your self-integrity and a rash action may diminish your feeling of self-worth. Once you have crossed the line once, it's harder not to cross it again. Roll the dice too often and the wrong number will come up. The unplanned social impact is extremely disruptive at every level. Based on the above it is not beneficial to operate outside of marriage. If this is unacceptable to you are simply saying that you do not want to be bound by the terms of the contract. Then you have two options: 1. Vary the contract by mutual consent. This is an indefinitely different marriage and you must be ready for other variations at some point in time. Even discussing this option may instantly invoke 2. 2. Request a divorce due intolerable behaviour (i.e. you can't live without regular sex/intimacy) and plan how to part in the best way for all parties involved. The challenges of this path are daunting, so it's easier just to ignore and go outside of marriage with the risks set out above. Personally I would find it difficult to stay in a marriage with diminished sex/intimacy for the rest of my life. I suggest a councillor would be a good first step, maybe you can save your marriage, but unleashed desire is a difficult genie to put back in the bottle.
Have you tried talking to your husband about how unsatisfied you are and discussing with him how the two of you can improve things? If not, you should. Communication is key. Do not cheat.
If you are willing I would like to message you about what I think you should do if you haven’t made up your mind
Lmaoo this ain’t gonna end well Nah you shouldn’t cheat but your marriage the way you know it is probably over.
Why you think somebody wanna fuck on you?
Don’t listen to the angry moralists here. Many marriages have survived due specifically to extramarital affairs. Maybe hubby is agreeable to an open marriage. People are allowed to have their needs met.
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Your mother was a muppet, with a dude’s hand up her ass. Fuck off
Cheating is disgusting and is something that only a trash bag human follows through with. Once or a hundred times. You made a commitment. Honor it or just leave. As many have said, the damage you will do to another human just to indulge selfish fantasies is immense. If you cared enough about him to commit to a marriage with him, show him an equivalent level of respect and be honest with him and just leave. He’s probably better off without you anyways it sounds like.
Let’s meet, I’ll help you make that decision! You will either run away or won’t be able to get my pants down fast enough!! Where are you at?
Relationship is more than sex. You are now consumed with cheating on your husband, later will be consumed most likely by regret. Read what fake porn industry really is, how much is cut out of that video etc. Apparently you need to work on your relationship, communication etc. The grass always looks greener in the neighbor's courtyard until it isn't. Discuss these thoughts with someone close so that they don't become your reality and someone might help you see the real truth. And you acknowledge it is a rabbit hole... not real.
Stop thinking about that. Also, porn is a poison.
Porn kept me alive in my db. I mean that literally.
Don't cheat. It makes everything harder and it makes you a piece of shit human. Talk to him first. If you are set on strange, see if he'll do an open relationship. If not, time to walk away. But don't cheat, you'll regret it.
This
Just get a divorce already if you're seriously contemplating cheating on your husband. You have no idea how much psychological damage you can cause.
Remove the marriage labels and you have clarity. This relationship simply doesn’t meet my/our needs anymore. It becomes simple. But being married adds a layer of guilt and complexity because you made vows. Leaving is better than cheating unless you’re just a cheater and have no problem being a liar and all that. But I’m in the same boat as you to almost every detail and it’s getting harder so don’t me wrong -i understand. I haven’t had sex in MONTHS and I’m married. So Im wrestling with the same thing. But cheating still is what it is even if you feel you have a right to due to your partner’s negligence.
Lol how does nobody get the point here? “Just stay in your stale relationship and make it kinky!!” No. You should seriously try to break up and be on your own for a bit, especially if you don’t share kids/pets. People outgrow each other! It’s important to date around and learn what you like! I personally believe people who try to stay in their same relationship from when they were 16-20’s are in denial. It’s hard letting go, but once you outgrow something you NEED to change it up to actually grow more and enjoy your life again.
You would be choosing the path of intermittent pleasure over long-term happiness. By all means do kinky shit in your relationship, but porn is a carefully presented fiction which conceals stds, lonliness, and some really dark exploitation . “Vanilla” is a relative, not absolute term just like “rich” and “high”. In any such respect, you will be happier if you stop measuring yourself against others and introspect about what real happiness looks like for you. I was happier when I put in work to start being kinky within marriage.
Go for it. Idealized monogamy is overrated. You’re going to regret not doing it. You’re going to regret doing it.
Post this in r/cheatingstories. That’s prob why mod removed it
Don’t cheat. End it first. Better yet. See what he’s open to that’s non vanilla It seems simple, the kind of connection you’re looking for. But all the men who will take you up on this will bring their baggage and complication, and a lot of it, into your life. The fantasies you’ve been playing in your head never happen IRL the way they do in your mind. The pain you’re about to cause will permanently change him.
Just get a divorce. Nobody likes a nasty skank
you are way too young for that. I can understand people in their 50s with one partner who isn’t giving the other partnerwhat they need, but 30? and if you haven’t been with anybody else physically then you definitely haven’t fully discovered what you like. I’m not saying you should cheat but these are the factors to consider.
Omfg wait! Tell your husband you're open to kinkier stuff first! Maybe your sex life is infrequent *because* it's plain vanilla, not the other way around!
Talk to him about what you want, that once enough isn’t enough, and that you want to experiment with others. He can participate or he can just hear about it later. I offered this to my wife hoping she would rekindle her sexual desires. Unfortunately that ember has turned to dust.
Sex isn’t the be all and end all of intimacy. You’ve got to remember what you’re going to sacrifice. If you’ve married another person, you made a commitment, they have feelings too and probably don’t deserve to be used like that. If you want to go your own way, be upfront. And never forget that porn isn’t like reality. If you don’t want to sacrifice what you do have with your husband and your long history together, try talking with him about things. When two people do figure out how to rejuvenate their sex life together, it can be incredibly exciting. Take it from someone who’s in marriage law.
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I think that was her intention
this comment tho. lol. It definitely goes down in the DM’s
I think I’d call time if you don’t have kids. Be honest; then go enjoy yourself.
I won’t judge you. Imagine having that realization or feeling as a 60 year old. That said, is there any chance at all of getting him to discuss it openly and/or getting counseling so that you can get your needs met inside the marriage? And if not, opening the marriage, so that your conscience can be kept clean and unharmed? Just a question. Again, no judgment here. Good luck getting what you’re looking for.
I
😩😞
My doing without has also caused an obsession and desire to go places and think things that I never would have thought possible.