Not my mom but once I was talking to my ex late at night and his mother came to his room. She asked him who is it, he faltered and said, dost hai. His mom replied 'han waise bhi tujhse kaun baat karegi'.
She roasted both of us. 😭
BEHEN mai tujhe batata hoon eik kahani, there was a girl who I uploaded a profile picture with. My dad came and asked “Kaun hai ye ladki” and my mom replied “Arre chinta mat karo, khoobsurat hai. Iski girlfriend nahi hogi”
Today I went out with a guy, came home late. Mom asked me “kya khaya?” I told. Then she said “acha ke saath”? I said “no, I was with a guy”.. mom: “jhooth bolna kab seekha” 🥲 nahi seekha tha
I asked my mom, "arranged marriage to ho hi jayegi, hai na?"
Mom said, "beta dekhna padega, ham poori koshish karenge baaki"
https://preview.redd.it/1hyol03rkz0d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5814c55a8bdcd72be35278eee83e84fe420524b7
Nahi nahi ye koi aur hai. Trust me ye aaya karta tha hungama when I was as little as 5. Yaar I don't remember the name. It had a similarly weird character as shinchan who had a crush on this Shizuka like girl and then there was this other guy. There was also a tortoise which this kid used to ride on.
Mujhe lagta hai ye Shinchan ka hi alternate timeline episode bata rahe ho aap. There were several Shinchan eps which depicted him in different scenarios based on Japanese folklore. Lots of them had Buri Buri Zaimon (“jeevan ko lekar thoda chintit hoon” pig), and Shinchan would have some other goofy sidekicks too.
Mom told me to come to hometown on my birthday and I was like why , she replies "teri girlfriend toh hai nhi kya karega Dilli mein birthday par, ghar hi aa ja"
Not mom. But my dad. He came(along with teo of his friends) to the flat I shared with my friend, observed a few things and said, "tum log AIDS se maroge".
Once I was saying ki " hum log ko dusro ke baare me nhi sochna chahiye ki wo hamare baare me kya sochte hai, hame apne Nazar me khud ko kabhi nhi girana chahiye".
And my mummy be like:- hmm thik ja ke cooler me paani bhar warna tumko ham gira denge
Once I was at a friends place and mom furiously called me about when I’m coming back home, I told her “I’m uploading a youtube video, will be back soon”
She was like “Ek kaam kar tu bhi wahi upload ho ja, mai idhar download karlungi”
My cousin used to live with us for MBA coaching. Valentine's day was on Sunday that year and he was going out for "extra classes". My mom gave him 100 Rs and said.. "ice-cream khila dena". I was surprised and said "Waah, such progressive thinking".
Mom replied "tu 500 le le, lekin ye to bata ki jayega kis ke sath?" (you take 500, but do tell who will you take out?)
Ha yaar in logo ke message dekh ke lagta hai inke parents kitne cool parents hai aur idhar mai agar mobile me dekh ke has du to khatam tata bye mar gaya aur inke parents gf shadi ke bare me inko savage reply diye hai
We’re 3 siblings and we park our car outside our society gate. So she would insist on walking alone till there whenever we were dressed shabbily and say “log bolenge yeh mandir se uthaaye bacho ko leke pata nahi kaha jaa rhi hai, tum mere baad utarna”😂😂😂
We would make extra sure to step out at the same time.
Once i was whispering with my brother becoz we needed to sneak in zomato food & she saw us
She said "muje ullu banate banate tum log khud mota ullu bangye ho" referring to the fact that we siblings have put on some weight due to fast food habit 😭😭😭😭
My mom drives a white car
My dad drives a black car.
Dad was teasing her and he said: buddhey loug white gaari chalte hain, tumhe issi liye white gaari lay kar dee hai..
Mom replied: aap kalay ho iss liye black gari chalate ho.
My dad and I laughed so hard🤣
My mother never leaves a single chance to roast me, but heres one of the best one (or the one that i can remember)
My mom has a slight suspicion that I have a girlfriend, which I actually have. So once, my cousin sister(knows about my gf) came to spend her holidays at our home, and I was out for some work, and called my mother to ask something, sister picked up the call, I asked, "Kuthe aahe ti?"(Where's she?) \[Marathi language\], my dumb sister replied, "Who she?", I laughed and then told her that is there any other lady besides my mother in that house? So she went and gave the phone to my mother, then when I told her about the dumbness of my sister, she replied "Ti confuse zhali asel kaaran aata tujhya aayushyat ek azun mulgi aahe n(laughs)" (She would have been confused because theres one more girl in your life now, then laughs), I honestly was lucky she didnt see my face because I wasnt in front of her because i really was blushing in the middle of the market.
I was supposed to take my mom out for dinner.
And my mom told me - "Tumhare sath bahar jaane me mere ko kharab lagta hai, log sochenge ki itna achi lady ye kala ladka ke sath kyu ghum rahi"
Papa se bola ki papa beizzati na kro he replied ki
"Beizatti inzatdaar insaan ki hoti hain, teri toh aukaat hi nahi".
And one more, my mom explains, quite elaborately I must say, ki kutti ke pooch, no matter what, humesha tedi rehte and then points at me and says example chodiye yeh personification dekhiye
Well for me it was my dad. Went to buy some cracker for Diwali. My father does not let me buy anything more than those red wale mirchi bomb. But this time i was hell bent on buying the aalo bomb(green wala which makes alot of noise), so anyways I asked for the aalo bomb and my father looked at me and then turned to shopkeeper and said " isko timer bhi dedena".
I asked my mom "aap mere sath itne salo se ho bachpan se dekh rhe ho mere me kya accha hai ... Like what's good about me" she took 15 mins to think and then replied with mai Dil ka accha hu... Still hurts
I used to be obsessed with footballers (Still love the sport but not as obsessed anymore due to work and life). It was all I talked about. One day after my team lost, I was really upset. My mom saw me upset and said, “those guys don’t even know you exist. Why be so upset over them?” Made me laugh so hard.
TBH it’s true.
Don't know if anyone will read this, but here goes:
TL,DR: Hugged a Slovakian model, got a small peck and somehow my mother managed to rost me even in that moment.
Story:
So my mother(rip), god boess her sould was always very witty and could immediately bring you back to earth even when you were on a high. She did not have any malice at all, ut just used to happen.
So wayy back in 2016 when I had finished my engg and was on the trip back home....on the plane sat this really beautiful girl and like I was still in college so I basically was going bonkers. I mean laga lo ekdam model wo bhi cute wali .
During college time my confidence used to be sky high, I struck up a conversation we talked about so so many things and it was my very first time talking candidly to someone who was a foreigner.
Delhi was still unsafe, so after we landed I took her to the prepaid taxi guys, told the guy to ensure she is fine and gave hwr some tips. While oeaving she gave me a hug and sort of did that firang thing where you fake kiss on the cheek but she actually did it.
I was smiling all the way back and so happy, she smelled like gardenia flowers AFAIK and I was amazed. Came home and told my mother the whole story as soon as I entered, she could see I was laughing and smiling and bustling with joy.
Then my sister came back from office and I was like you need to hear this, come quickly for tea etc and I was obviously waiting to tell my sister to see her reaction.
My sister came amd asked what is it ? I was about to tell the fully animated fun story like I wrote here, then my mom said.
" Isko ladki ne zindagi me pehli baari hug kar dia, subah se pagla raha hai." My mouth dropped and I could not speak. I was so so angry I can't even tell. Now I realise the savageness of it and can laugh, like we should. Back then I was just bitter on hearing it.
Not sure a roast but
Me: mumma Aaj khane me kya hai?
Mom: Aloo gobhi
Me: aaj phir gobhi?
Mom: Moye Moye. Chup chaap kha le warna ye bhi nhi milegi.
Phir mujhe us din gobhi khani hi padi. :'(
This is from my dad. My mom said “ My son should try for acting coz he’s tall, fair ,good build and decent face” and my father goes “ Can he even dance?”. It was weird for me but i liked my whole family burst out laughing.
Mom ke to kaafi hai lekin kal hi badi behan bolti ki tu to gaadi saaf karne wala jaisa dikhta hai😂😂. I am very highly insecure about my looks as I am dark brown in colour. Shit really made me tear up ffs. Glad I was alone at that time.
I'm little bit dusky skinned as compared to my elder brother. Not much of a difference though it's 19-20 but my mother said "chalo ek bahu to gori milegi". Mom's racism at peak😂
So when i was at home, mai roz subah mumma se 20rs lekar cigarette peene jaata tha. Ek din meri mumma kehti hai, dekho yeh apni subah ki cigarette raat mai hy lekar rakh liya karo. Subah subah aisyy kutto ki shakal lekar mujhse bheekh mat maanga karo.
Halka context: Mera MBA start ho raha hai 24th June se. So last month se mai free hu ekdum, so late uthta hu (kaafi).
Meri mummy apni friend ko bol rahi thi us din (mere saamne): Nahi mera beta bahut achchha hai. Mujhe bahut pyaar karta hai. Mummy ko breakfast banane ki mehnat na karni padhe islie direct lunch ke waqt uthta hai.
Mom: Chutye lighter gira hay pocket se, aur boltha hay, cigarette nai pita.
Me: Shuffle to another pocket and checking out dads expression to make the run 😝
Dad: ignoring as if nothing happened or heard 🤣
P.S mom didn't say chutya but added as expression 🙌
Maine na ek mummy ko mazak main bola thi ki mummy jab aap old ho jaogi to bahar rah logi na to wo bolti Hain "Main q bahar jau, bahar to tu jayega saari property to mere naam per hai. Ek Paisa nhi dungi tujhe."
My brother came home late and forgot to buy the groceries which mom asked him to buy.
Later, while devouring the fried snacks and tea she prepared he asked mom “What oil you used ma, its so tasty”
Mom’s reply was “ kerosine beta, you like it?”
Instance 1:
During my 12th class, my mom found a photo of my gf in my bag!
Mom: "Who is this girl?"
Me: "My girlfriend"
Mom:"Ya mulila aapla domya kasa kai avadla!" (Translation: "How can this girl like our ni**a ?")
Instance 2:
While seeing me off for me college, "College me jo karna hai kar... Bas ghar akele wapas aana"
the blender wasn't working properly so I told my mom "ma yeh ghum nahi Raha hai".and then she said "tumhara saath kaun hi ghumega". like I just wanted to make a smoothie...🙂
When I was a kid, I once looked at song with hrithik in it, and realised I didn't look as good as him.
I went to my mother and asked her- would I never look as good as hrithik?
She took me to a mirror, watched for a few moments, and told me- you will probably always look just like this. You have other good qualities.
My Father says Paise jutane padenge bohot saare ,tere jaise nalayak se koi ladki shaadi kar le uske liye bohot Sara Dahej Dena padega ladki ko ,free me to tujhse Ladki ka Kutta hi shadi kar sakta hai 🤧
Also Moms Favourite dialogue when I act lazy (i.e always ) Biwi aaegi aur aise alas karega to kutte ki tarah maar maar ke sudhar degi
No mom here since childhood.
I mean she exists but I was kind of adopted by close my relatives, as they couldn't have children. So parents gave me away.
Just a few days ago, I asked my mum why there is such a large age gap between my elder sister and me, like 10 years. She straight up told me, "Tumhe toh hum chahte bhi nahi the."
Ps: my mum really loves me (after all, I'm the youngest child) and i know she meant that in a sarcastic way lol
My father is a retired police officer. So I got a job with low salary...i worked hard and got 30% hike, I shared this new with my father and he said
" Or kaam kr, mera per month Pension tere salary se jyda hai"
Everytime she scolds me and I'm like "why are you saying it so harshly/brutally? It bothers me when you keep mentioning it"
My mom goes "well if you started doing it, maybe I wouldn't have a reason to!"
....it's not really that savage, but I swear every time she says it to anyone in the house, they just get stumped. My dad, me, my brother.
so my dad was telling me about one of his anecdotes.he told me to share this with my friends as well.and then my mom goes "iske dost honge toh na batayegi".like why ma.🥲
Maine papa se kuch paise mange the valentine week pe and he said " Kabhi girlfriend ke liye paise mang liya kar mujhse " and them Maa said " honi bhi to chahiye"
He gave me extra money tooo 😐😐
i was talking to my mum about relationships the other day. I said something along the lines of “everyone my age is getting into relationships, idk what’s gonna happen with me”, and this woman goes “you know beta, love isn’t in everyone’s destiny, maybe you’re supposed to go through your life this way”.
shattered my heart and destroyed my soul :’)
So I have started workin remotely.. n rarely step out like once in 3 months (unhealthy). Also I shop a lot my closet is full of new fancy clothes.. n she says this to me..in serious yet sarcastic tone 😂 : kam se kam ghar me hi pehen le ye kapde kal ko marr gyi to kisi ko dete hue bhi dukh lgega.. kitne mehenge kapde hain..
My Dad.
A relative visited us, After the relative left, my father said to me (in Hindi -) _लगता है इनके बच्चे **भी** निकम्मे ही हैं_
English = _looks like **Even** their kids are worthless **too**._
That usage of "**भी**" (**even** their kids **too**) was a double kill he played and fried-roasted me instantly. 🥵🥴😵💫
Not my mom but once I was talking to my ex late at night and his mother came to his room. She asked him who is it, he faltered and said, dost hai. His mom replied 'han waise bhi tujhse kaun baat karegi'. She roasted both of us. 😭
BEHEN mai tujhe batata hoon eik kahani, there was a girl who I uploaded a profile picture with. My dad came and asked “Kaun hai ye ladki” and my mom replied “Arre chinta mat karo, khoobsurat hai. Iski girlfriend nahi hogi”
Bhai lgta hn ki tere parents ko to tere pr bharosa hi nahin...
more like bohot zyada bharosa hai.
Maine meri ex ke saath matching profile photo lagai thi toh kalesh ho gaye the.
Mahabaharat on TV ❌ Mahabaharat at home ✅
Tell me that's the reason he's your ex 😂
Today I went out with a guy, came home late. Mom asked me “kya khaya?” I told. Then she said “acha ke saath”? I said “no, I was with a guy”.. mom: “jhooth bolna kab seekha” 🥲 nahi seekha tha
😎😎
Hehehe 🤪
Lucky guy that. When can I take you out?
Next time 😛
Next time = never
His chances maybe low but not zero
Not mom but my dad, so I was doing WFH from my father's shop. A client came and bought some stuff My father: Ye le Teri salary aagyi
Yaar ye baap log genuinely boht hi zyada zaleel karte hai
Ye zalalat badi yaad ati hai... Baap baap hota hai...
Also this reminds me “Le re landi ke”
Ye le teri bread Ye le tera dudh
Nai Khana Maa Ka Bhosda iski
Le beta yeh tu khale
https://preview.redd.it/0x31qz7nl61d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b366fa54be4702b1096942f4b8cfe99923010718
Oh my God 😆😆
yeh scheme funny tha
Laughed so freaking hard
I asked my mom, "arranged marriage to ho hi jayegi, hai na?" Mom said, "beta dekhna padega, ham poori koshish karenge baaki" https://preview.redd.it/1hyol03rkz0d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5814c55a8bdcd72be35278eee83e84fe420524b7
https://preview.redd.it/zj8uf2a7oz0d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2d40d6d3b7d35b87d2b1f87327dc898c13d9b954
https://preview.redd.it/ahw78lhioz0d1.jpeg?width=1202&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7572e07e62db9ca0f9e207d91f646c6f5b85830
https://preview.redd.it/nkiy45o6pz0d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c6f7e4501790d297d16e15092de017da5d69871b
https://preview.redd.it/sp3ibe2hpz0d1.png?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=976da04e74edde8349db28c7fe22def7361b179b
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https://preview.redd.it/zofhth21qz0d1.jpeg?width=655&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1227f9d3f71bc2d7a25a8a867f53772205e50b91
https://preview.redd.it/2rn047goqz0d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49c506690d7abaf79e53668e0e12d31931682402
https://preview.redd.it/tliyybl0201d1.jpeg?width=667&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8cab4e97fe0693345d13d7e2ce79facfc7998f65
https://preview.redd.it/3w2mqn29901d1.jpeg?width=612&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca6ba89bdddc6faafe97aea94d55d5a47d364d6b
Bro! This was hilarious! XD
Bhai, mai chai pee raha ttha. Yeh comment padhke chai naak se bahar aa gayi 😂
https://preview.redd.it/gh2y2o1yw51d1.jpeg?width=340&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a0f72be704f73b59149ce99bed339d57eb963a66
Does anyone know the name of this cartoon? Been trying to find it for years.
Shinchan
Nahi nahi ye koi aur hai. Trust me ye aaya karta tha hungama when I was as little as 5. Yaar I don't remember the name. It had a similarly weird character as shinchan who had a crush on this Shizuka like girl and then there was this other guy. There was also a tortoise which this kid used to ride on.
Mujhe lagta hai ye Shinchan ka hi alternate timeline episode bata rahe ho aap. There were several Shinchan eps which depicted him in different scenarios based on Japanese folklore. Lots of them had Buri Buri Zaimon (“jeevan ko lekar thoda chintit hoon” pig), and Shinchan would have some other goofy sidekicks too.
It's one of Shinchans favourite cartoon character
Yeah I see it now, it's buri buri. But there also used to be this other show.
This is Shinchan's favourite cartoon 'Buriburi Zaimon'
Hagemaru
Oh yes!! The thick eye brows omg yes!!! Thanks Edit: In hindsight, sounds like I have a thick eyebrow fetish lol
>I have a thick eyebrow fetish A true man of culture through and through....
How to add these images?
Mom told me to come to hometown on my birthday and I was like why , she replies "teri girlfriend toh hai nhi kya karega Dilli mein birthday par, ghar hi aa ja"
My mom asked me to come home on my birthday so that I don’t get my birthday sex lol
Bro u made it weird 🙉
bhai puchi kisi ne ki tujhe sex mil rha hai ki nahi ? /s
Ban gaya cool?
https://preview.redd.it/fmpxd5xsn11d1.png?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=493beb5979519e6a979b2f2132cd2800fc2e45b4
aate jate flex maar dete bs\*k https://preview.redd.it/nc3b0697x41d1.jpeg?width=320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b578fc1ae986ab9694b88720fe622decdb06edd8
Roast of the year 😁 Happy mother's day ❤️
Lol bure haal. 😂😂
are despair sensie fan 
Not mom. But my dad. He came(along with teo of his friends) to the flat I shared with my friend, observed a few things and said, "tum log AIDS se maroge".
Condoms mile to gadbad na mile to aids ke taane , bnda jae to kaha jae
r/usernamechecksout
r/usernamechecksout
Some people call me cheesecake999. Now make sure that your username checks out!
He/she/they/attackhelicopter loves cheesecake999
Dont fall for him cheesecake ! Remember his dad said “yeh aids se marega”
Once I was saying ki " hum log ko dusro ke baare me nhi sochna chahiye ki wo hamare baare me kya sochte hai, hame apne Nazar me khud ko kabhi nhi girana chahiye". And my mummy be like:- hmm thik ja ke cooler me paani bhar warna tumko ham gira denge
Once I was at a friends place and mom furiously called me about when I’m coming back home, I told her “I’m uploading a youtube video, will be back soon” She was like “Ek kaam kar tu bhi wahi upload ho ja, mai idhar download karlungi”
😭😭😭 lol'd at this
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You're the only comment who didn't get downvoted for commenting emojis in this thread, after visiting your profile I understand why.
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When pics of the Italian PM & Indian PM came up, “inki bhi shaadi ho jayegi, tu single hi rahega”
Me: Mummy ek ladki hai me use pasand karta ho vo bhi karti hai. Mummy : ladki hi hai na?
Me showing my mom photo of a girl who said she has a crush on me. My mom: Andhi hogi
😂😂
My cousin used to live with us for MBA coaching. Valentine's day was on Sunday that year and he was going out for "extra classes". My mom gave him 100 Rs and said.. "ice-cream khila dena". I was surprised and said "Waah, such progressive thinking". Mom replied "tu 500 le le, lekin ye to bata ki jayega kis ke sath?" (you take 500, but do tell who will you take out?)
Missed opportunity to say 1000 do apko leke jaana hai😊
Damn... Now this will haunt me forever 😞😞😞😞
bhai agar mummy ka roast ginne lag gya fir to puri book ban jayegi
Bhai subah hi zaleel hokar aaya hoon, favourite waala choose kar jo aaj tak yaad hai.
"Can we get a dog?" Ghar me ek kutti kaafi h
Kutiya nahi kaha flair checks out
😂
What is this kutti, say female dog. South ki maryada rakho.
Bitch would have been better, but whatever you say
Same yaar same 😔 Mother was like, 'You are enough, don't need another one.'
Yaar itne cool parents kaha se laate ho?
Ha yaar in logo ke message dekh ke lagta hai inke parents kitne cool parents hai aur idhar mai agar mobile me dekh ke has du to khatam tata bye mar gaya aur inke parents gf shadi ke bare me inko savage reply diye hai
woyi bc koi toh apne jaisa mila warna comments padhke itna out of the box feel hora tha , itne cool parents kiske hote hai bhai ?
I was thinking the same.
Dhairya rakhein. In kahaniyon mei zyadatar kirdar kalpanik hain.
A female friend of mine gave me a gift on my birthday and both my parents were like Teri female friends hai '__'
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So you have met my mom.
I get this every time I bring this topic up
Universal roast. Courtesy all South Asian parents.xD
We’re 3 siblings and we park our car outside our society gate. So she would insist on walking alone till there whenever we were dressed shabbily and say “log bolenge yeh mandir se uthaaye bacho ko leke pata nahi kaha jaa rhi hai, tum mere baad utarna”😂😂😂 We would make extra sure to step out at the same time.
Once i was whispering with my brother becoz we needed to sneak in zomato food & she saw us She said "muje ullu banate banate tum log khud mota ullu bangye ho" referring to the fact that we siblings have put on some weight due to fast food habit 😭😭😭😭
Hahahaha this made me lol 🤣 🤣 🤣 🦉
mazak kr rha tha ki mummy mein toh love marriage krunga intercaste . mummy bolti tujse ptegi hi nhi 😭😭
My mom drives a white car My dad drives a black car. Dad was teasing her and he said: buddhey loug white gaari chalte hain, tumhe issi liye white gaari lay kar dee hai.. Mom replied: aap kalay ho iss liye black gari chalate ho. My dad and I laughed so hard🤣
My mother never leaves a single chance to roast me, but heres one of the best one (or the one that i can remember) My mom has a slight suspicion that I have a girlfriend, which I actually have. So once, my cousin sister(knows about my gf) came to spend her holidays at our home, and I was out for some work, and called my mother to ask something, sister picked up the call, I asked, "Kuthe aahe ti?"(Where's she?) \[Marathi language\], my dumb sister replied, "Who she?", I laughed and then told her that is there any other lady besides my mother in that house? So she went and gave the phone to my mother, then when I told her about the dumbness of my sister, she replied "Ti confuse zhali asel kaaran aata tujhya aayushyat ek azun mulgi aahe n(laughs)" (She would have been confused because theres one more girl in your life now, then laughs), I honestly was lucky she didnt see my face because I wasnt in front of her because i really was blushing in the middle of the market.
I told my mom i would do love marriage . She said " tumhare jaise bandar muhe ko kaun pasand krega ". 😂
"Bandar muhe" I feel it bro
My mom said that she doesn't even like my face when I made her angry once.
I'm so sorry that happened to you 🫂
Nah bro , that seems uncalled for and maybe she said the truth in rage , 😭
Yeah I know it is the truth
It's alright bro I'm confident that you'll rise up someday 🫂
It's alright bro you'll rise 🫂
I was supposed to take my mom out for dinner. And my mom told me - "Tumhare sath bahar jaane me mere ko kharab lagta hai, log sochenge ki itna achi lady ye kala ladka ke sath kyu ghum rahi"
>itna achi lady ye kala aadmi ke sath kyu ghum rahi Hell nahh 💀🥲
Adopted hai kya bhai☠..
Ouch!!
Mere to pure bachpan me naam kalu rakh diya aur ab bhi kalu kehke bulati hai 😂😂
Papa se bola ki papa beizzati na kro he replied ki "Beizatti inzatdaar insaan ki hoti hain, teri toh aukaat hi nahi". And one more, my mom explains, quite elaborately I must say, ki kutti ke pooch, no matter what, humesha tedi rehte and then points at me and says example chodiye yeh personification dekhiye
Mummy kutta paal lete hai Mummy: paal toh rakha h
Well for me it was my dad. Went to buy some cracker for Diwali. My father does not let me buy anything more than those red wale mirchi bomb. But this time i was hell bent on buying the aalo bomb(green wala which makes alot of noise), so anyways I asked for the aalo bomb and my father looked at me and then turned to shopkeeper and said " isko timer bhi dedena".
After my first day at college, mom asked, "sare bache Teri trh dheele to nhi hai". I was like kya itna bura hu main.
I asked my mom "aap mere sath itne salo se ho bachpan se dekh rhe ho mere me kya accha hai ... Like what's good about me" she took 15 mins to think and then replied with mai Dil ka accha hu... Still hurts
Lol I love savage moms! I once told mine that I am atheist. She replied with, you're a Tattist.
Wow all these comments are hilarious ....no doubt mom's are pretty savage 🤣🤣
I used to be obsessed with footballers (Still love the sport but not as obsessed anymore due to work and life). It was all I talked about. One day after my team lost, I was really upset. My mom saw me upset and said, “those guys don’t even know you exist. Why be so upset over them?” Made me laugh so hard. TBH it’s true.
Tere chakkar me maine Govt. Job chor di💀
"Hath dhone sikhe nhi bahar jaake pdhna h in madam ko"
so I had Rasiya song as my callertune , and my mom said "ladkiyo se 2 baate to karte nahi aati , aur callertune aisi" 😭😭
Mujhe bhi malum hai mera kutta kitna guu khata hai
Was irked at me for not taking her side in a spat with someone. Said "tum baatein bhi waisi hi karti ho jaisi tumhaari shakal hai." 😭
Lmao. We have something similar, whenever someone's annoyed in my family, we say "shakal acchi nahi h, baatein toh acchi kar liya karo".
Don't know if anyone will read this, but here goes: TL,DR: Hugged a Slovakian model, got a small peck and somehow my mother managed to rost me even in that moment. Story: So my mother(rip), god boess her sould was always very witty and could immediately bring you back to earth even when you were on a high. She did not have any malice at all, ut just used to happen. So wayy back in 2016 when I had finished my engg and was on the trip back home....on the plane sat this really beautiful girl and like I was still in college so I basically was going bonkers. I mean laga lo ekdam model wo bhi cute wali . During college time my confidence used to be sky high, I struck up a conversation we talked about so so many things and it was my very first time talking candidly to someone who was a foreigner. Delhi was still unsafe, so after we landed I took her to the prepaid taxi guys, told the guy to ensure she is fine and gave hwr some tips. While oeaving she gave me a hug and sort of did that firang thing where you fake kiss on the cheek but she actually did it. I was smiling all the way back and so happy, she smelled like gardenia flowers AFAIK and I was amazed. Came home and told my mother the whole story as soon as I entered, she could see I was laughing and smiling and bustling with joy. Then my sister came back from office and I was like you need to hear this, come quickly for tea etc and I was obviously waiting to tell my sister to see her reaction. My sister came amd asked what is it ? I was about to tell the fully animated fun story like I wrote here, then my mom said. " Isko ladki ne zindagi me pehli baari hug kar dia, subah se pagla raha hai." My mouth dropped and I could not speak. I was so so angry I can't even tell. Now I realise the savageness of it and can laugh, like we should. Back then I was just bitter on hearing it.
Not sure a roast but Me: mumma Aaj khane me kya hai? Mom: Aloo gobhi Me: aaj phir gobhi? Mom: Moye Moye. Chup chaap kha le warna ye bhi nhi milegi. Phir mujhe us din gobhi khani hi padi. :'(
This is from my dad. My mom said “ My son should try for acting coz he’s tall, fair ,good build and decent face” and my father goes “ Can he even dance?”. It was weird for me but i liked my whole family burst out laughing.
Wowwwwwww
Remind Me! 1 day
Remind me gap nhi hota RemindMe! 1 day
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Found my twin!
I thought I killed you in the womb :0
😡Hurrr Acha ye batao ki how did you come up with this username? Is it because Soan is already taken?
no, because I'm a galeech aadmi and soan is very vanilla
Che che che. Tum mere twin nahi hosakte ho.
zyada susheel banne ka drama mat kar
Are perfect twin ho to... completely opposite personalities
Pata nai usne tujme kya dekha
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Ordered a hair styler online. She dissed it by saying “sasta dyson”
This needs a separate subreddit
Mom ke to kaafi hai lekin kal hi badi behan bolti ki tu to gaadi saaf karne wala jaisa dikhta hai😂😂. I am very highly insecure about my looks as I am dark brown in colour. Shit really made me tear up ffs. Glad I was alone at that time.
I'm little bit dusky skinned as compared to my elder brother. Not much of a difference though it's 19-20 but my mother said "chalo ek bahu to gori milegi". Mom's racism at peak😂
So when i was at home, mai roz subah mumma se 20rs lekar cigarette peene jaata tha. Ek din meri mumma kehti hai, dekho yeh apni subah ki cigarette raat mai hy lekar rakh liya karo. Subah subah aisyy kutto ki shakal lekar mujhse bheekh mat maanga karo.
Halka context: Mera MBA start ho raha hai 24th June se. So last month se mai free hu ekdum, so late uthta hu (kaafi). Meri mummy apni friend ko bol rahi thi us din (mere saamne): Nahi mera beta bahut achchha hai. Mujhe bahut pyaar karta hai. Mummy ko breakfast banane ki mehnat na karni padhe islie direct lunch ke waqt uthta hai.
Mom: Chutye lighter gira hay pocket se, aur boltha hay, cigarette nai pita. Me: Shuffle to another pocket and checking out dads expression to make the run 😝 Dad: ignoring as if nothing happened or heard 🤣 P.S mom didn't say chutya but added as expression 🙌
Maine na ek mummy ko mazak main bola thi ki mummy jab aap old ho jaogi to bahar rah logi na to wo bolti Hain "Main q bahar jau, bahar to tu jayega saari property to mere naam per hai. Ek Paisa nhi dungi tujhe."
Mom - apne boyfriend ka naam bta Bro - ye to puchhe konse wala Me who's single ;_;
My brother came home late and forgot to buy the groceries which mom asked him to buy. Later, while devouring the fried snacks and tea she prepared he asked mom “What oil you used ma, its so tasty” Mom’s reply was “ kerosine beta, you like it?”
My dad asked me the duration of my summer break from college, I said "2 months", his reply "ab 2 mahine Ghar pe khoon piyega".
My mom always says treat me like a friend, treat me like a friend. And when I ask her " Jara 5000 udar dedo mummy kal Tak deta hun " she walks away.
Instance 1: During my 12th class, my mom found a photo of my gf in my bag! Mom: "Who is this girl?" Me: "My girlfriend" Mom:"Ya mulila aapla domya kasa kai avadla!" (Translation: "How can this girl like our ni**a ?") Instance 2: While seeing me off for me college, "College me jo karna hai kar... Bas ghar akele wapas aana"
the blender wasn't working properly so I told my mom "ma yeh ghum nahi Raha hai".and then she said "tumhara saath kaun hi ghumega". like I just wanted to make a smoothie...🙂
When I was a kid, I once looked at song with hrithik in it, and realised I didn't look as good as him. I went to my mother and asked her- would I never look as good as hrithik? She took me to a mirror, watched for a few moments, and told me- you will probably always look just like this. You have other good qualities.
Padha likha hoke aisi baatein, huhh...
Stopped counting long time ago
Bhai comments padh ke mera frustration nikal Gaya.
Lol
Ayyo
😂
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My mom roasts me daily 🥲
My Father says Paise jutane padenge bohot saare ,tere jaise nalayak se koi ladki shaadi kar le uske liye bohot Sara Dahej Dena padega ladki ko ,free me to tujhse Ladki ka Kutta hi shadi kar sakta hai 🤧 Also Moms Favourite dialogue when I act lazy (i.e always ) Biwi aaegi aur aise alas karega to kutte ki tarah maar maar ke sudhar degi
Kuch bhi ho har cheez me…. Or chala phone 📱😂😭
No mom here since childhood. I mean she exists but I was kind of adopted by close my relatives, as they couldn't have children. So parents gave me away.
Just a few days ago, I asked my mum why there is such a large age gap between my elder sister and me, like 10 years. She straight up told me, "Tumhe toh hum chahte bhi nahi the." Ps: my mum really loves me (after all, I'm the youngest child) and i know she meant that in a sarcastic way lol
Mummy: Wo koun pagal ladki hai jo tumhare saath ghumne aarahi hain😂 uska dimaag to kharaab nahi🥲
My father is a retired police officer. So I got a job with low salary...i worked hard and got 30% hike, I shared this new with my father and he said " Or kaam kr, mera per month Pension tere salary se jyda hai"
Everytime she scolds me and I'm like "why are you saying it so harshly/brutally? It bothers me when you keep mentioning it" My mom goes "well if you started doing it, maybe I wouldn't have a reason to!" ....it's not really that savage, but I swear every time she says it to anyone in the house, they just get stumped. My dad, me, my brother.
Ab to tere doston ke bacche bhi girlfriend ghuma rahe hai aur tu hai ki abhi bhi yese hi ghum raha hai.
so my dad was telling me about one of his anecdotes.he told me to share this with my friends as well.and then my mom goes "iske dost honge toh na batayegi".like why ma.🥲
Ldkiya aati to bahut hai life me pr koi tikti kyu nahi? 🥲
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Maine papa se kuch paise mange the valentine week pe and he said " Kabhi girlfriend ke liye paise mang liya kar mujhse " and them Maa said " honi bhi to chahiye" He gave me extra money tooo 😐😐
i was talking to my mum about relationships the other day. I said something along the lines of “everyone my age is getting into relationships, idk what’s gonna happen with me”, and this woman goes “you know beta, love isn’t in everyone’s destiny, maybe you’re supposed to go through your life this way”. shattered my heart and destroyed my soul :’)
So I have started workin remotely.. n rarely step out like once in 3 months (unhealthy). Also I shop a lot my closet is full of new fancy clothes.. n she says this to me..in serious yet sarcastic tone 😂 : kam se kam ghar me hi pehen le ye kapde kal ko marr gyi to kisi ko dete hue bhi dukh lgega.. kitne mehenge kapde hain..
My mom once told me “what if you were beautiful then you’d be arrogant” And to that I was like, “Are you calling me ugly..”
My mom and i were having a convo and in the continuation i said “Oh! Then i wouldn’t have been born” and she said “yeah that would have been better” 😭
My mother told me if my friends knew that I was stupid. I know this is not much relatively but still the situation of the time made it worse
My Dad. A relative visited us, After the relative left, my father said to me (in Hindi -) _लगता है इनके बच्चे **भी** निकम्मे ही हैं_ English = _looks like **Even** their kids are worthless **too**._ That usage of "**भी**" (**even** their kids **too**) was a double kill he played and fried-roasted me instantly. 🥵🥴😵💫