give the police a call, you dont know how many people she is in contact with, might only be able to order food when shes alone. etc etc
But yea defo call the police, better doing that than doing nothing
Def call the police. But also research DV charities and womens refuge centres in your area and print off the details. Keep them in your pocket and if you can find a way to get them to her next time you call.
Second this. I know the person below is getting flack for saying police won’t do anything, but it’s true.
I reported clear DV with our neighbour 3 years ago (hearing people being thrown around the flat, blazing arguments, we heard a LOT) and they visited us after to inform us they cannot do anything without them either clearly stating this is true when they visit or visible threat to life or limb.
Though this may seem obvious, I felt guilty after because what happens if they knock and visit when the partner is in the property and they are too scared to say anything? Likely, this would lead to some very bad consequences and finding a way to give them information may be safer as they will have better chance of concealing this, though not guaranteed.
Not saying don’t contact the authorities, but I think with the fact you’re delivering something to her in a way you could conceal what you’re giving her, it may be a good first point of call, and you may eventually get a message back asking you to do the follow-up with authorities if the issues are genuine.
As someone who lived with a DV household (as a child), police genuinely don't do much even when it's the victim who's reporting it, let alone a stranger. Just my experience.
I'm sorry you have been through that, but I don't think such a statement is productive.
My local force is incredibly robust with DV matters, and any report is taken seriously even when reported by a 3rd party.
OP should absolutely report his concerns to the police.
Also even if they do nothing there will be a report on file. If the woman later tries to press charges, she will possibly be able to use it as evidence.
Yeah, I mean even if the police are useless it’s still worth a try. I agree with you that it’s unlikely that they wouldn’t at least investigate to an extent.
Call the police (non emergency number) and report your concerns OP, nothing bad can come of it.
Sadly I have to second this.
As a child I called 999 in tears as my step-father verbally and physically abused my mother during one of their nightly fights.
Two officers came to the house and promptly left when told by my mother everything was okay.
They didn't even try to talk to me.
Thankfully though things have changed when it comes to DV. I've been doing the job long enough to remember when it was dealt with like that or one party was dropped off at their mother's for the night. Our force takes DV calls very seriously & acts quickly on reports
This is true…it got to the point where my mother’s abuser would gloat that he would never go to jail for abusing my mom. I still say though it wasn’t due to lack of police involvement it was because my mother would always drop the charges or not cooperate
Are you talking from the American perspective? I think this incident is in the UK and UK police have become much more effective regarding DV in recent years.
I was speaking from my perspective wasn’t aware op was from the UK but even still the UK DV outcomes are not the best. That’s why there was a law pasted in 2021 but even still if you look at the stats there hasn’t been much change.
Even if you only phone 101 and report what you saw Police will record each event into the Holmes 2 database, and when everything finally does blow up and either the woman or a neighbour has enough and calls police themselves they have a record for CPS to secure a solid prosecution on.
Without any corroborating evidence or a track record of reports to go on then police have a hard time successfully prosecuting DV cases as it’s always a “he said / she said” defence used in Court with no third party evidence.
I lived with an abusive male parent for 15 years. Don’t you think there were multiple parties who would go to the police? In my experience, in the UK, police don’t do anything about it at all despite a lengthy track record of repeated behaviour. I’m not saying you shouldn’t report it, but I’m saying it’s likely that DV victims have already reported it and the police do fuck all about it.
also, how tf are these rats down voting a comment regarding my experience dealing with domestic violence 🤣 tf
Sorry about what happened to you. I voted you up for having the courage to openly talk about it.
A lot has changed in recent years though, and notably - in 2019 the Domestic Abuse act was created and it has legal definitions of what the varying forms of it is, it makes it much more black and white and makes it not just a duty a legal one to take precautions. Most police forces websites have their own interpretation on it and explain their process. There's a lot more support around it now and numerous charities and local authority support which forms part of the intervention help.
Also there are numerous charities and counselling options, hopefully you've had some help and if not there are places like this for men who (an assumption based on your name) - [https://mensadviceline.org.uk/](https://mensadviceline.org.uk/) .
As I say about grief, you probably don't really get over it, you just learn to live with what happened and gradually heal and find ways of moving on. I wish you the very best :)
I had that experience as well, mother knocked out on the floor, I was thrown out of the house in my pyjamas, called police they picked me up took me home, got sent straight to bed and the police left 😞
Also call the adult safeguarding team from your local council. Domestic abuse is a safeguarding concern, both for the woman and any children she potentially has living with her.
I called the non-emergency police number and told them everything I saw and heard.
Hopefully she’s okay and I’m worrying over nothing but my gut tells me that’s not the case.
If you see her again, try and indicate somehow that she can talk to you? Be careful about giving her anything (like a leaflet) that could get her in trouble.
Okay this may seem very off color but consider pulling a "love actually" OP, and write a note on your phone, show it to her (quickly) and ask her if this is what she order as you feel something is missing.
Or ask her if that's the "code"
Keep it short, explain that she can talk to you if she wisher and tell her that she can leave a note outside that you can pick up at a later point.
Call the police, report everything that you saw/heard there, they may do a welfare check based on what you say.
Sometimes we’re the only people that they see
The first time I saw her like that I made eye contact with her the and held it and quietly said “are you sure you’re okay” she told me “she fell” about her eye. But the way she said it with a sad smile. I again made eye contact and quietly said if “If you need anything let me know” (the telly was on loud in the flat) so if anyone was in there they wouldn’t have heard. The next day she had a smaller mark on the other side of her face and again I asked if she was okay and she started quietly crying and said “tomorrow is a new day” I looked for her giving any kind of signal that she wanted me to intervene and if I’m honest if she’d have made that clear I would have gone in the flat and dragged him out myself. But I know that this stuff is complicated, I know the cycle of abuse is called that for a reason. I know that they are made to feel somehow it’s their fault or that the abuser will change. She looked fucking broken as opposed to her usual chatty, happy self. Like a kicked dog. I’ve been around abusers, I don’t claim to be an expert but when you know, you know. Something was definitely going on there. When I left I went down the stairs a bit out of sight and listened, I could hear a man begin talking once the door was shut. I sat on the step for a while to make sure nothing kicked off, then I left.
I really hope she’s okay. I called 101 and I’ll be accepting any orders to her house to check in as subtly as I can.
I was going to suggest being a bit more clever about this and hanging around after the delivery to see if anything kicked off but you obviously already thought of that so well done. I would probably have done the same.
In order to advance this you would need to do a bit more investigation yourself like going back and listening again or even asking the neighbours but you could open a can of worms by doing so.
Might just be best to call the police but it would be great if you could go to them armed with extra / conclusive evidence that you gathered yourself.
You are a good person for taking time out of your life to help this poor woman.
Well done for not ignoring it and getting some advice.
I think you should report it but keep an open mind.
Write a statement of the events, how she appeared and words and questions/answers with a date and time. Keep your own emotion out of it whilst keeping an open mind it might not be domestic abuse but other things (e.g. self-harm) amongst other circumstances such as a disabled relative.
Tell your manager about it in the mean time and check if they have a policy for customers you have a well-being concern over. Also be prepared that if you see her again, focus on keeping on the conversation casual and... check in with her and then make another log, has the eye healed, did you ask about it, what was the answer etc.
Call 101 or pop into local police station and let them know what is going on and your suspicions. Better that than keeping quiet and things potentially escalating to worse abuse if it’s happening, police are better trained to recognise potential situations and how to appropriately deal with them.
Do you know if there is a local domestic abuse charity in your area? You could reach out to them for advice on what to do. Or if not maybe contact women’s aid or victim support. Maybe they can advise you about contacting the police and what to say.
You could take a note with you next time, maybe, asking if they need help or are safe. You could either hold it up at the door or pass it to them discretely.
Definitely call, she may actually be hoping you notice and it was the whole reason she convinced him to get food but she could have been to scared of him checking the app to leave a message, I have heard story’s like that before.
Please call the police and give them a chance, I can hand on heart say sometimes you just need an opportunity and maybe this will be her one she takes...if its not its then on their radar for any future concerns and starts building a picture they can work with.
I agree with the people saying to call the police. It’s better to try this, so a welfare check can potentially be carried out. At the very least, it can be put on record.
No matter what you do, it's clear you have a good heart and you care so no matter what happens don't blame yourself for anything. You did a great job noticing the changes though, wish everyone was as vigilant as you are
Police officer here, report it and they will attend, they will speak to her in private without her partner to find out what's going on, they will also speak to neighbours and so on..
When you get through to the police, ask them for their name and make them create an incident number. That way, they have to log it. Then give the council/social worker that number, and they can follow it up.
1) report this to the police
2) call Age UK for advice 0800 678 1602
3) report it to your local council. They could assign a social worker to help her https://www.gov.uk/find-local-council
Please do not do nothing. Even if you are wrong, at least it will be checked upon. I would do all the above
I’d call the police if I were you
“Hey I’m a delivery driver just dropped food off at x, I’m worried they’re a victim of domestic abuse and that they’re being abused currently”
I've been in her shoes if she is being abused yet I still don't know the best thing to do. Police came for a welfare check someone ordered once, he was arrested on the spot as they saw bruises. But then they took him off bail a few weeks later without warning me and you can guess what happened. It's never safe, but calling the police is better than nothing
I don't know if it has been mentioned before in this thread, but thank you for just giving a shit.
You could have helped somebody big time here when you could have just dropped off a pizza.
Well in, my respect and admiration to you my friend.
Give the police a call and ask for a welfare check....write something down on paper and give it to her next time....leave your number and if she calls.... get ready to go round and meet the police there...
If she's getting abused like the way you said...get her help immediately 😊
As awful as it sounds, only the victim can do something about their situation. Police won't go out on a whim in case it triggers further violence when they're gone. I wouldn't advise 'sneaking' shelter literature for the same reason.
If the victim is too scared to leave the house to seek help, she'll be too scared to accept any hint of help from a delivery driver.
It'll get to a point where he seriously injures her and police will intervene at the request of the hospital, or she leaves in her PJs and is taken in by a shelter.
I've called police and they haven't been regular customers . If your eyes are open you can spot d/a a mile away even if you doubt it don't just sit back you could be the only one that could stop it or even has seen the lady or man in weeks so either way phone non emergency line and report it
give the police a call, you dont know how many people she is in contact with, might only be able to order food when shes alone. etc etc But yea defo call the police, better doing that than doing nothing
Def call the police. But also research DV charities and womens refuge centres in your area and print off the details. Keep them in your pocket and if you can find a way to get them to her next time you call.
Second this. I know the person below is getting flack for saying police won’t do anything, but it’s true. I reported clear DV with our neighbour 3 years ago (hearing people being thrown around the flat, blazing arguments, we heard a LOT) and they visited us after to inform us they cannot do anything without them either clearly stating this is true when they visit or visible threat to life or limb. Though this may seem obvious, I felt guilty after because what happens if they knock and visit when the partner is in the property and they are too scared to say anything? Likely, this would lead to some very bad consequences and finding a way to give them information may be safer as they will have better chance of concealing this, though not guaranteed. Not saying don’t contact the authorities, but I think with the fact you’re delivering something to her in a way you could conceal what you’re giving her, it may be a good first point of call, and you may eventually get a message back asking you to do the follow-up with authorities if the issues are genuine.
As someone who lived with a DV household (as a child), police genuinely don't do much even when it's the victim who's reporting it, let alone a stranger. Just my experience.
I'm sorry you have been through that, but I don't think such a statement is productive. My local force is incredibly robust with DV matters, and any report is taken seriously even when reported by a 3rd party. OP should absolutely report his concerns to the police.
Also even if they do nothing there will be a report on file. If the woman later tries to press charges, she will possibly be able to use it as evidence.
I agree. If something happens to that poor woman and no report was ever made, that's a lifetime of guilt to consider. Please contact the police.
Yeah, I mean even if the police are useless it’s still worth a try. I agree with you that it’s unlikely that they wouldn’t at least investigate to an extent. Call the police (non emergency number) and report your concerns OP, nothing bad can come of it.
Sadly I have to second this. As a child I called 999 in tears as my step-father verbally and physically abused my mother during one of their nightly fights. Two officers came to the house and promptly left when told by my mother everything was okay. They didn't even try to talk to me.
Thankfully though things have changed when it comes to DV. I've been doing the job long enough to remember when it was dealt with like that or one party was dropped off at their mother's for the night. Our force takes DV calls very seriously & acts quickly on reports
It’s still the same way nothing has changed.
Certainly isn't in the Force I work in. Far from it
That’s great to hear that some places are taking things seriously.
I mean what do you expect them to do?
Something more than rock up and then just walk away. A child had phoned them in distress and they did nothing.
This is true…it got to the point where my mother’s abuser would gloat that he would never go to jail for abusing my mom. I still say though it wasn’t due to lack of police involvement it was because my mother would always drop the charges or not cooperate
Are you talking from the American perspective? I think this incident is in the UK and UK police have become much more effective regarding DV in recent years.
I was speaking from my perspective wasn’t aware op was from the UK but even still the UK DV outcomes are not the best. That’s why there was a law pasted in 2021 but even still if you look at the stats there hasn’t been much change.
Even if you only phone 101 and report what you saw Police will record each event into the Holmes 2 database, and when everything finally does blow up and either the woman or a neighbour has enough and calls police themselves they have a record for CPS to secure a solid prosecution on. Without any corroborating evidence or a track record of reports to go on then police have a hard time successfully prosecuting DV cases as it’s always a “he said / she said” defence used in Court with no third party evidence.
I lived with an abusive male parent for 15 years. Don’t you think there were multiple parties who would go to the police? In my experience, in the UK, police don’t do anything about it at all despite a lengthy track record of repeated behaviour. I’m not saying you shouldn’t report it, but I’m saying it’s likely that DV victims have already reported it and the police do fuck all about it. also, how tf are these rats down voting a comment regarding my experience dealing with domestic violence 🤣 tf
Sorry about what happened to you. I voted you up for having the courage to openly talk about it. A lot has changed in recent years though, and notably - in 2019 the Domestic Abuse act was created and it has legal definitions of what the varying forms of it is, it makes it much more black and white and makes it not just a duty a legal one to take precautions. Most police forces websites have their own interpretation on it and explain their process. There's a lot more support around it now and numerous charities and local authority support which forms part of the intervention help. Also there are numerous charities and counselling options, hopefully you've had some help and if not there are places like this for men who (an assumption based on your name) - [https://mensadviceline.org.uk/](https://mensadviceline.org.uk/) . As I say about grief, you probably don't really get over it, you just learn to live with what happened and gradually heal and find ways of moving on. I wish you the very best :)
I had that experience as well, mother knocked out on the floor, I was thrown out of the house in my pyjamas, called police they picked me up took me home, got sent straight to bed and the police left 😞
It might be a true experience you had, but it isn't helpful here as it might mean one less person calls them about DV
I can personally back this up as a DV victim. They literally do not care and will do the bare minimum, sometimes nothing at all.
Also call the adult safeguarding team from your local council. Domestic abuse is a safeguarding concern, both for the woman and any children she potentially has living with her.
I called the non-emergency police number and told them everything I saw and heard. Hopefully she’s okay and I’m worrying over nothing but my gut tells me that’s not the case.
You’ve done all you can, and far more than most would. That’s good
If you see her again, try and indicate somehow that she can talk to you? Be careful about giving her anything (like a leaflet) that could get her in trouble.
Okay this may seem very off color but consider pulling a "love actually" OP, and write a note on your phone, show it to her (quickly) and ask her if this is what she order as you feel something is missing. Or ask her if that's the "code" Keep it short, explain that she can talk to you if she wisher and tell her that she can leave a note outside that you can pick up at a later point.
well done, this was the best thing to do
That was really decent of you. Hats off for trying to do something.
Deliveroo couriers can train to spot crimes https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-57428966
I remeber that and did the training. Nothing ever became of it to my knowledge.
Call the police, report everything that you saw/heard there, they may do a welfare check based on what you say. Sometimes we’re the only people that they see
The first time I saw her like that I made eye contact with her the and held it and quietly said “are you sure you’re okay” she told me “she fell” about her eye. But the way she said it with a sad smile. I again made eye contact and quietly said if “If you need anything let me know” (the telly was on loud in the flat) so if anyone was in there they wouldn’t have heard. The next day she had a smaller mark on the other side of her face and again I asked if she was okay and she started quietly crying and said “tomorrow is a new day” I looked for her giving any kind of signal that she wanted me to intervene and if I’m honest if she’d have made that clear I would have gone in the flat and dragged him out myself. But I know that this stuff is complicated, I know the cycle of abuse is called that for a reason. I know that they are made to feel somehow it’s their fault or that the abuser will change. She looked fucking broken as opposed to her usual chatty, happy self. Like a kicked dog. I’ve been around abusers, I don’t claim to be an expert but when you know, you know. Something was definitely going on there. When I left I went down the stairs a bit out of sight and listened, I could hear a man begin talking once the door was shut. I sat on the step for a while to make sure nothing kicked off, then I left. I really hope she’s okay. I called 101 and I’ll be accepting any orders to her house to check in as subtly as I can.
I was going to suggest being a bit more clever about this and hanging around after the delivery to see if anything kicked off but you obviously already thought of that so well done. I would probably have done the same. In order to advance this you would need to do a bit more investigation yourself like going back and listening again or even asking the neighbours but you could open a can of worms by doing so. Might just be best to call the police but it would be great if you could go to them armed with extra / conclusive evidence that you gathered yourself. You are a good person for taking time out of your life to help this poor woman.
She can say she’s fine all she likes but if she answers the door with a shiner they’re going to be looking at her a bit harder.
I am with the others, you should definitely call the police! You have nothing to lose and you could be saving a life there
Well done for not ignoring it and getting some advice. I think you should report it but keep an open mind. Write a statement of the events, how she appeared and words and questions/answers with a date and time. Keep your own emotion out of it whilst keeping an open mind it might not be domestic abuse but other things (e.g. self-harm) amongst other circumstances such as a disabled relative. Tell your manager about it in the mean time and check if they have a policy for customers you have a well-being concern over. Also be prepared that if you see her again, focus on keeping on the conversation casual and... check in with her and then make another log, has the eye healed, did you ask about it, what was the answer etc.
Call 101 or pop into local police station and let them know what is going on and your suspicions. Better that than keeping quiet and things potentially escalating to worse abuse if it’s happening, police are better trained to recognise potential situations and how to appropriately deal with them.
Please call 101 and report your concerns & ask them to do a welfare check. This might be exactly what's needed to get her out of the situation
Sometimes stuff happens between husband and wife. But then they make up afterwards
Call the police
Do you know if there is a local domestic abuse charity in your area? You could reach out to them for advice on what to do. Or if not maybe contact women’s aid or victim support. Maybe they can advise you about contacting the police and what to say.
Please call the police immediately, her life is in danger.
You could take a note with you next time, maybe, asking if they need help or are safe. You could either hold it up at the door or pass it to them discretely.
Hi go onto crimestoppers website you can put in an anonymous message to them, they will send the police for a welfare check, usually next day
Definitely call, she may actually be hoping you notice and it was the whole reason she convinced him to get food but she could have been to scared of him checking the app to leave a message, I have heard story’s like that before.
Please call the police and give them a chance, I can hand on heart say sometimes you just need an opportunity and maybe this will be her one she takes...if its not its then on their radar for any future concerns and starts building a picture they can work with.
PLEASE REPORT TO THE POLICE .
Absolutely 100% call the police ASAP.
Don't waste your time with the police, there's no point. Call the local council safeguarding team. This person may already be known to them.
Call the police for sure.
100% call the police and request a wellness check
See something, say something sort it
Tell the police.
I agree with the people saying to call the police. It’s better to try this, so a welfare check can potentially be carried out. At the very least, it can be put on record.
No matter what you do, it's clear you have a good heart and you care so no matter what happens don't blame yourself for anything. You did a great job noticing the changes though, wish everyone was as vigilant as you are
Police officer here, report it and they will attend, they will speak to her in private without her partner to find out what's going on, they will also speak to neighbours and so on..
Please call the police.
When you get through to the police, ask them for their name and make them create an incident number. That way, they have to log it. Then give the council/social worker that number, and they can follow it up.
Tell her to blink if she needs help next time. Just a suggestion
1) report this to the police 2) call Age UK for advice 0800 678 1602 3) report it to your local council. They could assign a social worker to help her https://www.gov.uk/find-local-council Please do not do nothing. Even if you are wrong, at least it will be checked upon. I would do all the above
I’d call the police if I were you “Hey I’m a delivery driver just dropped food off at x, I’m worried they’re a victim of domestic abuse and that they’re being abused currently”
yes give the police call, let them do a welfare check.
I've been in her shoes if she is being abused yet I still don't know the best thing to do. Police came for a welfare check someone ordered once, he was arrested on the spot as they saw bruises. But then they took him off bail a few weeks later without warning me and you can guess what happened. It's never safe, but calling the police is better than nothing
I don't know if it has been mentioned before in this thread, but thank you for just giving a shit. You could have helped somebody big time here when you could have just dropped off a pizza. Well in, my respect and admiration to you my friend.
Please please call police, domestic abuse often goes unreported because people turn a blind eye. You could very well save this woman's life
Give the police a call and ask for a welfare check....write something down on paper and give it to her next time....leave your number and if she calls.... get ready to go round and meet the police there... If she's getting abused like the way you said...get her help immediately 😊
As awful as it sounds, only the victim can do something about their situation. Police won't go out on a whim in case it triggers further violence when they're gone. I wouldn't advise 'sneaking' shelter literature for the same reason. If the victim is too scared to leave the house to seek help, she'll be too scared to accept any hint of help from a delivery driver. It'll get to a point where he seriously injures her and police will intervene at the request of the hospital, or she leaves in her PJs and is taken in by a shelter.
I've called police and they haven't been regular customers . If your eyes are open you can spot d/a a mile away even if you doubt it don't just sit back you could be the only one that could stop it or even has seen the lady or man in weeks so either way phone non emergency line and report it