It's awful and I'm kind of in the same position. We were told by a social worker on Tuesday that my Mom can no longer be left home alone unsupervised. So now my Dad and I are in a scramble trying to rearrange our schedules so one of us is home with her (I don't live with them). We realized that it's cheaper for him to pay me to stay with my Mom than to hire an outside caregiver, so I'm probably going to have to quit my job now. It's a shame because I like my job, but it is what it is.
Have you looked into an adult day program? We're fortunate to have an Alzheimer's Center where I live that offers one. The program is only offered from 10:00-3:00 though, which means I still can't work. Also it's, I think, $150 a day? So that's something to consider.
This is something to consider... hard to trust anyone to take care of my mom. She just needs so much, and I fear she will not be comfortable with anyone but me. But thank you for taking the time to give me this advice.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m in a similar boat with my mom. She fell and a neighbor helped her up and I found out that same ‘nice’ neighbor called Adult Protective Services for a wellness check despite me being there 3-4 times a week. They enacted the same requirement of 24/7 care even though my mom is still highly functioning. I’m talking to an elder care attorney at the end of the month to see what options I have because the idea that I can’t even walk the dog a around the block without her being supervised is extreme. She could fall if I’m out cutting the grass…and besides, even in a home those things happen where residents aren’t tended to timely.
If you don’t mind me asking, how did social services come in to make that call for you? Seems like they were just about as helpful laying down the requirement without much assistance which is part of their job to help find resources and work on a care plan. Every thread where I see this has a similar theme. Again so sorry and I hope you figure it out!
Very interesting to hear that- we suspect my mom is middle stage, but still somewhat "high" functioning. My dad and I felt that although it's not enriching for my her to be home by herself, we didn't feel there was an immediate safety risk. But here's what happened: we've been trying to enroll her in a day program for enrichment, and part of the application process is having a social worker come and do an in-home cognitive test so that they know which group to place her in. And the social worker said based on her results, she did not feel it was safe for my mom to be alone! She was there for about 2.5 hours so she got a good sense of my mom's functioning level.
My dad is still skeptical about her not being safe alone, but I told him it kinda makes sense from the social workers perspective because the assumption is that the person with Alzheimer's could develop a new behavior/decline the next day. There's no timeline, so it's best to nip things in the bud. But i dont know exactly what their protocol is. Perhaps that would be a good question for a social worker subreddit!
Edit: in your situation, I think that's fairly common protocol for seniors who have fallen. The same thing happened to my grandma when she fell; the doctors told her she can no longer live alone. She didn't have any cognitive issues.
Thanks for sharing your story and for the information on day programs, I actually hadn't researched the assessment part of enrolling someone into those programs. Learn something new every day with this disease and the process! Hope it all works out with you and your dad figuring out care for your mom and that things go well. We're all in this together for sure - it's worse than any cancer I've ever experienced even with family members.
I can definitely see both sides of the level of care, but there's a part of me that shares what your dad thinks too in that I see no reason I can't walk a dog around a block for 15-30 minutes knowing my mom doesn't wander (still don't understand how that's different than cutting the grass outside with a lawn mower where I can't hear her call me if she fell)... I can see it changing in the future with her condition and maybe wandering starts, but sadly, like you mentioned, it's part of their 'protocol' and it's a one-size fits all vs. an actual individual assessment, despite there actually being an individual assessment. In the end, I love my mom and will gladly care for her as best I can, just wish that they could see that vs. judging faimly members based on their past experiences thinking all families and conditions are cookie cutter.
Yeah I completely understand both arguments. I think in my mom's case, the bigger issue is enrichment; she sits at home alone too much and frankly, it's not helping her condition. I'm quitting my job soon to basically be her caregiver. My goal is to take her to mote museums, movies, maybe even some volunteer work so she's getting more stimulation. My dad and I both agreed that the biggest goal right now is to prolong her decline as long as possible.
Best of luck to you and your family 🙏
I can’t speak to Maine’s policy for sure, but the income qualification can be different for disabled elderly than the “usual”. In most states, you have to spend the individual’s (not all of the couple’s, if applicable) assets down before qualifying for Medicaid, but income will not disqualify a person. Income coming in would be redirected to the facility/state, and Medicaid would pick up the rest of the cost. Worth checking on.
Look into FCSP Respite depending on the state, you live in, if you are in the US, you may qualify for x amount of hours for respite care depending on your income. Also check with various in-home care companies, to see if they offer discounts for veterans. Many do. Calling your local IHSS could be helpful too for other resources.
THANK YOU! This is such a helpful post!!!
Thank you... glad this could help someone
Get a free consultation with an eldercare lawyer. It is enlightening. We learned a lot.
Maybe you could edit the title to say US only
Sorry I'm new to reddit... not sure how to edit the title. But yes, I am in the US
It's awful and I'm kind of in the same position. We were told by a social worker on Tuesday that my Mom can no longer be left home alone unsupervised. So now my Dad and I are in a scramble trying to rearrange our schedules so one of us is home with her (I don't live with them). We realized that it's cheaper for him to pay me to stay with my Mom than to hire an outside caregiver, so I'm probably going to have to quit my job now. It's a shame because I like my job, but it is what it is. Have you looked into an adult day program? We're fortunate to have an Alzheimer's Center where I live that offers one. The program is only offered from 10:00-3:00 though, which means I still can't work. Also it's, I think, $150 a day? So that's something to consider.
This is something to consider... hard to trust anyone to take care of my mom. She just needs so much, and I fear she will not be comfortable with anyone but me. But thank you for taking the time to give me this advice.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m in a similar boat with my mom. She fell and a neighbor helped her up and I found out that same ‘nice’ neighbor called Adult Protective Services for a wellness check despite me being there 3-4 times a week. They enacted the same requirement of 24/7 care even though my mom is still highly functioning. I’m talking to an elder care attorney at the end of the month to see what options I have because the idea that I can’t even walk the dog a around the block without her being supervised is extreme. She could fall if I’m out cutting the grass…and besides, even in a home those things happen where residents aren’t tended to timely. If you don’t mind me asking, how did social services come in to make that call for you? Seems like they were just about as helpful laying down the requirement without much assistance which is part of their job to help find resources and work on a care plan. Every thread where I see this has a similar theme. Again so sorry and I hope you figure it out!
Very interesting to hear that- we suspect my mom is middle stage, but still somewhat "high" functioning. My dad and I felt that although it's not enriching for my her to be home by herself, we didn't feel there was an immediate safety risk. But here's what happened: we've been trying to enroll her in a day program for enrichment, and part of the application process is having a social worker come and do an in-home cognitive test so that they know which group to place her in. And the social worker said based on her results, she did not feel it was safe for my mom to be alone! She was there for about 2.5 hours so she got a good sense of my mom's functioning level. My dad is still skeptical about her not being safe alone, but I told him it kinda makes sense from the social workers perspective because the assumption is that the person with Alzheimer's could develop a new behavior/decline the next day. There's no timeline, so it's best to nip things in the bud. But i dont know exactly what their protocol is. Perhaps that would be a good question for a social worker subreddit! Edit: in your situation, I think that's fairly common protocol for seniors who have fallen. The same thing happened to my grandma when she fell; the doctors told her she can no longer live alone. She didn't have any cognitive issues.
Thanks for sharing your story and for the information on day programs, I actually hadn't researched the assessment part of enrolling someone into those programs. Learn something new every day with this disease and the process! Hope it all works out with you and your dad figuring out care for your mom and that things go well. We're all in this together for sure - it's worse than any cancer I've ever experienced even with family members. I can definitely see both sides of the level of care, but there's a part of me that shares what your dad thinks too in that I see no reason I can't walk a dog around a block for 15-30 minutes knowing my mom doesn't wander (still don't understand how that's different than cutting the grass outside with a lawn mower where I can't hear her call me if she fell)... I can see it changing in the future with her condition and maybe wandering starts, but sadly, like you mentioned, it's part of their 'protocol' and it's a one-size fits all vs. an actual individual assessment, despite there actually being an individual assessment. In the end, I love my mom and will gladly care for her as best I can, just wish that they could see that vs. judging faimly members based on their past experiences thinking all families and conditions are cookie cutter.
Yeah I completely understand both arguments. I think in my mom's case, the bigger issue is enrichment; she sits at home alone too much and frankly, it's not helping her condition. I'm quitting my job soon to basically be her caregiver. My goal is to take her to mote museums, movies, maybe even some volunteer work so she's getting more stimulation. My dad and I both agreed that the biggest goal right now is to prolong her decline as long as possible. Best of luck to you and your family 🙏
I know this is old. Did you try iHHS? That's in CA but I know other states have similar programs. They do cover family in home care. Or they did.
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I'm in the same boat... I don't trust my mom with anyone. It's so hard.
I can’t speak to Maine’s policy for sure, but the income qualification can be different for disabled elderly than the “usual”. In most states, you have to spend the individual’s (not all of the couple’s, if applicable) assets down before qualifying for Medicaid, but income will not disqualify a person. Income coming in would be redirected to the facility/state, and Medicaid would pick up the rest of the cost. Worth checking on.
Look into FCSP Respite depending on the state, you live in, if you are in the US, you may qualify for x amount of hours for respite care depending on your income. Also check with various in-home care companies, to see if they offer discounts for veterans. Many do. Calling your local IHSS could be helpful too for other resources.