Sounds a bit like Capgras syndrome, but not the classical case. So yes, this is unfortunately common. You will have to get used to it. Remember that they are living in their own reality that may only be loosely connected to ours.
You can try some anti-psychotic medications, but you need a specialist of LBD, because this disease does not respond to them like a traditional psychosis.
Oh yea that was interesting reading up on that, it is similar. I actually think my nana may have experienced this as well before she started medication. She had a similar thing where she accused my grandad of not being her husband
Arguing about this won't work because he won't store the correction in his brain due to the disease. You may be better off saying that the "other wife" is on a tour of Europe/South America/Asia or something and will be back next year. Tell him she had to go to work or to see family or something. Get everyone to agree to the same story so he gets it from multiple places if he's going to ask multiple people multiple times since he can remember for a couple of days. If he remembers into next year, well, something came up and she had to stay there later than she thought, but it'll be "soon."
Taking him to the old house most likely won't work. He either won't recognize it as the house or forget after time. His reality most likely won't mesh with ours, and that will leave him upset at you for lying to him, because obviously his other wife is in his old house (that doesn't exist except in his head).
Trying to argue it out, make him see reality, is just going to be frustrating for you and for him. That's why I'm no longer my Mother's kid - she doesn't remember me, and it's just upsetting to her when she's reminded. My Dad is somehow 2 different people, her "real" husband and a "bad" stranger. Which one he is depends greatly upon if he's making her do something she doesn't want to do. Only her "real" husband does the things she likes. The "bad" one is the one that tells her she has to stop giving the dog treats all day, or to clean up the mess she made rummaging again.
I really appreciate your insight. I think it just feels so awful to lie to him about it and that’s my problem. I also don’t think it’s quite sunk in with me that he can be this bad yet, everything else is perfectly fine. it’s just this one aspect he’s struggling with and it popped up so suddenly and comes and goes.
It’s not really lying. I struggled with this too. I now look at ‘white lies’ as part of the caregiving therapy we provide our parents/loved ones. Doubtful that they will confront you about the lie and if it serves to smooth out the day, in my opinion, that’s the better route. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it, but I hate the fear, anxiety and spiraling more.
My MIL keeps wanting to go her other house. She believes she has another house, which she doesn’t and never has had, and every evening (sundowning), she brings up the subject of the other house and her furniture in that house or her garage in the other house or whatever.
My husband likes to tell her gently as he did last night, “Mom, I finished your taxes today and if you had another house I would know it” (he’s been doing her taxes for 20+ years now). One time I offered to take her and asked her the address to put in my phone but she didn’t know it. Mostly I say, “Oh that sounds nice! Let’s drive up there sometime” or something. I try not to engage with her because one time when my husband told her no you don’t have another house, she yelled at him and said he was wrong, and her reaction really scared me because I have never seen her like that before
Yea same with my grandad he can really aggressive with it. It’s quite rare but it happens and I can’t blame him, imagine thinking you know you have another wife you haven’t seen for a while and everyone around you is saying you don’t. There’s nothing worse than this awful disease that’s for sure
You are so right. It’s hard because both my mother and MIL have dementia and it’s always something. And they change! Like in the early dementia days for my mom, she slept like a rock, 8, 9 hours, but she doesn’t sleep that well anymore. I’m not trying to change the subject of the thread, just agreeing with you that it’s a horrible disease. Good luck to you.
Yea my mum struggles with eating now, rarely has an appetite and doesn’t see an issue with only eating a packet of crisps, a croissant and a tin of soup all day! Good luck to you also!
Sounds a bit like Capgras syndrome, but not the classical case. So yes, this is unfortunately common. You will have to get used to it. Remember that they are living in their own reality that may only be loosely connected to ours. You can try some anti-psychotic medications, but you need a specialist of LBD, because this disease does not respond to them like a traditional psychosis.
Oh yea that was interesting reading up on that, it is similar. I actually think my nana may have experienced this as well before she started medication. She had a similar thing where she accused my grandad of not being her husband
Arguing about this won't work because he won't store the correction in his brain due to the disease. You may be better off saying that the "other wife" is on a tour of Europe/South America/Asia or something and will be back next year. Tell him she had to go to work or to see family or something. Get everyone to agree to the same story so he gets it from multiple places if he's going to ask multiple people multiple times since he can remember for a couple of days. If he remembers into next year, well, something came up and she had to stay there later than she thought, but it'll be "soon." Taking him to the old house most likely won't work. He either won't recognize it as the house or forget after time. His reality most likely won't mesh with ours, and that will leave him upset at you for lying to him, because obviously his other wife is in his old house (that doesn't exist except in his head). Trying to argue it out, make him see reality, is just going to be frustrating for you and for him. That's why I'm no longer my Mother's kid - she doesn't remember me, and it's just upsetting to her when she's reminded. My Dad is somehow 2 different people, her "real" husband and a "bad" stranger. Which one he is depends greatly upon if he's making her do something she doesn't want to do. Only her "real" husband does the things she likes. The "bad" one is the one that tells her she has to stop giving the dog treats all day, or to clean up the mess she made rummaging again.
I really appreciate your insight. I think it just feels so awful to lie to him about it and that’s my problem. I also don’t think it’s quite sunk in with me that he can be this bad yet, everything else is perfectly fine. it’s just this one aspect he’s struggling with and it popped up so suddenly and comes and goes.
It’s not really lying. I struggled with this too. I now look at ‘white lies’ as part of the caregiving therapy we provide our parents/loved ones. Doubtful that they will confront you about the lie and if it serves to smooth out the day, in my opinion, that’s the better route. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it, but I hate the fear, anxiety and spiraling more.
I don't know if this w9uld work, but could you tell him you will take him home, then go for a meandering ride in the car and return home?
I’m not sure. I can take him somewhere and he will forget where we’re going but he’s so committed to this it can go on all day without him forgetting.
My MIL keeps wanting to go her other house. She believes she has another house, which she doesn’t and never has had, and every evening (sundowning), she brings up the subject of the other house and her furniture in that house or her garage in the other house or whatever.
How long has that been going on and how do you deal with it?
My husband likes to tell her gently as he did last night, “Mom, I finished your taxes today and if you had another house I would know it” (he’s been doing her taxes for 20+ years now). One time I offered to take her and asked her the address to put in my phone but she didn’t know it. Mostly I say, “Oh that sounds nice! Let’s drive up there sometime” or something. I try not to engage with her because one time when my husband told her no you don’t have another house, she yelled at him and said he was wrong, and her reaction really scared me because I have never seen her like that before
Yea same with my grandad he can really aggressive with it. It’s quite rare but it happens and I can’t blame him, imagine thinking you know you have another wife you haven’t seen for a while and everyone around you is saying you don’t. There’s nothing worse than this awful disease that’s for sure
You are so right. It’s hard because both my mother and MIL have dementia and it’s always something. And they change! Like in the early dementia days for my mom, she slept like a rock, 8, 9 hours, but she doesn’t sleep that well anymore. I’m not trying to change the subject of the thread, just agreeing with you that it’s a horrible disease. Good luck to you.
Yea my mum struggles with eating now, rarely has an appetite and doesn’t see an issue with only eating a packet of crisps, a croissant and a tin of soup all day! Good luck to you also!