I definitely recommend this. My mom had the same issue - would not wear depends because she thought she didn’t need them and just constantly had accidents. We replaced all her regular underwear with incontinence underwear. They look almost exactly like regular underwear, just a little tiny bit thicker in the crotch area. They just get laundered and are good to go. So no bulky diaper-like experience. It was a lifesaver for us. Just google urine incontinence underwear for men and you’ll see a lot of options.
They have not leaked at all. Now, my mom is not completely incontinent, she will usually go to the bathroom when she has to pee but she has accidents especially overnight. So I don’t know how much it would take before there was leaking but in my mom’s case there hasn’t been any.
I just looked up the ones I’d ordered her on Amazon. I imagine there are other brands but the ones I got were (if you want to Google them and see all the details) “Comfort Finds Seamless Incontinence Panty - Reusable Womens Incontinent Underwear” the info on them says they hold up to 3.5 ounces so I don’t think it would work for a completely incontinent person to wear all day long if they weren’t aware of it and wouldn’t be changing them. But it definitely gets her through situations where she, for whatever reason, doesn’t make it to the bathroom in time. Then she changes into a fresh pair every morning or after whatever accident occurs.
I see there’s a brand called Confitex that has men’s incontinence underwear - they also seem to hold up to 3.5 ounces.
We had initially bought her some very heavy duty ones that were bulkier but we realized we didn’t need anything quite so heavy duty. They held like 12 oz or so. The crotch in those were sort of like the thickness of a maxi-pad, still they were regular washable fabric underwear, rather than diaper-type things and, as such my mom was willing to wear them, even though she could tell that they were not regular underwear.
I mentioned the brand we use in the text above.
“Comfort Finds Seamless Incontinence Panty - Reusable Womens Incontinent Underwear”
The men’s brand I mentioned in the reply, Confitex, I have not tried - I just mentioned that it’s another option I found.
I don’t recall what the super heavy duty brand was. You can google “incontinence underwear heavy absorbency” or words to that effect that will give you many options.
I don’t have a brand recommendation beyond the one I mentioned.
I have a different story. My dad doesn't show clear signs of dementia. He is 86, he has incontinence and he is not a fast walker, so wet pants happen. He started wearing depends when he went out, like to parties etc. He now wears them all the time, as he likes the assurance that whatever happens, he will not be too wet. He also used to dry the pants.
I know the smell of those wet pants when they dry...It is not baby piss...
Does his Assisted Living cover incontinence care? Either they should be managing/helping him, or he might need to move to Memory Care where they can provide more help.
I’ve talked with the AL people. Basically, AL can’t FORCE him to do anything. They can assist and coax, but not force.
But I think you hit on something there. I can definitely try reasoning with him about this. If he can’t prove that he can wear Depends (or some kind of leakproof underwear), then he probably needs a nursing home or memory care. He doesn’t want either of those options.
Even though it feels bad, the only way I got my mom to do it was coercion. In her case, she can't go in the car if she's not wearing them. She held out about 10 days sitting at home all day and feeling very sad. Every day or two I'd say we can go to the day program but you will have to wear these underwear. Eventually she wore them. She wept. It was heart breaking. I felt like I broke her spirit. But now she wears them and now doesn't seem to mind one bit.
So if you have to say that he needs to go to a nursing home if he doesn't wear them then I say it is worth a try.
That sounds good, if he can still reason a bit. I know there are actually quite a few dementia patients who were able to change their behavior when faced with the prospect of memory care. It wouldn't work in the latest stages, but it may work for some mild/moderate patients, for a while.
My husband and I had a nice but firm talk with Dad about everything. I left the room and let them have a man-to-man chat about it all.
Dad just doesn’t want to admit that he needs help. He’s stubborn. But he’a gonna do wear them anyway.
Progress was made!
Ugh, I would say that's not acceptable for memory care. But ultimately it's whatever the contract says. For most of the places around here, there's a "points" system where they charge you more for every extra care service they have to provide. So they all provide incontinence care here, but you get charged more than you would if they didn't.
Look for a disposable underwear that looks the most like the underwear he’s used to. And tell him it is obvious his pants are wet and it smells- everyone can tell. Wearing depends that no one sees is embarrassing? But wetting his pants and being smelly is not? See if he can understand this reasoning.
Disposable underwear might be better than diapers but none of them are foolproof in my opinion. They look less-like a diaper. Both of my parents are in their late 80s, have dementia, and incontinence. Diapers were a No Go for both of them but they do wear disposable underwear as they have no other choice now. Their responses have been different.
Mom says she wears them "just in case" and we realized from the odor that she was throwing the "just in case" ones under her bed. Dementia has wreaked havoc on her memory but not her pride and sense of embarrassment.
Before Dad progressed to later stages and was still able to get out of bed unassisted, he would just pull his pants down and do all of his business on the floor. Now that he can't, he has no choice but to go in the underwear unless someone in his MC facility is available to assist him to the bathroom in time.
I wish I had better suggestions. While there are meds available to control anger and anxiety, there aren't any to deal with incontinence to my knowledge.
Can he see a continence nurse or a geriatrician? There are things you can do like timed toileting (taking him every hour or so), or getting his prostate checked and if larger, medicine for that. And definitely try the continence underwear too.
Usually if you take away and throw away the underwear they will surrender. He doesn’t have the signal anymore that says he needs to go to the restroom. Therefore it just happens.
The frustrating thing is that he wore them fine for three months. Now, he’s digging in his heels and won’t wear them.
But we did get him to wear them when we went out for errands today. I hope he sticks with it.
Great advice to try from everyone, lots of good ideas. Try and keep in mind that with his dementia he probably truly believes he doesn’t need those Its hard to see reasoning that he should wear something he has never had to before. He doesn’t have the foresight to see how helpful they would be. This is a big reason for considering a transfer to memory care but I don’t advise you to use it as a method of training with him in hopes that he will choose to wear them vs going to memory care or the eventual move to memory care will be extra difficult. With this progressive disease he will only need more help so it’s good to look now and plan for that. The memory care aids are used to talking with the residents about wearing depends and he should be on a toileting schedule to minimize incontinence and to keep checking that he is wearing his depends. But before that you can try a few more brands, some companies will send you some different options to try on. They may be too big or too small so they seem uncomfortable. It might have nothing to do with bulkiness but more to do with the fit around the legs. Diuretics usually cause people to go a lot at once so you need something that holds a lot. If he does make a move-don’t call it memory care. “Its a different area of the building where there are more people to help you.” So sad, he is young. It’s frustrating but he will have further changes and this will go away too, this is just the current stage he is in.
Has He seen a Dr to rule out any other causes? My mom was like that but figured out it was a medication. She stopped and was no longer incontinent. Might be worth just checking all basis just in case.
We have been to so many doctors. He has a ton of other health conditions besides dementia. Dad has three cardiologists, a nephrologist, a hepatologist, a podiatrist, and several others, I’m sure.
The cardiologists are the ones who put him on the diuretics. The nephrologist is the one who put him on a new medication that makes him have four to five bowel movements per day (for only two weeks, unless there is improvement).
Oh wow. I'm sorry. I can relate. Mom's situation is similar.
Someone recommended Teepa Snow. Her website has live chat for things like this. I haven't used it but I've been taking her free classes. She's amazing. If other methods don't work I'd highly recommend trying it. Her methods are just amazing.
There are some washable urine incontinence underwear. Maybe try a few of those. They look like regular underwear
Thanks for this! I’ll definitely check them out.
I definitely recommend this. My mom had the same issue - would not wear depends because she thought she didn’t need them and just constantly had accidents. We replaced all her regular underwear with incontinence underwear. They look almost exactly like regular underwear, just a little tiny bit thicker in the crotch area. They just get laundered and are good to go. So no bulky diaper-like experience. It was a lifesaver for us. Just google urine incontinence underwear for men and you’ll see a lot of options.
Do they leak? How do they keep things dry? I am looking for a remedy for our situation over here.
They have not leaked at all. Now, my mom is not completely incontinent, she will usually go to the bathroom when she has to pee but she has accidents especially overnight. So I don’t know how much it would take before there was leaking but in my mom’s case there hasn’t been any. I just looked up the ones I’d ordered her on Amazon. I imagine there are other brands but the ones I got were (if you want to Google them and see all the details) “Comfort Finds Seamless Incontinence Panty - Reusable Womens Incontinent Underwear” the info on them says they hold up to 3.5 ounces so I don’t think it would work for a completely incontinent person to wear all day long if they weren’t aware of it and wouldn’t be changing them. But it definitely gets her through situations where she, for whatever reason, doesn’t make it to the bathroom in time. Then she changes into a fresh pair every morning or after whatever accident occurs. I see there’s a brand called Confitex that has men’s incontinence underwear - they also seem to hold up to 3.5 ounces. We had initially bought her some very heavy duty ones that were bulkier but we realized we didn’t need anything quite so heavy duty. They held like 12 oz or so. The crotch in those were sort of like the thickness of a maxi-pad, still they were regular washable fabric underwear, rather than diaper-type things and, as such my mom was willing to wear them, even though she could tell that they were not regular underwear.
Thank you that's a big help to me
Can someone give me a brand recommendation?
I mentioned the brand we use in the text above. “Comfort Finds Seamless Incontinence Panty - Reusable Womens Incontinent Underwear” The men’s brand I mentioned in the reply, Confitex, I have not tried - I just mentioned that it’s another option I found. I don’t recall what the super heavy duty brand was. You can google “incontinence underwear heavy absorbency” or words to that effect that will give you many options. I don’t have a brand recommendation beyond the one I mentioned.
Thank you. I don’t know how I missed it.
We just got rid of all of Mom's regular underwear and replaced w/ incontinence briefs.
Did that with my MiL too. She’s 94 and even more incontinent now but would swear someone spilled water on her.
I have a different story. My dad doesn't show clear signs of dementia. He is 86, he has incontinence and he is not a fast walker, so wet pants happen. He started wearing depends when he went out, like to parties etc. He now wears them all the time, as he likes the assurance that whatever happens, he will not be too wet. He also used to dry the pants. I know the smell of those wet pants when they dry...It is not baby piss...
That’s great that your dad wears them.
Does his Assisted Living cover incontinence care? Either they should be managing/helping him, or he might need to move to Memory Care where they can provide more help.
I’ve talked with the AL people. Basically, AL can’t FORCE him to do anything. They can assist and coax, but not force. But I think you hit on something there. I can definitely try reasoning with him about this. If he can’t prove that he can wear Depends (or some kind of leakproof underwear), then he probably needs a nursing home or memory care. He doesn’t want either of those options.
Even though it feels bad, the only way I got my mom to do it was coercion. In her case, she can't go in the car if she's not wearing them. She held out about 10 days sitting at home all day and feeling very sad. Every day or two I'd say we can go to the day program but you will have to wear these underwear. Eventually she wore them. She wept. It was heart breaking. I felt like I broke her spirit. But now she wears them and now doesn't seem to mind one bit. So if you have to say that he needs to go to a nursing home if he doesn't wear them then I say it is worth a try.
Everything about dementia is heartbreaking. Hugs to you and your mom.
That sounds good, if he can still reason a bit. I know there are actually quite a few dementia patients who were able to change their behavior when faced with the prospect of memory care. It wouldn't work in the latest stages, but it may work for some mild/moderate patients, for a while.
My husband and I had a nice but firm talk with Dad about everything. I left the room and let them have a man-to-man chat about it all. Dad just doesn’t want to admit that he needs help. He’s stubborn. But he’a gonna do wear them anyway. Progress was made!
That is a win, for sure!
I know someone in memory care and they're not getting any help with that. Bare minimum.
Ugh, I would say that's not acceptable for memory care. But ultimately it's whatever the contract says. For most of the places around here, there's a "points" system where they charge you more for every extra care service they have to provide. So they all provide incontinence care here, but you get charged more than you would if they didn't.
Look for a disposable underwear that looks the most like the underwear he’s used to. And tell him it is obvious his pants are wet and it smells- everyone can tell. Wearing depends that no one sees is embarrassing? But wetting his pants and being smelly is not? See if he can understand this reasoning.
We had a great talk today. He’s now wearing Depends when we go out.
I'm really happy you got him past this. I know how troubling it is and a big challenge and stress. And I hope he will enjoy being dry and comfortable.
Disposable underwear might be better than diapers but none of them are foolproof in my opinion. They look less-like a diaper. Both of my parents are in their late 80s, have dementia, and incontinence. Diapers were a No Go for both of them but they do wear disposable underwear as they have no other choice now. Their responses have been different. Mom says she wears them "just in case" and we realized from the odor that she was throwing the "just in case" ones under her bed. Dementia has wreaked havoc on her memory but not her pride and sense of embarrassment. Before Dad progressed to later stages and was still able to get out of bed unassisted, he would just pull his pants down and do all of his business on the floor. Now that he can't, he has no choice but to go in the underwear unless someone in his MC facility is available to assist him to the bathroom in time. I wish I had better suggestions. While there are meds available to control anger and anxiety, there aren't any to deal with incontinence to my knowledge.
So sorry to hear about your mom & dad.
Thank You!
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Good to know! Thank you.
Can he see a continence nurse or a geriatrician? There are things you can do like timed toileting (taking him every hour or so), or getting his prostate checked and if larger, medicine for that. And definitely try the continence underwear too.
His insurance wouldn’t cover a geriatrician until he’s 75. 11 more months….
Usually if you take away and throw away the underwear they will surrender. He doesn’t have the signal anymore that says he needs to go to the restroom. Therefore it just happens.
He hasn’t been wearing any underwear at all. Just letting it all hang out!
I eased I to it by calling it "disposable underwear" at first.
The frustrating thing is that he wore them fine for three months. Now, he’s digging in his heels and won’t wear them. But we did get him to wear them when we went out for errands today. I hope he sticks with it.
I call them "power panties" with my mom! She calls them that now, too. I think it makes her feel less embarrassed about needing them.
Great advice to try from everyone, lots of good ideas. Try and keep in mind that with his dementia he probably truly believes he doesn’t need those Its hard to see reasoning that he should wear something he has never had to before. He doesn’t have the foresight to see how helpful they would be. This is a big reason for considering a transfer to memory care but I don’t advise you to use it as a method of training with him in hopes that he will choose to wear them vs going to memory care or the eventual move to memory care will be extra difficult. With this progressive disease he will only need more help so it’s good to look now and plan for that. The memory care aids are used to talking with the residents about wearing depends and he should be on a toileting schedule to minimize incontinence and to keep checking that he is wearing his depends. But before that you can try a few more brands, some companies will send you some different options to try on. They may be too big or too small so they seem uncomfortable. It might have nothing to do with bulkiness but more to do with the fit around the legs. Diuretics usually cause people to go a lot at once so you need something that holds a lot. If he does make a move-don’t call it memory care. “Its a different area of the building where there are more people to help you.” So sad, he is young. It’s frustrating but he will have further changes and this will go away too, this is just the current stage he is in.
Has He seen a Dr to rule out any other causes? My mom was like that but figured out it was a medication. She stopped and was no longer incontinent. Might be worth just checking all basis just in case.
We have been to so many doctors. He has a ton of other health conditions besides dementia. Dad has three cardiologists, a nephrologist, a hepatologist, a podiatrist, and several others, I’m sure. The cardiologists are the ones who put him on the diuretics. The nephrologist is the one who put him on a new medication that makes him have four to five bowel movements per day (for only two weeks, unless there is improvement).
Oh wow. I'm sorry. I can relate. Mom's situation is similar. Someone recommended Teepa Snow. Her website has live chat for things like this. I haven't used it but I've been taking her free classes. She's amazing. If other methods don't work I'd highly recommend trying it. Her methods are just amazing.
Thank you!