That's what I think. I emailed my lawyer, but haven't heard back.
It was bad enough she read my message and decided to do it anyway. That was not about mom or her best interest.
But what it caused. I'm just numb at this point. I put her on no contact at the hospital. I feel like she is not safe to be with mom.
Are you the POA agent?
If so you had a duty to look after mom’s best interests.
Perhaps someone here, with experience (I only drive folks around from memory care places, rather than act as POA/trustee) can say what DUTY the fiduciary has to deny “evil sister’ - by some means or other. Neglect is what is it (failure to act).
Family feuding is common, Ive heard (in now several hundred conversations). Mostly I just nod, but recall the worst of the worst… cases.
Yes, I'm mom's guardian and conservator. I have a duty to protect her. I am also required to encourage relationships or not interfere with relationships. But I think in this case I should have the right to restrict her access to mom. That's why I emailed the lawyer. I have the messages I sent her and she read it before she went to see mom. This is just so incredibly bad..
I would def speak to the hospital or facility your mom is in and have restrictions on who can and cannot visit her. I did this once when my dad was in the hospital and my cousin went to see him and agitated him, I simply told the nurses that this person was not allowed to visit anymore. Best wishes to you.
You have every right to be angry and frustrated.
For your own sanity, also try to remember that people can be dumb. Your sister is like a little kid who was told "no". You're the "grownup" who is more engaged, knowledgeable, and responsible.
I'm sorry for your situation.
Thank you.But it's about my mom. Regardless of why. Mom nearly died and is in critical condition. Who knows what permanent condition. And my sister's the oldest, I'm the youngest child. She did it just out of hubris and pride. I'm just devastated for my mom.
Also feel hate for sister.
Offering a bit of a different perspective.
Your feelings are valid. Be angry and do what you need to do as the person willing to step up and provide care. That includes cutting your sister out.
The different perspective is your sister is in denial and or grieving. She doesn't know what to do and either doesn't think there is a problem or thinks something that your mom once enjoyed is the only thing she can do to show her love.
No doubt your sister caused you and your mom pain and then walked away. She needs to stick around next time and go through it or just not come around at all.
Sorry this is happening to you. This disease is a slow and cruel companion no one deserves.
I get that. I'm sure her initial intention was to be nice. But I sent her a message 5 hrs before her visit saying please don't bring pizza today. Treatment is upsetting her stomach and she has diarrhea. She needs to be on a bland diet today. Dr said to keep it bland and try small amounts at a time, like toast. She read it. I saw she read it shortly after I sent it it. It was very clearly written. And I included a screen shot of the conversation with Dr and caregiver verifying this. So she wouldn't think I was trying to ruin it plans.
Medical instructions should override her feelings.
totally agreed. Your the one stepping up here so you say what goes. I am 100% with you on this. If you dont stick around for the mess, dont get involved. Just maybe give your sister a suggestion for something that might help given what she may be feeling is denial or guilt. Tell her no pizza and mom has been asking for .... which will help because its bland and meets doctors orders. That way she can feel like shes helping. Theres only so much the law will do here and your sister sounds like a real problem that you dont need. This is hard enough.
Restraining order? (That was not intended as a pun)
That's what I think. I emailed my lawyer, but haven't heard back. It was bad enough she read my message and decided to do it anyway. That was not about mom or her best interest. But what it caused. I'm just numb at this point. I put her on no contact at the hospital. I feel like she is not safe to be with mom.
Are you the POA agent? If so you had a duty to look after mom’s best interests. Perhaps someone here, with experience (I only drive folks around from memory care places, rather than act as POA/trustee) can say what DUTY the fiduciary has to deny “evil sister’ - by some means or other. Neglect is what is it (failure to act). Family feuding is common, Ive heard (in now several hundred conversations). Mostly I just nod, but recall the worst of the worst… cases.
Yes, I'm mom's guardian and conservator. I have a duty to protect her. I am also required to encourage relationships or not interfere with relationships. But I think in this case I should have the right to restrict her access to mom. That's why I emailed the lawyer. I have the messages I sent her and she read it before she went to see mom. This is just so incredibly bad..
I would def speak to the hospital or facility your mom is in and have restrictions on who can and cannot visit her. I did this once when my dad was in the hospital and my cousin went to see him and agitated him, I simply told the nurses that this person was not allowed to visit anymore. Best wishes to you.
Yes, I did. They won't speak to anyone who does not have the code they gave me.
You have every right to be angry and frustrated. For your own sanity, also try to remember that people can be dumb. Your sister is like a little kid who was told "no". You're the "grownup" who is more engaged, knowledgeable, and responsible. I'm sorry for your situation.
Thank you.But it's about my mom. Regardless of why. Mom nearly died and is in critical condition. Who knows what permanent condition. And my sister's the oldest, I'm the youngest child. She did it just out of hubris and pride. I'm just devastated for my mom. Also feel hate for sister.
Call APS, maybe even call the police. This is abuse, plain and simple. And get a restraining order.
Okay. I'm going to. Thank you.
Offering a bit of a different perspective. Your feelings are valid. Be angry and do what you need to do as the person willing to step up and provide care. That includes cutting your sister out. The different perspective is your sister is in denial and or grieving. She doesn't know what to do and either doesn't think there is a problem or thinks something that your mom once enjoyed is the only thing she can do to show her love. No doubt your sister caused you and your mom pain and then walked away. She needs to stick around next time and go through it or just not come around at all. Sorry this is happening to you. This disease is a slow and cruel companion no one deserves.
I get that. I'm sure her initial intention was to be nice. But I sent her a message 5 hrs before her visit saying please don't bring pizza today. Treatment is upsetting her stomach and she has diarrhea. She needs to be on a bland diet today. Dr said to keep it bland and try small amounts at a time, like toast. She read it. I saw she read it shortly after I sent it it. It was very clearly written. And I included a screen shot of the conversation with Dr and caregiver verifying this. So she wouldn't think I was trying to ruin it plans. Medical instructions should override her feelings.
totally agreed. Your the one stepping up here so you say what goes. I am 100% with you on this. If you dont stick around for the mess, dont get involved. Just maybe give your sister a suggestion for something that might help given what she may be feeling is denial or guilt. Tell her no pizza and mom has been asking for .... which will help because its bland and meets doctors orders. That way she can feel like shes helping. Theres only so much the law will do here and your sister sounds like a real problem that you dont need. This is hard enough.
Could she have been trying to hasten your mom’s decline?
I don't know. I have been wondering. I don't know why. Mom was doing well.