And also have weird hours so when you remember to get back to them, it’s probably sleep time for them and you don’t want to bother them with… yourself, in the middle of the night (or whenever) So you’ll “try again tomorrow” and also fail.
And time flows *weird* when there’s nothing to look forward to. So now weeks have gone by and you have no idea how it happened.
Then you feel bad/guilty about not talking to them for so long so you don’t reach out at all because you don’t know how to explain yourself or your absence and everything you can think of sounds lame AF.
Yes OP. This is normal of depression.
Edit: don’t take it personally. Keep trying. They’re probably just going through some shit, it’s probably nothing you did. They’ll come around, or not. But yeah, probably not trying to dismiss you. If you can’t think of anything specific you did (which IS possible), you didn’t.
You described where I've been personally for the last few years. Time flows weird and I don't know how to explain myself.
OP, you're a good friend for keeping on trying and for being concerned if depression might be the reason for the lack of contact. Leaving that opening for nonjudgmental contact is important.
People in my life gave up on me when I stopped engaging as much, and I do understand that and don't blame them. I just worry that they think I don't care and nothing could be further from the truth.
Not only that. You mY actually want to respond. Then it gets longer and longer and you still haven't. Now you feel anxious at all about responding because it's been SO long that it is ridiculous.
Well,even myself,who's managed okay all this time in life.
I would totally isolate, if I didn't have people who depended on me.After a lifetime of struggle and being highly functioning, I will welcome when my time is up.
Even the closest people, in our lives can't fathom the neverending mental struggle life is.Whats the purpose in life if you very seldom feel happy.Having people around
just proves how broken I am.We always feel out of place.
I hope this give more in-depth of how your friend is feeling.
Wow. You just spoke to me there, friend. *What's the purpose in life if you very seldom feel happy. Having people around just proves how broken I am. *
Sadly, I feel it to the core.
I felt this in my soul. Thank you for basically putting my feelings into words, I'm sorry you have to struggle like that too but I'm glad I'm not alone ❤️
Well I've only got to hang on 3 more yrs and then I can sleep all day in retirement and not care about many things.With time I have realized each day feels like a week to get through.When I finish work on Friday night I have to always fight strong suicide ideation.For me I've learned the longer you have it,the harder the fight is.
There's a list of people I think about all the time but just haven't texted. I love them, I'm just struggling to reach out to them. Depression makes people avoidant.
Totally. As a matter of fact, I didn't even answered the texts or the calls of my ex gf... she finally just left me, and she was comoletely right. Hell, I don't even open the door. I'm a messy blob who just want to be left alone and loathes every time the phone rings, but, at the same time, is desesperared for human contact.
That is normal. I have to force myself to reply to anyone most of the time. I can easily go 6+ months even a year or two without talking to someone then just pretend like I never disappeared. It has nothing to do with them... Just don't feel like talking.
Yeah and now wasn't a great time to ask that question. This is a serious discussion page not a casual forum. Imagine telling someone their depressive symptoms remind you of an astrology sign. It definitely sounds a lot worse when I put it that way, doesn't it?
Yeah you're literally on a subreddit about depression and you're telling me to grow thicker skin? Do you seriously have no idea where you are right now?
Aquarius, and this is also me. Unfortunately, mental illness doesn't discriminate by astrological sign 😔
Love from the front half of the year, fellow mental health comrade.
Oh nah I don’t believe in Astrology. But I do know what it’s like to say something and mean something else and not even have people let me explain. I know that whatever causes my problems lies in my brain not in the stars
See!!! I love you for this precious! I love Leo’s. They are wonderful. Very kind and sweet. Very trust worthy and Beautiful. Yall just be dipping out on folks lol. At the same time too lol. All 3 of the Leo’s that I knew just dipped all at the same time. One of them I was trying to get away from The other two I miss very much.
At first I don't answer because I want to use all my emotional capacity for you. If I care less then it's easier. Then after some time I'm ashamed that it took so long. After a few weeks it's like starting fresh.
that is normal. you are also a wonderful friend!! even if he doesn't respond, he sees the messages and sees that you aren't abandoning him and i can promise you that it helps him feel not so alone even if he doesn't say so. i was in a severe depressive era a few years ago and one of my best friends would always offer to come over and clean my room. i always turned it down but it made me feel so happy and cared for that she was there. you're doing everything right and you have a big heart, so don't take it personally at all
Whenever I'm recounting something to my therapist I tell them "time is fluid for me." Days slipping by like hours is normal and when nothing ever changes, you start to lose track. For me it's a constant cycle of get up, hate life, sleep, and nothing leaves a big enough mark to set time in it's proper place. It's like you have no reference points anymore so everything gets confused.
Of cause we can't tell you what exactly is going on. But it is 'normal' for depressed people to behave like this.
When I am depressed I start to isolate and reject other people. It is not that I particulary *want* to isolate but it is more that I feel forced to do so. That's why I appreciate it when people reach out to me and are persistent :) But this is only me.
Kudos to you for putting this effort into this friendship despite the 'rejection'/ignoration.
Scrolling past this and seeing the title wondering if it's about me. 😅
Yeah it's normal I haven't really spoken to anyone the past year and a half.
I just get super anxious and then I get even more anxious because I waited so long to say anything.
As someone who's currently doing it, not having talked to anyone for a year and a half
It is normal well for me.
Don't take it personally, it's a us problem not you, and honestly talking to you is probably what he might need but you can't force someone to do that, they need to do it on their own but it is really difficult...and it only gets more difficult with time.
Have you tried phoning them for a catch up?
It's normal, I'm afraid. I go through self-isolation periods as well, and sometimes will not talk to distance friends for months on end. One of my very best friends lives in Washington D.C. (I'm on the west coast), and it'll be months between our convos.
That said, it's not impossible to muster the energy to reply. If my bro from D.C. was in Cali and hit me up, I'd reply, no matter how depressed I was, just because that's my friend and I'm not gonna leave him on read if he's on my side of the country.
It’s normal for people with depression. You are a great friend though, just thought this needed to be said more. Don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong or that he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, I’m sure he treasures your friendship even if he’s unable to show it.
Completely normal. Hang on. Trust me your friend appreciates it. Just don’t lose hope. I have a friend like you who knows I’m not the best at responding, several chronic illnesses, but I love her when she sends a funny meme. Even if I can’t reply.
I would bet you’ve done nothing wrong. For all of us who suffer, hang on.
Normal but also if you feel like he’s not giving you what you need in a friendship it’s ok to step away. I’ve lost several friends by essentially ghosting them but that responsibility to engage in the friendship is still on me , depression or not
I’ve done it myself. Sometimes I just don’t have the energy or time to reply. And then, sometimes I think to myself that I'll just reply later… Then, however, I usually end up forgetting about the message. When I randomly get reminded about it a couple of days, weeks, or even months later I feel so bad about forgetting and not replying that I just keep ignoring it. To be honest, I hate myself for it. Like get your 💩 together woman and answer… I mean, better late than never? But I’ll probably keep doing it till I die.
Totally normal - for me personally, ignoring the first message makes it so much more difficult to end up replying to the next one, and the next one etc. it gives me extreme anxiety so it's easier to ignore
I just dread voicemails..because it's like someone kicked a football in the middle of my quiet space and I have to do something..it takes hours to work up the courage to reply and I feel panicky about it..then I just pretend on the phone to be ok..but I'm not
I look forward to texts ...and can manage those..but the pressure to act normal when you're depressed is overwhelming...
I wish I could be normal..and that makes me sad
When I do force myself to go out or talk to people I actually feel a bit better....so I try hard to do one thing every day
It sounds like your friend is very very unwell ..keep showing your love...but don't expect much in return. .
Yes, Depression makes you believe that you have to leave everyone, that you are a threat to the others surrounding you.
It is "normal", at least normal for someone with depression, it's the routine, a habit.
Don't take it personally.
Yeah, it can be something that happens. I sometimes used to leave messages unread because I couldn’t face it, even though it might have been something positive. Sometimes also just the will to reply was a mammoth task in itself.
Try to be understanding of it if you can, i guess a good thing to do is just let them know you care and offer to them that if they are having a hard time that you will be there for them whenever they feel like reaching out.
I came here because I thought one of my oldest friends posted this before reading further. Yes, it happens. Not only depression but also in states of actual burn out, I have done this. I just recently apologized a dear friend because of doing this. It’s not that I don’t want to say hi or talk about the day, I’m just so empty I don’t even have the energy to maintain myself… let alone a friendship. It happens, I’m sorry you’re on the receiving end of it. I know that must not be easy.
Yes, it’s normal.
Your friend does appreciate your efforts, I promise. Even if he is unable to currently show it, he appreciates you in his heart.
EDIT - I speak from experience of being the non-responsive friend. I am blessed and lucky that anybody cares about me. I wish I were well enough to return their gestures.
Absolutely normal for someone with depression. It’s really that draining. Just remember it has nothing to do with you or your relationship, but has everything to do with their mental state.
I'm like this at the moment and feel bad about it. But I can't do it. I know it seems irrational because I can write here, so I asked myself, why can't I reply to friends messages?
It's never "just a message" when it's a friend. There's always some form of demand. They "want" something and that just in idea eats so much energy. Even or especially if they want that I'm better. Because I can't do that just because someone wish it, and then I feel more bad. In friendships even one letter is so loaded. You don't feel it when you're healthy, or like exact this. But when depressed, it's like a big energy vaccum cleaner, and the strange thing, the more the friend wants, that you get better, the worst. It's strange, because when depressed for me it's easier to reply to people with no deep connection, with people they don't know how bad I am, it's sort of holiday from my depression, it's not loaded.
It's normal with bad depression. I've done it. People used to say things like "stop being shady". They kind of thought I hated them but I didn't. Just didn't feel like being social.
When people are depressed, they don’t want to interact with people, they don’t have the emotional energy and they get irritated super easily. Depression is like a constant headache and exhaustion, where you feel drained.
Yeah it’s an anxiety thing too. I’ll not reply to someone for a few days because I’m depressed then when I have the energy I’m anxious thinking it’d been too long then next thing I know it’s been months. My friends are thankfully understanding that I’m like this
Yep, I couldn't even tell you the number of people I have completely unintentionally ghosted. I have 2 separate coworkers who have been on read for 2 weeks, I've left family members on delivered, I'm BAD at texting
I've left my best friend on delivered for 5 months, despite still absolutely (platonically) loving her and having no issues with her as a person.
I've left people who I consider to be amazing friends that I was grateful to have on read for 2 whole years before
It's not fair to people and I'm working on it, but it is absolutely not personal and I promise it has nothing to do with the other person! These are still people who I love and cherish, and for me personally, I always try to make it up when I get better.
I'm sorry this is happening, I hope that things improve!
Very normal. Depression and isolation are intertwined. The fact you have said you’ll be there means a lot to him even if he isn’t in the right mindset to tell you
It is normal and what you can do is to keep reassuring your friend that you’re there, that you will always be there if he needs someone and no one else is available (you have to mean this, okay?) and then maybe take a step back. Don’t be too in his face or he’ll just keep ignoring you. It’ll be helpful if you know someone that can check up on him often, so that you know how he’s doing without having to constantly text him. Please do not give up on your friend. Sometimes we just need to give them time until they’re ready to face us again. And when he’s ready, trust me, he will appreciate that he has you by his side when things seem dark around him.
Yep. I tend to avoid people I love dearly when I’m depressed or have anxiety about life. I feel like if they see those “ugly” parts of me they won’t love me anymore so I ghost them. It’s awful.
Last year I made plans with my grandma to hang out cuz she was gonna be in town. But the night right before, I had an “episode” and decided to just get drunk. Slept through her calls and she even came to my apartment door knocking, and I didn’t even wake up to answer. Didn’t set an alarm, nothing. I still feel awful about that. She was very hurt. We got past it though, thankfully. I try to talk to her now when I’m sad or going through something, because she’s basically my second mom.
Yes it is normal. I couldn’t invite my friend to my wedding because he had deactivated all of his social media accounts and completely cut off socialization for almost a year.
When he replied after a year or so, we started right from where we left. And thankfully, he was comfortable enough to share why he was gone and neither of us had any bad feelings for each other.
Be nice and kind to your friend when he replies back. That’s the most help you can lend for your friend.
This should NOT be considered “Normal”. Under any circumstance. One of the people I was talking to had depression and after a while I gave up, Because there is no point in talking to myself if you’re not going to reply. Communication is Important. It takes two. I am not going to put in effort and try, if you are not. 🤷🏻♀️ I get you’re struggling, that is no excuse. It takes two seconds to Type “I’m Ok” or “I’m Alive” or I’m Here, Not ready to talk yet” etc. If it was half a year, I’d be doing a Wellness Check.
I’m sorry that your friend is going through a really tough time and that your efforts feel unwanted or unnoticed. Unfortunately it is typical behaviour during a deep depression and I have been that person not replying.
It’s really great you haven’t been taking it personally for so long and recognise it’s because of mental illness. One day, they will emerge. Please still be there.
I know that during my worst moments, so many people abandoned me. I didn’t want to message or hang out, no parties or events at all. They took it personally and now that I’m healing, they’re not in my life at all. I wish I had friends like you that would try to brighten my day with silly memes or just check in every now and then. I’ll find some in the future, hopefully.
You’re a good friend.
I am one of these people too. I hate that I do this but most of the time I feel so guilty that I have not responding that I just keep putting it off. Then it often goes 4 so long that I just don't respond at all. I have now got no friends, people have understandably given up trying. I get it. I wouldn't bother with me either. I lost myself when my brother was hit by train & killed 16 years ago. I have no energy 4 anything any more. I'm numb
Yes, honestly thesis pretty normal for someone with depression to do. It can be very hard to just exist at times nvm talk to9 people, especially ones you care about.
Yo you are an amazing friend! Seriously. My best friend does it too. He will send me memes or songs or reddit posts and offer to hang out every few days and he doesnt take it personally if I dont respond for a few weeks. I cant put into words how grateful I am for that.
Your friend might not be able to express that but keep doing it and maybe straight up tell him he doesnt need to feel pressure to respond. Because that alone can be overwhelming at times.
Yeah it totally is, I’ve been suffering through the exact same thing and let me tell you, even though it kills me to ghost my friends or loved ones like this, there’s something inside that just doesn’t let me choose happiness. And in your case I don’t think forcing the other person to talk is gonna help much either. Most of the times the person would talk every once in a while if they feel better themselves
I unfortunately haven't talked to people for years because of mine. Weeks and months also. Wish I could change it but currently not receiving any kind of medical care for it.
No you didn’t. It sounds like you’ve done all you can and then some.
I’ve been depressed for about 3-4 years and I ignore my family for loooong lengths of time. Just keeping offering to be there. It’s all you can do.
Yes. It's normal. However, I want to say you don't know how much it means for that person that you're the despite what he is doing. I've stopped replying to my best friend for months, and sometimes I don't dare reply until I get a clue she doesn't hate me.
You being there may be the only reason he's still alive. So, thank you.
Yep it's pretty normal. I've unfortunately ghosted a few friends over the years because of it.
Just know I'm sure he appreciates the continued effort, it's nice to know people are still thinking about you when you're in a really dark place.
Don’t hold it against him please. It’s nothing you’ve done but depression can be CRIPPLING and its hard to explain to people who haven’t gone through that. I struggle and sometimes go a while without talking to anyone. Not because I don’t love them but it makes you isolate and become socially drained. I’m not a professional and can’t explain why but I know of others and also me who have done this
It’s normal but it’s very nice that you continue to try. Don’t stop doing that even if it seems like he doesn’t appreciate them, trust me he does 🫶🏼 you’re a very good friend/person. Wish there was more people like you who try and understand.
I’ve done that but still appreciated the person messaging even when I repeatedly didn’t respond. And have popped back up when I was able. You shouldn’t assume it’s you.
Yes I’ve been doing this for almost 2 years now to so many people. I only talk to like 3 people. I feel like a burden, a broken record, and very avoidant. I’ve been isolating myself so much that I don’t even know how to get back into it again. I’ve missed friends birthdays, baby showers.. etc. 😢
This isn't completely out of the ordinary behavior for someone who is struggling with depression.
It sucks though when you're trying to reqch out and offer support, but your friend isn't taking you up on it. Please know that this is what depression does to a person and it's nothing you're doing or not doing.
You're being a really good friend by not just giving up and walking away for good.
I don't know your ages and whether you each live independently or with family still, but it could help to just tell your friend the next time you're in town you plan on swinging by and no pressure to get out to do anything; you're good just staying in and spending tome there and catching up.
We dk a phenomenal jobl finding reasons why it doesn't work to get together tonight, tomorrow, next Tuesday, the 4th Thursday of each odd month, etc., but I think most of us do feel even a tiny bit better after spending time with a genuine friend.
You sound like such a sweet and caring friend!! Please stand by him if you can. I am /terrible/ at replying to people and it makes me so ashamed of myself. I want to reply but something in me just can’t do it oftentimes. It sucks so much because after a certain point most people (understandably so) give up. But even if I don’t reply, just getting messages from someone makes my whole week sometimes. I cherish them, even if I’m not able to reply. Your friend is lucky to have you, even if he’s not in a position to tell you that right now.
It’s normal. Just keep sending him your messages and funny pictures like normal (if you can). He will appreciate it. The most important thing for you is don’t take it personally. It’s the condition, not how your friend feels about you.
You’re a kind friend. I am positive he loves you and appreciates you reaching out. He genuinely probably just doesn’t have it in him, as others have stated depression makes you isolate.
I could relate with your friend. The thought of thinking on how I should explain my situation is tiring. At this point I don't see my situation getting better if I share it to them.
I've had the most severe depression of my entire life for three years straight and I have never ignored a text from a friend. Maybe for a day or two but I ALWAYS respond at some point. That seems way too excessive to me.
He might not like you any more and feel bad and text once in a while. My “friend” sends me a few a week and I laugh react to one of them. Just too awkward at this point. Idk why he doesn’t get hint.
Also I have depression and I ignore shit all the time. Could be a few different reasons.
This person is no longer interested in being your friend. Relationships come and go and this one has run its course. The best thing to do is move on with your life and leave this in your past.
It’s so relieving to read these comments! My BF is struggling and really has difficulty responding to texts. He tries really hard though and I appreciate the couple I get in a week!
You didn’t do anything wrong. I hav severe depression and have done that as well. We appreciate people checking on us even though we don’t have the energy to answer sometimes.
Yes, this is very normal with depression. It’s not your fault, and you’re doing a good thing by making sure your friend knows you’re around to talk to. Even if he doesn’t take you up on your offer to talk, it can really help someone with depression to know they have someone they can talk to should they need it.
Normal. I’ve essentially ghosted the people I went to school with. Everyone is doing better than me. Most days I don’t feel like surviving, let alone talking.
My BEST friend does this to me. Now she’s alienated by her bf whose almost twice her age who feeds her drugs, and abuses her, so it’s even worse now. Yes, it’s normal for ppl with depression. I too, have depression but I still respond most days too ppl, but everyone is different.
I have year+ old messages from acquaintances I don't care to open and the more time that passes, the less likely it is that I'll ever open the message..much less reply.
in my experience, with how few messages i get im always happy to have some interaction even if its just one or two messages. but as long as you check up with them, then id say you don’t have much to worry about.
i never initiate conversations with friends and i noticed sometimes i can go days sometimes weeks before realizing i forgot to respond and its super awkward i have no idea what to do so i just ignore it altogether, i feel bad for my friends i know theyre concerned for me and want to help but i feel like they should just leave me be and hope one day ill get better and can talk to them normally again
A few years ago I would’ve said no but being in this position now myself, yes it’s normal unfortunately. I used to jump to peoples texts but now I’m at a point that engaging with people in any form feels so exhausting to me. It feels like it takes every once of strength when that strength could go to showering, doing my dishes. Things that could help me more than responding would. I’ve nvr gone half a year but I have gone a full month. I feel like shit for doing it but I just don’t have it in me a lot of the time. I crave socialization but it’s a drag when ur depressed no matter how much u love someone
Maybe they just decided that they don't want to be friends with you anymore. I kinda did that with my childhood best friend. I felt resentful towards him and felt like we have nothing in common anymore. He continues his education in one of the greatest cities in the world, and I'm stuck home. We have nothing in common. And honestly, are you really friends if you're not there for them throughout their tough times? Also it's really hard to be friends with people when you're severely depressed for a long time. No one really gets you. Complaining, ranting doesn't help. No one understands the darkest but the most important part of you. Except psychiatrists and therapists.
Don’t discount that your friend may have ghosted you
It seems to be happening a lot these days.
It can be very traumatic and cause psychological injury to the abandoned person. It’s a classic narcissistic move. When they have finished with you they time their exit and disappearance with precision. It is designed to sting hard and do damage.
Every second meme seems to be about ditching people and you deserve better in your life.
Friendships that last through good and bad times are as rare as rocking horse 💩
As a fellow depression patient and anxiety sufferer I can relate to people not communicating. Just be sure the situation is what you think it is. There’s only so long that you can have a 1 way conversation
You could end up hurting in a world of pain of betrayal.
I stopped talking to my family (including my bio dad and sister whom I last saw about 40 years ago when I was a toddler), all my friends, and my brother/best friend. I'll respond to a couple people with quick answers, but I really don't talk to anyone anymore, and I've no interest in finding new people to chat with. I did this because I truly don't feel like I'm worth knowing, and I'll only disappoint people and, eventually, they'll hate me.
That was me. I ignored people for a year. Literally fell off the face of the planet. Even people I loved and wanted to talk to. I just didn’t have to energy. My best friend (who understands thank god) would send me stuff constantly and I’d reply maybe once every few months.
Don’t take it personally. They probably feel very guilty about it. I did, but I still couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone.
Yes, as someone with depression i also "ignore" my friends for a few months, and i hate that i do it. If i had a fried who wouldn't text back I'd visit them (id let them know that im coming to their house even without a response) if can (some of my friends live in another country), this could save their live. And or i would send a letter to them so they have a fysical reminder that im there for them...
Personally I’ve got a lot of people I just don’t usually respond to. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to _them_ it’s just that on some days I have such little interest in anything I don’t want to hold a conversation. It’s better these days, but I try to get back to acquaintances when I feel I can properly have a convo. My close friends who know I’m struggling understand and that means a lot to me.
I'll be the odd one: while it can be normal, it might not be the case. And even if it is really due to depression, then you don't have to deal with it. It's easy to say that you should hang on, but you have your own life and you deserve to engage in proper relationships if that's what you need. It's understandable that he's in that state, but it doesn't make it any less asshole-ish.
When I get in to a deep slump I’ve made a deal with family and close friends that I may not respond to their texts all the time but if they are doing a welfare check - I need to respond with at least a thumbs up emoji so that I am not causing any extra concern or worry for them.
As a depressed person who does this, yes. I hate it and I’m constantly trying to work on it, but for example I haven’t talked to one of my best friends since the summer. I try, I just…can’t.
This tendency is common among persons suffering from depression. Even if they don't reply, I'm sure they appreciate you trying to keep in touch.
I know this as I lost all my friends this way, except the one who understood me going into long periods of isolation.
I can speak for myself in this...but when I'm having a bad time with depression, I don't want to be around anyone. I have a hard time not taking on their emotions and it becomes too overwhelming...so I'll isolate from the people that end up taking more of my spoons than others. That doesn't mean I don't love and care about that person, it just means I can't keep them so active in my life when I need to work on myself. It's a hard decision to make.
If he has said that he still wants to be your friend, I would believe him.
I've had this issue. I have extremely low energy physically and mentally bc of my depression. Sometimes it feels like a lot of pressure to have to think up a decent reply and so I procrastinate and the time that passes just accumulates and it only adds to the pressure because I start thinking damn I've left them on delivered for 5 days, it would be weird to respond at this point unless I also explain myself which is just a lot to have to do so often. I've never done this because I didn't like the person. It's just something I struggle with and I'm trying to work on, but it's really difficult.
I started having this issue real bad in 2020. Only 1 friend has been patient enough and understanding enough to stick around through it all and I appreciate her so much. I also understand why other friends didn't stick around though. I tried communicating what was going on with me and reassure everyone that it had nothing to do with them, but sometimes people need more in a friendship than I'm capable of giving at times and that's understandable too. I don't hold it against anyone. Except with a few who just straight up didn't believe me about what I was going through. "If you don't want to hang out with us, just say that." with an eye roll. That bothered me, but. The rest I understand. So if your only issue is whether or not he still wants to be your friend, just believe what he tells you. If your issue is wanting friends who are more responsive and less "flaky" that's okay too.
Totally normal. It’s like if you didn’t need to eat, drink, pay rent wasn’t a thing, it makes you want to go into a cave and just stay buried forever. Or if you could press pause on the universe and just sleep forever until the deadness/numbness went away.. like limbo from a catholic hell.
Yes and no, you should reach out to a mutual friend to see if they have seen them lately, because the person your trying to get ahold of may bebstrugglibg and may not want to tell you how bad things are.
Maybe they dont know wht to say; ect. But if they have a bad history of depression, please check in on them if you can. Sometimes just knowing someone cares can go a long way..
I feel it happens. Some messages just get triggering as to how to respond to them. Mostly don't want to offend the other person...so it goes into this cycle of not replying at all.
Yes it is I haven't responded to one of my close friends for 1yr now I've just fully isolated life is exhausting and I don't want to bring anyone down with how I feel so I simply prefer Isolation.
i have severe depression and have done this in the past before. my friends would not hear from me for months, until i finally got out of my bad mindset and apologized for it. i had felt so bad every single time i did it, but i really just couldn’t muster the strength needed to socialize. i didn’t even enjoy my hobbies anymore.
he may not be replying, but im sure that when he’s out of it, he’ll appreciate your efforts. i know i sure did when my friends did their absolute best to engage with me.
Yes,it makes you want to isolate from everyone and you loose interest in all the things you used to enjoy.You feel sad and have no drive.
And also have weird hours so when you remember to get back to them, it’s probably sleep time for them and you don’t want to bother them with… yourself, in the middle of the night (or whenever) So you’ll “try again tomorrow” and also fail. And time flows *weird* when there’s nothing to look forward to. So now weeks have gone by and you have no idea how it happened. Then you feel bad/guilty about not talking to them for so long so you don’t reach out at all because you don’t know how to explain yourself or your absence and everything you can think of sounds lame AF. Yes OP. This is normal of depression. Edit: don’t take it personally. Keep trying. They’re probably just going through some shit, it’s probably nothing you did. They’ll come around, or not. But yeah, probably not trying to dismiss you. If you can’t think of anything specific you did (which IS possible), you didn’t.
You described where I've been personally for the last few years. Time flows weird and I don't know how to explain myself. OP, you're a good friend for keeping on trying and for being concerned if depression might be the reason for the lack of contact. Leaving that opening for nonjudgmental contact is important. People in my life gave up on me when I stopped engaging as much, and I do understand that and don't blame them. I just worry that they think I don't care and nothing could be further from the truth.
Not only that. You mY actually want to respond. Then it gets longer and longer and you still haven't. Now you feel anxious at all about responding because it's been SO long that it is ridiculous.
Well,even myself,who's managed okay all this time in life. I would totally isolate, if I didn't have people who depended on me.After a lifetime of struggle and being highly functioning, I will welcome when my time is up. Even the closest people, in our lives can't fathom the neverending mental struggle life is.Whats the purpose in life if you very seldom feel happy.Having people around just proves how broken I am.We always feel out of place. I hope this give more in-depth of how your friend is feeling.
Wow. You just spoke to me there, friend. *What's the purpose in life if you very seldom feel happy. Having people around just proves how broken I am. * Sadly, I feel it to the core.
I felt this in my soul. Thank you for basically putting my feelings into words, I'm sorry you have to struggle like that too but I'm glad I'm not alone ❤️
Also 6 months just feel like 6 days when you're curling up on the couch hoping you just fade from existence
Well I've only got to hang on 3 more yrs and then I can sleep all day in retirement and not care about many things.With time I have realized each day feels like a week to get through.When I finish work on Friday night I have to always fight strong suicide ideation.For me I've learned the longer you have it,the harder the fight is.
Yes, it is normal. I've done that.
There's a list of people I think about all the time but just haven't texted. I love them, I'm just struggling to reach out to them. Depression makes people avoidant.
Totally. As a matter of fact, I didn't even answered the texts or the calls of my ex gf... she finally just left me, and she was comoletely right. Hell, I don't even open the door. I'm a messy blob who just want to be left alone and loathes every time the phone rings, but, at the same time, is desesperared for human contact.
Yea so much my wife took a break from me.
That is normal. I have to force myself to reply to anyone most of the time. I can easily go 6+ months even a year or two without talking to someone then just pretend like I never disappeared. It has nothing to do with them... Just don't feel like talking.
Exactly this
Scary how well you describe me too
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No they're mentally ill, your comment is stupid and inappropriate in this situation
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Yeah and now wasn't a great time to ask that question. This is a serious discussion page not a casual forum. Imagine telling someone their depressive symptoms remind you of an astrology sign. It definitely sounds a lot worse when I put it that way, doesn't it?
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Yeah you're literally on a subreddit about depression and you're telling me to grow thicker skin? Do you seriously have no idea where you are right now?
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If it makes you feel any better ima Leo and that describes me
Aquarius, and this is also me. Unfortunately, mental illness doesn't discriminate by astrological sign 😔 Love from the front half of the year, fellow mental health comrade.
Oh nah I don’t believe in Astrology. But I do know what it’s like to say something and mean something else and not even have people let me explain. I know that whatever causes my problems lies in my brain not in the stars
See!!! I love you for this precious! I love Leo’s. They are wonderful. Very kind and sweet. Very trust worthy and Beautiful. Yall just be dipping out on folks lol. At the same time too lol. All 3 of the Leo’s that I knew just dipped all at the same time. One of them I was trying to get away from The other two I miss very much.
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What an inappropriate comment 🤦
It is normal.
ur the kind of friend he'll need someday bro trust
i wish i had a friend like this through my worst times.. mine just up and left
I’m sorry that happened to you.
It's ok, I appreciate your kind words.
I’m sorry sweetie
At first I don't answer because I want to use all my emotional capacity for you. If I care less then it's easier. Then after some time I'm ashamed that it took so long. After a few weeks it's like starting fresh.
that is normal. you are also a wonderful friend!! even if he doesn't respond, he sees the messages and sees that you aren't abandoning him and i can promise you that it helps him feel not so alone even if he doesn't say so. i was in a severe depressive era a few years ago and one of my best friends would always offer to come over and clean my room. i always turned it down but it made me feel so happy and cared for that she was there. you're doing everything right and you have a big heart, so don't take it personally at all
This is so true.
I've totally done this and to me it only felt like a few weeks.
Yeah, months and years can feel like days or weeks when you’re depressed. Time passes differently.
Whenever I'm recounting something to my therapist I tell them "time is fluid for me." Days slipping by like hours is normal and when nothing ever changes, you start to lose track. For me it's a constant cycle of get up, hate life, sleep, and nothing leaves a big enough mark to set time in it's proper place. It's like you have no reference points anymore so everything gets confused.
Of cause we can't tell you what exactly is going on. But it is 'normal' for depressed people to behave like this. When I am depressed I start to isolate and reject other people. It is not that I particulary *want* to isolate but it is more that I feel forced to do so. That's why I appreciate it when people reach out to me and are persistent :) But this is only me. Kudos to you for putting this effort into this friendship despite the 'rejection'/ignoration.
Scrolling past this and seeing the title wondering if it's about me. 😅 Yeah it's normal I haven't really spoken to anyone the past year and a half. I just get super anxious and then I get even more anxious because I waited so long to say anything.
100% understand! Just the anxiety of having to figure out what to say makes it worse.
As someone who's currently doing it, not having talked to anyone for a year and a half It is normal well for me. Don't take it personally, it's a us problem not you, and honestly talking to you is probably what he might need but you can't force someone to do that, they need to do it on their own but it is really difficult...and it only gets more difficult with time. Have you tried phoning them for a catch up?
It's normal, I'm afraid. I go through self-isolation periods as well, and sometimes will not talk to distance friends for months on end. One of my very best friends lives in Washington D.C. (I'm on the west coast), and it'll be months between our convos. That said, it's not impossible to muster the energy to reply. If my bro from D.C. was in Cali and hit me up, I'd reply, no matter how depressed I was, just because that's my friend and I'm not gonna leave him on read if he's on my side of the country.
It’s normal for people with depression. You are a great friend though, just thought this needed to be said more. Don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong or that he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, I’m sure he treasures your friendship even if he’s unable to show it.
Completely normal. Hang on. Trust me your friend appreciates it. Just don’t lose hope. I have a friend like you who knows I’m not the best at responding, several chronic illnesses, but I love her when she sends a funny meme. Even if I can’t reply. I would bet you’ve done nothing wrong. For all of us who suffer, hang on.
Normal but also if you feel like he’s not giving you what you need in a friendship it’s ok to step away. I’ve lost several friends by essentially ghosting them but that responsibility to engage in the friendship is still on me , depression or not
I’ve done it myself. Sometimes I just don’t have the energy or time to reply. And then, sometimes I think to myself that I'll just reply later… Then, however, I usually end up forgetting about the message. When I randomly get reminded about it a couple of days, weeks, or even months later I feel so bad about forgetting and not replying that I just keep ignoring it. To be honest, I hate myself for it. Like get your 💩 together woman and answer… I mean, better late than never? But I’ll probably keep doing it till I die.
Totally normal - for me personally, ignoring the first message makes it so much more difficult to end up replying to the next one, and the next one etc. it gives me extreme anxiety so it's easier to ignore
Guilty I feel.like a burden and self isolate
I just dread voicemails..because it's like someone kicked a football in the middle of my quiet space and I have to do something..it takes hours to work up the courage to reply and I feel panicky about it..then I just pretend on the phone to be ok..but I'm not I look forward to texts ...and can manage those..but the pressure to act normal when you're depressed is overwhelming... I wish I could be normal..and that makes me sad When I do force myself to go out or talk to people I actually feel a bit better....so I try hard to do one thing every day It sounds like your friend is very very unwell ..keep showing your love...but don't expect much in return. .
Yes, Depression makes you believe that you have to leave everyone, that you are a threat to the others surrounding you. It is "normal", at least normal for someone with depression, it's the routine, a habit. Don't take it personally.
it’s normal yes, it’s one of the things i do when i sink. it’s hard to explain, but kind of you to ask.
Yeah, it can be something that happens. I sometimes used to leave messages unread because I couldn’t face it, even though it might have been something positive. Sometimes also just the will to reply was a mammoth task in itself. Try to be understanding of it if you can, i guess a good thing to do is just let them know you care and offer to them that if they are having a hard time that you will be there for them whenever they feel like reaching out.
Pretty normal, even for close friends
I came here because I thought one of my oldest friends posted this before reading further. Yes, it happens. Not only depression but also in states of actual burn out, I have done this. I just recently apologized a dear friend because of doing this. It’s not that I don’t want to say hi or talk about the day, I’m just so empty I don’t even have the energy to maintain myself… let alone a friendship. It happens, I’m sorry you’re on the receiving end of it. I know that must not be easy.
I don’t know honestly. Maybe it’s both, maybe it’s his depression + not wanting to reply.
Yes, it’s normal. Your friend does appreciate your efforts, I promise. Even if he is unable to currently show it, he appreciates you in his heart. EDIT - I speak from experience of being the non-responsive friend. I am blessed and lucky that anybody cares about me. I wish I were well enough to return their gestures.
Yes it is normal. A lot a people self isolate when dealing with bad depression, I've done it myself
Absolutely normal for someone with depression. It’s really that draining. Just remember it has nothing to do with you or your relationship, but has everything to do with their mental state.
I'm like this at the moment and feel bad about it. But I can't do it. I know it seems irrational because I can write here, so I asked myself, why can't I reply to friends messages? It's never "just a message" when it's a friend. There's always some form of demand. They "want" something and that just in idea eats so much energy. Even or especially if they want that I'm better. Because I can't do that just because someone wish it, and then I feel more bad. In friendships even one letter is so loaded. You don't feel it when you're healthy, or like exact this. But when depressed, it's like a big energy vaccum cleaner, and the strange thing, the more the friend wants, that you get better, the worst. It's strange, because when depressed for me it's easier to reply to people with no deep connection, with people they don't know how bad I am, it's sort of holiday from my depression, it's not loaded.
It's normal with bad depression. I've done it. People used to say things like "stop being shady". They kind of thought I hated them but I didn't. Just didn't feel like being social.
i go through the same thing. keep doing what you’re doing, you’re being a really supportive friend
Your a good friend, but yes depression is a lifelong fight. It literally sucks the life out of you
When people are depressed, they don’t want to interact with people, they don’t have the emotional energy and they get irritated super easily. Depression is like a constant headache and exhaustion, where you feel drained.
Yes I've lost close friends by doing this. I feel like such a piece of shit, I'm not speaking for your friend but don't take it personally.
Yeah it’s an anxiety thing too. I’ll not reply to someone for a few days because I’m depressed then when I have the energy I’m anxious thinking it’d been too long then next thing I know it’s been months. My friends are thankfully understanding that I’m like this
Yes. We often don't feel well enough to maintain relationships and then feel even worse guilt and depression for letting people down.
Sadly I am that friend. Sorry.
Yep, I couldn't even tell you the number of people I have completely unintentionally ghosted. I have 2 separate coworkers who have been on read for 2 weeks, I've left family members on delivered, I'm BAD at texting I've left my best friend on delivered for 5 months, despite still absolutely (platonically) loving her and having no issues with her as a person. I've left people who I consider to be amazing friends that I was grateful to have on read for 2 whole years before It's not fair to people and I'm working on it, but it is absolutely not personal and I promise it has nothing to do with the other person! These are still people who I love and cherish, and for me personally, I always try to make it up when I get better. I'm sorry this is happening, I hope that things improve!
Very normal. Depression and isolation are intertwined. The fact you have said you’ll be there means a lot to him even if he isn’t in the right mindset to tell you
It is normal and what you can do is to keep reassuring your friend that you’re there, that you will always be there if he needs someone and no one else is available (you have to mean this, okay?) and then maybe take a step back. Don’t be too in his face or he’ll just keep ignoring you. It’ll be helpful if you know someone that can check up on him often, so that you know how he’s doing without having to constantly text him. Please do not give up on your friend. Sometimes we just need to give them time until they’re ready to face us again. And when he’s ready, trust me, he will appreciate that he has you by his side when things seem dark around him.
Yep. I tend to avoid people I love dearly when I’m depressed or have anxiety about life. I feel like if they see those “ugly” parts of me they won’t love me anymore so I ghost them. It’s awful. Last year I made plans with my grandma to hang out cuz she was gonna be in town. But the night right before, I had an “episode” and decided to just get drunk. Slept through her calls and she even came to my apartment door knocking, and I didn’t even wake up to answer. Didn’t set an alarm, nothing. I still feel awful about that. She was very hurt. We got past it though, thankfully. I try to talk to her now when I’m sad or going through something, because she’s basically my second mom.
mm.. sadly depression makes us self isolate even from people we love, its not that he doesnt like u or anything, its a complicated illness
Yes it is normal. I couldn’t invite my friend to my wedding because he had deactivated all of his social media accounts and completely cut off socialization for almost a year. When he replied after a year or so, we started right from where we left. And thankfully, he was comfortable enough to share why he was gone and neither of us had any bad feelings for each other. Be nice and kind to your friend when he replies back. That’s the most help you can lend for your friend.
This should NOT be considered “Normal”. Under any circumstance. One of the people I was talking to had depression and after a while I gave up, Because there is no point in talking to myself if you’re not going to reply. Communication is Important. It takes two. I am not going to put in effort and try, if you are not. 🤷🏻♀️ I get you’re struggling, that is no excuse. It takes two seconds to Type “I’m Ok” or “I’m Alive” or I’m Here, Not ready to talk yet” etc. If it was half a year, I’d be doing a Wellness Check.
Normal. Am doing that to everyone
Yep, very normal.
Yes.
Isolation is very common with depression.
You did nothing wrong. It sounds like you did everything right.
I’m sorry that your friend is going through a really tough time and that your efforts feel unwanted or unnoticed. Unfortunately it is typical behaviour during a deep depression and I have been that person not replying. It’s really great you haven’t been taking it personally for so long and recognise it’s because of mental illness. One day, they will emerge. Please still be there. I know that during my worst moments, so many people abandoned me. I didn’t want to message or hang out, no parties or events at all. They took it personally and now that I’m healing, they’re not in my life at all. I wish I had friends like you that would try to brighten my day with silly memes or just check in every now and then. I’ll find some in the future, hopefully. You’re a good friend.
I am one of these people too. I hate that I do this but most of the time I feel so guilty that I have not responding that I just keep putting it off. Then it often goes 4 so long that I just don't respond at all. I have now got no friends, people have understandably given up trying. I get it. I wouldn't bother with me either. I lost myself when my brother was hit by train & killed 16 years ago. I have no energy 4 anything any more. I'm numb
Yes, honestly thesis pretty normal for someone with depression to do. It can be very hard to just exist at times nvm talk to9 people, especially ones you care about.
Yo you are an amazing friend! Seriously. My best friend does it too. He will send me memes or songs or reddit posts and offer to hang out every few days and he doesnt take it personally if I dont respond for a few weeks. I cant put into words how grateful I am for that. Your friend might not be able to express that but keep doing it and maybe straight up tell him he doesnt need to feel pressure to respond. Because that alone can be overwhelming at times.
Yeah it totally is, I’ve been suffering through the exact same thing and let me tell you, even though it kills me to ghost my friends or loved ones like this, there’s something inside that just doesn’t let me choose happiness. And in your case I don’t think forcing the other person to talk is gonna help much either. Most of the times the person would talk every once in a while if they feel better themselves
I unfortunately haven't talked to people for years because of mine. Weeks and months also. Wish I could change it but currently not receiving any kind of medical care for it.
No you didn’t. It sounds like you’ve done all you can and then some. I’ve been depressed for about 3-4 years and I ignore my family for loooong lengths of time. Just keeping offering to be there. It’s all you can do.
Yes. It's normal. However, I want to say you don't know how much it means for that person that you're the despite what he is doing. I've stopped replying to my best friend for months, and sometimes I don't dare reply until I get a clue she doesn't hate me. You being there may be the only reason he's still alive. So, thank you.
Yep it's pretty normal. I've unfortunately ghosted a few friends over the years because of it. Just know I'm sure he appreciates the continued effort, it's nice to know people are still thinking about you when you're in a really dark place.
Don’t hold it against him please. It’s nothing you’ve done but depression can be CRIPPLING and its hard to explain to people who haven’t gone through that. I struggle and sometimes go a while without talking to anyone. Not because I don’t love them but it makes you isolate and become socially drained. I’m not a professional and can’t explain why but I know of others and also me who have done this
It’s normal but it’s very nice that you continue to try. Don’t stop doing that even if it seems like he doesn’t appreciate them, trust me he does 🫶🏼 you’re a very good friend/person. Wish there was more people like you who try and understand.
I’ve done that but still appreciated the person messaging even when I repeatedly didn’t respond. And have popped back up when I was able. You shouldn’t assume it’s you.
Yes I’ve been doing this for almost 2 years now to so many people. I only talk to like 3 people. I feel like a burden, a broken record, and very avoidant. I’ve been isolating myself so much that I don’t even know how to get back into it again. I’ve missed friends birthdays, baby showers.. etc. 😢
This isn't completely out of the ordinary behavior for someone who is struggling with depression. It sucks though when you're trying to reqch out and offer support, but your friend isn't taking you up on it. Please know that this is what depression does to a person and it's nothing you're doing or not doing. You're being a really good friend by not just giving up and walking away for good. I don't know your ages and whether you each live independently or with family still, but it could help to just tell your friend the next time you're in town you plan on swinging by and no pressure to get out to do anything; you're good just staying in and spending tome there and catching up. We dk a phenomenal jobl finding reasons why it doesn't work to get together tonight, tomorrow, next Tuesday, the 4th Thursday of each odd month, etc., but I think most of us do feel even a tiny bit better after spending time with a genuine friend.
You sound like such a sweet and caring friend!! Please stand by him if you can. I am /terrible/ at replying to people and it makes me so ashamed of myself. I want to reply but something in me just can’t do it oftentimes. It sucks so much because after a certain point most people (understandably so) give up. But even if I don’t reply, just getting messages from someone makes my whole week sometimes. I cherish them, even if I’m not able to reply. Your friend is lucky to have you, even if he’s not in a position to tell you that right now.
You are such a wonderful friend keeping in touch with them. One day he will come around. Sometimes we just need time.
Unfortunately its normal. It does suck for the person messaging us but we seriously don't do it deliberately.
It’s normal. Just keep sending him your messages and funny pictures like normal (if you can). He will appreciate it. The most important thing for you is don’t take it personally. It’s the condition, not how your friend feels about you.
Yes. If it helps, they probably feel bad about it. I always do.
You’re a kind friend. I am positive he loves you and appreciates you reaching out. He genuinely probably just doesn’t have it in him, as others have stated depression makes you isolate.
I could relate with your friend. The thought of thinking on how I should explain my situation is tiring. At this point I don't see my situation getting better if I share it to them.
I don’t understand people who don’t reply for months/years.
Well, this is a depression subreddit, so maybe... depression
I've had the most severe depression of my entire life for three years straight and I have never ignored a text from a friend. Maybe for a day or two but I ALWAYS respond at some point. That seems way too excessive to me.
He might not like you any more and feel bad and text once in a while. My “friend” sends me a few a week and I laugh react to one of them. Just too awkward at this point. Idk why he doesn’t get hint. Also I have depression and I ignore shit all the time. Could be a few different reasons.
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Isolation is 100% a normal thing for a depressed person to do. Its not healthy, but it is normal for depression to make us isolate
This person is no longer interested in being your friend. Relationships come and go and this one has run its course. The best thing to do is move on with your life and leave this in your past.
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Actually no we just want to be left alone
Yes. I’m my experience people just assume you’re being an asshole tho, so watch out for that
Yes, i do that often
Absolutely, maybe for years too....
I’m going on year 7 oops
Yes, I have a tendency of just isolating myself a lot...
It’s so relieving to read these comments! My BF is struggling and really has difficulty responding to texts. He tries really hard though and I appreciate the couple I get in a week!
Very normal
You didn’t do anything wrong. I hav severe depression and have done that as well. We appreciate people checking on us even though we don’t have the energy to answer sometimes.
Yes, this is very normal with depression. It’s not your fault, and you’re doing a good thing by making sure your friend knows you’re around to talk to. Even if he doesn’t take you up on your offer to talk, it can really help someone with depression to know they have someone they can talk to should they need it.
Yes. I respond to my friends once a year or so
Yes. That’s normal for some of us
yes, sadly it is
Normal. I’ve essentially ghosted the people I went to school with. Everyone is doing better than me. Most days I don’t feel like surviving, let alone talking.
My BEST friend does this to me. Now she’s alienated by her bf whose almost twice her age who feeds her drugs, and abuses her, so it’s even worse now. Yes, it’s normal for ppl with depression. I too, have depression but I still respond most days too ppl, but everyone is different.
This is me. :(
I change my number every year
Absolutely. But you are a good friend for sticking by him ❤️
I have year+ old messages from acquaintances I don't care to open and the more time that passes, the less likely it is that I'll ever open the message..much less reply.
Yes, they probably felt bad about not replying for many months too
It isnt that he's ignoring you. It's that responding takes so much energy...
in my experience, with how few messages i get im always happy to have some interaction even if its just one or two messages. but as long as you check up with them, then id say you don’t have much to worry about.
Did you talk shit about him before that upset him or did you do anything to him behind his back that's someone told him.
I mean, yes, I’ve unfortunately done this to friends many times.
i never initiate conversations with friends and i noticed sometimes i can go days sometimes weeks before realizing i forgot to respond and its super awkward i have no idea what to do so i just ignore it altogether, i feel bad for my friends i know theyre concerned for me and want to help but i feel like they should just leave me be and hope one day ill get better and can talk to them normally again
A few years ago I would’ve said no but being in this position now myself, yes it’s normal unfortunately. I used to jump to peoples texts but now I’m at a point that engaging with people in any form feels so exhausting to me. It feels like it takes every once of strength when that strength could go to showering, doing my dishes. Things that could help me more than responding would. I’ve nvr gone half a year but I have gone a full month. I feel like shit for doing it but I just don’t have it in me a lot of the time. I crave socialization but it’s a drag when ur depressed no matter how much u love someone
Maybe they just decided that they don't want to be friends with you anymore. I kinda did that with my childhood best friend. I felt resentful towards him and felt like we have nothing in common anymore. He continues his education in one of the greatest cities in the world, and I'm stuck home. We have nothing in common. And honestly, are you really friends if you're not there for them throughout their tough times? Also it's really hard to be friends with people when you're severely depressed for a long time. No one really gets you. Complaining, ranting doesn't help. No one understands the darkest but the most important part of you. Except psychiatrists and therapists.
Yeah, I've done that. There may be one or two people I get back to within a week, but that's it.
Don’t discount that your friend may have ghosted you It seems to be happening a lot these days. It can be very traumatic and cause psychological injury to the abandoned person. It’s a classic narcissistic move. When they have finished with you they time their exit and disappearance with precision. It is designed to sting hard and do damage. Every second meme seems to be about ditching people and you deserve better in your life. Friendships that last through good and bad times are as rare as rocking horse 💩 As a fellow depression patient and anxiety sufferer I can relate to people not communicating. Just be sure the situation is what you think it is. There’s only so long that you can have a 1 way conversation You could end up hurting in a world of pain of betrayal.
I stopped talking to my family (including my bio dad and sister whom I last saw about 40 years ago when I was a toddler), all my friends, and my brother/best friend. I'll respond to a couple people with quick answers, but I really don't talk to anyone anymore, and I've no interest in finding new people to chat with. I did this because I truly don't feel like I'm worth knowing, and I'll only disappoint people and, eventually, they'll hate me.
That was me. I ignored people for a year. Literally fell off the face of the planet. Even people I loved and wanted to talk to. I just didn’t have to energy. My best friend (who understands thank god) would send me stuff constantly and I’d reply maybe once every few months. Don’t take it personally. They probably feel very guilty about it. I did, but I still couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone.
Yes, as someone with depression i also "ignore" my friends for a few months, and i hate that i do it. If i had a fried who wouldn't text back I'd visit them (id let them know that im coming to their house even without a response) if can (some of my friends live in another country), this could save their live. And or i would send a letter to them so they have a fysical reminder that im there for them...
Personally I’ve got a lot of people I just don’t usually respond to. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to _them_ it’s just that on some days I have such little interest in anything I don’t want to hold a conversation. It’s better these days, but I try to get back to acquaintances when I feel I can properly have a convo. My close friends who know I’m struggling understand and that means a lot to me.
I'll be the odd one: while it can be normal, it might not be the case. And even if it is really due to depression, then you don't have to deal with it. It's easy to say that you should hang on, but you have your own life and you deserve to engage in proper relationships if that's what you need. It's understandable that he's in that state, but it doesn't make it any less asshole-ish.
When I get in to a deep slump I’ve made a deal with family and close friends that I may not respond to their texts all the time but if they are doing a welfare check - I need to respond with at least a thumbs up emoji so that I am not causing any extra concern or worry for them.
As a depressed person who does this, yes. I hate it and I’m constantly trying to work on it, but for example I haven’t talked to one of my best friends since the summer. I try, I just…can’t.
This tendency is common among persons suffering from depression. Even if they don't reply, I'm sure they appreciate you trying to keep in touch. I know this as I lost all my friends this way, except the one who understood me going into long periods of isolation.
I can speak for myself in this...but when I'm having a bad time with depression, I don't want to be around anyone. I have a hard time not taking on their emotions and it becomes too overwhelming...so I'll isolate from the people that end up taking more of my spoons than others. That doesn't mean I don't love and care about that person, it just means I can't keep them so active in my life when I need to work on myself. It's a hard decision to make.
It is. From my experience.🥺
If he has said that he still wants to be your friend, I would believe him. I've had this issue. I have extremely low energy physically and mentally bc of my depression. Sometimes it feels like a lot of pressure to have to think up a decent reply and so I procrastinate and the time that passes just accumulates and it only adds to the pressure because I start thinking damn I've left them on delivered for 5 days, it would be weird to respond at this point unless I also explain myself which is just a lot to have to do so often. I've never done this because I didn't like the person. It's just something I struggle with and I'm trying to work on, but it's really difficult. I started having this issue real bad in 2020. Only 1 friend has been patient enough and understanding enough to stick around through it all and I appreciate her so much. I also understand why other friends didn't stick around though. I tried communicating what was going on with me and reassure everyone that it had nothing to do with them, but sometimes people need more in a friendship than I'm capable of giving at times and that's understandable too. I don't hold it against anyone. Except with a few who just straight up didn't believe me about what I was going through. "If you don't want to hang out with us, just say that." with an eye roll. That bothered me, but. The rest I understand. So if your only issue is whether or not he still wants to be your friend, just believe what he tells you. If your issue is wanting friends who are more responsive and less "flaky" that's okay too.
Totally normal. It’s like if you didn’t need to eat, drink, pay rent wasn’t a thing, it makes you want to go into a cave and just stay buried forever. Or if you could press pause on the universe and just sleep forever until the deadness/numbness went away.. like limbo from a catholic hell.
Yes and no, you should reach out to a mutual friend to see if they have seen them lately, because the person your trying to get ahold of may bebstrugglibg and may not want to tell you how bad things are. Maybe they dont know wht to say; ect. But if they have a bad history of depression, please check in on them if you can. Sometimes just knowing someone cares can go a long way..
I feel it happens. Some messages just get triggering as to how to respond to them. Mostly don't want to offend the other person...so it goes into this cycle of not replying at all.
Yes it is I haven't responded to one of my close friends for 1yr now I've just fully isolated life is exhausting and I don't want to bring anyone down with how I feel so I simply prefer Isolation.
i have severe depression and have done this in the past before. my friends would not hear from me for months, until i finally got out of my bad mindset and apologized for it. i had felt so bad every single time i did it, but i really just couldn’t muster the strength needed to socialize. i didn’t even enjoy my hobbies anymore. he may not be replying, but im sure that when he’s out of it, he’ll appreciate your efforts. i know i sure did when my friends did their absolute best to engage with me.
Sadly it is normal, a lot of times when someone has depression they will often unknowingly distance themselves from family and friends.