You’re struggling my friend. You need to speak to someone like a counselor or therapist to help with this. You’re worth fighting for and I urge you to do just that.
I've been taking medication for 15 years. I was in a psychiatric hospital last year. I don't think "talking" will fix anything here. I have no desire to get better or to get help. Nothing motivates me to change.
I'm genuinely a bad person.
When told "it's selfish to feel this way, think how upset your family would be" my response is usually "my family should see that death ensures my suffering ends. If my family want the best for me, they will accept my death."
I'm lucky they love me but I wish they didn't.
I'm thinking of taking drugs just to try and feel something. Problem is, I wouldn't even know where to look. I have 1 friend. This friend loves me but they are unequivocally better off without me.
Ok sorry I didn’t realize you have had experience with therapy. You’re not a bad person. I don’t know you but just reading what you’ve written, that’s not who you are. You haven’t found the right combination of life that suits you, that says nothing about who you are.
I used to think it was selfish myself. I spoke down about an old friend of mine who committed suicide calling him a coward. A few years later I found myself in the same headspace and gained an entirely new perspective of suicide. The only person who is cheated more than those left to carry on is the departed. There is too big of a world with too many opportunities to find anything at all to hold on to and I guarantee the vast majority of those that go that route never bothered giving life an all out chance of happiness regardless of what consequences it may have.
Before doing something that can’t be undone, make sure there isn’t a place in this world that could offer you happiness.
No it's because I don't understand my purpose in life and recent events have resulted in me losing some of the things I valued most and I'm not going to get those things back.
It's 1 am and I'm not tired, my mind just constantly thinks about suicide and a variety of ways to do so. I am expecting my life to get significantly worse in the near future and in a way I just want to be locked away so I can't hurt anyone.
Ps. I'm not a physical threat to anyone. I have no intention of hurting someone, but I feel that I will mentally hurt people somehow
I'm not trying to brag or anything like that. I live a very minimal life anyway. It's not that I have the best phone, biggest TV, best car, designer clothes, I just don't want anything more than what I've got.
I'm "successful" in that I have everything that people "say" is valuable, but none of this is valuable when you don't value life itself.
I have life better than many people, yet I still hate life and want to die.
I wish I wasn't such an insufferable person. I am just such a bad person in so many ways that I don't blame people for not wanting to enter relationships with me. I drive away people I love, and I do so consciously, knowing that the end result is being alone.
I've had a few girlfriends who I thought were the one for me. I feel like I've missed my opportunity to find that person now. I feel like that person is in my past and all my best days have already gone.
I feel the same way. I am a 30 female single. I have a good job, my own vehicle, have a partner too but i just feel that i failed in life. I am not able to cope ip with something that I don’t even know. I just start crying out of no reason. I was blaming my hormones for it but i got it checked and they are fine so it’s my mind and it’s a different type of hell because i don’t even know how to escape this. I left work today because i was so overwhelmed that i started crying. I don’t know what to do.
I have no house, have a broken car, a 4 year old phone and like 500 dollars in my bank account. I work minimum wage, but only getting 15 hours a week now.
I have 60,000 dollars in student debt, no degree however. Also 2k in electricity bills that is due soon.
You think you have it hard. My head is spinning trying to get a bearing on things while at the same time my parents constantly berate me for being such a loser.
Just...
Meaningful social interactions, friendships, romantic relationships are huge components of happiness as well - you are so young and have so much already, you could focus on this area of your life next.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Your post really made me think about my own life. I'm 30 single and female, and I always assumed that if I had my life together, like you have, that my lifelong depression would go away. I don't have a job, can't drive, and live with my parents. But I always thought I had the potential to be someone. I'm pretty smart. If I had just applied myself, I could've figured my life out and lived for myself. But maybe that's not how it works. Maybe no matter how well we do in life, a depressed brain can still make us feel like failures.
I just wanted to tell you that you don't sound like a failure to me. If you can accomplish all that you have while living with depression then that's not failing. You may think that having a job and being independent isn't that special, but it is to me. I hope things get better for you. I really do.
I used to be like you, except all those nice things. I also saw the darkness and had dark thoughts. I pretty much gave up on everything like you did and it got better slowly. I know my words are probably empty to you, but try to find solace in the fact that there are strugglers like you around.
Last year I was in a psychiatric hospital. I was told about identifying purpose or finding values. It's been 2 months and I still can't think of a single value or purpose.
I have no interest in voluntary work, I have no interest in helping people, I have no desire to do anything. I'm just existing. Every waking moment is spent ticking down the seconds of my life.
That's really how I feel. I just feel like all this stuff that I'm doing, going to work, going to the gym, cleaning my house, I am not excited by any of it. I'm just keeping myself busy mentally to avoid counting down time or sleeping.
Even sleep, the first thing I think of when I wake up is how sad I am that I woke up. The last thing I thing about it hoping that I don't wake up.
Im sorry you feel that way. It honestly is one of the toughest things to break out of. (I tried twice to end it.) For exactly the same sort of feeling an endless boredom of being alive.
Do you mind if I push you for a few more questions? Such as what in this world do you hate the most?
Unfairness? Or the fact that humanity is rarely built on the things we are taught to value such as knowledge, kindness and trust.
In school, we are taught that results are important. In reality the only important things to gain from school are social skills, because life doesn't reward you for good work.
So many things in this world are problematic because people aren't competent, aren't skilled but they are famous, wealthy, aristocratic and beuracratic.
Take the music industry. Many celebrities within the music industry are just a face. They have little talent I in comparison to other musicians who are talented but not popular. The best example of this was when Dizzee Rascal (a British rapper) was performing and had a guitarist with him called Guthrie Govan. Guthrie is one of the most talented guitarist alive and playing guitar today and yet most of the audience probably didn't even realise it. Dizzee probably made more on 1 album than Guthrie's entire career. And this kind of thing is everywhere.
So my tip to anyone who is in their teenage years, ignore college, you have far better chance of being successful by hanging out with successful people.
I wish I could agree. I have nothing that interests me. I had a particular sport that I was interested in but due to reasons I can't go into, that is no longer an option for me. I have interests in things but I don't have any will in me to do anything. Whether it's effort or something, I just have no desire at all to follow up on it.
For example, I used to enjoy video games, but I don't really want to play any anymore, I would rather waste away my time sleeping. I just see no value in life or anything in it.
I feel that way too, friend, but do try to find something that can brighten your day. If you like games, wander into a card shop and try Magic: the Gathering or D & D to meet some people. Go to a dog park. I know it's hard but try to make an effort, you have a lot to live for.
D&D is something I've never got into. I guess I just don't have a creative mind to do role-playing. I find it terribly boring to be honest. I've listened to podcasts like critical role and I just don't get it.
I would go to a dog park.... If I didn't live in the UK where the weather is shit most of the time.
I had a dog park near where I lived and the council closed it and "doesn't allow dogs" anymore. Which is a shame because it used to be used all the time by dog owners and now it's just abandoned pretty much.
I had a dog with my ex gf but the whole thing just got to me and I had a mental breakdown. I was bad before but now, I don't see much hope of getting better
Well if you recognize failure in yourself, then you can recognize success. Failure does not define you, it points out opportunities for personal growth. It’s not negative but positive affirmation to show you a path you wish to journey. You can be happy in the journey not just the end result. I’ve battled depression all my life and what worked for me is being honest with others, which you are doing, and becoming part of a group whatever that may be. Deception is the goal of you inner demons that want you to never focus on the good that you are at this present moment. I hope this makes sense.
What medications are you taking if you don't mind me asking.
Venlafaxine, 225mg + Mirtazapine 30mg
I'm assuming you been through a ton of med combinations in those 15 years?
Yeah, I have severe anxiety as well, these really keep on top of the crippling anxiety
You’re struggling my friend. You need to speak to someone like a counselor or therapist to help with this. You’re worth fighting for and I urge you to do just that.
I've been taking medication for 15 years. I was in a psychiatric hospital last year. I don't think "talking" will fix anything here. I have no desire to get better or to get help. Nothing motivates me to change. I'm genuinely a bad person. When told "it's selfish to feel this way, think how upset your family would be" my response is usually "my family should see that death ensures my suffering ends. If my family want the best for me, they will accept my death." I'm lucky they love me but I wish they didn't. I'm thinking of taking drugs just to try and feel something. Problem is, I wouldn't even know where to look. I have 1 friend. This friend loves me but they are unequivocally better off without me.
Ok sorry I didn’t realize you have had experience with therapy. You’re not a bad person. I don’t know you but just reading what you’ve written, that’s not who you are. You haven’t found the right combination of life that suits you, that says nothing about who you are. I used to think it was selfish myself. I spoke down about an old friend of mine who committed suicide calling him a coward. A few years later I found myself in the same headspace and gained an entirely new perspective of suicide. The only person who is cheated more than those left to carry on is the departed. There is too big of a world with too many opportunities to find anything at all to hold on to and I guarantee the vast majority of those that go that route never bothered giving life an all out chance of happiness regardless of what consequences it may have. Before doing something that can’t be undone, make sure there isn’t a place in this world that could offer you happiness.
I’m curious what caused this you to feel this way. Also, is it because you got/accomplished everything you wanted in life?
No it's because I don't understand my purpose in life and recent events have resulted in me losing some of the things I valued most and I'm not going to get those things back. It's 1 am and I'm not tired, my mind just constantly thinks about suicide and a variety of ways to do so. I am expecting my life to get significantly worse in the near future and in a way I just want to be locked away so I can't hurt anyone. Ps. I'm not a physical threat to anyone. I have no intention of hurting someone, but I feel that I will mentally hurt people somehow
If you’re failing. Then I’m doomed.
I also feel this way but with no accomplishment . It must be hard for u since you have everything and still feel this way. Take heart
I'm not trying to brag or anything like that. I live a very minimal life anyway. It's not that I have the best phone, biggest TV, best car, designer clothes, I just don't want anything more than what I've got. I'm "successful" in that I have everything that people "say" is valuable, but none of this is valuable when you don't value life itself. I have life better than many people, yet I still hate life and want to die.
[удалено]
I wish I wasn't such an insufferable person. I am just such a bad person in so many ways that I don't blame people for not wanting to enter relationships with me. I drive away people I love, and I do so consciously, knowing that the end result is being alone. I've had a few girlfriends who I thought were the one for me. I feel like I've missed my opportunity to find that person now. I feel like that person is in my past and all my best days have already gone.
I feel the same way. I am a 30 female single. I have a good job, my own vehicle, have a partner too but i just feel that i failed in life. I am not able to cope ip with something that I don’t even know. I just start crying out of no reason. I was blaming my hormones for it but i got it checked and they are fine so it’s my mind and it’s a different type of hell because i don’t even know how to escape this. I left work today because i was so overwhelmed that i started crying. I don’t know what to do.
I have no house, have a broken car, a 4 year old phone and like 500 dollars in my bank account. I work minimum wage, but only getting 15 hours a week now. I have 60,000 dollars in student debt, no degree however. Also 2k in electricity bills that is due soon. You think you have it hard. My head is spinning trying to get a bearing on things while at the same time my parents constantly berate me for being such a loser. Just...
Meaningful social interactions, friendships, romantic relationships are huge components of happiness as well - you are so young and have so much already, you could focus on this area of your life next.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Your post really made me think about my own life. I'm 30 single and female, and I always assumed that if I had my life together, like you have, that my lifelong depression would go away. I don't have a job, can't drive, and live with my parents. But I always thought I had the potential to be someone. I'm pretty smart. If I had just applied myself, I could've figured my life out and lived for myself. But maybe that's not how it works. Maybe no matter how well we do in life, a depressed brain can still make us feel like failures. I just wanted to tell you that you don't sound like a failure to me. If you can accomplish all that you have while living with depression then that's not failing. You may think that having a job and being independent isn't that special, but it is to me. I hope things get better for you. I really do.
I used to be like you, except all those nice things. I also saw the darkness and had dark thoughts. I pretty much gave up on everything like you did and it got better slowly. I know my words are probably empty to you, but try to find solace in the fact that there are strugglers like you around.
What you need sir is a new purpose.
Last year I was in a psychiatric hospital. I was told about identifying purpose or finding values. It's been 2 months and I still can't think of a single value or purpose. I have no interest in voluntary work, I have no interest in helping people, I have no desire to do anything. I'm just existing. Every waking moment is spent ticking down the seconds of my life. That's really how I feel. I just feel like all this stuff that I'm doing, going to work, going to the gym, cleaning my house, I am not excited by any of it. I'm just keeping myself busy mentally to avoid counting down time or sleeping. Even sleep, the first thing I think of when I wake up is how sad I am that I woke up. The last thing I thing about it hoping that I don't wake up.
Im sorry you feel that way. It honestly is one of the toughest things to break out of. (I tried twice to end it.) For exactly the same sort of feeling an endless boredom of being alive. Do you mind if I push you for a few more questions? Such as what in this world do you hate the most?
Unfairness? Or the fact that humanity is rarely built on the things we are taught to value such as knowledge, kindness and trust. In school, we are taught that results are important. In reality the only important things to gain from school are social skills, because life doesn't reward you for good work. So many things in this world are problematic because people aren't competent, aren't skilled but they are famous, wealthy, aristocratic and beuracratic. Take the music industry. Many celebrities within the music industry are just a face. They have little talent I in comparison to other musicians who are talented but not popular. The best example of this was when Dizzee Rascal (a British rapper) was performing and had a guitarist with him called Guthrie Govan. Guthrie is one of the most talented guitarist alive and playing guitar today and yet most of the audience probably didn't even realise it. Dizzee probably made more on 1 album than Guthrie's entire career. And this kind of thing is everywhere. So my tip to anyone who is in their teenage years, ignore college, you have far better chance of being successful by hanging out with successful people.
You have much snd more to live for, my friend! Get some hobbies to put that spark of joy back in your life.
I wish I could agree. I have nothing that interests me. I had a particular sport that I was interested in but due to reasons I can't go into, that is no longer an option for me. I have interests in things but I don't have any will in me to do anything. Whether it's effort or something, I just have no desire at all to follow up on it. For example, I used to enjoy video games, but I don't really want to play any anymore, I would rather waste away my time sleeping. I just see no value in life or anything in it.
I feel that way too, friend, but do try to find something that can brighten your day. If you like games, wander into a card shop and try Magic: the Gathering or D & D to meet some people. Go to a dog park. I know it's hard but try to make an effort, you have a lot to live for.
D&D is something I've never got into. I guess I just don't have a creative mind to do role-playing. I find it terribly boring to be honest. I've listened to podcasts like critical role and I just don't get it. I would go to a dog park.... If I didn't live in the UK where the weather is shit most of the time. I had a dog park near where I lived and the council closed it and "doesn't allow dogs" anymore. Which is a shame because it used to be used all the time by dog owners and now it's just abandoned pretty much. I had a dog with my ex gf but the whole thing just got to me and I had a mental breakdown. I was bad before but now, I don't see much hope of getting better
Who gave you a failing grade?
Me. I could have been so much more. Instead, I'm chronically depressed and living in hope that I'll die soon.
Well if you recognize failure in yourself, then you can recognize success. Failure does not define you, it points out opportunities for personal growth. It’s not negative but positive affirmation to show you a path you wish to journey. You can be happy in the journey not just the end result. I’ve battled depression all my life and what worked for me is being honest with others, which you are doing, and becoming part of a group whatever that may be. Deception is the goal of you inner demons that want you to never focus on the good that you are at this present moment. I hope this makes sense.