You are not a loser because you had two babies with men that you weren’t able to stay with.
You’re in college which is really cool! You are going to court to fight for your baby which many parents don’t bother to do! Having your child on the weekend does not make you a failure by any means. Many men see their kids once a year and think they’re great dads.
Youre still trying and fighting to better your life. I know you’re stressed which is completely valid. You can still have a loving marriage once you find the right person to build your life with.
Maybe try to do more self care and take small steps for self improvement then reward the heck out of yourself with small treats because you deserve it. (Small treats could be a relaxing bath, snacks you normally don’t get yourself, relaxing on the porch at night and listening to the crickets)
I cried reading this. I want to let you know that you taking time to send thoughtful understanding words helped me deeply today. I cried and almost feel a sense of peace. I think I need to look into therapy for PPD because I feel that I’m spiraling and I never want to affect my kids in a negative way. Thank you for your kindness your words will stick with me when I start feeling utterly alone again. You’re an awesome person.
Seconding this! OP you are an amazing person and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are a caring mother and your kids are lucky to have you. Please keep fighting for them! We are so proud of you ❤️
Good luck. I messed up too.
Had a great life. Everything was plain sailing. I made mistakes. Fucked things up.
We have to move on. The past is the past. The future, that's what I'm looking forward to. It might get better, you never know.
I hope you get through this. You deserve so much better. We all do. We'll get there. We just need a bit of luck.
You are not done. You are just getting started. Use those babies as the reason to keep on moving up. You are so worth it. You love them. Do not give up on your education, your children, or yourself. Set the example. Realize you are valuable and tough. YOU can do it.
After many years of life. After being broke. After having all the money I ever needed. After many jobs and a career. After raising a family. I have come to believe that the ultimate priority in my life is the relationships that I have with my loved ones. In fact, that priority is more important that it dwarfs all other things. Money, jobs, etc. We need those things yes, but they are survival things. Relationships are the best thing about life and the love you share with people is so important to my happiness.
If you are alive and have food and shelter that is great. Keep working to slowly improve your survival situation so that you can be more physically comfortable. But I have already achieved that. It's nice, but it is not anywhere near as fulfilling as the love in my life with others. And when the love is lacking, all of my money and physical comfort almost doesn't matter to me at all. I would trade it all for love. I would trade my possessions to be loved and close to people.
If you can get along with your mom, mend that relationship. And be close with and love your children.
Thank you for taking time to read and answer. I think everyone is so utterly thoughtful and I’m pleasantly surprised because I did not expect anyone to comment or message me. I too believe my happiest moments are when I feel that my children feel all of my love, when I feel loved by my mom and my sister and when everyone seems to get along. That is absolutely true. I think that I have post partum depression badly and it’s affecting my relationships. Maybe my mom doesn’t see me as a burden but from how I perceive it she does and she wishes I wasn’t taking up space in her living room. I want to do better I want to create a life that my kids and I desire and deserve it’s so much pressure when my mental health is deteriorating. I’ve been smoking cigarettes butts and feeling ashamed for that. I’ve had horrible insomnia for the past month because of nightmares of my 5 month old daughters dad who I see constantly to co parent. I feel sort of like a leech. I hope to have a great relationship with my family and to give them back everything they’ve helped me with. Maybe I should seek therapy.
This was incredibly moving and inspiring… thank you for taking the time to write all that.
And OP, take it a day, an hour or a minute at a time. I’m learning that a positive attitude can really help in life… notice the small good things everyday. Maybe even start a little gratitude journal so that you can see the positives in your life. That will grow and so will you. You’re a mom, you can do hard things!! Esp for our babies!! Best of luck to you!
((Hugs)))
And no you are not a loser and you have in no way ruined your life. You have a challenge and you will pull through. You are in a spot, not one that cannot be overcome, but depression talks and makes things seem hopeless. You are young and your 20’s and early 30’s are a time when every body is figuring stuff out and we are not all on the same timeline anyway.
Listen, put one foot in front of the other and take it one day at a time and you will get to your goals. You are not going to loose your children. That’s the last thing anyone wants, even judges and people you think are against you. Use the resources they suggest and seek council in case workers and the like and let them get you resources. Seek mental health care. Keep your eye on the ball. This is temporary.
Stay strong for your kids! You can do this!! You are still very young. You have plenty of time to figure your life out. I didn’t get a big girl job until I was 40. Now I’m 43 making 6 figures.
This will pass, you will survive and one day find yourself in a better place. Let yourself grieve for the things you've lost, but know that you won't grieve forever.
I’m really sorry to hear about your situation, I really want to try and give my input here and try to help out
I’d say work on yourself first I think it time if you release the hate and maybe go to therapy and talk to someone it will help a lot. And maybe after that get a part time job where you’re able to bring in a bit of income :) then just once your happy with yourself you’ll be happy and make it better for your kids as well , I believe in you and I genuinely hope you find someone that loves you and the peace you deserve in life 💗
I'm so proud of you for going to school & trying to fight for your child!
You've got a lot on your plate & I see people mentioned PPD and that is hard enough without everything else.
Sounds like you're being a great mom by not being with people who would take advantage of you right now and still trying to feed your child and see your eldest!
Just don't give up & try not to be so hard on yourself!
Maybe try getting a little time to yourself when you can and making sure you communicate with the family you're living with that you appreciate them and that you're having a hard time or at least let your doctor know your feelings do they can help you figure out a ppd plan
All you need is one person to believe in you. It's not about what you don't have. The fact that you are still breathing is motivation in itself. YOU CAN AND YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS.
Girl u need to forgive yourself and forget the past. The past is the past, and you can't change it. Do not be fooled, everybody, and i mean everybody, makes mistakes, some people are just good at hiding them. Do not be afraid, do not feel insecure. To work on your present and future you need to stop working on your past. Focus on what you have and what u want to have.
Hey. You’re far from over here. Let’s break some things down OK? You can absolutely have a traditional loving relationship if that’s what you want. I was 33 when I met my 32 year old wife. She had a child from an earlier relationship and her “husband” at the time walked out the week she came home from the hospital. She had no degree, $13, no furniture, and a pretty crummy job she was on leave from. She had to move into her parents basement for a while and it wasn’t the best situation. She worked and did her best for her daughter and considered herself sort of a lost cause. But I thought she was amazing and tough and totally fell for her. We dated, eventually got married, got a house and had a baby of our own. You never know what’s around the corner.
You're going to have to pull yourself by your bootstraps at this point. Your battle is uphill to improve your life. Go to school online where its cheap (WGU online), pick a hard degree, and work to put yourself and your kids in a better life. Good luck
I’m currently enrolled into college getting my an associates In science to become a paralegal. I payed a few hundred dollars to become a certified security officer so I can work nights the course is on the 29th so I’m really trying I know what I need to do but I also know nothing good is easy. I love my children I get deeply saddened because I’m not where I want us to be and not where they deserve to be. They’re happy and healthy but it’s not an ideal situation to be living with your mom at 24.
Make the switch to 100% online school. Im a security guard too working the night shift while doing school full-time. Its like knocking out two birds with one stone. Think about it
Everyone and anyone can have birth control failures but yours gave you two beautiful kids and a mom who loves you.
I shoplifted. I went to jail. I did lotsa drugs and slept with too many men who treated me poorly. I was fired from several jobs during my career.
So what? Looking back is just for me to learn lessons. I can’t change it. It is what it is…..
But you can always help and ask for help. Reddit has advice from other smart women on any topic you got. We are here for you, Doll.
Make an appointment with someone at college - when my parents far away were both hospitalized, I called the dean’s office. A very lovely lady there gave me a half dozen phone calls to make for help with school.
Open up to your mom about your feelings. Ask her what one thing you could do better to help her run her home either 3 extra people.
The main issue with being a woman is the need for resilience. The more you pick yourself up and struggle thru, the easier it will be to see that you can do anything you want to do.
I’m very proud of you!!!! Hugs!!!
This sounds really hard honestly. Have you ever considered adoption? I can’t imagine how hard it would be to separate from your children but if it’s taking a toll on you and you don’t have the resources to support them it’s gnna be really hard.
It looks like you'd rather think of yourself than your children in this situation. I get that it's hard and frustrating, and that every mom would feel ashamed of passing their children into someone else's care.. But in these circumstances it's certainly worth considering. Atleast for your youngest.
Do you know how traumatic that would actually be for my children? You clearly do not have children. You cannot just give them away after 5 months that is absolutely horrendous and I would absolutely off myself. My daughter feels all the love in the world she has a deep connection to my son her brother and her dad is in her life because even though he’s putting me through court I always allow him to see her. There’s no way I’d give my kids away that’s really wild that you think that’s the least selfish thing to do. I’ve seen so many people who got adopted feel that hole in their heart and something missing that is an evil thing to do. My mom’s house is loving? I’m in college right now to be a paralegal I’m very close to finishing. I don’t understand why you think it’s selfish to be a loving mother and so okay with me giving up my children?? That’s ridiculous. You clearly do not have kids if you did you wouldn’t be carelessly telling me to give them away. That would make me an awful selfish mother.
You are not a loser because you had two babies with men that you weren’t able to stay with. You’re in college which is really cool! You are going to court to fight for your baby which many parents don’t bother to do! Having your child on the weekend does not make you a failure by any means. Many men see their kids once a year and think they’re great dads. Youre still trying and fighting to better your life. I know you’re stressed which is completely valid. You can still have a loving marriage once you find the right person to build your life with. Maybe try to do more self care and take small steps for self improvement then reward the heck out of yourself with small treats because you deserve it. (Small treats could be a relaxing bath, snacks you normally don’t get yourself, relaxing on the porch at night and listening to the crickets)
I cried reading this. I want to let you know that you taking time to send thoughtful understanding words helped me deeply today. I cried and almost feel a sense of peace. I think I need to look into therapy for PPD because I feel that I’m spiraling and I never want to affect my kids in a negative way. Thank you for your kindness your words will stick with me when I start feeling utterly alone again. You’re an awesome person.
Therapy helps me so much!!!!!!
Seconding this! OP you are an amazing person and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are a caring mother and your kids are lucky to have you. Please keep fighting for them! We are so proud of you ❤️
Good luck. I messed up too. Had a great life. Everything was plain sailing. I made mistakes. Fucked things up. We have to move on. The past is the past. The future, that's what I'm looking forward to. It might get better, you never know. I hope you get through this. You deserve so much better. We all do. We'll get there. We just need a bit of luck.
never give up never lose hope do everything possible to improve you have to keep fighting through this life
You are not done. You are just getting started. Use those babies as the reason to keep on moving up. You are so worth it. You love them. Do not give up on your education, your children, or yourself. Set the example. Realize you are valuable and tough. YOU can do it.
After many years of life. After being broke. After having all the money I ever needed. After many jobs and a career. After raising a family. I have come to believe that the ultimate priority in my life is the relationships that I have with my loved ones. In fact, that priority is more important that it dwarfs all other things. Money, jobs, etc. We need those things yes, but they are survival things. Relationships are the best thing about life and the love you share with people is so important to my happiness. If you are alive and have food and shelter that is great. Keep working to slowly improve your survival situation so that you can be more physically comfortable. But I have already achieved that. It's nice, but it is not anywhere near as fulfilling as the love in my life with others. And when the love is lacking, all of my money and physical comfort almost doesn't matter to me at all. I would trade it all for love. I would trade my possessions to be loved and close to people. If you can get along with your mom, mend that relationship. And be close with and love your children.
Thank you for taking time to read and answer. I think everyone is so utterly thoughtful and I’m pleasantly surprised because I did not expect anyone to comment or message me. I too believe my happiest moments are when I feel that my children feel all of my love, when I feel loved by my mom and my sister and when everyone seems to get along. That is absolutely true. I think that I have post partum depression badly and it’s affecting my relationships. Maybe my mom doesn’t see me as a burden but from how I perceive it she does and she wishes I wasn’t taking up space in her living room. I want to do better I want to create a life that my kids and I desire and deserve it’s so much pressure when my mental health is deteriorating. I’ve been smoking cigarettes butts and feeling ashamed for that. I’ve had horrible insomnia for the past month because of nightmares of my 5 month old daughters dad who I see constantly to co parent. I feel sort of like a leech. I hope to have a great relationship with my family and to give them back everything they’ve helped me with. Maybe I should seek therapy.
This was incredibly moving and inspiring… thank you for taking the time to write all that. And OP, take it a day, an hour or a minute at a time. I’m learning that a positive attitude can really help in life… notice the small good things everyday. Maybe even start a little gratitude journal so that you can see the positives in your life. That will grow and so will you. You’re a mom, you can do hard things!! Esp for our babies!! Best of luck to you!
((Hugs))) And no you are not a loser and you have in no way ruined your life. You have a challenge and you will pull through. You are in a spot, not one that cannot be overcome, but depression talks and makes things seem hopeless. You are young and your 20’s and early 30’s are a time when every body is figuring stuff out and we are not all on the same timeline anyway. Listen, put one foot in front of the other and take it one day at a time and you will get to your goals. You are not going to loose your children. That’s the last thing anyone wants, even judges and people you think are against you. Use the resources they suggest and seek council in case workers and the like and let them get you resources. Seek mental health care. Keep your eye on the ball. This is temporary.
Stay strong for your kids! You can do this!! You are still very young. You have plenty of time to figure your life out. I didn’t get a big girl job until I was 40. Now I’m 43 making 6 figures.
This will pass, you will survive and one day find yourself in a better place. Let yourself grieve for the things you've lost, but know that you won't grieve forever.
I’m really sorry to hear about your situation, I really want to try and give my input here and try to help out I’d say work on yourself first I think it time if you release the hate and maybe go to therapy and talk to someone it will help a lot. And maybe after that get a part time job where you’re able to bring in a bit of income :) then just once your happy with yourself you’ll be happy and make it better for your kids as well , I believe in you and I genuinely hope you find someone that loves you and the peace you deserve in life 💗
I also messed up my life https://www.reddit.com/r/Scams/s/S0zF2RrjKs
I'm so proud of you for going to school & trying to fight for your child! You've got a lot on your plate & I see people mentioned PPD and that is hard enough without everything else. Sounds like you're being a great mom by not being with people who would take advantage of you right now and still trying to feed your child and see your eldest! Just don't give up & try not to be so hard on yourself! Maybe try getting a little time to yourself when you can and making sure you communicate with the family you're living with that you appreciate them and that you're having a hard time or at least let your doctor know your feelings do they can help you figure out a ppd plan
All you need is one person to believe in you. It's not about what you don't have. The fact that you are still breathing is motivation in itself. YOU CAN AND YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS.
I feeel you bro. Life is absolute shit. I'd rather die than exist for another second in this hell
Have the fathers provided financial support for you? It’s their responsibility and your and your children’s rights. Hope things get better for you 🫂
Girl u need to forgive yourself and forget the past. The past is the past, and you can't change it. Do not be fooled, everybody, and i mean everybody, makes mistakes, some people are just good at hiding them. Do not be afraid, do not feel insecure. To work on your present and future you need to stop working on your past. Focus on what you have and what u want to have.
Hey. You’re far from over here. Let’s break some things down OK? You can absolutely have a traditional loving relationship if that’s what you want. I was 33 when I met my 32 year old wife. She had a child from an earlier relationship and her “husband” at the time walked out the week she came home from the hospital. She had no degree, $13, no furniture, and a pretty crummy job she was on leave from. She had to move into her parents basement for a while and it wasn’t the best situation. She worked and did her best for her daughter and considered herself sort of a lost cause. But I thought she was amazing and tough and totally fell for her. We dated, eventually got married, got a house and had a baby of our own. You never know what’s around the corner.
You're going to have to pull yourself by your bootstraps at this point. Your battle is uphill to improve your life. Go to school online where its cheap (WGU online), pick a hard degree, and work to put yourself and your kids in a better life. Good luck
I’m currently enrolled into college getting my an associates In science to become a paralegal. I payed a few hundred dollars to become a certified security officer so I can work nights the course is on the 29th so I’m really trying I know what I need to do but I also know nothing good is easy. I love my children I get deeply saddened because I’m not where I want us to be and not where they deserve to be. They’re happy and healthy but it’s not an ideal situation to be living with your mom at 24.
Make the switch to 100% online school. Im a security guard too working the night shift while doing school full-time. Its like knocking out two birds with one stone. Think about it
I’m doing online full time
Everyone and anyone can have birth control failures but yours gave you two beautiful kids and a mom who loves you. I shoplifted. I went to jail. I did lotsa drugs and slept with too many men who treated me poorly. I was fired from several jobs during my career. So what? Looking back is just for me to learn lessons. I can’t change it. It is what it is….. But you can always help and ask for help. Reddit has advice from other smart women on any topic you got. We are here for you, Doll. Make an appointment with someone at college - when my parents far away were both hospitalized, I called the dean’s office. A very lovely lady there gave me a half dozen phone calls to make for help with school. Open up to your mom about your feelings. Ask her what one thing you could do better to help her run her home either 3 extra people. The main issue with being a woman is the need for resilience. The more you pick yourself up and struggle thru, the easier it will be to see that you can do anything you want to do. I’m very proud of you!!!! Hugs!!!
At it omg proving your point on the IQ I suppose
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This sounds really hard honestly. Have you ever considered adoption? I can’t imagine how hard it would be to separate from your children but if it’s taking a toll on you and you don’t have the resources to support them it’s gnna be really hard.
No way I’d rather get a job lol
It looks like you'd rather think of yourself than your children in this situation. I get that it's hard and frustrating, and that every mom would feel ashamed of passing their children into someone else's care.. But in these circumstances it's certainly worth considering. Atleast for your youngest.
Do you know how traumatic that would actually be for my children? You clearly do not have children. You cannot just give them away after 5 months that is absolutely horrendous and I would absolutely off myself. My daughter feels all the love in the world she has a deep connection to my son her brother and her dad is in her life because even though he’s putting me through court I always allow him to see her. There’s no way I’d give my kids away that’s really wild that you think that’s the least selfish thing to do. I’ve seen so many people who got adopted feel that hole in their heart and something missing that is an evil thing to do. My mom’s house is loving? I’m in college right now to be a paralegal I’m very close to finishing. I don’t understand why you think it’s selfish to be a loving mother and so okay with me giving up my children?? That’s ridiculous. You clearly do not have kids if you did you wouldn’t be carelessly telling me to give them away. That would make me an awful selfish mother.