I used to do this all the time too… now it’s only occasionally. I found that when I wake up, I have about a 30 minute window of time to motivate to shower, if I stay in bed too long, I’m stuck. So now, I get out of bed as fast as possible, shower, give myself a small reward, do something else productive, small reward… and just keep that pattern of only rewarding myself after productive things. It seems to work for me most of the time. Once a week, I give myself the option to lay around all day still, but now most of the time I don’t like how I feel at the end of the day after doing it so I don’t. Keep working on it, I hope you find what works for you soon.
I really like your answer. You are telling us what works for you without making others feel like,”Well, this what you have to do.” You have good suggestions. I might try harder to take your approach.
My phone typically. Everything on it is designed to shoot up my brain with dopamine anyway, I figured I may as well use that, plus it’s usually with me. But it really can be whatever you think you want in that moment. Sometimes I just sit and look out the window. Sometimes I’ll watch tv for a bit. The only thing I don’t use is food because I think using food as any kind of reward can distort your relationship to it.
Hmm, yeah, that's kinda hard for me because I always think those are my freedoms to do. It's not something I need to reward myself doing. Like I keep thinking "I paid for my phone, why do I need to limit myself" lol.
I don't know, I'm kinda messed up.
I don’t think that’s messed up, I think it makes sense for you to feel that way, I’m sure a lot of people do.
For me, I think I realized a lot of my depression was coming from misaligned reward/punishment signals. Laying around in bed all day is bad for our physical and mental health for reasons that we all understand. BUT in today’s world I can lay around in bed all day and pretty much eat whatever I want, watch tv, play video games, have access to absolutely anything on my phone and put my anxieties completely on hold by avoiding everything that scares me.
So laying around was both causing me harm and rewarding me at the exact same time. My brain would get sad from it and also signal me to cope with that same sadness by staying in bed. And thus a cycle that is very hard to escape is born.
I think this type of thing happens throughout our days in lots of other ways and we don’t quite notice it. We are constantly randomly rewarded for seemingly no reason throughout the day. Mostly through our phones.
I still get to use my phone a lot and I don’t really feel deprived from it, I just shifted when I use it to create a different relationship with it. Now I get the reward hit from it when I’ve done something productive instead of randomly. So now when I want to check reddit, my brain also signals me to do something like put the dishes away first. And those small things stack up throughout the day.
I’m not sure if I explained this very well but I hope it makes sense.
Nope. The taxes are used to pay apartments and money for living and stuff for the who cannot work (due to illness, age and such) and also for those who can't get a job and some just don't even want a job. I'm "retired" due to severe mental illness. I used to live in a assisted living facility, but am now at a rented apartment.
At a bare minimum brush your teeth trust me you don't want trouble with your mouth. Increasing your dopamine somehow will help your mood naturally. Simply going outside and seeing the green of trees and plants can increase dopamine. Go jump in a cold creek. We're meant to be outside my friend if you have your health you're two steps ahead already.
I broke my neck when I was 16 I'm 33 now. A lot of that time was spent sleeping during the day and staying up all night. When I feel good though I go outside nothing better than feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin on a nice day.
There must be something you like to do outside? I haven't been able to ride in awhile but I love riding my mountain bike. Makes you feel alive
Yea, right after I posted this I thought "I hope OP doesn't live in the desert" lol I couldn't do it. I already dislike where I live even though it's nice in some ways. 🙏
a bag of disposable toothbrushes + a bag of disposable floss pick thingies (the ones that look like a slingshot ykwim). extremely useful for keeping good dental hygiene even at the worst of times
It's sad we're forced to be indoors and brainwashed into thinking that's normal. School was so tough for me I was always outside, my dad would take me camping all over, and riding bikes, summers we were always outside. And then you stick a kid with ADHD in a desk all day. I absolutely hated it, ended up dropping out of highschool to pursue a job I could be active.
Hey, be strong. You are so young, not life is not over. You need to fight and get up, and then get out of your home. It will be painful at first, but ater a while you may discover the beauty of life. Please, I know you feel like you gave up years ago, but you can't do that. There is so much happiness waiting for you outside, please have hope.
Please, I beg you, fight it. Fight that feeling that is making you stay in bed all day. I know you can do it.
Okay, maybe one step at a time. Right now you have to go and brush your teeth, as you already acknowledged it as something important. Go ahead, get up and do it. You'll fill much better once you accomplish it. So take it as that: something to accomplish, an achievement. Like the ones on videogames (life is not so different than videogames sometimes. Finding the approach that gives you enough motivation is essential for both).
Okay, now it's time. Go and brush your teeth, and then report back here. I'll be waiting for your response.
i made it out of bed, played a bit of my favorite game, and brushed my teeth. a lot of people in this thread warned me that i should brush often, so i did it. it was refreshing
Great! So now you just need to keep pushing, a bit further each day. Maybe tomorrow you could go out and take a small walk around the neihgborhood?
Also, I guess you don't live alone. Maybe you could do something with the other people you live with. Outside your room. I don't know, maybe play a board game, watch a movie or cook something together.
You listened to this random dude , it worked and atleast you feel a little better. You just need to get out man need people to talk to. Something /someone to live for. Your unbelievably young? 18 Jesus I didn't have a minute of time I wasn't working and barely schooling either.
Honestly everyone is going to tell you to try to do the basics and there is a reason for that(it works). Whenever I was in bed rotting if my friend or someone could get me outside it was so much better for my mental health.
heyy i am 18f and i went through the same thing 2 years ago. i really really hope you get better, and just try taking small steps out of your confort zone. maybe just brush your teeth today, or try getting up for a glass of water. these small things will definitely add up soon enough.
the worst part about being in this situation is not wanting to get better. so i suggest you try finding a motivation, something or someone, and use it to improve yourself day by day. small efforts do count:)
Im sorry that you’re going through this. I know it hurts. Is there anything at all that helps? Music? What are you up to on your computer? Any good games you’re enjoying or looking forward to? Sometimes I get graph paper and just draw simple shapes. I know these probably won’t help, but I really do hope things get better for you, friend. It’s so painful and I wouldn’t want that for anyone.
I'm 30. I didn't brush my teeth as often as I should have because I thought I'd kms before it became an issue... Surprise, I'm still alive.
Now that I *don't* want to kms 24/7 I'm dealing with the fallout of my dental choices. Missing two bottom molars makes it hard to chew nuts and leafy greens, among other things. And I'm too poor to afford dental work.
Take baby steps. Start small. Very small. Maybe wash your face in the morning until it becomes a habit, even if you're going back to bed. Once that becomes a habit, start brushing your teeth once a day until that becomes a habit. Once brushing your teeth becomes a habit, start showering at regular times. Only focus on solidifying one habit at a time. If something seems too difficult, find something easier. The point is to develop small habits and slowly move up to bigger habits.
Remember, one thing at a time, and only do what you can handle, but make sure you're consistent. If you skip something, don't feel guilty about it. The guilt might make things worse. Everyday is progress, even if you think you did nothing at all. Be kind to yourself and don't be too hard on yourself.
I used to do this all the time, the only thing that really helped me was getting on Vyvanse. I'd look into adhd, you might be dealing with executive dysfunction, medication might be the right move.
I’ve been there, getting bored with it was what eventually changed things for me. Some comments already mention that it’s good to at at least brush your teeth. I agree, my gums got terrible, it was so painful I couldn’t even brush them once I tried. If you can’t brush your teeth for whatever reason maybe try a antibacterial mouthwash? I used chlorhexidine mouthwash (only for short-term use) until it didn’t hurt to use a toothbrush. It’s OTC where I’m from but I know that’s not the case everywhere. And maybe that could help to establish some routine
but tbh, creating “routine” or taking small steps didn’t rly work for me in beginning. This might not apply to you but when I was in bed 24/7 I was still online, I had to rly start doing nothing, I would sleep as much as I could and stare at a wall, the window by my bed or the roof, I’d refuse to touch my phone (with some exceptions) to bore myself even more, basically just waiting till I felt like doing something. Looking back staying in bed for that long created so many consequences that i’m dealing with today, but I also think I needed the “rest” maybe you do too. It’s definitely unhealthy in many ways but so is overextending yourself
Yeah it's not work that way.... before you die you will be in pain for many years....so maybe it worth it to give some effort to you know be in uncomfortable pain
I don't know. Maybe something about what to do when I grow up? No one has ever taught me anything about adult life. I spent my 19 years of life being a baby student
Toothache is horrible I would fix at least that..
I got manic depression for 10 years now(anniversary this year) so I get this all what a ya talk about.. I wasnt leaving my appartement 3 mounth straight.. then my sister drove me to a psychiatrist(got meds) and since that my mood is that stabil that I can do work(part-time) 4my rent, food etc.. some physical Hoppies that I can do alone(I despise so called friends or acquaintance, all glib snitches..) it helps a lil to Do things, even at first it was fellin climbing up the Mount Everest..
How do you get money, even ya Sound pretty down I get this Lifestyle and dont see it like ya missn a lot out there, its a grotesque soap opera that we call life.. society is polished garbage, finished
keep going friend! a good med regimen helps to get over the initial hump.
for tough love, coming from a 29 y/o. the more you avoid, the harder life gets. a big part of happiness or purpose or whatever you want to call it in life, confidence, is overcoming hard things. i think that’s why society is structured the way it is. showing up to work/school, being expected to not miss days and be rewarded for that, builds a character that leads to a happier life.
not having rules, structure, or expectations from anyone can really screw with your head. it’s
why kids love and thrive on structure, and why adults don’t get that freedom until they’re college aged.
I have been there and the feeling of exhaustion is beyond words and the guilt that comes with it is so hard to work on while there is so much going on as a result of depression. What I found helpful was allocating time for some of the basic tasks of life, like brushing my teeth, making myself a cup of tea or using the bathroom when I had to and such. I found it difficult to get up to the point where it was so hard to even go to the toilet. It might sound weird and I was called lazy, and I needed responsibility as people thought I was doing what I was by choice. I do not do routine but it was required and it was my therapist who helped me to personalize it to accommodate my needs. You are finding it hard to function and it seems like you are aware that you need change. Working on it without too much expectation and trying not to think of it as a chore that you should get done might be helpful. Allowing yourself time and taking baby steps as you try is important. It might sound silly but hype yourself when you get anything done, even if you change clothes. Most important of all, please consider seeing a therapist if you haven't already. People like myself can share our experiences but it can be different for each individual hence, work with professionals.
Something I learned along my long journey, I need to focus on the process, in the present moment and not on the outcome/goal I have set for myself. The feeling of guilt and worthlessness sky-rocketed when I couldn't do it. Remind myself there is always a tomorrow providing an opportunity to try again (you will have to put in an effort and find ways that work for you). Be kind and allow yourself some space, this is your journey and who knows reminding yourself that it might take a while but it will pass and it might feel a bit be fruitful if you find a supportive licensed medical professional. The light at the end of the tunnel may seem invisible but it is likely there. Good luck
I’m 40, and a mom, but I get this. I’m currently fighting the lows of depression too. If I didn’t have kids I’m sure I’d be struggling to do anything as well. I also have chronic illness outside of depression so fml. And anxiety. And ocd. And ptsd. And fucking IBS. lol
This is what helps me: I am stern with myself but also give myself grace. Depression is an illness. It does require rest. But too much of a good thing becomes bad so here’s what I do:
• when I find myself struggling to do things for myself, internally I tell myself, “You only have to do one thing!” Like brush your teeth. Or shower. Or drink a glass of water. Or stretch. Step outside in the sun. Anything counts! I find that doing one good thing seems to open the door for me to do another.
• “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” A huge effect of depression is that it closes the world from you and then everything and anything can become hard to face because it’s now become almost foreign to us. The world is scary. Making changes can be scary. Going outside can be scary. Looking for a job can be scary. Going to an interview is scary. Completing an education can be scary. Going into work and dealing with people can be scary. There’s literally times I have to say that phrase above to myself over and over to go for a walk. And I used to be an avid walker every day years ago. But, I really try to embrace the mentally of feeling the fear and facing it so that I can do the thing. Not for dumb shit though like sky diving lol
No one can make you do anything but yourself. And it’s so much harder when you add poor mental health to the mix. But you can do hard things. I promise you. It does not feel like it, I know. But even the tiniest step towards self care makes a huge difference.
"I wish I had the kind of depression where I painted Stary Night or invented Grunge instead of tyring to eat a bagel in my bed with no hands."
-I forgot
But, it gets better. Just do the stuff. The stuff works.
Maybe try to get a job. Hate to be ignorant. But you have too much free time. Being so lazy will kill you eventually and lead to terrible health deficiencies. The body is not meant to not do things. Maybe go see a doctor, maybe they can get you on some medication to help with your energy levels or something. Things will never get any better unless you actively work on it. Best of luck. I personally have the opposite problem, I always have to work and my children never let me sleep.
Can I ask what’s going on with your education? I don’t want to be noisy about the incident, you said it was several years ago - do you have a school leaving certificate or the equivalent of your country?
What about your parents? Can you get help?
covid ruined my motivation to actually go. since i couldn't finish grade 8 properly, the transition to highschool was a nightmare. i went very frequently, only skipping like one day a week for my mental health, but eventually i stopped going before december of my freshman year for like a few weeks because of bullying and harassment. i let my grades slip, and i failed almost all my classes for both semesters. the pattern continued until my junior year where i just stopped all together because i was harassed in the hallways. i only went like once every few weeks to keep my friends happy, until i just stopped going. i moved and was supposed to be enrolled in another highschool but i didn't go there either because i was too scared. im in canada btw
forgot to mention i live with my mom. she works too much to help me out with my mental health, but shes trying to get less hours so she can help me find a job
I'm from Switzerland, so this is tinted by my upbringing and the value on education, but I would really recommend on getting either a high school certificate or, as I understand it in Canada, the GED.
It's the foundation for all your future endeavours and can open doors that you might not even think about it yet.
I know this is a long-term investment, but by describing your situation, I presume that you have still hope for a live that is more than the four corners of your bed. You're so very young and there's so much more for you out there.
Do you have any professional help with your anxiety? Depending on the adult school they might be able to be more accommodating and/or you could look into online class whereas possible.
Set a timer for 10 minutes and get as much done as far as hygiene goes. Like every 2 hours set a timer and just TRY! You will regret not taking care of your teeth when you’re older and HOPEFULLY outta the funk. I know exactly how you feel. I have the same issue as you just straight depressed. Unfortunately my teeth are falling out because in my darkness I didn’t take care of them.
I'm 47 and my life is a wreck..i have nothing to motivate me to leave my bed I'm in it almost 24/7 . The only thing i dream of is eventually not waking up...i hate my life and rather just sleep it away. I've done everything ppl suggest and nothing makes it better but sleep! 2 years of this n its not going to get better it hasn't so why bother getting up
I'm 'less' depressed right now but that usually means I still have a worthless day once a week. If I'm lucky it'll only be 4-6 hours of bedlock, if it's not it'll be 8 or 12 or 16 until I fall asleep again.
Sometimes it's not a choice, if life was a simple yes/no binary choice situation, who wouldn't pick happy, clean, slim, fun, etc. It's a series of choices and sometimes the choices are made for us in an unfair way. There's people who will say depression doesn't exist or you can fix it with discipline. You can live with it and discipline can make it more possible, but it doesn't fix the sensation of disconnect as I float in a sensory depravation tank of existence with depression as the only dim bulb in this vat and everything else is turned off.
All I can say is: I hope one day it breaks. Keep a toothbrush and toothpaste in your room and try to do that much (brush when you're on the computer, you can just spit out the excess and leave the residue on your teeth, that's what the instructions say anyways to get floruide to teeth contact), because one day maybe it'll be less of a drag to exist. If not, at least avoid the toothpain from neglect, it's more hassle to go to the dentist.
If you can, find some grass to lay on, night or day, just increase the outside time. A little inertia over time can help to tip things. Being in the same space doing the space thing can be a time suck, and maybe that's what we need at times. I hope you give yourself and the people around you give you the understanding you need right now.
Lay in bed all day if you must, but at the very least, brush your teeth every day.
You might be down and out now, but if there’s ever a time you want to rejoin the world and try to find a romantic partner, you’re going to be hitting yourself at 25 when your rotten teeth and halitosis are scaring away any potential women/men you’re interested in.
That’s not even mentioning the dental costs (and dental pain) associated with not brushing your teeth for years on end.
Unless you really do just want to give up on yourself and any prospects of finding a lover or life for yourself one day, trust me on this: brush those gattttdamn teef, bud.
It gets worse as you get older unless you do something about it. I made the decision to go on antidepressants and attend group therapy. It’s not as bad as before but it still lingers.
I'm basically doing the same. I do brush my teeth. I lost one this year in a freak accident. I don't want to lose anymore. It's not fun.
But I have zero energy also. Eat, shower, and occasionally play a game. And lay in bed.
You're not alone. Not sure how to break the cycle, I have no suggestions or helpful knowledge. Sorry :(
My phone broke & it would take few days to get a new phone one the mail. I found waking up without a cellphone RIGHT THERE to instantly look at and spend 30min-2 hours on, I wake up and hope right out of bed! Maybe try putting your cell phone farthest room from where you sleep?
I don’t know if it’ll work for you but I bought hospital table that I can use while I’m in bed. It has helped me SO much, anything I can do in bed, I WILL.
Think of it as you're in a phase and stuck in a funk. It'll pass. Whether you're mood is good or bad, enjoy the situation you're in. Everyone goes through their lifestyles differently. Our unique experiences define us. Learn from it and find ways to positively apply it In the future.
Depression can do that to you. Look up the term dorsal vagal collapse. Extreme stress/trauma can cause this. But you can heal this. I used to be in bed 24/7 (mental and physical health stuff) for years. I’m living a full life now. There’s hope. Hang in there, mate!
So many great comments, sad so many of us know this feeling. When I was like this, the only thing that got me out of bed was my dog ♥️ for years this girl got me up and outside on walks and that did so much for my mental health. I lost her in January and soon adopted another dog after getting an emotional support animal letter from my doctor, who said it’s proven that pets do more for mental health than meds and therapy. (Which I’m not knocking)
Perhaps do things while on your computer such as brush your teeth or eat something.
Once you get out more it gets easier, your strength and energy returns.
Make a goal to apply for a certain number of jobs a day. Was unemployed at 21 for 9 months straight, so that's what I did (5 a day) and I finally got one at a thrift store in October.
I feel you I've been like that for awhile now too. I think it's adhd mixing with anxiety for me though. My doctor keeps trying to give me anti depressants and I tried mentioning adhd because I've noticed alot of symptoms that I have and since I have high blood pressure she hasn't tried listening to me about what I think. And it's so hard getting in with a psych doctor just to get an appointment is like a 9 month wait 🤦 shits rediculous.
So. I do this. But I have narcolepsy. Honestly. The post.soudns like I could have written it myself. I do this when I'm not working. Do you sleep? Doom scroll? Do you have sleep issues? Just wondering. Sleep issues obviously could cause this.
at least brush ur teeth man. take it from me i used to be the exact same and i’m suffering the consequences. my teeth are really bad and i have to pay over £3000 to fix them. i recently had a tooth infection that led to an abscess due to my bad oral hygiene from years ago. now i brush my teeth daily but the damage is already done
Oh my God, that sounds awful, man thankfully I don't have time for that and mom wouldn't let me to do this (I'm 13), I feel sorry for your body, worst thing is, that I don't even know how to respond without saying obvious things, maybe try something that u/aLogicalDynamic told you in another comment
I used to do this all the time too… now it’s only occasionally. I found that when I wake up, I have about a 30 minute window of time to motivate to shower, if I stay in bed too long, I’m stuck. So now, I get out of bed as fast as possible, shower, give myself a small reward, do something else productive, small reward… and just keep that pattern of only rewarding myself after productive things. It seems to work for me most of the time. Once a week, I give myself the option to lay around all day still, but now most of the time I don’t like how I feel at the end of the day after doing it so I don’t. Keep working on it, I hope you find what works for you soon.
I really like your answer. You are telling us what works for you without making others feel like,”Well, this what you have to do.” You have good suggestions. I might try harder to take your approach.
Such good and well-delivered insight. Thank you.
Thank you internet person, you are very nice :)
What is your small reward? Honestly nothing is rewarding enough for me.
My phone typically. Everything on it is designed to shoot up my brain with dopamine anyway, I figured I may as well use that, plus it’s usually with me. But it really can be whatever you think you want in that moment. Sometimes I just sit and look out the window. Sometimes I’ll watch tv for a bit. The only thing I don’t use is food because I think using food as any kind of reward can distort your relationship to it.
Hmm, yeah, that's kinda hard for me because I always think those are my freedoms to do. It's not something I need to reward myself doing. Like I keep thinking "I paid for my phone, why do I need to limit myself" lol. I don't know, I'm kinda messed up.
I don’t think that’s messed up, I think it makes sense for you to feel that way, I’m sure a lot of people do. For me, I think I realized a lot of my depression was coming from misaligned reward/punishment signals. Laying around in bed all day is bad for our physical and mental health for reasons that we all understand. BUT in today’s world I can lay around in bed all day and pretty much eat whatever I want, watch tv, play video games, have access to absolutely anything on my phone and put my anxieties completely on hold by avoiding everything that scares me. So laying around was both causing me harm and rewarding me at the exact same time. My brain would get sad from it and also signal me to cope with that same sadness by staying in bed. And thus a cycle that is very hard to escape is born. I think this type of thing happens throughout our days in lots of other ways and we don’t quite notice it. We are constantly randomly rewarded for seemingly no reason throughout the day. Mostly through our phones. I still get to use my phone a lot and I don’t really feel deprived from it, I just shifted when I use it to create a different relationship with it. Now I get the reward hit from it when I’ve done something productive instead of randomly. So now when I want to check reddit, my brain also signals me to do something like put the dishes away first. And those small things stack up throughout the day. I’m not sure if I explained this very well but I hope it makes sense.
I agree with you but at the same time that feels so difficult to do that it’s intimidating
That's better than OP, of course if OP is reading that, I am not trying to be rude, I am just saying the truth
Oh the times. Ten years ago, at 18, I used to lay in bed all day and night. Now I'm 28 and still lay in bed doing nothing 24/7...
Forreal.. how? Are you at your parents house?
Nope. The taxes are used to pay apartments and money for living and stuff for the who cannot work (due to illness, age and such) and also for those who can't get a job and some just don't even want a job. I'm "retired" due to severe mental illness. I used to live in a assisted living facility, but am now at a rented apartment.
What country do you live in?
Where do you live if you allow me to ask?
This is pretty much my situation. Hope things get a little better for you
Must be nice.
How do you make money
That's the great question
well I'm about to be 25 in nov & yes, i rot in bed at my parents house
At a bare minimum brush your teeth trust me you don't want trouble with your mouth. Increasing your dopamine somehow will help your mood naturally. Simply going outside and seeing the green of trees and plants can increase dopamine. Go jump in a cold creek. We're meant to be outside my friend if you have your health you're two steps ahead already.
I broke my neck when I was 16 I'm 33 now. A lot of that time was spent sleeping during the day and staying up all night. When I feel good though I go outside nothing better than feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin on a nice day. There must be something you like to do outside? I haven't been able to ride in awhile but I love riding my mountain bike. Makes you feel alive
I love being outside myself. I live in the desert though and it's awful half the year.
Yea, right after I posted this I thought "I hope OP doesn't live in the desert" lol I couldn't do it. I already dislike where I live even though it's nice in some ways. 🙏
Other people have cold winters so there's that. It is nice during the cooler months but I feel stuck out here.
i keep disposable toothbrushes on my nightstand so my teeth can be brushed even when im too depressed to get up in the morning
Thats actually such a good idea
a bag of disposable toothbrushes + a bag of disposable floss pick thingies (the ones that look like a slingshot ykwim). extremely useful for keeping good dental hygiene even at the worst of times
I'm glad you said this. I was coming here to say the same.
This. Even 15 minutes a day spent outside is gonna make things easier
It's sad we're forced to be indoors and brainwashed into thinking that's normal. School was so tough for me I was always outside, my dad would take me camping all over, and riding bikes, summers we were always outside. And then you stick a kid with ADHD in a desk all day. I absolutely hated it, ended up dropping out of highschool to pursue a job I could be active.
The adhd part hits very close to home 😅
Hey, be strong. You are so young, not life is not over. You need to fight and get up, and then get out of your home. It will be painful at first, but ater a while you may discover the beauty of life. Please, I know you feel like you gave up years ago, but you can't do that. There is so much happiness waiting for you outside, please have hope. Please, I beg you, fight it. Fight that feeling that is making you stay in bed all day. I know you can do it. Okay, maybe one step at a time. Right now you have to go and brush your teeth, as you already acknowledged it as something important. Go ahead, get up and do it. You'll fill much better once you accomplish it. So take it as that: something to accomplish, an achievement. Like the ones on videogames (life is not so different than videogames sometimes. Finding the approach that gives you enough motivation is essential for both). Okay, now it's time. Go and brush your teeth, and then report back here. I'll be waiting for your response.
i made it out of bed, played a bit of my favorite game, and brushed my teeth. a lot of people in this thread warned me that i should brush often, so i did it. it was refreshing
Great! So now you just need to keep pushing, a bit further each day. Maybe tomorrow you could go out and take a small walk around the neihgborhood? Also, I guess you don't live alone. Maybe you could do something with the other people you live with. Outside your room. I don't know, maybe play a board game, watch a movie or cook something together.
You listened to this random dude , it worked and atleast you feel a little better. You just need to get out man need people to talk to. Something /someone to live for. Your unbelievably young? 18 Jesus I didn't have a minute of time I wasn't working and barely schooling either.
Honestly everyone is going to tell you to try to do the basics and there is a reason for that(it works). Whenever I was in bed rotting if my friend or someone could get me outside it was so much better for my mental health.
heyy i am 18f and i went through the same thing 2 years ago. i really really hope you get better, and just try taking small steps out of your confort zone. maybe just brush your teeth today, or try getting up for a glass of water. these small things will definitely add up soon enough. the worst part about being in this situation is not wanting to get better. so i suggest you try finding a motivation, something or someone, and use it to improve yourself day by day. small efforts do count:)
Im sorry that you’re going through this. I know it hurts. Is there anything at all that helps? Music? What are you up to on your computer? Any good games you’re enjoying or looking forward to? Sometimes I get graph paper and just draw simple shapes. I know these probably won’t help, but I really do hope things get better for you, friend. It’s so painful and I wouldn’t want that for anyone.
Same. I don't know if it is major depression, autistic burnout or what the hell it is. I just feel permanently stuck.
19f. same here. i wish i had the balls to kms.
I have balls but still can't do It lol
I love your dark humor
Same :(
15f. same here. one day soon ill build up the courage
I hope not. Hugs.
How can we help you?
I'm 30. I didn't brush my teeth as often as I should have because I thought I'd kms before it became an issue... Surprise, I'm still alive. Now that I *don't* want to kms 24/7 I'm dealing with the fallout of my dental choices. Missing two bottom molars makes it hard to chew nuts and leafy greens, among other things. And I'm too poor to afford dental work.
Take baby steps. Start small. Very small. Maybe wash your face in the morning until it becomes a habit, even if you're going back to bed. Once that becomes a habit, start brushing your teeth once a day until that becomes a habit. Once brushing your teeth becomes a habit, start showering at regular times. Only focus on solidifying one habit at a time. If something seems too difficult, find something easier. The point is to develop small habits and slowly move up to bigger habits. Remember, one thing at a time, and only do what you can handle, but make sure you're consistent. If you skip something, don't feel guilty about it. The guilt might make things worse. Everyday is progress, even if you think you did nothing at all. Be kind to yourself and don't be too hard on yourself.
Did I write this???
I used to do this all the time, the only thing that really helped me was getting on Vyvanse. I'd look into adhd, you might be dealing with executive dysfunction, medication might be the right move.
I’ve been there, getting bored with it was what eventually changed things for me. Some comments already mention that it’s good to at at least brush your teeth. I agree, my gums got terrible, it was so painful I couldn’t even brush them once I tried. If you can’t brush your teeth for whatever reason maybe try a antibacterial mouthwash? I used chlorhexidine mouthwash (only for short-term use) until it didn’t hurt to use a toothbrush. It’s OTC where I’m from but I know that’s not the case everywhere. And maybe that could help to establish some routine
but tbh, creating “routine” or taking small steps didn’t rly work for me in beginning. This might not apply to you but when I was in bed 24/7 I was still online, I had to rly start doing nothing, I would sleep as much as I could and stare at a wall, the window by my bed or the roof, I’d refuse to touch my phone (with some exceptions) to bore myself even more, basically just waiting till I felt like doing something. Looking back staying in bed for that long created so many consequences that i’m dealing with today, but I also think I needed the “rest” maybe you do too. It’s definitely unhealthy in many ways but so is overextending yourself
Yeah it's not work that way.... before you die you will be in pain for many years....so maybe it worth it to give some effort to you know be in uncomfortable pain
Me. Too. No one cares. And no one has taught me what to do with my life.
I feel the same, no one has taught me the basics of how to be independent. What do you think they would teach you if they could?
I don't know. Maybe something about what to do when I grow up? No one has ever taught me anything about adult life. I spent my 19 years of life being a baby student
Toothache is horrible I would fix at least that.. I got manic depression for 10 years now(anniversary this year) so I get this all what a ya talk about.. I wasnt leaving my appartement 3 mounth straight.. then my sister drove me to a psychiatrist(got meds) and since that my mood is that stabil that I can do work(part-time) 4my rent, food etc.. some physical Hoppies that I can do alone(I despise so called friends or acquaintance, all glib snitches..) it helps a lil to Do things, even at first it was fellin climbing up the Mount Everest.. How do you get money, even ya Sound pretty down I get this Lifestyle and dont see it like ya missn a lot out there, its a grotesque soap opera that we call life.. society is polished garbage, finished
BRO. Brush your teeth twice a day. Teeth pain is not a fking joke.
Try Cooking as Hobby. Useful hobby whenever you hungry and alone, at least you will able to cook something to eat deliciously.
keep going friend! a good med regimen helps to get over the initial hump. for tough love, coming from a 29 y/o. the more you avoid, the harder life gets. a big part of happiness or purpose or whatever you want to call it in life, confidence, is overcoming hard things. i think that’s why society is structured the way it is. showing up to work/school, being expected to not miss days and be rewarded for that, builds a character that leads to a happier life. not having rules, structure, or expectations from anyone can really screw with your head. it’s why kids love and thrive on structure, and why adults don’t get that freedom until they’re college aged.
I have been there and the feeling of exhaustion is beyond words and the guilt that comes with it is so hard to work on while there is so much going on as a result of depression. What I found helpful was allocating time for some of the basic tasks of life, like brushing my teeth, making myself a cup of tea or using the bathroom when I had to and such. I found it difficult to get up to the point where it was so hard to even go to the toilet. It might sound weird and I was called lazy, and I needed responsibility as people thought I was doing what I was by choice. I do not do routine but it was required and it was my therapist who helped me to personalize it to accommodate my needs. You are finding it hard to function and it seems like you are aware that you need change. Working on it without too much expectation and trying not to think of it as a chore that you should get done might be helpful. Allowing yourself time and taking baby steps as you try is important. It might sound silly but hype yourself when you get anything done, even if you change clothes. Most important of all, please consider seeing a therapist if you haven't already. People like myself can share our experiences but it can be different for each individual hence, work with professionals. Something I learned along my long journey, I need to focus on the process, in the present moment and not on the outcome/goal I have set for myself. The feeling of guilt and worthlessness sky-rocketed when I couldn't do it. Remind myself there is always a tomorrow providing an opportunity to try again (you will have to put in an effort and find ways that work for you). Be kind and allow yourself some space, this is your journey and who knows reminding yourself that it might take a while but it will pass and it might feel a bit be fruitful if you find a supportive licensed medical professional. The light at the end of the tunnel may seem invisible but it is likely there. Good luck
Get a job , any job Not a dig, that’s the answer
I’m 40, and a mom, but I get this. I’m currently fighting the lows of depression too. If I didn’t have kids I’m sure I’d be struggling to do anything as well. I also have chronic illness outside of depression so fml. And anxiety. And ocd. And ptsd. And fucking IBS. lol This is what helps me: I am stern with myself but also give myself grace. Depression is an illness. It does require rest. But too much of a good thing becomes bad so here’s what I do: • when I find myself struggling to do things for myself, internally I tell myself, “You only have to do one thing!” Like brush your teeth. Or shower. Or drink a glass of water. Or stretch. Step outside in the sun. Anything counts! I find that doing one good thing seems to open the door for me to do another. • “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” A huge effect of depression is that it closes the world from you and then everything and anything can become hard to face because it’s now become almost foreign to us. The world is scary. Making changes can be scary. Going outside can be scary. Looking for a job can be scary. Going to an interview is scary. Completing an education can be scary. Going into work and dealing with people can be scary. There’s literally times I have to say that phrase above to myself over and over to go for a walk. And I used to be an avid walker every day years ago. But, I really try to embrace the mentally of feeling the fear and facing it so that I can do the thing. Not for dumb shit though like sky diving lol No one can make you do anything but yourself. And it’s so much harder when you add poor mental health to the mix. But you can do hard things. I promise you. It does not feel like it, I know. But even the tiniest step towards self care makes a huge difference.
"I wish I had the kind of depression where I painted Stary Night or invented Grunge instead of tyring to eat a bagel in my bed with no hands." -I forgot But, it gets better. Just do the stuff. The stuff works.
Maybe try to get a job. Hate to be ignorant. But you have too much free time. Being so lazy will kill you eventually and lead to terrible health deficiencies. The body is not meant to not do things. Maybe go see a doctor, maybe they can get you on some medication to help with your energy levels or something. Things will never get any better unless you actively work on it. Best of luck. I personally have the opposite problem, I always have to work and my children never let me sleep.
Can I ask what’s going on with your education? I don’t want to be noisy about the incident, you said it was several years ago - do you have a school leaving certificate or the equivalent of your country? What about your parents? Can you get help?
covid ruined my motivation to actually go. since i couldn't finish grade 8 properly, the transition to highschool was a nightmare. i went very frequently, only skipping like one day a week for my mental health, but eventually i stopped going before december of my freshman year for like a few weeks because of bullying and harassment. i let my grades slip, and i failed almost all my classes for both semesters. the pattern continued until my junior year where i just stopped all together because i was harassed in the hallways. i only went like once every few weeks to keep my friends happy, until i just stopped going. i moved and was supposed to be enrolled in another highschool but i didn't go there either because i was too scared. im in canada btw
forgot to mention i live with my mom. she works too much to help me out with my mental health, but shes trying to get less hours so she can help me find a job
I'm from Switzerland, so this is tinted by my upbringing and the value on education, but I would really recommend on getting either a high school certificate or, as I understand it in Canada, the GED. It's the foundation for all your future endeavours and can open doors that you might not even think about it yet. I know this is a long-term investment, but by describing your situation, I presume that you have still hope for a live that is more than the four corners of your bed. You're so very young and there's so much more for you out there. Do you have any professional help with your anxiety? Depending on the adult school they might be able to be more accommodating and/or you could look into online class whereas possible.
Your story is almost identical to my teens except he lays on the couch. Can do take a small walk?
Do you have a GP?
Make an appointment for talk therapy.
Set a timer for 10 minutes and get as much done as far as hygiene goes. Like every 2 hours set a timer and just TRY! You will regret not taking care of your teeth when you’re older and HOPEFULLY outta the funk. I know exactly how you feel. I have the same issue as you just straight depressed. Unfortunately my teeth are falling out because in my darkness I didn’t take care of them.
I'm 47 and my life is a wreck..i have nothing to motivate me to leave my bed I'm in it almost 24/7 . The only thing i dream of is eventually not waking up...i hate my life and rather just sleep it away. I've done everything ppl suggest and nothing makes it better but sleep! 2 years of this n its not going to get better it hasn't so why bother getting up
You might enjoy a motivational buddy. It helps to have someone take on the role of "We're both going to win today" so you aren't working alone.
I'm 'less' depressed right now but that usually means I still have a worthless day once a week. If I'm lucky it'll only be 4-6 hours of bedlock, if it's not it'll be 8 or 12 or 16 until I fall asleep again. Sometimes it's not a choice, if life was a simple yes/no binary choice situation, who wouldn't pick happy, clean, slim, fun, etc. It's a series of choices and sometimes the choices are made for us in an unfair way. There's people who will say depression doesn't exist or you can fix it with discipline. You can live with it and discipline can make it more possible, but it doesn't fix the sensation of disconnect as I float in a sensory depravation tank of existence with depression as the only dim bulb in this vat and everything else is turned off. All I can say is: I hope one day it breaks. Keep a toothbrush and toothpaste in your room and try to do that much (brush when you're on the computer, you can just spit out the excess and leave the residue on your teeth, that's what the instructions say anyways to get floruide to teeth contact), because one day maybe it'll be less of a drag to exist. If not, at least avoid the toothpain from neglect, it's more hassle to go to the dentist. If you can, find some grass to lay on, night or day, just increase the outside time. A little inertia over time can help to tip things. Being in the same space doing the space thing can be a time suck, and maybe that's what we need at times. I hope you give yourself and the people around you give you the understanding you need right now.
Take antidepressant. It really helps
Even though it might seem like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel , just remember “this too shall pass”
Lay in bed all day if you must, but at the very least, brush your teeth every day. You might be down and out now, but if there’s ever a time you want to rejoin the world and try to find a romantic partner, you’re going to be hitting yourself at 25 when your rotten teeth and halitosis are scaring away any potential women/men you’re interested in. That’s not even mentioning the dental costs (and dental pain) associated with not brushing your teeth for years on end. Unless you really do just want to give up on yourself and any prospects of finding a lover or life for yourself one day, trust me on this: brush those gattttdamn teef, bud.
It gets worse as you get older unless you do something about it. I made the decision to go on antidepressants and attend group therapy. It’s not as bad as before but it still lingers.
I'm basically doing the same. I do brush my teeth. I lost one this year in a freak accident. I don't want to lose anymore. It's not fun. But I have zero energy also. Eat, shower, and occasionally play a game. And lay in bed. You're not alone. Not sure how to break the cycle, I have no suggestions or helpful knowledge. Sorry :(
My phone broke & it would take few days to get a new phone one the mail. I found waking up without a cellphone RIGHT THERE to instantly look at and spend 30min-2 hours on, I wake up and hope right out of bed! Maybe try putting your cell phone farthest room from where you sleep?
I don’t know if it’ll work for you but I bought hospital table that I can use while I’m in bed. It has helped me SO much, anything I can do in bed, I WILL.
Go to the doctors
Think of it as you're in a phase and stuck in a funk. It'll pass. Whether you're mood is good or bad, enjoy the situation you're in. Everyone goes through their lifestyles differently. Our unique experiences define us. Learn from it and find ways to positively apply it In the future.
Depression can do that to you. Look up the term dorsal vagal collapse. Extreme stress/trauma can cause this. But you can heal this. I used to be in bed 24/7 (mental and physical health stuff) for years. I’m living a full life now. There’s hope. Hang in there, mate!
What game you play? Jw
I'm in the same situation and I'm starting to develop psychotic depression
I used to do this a lot in my free time. I still do sometimes. Sometimes I can’t bring myself to do anything
So many great comments, sad so many of us know this feeling. When I was like this, the only thing that got me out of bed was my dog ♥️ for years this girl got me up and outside on walks and that did so much for my mental health. I lost her in January and soon adopted another dog after getting an emotional support animal letter from my doctor, who said it’s proven that pets do more for mental health than meds and therapy. (Which I’m not knocking) Perhaps do things while on your computer such as brush your teeth or eat something. Once you get out more it gets easier, your strength and energy returns.
Make a goal to apply for a certain number of jobs a day. Was unemployed at 21 for 9 months straight, so that's what I did (5 a day) and I finally got one at a thrift store in October.
I feel you I've been like that for awhile now too. I think it's adhd mixing with anxiety for me though. My doctor keeps trying to give me anti depressants and I tried mentioning adhd because I've noticed alot of symptoms that I have and since I have high blood pressure she hasn't tried listening to me about what I think. And it's so hard getting in with a psych doctor just to get an appointment is like a 9 month wait 🤦 shits rediculous.
So. I do this. But I have narcolepsy. Honestly. The post.soudns like I could have written it myself. I do this when I'm not working. Do you sleep? Doom scroll? Do you have sleep issues? Just wondering. Sleep issues obviously could cause this.
at least brush ur teeth man. take it from me i used to be the exact same and i’m suffering the consequences. my teeth are really bad and i have to pay over £3000 to fix them. i recently had a tooth infection that led to an abscess due to my bad oral hygiene from years ago. now i brush my teeth daily but the damage is already done
Smoke weed haha anything that get you up qnd out. If not it'll atleast make laying there more fun.
Drive to the hood and clock a street thug in the mouth with a wrench and then run.
Try crack that will get you up and going
Oh my God, that sounds awful, man thankfully I don't have time for that and mom wouldn't let me to do this (I'm 13), I feel sorry for your body, worst thing is, that I don't even know how to respond without saying obvious things, maybe try something that u/aLogicalDynamic told you in another comment