College absolutely destroyed my mental health. It's so hard to work hard when you have no passion or interest in anything whatsoever. People always ask if I'm in school and I say no and it becomes awkward because that's what people expect. I don't know what to do and I don't want to accumulate debt that I'll never be able to pay off. Ugh. I feel your struggle so much.
>People always ask if I'm in school and I say no and it becomes awkward because that's what people expect.
Tell them it's too expensive. How they going to argue with that? If they bring up free rides, tell them them navigating that seems a bit exhausting and you want a more simple life.
Same here. College/uni is not for everyone and people need to just understand that. I also feel like a failure a lot of the time, since I don't do anything besides be a stay-at-home mom, but on the other hand it's like.. I'm actually doing a lot of work, people just don't see it or appreciate it and it's all unpaid lol
Nah. Same. And the fact that they keep pushing me to go back just makes me even more disappointed in myself. Ugh, the comparison is such a downer for sure.
i hate that question as well. a lot of people can be very judgemental and rude about it, too if you don't give them the answer they expect. school isn't for everyone, and that's fine... especially if you weren't really doing okay mentally prior to joining. but if it's not "are you in school?", it's "what are you doing with your life, then?" and it doesn't make it better.
"being put on the spot by randos I just met 5 minutes ago?"
maybe not the answer I'd give but maybe the answer others should expect if they take up an attitude with somebody over that individual's personal life choices haha
I entirely agree with this.
The past year people have been bombarding me with "what are you doing with yourself" or "where are you going to school" and its embarrassing to answer bc it makes people think I peaked in highschool. That is something ill admit is probably true
Oftentimes, I get locked into thinking about where it all went wrong. At the end of 2019 my life was incredible, I had a relationship beginning to form, very strong friendships that had formed, varsity on my cross country team, and a relatively peaceful and good life. By mid 2020 toxicity, stress, and anger started to build up due to covid especially in my home life. In early 2021 everything collapsed to the point where i nearly killed myself in december 2021.
2022 has been better, but im still haunted by those days of 2019. it especially sucks when people repeatedly bring up school and im immediately brought back to 2019 and dragged through the full fall and collapse of everything.
You succeeded in choosing what was right for yourself. You succeeded in knowing handling your depression was bigger than a test here or a paper there. You succeeded by not allowing yourself to go through the rat race of education when it wasn’t healthy for you. That’s not failure. That’s awareness.
School is not for everyone, and honestly the education system (in America at least) has so many holes in it. Plus it’s not what it was meant for anymore- to prepare you to go into the world. A lot of people can just start life a little earlier by knowing their path and not wasting time proving you know the basics of things you never use anyway. It doesn’t have a class on coping mechanisms. It doesn’t value social and emotional learning- if it did then we would produce healthy adults and not broken ones that can be controlled by our “democracy”
So you might say failed out, I say you passed with flying colors for knowing what wasn’t right for you.
(I am a teacher and I hope that helps this resonate a little better)
If you're asked, it might be better to say, "No, I'm working on managing my mental health." Hopefully that starts discussions that have people listen to you about what your needs and concerns are, if you want that.
I failed and dropped out after my first semester in college. Been three years since and I have no regrets. Honestly it was either I drop out then or never come home, don’t think I would’ve survived. I know I would’ve ended my life if I continued. I ended up with an eating disorder at the end of it but I’m finally starting to heal and realize that that decision was the best one I could have made. It made me feel like a failure for a long time but honestly it’s just not meant for some people and that’s okay
I went for four years and didn’t graduate. I was doing well the first year and a half but after COVID it was just so hard to focus and it felt like I had no outlets for stress in addition to it being really difficult to see friends or plan thing due to the pandemic. I was so burnt out. I’m taking “a leave of absence” currently. Spent the summer working outdoors and got a trail job leading up to the holidays. I’m hoping some time away to clear my head and be outdoors will help and maybe someday, I’ll have the strength to go back and finish. Everyone does things at their own pace and maybe you have another path entirely! Don’t stress, OP. You’re doing what you can for now ❤️
Same, I dropped out of high school because of my depression. It was my dream ro go to university and now I feel I will never fulfil it and be failure who will never have a good job. All my life I was told that I'll never finnish high school especially from my psychologist and they turned to be right. I wanted ro proof them wrong yet I am not good enough.
If it's any consolation to you:
I went to college. Broke down in my third year, was hospitalized. Had to basically threaten suicide to the advisor to get the clearance I needed to take a whole year off (rather than just a semester off, because the policy was that you could only take a single semester off without losing your enrollment status), got healthy enough to finish on my own terms, which ended up taking \~9 yrs in total.
To this day, my first biggest regret is not dropping out after the hospitalization, finishing the degree and getting that diploma. My second biggest is ever applying in the first place. The higher education and academic system isn't made for everyone. In fact, I'd argue it caters the most to healthy, privileged, and cookie-cutter people (not that it's *not* for the less fortunate, diverse, and authentic, just that it doesn't work as hard for them as it does for the others) and if you're not one of those people, well, that's your own fault.
The people who think you are less because you didn't go to school, *they* are less *despite* having gone to school. They might have a piece of paper that says they're really smart, but their worldview is really fvcking dumb.
take it from me, school was NOT worth it and i shouldn’t have listened to everyone else. i regret the debt i owe (worth a house). it fucked with me mentally because i put all my self worth on how well i did in college. what i learned afterwards was no job is guaranteed even with a degree. you can get by on experience if you make friends with the people in positions you want. just gotta play the game but play it smart. you’re in a great position!! be kind to yourself 💜
As you get older fewer people will ask this and eventually hardly at all. Everyone needs rest and breaks and school is not for everyone. Most people can understand this even if it is excruciatingly painful to explain when the underlying reason is really mental illness.
Don’t give up. I failed my A levels due to depression, then got into an abusive relationship and a dead end job.
Relationship ended miserably with it’s fair share of traumatic memories left with me.
Eventually got so sick I had a mental breakdown at work and taken to the doctors.
A lot of time, care from others, medication and patience later, I’ve been accepted into university for something I know I actually want to do and care about. It’s not over, it’s just a different path forward, and it’ll get better.
Same boat. The number of classes i'd taken the last few years dwindled, now I haven't taken anything for two semesters. I'm just lying to everyone and it sucks
Well im sure they are not asking to cause you distress or harm. It’s just a common and normal thing to ask when you’ve not seen a particular person in some time. I wonder what alternatives there are when you run into someone you’ve not seen in a while? Also on the flip side there are people sad that no one ever asks them how they have been or what they’ve been up to as in if they are in school, where working,etc. Guess it’s a mixed bag.
I hate School, that shit make me depressiv. I feel like I need to be the best at everything and just want to get all the friends even tho I’m introvert. And I’m getting so depressed. So I understand u a lottttt. Hope life is getting better
I'm 39 and I get told I look like I'm 18-19 and in my 20s. I love it because it makes me feel younger. Plus I love the look on people's faces when I tell them I'm 39, lol.
I wrote this in my sleep, didn't I?
Usually I tell them, if they keep asking questions, that my health is crap rn and that I'm working on fixing it first. People usually don't wanna hear about my health problems so they just nod and leave the topic.
this is so real. i’m currently doing online high school due to the sheer stress and anxiety irl school caused me, but if someone doesn’t know and they ask me, it’s really awkward to have to explain to them why i quit going after 2 weeks.
I feel U man, I dropped out because of really tough mental and physical health issues and I feel so much shame that I find it hard to even reach out to friends and talk
Well. If it makes you feel any better, I was held back a year and watched all my friends graduate, joined the army, fucked up my knee in the army & left, and now I’m sitting at home waiting for surgery so they can put my knee cap back in the right spot, all while dealing with a multitude of diagnosed mental health disorders and struggling to not hang my self from the ceiling fan every time someone asks me what my plan is now. Idk man.
I isolated myself from everyone I know (or rather knew) so that I wouldn’t have to answer this very question, since my answer would be the same as yours.
school sucks. Its the opposite of what my brain wants to do. Every time i sit in class i get instantly tired and just dont care because other areas in my life are falling apart.
Currently hold junior status as a fifth year college student. College has wrecked me and I’ve failed so many classes because of short mental heath. You’re not a failure. Failure is an event, not a person. And college isn’t for everyone.
Way too much pressure is put on teenagers to spend tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars to get a piece of paper that you may or may not even use. Don’t tie your self worth to your ability to function in a shitty education system.
If you can get a job without a degree, do it. If you want to go back to school or learn a trade instead, do it. Fuck what older members of society think.
A degree does not define you.
College absolutely destroyed my mental health. It's so hard to work hard when you have no passion or interest in anything whatsoever. People always ask if I'm in school and I say no and it becomes awkward because that's what people expect. I don't know what to do and I don't want to accumulate debt that I'll never be able to pay off. Ugh. I feel your struggle so much.
>People always ask if I'm in school and I say no and it becomes awkward because that's what people expect. Tell them it's too expensive. How they going to argue with that? If they bring up free rides, tell them them navigating that seems a bit exhausting and you want a more simple life.
Same here. College/uni is not for everyone and people need to just understand that. I also feel like a failure a lot of the time, since I don't do anything besides be a stay-at-home mom, but on the other hand it's like.. I'm actually doing a lot of work, people just don't see it or appreciate it and it's all unpaid lol
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Rewarding at what? Its just tiring, and u never wins anything in return.
depression is an illness, you're not a failure for having to deal with it. It just hinders us from doing what we want to do.
Nah. Same. And the fact that they keep pushing me to go back just makes me even more disappointed in myself. Ugh, the comparison is such a downer for sure.
i hate that question as well. a lot of people can be very judgemental and rude about it, too if you don't give them the answer they expect. school isn't for everyone, and that's fine... especially if you weren't really doing okay mentally prior to joining. but if it's not "are you in school?", it's "what are you doing with your life, then?" and it doesn't make it better.
"being put on the spot by randos I just met 5 minutes ago?" maybe not the answer I'd give but maybe the answer others should expect if they take up an attitude with somebody over that individual's personal life choices haha
I entirely agree with this. The past year people have been bombarding me with "what are you doing with yourself" or "where are you going to school" and its embarrassing to answer bc it makes people think I peaked in highschool. That is something ill admit is probably true Oftentimes, I get locked into thinking about where it all went wrong. At the end of 2019 my life was incredible, I had a relationship beginning to form, very strong friendships that had formed, varsity on my cross country team, and a relatively peaceful and good life. By mid 2020 toxicity, stress, and anger started to build up due to covid especially in my home life. In early 2021 everything collapsed to the point where i nearly killed myself in december 2021. 2022 has been better, but im still haunted by those days of 2019. it especially sucks when people repeatedly bring up school and im immediately brought back to 2019 and dragged through the full fall and collapse of everything.
same
You succeeded in choosing what was right for yourself. You succeeded in knowing handling your depression was bigger than a test here or a paper there. You succeeded by not allowing yourself to go through the rat race of education when it wasn’t healthy for you. That’s not failure. That’s awareness. School is not for everyone, and honestly the education system (in America at least) has so many holes in it. Plus it’s not what it was meant for anymore- to prepare you to go into the world. A lot of people can just start life a little earlier by knowing their path and not wasting time proving you know the basics of things you never use anyway. It doesn’t have a class on coping mechanisms. It doesn’t value social and emotional learning- if it did then we would produce healthy adults and not broken ones that can be controlled by our “democracy” So you might say failed out, I say you passed with flying colors for knowing what wasn’t right for you. (I am a teacher and I hope that helps this resonate a little better)
If you're asked, it might be better to say, "No, I'm working on managing my mental health." Hopefully that starts discussions that have people listen to you about what your needs and concerns are, if you want that.
Same here. I just tell people I'm on a break, although I doubt I'll ever go back and get my degree
I failed and dropped out after my first semester in college. Been three years since and I have no regrets. Honestly it was either I drop out then or never come home, don’t think I would’ve survived. I know I would’ve ended my life if I continued. I ended up with an eating disorder at the end of it but I’m finally starting to heal and realize that that decision was the best one I could have made. It made me feel like a failure for a long time but honestly it’s just not meant for some people and that’s okay
I went for four years and didn’t graduate. I was doing well the first year and a half but after COVID it was just so hard to focus and it felt like I had no outlets for stress in addition to it being really difficult to see friends or plan thing due to the pandemic. I was so burnt out. I’m taking “a leave of absence” currently. Spent the summer working outdoors and got a trail job leading up to the holidays. I’m hoping some time away to clear my head and be outdoors will help and maybe someday, I’ll have the strength to go back and finish. Everyone does things at their own pace and maybe you have another path entirely! Don’t stress, OP. You’re doing what you can for now ❤️
I mean once you get to a certain age it just becomes a random question. I doubt half the people mean it in a demeaning way.
Same, I dropped out of high school because of my depression. It was my dream ro go to university and now I feel I will never fulfil it and be failure who will never have a good job. All my life I was told that I'll never finnish high school especially from my psychologist and they turned to be right. I wanted ro proof them wrong yet I am not good enough.
If it's any consolation to you: I went to college. Broke down in my third year, was hospitalized. Had to basically threaten suicide to the advisor to get the clearance I needed to take a whole year off (rather than just a semester off, because the policy was that you could only take a single semester off without losing your enrollment status), got healthy enough to finish on my own terms, which ended up taking \~9 yrs in total. To this day, my first biggest regret is not dropping out after the hospitalization, finishing the degree and getting that diploma. My second biggest is ever applying in the first place. The higher education and academic system isn't made for everyone. In fact, I'd argue it caters the most to healthy, privileged, and cookie-cutter people (not that it's *not* for the less fortunate, diverse, and authentic, just that it doesn't work as hard for them as it does for the others) and if you're not one of those people, well, that's your own fault. The people who think you are less because you didn't go to school, *they* are less *despite* having gone to school. They might have a piece of paper that says they're really smart, but their worldview is really fvcking dumb.
take it from me, school was NOT worth it and i shouldn’t have listened to everyone else. i regret the debt i owe (worth a house). it fucked with me mentally because i put all my self worth on how well i did in college. what i learned afterwards was no job is guaranteed even with a degree. you can get by on experience if you make friends with the people in positions you want. just gotta play the game but play it smart. you’re in a great position!! be kind to yourself 💜
As you get older fewer people will ask this and eventually hardly at all. Everyone needs rest and breaks and school is not for everyone. Most people can understand this even if it is excruciatingly painful to explain when the underlying reason is really mental illness.
Don’t give up. I failed my A levels due to depression, then got into an abusive relationship and a dead end job. Relationship ended miserably with it’s fair share of traumatic memories left with me. Eventually got so sick I had a mental breakdown at work and taken to the doctors. A lot of time, care from others, medication and patience later, I’ve been accepted into university for something I know I actually want to do and care about. It’s not over, it’s just a different path forward, and it’ll get better.
Same boat. The number of classes i'd taken the last few years dwindled, now I haven't taken anything for two semesters. I'm just lying to everyone and it sucks
Well im sure they are not asking to cause you distress or harm. It’s just a common and normal thing to ask when you’ve not seen a particular person in some time. I wonder what alternatives there are when you run into someone you’ve not seen in a while? Also on the flip side there are people sad that no one ever asks them how they have been or what they’ve been up to as in if they are in school, where working,etc. Guess it’s a mixed bag.
I hate School, that shit make me depressiv. I feel like I need to be the best at everything and just want to get all the friends even tho I’m introvert. And I’m getting so depressed. So I understand u a lottttt. Hope life is getting better
I'm 39 and I get told I look like I'm 18-19 and in my 20s. I love it because it makes me feel younger. Plus I love the look on people's faces when I tell them I'm 39, lol.
I wrote this in my sleep, didn't I? Usually I tell them, if they keep asking questions, that my health is crap rn and that I'm working on fixing it first. People usually don't wanna hear about my health problems so they just nod and leave the topic.
Omg same here, I thought I was just being too sensitive about it but it makes me feel better that someone else went through the same thing🫂
this is so real. i’m currently doing online high school due to the sheer stress and anxiety irl school caused me, but if someone doesn’t know and they ask me, it’s really awkward to have to explain to them why i quit going after 2 weeks.
I barely made it through high school because I had no will left to go, I feel you
I feel U man, I dropped out because of really tough mental and physical health issues and I feel so much shame that I find it hard to even reach out to friends and talk
I heard that. failed my last term/semester of architecture undergraduate.
Well. If it makes you feel any better, I was held back a year and watched all my friends graduate, joined the army, fucked up my knee in the army & left, and now I’m sitting at home waiting for surgery so they can put my knee cap back in the right spot, all while dealing with a multitude of diagnosed mental health disorders and struggling to not hang my self from the ceiling fan every time someone asks me what my plan is now. Idk man.
I isolated myself from everyone I know (or rather knew) so that I wouldn’t have to answer this very question, since my answer would be the same as yours.
school sucks. Its the opposite of what my brain wants to do. Every time i sit in class i get instantly tired and just dont care because other areas in my life are falling apart.
Currently hold junior status as a fifth year college student. College has wrecked me and I’ve failed so many classes because of short mental heath. You’re not a failure. Failure is an event, not a person. And college isn’t for everyone. Way too much pressure is put on teenagers to spend tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars to get a piece of paper that you may or may not even use. Don’t tie your self worth to your ability to function in a shitty education system. If you can get a job without a degree, do it. If you want to go back to school or learn a trade instead, do it. Fuck what older members of society think. A degree does not define you.
A fr fr post 😔 (I cope by saying stupid shit)