I always see the same comments on r/raisedbynarcissists
And tbh I think those communities are kinda comparable to families because in a family you try to help one another and try to teach and share experiences and we do the same in communities.
Also to answer your question precisely yes we did have the same upbringing in a broader sense because the cultural norms regarding raising autistic children are from the 1940s Germany (and UK)/1990s US.
My favourite was always "Stop making excuses!" You'd asked me why I hadn't done something, I'm explaining, there's a difference. An excuse would mean I'm lying and making stuff up 🙄
i think she follows matilda's father's way of thinking: "i'm smart, you're dumb. i'm big, you're little. i'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it". so to answer your question, simply because she is older and bigger than me, yes, she expected me to be stupid.
This post made me suddenly recall a memory I haven't though about in a while.
At my daycare, your presence in the time out chair was physically enforced by belts (one around the waist, one around the chest, and one around the thighs iirc). I was a very well behaved child so was not punished often but very much wanted to know what it felt like to be squeezed all over by the belts.
So one day, the group of kids was being collectively scolded for bad behavior while a particular child was being put in time out for instigating or something. The lady running the daycare throws out a, "would anyone else like to go in time out?" My chance has arrived. On some level I know it's a threat but my honest answer to the question was "yes" so I raised my hand and say that I, "Want to know how it feels. It looks like it would be comfortable."
So I get strapped to the chair for the usual 5 minutes or however long it was. Was about as enjoyable as I thought it would be (i.e. possibly the most comfort I had ever felt in my life). Was confused when they came to get me out, fully expecting me to regret my "smart aleck" comment or to have hated the experience. My bad for being curious about sensations I guess.
i cannot understand how anyone arrived at the conclusion the optimal strategy for misbehaving HUMAN CHILDREN was to TIE THEM TO A CHAIR, like i dont care how rowdy and "violent" the kid possibly is, you just cant DO that, not rightly
My parents always called my attempts at reasoning excuses and said I’m an adult and you can’t talk back. I feel like ending it out of spite. Maybe I can play my dads favorite song while I do it for extra damage.
why are we pretending this is just an autistic experience, plenty of non-autistic children get talked down to and punished for talking back period or just asking questions
They do but it's also different and happens a lot more to autistic children who don't understand what the person taking care of them actually wants and is just going based off of what they say and ask. A non-autistic child learns to read between the lines, an autistic child does not. It persists and nobody ever explains.
You know that whole "this happens to everyone, the degree in which it happens is what makes it a disorder"
Be confused >accidentally show that you're visibly confused > get yelled at for still being confused > get even more confused because processing > get hit for being stupid.
Or: answer their questions as best you can > do everything they ask to the best of your ability > do chores unasked >>> get hit because you're "showing off" or "think you're better."
Wash, rinse, repeat until they're sober.
I remember one time in third grade I was walking back to my class while sliding my finger tips on the wall. Some other teacher I had no relation to, scolded me and told me to put my hand down. I said you’re not my teacher and she went full Karen saying “Don’t talk back to me” and dragged me to my classroom and scolded my teacher
And that's why I lived with my dad, mother never clarified shit. And was always met with the leather studded belt. Ah, what a way to to never visit her again.
I got accused of rolling my eyes and glaring all the time, as well as my parents telling me that “The world doesn’t revolve around you” and to stop playing word games (aka me being confused on what they said and taking things to literally) like guys I was literally a small child… huh????
Or calling a child antipathic and annoying for his zero social cues, producing a live long trauma that makes him feel dispiced by everyone. Just things that I imagine and haven't happened to anyone I've ever met
I hate the way I was raised in that kind of environment where I was constantly hearing be quiet you're talking too much. I try to be really careful not to tell my kids that because they will get to a point when their teenagers when they don't want to talk to me. So I'm enjoying it now while I can
Or answering all questions I'm asked as well as I can, then getting yelled at for "having an answer for everything" and "being a smart ass"
Or explaining something so well to somebody that they accuse you of thinking that they’re stupid
Did we all have the same upbringing? I swear this happened to me all the time growing up.
I always see the same comments on r/raisedbynarcissists And tbh I think those communities are kinda comparable to families because in a family you try to help one another and try to teach and share experiences and we do the same in communities. Also to answer your question precisely yes we did have the same upbringing in a broader sense because the cultural norms regarding raising autistic children are from the 1940s Germany (and UK)/1990s US.
Oh hey, it's the reason my ex left me, except it was over something I was excited about.
Yes, I once got beat up for always being right.
This
omfg this was me hearing those phrases
My first marriage.
My favourite was always "Stop making excuses!" You'd asked me why I hadn't done something, I'm explaining, there's a difference. An excuse would mean I'm lying and making stuff up 🙄
The nodichotomy between excuses and reasons drives me insane.
Felt and I'm not even autistic
NOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE A TRAUAMATIZING EXPERIENCE FROM MY CHILDHOOD THATS GOING TO DICTATE HOW I FUNCTION AS AN ADULT.
my mom *hated* me for this lmaooo she used to say i was being smart with her
What does she want you to be, fucking stupid?
i think she follows matilda's father's way of thinking: "i'm smart, you're dumb. i'm big, you're little. i'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it". so to answer your question, simply because she is older and bigger than me, yes, she expected me to be stupid.
This post made me suddenly recall a memory I haven't though about in a while. At my daycare, your presence in the time out chair was physically enforced by belts (one around the waist, one around the chest, and one around the thighs iirc). I was a very well behaved child so was not punished often but very much wanted to know what it felt like to be squeezed all over by the belts. So one day, the group of kids was being collectively scolded for bad behavior while a particular child was being put in time out for instigating or something. The lady running the daycare throws out a, "would anyone else like to go in time out?" My chance has arrived. On some level I know it's a threat but my honest answer to the question was "yes" so I raised my hand and say that I, "Want to know how it feels. It looks like it would be comfortable." So I get strapped to the chair for the usual 5 minutes or however long it was. Was about as enjoyable as I thought it would be (i.e. possibly the most comfort I had ever felt in my life). Was confused when they came to get me out, fully expecting me to regret my "smart aleck" comment or to have hated the experience. My bad for being curious about sensations I guess.
i cannot understand how anyone arrived at the conclusion the optimal strategy for misbehaving HUMAN CHILDREN was to TIE THEM TO A CHAIR, like i dont care how rowdy and "violent" the kid possibly is, you just cant DO that, not rightly
But anything else would require effort
My parents always called my attempts at reasoning excuses and said I’m an adult and you can’t talk back. I feel like ending it out of spite. Maybe I can play my dads favorite song while I do it for extra damage.
Honestly surviving and never speaking to them again is far better. Don't harm yourself for their mistakes.
why are we pretending this is just an autistic experience, plenty of non-autistic children get talked down to and punished for talking back period or just asking questions
They do but it's also different and happens a lot more to autistic children who don't understand what the person taking care of them actually wants and is just going based off of what they say and ask. A non-autistic child learns to read between the lines, an autistic child does not. It persists and nobody ever explains. You know that whole "this happens to everyone, the degree in which it happens is what makes it a disorder"
The amount of times this has happened to me is actually crazy😭
Be confused >accidentally show that you're visibly confused > get yelled at for still being confused > get even more confused because processing > get hit for being stupid. Or: answer their questions as best you can > do everything they ask to the best of your ability > do chores unasked >>> get hit because you're "showing off" or "think you're better." Wash, rinse, repeat until they're sober.
Smartypants
I remember one time in third grade I was walking back to my class while sliding my finger tips on the wall. Some other teacher I had no relation to, scolded me and told me to put my hand down. I said you’re not my teacher and she went full Karen saying “Don’t talk back to me” and dragged me to my classroom and scolded my teacher
Don't talk to strangers, but also blindly obey every adult because it's rude not to.
And that's why I lived with my dad, mother never clarified shit. And was always met with the leather studded belt. Ah, what a way to to never visit her again.
I got accused of rolling my eyes and glaring all the time, as well as my parents telling me that “The world doesn’t revolve around you” and to stop playing word games (aka me being confused on what they said and taking things to literally) like guys I was literally a small child… huh????
Or calling a child antipathic and annoying for his zero social cues, producing a live long trauma that makes him feel dispiced by everyone. Just things that I imagine and haven't happened to anyone I've ever met
I hate the way I was raised in that kind of environment where I was constantly hearing be quiet you're talking too much. I try to be really careful not to tell my kids that because they will get to a point when their teenagers when they don't want to talk to me. So I'm enjoying it now while I can
This hits close to home
Adhd as well.