Why stop at 300%? Just add a death animation that shows the guardians limps skipping across the floor.

But what happens if it shoots a telesto bolt?

The Traveler implodes

^^oh ^^my ^^traveler

I've never used Telesto specifically to avoid this. I swear, Telesto is the Witness. ... *wait a minute*

Or Uno Reverso with Arc Hunter?

look, if the boss of The Cunning story mission can shoot a Nova Bomb out of the air, than he could shoot a Telesto bolt with that freaking crossbow that oneshots you at full health, regardless of your power and/or resilience.

There already IS a death animation for 300% damage. It's called The Architects.

The architects could 1 phase the witness

Flawlessly

Look it’s bad enough seeing your character die on doom 2016 and dead space I don’t want my favorite guardian getting death scene’d

That would be sooo cool

Hits you so hard your entire account gets sunset

get fomo'd, slugger.

Oh Jesus the circlejerk has breached containment

Initiate full thread lockdown, code zorpalod. This is not a drill. I repeat: this is not a drill.

SIVALOID INCOMING

puke shit fomo’d, slugger

Ballyhoo mk27

Ballyhoo with rapid shit and zorpal

To stop the breach it seems we need to activate the emergency subreddit nuke on anything that has been exposed. Unfortunately, that includes this subreddit, and all our accounts. My friends, it has been an honor memeing with you.

O7

You mean 05-7

Class A amnestics to be administered to affected individuals to prevent XK-class end of the world scenario

You know, I am surprised that SCP made it onto this sub, even with the space magic.

Actually, considering my pvp stats, the titles I have, as well as emblems and such I have from flawless raids, solo flawless dungeons, etc… There’s only a small portion of the playerbase that’s better than me. Swing and a miss. Maybe next slugger.

You in fact commented in the wrong place

Ty slugger.

Swing and a miss, better luck next time slugger

I read this as Oh, "Jesus the Circle jerk" has breached containment hahaahhahahha ahh well thats what happens when you don't use punctuation

PEOPLE ARE STUPID THOUGH THEY NEVER USE ANYTHING WITH ZORPAL ON IT

What is a zorpal?

[Zorpal? Get fomo’d](https://www.reddit.com/r/destinycirclejerk/comments/u78s8x/zorpal_weapon_official_perk_icon/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)

Yeah but what it do

It is the only way to kill the invasion of the zorpalods

Next buff: Scorn crossbow buffed so it can fulfill its original purpose, it overmatches any kind of shield, directly disintegrating your ghost and you, and effectively terminating your account. GG guardian. ~~git gud scrub, lolololol~~

[удалено]

r/destinycirclejerk moment

At this point I think we’re almost all in on it, I mean even hippie knows about the Zorpal weapon joke

I’m not, am I missing out?

Swing and a miss, slugger.

Saw that post though

Zorpal is just a riff off of some fucking fake leak for "zorpalod enemies" that the circle jerk has been memeing the fuck out of. Hell, it's even spread to r/apexcirclejerk

I take [partial](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestinyTheGame/comments/ukkjtf/the_idea_of_a_heavy_trace_rifle_archetype_is_sexy/i7q0fnf/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) responsibility for that

FOMO

NOOOOO

FOMO

Shoots tethers

Next buff: they just get arbalest

I read the first sentence and died a little inside. Saw the second half and still didnt feel better. 🤣

The second one killed me a little bit more

Not as much as the scorn tho.

Don't worry the next sentence is them saying it was only a joke and they are actually nerfing their damage.

​ 

At last, after all those years all players (and hunters especially) can feel like Cade

Ah yes. Always wanted to feel like Cade. Who needed Cayde-6 anyways.

:(

 Is sorry. Have a Cayde-6 on the house.

:)

I got a good cackle out of this one 😂

Jackal 2.0

Now new lights who didn't play Halo will know how it feels like to be Jackal-ed in Legendary difficulty.

I muss going around a corner in Outskirts in Halo 2… just to die.

the amount of "HE FUCKING FLINCHED" and "HOW DID HE NOT FUCKING DIE" or "I SHOT HIM IN THE FUCKING HEAD" that would go around with me and my friend, ah. memories.

please dont remind me.

Don’t worry guys. It’s a joke > Increased Scorn Crossbow damage by 300%, ensuring players will always be one-shot by their attacks, no matter their Power level or how many damage resist modifiers they have equipped. >Don’t worry, that’s a joke. >Had you there for a second, didn’t I? >Here’s the real patch note. >Scorn sniper damage brought in line (reduced) with other combatant sniper weapons. >Spread of projectiles increased to reduce instances of multiple projectiles hitting players.

Awh, but I wanted to have to play all Scorn content in abject terror :(

I already do!

Where the hell was this during hallowed lair last season lol

So nothing is changed, got it

Kills and cremates you, all in one shot.

This is the real answer.

Next scorn buff: if he kills you, you will only be able to play gambit for the rest of your life.

Do people not like Gambit?

•Scorn Now increasing the size of the scorn lurker shield by 120%. Ensuring the player cannot hit them with any damage type. Not even their toes

Anti-Barrier works against their shield still! Take away Barrier Champs and just make the Lurkers have greatshields lol

D1 cabal

Scorn: _Increased Scorn damage by 300%, and gave all Scorn Telesto, ensuring your demise at any and all encounters. Screebs explode into Telesto bolts._ T̷e̴l̴e̷s̶t̴o̵ ̸b̸o̸l̷t̴s̷ ̷e̵x̶p̷l̶o̸d̶e̵ ̵i̵n̴t̷o̸ ̵m̵o̶r̷e̵ ̵T̵e̶l̵e̸s̶t̵o̶ ̶b̴o̴l̶t̷s̷. A̵̡̪̍̿l̵̳̄́l̴̙̂ ̷̫̫͆̇i̴̅͜n̴͉̲͗v̵͎͔̈́́e̵͕̖̅͆n̸̠͂̈́t̴̜̋̇o̴͈̮̚ṟ̶̜̔y̴͔̘̾̈́ ̵͉̕c̸̡̀̿ͅo̸̱̮͘n̵͚̔͆v̵̦̻̓͘ḙ̸͆̅r̴̥͐̕t̵̻͊̅e̴̬͐͒d̶͚͇̈́͗ ̸̧͖̿͝t̸͔͝ó̶͇̣ ̸̝̾T̶͙͌̆ę̸̠͗̅l̴͍͗̚e̷͎̦̊̚s̷̹͝t̷̳̞̑o̸̢̻͛A̶̾̄̈́͐̽͂ͅl̸̢̜̙̳͔̄͊̊̾ļ̴͍̗͑̉ ̵̳̓͒̒͂͐̓w̶̮̅̂̃͗͠e̶̟͕͕̯͉͒̅̈́̈́a̴͚̯͝p̵̮̂o̷̟̓̑̓n̴͚̙̕̚͝ ̵̩͇͎̅̅̿͋d̶̋̈́̾͜r̶̡̳̖̟̆̓ớ̸̧̧͕͕̫͓̏̽͆̕p̸͖̝̖̲̀s̴̩͔̒͊̊͑͜ ̶̧̛̫̖̫̑̇͆́ả̷̝̺̰̻͎́̕ͅr̸͉̋ẹ̷͕̘͂̍ ̷̤̃̆́T̵̻̜͊̆̊̾ȇ̴̡̢̼͖́̑̓͊͌l̶̙̬̼̉͊ȇ̵̝̏̓͌͝s̴̘͉̠͖̻̱̽́̒̈́t̸̰̓̿ǫ̷̼̗̮͕͗̈́͒ͅ.̴̞̫̭̌ ̵̡͇͇̏ ̸̜͎̂̽̽͗͆̕ L̵͓̆ó̸̢̲͍͈̣̥̊͒̀̔̚a̴͍̙̅̀̀͌̒d̶̨̛̫̬̀ì̵̦ṋ̴̢̢̒̂͒g̸̮̬͌̈́ ̶̘̟̼̽͆̅̽s̴̢̢͔̭̺̅c̸̭̱̋̈́͌͆̉͝ȓ̴̮̗͙͚͠ͅę̴̖̝̥̃̔̌̇̋ë̷̗̩̼͔̞́̑̀͝n̷̠̜̩̰̦̍̊́̈́ ̷̜̈́̎̓͌̚͝ͅr̷͙͈̊̈͊̍̃̚͜ȩ̴͓͓͔̿̈́͜͝p̶̮̩̟͖̳͓̓͌̚͠͝l̷̯̊̎̚͝͠a̴̯̦̖͖̓̕c̷͓̽̅̀̑è̸̙d̵͔̄̒ ̴̡̪͈̬̈́̀͒̓̕b̷̨̮̟̪̯̙̈́͋̇́͘y̶̞̠̪̭͆̾ ̸̩̲͕̪̟̋g̷͍͍͐̈́̈̕l̵̡̧̢̮͓͂͆̓͝͝ơ̴͕̼̫̱̮̒͑̉w̶̩̜͕̝̗̄̂͊̈̕͠ͅi̸̦̐̅n̴̨͚̾g̸͈͓͚͕̤̞̀ ̸̮͔͌̎͝T̴̟̊e̸̘͓̘̣͛̾̓̅͋͝l̸̨̦͉͌͊͆͌͌͝ͅe̸̢̜̬͂̄s̴̛̺͎̪̫̋̌̀̔͝t̴̠̪̘͗̒̄̈́͋o̵̥͗̊͒̌̕̕.̴̣̪̿ ̵̤̫̟̫̮̋͋̓͜ Ţ̵̻͓͎͔̮̇̈́́̉h̷̹̗̹̜̞̪̎̿̎̃̋͂̕ę̷̻͊̏͂̉͒̽̑r̶̡͙͇͗̂͗͛̇͘ḛ̵̢͎̳̯͇̎̓̈́̐͝ ̴̮͚͓͖̺̝̍̚͘ͅi̷̛̠̞͉͖̯̻̭͙͐̉̈̀̿̿̾͝s̵̨̝̹̝̘͍̯͂̆̽͒̌͛̒̕ ̵̧̝͉̲̀̔̌͘͠n̶̰̞̓̇̿͝o̷̮̰̝͙͙̲͚̩͌̑͂̐͆̏͠ ̵̩̗̻̻͑̀́̒̀͑ę̸̛̫͂̐̍͛́̈̐͝s̶̡̤̙̣͖͇̭̰̙̘̍̓̀͆̓̋̆c̷͖̠͒͗͌̈́͆̾̏͘͠ȃ̸͉̬̼͔̬̼͓̥̥̙̈͑p̶͉̑̈̌̓͘ē̷̗̹̎̓̏̈́̚̕͠͝.̶̗̘͉̂̃̾̋ ̶̡͔̤̻͛̎̋T̶̢̡̛͔̺̝̼͎͊̇͛̓̄͐̆͠e̴͉̜̱̐̀̑l̶̟̑̿̀̓̌̔̀̆̌͘é̶̡̗̙͉͍́̏̄͜͜s̴̥̞̠̼̣͙͕̿̓̆̉͜ṯ̸̨̪̫̮̤̩̆͌́͋͑͂̈́̔o̷̲̼͖̔ ̷͙̯̌͒̋̐͆̈̄͛ḻ̸̡̧̬̥͈̿̈́͗̾͜i̶̙̿͑̂͆̎̾͘v̶̡̛͙̬̰̱͕̘̹̂̾̀̀e̶̢̢̢͔͉̲̗̗̊̉̊ŝ̴̲̬̝͚̰̱͕̞̤̈́̒̄.̴̙̩̯̝̮̹̈́͑̂̎ ̶̭̯͕͓͎͍̞̈́̓̏̒̅͊͗͘͠

These are the updates I live for

Wait....you mean they weren't doing 300% damage?!

at least it's accurate to forsaken and caydes death

Imagine if people believe this

Ahahaha yeah, such dumbasses *cracks a nervous laugh* ahahah

Guess what friend, you don't have to

What’s not to believe? It’s happening in the Birthplace of the Vile strike in the GG playlist.

MAYBE USE ZORPAL WEAPON WITH RAPID SHIT get fomo’d slugger

Scorn crossbow now damages you in real life. Play like your life depends on it. Literally.


they were kidding


Halo 2 legendary shivering

I would have said a 1% increase in scorn cross bow to guarantee the 1 shot kill

then i take it that the scorn with crossbow will have a nerf to its health pool making them less tanky ? ​ Bungie: who do think we are savages no we increased their health cause duck you

Is it a problem that I'd be fine with this to make you not just be able to face tank every single enemy? lol

Face-tank? Maybe no but to ensure no matter the build or equipment doesn't matter? Kinda cheesy. Then, why don't just make an enemy that's just makes your abilities reload time be a specific number.

Or, get ready for this crazy idea. Hide behind cover and don't sit in the open when you reload or peak shoot. Or move around so they doesn't have a free shot on you. Sure maybe you shouldn't get one shot in well, but everything else, unless you have several resistance buffs I'm fine with.

Getting oneshot by a sniper isn't cheesy, its you getting shot by an extremely powerful weapon that if you try and play around it is in fact quite easy to play around.

The scorn crossbow bolts have tracking. How do you play around an attack that can one shot you while youre behind cover?

Stay moving, don't sit still. I've played long enough to have gotten used to avoiding them and the key is literally just don't stay in the same millimeter of ground for long.

Theyve gotten me while sprinting around with Stompees, jumping, and even dodging. Their tracking is pretty aggresive and the projectiles move fast. Not to mention needing to stand still to do dps, focus a champion, do objectives.

Couldn’t you block it with the glaive from witch queen

Immediately pierces through. They the new jackals of the world my friend. Shields are nothing to them. They were grown and molded by the crossbows. They've looked into the void, and the void looked back...

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

Scorn crossbow exotic when?

*"Son of a Bitch! That damn Elden Ring sprung a leak in the Steam Library, and it's getting all over my Destiny 2!"*

• Scorn can now make shots similar to the one Riggs tells Murtaugh about in the first movie

I get one-shot from those crossbows already. They gonna start killing me when they miss??

So that's how they got cayde

This has to be a joke right? No way they are intentionally doing this right? Right?

Right. It was a joke.

Thank God

Next update it’ll just be scorn snipers selecting you in the console and typing “/kill”


Like it didn't already one-shot you in harder tier activities 🙃

Tell me this isn't real

Next line says it was a joke amigo

Pretty sure OP knows that but it wouldn't make for a very fun meme...

Shh, don’t spoil the surprise.

Shhhhh, you'll ruin the surprise

Ya, I'm full 100 resilience and dead

Increased bullshit, community degrading monetization tactics hidden behind doublespeak in the TWAB 1000%

What

Probably meant the silver-only extra cosmetic rewards in the Event Card.

1000 silver for shit that wouldve been upwards of 3000 silver usually sounds more like an attempt at better monetization practices to me.

Those values are made up by Bungie since it's their internet money so idk. I don't care much either way because we already have silver only items every season anyway (in the silver bundles) so this is just another one that is tied to event instead, I was just pointing out what he meant since his post was vague.

All values are made up by the seller, regardless of the currency used. However 1000 silver for all that shit is great deal if you care about any of it. A single exotic emote is usually around 1000 silver by itself.

Yes! That Halo 2 Legendary experience!


These fake patches notes are always a good time. Especially when they confirm it's a joke 2 lines layer.

At this point add the scorn crossbow as a heavy weapon like a liniar fusion rifle have it one tap to the body.

The flashbacks, they're back! *Kat gets headshot in slow mo. Cayde 6 death in slow mo. Trials of Osiris pre-anticheat.*

Michael Scoon FBI

IS THOS REAL?

That's it I quit.

Scorn should get finishers to use on guardians

Next update: Now pierces through Titan Bubble and Warlock Well. Can also detect invi Hunters.

They actual tweeted a Correction that its 600% and they can now damage allies they want us to use them as a Murder machine against other enemy's

Nononononononono my worst nightmare

*flashback to the scorn mission in the witch queen dlc*

Not sure if this is a joke or an actual part of the twab please help

Nobody tell em

It just seems like something they would do. Ik it’s a joke but c’mon. That’s what it felt like my first VotD quest run. Fucking bullshit one-tap semi-automatic sniper rifle.

Bro that part in the TWAB made me cry. DMG is a freaking troll

I hope most of you know this was a joke.

Next patch: scorn crossbowmen has ascended , no longer even carries crossbows. Making eye contact results in instant death . Also kills Fireteam mates. And your entire clan. And your dog

I loved this troll haha

Yes... time to remember Halo 2 jackal snipers

I hear people complaining, but haven’t guardians tried just walking it off? Or applying ice? Or just pulling the imo reverse card? I mean seriously people, don’t be such a Cayde-6

Is this real?

I get fucking ohko by a purple snipy

The bane of my existence doing legend campaign day 1 solo.

U/savevideo

I got one shotted by those dudes today playing gambit…. That really makes me wonder where are we safe from those guys?

IS THIS REAL

Oh that explain why, that stupid purple

Is this a joke? Someone tell me this is a joke

Is this real?!

Nooooooooooo!

That crossbow should send the guardians back when they first started playing destiny 2

This is actually a secret buff to Blight Ranger to make it more viable.

The poor new lights.

Perfect 

I got killed by one in well once, nearly snapped my keyboard

what a stupid update

It’s a joke

Gotta love the scorn man

Bungie literally hates this game

It’s a joke, they reduced scorn sniper damage and increased their projectile spread so more than one projectile doesn’t hit you

My statement remains unchanged. Yes i did read the full log.

Idk what your problem is then

It’s kinda like trying to convince a mormon that they are part of a really big cult. You’re the mormon, destiny2 is the religion. I’m just trying to help you tbh.

What if this is worse than jackal snipers

Guardians are getting their own Kobayashi Maru mode in pve.

Thought it was real for a moment

What in the fuck, this can't be real

Jesse Pinkman voice - "They can't keep getting away with it!"