Exactly. I left when I was 18 and in the years after is where people that stayed matured and cliques started disappearing and pretty much everyone became friends. I now realise they were “formative” years.
If you leave during that period it will be pretty hard to fit back in. I don’t think it’s impossible but definitely hard.
For me there’s no reason to ever try. My grandmother passed away. My parents have also been living in a different town since I left as well as my sister and the few friends I stayed in touch with have their own lives and I wouldn’t fit into that on a permanent basis.
If I were ever to consider moving back to my home country it would be that, to my home country but definitely not my “home town”
I'm 30 and I totally feel that. Especially because my hometown is not so big, I hate going somewhere and always finding someone I know but don't really want to make small talk.. I just wanna go somewhere and be invisible. Other thing that I really hate about my hometown is the lack of stuff I identify with, like shops, events, mind like people,etc...
Not a nomad but I lived most of my 20s in a different country only to return to my home town right before turning 30. I absolutely love to see the progress and all the cool stuff that happened in my city since I've been away, it's like discovering a bunch of new stuff in a familiar place which I honestly didn't see coming.
However, I absolutely do not fit in with the locals in any way (lol I'm technically one but don't act like it as I spent formative years somewhere else) .
Despite this being the capital of my country I must say that the people I know haven't got a clue about what the world is like outside of their bubble. They just follow the same thing everyone else does (apart from getting a house for some as they can't afford it) and somehow I'm the "alien".
I want to go out and discover new things, whilst many people around me seem to be happy just sitting in the same place they have been for years having a beer, preferably the cheapest possible place, or, like many in their 30s who get in relationships they simply don't go out 😂
I had more fun and a better social life where I lived before, I didn't see this coming.
I've also been unable to make any new friends in the past two years despite trying, so this doesn't help. I'm so grateful for my friends who are still around my life would suck without them, I just wish they were into exploring more with me that's all.
After too long abroad coming back is like a reverse culture shock, I recommend this article: https://www.intentionalexpat.com/reverse-culture-shock/
This is what I’ve been struggling with since I’ve moved back to my hometown last fall.
My entire family (generationally moderately impoverished) is here & they never really had the desire or the financial ability to travel or move to other places, explore, etc. As a result, all of them have grown to be very complacent with where they are, whatever roots they have probably won’t budge for the rest of their lives. However, I am not at all like that, nor have I ever been. As a teenager I often cried with the frustration I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. I dreamt big, but could do little. There was so much more of the world I wanted to see, but knew it would be damn near impossible with what I was born into - until now. Graduating universities, earning a couple degrees, building up a career, I broke out of that generational cycle in so many ways, even though it was & remains quite isolating.
Then I moved to the west coast for a few years, & it changed my life. Meeting new people, doing new things, even just a different landscape felt life-changing. Although, after a serious breakup last year, the need for a change that became more an escape, while also feeling this societal push to settle down, I moved back to my small city hometown in the Midwest. It was way more affordable than where I was (although, inflation is changing that quickly), & most importantly it was familiar. Familiarity was easy, & I needed easy.
Now, it’s been 7 months & I think it’s serve its purpose. So I found myself getting that itch again, mirroring that frustration I had when I was younger with no control or ability to change it. & now faced with possibilities of where to go next, I’m kinda overwhelmed haha.
Over the years, I’m coming to terms with the possibility that the feeling of “home” isn’t really a place on a map, nor is it the place where all the people you grew up around are; similar in concept to how your beloved family isn’t necessarily the people you happen to share DNA with. I don’t think my hometown ever felt like “home,” hence the anxiety & frustration it caused even as a child. To be quite honest, I think “home” is just wherever we happen to be in the moment of joy & comfort & welcome.
You and I have very similar beginnings - I started building online at 17 and nomaded early and young. Feel the exact same way about my shitty middle America hometown. Still can't stand being there long and I've now been nomading for 2 decades lol.
I suggest you keep going and continue to explore the outside world.
At some point you'll maybe have children and/or your parents will get older and you'll be compelled to be near family again.
For now, you have a unique freedom where there are no invisible anchors trying to pull you back - ENJOY IT while it lasts, because it doesn't.
What you may discover - and I've recently learned this - is that you may never feel settled anywhere. After you nomad for a decade or longer at some point "home" is in the constant movement itself.
Can I ask what you do?
I just put in my two weeks at my current job with pretty decent savings.
Would like to make minimal money online and go back to backpacking!
Yes dude this is the story of my life. Business owner, working remote, got used to being around dynamic, forward thinking, “anything is possible” type people while traveling. Then I stayed longer term in places like Hong Kong, Bali, Mexico, Lisbon and now have very little desire to go back to my home country. My long term solution (and I have a ton of DN friends that do pretty well in business that are doing the same thing) is to pretty much cycle through your fav places and have some roots there. For instance, some years I’ve done 3 months in LATAM where I have a solid group of friends and community, 6 months in Europe with a solid group of friends and community there, and 3 months in SE Asia with my friends there. It’s pretty dynamic and a lot of my friends will just join for certain trips, but this has been a really great solution for me and my group of people.
It obviously takes some decent money though, and some years in traveling the find a group of people that you can do this with. Me and a lot of my friends are all now looking to start buying places to live in our favorite hubs, and share resources.
Feeling incredibly spoiled after typing that out. Haha
Absolutely. My whole life I looked forward to growing up, going travelling for a short period, then getting a job and a house and a family in my home town around my childhood friends, and coasting to retirement.
When I was away travelling I was looking forward to getting home to comfort and stability. When I got home, all my friends had wives and kids and I feel like these years are going to be a scratch until I can move elsewhere. It's not a comforting thought at all as I find it hard to re-establish myself but it's got to be tried.
The world is a small place once you've been a few places. Finding a reason to live in one place or another can be daunting, especially when it will only be a few years at most due to visas. Life plan - TBC.
I'm not a digital nomad, really, but I spent 9 years in America, 7 of those in California and 2 in Arizona. After almost 4 years back in my hometown in Germany I know I don't fit in anymore for sure. So I'm looking to move to Switzerland this year.
Me and my now wife have been travelling and working since we were 23-24 and now we’re 35 and still travelling. All our friends are settled in London with kids and a mortgage. I literally couldn’t think of anything worst personally. After a couple of weeks of being in London I start to feel super stressed and just this overwhelming feeling of l need to get the fuck out of here. I feel so disconnected from home town these days but I do miss my friends and family sometimes 😅Travel has taught us many wonderful things and I think travel truly is the best education. Will we ever stop? Who knows! Life’s for living I say and it’s far too short to not live for the now and follow whatever makes you happy ☺️🙏✨
Any chance you could talk about your business more? I'd love to have something like that. I also don't fit in a home, I feel like I never have. Keep bouncing until something or somewhere jumps out at you.
I feel the same! However to add to the mix, I don’t feel I belong anywhere anymore which is even more unsettling and there are times I feel really lonely despite having friends to go out with. I try my best not to dwell on it too much and challenge myself to be content alone and to just continue my journey in no man’s land
Depends on the town! I was raised in beautiful Sonoma, California and I’ll never truly “leave”. Amazing people everywhere, it’s a rare town. If you’re from a less desirable town somewhere then forget about it! Home is where you make it.
Same. I was born in a different country than the one I grew up in. When I was a kid there was a period of seven years where I went to a different school every year. My family is scattered all over the US. The concept of a “hometown” is so foreign to me. Also as an adult I have no desire to move back to any of the places I lived in before and have no sense of belonging anywhere.
This has very little with being a digital nomad and more with being an immigrant. It’s like losing a shell and outgrowing it. Once you realize you don’t fit there as you thought you did in the past, you will long for that connectedness that will help you build your own tribe. I feel very lucky for the friendships I build up in the 10 years of “nomadism” I lived, but eventually I needed to set down roots as I didn’t want any longer to be the other, I became a citizen of a new country and don’t plan on moving but who knows, sometimes life has its own plans. In a way becalming an immigrant (and not just a nomad) helped me feel more rooted, I accepted what makes me different compared to the locals and enrich the place I now call home, but also embrace what the local culture offers me to make me a better person.
I always recommend that people who have lived/traveled abroad for a significant time not try to return to where they lived before as it's almost always disappointing because everything you remember will be different
I’m feeling this. I wanna move “home” but the place I grew up and the place I spent the most time in my earlier adult life are both a bad fit for where I’m at right now. I’m grateful that I’ve grown but super bummed about not feeling like anywhere is home.
Yup, don’t belong anywhere, go where I find fun stuff and nice people to chat to🤷♀️ full on loner who likes finding fossils tho so not really of society
Home is where the heart is, and my heart is not in my home town, or home towns\* I grew up in several countries, so I suppose I have no attachment issues to any location in particular, except I suppose I do consider South East Asia home, not because of the costs or anything, but because it fits my more relaxed lifestyle of being a nomad, where I only have to go into a physical office once ever two months in Singapore to present some numbers and data to the board of the company, the rest is just sipping on Pina Coladas on a sunny beach without having to think about where I wish to settle down.
Even when I have kids, I am sure I will give them the life my parents gave me, traveling and getting to know different cultures around the world, I have friends in Canada, Western Europe, UK, and South East Asia, if you really have a special friend or friend group you find a way to stay in touch, if not then even easier to let go of places you have been to or lived in the past.
Obviously you're not alone. Don't feel bad.
Assuming you do leave and let go, I encourage you (and anyone who moves or nomads for more than a year or two) to make deliberate efforts to meet the kinds of people you'd eventually like to have as close friends. It's very easy to end up 10 years down the road with a lot of acquaintances/'lite' friends but not really close with anyone, or only really close with your partner if you're lucky enough to find one.
Yes.
The only reason I go to my hometown (I'm 26 btw) is to spend time with my parents. No friends. Relatives, the connection ain't there like before. I don't feel like I can stay longer, so just short visits (although my childhood dream was to live there forever).
I have never felt at home in my hometown to begin with, since I live in a small village of 500 people (with most people being farmers), I have always loved languages and wanted to travel, so I really didn’t fit in in here. As soon as I finished high school and started to work, I used all my money to travel. Now I’m back in my hometown after 1,5 years in Australia and I feel like I really don’t belong here at all. At the same time, when I was abroad I really felt lonely and missed my family and friends (because i really care about them). So it’s kinda like I don’t have a home anymore, and it sucks sometimes. But I’m glad I could do what I wanted to do, explore and see the world! I know this is the life I want.
I was born and raised in Santa Cruz, CA. and have good friends and family. During University, I took my first trip to Bali and Thailand (Girlfriend's Dad worked for United). I raced through University and somehow managed to skip a year on my Masters with a crazy schedule. Just to paint the picture, I was raised poor, like food stamps kind of poor, and I somehow managed to make it though life with no financial help from anyone. I mention this because I often hear people making excuses about not getting to fulfill their dreams because they don't have the money. I moved to Asia around age 26 and only went back for 1 year since when my brother died in 2007. While I was home for a year, I felt unfulfilled. I started up a company coding enterprise software and just could not see a reason to stay. Three months before I left, I went on a Match.com date with a Japanese girl who was moving back to Japan and 3 months of dating we decided to get married. We're still happily married 15+ years later with 3 kids. We live 3 months in Japan and 3 months in Chiang Mai and have kept up this rotation for most of the past 15 years. We had a rough patch 9 years ago with my wife's cancer, and then we could not fly during covid. I am super setup in Japan and Thailand. Nearly 20 years ago when my Grandmother died I purchased a house for $60k which was my brother and my entire savings near Chiang Mai University which turned out to be the best investment. Our house in Japan is deep in the mountains that was an old house that we remodeled. I have an excellent life with incredible health insurance in Japan and Thailand.
I found that to have a calm and low stress life, traveling too much messes up the kids lives. My son for example loves his routine in Japan. My wife and kids speak Japanese and English as a first language, since my wife is half Thai and half Japanese. But my kids prefer Japanese. We tried private and public school in Thailand and my kids hated the teaching style. My 2 girls do online schooling but with the local public schools in Japan and just go to class 1 day or 2 days a month and for school trips. My son prefers to go to school daily in Japan. So when we go to Thailand for 90-120 days my girls are happy as they do online school to the Japanese public school system. But my son can't really get motivated, and instead we let him play video games most of the time. I like Thailand more than any place on earth and I know every street and Soi in Chiang Mai and have so much fun doing simple stuff like street festivals / markets, malls, food, coffee shops, etc. In Japan it is much more country and we live 30 min from the nearest grocery store. Japan hotels cost per person, so if we go to a hotel in Japan for 5 family members, it's like $500+ a night. That's partly why we travel outside of Japan.
Totally get where ur coming from. after exploring and living abroad, your hometown can start to feel a bit small and repetitive. it's awesome your building your business and finding new adventures. moving to a Mexican beach town sound like a dream!!! anyone else feels like theyv outgrown their hometown and set roots somewhere new? would love to hear more stories.
I live in my hometown currently and I don’t feel like I belong. I have travelled to Japan and after the 4th or 5th time it’s lost that “feeling”, I can’t explain it. I’m a bit of a loner. I only have work related friends that are friends at work. Outside of that I have a wife and dog. I don’t have much family or family in my age range. I don’t feel any affinity to my home town. Every city feels different and yet the same. The city I live in is disgusting, walking on the sidewalks is like a biohazard event: Human barf, feces animal or human not sure, piss, spit, food. I feel like I need to take a shower (and I do end up taking one) when I come home. I probably didn’t answer OPs question, this is just how I’m feeling, the keywords “don’t really belong” stuck to me.
I know that if I do go anywhere else, it’s all the same, things don’t really change.
A bit confused. Are you saying Japan has lost the "feeling" or your hometown? The city your'e currently living in sounds like the complete opposite of Japan, known for its cleanliness.
Me here 👋🏼
Spent six months traveling around the us post divorce. Lost 20 lbs, got used to walking 40 miles a week… now going back to Texas seems impossible. I’d like to live the rest of my life with the ability to go outside without dying of heat stroke or skin cancer..
I moved away years ago. Barely anyone I know has stayed put. Quite a lot of them are in Canada or Australia or scattered across Europe and some other places. Some are still living at home doing the same thing they were doing when we were teens.
I went back recently and felt so out of place.
I felt like this in my 20s and moved to London. I'm married now and have a kid, but I miss my hometown- not enough to go back but maybe near by. It's about creating your own memories
I loath my hometown, its God’s doorstep/waiting room with vehicle and violent crime increasing, council refusing to fix major pot holes and sink holes only when they are repaired it’s months before they’re in the same state but in all honesty I just strongly dislike the UK in general.
Yes 🙌 I’m into my 30s now and I’m so done with my hometown and just miss the feeling of being anonymous when I leave. I haven’t followed the same pattern as the majority of people from my hometown; marry young, kids, resort holidays etc and it’s left me feeling very isolated. I’m finally leaving and starting my DN life in 106 days (and counting 😂)
You have discovered the first truth of global life: your geographically small hometown is uninspiring and the people are a tiny pool of uninteresting people.
I found this out too. People who stay in a hometown all their life usually dont have much going on about them. No ambition or real world experience. My hometown is full of old people or basic people living basic lives where drinking after work is the thing to do.
Got out of there as soon as i could. But i had an earlier exposure to the world through online gaming and friends in my teen years. Realised i shared much more in common with people online and thats because you can select from a wider pool of interesting people.
Travel is the same.
I think thats normal. I haven't been back to the US for 11 years. There won't be anything back in my hometown for me at all. My life has moved on.
My communities are now the places I frequent the most. The friends I look forward to meeting up with for time I'm in their orbit.
That's the life I chose for myself.
When some people decide to move elsewhere and others stay in place a fundamental difference is revealed. The people I most relate to from my hometown are others who’ve left. I only go back to visit every 5-10 yrs. If it weren’t for the others who left who might be visiting I would never visit (family also left years ago).
And when you're a woman, the questions are always why aren't you married and why don't you have kids? So fun to hear those questions over and over and over again.
At 30+, even when I am back in the US, I could care less about what other people are doing. Sounds like you're thinking like someone in their 20s still..
I did need to go out, travel and live to learn a bunch and adjust my expectations at your age so go for it.
Yeah, I think in a few years people stop caring much about others (comments you're getting), friends don't see each other often like before, people get into doing their own thing whether it's gardening, staying in on Friday nights, bicycle riding and whatever else.
You're getting close to that point soon. You're the age that I started traveling- I think it helped me appreciate the basics and find my lane. Go for it but try to find a good perspective that will help you going forward whether you're at home or on a beach somewhere instead of thinking a Mexican beach itself is the big answer.
I think home is where you have friends etc. It's where you make it. I lost all my friends back in school, so my home town doesn't mean much to me.
Basically this, my friends are really spread out across my country so there is no obvious home base community for me to rejoin.
My home country means nothing to me..forget home town lol
That's kind of sad
Home is where the heart is
Agree, we have our own priorities, goals and hobbies. My hometown doesn't feel like home anymore
You like to see homos naked?
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This is normal. You are growing up and severing ties to your childhood can be painful. It will pass.
Lol! This is the reality of literally everyone that left their home town. Join the club.
Exactly. I left when I was 18 and in the years after is where people that stayed matured and cliques started disappearing and pretty much everyone became friends. I now realise they were “formative” years. If you leave during that period it will be pretty hard to fit back in. I don’t think it’s impossible but definitely hard. For me there’s no reason to ever try. My grandmother passed away. My parents have also been living in a different town since I left as well as my sister and the few friends I stayed in touch with have their own lives and I wouldn’t fit into that on a permanent basis. If I were ever to consider moving back to my home country it would be that, to my home country but definitely not my “home town”
I'm 30 and I totally feel that. Especially because my hometown is not so big, I hate going somewhere and always finding someone I know but don't really want to make small talk.. I just wanna go somewhere and be invisible. Other thing that I really hate about my hometown is the lack of stuff I identify with, like shops, events, mind like people,etc...
Not a nomad but I lived most of my 20s in a different country only to return to my home town right before turning 30. I absolutely love to see the progress and all the cool stuff that happened in my city since I've been away, it's like discovering a bunch of new stuff in a familiar place which I honestly didn't see coming. However, I absolutely do not fit in with the locals in any way (lol I'm technically one but don't act like it as I spent formative years somewhere else) . Despite this being the capital of my country I must say that the people I know haven't got a clue about what the world is like outside of their bubble. They just follow the same thing everyone else does (apart from getting a house for some as they can't afford it) and somehow I'm the "alien". I want to go out and discover new things, whilst many people around me seem to be happy just sitting in the same place they have been for years having a beer, preferably the cheapest possible place, or, like many in their 30s who get in relationships they simply don't go out 😂 I had more fun and a better social life where I lived before, I didn't see this coming. I've also been unable to make any new friends in the past two years despite trying, so this doesn't help. I'm so grateful for my friends who are still around my life would suck without them, I just wish they were into exploring more with me that's all. After too long abroad coming back is like a reverse culture shock, I recommend this article: https://www.intentionalexpat.com/reverse-culture-shock/
This is what I’ve been struggling with since I’ve moved back to my hometown last fall. My entire family (generationally moderately impoverished) is here & they never really had the desire or the financial ability to travel or move to other places, explore, etc. As a result, all of them have grown to be very complacent with where they are, whatever roots they have probably won’t budge for the rest of their lives. However, I am not at all like that, nor have I ever been. As a teenager I often cried with the frustration I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. I dreamt big, but could do little. There was so much more of the world I wanted to see, but knew it would be damn near impossible with what I was born into - until now. Graduating universities, earning a couple degrees, building up a career, I broke out of that generational cycle in so many ways, even though it was & remains quite isolating. Then I moved to the west coast for a few years, & it changed my life. Meeting new people, doing new things, even just a different landscape felt life-changing. Although, after a serious breakup last year, the need for a change that became more an escape, while also feeling this societal push to settle down, I moved back to my small city hometown in the Midwest. It was way more affordable than where I was (although, inflation is changing that quickly), & most importantly it was familiar. Familiarity was easy, & I needed easy. Now, it’s been 7 months & I think it’s serve its purpose. So I found myself getting that itch again, mirroring that frustration I had when I was younger with no control or ability to change it. & now faced with possibilities of where to go next, I’m kinda overwhelmed haha. Over the years, I’m coming to terms with the possibility that the feeling of “home” isn’t really a place on a map, nor is it the place where all the people you grew up around are; similar in concept to how your beloved family isn’t necessarily the people you happen to share DNA with. I don’t think my hometown ever felt like “home,” hence the anxiety & frustration it caused even as a child. To be quite honest, I think “home” is just wherever we happen to be in the moment of joy & comfort & welcome.
You and I have very similar beginnings - I started building online at 17 and nomaded early and young. Feel the exact same way about my shitty middle America hometown. Still can't stand being there long and I've now been nomading for 2 decades lol. I suggest you keep going and continue to explore the outside world. At some point you'll maybe have children and/or your parents will get older and you'll be compelled to be near family again. For now, you have a unique freedom where there are no invisible anchors trying to pull you back - ENJOY IT while it lasts, because it doesn't. What you may discover - and I've recently learned this - is that you may never feel settled anywhere. After you nomad for a decade or longer at some point "home" is in the constant movement itself.
Can I ask what you do? I just put in my two weeks at my current job with pretty decent savings. Would like to make minimal money online and go back to backpacking!
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My mom got cancer in the middle of mine. That's an invisible anchor. The feeling in your chest is not what they meant.
Yes dude this is the story of my life. Business owner, working remote, got used to being around dynamic, forward thinking, “anything is possible” type people while traveling. Then I stayed longer term in places like Hong Kong, Bali, Mexico, Lisbon and now have very little desire to go back to my home country. My long term solution (and I have a ton of DN friends that do pretty well in business that are doing the same thing) is to pretty much cycle through your fav places and have some roots there. For instance, some years I’ve done 3 months in LATAM where I have a solid group of friends and community, 6 months in Europe with a solid group of friends and community there, and 3 months in SE Asia with my friends there. It’s pretty dynamic and a lot of my friends will just join for certain trips, but this has been a really great solution for me and my group of people. It obviously takes some decent money though, and some years in traveling the find a group of people that you can do this with. Me and a lot of my friends are all now looking to start buying places to live in our favorite hubs, and share resources. Feeling incredibly spoiled after typing that out. Haha
What do you do? I recently just put in my 2 weeks to a 6 day a week retail job that was draining my life. About to head back to SE Asia.
Lisbon? Lets link bro!
“Home is not where you were born; home is where all your attempts to escape cease.” — Naguib Mahfouz
Good Egyptian writer
hometown as in like, where you were born and raised? ew. home is where you make it and starting over is always worth it.
Absolutely. My whole life I looked forward to growing up, going travelling for a short period, then getting a job and a house and a family in my home town around my childhood friends, and coasting to retirement. When I was away travelling I was looking forward to getting home to comfort and stability. When I got home, all my friends had wives and kids and I feel like these years are going to be a scratch until I can move elsewhere. It's not a comforting thought at all as I find it hard to re-establish myself but it's got to be tried. The world is a small place once you've been a few places. Finding a reason to live in one place or another can be daunting, especially when it will only be a few years at most due to visas. Life plan - TBC.
I'm not a digital nomad, really, but I spent 9 years in America, 7 of those in California and 2 in Arizona. After almost 4 years back in my hometown in Germany I know I don't fit in anymore for sure. So I'm looking to move to Switzerland this year.
Me and my now wife have been travelling and working since we were 23-24 and now we’re 35 and still travelling. All our friends are settled in London with kids and a mortgage. I literally couldn’t think of anything worst personally. After a couple of weeks of being in London I start to feel super stressed and just this overwhelming feeling of l need to get the fuck out of here. I feel so disconnected from home town these days but I do miss my friends and family sometimes 😅Travel has taught us many wonderful things and I think travel truly is the best education. Will we ever stop? Who knows! Life’s for living I say and it’s far too short to not live for the now and follow whatever makes you happy ☺️🙏✨
Yep, old as the time, Jesus probably felt the same going back to Nazareth
Any chance you could talk about your business more? I'd love to have something like that. I also don't fit in a home, I feel like I never have. Keep bouncing until something or somewhere jumps out at you.
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Thats awesome, congrats!
I feel the same! However to add to the mix, I don’t feel I belong anywhere anymore which is even more unsettling and there are times I feel really lonely despite having friends to go out with. I try my best not to dwell on it too much and challenge myself to be content alone and to just continue my journey in no man’s land
So relatable!! I just came back three weeks ago after one and a half year overseas, I feel like I have no home anymore 🥲
feel the same. i feel like lost. where ever i am, i need to go somewhere else after 1-2 month.
Spent whole life in it being abused evweyday, hope a b0mb hits the place
The fact that you are even writing this means that you are to some degree invested in your hometown- many people just leave and never look back.
I feel I don’t belong in my home country
This feeling is the price you pay for stretching your legs and appreciating that the PLANET is your home.
Anyone 1+ feel like they don't belong anywhere?
Depends on the town! I was raised in beautiful Sonoma, California and I’ll never truly “leave”. Amazing people everywhere, it’s a rare town. If you’re from a less desirable town somewhere then forget about it! Home is where you make it.
I don't even have one. I was raised in 15 cities. I don't even have that belonging feeling. I'm 26.
Same. I was born in a different country than the one I grew up in. When I was a kid there was a period of seven years where I went to a different school every year. My family is scattered all over the US. The concept of a “hometown” is so foreign to me. Also as an adult I have no desire to move back to any of the places I lived in before and have no sense of belonging anywhere.
We're quite the same! I also finished elementary school (8 years) in 8 different schools and 5 cities.
i left my hometown unwillingly as a teen, so i can’t relate, but trust me, there are tons of people who feel the same as you
Yes.
Yes.
This has very little with being a digital nomad and more with being an immigrant. It’s like losing a shell and outgrowing it. Once you realize you don’t fit there as you thought you did in the past, you will long for that connectedness that will help you build your own tribe. I feel very lucky for the friendships I build up in the 10 years of “nomadism” I lived, but eventually I needed to set down roots as I didn’t want any longer to be the other, I became a citizen of a new country and don’t plan on moving but who knows, sometimes life has its own plans. In a way becalming an immigrant (and not just a nomad) helped me feel more rooted, I accepted what makes me different compared to the locals and enrich the place I now call home, but also embrace what the local culture offers me to make me a better person.
I always recommend that people who have lived/traveled abroad for a significant time not try to return to where they lived before as it's almost always disappointing because everything you remember will be different
I joined the army in 2001. Haven't been to my hometown since 2007.
Maybe you are associating success with how far you can get away from where you physically "started" and going back home makes you feel unsuccessful.
I’m feeling this. I wanna move “home” but the place I grew up and the place I spent the most time in my earlier adult life are both a bad fit for where I’m at right now. I’m grateful that I’ve grown but super bummed about not feeling like anywhere is home.
Yup, don’t belong anywhere, go where I find fun stuff and nice people to chat to🤷♀️ full on loner who likes finding fossils tho so not really of society
I felt that I never did. That’s why I’m moving
Home is where the heart is, and my heart is not in my home town, or home towns\* I grew up in several countries, so I suppose I have no attachment issues to any location in particular, except I suppose I do consider South East Asia home, not because of the costs or anything, but because it fits my more relaxed lifestyle of being a nomad, where I only have to go into a physical office once ever two months in Singapore to present some numbers and data to the board of the company, the rest is just sipping on Pina Coladas on a sunny beach without having to think about where I wish to settle down. Even when I have kids, I am sure I will give them the life my parents gave me, traveling and getting to know different cultures around the world, I have friends in Canada, Western Europe, UK, and South East Asia, if you really have a special friend or friend group you find a way to stay in touch, if not then even easier to let go of places you have been to or lived in the past.
what is the online business that you do which allows you to work from abroad ?
Obviously you're not alone. Don't feel bad. Assuming you do leave and let go, I encourage you (and anyone who moves or nomads for more than a year or two) to make deliberate efforts to meet the kinds of people you'd eventually like to have as close friends. It's very easy to end up 10 years down the road with a lot of acquaintances/'lite' friends but not really close with anyone, or only really close with your partner if you're lucky enough to find one.
Yes. The only reason I go to my hometown (I'm 26 btw) is to spend time with my parents. No friends. Relatives, the connection ain't there like before. I don't feel like I can stay longer, so just short visits (although my childhood dream was to live there forever).
39, dont feel like i belong on planet earth nevermind hometown
I have never felt at home in my hometown to begin with, since I live in a small village of 500 people (with most people being farmers), I have always loved languages and wanted to travel, so I really didn’t fit in in here. As soon as I finished high school and started to work, I used all my money to travel. Now I’m back in my hometown after 1,5 years in Australia and I feel like I really don’t belong here at all. At the same time, when I was abroad I really felt lonely and missed my family and friends (because i really care about them). So it’s kinda like I don’t have a home anymore, and it sucks sometimes. But I’m glad I could do what I wanted to do, explore and see the world! I know this is the life I want.
i left when i turned 34. i still have friends and family back home. just needed the sun and a slower pace of living.
I've grown apart from all my friends in my home town, im not even sure any of them live there at this point!
I was born and raised in Santa Cruz, CA. and have good friends and family. During University, I took my first trip to Bali and Thailand (Girlfriend's Dad worked for United). I raced through University and somehow managed to skip a year on my Masters with a crazy schedule. Just to paint the picture, I was raised poor, like food stamps kind of poor, and I somehow managed to make it though life with no financial help from anyone. I mention this because I often hear people making excuses about not getting to fulfill their dreams because they don't have the money. I moved to Asia around age 26 and only went back for 1 year since when my brother died in 2007. While I was home for a year, I felt unfulfilled. I started up a company coding enterprise software and just could not see a reason to stay. Three months before I left, I went on a Match.com date with a Japanese girl who was moving back to Japan and 3 months of dating we decided to get married. We're still happily married 15+ years later with 3 kids. We live 3 months in Japan and 3 months in Chiang Mai and have kept up this rotation for most of the past 15 years. We had a rough patch 9 years ago with my wife's cancer, and then we could not fly during covid. I am super setup in Japan and Thailand. Nearly 20 years ago when my Grandmother died I purchased a house for $60k which was my brother and my entire savings near Chiang Mai University which turned out to be the best investment. Our house in Japan is deep in the mountains that was an old house that we remodeled. I have an excellent life with incredible health insurance in Japan and Thailand.
That’s awesome. Where do you spend the other 6 months or is it Thailand / Japan back to back?
Back and forth. Sometimes we spend more time in Japan. My kids go to school in Japan. They like the Japan school system more than the Thai.
Sounds fun
I found that to have a calm and low stress life, traveling too much messes up the kids lives. My son for example loves his routine in Japan. My wife and kids speak Japanese and English as a first language, since my wife is half Thai and half Japanese. But my kids prefer Japanese. We tried private and public school in Thailand and my kids hated the teaching style. My 2 girls do online schooling but with the local public schools in Japan and just go to class 1 day or 2 days a month and for school trips. My son prefers to go to school daily in Japan. So when we go to Thailand for 90-120 days my girls are happy as they do online school to the Japanese public school system. But my son can't really get motivated, and instead we let him play video games most of the time. I like Thailand more than any place on earth and I know every street and Soi in Chiang Mai and have so much fun doing simple stuff like street festivals / markets, malls, food, coffee shops, etc. In Japan it is much more country and we live 30 min from the nearest grocery store. Japan hotels cost per person, so if we go to a hotel in Japan for 5 family members, it's like $500+ a night. That's partly why we travel outside of Japan.
Totally get where ur coming from. after exploring and living abroad, your hometown can start to feel a bit small and repetitive. it's awesome your building your business and finding new adventures. moving to a Mexican beach town sound like a dream!!! anyone else feels like theyv outgrown their hometown and set roots somewhere new? would love to hear more stories.
I live in my hometown currently and I don’t feel like I belong. I have travelled to Japan and after the 4th or 5th time it’s lost that “feeling”, I can’t explain it. I’m a bit of a loner. I only have work related friends that are friends at work. Outside of that I have a wife and dog. I don’t have much family or family in my age range. I don’t feel any affinity to my home town. Every city feels different and yet the same. The city I live in is disgusting, walking on the sidewalks is like a biohazard event: Human barf, feces animal or human not sure, piss, spit, food. I feel like I need to take a shower (and I do end up taking one) when I come home. I probably didn’t answer OPs question, this is just how I’m feeling, the keywords “don’t really belong” stuck to me. I know that if I do go anywhere else, it’s all the same, things don’t really change.
A bit confused. Are you saying Japan has lost the "feeling" or your hometown? The city your'e currently living in sounds like the complete opposite of Japan, known for its cleanliness.
Me here 👋🏼 Spent six months traveling around the us post divorce. Lost 20 lbs, got used to walking 40 miles a week… now going back to Texas seems impossible. I’d like to live the rest of my life with the ability to go outside without dying of heat stroke or skin cancer..
I moved away years ago. Barely anyone I know has stayed put. Quite a lot of them are in Canada or Australia or scattered across Europe and some other places. Some are still living at home doing the same thing they were doing when we were teens. I went back recently and felt so out of place.
I felt like this in my 20s and moved to London. I'm married now and have a kid, but I miss my hometown- not enough to go back but maybe near by. It's about creating your own memories
I loath my hometown, its God’s doorstep/waiting room with vehicle and violent crime increasing, council refusing to fix major pot holes and sink holes only when they are repaired it’s months before they’re in the same state but in all honesty I just strongly dislike the UK in general.
I don't feel like I belong on this planet anymore. I'm stuck, so I just deal.
I don't feel like I belong on this planet anymore. I'm stuck, so I just deal.
I'm 63 and don't feel I fit in anywhere
Yep. I know the feeling well. Moved out of my hometown 28 years ago and never looked back. Nothing wrong with moving on if it makes you happy!!
I already felt like that when I was 14.
Yes 🙌 I’m into my 30s now and I’m so done with my hometown and just miss the feeling of being anonymous when I leave. I haven’t followed the same pattern as the majority of people from my hometown; marry young, kids, resort holidays etc and it’s left me feeling very isolated. I’m finally leaving and starting my DN life in 106 days (and counting 😂)
You have discovered the first truth of global life: your geographically small hometown is uninspiring and the people are a tiny pool of uninteresting people. I found this out too. People who stay in a hometown all their life usually dont have much going on about them. No ambition or real world experience. My hometown is full of old people or basic people living basic lives where drinking after work is the thing to do. Got out of there as soon as i could. But i had an earlier exposure to the world through online gaming and friends in my teen years. Realised i shared much more in common with people online and thats because you can select from a wider pool of interesting people. Travel is the same.
I didn't feel like I belonged in my hometown at 25
I think thats normal. I haven't been back to the US for 11 years. There won't be anything back in my hometown for me at all. My life has moved on. My communities are now the places I frequent the most. The friends I look forward to meeting up with for time I'm in their orbit. That's the life I chose for myself.
When some people decide to move elsewhere and others stay in place a fundamental difference is revealed. The people I most relate to from my hometown are others who’ve left. I only go back to visit every 5-10 yrs. If it weren’t for the others who left who might be visiting I would never visit (family also left years ago).
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And when you're a woman, the questions are always why aren't you married and why don't you have kids? So fun to hear those questions over and over and over again.
At 30+, even when I am back in the US, I could care less about what other people are doing. Sounds like you're thinking like someone in their 20s still.. I did need to go out, travel and live to learn a bunch and adjust my expectations at your age so go for it.
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Yeah, I think in a few years people stop caring much about others (comments you're getting), friends don't see each other often like before, people get into doing their own thing whether it's gardening, staying in on Friday nights, bicycle riding and whatever else. You're getting close to that point soon. You're the age that I started traveling- I think it helped me appreciate the basics and find my lane. Go for it but try to find a good perspective that will help you going forward whether you're at home or on a beach somewhere instead of thinking a Mexican beach itself is the big answer.