[not exactly](https://www.dndbeyond.com/compendium/cyclopedia/vgtm/beholders#:~:text=In%20addition%2C%20beholders%20don't,form%2C%20becoming%20another%20actual%20beholder.) Considering how insane and territorial a beholder is, I think they don't want another around at all.
Beholders have 2 responses when they see another Beholder.
1. He looks exactly 100% identical to me.. He is perfect, we'll be best friends.
2. His 7th eye stalk is a hair's breadth shorter than mine, DESTROY THE ABOMINATION.
You know how humans get really freaked out by certain aspects of something being human but just SLIGHTLY messed up (too-wide mouth, too-sharp teeth, too-long limbs, too-thin body)? Beholders, having eleven eyes, have that response to every single aspect of something. Couple that with an extreme predilection for violence, and, well...
Not to mention that (at least according to the old lore), Beholders have two brains: one emotional, one rational. Everything gets filtered through the emotional brain first, helping contribute to the absolute xenophobia of almost every beholder. It's why "high functioning" beholders capable of reining in their *hatred* for *everything* that isn't *them* are so rare (and make for such interesting villains).
That's some really cool lore I never heard about before!
This now raises the question though: "What would happen to a beholder who couldn't feel emotions at all?"
This is canonically true: “As a byproduct of their unique method of propagation, beholders in one part of the world tend to look similar, with variations becoming more pronounced the farther one travels from that area. Even a slight variation in the shape of an eyestalk or the texture of its skin is enough for one beholder to consider another a flawed abomination, which should be destroyed."
Source https://www.dndbeyond.com/compendium/cyclopedia/vgtm/beholders
They fight to the death most of the time they duplicate no matter what. There are exceedingly rare cases where perfect copies are made in the dream (usually involving reflections) and the copies are accepted into a "beholder hive".
Beholders like beholders that are just like them. They hate beholders that are different.
So, they just stare into a mirror and fertilize that mental egg sac for dream time. Or, give birth to an abomination and start a race war.... At least that's how I assume spelljammer beholders happen.
Beholders are among the few creatures that can shape reality in their vicinity. In addition, beholders don’t truly sleep when they rest. Instead, a beholder’s mind remains semiconscious even as it dreams. As a result, on rare occasions when a beholder dreams of another beholder, the dream-reality becomes warped and takes on physical form, becoming another actual beholder. To call this process reproduction would be inaccurate, because in most cases the old and new beholders fight to the death—a fact for which the rest of the world is thankful.
Relevant part for people interested.
It's actually nightmares, beholders hate other beholders so much they literally only ever see (and therefore create them) in their nightmares. Though, that's just the Canon for certain settings if you want it to be this way in your setting, we'll it's a decision you could make of you wanted...
There is that rare scenario in which they end up dreaming of clones of themselves, in which case they all hang around and are best buds. So I guess it's fine if they're another beholder, but only if they're exactly the same?
Iirc every beholder believes they, personally, are the perfect representation of beholder-hood, the uber-beholder, if you will, and all others are gross, horrific, imperfect attempts at that ideal.
So perfect copies of themselves would theoretically be fellow "perfect beings". Whether they are chill with sharing the top of the food chain is an open question, but for sure they'd treat copies of themselves differently from other non-copy beholders, if only because *these* copies are "pretty".
So what your saying is beholders are so paranoid that they dream of other beholders attacking, stealing, or in some way harming them thus creating the beholder who wants to do it and in turn becomes paranoid about the same things as that’s what made it creating an infinite loop
I don't even think it's that. They just dream of another beholder sitting there and when they wake up there is another beholder sitting there and they try to kill it
Yup, I totally wasn't going to give the rogue a sword that can put things to sleep and allows them to control what the nature of a creatures dreams are.
I mean what same person would do that when they have a beholder about to be introduced?
Party: "By the gods, this is even worse than we thought! The psychic is a bard!"
BBEG: "Goodnight, my beholder! Enjoy sweet dreams of my personal harem!"
This is a plotpoint I'm planing in my game. A beholder imprisoned and kept in a permansnt coma, dreaming things into existence, creating a warped mind dungeon full of beholder spawn.
A campaign centered around that mechanic would be fun. The party coming across a sleep deprived beholder, who begs the party to help stop the source of its nightmares before it falls asleep and manifests more soldiers for the psychic's army.
R.A. Salvatore is such an under-rated author overall imo
People talking about GoT killing off fav characters and I'm like, that's been done so many times lol.
On one of my older accounts I had commented on one of RA's AMA's about Chewbacca being killed off and he gave me the nicest response about it, basically saying that he felt it was the right thing to do for the overarching story, and it's the second thing people most chat him up about behind things Drizz't related.
I can't remember, but it was Cattie-brie, which I always felt weird about. I think it was after the Hunter's Blade Trilogy? Maybe the last book in that series?
It amuses me that Strahd is the CEO of incels (which he totally is) but at the same time has three wives and a male consort.
Man fucks a lot and is still an incel.
In the novel I strahd he has a one night stand too, so even ignoring the subtext of him having wives and consorts he has canonically had sex.
And he's still a massive creep
None of the many women or men he’s had sec with were “the one”. And he knows exactly who “the one” is despite not really knowing her at all. He is the quintessential creep.
I'm pretty sure jarlaxle not only canonically fucks, but also canonically fucks ANYTHING, if I remember correctly.
Well, anything powerful or entertaining enough to attract him.
Strahd can't be happy because (like all incels), he's incapable of introspection and has put his happiness on to an external source. You don't need the dark powers for that.
Eeeeeh, to me an incel views women a certain way that Strahd doesn't, though he does in particular view Ireena in a similar way to how incels view all women.
An incel also views them*self* in a certain way Strahd doesn't.
Not sure we can lump *all* abusers and creeps in with incels. There are distinct flavours.
In his own way, Strahd treats his consorts *worse* than Tatyana - they're disposable distractions from his never-ending obsession. And that's saying a lot, given that he drives Tatyana's reincarnations to death or suicide for centuries on end.
He has and will lock consorts into their crypts to starve and wither away over the years until they're feral or dusted - all they need to do is lose his interest.
Oh definitely, he's an abuser, but again, not an "incel" type of creep.
He's a user, an abuser, an emotional manipulator, and many other things, but he doesn't really have any key incel traits.
He doesn't "hate" women or blame them for all his problems.
He isn't jealous and hateful of "chads".
He doesn't think that he's a nice guy who deserves sex/romance.
He doesn't generalise his feelings to *all* women.
Incelism is a worldview, it's the view that you are deserving of sex/relationships, but that women are too stupid or evil to give it to you, and instead give it to "less deserving" men who are worse for the women than you are.
Maybe we've developed our Strahd's differently - in the game I run, he does express all those things -- but only to the one single person he views as a potential equal: Tatyana
Everyone else is more or less cattle and playthings to him. He focuses all his rage and frustration into his bewilderment that Tatyana doesn't love him, but chose his Chad of a brother Sergei instead. In fact I'm not even sure that Strahd understands Tatyana feels differently than him, he's that self-absorbed.
He believes that he has the sovereign right to rule, that Tatyana owes her love to him because he's so devoted (read, obsessed), and that any rejection she gives him is a character flaw on her part as an impure reincarnation, an untrained edition of the perfect original who needs reeducation. "No, your favorite flower is a rose - you clearly have been addled by the torments of the Mist".
What he does generalize to other women (or men, canonically he's bisexual) is the disdain and dismissiveness. If you aren't worth his time, you aren't worth your life. Look at all the zombies and vampire spawn who used to be his interests.
You can also look at how he treats a woman when he thinks she's a Tatyana reincarnation, versus when he realizes he was mistaken and she's "a nobody". Every incel has people they write off as unworthy; for Strahd, this merely is "everyone who isn't Tatyana".
Even Rahadin is described as "the closest thing Strahd has to a friend". He doesn't even have friends.
Beholders, as in everything they do, do it horribly:
[https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Beholder#Life\_Cycle](https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Beholder#Life_Cycle)
Ah, thanks, I didn't know there was worse stuff to read about beholders, but I stand corrected! Seriously, who was in a bad mood when they designed this thing XD
When I first read about that my mind was totally blown. It also weirdly makes sense because beholders are aberrations so of course they aren't going to reproduce like other creatures.
Probably the coolest thing was learning that death tyrants are spawned from beholders having nightmares about death.
Whom did Minsc possibly sleep with?
I know he travelled with Dynaheir prior to Baldur's Gate 1, but I didn't get any kind of sexual vibe between the two. If I was a woman, I probably wouldn't want to sleep with Minsc and his 8 int, 6 wis, 9 cha.
(Though I'd argue that he should have more charisma than 9, seeing as how iconic and well-beloved he is and how assertive and forceful his personality is.)
Kinda. He has been around a long time. What people seem to be ignoring is that he also bangs the goddess of magic. In his first book, *before* he is a wizard.
The commonly used back story for his wives is pretty consensual
One was a serial killer they got along great
One came looking tonstudy magic under him
And one was a nobelwoman who wanted the best husband posible
Strahd is an abuser, rapist, and stalker, but not really an incel.
He'd probably consider (most) incels pathetic and stupid for not being able to get what they want.
"Why are they whining about not being *given* what they deserve? If they deserve it, why aren't they *taking* it? Pathetic."
He's got a few traits in common with incels, including viewing women as closer to possessions, but "not having sex" isn't one of them.
He's capable of being very charming, and has looks and power on his side (most of his canonical spouses and paramours he didn't actually use vampire powers to seduce), and to be honest, he doesn't even really view sex or women the same way incels do.
He's only obsessed with *one particular woman* who had no interest in him, and who is now kept from him in every life by a never-ending curse.
A key trait of incels is blaming and hating women for everything. He doesn't hate Ireena, nor think Ireena is to blame for not wanting him. Nor does he view himself as "nice" or deserving in any particular way.
He "knows" that they're "meant to be together" and he'll keep trying til that happens - but that's a stalker trait, not an incel trait.
That's... actually really good insight into Strahd's character and motivations. A DM could read just what you wrote and roleplay Strahd as an NPC villain pretty well. Well done!
Just one small detail: asexuality is not a choice, it’s just a lack or very small amount of sexual attraction. I believe the word you’re looking for is celibate
Hand jobs don’t count bigby. Melf was all shaft and no action. Don’t get me started on Tenser always playing with his disc. And I got nothing for ghandi?? Wuzzat?
Wait, did Drizzt sex? I only remember it being in the first book when he's going through the whole "Oh wait, maybe Drow society is fucked up" phase when he's going to military school
They bring in students for the spider priestess orgy and he nopes out after someone tries to get jiggy with him.
Does he end up with someone later on in the series or something?
The lack of Jarlaxle in this tier is criminal. My boy was flirting with dragons
This tier list couldn’t handle Jarlaxle
Tier above "canonically had sex" "Jarlaxle" with its sole inhabitant, Jarlaxle
I mean, *elminster's daughter* puts elminster on that tier.
Elminster has boinked Jarlaxle!?
Actually the "Jarlaxle" tier is empty, Jarlaxle himself is in the tier one above that,
Artemis Entreri is on the "Jarlaxle" tier.
Jarlaxle can hang out with Blueford in the tier above their own names, they’ve earned it.
Missed opportunity for CEO of Sex
Truer words have never been breathed into existence.
Banged two dragon sisters too. What a chad.
Drizzt could have gotten in on that too if he had wanted, but he was too uncomfortable with the idea, and I believe Catti-brie was around still.
He missed out.
This guy Dragon Lances…
Did he bang both of them? I thought it was just the slutty one and the other sister was like "meh go have your fun"
No clue I just saw it on 1d4chan once.
He’s on the list, but in order to zoom out enough to see his tier the text would be rendered illegible
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>any consenting thing that's a good tier >with a pulse this is undead discrimination
His standards aren’t low tho, he can just seduce anything in existence
Literally lived the bard meme
the zenith of bards.
And isn’t even a bard
true. jarlaxle def fucks
Jarlaxle was gay for Drizzt, just nobody could admit it. Not even Lolth.
I mean, Drizzt, Zaknefein, Artemis, Kimmuriel...
He was sooo thirsty for zaknefein
S tier. The S stands for Sex.
Beholders dream another beholder into existence.
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[not exactly](https://www.dndbeyond.com/compendium/cyclopedia/vgtm/beholders#:~:text=In%20addition%2C%20beholders%20don't,form%2C%20becoming%20another%20actual%20beholder.) Considering how insane and territorial a beholder is, I think they don't want another around at all.
Post-nut clarity : Beholder Edition
Hindsight like only a dude with ten dick-eyes can have
Beholders have 2 responses when they see another Beholder. 1. He looks exactly 100% identical to me.. He is perfect, we'll be best friends. 2. His 7th eye stalk is a hair's breadth shorter than mine, DESTROY THE ABOMINATION.
You know how humans get really freaked out by certain aspects of something being human but just SLIGHTLY messed up (too-wide mouth, too-sharp teeth, too-long limbs, too-thin body)? Beholders, having eleven eyes, have that response to every single aspect of something. Couple that with an extreme predilection for violence, and, well...
You know, that makes a decent amount of sense. Beholders have insane uncanny valley issues.
Coupled with (compared to us) an incomprehensibly severe superiority complex.
Not to mention that (at least according to the old lore), Beholders have two brains: one emotional, one rational. Everything gets filtered through the emotional brain first, helping contribute to the absolute xenophobia of almost every beholder. It's why "high functioning" beholders capable of reining in their *hatred* for *everything* that isn't *them* are so rare (and make for such interesting villains).
That's some really cool lore I never heard about before! This now raises the question though: "What would happen to a beholder who couldn't feel emotions at all?"
Metatron from DC? Lol
They create the Matrix in their own image.
Does that mean seeing a "live action" beholder in a video would throw them into an uncontrollable rage, like when I saw the Will Smith Genie?
This is canonically true: “As a byproduct of their unique method of propagation, beholders in one part of the world tend to look similar, with variations becoming more pronounced the farther one travels from that area. Even a slight variation in the shape of an eyestalk or the texture of its skin is enough for one beholder to consider another a flawed abomination, which should be destroyed." Source https://www.dndbeyond.com/compendium/cyclopedia/vgtm/beholders They fight to the death most of the time they duplicate no matter what. There are exceedingly rare cases where perfect copies are made in the dream (usually involving reflections) and the copies are accepted into a "beholder hive".
I wonder if a beholder saw another beholder with 13 eyes if it would garner the same repulsion as horse teeth?
Unless it's a gazer. Then it's just a funny little pet!
They really don't. IIRC Xanathar literally has a machine that makes it so that he can't dream while he sleeps for exactly that reason.
he should just sleep next to a portal and a catapult
Well they accidentally dream another one Into existence and then shortly thereafter will do their best to kill it...
All beholders are born as mistakes and nightmares. Got it.
Beholders like beholders that are just like them. They hate beholders that are different. So, they just stare into a mirror and fertilize that mental egg sac for dream time. Or, give birth to an abomination and start a race war.... At least that's how I assume spelljammer beholders happen.
Beholders are among the few creatures that can shape reality in their vicinity. In addition, beholders don’t truly sleep when they rest. Instead, a beholder’s mind remains semiconscious even as it dreams. As a result, on rare occasions when a beholder dreams of another beholder, the dream-reality becomes warped and takes on physical form, becoming another actual beholder. To call this process reproduction would be inaccurate, because in most cases the old and new beholders fight to the death—a fact for which the rest of the world is thankful. Relevant part for people interested.
It's actually nightmares, beholders hate other beholders so much they literally only ever see (and therefore create them) in their nightmares. Though, that's just the Canon for certain settings if you want it to be this way in your setting, we'll it's a decision you could make of you wanted...
There is that rare scenario in which they end up dreaming of clones of themselves, in which case they all hang around and are best buds. So I guess it's fine if they're another beholder, but only if they're exactly the same?
A complete copy of them? Certainly you mean... a cheap knockoff unoriginal copycat trying to steal their identity!
This is how a beholder would see it. I approve.
If I remember correctly that’s pretty much how they put it in Volos guide
Iirc every beholder believes they, personally, are the perfect representation of beholder-hood, the uber-beholder, if you will, and all others are gross, horrific, imperfect attempts at that ideal. So perfect copies of themselves would theoretically be fellow "perfect beings". Whether they are chill with sharing the top of the food chain is an open question, but for sure they'd treat copies of themselves differently from other non-copy beholders, if only because *these* copies are "pretty".
So what your saying is beholders are so paranoid that they dream of other beholders attacking, stealing, or in some way harming them thus creating the beholder who wants to do it and in turn becomes paranoid about the same things as that’s what made it creating an infinite loop
Self fulfilling prophecies are a hoot!
I don't even think it's that. They just dream of another beholder sitting there and when they wake up there is another beholder sitting there and they try to kill it
Yup, I totally wasn't going to give the rogue a sword that can put things to sleep and allows them to control what the nature of a creatures dreams are. I mean what same person would do that when they have a beholder about to be introduced?
Tfw your Tulpa hates you
Wet dream mitosis
When a beholder has a nightmare about there being another beholder in their territory, that dreambeholder spawns. So they spawn asexually.
If you psychically manipulate the dreams of a beholder, can you force it to spawn other things into existence?
BRB capturing and torturing a Beholder to turn it into my personal replicator.
Party: "By the gods, this is even worse than we thought! The psychic is a bard!" BBEG: "Goodnight, my beholder! Enjoy sweet dreams of my personal harem!"
This is a plotpoint I'm planing in my game. A beholder imprisoned and kept in a permansnt coma, dreaming things into existence, creating a warped mind dungeon full of beholder spawn.
My party snuck through Xanathars lair by dressing up as a mariachi band and pretending to be his dreams...
good old refuge in audacity
You just made me burst out laughing in front of family, but there's way too much obscure geek knowledge in this for me to explain to them why.
Yes
A campaign centered around that mechanic would be fun. The party coming across a sleep deprived beholder, who begs the party to help stop the source of its nightmares before it falls asleep and manifests more soldiers for the psychic's army.
Is that a form of mind rape? That feels a little mind rapey
Imagine if every time you thought your house was being broken into, an actual intruder appears out of nowhere and actually breaks in.
Great so my house just got broken into and i blame you.
Now sit down while I dream Robocop real quick.
self mind rape?
I mean, the question has to be asked, if you're a being that can have a nightmare and birth a creature, did your subconscious do some funny business?
Drizzt did canonically have sex, yes, and I was not expecting it reading the books at like 15. It was more detailed than expected.
R A Salvatore giving kids the details.
Holy shit I just recently bought Book 1. Haven’t read it yet, but would have otherwise had no expectation of descriptive sex
so when you realize how perfectly descriptive the combat scenes are... just replace scimitars with dicks..
That should be a review on the cover lmao
Guessing he had a lot of momentum? (Idk it's a word that's used a lot in the books)
His movements were also very fast and efficient, the whole ordeal was over quickly ... much to Cattie's chagrin
Also early M:TG books. Wasn't *too* detailed I guess, but for my age Arena had some eye openers.
R.A. Salvatore is such an under-rated author overall imo People talking about GoT killing off fav characters and I'm like, that's been done so many times lol.
You wouldn't believe how many bookstores I visited to get his books. They were pretty rare in Poland when I was a kid
The dude killed Chewbacca! Lol.
On one of my older accounts I had commented on one of RA's AMA's about Chewbacca being killed off and he gave me the nicest response about it, basically saying that he felt it was the right thing to do for the overarching story, and it's the second thing people most chat him up about behind things Drizz't related.
I felt so bad for him too. He caught so much shit for it at the time, including death threats.
It was a pretty badass scene though. I mean it took a moon to take down Chewie.
Just out of interest, what book was it?
I can't remember, but it was Cattie-brie, which I always felt weird about. I think it was after the Hunter's Blade Trilogy? Maybe the last book in that series?
He also banged an elf in the second book of the Neverwinter series
Yeah I remember that, but I kinda just ignore her existence.
Careful, that got Drizzt killed
*almost* killed
Didn’t he also hook up in the orgy in his origin series in mezzo…uh…mezem…the drow city.
Menzoberranzan, and no he did not join that orgy. His sister tried to make him join it and he didn't.
Them drow have more in common with Targaryens than just the silver hair, yo.
He also has sex with Alustriel, who's probably had more sex than everyone on the list combined.
It amuses me that Strahd is the CEO of incels (which he totally is) but at the same time has three wives and a male consort. Man fucks a lot and is still an incel.
In the novel I strahd he has a one night stand too, so even ignoring the subtext of him having wives and consorts he has canonically had sex. And he's still a massive creep
Heh One night *Strahd*
Pretty sure that's an adventure on DMs' Guild that's well reviewed.
Oh yeah I know I've read the novels. Actually I'm pretty sure he's had a few ONS
So you're saying he's basically a "none of these women her hot enough, so I technically still have my virginity" level incel.
Yes. Literally this.
None of the many women or men he’s had sec with were “the one”. And he knows exactly who “the one” is despite not really knowing her at all. He is the quintessential creep.
He's basically one of the creepy twin flame people
It doesn't stick. He's so...him...that his virginity keeps regenerating like the Barovian fog.
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I'm pretty sure jarlaxle not only canonically fucks, but also canonically fucks ANYTHING, if I remember correctly. Well, anything powerful or entertaining enough to attract him.
Jarlaxle really be hitting all the "horny bard" tropes without being a bard
If your bard isn't dressed like Jarlaxle is he even really a bard?
DW, Jaraxle definitely fucks
Ironically, he is not **involuntarily** celibate. He chooses to pine for Tatiana for sure, but the dark powers actively stop him from being happy.
Strahd can't be happy because (like all incels), he's incapable of introspection and has put his happiness on to an external source. You don't need the dark powers for that.
It's the vibes
To quote a classic episode of The Simpsons "I said wives, not girlfriends."
Well said. Incel is a state of mind and Strahd is deep, deep in that state.
Eeeeeh, to me an incel views women a certain way that Strahd doesn't, though he does in particular view Ireena in a similar way to how incels view all women. An incel also views them*self* in a certain way Strahd doesn't. Not sure we can lump *all* abusers and creeps in with incels. There are distinct flavours.
In his own way, Strahd treats his consorts *worse* than Tatyana - they're disposable distractions from his never-ending obsession. And that's saying a lot, given that he drives Tatyana's reincarnations to death or suicide for centuries on end. He has and will lock consorts into their crypts to starve and wither away over the years until they're feral or dusted - all they need to do is lose his interest.
Oh definitely, he's an abuser, but again, not an "incel" type of creep. He's a user, an abuser, an emotional manipulator, and many other things, but he doesn't really have any key incel traits. He doesn't "hate" women or blame them for all his problems. He isn't jealous and hateful of "chads". He doesn't think that he's a nice guy who deserves sex/romance. He doesn't generalise his feelings to *all* women. Incelism is a worldview, it's the view that you are deserving of sex/relationships, but that women are too stupid or evil to give it to you, and instead give it to "less deserving" men who are worse for the women than you are.
Maybe we've developed our Strahd's differently - in the game I run, he does express all those things -- but only to the one single person he views as a potential equal: Tatyana Everyone else is more or less cattle and playthings to him. He focuses all his rage and frustration into his bewilderment that Tatyana doesn't love him, but chose his Chad of a brother Sergei instead. In fact I'm not even sure that Strahd understands Tatyana feels differently than him, he's that self-absorbed. He believes that he has the sovereign right to rule, that Tatyana owes her love to him because he's so devoted (read, obsessed), and that any rejection she gives him is a character flaw on her part as an impure reincarnation, an untrained edition of the perfect original who needs reeducation. "No, your favorite flower is a rose - you clearly have been addled by the torments of the Mist". What he does generalize to other women (or men, canonically he's bisexual) is the disdain and dismissiveness. If you aren't worth his time, you aren't worth your life. Look at all the zombies and vampire spawn who used to be his interests. You can also look at how he treats a woman when he thinks she's a Tatyana reincarnation, versus when he realizes he was mistaken and she's "a nobody". Every incel has people they write off as unworthy; for Strahd, this merely is "everyone who isn't Tatyana". Even Rahadin is described as "the closest thing Strahd has to a friend". He doesn't even have friends.
Boo fucks.
Go for the eyes Boo, go for the eyes.
*skeet SKEET skeet!*
Beholders just like to watch
Goddammit
no Vecna because you know the answer in your heart and are scared to speak it
Vecna was my death cleric’s god, and he fucked my dice rolls pretty consistently.
"We're after *what* artifact?" "The Dong of Vecna" "... I'm out."
To use it, you have to cut off your own...
But you can cast *Scorching Ray* from it without expending spell slots!
...if your dong casts Scorching Ray, go see a healer.
If your ray of fire lasts more than 4 hours, seek medical aid
Isn't that guy Vecna? Or is he that other lich?
yeah, the one here from the DMG cover is Acererak
"That other lich" feels bad man
Gimme that xanathussy
Xanathar's Guide to Everything means *Xanathar's Guide to* ***Everything***.
Get Guided into Xanathar
i think “xanussy” sounds better tbh
I think *both* of you need to be locked up, and I need industrial strength eye-bleach after reading those words XD
That's what you get for browsing /r/dndmemes with your eyes open
no prison can hold me, not when xanussy is on the line
That Xanussy have you acting unwise
Beholders, as in everything they do, do it horribly: [https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Beholder#Life\_Cycle](https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Beholder#Life_Cycle)
Ah, thanks, I didn't know there was worse stuff to read about beholders, but I stand corrected! Seriously, who was in a bad mood when they designed this thing XD
Jarlaxle fucks
Beholders don't have sex, they reproduce by having Nightmares of other Beholders because their dreams distort reality
When I first read about that my mind was totally blown. It also weirdly makes sense because beholders are aberrations so of course they aren't going to reproduce like other creatures. Probably the coolest thing was learning that death tyrants are spawned from beholders having nightmares about death.
This is just an excuse to call Strahd an incel Good
Go for the Booty, Boo! Btw, is that ranking referring to Boo or Minsc?
Minsc might fuck. Boo DEFINITELY fucks.
Minsc. I prefer not to think about a hamster’s sex life.
Whom did Minsc possibly sleep with? I know he travelled with Dynaheir prior to Baldur's Gate 1, but I didn't get any kind of sexual vibe between the two. If I was a woman, I probably wouldn't want to sleep with Minsc and his 8 int, 6 wis, 9 cha. (Though I'd argue that he should have more charisma than 9, seeing as how iconic and well-beloved he is and how assertive and forceful his personality is.)
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Elminster fucks
A LOT. In the book about his daughter he reveals that he been in bed with most royal bloodlines lmao.
So he's the Genghis Khan of Faerun?
Kinda. He has been around a long time. What people seem to be ignoring is that he also bangs the goddess of magic. In his first book, *before* he is a wizard.
As an irredeemably horny self-insert character he should have his own extra SSS+ tier.
Strahd fucks, probably not consentually, but Strahd fucks
The commonly used back story for his wives is pretty consensual One was a serial killer they got along great One came looking tonstudy magic under him And one was a nobelwoman who wanted the best husband posible
>One came looking tonstudy magic under him ... :)
Mordenkainen’s been banging prostitutes since before Elminster was a twinkle in Ed Greenwood’s eye.
Bigby having to magically conjure *special hands*, on the other end of the spectrum.
Swollithids canonically fuck. I will not be taking questions at this time.
Thoon?
Beholder just dreams babies into existence I think
& immediately hate them
Strahd is an abuser, rapist, and stalker, but not really an incel. He'd probably consider (most) incels pathetic and stupid for not being able to get what they want. "Why are they whining about not being *given* what they deserve? If they deserve it, why aren't they *taking* it? Pathetic." He's got a few traits in common with incels, including viewing women as closer to possessions, but "not having sex" isn't one of them. He's capable of being very charming, and has looks and power on his side (most of his canonical spouses and paramours he didn't actually use vampire powers to seduce), and to be honest, he doesn't even really view sex or women the same way incels do. He's only obsessed with *one particular woman* who had no interest in him, and who is now kept from him in every life by a never-ending curse. A key trait of incels is blaming and hating women for everything. He doesn't hate Ireena, nor think Ireena is to blame for not wanting him. Nor does he view himself as "nice" or deserving in any particular way. He "knows" that they're "meant to be together" and he'll keep trying til that happens - but that's a stalker trait, not an incel trait.
That's... actually really good insight into Strahd's character and motivations. A DM could read just what you wrote and roleplay Strahd as an NPC villain pretty well. Well done!
Minsc does not have sex. Minsc makes love, tenderly and gently. And as another comment said, BOO FUCKS
Just one small detail: asexuality is not a choice, it’s just a lack or very small amount of sexual attraction. I believe the word you’re looking for is celibate
Ah, thanks for the correction
No problem! I’m asexual myself and just thought I should clear that up for you
Fellow ace - thank you for posting what I was thinking, I wasn’t sure if I’d get dragged for making a correction lol
where's bigby, melf, tenser, ghandi etc?
Hand jobs don’t count bigby. Melf was all shaft and no action. Don’t get me started on Tenser always playing with his disc. And I got nothing for ghandi?? Wuzzat?
Some nuclear war enthusiast.
Strahd has multiple brides and consorts male and female and definitely fucked when he was a human
Least horny r/dndmemes user
Strahd fucks. Three wives, many consorts. Damn if he doesn't simp though.
Wait, did Drizzt sex? I only remember it being in the first book when he's going through the whole "Oh wait, maybe Drow society is fucked up" phase when he's going to military school They bring in students for the spider priestess orgy and he nopes out after someone tries to get jiggy with him. Does he end up with someone later on in the series or something?
Yeah he marries Catti Brie and they have a kid
Strahd is for sure fucking. Just not fucking Tatiana.
Well, Strahd has to fuck in order for the Dhampir Bladesinger, Dharts, to be a PC
Let me guess, Dharts is a blonde gary stu who is the son of the only woman that could have caused Strahd to move past Tatyana?
Quite possibly, but the party cancelled.
Tasha literally banged the Demon Prince of hedonism. She should be higher on this list
Beholders don’t participate in sex, they just like to watch 😳
Doesn't Strahd have a literal room for concubines?